April 2022: In Gratitude. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA)

FA Stories of Recovery from Food Addiction

April 2022 $2.50

In Gratitude

April 2022

Columns Qualification: Rekindling Hope. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 First 90 Days: An Abstinent Day at a Time. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 No Matter What: Smoothing A Rough Road. . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 Lighten Up: Three is the Magic Number. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17

Features Fears and Finance. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .9 The Spiritual Angle. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10 Ever Grateful. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13

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Credits

Share your story and your artwork If you have 90 days of continuous

Cover Art Emma J., UK Graphic Design: Tickled Plum

abstinence in FA, connection invites you to share your experience,

Copyright © 2022 Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous 400 W. Cummings Park, Suite 1700 Woburn, MA 01801-6572

co n n e cti on.food ad d i c ts.or g

strength, and hope with us.

Submit online at: connection.foodaddicts.org

Qualification

Rekindling Hope

I

came into Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) in my mid-thirties, weighing 340 pounds (about 154 kilos), at 5-feet, 4-inches tall.

I did not enjoy all foods equally; healthy dinners were met with gripes! In fact, a family dinner time seemed unfulfilling when compared to snacking in front of the television.

Throughout my life there were red flags; warnings that I was not “normal” around food. For example, when I was 19 years old, I remember standing in my cousin’s kitchen contemplating how many snacks I could take without her noticing. I stood in the kitchen through an entire television commercial break, debating and plotting.

As my TV show came back on, I realized that a normal person would not need to be so secretive and would not need to worry about what her cousin thought of her eating habits. But I worried endlessly about being judged by others because of my eating. I realized that most people would have taken just one or two snacks and been content. However, I felt deprived trying to limit myself to only six. A normal person might even have walked away emptyconnection

handed, choosing the television program over food. That thought scared me most of all, because I knew I just could not leave empty-handed. More flags and warning signs appeared over the next 17 years. I just never knew what to do about them.

Medically, I was blessed not to suffer from illnesses that many obese people experience, such as diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, etc. However, there were physical manifestations of my disease.

I suffered the constant humiliation of not fitting into chairs, seat belts being too small, and bumping into items or people because my physical presence was just too overbearing.

Of course, these kinds of daily humiliations contributed to my rapidly deteriorating mental health. By my mid-twenties, I was depressed and suicidal. I had no control over my emotions and had mood swings of bipolar proportions. In addition to nutritionists and commercial weightloss programs, I went to therapy and church, and read countless self-help books, desperately seeking the ultimate answer to my insanity. I joked that my future retirement plan included a straight-jacket and 1

state living facilities, but deep down, I feared I might already qualify for both.

I started taking mood-altering medications. However, my disease was bigger than the dosage, and I ended up feeling frustrated that I was still not happy even on “happy pills.”

At this point, I succumbed to complete defeat and stopped taking any medication, stopped therapy, stopped dieting, and gave up all hope. I vacillated between “violently” enjoying life one moment, only to collapse into exhaustion and despair the next. Physically, I suffered from flu-like symptoms after every meal. I was attempting to fast on weekends and purging when I ate too much, which was often.

In general, I was consuming so much that I continued to gain weight. I ate mindlessly, always shocked when the containers were empty. I ate uncooked meats and pasta. I ate food directly from the freezer and ordered all three meals through a drive-thru window. I took sick days solely to isolate and eat because I just couldn’t face the day.

I had a minimalist wardrobe of size 3X/36 clothes that never looked as nice or professional as I desired. My insurance company offered to pay for bariatric surgery. Thankfully, my fear of surgery was greater than my desire for a quick fix.

Then my local doctor gave me an FA brochure. Of course, it took me another 2

year and a half until I built up enough courage to call about attending a meeting.

The lady on the phone shared how much hope she had heard and seen in her first meetings, as well as the excitement of working the program for numerous years with great success. I met her words with an eye roll, because I just didn’t have any hope or excitement anymore.

