Brave Together Volume 3 CLASSIC

GROW IN CONFIDENCE. KNOW YOUR IDENTITY.

3 VOLUME

DEVELOP FOUNDATION

THE QUEST TO DEVELOP A natural diamond is created from pure carbon that crystallized under intense pressure and heat deep within the Earth's mantle. Great things are often forged under pressure, and you are no exception.

As a teenager, you might feel like you’re under pressure—from school, friends, family, and figuring out who you are. But remember, all that pressure you feel can shape you into something stronger and more brilliant than you can imagine.

“A diamond is a chunk of coal that did well under pressure.” – Henry Kissinger​ This quote isn’t just a clever saying—it’s a reminder of your potential. Every challenge or stressful moment you face is like the heat and pressure that turns coal into diamonds. Each time you get through a tough math test, stand up for a friend or resist following the crowd when you know something’s not right, you’re building your character. You’re getting stronger, wiser, and more sparkly on the inside.

The pressure isn’t there to break you; it’s there to make you.

“Leaders aren’t born, they are made. And they are made just like anything else, through hard work.” – Vince Lombardi​ Lombardi was right—every leader starts out as an ordinary person facing challenges. What sets them apart is how they respond to challenges. They learn from mistakes instead of giving up, stay true to their values, and keep going when things get tough.

Whether you see yourself as a natural leader or a steady supporter, leadership is something you will step into at various moments in life.

Ready to start uncovering your shine? Let’s dive into Volume 3 and develop a solid foundation—your integrity, character, values, and healthy friendships. Think of yourself as a diamond in the making.

Let’s get started!

With gratitude, The Brave Together Team

BRAVE TOGETHER (CLASSIC) - VOL 03 Copyright © 2025 Releasing Generations Published by Releasing Generations Printed in the United States of America All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

All articles, art, and photographs have been published and printed with the permission of their creators.

Art Direction and Graphic Design by: Ahava Design, LLC. Photos by Unsplash and Shutterstock.

TheBraveSeries.com Brave Together is a publication created by Releasing Generations, a non-profit organization that empowers people of all ages to thrive with purpose, while knowing their value. We focus on equipping leaders to positively impact young people through events, training, and resources that build emotional and relational wholeness and release creativity and leadership.

Brave Together Volume 03 (Classic) – 9/2025

DIG DEEPER

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Volume 03

Vol. 01

Vol. 02

CHAPTER 1: BRAVE, BOLD, BEAUTIFUL – KNOW YOURSELF

THE CLOSET OF YOUR HEART: OUT OF HIDING, INTO HEALING

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CHAPTER 1: FORGIVENESS

CHAPTER 2: STAND FIRM – SECURE AND CONFIDENT

CHAPTER 2: GRIEF

Discover Purpose

Dig Deeper

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CHAPTER 3: YOUR DESIGN

CHAPTER 3: UNRAVELING EMOTIONS

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CHAPTER 4: BORN TO CREATE – YOUR CREATIVE FLOW

CHAPTER 4: PERSEVERANCE

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CHAPTER 5: FREEDOM TO DREAM

CHAPTER 5: PARENTS AND YOU

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Develop Foundation

Vol. 03

Vol. 04

CHAPTER 1: ESTABLISHING CHARACTER

CHAPTER 1: THE NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF PORNOGRAPHY

Develop Foundation

Daring Pursuit

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CHAPTER 2: VALUES TO LIVE BY

CHAPTER 2: OVERCOMING TRAUMA

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CHAPTER 3: GROWING IN LEADERSHIP

CHAPTER 3: ADDRESSING SEXUAL VIOLENCE

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CHAPTER 4: THE POWER OF WORDS

CHAPTER 4: SEX TRAFFICKING PREVENTION

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CHAPTER 5: BUILDING HEALTHY FRIENDSHIPS ▶ ............................. ..... 70 ▶ . . .......................................... 73 ▶ ............................... 74 ▶ ..... 80

CHAPTER 5: RISING STRONG ▶ ▶ ▶ ▶ ­

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“Integrity is essential and irreplaceable. It is the most valuable asset for a person, a company, or a society seeking to build and progress.”

Rex Tillerson, former US Secretary of State

Chapter 01

Establishing Character BUILDING YOUR CORE

The articles in this chapter are like building blocks for life and leadership—they’ll help shape who you are. Your character is built on the beliefs and habits that guide how you treat people. A solid core will help you overcome tough times and act as a compass that will point you toward making the right choices for the right reasons!

Where is your core? Your core is not just the muscles in your stomach but the center of your entire body — the place that gives you balance, strength, and stability.

Without a strong core, athletes lose power, dancers lose balance, and even simple things like standing tall become harder.

The same is true in life. Your inner core—made up of traits like integrity, responsibility, and faithfulness—holds you steady when life throws you off balance. Whether you’re facing peer pressure, tough decisions, or future goals, it’s your character that keeps you grounded.

Success in life isn’t just about talent or intelligence; it’s about the foundation you stand on. This chapter will help you build that unshakable core so that when life tests you, you’ll be able to stand tall and lead strong.

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CULTIVATING A GROWTH MINDSET.

by Michele Okimura

Want to grow? Value, cultivate, and nurture a growth mindset!

“The more I live, the more I learn. The more I learn, the more I realize, the less I know.” – Michel Legrand

they know everything. Instead, they stay open to learning, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Let’s be honest—nobody likes being told what to do. It’s tough to hear criticism, even when it’s meant to help. And when things get hard, or we fail to meet our goals, it’s easy to feel like giving up. But here’s the truth: The most successful, confident, and respected people in life have something in common—they have a growth mindset. They don’t act like

I remember that at a conference I attended, I noticed one of the attendees, Itsuko, a gray-haired woman in her late 70s, taking notes on her notepad as the speakers shared on stage.

She inspired me, and I thought to myself, “When I grow up, I want to be just like Itsuko! She is someone who is a learner even in her old age!” This woman displayed an attitude called a growth mindset.

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What is a Growth Mindset?

you push through and keep trying? And when a parent, coach, or leader challenges you to grow, do you take it as a positive push forward or see it as unwanted pressure? Being aware of your reactions can help you figure out where you might need to grow and how to become more resilient and open to learning.

A growth mindset is the belief that your abilities, intelligence, and talents can grow with effort, time, and help from others.

It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being willing to grow.

On the flip side, a fixed mindset says, “This is just how I am. I can’t change.” That way of thinking puts a limit on your potential.

People eager to learn and improve don’t always love correction, but they learn to welcome it. Why? Because they care more about growing than protecting their ego.

Think of it like this: Imagine your brain is a muscle. When you work out, your muscles get stronger over time. Your mind is the same. Every time you try, fail, and try again, you're building mental strength. You’re becoming wiser, stronger, and more capable.

How to Develop a Growth Mindset 1. Replace negative thinking with a positive perspective.

Swap “I can’t” for “I’m learning.” Instead of saying, “I’m not good at this, say, “I’m not good at this yet.” That one little word—yet—can change everything. Know that with time and effort, you will only improve and grow! Reflect on what you learned. Any wisdom gained is a win!

Being teachable doesn’t mean you’re weak or less than. It actually shows strength. It means you're secure enough to admit you don’t have all the answers—and brave enough to do something about it.

2. Ask Questions and listen more than you speak. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Curious people become smart people, and asking questions is a sign of strength, not weakness.

When someone gives you advice or feedback, really listen.

You don’t have to agree with everything, but don’t reject what is being said right away. There might be valuable gold in what they’re saying.

Here are some reasons why having a growth mindset can be your superpower: 1. You Grow Faster: People who are teachable soak up wisdom from others. They don’t have to learn every lesson the hard way because they’re willing to listen and learn from someone else’s experience.

3. Surround Yourself with Growth-Minded People. Hang out with people who push you to be better and who are your greatest encouragers. Real friends challenge each other to grow.

2. You Build Better Relationships: Nobody likes a know-it-all.

Being humble and teachable makes you easier to talk to, work with, and trust. It shows respect to the people around you and opens the door for deeper connections.

4. Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection. You won’t get it right every time—and that’s okay. Celebrate the fact that you’re showing up and trying. That’s what growth looks like.

3. You Bounce Back from Failure: When you’re teachable, failure doesn’t crush you. Instead, it becomes a lesson.

You’re able to say, “Okay, that didn’t work—what can I learn from it?” That mindset turns setbacks into comebacks.

Developing a growth-focused attitude isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being willing. Willing to listen. Willing to learn. Willing to grow.

4. You Get Opportunities Others Miss: Coaches, teachers, and leaders notice the ones who are eager to learn. When you're teachable, people want to invest in you and give you chances to grow.

So, next time you face a challenge, remember this: people who embrace a growth mindset don’t just survive—they thrive.

“It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts.”

John Wooden, Hall of Fame Basketball Coach

Think about how you usually react when someone gives you constructive criticism or feedback. Do you shut down, get defensive, or want to quit? Or do you try to learn from it? What about when you’re trying something new and it’s not going perfectly—do you get frustrated and want to give up, or do

“Never stop learning, because life never stops teaching.”

Unknown

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“Like tiny seeds with potent power to push through tough ground and become mighty trees, we hold innate reserves of unimaginable strength. We are resilient.” – Catherine DeVrye, The Gift of Nature

BUILDING RESILIENCE: Turning Setbacks into Comebacks

by Lisa Kai

Life can be messy, uncertain, and full of detours. Plans fall apart, people let you down, and sometimes, you let yourself down. You might feel like quitting, hiding, or giving up on your goals altogether. But what if those exact moments, when everything feels like it’s falling apart, are the moments that shape your future the most?

Here’s the truth: what defines you is not the fall—it’s how you rise.

That’s where resilience comes in. Resilience is the inner ability to bounce back, keep going when life gets tough, and grow stronger through every challenge, disappointment, or pain. It’s not about being perfect or pretending everything’s fine. It’s about showing up, even when it’s hard, and staying hopeful.

I grew up feeling like I wasn’t smart like everyone else because I didn’t speak English until I was five. I didn’t have good grades in English, and when the teacher handed back our tests, if I had a “D” or an “F,” I would hide my papers and not tell anyone.

If you want to succeed in life, relationships, school, or leadership, resilience isn’t optional. It’s essential.

Resilience is different from perseverance. Perseverance helps you push forward, but resilience helps you rise again. You need both to grow strong and succeed.

I found my confidence when I realized that I wasn’t dumb, I was just a slower learner who needed more time to understand things. Rather than pretending to be someone I was not, I grew more resilient by learning from my mistakes. I used my failures as motivation to try again. Over time, I gained more understanding and confidence speaking English with people.

Think of resilience like a muscle. You weren’t born with six-pack abs—and you weren’t born with unshakable inner strength either. But both can grow with intentional practice.

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▶ Shift your self-talk. Your mindset and words shape reality and set the tone for your comeback.

Pay attention to how you speak to yourself when things go wrong. Replace “I’m a failure” with “I’m learning.” Instead of “This is the end,” say, “This is the start of something new.” Choose to believe there is always a way forward. ▶ Remember your “why.” What do you believe you’re called to do or become? Focus your mind on those thoughts. When you know your “why,” you’ll find the strength to endure the “what.” ▶ Anchor your identity in something unshakable.

You’re valuable simply because you were created with a purpose. When you anchor your identity in something more profound, like faith, truth, and values instead of success, popularity, or performance, you will stand, even when life shakes you. ▶ Surround yourself with encouraging, resilient people. You become like those you’re around.

Walk with friends, mentors, and leaders who don’t quit, pick you up when you fall, remind you of your worth when you forget, and challenge you to become the best version of yourself. ▶ Don’t fear failure—use it as a stepping stone.

Every successful person has failed, but what sets them apart is their resilience in trying again. Your comeback could give hope to someone who needs it. Setbacks can teach us vital lessons. Learn. Adjust.

Grow. Try again. That’s the rhythm of resilience.

I had to learn to own my mistakes and not try to fake them or feel embarrassed. I am now a communicator who speaks for a living. I often speak to crowds of 40 to 1500 people, which can be nerve-racking! I don’t want to make mistakes or look like a fool on stage. However, I’ve learned that people are more gracious when you acknowledge your mistakes rather than trying to hide or fake it.

Do you pretend you’re ok even when you’re struggling after experiencing a setback?

I want to encourage you—you don’t have to be perfect.

What matters most is being real. Feeling anxious, discouraged, or needing help doesn’t mean you’re weak.

Resilience is choosing to move forward with courage anyway. People usually appreciate someone real and authentic. Your honesty creates safety and inspires others to do the same.

Understand that you have your whole life to practice and perfect things. Instead of making it a priority to please people, find the courage to push yourself forward and ask for help when you need it.

Mistakes and failures help us understand who we are and what we can do. I recall a quote: “Resilience isn’t just the ability to get back up; it’s the courage to get back up as yourself.”

Many heroes with remarkable resilience can inspire us from the past and present. One such person is Elizabeth Smart, who was tragically abducted at 14 and held captive for nine months. She showed incredible resilience in the aftermath of her trauma. She now speaks boldly on overcoming fear and helping victims of abuse find healing and hope.

“Only those who dare to fail greatly, can ever achieve greatly.” – Robert F. Kennedy

Derrick Rose, one of the youngest MVPs in NBA history, faced career-threatening injuries but never gave up. He kept fighting to get back on the court. His powerful comeback reminds athletes and fans everywhere that it’s possible to rise again, no matter how many times you fall.

Resilient people don’t expect life to be easy—they expect it to be worth it.

▶ Practice Self-Care. Rest, journal, talk to someone—your emotional health matters. Burnout doesn’t make you braver; wisdom does. Even warriors need rest to fight another day.

