November 2022: Time Will Heal. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA)

FA Stories of Recovery from Food Addiction

Time Will Heal

November 2022 $2.50

November 2022

Columns Qualification: Experiencing Recovery. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1 First 90 Days: Stopping the Obsession. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 COVID: One Mask at a Time. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 No Matter What: Bedside Manner. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .15 Lighten Up: Table Talk. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17

Features Blessedly Average. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .7 Shift Out of Fear. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8 Remote Control. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11 Next Right Action. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12 A Reason to Celebrate. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .14

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Credits Front and Back Cover Art: Louisa S., NY Graphic Design: Tickled Plum

Share your story & artwork If you have 90 days of continuous abstinence in FA, connection invites you to share your experience, strength, and hope with us. E-mail submissions to articles@foodaddicts.org or art@foodaddicts.org

Glossary of Terms FA: Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous AA: Alcoholics Anonymous AWOL: A Way of Life, a study of the Twelve Steps Big Book: Alcoholics Anonymous 1 Stone = 14 pounds 1 Kilo = approx. 2.2 pounds Copyright © 2022 Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous 400 W. Cummings Park, Suite 1700 Woburn, MA 01801-6572

Qualification

Experiencing Recovery

I

was born in 1939 to teenage parents and my grandparents raised me. My mother, who was sent away because she was pregnant, was more like a big sister. I was the first grandchild and was not deprived of love or belonging in any way. My grandparents truly doted on me. My extended family members lived in close proximity, and they, too, kept a watchful eye on me.

Although I never heard the words “I love you,” I was hugged and reassured throughout my young life. And they fed me—really fed me! My mother later married my stepfather and I would eat two suppers—one at my mother’s house and again at my grandmother’s. Looking back, I am certain that I was being groomed to become a food addict.

My grandparents were my biggest fans. I am the oldest of seven children and was eight years old when my first sibling, a brother, was born. As time went by, I became their second mother, as well as their dressmaker, hairdresser, and confidante. At a young age, I was supplying many of their physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. They looked up to me!

I later became a nurse and perfected the art of being caring and nurturing of others. I anticipated everyone’s needs but my own, connection

aimed to please, and avoided conflict as much as possible. I had witnessed mistreatment of my mother by my stepfather.

Though I wasn’t aware of the impact of these things at the time, the words I heard and the emotions I felt created a fear of conflict.

I was not overweight as a child or teen. In fact, when I got married, I weighed 118 pounds. I met my husband 58 years ago, a month before my eighteenth birthday. He’s a wonderful man and we have four children, seven grandchildren, and two great-granddaughters. We are blessed, as we try to instill in them the values we were taught.

My weight started to go up and down during my mid-thirties and peaked in my sixties, at which time I went on my first diet. My health problems started in 1991 with plantar fasciitis in my feet and lots of aches and pains due to musculoskeletal problems. My back ached, my knees creaked, and my weight continued to rise. After many tests, including X-rays, ultrasounds, and an MRI, in 1995 a rheumatologist diagnosed me with fibromyalgia. I was relieved to get a diagnosis.

I no longer had to ward off being called a malingerer, a label that crossed my mind often over the years preceding my diagnosis.

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I also had seven surgeries for carpal tunnel syndrome and trigger fingers. I became very depressed and eventually left nursing on long-term disability. I therefore had an early retirement from my beloved profession. I found it difficult to function. I was unable to accept my lot in life, this premature stoppage from work, so I went into counseling for 12 years. I was angry, missed my job and my colleagues, and felt unworthy.

Again, my weight began to climb. I could hardly walk and was put on diet pills when I was nearing 300 pounds. I had to shed the weight to be able to get knee surgery. I eventually had three surgeries for the two knee replacements because the first one needed to be redone. The last two surgeries were after I was in FA. I walked with a cane, was very dependent on my family, and certain I would be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life.

In May 2009, I met a friend at her dad’s funeral. I had seen her eight months earlier, when her mom died. Her weight loss was unbelievable. She mentioned FA, gave me a brochure, and invited me to a meeting that evening. I wondered how she could go to a meeting on the same day she’d buried her dad.

I went to the meeting very skeptical, especially when I heard the salutation, “I am a food addict!” I felt these people were nuts to be calling themselves addicts. After all, I only had a little food compulsion, and I resented 2

being called an addict.

I was 264.5 pounds when I came into FA. I had been a professional dieter for years, being on several different diets and prescribed diet pills, but nothing worked. My attitude then was that no one was going to tell me or teach me what to do. After all, I have been there, done that, for over 40 years!

