May 2023: Life in Full Color. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA)

Life in Full Color

May 2023

Columns Qualification: Grounded in Recovery. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 First 90 Days: Learning to Trust. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 No Matter What: Walking Miracle. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .15 Lighten Up: Leaping Into Action. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17

Features Heartbreak and Healing. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6 Be Quiet. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8 .

Rewiring My Brain. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10 Turning Point . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13

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Credits Front Cover Art: Lisa N., Canada Back Cover Art: Xandra G., CA Graphic Design: Tickled Plum

Share your story & artwork If you have 90 days of continuous abstinence in FA, connection invites you to share your experience, strength, and hope with us. E-mail submissions to articles@foodaddicts.org or art@foodaddicts.org

Glossary of Terms FA: Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous AA: Alcoholics Anonymous AWOL: A Way of Life, a study of the Twelve Steps Big Book: Alcoholics Anonymous 1 Stone = 14 pounds 1 Kilo = approx. 2.2 pounds Copyright © 2023 Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous 400 W. Cummings Park, Suite 1700 Woburn, MA 01801-6572

Qualification

Grounded in Recovery

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hen I was active in my dis- came, I could certainly float through it. ease of food addiction, I But FA has been like gravity. It has helped was adrift. During child- me, one abstinent day at a time, to live life hood, I experienced a kaleidoscope of on life’s terms with my feet on the ground traumas, from poverty to becoming un- and my mind focused on my willingness housed, to food insecurity, to not at- to “faith-it-until-I-make-it” and trust in my tempting school assignments if I found Higher Power. them too challenging. So in adulthood, Through recovery in FA, I’ve come to once I had more relearn that one of the sources and unreI used food to float through, toughest consestricted access to quences of growing food, I abused flour, up in trauma was exaround, and above life, sugar, and quantiperiencing pervasive ties, and committed fear, doubt, and inseand I constantly felt to not doing things curity. The greater disconnected. that required too my fear, the greater much effort or exthe quantities of ceeded my existing skill set or knowledge flour and sugar products I consumed to base. help me cope with that fear. I didn’t know I learned how to use food like a hot air that’s what I was doing at the time; I just balloon. I used food to float through, thought I needed a little something to around, and above life, and I constantly take the edge off. Before joining FA, facfelt disconnected. Under the influence of ing my fears without getting high on flour food, I got high. That was the best I could and sugar seemed impossible and pointdo to cope with challenges, joys, my less. For example, I was afraid to drive, so human shortcomings, and persistent I relied on others or public transportation fears, doubts, and insecurities. I thought to get me to where I needed to be. I was that if I couldn’t walk through life as it afraid to be alone in the dark, so I slept connection

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with a butcher’s knife near my bed and used a nightlight my grandmother gifted me. I was afraid to read aloud, so I avoided reading altogether, even though I was a

to FA by a neighbor, who was in her late seventies. She directed me to the FA website and I found a Monday night meeting in my area. I had so much fear about at-

CAROL H., NM

high school teacher. I was also afraid to live without feeling stuffed and filled with food, so I ate very large quantities many times a day.

Those weren’t my only fears, but they were among the loudest and drove me to use food like a drug until I was introduced 2

tending my first FA meeting that I asked my partner to attend with me, and she did. For the next two months or so, she also drove me to and from my weekend meetings.

Once I joined the program, I got a sponsor and committed to a food plan. This May 2023

meant I could no longer use food to es- the fear, and driving anyway. The fear still cape the feelings of shame and inade- comes up sometimes, but I ask my quacy that came with being too afraid to Higher Power for help and I move fordrive at 33 years old. Instead, I started ward. talking to my sponsor openly and hon- Similarly, I was afraid to read. I didn’t estly about my fears around driving, and read until I was seven years old, and I still I learned to connect with my Higher struggle with decoding and spelling some Power. Eventually, I started to drive. words. My first sponsor suggested I raise First, my partner would drive to the my hand to read a portion of the FA meetings with me as meeting format, and a passenger, and I I very reluctantly FA has helped me would take the subtook her suggestion, way back home. but I was afraid of take small actions, Once I got familiar mispronouncing or with the route, and one day at a time, that have accidentally skipwith courage and ping over words as I the belief that my had done in elemena big impact over time.

