BOLD CLASSIC: VOL 4

4

GROW IN CONFIDENCE. KNOW YOUR IDENTITY.

JOURNEY

FOR GUYS

DARING PURSUIT 1

Connect the dots…

LISTEN. WISDOM SPEAKS. You are called to listen to wisdom in a world full of distractions pulling you in the wrong direction.

Let’s be honest—topics like pornography, trauma, sexual violence, and sex trafficking aren’t easy to talk about. Most people would rather avoid them. But the truth is, these issues are everywhere in today’s culture and impact way more lives than you might think. Whether you’ve faced some of these challenges or just want to stay informed and protect yourself, it’s important to know what you’re up against.

These next few chapters will also show you how pornography, trauma, and abuse connect to the justice issue of sex trafficking. The goal isn’t to scare you but to equip and empower you. You were made to live free, bold, and confident. By understanding these issues, you’ll protect yourself, help others, and walk in freedom.

Having friends who are like brothers isn’t only about friendship—it’s about standing together. It is about sharpening, celebrating, and supporting each other. The final two chapters will challenge you with a clear call: It’s time to rise to step forward with courage, lock arms with others, and live with purpose. This is your charge—to stand strong in unity, fight for what matters, and lead boldly as men of honor.

We believe in you, The Brave & Bold Team

BRAVE & BOLD Copyright © 2025-2026 Releasing Generations Published by Releasing Generations Printed in the United States of America All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

All articles, art, and photographs have been published and printed with the permission of their creators.

Art Direction and Graphic Design by: Ahava Design, LLC. Photos by Unsplash and iStockphoto.

TheBraveSeries.com Through The Brave Series, we are on a mission to help youth and adults of all ages overcome insecurities about their value and purpose. The Brave Series empowers teens and adults to: • Grow in confidence and emotional health.

• Gain wisdom and vision for their future, enabling them to step into their purpose and pursue their dreams.

• Become aware and equipped to safeguard themselves and others from exploitation and sex trafficking victimization.

Learn more at TheBraveSeries.com or visit us at ReleasingGenerations.org Brave & Bold Volume 04 (Classic) – 3/2026

FOR GUYS

DARING PURSUIT

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THE JOURNEY: 04 The Journey: 04

Journey 01

Journey 02

HE IS BRAVE & BOLD Defining What is Brave & Bold

LET IT GO The Value of Forgiveness

KNOW YOURSELF Becoming Self-Aware

GOOD GRIEF Dealing with Losses in Life

STAND FIRM Being Secure and Confident

UNRAVELING EMOTIONS Navigating Anger, Fear, and Anxiety

YOUR DESIGN Discovering Your Uniqueness

STAY THE COURSE Persevering Through Hardships

BORN TO CREATE Activating Your Creativity

PARENTS AND YOU Exploring the Impact of Parents

FREEDOM TO DREAM Dreaming Big for Your Life

FORGED IN COMMUNITY The Value of Belonging to a Community

Discover Purpose

Dig Deeper

DARING PURSUIT Daring Pursuit

Journey 03

Journey 04

BUILDING YOUR CORE Establishing Character

PORNOGRAPHY ..................................14 ................................

The Negative Effects of Pornography

VALUES TO LIVE BY Embracing Key Values for Success

OVERCOMING TRAUMA ................... 28 Understanding Trauma

LEADERSHIP Becoming an Effective Leader

SEXUAL VIOLENCE ........................... 40 Addressing Sexual Violence

FRIENDSHIP Building Healthy Friendships

SEX TRAFFICKING ............................. 56 Protect Yourself and Others from Victimization

Develop Foundation

THE POWER OF WORDS Life-Giving Communication HE PROTECTS Guarding, Defending, and Supporting Others

Daring Pursuit

RISING STRONG ................................ 76 Onward with Vision and Purpose

List TheBraveSeries.com 8

ten 9

Imagine a place.