It took me time to say the word addict, but when I finally said, “I am a food addict,” I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

This program worked for me. I discovered that it was not a diet but a way of life. I also learned that the program is three dimensional—physical, mental, and spiritual. I learned to weigh and measure my life, just as I had learned to weigh and measure my food, which led to my total acceptance of the FA program.

The tools of the program provide the guidelines and boundaries that give me the freedom to practice my program. I find quiet time most effective as it provides me with a higher power (God), whom I talk to every day. He is certainly portable! I love this program, the people I have met, the encouragement I am given, and the inner peace and calm that it affords me. I’ve lost 62 pounds, am enjoying better health and an overall feeling of well-being, and I no longer walk with a cane. Thank you God. As the prayers go up, the blessings come down.

Linda B., Canada November 2022

First 90 Days

Stopping the Obsession

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rowing up in our home was diffi- There was a time when I ate only about 600 cult at times. My parents had nine calories per day until my hair started falling kids and we worked hard. For out. most of my childhood, we had no running I tried hypnosis and exercised obsessively water. We helped with gardening, cleaning for years to control my weight. I taught exerthe house, doing laundry for eleven people, cise classes for free for four years, and another and more. My parents time I taught nine were strict and there aerobic exercise The day that I started wasn’t any affection. I classes per week until can’t recall either of my two days before I attending meetings, parents telling me they gave birth to my loved me or giving me the obsessive thoughts of food daughter. I rode a a hug. I remember a bike 20 miles per day stopped. Food was no longer during another pefew times that I was beaten by my mother, riod. I lifted weights calling to me constantly. but I have forgiven her and jogged, but I was for that. She had her still never thin. hands full raising the children while my fa- Twelve years ago I found out that I have ther worked. labral tears in both hip joints. I think it’s probMy mother cooked three meals a day, ably from exercising so much while overevery day. We had a lot of comfort food and weight. vegetables from the garden that we canned I’m 64 years old now and I realize that I have or froze to preserve. been trying to lose weight since I was 23 years I did not have a weight problem as a child. old. I have tried many diets. Twice I was able I became overweight when my first child was to lose 40 pounds but gained it back both about a year old and I started trying to lose times. I have tried so many diets that, before weight. I took amphetamines, growth hor- I found FA, I did not know what a “healthy” mones, and appetite suppressant “candies.” diet was. I tried accepting myself as being connection

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Twelve Steps overweight, but I could not do that either.

I have done so many things to get into a right-sized body, and I am still 60 pounds overweight. I have hated myself for not being able to lose weight. I have said many times over the years that “food is my enemy.”

Recently, my daughter and her two children stayed with me for nearly a year. There was food in my house that I absolutely could not stay out of no matter how hard I tried. I finally acknowledged that I had a serious problem.

I started doing some research and found FA on the internet. I created a profile the day I found it. I identified some Zoom meetings that worked for my schedule and started attending. I found a sponsor whom I love.

The day that I started attending meetings, the obsessive thoughts of food stopped.

Food was no longer calling to me constantly. In these first 90 days of abstinence, I have lost about 30 pounds, which has brought me such a sense of relief. I know now that I can have a right-sized body if I stay with FA. The daily tools help me keep my goals in the forefront of my brain. I have made many new friends who I can turn to when I need help. There is so much support in FA. Exactly what I needed. Thanks to FA, I can do this!

Debbie J., West Virginia, US 4

1. We admitted we were powerless over food – that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to food addicts and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

November 2022 Adapted with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous

COVID

One Mask at a Time

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asks, hand sanitizers, and the they would surely test positive when they tools of FA. When I came into got home. I secretly hoped that their flight the FA program in 2009, it would be cancelled, but no such luck. I didnever occurred to me that these things n’t want to be the bad guy, telling them not could be connected, until one morning, to go because of my own fears, and they during my quiet time, a thought entered didn’t ask for my opinion. In FA, I have my mind. I was reminded that my son-in- learned not to give opinions unless asked. law was at the airport I would have to work about to leave for a my recovery by “letvacation to a “coron- Without the gift of abstinence, ting go and letting avirus hotspot.”

