May 2022: A Fresh Start. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) by FA connection Magazine, for food addicts, by food addicts

FA Stories of Recovery from Food Addiction

May 2022 $2.50

A Fresh Start

May 2022

Columns Qualification: Second Chances. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1 First 90 Days: Dodging the Darts. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 No Matter What: My Rope. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .15 Lighten Up: Taking the High Road. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17

Features Facing Myself. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 Out of Control. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8 Perfect for Me. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10 Closet Cleanout. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12 A Sense of Belonging. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .14

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Credits

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Front Cover Art: Vicki R., CA Back Cover Art: Anonymous Graphic Design: Tickled Plum

co n n e cti on.food ad d i c ts.or g

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Qualification

Second Chances

ast fall I received a highly distressing sparks my relationship with God to jump up email from the director of the organ- a notch to meet the challenges of a sudden, ization where I work. It stated that a new addition to my reality. new law had recently been passed requiring I should mention why the prospect of getall practicum trainees to be fingerprinted by ting my fingerprints was so alarming. I have January 1 or else they would not be able to lived two lives. Years ago, I was homeless and complete their practicum hours. had been diagnosed with severe mental illI still needed addiness. During that tional hours. If I It seems like God really does time, I tried to reguwasn’t fingerprinted, I late my moods with would not graduate bulimia, exercise, albelieve in the Twelve Steps from my therapeutic cohol, and subdegree program. I felt stances. As a result, and in giving me and many my stomach sink. many of my memoothers a second chance at life. Fortunately, I didn’t ries are missing or dishave an urge to eat adtorted. I broke laws dictively at that moand got caught. ment. Instead of going to the food as I have Thankfully, I received a lot of help from sodone for so many years to fuel my denial of cial services and was able to get off the streets. difficult truths, I called my sponsor. God And then, by the grace of all that is good, I bless this woman, who allows me to use her stumbled into Food Addicts in Recovery as an “emotional airbag” when my personal Anonymous (FA) and started my second resources are depleted and an emotional life. crash seems imminent. Calling my sponsor It is truly remarkable that anyone was willand leaving her a mostly calm message de- ing to sponsor me. I had a really rough time tailing my concerns helped me to feel proac- and was psychotic and suicidal. However, my tive. Calling her was choosing to take the sponsor was a rock of support and consispath of positive actions. Calling my sponsor tency, and as I weighed and measured my connection

food and did my tools, my symptoms receded. I studied and worked the Twelve Steps in FA and slowly was guided to clean up my past. I was scared that I would go back to jail and lose my social security because of my lawlessness, but my Higher Power took care of it all. All I lost was my shame and the desire to eat addictively. Finally, I was ready to return to school. I flourished in my graduate program to become a therapist. And now, a directive to have my fingerprints taken would endanger all I had worked for. I kept repeating to myself, “Tools, tools, tools!” As the quote from the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous) says, “Don’t think, don’t drink, and get to a meeting.” My sponsor helped me develop a course of action. It was perfect and right and I did not want to do it! It involved asking my director of the counseling agency if we could schedule an interview. The day of the interview, I took extra quiet time, talked with my fellows, and I was ready. I sat down and told the director my story about my recovery and the therapy that had inspired me to learn the skills that would allow me to help others professionally. My director asked me a bunch of probing questions. I felt calm even though my heart was beating unusually quickly. The session ended with my director asking me to tell my story to my clinical supervisor. My di2

rector also indicated that she wanted to support me and keep working with me. I worked my FA tools. The prospect of another reveal was similarly daunting, but I just kept talking with FA friends, going to meetings, weighing my food, and consulting with my sponsor. The second interview was a week later. I again leaned on my tools and Higher Power. A part of me just wanted to cut and run. My FA part held me in place and kept me grounded. The second interview again involved a lot of questions and emotional energy, but I made it through with supernatural support. FA has given me a lot of experience in sitting through difficult conversations. Not easy training, but priceless to have. With some trepidation, I had my fingerprints taken. Miraculously, my director got the results and did not feel any need to reach out to me for further discussion. What a gift! It now looks like I will graduate soon. Of course, I still have to disclose my convictions to the licensing board to see if they will allow me to continue working toward licensure. However, I know what to do. I am nervous about the outcome at times, but that’s when I reach for my tools, which give me a direct link to my Higher Power. It seems like God really does believe in the Twelve Steps and in giving me and many others a second chance at life. Susan D., California, US May 2022

