June 2022: Fellowship, Faith, and Service. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA)

FA Stories of Recovery from Food Addiction

June 2022 $2.50

Fellowship, Faith, and Service

June 2022

Columns Qualification: Gift of Desperation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 First 90 Days: My Power Supply. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .3 No Matter What: Love and Marriage. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .15 Lighten Up: My Bum. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17

Features Quest for Quiet. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 Art of Recovery. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7.

No More Misery. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9 Fashioning My New Self. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11 Breaking Family Patterns. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .13

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Qualification

Gift of Desperation

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hen I was 20, I joined a Twelve-Step program for compulsive overeating. Years later, I joined a group that branched off to become FA (Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous). At the time, I weighed just under 200 pounds (about 91 kilos) at 5feet, 3-inches tall. I was very unhappy, but I couldn’t do the program. Weighing and measuring food, calling a sponsor every morning, and going to meetings was overwhelming, and I still wanted to eat addictively. I wanted to be thin, but I also wanted to binge. I wasn’t able to stop the hand-tomouth behavior. Consequently, I found myself at meetings with a head full of FA (that is, whatever was getting in through my sugar-and-flour fog) and a belly full of food.

I went through sponsors like water through fingers. I took their suggestions “in my own way.” A sponsor would say, “I wouldn’t go to that party if I were as newly abstinent as you are,” and I would think, Yeah, I know you wouldn’t. You’re old and have a boring life. But I can handle it! I heard what I wanted to hear. Choosing to ignore most of the suggestions from my respective connection

sponsors, I wound up in the food every time.

Nine months later, I had become suicidally depressed. I no longer wanted to binge, but I found I could not stop. The thoughts about jumping in front of subway trains or pulling a hair dryer into the shower were terrifying. They were worse than the food thoughts that had plagued me since I was a child. The fear got so bad I stopped feeling safe leaving my dorm room, and developed full-on agoraphobia, just like the guy in the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous) who is reluctant to walk around the block.

I was obese, depressed, manic, wore too much makeup, and had a boyfriend who made my skin crawl. My way was clearly not working.

One winter night, I went to a holiday party in our dorm after promising my sponsor I wouldn’t go. I walked into the party and saw two rooms. One room had long tables piled high with platters full of endless offerings of sugar, flour, and holiday drinks. In the other room were people singing Christmas carols. I went into the music room, consciously avoiding the 1

room with the food.

A few songs later, I switched to the room with the food. (So much for willpower.) I studied the heaping platters and selected one small item that I shoved into my mouth. Although my program “abstinence” at that time was moderate meals with nothing in between—the meals becoming mountainous after a couple of days—I had successfully avoided sugar and flour for several weeks. When that bite hit my tongue, a switch flipped, my tastebuds exploded, and I felt as though every cell in my body had turned on.

I grabbed a few other desserts and put them on a plate. I found a friend to talk to, but I didn’t hear a word he was saying. I remember watching his mouth moving and hearing nothing. In fact, I heard no sound at all. It was as if my life were a show on TV and someone had pressed mute.

I grabbed more treats and left. I found a half-eaten item in the hallway, shoved it into my mouth, and then polished off the rest.

Then I had an idea. I ran upstairs to the dorm room of a boy with whom I’d been obsessed for a few weeks. I knocked on the door and he answered. I stood there, staring for a moment, and then blurted out, “I wanted to come by because I’ve been staring at you for several weeks!” The boy grinned and then looked me right in the eyes and asked, “Continuously?” I sure 2

knew how to pick them.

I was utterly humiliated. I left the building and ran to buy more food. That night the suicidal thoughts were worse than they had ever been. I called a friend and asked if I could stay at her dorm room for the night because I didn’t feel safe. Images of selfharm were invading my mind with a force, and I was scared.