Keep rising. Keep growing. Keep showing up.

You’re stronger than you know. And your story isn’t over—there are new chapters for you to live out with courage!

How does one grow in resilience?

You don’t have to have it all together. You just need to start building your resilience muscles. Here are some practical ways to do that:

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TAKING RESPONSIBILITY: Why Buffaloes Are Smarter Than Cows

by Scott Custer

“The price of greatness is responsibility.”

Winston Churchill

When I was thirteen, my parents sat me down for an important conversation. First, there was good news: my monthly allowance was going to increase by a factor of ten! Each month, I would receive a nice wad of cash (of course, in return for doing chores and working around the house). I was excited, but it felt like there was going to be a catch. And there was.

the bus was about to leave for school or schedule my calendar. It was time for me to become more responsible.

That conversation impacted me deeply. I took it to heart and began taking more responsibility for my life, education, time, and faith. It wasn’t on anyone else to make the right choices for me: that was my job.

With that money, I would now be responsible for all my own expenses. They would feed me at home and buy school supplies. That was it. I was now responsible for everything else: phone, clothes, eating out with friends, going to the movies, entertainment, gaming, etc. (After blowing all my money on junk food and other dumb purchases early on, I quickly saw the value of making and following a budget!) My parents also told me they would not wake me up in the morning, tell me when

Fast forward to the end of my time at college. I was part of a campus group, and during our final gathering before my graduation, fellow students were invited to share how the seniors had positively impacted their lives. A young woman stood and gave me the greatest compliment I have ever received. The context for her statement was how I took responsibility for myself and cared for those around me.

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She said, “All my life, I have only known guys. You are the first man I have ever met. Thank you for showing me what a man looks like.” (Needless to say, my heart was encouraged by her words for a long time.)

Think of the storm as representing the responsibilities in your life: your daily routine, your education, your chores, your extracurricular activities, your spending, your time, your attitudes, your job—anything you are responsible for.

Now, I do not want to give you the wrong impression here. I do NOT always do the right thing! I don’t always make wise choices. I still run from responsibility far more often than I’d care to admit. I can distract myself from what’s important for hours with television, video games, my phone, and food. My life, health, and relationships have suffered from neglect at times.

When responsibilities come billowing toward you in life, do you react like a cow and run from them? Do you try to hide? Do you hope your responsibilities will just go away? If so, not only are you avoiding living up to your potential, but you are making your life more difficult than it needs to be.

Running from responsibility will not lead to a great life.

The Greek philosopher Seneca once said, “No man is more unhappy than he who never faces adversity. For he is not permitted to prove himself.”

But I share these two stories with you because I think they capture what is an important essence of personal growth: RESPONSIBILITY. Honorable people are those who take responsibility for themselves and their lives first. Then, in time, they extend their responsibility like an umbrella over those around them, using their influence and power to protect and promote the welfare of others, especially their families. Having character includes embracing responsibility.

Responding to responsibilities with determination and strength, like a buffalo, is not only what is best for you, but it allows you to fulfill your greatest potential. You are someone with growing responsibilities. Don’t shirk them. Show yourself faithful and true. You can do this!

Run toward responsibility. It’s the greatness you are destined for.

Let us embrace the challenge of making the most out of our lives. At our best, we are people who embrace our responsibilities. At our worst, we avoid taking care of our responsibilities.

When it comes to storms, buffaloes face them while cows run away.

This brings us to buffaloes and cows.

When it comes to responsibilities, responsible people embrace them, while others avoid them.

Buffaloes and cows are similar in many regards, but there is one key behavioral difference. It has to do with the weather. While both animals can sense an approaching storm, they have very different responses. Cows will run away in the opposite direction. This seems like logical behavior; they want to get out of the pouring rain! However, the storm eventually catches up with the cows and drenches them. Though tired, they will keep running in that direction. This means they spend even more time in the rain, causing them more discomfort for longer.

Which will you choose to be?

“Taking responsibility is a commitment to own your life, to self-leadership, growth, and freedom.”

Christopher Avery “It is only when you take responsibility for your life that you discover how powerful you truly are.”

Allanah Hunt “Being responsible is an enormous privilege. That’s what marks you as a fully grown human—is that other people rely on you, that you have influence, that you can make your mark, and that if you do something well, that will improve other people’s lives.” – Barack Obama

The buffalo, which is my favorite animal, does just the opposite. It sprints directly toward the storm. It doesn’t run from harm and difficulty. The buffalo takes the storm head-on. At first, this may seem counterintuitive and foolish, but it’s actually brilliant! By moving toward the storm, the negative impact of the rain is dramatically reduced. They get to it and through it quicker.

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ACTIVIT Y

GROWING IN RESPONSIBILITY

Responsibility Survey: Check Out Your Responsibility Rating!

Create a list of five scenarios in your life that require a level of responsibility (e.g. “How often do I finish your homework on time?” Or “Do I clean up after myself without being asked?”). List them below then in the corresponding box, put in a number from a scale from 1-5, where 1 means “Never” and 5 means “Always.”

My Daily Actions Write down 3-5 things you did today that show responsibility. These can be small, like finishing your homework on time, or bigger actions, like helping a friend in need. How did these actions make you feel, and what impact do you think they had on others?

Role Model Reflection: Think of someone you look up to who is responsible (a family member, coach, or even a character from a movie or book). List at least three things they do that make them responsible. Journal what you can learn from their behavior and apply it to your life.

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Setting Responsibility Goals List three areas where you could be more responsible (like school, friendships, chores, or personal habits).

For each area, write down one action step you can take this week to show more responsibility.

Action Step

Action Step

Action Step

Action Step

Action Step

The Crossroads Life often puts us at a crossroads where we have to make tough choices. Doing what’s right and showing integrity isn’t always easy—it’s usually the harder path. Like when you mess up, you can either own up to it or try to dodge the blame by lying, staying quiet, or twisting things to get out of trouble. But remember, you have the strength to face those moments head-on. You’ve got what it takes to do the hard stuff.

In the space below, draw a crossroads with two paths. One path should represent making choices with integrity and strong character, and the other should show the effects of dishonest or unethical decisions.

At the end of each path, draw what you think the outcomes would be for a person’s life. Feel free to use symbols or images—get creative!

“The high road is always respected. Honesty and integrity are always rewarded.”

Scott Hamilton

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INTEGRITY: A FIRM FOUNDATION FOR CHARACTER

by Ché Ahn

“Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth.

Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.” – W. Clement Stone “Truth is dead.” Or at least it seems that way sometimes in today’s broken society.

Thankfully, that’s not the end of the story. Even in the midst of uncertain times, truth shines in the darkness and gives us hope for the future.

Our everyday lives are flooded with lies. In this information age, anyone can blog anonymously and say whatever they want to say without taking responsibility for their words. We also have blatant lies being told by the media and politicians. We just don’t know what is true and what is fake news.

What is our greatest need?

The famous itinerant speaker Billy Graham was once asked what the three greatest needs in society were. He said, “Number one: integrity. Number two: integrity.

Number three: integrity.” I couldn’t agree more.

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This is not just about society at large losing its value for integrity. As individuals seeking truth, we need to be honest with ourselves and recognize if we also lack integrity. If we do, a paradigm shift is needed in our lives. We must first change how we think in order to take action and become people of character and integrity.

Having integrity in your life means that there is no gap between how things are and how things ought to be.

You have the unwavering determination to do what is right. With integrity, you have the fierce desire to walk in truth and speak the truth in love.

Practical keys to walking in integrity

This takes time, but it is well worth the effort. The Greek philosopher Heraclitus said, “Good character is not formed in a week or a month. It is created little by little, day by day. Protracted and patient effort is needed to develop good character.”

1. One of the keys to living a life of integrity is to be a person of the truth. Knowing the truth is vital to maintaining a noble character. Every day, our physical bodies need natural food and nourishment—how much more do our minds need to be fed by truth in a time when lies are running rampant?

My need for integrity

2. Another key is to learn about men and women of integrity throughout history. One of my early mentors taught me the vital importance of reading about exemplary leaders, and I have been a voracious reader ever since. Read books about great presidents, spiritual leaders, or noble figures who led lives of integrity and character. You can even find movies about them and immerse yourself in history in an entertaining way.

When I was growing up, I may have been a pathological liar. Rejection was deep in my soul, so I lied to get people to accept and like me. I cheated in school so I could gain approval from my dad. I changed my report card in 5th grade, and, of course, I got caught!

Then, as a teenager, I started selling drugs. I became a lying con man as I grew to be the number-one high school drug dealer in Montgomery County, Maryland, based on the testimony of the daughter of the County Sheriff.

3. Be accountable to a mentor who can guide you through different seasons of life. Learn from someone who has already cultivated a lifestyle of integrity. By spending time with a mentor who is pouring into your life, you can see what integrity looks like as you imitate their example.

To sum it all up, I had no integrity. I was broken and in rebellion.

Everything changed when I had an unexpected encounter that began my faith journey at the age of 17. I started learning what it means to be a person of the truth, to cultivate noble character, and to walk in integrity. The key is knowing the truth, practicing the truth, and following the example of noble role models.

Ultimately, character and integrity are so important because, without them, you cannot handle greater responsibilities in life. Make the resolution today to be a person of integrity. Start using each of these keys to walk out your integrity and grow in noble character.

Take responsibility to develop yourself as a leader and see what doors open up in your life as a result!

Value integrity Integrity is the foundation of your character. Integrity is not what you do so much as who you are. And who you are, in turn, determines what you do. If you have integrity, your life will be secure.

“Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.”

Charles Marshall

Dwight L. Moody once said, “Character is what a person is in the dark.” Having integrity means being consistent and genuine, both with others or all alone. Integrity is being real.

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Journal Write about your main takeaway from this chapter. What is something you learned about yourself?

What is something you want to grow in?

Mindful Doodling: In the space above, sketch something in nature that represents the power and goodness of great character and integrity.

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mindful doodling

Chapter 1: Establishing Character ACTIVIT Y

Walk it out.

• Cultivating a Growth Mindset • Building Resilience: Turning Setbacks Into Comebacks • Taking Responsibility: Why Buffaloes Are Smarter Than Cows • Integrity: A Firm Foundation for Character

Consider choosing one or more action steps:

1.

30-Day Faithfulness Challenge: Pick a small but meaningful task you can do every day for 30 days, like journaling, reading a book chapter, or doing a quick workout. Keeping up with the commitment for a whole month helps to build discipline, faithfulness, and loyalty to seeing things through. Don’t forget to acknowledge and celebrate your progress.

4.

Watch an inspirational movie about a great leader or character that inspired integrity, such as Coach Carter, Remember the Titans, Rocky, October Sky, or Mr. Holland’s Opus. Journal how the main character showed integrity and character and how they affected others around him/her. How were you inspired?

2.

Integrity Pledge: Write a personal integrity pledge that outlines the values you want to live by, such as honesty, dependability, and respect. You can share this pledge with the group or a trusted friend and commit to holding yourself accountable to it in your everyday life. Put this pledge in your personal belongings or in your room, where you can re-read it and commit to it regularly.

3.

The Honesty Challenge: Take on an honesty challenge where, for one week, you consciously avoid telling even small lies or half-truths. At the end of each day, you can reflect in a journal about how it felt to be honest and how it impacted your relationships and self-respect.

The struggle is real, and so is hope.

Text 494949 to chat now | FREE Mental Health Chat Center | 24/7 for those over 13 years old.

1-888-373-7888 | Toll-Free Hotline | 24/7 21 | Confidential | Get Help. Report Trafficking.

“Create a ladder of values and priorities in your life, reminding yourself of what really matters to you.”

Robert Greene

Chapter 02

Values to Live By EMBRACING KEY VALUES FOR SUCCESS

but picking five to seven key core values that really matter to you personally can guide your life and help you focus on what’s most important.

What are the values you live by?

Your values matter because they give you purpose and help shape the way you think and act. They guide your choices in everyday situations, future goals, and even what kind of career you might choose.

In this chapter, we’ll look at a few values that can bring more meaning to your life, starting with valuing the attitude of being teachable and open to learning and growing. May these articles help you reflect and discover the core values you want to live by.

Core values are the deep principles that guide your actions. There are many important values out there,

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THE KEY TO A GRATEFUL MINDSET.

by Michele Okimura and Richie Cruz

“When you are grateful, fear disappears, and abundance appears.”

Anthony Robbins

▶ Gratitude changes our outlook from negative to positive and can help lift us out of depression. ▶ Our physical health can be positively affected. Mental and emotional health profoundly affects our physical health, especially in the long term. ▶ Our mental and emotional health will improve. We can bounce back quicker after going through a sad, frustrating, or troubling situation as we meditate on what we can be thankful for and celebrate the good. ▶ Our relationships can improve when we become more thankful rather than complaining and having a negative attitude.

How can we celebrate the good in life when the dramas of life can be SO hard at times? Becoming thankful involves changing our perspectives and reframing how we think about the situations we go through.

Reframing means seeing situations in a new way and, therefore, changing our experience of them. Reframing can help turn a stressful situation into a challenge that can be bravely overcome.

There are many fantastic benefits to having a grateful mindset: ▶ Do you desire to be successful in life? Be grateful.

“Research on the effects gratitude has on our biology shows how being thankful increases our longevity, our ability to use our imagination, and our ability to problem-solve.” – Dr. Caroline Leaf

Reframing takes effort.

Don Colbert, M.D., author of the book Deadly Emotions: Understand the Mind-Body-Spirit Connection That Can Heal or Destroy You, writes, “I’ve worked with countless people who

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have discovered that once they made a sincere effort to tackle their dysfunctional thought patterns, they had fewer bouts of depression, anxiety, anger, grief, shame, jealousy, and all other toxic emotions…It just takes intentional and consistent effort.”

at the end of each day, “What did I learn today? What will I do differently?” Be thankful for the little life lessons you gain each day.

