connection: October 2022: Changing My Tune

October 2022 $2.50

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FA Stories of Recovery from Food Addiction

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October 2022

Columns Qualification: Receiving a Miracle. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 First 90 Days: New Found Hope. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 COVID: Life Inside. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 Frontier Focus: Mountain Frontier. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6 No Matter What: A Stable Force. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16 Lighten Up: Cooking Up a Storm. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17

Features Work Shift. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9 Bottom Dollar. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10 Learning to Love. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12 Guardian Angel. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .14

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Credits Front Cover Art: Sharon C., MA Back Cover Art: Sharon C., MA Graphic Design: Tickled Plum

Share your story & artwork If you have 90 days of continuous abstinence in FA, connection invites you to share your experience, strength, and hope with us. E-mail submissions to articles@foodaddicts.org or art@foodaddicts.org

Glossary of Terms FA: Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous AA: Alcoholics Anonymous AWOL: A Way of Life, a study of the Twelve Steps Big Book: Alcoholics Anonymous 1 Stone = 14 pounds 1 Kilo = approx. 2.2 pounds Copyright © 2022 Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous 400 W. Cummings Park, Suite 1700 Woburn, MA 01801-6572

Qualification

Receiving a Miracle

O

nce, I broke a set of stairs. Tumbling from the deck to the ground, I lay on the grass in my summer dress (a muumuu), begging for it to be a dream. I was surrounded by adults and children at a birthday party, humiliated, ashamed, and embarrassed, and everyone rushed to see if I was okay. I wanted to disappear. But my 240-pound body and tears of shame kept that from happening. No, it wasn’t a dream. This was my reality, and as hard as that moment was, it wasn’t the worst humiliation.

In April 2021, after a chaotic year through COVID, pandemic schooling, no structure, and a ton of uncertainty, I had gained over 80 pounds.

I had battled anorexia and bulimia through my 20s, 30s, and early 40s, but when COVID hit, the pendulum swung in the other direction. I had completely lost control over food and began binge eating to oblivion. I was desperate for help, and I spent thousands of dollars on mindset coaches, therapists, nutritionists, and trainers. I searched “binge-eating disorder” websites on the internet and joined more social media groups than I had time connection

for. I ended up sinking further into the darkest hole. At 44, I had become a raging mom, impatient wife, and a sad, desperate woman. I believed there was no point in life.

For most of my adult years, I had managed some control with food. I wore hunger like a badge of honor, and yet now I could not find fullness, either in satiety or in life. I was hollow, yet larger than my husband’s heaviest friends. At 259 pounds, I determined that this was a nightmare, and I could not figure out how to change the trajectory. I couldn’t cross my legs or keep up with my three girls on walks, let alone chase after them, and every time I sat in a chair I feared I might break it.

I had lost connection with most of my friends, as I couldn’t bear seeing or talking to anyone in my hideous state. I hid in a giant tent-like muumuu most of my days and donned the same oversized tent dress when I was forced to go outdoors on hot summer days. The ripped up, hole-ridden pajama had become a metaphor for my life. I no longer cared about my appearance because I didn’t want to see anyone.

This was a big departure from only 20 1

years ago when I modeled professionally, in pain with my exacerbated plantar fasciweighing a gaunt 100 pounds, wearing itis. only the best clothes and shoes, and hap- As she shared her story, I couldn’t help pily receiving attention about my looks. but think that I wanted what she had. I Despite my distance from most friends, wondered aloud how she got help and, alI remained close with a dear friend of though I didn’t know this woman, I mine. I remember reaching out to her one reached out to her with a private message, morning in a desperate plea for help. I did- begging her to tell me where she found n’t know where to help. turn. I had tapped I knew this was God’s miracle, Privately, she reout all of the responded very simsources, programs, and I was open to receiving it. ply, “We don’t eat books, and podcasts. flour, we don’t eat She listened to me I put my will, my stubborn sugar. Here’s the sob. She couldn’t website.”