Higher Power was tary school. I am with me, I started to sure these errors drive to and from that weekend FA meet- happened, but to my surprise, unlike in ing. I kept discussing the possibility of school, no one laughed or made fun of getting into an accident with my sponsor, me. In fact, other FA members often which was my primary fear. She would smiled and thanked me for reading and put driving into perspective, reminding doing service. I started to gain more self me that I had car insurance, that accidents esteem each time I raised my hand and happen, to focus on times when I didn’t got called on to read the format. I was have an accident, and that my Higher even able to commit some portions of the Power was in the car with me. Now, I format to memory, which helped my drive to and from lots of places and have reading fluency and, best of all, eased my been in two minor accidents. Both times fears.

I was safe. Those small collisions were One day, I explained to my sponsor how worth the freedom that comes with feel- I longed to read, but found reading ing fear, not eating addictively to suppress mostly boring and overly challenging. She connection

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suggested I try to read light and fun books first. She even mailed my partner copies of a humorous book that we read together. Prior to that book, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d finished a book from cover to cover, but as I continued to read portions of Twenty Four Hours a Day and the AA Big Book, I eventually finished them.

Over time, I started to enjoy reading. I read FA literature and have even started to read content related to my personal and professional interests. Consistently reading led me to accept a challenge from my partner to read 21 books in 2021. FA helped me to commit to that goal. FA has helped me take small actions, one day at a time, that have a big impact over time.

FA has taught me that I can do anything I put my heart and mind to, and I know that the fact that I read has everything to do with my recovery. When I am active in food addiction, I don’t do things that are hard or require me to stretch, but in recovery, I do those things because I know that the more I stretch, the closer I get to my Higher Power. And the closer I am to my Higher Power, the more I enjoy life exactly as it comes.

Through FA, I have been able to experience my life as a series of many small miracles. I drive and take public transit only when it is the most logical or environ4

mentally sound option. I no longer sleep with a nightlight or butcher’s knife near my bed. I read out loud at FA meetings as well as to my students, my niece, and my nephew. I no longer eat flour, sugar, or unmeasured quantities of food. I am abstinent by the grace of my Higher Power. FA has given me concrete and practical daily suggestions to help me stay grounded. It offers me a way of life that has taught me how to name, claim, and tame my fears, doubts, and insecurities, one abstinent meal at a time, one prayer at a time, and one next right action at a time. I no longer feel like I am aimlessly floating through life and adrift on clouds of fear, doubt, and insecurity. I can be exactly where my feet are and grateful for the greatest gift my Higher Power has given me—life.

I still worry, but I do my best not to make decisions based on fear, doubt, and insecurity. Living a life of sane and happy usefulness started when I no longer desired to use food like a drug to cope with the traumas and fears in my life. FA has helped make my life more stable and anchored. I am grateful to feel more grounded. I am grateful to know that I am directly connected to my Higher Power, so I don’t need to get high on food. I do my best to thank my Higher Power daily for FA as my gravity.

Jessica R., Washington DC, US May 2023

First 90 Days

Learning to Trust

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hen I first came into FA, I didn’t really want a sponsor. I went to meetings for two weeks and mentally rejected all the available sponsors, eyeing them in light of a mental list of constantly changing criteria, defining the “perfect” sponsor I would hold out for. She had to be perfect, because I was operating out of fear. That one’s too aggressive looking. That one’s chin sticks out too far. The self-critical, judgmental thoughts I battered myself with were projected out onto the available sponsors.

One night, a fellow stood up, and I felt acceptance. I heard a voice in my head saying, There’s my sponsor, so I went up to her.

