BOLD FAITH: VOL 3

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GROW IN CONFIDENCE. KNOW YOUR IDENTITY.

JOURNEY

FOR GUYS OF FAITH

DEVELOP FOUNDATION

The Quest to Develop Welcome to Brave & Bold Journey 3! In this journey, you’ll dive into topics that help strengthen your core—your integrity, character, values, and understanding of healthy friendships. These are godly foundations that will help you stand firm in what is good, right, and authentic, no matter what life throws your way.

Whether you see yourself as a natural leader or a steady supporter, leadership is something you’ll step into at various moments in life—within your family, with friends, on teams, or in the workplace.

Leadership and values are like the roots of a strong tree—they keep you grounded and help you grow tall and resilient. Developing leadership means learning to take responsibility, make confident decisions, and stand up for what’s right, even when it’s tough. Your values act as your compass, guiding you to honor not just others but also the person you are becoming.

As you engage with these articles, may you continue growing into someone others trust, honor, respect, and look up to. Come to this journey with a teachable heart and, as in previous journeys, prepare to be surprised, challenged, empowered, affirmed, and transformed.

Step by step, as you develop into the man God has called to be, you’re building your capacity to make a powerful, positive impact on the world.

Let’s get started!

With gratitude, The Brave & Bold Team

BRAVE & BOLD Copyright © 2025-2026 Releasing Generations Published by Releasing Generations Printed in the United States of America All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

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Scripture quotations marked (ESV) are taken from The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

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TheBraveSeries.com Through The Brave Series, we are on a mission to help youth and adults of all ages overcome insecurities about their value and purpose. The Brave Series empowers teens and adults to:

The Brave Series is a publication of Explicit Movement, one of three facets of the Releasing Generations organization. You can learn more about Explicit Movement at Explicitmovement.org

• Grow in confidence and emotional health.

Our leadership team has decades of combined experience working with, serving, and supporting teens, young adults, parents, community leaders, and church leaders within many denominations locally and globally.

• Gain wisdom and vision for their future, enabling them to step into their purpose and pursue their dreams.

• Become aware and equipped to safeguard themselves and others from exploitation and sex trafficking victimization.

You are not alone in your struggles.

Learn more at TheBraveSeries.com or visit us at ReleasingGenerations.org

Brave & Bold Volume 03 (Faith) – 03/2026

FOR GUYS OF FAITH

DEVELOP FOUNDATION

The Journey: 03

Journey 01

Journey 02

HE IS BRAVE & BOLD Defining What is Brave & Bold

LET IT GO The Value of Forgiveness

KNOW YOURSELF Becoming Self-Aware

GOOD GRIEF Dealing with Losses in Life

STAND FIRM Being Secure and Confident

UNRAVELING EMOTIONS Navigating Anger, Fear, and Anxiety

CONNECTING WITH GOD Growing in Relationship with God

STAY THE COURSE Persevering Through Hardships

YOUR DESIGN Discovering Your Uniqueness

PARENTS AND YOU Exploring the Impact of Parents

BORN TO CREATE Activating Your Creativity

FORGED IN COMMUNITY The Value of Belonging to a Community

Discover Purpose

Dig Deeper

FREEDOM TO DREAM Dreaming Big for Your Life

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Develop Foundation

Journey 03

Journey 04

BUILDING YOUR CORE ................. .................10 Establishing Character

PORNOGRAPHY The Negative Effects of Pornography

VALUES TO LIVE BY .................... 24 Embracing Key Values for Success

OVERCOMING TRAUMA Understanding Trauma

LEADERSHIP ............................. 42 Becoming an Effective Leader

SEXUAL VIOLENCE Addressing Sexual Violence

FRIENDSHIP .............................. 56 Building Healthy Friendships

SEX TRAFFICKING Protect Yourself and Others from Victimization

GUYS AND GIRLS ....................... 72 Honoring Girls and Women

THE BROTHERHOOD The Value of Men Arising

HE PROTECTS ............................ 82 Guarding, Defending, and Supporting Others

RISING STRONG Onward with Vision and Purpose

Develop Foundation

Daring Pursuit

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BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! Imagine a metal hammer pounding against a red-hot sword to shape it.

Imagine the sound.

We are like a sword being forged. Let’s take a closer look at the four major steps a swordsmith takes to craft a sword and see the connection to how we develop into great men.

1. Forging

DEVELOP.

So, how does a sword come to life? Forging first involves the swordsmith melting and blending different metals to create a super strong new metal that can slice through just about anything.

by Damon Gohata

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We first need the right raw materials to create the strongest metal alloy. This chapter will give you the right foundational components to build your life on. To be forged well, be open to embracing positive, life-building mindsets and perspectives from others.

meant to be. It’s hammered, remodeled, and thrown back into the fire time and time again.

This whole intense process sorts out flaws and reinforces the weak spots that might mess up the sword’s strength and impact when needed. All that hammering strengthens the metal, making it more durable and resilient so it’s less likely to break in battle.

Fire also refines. Let the tough times and words of challenge reveal and burn away the impurities and negativity in our lives that hold us back.

Listen well to the words of these mentors who will help build your character core and stir up in you the guts to keep going. If we allow the wisdom of the wise to shape us, we will become adaptable, strong, and resilient rather than being easily broken and weak when faced with challenges.

2. Shaping This new metal mix then goes through the shaping stage.

Usually, the metal isn’t put into a mold. Instead, the smith keeps pounding on it with a hammer to shape it into the weapon it’s

3. Sharpening After it is shaped, the swordsmith grinds away at the edges and dull parts of the sword to sharpen it to a fine edge.

We’ve all got some rough edges—our lives are a work in progress. If you are open to learning, prepare to be sharpened into your best self.

As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.

Proverbs 27:17 NLT 4. Decorating Finally, the sword is decorated with a beautiful handle so that the warrior can hold the weapon, and it can be a glorious symbol of victory when the battle is won.

Imagine your life being a combination of purpose and beauty—like a beautifully crafted sword made with the artistry and creativity of a master craftsman. This is you—there are so many marvelous, creative facets to who you are that are meant to shine.

Just as a sword goes through stages to become something powerful, you’re also being shaped into a force to be reckoned with. Get ready to jump into the following chapters focused on building you into a guy who stands strong with purpose and confidence!

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“The integrity and moral courage of the upright will guide them, But the crookedness of the treacherous will destroy them.”

Proverbs 11:3 AMP

Chapter 01

Building your Core

Where is your core? It is the central part of your body, including your abs. Building a strong core is about getting your core muscles to work as a team. This helps boost your balance and stability and makes you stronger overall.

The lessons in this chapter are like building blocks for life and leadership—they’ll help shape who you are. Your character is built on the beliefs and habits that guide how you treat people. A solid core will help you overcome tough times and act as a compass that will point you toward making the right choices for the right reasons!

In the same way, building a strong, godly core of character and integrity will give you the stability and balance needed for long-lasting success in life. But like building muscle, building a strong core requires effort, work, and being intentional.

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FAITHFULNESS.

by Pat McFall

“If we are faithful to God in little things, we shall gain experience and strength that will be helpful to us in the more serious trials of life.”

Hudson Taylor

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As young men, it can be challenging to remain steadfast in our faith, especially in a culture that promotes pleasure and self-indulgence as if they are life’s highest good. However, God offers us a kind of soul satisfaction in Him that no one and nothing else can compete with. That’s why a life of faithfulness to Him in every area of our lives is so important.

It’s a response to God’s goodness, grace, and love toward us.

Let’s explore a few places where we can practice faithfulness to God, encouraging us to be the kind of men God created us to be.

showing love to those around us, and resisting temptations that could harm our relationships. Remember, direction flows through relationships.

Is God first in your life?

Are you the kind of friend who encourages and supports those around you?

Are you someone that your friends can count on?

Are you honoring your mom and dad?

The answers to these questions give insight into where we may need to grow in our faithfulness.

The little things

Spiritual growth

The first area where faithfulness to God is essential is what you and I call “the little things.” Yup, those small, seemingly insignificant actions of faithfulness. It’s easy to think that only significant actions or epic moments matter in our lives, but the small things we do daily grow us the most. Jesus said in Luke 16:10 NIV, “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.” If we want to be trusted with greater responsibilities and opportunities, we must be faithful in the small things.

The last area of faithfulness we’ll discuss is focusing on our spiritual growth. More and more, our world is trying to grab the attention of young men. Advertisements tell us to look over here or to buy this product so that we’ll feel cool or accepted. One of the best ways you and I can grow spiritually is simply to stay focused.

Our day is full of distractions that try to pull us away from God. Video games are on our phones, tablets, consoles, and computers, and doom-scrolling our way through TikTok, Instagram, or endless news stories isn’t helping anyone. Even good things like sports or school can consume much of our time and attention. In the meantime, God invites us to grow and deepen our experience of His love for us. King David said the only thing he would ask God for is to dwell in God’s house and to look at the beauty of the Lord (Psalm 27:4). Can you imagine having that kind of relationship with God? A faith that is so blown away by God’s goodness that no sports victory, perfect score, or distraction could compete with it.

I want you to understand that some of the most important things that you will do, no one will ever see. But God sees. The moments of desperate prayer as you seek God in a challenging situation. The diligent mornings of getting up and reading your Bible so that you can hear God’s voice before you hear anyone else. The moments of kindness and excellence at school or work that no one is ‘high-fiving’ you for. Showing up on time and doing what you say you will do. The hidden moments of faithfulness in the little things deepen a mature character and enable you to have greater influence in life.

Relationships

Being faithful to God as a young man is not easy, but it is possible. By being faithful in the little things, focusing on good relationships, and being intentional about our spiritual growth, we can honor God and experience His blessings in our lives.

Another area where faithfulness to God is essential is in our relationships. As young men, we face numerous temptations and pressures that can erode our commitment to God and create tension between us and others. However, Proverbs 3:3-4 NIV reminds us, “Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.”

Remember God’s words to another young man named Joshua, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 NIV.

So how do we win favor and a good name?

With God’s help, we can remain faithful and live a life that honors Him.

We win favor and a good reputation by prioritizing our most important relationships, being faithful in our commitments,

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TAKING RESPONSIBILITY: Why Buffaloes Are Smarter Than Cows

by Scott Custer

“When it comes to responsibilities, men embrace them, while guys avoid them.”

When I was thirteen, my parents sat me down for an important conversation. First, there was good news: my monthly allowance was going to increase by a factor of ten! Each month, I was going to receive a nice wad of cash (of course, in return for doing chores and working around the house).

I was excited, but it felt like there was going to be a catch.

And there was.

That conversation impacted me deeply. I took it to heart and began taking more responsibility for my life, education, time, and faith. It wasn’t on anyone else to make the right choices for me: that was my job.

Fast forward to the end of my time at college. I was part of a ministry group on campus. At our final gathering before my graduation, fellow students were invited to share how the seniors had positively impacted their lives. A young woman stood and gave me the greatest compliment I have ever received. The context for her statement was how I took responsibility for myself and cared for those around me. She said, “All my life, I have only known guys. You are the first man I have ever met. Thank you for showing me what a godly man looks like.” (Needless to say, my heart was encouraged by her words for a long time.)

With that money, I would now be responsible for all my own expenses. They would feed me at home and buy school supplies. That was it. I was now responsible for everything else: phone, clothes, eating out with friends, going to the movies, entertainment, gaming, etc. (After blowing all my money on junk food and other dumb purchases early on, I quickly saw the value of making and following a budget!) My parents also told me they would not wake me up in the morning, tell me when the bus was about to leave for school or schedule my calendar. It was time for me to become more responsible.

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Now, I do not want to give you the wrong impression here. I do NOT always do the right thing! I don’t always make wise choices. I still run from responsibility far more often than I’d care to admit. I can distract myself from what’s important with hours of television, video games, my phone, and food. My life, health, and relationships have suffered from neglect at times.

up with the cows and drenches them. Though tired, they will keep running in that direction. This means they spend even more time in the rain, causing them more discomfort for longer.

The buffalo, which is my favorite animal, does just the opposite.

It sprints directly toward the storm. It doesn’t run from harm and difficulty. The buffalo takes the storm head-on. At first, this may seem counterintuitive and foolish, but it’s actually brilliant! By moving toward the storm, the negative impact of the rain is dramatically reduced. They get to it and through it quicker.

But I share these two stories with you because I think they capture what is an important essence of manhood: RESPONSIBILITY. Honorable men are those who take responsibility, first for themselves and their lives. Then, in time, they extend their responsibility like an umbrella over those around them, using their influence and power to protect and promote the welfare of others, especially their families. Manhood is ultimately about embracing responsibility.

Think of the storm as representing the responsibilities in your life: your daily routine, your education, your chores, your extracurricular activities, your spending, your time, your attitudes, your job—anything you are responsible for.

When responsibilities come billowing toward you in life, do you react like a cow and run from them? Do you try to hide?

Do you hope your responsibilities will just go away? If so, not only are you avoiding the call God has given you as a young man, but you are making your life more difficult than it needs to be.

In the beginning, Genesis tells us God created the world and Adam, the first man. Adam was given responsibility for God’s creation. Genesis 2:15 NIV says, “The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.” This is our first introduction to biblical manhood: God giving Adam an important responsibility. Our first image of manhood is Adam taking care of a domain God has charged him to cultivate and protect. It is clear that God intends for men to take responsibility for themselves and care for anything and anyone that He has entrusted to their care.

Responding to responsibilities with determination and strength, like a buffalo, is not only what is best for you, but it suits God’s call on your life. He has made you a man. He has given you responsibilities. Don’t shirk them. Show yourself faithful and true. You can do this! Run toward responsibility.

It’s what God has created you to do.

Sadly, it was Adam’s failure to take responsibility that led to sin infiltrating creation. In Genesis 3, Adam doesn’t stop the wily, talking serpent from hanging out in God’s Garden. He doesn’t protect his wife from the devil’s lies. He doesn’t stop her from eating the forbidden fruit. Though present, Adam is silent, does nothing, and goes along with it all—eventually eating the fruit too. Adam shirks his responsibilities, and if we’re honest, we guys have been prone to do the same ever since.

When it comes to storms, buffaloes face them while cows run away. When it comes to responsibilities, men embrace them, while guys avoid them.

Which will you choose to be?

“Taking responsibility is a commitment to own your life, to self-leadership, growth, and freedom.”– Christopher Avery

At our best, we are men who embrace responsibilities. At our worst, we are guys who run from them.

“It is only when you take responsibility for your life that you discover how powerful you truly are.” – Allanah Hunt

This brings us to buffaloes and cows.

“Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more.” - Tony Robbins

Buffaloes and cows are similar in many regards, but there is one key behavioral difference. It has to do with the weather.

While both animals can sense an approaching storm, they have very different responses. Cows will run away in the opposite direction. This seems like logical behavior; they want to get out of the pouring rain! However, the storm eventually catches

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ACTIVIT Y

GROWING IN RESPONSIBILITY.

Responsibility Survey: Check Out Your Responsibility Rating!

Create a list of five scenarios in your life that require a level of responsibility (e.g. “How often do I finish my homework on time?” or “Do I clean up after myself without being asked?”). List them below then in the corresponding box, put in a number from a scale from 1-5, where 1 means “Never” and 5 means “Always.”

My Daily Actions Write down 3-5 things you did today that show responsibility. These can be small, like finishing your homework on time, or bigger actions, like helping a friend in need. How did these actions make you feel, and what impact do you think they had on others?

Role Model Reflection: Think of someone you look up to who is responsible (a family member, coach, or even a character from a movie or book). List at least three things they do that make them responsible. Journal what you can learn from their behavior and apply it to your life.

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Setting Responsibility Goals List three areas where you could be more responsible (like school, friendships, chores, or personal habits).

For each area, write down one action step you can take this week to show more responsibility.

