Through ages and stages

Through ages and stagesMelissa Een // EOTT

By: Melissa Een

Imagine coming home after a particularly draining or emotionally turbulent day at school. What do you do? Do you hug a parent and cry to them about what your friend said in the playground that afternoon? Do you go to your room and huddle under your blankets? Do you listen to sad music or rant into your journal? Although we all have probably done most of these or at least something similar in our lifetimes, it really depends on age.

A young elementary schooler might find solace in a parent’s understanding, while a middle school tween would prefer to hide under the covers until it all goes away. As people age and mature, we develop new interests, habits, fears and comforts while growing out of old ones.

When I was five, even my greatest sadnesses could be fixed by a cup of hot chocolate, a nap and a hug from my mom. This is common in children, who have strong emotional attachments to their parents and or guardians. Parents are the primary providers of comfort to kids, and and children depend on them for both their physical and emotional needs.

As we grow into our teen years, we start to self-comfort more and become less dependent on a parental figure.

Self-comfort is different for everyone. It could be talking to friends over video call, watching a comedy or playing games on the computer. Maybe it’s reading a book, listening to music, writing in a journal or screaming into a pillow. It could even be running or yoga, dancing or taking a walk. The possibilities are endless, and different things work in different situations.

We often learn these things through trial and error. After an online conversation with a now-former friend last September, I was so angry that my hands were literally shaking with rage and I couldn’t type well enough to respond to his message. I ended up throwing a punch at my wall, which did not help and just made my fist hurt. Later, I mentioned this to my best friend, and she told me something to the effect of: you idiot, don’t punch a wall, punch a pillow. This is very good advice which I have implemented with much more success and much less pain.

Life goes on and we will continue to explore new ways to vent and calm ourselves down. Of course, old comforts never completely fade away. I still cuddle my stuffed bear Mr. Snuggles as I fume about politics or lay in bed as my brain insists that I have to remember the title of a book I read seven years ago before I go to sleep and I doubt that will change in the near future.

As time passes, however, the things that used to comfort us might become less effective as we grow and change, and that is okay. We might feel nostalgic about our younger years when life was simpler and apple juice still tasted like liquid sunshine, and that’s okay too. The important thing is to keep looking ahead into the future, to keep making choices and trying new things. Change is an unavoidable part of life, and that simple fact is one of the most comforting things in the world.