She was perfect for me—conscientious, kind, smart, and dedicated, but fear still gripped me. I didn’t want to tell her my problems. I knew she would think I was crazy. Or really, I knew she would figure connection

out I was crazy. I was afraid of criticism, judgment, and of making a silly mistake that would be labeled a break. One day, I made a mistake with my food and was too afraid to call my sponsor. I called a fellow instead, and all she said was, “Oh, yes. We call our sponsors.

Call your sponsor.”

So I did.

Then the next day, I made the exact same mistake again and started yelling at myself, out loud, “You’re an idiot!” Calming down, I realized that’s why we call our sponsors. She’s not going SUSAN F., NY to call me an idiot.

And she didn’t. She listened, asked me questions about how I had gotten into the bind, and helped me figure out a plan to take better care of myself. She told me, “I’m not trying to control you.”

It’s so new to rely on someone else, to begin to trust and ask for help, and to have faith that someone else cares.

Carolyn L., California, US 5

Heartbreak and Healing

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y daughter estranged herself from me a few years ago, and I did not deal with it well. I cried for months, journaling my anger, and when the thought occurred to me that I was hating my daughter, I went for counseling. I asked myself, “What kind of a mother hates her daughter?” My counselor suggested that the best thing I could do for my daughter was to take care of myself.

I had been in another Twelve-Step program for food a while ago. I never made a conscious decision to leave, but first I missed one meeting and then another until its importance in my life seemed to dwindle. My life began to spiral down, which brought me to some dark places.

I knew I needed to go back to a Twelve-Step program because that was the time in my life when I felt most peaceful.

There are no in-person FA meetings in my city, but because of Covid and the fact that meetings are accessible on virtual platforms, I was able to give FA a try. I am so grateful that God put FA at the top of my internet search that day.

My top weight was 210 pounds, but when I came to my first FA meeting I was 155 pounds and climbing. I chose a sponsor that night and was a little shocked at all the things 6

I was being asked to do, including my “stupidly” early morning phone call. But God blessed me with the gift of desperation.

Early on, everyone I spoke with suggested I pray the resentment prayer for my daughter every day, as suggested in the AA Big Book.

I wrote out a prayer and, still to this day, read it to God every morning.

As my life in recovery began, I got busy organizing my new daily routine. I got on my knees as I rolled out of bed, did my reading, and called my sponsor. I shopped, chopped, and weighed my food. I made painful calls to strangers and learned to ask God for help to know what I would talk to them about.

A few months into my FA program, I heard through the grapevine that my daughter took her counselor’s suggestion and went to see a psychiatrist, who diagnosed her with bipolar disorder and put her on medication.

At Christmas, I received a card in the mail from her. I put the envelope on my lap and said a prayer to thank God for the letter and to ask for strength and courage in case it was hurtful.

There was a card, a letter, and ten pictures of her. It was hard for me to read her note that said I could hang the pictures on the fridge, frame them, or burn them, as she was doing this for herself.

May 2023

The rest of the letter spoke about the new man in her life and that it could be a longterm relationship. She decided that if she marries, she’d want me at the wedding and that if she has children, she wants her children to know their grandmother.

She mentioned that she’s not yet sure how we can co-exist in this world together and that her counselor has ideas about how we can have a relationship in the future.

She explained that I won’t hear from her anytime soon, and that she didn’t want to hear from me either.

I took a quiet time and let it all settle in my mind, and I heard that I needed to make a list of things I could be grateful for. I actually ended up with a longer list than I had expected.

At least I got a card this year, and my family members also got cards. My daughter’s rejection of me had given me distance, time, and the desperation I needed to go back to a program of recovery and put in the needed effort. I wrote and mailed her a beautiful Christmas card. When I told my sister about the letter and how I replied, she said, “Who are you and what have you done with my sisconnection

ter?”

Before I found FA, this type of thing would have sent me into the depths of despair and depression, but instead, by the grace of God, I’m learning to deal with life as it comes. A month later, in January, I received an email from my daughter with the subject heading “Five things I love about you.” She actually threw in what she called a “Bonus #6.” One item on the list read, “That you love me even when I act like I don’t love you.” I cried in front of my laptop for two hours before I replied. I thanked her for her kind words, told her how I missed her terribly, and shared that I hoped she would stay in touch because my world is a better place with her in it.