Let’s reframe!

How are you reframing situations that you go through?

Becoming a thankful person is a process. We must be proactive to reframe our thinking. Our thinking affects our emotions, which affect our actions and choices! Learning how to reframe situations will help us to celebrate the good and be thankful during hardships.

A changed perspective has the power to: ▶ change a mess to a MESSAGE ▶ change a trial into a TRIUMPH ▶ change scars into STARS

This doesn’t mean we should never get angry, anxious, or sad! Having such emotions makes us human. However, we can always work on reframing the situation differently to see what we can be thankful for or what good can come out of even the worst of situations.

Be careful who you listen to.

If you surround yourself with negative people who complain a lot, your thinking will probably be negatively affected over time. Surround yourself with positive, hopeful people.

Let’s be thankful and CELEBRATE the good in each day!

Sometimes you win. Sometimes you learn.

How do you respond to your mistakes and failures? Do you beat yourself up inside? Are you quick to become defensive and blame others? Do you get depressed easily? Despite what negative things others may say to put you down sometimes, hold on tight to positive perspectives. Yes, take responsibility for your mistakes and choices, learn from them, and then focus on the good that can come from situations. Become thankful.

John Maxwell wrote a book entitled Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn. It doesn’t have to be “sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.” In any trial, reflect and ask yourself what lessons can be learned to better yourself and grow. That is a win!

For example, recall how many attempts Thomas Edison made to invent the lightbulb. A reporter asked Thomas Edison, “How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?” Edison replied, “I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The lightbulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.” Thomas kept positive, persevered, and learned from each attempt!

In a similar way, how could you reframe a failure you experienced, such as doing badly on a test or project? Instead of being angry at yourself, you could reflect on this situation as an opportunity to learn and grow in studying more effectively. You could make an appointment with your teacher to gain helpful tips to achieve better success next time. If you performed poorly in a sports game, could you reframe the situation as an opportunity to grow from any new insights? Ask yourself

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Pay attention to unexpected miracles Noticing a picture perfect nature scene before you.

A moment of surging confidence knowing you will be fine.

Finally finding a solution to a big problem.

Finding the right words to comfort someone’s shattered heart.

An ‘aha’ moment where you learned something.

A timely text from someone that lifted your spirits.

Finding something you were frantically looking for!

A belly laughing moment that took away your depression.

A perfect song that verbalizes what is in your heart.

A dream fulfilled.

ACTIVITY In the clouds above, jot down some favorite minor miracles you have experienced.

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The Gratitude Project THE BRIGHTER SIDE OF LIFE Gratitude Without pausing, list 20 things you are grateful for (big and small):

What is something you are grateful for that you did not have 3 years ago?

Jot down the nicest thing someone said to you in the past week:

Live with a Grateful Heart: Do one or more of these action steps this week!

•

Before you sleep each night, write down or meditate on at least three things you are grateful for.

This may help you have a peaceful and restful sleep!

•

Send a thank-you text, message, or phone call to someone who has done something nice for you or said something helpful.

•

Pay attention to the little things in life, like the beauty of a tree or a bird’s song. Take that moment to be grateful that you have eyes to see or ears to hear something beautiful when some people in the world are not able to.

•

Tell a person in your life that you appreciate them and share why.

•

Bless someone you are thankful for—even if it means hugging them.

•

Focus on the good in your life. Every time you feel discouraged or down, pause to reflect on what you can be thankful for despite your circumstances.

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Draw something that represents celebration in your life.

“One small positive thought can change your whole day.”

Zig Ziglar

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FAITHFULNESS.

by Pat McFall

“By being faithful in the little things, focusing on good relationships, and intentionally focusing on the right priorities, we can honor our limits and still be men that people can count on.”

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Who is the most faithful person you know? Who is a person whose integrity passes all the tests? For me, it was my dad. He wasn’t perfect by any means, but my dad was a man of mature character. As a school administrator, people trusted him when he spoke, and they believed in his leadership as an educator. It’s something that I strive for today.

numerous temptations and pressures that can erode our commitments and create tension between us and others. So how do we cultivate healthy relationships built on integrity that encourage us towards the best versions of ourselves? We do this by prioritizing our most important relationships, being faithful in our commitments, showing love to those around us, and resisting the temptations that could harm our relationships. Remember, direction flows through relationships.

It can be challenging to remain steadfast in our character, especially in a culture that promotes pleasure and self-indulgence as if they are life’s highest good. But we know that life is more than just having the most fun or getting the most wins at any cost.

So, what are the most important relationships in your life? Are you the kind of friend who encourages and supports those around you? Do you have friends who inspire you? Are you someone that your friends can count on? The answers to these questions give insight into where we may need to grow in our faithfulness and integrity.

Character matters. That’s why a life of faithfulness and integrity is so important. Let’s explore a few places where we can practice the kind of faithfulness and integrity necessary to become the kind of person we aspire to be.

Focus The little things The last area of faithfulness we’ll discuss is our focus.

More and more, our world is trying to grab the attention of young people. Advertisements tell us to look over here or to buy this product so that we’ll feel cool or accepted.

Our day is full of distractions that try to compromise our focus. Video games are on our phones, tablets, consoles, and computers. Doom-scrolling through TikTok, Instagram, or endless news stories isn’t helping anyone. Even good things like sports or school can consume much of our time and attention to the degree that we feel like we don’t know who we are anymore, and it can get us off track in accomplishing the goals we’ve set for ourselves.

The first area where faithfulness is essential is what you and I call “the little things.” Yup, those small, seemingly insignificant actions of diligence. It’s easy to think that only significant actions or epic moments matter in our lives, but the small things we do daily grow us the most.

If we want to be trusted with greater responsibilities and opportunities, we must be faithful to the small things.

I want you to understand that no one will ever see some of the most important things that you will do. The moments of self-control as you navigate a challenging situation. The diligent mornings of getting up and preparing for your day so that you have the clarity to discern your most important tasks. The moments of kindness and excellence at school or work that no one is ‘high-fiving’ you for. Showing up on time and doing what you say you will do. These are the hidden moments of faithfulness in the little things that deepen a mature character and enable you to have greater influence in life.

One of the best ways you and I can mature is to stay focused on who we are becoming and what we are supposed to be doing. Saying ‘yes’ to one thing means saying ‘no’ to something else. Because I can’t do it all, focusing on my priorities is integral to my life. We may need to learn to say ‘no’ to a few things, but it will help us be ‘all in’ for the things we say ‘yes’ to.

“Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.” – Mother Theresa

Having integrity in a world of competing priorities and values takes work, but it is possible. By being faithful in the little things, focusing on good relationships, and intentionally focusing on the right priorities, we can honor our limits and still be a person that people can count on. We can be the kind of people who say what we mean and do what we say we’ll do.

Relationships Another area where faithfulness and integrity are essential is in our relationships. As young people, we face

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THE POWER OF GENEROSITY.

by Michele Okimura

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Are you open-handed or tight-fisted when it comes to being generous to others?

in your bank account? Probably not… What would you want them to thank you for? A good guess might be you would want them to thank you for the ways you made a positive difference in their lives. That’s the stuff that makes a life worth living and worth remembering.

When it comes to giving, you can give your time, money, material things, and services to others.

But why does generosity matter?

“Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.” – Booker T. Washington

You will be refreshed We all know that to increase our chances of living a long, healthy life, we need to have a healthy diet, manage our stress, and exercise.

“Sometimes when we are generous in small, barely detectable ways it can change someone else’s life forever.” – Margaret Cho

Interestingly, a 2003 study at the University of Michigan found that generosity may increase our lifespan! The researchers discovered that people who regularly did volunteer work had a lower death rate than those who didn’t volunteer.

ACTIVITY: If you had the resources and you could practice radical generosity, what are some of the things you would want to do to bless others and your community?

It has also been found that people who struggle with depression will usually feel uplifted after volunteering to help others.

“I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver.” – Maya Angelou When you are generous towards someone, especially someone in need, you will probably feel a sense of joy and fulfillment that you made a positive difference in this world. Your sense of purpose receives a boost!

Being generous helps you to focus outward Being self-centered and self-absorbed are not positive character qualities. Let’s face it! How many of us like to be around stingy people who only think about themselves?

When you are intentional about being generous and helping others to succeed, you will experience the positive payback of loving and serving others—and gain a greater sense of confidence and value.

Adding value to the lives of others Imagine this…you are 80 years old. You are at your birthday party. People are coming up to the mic to express their birthday thoughts to you. Let’s say you did pretty well financially up to that point. Will they say they were so impressed with your grand house or the amount

“Greatness is not defined by what a person receives, but by what that person gives.” – John Maxwell 33

“Give and give again. Keep hoping, keep trying, keep giving! People who give will never be poor.”

ANNE FRANK, WRITER, HOLOCAUST VICTIM

Passing On Your Wisdom One way to show generosity is to share any life lessons learned with others, especially with younger ones. Doing this can help you realize just how much you know and how your experiences can make a difference.

Write a letter to your younger self of 3 years ago. What life lessons would you want your younger self to know?

What wisdom have you gained from your experiences? What lessons have you learned that can be passed on to encourage and help someone else?

What important mistakes or wrong choices have you made that you hope others will avoid? Next to each mistake listed, briefly jot down what you learned from that mistake or wrong choice.

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JOURNAL

Think of at least one person to a few people in your life whom you would like to encourage. Write one to three names of those peers or younger ones in your life that come to mind below. Pass on your wisdom! You never know how one conversation could change a life for the better.

Look for opportunities to share some of your wisdom and insights with others. Share stories from your life that can support their success.

The following is a quote by Denzel Washington that encourages us to share our wisdom to lift others up: “At the end of the day, it’s not about what you have or even what you’ve accomplished...It’s about who you’ve lifted up, who you’ve made better. It’s about what you’ve given back.”

I am Generous Mindful Lettering: Trace the lettering. It does not have to be perfect.

You may rewrite the phrase a number of times on the page. Enjoy the process of mindful lettering.

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THE VALUE OF EXCELLENCE: Doing Your Best

by Andrew Yasuhara

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Excellence is a word that sounds big, maybe even intimidating.

But at its core, it simply means doing your best with what you have, where you are. For you, striving for excellence is more about learning to give your best effort rather than about impressing others.

I did what felt good rather than working hard for what was important. I remember that I was so lazy that I copied from the tests of my neighbors because I hadn’t studied. Unfortunately, they didn’t study either. And in the end, I paid for it after high school. I wasn’t prepared and lost confidence.

Two extremes can get in the way of excellence: perfectionism and laziness.

Laziness keeps you from discovering what you’re capable of. It often shows up when things get hard or boring or when distractions settle in. But when you don’t try, you miss out—not just on good grades or praise but on growth, confidence, and character. In other words, effort leads to fulfillment, while laziness leaves you feeling empty.

The Trap of Perfectionism Perfectionism might look like excellence on the outside, but inside, it’s a whole different story. Perfectionism says, “If it’s not perfect, it’s not good enough.” It makes you afraid to make mistakes, afraid to fail, and sometimes even afraid to try.

You have a purpose. You were made to grow, learn, and contribute. When you choose to be excellent—even in small things like doing your homework, showing kindness, or helping out at home, you find purpose.

As a teen, you may feel under pressure to be perfect, which makes you feel anxious, stressed out, or discouraged. You might think your worth depends on getting straight A’s, being the best athlete on the team, or never messing up. But here’s the truth: you are valuable even when you don’t get everything right. Excellence means doing your best, learning from mistakes, and growing—not being perfect.

So, What Does Excellence Look Like? ▶ Trying your best, even when it’s hard ▶ Finishing what you start ▶ Admitting when you’ve made a mistake—and learning from it ▶ Asking for help when you need it ▶ Doing things with a good attitude, not just to get noticed

I remember once doing a science project showing balance and counterbalance. I remember working really hard and doing my best. I remember being so proud of the work that I had done that I couldn’t wait to show it to my teacher.

Excellence isn’t about being the best—it’s about giving your best. Whether it’s in class, at home, or with your friends, showing up with your best effort makes a difference. When you put your heart into what you do with excellence, people notice—and it can open up some awesome opportunities for you.

But the day I brought my project to school, I saw how amazing the other projects were, and I distinctly remember thinking to myself that what I did was not good enough. My grade didn’t matter because I felt like my worth and value weren’t enough.

I wish I had remembered that most people don’t expect perfection. What they really want is your heart, your effort, and your willingness to grow. That means giving your best, not perfection.

So don’t let perfectionism make you afraid or let laziness hold you back. Walk the path of excellence. It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth the effort.

“Excellence is not a skill. It is an attitude.”

Ralph Marston

The Danger of Laziness The other extreme is laziness—instead of saying, “I’m not good enough,” the lazy mindset says, “That’s good enough.”

“The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra.” – Sunil Gavaskar

As time went on, instead of giving my best effort in school, I went to the other extreme. I became lazy and irresponsible.

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A poem by Twila LaDon

If I fill the waiting with noise, I forget how to listen.

If I fill it with fear, I won’t recognize love when it shows up.

If I fill it with substitutes, I might convince myself they’re enough.

There is a quiet ache in waiting.

Not the kind that screams, but the kind that lingers— like an empty room you keep walking into, expecting something to have changed.

We say we are waiting for what we really want: the right love, the healed body, the breakthrough idea, the open door.

But what do we do while we wait?

What do we fill the space with?

The waiting is not wasted time.

It is formative time.

It’s where your character sharpens.

Where your clarity deepens.