Action Step

Action Step

Action Step

Action Step

Action Step

The Crossroads Life often puts us at a crossroads where we have to make tough choices. Doing what’s right and showing integrity isn’t always easy—it’s usually the harder path. Like when you mess up, you can either own up to it or try to dodge the blame by lying, staying quiet, or twisting things to get out of trouble. But remember, you have the strength to face those moments head-on. You’ve got what it takes to do the hard stuff.

In the space below, draw a crossroads with two paths. One path should represent making choices with integrity and strong character, and the other should show the effects of dishonest or unethical decisions.

At the end of each path, draw what you think the outcomes would be for a person’s life. Feel free to use symbols or images—get creative!

“For we are each responsible for our own conduct.” – Galatians 6:5 NLT

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INTEGRITY: THE FOUNDATION OF CHRISTLIKE CHARACTER.

by Ché Ahn

“Truth is dead.” Or at least it seems that way sometimes in today’s broken society.

This is not just about society at large losing its value for integrity. As God’s people, the church, we need to repent and ask God to forgive our lack of integrity. In this place of humility, we need to cry out to God for revival.

Our everyday lives are flooded with lies. In this information age, anyone can blog anonymously and say whatever they want to say without taking responsibility for their words. We also have blatant lies being told by the media and politicians. We just don’t know what is true and what is fake news.

God has promised us, “If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” – 2 Chronicles 7:14 NIV

But with God, who is the God of truth, truth shines in the darkness and gives us hope for the future.

By God’s Spirit and by His grace, we can be people of character and integrity.

What is our greatest need?

God also gives us this promise: “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.” – Ezekiel 36:26-27 NIV

The great evangelist Billy Graham was once asked what the three greatest needs in the church were. He said, “Number one: integrity. Number two: integrity. Number three: integrity.” I couldn’t agree more.

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My need for integrity

Having integrity in your life means that there is no gap between how things are and how things ought to be.

You have the unwavering determination to do what is right. With integrity, you have the fierce desire to walk in truth and speak the truth in love.

Before I became a follower of Jesus, I may have been a pathological liar. Rejection was deep in my soul, so I lied to get people to accept and like me. I cheated in school so I could gain approval from my dad. I changed my report card in 5th grade, and, of course, I got caught!

Practical keys to walking in integrity 1. One of the keys to living a life of integrity is to be a person of the Word, the Bible. Knowing God’s truth is vital to maintaining godly character. Every day, our physical bodies need natural food and nourishment—how much more do our spirits need to be fed by God’s Word?

Then, as a teenager, I started selling drugs. I became a lying con man as I grew to be the number-one high school drug dealer in Montgomery County, Maryland, based on the testimony of the daughter of the County Sheriff.

To sum it all up, I had no integrity. I was broken.

2. Another key is to be full of the Holy Spirit and continually lead by the Holy Spirit.

Everything changed when I had a radical encounter with the love of Jesus Christ at the age of 17. I started learning what it means to be a person of the truth, to cultivate godly character, and to walk in integrity. The key is knowing The Truth, Jesus Christ, and being led by the Spirit of Truth, the Holy Spirit.

“But when He, the Spirit of truth, comes, He will guide you into all the truth...” – John 16:13 NIV God created each of us to depend on the Holy Spirit, our Helper and Advocate. Allow the Holy Spirit to change the way you think and transform you from the inside out!

In John 14:6 NIV, Jesus says, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me.” Value integrity

3. Be accountable to a spiritual leader or mentor who can disciple you in the ways of God. Learn from “seasoned saints” who have cultivated a lifestyle of integrity. By spending time with a mentor who is pouring into your life, you can see what integrity looks like as you imitate their example.

Integrity is the foundation of Christlike character.

The Word of God promises, “He who walks in integrity walks securely, but he who perverts his ways will be found out.” - Proverbs 10:9 NIV

Ultimately, character and integrity are so important because, without them, you cannot handle the authority and power of God. The greater things of God are only entrusted to those with Christlike character. You see, when you are aligned with God’s truth, you enter into the supernatural realm where anything is possible.

If you have integrity, your life will be secure.

Integrity is not what you do so much as who you are.

Real integrity is having a Christlike character. It is who you are that determines what you do. The Bible says that God’s greatest plan is for you to conform to the image of Jesus (Romans 8:29) and that Jesus is the Truth.

Therefore, God wants you to be a person of integrity.

Make the resolution today to be a man of integrity. Start using each of these keys to walk out your integrity and grow in Christlike character. Give your heart to Jesus afresh and receive a baptism of truth today!

Dwight L. Moody once said, “Character is what a person is in the dark.” That’s what it means to have integrity.

Someone has integrity when they are consistent and genuine with others or by themselves alone before God. Integrity is being real.

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SUCCESSFUL OR SIGNIFICANT? THAT IS THE QUESTION.

by Mike Palompo

“For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul” – Mark 8:36 ESV

King Solomon was the planet’s richest, most successful man 3,000 years ago. Royal celebrities traveled long journeys just to hear him drop some wisdom. He was the Elon Musk of his day. Everyone leaned in to hear what he might say next.

Basically, King Solomon’s evaluation of how his own life played out was, “I was super successful, but that didn’t make my life significant.” Living a significant life is way more important. It’s sad, but the wisest man in the year 1,000 BC didn’t learn the greatest lesson in life until he turned 60! If only “old Solomon” could have talked to “young Solomon.” He wouldn’t have wasted so much of his life!

He owned more stuff than anyone else. He had more gold, more buildings and property, more chariots, horses, and more servants than anyone. And girls! Solomon had 1,000 women in his harem.

Well, we’re about to learn this greatest life lesson right now! Jackpot! You won’t need to waste decades of your life trying to figure it out.

But despite his vast successes, it is incredibly interesting to hear King Solomon’s personal reflection as an older man looking back on his life toward the END of his days. What did he say?

What do you think He would say if you asked God what will really matter in the end (a question “young Solomon” never thought of asking)?

“But as I looked at everything I had worked so hard to accomplish, it was all so meaningless—like chasing the wind. There was nothing really worthwhile anywhere.” – Ecclesiastes 2:11

I believe God would say two things: love God and love people.

“Here is my final conclusion: Fear God and obey his commands, for this is everyone’s duty.”

Ecclesiastes 12:13 NLT

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Loving God

Loving People

Part of loving God is being in a relationship with Him and hearing His voice speak to us. He often speaks to us through His Word, the Bible.

One question God may ask you when you stand before Him at the gates of Heaven is, “Did you love people well?”

Your words and actions can have an eternal impact on the lives of people. Part of loving people well is caring for the salvation of their souls and their growth in God.

“All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.” – 2 Timothy 3:16-17 NLT

Your soul is immortal. Your money and all your stuff will be gone one day, but your soul will live for all eternity.

Let me explain it this way. Take a wild guess on how much money there is in the world. If you Google it, you’ll find about 83 trillion dollars!

Should you devote yourself to reading and studying the Bible? That’s part of it. What matters even more is loving and trusting God enough to obey the instructions in His Word to you.

Here’s what Jesus said about your soul: “For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul” – Mark 8:36 ESV

Some Bible characters did the craziest things for God and never even had a Bible—yet they heard God’s voice

by His Spirit!

In other words, He’s saying your soul is more valuable than all the money in the world! So, how significant is it to save one soul? You just cashed in on $83 trillion-plus!

You’re probably asking, “How will I know God is speaking to me? How do I know it’s not just me thinking to myself?” Now you’re asking the right questions! The answer is something you will learn as you keep following Jesus. I can tell you that after following Jesus for nearly 50 years, you become “familiar” with His voice. It just takes time and obedience. The more you obey, the more familiar His voice becomes. When we disobey, His voice grows faint.

You can start NOW to live a truly significant life. You can save yourself a lot of wasted years and start being significant today!

Let’s live with the end in mind and keep the main thing the main thing!

“Do you know that nothing you do in this life will ever matter, unless it is about loving God and loving the people He has made?” – Francis Chan

“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow Me” – John 10:27 NIV Hearing and obeying that voice is absolutely key to living a significant life. Pursue learning to hear His voice.

You have significance in just being you. You are like a valuable treasure chest to be discovered and uncovered to impact the world.

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Journal Write about your main take-away from this chapter. What is something you learned about yourself?

What areas related to faithfulness, responsibility, or integrity do you want to grow in?

Mindful Doodling: In the space above, sketch something in nature that represents the power and goodness of great character and integrity.

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mindful doodling

Chapter 1: Building Your Core ACTIVIT Y

Walk it out.

• Faithfulness • Taking Responsibility: Why Buffaloes Are Smarter than Cows • Integrity: The Foundation of Christlike Character • Successful or Significant? That is the Question

Choose one or more action steps:

1.

30-Day Faithfulness Challenge: Pick a small but meaningful task you can do every day for 30 days, like journaling, reading a book chapter, or doing a quick workout. Keeping up with the commitment for a whole month helps to build discipline, faithfulness, and loyalty to seeing things through. Don’t forget to acknowledge and celebrate your progress.

4.

Watch an inspirational movie about a great leader or character that inspired integrity, such as Coach Carter, Remember the Titans, Rocky, October Sky, or Mr. Holland’s Opus. Journal how the main character showed integrity and character and how they affected others around him/her. How were you inspired?

2.

Integrity Pledge: Write a personal integrity pledge that outlines the values you want to live by, such as honesty, dependability, and respect. You can share this pledge with a group or a trusted friend and commit to holding yourself accountable to it in your everyday life. Put this pledge in your personal belongings or in your room, where you can re-read it and commit to it regularly.

3.

The Honesty Challenge: Take on an honesty challenge where, for one week, you consciously avoid telling even small lies or half-truths. At the end of each day, you can reflect in a journal about how it felt to be honest and how it impacted your relationships and self-respect.

The struggle is real, and so is hope.

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“But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.”

James 3:17 ESV

Chapter 02

Values to Live By

What are the values you live by? to you personally can guide your life and help you focus on what’s most important.

Your values matter because they give you purpose and help shape the way you think and act. They guide your choices in everyday situations, future goals, and even what kind of career you might choose.

In this chapter, we’ll look at a few values that can bring more meaning to your life, starting with valuing the attitude of being teachable and open to learning and growing. May these articles help you reflect and discover the core values you want to live by.

Core values are the deep principles that guide your actions. There are many important values out there, but picking five to seven key core values that really matter

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Develop this Superpower:

BEING TEACHABLE.

by Walter Chu

Want to grow? Value, cultivate, and nurture a teachable spirit!

“The more I live, the more I learn. The more I learn, the more I realize, the less I know.” – Michel Legrand Valuing being teachable and a lifelong learner is a powerful posture to have in life—yet discovering how much we still have to learn is one of the most challenging experiences anyone can face.

I was once in Japan with a group of volunteers helping with a program where we taught English to local college students.

We were all invited to a staffer’s home to play video games

with the students. As we took turns playing against each other, I couldn’t help but notice one match going on between a staffer and a volunteer.

The game started out friendly and light-hearted. However, the laughter in the room soon turned into nervous chuckles as the person losing began to mutter his disappointment and anger under his breath. At one point, the person winning said, “Chill out, it’s just a game.” The room became awkwardly silent when the losing person said in a loud voice, “BUT THIS IS ALL I HAVE!”

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The person who lost that day was a friendly guy who struggled throughout the trip. I realized he had a particular mindset regarding proving things in his life. In order for him to feel accomplished, he needed something that he was good at, and when the one thing he counted on (this particular video game) was taken away, he began to break down. He wanted to feel proud that he had taught himself how to play this game well and had a natural talent for it. He wasn’t able to accept that he still had space to grow and learn.

humility—trust. I ended up in that band for seven years, and when people saw how I played and worked with the others, they would ask me to play for other gigs outside of the band as well! When I look back, the honor and new opportunities didn’t come based on my guitar skills but rather because people saw my willingness to learn and respect other people’s ideas.

Being a teachable, lifelong learner comes down to one question —do I live a life based on the things I do or on who I was meant to be? While society tells us you are only significant if you accomplish (or do) significant things, what I have learned over time is that true significance actually comes from who we choose to be.

“It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts.”

John Wooden, Hall of Fame Basketball Coach Now, I might say to myself, “I would never get upset over some silly game,” but if I’m honest, I know how similar I can sometimes be. In fact, this story illustrates something I think many of us struggle with—the ability to be teachable.

Many of us want to be significant—and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. The tricky part, however, is that the honor that comes with significance often comes through the process of growing humility (Proverbs 18:12). It comes from those moments when I’m willing to say that I’m not the best and, in turn, celebrate others who may be better than I am. It comes from those moments when I choose to be a learner.

The choice to remain teachable throughout life comes down to one question: where does my value come from? If I am valuable because of my accomplishments and achievements, then I need to do things to demonstrate my significance.

However, if my value comes from who I was created to be, a child of God and an heir of His promises, then I no longer need to base my value on how well I perform.

A quote by Denzel Washington sums this up well: “At the end of the day, it’s not about what you have or even what you’ve accomplished… It’s about who you’ve lifted up, who you’ve made better. It’s about what you’ve given back.”

Being teachable and a lifelong learner is about making the choice to trust God, knowing that there are things we still have to learn, and being open to inviting Him and others into life’s journey.

If I know I don’t need to prove my worth through my accomplishments, then when I am faced with a situation where I make a mistake, discover I have much to learn, or have to celebrate others over myself, I can recognize the occasion and rise above it. When, in humility, I realize I can grow, I discover a deeper honor as I choose others over myself, opening more doors into greater possibilities.

I remember one time I started playing the electric guitar for a new band. At the time, I had been playing for a number of years and had enough experience to learn riffs and melodies on the fly. The band leader (who was pretty good at electric guitar himself ) had asked me to play a new part in the song we were covering. On one hand, I didn’t really feel like playing the part because I didn’t think it went with the song we were covering. More than that, however, the part he asked me to play was a little difficult for me!

“Humility is essential to the acquiring of spiritual knowledge. To be humble is to be teachable. Humility permits you to be tutored by the Spirit and to be taught from sources inspired by the Lord, such as the scriptures. The seeds of personal growth and understanding germinate and flourish in the fertile soil of humility. Their fruit is spiritual knowledge to guide you here and hereafter.”

Richard G. Scott

At that point, I had a choice: I could either object to this situation or learn from the leader and ask for help. I decided on the latter, and when I asked for help, the leader got so excited he said, “I’ll teach you everything I know!” At first, I felt a little humiliated—I wished I could come before my bandmates, having already learned everything! However, by being teachable, I developed something else that came with

“Never stop learning, because life never stops teaching.”

Unknown

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Want to grow?

Value, cultivate, and nurture a growth mindset!

CULTIVATING A GROWTH MINDSET.

by Michele Okimura

“The more I live, the more I learn.

The more I learn, the more I realize, the less I know.” –Michel Legrand

Let’s be honest—nobody likes being told what to do. It’s tough to hear criticism, even when it’s meant to help. And when things get hard, or we fail to meet our goals, it’s easy to feel like giving up. But here’s the truth: The most successful, confident, and respected people in life have something in common—they have a growth mindset. They don’t act like they know everything. Instead, they stay open to learning, even when it’s uncomfortable.

the flip side, a fixed mindset says, “This is just how I am. I can’t change.” That way of thinking puts a limit on your potential.

Think of it like this: Imagine your brain is a muscle. When you exercise, your muscles become stronger over time. Your mind is the same. Every time you try, fail, and try again, you’re building mental strength. You’re becoming wiser, stronger, and more capable.

I recall attending a Christian conference where I noticed an elderly attendee, Itsuko, in her late 70s, taking copious notes on her notepad as the speakers shared on stage. She inspired me, and I thought to myself, “When I grow up, I want to be just like Itsuko! She is a learner even in her old age!”

Being teachable doesn’t mean you’re weak or less than. It actually shows strength. It means you’re secure enough to admit you don’t have all the answers—and brave enough to do something about it.

This woman displayed an attitude called a growth mindset.

Here are some reasons why having a growth mindset can be your superpower:

What is a Growth Mindset?

1. You Grow Faster

A growth mindset is the belief that your abilities, intelligence, and talents can grow with effort, time, and help from others.