This email was beyond my wildest dreams.

ROBYN M., NY There was nothing in the letter about future contact, but that was okay.

I believe that in God’s time, when we’re both ready, it will happen.

I have a new found hope today. While I’ve been weighing and measuring my food and working my tools, God’s been busy helping both of us heal.

Carm, Canada 7

Be Quiet

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as anyone ever told you to listen to your gut or use your intuition? These common phrases were thrown at me many times before recovery. When people made these suggestions, my first response was anger. I would get almost violent because I never could access that quiet, knowing place inside, and I felt out of control. I was out of touch with a gut instinct or quiet, intuitive voice because my pipelines were clogged with sugar, flour, and negativity.

Eating would temporarily numb my fearful feelings, but the effects would wear off quickly. My eating and my life became unmanageable. I was running from myself and running from the truth.

When I first joined FA, my sponsor was very clear that I needed to do a half-hour of quiet time every morning. During one of my first calls with her, I was letting her know how great my quiet time was. I said something like, “It was so nice just sipping coffee and doing my nails in peace and quiet.” It was then I found out that quiet time meant sitting completely still for 30 minutes with no distractions, no multitasking, nothing.

I thought, Are you kidding me? I don’t think I’ve ever sat still for five minutes without doing something, let alone a whole 30 minutes. I be8

grudgingly took her suggestion, and it was during that very next quiet time when I heard a still, small voice nudging me to let go of a very toxic relationship. Darn that quiet time! Finding these things out is exactly why I didn’t want to sit with myself, despite realizing that the still, small nudge was my Higher Power, and this was the start to a new relationship with God. Nothing happened overnight, but I eventually got the clarity and willingness to move on from that relationship.

The promises of the program from the AA Big Book include, “We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.” I have come upon many difficult life situations in recovery, but one of the most memorable experiences comes to mind when I think about the tool of quiet time.

I was pregnant with my third child and found out in my first trimester that she had Down Syndrome. Upon hearing this news, my head felt like it was going to explode. I felt pulled in a thousand directions, none of which was peaceful or positive. I had drastic thoughts of harming myself and my unborn child.

I remembered a passage from the TwentyFour Hour a Day book that read, “We don’t May 2023

make decisions out of an emotional upheaval.” I knew what that meant; that darn quiet time. I kept taking it to quiet time.

A few weeks later, I heard my Higher Power remind me how I used to think being a food addict was the worst thing in the world and now I think it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. The thought came to me, Maybe this is just fear? I knew in my heart that the only reason I didn’t want this baby was because of the way she was going to look. How embarrassing was that to admit? But the truth and meditation set me free.

From the moment of my daughter’s birth until this very day, God completely turned my attitude around. I have new eyes for Down Syndrome, just like I have a new attitude about food, and my heart, not my head, explodes many times a day. Quiet time works.

Another challenge came a few years ago, during my fourth pregnancy, when I felt a lump in my breast. No biggie, I thought.

After three kids, I knew lumps and bumps were just mammary glands preparing me connection

for breastfeeding. Again, in one of my quiet times, I heard that still, small voice telling me to get it checked out, so I did. Ten days later, I was told I had breast cancer and needed to start treatment right away. Although I was in shock that I had to do all this while pregnant, I also saw that God turns countless situations from curses to blessings.

I knew I’d be okay, regardless of the prognosis.

Later in my treatment, the doctor told me that if I hadn’t come in when I did, the outcome might have been very different due to how aggressive the cancer was. Although neither of these situations was what I would have chosen for myself, I XANDRA G., CA can now say I wouldn’t change a thing. I have learned that God uses everything for good.

The longer I stay abstinent, do my tools, and work the steps, the more the still, small voice continues to become a prominent and loving guide. The peace and friendship that come from hanging out with my Higher Power is the gift that keeps on giving.