Where your faith matures into more than words.

Sometimes, we clutter it— with distractions that pass the time, with people who fit the shape of loneliness but not the shape of love, with work that keeps us busy but never truly satisfied.

So now, I try to fill the space with truth.

With beauty.

With small acts of honor.

With presence.

We scroll.

We settle.

We make half-promises to things we don’t even want, just to avoid the echo of the thing we do.

I write. I walk. I whisper prayers into the air like seeds.

I learn to enjoy the stillness instead of racing to fill it.

And in doing so, I find myself becoming the kind of person who can receive what I’ve been waiting for.

And sometimes, the things we fill our space with start to look permanent.

Temporary comforts become habits.

Provisional plans become detours.

The waiting room becomes a home we never intended to stay in.

Because readiness isn’t just about the door opening.

It’s about who you are when you walk through it.

And so, the question remains: While you wait for what you truly want— what are you filling your space with?

We do this because the ache of waiting feels unbearable without something—anything—to hold.

Words Beyond the stillness.

But here’s the truth waiting taught me: What we allow into our space in the meantime shapes the person we become when the time finally arrives.

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Journal Journal your main take-away from this chapter:

YOUR CORE VALUES Circle 5-7 core values that matter the most to you from the list below. If you don’t see one that fits, add your own. Once you’ve picked your top values, write down what each means on the journal lines below. Describe and explain briefly why each value you picked is important. Your core values might change a little in the future or stay the same your whole life!

Excellence Kindness Honesty Tradition Creativity Appreciation Peace Vision Communication Boldness Beauty

Commitment Adventure Love Challenge Forgiveness Healing Justice Collaboration Community Authenticity Stability

Leadership Health Integrity Celebration Self-expression Fun Success Friendship Responsibility Growth Humor

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Confidence Wisdom Compassion Loyalty Reputation Security Ambition Courage Contribution Uniqueness Respect

Generosity Harmony Joy Time Contentment Simplicity Fairness Nature Safety Faith Art

Chapter 2: Values to Live By

• • • •

ACTIVIT Y

Walk it out.

The Key to a Grateful Mindset Faithfulness The Power of Generosity The Value of Excellence: Doing Your Best

Consider choosing one or more action steps:

1.

4.

2.

5.

Part of being teachable is asking for feedback, considering the feedback, and applying what is helpful.

Ask for feedback from teachers, coaches, or mentors on a specific project or skill. The key is to ask, listen carefully, and apply the feedback to improve, showing your willingness to learn and grow.

Create a Gratitude Journal and list three or more things you are grateful for daily.

Go through your belongings and gather items in good condition, such as clothes or sports equipment you no longer use. Donate these items to a local charity. Be generous with things you no longer need that could be someone else’s treasure.

Consider volunteering and giving your time to serve a good cause in your school or community.

3.

Practice generosity with your time, energy, and resources. Do one random act of kindness every day for a week. It could be anything, such as holding the door open for someone, paying for a friend’s snack, giving a gift, or writing an encouraging text. Be creative!

The struggle is real, and so is hope.

Text 494949 to chat now | FREE Mental Health Chat Center | 24/7 for those over 13 years old.

1-888-373-7888 | Toll-Free Hotline | 24/7 41 | Confidential | Get Help. Report Trafficking.

“A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way.”

John C. Maxwell

Chapter 03

Growing in Leadership BECOMING AN EFFECTIVE LEADER

school, workplace, or any team you belong to, you will be called to take the lead in some aspect of your life.

You are a leader. We are all leaders in some way, whether we realize it or not.

This chapter is all about stepping up, starting with being the leader of your own life. If you take what you learn and put it into action, you’ll build up the skills, mindset, and character to make a real difference in the world around you. This is part of the purpose you were meant for, and your personal growth is part of this journey.

Younger ones in your life observe you, and you model something for them. Whether you see yourself as a natural leader or feel more comfortable in a supportive role, the truth is you have led, are currently leading, or will take the lead in the future. Your influence is significant, and your actions matter.

Step up! It is time for you to rise to greater heights.

Henry Ford once said, “You don’t have to hold a position in order to be a leader.” Whether in your family,

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BECOMING POWERFUL: A Servant Leader

by Tony Kim

One of the things I really enjoy during my time off is watching movies, especially Marvel movies. I have done several Marvel movie marathons with my son over the last few years. Believe it or not, we watched every movie in order. Through that experience, I discovered that one of my favorite Marvel characters is Black Panther. In the world of Wakanda, T’Challa became King in the wake of his father’s death. T’Challa had a lot to face after it was uncovered that his Father had made some big mistakes, which he then had to deal with as king.

There is much to learn from T’Challa, including refusing to let the past define you and the power of taking responsibility for your own actions and decisions.

he was a true leader. Not just any ordinary leader, but a SERVANT LEADER. Many want to be leaders, but there is a cost to leadership.

Before I share about being a servant leader, let’s take a look at what leadership IS NOT. ▶

▶

There is one dominant characteristic of King T’Challa that I love and emphasize the most—the true reason why The Black Panther is one of my favorite Marvel characters. Was it his suit? I love his suit, but that’s not the reason. Is it because of his title and position? To be a king or queen is powerful, but that’s not the reason. Is it because of his charismatic personality? It’s great to be charismatic, but that’s not the reason. The reason why he is one of my favorites is because

▶

▶

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Leadership is not telling people what to do. Do you like it when people tell you what to do and boss you around?

Neither does anyone else.

Leadership is not having a title or position. I know people whose goal was to become an “executive” because then they would feel important. Any person who needs a title or position to feel important will feel empty inside once they achieve that place.

Leadership is not about being a one-person show. The solo act and becoming the “superhero” can lead to a very lonely road, which leads to disaster.

Leadership is not being the smartest person in the room.

A business magazine did a study on the most successful business leaders in America. The top leaders didn’t

▶

have the highest IQ (intelligence quotient) – intellect or smarts. Instead, they scored highest in EQ (emotional quotient) – the ability to be emotionally stable and connect relationally.

Leadership is not about gaining power. The most dangerous leaders are those who need to be in “power.” When a person with this characteristic achieves a place of power, they can be very egotistical and self-serving, perhaps even narcissistic in the way they operate in life.

before he was positioned before the people – he was already serving those around him. The heart of leadership is to serve those around you.

So, what is leadership? One of the great leadership experts, John Maxwell, says, “Leadership is influence, nothing more, nothing less.” In other words, leaders have followers. Followers act like their leader. King T’Challa had followers not because of his title but because of his character and his integrity.

Remember, after he lost his “crown” in the battle against his brother, he still had followers. The people lived under a tyrant leader, Killmonger, but their hearts remained with the servant leader T’Challa.

King T’Challa was the King of Wakanda. But remember this: he acted as a king before he became king. He was beloved by the people because of his heart. His heart was for the people

“Allow the way to your great work to be guided by your service to others.”

Artika Tyner, lawyer, educator, and author.

Here are five characteristics of a true servant-leader: 1. Servant Leaders are humble. Those who are humble gain favor with those around them. Humility goes a long way. Humility doesn’t mean you think less of yourself. It does mean you think of yourself less. It’s not about you. Servant leaders don’t see how the world could benefit them. Instead, they think about how they can help, support, and benefit others around them. How can you benefit those around you—your neighborhood, your school, etc.?

leader, to see others and treat others in this way. What would it look like for you to live this way?

4. Servant leaders use their influence to benefit others.

The reason why a person wants to be a leader is very important. Many people are hurt because they are used and not cared for. Many “leaders” who are very self-centered, selfish, and ambitious for their own gain are dangerous people. Servant leaders use their gifts, positions, etc., to help others become the best version of themselves. How can you do this for others?

2. Servant leaders create a place where others feel safe.

When people feel cared for, they feel safe. When people feel accepted, they feel safe. When people are celebrated, they feel safe. What can you do to help others feel safe around you?

5. Servant leaders are learners. The best leaders are those who are always learning. Leaders are readers. You will find that most leaders have mentors who speak truth and life into them. Highly successful leaders are rarely solo acts. The fact that you are reading this shows that you are a learner.

When a person stops learning, they stop leading.

3. Servant leaders see the best in people. While many see the bad and ugly in people, true leaders are able to see the good in people, giving people the benefit of the doubt.

They treat others based on the good, not the bad. This is very difficult to do, and it takes a special leader, a servant

The world is looking for leaders who know how to serve. Don’t wait until you “become” a leader to start leading.

Start acting like a leader. Start serving now.

“Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.”

- Unknown

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A lesson in authenticity, culture, and connection for today’s teens.

BE INTERESTED, NOT JUST INTERESTING: Listen First, Shine Later

by Phyllis Unebasami

In a world where everyone wants to stand out, it’s easy to think that being “interesting” is the key to gaining friends, attention, even respect. But there’s a quiet power in flipping that idea: Be interested first. Being interested means you’re curious. You ask questions.

You listen deeply. You care about others’ stories, not just your own. Being interesting, on the other hand, means trying to capture attention, trying to be seen as exciting or impressive.

Here’s the catch: Trying to be interesting all the time, more than other people, is exhausting. It can even become a performance that takes us further away from who we are. There’s nothing wrong with having a vibrant personality, but when being interesting becomes more important than being present, it will lead to shallow relationships that just don’t last.

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When we work so hard to be impressive, we may begin to hide our real feelings, silence our opinions, or act in ways that don’t feel true to who we are. Over time, this habit can chip away at our confidence and leave us feeling disconnected, even when we’re surrounded by people. The pursuit of being “interesting” can actually make us feel more alone.

So here’s the challenge: In your friendships, your class discussions, even your social media presence—what would it look like to focus more on being interested than trying to be interesting? ▶ Listen before speaking. Sometimes you might not get to talk, but as Abraham Lincoln once said, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.”

In many indigenous cultures, including Hawaiian, leadership begins with listening, not speaking. There’s an ‘ōlelo no‘eau (Hawaiian proverb) that reminds us:

In a world where speaking out—especially online—feels like power and belonging, it’s easy to forget that silence can also be a strength. Wisdom includes restraint. Don’t jump into every argument or respond to every insult. Just because you can say something, doesn’t mean you should. And when you decide to speak, respond from a place grounded in who you are, rather than reacting to pressure or ego.

“E maka’ala, e ho’olohe.”

Be alert, be attentive.

This reflects kuleana, or responsibility, to each other.

When we are interested in others, we honor them. We build pilina, relationships that we cherish because we honor each other’s stories. We show aloha, loving respect towards and for each other.

▶ Build trust through authentic relationships.

Choose people over image, presence over popularity. Before speaking, ask yourself if what you are about to say is true and if it builds people up.

The power of encouragement is a strong force in building connections.

Similarly, in many Native American traditions, such as those of the Lakota and Navajo people, listening is sacred.

Elders often share that the greatest gift you can offer someone is your full presence. Speaking out of turn or interrupting is a sign of disrespect, while listening deeply, with your ears and heart, shows humility and strength.

▶ Share power with each other. Honoring other people’s voices does not mean giving up your own. It means making space for other voices and ideas, too.

In the words of Native American leader Chief Phil Lane Jr. (Yankton Dakota and Chickasaw), “The hurt of one is the hurt of all, the honor of one is the honor of all.” This understanding of the interconnectedness of a community reminds us that caring for the well-being of others is how we stay strong.

It’s a natural phenomenon in nature, “A rising tide lifts all boats,” as President John F. Kennedy famously said. Instead of vying for the limelight, share it by asking others what they think, giving thoughtful consideration to their input, and contributing your best ideas too. This shows maturity, confidence, and respect. In the long run, everyone feels valued.

Modern research backs up what indigenous cultures have known for so long: deep connection and belonging start when people feel heard, respected, and included.

The strongest leaders are not those who dominate and try to impress, but those who listen with humility and value the voices in the room. Real influence doesn’t come from trying to stand out. It comes from showing up.

Moving from being interesting to being interested, it’s a shift. But it’s one that makes all the difference.

And people naturally find this deeply “interesting”—because it’s real, rooted, and respectful.

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ACTIVIT Y

Leadership Reflections MINDFULNESS ACTIVITY Sit quietly in a comfortable position, close your eyes, and take slow, deep breaths. As you breathe, imagine yourself in a leadership role—leading a team, helping others, or solving a problem.

Pay attention to how you feel as a leader—what emotions come up for you? Confidence, nervousness, excitement? After the exercise, write down the emotions you experienced:

What does this tell you about how you view leadership?

How can you improve your confidence or calm your nerves when stepping into leadership roles?

DEFINING LEADERSHIP Journal Prompt: What does leadership mean to you? Think about someone you admire as a leader—what qualities do they have that make them a great leader? How can you start developing those qualities in your life right now?

Name one leader in your life (personal or public):

List three leadership qualities they demonstrate:

Which of these qualities do you already have?

Which do you want to work on?

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SERVING OTHERS As you have just learned, leadership isn’t just about being in charge; it’s about serving others. Write about a time when you helped someone without being asked. How did it make you feel?

What was the outcome of your actions when you helped someone?

How did that experience change your view of leadership?

List two ways you can serve someone this week, either at home, school, or in your community:

THE LEADER WITHIN Activity: Draw a self-portrait, but instead of focusing just on your appearance, include symbols or objects that represent your inner leadership qualities. For example, you could draw the shape of your head, and in the shape, you could sketch a collage of symbols such as a heart to symbolize compassion, a lightbulb for creativity, or a shield for courage. Think about what makes you a leader on the inside. Be creative! There is no right or wrong way to do this activity.

Reflection: After drawing, write about the qualities you included. How can you use these traits to step into leadership roles in your everyday life?

