June 2023: Make My Next Step Abundantly Clear. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA)

FA Stories of Recovery from Food Addiction

Make My Next Step Abundantly Clear

June 2023 $2.50

June 2023

Columns Qualification: Finding Hope. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 First 90 Days: Full Time Solution. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 No Matter What: Not Alone. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .15 Lighten Up: Measuring Time. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17

Features Dressing Up Anyway. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 Keep it Simple. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .7 True Royalty. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8 Facing Reality. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10 Falling Through the Cracks. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12 In Sickness and In Health. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14

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Credits Cover Art: Jamie M., CA Graphic Design: Tickled Plum

Share your story & artwork If you have 90 days of continuous abstinence in FA, connection invites you to share your experience, strength, and hope with us. E-mail submissions to articles@foodaddicts.org or art@foodaddicts.org

Glossary of Terms FA: Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous AA: Alcoholics Anonymous AWOL: A Way of Life, a study of the Twelve Steps Big Book: Alcoholics Anonymous 1 Stone = 14 pounds 1 Kilo = approx. 2.2 pounds Copyright © 2023 Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous 400 W. Cummings Park, Suite 1700 Woburn, MA 01801-6572

Qualification

Finding Hope

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hen I first came to FA almost three years ago, I was utterly defeated by my obsession with food and my body. Everything I did was to relieve the pain of insecurity and to try to control my weight and eating habits.

The daily cycle of try and fail, try and fail, try and fail made me believe I was a failure.

I hated myself. I saw people living seemingly happy lives, yet I could barely get out of bed. Most mornings I was only motivated to get up and moving so I could eat, which was insane thinking because my eating had hurt me so much the day before! It was exactly like an alcoholic who takes that morning drink. I never saw it that way until FA. I’d try to give myself some leeway and eat a “normal” meal with flour and sugar items, or things that were salty and greasy that my friends and family could have in normal portions and be fine. But I could not. The obsession was triggered. Now, I felt I was bad. I had eaten “bad food” and what would I do about it? Eat more and start again tomorrow? Restrict the rest of the day? Throw it up? Exercise? I never knew the right solution that would give me peace after eating, and I couldn’t stop myconnection

self from eating it in the first place.

Other days, I would have more control.

I’d have a piece of fruit and a diet bar, tell myself how good I was doing, and get a high from feeling in control and slim. I’d go for a few weeks on my diet and absolutely loved it when I would wake up in the morning feeling thinner than I did the day before. I could tell when I lost weight immediately upon awakening. It was a “hit” and a high, and then instead of my first thought being food it would be, “I wonder how much weight I lost!” The scale would reinforce my diet mentality and I’d be able to continue on this high throughout the day. But that would only last so long. I loved sugar so much, and I would tell myself I deserved some reward for my efforts. I’d tell myself I’d still be thin enough tomorrow, what’s the harm in having one piece? I could do this for a time, have just a little of something, but if I began to let myself have just one little bit of “bad” food, eventually I’d be off to the races again.

I gained and lost between 30 and 60 pounds so many times since I was a teen I can’t even remember how many times I’ve been a size 0 or a size 12. I am now 34 years 1

old, just under 5-feet, 4-inches, and weigh about 111 pounds. Prior to FA, I had never been in a right-sized body for longer than a few months. If I did manage to get thin, I never considered myself to be thin enough and my personality was totally crazy. If I was in a thin body I was partying, meeting men, spending obsessively, and in general just making poor, impulsive decisions in an effort to make life a continual high. When I was heavier I was depressed, slow, feeling sorry for myself, hating anyone who was thin or happy, watching food shows, smoking a lot of marijuana, and lying to myself that it was okay to be “fat and happy.” Regardless of my weight, my life was totally unmanageable, yet I still thought that if I got thinner everything would fall into place.

Today, I don’t live or think like that anymore. By my HP’s grace, I was able to admit defeat and find freedom and hope in recognizing my powerlessness over food. I finally realized I needed someone to tell me what to eat, that I can’t control this “food thing,” which I’ve learned is a disease called food addiction. It is far beyond my human capacity to manage on my own. It is a spiritual, mental, and physical sickness, which means I need spiritual intervention from a Higher Power, psychological and emotional support from fellows and a sponsor, and a meal plan that physically supports my body 2

through the absence of flour and sugar (which I learned I am allergic to).

