A SPECIAL ON SEX, HEALTH & RELATIONSHIPS
produced by
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Talking about sex doesn’t have to be as difficult as you think. Whether it’s knowing about your contraceptive choices, explaining STIs, understanding what makes a healthy relationship, coping with emotions or understanding your body, within these pages you’ll find articles written by young people that tackle these issues head on. Sex. Worth talking about. All articles were written by young people between the ages of 13 and 19, and originally appeared in five previous issues of Exposure magazine. The articles and this booklet were commissioned by Haringey Council and NHS Haringey. For help with any of the issues in this booklet see the directory on the back page.
» Pages 4-5
MASS-DEBATING THE ISSUE Joey Leskin on why it’s great to masturbate... » Pages 6-7 EASY ON ALCOHOL Emma Burridge on the dangers of the booze and the bees » Pages 8-9 GOOD LOVIN’ Sex and relationship education is changing says Ellen Scott » Page 10 C-CARD & ARE YOU READY Information on being ready for sex + a new way to get STI tests and guidence » Pages 12-13 CLINICAL THINKING Sharaye Stanberry on why young people need C.A.S.H. in Haringey’s FE colleges » Pages 14-15 IS THIS LOVE? Lucie Hembra asks is your relationship healthy? » Back Page 16 DIRECTORY A list of support and advice services for young people Exposure Organisation Limited registered in England no. 3455480 registered charity no. 1073922 The Bigger Shoe Box, Muswell Hill Centre, Hillfield Park, N10 3QJ info@exposure.org.uk www.exposure.org.uk (c) 2010. All rights reserved.
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DEBATIN’ the issue
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Joey Leskin on why it’s great to masturbate... A comedian once said, “We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.” So it’s fair to say that masturbating is very common, perhaps more than most like to admit. When most people say that they don’t do it, they’re probably lying, Dr. Harold Litten, “The Joy of Solo Sex” reckoned that 99% of human beings ‘knock one out’. It’s no big thing, it’s blowin’ your load, jackin’ the beanstalk, bein’ your own best friend, polishin’ your pearl, flickin’ the bean or rubbin’ the nubbin’. The fact is: masturbation is natural, legal and most importantly, safe. At a certain time in our lives, our swinging, irresponsible, party animal hormones lead to something called puberty. We start developing new feelings, having desires to do different things, and our bodies start changing although you probably already know this from that solitary biology lesson where everyone pays attention. We’ve all had
Masturbation is normal the extreme pleasure of a teacher getting to the part in the curriculum regarding sex, stumbling and staggering over some of the finer terminology and eventually giving up under a chorus of laughter and crude sexual references. One aspect of puberty is the need, and ability, to masturbate. New sex and relationships website www.ruthinking.co.uk states, “masturbation is touching or stimulating your own or someone else’s genitals for sexual pleasure. Masturbation is a natural and normal way of exploring your own body.” Males learn almost immediately that masturbation is a natural thing and many are quite open about it, especially with friends. It could almost be considered an everyday thing, like say, using a cash machine, and after all, both involve getting something out. However, since boys are known to supposedly do it more than girls, female masturbation is only spoken of
in whispers as if it were somehow inappropriate. But why is it that females can’t be open about ‘enjoying themselves’ in the same way that males can? The negative notion of girls masturbating must be corrected, for male and female masturbation are equally instinctive and valid alternatives to actual sexual intercourse. Many girls think that it’s ‘different for boys’ as it’s ‘more natural’ for them to do it’. When was it decided that, in the privacy of your own room that girls shouldn’t explore their own bodies simply because they’ve got boobs and a vagina and boys have a penis? If anything they need more time to masturbate! It’s equal opportunities we’re talking about here people. It is something to do alone, in private, or to share with a loved one. A ‘handjob’ or ‘fingering’ is a safe type of sex, and can often produce pleasure equal to or even exceeding that from intercourse. But it is interesting to note that ‘fingering’ is socially acceptable and even expected, yet a girl fingering herself is not, and it is therefore obvious that this shouldn’t be the case. Many myths exist regarding masturbation, which have developed and mutated like Chinese whispers and none of which are true. Masturbation does not affect fertility for either boys or girls; boys can’t run out of sperm; you can’t go blind, grow hair on your palms or give you spots; and most of all, you cannot get an STI – in fact, the contrary, for masturbation is the safest sex of all. If you don’t masturbate, and aren’t lying, then start right away. It’s great. See the directory on the back page (p16) for local services relating to issues raised in this booklet.