I consider that night the lowest point in my addiction. I admitted I was beaten. It’s painful to remember the amount of despair in which I found myself, but the blessing was that my mind opened with the “gift of desperation.” Shortly after that, I found a new sponsor, and this time I meant business. I got abstinent. I feel blessed to have abstained from sugar, flour, or quantities for more than 30 years. I lost 80 pounds (about 36 kilos) in that first year or so of honest abstinence, and other than my three pregnancies, have maintained that weight loss for many years.

It wasn’t easy finishing college and going to graduate school as an abstinent woman in recovery. FA, however, gave me the strength and support I needed to succeed.

Today, I am 54 years old. I’ve had a second chance at life and I know that whatever I decide and wherever God places me, I will be happy, joyous, and free, like the Big Book describes. How lucky I am!

Susan L., New Jersey, U.S. June 2022

First 90 Days

My Power Supply

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t was a brutally hot, sticky day in Au- city shut down. At first there was a good gust 2003. I was living in Brooklyn, a deal of panic and speculation whether this borough of New York City, and com- was another terrorist attack, but we soon muting a good distance to attend gradu- learned that it was just an electrical ate school on the Upper West Side. I was brownout affecting Manhattan and all two weeks abstinent and, frankly, a basket five boroughs. The taxi cabs were already case. I was hungry, taken and the subtired, detoxing, ways weren’t runFor the first time in scared, and unsure if ning, so I wasn’t sure I was a food addict. how to get home. over a decade, I hadn’t Yet I clung to the I gratefully pulled Food Addicts in Reout my weighed and eaten addictively for covery Anonymous measured dinner, (FA) program, my which I brought two straight weeks, fellows, and my with me just in case I and I felt a sense of freedom was running late. I Higher Power as one would to a life found a park bench raft. For the first and tentative hope that I could and thanked G-d for time in over a my abstinent meal. I have peace around the food. decade, I hadn’t then joined a throng eaten addictively for of New Yorkers two straight weeks, and I felt a sense of crowding the sidewalks trying to get freedom and tentative hope that I could home. Somehow, I managed to walk have peace around the food. more than four miles to my aunt’s apartThen the lights went out—literally! ment. She had also lost power, so all her New York City was experiencing a food had spoiled and it had to be thrown brownout. I was at my graduate school, away. Our cell phones weren’t working, so just about to get on the subway, when the I worried about how I would call my sponconnection

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Twelve Traditions sor in the morning. I was very scared about how to have abstinent meals with no fresh food available.

Luckily, my aunt had a landline, so I called my sponsor, who helped talk me through how to have an abstinent breakfast at my aunt’s apartment. (Let’s just say I won’t be having that canned fish for breakfast ever again!)

I was making my way towards home, worrying about how I would get there, since none of the trains were running, when I spotted a truck selling summer treats. I wanted to eat so badly. I remember being distraught and thinking, How could I make it through a brownout and walk over the bridge without eating that stuff ? Not fair! I want it, I need it!

I think in that moment I realized how strong the pull of food was and how powerless I was over it. Teary-eyed, I asked my Higher Power for help to not eat that stuff. The feeling passed and I stayed abstinent. Shortly after that, a bus appeared that was taking folks across the bridge to the area where I lived. Hallelujah! I had a ride.

I see now that all things are possible with the help of my HP, even staying abstinent in the midst of a city-wide brownout in the blazing heat of a New York City summer. For that, I am truly grateful.

Becca D., Maryland, U.S. 4

1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on FA unity.

2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.

3. The only requirement for FA membership is a desire to stop eating addictively.

4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or FA as a whole.

5. Each group has but one primary purpose – to carry its message to the food addict who still suffers.

6. An FA group ought never endorse, finance or lend the FA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.

7. Every FA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

8. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

9. FA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

10. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues, hence the FA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.

12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

June 2022 Adapted with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous

Quest for Quiet

I

used to meditate years ago. There doing the tools. My eyes would blink. My were always three or four things I body would move around. The dog had to do, all of which bounced needed attention. My feet were cold. around in my mind like a pinball ma- I talked to my sponsor about it, and chine, and I had to try to slow down. that helped. I also read some literature.