It has taken some time in Program, but just by working every tool every day, trusting my sponsor and taking her suggestions, and always (to the best of my ability) putting my program and recovery first, I am able to say that food and my weight are no longer my first thoughts when I wake up in the morning! I think about the blessings ahead. I think about my Higher Power and the great love I receive. I thank God and pray for an abstinent day and for the people in my life. That is a miracle I never expected or thought I’d even want. I love that if I want to feel good about myself today, I don’t look to my meals or my weight, I look to my program that teaches me how to live.

My life is manageable today. I am out of credit card debt and own my car. I am starting a healthy, abstinent relationship with a nice man who is also in Twelve-Step recovery. I have a job that I love and a home I maintain. My family relationships have all improved and I’m not afraid of people like I used to be. The simple tools and disciplines of my program have changed my life for the better on every level. Who knew admitting powerlessness could invite such blessings into one’s life? I can’t wait to see what other blessings of recovery God has for me.

Anonymous June 2023

First 90 Days

Full Time Solution

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ecently I heard someone say at a meeting that working the FA program is like working a part-time job. Looking back over the 28 years I have been free from flour and sugar in FA, I can understand what she meant. If I had heard that statement when I first came to FA, I would have left. I wasn’t looking for a job, I was looking for a solution.

Before I found this program, I was 22 years old, weighed 280 pounds, and was 5feet, 6-inches tall. I was in an unhealthy, volatile relationship, living in a basement apartment with a man who was also an addict.

My life revolved around eating. If I wanted to go home from work early to eat, I did. If I was lethargic from a night of eating, I didn’t show up for work. If I woke up hungry at 2:00 a.m., I’d get up to cook and eat my favorite foods. When I did manage to get out of bed the next morning, I’d eat the previous night’s leftover dessert for breakfast, and then head to the bakery for more.

All my relationships were centered around food, too. I thought I cared about other people, but food came first. connection

Physically, I had heart palpitations, chronic insomnia, panic attacks, my knees ached, and I couldn’t shop at regular clothing stores. (I wore the biggest size in the only specialty store that existed back then for people my size.)

I wanted a different life, but had no idea how to get it, so I continued to eat, thinking that eating would make me happy.

Twenty minutes later I wanted to eat more.

Then came FA. My sponsor gave me a food plan and told me to imagine I was in intensive care. She suggested that if I were a drug addict, I would be in a detox facility, so I needed to treat myself the same way.

Food was my drug. And the most important thing I needed to understand and admit was that I had a disease.

In those early days, I remember asking my sponsor what she’d think if I missed one of my regular, committed meetings for a social occasion. She likened my meetings to dialysis. “If you had kidney disease and needed dialysis three times per week, would you say ‘I think I’ll skip this appointment because I have a party to go to’?” I never forgot that conversation.

I went to as many meetings as I could. In 3

I also heard people talk about making telephone calls (which I had already been doing because I had so many questions). I also heard about taking quiet time, practicing writing, and about the other tools we use every day to stay abstinent.

Slowly, these tools helped me take baby steps toward a better life; a life without my drugs, flour and sugar.

The result? Today, I am a competent and trusted fulltime employee, an empathetic and attentive parent, a good friend, and a loving spouse.

I don’t view FA as a job or something I need to balance with my other priorities. I am an addict. If I don’t take care of myself by putting my recovery first, I am no good to anyone and in danger of eating addictively again. And for me, to eat addictively means certain destruction of this wonderful life I’ve been given in reXANDRA G., CA needed to hear hope. The hope I heard in covery. those meetings gave me the strength to In FA, I’ve found something better than stay away from my drug, one day, one hour a part-time job. I’ve found a solution.