“I know what’s best,” help me either. Later I immediately that day, I was aimfound the FA weband my grieving for coffee site and, admittedly, lessly scrolling through social was very weirded out and alcohol aside, and listened media and came by the fact that the across a woman word “addict” was in to every word she shared. sharing her story. Tothe title. I didn’t tally unrelated to her identify as an addict, regular content, she revealed her deepest that’s for sure. Nevertheless, I downloaded struggles and secrets around disordered the greeter list and found one Canadian eating. greeter. She happened to be from my It was like looking into a mirror. She was small hometown. I thought to myself this telling my story. I sobbed. Except that this surely was a sign from God. woman was glowing, thin, happy, and able I spoke with the kind woman on the to keep up with four children on rock other end of the phone. She asked if I was climbing walls. I couldn’t even keep up ready to start that day. I cried but anwith my kids on a walk through the neigh- swered with a certain “yes.” I listened to borhood, always returning breathless and everything she said. No coffee. No alco2

October 2022

hol. No flour or sugar. The coffee and alcohol took me by surprise, but I was so desperate, I agreed to everything she laid out.

The next time we spoke, she shared the actions that were expected of me. Quietly, I wondered to myself, how would this be possible? I am an entrepreneur, mother of three young children, head of my household. I couldn’t possibly carve out time to make three calls daily, sit quietly for 30 minutes, plus a daily 15minute call with my sponsor. But instead of challenging her or complaining, I simply nodded on the other end of the phone, “Yes, ma’am.” Recognizing that surely God had brought me to this program, how dare I turn my back on it now?

A couple of days later, this woman agreed to become my sponsor. She was a teacher, living in my hometown, and beautiful inside and out. I knew I wanted the peace, serenity, and body she had found.

I knew this was God’s miracle, and I was connection

open to receiving it. I put my will, my stubborn “I know what’s best,” and my grieving for coffee and alcohol aside, and listened to every word she shared. I had the gift of desperation. I worked this program, despite being in the midst of a business launch, despite having to manage my children’s remote learning needs throughout the pandemic, despite feeling like I didn’t have time or energy. I worked every single tool, every day, and I attribute that to the strength and courage of my sponsor.

I am truly grateful for this incredible proDEB H., MA gram. To my Higher Power, whom I call God, I am eternally grateful that He led me on this path, to my sponsor, and to this fellowship.

Without God’s handiwork that day and without my willingness and desperation, I surely would not be living life as I now know it, brimming full of miracles and new possibilities, waking each day with hope and a spirit of gratitude.

Alana C., Manitoba, Canada 3

First 90 Days

New Found Hope

T

he time of year that people give thanks for all their blessings is drawing near. I am also approaching my six months in FA. When I reflect on my personal growth during these past few months, I genuinely am “amazed” before I am halfway through, just as the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous promises.

Last year at this time, I was gravely ill. I was facing surgery for kidney stones, suffering from fatty liver disease, a “c-diff ” infection, high cholesterol, epilepsy, lupus, and osteoarthritis. I had eaten my way up to 217 pounds and was so completely miserable, I didn’t have any desire to go on.

I was ill all through the holiday season. My physician cautioned me that, if I didn’t take action and lose weight, I wouldn’t be around much longer. Luckily, my daughter in California called me and said “Mom, I think I have a program you might be interested in.”

She explained that one of her coworkers had been in FA for a number of years and was successful.

That Saturday, I called a taxi and went to my first FA meeting. I sat right up front and listened intently as the leader qualified and others shared stories about their personal 4

struggles with food. I have since realized that I am a food addict, and that I have found a place where I can receive guidance and support from people that share my disease.

I made sure I got a sponsor and have maintained my abstinence since that day. During the past six months, I have faced some major life issues, such as moving out of state, and the death of my beloved dog. I’ve dealt with these issues, made sound decisions with mental clarity, worked my program, maintained my abstinence, and stayed focused.

I have lost 40 pounds and my health is dramatically improving. My doctors are impressed with my progress. I know I will continue to feel better if I follow the simple precepts of this program that have been given to me.