Anonymous 9

Rewiring My Brain

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have no idea when my food addiction began. As I look back, I can see that I had abnormal thoughts and behaviors around food throughout my life, but I did not recognize these as unusual until I was in my early 20s. I vividly remember, during a commercial break from a TV show, standing in front of a jar of candy trying to figure out how I could take six pieces but make it look like I took only two. I remember thinking to myself that a “normal” person would just grab the six they wanted and not care what others thought, but I cared a lot about whether others were judging my eating habits, mainly because I was always judging other people. I thought that maybe a normal person would take the acceptable two and be content, but I knew that two were not going to satisfy me and that I would be constantly thinking about the four I 10

had left behind. I thought that maybe a normal person would walk away empty handed and return to their show, but I remained in the kitchen, paralyzed by what I came to understand was my disease of food addiction.

At 12 years old, I weighed 125 pounds and was probably around 5-feet, 3inches tall. At school, our physical education teacher pinched the back of our arms with some device and marked a number in a box. In the locker room, we all compared scores. I was LISA N., CAN elated to realize I had scored the highest, XL, assuming high scores meant the best. I had no idea that the number at the top of the page meant obese. I remember proudly handing the paper to my mom after school and feeling disbelief and shock when her comment was, “Oh my G-d. You are fat.”

The humiliation of having shared my May 2023

score with everybody, the realization that I really didn’t look like the pretty girls at school, in magazines, and in movies, hit me like a ton of bricks. My mom took me to a doctor, who was furious at the school’s inadequate method of determining body size. He convinced her I was still growing and said not to worry about it.

Although that worked for my mom, the damage was done for me. That score immediately damaged my spirit and broke my ability to see what I really looked like.

When my son started kindergarten, the children with special needs were not segregated out of the general classroom. The teacher explained that brains were a bunch of wires—reds connecting to reds, greens to greens, etc. For some people, she said, the wires did not connect and it might seem like these children get special attention or favoritism, but really it was the teacher trying to help connect the wires. As my son gleefully drew a picture of his version of the brain, I stared at the scribbled mess of crayons and realized this was true for me, too. Things don’t always match-up. Although I am very smart, left to my own devices, my brain becomes completely unharnessed.

As my disease of food addiction progressed, I found myself eating foods at shocking speed and in great quantities. I ate in hiding, refused to share the “good stuff ” with my children, I stopped cookconnection

ing, and abused drive-thrus. I stopped trying to make excuses for the excessive amounts of binge foods I was buying, and ate quantities that literally made me sick.

Eventually, food became the reason to get out of bed in the morning.

With the increase of food came the increase of weight. With the increase of weight came more negative, unharnessed, and crazy thinking. I was too emotionally and physically exhausted for basic grooming and house cleaning. Food stains covered my clothes and I took down most of my mirrors. I had to order clothes online as stores did not carry my size.

The humiliating experiences of being 300 pounds are endless. My medical insurance company contacted me to tell me I qualified for gastric bypass surgery. My life insurance company refused to increase my coverage, and my doctor threatened high blood pressure medication, warning that diabetes was inevitable if I continued my path. Therapists prescribed “happy pills” and nutritionists drafted out food plans, but I remained undisciplined, unmotivated, miserable, and hopeless. I had long ago stopped trying diets because I knew nothing worked for me.

Then I came into FA to prove that this, too, would not work for me. I did, however, have enough clarity to realize that I had sabotaged every past attempt to lose 11

weight. I am thankful for my gift of desperation, defeat, and determination to try to prove that this Program, even if I followed it, would not work either.

When my sponsor made suggestions that seemed in no way diet related, such as reading the literature, making calls, and doing quiet time, I followed them. I didn’t do it perfectly, happily, or without judgment, eye rolling, or grumbling, but I did do it. Within the first few weeks, the food fog lifted enough for me to see the relief of waiting until my next meal versus beating myself up for breaking, yet again, the diet plan-of-the-day. I felt lighter in my step just knowing I was following through on a plan. I got relief from realizing I was not the only miswired person out there, and saw a spark of hope that maybe this program could reassemble my mind, eliminate the fat, and—dare I hope— bring me out of my misery.