At my first meeting, I was skeptical of the skinny lady claiming she understood what it was like to be fat. However, she articulated the mental anguish around eating that I thought only I suffered. At my first meeting, there were no sponsors available, which was fine, because I still thought I had one more new diet to try first.

After a few weeks, however, I had come a little further toward surrendering toward this program. I was ready to sign up and tell a sponsor my plan. God had other plans for me, though. That night someone stood up with time available to sponsor. When I approached her, I was struck with two gifts: the gift of silence and the gift of desperation. Instead of getting into my plan, I was silent while she laid out hers. When she asked if I could go to the grocery store that night, I said yes. When she asked if I could eat a food plan completely different from the one I had developed, I said yes. When she asked me to call her very early in the morning, I said yes. I didn’t eagerly say yes April 2022

to all her suggestions, but I did take those suggestions, nonetheless.

As desperate as I was, I still had research and learning to do on my own and did not get abstinent with my behaviors or my food right away. Each slip, whether accidental or purposeful, confirmed that food was bigger than I could handle. Each one solidified Step One for me and emphasized the need for structure and discipline around my food. The remaining steps came with more time and more lessons, as I mentally transitioned from a diet mentality to living in recovery.

I learned that recovery takes action. We act first and gain understanding later. I did not initially understand how going to so many meetings, making calls, reading literature, eating simple food, etc., were going to help me. To own and be responsible for my recovery, I thought I had to define it for myself. But that was not the case. First, I had to reset my taste palate by getting abconnection

stinent. Then I started seeing how getting support and wisdom from my fellows and my sponsor, working the tools, and studying the steps would help me refine my own recovery.

As a result of working a program of recovery, my life has completely changed. Today I have employees and other people in my life who can’t fathom that I have ever been overweight. Fulllength mirrors have returned to my walls, and I have professional and casual wardrobes that are all free from food stains. I do not fear ROBIN M., NY airplanes, theater seats, meeting room chairs, or walking into tight places. My mood swings are less severe, less often, and less venomous. I am able to actually see, and then articulate, my concerns and feelings in a healthy manner.

Suicidal thoughts are nonexistent.

My Higher Power has assisted me through many uncomfortable and scary situations, abstinently and sanely. I have 3

Twelve Steps rekindled ambition to achieve goals and desires that had been abandoned for TV and food. My young adult son openly tells me about his life, his friends, and his hopes and dreams, all of which would have been drowned out by TV programs, flour, and sugar.

My boss commented on the change in my demeanor and improvement of my speaking skills. Of course, I know my speaking skills are a side benefit of my willingness to get up to read, share, or qualify at every FA meeting I attend. Relationships with family and friends continue to improve and become more cohesive.

Here’s another strange gift of the program. Although healthy food is more expensive, compared to the kinds of foods I was eating, I am nonetheless more financially stable nowadays, and I do not grimace every time my bank statements come in. I get to work with a wonderful sponsor, sponsees, and fellows who understand the desperation of being a food addict actively in disease.

Most importantly, I have hope and excitement for today and my future. FA did not open up the gates to heaven and let me in.

My life is still not perfect. However, FA did open up the gates of hell and let me out.

The actions I take each and every day keep that gate locked.

Karen W., Washington, US 4

1. We admitted we were powerless over food – that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to food addicts and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

April 2022 Adapted with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous

First 90 Days

An Abstinent Day at a Time

I

was 33 years old and over 220 pounds who sold me the Big Book encouraged (about 100 kilos) in May of 2017 me to attend a third meeting and get a when I joined Food Addicts in Re- sponsor. Though I didn’t know who to ask covery Anonymous (FA). It took me to sponsor me, nor what I wanted at that roughly four to six weeks of attending one point in my recovery, other than to no FA meeting a week, longer hurt myself and eating addicwith food, I took the Asking for help was tively in between suggestion. those meetings, to fiRight before that a huge surrender for me, nally commit to the third meeting’s program. I took the and over time I realized that break, an announcesuggestion, “If you ment was made askif I wanted to get and stay ing fellows who had are new and uncertain about FA, we time available to abstinent, I was going to encourage you to atsponsor to stand up tend several meetand introduce have to ask for help. ings to gain an themselves.