I also have a renewed sense of faith in God. My faith continues to develop as I live my life, surrendering one day at a time. I am so grateful for my fellows and the organization that provides me with opportunities to give back what I have so freely been given. I am now filled with a new-found hope, free from fear, doubt, and insecurity. This is truly my season of gratitude.

Janet S., New Hampshire, US October 2022

COVID

Life Inside

I

n the new normal of Covid-19, long changed. Last week I cared. This week I days have shifted into a variety of can barely remember them. While life in chores. First, there is scrubbing, prep- the outer world has changed, following ping, grocery delivery, and cooking of the FA program hasn’t. food. At 78, I don’t dare step into a store I still practice all the tools of my proanymore, masked or barefaced. Then gram. I pray every morning and night for there’s bill paying and checkbook balanc- the willingness to follow the directions ing. Finally, there’s a new foray into tech that keep me abstinent. I call my sponsor misery with telemedicine doctor ap- at exactly 7:15 every morning. I still assidpointments for my uously weigh and virus-v ulnerable measure my food If I do my tools, it doesn’t 81-year-old hubby. and stick to the adI am also trying to vice my sponsor lays matter how shaky it gets out out for me. I dutikeep all his monitoring devices fully zoom into three in the world. Life inside breathing, beeping, meetings a week, and pumping. with FA is good enough for me. write down my feelDespite our shelings instead of eating tering in place, I am them, share those not experiencing isolation. Loneliness feelings at meetings, and make three outbows to familiar faces coping and com- reach phone calls daily. By keeping the miserating on videoconferencing plat- right foods available and reading our reforms. As I reduce expectations of myself quired literature every day, I let God have and everybody else, I draw joy from the a chance to direct my thinking and acimperfect achievements of home mani- tions. If I do my tools, it doesn’t matter pedis and flyaway hair. how shaky it gets out in the world. Life The importance of the sloppy coif, the inside with FA is good enough for me. untaken trip, and the canceled visits has Nina G., California, US connection

5

Frontier Focus

Mountain Frontier

I

began my recovery journey in FA in April 1995, in southeast Florida. In 2000, I moved to the mountains of western North Carolina due to my husband’s failing health. I had only five years of abstinence under my belt. By the time of our move, I had just finished an AWOL. I was filled with fear. I was moving to a new state. The closest FA meeting was three hours away. I was also grieving, moving away from my two children and two small grandsons. I felt like my heart was breaking.

I was afraid that my recovery would be in jeopardy with no FA meetings or local fellowship. My “grand-sponsor” gave me sage advice. She said with a smile, “Bloom where you’re planted.”

The trip from Florida to North Carolina was a difficult one. I had worked at my job until the day of the move, so I started off tired and stressed. My 24-year-old son and his friend drove the moving van and I drove our car with my husband beside me. My husband suffered severe PTSD from the Vietnam War and was nonfunctional.

I arrived in North Carolina and fear gripped me again. I realized I didn’t know a soul in this isolated mountain town. I was far away from my family, FA fellowship, church, 6

job, and friends. I am a “comfort seeking missile” and none of this was comfortable. I was living with a mentally and physically ill husband in unfamiliar surroundings.

I found listings for local AA groups and attended my first AA meeting, praying all the way there for God to help me suit up and show up and stay beside me as I walked through that door for the first time. There were about six men there that night, drinking coffee and eating flour and sugar snacks.

These kind men welcomed me and asked me to share during the meeting. We became a close-knit group over the years. I asked God for help to not focus on the eating, drinking, and cross talk, but rather to focus on the message of recovery that these longterm recovering alcoholics shared.

I shared at AA meetings about my emotional and spiritual growth through the Twelve Steps. I knew that service was vital to my recovery, so at the AA meetings I volunteered to read, place literature, and clean up afterward. I attended special events in AA— dinners for members who were celebrating birthdays and recovery workshops. These were all hard activities for me. I’m not an alcoholic, but I again asked God for help, and even though I felt like a fish out of water, I October 2022

kept showing up. I also joined a phone AWOL led by two long-term FA members.