Once I started the “Just for today, I will Food Addicts in have a quiet half It feels like a safe refuge Recovery Anonyhour all by myself mous (FA) proand relax.” Noticto sink into—relaxing, gram, I knew 30 ing the word “relax” minutes of quiet for the first time, I knowing this is part of time was a tool that tried to relax. was essential for learning how to ask for help “Relax,” I would admaintaining my abmonish myself. stinence and movI made some and how to be present, ing on the path to progress, but still recovery. But I not thinking about the future, had trouble. One didn’t believe in morning, I scurried not judging, God, and I didn’t around doing relish the idea of sitthings, and then reand just being. ting and doing alized I only had 30 nothing. I had tried. minutes to read the There was another problem. I was using Twenty-Four Hours a Day book and do my smartphone as my timer and had it my quiet time. I ended up with just 27 sitting next to me on the couch. The minutes of quiet time. That seemed close time was ticking down, but the emails enough for me. were coming in, too. I kept thinking, I’ll I told my sponsor I would set the timer just read the emails, and maybe check on one on my phone and then leave it on a table, or two things on the web. I was restless and out of reach during quiet time. My spondistracted, and then I felt guilty for not sor and I talked about how doing what connection

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EMMA ROSE J., UK

you say you are going to do is part of the recovery program, so I did it.

I think that’s where the “surrendering” part of the program comes in; to let go and just do it.

Taking quiet time, knowing I have 30 minutes just to sit there, calms me down.

It feels like a safe refuge to sink into—relaxing, knowing this is part of learning 6

how to ask for help and how to be present, not thinking about the future, not judging, and just being. There is a Buddhist teaching, “When we quiet the mind, the heart opens.” That seems to be what is happening to me. Peace and serenity come through working the tools, exactly as they are given to us.

Carolyn L., California, U.S. June 2022

Art of Recovery

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ix years ago, before finding Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA), I moved to Israel by myself. I bonded with other young immigrants in my community, forming little makeshift families in lieu of our own. Family and togetherness are emphasized during Jewish holidays, and we celebrate by eating together, playing games, having interesting conversations, and sharing our apartments and lives.

Holiday meals were a minefield for me before I found recovery. The meals we have are potluck, and rarely contain food I can eat.

Before FA, my only goal was to eat as much as possible without others noticing. Every year I would overeat until it became painful.

Often, I couldn’t button up my pants after a meal. I remember taking leftovers home after overeating, then eating still more once I was at home. I would ride on the high I got from the flavors and that uncomfortable bursting feeling. On a few separate occasions, I felt so ill after the quantities I had consumed that I promised myself I would never overeat again. That bargain was attractive because I wanted the release from obsession with food. At times I would force myself to throw up because of the guilt I felt from breaking whichever diet I happened to be on at the time. Sometimes I would throw up just connection

so I could force more food into my body. I thought I was fooling everybody; I thought that no one noticed how much I was eating.

With my 286-pound (about 128 kilos) body, I was only fooling myself.

Holiday meals look drastically different for me now. I found FA at 22 years old after living in Israel for four years. At 24 years old and with the help of FA, I have learned to simply show up, put a smile on my face, and be present. I don’t celebrate the holidays in order to try the fancy holiday food; rather, I get the gift of being present with people I love. I also get the opportunity to meet new people and learn new things from others. If I was eating addictively, being present would be impossible.

During the most recent Jewish New Year, because I wasn’t spending my energy cooking food, God created space for me to paint holiday cards for my friends. I have always been creative at heart; my addiction tore me away from that love. Food addiction used up all my energy trying to control my weight and how others viewed me. Through doing FA service, I have rekindled old interests and discovered new things about myself.

Through creating art for connectionmagazine and with God’s help, I am slowly reconnecting with who I really am. The joy I feel when 7

BARB C., CANADA

I discover a new part of myself is a gift of recovery. As long as I stay abstinent, my Higher Power will show me whatever my life is supposed to be.