I understanding of scanned the room what the program offers” literally. to see who was standing. I fixed my eyes Eventually, I attended three committed on the woman who looked like me, standmeetings a week. At my first committed ing at the front of the room. I darted over meeting a fellow directed me to what be- toward her as soon as the break started. A came my second. At that second meeting, woman got to her before me. I felt deit was suggested I purchase and read the feated, but also determined. To my surBig Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. prise, the other woman walked off. I asked While I thought that suggestion strange the woman who looked like me if she since I didn’t identify as an alcoholic, I would sponsor me and she agreed. She took the suggestion. The literature person asked me to stay after the meeting to talk connection

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about next steps.

Then there were suggestions that I just During our conversation, she asked if I didn’t understand, such as sit at the front could call her at 6:30. I agreed and asked, of the room, raise your hand to read, talk “Do you mean 6:30am or 6:30pm?” With to fellows at the break, donate at least one a smile and a chuckle, she said, “AM.” She dollar per meeting to the Seventh Tradithen suggested I purchase a digital food tion, call three fellows a day, read the Big scale and gave me a meal plan and sug- Book at night, read the Twenty-Four Hours gested I go grocery shopping that day. I re- a Day meditation in the morning, commit member asking her where I could your food the night before, weigh and purchase a digital food scale. I seriously measure your food, read food labels and had no clue. Asking make sure there is for help was a huge no flour and sugar, During those first 90 days, surrender for me, sit for 30 minutes of and over time I real- I remember wanting to quit, quiet time, weigh ized that if I wanted myself only once per to get and stay abstimonth; the list of but I didn’t. I just kept nent, I was going to “suggestions” just have to ask for help. seemed to get taking suggestions I didn’t understand longer and longer to the best of my ability. how to weigh my after each phone call breakfast grain. My with my sponsor. food plan called for one ounce. I didn’t During those first 90 days, I remember know that I needed to weigh one ounce wanting to quit, but I didn’t. I just kept dry. For the first week or two, I was only taking suggestions to the best of my abileating one ounce after it was cooked. I re- ity. Before I knew it, it was time for my member talking to my partner and telling first month’s weigh-in since fully commither that this extreme program and the ting to the program. I was about 20 or 21 food plan was likely why people were so pounds (about 9 kilos) down from my skinny. My partner encouraged me to talk starting weight. to my sponsor. I did. She chuckled again Once I saw that, I took every suggestion, and explained to weigh the one ounce of and to my surprise, some of those suggesgrain dry, add water, and then cook it. tions started to make sense. It was sugWhat a huge difference. gested that I sit in the front of the room 6

April 2022

so that I could focus on the speaker and the experience, strength, and hope being shared by members of the fellowship who were continuously abstinent. My desire to sit in the back was rooted in fear. I felt like I needed to know who was coming in and going out for my safety, a feeling brought about by the significant trauma I experi-

ings helped me feel safe. Eventually, without my even noticing, I stopped being afraid of who was coming in or leaving the room.

I walked through my fear of reading in public and I raised my hand to read. I realized that I was ashamed to say my name and identify as a food addict, but once I

enced during childhood and young adulthood. Miraculously, the process of trusting my sponsor, weighing and measuring my food, abstaining completely from flour and sugar, and developing a trusting relationship with a Higher Power and the members of my committed meet-

did, something else miraculous happened.