It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being willing to grow. On

Teachable people gain wisdom from God and others. They don’t have to learn every lesson the hard way because they’re willing to listen and learn from someone else’s experience.

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How to Develop a Growth Mindset

The book of Proverbs offers many profound insights about gaining wisdom. Here are two verses to ponder:

Here are some practical ways to start thinking differently: “Get wisdom; develop good judgment. Don’t forget my words or turn away from them. Don’t turn your back on wisdom, for she will protect you. Love her, and she will guard you. Getting wisdom is the wisest thing you can do! And whatever else you do, develop good judgment.”

Proverbs 4:5-7 NLT

1. Replace negative thinking with a positive perspective.

Swap “I can’t” for “I’m learning.” Instead of saying, “I’m not good at this, say, “I’m not good at this yet.” That one little word—yet—can change everything. Remember John Maxwell’s quote, “Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn.”

Remember that with time and effort, you will continue to improve and grow. Reflect on what you learned. Any wisdom gained is a win!

“How much better to get wisdom than gold, to get insight rather than silver!” Proverbs 16:16 NLT 2. You Build Better Relationships

2. Listen more than you speak. Ask questions. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Curious people become smart people, and asking questions is a sign of strength, not weakness.

When someone gives you advice or feedback, really listen.

You don’t have to agree with everything, but don’t reject what is being said right away. There might be valuable gold in what they’re saying.

Nobody likes a know-it-all. Being humble and teachable makes you easier to talk to, work with, and trust. It shows respect to the people around you and opens the door for deeper connections.

3. You Bounce Back from Failure When you’re teachable, failure doesn’t crush you. Instead, it becomes a lesson. You’re able to say, “Okay, that didn’t work—what is God teaching me?” That mindset turns setbacks into comebacks.

“Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.” Proverbs 19:20 ESV 3. Surround Yourself with Growth-Minded People. Hang out with people who push you to be better and who are your greatest encouragers. Real friends challenge each other to grow.

4. You Get Opportunities Others Miss “Walk with the wise and become wise...” Proverbs 13:20 NIV Coaches, teachers, and leaders notice the ones who are eager to learn. When you’re teachable, people want to invest in you and give you chances to grow.

Think about how you usually react when someone gives you constructive criticism or feedback. Do you shut down, get defensive, or want to quit? Or do you try to learn from it?

What about when you’re trying something new and it’s not going perfectly—do you get frustrated and want to give up, or do you push through and keep trying? And when a parent, pastor, coach, or leader challenges you to grow, do you take it as a positive push forward or see it as unwanted pressure?

Being aware of your reactions can help you identify areas where you might need to grow and develop, and how to become more resilient and open to learning.

People eager to learn and improve don’t always love correction, but they learn to welcome it. Why? Because they care more about growing than protecting their ego.

4. Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection. You won’t get it right every time—and that’s okay. Celebrate the fact that you’re showing up and trying. That’s what growth looks like.

Developing a growth-focused attitude isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being willing. Willing to listen. Willing to learn. Willing to grow.

So, next time you face a challenge, remember this: people who embrace a growth mindset don’t just survive—they thrive.

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”

Romans 12:2 NLT “Never stop learning, because life never stops teaching.”

– Unknown

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Pay attention to unexpected miracles.

Noticing a picture perfect nature scene before you.

A moment of surging confidence knowing you will be fine.

Finally finding a solution to a big problem.

Finding the right words that comfort someone’s shattered heart.

An ‘aha’ moment where you learned something.

A timely text from someone that lifted your spirits.

Finding something you were frantically looking for!

A belly laughing moment that took away your depression.

A perfect song that verbalizes what is in your heart.

An answered prayer.

ACTIVITY In the clouds above, jot down some favorite minor miracles you have experienced.

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We give thanks and celebrate who God is!

“They celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness.

The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.

The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made.

All your works praise you, Lord; your faithful people extol you.”

Psalm 145:7-10 NIV

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GRATITUDE IS THE ATTITUDE THAT CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

by Mike Frasier

pay attention to the good.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Philippians 4:8 NIV

The shaka hand sign originated in Hawaii and expresses ‘thank you’ and so much more!

What would my life look like if I was never grateful for anything?

That’s a good question. I would probably look at my entire life and the world through dark-shaded glasses of negativity. I would think that the whole world is against me. I would look at everything and everyone as a big disappointment. I would NOT be a fun person to be around because I would only think about myself and what I want.

Whoa…That was a deep dive into a major “what if.”

However, there is a total mindset shift when gratitude comes into play. When you look for things to be grateful for in your life, things change automatically.

This next statement is going to be wild. Check this out: “Be grateful for everything. The good, the bad, the ugly. Our entire life is a precious gift. It’s all part of our path.” – Dawn Gluskin Here are some things to reflect on: ▶ It is possible to not be grateful during good times. ▶ Good situations can be elevated to GREAT situations when we are grateful. ▶ Although it is easy to be ungrateful for bad things that happen in life, we can still look for something to be grateful for in those situations.

I learned the power of gratitude one summer when I was 19 years old. I went on a family trip with my parents and sister to the East Coast for a wedding. One particular day, I desperately wanted to visit with my cousins, so I kept bugging my parents, asking if I could hang with them, but my parents had already made plans for us to do something as a family. Their answer was a firm “No.” I was pretty upset, but I listened to my parents and got into the car with them.

While in the car, I kept going on and on, mouthing off about what my cousins would do...without me. After listening to me and experiencing my salty attitude, my parents unexpectedly exploded at me because all my ranting was telling them that I would much rather be with my cousins than in the car with them!

Apparently, they had observed that I had been acting pretty ungrateful the whole trip until then. There was yelling, scolding, and lecturing for approximately one hour, the entire car ride to our destination. I could only sit and listen.

So, you know, I actually became grateful for that tense car ride. Why? Let me share.

That car ride was one of the worst rides of my life!

However, It was also one of the rides I am most grateful for because that ‘venting session’ with my parents made me aware of the wrong I was doing. I had been totally unaware that how I was acting was affecting my parents that much. It hit me that this big mess was ignited by me wanting my way and not looking at how my attitude and actions affected my parents. Unfortunately, I ruined the plans that they had made at that point, but the rest of the trip was awesome because my attitude changed to being grateful for my parents. Even now, I look back at that incident with gratitude for that horrible day that taught me a life-changing lesson about gratitude.

Gratefulness is a power that you can harness right now. Start being grateful for the small things because there are plenty of things to be grateful for. When you wake up, be grateful for a new day; when you dress, be grateful for clothes; when you eat, be grateful for food. There is something that changes your whole day when you start it off being grateful. Try it out; it will help you, I promise.

“Praise the Lord! Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.”

Psalm 106:1 NLT

“In ordinary life, we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich.”

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Pastor, Author of The Cost of Discipleship

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The Gratitude Project.

THE BRIGHTER SIDE OF LIFE. Gratitude Without pausing, list 20 things you are grateful for (big and small):

What is something you are grateful for that you did not have 3 years ago?

Jot down the nicest thing someone said to you in the past week:

Live with a Grateful Heart: Do one or more of these action steps this week!

•

Before you go to sleep each night, write down or meditate on at least 3 things you are grateful for.

This may help you have a peaceful and restful sleep!

•

Send a thank you text, message, or make a phone call to someone who has done something nice for you or said something helpful.

•

Pay attention to the little things in life like the beauty in a flower or a bird’s song! Take that moment to be grateful that you have eyes to see or ears to hear something beautiful when there are people in the world who do not have this privilege.

•

Tell a person in your life that you appreciate them and share why.

•

Bless a person you are thankful for—even if it simply means giving them a hug.

•

Focus on the good in your life. Every time you feel discouraged or down, take a pause to reflect on what you can be thankful for despite your circumstance.

•

Give thanks through prayer. Always thank God for all that you have in your life and all that He has done for you!

“When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.” – Willie Nelson

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Draw something that represents celebration in your life.

“One small positive thought can change your whole day.”

Zig Ziglar

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THE POWER OF GENEROSITY.

by Michele Okimura

Are you open-handed or tight-fisted when it comes to being generous to others?

When it comes to giving, you can give your time, money, material things, and service to bless others.

“The world of the generous gets larger and larger; the world of the stingy gets smaller and smaller.

The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed; those who help others are helped.”

Proverbs 11:24-26 MSG

But why does generosity matter?

Interestingly, a 2003 study at the University of Michigan found that generosity may increase our life span! The researchers discovered that people who did volunteering regularly had a lower death rate than those who didn’t.

It has also been found that people who struggle with depression will usually feel uplifted after volunteering to help others.

You will be refreshed We all know that to increase our chances of living a long healthy life, we need to have a healthy diet, manage our stress, and exercise.

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When you are generous towards someone, especially someone in need, you will probably feel a sense of joy and fulfillment that you made a positive difference in this world. Your sense of purpose receives a boost!

We do not need to wait until we have loads of money to be generous. Let’s ask God to change our hearts and download into our minds creative ways that we can be cheerful givers every day!

Being generous helps you to focus outward

“How great is the goodness you have stored up for those who fear you. You lavish it on those who come to you for protection, blessing them before the watching world.”

Psalm 31:19 NLT

Being self-centered and self-absorbed are not positive character qualities. Let’s face it! How many of us like to be around stingy people who only think about themselves?

“Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.” – Luke 6:38 NLT

When you are intentional about being generous and helping others to succeed, you will experience the positive payback of loving and serving others—and gaining a greater sense of confidence and value.

“If you help the poor, you are lending to the Lord—and he will repay you!” – Proverbs 19:17 NLT

Again, the biblical principle rings true that a generous person will be blessed as King Solomon, the richest king ever in biblical history, once said:

You must each decide in your heart how much to give.

And don’t give reluctantly or in response to pressure.

“For God loves a person who gives cheerfully.”

2 Corinthians 9:7 NLT

“The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.” – Proverbs 11:25 NLT Adding value to the lives of others

ACTIVITY

Imagine this…you are 80 years old. You are at your birthday party. People are coming up to the mic to express their birthday thoughts to you. Let’s say you did pretty good financially in life up to that point. Will they say that they were so impressed with your grand house or the amount in your bank account?

Probably not…

If you had the resources and you could practice radical generosity, what are some of the things you would want to do to bless others and your community?

What would you want them to thank you for?

A good guess might be you would want them to thank you for the ways you made a positive difference in their lives. That’s the stuff that makes a life worth living and worth remembering.

“Greatness is not defined by what a person receives, but by what that person gives.” – John Maxwell God is generous!

Let’s embrace God’s heart of generosity as our own!

Let’s leave a legacy of God’s love by being generous— sometimes practicing radical generosity when possible! See what happens!

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“Give and give again. Keep hoping, keep trying, keep giving! People who give will never be poor.”

ANNE FRANK, WRITER, HOLOCAUST VICTIM

Passing On Your Wisdom.

One way to show generosity is to share any life lessons learned with others, especially with younger ones.

Doing this can help you realize just how much you know and how your experiences can make a difference.

Write a letter to your younger self of 3 years ago. What life lessons would you want your younger self to know?

What wisdom have you gained from your experiences? What lessons have you learned that can be passed on to encourage and help someone else?

What important mistakes or wrong choices have you made that you hope others will avoid? Next to each mistake listed, briefly jot down what you learned from that mistake or wrong choice.

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JOURNAL

Think of at least one person to a few people in your life who you would like to encourage. Write one to three names of those peers or younger ones in your life that come to mind below. Pass on your wisdom! You never know how one conversation could change a life for the better.

Ask the Lord to provide opportunities to share some of your wisdom and insights with others. Share stories from your life that can support their success Mindful Lettering: Trace the lettering. It does not have to be perfect. You may rewrite the phrase a number of times on the page. Enjoy the process of mindful lettering.

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Journal Journal your main take-away from this chapter:

YOUR CORE VALUES Circle 5-7 core values that matter the most to you from the list below. If you don’t see one that fits, add your own. Once you’ve picked your top values, write down what each means on the journal lines below. Describe and explain briefly why each value you picked is important. Your core values might change a little in the future or stay the same your whole life!

Excellence Kindness Honesty Tradition Creativity Appreciation Peace Vision Communication Boldness Beauty

Commitment Adventure Love Challenge Forgiveness Healing Justice Collaboration Community Authenticity Stability

Leadership Health Integrity Celebration Self-expression Fun Success Friendship Responsibility Growth Humor

Confidence Wisdom Compassion Loyalty Reputation Security Ambition Courage Contribution Uniqueness Respect

Generosity Harmony Joy Time Contentment Simplicity Fairness Nature Safety Faith Art

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Chapter 2: Values to Live By

• • • •

ACTIVIT Y

Walk it out.

Develop this Superpower: Being Teachable Cultivating a Growth Mindset Gratitude is the attitude that can change your life The Power of Generosity

Choose one or more action steps:

1.

Part of being teachable is asking for feedback, considering the feedback, and applying what is helpful.

Ask for feedback from teachers, coaches, or mentors on a specific project or skill. The key is to ask, listen carefully, and apply the feedback to improve, showing your willingness to learn and grow.

door open for someone, paying for a friend’s snack, giving a gift, or writing an encouraging text. Be creative!

Ask the Lord for inspiring ideas.

4.

2.

Create a Gratitude Journal and list three or more things you are grateful for daily.

Go through your belongings and gather items in good condition, such as clothes or sports equipment you no longer use. Donate these items to a local charity. Be generous with things you no longer need that could be someone else’s treasure.

3.

5.

Practice generosity with your time, energy, and resources. Do one random act of kindness every day for a week. It could be anything, such as holding the

Consider volunteering and giving your time to serve a good cause in your school or community.

The struggle is real, and so is hope.

Text 494949 to chat now | FREE Mental Health Chat Center | 24/7 for those over 13 years old.

1-888-373-7888 | Toll-Free Hotline | 24/7 41 | Confidential | Get Help. Report Trafficking.

“A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way.”

John C. Maxwell

Chapter 03

Leadership You are a leader. We are all leaders in some way, whether we realize it or not.

Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:18-20 NIV

Younger ones in your life observe you, and you model something for them. Whether you see yourself as a natural leader or feel more comfortable in a supportive role, the truth is you have led, are currently leading, or will take the lead in the future. Your influence is significant, and your actions matter.

This chapter is all about stepping up, starting with being the leader of your own life. If you take what you learn and put it into action, you’ll build up the skills, mindset, and character to make a real difference in the world around you. This is part of the purpose you were meant for, and your personal growth is part of this journey.

Henry Ford once said, “You don’t have to hold a position in order to be a leader.” Whether in your family, school, workplace, or any team you belong to, you will be called to take the lead in some aspect of your life.

Jesus’ great commission to His followers was to go into the world and make disciples. A disciple-maker is a leader.

Step up! It is time for you to rise to greater heights.

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BE THE GAME CHANGER: SERVE.

by Billy Lile

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In our culture, a competitive world where people often want to make a name for themselves, the concept of serving others might seem out of place. However, true success in life requires serving others.

For example, the most successful athletes in the world don’t just look to promote themselves but seek to make everyone around them better, which usually involves serving others and putting them first. In sports, whether it’s making the extra pass, sacrificing your body to block for someone else, or encouraging a teammate, serving others is essential for team success. It’s not just about nailing those shots or scoring goals; it’s about lifting everyone around you.

By gaining experience in various areas of service, you will discover more about yourself, such as your gifts and talents and the areas of service you enjoy doing.

“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” – 1 Peter 4:10 NIV Here are some action steps to serve well: ▶ Share the Spotlight: Remember, there’s no “I” in “team.” Look for ways to make other people around you better. ▶ Encourage Others: A word of encouragement can go a long way to someone you know is struggling. ▶ Play Your Part: Every role on a team, whether in school or work, is important. Your contribution matters, and so does the contribution of everyone on the team, so value everyone. ▶ Practice Humility: Stay humble and keep learning. ▶ Start Serving Others: Look for opportunities to serve.