Joanna A., Maryland, US at a time. the first few weeks, I went every day. I didn’t have a car, so I took the bus or got a ride with the generous people I met at FA meetings. I went because I desperately

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June 2023

COVID

Dressing Up Anyway

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hen I was a little girl, my I could wait that long to wear it. I decided to mother bought me a new practice patience and gratitude. My gratitude Easter outfit every year: dress, was limited somewhat by my impatience, but coat, shoes, purse, hat, and gloves. When I I kept at it. I could do it! For two-and-a-half would look at myself wearing the outfit, I years, God had helped me abstain from flour thought I was beautiful. and sugar and only eat weighed, measured, I was not born a food addict. I started eating and committed foods. In addition, my conaddictively at eight years old. My mother was nection with God had grown and strengthpregnant, and I felt threatened that I would ened because of the FA discipline of daily be replaced. That was meditation. also my last year for I had prayed and Dressing up was ... new Easter outfits. I been a member of a redid not stop eating ligious denomination an expression of gratitude before I came to FA, addictively for the next six decades. but it was the discito my Higher Power for Eventually, I found plines I practiced in FA and by following the gifts I had been given. FA, such as meditating the FA program, I and reading FA literalost 122 pounds. By ture, that cleared up Easter of 2019, I was at a comfortable weight my diseased thinking and helped me learn and had been for a few months. Wanting to how to handle situations intuitively. Conserelive the memory of dressing up, I set a goal quently, I knew that with God’s help I could to have a beautiful Easter outfit for 2020. certainly wait six months to wear my lovely After six months of searching, I found the outfit. Never once did I wonder if I would be perfect outfit in October. It was an off-white able to fit into the clothes. I had a new-found designer suit in a size 4, with accompanying security. I knew that as long as I continued shoes, purse, and gloves. Easter was six following the FA program, I would be fine. months away, however, and I did not know if But by March of 2020, the COVID-19 connection

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Twelve Steps pandemic was taking place, and we were under “shelter-in-place” orders. At first, I felt like I was in a prison. Large gatherings were no longer allowed, which meant no FA meetings and no church services. During this initial turmoil, I forgot about my Easter outfit. Before I knew it, Easter Sunday arrived. I had the perfect outfit and I wanted to dress up and feel beautiful, but now there was nowhere to go. I felt disappointed.

Without a clear reason and even though no one would see me, I decided to dress up anyway. My husband did, too. We had our own little meeting, just the two of us, and we took pictures. At the end of the day my husband said it had been a lovely Easter. I asked him why he thought so. He said my dressing up made him feel special and eased the burden of sheltering in place. Both our spirits had been lifted. I sent the photos to my daughter, who sent them to others. Many responded that their spirits had also been lifted. The experience taught me that dressing up was more than just for me, it was an expression of gratitude to my Higher Power for the gifts I had been given, including my healthy body.

In addition, I learned that the gift of dressing up translates to others, like being pleasant or smiling. Others feel appreciated and it helps lighten their load. I will remember Easter 2020 with fondness, because of how uniquely special it was and the many lessons I learned.

Elena K., California, US 6

1. We admitted we were powerless over food – that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to food addicts and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

June 2023 Adapted with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous

Keep it Simple

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arly in FA, I frequently asked my my way and let me do it! I’m a good problem sponsor if I could do something “dif- solver, and a management career taught me ferent” with my food. I would ask if there are always multiple ways to reach a soI could add this or that to my grain, or if it lution. The trick, though, is to find the best would be okay to mix stuff into my vegeta- solution, and this is where I may need to bles. Her answer was always, “Keep it simple. apply the brakes and ask what is best for my It’s best to keep it simple.” physical, mental, and spiritual recovery.

So I strive to keep my food simple and, as My complicated solutions to problems with all things in Prooften work, but they gram, the lessons remind me of the If it’s complicated, learned about food adage about fitting a carry over into everyit’s probably not abstinent. square peg into a day life. round hole, which Just as I thank God can be done, with a It’s best to keep it simple. for my healthy food lot of whittling, maand the gift of abstinence, I am thankful for nipulation, and even force. But recovery the opportunity to live according to God’s can’t be whittled, should never be manipuwill, not mine. When faced with a decision, lated, and control belongs to God, not me.