I shut down and focus only on God!” Letting go and letMy daughter reasting God has been myself, ... an awful place to be. sured me that they very difficult for me would have their as a mom of six adult masks and sanitizers, children who have to make their own life taking care to follow all necessary precauchoices. In my addiction, I think they tions to keep themselves safe as well as should understand that I know what is best those around them. When they returned, for them all the time. They need to listen to they would self-quarantine for 14 days. I felt the wisdom I have for them. Over the years, so grateful that they were taking responsiI told them that I had an imaginary book bility by doing the right thing. titled “How to Live Your Life According Miraculously, as my quiet time that day to Roseanne” and that I knew that none of continued, I began to see similarities bethem had read it. Their joking retort to me tween my FA tools and their taking neceswas, “And we’re not going to.” I would then sary COVID precautions, such as mask respond with a smile, “How rude!” wearing, using hand sanitizers, social disWhen my daughter and son-in-law first tancing, and self-quarantining to protect told me they were going, I was concerned themselves and others. for their health. My initial thought was that In my FA journey, there were times I connection

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Twelve Traditions worked my tools doing half measures, but I learned that didn’t work. By not using the tools as they are meant, I experienced weight gain, swelling in my joints, anger, resentments, fear, doubts, insecurities, and being a busybody. All of that old thinking came rushing back. I was not protecting myself or those around me.

Despite my pain, I got down on my knees, praying to my Higher Power for the willingness to get and stay abstinent by using the tools as I had been taught to do.

Gratitude, anonymity, literature, writing, and service are all tools that have helped me to stay abstinent. Without the gift of abstinence, I shut down and focus only on myself, which is an awful place to be. With abstinence, I have been able to protect my health and serenity and be of service to those around me.

Working my program of recovery, I experience the peace and serenity of allowing my adult children to live their own lives.

When they made the decision to take COVID precautions to protect their health and serenity, my children came back safely and COVID free. I am grateful to my Higher Power for showing me the connection between mask wearing, hand sanitizers, and the FA tools, and how they all benefit me and others by providing protection for a healthier, stronger lifestyle.

Roseanne M., Ohio, US 6

1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on FA unity.

2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.

3. The only requirement for FA membership is a desire to stop eating addictively.

4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or FA as a whole.

5. Each group has but one primary purpose – to carry its message to the food addict who still suffers.

6. An FA group ought never endorse, finance or lend the FA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.

7. Every FA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

8. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

9. FA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

10. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues, hence the FA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.

12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

Adapted with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous November 2022

Blessedly Average

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h, my thighs! I was eight years old and attended after-school tap and ballet classes. We all wore black leotards and pink tights. Until that time, I hadn’t especially noticed my thighs, but they suddenly seemed huge.

They were huge on my body and huge in my mind. They didn’t look like the thighs of my two friends, who both happened to be exceptionally thin, but I didn’t know this at the time. I also didn’t know that I was a totally normal-sized kid.

From that time on, it was as though all I could see or focus on was the section of my body spanning from my belly to the tops of my knees. My obsession took over, and the distorted vision expanded from my thighs to include my backside and belly. I remember always keeping my head down, eyes trained on my midsection, wondering why I was so huge and lumpy, why I couldn’t look like the other kids. connection

My first summer in recovery, 15 years ago, I had lost 50 pounds and was in a right-sized body for the first time in well over 10 years. I tried on an adorable little sundress. For the first time, my thighs didn’t touch. It was hard to believe, and I had to check myself frequently when I wore the dress to make sure it still looked the way I remembered it looking earlier.

Do I have perfect thighs today? Certainly not by magazine standards. My thighs carry the battle scars of my struggle with food addiction.

Sometimes I still feel ashamed of their wiggly spots, the cellulite, SUSAN F., NY or the shadows of stretch marks from the rapid weight gain of my teenage years. But then I remember that my thighs are not burning from the chafing of too much flesh with no room to move. That they are now blessedly average.

Diana B., Massachusetts, US 7

Shift Out of Fear

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everal months ago, I got into a helps me release excess emotion and shift minor car accident on my way to my perspective so I can return to a sense of qualify at an FA meeting. When balance and equanimity. My sponsor listhat happened, a tiny part of me thought, tened and responded sympathetically with Hey, bad things aren’t supposed to happen to some practical suggestions. Calmer, I me when I am doing drove to the meeting service for my Higher was amazed that I appreciate that my Higher Iand Power. However, I was able to show up was able to arrive at Power uses FA to teach me on time despite the more rational thinkdelay of the accident. ing by processing the whatever I need to learn. When it came time situation with my for me to qualify, it FA fellows. Yes, it FA precepts remind me that was easy for me to was unfortunate that speak about the being humble enough I had miscalculated, abundant gifts of FA but nobody was inrecovery. to ask is a virtue that will jured. Additionally, For months after both cars remained the accident, I found always be rewarded. drivable. I was able myself periodically to once again pracstruggling with tice going to my Higher Power and my worry. How would I repair the damage to sponsor for help rather than seeking the my car? Did I need to notify the DMV? dubious comfort of food addiction and Would my car insurance rates go up? I wasblame. As a result, I spoke kindly and n’t really sure, but I knew that I needed to calmly to the other driver as we exchanged talk with my sponsor and fellows about information. each of these concerns as they arose, so I Once I was back on the road, I called my could take constructive action and shift sponsor, because I have learned that keep- out of self-centered fear. I felt such a sense ing her in the loop helps to safeguard my of relief and gratitude for each of the sugabstinence. Sharing my burdens and joys gestions I was given, and as I took them, 8