• Seek opportunities to serve in your church’s ministries.

• Serve a need in your school or in the groups you are involved in.

• Serve your community by finding a need and volunteering your time.

• Serve your friends and family by being encouraging and looking for ways to help them.

As a former high school coach who has seen all sorts of players, I’ve noticed something: the players who focused solely on their stats often didn’t go as far as they could. Sure, being talented is important, but what really made a player stand out was their ability to make their team better. I often found myself positioning less “gifted” athletes in critical situations in games because I knew that they would be unselfish and ultimately lead the team to success.

Think of God as the ultimate life coach. He promotes those whom He observes walking with humility unselfishly and serving others above their self-interest.

“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” – Romans 12:10 NIV He’s not just looking at how many points you score in life. He’s checking out how you assist, how you support your family and friends, and how you lift up others. Sometimes, serving others is inconvenient and requires sacrifice on our part. God rewards, opens doors of favor and gives opportunities to those He can trust.

He oftentimes elevates those who seem less gifted, talented, and unqualified because He sees their heart and character to serve others.

So, what does real success look like? It’s not about being focused on your wins. It’s about being part of something bigger—a team, a community, a family. When you focus on making others around you better, you become a great game-changer.

“Whoever renders service to many puts himself in line for greatness—great wealth, great return, great satisfaction, great reputation, and great joy.” – Jim Rohn

Reflect on these questions: ▶ How do you assist and support your family and friends? ▶ How do you build up others? ▶ What are ways you serve others?

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ACTIVIT Y

Leadership Reflections MINDFULNESS ACTIVITY Sit quietly in a comfortable position, close your eyes, and take slow, deep breaths. As you breathe, imagine yourself in a leadership role—leading a team, helping others, or solving a problem.

Pay attention to how you feel as a leader—what emotions come up for you? Confidence, nervousness, excitement? After the exercise, write down the emotions you experienced:

What does this tell you about how you view leadership?

How can you improve your confidence or calm your nerves when stepping into leadership roles?

DEFINING LEADERSHIP Journal Prompt: What does leadership mean to you? Think about someone you admire as a leader—what qualities do they have that make them a great leader? How can you start developing those qualities in your life right now?

Name one leader in your life (personal or public):

List three leadership qualities they demonstrate:

Which of these qualities do you already have?

Which do you want to work on?

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SERVING OTHERS As you have just learned, leadership isn’t just about being in charge; it’s about serving others. Write about a time when you helped someone without being asked. How did it make you feel?

What was the outcome of your actions when you helped someone?

How did that experience change your view of leadership?

List two ways you can serve someone this week, either at home, school, or in your community:

THE LEADER WITHIN Activity: Draw a self-portrait, but instead of focusing just on your appearance, include symbols or objects that represent your inner leadership qualities. For example, you could draw the shape of your head, and in the shape, you could sketch a collage of symbols such as a heart to symbolize compassion, a lightbulb for creativity, or a shield for courage. Think about what makes you a leader on the inside. Be creative! There is no right or wrong way to do this activity.

Reflection: After drawing, write about the qualities you included. How can you use these traits to step into leadership roles in your everyday life?

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NAVIGATING AUTHORITY WITH RESPECT.

by Michele Okimura

Let’s be real: authority figures are everywhere. They’re your parents, teachers, coaches, your boss at your part-time job, and maybe even that older sibling who acts like they own the place. Do you ever feel like you’re just constantly living by someone else’s rules? It can be exhausting.

“Have confidence in your leaders and submit to their authority, because they keep watch over you as those who must give an account. Do this so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no benefit to you.” – Hebrews 13:17 NIV

Learning how to navigate your relationships with those in authority isn’t just about following rules; it’s a huge part of growing up that builds trust, responsibility, and connection.

But we all know it’s not always that simple. A bad experience with a leader can make you want to shut down, lose your voice, or just go into full-on rebellion mode. So, how do you find that sweet spot between showing respect and standing up for yourself? Let’s get into it.

“Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established

by God.” – Romans 13:1 NIV God calls us to honor Him as our ultimate authority—our King, but also our loving Father. From that relationship, He asks us to honor the leaders He has placed in our lives. But what does that actually look like day-to-day?

The Heart of Honor First off, honoring authority doesn’t mean being a silent robot who agrees with everything. It’s not about losing your voice. It’s about respecting the position they hold, even when you don’t totally agree with the person.

Before we proceed, let’s establish a foundation based on what God says about this. The Bible gives us a blueprint, not to box us in, but to set us up for success.

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Think of it like being on a sports team. You might not understand every play the coach calls, but you trust their role as the leader. Why? Because they have a wider view of the field, more experience, and the responsibility for the whole team.

Showing you can trust their leadership, even when you don’t fully get it, is a massive sign of maturity. It builds trust, which often leads to more freedom.

no room to be yourself or make your own choices, that is a massive red flag. ▶ Crossing Moral or Legal Lines: If you are ever asked to do something illegal, something that violates your conscience, or something that puts you or others in danger, that is an abuse of power. ▶ Unwanted Physical Contact: Any physical harm or unwanted physical contact is abuse. Period.

Here’s how you can put that respect into action: If you are experiencing any of this, please hear me: it is not your fault. Abusers are masters at making you feel like you are the one to blame. Their behavior is their choice, and it is wrong.

▶ Listen to understand, not just to respond. When they’re speaking, really try to see their perspective.

You might be surprised by what you learn. ▶ Follow reasonable rules. When you cooperate with fair expectations (like curfews or deadlines), you build a reputation as someone who is reliable. That trust is like money in the bank. ▶ Disagree respectfully. It’s 100% okay to have a different opinion! The key is how you share it. Instead of, “That’s a dumb idea,” try something like, “Could I share another perspective?” or “I’m not sure I understand that, can you help me see it your way?” ▶ Own your mistakes. Being honest, even when you’ve messed up, is a power move. It shows integrity, and most adults will respect you more for telling the truth than for trying to hide it.

You don’t have to handle this alone. Here’s what you do: Find a Safe Adult. This is the most important step. Find a trustworthy adult who is outside of the situation—a school counselor, another teacher, a pastor, a relative, or a family friend—and tell them exactly what’s going on.

Don’t Try to Fix the Abuser. If you’ve tried to talk to the person and they’ve dismissed your feelings or turned it around on you, it’s time to get outside help. Your job is to ensure your safety, not to change their behavior.

Know the System. Many schools and workplaces have designated personnel, such as counselors or Human Resources (HR) staff, whose primary role is to help you navigate these situations safely.

Pro-Tip: When addressing an issue, use “I” statements. Instead of “You always criticize me,” try, “I feel discouraged when I hear feedback in that tone.” It shifts the focus from blame to your experience, which is much harder to argue with.

Speaking up takes incredible courage, but you are worth protecting.

When Authority Crosses a Line Now for some serious talk. God’s design for authority is meant for your protection and good. But sometimes, people misuse their power. Your safety—physical, emotional, and spiritual—is the number one priority. Always.

Learning to work with authority is a balancing act. You’re becoming a respectful team player and a strong self-advocate who knows their worth. These two things are not in opposition; they work together. Respecting the healthy leaders in your life will open doors for you. But using your voice to set boundaries and call out what’s wrong will protect your heart and keep you safe.

Trust your gut. That feeling in your stomach that tells you something is off. That’s your built-in alarm system. Listen to it. Pay attention to these red flags that signal a line is being crossed from healthy leadership to unhealthy control or abuse:

True strength is found in the wisdom to know when to listen and when to speak. You’ve got this.

▶ Constant Criticism: If a leader constantly tears you down, attacks your self-worth, or makes you feel small, that is emotional abuse. It is never okay. ▶ Manipulation and Control: If someone uses their position to control every aspect of your life, leaving you

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A lesson in authenticity, culture, and connection for today’s teens.

BE INTERESTED, NOT JUST INTERESTING: Listen First, Shine Later

by Phyllis Unebasami

“Whoever has ears, let them hear.” – Matthew 11:15 In a world where everyone wants to stand out, it’s easy to think that being “interesting” is the key to gaining friends, attention, and even respect. But there’s a quiet power in flipping that idea: Be interested first. Being interested means you’re curious. You ask questions.

You listen deeply. You care about others’ stories, not just your own. Being interesting, on the other hand, means trying to capture attention and trying to be seen as exciting or impressive. Jesus modeled for us to be interested first.

Here’s the catch: Trying to be interesting all the time, more than others, is exhausting. It can even become a performance that takes us further away from who we are, our real identity in Christ. There’s nothing wrong with having a dynamic personality, but when being interesting becomes more important than being present, it will lead to shallow relationships that just don’t last.

When we perform to impress, we may start hiding what we feel, silencing our opinions, or acting in ways that don’t reflect who God created us to be. Over time, that habit chips away at confidence and belonging.

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▶ Listen before speaking. Sometimes you might not get to talk, but as Abraham Lincoln once said, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.” Jesus didn’t just talk. He listened. He noticed the overlooked. He made space for voices the world ignored: children, women, the sick, the poor, and the broken. His power came not from performance, but presence.

Ironically, the pursuit of being “interesting” can make us feel more alone.

In many indigenous cultures, including Hawaiian, leadership begins with listening, not speaking. There’s an ‘ōlelo no‘eau (Hawaiian proverb) that reminds us: “E maka‘ala, e ho‘olohe.”

Be alert, be attentive.

“...Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” – James 1:19 NIV

This reflects kuleana, or responsibility, to each other.

When we are interested in others, we honor them. We build pilina, relationships that we cherish because we honor each other’s stories. We show aloha, loving respect towards and for each other.

In the words of Native American leader Chief Phil Lane Jr. (Yankton Dakota and Chickasaw), “The hurt of one is the hurt of all, the honor of one is the honor of all.” The value of interconnectedness between each other reminds us that the well-being of others is how communities and groups stay strong. That’s shared identity, what the Bible also teaches about the Body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12:26).

In a world where speaking out—especially online— feels like power and belonging, it’s easy to forget that silence is a strength. Wisdom includes restraint. Don’t jump into every argument or respond to every insult.

Just because you can say something, doesn’t mean you should. And when you decide to speak, respond from a place grounded in who you are, rather than reacting to pressure or ego. ▶ Build trust through authentic relationships.

Choose people over image, presence over popularity. Before speaking, ask yourself if what you are about to say is true and if it builds people. The power of encouragement is a strong force in building connections and could be someone’s lifeline. ▶ Share power with each other. Honoring other people’s voices does not mean giving up your own. It means making space for other voices and ideas too.

Modern research backs up what indigenous cultures have known for so long, deep connection and belonging start when people feel heard, respected, and included.

The strongest leaders are not those who dominate and try to impress, but those who listen with humility and value the voices in the room. Real influence doesn’t come from trying to stand out. It comes from showing up.

It’s a natural phenomenon in nature, “A rising tide lifts all boats,” as President John F. Kennedy famously said. Instead of vying for the limelight, share it by asking others what they think, giving thoughtful consideration to their input, and contributing your best ideas too. This shows maturity, confidence, and respect. In the long run, everyone feels valued.

And people naturally find this deeply “interesting” because it’s real, rooted, and respectful.

You don’t need to perform to be valued. You don’t need the spotlight to have worth. And we can reflect Christ in how we listen, love, and honor others. Moving from being interesting to being interested, it’s a shift. But it’s one that makes all the difference.

Similarly, in many Native American traditions, such as those of the Lokota and Navajo people, listening is sacred.

Elders often share that the greatest gift you can offer someone is your full presence. Speaking out of turn or interrupting is a sign of disrespect, while listening deeply, with your ears and heart, shows humility and strength.

So here’s the challenge: In your friendships, your class discussions, even your social media presence, what would it look like to focus more on being interested than trying to be interesting?

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Wallace Foundation (2021). Engaging the Community: A Shared Responsibility. Retrieved from: wallacefoundation.org

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TEAMWORK MAKES THE DREAM WORK.

by Michele Okimura

Ever been stuck in a group project where one person does all the work, two people argue about everything, and another is completely lost in their phone? Yeah. We’ve all been there.

It’s the worst.

At some point, you’re going to be a leader—whether you’re organizing a hangout, captaining a team, or just stepping up on a project. Learning how to bring people together is one of the most powerful skills you can build.

But what about when a team just…clicks? When everyone brings their unique gifts to the table and you create something far more amazing than any of you could have alone.

The Glue That Holds It All Together The foundation of any great team isn’t talent or genius—it’s trust. Trust is the glue that holds everything together, and it is built moment by moment. It’s built when people know you’re reliable and that you have their back. Here’s how you become a trust-builder:

That, my friends, is the magic of teamwork. It’s a real-life superpower designed by God Himself. In His Word, God talks about the church as a “body.” Some of us are the eyes, others are the hands, others the feet. Every single part matters.

▶ Communicate with Grace: Drama can sink a team fast. The key to preventing it is communication that builds others up. This doesn’t mean being the loudest voice, but being clear, honest, and kind. If you’re confused, ask! If there’s a problem, speak the truth in love: “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow

Apostle Paul says in 1 Corinthians 12:12, 27 NIV: “Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ... Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.”

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to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.” (Ephesians 4:15). A simple, “Hey, can we talk through this?” can prevent a world of misunderstanding.

and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32 NIV).

Stage 3: NORMING (Finding the Groove) This is the reward for getting through the storm. The team starts to gel. You understand each other’s strengths, you’ve worked through conflicts, and you’re hitting a rhythm. Trust is growing, and you’re working together effectively.

▶ Value Everyone: Every person on your team was created in God’s image with unique gifts. A great teammate makes sure everyone feels seen and heard.

The Bible puts it this way: “In humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (Philippians 2:3-4 NIV). Listen to people’s ideas, give them credit, and make space for quieter voices. When people feel valued, they bring their best.

Stage 4: PERFORMING (Unstoppable Mode) This is the dream! Your team is a well-oiled machine, working together smoothly, solving problems, and crushing your goals. Collaboration feels effortless. This is where the real magic happens.

Fueling the Dream with Celebration

Take the opportunity to express love and appreciation to your team members as the Bible encourages us: “And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” (Colossians 3:14 NIV)

Momentum is fueled by appreciation. As a leader and teammate, make it a point to celebrate progress, not just perfection.

Did someone have a brilliant idea? Did you survive a tough practice? Acknowledge it!

▶ Be Someone They Can Count On: Be the person who shows up ready to serve, asking, “How can I help?” instead of waiting to be told what to do. When you say you’ll do something, do it. That kind of faithfulness is rare and incredibly valuable.

The Bible tells us to “encourage one another and build each other up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11 NIV). A simple, “You crushed that presentation!” or a team-wide, “Great hustle today, everyone!” makes people feel seen and keeps morale high.

Ultimately, Christ-like leadership isn’t about being in charge— it’s about taking care of the people in your charge. Jesus himself said he “did not come to be served, but to serve” (Mark 10:45 NIV). It’s about empowering everyone to use their God-given gifts. When you focus on building others up, you create something truly amazing.

The Teamwork Journey: Trust the Process A psychologist named Bruce Tuckerman discovered that almost every team goes on a journey through four stages.

Knowing this can keep you from freaking out when things get messy. Think of it like leveling up in a game—you can’t skip the boss fight.

Remember, getting a group together is just the beginning.

Sticking together is progress. But working together? That’s where you’ll find success.

Stage 1: FORMING (The Awkward Handshake) This is the beginning, where everyone’s being polite and figuring out their roles. It can feel a little slow, and that’s okay! It’s all about introductions and getting clear on the mission.

“Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success.” – Henry Ford

Stage 2: STORMING (The Messy Middle) This is where it gets real. Different personalities, work styles, and ideas start to clash. There might be arguments or frustration. This is not a sign of failure! It’s a totally normal and necessary step where a group learns to become a team. Instead of blaming, try saying, “I see we’re not on the same page. Let’s find a solution together.” This is your chance to offer the grace and forgiveness God has shown you, remembering to “be kind

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Journal Journal your main take-away from this chapter:

Influence vs Power: Reflect on the difference between influence and power. Write about a leader you admire who positively influences others. What makes their leadership impactful, and how do they use influence rather than power to lead?