My new job presented challenges that I didn’t anticipate. I was expected to be on call for the operating room and labor and delivery suite. At times I found myself at the hospital for a straight 20-plus hours and would go home and sleep four hours and then return to the hospital for my next regular shift.

I knew that if I failed to plan, I planned to fail.

I made sure I had enough meals with me to cover those long hours. It was such a relief to know that I had all my weighed and measured meals ready to go! If I was up all night, I didn’t eat until breakfast.

I know that going to God in these situations kept me abstinent. I was tired and that was always my trigger for seeking comfort in the food. I was amazed that prayer provided the protection I needed to stay abstinent.

My sponsor suggested that, once a month, I make the trip to Charlotte, North Carolina for a Saturday morning FA meeting. I did as she suggested and took my lunch, spent the day with my new friends in fellowship, and managed the seven-hour round trip with a determination to put recovery first.

At first my husband went with me. I have a very poor sense of direction and I get sleepy after 45 minutes of driving. After a while, my sponsor suggested I drive by myself. I was filled with that gripping fear again. However, I took the leap of faith, drove myself, and connection

stopped whenever I felt sleepy.

Within a few months, I received a call from a fellow in Georgia. She was also on the frontier and wanted to attend the Charlotte meeting once a month. We met in South Carolina and drove together from there.

What a gift of fellowship during that otherwise challenging journey! This friendship led us to co-lead several phone AWOLs together.

From day one on the frontier, I began praying for God to send another abstinent FA member to the area so that we could start a meeting here. At about the three-year mark, I received a phone call from an FA member who lived about an hour away. We started a meeting about 55 miles from my home. We did a public information (PI) session and had five committed members for about two years. Then my friend moved and the others dropped out of program. I was back to square one, still praying for another member to move here.

I asked an FA friend from Tennessee to colead a PI in my hometown with me. She happily agreed. But on the day of the scheduled PI session, there was a snowstorm and my friend felt it would be unsafe to drive over the mountains to attend. I asked God to speak through me as I led the PI meeting alone.

Two people joined FA after that PI session.

The meetings lasted two years and once 7

Twelve Traditions again I was the only one attending. During all the disappointments, I was determined to remain abstinent by being squeaky clean with my food, living the Twelve Steps, and doing my tools each day. No matter what, I did not want to go back to the misery in my life before FA. I have gone through the death of my husband, the death of my mother a year later, and a new marriage to a godly man who supports my program. Being abstinent has given me the opportunity to grow in recovery in good times and challenging times, by the grace of God. Last year, God answered my prayers of 20 years with a “yes.” An FA member with over 20 years of back-to-back abstinence moved here. I had met her during my monthly visits to the Charlotte meeting years before. What a blessing! We planned to start an FA meeting and then COVID reared its ugly head.

We have not been able to open a meeting yet due to the restrictions, but we have developed a close friendship, and in God’s time we will start an FA meeting together.

Because I have made abstinence the most important thing in my life, everything else in my life has become first class. My comfort comes not from the food anymore, but from God (first and foremost), my fellowship, and living a life of sane and happy usefulness through Twelve Steps of recovery.

Barbara H., North Carolina, US 8

1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on FA unity.

2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.

3. The only requirement for FA membership is a desire to stop eating addictively.

4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or FA as a whole.

5. Each group has but one primary purpose – to carry its message to the food addict who still suffers.

6. An FA group ought never endorse, finance or lend the FA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.

7. Every FA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

8. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

9. FA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

10. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues, hence the FA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.

12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

Adapted with permission from AlcoholicsOctober Anonymous 2022

Work Shift

I

t has been some time since the pandemic began, and I am grateful for my health and my job. I now work remotely and can avoid the time spent commuting on a crowded train. They call it “work from home,” but am I really working from home or am I living at work?