I try to keep it simple. I weigh and measure Complicating any task puts me dangerously my options. To help me understand my re- close to a slippery slope I don’t need to slide actions and feelings, I reach out to those down. who know me best—God, my sponsor, and The simple solution is usually the cleanest, my fellows. Throughout the day, I thank the one that supports, rather than disrupts, God for helping me find a lost item, think recovery. Going forward, I know it will serve more clearly, or speak more kindly. me well to keep one thing in mind, whether But it is when life hands me a truly both- I am prepping food, doing service, or ersome challenge that I sometimes forget searching for a solution to a tricky situation. my sponsor’s guidance to keep it simple. As If it’s complicated, it’s probably not abstian addict, I am a master at control. If it needs nent. It’s best to keep it simple. doing, I can make it happen. Just get out of Regina D., Maryland, US connection

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True Royalty

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hen I was a child, my family the uncomfortable feelings I had about the and I took frequent road trips fact that I probably wouldn't see my great to the city where my father grandma again. I felt shame for not knowing was born, which was also where my grand- her well and not knowing what to say to her. parents, great-grandparents, and other fam- I also was uncomfortable having my picture ily members lived. I have fond and happy taken with the family because I felt fat and memories of seeing the countryside and didn’t want to be seen in the pictures. being with the ones I I didn’t know at the love, but one memtime that I ate to I vividly remember the taste ory stands out like a shield myself from neon sign. and sight of one of my favorite feeling, but now I When my great look back and see grandmother was still that eating kept me food items and the shine alive, we visited her from crying or showand celebrated our ing anger and disapof the silverware I used. time together by pointment when we I felt like I was royalty. going to a buffet had to leave the restaurant called The restaurant and leave Royal Fork. I thought this restaurant was the my great grandma. After that visit, that bufgreatest. As a pudgy girl and a great fan of fet restaurant is what I associated with my large quantities of food, eating at this restau- great grandmother. Not her apartment, her rant was my ticket to happiness. I vividly re- photos, her clothing, or her smile. But that member the taste and sight of one of my uncomfortable restaurant meal, including favorite food items and the shine of the sil- my awkward feelings and my need to keep verware I used. I felt like I was royalty. I could getting up for more food at the buffet. have stayed there all day and was extremely Recently, I went back to the city where my disappointed when my family wanted to great grandmother lived. The difference this leave. I felt safe in that restaurant. The act of time was that I was abstinent in FA. My great eating, getting up for more plates full of grandma is deceased, but my grandparents food, and eating again, kept me away from are still alert and lively at the ages of 90 and 8

June 2023

94. I knew, going into the trip, that I might have similar feelings to the ones I experienced about my great grandma when I was a young girl. I am now 32 and in a thin, healthy body of 118 pounds. The outside of me is well, and I am satisfied. The inside of me is healthy, too, thanks to studying the Twelve Steps in FA and my one-on-one relationship with my Higher Power. I had confidence that I would be able to handle my feelings and continue weighing and measuring my food the same way that I have for the past six years.

On the first day of my visit, I faced a major challenge. My grandmother brought up the topic of weight. She bragged about her thinness, and then began speaking of my weight. I was confused. She used to say I was too fat and needed to go on a diet and now she was saying that I was too thin. I felt very insecure when she brought in some sugar and flour items and nearly forced one into my mouth. The fear in me went deep. I told her, “I would crave more if I ate it,” but that didn’t seem to work. connection

After my uncle scolded her for talking about my weight, I retreated to my car and called my sponsor and, thankfully, she picked up the phone. She guided me to respond to my grandma by saying, every time she offered me food, “No thanks, I’ll have some later.” I followed her suggestion that night at dinner, while I gratefully ate my weighed-and-measured meal. I must have said, “No thanks, I’ll have some later” a hundred times, but it worked every single time. Can you guess who felt like true royalty when I left their home?

I carried this attitude and way of speaking through the rest of my visit.