How can you be an influential leader in your own life without relying on power or control?

I am a

Mindful Lettering: Trace the lettering. It does not have to be perfect.

You may rewrite the phrase a number of times on the page. Enjoy the process of mindful lettering.

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Chapter 3: Leadership ACTIVIT Y

Walk it out.

• Be The Game Changer: Serve • Navigating Authority with Respect • Be Interested, Not Just Interesting: Listen First, Shine Later • Teamwork Makes The Dream work

Choose one or more action steps:

1.

Read a biography, watch a movie about a great leader, or read a book on leadership principles. Consider doing a book club with one or a few friends and discuss any insights gained. You may find some helpful YouTube videos on these subjects as well.

Another option is to study a favorite Bible character, such as Jesus, Moses, Daniel, David, or Apostle Paul.

What great leadership qualities did they display?

Reflect on what you have learned and how to apply the principles gained.

2.

Write a letter of appreciation to an authority figure in your life (parent, teacher, coach, etc.), explaining how their leadership has positively influenced you and how you’ve grown from respecting their authority. Reflect on what you’ve learned from them about leadership and honoring others.

3.

Draw a mountain that symbolizes your journey to becoming a strong leader. On the path up the mountain, include obstacles you’ve faced or challenges you might encounter (e.g., fear of failure, peer pressure).

At the top of the mountain, draw a flag or symbol representing your goal as a leader. After drawing, write about the challenges and how you plan to overcome them. What leadership skills will help you reach the top of your “mountain”?

4.

Take a walk outdoors (or in a quiet space). As you walk, focus on each step, the sounds around you, and your breathing to quiet your mind. Ask God to bring to mind a time when you showed leadership, even in a small way, and reflect on how it felt. Pay attention to your thoughts and emotions as you reflect on this moment. Ask the Lord if He has anything He wants to share with you about leadership or seeing yourself as a leader. Take notice of any positive thoughts that come to mind.

After the walk, write or draw about the leadership moment you thought of and any new insights gained.

How did you feel during and after this walk? What would you do differently next time to grow as a leader?

The struggle is real, and so is hope.

Text 494949 to chat now | FREE Mental Health Chat Center | 24/7 for those over 13 years old.

1-888-373-7888 | Toll-Free Hotline | 24/7 55 | Confidential | Get Help. Report Trafficking.

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

John 15:13 NIV

Chapter 04

Friendship

Hey guys, some of you might be lucky enough to have an awesome group of buddies, while others might find themselves longing for genuine connections.

Have you ever been in a crowd yet felt like the loneliest person in the room? Sure, online friends are cool, but deep down, we all crave something more meaningful.

There’s this idea that if you want good friends, you’ve got to know how to be a good friend first.

But what does that actually mean? What qualities make someone a good friend? What do solid, healthy friendships look like? And if you really want good friends but don’t feel like you have any right now, what can you do about it?

The truth is, God created us for connection and friendship. Even God himself loves to have friendships with His people, which includes you! In Exodus 33:11, the Bible mentions that God spoke to Moses as a friend. Jesus called his disciples his friends in John 15:15.

In the pages ahead, we’re digging into some key topics that’ll give you tools to build strong friendships and create authentic, meaningful connections. Get ready to dive into the world of friendship and discover what it’s all about!

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BEING A GOOD FRIEND.

by Jet Nelson and Michele Okimura

If you have even one close friend, you have a gift—someone who knows you—the good, the bad, the ugly—and still is loyal and faithful.

When you make friendships that have your faith in common, those friendships can last despite all of life’s changes!

▶ Someone who cares, listens, lends a hand, and will stand by you through thick and thin. ▶ Someone who will speak the truth to you...even if it hurts. ▶ Someone you enjoy doing things with. ▶ Someone with whom you have shared losses, laughs, hopes, and dreams. ▶ Someone who believes the best in you and fights to support the best for you.

Really listen Listening is not just polite. It is a way of caring, honoring, respecting, and connecting with someone else. Listen with intention! ▶ Give the speaker your full attention (put your phone away). ▶ Show that you are tracking with what they are saying through your nods or brief comments/ phrases. ▶ Mirror back what the person is saying from time to time by rephrasing their words back to them.

For example, if your friend tells you a story about a time when they were stressed out, you can respond by commenting, “WOW! So you were really stressed out!”

You can also be that friend to others.

How can you learn to be a better friend? Be open, yes.

Be available—but choose to love and trust friends who value what you value, and those people will be at your side for life.

Continued

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▶ Maintain good eye contact. ▶ Don’t interrupt. ▶ Listen without wishing to speak yourself.

How wonderful it is when there are those meaningful conversations where both you and your friend connect and understand each other.

Reach out

Showing interest is a great way to connect you to others

Especially if you know one of your friends needs some encouragement—maybe they are struggling with doubts, hurt, confusion, or discouragement—reach out and be there for them.

▶ Being a good friend starts with a heart attitude that genuinely cares about others. ▶ Smile when you greet others. Smiling at appropriate times can cause people to feel more at ease with you. ▶ Take interest and find common ground! Ask questions to learn more about the person you are talking with. Try to find things in common to have a lively conversation about a topic. ▶ Make the other person the star of the conversation. Be sensitive to not dominate the conversation. ▶ Encourage. Empathize. Validate feelings.

▶ Text, call, or visit them. ▶ Serve them—help them with a task. ▶ Take them out for a run or walk. ▶ Give them a hug or reassuring pat on the back.

Spend time Give your friends the gift of your time. Another simple way to be a better friend is to make the effort to spend time with your friend. When a friend comes to mind, you can call them immediately or set up a reminder to call them later. It’s a simple but brilliant action step.

So often, we think of someone and then forget to text or call them.

“I felt it shelter to speak to you.” – Emily Dickinson Be real – The vulnerability factor The friendships that last the test of time are the ones that have deep roots. This doesn’t necessarily include your oldest friends you’ve known since kindergarten—this is about the depth of vulnerability you share with someone.

You can initiate plans to get together just to hang out or do an activity together. Letting our friends know we’re thinking of them takes straightforward intentionality.

Keeping the ugly and raw details about your life hidden from the people in your life can be more comfortable, but if you desire close friends, then being honest is key.

Being open about the struggles and messiness in your life with someone that you trust and love will strengthen your bond with that person. Your closest friends will care and respect you even at your worst, encouraging you and lifting you up in those times.

Be interested Have you ever felt truly cared for when someone paid genuine attention to what you were saying? How did it feel to be heard?

Reaching out to make a new friend or get to know someone better can be described as engaging in the art of conversation. Sometimes, it is tempting to chat about ourselves during those silent, awkward moments in a conversation. However, it’s also cool to have some handy questions ready to ask the other person to show you’re genuinely interested.

Have you ever been in a conversation that felt one-sided, where you were eager to hear what the other person had to say, but they didn’t show the same interest in you?

It can be challenging to be patient and engaged during those times, but it’s also a great opportunity to practice the skill of listening.

Be a loyal and trusted friend to others as well. When your friend shares vulnerably with you, keep their confidence and don’t tell others without their permission unless they plan to harm themselves or others physically (get help for your friend in those cases!).

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

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THE POWER OF VULNERABILITY.

by Michele Okimura

“Vulnerability is the center of shame, scarcity, fear, anxiety, and uncertainty.

But it is also the birthplace of love, belonging, and joy.” – Brené Brown

It can be scary to reveal our secrets or things about ourselves that we would rather hide from others. It takes courage to express such details. Being vulnerable and sharing transparently with safe, trustworthy people in a community builds connections to heal and remove toxic shame from our lives. Being vulnerable can give us the help and strength we need to blossom in life!

It is a meaningful experience to feel heard—for someone to know the good, the bad, and even the ugly about your life and still love, appreciate, and accept you without judgment. When this happens, we can experience God’s tangible love and acceptance through someone else.

“A friend is someone with whom you dare to be yourself.”

Frank Crane

So, how do you know when to share and with whom? It is always great to pray to the Lord for direction on this, but the following are some helpful clues to know some of the characteristics of a safe person. ▶ Someone who is non-judgmental and accepts you as you are ▶ Someone who will speak the truth in love to you ▶ Someone who loves you no matter what you do ▶ Someone whom you feel comfortable being yourself with ▶ Someone who believes in you ▶ Someone who helps you be like Christ ▶ Someone encouraging and comforting ▶ Someone who is a good listener ▶ Someone who can keep what you share confidential (not someone who gossips)

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God’s Word talks about confessing our faults to one another so that we may be healed. When we find ourselves struggling with a fault, a sin, an addiction, unhealthy behavior, or tormenting thoughts, we can share our struggles with trustworthy, godly people. When we receive prayer from them, we can experience healing.

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”

James 5:16 NIV Vulnerably expressing yourself with people you feel safe with, such as a parent, mentor, close family member, close friend, counselor, or trusted church leader, can provide the support needed to navigate life’s twists and turns.

WATCH YOUR WORDS.

DID YOU KNOW? Check out YouTube videos by searching for ‘Rice Experiments with Words’ and ‘Water Experiments with Words.’

“Words can Inspire. And words can Destroy.

Choose yours well.” – Robin Sharma

Call out the GOLD in others

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

Ephesians 4:29 NIV

“The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

Proverbs 12:18 NIV

SPEAKING LIFE INTO OTHERS QUIZ: Take this self-reflection quiz by checking the box that reflects your answer.

How often do you think about the impact of your words before speaking?

How often do you speak encouraging words to others?

o Always o Sometimes o Rarely o Never

o Every day o Once a week o Rarely

Which of the following best describes how you usually speak to others?

Do you find it easy or hard to compliment others? o Easy o Hard

o Encouraging o Direct o Sarcastic o Supportive

Which words do you think people need to hear more often?

What’s more powerful? o Words o Voice tone & body language o Both

o “I believe in you” o “You’re capable” o “You matter”

When someone says something negative to you, how do you usually react?

When someone says something kind and affirming to you, how does it make you feel?

o Get angry o Think about it for a long time o Shrug it off

o Happy o Motivated o Embarrassed o Indifferent

How well do you handle criticism?

How you talk and what you say can impact your relationships. Be the kind of guy who speaks life into others, using words that lift people up instead of bringing them down.

o Very well o Okay o Not well

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“Close friends are truly life’s treasures. Sometimes they know us better than we know ourselves.”

Vincent Van Gogh

“You know you are with true friends when they lift, encourage, correct, and then spur you on.”

Lisa Bevere, Lioness Arising: Awaken The Power of the Untamed Life

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FOR REAL! BE A SAFE PERSON.

The Power of Empathy and Validating Feelings

by Vicky Wong, MSCP, LMFT, LMHC, NCC and Michele Okimura

It is not always easy to know what to say when someone is vulnerable and tells you something very personal. There is power in words that can encourage and uplift or hurt and destroy. Careless words keep people isolated and silent for years. Supportive words can be healing and can also give people the courage to share more deeply about themselves.

After someone shares something vulnerable, it can be very hurtful to not say anything, quickly change the subject, or make a joke/comment to lighten the mood. When appropriate, a hand on a shoulder, a hand squeeze, or a hug can also communicate comfort and empathy.

Don’t start immediately sharing your similar experience. This time is not about you. It is about listening and connecting.

Giving advice and encouraging words comes later after they feel validated and heard, and you sense they are ready for that. Lastly, keep their confidence and ask for their permission before telling anyone else. The exception would be if they are about to hurt themselves or another person.

Here are some tips on what to say vs what not to say when someone is opening their heart to you.

WHAT NOT TO SAY: • • • • • • • • • • •

You just need to let go and move on.

Other people have it worse than you.

You’re making too much of a big deal of this.

You just need to trust God and pray harder.

Are you just trying to get attention?

I can’t believe this really happened.

Tell me every detail and don’t leave anything out.

How come you just can’t forgive?

Did you enjoy it? (the abuse) What are you going to do about it now?

At least...(minimizing issue)

Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep.

Romans 12:15 NLT

WHAT TO SAY: • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Sounds like you are feeling really (angry, sad, excited, shocked etc.) by what happened.

I don’t know exactly what to say right now except that I’m here for you.

I’m so sorry that happened to you.

This must be so tough for you.

Thank you for having the courage to share that with me.

You are very brave and courageous to talk about what happened.

I am here to help you through your sadness.

I care about you. I am here to listen and help you in any way.

I am so glad you are sharing this with me.

You are not alone.

I believe in you!

I’m so sorry that awful thing happened to you.

You didn’t deserve this (abuse, hurtful situation).

You are not to blame. This is not your fault (if they were a victim of abuse), Healing is possible! You can be whole again.

Forgiveness for such a deep hurt is a process and will happen over time.

What I hear you saying is...(reflect back what they said/reflect back what you sense they are feeling).

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OVERCOMING LONELINESS.

by Abi Kroontje

“I believe it is a sign of strength to realize we need people because then we can start investing in relationships that are life-giving, inspiring, and purposeful.”

Loneliness – it’s a feeling that can often sneak up on us, but when it hits us, it can feel all-consuming. The depths of loneliness can become so overwhelming that it might lead one to sink into depression or turn to an addiction to numb the pain. When all hope feels lost, contemplating dark thoughts about life may feel like an enticing way out.

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Studies show that teenagers, more than any other age group, grapple with loneliness. Even though we live in a time when people have more access to connect with one another because of technology, some have speculated that this has actually led to young people feeling isolated and cut off socially.

As human beings, we have a very real need for connection, which is why we feel deep pain in our souls when we experience loneliness. Most of us will go through seasons where we feel alone to varying degrees for various reasons.

At 28 years old, I had never been asked on a date…ever. I used to think, “Maybe I’m not pretty or skinny enough.” I believed there was something wrong with me because I was always the one initiating, never the one pursued. I carried a deep loneliness in my heart as I longed to be loved.

again. Even though it was a different kind of loneliness, it still made my heart ache.

A truth of life is that people will come and go for various reasons, and you’ll go through seasons of feeling alone. But an equally powerful truth is that you can always choose how you want to navigate those times and what it is you want your heart to focus on.

I believed that my loneliness would be solved by being in a relationship. However, I came to realize that there was a deeper perspective God wanted me to see. Our souls were meant to be fully satisfied in Jesus, and so when we feel lonely, it should be like a reminder to reconnect with Him. While I felt the loneliness of being single, there are many other types of loneliness. ▶ Close friendships: Perhaps you wish you had a friend who truly gets you, the one whom you can be your true self with. ▶ Family conflicts: Maybe the people who you feel should be the closest to you don’t seem interested, or like they understand what you’re going through. We can feel lonely even in the midst of our own family if we have ‘detached’ family relationships. ▶ Romantic Relationships: You might look around and see all those “perfect” couples on social media or in movies. It might make you wish you had someone to love and care for you. ▶ Loss of a Loved One: Losing someone close to you can create a profound ache in your heart.

Experiencing hurt from people can make us think it would be easier to avoid close relationships. But those walls that we build up to keep us from getting hurt will also block our ability to receive the love that our hearts crave.

We’ve all felt that lonely ache in our hearts because, deep down, we crave real connections with others. I believe it is a sign of strength to realize we need people because then we can start investing in relationships that are life-giving, inspiring, and purposeful. Dealing with loneliness isn’t simple, but it’s worth it.

I used to believe that having a loving partner would cure my loneliness. But then I got a boyfriend. We got married. We moved away from my friends and family. And I felt lonely

Pursue meaningful connections with authentic people.

If you find yourself in a season of loneliness, consider using this time to think about the kind of community you want to be a part of. We tend to devote our time and effort to the things that matter most in our lives. Once we recognize the value of relationships, we begin prioritizing our lives to reflect this. What type of person do you genuinely want to be, and what type of people will that attract? Building community takes hard work, patience, and a willingness to be open and genuine with people.

We’re designed to thrive in the company of others, so it’s essential to invest wisely.