First 90 Days

Dodging the Darts

n July of 2020, I suffered and survived a stroke. I was only 43 years old. I apparently had a tear in one of the arteries in my brain and a blood clot formed. Brain surgery saved my life within three hours of a stranger calling 911 after I fell, paralyzed at a local cafe. That is a story in itself! What ensued was a major depression and the road to Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA). I have a toddler, dog, husband, house, etc. I am very blessed with a big life but was perplexed as to why I survived but still couldn’t stop eating. In October, I was told by my neurologist that the tear in my artery had not improved but had gotten worse. I felt numb, shocked, dumbfounded, and guilty. I was 230 pounds (about 104 kilos) and eating probably 5,000 calories a day of sugar and flour to feel comfort, connection

safety, and to cover up the fear. The doctor’s call, however, scared me straight. I heard a voice say, Go for a walk. So I started going for a walk every day. Then I heard a voice say, Go get Vitamin B shots. I did. I found out my vitamin D levels were low, so I started taking that as well. Then I heard a voice say, Start listening to the FA meetings you know about, and so I did. I clearly remember lying in bed, in the dark, with FA meetings in my ear. For the month of November, I didn’t do anything but walk, take vitamins, and SUSANLORRAINE, CA listen in on strangers saying that there was another way to live. In December 2020, I finally got the courage to call a couple of the people that I heard sharing. I began to wake up out of my depression, sit up, and turn my video on from time to time. I started to pay attention to peo3

ple announcing sponsorship and started to listen in earnest for what I wanted. One day, December 30, I heard what I wanted. And then I heard the person was free to sponsor. I called after the meeting, and the person said yes! My first day of abstinence was December 31, 2020. It felt like the longest day of my life. It was New Year’s Eve. My husband, not knowing what I was doing, came home with a bunch of party food. I texted this new sponsor and she wrote back, "You’re on my team now." I just had to tell my husband to have fun, but I wouldn’t be eating or drinking. We ended up having the best New Year’s celebration. As a family we laughed, did karaoke with our toddler, and went to bed around 9PM. Ahh, some new year! I couldn’t believe it when a week went by. I was truly living one day at a time. Life slowed down. I filled my hands with knitting. I listened in and participated in meetings, meeting new fellows. I personally needed more than three meetings during this time. I listened in on as many as I could. After 30 days, I was in disbelief but kept going with it. I put my food first, and then everything else fell into place. If I had a food thought, I’d have a quick reaction of, “Nope.” I put food on the same level as smoking or any hard drug that I wouldn’t think twice about. It was not an option for me. Within 45 days, I started doing serious 4

quiet time. It felt like a massage for my brain! It was crazy. Quiet time has remained the most important tool, second to weighing and measuring my food. Quiet time makes me a calmer mother and wife. By day 60, my entire family came down with COVID, and we were all stuck at home. I didn’t think I was going to make it through, but looking back I honestly don’t even remember thinking about food. I just didn’t eat anything that wasn’t on my food plan. By day 70, our house sale closed, and my husband’s aunt decided to charge us double what she originally agreed. So we were purchasing the house from her for double the price. Wow! I was struck with so much anger for days. I remember taking a lot of extra walks, taking baths, saying a lot of prayers, and making a lot of phone calls. I didn’t eat! Now I feel like if I can make it through that, I can make it through anything. Finally, April 1 rolled around and I had my 90 days. It really wasn’t so bad! I was able to do it one day at a time. Life threw me a ton of darts. I let it happen, lived through it, and got my 90 days. What a blessing. It’s do-able! As a side note, I also lost about 45 pounds (about 20 kilos) during those 90 days. Every day gave me more integrity and confidence, and that rolled into another day, into another day, and into another day. I no longer lived in "what if, what if, what if.” Anonymous May 2022