A few months have passed since the Jewish holidays. My friends still have the cards that 8

I created decorating their apartments, or they are using them as bookmarks. Unless they are food addicts, I am sure they have forgotten about the food they ate during our holiday celebrations.

Grace A., Israel June 2022

No More Misery

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s I sit at my kitchen table looking at my empty breakfast dishes, I think about how different my relationship with mealtime is since I found Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA). Before FA, my meal and snack times were the highlight of my day. They were the only times I got a break from my misery.

Because I looked forward to mealtimes so much, I’d feel disappointed when they were over, so I’d extend them for as long as I could with another slice of this or another piece of that. I’d stuff in more food, even though I was full. Anything to delay returning to the reality of just how miserable I was. I understood the vicious cycle I was in.

The more I ate the bigger I got and the more miserable I became. But I felt powerless to break that cycle. Plus, I didn’t want to give up food. Food was my best friend.

Now I prepare, weigh, and measure my food. I sit down at a table. There’s a napkin, a placemat, and silverware. I thank God for my meal and ask that it nourish me in body, mind, and spirit. Sometimes I marvel at the new way I take care of myself. Look at this amazing meal that I made for myself! Look at how I love myself with good wholesome food and take the time to enjoy every bite.

No more eating on the run, grabbing connection

something on the way, or eating standing up or in the car. Program has taught me that I’m worth the 20 minutes or so it takes to sit down and focus on nourishing myself.

Because each meal is abstinent, weighed, and measured, it truly does nourish not just my body, but my mind and spirit. No longer do I have to make something “special” if I’ve had a bad day. All my food is special because it feeds my recovery.

Having only been in Program for almost two years, I know I have a long way to go.

But now I feel satisfied when I finish a meal.

I’m not tempted to have more. I’m so grateful for the boundaries I have around food because they have brought me so many gifts.

The first gift is I know what it feels like to be full. When the meal is over, I’ve had enough and it’s time to clean up and move on to the next right thing. And because I’m not miserable anymore, I don’t see eating as this oasis in my day. I don’t have to fill myself up with food anymore to feel satisfied. I use the tools of the program to fill me up.

Another gift is that I’m in a right-sized body. I was never one to get on the “body positive” bandwagon. I admired others who could, but I just hated myself way too much to appreciate my body at almost 200 9

pounds (about 91 kilos) at 5-feet, 4-inches tall.

Every day I feel grateful for my physical recovery and being a size 2. Being tiny doesn’t seem to get old. And never mind how I look; just fitting into spaces that normal people have been able to fit into their whole lives feels amazing to me. Subway seats, bus seats, work and restaurant chairs—I fit into them all!

My joints don’t ache like they used to, either.

The next gift is that I have a fellowship I reach out to at least three times a day on the phone. Living alone, it feels great to be building relationships with others who share my story of food addiction. There are hundreds of FA members on my phone from all over the world to talk to that I’ve met during meetings and AWOLs (A Way of Life, a study of the Twelve Steps) who share many of my stories. I have people I can share my prob10

lems with and who have been there. They understand how it feels to be me.

Then there is, of course, the gift of my Higher Power. Building a relationship with God—that has also been a revelation. I was brought up in the church, but I never knew that what a religion gives me are tools to connect with the divine light that’s within me and all around us.

Plus, I have a way to connect with other people through faith.

Knowing that SUSAN D., CA I’m never alone, that I can reach out to my Higher Power at any time to ask for guidance or help, is such a blessing.

So now. as I gaze at my empty breakfast dishes, I think about how lucky I am that I’m building a life that doesn’t put escaping with food at the center of it. Food is in its place. It’s not the end-all and be-all and it is not the only thing that makes me happy.

Beth-Ann W., New York, U.S. June 2022

Fashioning My New Self

I

came into Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) weighing over 300 pounds (about 136 kilos) with three closets full of clothes. My bedroom closet, the dining room closet, and the guest room closet were all stuffed with clothes ranging in size from 12 to 4X. I had closets packed full of scarves, draping shirts, wraps,, and everything imaginable to try to cover up the body I hated. I held on to the full array of sizes just in case I could get below 200 pounds (about 91 kilos), which I considered “skinny.”

