Exposure mag 129 - Loneliness

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OR AT LEAST NOT AS ALONE Editorial

By Arjan Arenas & Angela Chen

Do you ever feel like you have no one to talk to? No one to share your problems with? You’re not alone, or at least not as alone as you might think.

According to a report last year from the Jo Cox Commission on Loneliness, over 9 million people in Britain often or always feel lonely.

Half of all people aged 75 and older in the UK live alone but perhaps more shocking is that young people are the most isolated generation of our times.

Being connected to others is a fundamental human need, crucial to our survival and well-being. Studies have shown that long-term loneliness is more damaging to our health than smoking 15 cigarettes per day.

Many young people are lonely due to the intense pressures of modern life, including dealing with major

transitions and losing a sense of community.

Perhaps families, enraptured by their phones, no longer share meals together. Perhaps neighbours, obsessed with the internet, no longer stop to talk to you in the morning. Or perhaps the ubiquity of social media has made everyone’s lives seem more exciting and successful than yours.

In this edition, we explore what causes young people to feel isolated and the severe impacts of loneliness, ranging from low self-esteem to suicide.

You can also find advice and support about what can be done to deal with these issues.

It’s up to us all to help one another and a simple, small gesture can make a positive difference to someone’s day.

Exposure is an award winning youth communications enterprise. If you are considering a career as a creative professional or just want to improve on key skills, and increase your chances of employment, get involved.

Gain the confidence, know-how, contacts and experience required to succeed in your chosen path.

Exposure is a registered trademark of Exposure Organisation Limited, registered in England no. 03455480 Registered charity no. 1073922. The views expressed by young people in Exposure do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher or its funders. (c) 2018. All rights reserved. ISSN 1362-8585

A S YO U M I G H T T H I N K Contributors

Featured work by: Arjan Arenas Additional contributions: Brian Adams Luqman Ali Victoria Attridge-Smith Ahuzar Demir Maya Eagles

Angela Chen Shane Gunesh Sumaiya Hannan Lauretta Harrison Chelsea Hines Rivera Jahan Jiwa Dawit Kidane

020 8883 0260 07715 642 918 info@exposure.org.uk www.exposure.org.uk

Naaila Muhammad Tyreece King Tia-Mai Laine Nadim Malique Michael Nicola Jaden Okyere Erelete Papaj

Bethan Palmer

Emily Kelly

Harry Pollard Zion Panglose-Johnson Ben Teeny Louisa Stratton Dea Xherri

exposureorg exposureuk exposureorg exposure_org

Special thanks to John Lyon’s Charity for providing the grant to make this project possible. Thank you to students at The Compton School, Barnet & Southgate College and Woodhouse College.

GENERATIONS

Arjan Arenas explores the importance of staying connected to society

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that caused by smoking 15 cigarettes a day.”

Loneliness is an issue that has gained increasing attention in the past few months especially. It’s an issue that now appears to be far more serious than was first thought.

The issue of loneliness has become so serious that a government minister has been appointed to tackle it.

Last year, it was announced that Tracey Crouch would be tasked with heading the Jo Cox Commission on Loneliness, leading the press and other commentators to nickname her new position ‘the Minister for Loneliness’. Judging by recent statistics, she’s got her work cut out for her.

A study, published in 2010 that has only this year become frequently cited when highlighting the alarming severity of the problem, shows that social isolation can cause “a reduction in lifespan similar to

According to a report from the Commission, over 9 million people in Britain often or always feel lonely.

When you think about which group in society makes up those 9 million people, you might think of the

APART “A study shows that social isolation can cause a reduction in lifespan similar to that caused by smoking 15 cigarettes a day” elderly. After all, until recently, most discussions about loneliness seemed to revolve explicitly around how older people can be helped to feel less isolated.

Thanks, in no small part, to the media, you’d be forgiven for thinking that the elderly are the only group severely afflicted by loneliness. Virtually every newspaper and TV report on the subject, feature obligatory images of grey-haired pensioners gazing forlornly into space.

There’s no denying that older people are severely affected by loneliness – so severely, in fact, that the NHS warned last year that the combination of loneliness and the cold could prove fatal for many of them in winter.

However, more recent evidence from the Office of National Statistics shows that almost 10% of young people aged 16 to 24 were always or often lonely – the highest proportion of any age group in the country.

So what makes young people statistically the loneliest age group in Britain?

It’s easy to point the finger solely at social media, which is undoubtedly a significant factor, but there’s far more to it than that. Needless to say, loneliness is a social issue as well as a health issue, and today’s society has placed an increasing amount of pressures on young people contributing to the current epidemic.

One of the key causes of loneliness in our age group is the struggle many young people have with adjusting to major changes in their lives. Whether you’re making the transition to school, college, apprenticeships, university, work, or facing difficulties in your relation-

ships with friends or family.

Such significant transitions will often lead to a shift in identity, challenging your sense of self. Establishing a new part of your identity can be challenging and difficult, and most people, young and old, have a strong need to feel a sense of real connectedness and belonging, and want to fit in with like-minded individuals.

One aspect of life that is very important in finding a sense of belonging is being part of a community, a body of people who socialise with and support each other through times of change and upheaval.