Facing Myself

n 2012, I had been in Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) for almost three years. I was on my fourth round of back-to-back abstinence, having reached 90 days three different previous times. When my eldest daughter and her husband left after a rare visit with me to attend a wedding in the vineyards of Monterey County in California, a dairy product I had purchased for my son-inlaw’s morning coffee was left in my refrigerator. Two days later, between my breakfast and lunch, I splashed some of the liquid from the shiny carton into my cup of decaf coffee, murmuring to myself, “I am not going to tell my sponsor about this.” The following night at my regular FA meeting, a fellow shared that although she had eight years in FA, the last two had been painful and everything had become a struggle. She shared that she was struggling with her abstinence when the subject of rigorous honesty came up in one of her recent conversations. It suddenly occurred to her that her struggles might be related to the fact that she had withheld a little fact from her sponsor about what she was putting into her decaf. I connection

gasped to myself and thought, Are you kidding me? The next morning, I told my sponsor about the splash into my decaf. A couple of days later found me back to day one, ready to face the start of my fifth round of abstinence. Just as in my previous first 90 days, I believed that, with my Higher Power, something good would land in my lap, something I could not have humanly predicted. At that time, I was grieving the loss of a job I’d had at a company I loved. Through my grief, the only silver lining had been the anticipation of the visit from my daughter and her husband. Now that the visit was over, I had to face myself. It was time for me to bond with my Higher Power. I put that first, front, and center. One outreach call at a time brought me to take charge of my finances. I called two financial consultants regarding stock from the grants I’d been so generously and unexpectedly given by my employer. I called the IRS to make some arrangements. I went to a tax advisor who looked at my stock transactions and asked me, “Is this what you are crying about?” So my finances were not so bad. Then an old friend offered to let me pay $500 a month 5

XANDRA G., CA

for rent so I could afford my new status as fears, I decided to travel to Cleveland, a full-time job seeker. By Thanksgiving, Ohio to visit my pregnant daughter and my fear of financial insecurity left me spend time with my precious two-year-old completely, and it has not returned. grandson. I thought this would be a relief To celebrate my freedom from financial from the reality of this transitional time 6

May 2022

for me. I called a fellow in FA to see about qualifying at local meetings. After putting my program “ducks” in a row, I proceeded to arrange an overnight “red-eye” flight. I called my sponsor the next morning and told her about my brilliant plan. I sunk into low-grade rage and disappointment when she advised that going to Cleveland at this time in my life was probably not putting first things first. What? Sure, I’d lost my job in August, but I figured I’d get another job after the visit. My sponsor was steady and consistent in her opinion. I called my daughter’s voicemail, choking out the message that I wasn’t in a position to come and hang out. I told her that I was a grandmother without a job and a permanent place to live. I spent another day feeling grief, but the next day I went into total denial about what I’d decided. I tried to reschedule the flight, but I couldn’t access the airline’s portal. Riveted by this new dose of Higher Power reality, I began calling fellows and sharing about first things being first. I recalled a situation during my very first 90 days, a time when I promised a friend that I would accompany her to her son’s movie debut. While on route to the theater, I realized I was sneaking out of one of my FA meetings. I called my sponsor to tell her where I was going, and in response heard my sponsor’s consistent and strong mesconnection