I have been overweight since I was a little girl, but I always loved to dress up. After 30 years of addictive eating and crying in department store dressing rooms, I became conditioned to believe that a morbidly obese woman isn’t supposed to care about fashion.

I always wanted to look put together. I hated feeling sloppy and I wanted to look good enough on the outside to convince myself that I might be good enough on the inside. I am learning that this is my spiritual malady and that FA is my solution.

As I began to lose weight in Program, I started cleaning out the closets, donating bag after bag of items that no longer fit. I bought new pants and donated them a week later. I bought smaller shirts that hung in the closet, with the tags attached, until they were too big connection

to wear, and I donated them, too. I tried to buy the same draped tops and baggy shirts, but they didn’t look good anymore, even in smaller sizes.

Slowly I realized that I had no idea how to dress my body, what looked good, and what flattered my shape. I never had a shape before; I was just obese. I never gave a second thought to what I liked. If it fit, I bought it. And I bought it in three other colors, just in case. It wasn’t about me, it was about hiding and covering up and blending in.

Now that being invisible isn’t my number one goal, I feel exposed and scared a lot of the time. I can’t hide behind my excess weight anymore. I am catching a small glimpse of a new truth; what I like really matters. I recently bought a pink jacket. It was cute, a size small, it fit well, and by all logical thought, I should be satisfied with that. But I returned it, because I realized I didn’t really like it and I didn’t need it.

I have no idea what to wear, and the reality is that I also have no idea who I am. That seems like a good place to start. With my Higher Power’s help, I learn more and more each day I stay abstinent about the woman I am becoming. I am learning it is okay to have preferences and choices and to develop a new identity as a woman who isn’t obese. A fellow 11

simplified. Most of the time, I can pause and think about what I need and want, what I prefer, and what my Higher Power’s will is for the day. I can even ask for help with my outfit, that I would look agreeable, and that my material life would honestly reflect my spiritual condition. Just because it fits doesn’t mean I have to

as I discover the woman who lived underneath those extra pounds.

I now have just one clothes closet, modestly filled and ordered. It feels weighed and measured instead of chaotic and sprawling. Similarly, my life is slowly being weeded out and

buy it. What I like and who I am matters now.

Everything in my life used to be stuffed— my closet, my body, and my emotions. I now know that I can be satisfied with a spiritual solution, and this is enough, just for today.

Kelly E., New York, U.S.

MARLEE D., CA

said to me on an outreach call recently, “I don’t know who I am, but I am in a program that allows me to ask that question.” I love the beauty of what she said, and this is the gift of FA in my life. It’s simple. I am in the right place as a food addict, and I get to create a new identity. I can trust that this program will carry me

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June 2022

Breaking Family Patterns

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grew up in a family that had a preoccupation around food and weight.

When I was little, I was sure that my baby-fat cheeks and “thunder thighs” meant that I was already hopelessly fat. I was miserable that I would be fat and forever dieting like my mom.

When the pounds really became evident on me as a teen, my mom said, “Your dad noticed that you’re getting a big butt, so be careful, honey, I never want you to be fat like me.” That’s how the cycle of exercise, bingeing, worrying, and finding a new fad diet began.

My dad was 51 when he suffered his first massive heart attack and almost died. He was obese, with undetected heart blockages and diabetes. He worked hard at first and lost about 80 pounds (about 36 kilos).

I often walked and dieted alongside my dad, but I noticed how we both struggled to maintain our weight. My dad lost his job, so he started his own insurance business.

The stress was immense and, with it, came more eating. Slowly, he had his suits readjusted to accommodate his growing girth.