Whether this is a physical community, such as the neighbourhood you live in, or a large group united by shared experiences, interests or backgrounds, being part of a collective that you can regularly interact with is extremely beneficial for your mental and physical wellbeing.

In an age where the importance of the individual and self-sufficiency is becoming increasingly emphasised, the sense of reassurance and inclusion that many people get from being part of a community is being lost.

So, as a young person, what can you do to cope with and combat loneliness? Encourage people to start conversations with each other, in person. Make real-life plans with people who share the same interests as you.

If you’d like advice and support for overcoming loneliness, see helplines here:

www.itv.com/thismorning/loneliness-helplines

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I, NARCISS Angela Chen tells a story of how dreams of fame lead to destruction I felt trapped in the deadly silence of the hospital room. The taste of those pills lingered, adding to my discomfort. The tabloid press speculated that I took the antidepressants because I wanted to kill myself.

Yet millions across the world envied my lifestyle.

I was famous for being famous. My glamorous social media accounts and pics chronicled an existence of endless glorious plates of gastronomy (food that I never actually ate) makeup innovations, parties and pristine swimming pools, all lacquered and shiny with the promise of the perfect life.

My acne disappeared under a layer of luminescent bronzer, with highlights creating dramatic cheekbones.

The bones poking out of my back were Photoshopped away so my body always looked toned and tanned; the truth was that I had not eaten solid foods for a month now. This diet had reduced my once lustrous hair into thinning clumps, but Jan, my agent, made sure I always had the best hair extensions.

Beep, beep, beep. The phone buzzed in my hand and Jan’s photo popped up. When I first met Jan, she wore threadbare clothes and had an air of desperation.

Now, after discovering me, she wore nothing but the latest Prada and Versace. Her appearance had thankfully improved but she had become a much more demanding and difficult agent.

“What do you want?”

“Oh, honey! I’ve got great plans to boost your image.

For starters I’ve organised a trip to an orphanage in Pakistan for tomorrow. We can film you giving all the poor kids presents...”

Abruptly, I hung up the phone. I was tired, shaken and hurting and the first thing she asked me about was a publicity stunt. Typical Jan. For the rest of the day, my phone remained eerily silent; I received not one call or text asking after my health or wellbeing. My so-called friends posted 6

their concerns online but nobody visited. My only companion was the low hum of a daytime soap on the TV; at least there were no paparazzi in sight wielding their intrusive cameras; nor hordes of obsessive fans pounding on the door.

Deep purple patches circled my eyes and my lips were pale, bloodless, like a corpse. My good looks had totally vanished after the overdose but, instead of being alarmed, I was strangely apathetic. I felt a gnawing restlessness, a mix of boredom, regret and longing for something deeper.

I should have been grateful for the plethora of ‘get well’ cards and fragrant flowers, from an endless

IST

“My glamorous social media accounts and pics chronicled an existence of endless makeup, parties and pristine swimming pools...” another person. Maybe that was why I overdosed – to finally feel something real. supply of so-called admirers — André, Sandra, Timothy...

On Instagram, it seemed as if I had the perfect lifestyle.

Perfect body, perfect face, perfect friends.

Yet where were they now?

Glued to the screen, like an addict, I am slowly but surely wasting away. The screen is a dark mirror into my innermost fantasies. If I lean in too closely, I might lose myself forever in the virtual world, whilst my real body falls apart.

We must have met at countless parties but they were so similar they all blurred into nothing.

The men were fake and the women faker, more concerned with wearing the right shade of nail polish than remembering each other’s names.

Despite my face appearing on the front cover of every gossip magazine and having one of the most popular social media accounts in the world, I felt dissatisfied. Chasing for more likes and followers, I could never fill the hole left by the lack of authentic connection in my life.

I am the Narcissus of modern times.

If you feel you suffer from any of the issues described in this short story, please check out:

depressionalliance.org uk-rehab.com/blog/social-media-addiction

Sometimes, I went through entire days without having a single face-to-face conversation with 7

ANTISOCIAL Naaila Ofori Muhammad explores the snowballing epidemic affecting young as well as older people

Loneliness. A word usually attached to older people. A lack of family and a dead spouse are common tropes associated with the elderly.

In Japan, many old people die alone. It happens so frequently it has its own phrase: “lonely deaths”.

It’s estimated that there are 4,000 “lonely deaths” a week in Japan. Shockingly, a person can be dead for months until the stench of the corpse alerts people of its presence.

Closer to home issues of social isolation and loneliness prevail. Nearly half of the UK population feel lonely.

According to Age UK, more than 2 million people in England over the age of 75 live alone, and more than a million say they go for over a month without speaking to a friend, neighbour or family member. Just like in Japan, the elderly here seem to be forgotten and ignored.

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Around 7 in 10 (average age 63) of those surveyed said their close friends and family would be surprised to learn they were lonely. This is an issue we claim to be all too familiar yet we appear blind to the suffering right in front of us.

But there’s another loneliness: a snowballing epidemic with much less attention paid to it: teen loneliness.