I came into FA in June 2010 at 5-feet, 4inches tall and 340 pounds, and now I weigh 127 pounds.

As I progressed through recovery, sanity, and a normal body, I came to understand that life still had its ups and downs.

There was no happy pink cloud that I could ride on forever. FA did not lead me into a heavenly euphoria where everything is perfect, but it led me out of my own hell. For that, I am eternally grateful.

Karen W., Washington, US 12

Twelve Traditions 1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on FA unity.

2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.

3. The only requirement for FA membership is a desire to stop eating addictively.

4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or FA as a whole.

5. Each group has but one primary purpose – to carry its message to the food addict who still suffers.

6. An FA group ought never endorse, finance or lend the FA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.

7. Every FA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

8. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

9. FA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

10. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues, hence the FA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.

12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

May 2023 Adapted with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous

I

Turning Point

’ve never felt as desperate for recovery be done with it. Instead of listening at as I did the day I had my last binge. I meetings for how to get through these was in my 20s when I first came into stressful times, I focused on comparing FA. I had been bingeing out of control, everyone’s recovery to my own. I had a lot was bulimic, tried starving myself, and had of arrogance and was aware of many suicidal thinking. I was negative, angry, thoughts that told me I was better than and fearful. Every day was a long binge, other people. I wasn’t treating or talking and I found no relief from my obsession about the negative way of thinking that with food. All I encompassed every could think about area of my life. I didI took a bite of anger, was which food n’t admit to myself store to go to next. then fear, and finally, food. that this was a probOnce I got into lem in my personalFA, my life was That was the saddest day ity that was good, but my perseparating me from spective of it was of my 20s. No one could take other people and negative. I never any kind of spiritual wanted to feel un- the pain of the binge away. .... life. comfortable. I didn’t I began to feel I felt horrible. understand what these negative people in FA meant thoughts getting in That binge was a personal the way of my honwhen they said at meetings to “get esty with my sponbreaking point for me. comfortable with sor. I lied to myself being uncomfortand to her. I began able.” I resented those words. I was white over-exercising and not telling her. I knuckling my abstinence through stress- started using food items that she had ful school situations and the transition of guided me to avoid. I searched for other moving away from my parents. I was mak- programs to join, even though my sponing school too important and wanted to sor had suggested I stay away from online connection

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searches. I felt more and more disconnected from FA, and after a stressful conversation about my weight with my sponsor, I took a bite of anger, then fear, and finally, food. That was the saddest day of my 20s. No one could take the pain of the binge away. I made calls. I talked with my parents. I talked with God. I felt horrible.

That binge was a personal breaking point for me. Something released in my spirit that day. God had given me another chance to get abstinent. Suddenly at that turning point, I realized that if I put my recovery in FA first, everything would work out the way God wanted it to. My recovery finally took priority in my heart.

As days turned into weeks, months, and into more than six years of abstinence, I see more and more of my FA fellows embrace this way of life, and it becomes easier to rely on my faith in God to understand how this program works.

I still hold my moment of desperation inside of me and try to relive it every time I am tempted to veer away into some momentary pleasure like food, money, work, or getting overly busy—things that look great at the time, but only bring pain at the end. The break I had still motivates me to work the FA program the way I do today.

My life depends on my maintaining a happy and purposeful abstinence.

Anonymous 14

Twelve Steps 1. We admitted we were powerless over food – that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to food addicts and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Adapted with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous May 2023