The food stopped calling to me in the same ways. I saw myself as having a disease and not as being a “bad person.” I learned that food addiction isn’t a moral issue. It’s an illness that gets arrested one day at a time by the action of weighing and meas-

connection

SUSIE C., UK

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uring my food and being honest with my- Eating abstinently and working the self and others that I am a food addict. other tools of recovery has also allowed Doing service by volunteering to read me to let go of most of my economic inalso helped me practice reading. By read- security. I started by giving only a dollar ing the FA format, the Big Book, the to the Seventh Tradition, but eventually Twenty-Four Hours a Day meditation, the increased my contribution to $2 and then keys during AWOL (A Way of Life, a $5 at each meeting. Today, I am debt free study of the Twelve Steps), and other FA and I donate a minimum of $50 per literature, I obtained month to the Eastmore reading pracern Area Intergroup Learning to ask God, tice. Before FA, I and World Service. I told friends that if my sponsor, and fellows for help, also sit quietly for 30 they sent me emails minutes each day longer than three after I pray and bestaying abstinent a day sentences, they fore I speak with my at a time, and being willing sponsor and sponshould know that the first sentences sees. The discipline to work the tools would be the only of getting physically ones I’d read. As of calm and relaxed has on a daily basis changed helped me get menthis writing, I’ve read 20 books this year! tally and spiritually my life in 90 days.

Learning to speak relaxed. I truly bewith fellows at the lieve setting aside break helped me practice looking people that 30 minutes in the morning allows me in the eye and taught me the power of ac- to connect with my Higher Power in ways tively listening. I can’t prove it, but I be- that I can’t when I am in motion. Learning lieve all those one-on-one and small group to ask God, my sponsor, and fellows for conversations helped me improve my in- help, staying abstinent a day at a time, and terpersonal skills and are at least part of being willing to work the tools on a daily the reason why I was encouraged by my basis changed my life in 90 days. My life is work colleagues and supervisor to pursue still being changed, one abstinent day at a two leadership roles, which I currently time. now fill at my job.

Jessica R., Washington D.C., US 8

April 2022

Fears and Finance

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hen I came into Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA), one suggestion I heard often was that doing service keeps us abstinent. That’s a great suggestion, but what does it mean? I knew that if I wanted to lose the weight and keep it off, I had to embrace all the tools, not just the ones I was comfortable with. I committed to embrace the tools and be willing to work on any that had me in fear.

I had a lot of fear around the treasurer position in the meetings. The dialogue in my head was, You don’t know how to do it.You’ll have to ask for help. You’ll look stupid. Your personal finances are a mess. That’s what my fear had me believe.

The current treasurer at my committed meeting was my sponsor. We talked about what she was learning from doing the position, and I would verbalize the dialogue in my head about why I could never be the treasurer.

Then came the time when she would be completing the six-month commitment. She suggested I volunteer. My immediate internal reaction was, Oh no, now I have to get another sponsor! I knew that was not a good idea.

With her support, and with a shaky voice, I volunteered for the treasurer position. I learned that I could ask for help and that it was okay not to have all the answers. I could stand at the front of the room at the monthly connection

business meeting, give my report to the fellowship, and when I was asked a question I didn’t know how to answer, I could say, “I don’t have the answer to that. I will find out and let you know.” I was learning humility.

I was also starting to take what I learned in FA and apply it to other areas of my life. I decided to ask my sponsor for help with my personal finances, and she agreed to sit with me and work out a monthly budget. My heart’s desire was to move into my own apartment again, and this would require a lot of budgeting, time, and overcoming my fear.

We sat down together in the local coffee shop. Line by line, we went through my finances. There were both tears and hysterical laughter. I didn’t think that the promise of the program from the AA Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous) that “fear of economic insecurity will leave us” was possible for me. My sponsor kept assuring me it was.

I continued to learn and, although I was uncomfortable, I asked for help. While I was fulfilling my commitment as treasurer for my meeting, I continued to pay down my debt.

A year later from that meeting in the coffee shop, I moved into my own apartment. Service keeps me abstinent and helps me attain my dreams.

Nancy M., Canada 9

The Spiritual Angle

A

nytime I hear someone say, “I have to religious services on major holidays, but a hard time with the spiritual part the rote prayers were only words, and they of this program,” I repeat what was were not spoken about with my friends or told to me by a wise old-timer many years ago, family.

“There is no ‘spiritual part’ of Food Addicts I suffered terrible insomnia when I was a in Recovery Anonymous (FA). This is a spir- child, and in the privacy of my bedroom, teritual program.” rified, I would sometimes picture a popular Although I was fictional cartoon charborn into a religion, I don’t spend any time thinking acter on my winethnically and culturdowsill and talk to ally, I did not have any about who God is or how God him in my head, askreligion growing up. ing him for help.