Boundaries for this food addict do not come easily, especially with work. Before I came into FA, I was often the first one in the office and the last one to leave. I loved feeling useful and I enjoyed the pace of daily activities. It would rev me up and give me a sense of purpose. I would isolate behind a project or a deadline and avoid the mess I had made of my life. In truth, work was one of the few places I felt successful. I would get a hit from the busyness and my ego would get a shortlived boost. At the end of the day, as I made my way home, I would fantasize about rewarding myself with pounds, pints, and packages of flour and sugar products.

My goal was to avoid facing the reality of my circumstances and numb myself by bingeing and purging. Flour and sugar were my anesthesia. As my body got bigger, my world got smaller and my need for more and more food to feel numb grew, night after night, week after week, month after month, year after year. And it worked, until it didn’t. connection

Program found me 13 years ago, and my life has changed in every conceivable way. I’m grateful to have recovered my integrity, my faith in a power greater than myself, and my relationships with people.

Back in the days before program, work from home would have been a green light to isolate further, make hundreds of trips to the pantry and refrigerator, binge and purge, and marinate in the inevitable self-loathing that accompanied every pound gained.

Today, with the help of my Higher Power, I don’t hurt myself with food and I no longer bury myself in work. I weigh and measure both. With the help of my tools and the Twelve Steps, I’ve learned to hold myself to reasonable boundaries as I work from home.

The seduction of emptying my inbox or the satisfaction of completing a project after working long into the night may spark my interest momentarily, but I know what to do in response. I am privileged to be able to push myself away from my laptop and walk toward a meeting, a connection, a weighed and measured meal, or any of the other available tools.

I’ve become flexible as I navigate life during the pandemic. Weighing and measuring my responses to the present moment, just as it is, is my gateway to lasting peace and serenity.

Karyn K., California, US 9

Bottom Dollar

I

used to joke that I only had a kitchen be- wedge in the pie chart. I now realize how cause it came with the house. In the years ridiculous these games were, but at the time leading up to FA, I was eating all three I was trying to hide the evidence of my dismeals at fast food places, even if I had packed ease, not only from others but from myself. my lunch or purchased groceries to cook. I I went from being 20 pounds overweight tried to pick different places in my small at age 18 to being 200 pounds overweight town for each meal so the workers wouldn’t by the time I was 36. Financing a size 36 catch on to how many times I was eating wardrobe was not cheap, as big clothes were there. I cringed every more expensive and time the cashiers rec- I stopped using money-tracking had to be shipped. All ognized me as a reguthis spending on food lar customer. I often software because I did not and clothing preordered two meals, vented me from tryand at grocery stores, ing too many want to see how much I made up stories of commercial weightI was spending on food. big events so the loss programs becashier would not cause I just didn’t have think all the food was just for me. I stock- the money to spare. piled fast food debris in my car and waited After joining FA, I slowly started tracking to empty it when I was sure neighbors were my finances again. I no longer shielded mynot home to see how many bags I placed in self from the painful evidence of my addicthe garbage barrels. tive eating. My food plan was anything but Seeing how often fast food and groceries skimpy and as my son became a teenager, filled my bank statement was depressing. I food was still one of my largest expenses. But began to use different payment methods so I took pride in knowing that the money was the bank and credit card employees would spent on good, clean, simple, healthy food not see how much I was eating. I stopped that was actually eaten. using money-tracking software because I did I still have financial hiccups, even in recovnot want to see how much I was spending ery. After losing weight, I went a little crazy on food, which was represented with a large over being able to shop for clothes in real 10

October 2022

MEREDTITH M., ME

stores. I was also trying to fill the void left empty by the food but not yet filled completely by my Higher Power. However, I had enough recovery to keep turning my financial decisions over to my Higher Power, and I was able to turn it around without creating any significant problems.

When my son and I decided he was old enough to stay home alone, I moved the money I had been using for babysitting into a savings account. This allowed me to visit my sponsor’s larger, stronger fellowship in connection

California and still have funds available to attend the FA Business Convention in Massachusetts. I was thankful to be using my money for uplifting, rather than degrading, causes.