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NAVIGATING AUTHORITY WITH RESPECT.

by Michele Okimura

What Does Honoring Authority Look Like?

Authority figures are everywhere in your life: parents, teachers, coaches, your boss at your part-time job, maybe even that older sibling who thinks they run the world. Do you ever feel like you’re constantly living by someone else’s rules?

First off, “honoring authority” does not mean you have to be a silent robot who agrees with everything. It’s not about losing your voice or never asking questions. It’s about respecting the role they play in your life.

Learning how to relate well to those in authority is part of growing up, and it can actually help us build trust, responsibility, and stronger connections. However, if we have a negative experience with an authority figure, it can cause us either to shut down, lose our voice, or go into rebellion mode, which can get us into trouble. So, how do we find that sweet spot between showing respect and standing up for ourselves? Let’s break it down.

Honoring authority is about respecting the position, not always the person or the opinion. Think of it like being on a sports team. You might not agree with every single play the coach calls, but you respect their role as the leader. Why? They have a different vantage point, more experience, and the responsibility for the whole team’s success. Showing you can trust their leadership, even when you don’t fully get it, is a sign of maturity.

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Here are some ways you can show respect for the authority figures in your life:

okay. If a leader uses their position to manipulate you or demand total control over your life, leaving you with no room to be yourself, you are in a very unhealthy situation. If you are told to do something illegal, something that goes against your core values, or puts you or someone else in danger, this is a massive boundary cross. Any physical harm or unwanted physical contact is abuse. Period.

▶ Listen actively. When they’re speaking, really listen.

Try to see where they’re coming from. You might be surprised by what you learn. ▶ Follow fair and reasonable rules. When you cooperate with reasonable expectations (like curfews or deadlines), you’re building a reputation as someone reliable and trustworthy. That trust will likely earn you more future freedom. ▶ Express disagreements politely. It’s 100% okay to have a different opinion! The key is how you share it.

Instead of “That’s a dumb idea,” try respectfully sharing, “Can I share another perspective?” or “I’m feeling a little unsure about that, can you explain it more?” ▶ Be honest. Being honest, even when you’ve messed up, is a power move. It shows integrity, and most adults will respect you more for telling the truth than for trying to cover something up.

You deserve to feel safe, valued, and respected by the authority figures in your life. If you are experiencing any of these red flags and find yourself in an unhealthy or abusive situation, your top priority is your safety. It’s not something you have to handle alone.

Recognize that it is not your fault. Abusers are skilled at making you feel like you’re the one to blame. Their behavior is their choice, and it’s wrong.

Don’t try to fix the situation alone. If you’ve tried to talk to the person and they’ve dismissed your feelings and feedback, it’s time to get extra support.

Pro-Tip: When you need to bring up an issue, use “I” statements. Instead of “You always criticize my work,” try, “I feel discouraged when I hear feedback in that tone.” It shifts the focus from blame to your feelings, which is much harder to argue with. It’s also important to stay calm and respectful, even in tough situations, because yelling or name-calling will make things harder to resolve.

Seek out wisdom and guidance from a safe adult. Finding the right trustworthy person to talk to outside of the situation is a very important step. This could be a parent, a school counselor, another teacher, a coach, a relative, or a trusted family friend.

Tell them what’s going on.

Know the system. Many places have specific people, like counselors or Human Resources (HR) staff, whose job it is to help you navigate these conflicts safely and formally.

As you grow in honoring authority in healthy ways, you’re not just making your life with adults easier—you’re building a superpower that will help you in future jobs, friendships, and all your relationships.

Speaking up takes incredible courage, but you are worth protecting.

When Authority Becomes Unhealthy or Abusive Finding Your Power, Finding Balance Now for the serious talk. Sometimes, the person in charge isn’t leading well. They might be misusing their power, and you need to know what that looks like. Your safety and well-being always come first.

Learning to work with authority is a balancing act. You’re learning how to be a respectful team player while also being a strong self-advocate who knows their own worth.

Trust your gut. Your intuition is your built-in alarm system.

If a situation feels weird, uncomfortable, or just plain wrong, pay attention to that feeling.

Respecting the leaders in your life will open doors for you. But using your voice to set boundaries and call out what’s wrong will protect your dignity and keep you safe. You don’t have to choose one or the other. True strength lies in knowing when to listen and when to speak up. Remember, even authority figures are human, and sometimes they need your honesty and feedback to help them grow and improve. You’ve got this.

Pay attention to red flags that signal a line is being crossed from healthy authority to unhealthy control or abuse. If you are constantly being criticized, your self-worth is attacked, making you feel small; this is emotional abuse, and it is never

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TEAMWORK MAKES THE DREAM WORK.

by Michele Okimura

I can say with great conviction that teamwork matters.

So much can be done through the art of collaboration!

When you think of a great leader, what comes to mind?

Maybe it’s someone confident who makes big decisions or inspires others. Another quality that makes leaders truly unforgettable is the ability to bring people together.

That’s what teamwork is all about—working alongside others to achieve something greater than you could ever do on your own.

Whether you consider yourself a leader or not, you will inevitably find yourself in a leadership role at some point. You might be co-leading a group project at school, volunteering at a community event, initiating and leading an activity, or serving on a sports team. Whatever the situation, your ability to connect with others and grow a sense of unity can make all the difference.

Throughout my life, I have been fortunate to have been part of various work, mission, music, drama, and performance teams, as well as project and event teams.

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Build trust and respect. The best way to foster teamwork and strong relationships is to model them yourself.

Show up with a positive attitude, be willing to help, and treat everyone respectfully. Be someone who follows through on your promises, listens when others speak, and stands up for your team. People who see you as reliable and respectful will trust you.

The second STORMING stage is when conflicts or differences show up. It can be a little messy, but it’s a normal part of figuring out how to work together.

Team members grow in understanding one another’s strengths, work styles, and personalities, often through misunderstandings, assumptions, unmet expectations, and differences in communication styles. No team is perfect. There will be disagreements, mistakes, and moments when things don’t go as planned. Keep positive, reaffirm your goals, encourage open communication, and create a culture of forgiveness and grace. Look for solutions as a team.

Every person on your team has unique strengths, ideas, and perspectives. As a leader, ensuring everyone feels heard and appreciated is vital.

Unity is built when people feel valued, respected, and motivated to do their best. When everyone feels like they belong, they’re more willing to share ideas, help each other out, and keep going even when things get tough. That’s what makes a team unstoppable.

Thirdly, the NORMING stage is where the group finally starts to gel, find their rhythm, and feel comfortable working as a team. Members clearly understand their roles.

Finally, the PERFORMING stage is when everyone collaborates smoothly, using their talents and achieving great things.

John Maxwell, an author of many books on leadership, including Teamwork Makes the Dreamwork, said, “​​All good leaders are connectors. They relate well and make people feel confident about themselves and their leader.”

Understanding these stages can help you be a better leader and teammate by letting you know what to expect and how to support your team through each phase.

Communication is key. Good leaders learn how to communicate effectively. This doesn’t mean you have to be the loudest voice in the room—it means being clear, honest, and open. Let your team know what the goals are, listen to their concerns, and ask questions when things are unclear.

Remember to celebrate wins! As a leader, take time to celebrate big or small accomplishments and team members’ contributions and progress. Whether it’s finishing a tough project, winning a game, or just getting through a challenging week, appreciate, acknowledge, and compliment the hard work everyone puts in. A simple “Great job, team! Thank you for your amazing work” or a high five can make people feel seen, appreciated, and motivated.

When conflicts arise—and they will—do your best to address them with empathy, understanding, and a calm attitude. This takes some self-control! Instead of blaming, criticizing, or becoming defensive, focus on finding solutions. For example, you might say, “Hey, I noticed we’re not on the same page. Can we talk it through?” This kind of response builds trust and shows you’re committed to the team’s success.

Be aware of the 4 stages that teams often go through.

I have found Bruce W. Tuckerman’s explanation of the four typical phases of a group’s coming together extremely helpful and comforting! Be patient with your team as they go through the different stages.

As a leader, your ability to build strong relationships, create a sense of unity, and empower others will make your team more successful and make you a better leader and friend.

Teamwork really can make the dream work.

“Leadership is not about being in charge. It is about taking care of those in your charge.” – Simon Sinek

Teams typically go through four phases: The first FORMING stage is where everyone’s getting to know each other, learning the purpose of the group, and understanding their roles.

“Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success.”

Henry Ford

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from mountain ridges rain pours into the valley a water of life A haiku by Lele’iohoku, "awāwa," lines 4-6

WISDOM FLOWS to you not only from the voices of mentors you are meeting in these pages, but also from the quiet, hidden springs of insight discovered in places you never thought to look.

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Journal Journal your main take-away from this chapter:

Influence vs Power: Reflect on the difference between influence and power. Write about a leader you admire who positively influences others. What makes their leadership impactful, and how do they use influence rather than power to lead?

How can you be an influential leader in your own life without relying on power or control?

I am a servant-leader Mindful Lettering: Trace the lettering. It does not have to be perfect.

You may rewrite the phrase a number of times on the page. Enjoy the process of mindful lettering.

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Chapter 3: Growing in Leadership ACTIVIT Y

Walk it out.

• Becoming Powerful: A Servant Leader • Be Interested, Not Just Interesting: Listen First, Shine Later • Navigating Authority With Respect • Teamwork Makes the Dreamwork

Consider choosing one or more action steps:

1.

Read a biography, watch a movie about a great leader, or read books on leadership principles. You may find some helpful YouTube videos on these subjects as well. Reflect on what you have learned and how to apply the principles gained.

Consider doing a book club with one to a few friends and discuss each chapter of the book and the insights gained.

2.

Write a letter of appreciation to an authority figure in your life (parent, teacher, coach, etc.), explaining how their leadership has positively influenced you and how you’ve grown from respecting their authority. Reflect on what you’ve learned from them about leadership and honoring others.

3.

Draw a mountain that symbolizes your journey to becoming a strong leader. On the path up the mountain, include obstacles you’ve faced or challenges

you think you might encounter (e.g., fear of failure, peer pressure). At the top of the mountain, draw a flag or symbol representing your goal as a leader. After drawing, write about the challenges and how you plan to overcome them. What leadership skills will help you reach the top of your “mountain”?

4.

Take a walk outdoors (or in a quiet space). As you walk, focus on each step, the sounds around you, and your breathing. Think about a time when you showed leadership, even in a small way, and reflect on how it felt. Pay attention to your thoughts and body sensations as you reflect on this moment.

After the walk, write or draw about the leadership moment you thought of. What did you learn from that experience? How did you feel during and after your walk? What would you do differently next time to grow as a leader?

The struggle is real, and so is hope.

Text 494949 to chat now | FREE Mental Health Chat Center | 24/7 for those over 13 years old.

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“The best word shakers

were the ones who understood the true power of words.

They were the ones who could climb the highest.”

Markus Zusak

Chapter 04

The Power of Words that changes the world. They can build someone up into a hero or can tear them down, making them feel like nothing special.

Think back for a second. Can you remember a single sentence someone said to you that changed everything?

Maybe it was a compliment from a coach that gave you a surge of confidence that you can still feel today.

Or maybe it was a cruel comment whispered in the hallway, a put-down that stuck to you like glue and left a wound that took years to heal.

Printed photos can fade, trends die, but words can last forever, echoing through decades. The words you say to others—and just as importantly, the words you say to yourself in your own head—are constantly building your reality.

We all have them. Those words. The ones that are tattooed on our memories.

So, the question is: are you using your power by accident, or are you in control?

Words are the most powerful creative force on the planet. Think about it. A few words can start a friendship, end a relationship, or spark a movement

Gear up to explore the power of words.

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THE POWER OF WORDS.

by Kau'i N. Burgess

Have you ever said something without thinking and immediately wished you could hit “undo”?

with you, replaying over and over like a song you didn’t even ask for.

Or maybe you’ve been on the other side—someone said a few careless words that hit you like a punch in the gut. You tried to brush it off, but their words stuck

We live in a world flooded with words. From group chats and social media posts to captions and class presentations, we’re constantly surrounded by people

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talking, texting, venting, and sharing. And somewhere in that flood, it’s easy to forget that what we say (or even think) actually matters. But it does.

One weekend, we were going to compete against the number one team in our league, which was BYU-Hawai’i, but we were in fifth place in the NAIA’s Western Conference, which included teams from Hawai’i and California. BYU-H had the best players in the conference.

Words are powerful.

Think about it. Words shape the world around you. One encouraging text can save someone from the edge of hopelessness. One harsh comment can make someone question their worth. Words can build up or tear down, heal, or hurt. Words can start fights and end friendships.

One genuine compliment can spark confidence that changes the course of someone’s day—or life.

Before the game, our team gathered in our coach’s hotel room. When I walked in, a spirit of confidence and determination permeated the room. The serious message spoken by our coaches was encouraging, strong, bold, and felt so true. Their words stirred within me the belief that we were going to win the championship… and WE DID! It was one of the best games my team had ever played.

Words Aren’t Just Noise—They’re Power Here’s the truth: People may forget what you said, but they’ll remember how your words made them feel. The coach’s words on game day stirred up deep emotions within me—such as confidence and belonging—that I still remember to this day, more than 30 years later!

Words are more than sounds or letters on a screen. They carry power. They shape how people feel, what people believe, and even how people see themselves.

Think about a time someone said something that really stuck with you—good or bad. Maybe it was a joke that went too far. Maybe it was a sarcastic remark. Maybe it was encouragement you didn’t know you needed.

Maybe it was something someone said about you years ago, and it still replays in your head like a broken record.

I learned a great life lesson. We all have the power to bring about good or bad in our lives and in the lives of others through the words we choose to speak.