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Emma Burridge on the dangers of the booze and the bees We’ve all done regretful things when drunk, whether it’s dancing like a fool in front of everyone, showing more flesh than you originally wanted to, or yelling at your best friend. But sometimes, the hangover of what happened the night before can have a much bigger, much worse, and much longer lasting effect on you. According to the ‘Trust for the Study of Adolescence’, eight out of ten teenagers lose their virginity when drunk. They also state that sexually transmitted
a girl who is wasted. A harsh reality, but something we need to be aware of when topping up our glasses. Alarmingly, according to parentingteens.about.com of the school students asked, 18% of females and 39% of males say it is acceptable for a boy to force sex if the girl is stoned or drunk. If over a third of boys believe this, the idea of girls regularly going out and getting hammered is a scary thought. Boys who are intoxicated are also more likely to commit sexual assault. The ‘Journal of Sex Education and Therapy’ reported that 68% of students who had been sexually attacked said their attacker was under the influence of alcohol. Therefore, alcohol doesn’t only make you more vulnerable, but more aggressive.
Boys who are intoxicated are also more likely to commit sexual assault infections, such as chlamydia, are most common in people between the ages of 16 and 19. Research proves there’s a link between the two. Drinking excessively can depress your central nervous system, lower your inhibitions and impair your judgement: ever noticed someone at a party when you’ve had a few, thought they were attractive, but then was shocked the next time you saw them? That’s alcohol playing tricks on you. Judgement calls and self respect go out the window, leading to unsafe sex. In such circumstances, he might forget to put a condom on or not wear it correctly; she might not care either way. Excessive drinking has been scientifically proven to stimulate sexual feelings, making teens more likely to engage in sexual activity. The ‘Better Health Channel’ website states that the possible effects of binge drinking on adolescents are date rape, exposure to sexually transmitted infections, sex without a condom, and possible pregnancy. Girls are at particular risk of being exploited when drunk. Some boys (obviously not all!) will take advantage of
A recent article in the Times newspaper said that, “too much alcohol leads to unsafe sex”. Their research showed that an incredible 80% of couples, where one of the partners had HIV, did not use condoms while under the influence of alcohol. Testament to how careless people can be when inebriated, even with a virus that once developed into AIDS kills over 8,500 people around the world everyday. And of course, the other major factor with unsafe sex is pregnancy. Children’s minister, Beverley Hughes MP, admitted, “alcohol contributes to a significant proportion of unwanted teenage pregnancies.” So fellow teens, I urge you to take control and know your limit! If you take it too far, you could end with an unwanted baby, with some sort of horrible infection, or even be a victim of sexual assault. For advice and support on alcohol and drug issues contact In-Volve 020 8493 8525 or email office@haringey. in-volve.org.uk See the directory on the back page (p16) for local services relating to issues raised in this booklet.
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Sex and relationship education is changing says Ellen Scott You’re a teenage girl who is having unprotected sex. Every time you do it you risk getting pregnant (not to mention STIs). If you get pregnant your stomach gets huge, you can get stretch marks, you will get emotional, you’re likely to suffer from morning sickness, your feet will swell, and after nine months of that, you have a baby, which hurts, a lot. That baby takes up time, energy, and a lot of money. You’ll be exhausted all day, and unable to sleep at night as the baby keeps crying – all because you and your boyfriend didn’t use a condom. According to Channel 4’s ‘Sex Education Show’, 21 British teenagers get pregnant everyday. That’s the highest rate in Europe. The biggest problem with sex and
help with talking to their children about sex (Haringey already has this up and running!). Currently teenagers receive their knowledge of sex from many different corners. Some of their friends may choose not to have sex at all, while others practise safe sex regularly without problems. Additionally youngsters also receive advice from friends and family. There are conflicting opinions coming from many directions leaving teenagers unsure of what stance they should be taking – and it’s here that the new SRE will have the biggest impact. All across the country, young people will all be receiving the same sound advice on both the physical and, especially, the emotional aspects of sexual intercourse
We’ve been taught about the science of sex and pregnancy, but not about the emotional implications of being physically intimate relationship education (SRE) is that we’ve been taught about the science of sex and pregnancy, but not about the emotional implications of being physically intimate. Although the legal age for intercourse in Britain is 16, in practice many teenagers have sex younger, when sex can easily be mistaken for love and affection – surely school age is the perfect time to learn about such factors so even young people under the legal age can make informed decisions. But SRE in schools is changing. The government is listening to concerns and is making changes to the way SRE is taught in our schools. They are currently working on a change in the curriculum where it would become law for schools to focus on the relationship side of sex as much as the physical side. The government is also promoting special courses for parents who need
and relationships. Schools will also have to demonstrate that they are teaching it well. Teenagers do not currently see sex as something intimate. Sex needs to be embraced as something special, an important part of any healthy relationship, as well as being fun. Education of sex in young people would promote respect for your partner and yourself, making it more likely for protection to become normal when having sex – after all there’s nothing attractive about a teenager who is HIV positive and has a screaming baby, is there? See the directory on the back page (p16) for local services relating to issues raised in this booklet.