I am grateful to learn that “less is more,” both in food and material items. Mostly, I am grateful that people of FA recognize me and reach out for my friendship, unlike the cashiers that were only reaching out for my money.

Karen W., Washington, US 11

Learning to Love

I

had always felt less than, not good enough, broken, and unlovable. I used anything I could to not feel: food, alcohol, drugs, shopping, and exercise. I kept people away with my negative attitude, as well as with my excess weight. I was even afraid to be open with my Higher Power. I prayed, but deep down I didn’t think God could truly like me, let alone love me.

I never let anyone in my life see me fully. I realized that I was afraid to let people really know me. I couldn’t understand how they would like me after they got to know me. It all came down to that I didn’t like myself much, let alone love myself. People in my life had told me that they loved and cared about me, but that made no sense to me. I was polite and said thank you, but in the back of my mind, I thought, How can they love me?

Two months ago, my mom, who I took care of, passed away, and suddenly the only person I needed to care for and love was myself. Until recently, I had been struggling with that, because although people had been caring and loving, it bothered me because I felt like I didn’t care about myself like they cared about me.

Last week, I was headed for an emotional binge and my sponsor kept telling me she 12

was worried about me. I was getting angry with myself and angry with my Higher Power. I just didn’t love myself like I thought I should. However, talking to my sponsor about it was eye opening. I understood that I needed to let go of my expectations of what loving myself looked like. I realized that it’s not like you see in the movies. I wasn’t going to wake up every day just dying to look in the mirror and say, “Good morning, beautiful.” I wasn’t going to have this euphoric feeling about myself every minute of the day. I wasn’t going to be happy with myself 24/7. I had to let go and let God in. I had to accept who I was and where I was in life.

I didn’t know how to love myself until my sponsor calmly and lovingly stopped me in my tracks. She told me that everything I do in FA is an example of self-love. She said that every time I go to a meeting, stay abstinent, make an outreach call, do service, get on my knees, go to AWOL, and work the tools, I am performing acts of self-love. I sat there listening to her and a feeling overcame me. I realized that I do love myself, but it just didn’t look like I thought it should. I realized that I do love myself in my own way.

The next night I went to my committed October 2022

meeting. I got up to share and something the people in the room. It dawned on me happened to me. I started to tell the people that all the times I have shared from the in the room about the conversation with front of the room, I looked down or over my sponsor and how I came into this pro- people’s heads. I never looked directly at the gram to lose weight and got self-respect and people before. It was so awesome to see self-love along with the weight loss. As I them and let them see me. I cannot put into talked, I looked out over the room of more words the feeling I felt at this time. I knew than 60 people and a warm feeling over- that I actually do love myself and doing this came me. I realized as I talked that I was program is my daily act of self-love.

Laura D., Ohio, US making eye contact and looking straight at

JULIE E., MI

connection

13

Guardian Angel

I

spent much of my life on some diet plan, losing the same 20 pounds over and over again. My husband of 57 years never gave up on me and always had faith in my many diets that cost thousands of dollars over the years. He was as enthusiastic as I was when I would announce a new diet, always saying, “This is it!” He never gave up hope.

After I retired, I started gaining more weight. As my weight climbed, my activities declined substantially. I loved being a grandmother and great grandmother, and all the holidays were celebrated at our house, but I got to thinking that had to end. I was just too heavy and old to continue. In fact, I thought it was time to find an assisted living facility. It never occurred to me that it was because I was 100 pounds overweight. I just thought you wake up one day as you age and rigor mortis sets 14

in. Your feet hurt, your back hurts, you walk slowly because you are stiff, and it is time to plan the last stage of your life.

Little did I know what was about to happen to me. I thought I would make one last attempt to lose weight through the Medifast program. While I was shopping at a local market, I met a woman in front of me at the checkout line who had a large selection of green vegetables in her cart.

I asked about the vegetables and she responded that she owned a local restaurant where she served VICKI R., CA them every day. I said, “Gosh, if I wasn’t on my way in 15 minutes to start a new diet plan, my husband and I would go to your restaurant!”