And though I feel MEREDITH M., ME that this may be the last time I will see my grandparents on this wonderful Earth, there are absolutely no haunting food memories from this trip. I will remember weighing and measuring all of my food, working all of my tools, and having my grandparents’ smiles, hugs, kind words, pictures, clothing, and love in my heart forever.

Anonymous 9

Facing Reality

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hinking about the recovery I ation,” so I thought that grazing would help found in FA reminds me of a me. Unfortunately, if there is a moderation quote from Charles Dickens’ A button, mine is broken.

Tale of Two Cities. “It was the best of times, Unbeknownst to me, I made a “gimme, it was the worst of times, it was the age of gimme” gesture with my hands whenever I enlightenment, it was the epoch of in- wanted a food item or a cigarette someone credulity, it was the season of darkness, it else had. My sister brought this motion to was the spring of hope, it was the winter of my awareness during an outing in the park despair.” The best of times was what I with her two little girls. What a shock that thought was going on with me. The worst was. She said, “You want those box juices of times was the realmy girls are drinkity of my situation. ing.” I agreed. She In recovery, I learned I thought that if I said, “Look at your could get my weight right hand.” I was I could start to build down, everything caught red-handed. would be fine. I just It was bizarre, but I a better financial future. wanted to be thin. was in a lot of denial.

But realistically, I When I first heard had no accountability around food. I ate about FA, I thought, I’m busy and besides, I’m whenever the thought struck me, or more smart, educated, been around the block more accurately, without thinking at all. I’d skip than a few times, am a quick study, a self-starter. eating for days at a time because I was in I’ve been successful in many areas of my life. The love or just absent-minded. I would faint at reality was I was not only 165 pounds and work. I stashed food in my glove compart- going up again, but I spent 11 years of my ment, desk drawer at work, pockets, the life hovering between 191 and 201 pounds. garage, the linen closet folded in the sheets, I was up one month, down the next, with kitchen cupboards, and the freezer. I had a wide swings of 25 to 75 pounds per year. I designated drawer in the kitchen just for a was unemployed, had no children at home, certain sugar item. My internist told me, and no pets. What in the world was I so “There are no bad foods. Just eat in moder- busy doing? Nothing, except locating, 10

June 2023

procuring, and consuming the next flour, sugar product.

I thought that if I could just get the FA food plan, I could do it myself. I didn’t need any more friends. And who needs to do service, for goodness sake? Sadly, I had few real friends. I had a former work friend, dance friends, church friends, sewing friends, and quilting friends. Rarely did I socialize with any of them outside the class, group, church service, or activity. I loved groups where I could just show up if I felt like it.

I believed I was doing okay financially.

Comparing myself to other single mothers my age, I assumed they were all about the same as me. They have credit card debt, mortgages, and spend beyond their means.

I believed that I had adequate money in the bank. Again, reality told a different story.

If I had a $42,000 mortgage and $42,000 in the bank, I was basically broke. Who knew? I was using credit cards to buy groceries, clothes, everything. If I wanted it, I bought it and worried about doing a balance transfer to a lower interest credit card later. Doing this made me feel like I was in control of my finances, a high roller. I got a thrill from it. I had promised to help my son pay off his college debt by contributing $2000 a year, but I was unable to make good on my promise. In recovery, I learned I could start to build a better financial future. Thanks to my higher power, I paid my connection

son five years of back payments. He told me he had no words to tell me how it felt to be debt-free. I paid off my mortgage. I began to save and invest. Today I am financially sound.

Then there are relationships! I thought that a man would come to save me and take care of everything if I could just lose weight and get one to commit. The reality was that I was overweight and had acne all over my body from eating all the junk food, flour, sugar, and fat. I felt like men looked through me rather than at me. The first time this happened I was shocked, but after a while it made me feel safe. I could hide in plain sight. I hid a lot before FA. In FA, my sponsor helped me become more discerning about men and stop making them into gods. She told me I was looking for a fixer-upper. Now, I am open to a man who has integrity, authenticity, good personal care, strength of character, sound finances, and compassion. I now have a choice. I don’t have to go out with someone who makes me feel uneasy just because he asks. Another sponsor taught me, “It takes a mighty good man to beat no man at all.”