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There’s a new way to get condoms in Haringey and across London for young people age 25 and under. Register for the C-Card scheme and get a key fob unique to you. Use it at selected areas anywhere in the capital and get information and the contraception you need to stay safe. Use the C-Card at one of the three new interactive Medi Vend machines in Haringey and get condoms and chlamydia testing kits. All free and confidential. For more information visit www.shharingey.co.uk
When you’re a teenager, sex can be a stressful and sometimes scary thing, and it’s difficult to know when you are ready. There is no right and wrong way to feel, and it is always okay to wait for the right time.
IT’S DIFFICULT TO KNOW IF YOU’RE READY TO HAVE SEX. YOU MAY BE IF: » Having sex is for you, and not because your partner, or friends, say you should. » You know how to use contraception correctly.
» You understand the options available to you if you or your partner gets pregnant.
» You can openly discuss sex without embarrassment. REMEMBER, YOU NEVER HAVE TO DO ANY SEXUAL ACT, EVEN JUST KISSING, IF YOU DON’T FEEL READY. Even if you do feel ready remember that you can have fun with someone without going all the way. Kissing, cuddling and fondling can often be just as enjoyable and intimate as penetrative sex. It really helps if you get to know your own body first – you can guide your partner towards your favourite bits and show them what to do when they get there! The more you know about your body, the more you can look after it and use it healthily. Also remember that human bodies are not perfect, they can react in strange and surprising ways. Lots of young people build sex up, and you might find yourself getting anxious. Try not to put pressure on yourself, as things are far more likely to go wrong. If sex doesn’t go as planned (and it often doesn’t) try and see the funny side of it. Don’t torture yourself or tell yourself that you did something wrong. People spend their whole lives trying to get sex right!
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CLINICAL THINKING Sharaye Stanberry on why young people need C.A.S.H. in Haringey’s FE colleges I was with my boyfriend for five months before we had sex. I was 16 and he was 17. We used a condom; I knew a bit about sexual health and I’d read about teenage pregnancy in magazines. During the weeks that followed I began feeling nauseous. My mum asked questions; I assured her I was okay; I knew I couldn’t be pregnant because we took precautions, but if I was I didn’t want to think about it, or deal with the consequences. Skip forward eight months. I looked into
pregnant or have an STI may be in denial. To combat these issues, Haringey Council have set up new C.A.S.H. clinics at the College of Haringey and Enfield North East London (CoHENEL) and the Haringey 6th Form Centre in Tottenham. These colleges are being targeted because research shows that most young people become sexually active between the ages of 16 and 19. These young people will have easy access to essential sexual
Students should take advantage of the clinics as they are conveniently placed and the family doctor doesn’t need to be notified the mirror and saw what I’d been hiding all this time: a bump poking out of my unbuttoned shirt. I was scared. I’d been living in constant stress since I first missed my period. I felt completely alone. I didn’t want to be pregnant, but I couldn’t ignore it any longer. I told my mum the night before I gave birth. Like the girl in this story, young people don’t always seek contraception and sexual health advice (now coined C.A.S.H. by the government) when they should; many don’t know where to get advice from anyway. Some young people feel scared or uncomfortable talking about their sex lives. Those who are
health advice, contraception, take-away information, STI and pregnancy tests. The clinics are situated right where studying takes place, and the family doctor need not be notified about issues that are discussed. A government document called Improving Access to Young People in Further Education Settings explains why these new C.A.S.H. clinics are so important: Teenage parents and their children are generally poor. Teenage mothers are most likely to bring up their child alone and in poverty.
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This could be stopped if the mothers seek medical advice before it gets this far or if they used contraception to begin with. Education has the biggest impact on teenage conception rates and young people who leave school later, with qualifications, are less likely to have early intercourse. They also are more likely to use contraception, and (for women) less likely to become pregnant if they have sex. Young people have always needed a local clinic to go to, but not so close to home where parents or family members can spot them. It finally seems government attitudes to sex education are changing. C.A.S.H. clinics are targeting those young people who can benefit most from the service by making it easy, accessible, and confidential. Perhaps if the girl in the story at the beginning of this article had a clinic in her sixth form, she wouldn’t have had to
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deal with all that pain and stress alone. You don’t have be having sex to have questions: call the 4YP Nurse at CoHENEL on 07984 037 172 or at the Haringey 6th Form Centre on 07943 817 289 or 07506 824 580. See the directory on the back page (p16) for local services relating to issues raised in this booklet.