The only memories I Sometimes I would works, or asking myself or have of ever talking look up to the ceiling about God in my and say, “If I’m going to others philosophical family is my father wake up alive, give me or theological questions. once saying, while a sign,” and if the house looking out the large creaked, I’d feel better. glass picture window of our house in the That was the extent of my prayer life. woods, “God is in the wind and the trees.” I So when I came into recovery at 22 years had no idea what he was talking about. old, weighing 280 pounds (about 127 kilos) Another time, when I was watching TV and saw the Twelve Steps written on the wall, with my mother, a blond woman came on the I faced a conundrum. It didn’t last long, howscreen, crying. She had suffered a tragedy and ever. When my first sponsor handed me the she said, through her tears, that prayer had food plan on a slip of paper that night in 1993, gotten her through it. My mother—who had I immediately went home and wrote a letter suffered her share of tragedy—rolled her eyes, to God. Why did I do that when I had no relaughed, and said to the TV, “Prayer, ligious background, no real experience with shmayer!” It was clear to me that we didn’t prayer? I think I knew, deep down, that I was speak of God, or prayer, or religion. We went going to need some power greater than my10

April 2022

self to help me eat what was written on that paper. Before that night, I essentially ate nothing but sugar and flour. So when I got the food plan and heard people talking about changing, I knew this was serious. I knew it was where I belonged, and I knew I couldn’t do it on my own.

What I share with people now, 28-plus years later, is that willingness to rely on a power greater than myself was all I needed. Honestly, that’s all I need, even now. I don’t spend any time thinking about who God is or how God works, or asking myself or others philosoph-

ical or theological questions. That may make for interesting conversation, but it isn’t necessary for my recovery.

I have met and sponsored a lot of people in this program over the years. Each person has a very different background and set of beliefs.

What I find beautiful about this program is that it doesn’t matter; you can succeed and find recovery no matter your background or belief.

My faith has certainly grown over the years.

I am still not religious, and I don’t try to explain or understand God. Yet I trusted those

MEREDITH M., ME

connection

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who came before me in recovery and, from God of my understanding in all aspects of my the beginning, asked and thanked a higher personal life; as a professional, a spouse, a power; to give credit where credit is due. I mother, a sponsor, and a friend. have seen God work in my life over and over I was a flailing, obese 22-year-old who could again, and I can’t really argue with that. So I not hold onto a job, a relationship, or a friendsay, “Thank you.” ship. I am now a 50-year-old woman who has My recovery is based on turning to a higher had a successful long-term career, a good marpower rather than turning to food, or ciga- riage, and a reasonably healthy and sane famrettes, or bad relationships, like I used to. It is ily life. Many people say that the teen years are about pausing and hell for parents. I have waiting to take an actwo teenagers and it’s tion so I don’t act im- What I find beautiful about not always easy, but pulsively or react to of this prothis program is that it doesn’t because other people anygram, life is pretty more. The tools are good. That’s my matter; you can succeed and important, but they higher power workwill not work on their ing; there is no quesfind recovery no matter own. I use the tools to tion in my mind. reinforce my spiritual Nobody gave me a your background or belief. program. checklist of tools to I talk with my sponuse when I came into sor honestly—that’s my higher power work- FA. In fact, my sponsor didn’t share any of ing. I was never honest with anyone on my them with me. That was probably the first inown. I listen with an open mind to her sug- stance of God working in my life, because I gestions—that’s my higher power working. I would have been overwhelmed. I went to as used to rely only on myself. In calls with fel- many meetings as I could because I wanted lows, I do service and really listen to others— to hear more. I made phone calls to connect that’s my higher power working. I used to be with others. I gradually learned about the very self-centered. I go to meetings and hear tools to reinforce my program. But this isn’t a the spirit in the rooms of others trying to get program of tools, It’s a Twelve-Step, spiritual better. I read the literature and take quiet time program of recovery. Without a higher and practice gratitude, all of which reinforce power, it would just be a good diet, and diets my relationship with the God of my under- never worked for me. standing. Most importantly, I rely on the Joanna A., Maryland, US 12

April 2022

Ever Grateful

B

efore recovery, I never knew what gratitude was. I don’t think I had ever heard the word, let alone lived or breathed it. Now I know that it is a way of life that comes from a deep sense of amazement that I am where I am and I have what I have. Gratitude is also a state of mind.