We celebrated his sixtieth birthday with a huge surprise party, where he announced he would have open heart surgery. Sadly, he lost his battle and passed away. connection

When I turned 51, I felt like I was the female version of my dad, heading right into the very same pattern. I feared I would also be a victim of diabetes and heart disease. I needed a solution, and begged God to help me while I cried myself to sleep at night, dreaming of what I would binge on next.

It seemed that I had tried every weight and exercise program available. At 4-feet, 11-inches tall, I was inching up to the 200pound mark (about 90 kilos). I demanded God send me a miracle, perhaps the gastric sleeve surgery, like my brother had done. I was desperate and earnestly praying for an answer. Thank God I was ready when the answer came, or almost ready.

I am 55 years old now and have been involved in Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) since February 29, 2016.

It was “leap of faith” day, as it was leap year, and there was an extra day that February.

Boy, am I glad for that extra day! I came into FA kicking and screaming for a bit, but on April 1, I decided not to be foolish, and I pledged to God that I would stay abstinent.

It has been over three years now. One day at a time, I have been blessed to be able to stay abstinent. I have three weighed-andmeasured meals a day, no flour, no sugar, 13

and no snacks in between.

Today I was cleaning when I came across a dream board I created in another weightloss program that included a support group but was more like a diet than FA. A few months before I found FA, I came up with the idea to create and share a dream board with that diet group. When I look at this board, it is so interesting, because I now realize the similarity of what I wrote with the tools I practice in FA. I had a photo of a cute frog and wrote F.R.O.G. (Fully Rely on God), and a list of priorities in my life, which are God, me, family, work, friends.

It feels like this was a foreshadowing of what was to come.

I think God was fertilizing my mind, body, and spirit so I would be aware that I had a problem, and that my life with food controlling me was unmanageable. I came into FA ready to accept that I am a food addict, that I needed to listen and follow God, and that I should stop trying to take the wheel. I was being prepped for action, to follow the FA Twelve-Step program of recovery, and be abstinent from flour, sugar, and unmeasured quantities of food.

I was ready to accept and follow God and become part of a supportive fellowship, where I both lean on my fellows and support them when they need it.

I am now spared from the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual torture I experienced when I was lost in a sea of flour and 14

MINDY P., FL

sugar. Now I am in a sea of God’s compassion and love, with the FA angels he sends me to help me down this path of discovery of a new way of life—a healthy, joyous, and free way of living, every day.

Anonymous June 2022

No Matter What

Love and Marriage

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hirty years ago, on a blind date, I met my husband. I’d been in Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) for 18 months. My heaviest weight was 200 pounds (about 91 kilos) at 5-feet, 2-inches tall.

At that size, no one was fixing me up on a blind date.

I had been married previously for 21 years, but after it ended in divorce, I had sworn off men. No interest at all. However, after a year in FA my sponsor and I started talking about dating. By then I was in a right-sized body and starting to feel good about myself.

Back then there were no laptops, tablets, or cellphones, so there were no dating apps. The closest thing was a dating service, which I called just to investigate. The very nice lady who answered my call started taking down all my information. When she came to age, she paused. Her comment was “I’m so sorry dear, we don’t have any available men your age.” I was 42! God was working in my life because the price of six guaranteed dates was $1,200, money I didn’t have.

Shortly thereafter, I had to call my insurance agent. I had known him since we worked in a grocery store together back when I was in high school. Through the years he had seen connection

me fat, thin, fat and thin again, depending on if the latest diet was working. After we took care of my insurance question, he asked me how my dieting was going. I told him I was in a new program and thinner than I had been in a long time. He said he had a friend who was a widower who he wanted to fix me up with. Less than a week later, we had our blind date.

To say I was nervous was an understatement. I hadn’t dated anyone since I was 18.

Times were very different almost 25 years later. My sponsor and I had a long talk the morning of my date. She suggested I tell him about program straight away, “He has to know who you are. If he doesn’t want to accept you, all of you, then why waste your time?” So I did. He didn’t bat an eye. He’d forgotten his glasses and couldn’t read the menu, so he ordered the exact same thing I did; an abstinent meal. We had a good time and agreed to see each other again.