sage, “No, turn your car around and go to your meeting. Our meetings are our medicine.” She said I would be a better friend later if I went to my committed meeting. Later, 72 pounds (about 33 kilos) lighter, I attended that same friend’s bridal shower. She was ecstatic to see me and my new self. I received an invitation on the evening before Valentine’s day to interview for a job position for which I was completely qualified. I was able to draft resumes, enter timely applications into the online system, and be available to show up. Before FA, I was sick, diabetic, and weighed 197 pounds (about 89 kilos). I’ve had a buried treasure of anger in me for more than 56 years. Along with weight, I have shed every malady my body had experienced from its saturation of flour and sugar. In the past two-plus years, my cholesterol, blood pressure, and weight have been normal. Now I have a Divine calendar in my life. I put this program first and don’t rely on my bright ideas of last-minute trips, skipping my committed meetings, or any other actions that would compromise my wellbeing. When my grandson and his brand-new baby sibling greet me when I visit them this August, I will be employed and settled. I can devote my higher self to them. Karen S., California, US 7

Out of Control

’ve often been asked why Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) has worked when everything else I’d ever tried always failed. My medical records show my weight as 250 pounds (about 104 kilos), and as I write this I am 130 pounds (about 59 kilos), and have been for most of my time in FA. I marvel at the way I continue to maintain this weight range. I don’t remember ever being at a healthy weight, not for many years, if ever. As I look back on photos of myself as a young girl, I have memories of being a

happy child. I know I had a few insecurities; however, the pictures remind me of my happiness and gratitude as a child. I loved going outdoors and having picnics in the woods. I recall those memories included inviting others to join me to eat, but I was content to just sit in the woods and listen to the brook waters, especially after a rain, when the waters would roar. I loved fishing, walking, biking, and swimming. I lived by the river with lots of memories of fish we ate, parties we had, bonfires where we roasted our own food.

NORMA JEAN P., OH

May 2022

Upon reflection, I see my early days as a food addict starting when I became pregnant as a teenager. I had to have surgery, so my body became different. I was young and scared, and eating became something that allowed me to hide. Soon, I was a young mother with two children, and I often wondered how I would feed them when I found myself unemployed. Food was plentiful when I was growing up. We enjoyed gardens, wild game, fish from the river, home baked goods, potluck parties, church gatherings, weddings, funerals, and birthdays, yet here I was with the insecurity of worrying about feeding my family. It was so confusing. As I got older and my children grew up, I went back to school, and through food programs and therapy, I attempted to control my eating. I would bring my lunch to school, and while others were eating cafeteria food, I would eat my monster meals. There were times I couldn’t wait till lunch and would find myself eating my food early. Then I would have to eat again at lunch. I just could not control myself. Then I would go home, cook for the children, and eat and eat while I cooked, during the meal and after the meal. I wanted to have leftovers, but I couldn’t stop eating to leave anything for the next meal. I had a problem with always wanting and asking to take home whatever food might be left after parties. I couldn’t help but take connection

large quantities, as I hated to think of things going to waste. I would then find myself gorging on the food I’d taken, sometimes almost to the point of being sick from the flour and sugar items that I eventually became allergic to. I was diagnosed with celiac disease, which meant I was no longer able to consume flour; however, for me that just meant I could eat endless quantities of sugar instead, so I became sicker and sicker. I chuckled when I learned elephants are grazers and at times wished I could be on that short rope elephants were tied to. Was there some way I could stop? I hated to get out of bed on the weekends because I knew once I put something in my mouth, I would be out of control, often not getting dressed, staying in pajamas, telling myself I was having a relaxing weekend. I was full of hate, fear, and discontent. I finally found a solution when I came to FA, with a specific definition of abstinence, a food plan and support. It is different from all the other solutions I tried because it isn’t a diet. It is support, love, fellowship, recovery, spirituality, and relief from the constant battle of eating when I no longer wanted to but couldn’t stop. It’s been working for me for almost eight years. I have finally found relief. I am so blessed to have found FA. I feel great, look great, love helping others, and remember I have all of this by the grace of God. Helen P., Maine, US 9