Left to my own devices, I not only would be morbidly obese, I’d also quite possibly be dead from suicide, promiscuity, or self-neglect. At the very least, I would feel chronically miserable from my autoimmune diseases and mentally insane from my damaged, hamster-wheel thinking.

My life is unrecognizable from what it was prior to my joining Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA). Today, if I keep my life free of food and other crutches that keep me from God, I get to have gratitude in my heart. connection

Gratitude is also a practice, an exercise. I have to be willing to have an attitude adjustment. How do weak muscles get strong? Can I lift weights once a week and see a change in my muscle tone? I wish.

But that’s just not the case. For gratitude to become part of me, I need to practice and train my heart and brain daily. I need to practice an attitude of gratitude.

As a newcomer, aside from being grateful for losing weight, it was a big stretch to add anything else to my gratitude list. I had GRACE A., ISRAEL an estranged family who had wronged me, boyfriends cheating, academic probation, an inability to hold down a job, and only eating buddies for friends. That was the extent of my small life.

In hindsight, I can look back at my previous life and see so many things for which I should have been grateful. But in my disease, I was blinded by self-pity and self-cen13

teredness, and I couldn’t appreciate any- God and people. one or anything.

I recently had to speak up to my husband I was also told that gratitude is an action. and I got fearful with dark thoughts. I used So how was I supposed to show gratitude the tool of writing and became clearer if I didn’t feel grateful? Fellows suggested about how I needed to speak and what I that I “act as if ” and “fake it until I make it.” needed to say. I felt God as I wrote and was All the tools and disciplines of FA are acts grateful for the help I got. I was able to be of gratitude. Despite the disease of food calm when we talked, which is always a addiction telling me to self-destruct, I miracle in my book. practiced gratitude At the top of my by picking up the gratitude list every In hindsight, I can look back single phone, volunteering night of my to do service, staying at my previous life and see life is abstinence. abstinent, and showWithout abstinence ing up to meetings. so many things for which I wouldn’t have anyI get to experience thing else to add to the feeling of gratiI should have been grateful. my list. I could litertude, but many ally stay up hours on times it’s delayed. It’s end listing everyso hard for addicts to wait! After many, thing abstinence gives me. I once heard many right actions, gratitude finally enters. about an elderly woman in another Once it’s there, my job is to maintain it.

Twelve-Step program who was riddled Of course, even being abstinent for a with illness of all sorts. Her tagline when long time, it’s impossible to stay grateful people asked how she was, was something 24/7. It humbles me when I have a brat at- like, “I’m in a heck of a lot of pain and I’m tack or go back to old thinking and behav- doing great!” I want to be like her when I iors. But the actions of a grateful heart grow up. I can get there as long as I stay keep pulling me out, and I don’t sink. put, practice honesty, and continue to I still have problems today, but those, pray. too, go on my gratitude list. I don’t need to This recovery journey has proven to be stretch and grow as much when things are rocky at times, but it’s rare these days to going great. Although I’m a feel-good have more than a few hours go by without junkie, I know some of my most painful gratitude oozing out of my pores. experiences have led to a closeness with Anonymous 14

April 2022

No Matter What

Smoothing A Rough Road

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hen I came into Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA), I could not imagine coping with life without turning to food. God willing, next week I’ll be blessed with seven years of abstinence, freedom from the suffering of addictive eating.

I came into FA weighing 318 pounds (about 144 kilos), but my highest weight was around 400 pounds (about 181 kilos). Prior to FA, food used to be so comforting, very gourmet, and lovely.