A place where light exposes darkness So that nothing is hidden.

A place where people are invited To dance and embrace what is good and true.

Imagine a safe place.

A place where vulnerability is welcomed, safeguarded and honored.

Where voices are heard And genuine love transforms lives.

Imagine a resting place.

Homes. Where children and youth Freely entrust their hearts to their parents.

A safe home where answers to difficult issues Are discovered together...with no shame.

Imagine an honoring place.

Where integrity and dignity are embraced.

Where hearts are protected and valued.

A place where battles to protect relationships are won.

Where lives are celebrated, and differences are respected.

Imagine a healing place.

A place where no person feels alone, unwanted, or unloved.

A place where each understands their immense value.

Where lives and broken relationships are restored.

Where forgiveness, grace, and compassion abound.

Imagine a brilliant place.

Where individuals, families, Cities and nations experience true transformation.

Because of the unity of heart and vision.

Because of the commitment to honor Each person’s gifts, talents, and design.

Imagine a place.

Where no one hides in the darkness, Or in the loneliness of their personal closets.

But is welcomed and beckoned forth To partner with others to help change the world.

Nothing happens just because we are aware.

But nothing will ever happen until we are aware.

Gary Haugen

Connect the dots...

SEXUAL VIOLENCE: There is a strong correlation

Welcome! You are closer to the finish line! This final stretch of your pathway brings you to an important destination.

Previous chapters have prepared you to now LISTEN to the voices you will hear in this section. Lean in and keep your heart open.

between having been sexually abused and being more vulnerable to being sex trafficked. Research has shown that 93% - 98% of sex trafficked victims were previous victims of sexual violence or molestation. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention findings state that more than 1 in 3 women and nearly 1 in 4 men have experienced sexual violence involving physical contact at some point in their lives. If you have not been sexually abused yourself, you may know someone who has been mistreated in this way. You may have wondered how you can help them heal. We are here to empower you.

But first, there are dots that need to be connected between pornography, trauma, sexual violence, and sex trafficking.

PORNOGRAPHY: The average age of first exposure to pornography in America is 9-11 years old. We live in a culture where almost all, if not all teen boys have viewed or are addicted to pornography. Teen girls viewing pornography is on the rise and is often considered a normal pastime. Yet, viewing pornography damages relationships, fuels the demand for sex trafficking, and promotes violence against females. We want to empower you to live healthy and victoriously.

SEX TRAFFICKING: Wait, what?! You might think sex trafficking has nothing to do with you—that it happens to other people, not you. Hopefully, you’re right. But the truth is, recruiters often pretend to be trusted friends. They’ll try to seduce, trick, and manipulate teens, both girls and guys, into getting trapped. Knowing their tactics can help you stay one step ahead and protect yourself and others.

OVERCOMING TRAUMA: Overcoming trauma is crucial because unhealed wounds can leave you stuck in unhealthy patterns, making it easier for others to manipulate and control you. Having unhealed trauma can lower your defenses and cloud your judgment, leaving you more vulnerable to people who want to take advantage of you— especially in situations like sex trafficking. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but facing your trauma head-on will help you grow stronger, protect yourself, and step into the freedom and confidence you were made for.

HEALING: We hope this section encourages you and helps you become a safe and reliable friend for those who might need support. Get ready to pick up solid insights, wisdom, and tools that will help you step up and stand out as the brave and confident person you’re meant to be!

With gratitude, The Brave & Bold Team

“Wisdom is the right use of knowledge.” - Charles Spurgeon

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“Pornography isn’t real— it distorts love, relationships, and what’s truly meaningful.

It steals your focus, joy, and potential. Your future is too valuable to let porn hold you back.”