Perfect for Me

f I were to be really honest with myself, my idea of the perfect service position would look something like this. I would walk up to a bank of media reporters (imagine the White House press corps). Of course, someone else would do the work of bringing them there. I’d step up to the podium and talk eloquently about my favorite topic, myself. I’d share about my disease and my recovery. I’d say my actual full name; no anonymity, because I have to get credit, and I need for the booking agents to know where to find me. The fellowship would thank me for the hundreds of new members who would come flocking to Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) thanks to my “service.” I would be invited to interview on podcasts as a celebrity. I’d love having a team of bookers and public relations folks who arrange my travel as the FA spokeswoman. Really, it’s about service, don’t you know? Fortunately for me, the FA Traditions, my sponsor, the tools, and weighing and measuring my food all keep me out of where I would like to go and instead, show me where I need to be. As a result, I recently volunteered for the simple service position of copying and pasting the meeting format in the chat box of my weekly zoom gathering. Did I want to volunteer to do this? Not re10

ally. Did I need to do this? Absolutely. After nine months of showing up weekly to this gathering that had greatly added to my recovery, it was time for me to give back in some way. I was not able to come early to set up chairs or put out literature, as I could at an inperson meeting, but I could come early to copy and paste the meeting format. As a sponsor once said to me, “Service keeps us out of disease. The more inconvenient the better.” I thought this would be super easy, and frankly, a little beneath me. Weren’t they lucky to have someone with a few years of abstinence willing to do this task? How hard could this be? Well, the first week I started copying and pasting the format, the Zoom platform suddenly kept making a sound as if to say, “Nope! Try again!” Nothing would show up in the chat box. The gathering was going on and I panicked. I was able to private chat the other fellow with the same service position to ask if she could step in because my computer wasn’t cooperating. She happily took over. I immediately thought of the promises of the program found in Alcoholics Anonymous (the Big Book), which talks about how we will inherently know how to do things that used to baffle us. In the past, I would have interrupted May 2022

the meeting, panicking, not sure what to do! After the meeting, I asked for help and fellows gave me pointers on how to fix my issue. (Sidenote: Zoom has a limit on how many characters you can copy and paste at one time. Who knew?) In the past, my false pride would have kept me from asking for help or admitting to the group I had a problem, for fear of looking stupid. My fellows were happy to help. The second week, after spending the minutes before the gathering chit-chatting, I realized 30 seconds into the gathering, as a fellow was pasting the format into the chat box, that someone was doing the service I was supposed to be doing! I completely forgot! I quickly messaged her with an apology and told her I would take over. As I started putting the format in the chat box for the entire gathering, I still had trouble. I realized copying and pasting was a lot harder than I thought. Soon the old voices I had known my entire life started coming back. Next business meeting, I’m quitting.Here was my old pattern, I started something new, it was hard, I wasn’t that good at it, and now I wanted to quit. It was why I have a terrible backhand at tennis and never stayed longer than 15 months in a job when I was in my 20s. I know I want to be perfect with zero effort, just like I want a service position that has all the glory but requires no work. This is the insanity of my disease. While I struggled, I asked God for help. God, please help me do this. Just stopping and connection

calmly asking for help helped me to breathe and see the solution. The format was pasted. My service for the day was complete. Soon after, the fellow I share the service position with messaged me and asked if I needed anything. I replied, “No, I just completely forgot I needed to do this service until about 30 seconds into the meeting!” Her reply, “Oh, I did that the first week I did this service, too.” In my disease, I could never have shared with another person that I made a mistake. I would have looked for someone else to blame or swept it under the rug, hoping no one noticed. FA has taught me I can be open and honest about who I am, including when I make a mistake. God meets me with a hug and a fellow who can say, “Me, too.” So my “little” service position isn’t so little after all. In two weeks, I have learned more about my defects than months of sitting and listening in gatherings. In the past, I would have flogged myself with them, but in recovery, I use my defects to bring myself closer to God. Before the pandemic, service was learning what ways to set up the chairs that would prevent a newcomer from sitting alone, to get to the meeting on time to put the literature out in an attractive manner, or thinking of how to greet a newcomer that was welcoming but not pushy. It may look different these days, but the effects are still the same. Even in a pandemic, I must continue to seek it out. Grace V., Iowa, US 11