Whether you’re texting a friend, giving a presentation, talking to yourself, or just thinking about the day, you’re using words.

That’s the power of words. They don’t disappear when the moment passes. They echo.

So, here’s a challenge: And guess what? That means your words carry that same power too. Your voice can change the way someone else feels about themselves, the world, or their future.

▶ Catch yourself when you’re about to say something negative and choose a different word. ▶ Give one compliment or encouraging word to someone each day. ▶ Notice your self-talk. Would you talk to your best friend the way you talk to yourself? If not, it’s time to change that. ▶ Think before you post. Is it necessary? Is it kind?

Will it help someone or hurt someone?

And the most powerful words? Sometimes, they are the ones we never speak out loud at all. The words you speak silently to yourself—whether it’s “I’m not enough” or “I believe someday my dream will come true”—can define the direction of your thoughts, your emotions, and your future.

In life, I’ve experienced how words impact outcomes, beliefs, attitudes, and the confidence of others.

In the following articles, you will take a deeper dive into the power of words! You don’t need to be loud to be powerful. Your words already are. So use them like they matter—because they do.

When I was 18, I was blessed to go to college on a four-year volleyball scholarship at the University of Hawai’i at Hilo.

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THE POWER OF ENCOURAGING AND ASSERTIVE WORDS.

by Michele Okimura

Your voice carries more weight than you may realize. Every time you speak, you have a choice: Will your words bring hope, truth, and confidence—or will they add to the noise of negativity that already floods our world?

At a recent event I attended, my friend was the keynote speaker, sharing her journey to becoming the influential leader she is today. To my shock, she suddenly pointed me out in the audience and told me to stand up and wave at everyone. She said she wanted everyone to know that I had changed her life.

Let’s talk about two types of words that are especially powerful: encouraging words and assertive words. Both have the ability to shape your life and the lives of others in positive, impactful ways. But they work best when used together.

She recalled a moment, over a year ago, when she had told me in desperation, “I don’t know what my gifts are!”

Encouraging Words

Without hesitation, I had said, “Oh! I know! Your gifts are your passion and boldness!”

Have you ever had a rough day when someone said something kind or uplifting that totally shifted your mood? That’s the power of encouraging words. Words can heal, build confidence, and give someone the courage to keep going.

I barely remembered it—but she never forgot. Through tears, she told everyone my words gave her the clarity and courage to chase her dreams with greater confidence! I was so grateful that I was able to make a difference and celebrate her!

Encouraging words don’t have to be long speeches. They can be simple phrases such as “You’ve got this,” or “I’m proud of you,” or “That was so brave of you.” Spoken or written words can make a huge difference when someone feels unseen, discouraged, misunderstood, stressed, or hurt. You can become a person who brings light into dark places!

Your words might change someone’s life forever.

You never know—one conversation can literally change a life.

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Want to get better at being encouraging?

Start by noticing the good in people and practice taking the next step by complimenting them, even if it’s a stranger passing by. There was a time when someone in passing made my day by saying to me, “What a stylish outfit! You look great in it!”

Assertiveness is like having a steady voice in the middle of chaos. You’re not shrinking back or blowing up—you’re choosing to speak truth with confidence and kindness.

Praising someone’s great effort or making sure to congratulate someone’s accomplishments can also be so uplifting.

Whenever possible, be specific in your encouraging words. For example, instead of “You’re awesome,” try saying something like “You always show up for people—that’s inspiring.”

How to Grow in Assertiveness

Remember, you can communicate encouragement through speaking, texting, emailing, or writing notes.

Use “I” statements. Instead of blaming (“You always make fun of me!”), say: “I feel hurt when that happens.” It’s less confrontational and helps people listen without getting defensive.

Assertive Words: Speak Up Practice in small moments. Start with little things. If your food order is wrong, kindly let the server know. If you need help on a group project, speak up. These moments add up and build confidence.

Being encouraging doesn’t mean staying silent when something’s wrong. Assertiveness is about expressing your thoughts, needs, and boundaries clearly and respectfully. It’s the middle ground between being passive (letting people walk all over you) and being aggressive (trying to dominate others).

You can speak your mind with graciousness and respect.

Be kind but firm. You can say something hard without being harsh. For example: “I value our friendship, but I won’t tolerate being made fun of.”

Imagine someone speaks to you disrespectfully. You don’t have to stay quiet—you don’t have to yell. Instead, you can calmly say, “Hey, I don’t appreciate being spoken to like that,” or “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t speak to me that way.”

Stay calm under pressure. If a conversation gets tense, slow your speech and take a breath before responding. A calm voice carries more power than a loud one.

If a conversation is getting heated, you can also suggest speaking at another time by saying something like, “I’m not okay with being spoken to like that. Let’s pause and come back to this when it can be respectful,” or “I care about this conversation, but I also care about how we treat each other.

Can we take a step back and try again later?”

If someone is pressuring you to do something you don’t want to do or are uncomfortable with, whether it’s something unsafe, unhealthy, or just not right for you, stand your ground with confidence and respect. You can say something like, “I care about you, but that’s not something I’m okay with,” or “Thanks, but I am going to pass.”

Encouragement and Assertiveness Work Together If you are in a conversation and have a different opinion, you can kindly disagree. You can say something like, “I see it differently, and I’d love to share why if you’re open to hearing it,” or “I see it a little differently. Can I share my perspective?”

You can be someone who cheers people on and stands up for what’s right. You can be a friend who encourages others and also sets healthy boundaries. Remember that you don’t have to be loud to be strong. You just have to be honest, respectful, and courageous.

If the conversation is getting intense or one-sided, you could say something like “It’s okay if we don’t all agree. I think different views can be valuable. We can still have a good conversation,” or “I’m not trying to argue—I just see it from another angle.”

Your words carry weight. Use them wisely—and the world will feel the difference.

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ACTIVIT Y

The Word Museum Take a walk through the museum of your memory. In your journal, create two exhibits.

The Hall of FAME: Write down the kindest, most powerful, and most encouraging words someone has ever said to you. Who said that? How did they make you feel then? How do they still impact you today?

The Hall of FLAME: Write down a time when words hurt you. You don't need to dwell here but acknowledge the words and the feeling they created. This exercise helps you see the real, lasting impact words have had on your own life.

Illustrate how these positive words impacted you by sketching a picture below or writing a poem. Be creative!

Illustrate how these negative words impacted you by sketching a picture below or writing a poem.

Be creative!

"Watch your thoughts, they become your words. Watch your words, they become your actions. Watch your actions, they become your habits. Watch your habits, they become your character. Watch your character, it becomes your destiny." — Anonymous

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WATCH YOUR WORDS.

DID YOU KNOW? Check out YouTube videos by searching for ‘Rice Experiments with Words’ and ‘Water Experiments with Words.’

“Words can Inspire. And words can Destroy.

Choose yours well.”– Robin Sharma

Call out the GOLD in others

“Be careful with your words.

Once they are said, they can only be forgiven, not forgotten.”

“Words are powerful. They have the ability to create a moment and the strength to destroy it.”

Carl Sandburg

Unknown

SPEAKING LIFE INTO OTHERS QUIZ: Take this self-reflection quiz by checking the box that reflects your answer.

How often do you think about the impact of your words before speaking?

How often do you speak encouraging words to others?

o Always o Sometimes o Rarely o Never

o Every day o Once a week o Rarely

Which of the following best describes how you usually speak to others?

Do you find it easy or hard to compliment others? o Easy o Hard

o Encouraging o Direct o Sarcastic o Supportive

Which words do you think people need to hear more often?

What’s more powerful? o Words o Voice tone/facial expression o Both

o “I believe in you” o “You’re capable” o “You matter”

When someone says something negative to you, how do you usually react?

When someone says something kind and affirming to you, how does it make you feel?

o Get angry o Think about it for a long time o Shrug it off

o Happy o Motivated o Embarrassed o Indifferent

How well do you handle criticism?

How you talk and what you say can impact your relationships. Be the kind of guy who speaks life into others, using words that lift people up instead of bringing them down.

o Very well o Okay o Not well

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FROM HARMFUL GOSSIP TO ADVOCATING FOR DIGNITY.

by Charis Logan

Give me the tittle-tattle (1500s). What’s the scuttlebutt (1800s)? Gimme the skinny (1970s). What’s the 4-1-1 (1990s)?

Spill the beans. Spill the tea. However you put it, GOSSIP has been around since the beginning of time. And I get it. I love a good gossip session like anyone else! I admit it, whether

it’s celebrity gossip, neighborhood, family, or friends—I love to partake!

Maybe it’s the feeling of “being in the know” that feels so good? Or maybe it’s the illusion that you’re bonding with those with whom you are gossiping? Or it could be because

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it makes you feel better about your own situation. Whatever it is, as much as I hate to admit it, it’s truly a guilty pleasure.

feeling disrespected by this girl. But I also knew that I shouldn’t gossip and add fuel to this fire; after all, she was my friend.

BUT, none of these reasons seem to ease the pain of being on the other end…the one being gossiped about.

Then, in a moment of weakness, I blurted out something that I regret to this day. I shared something private about her that would have deeply humiliated her if she had been there. The second it came out, I instantly wanted to take it back. But like that toothpaste squeezed out of the tube, I couldn’t. Whether this “information” was true or not, I did not intend for it to come off like it did! The girls erupted in laughter, but deep down, I felt terrible.

It never feels good to find out that someone has been talking about you behind your back, whether it was true or not. You can’t defend yourself or explain your side of the story. You feel helpless and powerless. Voiceless. Judged. Ashamed.

Simply put, gossip is information shared about a person behind their back in a way that can hurt their reputation, especially if it’s private, unkind, or not true. Many times, gossip typically involves details that are not confirmed as true.

Well, as it usually happens, word got back to this girl about the things we had gossiped about, and we all found ourselves in the Counselor’s office. I will never forget seeing the tears in that girl’s eyes as we were confronted with these rumors. All these years later, I still feel horrible about it. Our words were powerful, and instead of building her up, they tore her down.

Decide which of these are GOSSIP (Answer at the bottom) a) You told someone that you heard a classmate got into a fight during recess. b) You and a friend were talking about a soccer game you both played in last night. c) You told your mom about the award that your friend won. d) You saw someone look around while you were taking a test, so you told everyone that the person cheated.

The fact of the matter is that even after you grow up, you will still encounter gossip. Like me, you will face those same kinds of emotions and thoughts when you are tempted to dive into the gossip session. So, what can you do?

Examples of What To Say When You Hear Gossip: 1. “I don’t think that’s true. I know that person has their faults, but they have always been kind to me.”

2. “Maybe we shouldn’t talk about them since they aren’t here.”

3. “This is kind of messed up of us. I wouldn’t like it if you said that about me.”

4. “Are you sure that happened? That doesn’t sound like something that person would do.”

Have you ever squeezed too much toothpaste out of a tube?

It’s just not possible to get that extra toothpaste back in! The same is true with our words. There’s an old Jewish proverb that says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”

Basically, your words can either lift someone up or tear them down. So before you speak, ask yourself: Is this going to bring life or cause damage? Because once it’s out—it’s out.

I can remember a time when I was in middle school, and there was a girl in our group of friends who was sort of the “leader of the pack.” She was pretty and smart, but she was also very sassy and very bossy! One day, a bunch of us started “sharing,” aka gossiping about this girl when she wasn’t around. I remember sitting there listening to what each girl had to say about her.

Here’s one last thing to think about—be the kind of person who spreads good gossip. Yeah, that’s a thing! Good gossip is when you talk about people behind their backs in a way that builds them up. Like, “Did you hear Sarah crushed it and got an award on the swim team?” or “Robert’s been training nonstop for that marathon—he’s so committed.” If you’re going to talk about someone, let it be something positive. Let your words spread encouragement. And who knows? Word will get back to them that you are sharing affirming, uplifting things about them—and they’ll remember you for it. Plus, don’t be surprised if people start doing the same for you.

There was a whirl of emotions and thoughts going on within me. I wanted to feel included in this juicy conversation. I didn’t want to look like I wasn’t a supportive friend to them.

I also felt similar things to what they said and could relate to

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Answer: a) yes b) no c) no d) yes

SPEAK LIFE: HOW WORDS CAN SHAPE YOUR FUTURE

by Joshua Kaina

Imagine standing in the middle of a stadium, crowd roaring, pressure rising, and having to perform at your absolute best. Now imagine doing that over and over again, knowing the world is watching, judging, and expecting more. How do you keep going? How do you stay grounded, confident, and unshaken?

Self-talk is the ongoing dialogue you have in your mind— it’s how you interpret your experiences, your failures, and your potential. These words either build you up or tear you down. We can be our worst enemies when it comes to self-talk. I started managing my self-talk later in life and am still mastering it. I hope this article helps you to start now.

For some of the world’s most legendary athletes, the answer is simple, but powerful: they speak positive affirmations over themselves, what I call “speaking life.”

Did you know that science backs this up? Repeated self-talk literally rewires your brain because of something called neuroplasticity. Your thoughts form pathways, like trails in a forest. The more you repeat a certain kind of thought, whether positive or negative, the easier it becomes to travel that path again.

Whether you’re facing pressure in school, struggling with identity, or trying to push through anxiety or fear, the words you speak to yourself matter. A lot.

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So, when you constantly say, “I’m not good enough,” or “I always mess things up,” your brain starts to believe it.

But when you say, “I’m capable,” or “I can grow through this,” your brain responds with increased confidence and clarity. You begin to act on what you say.

Here are three simple ways to start speaking life over yourself: 1. Replace Lies with Truth Catch negative thoughts like “I’m a failure” or “I’ll never change,” and replace them with truth:

As a tennis fan, I loved watching Serena Williams play.