November 2022

things slowly started moving in a positive direction.

I am profoundly grateful that at no point did my sponsor or my fellows ask me why, a woman who is 43 years old, knew almost nothing about these practical, common sense matters that most people learn in their early 20s.

Instead, my fellows provided the support and information that allowed me to learn these basic life skills.

I appreciate that my Higher Power uses FA to teach me whatever I need to learn. FA precepts remind me that being humble enough to ask is a virtue that will always be rewarded.

It is relevant to explain why I had not driven a car for most of my adult life. Prior to FA, I told myself and anyone who would listen that driving was for people who couldn’t think “outside the box.” I stated connection

that automobiles fostered a sedentary lifestyle, promoting heart disease, hypertension, stroke, obesity, etc. I argued that driving cars damages the environment and is dangerous. One need only consider the high number of people who are killed in traffic accidents each year. There are elements of truth in these observations; however, I was overlooking the many benefits and the most important reason I chose not to drive. I was too obsessed with my thinness, bulimia, and over-exercising to even consider savPATTY L., CA ing money for a car or taking the time to shop for a vehicle. There were times in my life when I had plenty of money, but thoughts of driving never crossed my mind. I would much rather run to work or ride my bike. Rather than looking for ways to expand my life, I spent my time thinking about what I 9

would eat next, where I could go to throw Power that filled me with awe. I received it up, and which types of clothes would notification that my car insurance rates make me look thin. would nearly double. I talked with my When I came into FA, got abstinent, and sponsor, who is never at a loss for suggesstarted to emerge from the pervasive food tions, and got the spiritual and practical fog that had enshrouded me for years, I help I needed to start my process. For started to see the advantages of having a hours, I called around trying to find a more car. I was a food addict who lived in a town reasonable quote. At one point, I got an with minimal public transport, and I outreach call. I stopped what I was doing needed to buy groto answer, thank ceries and go to God. We talked, I spent my time thinking three committed which always brings meetings every about what I would eat next, me peace, and during week. Although felthe conversation, my lows gave me rides where I could go to throw it up, FA friend suggested I for quite a while, I fitry her auto insurand which types of clothes ance company. I nally accepted a four-wheeled vehithought, Why not? It’s would make me look thin. cle. I still love to use worth a shot. I’ve alalternative methods ready called so many of transportation, but have benefited places, but this could be my Higher Power. greatly from surrendering my uniqueness Sure enough, the recommended comin favor of doing what works. pany gave me a quote that was affordable.

After my accident, FA helped me to get Interestingly, the insurance agent himself much of the paperwork and car repairs was surprised that the quote was so low. I straightened out. I was still concerned that gratefully accepted the offer and was again my car insurance rates would go up. I am a humbled by my Higher Power’s ability to full-time student in graduate school and gently extricate me from situations that inlive on a very strict budget. I couldn’t see evitably arise when one attempts to live life where the money would come from, so I on life’s terms. I love being abstinent, which prayed every time the anxiety-provoking gives me the clarity and confidence to ask thoughts tried to take over my mind. This my fellows and Higher Power how to live calmed me. a good life, one action at a time.

Today, I got an answer from my Higher Susan D., California, US 10

November 2022

Remote Control

I

know I’m a food addict because I see my addiction in many of my behaviors. The two rocks I have to stand on are my higher power (whom I call God) and FA. Addiction reveals itself in my life if I stray from one of these two rocks.

Take television, for instance, that seductive little black box. TV is not a problem for everyone, but I know that, for me, it can become a trap if I’m not spiritually alert. It says, “Come relax, Deme, I am how you unwind.”

I witness my disease each time I pick up the remote when I don’t want to.