Closet Cleanout

was so tired of wearing plus-size clothes. All I really wanted was to be able to wear normal-sized clothes that would look good on me, which meant that they would hide some fat. Why did I think I could hide 258 pounds (about 129 kilos)? I guess I thought I could camouflage some of it, and then maybe people wouldn’t realize just how big I really was. The truth is, I didn’t realize how fat I was. There were times that I bumped into things because I wasn’t aware of how much space I took up, especially when I carried bulky personal items into crowded areas. One time I dropped something and the person I was talking to bent over to get it for me. I’m sure she was thinking she could bend over more easily than me, which was true at the time. But now, I can quickly bend over to pick things up myself. I can’t believe how much my body has changed since I joined Food Addicts in Re12

covery Anonymous (FA) almost one year ago. I had battled my weight for years and was always so frustrated when I had to go to a wedding, party, or job interview. I never seemed to have clothes that fit and that would be appropriate. When I had enough notice, I would go out and buy a new outfit, but most of the time I would wait until the last minute to shop and then would have to take whatever I could find. Oftentimes, I bought more than I needed, because I couldn’t make a decision about which outfit looked better, but then kept both outfits, just in case I needed the other one later. MARLEE D., CA Thirty years ago there weren’t many stores around for big girls, except Lane Bryant, Sears, and JC Penney. While I was grateful there were places to get large-sized clothes, most of these items were only available in black. There are more options for buying bigger sizes now, but who really wants to wear May 2022

them? I have gone from a size 24 to a size 8 in one year, without surgery, diet products or pills, or extreme exercising. This happened because of FA. I still have much to work on, but to come this far is so amazing to me. My sponsor said to expect a miracle, which I am now living. I have been going through my clothes and getting rid of everything that does not fit. Thus far, I have gotten rid of 30 garbage bags filled with clothing and I still have more. I’ve held onto many of these items for the last several months as a reminder, because I am so afraid of going back there. How does someone collect that many clothes? I did, as an active food addict, because my sizes varied from year to year. When clothes no longer fit, whether too big or too small, I would put them in the basement. Most of the time, I would forget what outfit I had down there; if I did remember a special outfit, when I went down to try it on, it was usually too small, so back I would go to the store to buy something else. As I lost weight in FA, I didn’t have time to try on any of my old clothes to see if they fit. I made better use of my time going to meetings and working the program. I spend my time taking care of myself instead of trying to cover myself with plus-size clothes. I hope and pray that I never have to put on those large-size clothes again. FA gives me that hope. Denise K., Michigan, US connection

Twelve Steps 1. We admitted we were powerless over food – that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. 5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. 6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. 7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. 10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to food addicts and to practice these principles in all our affairs. 13 Adapted with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous

A Sense of Belonging

’m a food addict who travels a lot. As I write this, I am in Canada, taking a quiet moment before my workday starts up. We had a long drive here yesterday from Massachusetts and at several points along the way, we drove through towns where I knew fellow recovering food addicts. The thought of each of these people made me smile and filled me with sweet memories of the last 12 years of my life in recovery. Then my thoughts brought me to places all over the world where I know recovering food addicts, and I was overwhelmed with the awe of our program. Wherever I go, there will always be someone there to greet me with

open arms, to share in the gratitude of simple weighed and measured food, and freedom from the bonds of food addiction. My thoughts turned to a woman who called me from Nigeria and to other members who work the Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) program, seemingly in total isolation. But no matter where we are, we stay connected—to each other and to God. The distance and the time zones seem to vanish in the depth of our connections. I am so grateful for a way of life that brings me daily moments of awe, gratitude, and a sense of belonging—no matter where I am. Diana B., Massachusetts, US