She is one of the greatest athletes of all time, and she didn’t rise to the top by chance. She’s known not just for her physical strength but for her mental resilience.

In interviews, Serena has shared how she uses positive self-talk and affirmations in high-pressure moments— especially when self-doubt creeps in.

▶ “I’m growing and learning.” ▶ “One mistake doesn’t define me.”

2. Create Personal Affirmations Write a few short, positive statements that reflect who you’re becoming: ▶ “I am chosen. I am capable. I have purpose.” ▶ “I don’t have to be perfect—I just have to keep moving forward.”

She once said: “I am strong. I am powerful. I am beautiful.”

She repeated these words to herself, not when everything was going great—but when she felt fear, fatigue, or frustration. These affirmations weren’t magic spells they were declarations of identity that helped her show up as her best self.

Say them out loud every day. Over time, your brain will start believing them—and your life will follow.

3. Speak What You Want to See Don’t just talk about where you are. Speak about where you’re going.

Another great example is the boxing legend Muhammad Ali. Before Muhammad was “The Greatest,” he was a young boxer from Kentucky who faced racism, doubt, and criticism at every turn. But Ali understood the power of words. He declared victory long before the match even started.

▶ “I will graduate.” ▶ “I will overcome anxiety.” ▶ “I will use my gifts to help others.”

Your words set the direction of your life. Use them wisely.

His famous line: “I am the greatest. I said that even before I knew I was.”

The most important voice in your life isn’t from the crowd—it’s the one inside your head. You have the power to SPEAK LIFE over yourself, just like Serena Williams and Muhammad Ali did. You were created with purpose, designed with greatness, and wired to grow.

Ali didn’t say this out of arrogance—he spoke it to shape his reality. He knew that to fight and win in the ring, he first had to fight and win in his mind.

So speak like it.

Every time he faced a challenge, Ali chose words of strength, confidence, and vision. And over time, his mindset helped create the legacy we remember today.

Let the words you say be a reflection of the truth: You are more than enough, and your story is still being written.

How to Speak Life Over Yourself You don’t have to be an athlete to use self-talk powerfully.

Whether you’re walking into a classroom, a tryout, a performance, or just a tough day—what you say to yourself will either fuel you or drain you.

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Journal

Journal a takeaway you had from this chapter:

Think about a time when you were the target of gossip or a rumor. How did those words affect your "inner world"—your self-talk, your confidence, and your sense of safety at school or with friends?

Did they create a label that was hard to shake off ? What do you wish people had known about the real story? Journal some of your thoughts:

The next time you're in a conversation and it turns into gossip, what will you do? Think of at least two specific strategies. Will you change the subject, politely say you're not comfortable talking about someone who isn't there, or simply walk away? Creating a plan now makes it easier to act with integrity in the moment.

Referring to the last article on speaking life, what are three positive sentences you can tell yourself —or others—that would speak life, encouragement, and strength, especially in those moments of stress, insecurity, and hardship?

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Chapter 4: THE POWER OF WORDS ACTIVIT Y

Walk it out.

• • • •

The Power of Words The Power of Encouraging and Assertive Words From Harmful Gossip to Advocating for Dignity Speak Life: How Words Can Shape Your Future

Consider choosing one or more action steps:

1.

3.

2.

4.

For one day, be a detective of your own thoughts and do a self-talk audit. Pay close attention to your inner monologue—the voice in your head. Write down the phrases you say to yourself, especially when you're stressed or make a mistake. At the end of the day, look at your list. Is your self-talk mostly critical or encouraging? Challenge one negative thought and rewrite it into something true, kind, and constructive.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it: for the next 24 hours, you must give a genuine, specific compliment to at least three different people. It could be a friend, a family member, a teacher, or a classmate.

Instead of a generic "nice shirt," try something specific like, "The way you explained that concept in class really helped me understand it." Observe their reaction and take note on how it felt to be the source of that positive energy.

Conduct a legacy interview. Sit down with an older person you respect—a grandparent, a mentor, an older neighbor. Ask them this one powerful question:

Listen to their story.

You'll gain incredible wisdom about how words can echo through an entire lifetime.

Think of a "hidden hero" in your school or community—a janitor, a cafeteria worker, a bus driver, or a librarian who is often overlooked. Either write them a simple, handwritten thank-you note and deliver it or take the time to verbally thank them. Acknowledge their hard work and tell them they are appreciated.

You have the power to make someone's entire week with just a few sentences.

The struggle is real, and so is hope.

Text 494949 to chat now | FREE Mental Health Chat Center | 24/7 for those over 13 years old.

1-888-373-7888 | Toll-Free Hotline | 24/7 71 | Confidential | Get Help. Report Trafficking.

“The better part of one’s life consists of his friendships.”

Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of the United States

Chapter 05

Building Healthy Friendships

If you want good friends, you’ve got to know how to be a good friend yourself. But which qualities actually make someone a good friend? What does a solid, healthy friendship look like? And if you want good friends but don’t feel like you have any right now, what can you do about it?

Have you ever been in a crowd yet felt like the loneliest person in the room?

Some of you might already have a solid group of friends, and that’s great. But maybe you’re someone who really wishes you had people you could trust—friends who truly get you and accept you for who you are. Having a bunch of followers on social media can be fun, but let’s be real—it doesn’t fill that deeper need for real connection. The kind of friendships we’re wired for involve face-to-face moments where you feel seen, heard, and truly understood. Bottom line: You were made for real friendship and community.

In the pages ahead, we’re digging into key topics that can help you build solid friendships and be a part of a valuable community.

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BEING A GOOD FRIEND.

by Jet Nelson and Michele Okimura

If you have even one close friend, you have a gift—someone who knows you—the good, the bad, the ugly—and still is loyal and faithful.

When you make friendships that have your values in common, those friendships can last despite all of life’s changes!

▶ Someone who cares, listens, lends a hand, and will stand by you through thick and thin. ▶ Someone who will speak the truth to you...even if it hurts. ▶ Someone you enjoy doing things with. ▶ Someone with whom you have shared losses, laughs, hopes, and dreams. ▶ Someone who believes the best in you and fights to support the best for you.

Really listen Listening is not just polite. It is a way of caring, honoring, respecting, and connecting with someone else. Listen with intention! ▶ Give the speaker your full attention (put your phone away). ▶ Show that you are tracking with what they are saying through your nods or brief comments/ phrases. ▶ Mirror back what the person is saying from time to time by rephrasing their words back to them.

For example, if your friend tells you a story about a time when they were stressed out, you can respond by commenting, “WOW! So you were really stressed out!”

You can also be that friend to others.

How can you learn to be a better friend? Be open, yes.

Be available—but choose to love and trust friends who value what you value, and those people will be at your side for life.

Continued

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▶ Maintain good eye contact. ▶ Don’t interrupt. ▶ Listen without wishing to speak yourself.

How wonderful it is when there are meaningful conversations in which both you and your friend connect and understand each other.

Reach out

Showing interest is a great way to connect with others!

Especially if you know one of your friends needs some encouragement—maybe they are struggling with doubts, hurt, confusion, or discouragement—reach out and be there for them.

▶ Being a good friend starts with a heart attitude that genuinely cares about others. ▶ Smile when you greet others. Smiling at appropriate times can cause people to feel more at ease with you. ▶ Take an interest and find common ground!

Ask questions to learn more about the person you are talking with. Try to find things in common to have a lively conversation about a topic. ▶ Make the other person the star of the conversation. Be sensitive to not dominate the conversation. ▶ Encourage. Empathize. Validate feelings.

▶ Text, call, or visit them. ▶ Serve them—help them with a task. ▶ Take them out for a run or walk. ▶ Give them a hug or reassuring pat on the back.

Spend time Give your friends the gift of your time. Another simple way to be a better friend is to make the effort to spend time with your friend. When a friend comes to mind, you can call them immediately or set up a reminder to call them later. It’s a simple but brilliant action step.

So often, we think of someone and then forget to text or call them.

“I felt it shelter to speak to you.” – Emily Dickinson Be real – The vulnerability factor The friendships that last the test of time are the ones that have deep roots. This doesn’t necessarily include your oldest friends you’ve known since kindergarten—this is about the depth of vulnerability you share with someone.

You can initiate plans to get together just to hang out or do an activity together. Letting our friends know we’re thinking of them takes straightforward intentionality.

Keeping the ugly and raw details about your life hidden from the people in your life can be more comfortable, but if you desire close friends, then being honest is key.

Being open about the struggles and messiness in your life with someone that you trust and love will strengthen your bond with that person. Your closest friends will care for and respect you even at your worst, encouraging you and lifting you up in those times.

Be interested Have you ever felt truly cared for when someone paid genuine attention to what you were saying? How did it feel to be heard?

Reaching out to make a new friend or get to know someone better can be described as engaging in the art of conversation. Sometimes, it is tempting to chat about ourselves during those silent, awkward moments in a conversation. However, it’s also cool to have some handy questions ready to ask the other person to show you’re genuinely interested.

Be a loyal and trusted friend to others as well. When your friend shares vulnerably with you, keep their confidence and don’t tell others without their permission unless they plan to harm themselves or others physically (get help for your friend in those cases!).

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

Have you ever been in a conversation that felt one-sided, where you were eager to hear what the other person had to say, but they didn’t show the same interest in you?

It can be challenging to be patient and engaged during those times, but it’s also a great opportunity to practice the skill of listening.

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“Close friends are truly life’s treasures. Sometimes they know us better than we know ourselves.”

Vincent Van Gogh

“You know you are with true friends when they lift, encourage, correct, and then spur you on.”

Lisa Bevere, Lioness Arising: Awaken The Power of the Untamed Life

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BEING REAL & CREATING SAFE FRIENDSHIPS: Opening Up

by Vicky Wong, MSCP, LMFT, LMHC, NCC and Michele Okimura

It can be scary to reveal our personal secrets or things about ourselves that we would rather hide from others. It takes courage to express such details. Being vulnerable and sharing transparently with safe, trustworthy people builds connections that can heal and lift toxic shame from our lives.

Being vulnerable can give us the help and strength we need to blossom in life! It is a powerful and meaningful experience to feel heard, for someone to know the good, the bad, and even the ugly about your life and still love and accept you without judgment. When this happens, we can experience love and acceptance through someone else.

destroy. Careless words keep people isolated and silent for years. Supportive words can be healing and can also give people the courage to share more deeply about themselves.

After someone shares something vulnerable, it can be very hurtful not to say anything, quickly change the subject, or make a joke/comment to lighten the mood. When appropriate, a hand on a shoulder, a hand squeeze, or a hug can also communicate comfort and empathy.

Don’t start immediately sharing a similar experience. This time is not about you. It is about listening and connecting.

Giving advice and encouraging words comes later, after they feel validated and heard, and you sense they are ready for that.

Lastly, keep their confidence and ask for their permission before telling anyone else. The exception would be if they are about to hurt themselves or another person.

"A friend is someone with whom you dare to be yourself."

Frank Crane When figuring out who to open up to, it’s important to find someone who feels safe. A safe person is someone who accepts you just as you are. They tell you the truth, but they do it in a way that’s kind and loving. They love you no matter what mistakes you make. You can be yourself around them because you know they believe in you. They lift you up with their words, always ready to encourage and comfort you. They listen and care about what you have to say. Most importantly, they can be trusted to keep what you share private, not turning it into gossip. That’s the kind of person you can trust with your heart.

Here are some tips on what to say vs what not to say when someone is opening their heart to you.

WHAT NOT TO SAY: • • • • •

Vulnerably expressing yourself to people with whom you feel safe, such as a parent, close family member, close friend, mentor, or counselor, can bring you the support needed to navigate through the twists and turns of life.

You just need to let go and move on.

I can’t believe this really happened.

How come you just can’t forgive?

What are you going to do about it now?

At least... (minimizing issue)

WHAT TO SAY: • I’m so sorry that happened to you.

• I don’t know exactly what to say right now, except that I’m here for you. How can I help?

• Forgiving such a deep hurt is a process and will happen over time.

• Thank you for having the courage to share that with me.

• I’m so sorry that awful thing happened to you, and you didn’t deserve this.

“Vulnerability is the center of shame, scarcity, fear, anxiety, and uncertainty. But it is also the birthplace of love, belonging, and joy.” – Brené Brown As a friend, you can be an impactful advocate for the good of another.

It is not always easy to know what to say when someone is vulnerable and tells you something very personal. There is power in words that can encourage and uplift or hurt and

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OVERCOMING LONELINESS.

by Abi Kroontje

“I believe it is a sign of strength to realize we need people because then we can start investing in relationships that are life-giving, inspiring, and purposeful.”

Loneliness – it’s a feeling that can often sneak up on us, but when it hits us, it can feel all-consuming. The depths of loneliness can become so overwhelming that it might lead one to sink into depression or turn to an addiction to numb the pain. When all hope feels lost, contemplating dark thoughts about life may feel like an enticing way out.

initiating, never the one pursued. I carried a deep loneliness in my heart as I longed to be loved.

While I felt the loneliness of being single, there are many other types of loneliness. ▶ Close friendships: Perhaps you wish you had a friend who truly gets you, the one with whom you can be your true self. ▶ Family conflicts: Maybe the people who you feel should be the closest to you don’t seem interested, or like they don’t understand what you’re going through. We can feel lonely even in the midst of our own family if we have ‘detached’ family relationships. ▶ Romantic relationships: You might look around and see all those “perfect” couples on social media or in movies. It might make you wish you had someone to love and care for you. ▶ Loss of a loved one: Losing someone close to you can create a profound ache in your heart.

Studies show that teenagers, more than any other age group, grapple with loneliness. Even though we live in a time where people have more access to connect with one another because of technology, some have speculated that this has actually led to young people feeling isolated and cut off socially.