Just as my mind used to tell me that I could eat just one sugar item, I tell myself that I can watch just one TV show. Just as I used to tell myself to put the sugar down after the first item, I order myself, after one TV show, to get up and stop clicking the remote. As with food, I’m miserable and I can’t stop even though I want to.

There is light at the end of this tunnel. Through using my tools of prayer, connection

writing, phone calls, and talking with my sponsor, I have been able to stop engaging in this binge-like behavior.

At one point I wanted to stop watching TV as part of my abstinence. My sponsor, in her infinite wisdom, advised against it. She taught me that there will always be something to lure me toward my disease and that it’s up to me to go to God. I learned that I can’t swear off every single thing in my life. I must strengthen my God muscle. She suggested that I look for restorative and renewing activities. Now I lie on the floor and breathe or go for a walk in the hills.

Just for today, televiMARGARETE N., NJ sion is not an issue. I’ve learned that TV watching is an activity, not a source of renewal or the only way for me to unwind. I watch it occasionally and it’s fun. I have a thriving career, which keeps me busy. I listen to music and read more. And silence. Good old-fashioned silence. I can breathe again.

Deme S., California, US 11

Next Right Action

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ugust was a rough month. My roommate and I were served with eviction papers so the new owners could remodel our apartment and then double the rent. This news came just as I was studying for a financial test for work scheduled at the end of the month. I was anxious about how to handle both of these huge events.

Soon after the eviction notice, I learned that a cyst on my pituitary gland had returned. How was I going to move, pass an exam, and then deal with the possibility of another surgery? I moved back to my parent’s home where I could study peacefully.

Little did I know that my parent’s marriage was suffering some extreme burdens, fueled by their addictions. Living with them as they worked out their issues was extremely painful and left me exhausted and emotional. Although it was tough being around them while I was preparing for the test, it was a joy to be with my little niece and sister, who also live with my parents.

That same week, I met with an FA friend who lives in another city and we attended a baseball game. After the game, we walked to my car and there was glass everywhere.

Someone had broken into my car and stole my expensive camera, my make-up, my pre-

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scription eyeglasses, all my earrings, and a curling iron. They were kind enough to leave my Tupperware from lunch and dinner, though! I was beside myself, but I remained calm and took the next right action, using the tools I have learned in Program to carry me through this hard time. I had the window fixed, a good friend who works at a department store gave me samples of make-up, and I used my back-up pair of glasses. Thank you God, I have a loving boyfriend and such a great friend in FA. I’ve been through enough hard things in Program to know that this bad time would pass.

The night before my test, I felt myself leaning on God to shut off my brain so I could sleep. I woke up feeling refreshed, excited, and ready to “slay the dragon.” My test was at a location an hour away, so I left plenty of time to get there, but on my way, a truck came to a sudden stop and I saw my life flash before my eyes as my airbag deployed. My glasses were thrown off, my lunch was upside down on the floor, and everything was thrown around. I couldn’t believe I was alive.

My dad came to get me right away and took me to my 9 a.m. test site.

I took the test and unfortunately didn’t pass, but I was so lucky to be alive that I really November 2022

ROBIN G., MD

didn’t care. I knew I’d get to retake it in 30 all the things that had gone wrong in the predays, and thank God I was alive to pass or vious month and I couldn’t wait to tell my fail; it just didn’t matter. My best friend sponsor about them. But then, the still small picked me up after the test, I talked to my voice inside asked, “Is this lunch you are eatsponsor, and my boyfriend got my car towed ing weighed and measured? Then there truly to the auto body shop. I went to the ER to are no problems.” Instead of calling my sponget checked and took a few days off work to sor with my laundry list of self-pity, I was ecrecover from this month-long series of static to tell her about my discovery that I events. And it turned out that my new cyst was totally, without a shadow of a doubt, abwas asymptomatic and would just have to be stinent from flour and sugar and all the other monitored every six months. substances that I had used to block out life. I Later, I was sitting and eating my weighed- could tell her that everything was just fine. and-measured lunch and began to recount Margaret R., US connection