It also takes courage, so I encourage you to consider taking the initiative to put yourself in situations where you will have more opportunities to find community. Communities oftentimes provide a place for shared common interests—a place to belong.

Consider checking out groups around you, such as: ▶ school clubs ▶ sports teams ▶ church or community groups

▶ service groups ▶ groups centered around common interests

You can also invest time in the relationships you do have. Consider initiating and asking friends to hang out or do something fun. These experiences will create memories and can bring you closer together.

Continued

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Seasons of loneliness will pass just like winter, but they are always followed by spring. Know that God cares about you and any feelings of loneliness you are struggling with. Ask God to provide quality, godly friendships in your life. Meanwhile, in whatever season of life you are in, be teachable, learn ways to be a better friend to others, and seek creative solutions to make new friends.

Below are some of the gifts that came out of my seasons of loneliness…

1. Closeness: In my loneliness, I drew closer to God as I recognized my need for Him. It was here that I realized He is the ultimate friend who will never leave me or forsake me.

2. Identity: What did God say about me? I had to choose to believe that I am loved because He first loved me. My feelings and my circumstances will change, but what God says about me never will.

3. Cultivating deeper friendships: I recognized that there were quality people in my life who I could take the initiative to build a deeper friendship with. These were people who I knew would challenge me to grow more in my relationship with Jesus and with others.

Sidenote: These friendships were with people of the same gender, as a boundary to protect my heart from becoming emotionally attached to anyone who was not my spouse.

4. Personal growth: Seasons of loneliness allow you the time and space to look within. Spend your energy becoming the person that Christ wants you to be.

Discover how this season can be a GIFT to you.

1. Silence & Solitude: Spend some time (it could be a day or a few hours) alone with God. Turn off and get away from all distractions. Ask God what His thoughts are about how you’re feeling. Ask Him where He is in the midst of it.

2. Identity: Meditate on these verses to remind you of the identity Christ has set on you—Genesis 1:27, Exodus 19:5, Psalm 23:1-3, Psalm 139:1, Psalm 139:13-16, Isaiah 43:4, Jeremiah 29:11, Zephaniah 3:17, John 15:11, John 15:16, John 1:12, Romans 6:4, Romans 8:17, Romans 8:38-39, Romans 10:13, Romans 15:7, 1 Corinthians 3:23, 1 Corinthians 6:19, 1 Corinthians 12:27, 2 Corinthians 5:17, Galatians 2:20, Galatians 3:13, Galatians 4:7, Ephesians 1:3, Ephesians 2:19, Philippians 3:20, Philippians 4:13, Colossians 2:10, 1 Peter 1:5, 1 John 1:9, 1 John 5:14-15 3. Journaling: Take note of when you feel lonely and how you respond. We often use coping mechanisms to help us deal with the pain of what we are feeling. However, our coping mechanisms do not help us grow.

They often keep us from maturing and leave us feeling empty. What are the blessings of this season of loneliness that you may not have later?

4. Intentionality: Make a plan for how this can be a season of growth. What are some things that will help you grow? How do you want to invest your time? Who are quality people that you can invest time in? Take the time and initiative to live your plan out.

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When a person focuses their thoughts on being lonely, it can increase a feeling of hopelessness and depression. What you focus on and repeat in your thought life will gain more power over you and affect your emotions and actions.

How you manage your thoughts can really help! Here are some helpful tips: 1. Reflect on your thoughts...what am I thinking?

2. Ask yourself, “Are these thoughts helping me or hurting me?”

3. Ask yourself, “How can I shift my thinking to something more positive?”

4. Decide on an action plan that can help you feel a better sense of well-being and connection.

Here are some practical suggestions that can help: • Decide to engage in a brief conversation with a stranger such as the cashier, someone you don’t know at lunch, or the person next to your in line. You can smile and say something brief to connect.

• If you find yourself thinking about loneliness, shift your mind to thoughts of what is something kind you can do or say for someone, then do it!

• Volunteer your services at an organization or cause.

Be creative in the space below. Sketch or write a poem that expresses the feelings or experience of loneliness OR the opposite—express the feeling or experience of belonging to a solid group of friends.

mindful doodling 67

“One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” – Proverbs 18:24 NIV

AS YOU ARISE...

CHOOSE WISELY...

We can have various layers of friends, ranging from those we are super close with to those who are more like acquaintances... and everything in between!

Friends can significantly influence you in the right ways or the wrong ways.

“The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.” – Proverbs 12:26 NIV The people running beside you will greatly impact your life, who link arms with you, lift you up (not pull you down), have your back, and challenge you to grow!

Choose wisely.

SOME FRIENDS MAY: • • • • •

Ever heard of crab mentality?

BE IN YOUR LIFE FOR YEARS OR A BRIEF SEASON. BE IN YOUR LIFE FOR A SPECIAL REASON. BE YOUR FAVORITE ACTIVITY BUDDY. BE A FARAWAY FRIEND. BE SO DIFFERENT FROM YOU, WHILE OTHERS WILL HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON WITH YOU. REALLY ‘GET’ YOU. STRENGTHEN YOUR FAITH IN GOD. HELP YOU TO REACH YOUR HIGHEST POTENTIAL!

There is a story about a bunch of live crabs piled up in an open bucket. Each time one of the crabs attempted to climb out of the bucket and was almost to the top, the other crabs • would pull it down! This can be related to some people who • pull down those who try to grow and improve themselves, • who do something different, and who aspire to reach for their dreams. Like the crabs, they can criticize and be negative in an “Associate with men of good quality if you attempt to discourage any positive change within their friend esteem your own reputation; for it is better to be who wants to rise to their full potential. alone than in bad company.” - George Washington As you grow and mature, choose your friends wisely.

“Become wise by walking with the wise; hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces.”

Proverbs 13:20 MSG

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FRIENDSHIP BOUNDARIES. Friendships are ever-growing and ever-changing. Some friendships may last a lifetime, while some close friendships may last only for a season.

Friends move away, or you move away. New friends can come into your life unexpectedly. Unfortunately, conflicts or misunderstandings can happen that may change a relationship.

Through it all, know that there are boundaries in relationships.

It is normal and healthy to have various levels of closeness in relationships: Outer Circle Relationships First, there are people in the outer circle of your life that would fall into the category of acquaintances—people you may have met once to a few times, but you really don’t know each other.

Middle Circle Relationships Secondly, there are people who you would consider pretty close to you.

These relationships would fall in the middle group, as they are friends you hang out with sometimes or often.

Maybe you do certain activities with

Ac qu ain tan ce

you

, ds en i r F ily, e.g. Fam

“

The more others encounter us honoring the boundaries we have set for our lives, the more they will know that they can trust us with their lives.

Danny Silk

these people. Though you have a good level of trust with these people, they do not know you deeply.

Inner Circle Relationships Hopefully, you have people in your life that you would consider in your ‘inner circle’. It could be just one to a few people with whom you feel safe and who will keep what you share with them confidential. If you are in great need, people in your inner circle would be the first people you would call. You would gladly sacrifice for them, and they would gladly sacrifice for you.

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Use wisdom, and do not allow ‘just anyone’ into your inner circle. You only have limited time and energy to invest in relationships. Continue to make new friends, as they may later become inner circle friends!

ACTIVITY On this circle grid, write the names of some people in your life’s outer, middle, and inner circles. This could change over time. Doing this activity can help bring relationship boundaries to your awareness, which can be helpful!

Journal

What is a takeaway from this chapter on friendship?

Write about one of your past or present friends and include a favorite memory you shared with them.

What is one quality you want to grow in as a friend to others?

mindful doodling

“A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.” – Arnolad H. Glasow

Mindful Doodling: In the space above, sketch something that represents friendship.

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Chapter4: Friendship ACTIVIT Y

Walk it out.

• Being A Good Friend • The Power of Vulnerability • For Real! Be A Safe Person The Power of Empathy and Validating Feelings • Overcoming Loneliness

Choose one or more action steps:

1.

Ask God to show you someone at school or in your activity group who seems like they might be feeling left out or alone. Take a step of courage and start a conversation with them. Invite them to hang out with you or join your group for an activity. Whether they accept or not, it’s important to try and reach out to people who might need a friend. Everyone wants to be seen and valued. Treating them with kindness and being friendly can make them feel noticed instead of invisible. Who knows? That person might even become a good friend over time. Remember, Jesus was a friend to those often ignored and pushed aside.

3.

Friendships, commonly among guys, are often based on trust, respect, and shared interests (things in common). Spending time doing things together and having shared experiences can strengthen bonds of friendship. Think about an activity and initiate by inviting a buddy or a group of friends to do something with you.

4.

Practice using your words to build others up.

Challenge yourself to compliment three people daily over the next week and then reflect on how it went.

2.

Proverbs is a book full of wisdom for living. Do an online search on what the book of Proverbs says about friendship. List down your favorite one to three verses on friendship and consider memorizing them.

The struggle is real, and so is hope.

Text 494949 to chat now | FREE Mental Health Chat Center | 24/7 for those over 13 years old.

1-888-373-7888 | Toll-Free Hotline | 24/7 71 | Confidential | Get Help. Report Trafficking.

“Real men don’t need to put women down to feel powerful; they empower women to be their best selves.”

Anonymous

Chapter 05

Guys & Girls

together, men and women more perfectly express the image of God. While some messages in today’s culture might say there are no differences between men and women, in this brief chapter, the authors will share what they have found to be helpful and empowering for relationships.

What’s the deal with being a gentleman?

How should a guy treat a girl?

Can’t she just be ‘one of the guys’?

Sometimes, the way boys and girls, men and women interact, can be a bit tricky to figure out. However, it can be useful to recognize the general tendencies and differences between males and females. The Lord created ‘male and female’ in His image—so

Let’s explore!

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HONORING WOMEN.

by Daryl Yamada

by Dar

Ok, let’s be real. Some of you reading this may have never been mentored, shown, or taught how a man should treat a woman with honor, care, and respect.

Or maybe you have! In our culture today, we men can get mixed messages on what is appropriate and appreciated in the way we treat women in general.

I agree it can be somewhat confusing.

Let’s explore this topic together.

As a young man, you are trying to find out who you are in this world.

You might hear people say a man should be tough, self-reliant, and not need anyone. Or maybe they’ll suggest a real man is surrounded by lots of women and drives a flashy car, just like in some movies.

I propose that those are not qualities that make you a great man. What truly sets you apart is having traits such as character, integrity, and being a man who knows how to honor others. Some of you are natural leaders, while others may feel more comfortable in supportive roles.

Regardless of your natural tendencies, I believe every man is called to be a leader and initiator in many situations in life.

A leader with great character and integrity: ▶ is a servant-leader ▶ attempts to protect those who are unable to protect themselves ▶ uses his authority for the good of the people under his care, oversight, and leadership ▶ is willing to make sacrifices for worthy causes ▶ stands for justice - what is right and true I believe one of the top attributes that makes a man great and sets him apart from other men is his ability to treat a woman right.

A few years ago, I had the opportunity to visit a church in Taiwan. One evening, I had a dinner meeting with some of their young leaders. Many of them were about 20-30 years old and still single.

During dinner, I asked a group of young, single women what they found attractive in men. They gave various answers but were not really sure what they were looking for.

Then I asked them, “Would you like to be with a man who honors, respects, and protects you?”

Without hesitation, every woman nodded their head and said, “Yes! That would be wonderful!”

Whoa. Wait! What? That moment caused me to think…

A brave and bold man knows that what makes him a man is not what he can get from a woman but how he can support, honor, and serve her.

A brave and bold man is a leader who is honorable, courageous, and full of integrity (which means you keep your word and promises).

A brave and bold man has the conviction to always stand up for what is right, even though it is not the popular thing to do.

A brave and bold man knows that if you treat people right, you will get all the respect and love you need.

Now I know that men have various ways of showing care and honor to women, which can differ based on cultural and

So, how does one lead?

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ethnic backgrounds. For instance, men in Japanese, Hispanic, Native American, African American, Hawaiian, and Scottish cultures may have unique traditions and practices related to honoring women.

Moreover, every family has its own approach to demonstrating respect for women. It’s possible that in your family, the important women in your life were treated with great kindness and honor, or perhaps they were not.

No matter our backgrounds, we can all keep learning and improving how we treat girls and women through our words and actions, even if we didn’t have good models growing up.

While I might risk getting called ‘old fashioned,’ I remain firm in the belief that we, as men, hold the privilege and responsibility to treat women with honor, care, and respect. Our actions should make them feel special and valued. This doesn’t mean we put women on a pedestal, but we treat them as valued individuals. Let’s strive to be true gentlemen!

The following are some practical honoring actions I encourage you to consider putting into practice. These practical tips are not meant to be legalistic! What I am talking about is expressing the heart of honor.

Note: Some young women may not like it when you offer to do things for them.

They may even get angry, saying, “I can do this myself!”

Don’t take offense. Simply explain your intention to show respect and honor, not to treat her as less capable. Be sensitive in treating her in a way she views as honoring.

21 Ways to Crown Women with Honor 1. Open doors for her and let her enter first.

12. When at a restaurant buffet, make sure she goes in line before you. Your attention should be on her and not on how hungry you are.

2. Pay attention to details and respectfully compliment her.

For example, you might say, “You look pretty in that outfit,” 13. Give up your seat for a woman or “You have a beautiful smile,” or girl when on public transor “I have so much fun when I portation when there are no am with you.” other seats available.

3. Carry things that might be heavy for her. Use your strength for her benefit.

14. When out with your friends/ acquaintances, introduce her so she feels comfortable.

4. Get out of the car when picking up your date, and open her car door for her.

15. Say “please” and “thank you.” How you speak to her will show how much you respect her.

5. Retrieve dropped items.

6. Offer your hand in situations when she could fall—like walking up steep stairs, for example.

7. Help her put on her coat/ jacket.

8. Offer your jacket if it is cold, and she doesn’t have outerwear.

9. If it is raining, put the umbrella over her head so that she stays dry, even if it means you get wet.

10. Walk on the outside (streetside) when walking on a sidewalk.

11. Help her get seated by pulling out her chair. This communicates her value.

16. When on a date, walk to the door to greet her and walk her to the door when dropping her off.

17. Make sure she is safe.

Be her protector. Both men and women can protect each other.

18. Show generosity.

19. Speak respectfully, be a good listener, and do not interrupt her.

20. Be mindful of your language, and refrain from swearing or making unkind comments.

21. Respect what she says and respect her opinions.

So, men, ask the Holy Spirit to share with you creative ways that you can show you value girls and women—even if that was not what you were taught in your culture or what you observed growing up!

“This is not just about women. We men need to recognize the part we play, too.

Real men treat women with the dignity and respect they deserve.”

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“You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.”

PSALM 16:11 NIV

SEXUAL INTEGRITY: Protecting God’s Gift of Sex.

by Dave Willweber

Who do you think is having the best sex?

The problem with pornography and how our culture often portrays romantic relationships is that people aren’t just bodies. If the only value we have for someone is their body, we risk treating them like an object, shopping around for the best body, much like we might shop for phones or sneakers, and replacing them when something better comes along.

Believe it or not, scientists actually research this stuff! Before I tell you the answer, think about what you see in movies or social media.

The culture says, “Why not have sex before marriage? Go pleasure yourself, it’s fine!” Many in our society, maybe even your friends, would say that it is abnormal not to have sex before marriage.

But it’s not just that—it goes deeper. If you’re all about chasing after someone’s body, then that’s all you’ll end up with—just a body. Yet, people have many facets to who they are beyond their bodies, such as personality, dreams, goals, thoughts, feelings, and interests. By focusing only on the act of sex, we can actually miss out on the meaningful relationships God meant us to have.

To be real with you, when I was a teenager, I had a strong desire to have sex. Unfortunately, my desire was mostly fueled by the pornography I got addicted to when I was only eight years old.

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So, do you want to know who is having the best sex?

God created Adam and Eve, male and female, in His image.