DEB H, MA

May 2022

No Matter What

My Rope

leven years ago when I first came I thought about why God was not giving into Food Addicts in Recovery me the joy that others exhibited in their Anonymous (FA), I always had an sharing at meetings. Wasn’t I sacrificing excuse for why I could not make three enough? These thoughts monopolized phone calls, get to my meetings, or read my thinking, and I was depressed, sad, my Big Book. When I moved to a new and frustrated. home, I skipped my After many breaks meeting. When my and changing spondog was sick, I sors more than I When the pain got great stayed home to care to admit, I fienough, I became willing nally was desperate nurse him even though my husband enough to surrento pray for the willingness der some of my atwas home. When I had a vacation, I tachments to the to surrender my way never thought way I was doing my about scheduling program. When the of working FA. my flights to accompain got great modate my sponsor enough, I became calls. willing to pray for the willingness to surI did keep an extra 55 pounds (about 25 render my way of working FA. kilos) off my 5-foot, 2-inch body, yet my I borrowed the faith of others that the thoughts were consumed with fear, promises of this program would come if doubt, and worry. My thinking was off, I did what they did. So I began faking it and I was erratic and emotional. I sat in till I made it. I started working all the meetings and wondered why the prom- tools and asking for help to put this proises of the program that people talked gram first. I wish that I could say it was about were not happening for me, and easy, but it was not. It took me many why I was thinking about food so much. more years of struggle and fighting with connection

Twelve Traditions my diseased thinking inside my head until I accepted that — no matter what — I must do my tools every day and put FA first. The FA format states, “Half measures avail us nothing.” I can affirm this is true. I read in a book recently that in the rural mid-west of the United States during a snowstorm. farmers secure a rope between the barn and house. When the storm hits, they use the rope to guide them to the barn to care for the animals and to get themselves back to the warm, safe house. This is what FA is for me. It is my rope, my lifeline, to the extraordinary life that I now live. I have stayed abstinent through this pandemic. I broke my leg, underwent a hysterectomy, moved cross country, and experienced deaths of pets and family, among many other storms of emotions and upheavals. I hold onto my FA rope because this life, the person I am becoming, depends on it. I used to believe that if I lost my weight, life would transform into a Hollywood movie or fantasy story. I’ve matured in FA and accepted that life brings challenges, and if I always work my program, no matter what happens, life just keeps getting better beyond my wildest expectations. Cheryl F., Florida, US 16

1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on FA unity. 2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern. 3. The only requirement for FA membership is a desire to stop eating addictively. 4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or FA as a whole. 5. Each group has but one primary purpose – to carry its message to the food addict who still suffers. 6. An FA group ought never endorse, finance or lend the FA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose. 7. Every FA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions. 8. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers. 9. FA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve. 10. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues, hence the FA name ought never be drawn into public controversy. 11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films. 12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities. Adapted with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous May 2022

Lighten Up!

MI JULIE E.,

Taking the High Road

hadn’t been in Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) very long when I found myself driving home during rush hour with my 11-year-old grandniece in the back seat. We were going to spend the next 24 hours together having fun. Traffic was horrendous and a particularly erratic driver was weaving in and around me. I started to swear under my breath, but before the profanity could escape my lips, I switched to, “Bless them, change me, bless them, change me.” From the safety of the back seat, my grandniece said, “Huh?” I quickly explained that I was asking God to bless the other drivers, control their driving, get them home to their connection

families safe and sound, and change my attitude to a calmer one. “Oh,” she replied, and back to her Gameboy she went. It was a lovely 24 hours of meals, swimming at my condo pool, movies, and shopping; then we dashed back to my nephew’s home so my grandniece could take part in a family yard sale. As luck would have it, we got stuck in traffic on the expressway and the drivers were once again erratic and annoying. As I was mumbling under my breath, I heard from the back seat, “Bless them, change you. Bless them, change you.” Out of the mouths of babes. Saundra B., Michigan, US 17

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.