DEREK MICHAEL HART

Chapter 01

Pornography Overcoming Trauma Sexual Violence Sex Trafficking Rising Strong

Pornography

Pornography might seem harmless at first, but it’s actually a trap connected. Porn fuels the demand for more extreme content, and that can mess you up in ways you don’t expect. It rewires your that demand leads to real people being exploited and trafficked brain, making you crave more while giving you less satisfaction to create it. Some of what you see online might even involve over time. It can distort how you see real relationships, people, victims of trafficking. By watching it, you’re unknowingly and yourself. What starts as curiosity can turn into addiction, supporting an industry that thrives on using and hurting people. affecting your confidence, mental health, and even your future Choosing to walk away from porn helps protect others from relationships. It promotes unrealistic ideas about sex and can being exploited. leave you feeling empty and disconnected. The truth is, porn isn’t just entertainment—it’s a cheap substitute for something “The most powerful sex organ is actually your brain. If you real and meaningful, and it can hold you back from living with are regularly feeding your brain images that are designed true freedom. to inspire lust, it’s going to be difficult to rule your thoughts and keep you from violating your virtues.”

Every click fuels an industry built on pain and exploitation. Most people don’t realize it, but pornography and sex trafficking are Kris Vallotton

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RESISTING OBJECTIFICATION CHOOSING COURAGE

by Richard and Brittni De La Mora

Richard: What’s up, fellas? I’m Richard, and I’m excited to chat with you today. Brittni and I have seen firsthand the damage porn can do—not just to individuals, but to relationships, and your purpose. We’re here to help you see the truth and give you some tools to rise above it..

Hey Guys, Let’s Talk.

Brittni: First off, I’m so proud of you for being part of Brave & Bold.

You’re here because you want to become the best version of yourself—and that takes guts. One of the biggest challenges facing young men today is pornography. It’s everywhere, and the world wants you to believe it’s harmless fun. But that’s a lie.

REMEMBER: PERFORMANCES ARE DONE BY ACTORS AND ACTRESSES Brittni: Here’s the truth: what you see in porn is 100% fake. I know because I used to work in the adult film industry. The emotions, the relationships, even the “fun” you see—it’s all scripted. Behind the scenes, many performers are hurting deeply. They’re struggling with shame, depression, and addiction.

My husband, Richard, and I know this battle well, and we want to share our hearts with you—not to judge but to inspire. Trust us, there’s so much more to life than what porn promises.

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BREAKING FREE: A GAME PLAN FOR COURAGE

I’ve lost friends to overdoses and suicide. I almost didn’t make it out alive myself. I struggled with addiction and reached a point where I thought I was beyond saving. But through my faith, I got pulled out of that darkness, and I’m forever grateful for that.

Richard: Freedom isn’t easy, but it’s possible. And you’re not alone.

Here are some practical steps to help you break free:

Richard: Porn might feel exciting in the moment, but it leaves a lasting mark on your heart and mind. It messes with how you see people in real life. Instead of seeing others as valuable and worthy of love, porn trains you to see them as objects. It’s not just a bad habit—it’s a trap.

• Talk to Someone You Trust: Don’t fight this battle alone.

Find a mentor or parent to walk with you.

• Watch What You Watch. Be intentional about the shows, social media, and music you allow into your life.

Garbage in = garbage out

THE HUMAN COST: REAL LIVES, REAL PAIN

Brittni:

Brittni: Every person you see in a porn video is a real human being.

They have dreams, families, and struggles. They’re not objects for entertainment—they’re people who need love and compassion.

• Replace Temptation with Truth: When you feel the urge to watch porn, read or watch content that can positively impact your life and give you a healthy mindset.

• Use Helpful Tools: Look for resources that can help block you from porn sites and help hold you accountable to others regarding what you are looking at on your devices.

• Know Your Worth: You’re not defined by your struggles.

You are bigger than your mistakes.

Richard: When you watch porn, you’re not just “looking.” You’re supporting an industry that profits off brokenness. But you have the power to change that. When you choose not to watch, you’re choosing compassion. You’re saying, “I see these people as humans, not entertainment.” That’s what being brave and bold looks like.