God intended they would share the same loving relationship that the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit had. In this context of a committed, safe relationship, God told Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply. It was as if God was saying, “Adam and Eve, go ahead and have amazing, passionate sex, and the fruit of your union will be children!”

A study was done by the University of Chicago asking that very question.

Interestingly, according to the study, out of all sexually active people, the group reporting the highest levels of being extremely satisfied with both the amount of physical pleasure and the amount of emotional satisfaction were faithfully married couples.

“God is the author of sex. In the beginning, God made mankind male and female and blessed their lives with a big YES: Yes, have a fulfilling, abundant life! Yes, have lots of sex! Yes, make lots of babies! Yes, fill the Earth!

The only time God said no to sex was when sex was not protected, or maybe we should say when we were not protected. God never designed sex to be experienced a la carte. It is part of a package deal...”

Havilah Cunnington, The Naked Truth About Sexuality

Married people. That’s who’s having the best sex—in the context of a loving, committed relationship.

Is this so surprising? Married people typically have made the deepest level of commitment to each other that our culture offers. When we value another person enough to give them all of ourselves, body and soul, while also committing to protect and serve that person faithfully for the long haul, we get to bond with them on a deeper level than we do with anyone else.

I want to make you aware. You have an enemy, Satan, whose focus is to destroy your life. The false gods of the Old Testament, such as Baal, Asherah, and Molech, were all about distorting God’s design for sex. This tactic may just be the NUMBER ONE tactic Satan uses to destroy lives and families when you consider issues of epidemic proportions, such as pornography and sex addictions, prostitution, adultery, and the evils of sexual violence and sex trafficking.

Don’t forget that it’s ultimately this bond that, in sex between a biological male and a biological female, produces new humans!

Does God love sex? Well, He created it and designed it. God gave you and me a sex drive. This is not a shameful thing.

He created your body in such a way that in adolescence, the desire to have sex begins to grow naturally—but He wants us to learn how to manage that sex drive until marriage. Guys, there is a battle to the honeymoon we must enter, but it is worth the fight! Kris Valloton, author of Moral Revolution: The Naked Truth about Sexual Purity, said it well:

If you have already lost your virginity outside of marriage, there is no need to carry that shame because God’s all about grace, forgiveness, and fresh starts. If this is you, make a solid commitment to keeping your sexual integrity going forward.

I encourage you to connect to a godly mentor who can support you in your efforts to live a life of sexual purity and integrity.

Mentors can be especially helpful when you seriously start dating to overcome sexual temptations. They can help you to create healthy boundaries and practices in relationships.

“Anyone can give away something expensive, but only those who understand sacrifice can give away something valuable.”

Before the world even began, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit existed. Our amazing God, three in One! The Bible shows how the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit exist in love as they continually honor and lift each other.

“When your thoughts are ruled by your private parts, you can come to the craziest conclusions, which will affect the rest of your life. That is why it is so important for you to invite people into your life who can help to oversee your romantic relationships and give you some honest feedback.” – Kris Valloton

Some words that would describe their relationship would be: ▶ Committed ▶ Compassionate ▶ Pure ▶ Serving ▶ Encouraging ▶ Safe

▶ Honoring ▶ Unity ▶ Intimate ▶ Joyful ▶ Trusting

Whether we get married or not in this lifetime, ultimately, God desires for us to all enjoy eternal pleasures, which are found as we follow Him!

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In case you haven’t noticed, guys and girls are generally wired VERY differently. Even research done on the psychology between men and women has shown there are common differences.

FOUR THINGS GIRLS WISH YOU KNEW.

by Charis & Marion Logan

Now, I will be the first to admit that every girl and woman is very different from the next—full of unique quirks, likes, dislikes, talents, and dreams—BUT I will say that I’ve observed some key similarities across the board. What I am about to share with you (and my husband Marion will sprinkle in his advice along the way) comes from personal experience over the last two decades of talking with numerous teens, young adults, and married couples.

Here are four things that girls wish you knew about us.

1. Listening is better than fixing There are times when a woman just needs to vent and have an “emotional release.” Sometimes, just talking about the issue at hand solves the problem!

When Marion and I first started dating, I remember how I would tell him about a situation I was dealing with at work or with friends, and his immediate response was to tell me exactly what I needed to do. This frustrated me! I was looking for a listening ear and for validation of what I was feeling.

If she needs advice, she will most likely ask. If not, active listening should be your go-to!

Marion: Guys, if you want to really impress a girl when she is ‘venting’ to you, all you need to do is listen and then repeat (not word for word) what she said to you.

She will be so impressed; she will likely tell you she feels way better and that you are the most amazing listener!

2. Apologize first, then explain Whether you meant to or not, when you hurt a girl’s feelings, it’s always a good idea to address it and reconcile. Time does not heal all wounds, and just brushing it under the rug will not make it disappear (it’ll just delay dealing with it until the next time).

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When reconciling, a piece of advice is to always apologize first, even before an explanation! I understand that you want to be heard, and explain that you didn’t mean to hurt her feelings. But here’s the thing: until you apologize, all she hears is: “These are all the reasons why I hurt your feelings.”

are and aren’t acceptable, what you can do, but also what you absolutely do not want to do if you want to be in her good graces.

Start with the apology. Growing up, my dad called it “The Ten Magic Words”:

4. Deep down, every woman is hoping that you’ll respect her enough to stop before it goes too far (and especially before sex)

Marion: Treat all women respectfully—even when they say they’re “one of the guys.”

“I’m sorry. I was wrong.

Will you please forgive me?”

Whenever I share this last tip with guys, I inevitably get confused looks and reactions of disbelief. Although I cannot say that this is backed by science or any kind of research, this comes from decades of conversations I’ve had with women regarding their sexual activity, both younger and older, religious and non-religious.

These Ten Magic Words speak directly to the area in her heart that was hurt. Yes, the explanations and understanding should follow those words. But the apology opens the door to reconciliation. And no, “I’m sorry that your feelings got hurt” is not the same!

The Ten Magic words will show that you are taking responsibility, demonstrating humility, and wanting to make things right between the two of you.

Choose to show through your actions that she is valuable and cared for. Deep down, in her heart, a woman hopes that she is valued for more than her physical looks or what her body can give.

Marion: Remember this. You apologize for how you made her feel, not necessarily because what you said was untrue.

So, talk about boundaries in the relationship. And be a man who honors her chosen boundaries.

3. I’m not one of the boys

Marion: Guys, you have a great opportunity to be a protector of women and not a predator. A protector will look out for a girl’s best interests, not his own. If you honor her, she will respect you.

Once, when Marion and I were dating, we went kayaking on Kaneohe Bay. It was an absolutely gorgeous day, and we were having so much fun catching waves and enjoying the beauty around us. Marion wanted me to turn towards him, and he leaned in to give me a romantic kiss…then he flipped the kayak! As we caught our breath, he laughed hysterically while I was less than amused. In fact, I was super mad! He couldn’t understand why I “just couldn’t take a joke.” This moment perfectly illustrates one thing that girls wish you knew: We are not one of the boys!

I’m sorry to say, Guys, unfortunately, you will probably never completely understand women. So, if anything, remember what the Apostle Paul wrote: “You husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way…” (1 Peter 3:7). One of the keys to a healthy relationship is not to understand fully but to BE understanding. With that, you’ll never go wrong.

Yes, there are jokes and comments and things like flipping kayaks that are all fun and games with the guys, but with the special girl in your life, or even just a girl that’s a friend, you can’t expect her to be like your guy friends.

Treat her as your equal, but remember that equality doesn’t mean sameness. You’ll have to learn what jokes

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Journal What are some new insights gained regarding being ‘a gentleman’ towards women and/or male and female differences?

mindful doodling 80

Chapter 5: Guys and Girls ACTIVIT Y

Walk it out.

• Honoring Women • Sexual Integrity: Protecting God’s Gift of Sex • Four Things Girls Wish You Knew

Choose one or more action steps:

1.

Review the list, ‘21 Ways to Crown Women with Honor.’ Pick one of these actions on the list that you want to practice this month, OR think of some ways your culture shows honor, choose one, and start practicing. Look for opportunities to show honor. It takes time to form new habits, but as you practice, such actions will become natural to you.

2.

Do a quick research dive on the common psychological differences between men and women.

Discover some useful articles that explore how men and women commonly relate differently. Take note of interesting findings so you can better understand yourself and others. When we gain understanding, we can avoid judging others negatively and instead grow in appreciation of differences. You may find some helpful articles on this subject on the Focus on the Family website.

3.

If there is a man in your life whom you respect for how he treats women, take a moment to acknowledge what you’ve observed and ask him about the source of his actions. Inquire about his motivations for treating women with honor.

4.

Just for fun, pick an animal in the animal kingdom —like the lion and lioness or peacock, and do a quick study on their distinctive behaviors as males and females. See if there are any connections you can make between their behavior and how humans interact.

5.

Once you start dating, it can be especially helpful to create safe, appropriate boundaries to protect your heart and relationship so it is as healthy as can be.

Consider interviewing successful couples you know or whom you admire about what makes a successful relationship and what can be helpful. Consider having a mentor support you as you navigate your relationship.

The struggle is real, and so is hope.

Text 494949 to chat now | FREE Mental Health Chat Center | 24/7 for those over 13 years old.

1-888-373-7888 | Toll-Free Hotline | 24/7 81 | Confidential | Get Help. Report Trafficking.

“A man with a brave and bold heart rises to lead and defend what is good and true. He stands up for what matters and lives with honor, always ready to protect and support those who need him most. This is the kind of strength that makes a real difference.”

Anonymous

Chapter 06

He Protects

behavior or encouraging others to do the right thing. Protecting the weak and vulnerable can be as simple as standing up for a friend being bullied or offering support when someone’s going through a tough time.

God is our protector and defender, and since we’re made in His image, we carry His heart too. How can you step up and protect others as God leads you to?

You can stand up and protect what is right, even when it’s hard or unpopular. It’s about defending honorable values, whether that’s refusing to go along with something wrong or speaking up when you see injustice.

In this chapter, you’ll discover what it means to protect—starting with guarding your own heart.

Before you can protect others, you must be aware of what influences you in a world full of distractions and temptations. Armor up with strength and wisdom for the journey ahead!

Being a protector means having the courage to act, whether stepping in to stop harmful, manipulative

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HEART GUARDIAN.

by Mike Frasier

“What is in our hearts plays a role in our decisions about money, our health, our future dreams, the group of friends we hang with, what we believe about ourselves, and much more.”

One organ in the human body that needs much protection would have to be the heart—and it doesn’t only need physical protection!

You may have heard the motto, “Follow your heart.” However, this may or may not be the best advice, depending on the situation. Decisions based only on feelings (which can come and go like the wind) can lead to messy, stressful situations.

Our hearts can also refer to our mind, intellect, emotions, and conscience. What is in our hearts is reflected in our feelings, thoughts, and even our reasoning.

Instead of you “following your heart,” I propose you “guard your heart.” The heart can be easily influenced, so it needs to be protected.

Your heart can be hurt, manipulated, and abused in relationships.

We can experience the heartache of regrets, guilt, rage, rejection, grief, and disappointments.

I am not saying you must build a thick wall around your heart, shutting everyone out and playing it safe. Loving and caring for others means you might face rejection and get hurt. Taking risks? Yes, that can mean failing sometimes. But there is a

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smart way to protect yourself from negative influences in order to receive God’s very best for your life.

What are you feeding your brain? It matters what you put into it. There’s a saying, “garbage in, garbage out,” meaning if you fill your mind with negative stuff—whether it’s the music you listen to, the shows you watch, what you read, or the people you hang out with—you’re more likely to end up thinking and acting negatively.

Why guard our hearts?

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” – Proverbs 4:23 NLT

Become more self-aware of how your actions are affecting you. For example, constantly listening to lyrics in songs that express anger and hatred will probably negatively affect your emotions, attitude, and actions. If you listen to music with positive lyrics, your mind will begin to think more positively.

What goes on in our heads is pretty much driven by our hearts.

Our hearts can shape everything we say and do. Our words and actions are all influenced by what’s swirling in our minds.

What is in our hearts plays a role in our decisions about money, our health, our future dreams, the group of friends we hang with, what we believe about ourselves, and much more!

Sidenote. Remember, you also have a sneaky enemy that looks for opportunities to distract you, tempt you, and tear you down. Don’t hand the enemy the keys to your life. Keep your guard up.

Relationships are a big deal. What is in our hearts also decides the kind of friends we pick and how we relate to friends, family, authority figures, and even strangers. It’s all connected.

What does guarding your heart look like?

“Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous.

Be strong.” – 1 Corinthians 16:13 NLT

When you are on guard, it’s usually about keeping the good and valuable things safe and keeping the bad influences and danger away. Be careful with what you fill your mind with and allow yourself to be exposed to.

To help filter out activities that are more harmful than helpful to you, a helpful question you can ask yourself is, “Does this activity tempt me to do wrong or harmful actions, think negatively, or feel negative emotions?

Consume God’s Word: Reading God’s Word, with the help of the Holy Spirit, will transform our thinking. Read and meditate on God’s Word to renew your mind and heart!

If yes, then don’t do it. If you are struggling, ask a trusted mentor for help. Ask the Lord to empower you with the strength you need.

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” – Romans 12:2 NLT

Guarding your heart requires being 100% intentional about it. It is a choice that we make every day. You are a powerful person! You can make that choice!

Filter. Filter. Filter. Practically speaking, what are some things that affect your heart? ▶ the people you hang out with ▶ whatever you hear with your ears, including music and words spoken ▶ whatever you see and read with your eyes, including videos and social media posts “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Philippians 4:8 NIV

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KNOW THE SIGNS!

Protect Yourself and Others from Unhealthy Relationships.

by Michele Okimura and Joshua Kaina

Who likes to be controlled and manipulated? Nobody!

Who wants to be deceived by others? Nobody!

Manipulators care only about their own interests. A manipulator’s end goal is to get what they want, such as money, things, a favor, permission to do something, or to borrow something. They may want you to do something, allow them to do something, or allow them to do something to you.

Yet unhealthy, controlling, abusive relationships happen often in our society.

How do I respond when I think I am being manipulated?

Let’s become aware of how you can protect yourself and others from being in unhealthy, manipulative, and even abusive relationships by knowing the signs.

It is helpful to be prepared with words and phrases you can use to respond to a manipulator because it can be difficult to think clearly when you feel pressured. When possible, avoid being in a relationship with manipulators.

A common practice in such relationships is manipulation.

Victims of manipulation may not even realize they are being manipulated!

Let’s dive in and begin by learning about this harmful practice that hurts people.

You can exercise your voice and say “no” to the manipulator.

You do not need to apologize or say you are sorry for disagreeing with them.

What is Manipulation?

Here are some words you can use in response: Manipulation is a behavior that seeks to exercise harmful influence over someone else for personal advantage.

▶ ▶ ▶ ▶ ▶ ▶ ▶

For example, you could have a “friend” who claims to care about you but who makes you feel guilty or bad if you don’t do what they say. Another example might be a “friend” who puts you down or bullies you in front of others yet pretends they don’t mean to hurt your feelings. In extreme cases, a “friend” might convince you to do things that are dangerous, threaten you if you don’t bully others with them, isolate you from other friends, or try to control who you spend time with.

“No, because I don’t want to.”

“No, I don’t have the time.”

“No, I don’t believe that is a good idea.”

“No, I don’t want to get involved with that.”

“No, I don’t have the money to give you.”

“No, I believe that is illegal, and I don’t want to.”

“No, because I do not (fill in the blank).”

Be courageous and brave. This is a time to stand up for yourself!

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“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”

2 Timothy 1:7 NLT

There are 3 main types of abuse: PHYSICAL ABUSE

Pay Attention.

This happens when a person physically hurts another through means such as kicking, hitting, pinching, or choking.

Trust your instincts when you feel something is ‘off ’ in a friendship. It could be a signal that you’re dealing with someone who is trying to control you or even be abusive.