While eating addictively, I ate so fast and hard I felt like I was going to vomit, but still shoveling food down my throat.

There was a time in my life when I lived on my own and was fiercely independent.

In the height of my disease, however, I suddenly became inept at supporting myself and moved back home with my parents. I coped with life by numbing out with food. When I first heard people say, “Don’t eat no matter what, no matter what, don’t eat,” I couldn’t imagine it. But I’ve learned in FA that I don’t have to eat over anything, no matter what.

In 2009 I lost my job, and the very next connection

month my mom had a series of strokes that left her in a completely vegetative state. She not only didn’t know who she was, she didn’t know what she was. In the past, I’d run far away from difficult situations. This time, through our spiritual toolkit, I was able to show up. I walked with my mom through many forms of rehabilitation, until she was able to talk, walk, and function in her normal daily tasks again. Later that same year, she was in and out of the ICU again.

Once my mom’s health was finally stable, I was hoping for a much better year.

But a short time later, my dad became very sick and died, two days after my birthday. I could not imagine surviving so much emotional pain. When life was rough in the past, I thought I had nowhere to turn but to the food. But this time I was blessed. I turned to my higher power, my sponsor, and my fellows. I didn’t have to eat over any of it. After my dad’s passing, I walked with my mom through the loss of our family home.

Even our cat of 15 years died around the same time.

FA members with long-term abstinence 15

Twelve Traditions encouraged me to ask my higher power (which I’m comfortable calling God; good orderly direction) to help me find joy even in these tough moments. My sponsor helped me connect with other fellows who had walked similar roads abstinently, and I was able to tap into their strength and learn what helped them cope without food. Fellows supported me in so many ways. We even had packing parties on weekends where fellows would come for an hour or two to help us box up a room and share an abstinent meal together.

Last year, I finally found a full-time job.

I struggled with my identity while searching for work for more than four years. I have now made peace with knowing I was working on exactly what God needed me to focus on: my recovery, supporting my family, and walking with them through many transitions.

All along God was right beside me, bringing me part-time or temporary jobs.

While I sometimes felt confused spiritually in all the loss and difficulty around me, God kept nudging me to the next right action. I felt so loved and supported by my sponsor and fellowship. It took a village to keep me abstinent and on track. By the grace of God, I don’t have to eat over life, no matter what.

Cynthia B., California, US 16

1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on FA unity.

2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.

3. The only requirement for FA membership is a desire to stop eating addictively.

4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or FA as a whole.

5. Each group has but one primary purpose – to carry its message to the food addict who still suffers.

6. An FA group ought never endorse, finance or lend the FA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.

7. Every FA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

8. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

9. FA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

10. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues, hence the FA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.

12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

Adapted with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous April 2022

SUS AN

F., N

Y

Lighten Up!

Three is the Magic Number

T

he first weekend I was in Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA), I worked at an antique book fair for a good friend. I had to pack my breakfast, lunch, and dinner because it was an allday event. I was nervous, as I’d never done it before, but with the help of my sponsor, I weighed and measured, checked and rechecked, and was finally ready to venture out, hoping for the best. I also brought the three phone lists from my committed meetings and was ready to dive into the tool that gave me the most challenge.

After my lunch break, I informed my friend that I needed a little extra time to make some phone calls. No problem. I began making calls, but it took quite a bit longer than I had anticipated. Fellows I reached reassured me

connection

that sometimes on weekends it’s a bit harder to reach folks and not to worry.

The next day I reported to my sponsor that all my tools were in order except I hadn’t completed my calls. I’d only made it through the first list.

“This program has very dedicated people,” I said. There was silence on the other end.

“Lists?” she queried. “Yes,” I said. “I still have two more to go”. More silence. “You only need to make three calls, not all three lists in one day,” she said.

The telephone tool is no longer a challenge.

I look forward to reaching out to my fellows, and occasionally make more than three calls in a day for my recovery. After all, I’m an expert now.

Ann L., California, US 17

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.