A CHALLENGE FOR YOU Brittni: Here’s my challenge to you: choose courage. Be the guy who stands up for what’s right, even when it’s hard. You’re stronger than porn, and you’re made for so much more.

FREEDOM AND STRENGTH Brittni: Your life has immense worth, and you were meant to experience love and connection and live with purpose. Porn is a cheap imitation of the real thing.

Richard: You have a future full of great possibilities for your life, and it starts with the choices you make today. Step into the man you are meant to be—compassionate, strong, and free.

We’re cheering for you every step of the way. You’ve got this!

Richard: You are called to protect and lead, not to consume and hide. You have the strength to stand against the lies porn tells you. Imagine the impact you could have if you genuinely cared for those trapped in the industry instead of supporting it. Your choices matter.

You’ve got this!

Brittni & Richard

P.S. Want to learn More? If you’re ready to dive deeper, visit lovealwaysministries.com (https://lovealwaysministries.com) for books, resources, courses, and ways to connect with us. You can also follow us on Instagram: @lovealwaysministries, @brittnidelamora, @richardelamora Brittni has a powerful life story of hope and healing. Once a porn actress, she now serves with her husband Richard in Love Always Ministries.

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traumatic brain injury.

Porn affected my relationships with others by causing me to withdraw from interacting socially. Instead, I lived for my next encounter with pornographic images. I lacked the motivation to engage in life activities and would procrastinate on things that seemed hard.

Porn hurts people, plain and simple. For a long time, I told myself that watching porn wasn’t affecting anyone. But the truth is, it did—especially the people I cared about most. It hurt my wife, my family, and even the women in those videos or pictures. Porn warps how we see others—it teaches us to objectify people instead of recognizing their dignity and worth.

It distorts relationships and prevents real intimacy, whether you’re a man or a woman. Many of the women in the industry don’t want to be there and are often forced into it. On top of that, my addiction caused my wife serious emotional pain and stress, which I believe even impacted her health.

I tried to beat my porn addiction on my own, but I just couldn’t. Later, I got hooked on gaming, which became another unhealthy escape for me. I spent way too much time and money on video games, which negatively affected my relationship with my wife, family, and even my job. Combining gaming with my porn addiction only made things worse. It was like trying to escape one problem by creating another. For me, gaming became an unhealthy escape. Others might turn to endless scrolling on social media, binge-watching, or other digital distractions. No matter the outlet, the result is the same—we avoid real life instead of facing the root issues.

Because of this addiction, my marriage ended in divorce.

This was such a painful low point in my life. I had deeply hurt my wife and family while almost ruining my career.

By finding strength in my faith and seeking help, I healed my marriage and family relationships over time, but this came at a high price. I had to work proactively to rebuild broken relationships and regain the trust of those I love. My wife, thankfully, forgave me, witnessed my change, and we remarried. This was truly a miracle.

I urge you, don’t make the same mistakes I did. Stay away from porn. It’s super destructive and creates habits that are hard to break. Remember my story. Remember that I struggled and suffered through 46 years with this damaging addiction – an experience I do not want you to go through. My road to freedom and the restoration of my marriage and family was tough, yet I did eventually find hope and healing.

However, if you’re currently dealing with pornography, what helped me as a first step was to find someone to talk with whom I could trust, a mentor who understood what I was going through. Getting my secret life out in the open was the start of breaking free from my shame and the negative effects of my battle. Pursue your healing and seek help! It is worth fighting for victory in your life.

MY 46-YEAR JOURNEY INTO THE LIGHT

by Gary Hessler

Have you ever taken the wrong path on a hiking trail and found yourself quite lost in a dark place? Or ever entered a hedge maze where you come across one dead end after another while trying to find your way to freedom? Life can sometimes feel like that.

Here is my story about my 46-year journey into freedom from pornography addiction.