Although the physical recovery has been just amazing, a miracle really, I am more impressed these days with the mental, spiritual, and emotional recovery I have found.

Thank you, FA. Karen Rae B., California, US 11

Falling Through the Cracks

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aking a second quiet time was not a suggestion that was foreign to me. It is just one that I didn’t want to accept. Usually, I talk, think, walk, and move fast. Often on outreach calls, fellows share with me that they cannot understand me because I speak too quickly. “Slow

change, nothing changes.

One afternoon at the doctor’s office, I had a cast removed from my wrist and an X-ray taken to confirm that it had healed. A staff member escorted me back to the exam room where I waited for the doctor. I took a selfie and posted it on Facebook, declaring

down,” I am told. So when my sponsor suggested that I take a second quiet time, I finally decided to give it a try. I was working on my 90 days of abstinence after being in FA for 12 years. I feared that if I didn’t take my sponsor’s suggestions, I would eat again. I was also tired of that “revved up” feeling and lack of peace. I thought, If I don’t

my freedom from the cast. I scrolled through my Facebook feed, checked my email, and texted friends and fellows. After 20 minutes, I thought,This is taking a bit longer than I expected. Maybe I should do that second quiet time while I am waiting. I set my timer, closed my eyes, sat comfortably, and got quiet.

WENDY M., MA

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June 2023

When the timer went off, I felt relaxed.

Noticing that it had been almost an hour, I poked my head out the door and kindly asked a nurse if I was supposed to be waiting to see the doctor or if I was free to go. She looked at me blankly and told me she would find out. Five minutes later, the doctor came into the room apologizing, saying, “You literally fell through the cracks. Your paperwork fell off the desk and into the recycling bin. We didn’t even know you were here!” I shared that I had used the opportunity to take some quiet time.

Twelve Traditions 1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on FA unity.

2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.

3. The only requirement for FA membership is a desire to stop eating addictively.

4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or FA as a whole.

5. Each group has but one primary purpose – to carry its message to the food addict who still suffers.

I don’t want to “fall through the cracks” of FA because

6. An FA group ought never endorse, finance or lend the FA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.

one day at a time, it helps me to maintain my abstinence and recover from this deadly disease.

7. Every FA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

I can see how slowing down supports my abstinence, and I want to continue to ask God for the willingness to take suggestions.

I don’t want to “fall through the cracks” of FA because one day at a time, it helps me to maintain my abstinence and recover from this deadly disease. Although I was pleased to have the cast removed, abstinence in FA is really the freedom I seek.

LeeAnn W., Colorado, US connection

8. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

9. FA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

10. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues, hence the FA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.

12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

Adapted with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous13

In Sickness and In Health

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hen I joined FA seven years ago, I told my boyfriend, “One day, we’ll eat the same thing.”

He was eating greasy flour and sugar products from a fast food restaurant that day and scoffed in reply, “Over my dead body.”

Fast forward seven years. He and I were engaged. He was losing weight rapidly despite bingeing on flour and sugar all day. He had never been obsessed about food before and would forget to eat if he was absorbed in his work. Now, he was craving sugar and eating like an ogre. He wanted to stop, but he could not. I was concerned he’d become a food addict. My fellows reminded me to keep my eyes on my own plate, to live and let live, and not criticize. I kept my mouth shut.

His mental and physical health deteriorated. He had no energy and no desire. He was always tired. I knew something was wrong.

My faith was tested. I kept my spirits high. I pictured him in full health, and could think of him as a strong, handsome, and healthy man, although at that point he was very underweight and had lost all his muscle tone.

He refused to go to the doctor. My sponsor helped me to act and move out of my own denial about his health. She advised me to take him to the hospital. It was hard for me to 14

go against his will, but my “live and let live” mindset had reached its limit. He finally agreed to see the doctor and was immediately admitted to the hospital.

The diagnosis was type one diabetes. His body could not produce insulin anymore. He would have to take insulin shots five times a day and monitor his blood sugar for the rest of his life. That’s why he was craving sugar and eating huge quantities.