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A Reason to Celebrate

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sat at my parent’s dining room table to convinced myself that was true. But in that celebrate Thanksgiving Day. With my meeting, people remembered how they ate right hand, I reached for a third serving before recovery and talked about it in public! of dessert; with my left, I popped open the FA people were like me, and I’d never heard top button on my black polyester pants to re- anyone talk about eating the way I did. lease some of the pressure from my 340Five years after that first FA meeting, I got pound body. My stomach ached and I abstinent and started my recovery journey. struggled to inhale, but I could not stop eat- My fellows supported me in releasing my ing. After all, doesn’t everyone eat themselves deadly, intimate relationship with food and out of their clothes on Thanksgiving Day? grabbing on to FA with both hands. Day by Though it was Thanksgiving, that wasn’t the day, my sponsor and fellows taught me to rereason I was eating myself out of my clothes. member how horrible it was to be unable to I didn’t need a holiday celebration as a reason stop eating, even though it was killing me and to eat, it was simply something I did. By the devastating my life. They taught me that I time I reached 340 pounds, I was eating more couldn’t stay in denial. They gave me tools than 8,000 calories a day. There was no cele- that were way more effective than that third brating, only misery. Food became my most plate of dessert. They gave me hope. intimate relationship and it almost killed me.

This most recent Thanksgiving, I sat around The problem started a half-century ago. As the table with my family and celebrated. I’ve a child, food was my favorite thing. In less kept off 190 pounds for the last 10 years. On than 20 minutes I could eat entire baskets, that day, I didn’t eat multiple servings of huge boxes, or bags of foods meant to last my fam- portions. To my family’s ongoing surprise, and ily for days. I was an outgoing but very inse- my delight, on Thanksgiving Day I ate the cure kid and food was my confidence. same way I’d eaten the previous day, week, Sixteen years ago, when I walked into my month, and years, and I focused on the peofirst FA meeting, I heard people say things I ple. At the end of the meal, I clasped my was embarrassed to even think. I binged daily, hands in gratitude for another Thanksgiving stole food, ate spoiled food, and erased these in recovery to visit with my family. And that from my memory like they never happened. is an amazing reason to celebrate.

I often reported, "I haven’t eaten all day" and I Pam D., Texas, US

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November 2022

No Matter What

Bedside Manner

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hen I was 23, my mom died.

I had two years of abstinence at the time, and I had never experienced any grief like it. The

loss of a parent is indescribable. It’s like that feeling of getting on stage as a kid and looking into the audience to find your parents, but they aren’t there. Every

LINDA G., IRL

moment of every day felt like that. I was constantly looking for my mom’s validation, love, and support, but it wasn’t there.

She died on a Monday. I was at work at my retail job when my manager pulled me aside. She had received the news before I did. When I got home, I called my sponsor immediately. “Don’t worry about going to your meeting tonight” she said gently. “No,” I replied, “I’m scheduled to qualify. My mom would have wanted me to qualify.”

My mom had accompanied me to my first meeting when I was 14. During the break, she looked at me through teary eyes and asked, “Are you going to join?” I shrugged and mumbled, “I guess.” She was one of my best advocates in FA. She came to my very first qualification and beamed with gratitude and pride. I made my first Ninth Step amend to her. My mom watched me grow up in disease and then grow up again in recovery. So on the day of her passing, I could think of no better way to spend my evening than to get up in front of a room of food addicts and share my story.

Our relationship was not always easy, but FA taught me grace through her death. I learned how to be present for her in a way that was not selfish. As her health declined, she stopped answering the phone. Though it hurt to not be able to 16

connect with my mom, I remembered the Serenity Prayer; I couldn’t change her, but I could change myself. I started sending her videos so she could have my company when it was convenient for her. When she stopped cancer treatments, I did not tell her what she should be doing. I just supported her and prayed for her comfort.

When she was in hospice, I noticed lots of people in the kitchen coping with food and alcohol, and I know that would have been me. Had I not been in FA, I would have been eating my way through her passing and distancing myself from the pain and, consequently, distancing myself from her. Instead, I leaned into my program. I packed all my meals for the day, stepped out of her room to take my calls, and then returned to her bedside, so I could give fuller, kinder, healthier support. Though I didn’t want to leave her bedside, I knew that going to meetings and taking quiet time would keep me out of the food and close to my mom. I learned how to take care of her in a way that nurtured her and also supported my recovery.

She passed away 10 years ago and I still miss her, but because of FA, I have peace with who I was at the time of her death. I got to be the kind of daughter I always wanted to be because of my recovery.

Mish R., California, US November 2022

Lighten Up!

S

Table Talk

SUSIE C., UK

ome of my family members had been in FA for many years when their father (my ex) finally decided to join. One day we were having lunch at my daughter’s house, and my ex, being a newbie in FA, got up in the middle of lunch to look at something in the kitchen.

My grandson, who was about seven years old at the time, and had lived with a mother in FA for his whole life, said in horror, “Grandpa, I don’t know if that’s a break, but you can’t leave the table in the middle of lunch!”

Anne S., Massachusetts, US connection

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God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.