At around age 12, I found pornography while staying at my uncle’s house. He had pornographic magazines lying around, which, as a young boy, caught my attention. By the time I was old enough to buy the magazines myself, I was hooked. My pornography addiction advanced to videos and eventually to porn on the internet.

I always felt such a strong sense of guilt and shame around viewing porn that I didn’t feel I could talk to anybody about it. I felt very isolated and alone. I thought my need for pornography would go away when I got married, and while it did help some, I always went back to it. I was hooked and didn’t see a way out of it.

You might have heard this before, but watching porn affects your brain by releasing chemicals that trigger its pleasure center. Over time, this can make your brain crave porn more and more. If it goes on for too long, it can mess with your brain in a way that’s similar to someone who’s had a

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19

OVERCOMING CHALLENGES WITH STRATEGY: A WARRIOR’S MINDSET

Watching pornography releases dopamine in the brain, similar to how drugs work. That feel-good hit trains your brain to crave more, forming strong mental pathways that become harder to break over time. It’s not just about deciding to stop. It requires a lot more intentionality.

To break free, I needed support to stop the behavior long enough to start creating new thought patterns. This “renewing of the mind” wasn’t easy—it took time, effort, and consistency.

But once I truly understood the battle, my approach changed. I kept training, getting back up after every slip-up, and eventually, I stopped falling. I became a conqueror.

If you’re in this fight, take heart. You can win. But you need to know what you’re up against and how to fight it wisely.

Trying harder isn’t enough. As the saying goes, “Fight smarter, not harder.”

Here are some practical tips that helped me—and I believe they can help you too.

by Ben Klassen

Imagine you’re watching an MMA fight. The match has just started, but one of the fighters is making rookie mistakes. At first, it looks like a rough start, but soon, it’s clear—this guy doesn’t know how to fight. Blow after blow, he goes down fast.

Later, you find out he wasn’t trained at all. He just signed up, thinking he could win on sheer confidence. Pretty silly, right?

But honestly—how different is that from how many of us approach our battles, especially with pornography? We fight this battle without any training and are knocked down time and again. We need preparation and strategy to win this fight, just as athletes train hard before stepping into the arena.

When I was growing up, my dad warned me about the dangers of pornography. But at sixteen, curiosity got the best of me. I convinced myself I could handle just a “quick peek.” I arrogantly thought, “I got this.” But I didn’t. That one peek got me hooked. Shame flooded in, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop.

Four years later, I joined a six-month volunteer trip to Europe and the Middle East. The training period at the beginning opened my eyes. I began to understand that I was valuable and deeply loved, even with my flaws. That truth began breaking pornography’s grip on me.

Relapses still happened, but they were less frequent. I knew I needed more understanding and better strategies to conquer it for good.

1. Get support.

You can’t do this alone. Find mentors and friends you trust who will keep you accountable. Accountability not only helps when temptation hits, it also breaks shame—one of the biggest barriers to freedom. Don’t isolate yourself. Find others who are fighting, too. Be honest, encourage each other, and fight forward together.

2. Be intentional about the content you are consuming.

What you watch matters. Be mindful of the content you consume—on social media, streaming platforms, and other media. Avoid things that trigger temptation. But don’t just remove the bad—replace it with good. Feed your mind with content that inspires, strengthens, and builds you up. Like your body needs good food, your mind needs good input.

3. Know your triggers.

PORNOGRAPHY—A BATTLE OF THE MIND

Triggers are real. Stress, boredom, loneliness, anger, or even just being tired make us more vulnerable. Use the acronym HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) to remember the big ones. Also, be aware of your environment—being alone in your room or having your phone in the bathroom can be high-risk. Knowing your triggers helps you prepare and avoid falling into the trap.

Opening up was at first scary and hard, but I began sharing my struggle with people I trusted. I found mentors to coach me and invited close friends to help hold me accountable. I installed accountability software and picked up hobbies to turn to when I felt tempted.