Although this is a serious medical condition, God was working in the background.

The day after he was diagnosed, he told me, “Consider this as a sign before our wedding day that we are meant to be together. I could not wish for a more supportive wife than someone in FA.” Indeed, we have different problems, but a common solution. He must weigh his food to know what insulin dose he needs, and must abstain from flour and sugar, just like me.

We recently married and are closer than ever since his diagnosis. We now have breakfast, lunch, and dinner together, unlike before when we rarely ate together. We both weigh our food and cook vegetables for one another. We both chose not to have a wedding cake on our wedding day. We got married abstinently, and are living happily ever after.

Julia S., UK June 2023

No Matter What

Not Alone

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RHODORA J., CA

n March 15, 2020 at 6:30 a.m. my phone rang. Any call that early didn’t bode well, but it was especially bad because I recognized the number. It was the nursing home where my husband of 48 years was a resident.

I was right. The call was from hospice, and he informed me that my husband had passed away. I can’t say the news was unexpected. My husband had been sick with Alzheimer’s for a couple of years, but hearing that he also had been suffering from a deadly version of pneumonia was

a surprise. breakfast, then call a few fellows in FA. Our children arrived the next day, fol- I’d find a morning meeting, and then it lowed by the funeral the day after. When would be lunch time. Then I’d make a the family left that evening, I was alone few more calls and, before I knew it, it for the first time in 48 years. I had no one would be time for supper. to care for, and, Using the tool of after 44 years of the telephone, I “No matter what, ” teaching, no chilconnected with dren to teach, other fellows who I kept hearing, thanks to the newly had lost spouses or established Covidpartners. They rec“don’t take that first bite.” ommended books 19 lockdown.

I had been in FA to read or podcasts for about two years, but it wasn’t until to listen to. I didn’t feel alone and I didn’t that moment that I realized FA was the eat flour or sugar. only thing in my life I had to hold on to.

Almost two years have gone by since I made phone calls and my FA fellows my husband died and I still haven’t eaten called me back. One told me about In- addictively. “No matter what,” I kept stacart to get grohearing, “don’t take ceries delivered. that first bite.” I didIt was my Higher Power n’t.

Another introduced me to AmaI never could have and my FA fellows, zon. Prayer became done it alone. It was increasingly impormy Higher Power meetings, and literature tant in my day-toand my FA fellows, day living as my meetings, and literthat kept me abstinent.

Higher Power ature that kept me guided me through abstinent. Staying one of the most harrowing periods of my abstinent and choosing to stay in FA has life. been so important to me. When things I got up each morning to read my seem overwhelming, I lean on my Twenty-Four Hours a Day book and do Higher Power. my meditation. I’d have my abstinent Barbara B., Massachusetts, US 16

June 2023

Lighten Up!

M

Measuring Time

any evenings before my husband and I go to bed, our teenage son comes downstairs to say goodnight. Sometimes, if we are lucky, we get some snuggle time with him.

He is over six feet tall but he will lay across our bed and cuddle with us for a few minutes. I love this time with him.

He is often in constant motion, but during this time he is calm and peaceful. A typical teenager, on most nights he goes to bed much later than we do. Particularly on school nights, he often stays up very late to finish his homework. Also like a typical teenager, he has trouble waking up early in the morning for school, especially when he stayed up too late the night before.

One weeknight, he came down to our connection

room for some cuddles and lingered for quite a while. I realized he was not anxious to go back to his room to finish his work.

Even though I was thoroughly enjoying spending that time with him, I knew that if he didn’t get back to his work, he wouldn’t get enough sleep.

“Sweetheart,” I said, “it’s time to go back upstairs and finish your work.”

He groaned and didn’t move. “If E M , you don’t head .

HM EDIT MER up now, you won’t get eight ounces of sleep,” I said. He lifted his head up and smiled at me. “Mom, do you realize you just told me to get eight ounces rather than eight hours of sleep?” I guess the disciplines of this program are so deeply ingrained that I weigh and measure more than just my food!

Risa K., Texas, US 17

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.