Two and a half years later, we were married.

My previous husband and I had eloped. No fancy wedding; nothing. I told my husband I wanted to have a real wedding. He was fine with that. We were married in a very nice venue on a cold but sunny winter Sunday. If I 15

thought I was nervous on our first date, I was twice as nervous on our wedding day. The ceremony and reception were beautiful. My mother had died shortly after I met my husband, so my sponsor and I went dress shopping. Everything was so special and exactly how I wanted it. My daughter was my maid of honor and my son walked me down the aisle. It was perfect.

I had many FA friends at the wedding. The menu had three options and one was an abstinent meal, including fresh fruit. We had individual desserts for everyone, and not one person said anything about missing the traditional wedding dessert. I had the wedding of my dreams, all thanks to FA. Originally, we were to leave the next morning for a two-week honeymoon in Hawaii.

Because I was in an in-person AWOL (A Way of Life, a study of the Twelve Steps) on Monday nights, I planned the date of the wedding around the close of the AWOL. However, we had the worst winter that year with plenty of snow. Each time it snowed a lot, my AWOL was canceled. That happened too many times, so my calculation for our honeymoon date was no longer on target. If I wanted to stay in the AWOL, I couldn’t take two consecutive Mondays off. I discussed the problem with my sponsor, and she suggested I talk to my fiancé about leaving for the honeymoon on Tuesday . That way, I could attend the AWOL Monday night. He was agree16

able. This man had supported my program since our first date, thank you God. I called the airline to change the flight, knowing it was going to cost me a bit of money. But because we changed to a Tuesday departure, we actually saved $100 on the cost of a ticket.

Unbelievable! That just didn’t happen; there were always financial penalties for a flight change. Again, I saw God working in my life.

We had a wonderful 13 days in Hawaii. I stayed abstinent and was back in time for my Monday night AWOL. I only missed one AWOL meeting, so I was able to complete my first study of the Twelve Steps in FA. My husband is supportive of everything about my program. Changing the date of our honeymoon was just the first. I had surgery several times, so he had to weigh my food. He cooks my vegetables just the way I ask him to.

He’s okay with not going to specific restaurants because it’s difficult for me to get what I need. He knows we eat at certain times at regular intervals. The morning after my mother died, he showed up at my door with all my abstinent food, including breakfast. I had stayed at my dad’s that night so he wouldn’t be alone, and my husband wasn’t sure if I had what I needed. I know this man was a gift from God. Is he perfect? You know he’s not, but he’s just what I need. Thirty years later we are still happy and in love. All thanks to my Higher Power and my program.

Nancy O., Florida, U.S. June 2022

Lighten Up!

I

My Bum

recently spent some time thinking and writing a list about what life was like before I came into Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA). As I looked over the list, I realized that many of the things I wrote down were related to my bum (my backside, my derriere).

My bum broke a dining room chair at a friend’s dinner party. My bum had to sit in the “red seats” (the seats for the obese) at the amusement park. My bum used to leave a frighteningly large flat spot when I sat on the grass.

I used to feign claustrophobia so I could sit on the edge of an aisle and have a little more space for my bum to hang out instead of touching someone else in the adjoining seat. My big bum used to make me fear that the hairdresser’s chair might not connection

be able to withstand being pumped up by the slender stylist’s trim legs. My bum used to fill up the recliner, leaving the dog out of luck when he wanted to sit by me.

Yes, my bum played an active role in my feelings of fear, doubt, and insecurity. I am now 140 pounds (about 64 kilos), lighter than when I started FA. I have been in my right-sized body for well over a year and can comfortably sit in any seat, whether at a dinner party, movie theater, car, FA meeting, or amusement park. I leave cute (yes, cute!) little bum prints on the grass.

I don’t worry about hurting the hairdresser or their chair anymore. And the dog is now happy to have plenty of room to cuddle next to me in the recliner. I am so grateful.

Meg W., Utah, U.S. 17

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.