A shopper directly in line behind me, who I now call my guardian angel, said, “Please don’t start a diet. You will spend a lot of money, and if you lose the weight, you will only gain it back.” She then October 2022

reached into her purse to find a tri-fold with information about the FA program and the locations of local meetings. She gave me her name and phone number, and as I looked at her, I wondered what this thin woman could know about being overweight.

I stuck the tri-fold in my purse and went to my doctor’s office to start my diet program. After about four months and hundreds of dollars, with only about a six-pound weight loss, I pulled the tri-fold out of my purse and called the woman who had given me her name and number.

I asked her if she remembered me and wondered if I could still come to a meeting.

I started the program at 236 pounds, and have lost 75 pounds. I am now 75 years old and feel like I am in my 50s. I am back to kayaking, fishing, hiking, camping, attending football, baseball, and soccer games, going to recitals, and doing all the fun things with my grandchildren that I thought were over for me. My weight loss has not only given me a new and better life but has improved life with my whole family. And I have a new family with my FA fellows, who I know will always be part of my life. I truly feel blessed and honestly believe it was divine intervention to have met that woman at the grocery store.

Terry H., California, US connection

Twelve Steps 1. We admitted we were powerless over food – that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to food addicts and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

15 Adapted with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous

No Matter What

A Stable Force

A

fter 15 months of abstinence, my life burst. It’s like I was a balloon filled with too much air until it couldn’t hold any more and it exploded.

It was 6:15 AM and I was in pain, trying to commit my food to my long-distance sponsor between winces and groans. She stopped me. “It sounds like you need to go to the hospital.” I told her about my plan to go to job one, then job two, and come home if I didn’t feel better. I didn’t want to call in sick again.

I’d been up in agony all night but didn’t want my co-workers to think I was unreliable if I called in sick.. “It sounds like you need to go to the hospital,” she said again. She’s a retired nurse who calls it like it is. I hung up and crawled along my apartment floor, praying for help. In that moment, I felt directly connected to God. There have been many times in my recovery where it felt like I was just going through the motions, praying and saying empty words to my Higher Power without any feeling, but in this moment, all those prayers I spent on my knees kicked in. I felt a conscious connection. I took a cab to the emergency room.

During that painful period, my usual obsessions simply vanished. It was me and God. It’s 16

good I went to the hospital. My appendix had ruptured. The medical staff removed it that night. The next morning, I understood that because of my sponsor’s clarity, my life was spared.

Leading up to the burst, I’d been working two extra jobs and carefully trying to cram everything into a meticulous schedule that included time for a new relationship, FA, family, and church. Still, I committed to work every FA tool every day, and I did. I was able to make it through the challenges and the joys of this time abstinently.

Early in recovery, I lamented to a long-timer that it just felt like I wake up, do FA, go to work, do FA, come home, do FA, go to bed and do the same thing over again. Is this what recovery is like? She said, “You’re building your foundation. Working your tools every day is like the roots of a tree growing deep into the soil, so when the storms come, your tree – your abstinence - will stand.” And, behold, over the past several months, the storms have come. Some were self-created and others were not. The stable, rhythmic force in my life has been FA, my Higher Power, and my abstinence.

Lisa N., US October 2022

Lighten Up!

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Cooking Up a Storm

moved to Texas from the Washington, D.C. area just a few months after I joined FA in 2009. Over the years, I have stayed in touch by phone with many of the fellows I met in the D.C. fellowship. One winter morning, I called a D.C. fellow who was preparing for a predicted winter storm. A month earlier, a storm had caused widespread power outages in her area. Anticipating the possibility of another outage, the fellow was busy getting some weighed and measured meals ready and preparing a cooler in case she lost power. We talked about how grateful she was that recovery has helped her plan ahead to protect her abstinence. I asked her how much snow was expected. She replied, “Six ounces.” After I pointed out the slip of tongue, we both had a good laugh!

Risa K., Texas, US connection

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God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.