As human beings, we have a very real need for connection, which is why we feel deep pain when we experience loneliness.

Most of us will go through seasons where we feel alone to varying degrees for various reasons.

At 28 years old, I had never been asked on a date…ever. I used to think, “Maybe I’m not pretty or skinny enough.” I believed something was wrong with me because I was always the one

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Experiencing hurt from people can make us think it would be easier to avoid close relationships. But those walls that we build up to keep us from getting hurt will also block our ability to receive the love that our hearts crave.

You can also invest time in the relationships you do have.

Consider initiating and asking friends out simply to hang out or do various fun activities. These experiences can bring you closer together.

We’ve all felt that lonely ache in our hearts because, deep down, we crave real connections with others. I believe it is a sign of strength to realize we need people because then we can start investing in relationships that are life-giving, inspiring, and purposeful. Dealing with loneliness isn’t simple, but it’s worth it.

Valuing relationships remains a top priority throughout the many seasons of my life. Now that I'm married, my husband and I invite people to our house for dinner, games, or movie nights. We also set aside a part of our paycheck so that we can be generous with others.

Be hopeful and positive. I believe that seasons of loneliness will pass, just like winter, which is always followed by spring.

Meanwhile, in whatever season of life you are in, be teachable, learn ways to be a better friend to others, and seek creative solutions to make new friends.

I used to believe that having a loving partner would cure my loneliness. But then I got a boyfriend. We got married. We moved away from my friends and family. And I felt lonely again. Even though it was a different kind of loneliness, it still made my heart ache.

A truth of life is that people will come and go for various reasons, and you’ll go through seasons of feeling alone. But an equally powerful truth is that you can always choose how you want to navigate those times and what it is you want your heart to focus on.

Take some time to consider how loneliness can be seen as a gift to you. Take time to gain valuable insights. Reflect on the following questions and consider journaling your thoughts:

Pursue meaningful connections with authentic people.

1.

Who are the kinds of people you'd like to have in your circle?

If you find yourself in a season of loneliness, consider using this time to think about the kind of community you want to be a part of. We tend to devote our time and effort to the things that matter most in our lives. Once we recognize the value of relationships, we begin prioritizing our lives to reflect this. What type of person do you genuinely want to be, and what type of people will that attract? Building relationships takes hard work, patience, and a willingness to be open and genuine with people.

2.

What qualities or characteristics about them attract you? Do you share those same traits? If not, how can you work on developing those qualities?

3.

What are the areas of your life you thought would fill your loneliness? Did they end up satisfying you?

4.

Can you think of a relationship in your life – whether it's with family, friends, or someone else—where you've felt truly loved for who you are? How did that feel?

5.

How can you make the most of your current free time to invest in building and strengthening other relationships?

We’re designed to thrive in the company of others, so it’s essential to invest wisely.

It takes courage, but I encourage you to consider taking the leap and putting yourself in situations where you will have more opportunities to find community. Communities oftentimes provide a place for shared common interests—a place to belong. Consider checking out groups around you, such as: ▶ school clubs ▶ sports teams ▶ church or community groups

Consider that this phase of your life can be an opportunity for personal growth before you need to care for someone else or depend on them. It's a chance to discover your true self and become secure and confident.

▶ service groups ▶ groups centered around common interests

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If you find yourself in a season of loneliness, how can you make the most of your time?

Here are some tips: 1.

Take note of when you feel lonely and how you respond. We often use coping mechanisms to help us deal with the pain of what we are feeling. However, our coping mechanisms do not help us grow.

They often keep us immature and empty.

2.

Make a plan to use this additional time productively! What do you want to do, grow in, or invest in? What are the blessings of this season of loneliness that you may not have later?

3.

Create a list of 3 things you could do to pursue relationships with people. Don’t wait for others to initiate.

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When a person focuses their thoughts on being lonely, it can increase a feeling of hopelessness and depression. What you focus on and repeat in your thought life will gain more power over you and affect your emotions and actions.

How you manage your thoughts can really help! Here are some helpful tips: 1.

2.

3.

4.

Reflect on your thoughts...what am I thinking?

Ask yourself, “Are these thoughts helping me or hurting me?”

Ask yourself, “How can I shift my thinking to something more positive?”

Decide on an action plan that can help you feel a better sense of well-being and connection.

Here are some practical suggestions that can help: • Decide to engage in a brief conversation with a stranger such as the cashier, someone you don’t know at lunch, or the person next to your in line. You can smile and say something brief to connect.

• If you find yourself thinking about loneliness, shift your mind to thoughts of what is something kind you can do or say for someone, then do it!

• Volunteer your services at an organization or cause.

Be creative in the space below. Sketch or write a poem that expresses the feelings or experience of loneliness OR the opposite—express the feeling or experience of belonging to a solid group of friends.

mindful doodling

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“Associate with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for it is better to be alone than in bad company.” – George Washington

AS YOU ARISE...

CHOOSE WISELY...

We can have various layers of friends, ranging from those we are super close with to those who are more like acquaintances... and everything in between!

Friends can greatly influence you in the right ways or the wrong ways. Your life will be greatly impacted by the people who run beside you, link arms with you, lift you up (not pull you down), have your back, and challenge you to grow!

Choose wisely.

SOME FRIENDS MAY: • • • • •

Ever heard of crab mentality?

There is a story about a bunch of live crabs that were piled up in an open bucket. Each time one of the crabs attempted to climb out of the bucket and was almost to the top, the other crabs would pull it down! This can be related to some people who pull down those who try to grow and improve themselves, who do something different, and who aspire to reach for their dreams. Like the crabs, they can criticize and be negative in an attempt to discourage any positive change within their friend who wants to rise to their full potential.

As you grow and mature, choose your friends wisely.

• • •

BE IN YOUR LIFE FOR YEARS OR A BRIEF SEASON. BE IN YOUR LIFE FOR A SPECIAL REASON. BE YOUR FAVORITE ACTIVITY BUDDY. BE A FARAWAY FRIEND. BE SO DIFFERENT FROM YOU, WHILE OTHERS WILL HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON WITH YOU. REALLY ‘GET’ YOU. STRENGTHEN YOU WHEN YOU FEEL WEAK. HELP YOU REACH YOUR HIGHEST POTENTIAL!

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions.

Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”

Mark Twain “Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.”

George Washington

“Be careful of the environment you choose for it will shape you; be careful the friends you choose for you will become like them.” – W. Clement Stone

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FRIENDSHIP BOUNDARIES. Friendships are ever-growing and ever-changing. Some friendships may last a lifetime, while some close friendships may last only for a season. Friends move away, or you move away. New friends can come into your life unexpectedly. Unfortunately, conflicts or misunderstandings can happen that may change a relationship.

Through it all, know that there are boundaries in relationships. It is normal and healthy to have various levels of closeness in relationships: Outer Circle Relationships First, there are people in the outer circle of your life that would fall into the category of acquaintances—people you may have met once to a few times, but you really don’t know each other.

Middle Circle Relationships Secondly, there are people who you would consider pretty close to you.

These relationships would fall in the middle group, as they are friends you hang out with sometimes or often.

Maybe you do certain activities with

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The more others encounter us honoring the boundaries we have set for our lives, the more they will know that they can trust us with their lives. – Danny Silk

these people. Though you have a good level of trust with these people, they do not know you deeply.

Inner Circle Relationships Hopefully, you have people in your life that you would consider in your ‘inner circle’. It could be just one to a few people with whom you feel safe and who will keep what you share with them confidential. If you are in great need, people in your inner circle would be the first people you would call. You would gladly sacrifice for them, and they would gladly sacrifice for you.

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Use wisdom, and do not allow ‘just anyone’ into your inner circle. You only have limited time and energy to invest in relationships. Continue to make new friends, as they may later become inner-circle friends!

ACTIVITY On this circle grid, write the names of some people in your life’s outer, middle, and inner circles. This could change over time. Doing this activity can help bring relationship boundaries to your awareness, which can be helpful!

THE POWER OF COMMUNITY: FINDING ME IN THEM.

by Mark Stinton

One of the biggest reasons I found my calling was because I was part of a community of friends who showed me who I was even when I couldn’t see it myself.

I was once at an 8th-grade summer camp, and the speaker said something that really stuck with me: “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” It made me pause and think. I didn’t have a super close group of friends yet, but the ones I did hang out with were awesome. We’d play sports, watch movies, and joke around together. Hearing that made me realize how much the people around us can influence us, whether it’s encouraging us to grow or inspiring us in new ways.

It made me want to be more intentional about the friendships I built and who I spent time with.

My deep desire to be liked, recognized, and accepted pushed me into harmful behaviors. I gave in to dangerous negative peer pressure. I got in trouble with the law twice and even got arrested. I’d tell my parents, “My friends made me do it,” but the truth was, I chose to do those things because I craved acceptance. I felt like nobody really knew the real me. Until people could see me fully, I knew they couldn’t love me fully. I was chasing love and belonging.

New experiences and new environments can open doors to opportunities to make new friends. I later went to college and, for the first time in my life, I met friends who were thoughtful and sought a higher purpose in life. I grew super close to a small group of guys who cared about me, invited me to try new things, and got

In high school, I was a pretty good dude. I was kind, friendly, and easy to relate to. The problem was that I wanted friends so badly that I started changing myself to fit in with others.

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close enough to have deep, meaningful conversations about life. They were such good people that, over time, I started to become more like them. I sounded like them, acted like them, and little did I know, they started acting like me, too.

Being proactive in belonging to a community of friends can meld different people together in shared common experiences, goals, perspectives, and values. People knew us as a group more than who we were as individual people. It is all about allowing yourself to be found in relationships with others.

often come from tough or painful backgrounds. Instead of judging them, try to understand where they’re coming from and why they might be acting out. At the same time, be aware that some of these friends might have strong or intimidating personalities that can influence you in ways that aren’t healthy. Stay true to yourself and know when to set boundaries so you can keep moving forward in a positive direction.

If you are struggling to find a community of friends—the kind that will make you a better overall human being —know you are not alone.

But remember, you don’t have to lose who you are just to fit in. A strong group doesn’t mean everyone is exactly the same—it means you all support each other while still being your unique self. That way, people see the awesome group you’re a part of, but they also see you shining as an individual.

I want to share two big lessons I learned along the way with you: First, reflect on who you want to become, not just what you’ll do. Picture yourself in five years—are you kinder, more confident, patient, flexible, and faithful? Will you be someone who makes good decisions and brings out the best in others?

Have you ever thought of a community of friends like that? A place where you can get to know yourself better? These friends encouraged me; they could see my strengths and abilities to help people, though I never noticed them myself.

Consider asking yourself, “Who am I becoming?” I am convinced that it is the most important question of your life. Seek a community that shares your values and vision.

I am so grateful for them because I wouldn’t be where I am in life if they hadn’t given me the influence I needed to grow.

Having a little more clarity about yourself will help with the second nugget of wisdom: to be a good friend before you look for a good friend.

Community is super powerful because it shapes who we are and who we’re becoming. It’s amazing to have supportive friends who inspire you to grow, but it’s also okay to be friends with people who are trying to figure things out, even if they’ve had a rough past or made mistakes. What matters is that they’re open to change and willing to be positively influenced. You don’t always have to stick with the “perfect” crowd—sometimes being a true friend means walking alongside someone as they work on becoming their best self. And you might be surprised at how much you can learn and grow together along the way.

When you walk confidently in who you are and your purpose, you’re free to lift others up too. I am now a community leader who creates a place of community for others to belong, grow together, and discover their unique purpose in a safe and supportive space.

Just remember, if you tend to be more influenced by others than influencing them, it’s important to be careful.

Surround yourself with people who help you grow so you can be a positive friend to those who are hurting without getting pulled into unhealthy habits. Many people who get into harmful or even illegal activities

Be intentional in finding a community of people to belong to. We need each other.

“It is not more bigness that should be our goal. We must attempt, rather, to bring people back to the warmth of community, to the worth of individual effort and responsibility, and of individuals working together as a community, to better their lives and their children’s future.” – Robert F. Kennedy

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Journal

What is a takeaway from this chapter on friendship?

Write about one of your past or present friends and include a favorite memory you shared with them.

What is one quality you want to grow in as a friend to others?

mindful doodling

“A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.” – Arnolad H. Glasow

Mindful Doodling: In the space above, sketch something that represents friendship.

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Chapter 5: Building Healthy Friendships ACTIVIT Y

Walk it out.

• Being A Good Friend • Being Real & Creating Safe Friendships: Opening Up • Overcoming Loneliness • The Power of Community: Finding Me in Them

Consider choosing one or more action steps:

1.

Is there someone in your school or activity group who seems lonely? Have the courage to start up a conversation with them. Invite them to join you or your group in an activity as an attempt to include them. They may or may not join in, but it is good to attempt to reach out to those who seem to need a friend. People have a need to be known and noticed.

Treating them kindly and with friendliness can help them feel important and not invisible. You never know if a person can become a good friend over time.

2.

Think about what you can do as an act of service or generosity for one of your friends. Do this gesture within the next week.

3.

Friendships are often based on trust, respect, and shared interests (things in common). Spending time doing things together and having shared experiences can strengthen bonds of friendship. Think about an activity and initiate by inviting a buddy or a group of friends to do something with you.

4.

If you are not currently involved in any community where you feel a sense of belonging, take action steps towards finding one, such as visiting a school club, community service group, charity, or interest group.

Explore to see if that community is for you.

5.

Practice using your words to build others up.

Challenge yourself to compliment three people daily over the next week and then reflect on how it went.

The struggle is real, and so is hope.

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