I also started learning more—books, online resources, real stories. That’s when I realized this is primarily a battle of the mind.

First, I saw that pornography had become a way to cope. It became my escape when I felt stress, shame, fear, loneliness, or anger. I needed to find healthier ways to respond when I was triggered.

Second, I recognized that pornography had fed me lies— about sex, women, and myself. It painted an unrealistic view of relationships, and the shame I carried made me believe I was broken. I had to rewire my thinking and replace those lies with truth.

Finally, I learned about the addictive nature of porn.

It’s not just a bad habit—it’s a chemical cycle, dopamine.

4. Create healthy distractions Don’t just fight the urge—redirect it. Replace harmful patterns with healthy habits. Pick up a new skill, try a sport, learn to play an instrument, or do something creative. When you fill your life with activities that challenge and excite you, the need to escape through porn starts to fade. It’s not just about stopping bad habits—it’s about starting something better.

The battle is real, but you’re not alone—and you don’t have to stay stuck. With training, support, and strategy, you can overcome. You were never meant to be a casualty. You were meant to be a conqueror.

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Every breakthrough begins with a choice. But lasting freedom starts with a commitment to a strategy that works.

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ACTIVIT Y

The Strategies of a Conqueror

by Ben Klassen

The battle for sobriety from pornography is about rewiring the pathways in our minds. And this takes a lot of effort and discipline.

1. GET SUPPORT Make a short list here of the people you trust who will either help keep you accountable to have a porn-free lifestyle or walk with you through freedom from a pornography struggle.

2. BE INTENTIONAL WITH THE CONTENT YOU ARE CONSUMING Make a list of things you actually want to focus on that build you up and keep your mind clear. Write down topics you’re passionate about, things you want to learn more about, and/or your favorite movies or shows that have positive, uplifting messages. Avoid anything that could lead you down a path toward watching porn.

Keep your mind locked on things that inspire and help you grow.

3. BE AWARE OF YOUR TRIGGERS BE SELF-AWARE: Check the triggers that can cause you to want to turn to pornography or other unhealthy ways to deal with your emotions: feeling lonely feeling angry feeling tired

feeling stress/anxiety feeling afraid feeling ashamed

feeling guilty or regretful feeling sad/grief other:

Fight triggers by building healthy distractions. List some new hobbies, skills, or activities you would like to explore getting involved in below. Then, take steps to explore getting involved!

4. BE PATIENT WITH YOUR PROGRESS Be patient with yourself if you slip up. Slip-ups happen—but every time you get back up, you get stronger. Keep going. That’s how real growth happens.

Like an aggressive weed that wraps around and strangles a Hawaiian Ti plant, pornography slowly takes over your mind, choking out your focus, drive, peace, and even the way you see relationships. What starts as something small can grow out of control, making it harder to stay motivated, reach your goals, and live with real purpose.

Get free and stay free!

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awaken to the slimy tricks of how pornified culture is grooming you to be taken advantage of, you can stay free from its toxic influence. And not just that, you’ll be on your way to living an empowered and healthy sexual life you can be proud of.

The only question is: are you willing to do the hard work necessary to know the signs, get free…and stay free?

3 KEYS TO BREAKING PORN’S POWER You ready? Here we go…

1. Cut out harmful social media and pornified media.

For many of you, it’s time to take the 21-Day Unplugged Challenge. This is when you grab a few friends or family members, and together, you cut out all social media for 21 days (if you’re SUPER SERIOUS, you may want to include entertainment screens as well, like video games, TV, and streaming movies and sites like YouTube).

We do this as a family twice a year, and it’s amazing how it detoxes your heart and rewires your mind (…BTW, if you’re thinking right now, “I could never do this!” then chances are you NEED to do this.)

Another thing you may need to do is delete social media apps that feed your insecurities, encourage you to compare yourself with others, and are filled with pornified culture (and have hooks leading into hardcore porn itself, which every social media app has).