No Matter What

Walking Miracle

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was 64 years old with severe groin and hip replacement surgery. Because of my hip pain. I wondered if I could con- “normal” weight, I was a candidate to have tinue working in my profession be- both hips replaced in one surgery. Undercause of my health concerns. Although I standably, I had fear about the procedure, had lost 35 pounds by following the FA anesthesia, hospital food, and maintaining program and had my abstinence. I had been abstinent for What seemed like a hardship fear of the future. nine months, neither But I had no choice the weight loss nor about the surgery, so actually allowed me to the physical therapy I had to accept and was solving my pain trust the process. I come out the other side and mobility probdid this by praying lems. The pain had more healed — physically, and using the tools become so unbearwe read at every FA emotionally, and spiritually — able that I could not meeting. walk at all without a Immediately foland stronger in my abstinence walker, and I often lowing surgery, I was had to stand at FA admitted to a rehaand in my program. meetings. The pain bilitation hospital was so distracting at for two months of work and in meetings that I was often in extensive physical therapy, rest, and hospitears. tal food. I had to sleep on my back with ice Shortly after my sixty-fifth birthday, I packs and pumps for circulation on both consulted a physician concerning the pain legs for what seemed like weeks. I was unand my decreased mobility. After a series comfortable. My digestion stopped for of X-rays, physical therapy, and analysis, I nearly ten days, and I could not eat solid was diagnosed with severe osteoarthritis food for several days. The longer I was in in both hips that would require bilateral the hospital, the more powerless I felt and connection

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the more fearful I became.

The most difficult thing about this twomonth stay was the hospital food. I requested the food on my food plan but I could not get what I needed from the hospital. An FA fellow brought in my scale and some food that I kept in my room.

Twice, the food my FA fellows brought was thrown away by hospital staff, and I temporarily panicked. My sponsor reminded me that I would not starve. My hospital floor did not have a scale for weighing myself. I was powerless. I asked for help. My sponsor and her sponsor were supportive and brought food. Fellows called and came to my room to support my recovery. I committed my food by phone to my sponsor, who worked with me on the hospital food.

I joined a phone AWOL while I was hospitalized. I relied on the fellowship of the program and my Higher Power for help. During this time, my surgeon, the nurses, and the rehabilitation staff were impressed with the speed at which I was recovering. They were also curious about my food program. My sponsor reminded me to use my quiet time while I was in the hospital. I had plenty of opportunities for quiet time, especially at night.

This month is the third anniversary of that surgery. I now walk normally and without any pain. I have a full range of 16

movement in both hips and legs. I am fully recovered. I am abstinent. I have returned to my professional career full time.

I am 68 years old and feel better than I have in years. I am in a right-sized body. I realize the blessings of being able to stand, prepare and weigh my food, and eat in a lovely environment instead of sitting on the edge of a bed with a tray in a hospital.

I continue to happily and peacefully live alone, mow the lawn, paint, sand and stain my deck, and maintain my home. I attend three committed in-person meetings a week. I sponsor and I am sponsored. I joyfully hold service positions in all my committed meetings and encourage others to do the same. I completed the phone AWOL that I started in the hospital, and am about to begin my first in-person AWOL. I am grateful. I am committed to the Steps, to recovery, and to the FA program.

What seemed like a hardship actually allowed me to come out the other side more healed — physically, emotionally, and spiritually — and stronger in my abstinence and in my program. Yes, there were the unknowns and bumps in the road about certain things, and there still are. Life happens. But there was and continues to be a silver lining. I am truly grateful.

Anonymous May 2023

Lighten Up!

., UK SUSAN C

E

Leaping Into Action

very year we go to my cousin’s house for Thanksgiving. Although we eat the traditional foods, the dishes are quite complicated, made from recipes my cousin prints from the New York Times. Typically, there is something fancy, and definitely not abstinent, added to each dish. Even her salads are complicated, containing a mixture of toppings and a dousing of sugar-laden dressing.

This year, I volunteered to bring a salad so at the very least, I would be able to eat what I brought. As I put the salad on the counter, she looked at my simple bowl of vegetables connection

and said, “Would you like to add some of these toppings? I have extra.” She reached over to add the toppings, and before I could even think, I leapt in front of the salad, protectively shielding the bowl with my body.

Realizing what that must have looked like, I backed up a few steps, smiled, and said cheerfully, “No, thanks!” as I moved the salad safely to the buffet table.

It was a close call, but I managed to keep the salad abstinent, despite the best efforts of my cousin and her New York Times subscription.

Deborah F., Maryland, US 17

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.