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Lucie Hembra asks is your relationship healthy? ‘Although we know that one in four women experience domestic violence, it is still shocking to find out that this statistic applies equally to teenage girls in their very first relationships.’ – Women’s Aid Chief Executive, Nicola Harwin CBE. Domestic abuse takes place within a relationship. It can be physical like punching or pushing, psychological like name calling, threats, blaming, or being controlling, or sexual like forcing a person to have sex or perform sexual acts against their will. Although men can be victims of domestic abuse, according to Women’s Aid more than 80% of victims are women; one-in-four teenage girls have been assaulted by a partner, and
The NHS says that partners commit 45% of all rapes; these incidents are less likely to be reported to the police than those committed by strangers. If your partner is physically forcing you to have sex, you must consider reporting it to the police – not making someone accountable for their actions reinforces their behaviour. It’s common for a victim to find leaving an abusive relationship difficult. The victim may be worried that they will get hurt. If children are involved, they may feel that splitting up is not best for the child. Some people in these types of relationships may think that they are to blame for their partner’s aggressive
It’s unacceptable if your partner starts pressuring you to have sex when you’re not ready perhaps more shocking, nearly a quarter of 14-year-old girls have been forced to have sex or do something else sexual by someone they were dating. It’s easy to tell when you’re in a healthy relationship: you and your partner respect each other; you can talk to them openly, and you enjoy the time you spend together. However, telling the difference between this and an unhealthy relationship isn’t so easy. A relationship can be happy for a long time before it becomes abusive. There are signs to recognise when a relationship might be becoming unhealthy. These could be when your partner stops you from seeing particular people, or going out; constantly checks up on you or accuses you of seeing other people; calls you hurtful names; hits you or threatens to hit you. None of these things are acceptable, and all are cause to consider whether the relationship has become abusive. Sexual assault is very common in abusive relationships and you could be pressured into doing things you’re not comfortable with. It’s unacceptable if your partner pressures you to have sex when you’re not ready.
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behaviour, but remember that only the partner is at fault for their actions, not you. You can never drive someone to hit you, or force you to do something against your will. If you are in an abusive relationship you could benefit from finding support from family, friends, or getting in touch with a support organisation that can give you advice on ending the relationship or recovering from trauma. If any of these issues sound familiar and you or someone you know is in need of help you can contact Hearthstone, Haringey’s domestic violence, advice and support centre, on 020 8888 5362 or the NIa Project on 020 7683 1210 or National Domestic Violence Emergency Line 0808 2000 247. See the directory on the back page (p16) for local services relating to issues raised in this booklet.
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4YP Haringey Contraception and sexual health services for young people in Haringey including dedicated clinics, drop-in sessions, the 4YP bus and the C-Card (free condoms) scheme www.shharingey.gov.uk All clinics & appointments Tel: 020 8442 6536
» Girl Diva
For lesbian bisexual and questioning women aged 25 & under. www.girldiva.org.uk
» Hearthstone
» 4YP Clinic
» Haringey Young People’s Counselling Service
St Ann’s Hospital, St Ann’s Road, Tottenham N15 3TH Tuesday 14:30 - 16:30 Wednesday 13:30 - 15:00 Friday 17:00 - 19:00
For people experiencing domestic violence 020 8888 5362
Advice and support for young people 020 8493 1019
» Connexions
(women only under 20) Lordship Lane Clinic 239 Lordship Lane, N17 6AA Thursday 09:30 - 15:00 Thursday 15:30 - 18:30
Drop-in centres Marcus Garvey Library Tottenham Green Leisure Centre, 1 Philip Lane, N15 4JA 020 8489 1243 Wood Green Library 2nd Floor High Road, N22 6XD 020 8489 5200
» Bpas
» Youthspace
» 4YP Plus
020 8883 0260
For young people with drug and alcohol issues office@haringey.in-volve.org.uk 020 8493 8525
» 4YP Nurses
Joy Clarke: 07943817289 Suzanne Millar: 07984037172 Gloria Hepburn: 07506824580 Evelyn Sombi: 07506824578
Termination of Pregnancy service Call Actionline for advice 08457 30 40 30
» Outzone created by
» In-Volve
Confidential information and support for lesbian, gay and bisexual young people www.outzone.org
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For all local services for young people www.youthspace.haringey.gov.uk
» Support for Teenage Mothers Jan: 07817 164 4733 Margaret: 07971 309 513
» Support for Teenage Fathers Terry: 07967 012 133
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