EMPOWERED: BUILD A LIFE BEYOND PORNIFIED CULTURE

by Dean Kaneshiro

Porn is absolutely destroying the lives of young people in your generation.

And the scariest part? No one wants to talk about it.

In fact, hardcore pornography itself is not just a fastgrowing addiction for kids today, but it is silently doing something equally destructive all around them as well: it is creating a pornified culture.

Pornified culture is a term I first heard from Dr. Gail Dines, who uses it to describe how violent, objectifying, womenhating porn is slowly influencing every part of our culture… without us even recognizing it.

Think about the posters, ads, and magazine covers you see in shops and the mall. Or YouTube music videos from pop stars and hip-hop artists. Or the hyper-sexualized vids on your friends’ Insta, TikTok, or Snapchat. Or the normal, everyday occurrence of a young woman sexting a guy after he hits her up: “Send nudes.”

Delete them? Are you crazy?

Well, maybe not.

I’ve got a friend in his twenties who gave up his iPhone and switched it out for a flip phone for months... hold up, did you catch that? He switched it out for a FLIP PHONE FOR MONTHS until he could detox his mind and flush out his heart. He had to GO BIG because he was losing his soul.

In other words, he was truly loving himself.

If you know—and you already do as you’re reading this— that there are social media apps, TV shows, or streaming services you’re connected to that are dragging you down a dangerous path, you’ve got to cut that stuff out today. Your soul is too valuable.

Here’s the trick: don’t play with fire…don’t fool around with your heart. If you truly love and respect yourself, GO BIG and fight for a healthy future.

There is a strong cultural pressure on young people to sexualize themselves—to act, dress, or present themselves in a sexy way—for the pleasure and acceptance of the culture around them.

2. Capture a vision for an awesome sexual relationship in a committed relationship, including marriage. Did you know that, overall, married people have the BEST sex?

Oh, stop it, that’s not how the movies and porn make it look.

Right? Movies, TV shows, and porn always make it seem like hookups are hot but married people are boring and stingy. And yet study after study—including a recent one from Arizona State and Illinois State Universities—reveal that it’s true: in general, married couples have the best, most satisfying sex lives!

One reason for that is that sex is not just physical (as our

Instead of understanding their true value, teens are being fooled into thinking their worth is tied to how sexually attractive people find them—without realizing they are opening the door for others to treat them as objects.

It’s not just limited to porn, as awful and dehumanizing as that is. It is creeping into every aspect of our culture. And here’s where it gets super scary: It is grooming young people to be taken advantage of, abused, or even trafficked for sex.

And yes, I mean you, too.

If you can break the lie “this will never happen to me” and

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pornified culture makes us believe). It involves our emotions and engages all of who we are, including the bonding chemicals in our brain that deeply connect us to the person we have sex with. And when sex happens outside of a deeply committed relationship, there is a continuous breaking of that powerful brain/body chemical bond, which often leads to brokenness, fear, disappointment, and confusion.

You are more than your body.

So when you have a YES—a powerful vision—for something amazing and beautiful, it’s easier to say NO to the things that come your way to destroy it. I propose saying YES to sex in the context of a committed relationship—and also a powerful NO to treating people like objects and to pornified culture in all its forms.

LIVE FOR LOVE

.

Dean Kaneshiro (Insta: @deankaneshiro) is a certified Building Family Connections instructor through the Medical Institute for Sexual Health and has been equipping parents and youth in practical tools for healthy living in marriage, parenting, dating, technology, and sexuality for over 15 years.

Imagine life as an adult—an empowered person who knows who they are and is free from porn.

It’s time to fight for a reality where you are deeply aware of your value, and you are free from the slavery and traps set by pornography. THAT is a sexually satisfying vision for your future.

Get educated about the harms and pitfalls of porn and how predators manipulate young people—just like you—to trap them into paying cash so they won’t share their nudes. Take action on setting yourself free, whatever it takes.