According to a recent report by Acevo, nearly half of young people in the UK often feel lonely. This compares to only a quarter of over 65s. Further studies looking at loneliness region by region have identified London as one of the loneliest regions in the UK. The assumption that we, as teenagers, are constantly on our phones and can’t possibly be lonely is sometimes true. How can we be when we have a constant, overwhelming stream of information readily available for our consumption?

It’s common for teens to spend hours on our phones without interacting with anyone in real-life. You can scroll aimlessly through Instagram, lazily hit the reblog on Tumblr and hastily like on Twitter. This constant, passive acceptance of information masks the actual

MEDIA “Face-to-face interaction is dying and social media venting is rising in its place” lack of real social interaction. Young people in London are twice as likely to feel lonely than their peers from other parts of the UK. A culture of loneliness has arrived on social media too. Jokes and memes about being lonely trivialise the issue. Have we, as young people, become so desensitised we don’t even see it as an issue? Do we even realise we’re lonely?

A ‘venting’ culture has popped up on the Internet.

Apps like ‘Vent’ allow users to anonymously share their feelings whilst receiving virtual affirmation and support from others.

Similarly, on twitter some users anonymously chronicle their pain, interacting with others who feel the same. This has become the way for many to open

up and discuss their feelings.

It seems face-to-face interaction is dying and social media venting is rising in its place. Even among older people, 59% of respondents from a recent survey feel that social media platforms help them to feel connected. But are they?

The Jo Cox Commission is making key steps in the battle against loneliness, and so must we. Start a conversation with someone over a cuppa today!

If you find that you’re lonely you can look for talking therapies in your local area to help manage the mental health effects of loneliness or use an online support community.

Above all, try and interact with as many people as possible. Even if someone has a seemingly active social life, they might be lonely, and by talking to them, you might really make a difference for both them and you.

Support and advice:

mentalhealth.org.uk mind.org.uk

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SAVE THE Bethan Palmer and Emily Kelly address the biggest killer of young men

their own lives worked with American artist, Mark Jenkins and CALM to create each figure.

In March 2018, male suicide prevention charity CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) launched a campaign involving 84 life-size male sculptures, all with their faces covered, perched at the edge of ITV’s headquarters rooftops, in central London.

“CALM has been campaigning and providing support services for 11 years but, try as we might, it isn’t enough to tackle the enormous problem of male suicide,” said CALM CEO Simon Gunning.

This was in an effort to shed light on the prevailing issue of male suicide. Each sculpture embodies a man who took his own life reflecting recent statistics that 84 men, on average, take their own life each week in the UK. Family and friends of real men who have taken

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“As a society we have to move past embarrassment and awkwardness, we have to face this awful issue, discuss it and actively work to stop it.”

MALE Contrary to popular belief, 75% of suicides in the UK are male. This stems partly from the presence of toxic hyper masculinity: the belief that, in order to be male, you must disregard all aspects of femininity.

This expectation of masculinity can lead to repression of ‘softer’ emotions.

For example, crying is seen as a sign of weakness.

Soft emotions are replaced by rage and sexual prowess in order to display the dominance that is expected of men. This is especially prominent in today’s society, where social media places pressures on men and women alike. Men are expected to be muscular and physically dominant.

Repression of emotions is what paves the way to isolation and loneliness in men, which is often where depression and anxiety stem from. Men are diagnosed with mental health issues less than women, but show signs of unhealthier coping mechanisms like using drugs and alcohol. This highlights the detrimental effects of hyper masculinity in men and the denial of negative feelings, which means men are less likely to get the help they need.

Suicide often seems like the only option for men feeling trapped. Which is why it is the biggest killer of men under 45.

With increased mental health awareness, there are signs that this issue is improving. Along with CALM’s recent project 84, many other organisations are tackling male depression including the Movember Foundation, a men’s health charity.

Heads Together, an initiative set up in 2017 aims to get the country talking about mental health. They also partner with CALM to encourage men to talk.

A YouGov survey showed that 83% of people who recently had a conversation about their own mental health found it helpful.

Social media, whilst contributing to the issue of male suicide, has also provided platforms through which people can be educated and supported.

However, there is still a long way to go. One way this problem can be addressed is through understanding the importance of feminism - for men as well as women.

For obvious reasons, promoting equality for women is the main focus of the feminist movement. But, as

“Suicide often seems like the only option for men feeling trapped.

Which is why it is the biggest killer of males under 45.” well as promoting issues for women, the movement highlights issues for men in today’s society.

This ranges from embracing emotions that are deemed as feminine to opening up and allowing themselves to be vulnerable. This is crucial for preventing isolation, as well as ensuring that mental health services for men are fully accessible.

Suicide is three times more common in males than females. However even one suicide is a tragedy for any person and leaves so much devastation in it’s wake.

CALM have made a key step in the battle against male suicide, and so must we. You can contact CALM for help:

Nationwide: 0800 58 58 58 London: 0808 802 58 58

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Loneliness...

...who feels it most?

As part of a wider project on loneliness, our short film ‘Message to Sweet Pea’ is available to watch now. To see it, visit our website or YouTube channel. www.exposure.org.uk exposure_org