Warning Signs:

It is crucial to be alert to the early signs of a ‘toxic’ or abusive relationship because it’s easier to leave such an unhealthy relationship in its early stages rather than after a long time has passed.

Learning about controlling, manipulative, or abusive tactics can protect you from getting into an unhealthy or dangerous situation.

Keep in mind: Manipulators and abusers tend to get their way more easily with people who always want to please others and who struggle with low self-esteem.

Being self-aware of your weaknesses can help you recognize when you are in an unhealthy dynamic.

• Displays a violent temper and lashes out physically, like hitting someone or throwing things.

• Displays cruelty to animals.

MENTAL/EMOTIONAL ABUSE This happens when a person is controlling, manipulative, and intimidating.

These types of behaviors cause the victim to feel mental stress and fear. *Refer to the following activity page for a handy checklist of manipulation tactics.

SEXUAL VIOLENCE This can happen in unwanted or non-consensual sexual behaviors.

Warning Signs: • You are forced to watch pornography when you do not want to.

• Someone inappropriately touches you without your consent.

• Someone makes you feel guilty or fearful if you do not comply with their demands—they manipulate you using their words to get you to do what they want.

If you are in a toxic, unhealthy relationship, you may find yourself often feeling fearful, anxious, hopeless, ashamed, confused, depressed, or guilty.

Don’t hesitate to reach out to a trusted adult if you recognize that you’re in a harmful relationship. The insights you gained from this article can guide you in making wise choices when forming friendships that bring value and positivity to your life!

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Manipulators and abusers tend to get their way more easily with people who always want to please others and who struggle with low self-esteem.

PAY ATTENTION TO THE RED FLAGS! Manipulation Tactics.

Take a look at the list below of tactics people use to emotionally and mentally control others. Check off any ‘red flags’ you have experienced from another person.

Warning Signs Checklist:

They won’t take no for an answer.

They keep pushing and pressuring until they get their way.

They act differently with different people depending on the situation.

A little jealousy can be normal, but extreme jealousy is a red flag. They are possessive and always want to know where you are and who you are with.

They have a pattern of lying and attempting to trick or deceive you.

They try to make you feel guilty through their actions and words.

They cry to make you feel sorry for them and to get what they want.

They intimidate you by using threats.

For example, they may threaten to harm you, harm someone you care about, or harm themselves. They may use threats to trap you into never leaving the relationship.

They twist conversations so they are never at fault. They make it seem that you or others are the ones to blame. They believe they are justified in behaving the way they do.

They may have a pattern of tearfully apologizing after abusing you. However, the ‘niceness’ is short-lived until they abuse you once again.

They twist the truth, making you question your recollections.

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There is growing control over your life, such as your schedule and your activities.

Over time, they isolate you from other friends and your family.

They are nice to you, give you false praise, say things to make you feel loved and special, or overly compliment you to get you to do what they want.

They try to bargain with you by saying they will do something for you or give you something.

They show you generosity by giving you or buying you things, so you feel obligated to do what they want—or they use the fact that they gave you certain things to convince you that you owe them.

They attempt to make you believe you need them and depend on them.

They constantly criticize you and put you down. They can publicly humiliate you.

They ‘silence’ your voice and do not give you a say in many matters.

They have a bad temper and yell and swear when angry.

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Hmmm.

Recognizing Manipulative Habits in Yourself.

by Joshua Kaina

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Let’s protect our hearts. Let’s make sure we don’t turn into people who manipulate others by starting with being aware of our motives and actions.

In the previous article, we discussed ways to protect yourself and your friends from manipulative people. But while we’re at it, let’s do some self-reflection and consider how you connect with others—are you relating to others in a healthy, positive way?

Have you ever struggled with jealousy?

Have you ever felt afraid—and therefore, felt the need to be in control?

These feelings are something everyone deals with at some point. When we feel this way, it’s easy to try to control situations or people through manipulation.

But that usually just leads to hurt and damaged relationships. Instead, there are better ways to handle things that can help both you and the people around you without causing harm Manipulative behaviors can negatively impact personal growth and harm relationships with friends and family.

Recognize manipulative behaviors in yourself.

Recognizing manipulative behaviors in yourself is an important step toward building healthy, positive relationships.

No one is born with a desire to manipulate or control other people. This behavior is also much more common than most of us realize, so if any of this relates to you—know that you are not alone.

Here are a few ways that I learned to overcome my manipulative ways and instead be more honest, honoring, and caring towards others.

1. Be honest with yourself.

Become more aware of your feelings and thoughts. Reflect on past interactions with others.

“I pondered the direction of my life, and I turned to follow your laws. I will hurry, without delay, to obey your commands.” – Psalm 119:59-60 NLT Ask yourself tough questions, such as: ▶ Have I ever lied to get what I want? ▶ Have I made someone feel guilty so they would do what I wanted?

Take another glance at the list of manipulation tactics in the previous article and see if you have practiced such methods to get what you wanted from others—even your parents!

2. What is your heart motivation? ▶ Are you trying to control situations out of fear, insecurity, or a desire for power? ▶ Are you trying to force someone to like you because you fear rejection?

“If you don’t address the things that caused you to stumble and fall, they will always be in your way.”

John C. Maxwell 3. Be a good listener.

Give your full attention to others when they speak. Be genuinely interested in their thoughts and feelings. Avoid interrupting. Don’t be quick to ignore their opinions.

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

James 1:19 NIV

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4. Respect boundaries.

Avoid pressuring or forcing others into doing things they do not want to do or are uncomfortable with. Respecting the personal boundaries of others is important in any relationship.

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NLT “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.”

Ephesians 4:29 NLT As we grow to be brave and bold young men, we can recognize any manipulative tendencies in ourselves and choose to honor and respect others instead of wanting to control them.

ACTIVIT Y

Journal Read Proverbs 27:6 NKJV: ‘Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.’

What does this mean in the context of your friendships and relationships? How can you apply this wisdom to identify when someone is being dishonest or manipulative?

Think about a time when you felt like someone was trying to control or influence you in an unhealthy way. What did they do or say that made you feel this way? How did you respond?

Briefly describe a situation where you felt pressured to act in a certain way because of guilt, fear, or obligation.

How did these emotions influence your decision? Do you think the other person knew how you were feeling?

Mindful Doodling: Sketch something that represents what manipulation looks like. Be creative!

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mindful doodling

The Bystander Effect is when someone sees a person in trouble but doesn’t step in to help. Instead of doing something, they just watch what’s happening, assuming someone else will take action.

Why do you think people sometimes stay silent or don’t step in to protect or help when they see someone in distress? What are some common fears or reasons that hold people back?

COURAGE TO SPEAK UP Think of a situation where you saw someone being mistreated or taken advantage of, but you didn’t step in. What held you back? If you could go back, how would you respond differently? What level of courage would it take to speak up and/or take positive action?

DEFEND AND PROTECT Write about a time when you stood up and tried to protect someone who couldn’t defend themselves. What was the situation? How did you feel before, during, and after you took action? If you haven’t had an experience like this yet, write about a time you wish you could have helped.

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THE POWER OF “NO”

“What’s helped with saying no to others is asking myself first if I’m saying yes out of guilt or fear. If so, then it’s a polite no.”

Neil Strauss, Tribe Of Mentors: Short Life Advice from the Best in the World 94

I am a woman, but one thing I know about men is—they can be powerful. Some may say that brute strength makes men powerful. However, what makes a man most powerful is the character of a solid man. This is the most powerful thing. It is what will often win a woman’s heart. It is what they usually look for when considering who they will marry. It is a man’s character that a woman knows will warm her heart during cold and barren seasons. It is a man’s character that a woman leans upon to find rest and support.

If you have treated anyone wrongly, be it a girl, a guy, or a family member, talk to God about it and ask Him to forgive you. Receive God’s forgiveness and hope for a new start. If possible, ask the person you have wronged for forgiveness and express what you will do differently to make things right.

Be brave and bold and exercise your no as well.

Your boundaries matter. As you honor other people’s no, it is also important to exercise your “no,” creating healthy boundaries for yourself. For example, temptations to do harmful things can often come our way. Peer pressure and the desire to fit in and belong is real. Search your heart and know your values and convictions ahead of time regarding your health and safety. When possible, have a plan of how to respond to negative peer pressure. For example, be ready to say no to underage drinking, smoking, vaping, sex, drugs, criminal behavior, and dangerous, risky ventures that you don’t want to do.

What does not win a woman’s heart, though, is when a man uses physical power against a woman. How does this happen?

No man ever thought he would grow up with the intent to harm, hit, or abuse a woman.

Maybe some of you have witnessed some painful family dynamics where men in your family used their fists or words to hurt others. Or maybe you have been through it yourself, dealing with domestic violence or verbal abuse. If so, I want to encourage you that there are men with solid character and compassion in this world who can show you how to build respectful and healthy connections. God can and will bring healing and restoration to you as you seek Him.

Remember the following things: 1. A “no” is not personal, so you can still respond honorably and respectfully.

I was once harmed by a man who did not respect my “no” and caused me to feel powerless. I’ve learned the word “no” is a major boundary line that should always be respected and not crossed.

A person’s no is not always a negative judgment about who you are, as much as it is a boundary to protect who they are. Sometimes, a no can feel like a hurtful rejection.

However, you can grow in responding graciously and honorably, knowing that the no does not take away from your immense value as a person.

Are we okay when we hear the answer “No”?

Think about it—If we can’t respect someone’s “no” in minor situations when a parent, a friend, a teacher, or a boss says it, how can we expect to handle it when someone opposes what we want in significant situations? How will we say no to the inclination to raise our voices, our hands, or our bodies against another in anger or frustration?

2. Respect is a two-way street.

As you respect the person who says “no,” they will usually grow in respect for you.

3. Your agreement to someone’s “no” makes a pathway for a far better “yes” in your future.

Self-control is first practiced in everyday situations so that we can be prepared to handle big decisions well with that same level of respect.

Trust grows through honor and respect. Relationships and bonds are strengthened as trust and respect are experienced. These sorts of relationships are not only healthy but emotionally gratifying. This is the best yes you could give yourself!

Are you a powerful man of self-control? How do you respond when you hear “No”?

When you honor someone’s no, a friend’s no, a mom’s no, a dad’s no, you make room for a better yes. You say “yes” to honor. You say “yes” to forming character. You say “yes” to a future healthy relationship filled with trust and honor.

“Men are respectable only as they respect.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

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FROM HARMFUL GOSSIP TO PROTECTING THE DIGNITY OF OTHERS.

by Charis Logan

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

Ephesians 4:29 NIV

Give me the tittle-tattle (1500s). What’s the scuttlebutt (1800s)? Gimme the skinny (1970s). What’s the 4-1-1 (1990s)?

Spill the beans. Spill the tea. However you put it, GOSSIP has been around since the beginning of time. And I get it. I love a good gossip session like anyone else! I admit it, whether it’s celebrity gossip, neighborhood, family, or friends—I love to partake!

Maybe it’s the feeling of “being in the know” that feels so good? Or maybe it’s the illusion that you’re bonding with those with whom you are gossiping? Or it could be because

it makes you feel better about your own situation. Whatever it is, as much as I hate to admit it, it’s truly a guilty pleasure.

BUT, none of these reasons seem to ease the pain of being on the other end…the one being gossiped about.

It never feels good to find out that someone has been talking about you behind your back, whether it was true or not. You can’t defend yourself or explain your side of the story. You feel helpless and powerless. Voiceless. Judged. Ashamed.

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Simply put, gossip is information shared about a person behind their back in a way that can hurt their reputation, especially if it’s private, unkind, or not true. Many times, gossip typically involves details that are not confirmed as true.

Well, as it usually happens, word got back to this girl about the things we had gossiped about, and we all found ourselves in the Counselor’s office. I will never forget seeing the tears in that girl’s eyes as we were confronted with these rumors. All these years later, I still feel horrible about it. Our words were powerful, and instead of building her up, they tore her down.

Decide which of these are GOSSIP (Answer at the bottom) a) You told someone that you heard a classmate got into a fight during recess. b) You and a friend were talking about a soccer game you both played in last night. c) You told your mom about the award that your friend won. d) You saw someone look around while you were taking a test, so you told everyone that the person cheated.

The fact of the matter is that even after you grow up, you will still encounter gossip. Like me, you will face those same kinds of emotions and thoughts when you are tempted to dive into the gossip session. So, what can you do?

Examples of What To Say When You Hear Gossip: 1. “I don’t think that’s true. I know that person has their faults, but they have always been kind to me.”

2. “Maybe we shouldn’t talk about them since they aren’t here.”

3. “This is kind of messed up of us. I wouldn’t like it if you said that about me.”

4. “Are you sure that happened? That doesn’t sound like something that person would do.”

Have you ever squeezed too much toothpaste out of a tube?

It’s just not possible to get that extra toothpaste back in! The same is true with our words. There’s an old Jewish proverb that says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”

Basically, your words can either lift someone up or tear them down. So before you speak, ask yourself: Is this going to bring life or cause damage? Because once it’s out—it’s out.

I can remember a time when I was in middle school, and there was a girl in our group of friends who was sort of the “leader of the pack.” She was pretty and smart, but she was also very sassy and very bossy! One day, a bunch of us started “sharing,” aka gossiping about this girl when she wasn’t around.

I remember sitting there listening to what each girl had to say about her.

Here’s one last thing to think about—be the kind of person who spreads good gossip. Yeah, that’s a thing! Good gossip is when you talk about people behind their backs in a way that builds them up. Like, “Did you hear Sarah crushed it and got an award on the swim team?” or “Robert’s been training nonstop for that marathon—he’s so committed.” If you’re going to talk about someone, let it be something positive. Let your words spread encouragement. And who knows? Word will get back to them that you are sharing affirming, uplifting things about them—and they’ll remember you for it. Plus, don’t be surprised if people start doing the same for you.

There was a whirl of emotions and thoughts going on within me. I wanted to feel included in this juicy conversation. I didn’t want to look like I wasn’t a supportive friend to them.

I also felt similar things to what they said and could relate to feeling disrespected by this girl. But I also knew that I shouldn’t gossip and add fuel to this fire; after all, she was my friend.

“A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends.” – Proverbs 16:28 NLT “Rumors are dainty morsels that sink deep into one’s heart.” – Proverbs 18:8

Then, in a moment of weakness, I blurted out something that I regret to this day. I shared something private about her that would have deeply humiliated her if she had been there. The second it came out, I instantly wanted to take it back. But like that toothpaste squeezed out of the tube, I couldn’t. Whether this “information” was true or not, I did not intend for it to come off like it did! The girls erupted in laughter, but deep down, I felt terrible.

“A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.” – Proverbs 20:19 NIV

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Answer: a) yes b) no c) no d) yes

Journal Write about your main takeaway from this chapter. What is something you learned about yourself? What is something you want to grow in?

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Chapter 6: He Protects ACTIVIT Y

Walk it out.

• Heart Guardian • Know the Signs! Protect Yourself and Others from Unhealthy Relationships • Hmmm. Recognizing Manipulative Habits in Yourself • The Power of “No” • From Harmful Gossip to Protecting the Dignity of Others

Choose one or more action steps:

1.

Filter out at least one negative influence this week to protect your heart. Go back and check out the first article in this chapter again. What’s one thing you can cut out or avoid that’s been a bad influence on you or just isn’t healthy for your mind or life?

3.

In this next week, be proactive in looking for situations where you can protect others through your words or actions. Remember, being a protector can be as simple as looking out for others and taking small actions to help those in need.

2.

Create a “NO” list. This should include things you feel are important to say “no” to (e.g., negative influences, peer pressure, harmful behaviors). You can decorate the list with words or symbols reminding you of values and why you choose to say “no” in certain situations.

The struggle is real, and so is hope.

Text 494949 to chat now | FREE Mental Health Chat Center | 24/7 for those over 13 years old.

1-888-373-7888 | Toll-Free Hotline | 24/7 99 | Confidential | Get Help. Report Trafficking.

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