You can do it. Your soul is worth it.

3 Build your value and identity on the reality that you are a human who deserves to be loved.

This might be hard for you. In fact, it’s hard for us all.

Pornified culture teaches that our value comes from how hot we are…how much others look at us, comment about us, and want to hook up with us. And we can translate that attention into the fact that we now have VALUE. And it feels good.

So, we pornify ourselves to get more attention.

See how the trap works?

We’ve got to replace sexual attention from other people with self-love and self-acceptance. It looks like this: “I am a human; therefore, I have value.” Not like this: “I am sexy; therefore, people check me out. Therefore, I have value.”

In a pornified culture, this is hard, daily work that takes place in our minds and hearts. But it’s critical.

So do the hard work to build your value and identity on the right thing—your humanity. To the degree you do this, this is the degree you’ll be free from pornified culture, sexting, hardcore porn addictions, and hookups that will poison your soul.

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Journal What are some new insights gained about pornography from this chapter?

Mindful Lettering: Trace the lettering. It does not have to be perfect. You may rewrite the phrase a number of times on the page. Enjoy the process of mindful lettering.

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Chapter 1: Pornography Activity

Walk it out.

• • • •

Resisting Objectification: Choosing Courage My 46-Year Journey Into the Light Overcoming Challenges with Strategy Empowered: Build a Life Beyond Pornified Culture

Choose one or more action steps:

1.

3.

Do a research project on the harmful effects of pornography, such as its effects on the adolescent brain. Read some research articles, for example, from the website fightthenewdrug.org. Share your findings with others.

Keeping your mind filled with positive messages can help you stay away from porn. Find a podcast that motivates you, teaches you something new, and pushes you to become your best self.

2.

If you and your friends are serious about breaking free and/or staying free from porn, think about starting an accountability group. It’s a space where you can keep it real, support each other, and stay on track toward living with sexual integrity. Work on a creative plan together on how to support each other daily and weekly.

The struggle is real, and so is hope.

Text 494949 to chat now | FREE Mental Health Chat Center | 24/7 for those over 13 years old.

1-888-373-7888 | Toll-Free Hotline | 24/7 | Confidential | Get Help. Report Trafficking.

27

Healing trauma takes time, but every step forward is proof of your strength.

Every hard chapter can lead to a stronger, braver version of you.

Chapter 02

Pornography Overcoming Trauma Sexual Violence Sex Trafficking Rising Strong

Overcoming Trauma

Let’s be real—life can hit hard sometimes. Maybe you’ve been through moments you’d rather forget, or you’ve experienced hurt that left deep scars. Trauma is the pain caused by those experiences, and if it’s not dealt with, it can weigh you down. You might try to ignore it or push it aside, but unhealed trauma has a way of showing up in your life, making it harder to trust others, handle emotions, or see your value. Worse, it can leave you vulnerable to people who want to take advantage of your pain.

Here’s the good news: healing is possible. You don’t have to carry that weight forever. In this chapter, we’ll unpack how trauma affects you —and, most importantly, how to begin

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healing from it. The process might not be easy, but it’s worth it.

You were created to live free and whole, not stuck in past pain.

Healing allows you to rebuild trust, gain strength, and step into the greater purpose of your life. No matter what you’ve been through, there’s hope, and your story isn’t over.

And you can be a great source of comfort, healing, and encouragement to those around you who are hurting. You will also learn how to strengthen others in this chapter.

UNDERSTANDING TRAUMA: NAVIGATING THE JOURNEY TOWARD HEALING

by Melody Stone

Imagine walking through a jungle and suddenly encountering a tiger. With your heart racing and adrenaline rushing through your body, a normal survival response would be to run away, attempt to defend yourself by fighting off the tiger, or freeze, maybe playing dead.

This fight, flight, or freeze response is a survival mechanism operating within the sympathetic nervous system. It is like stepping on the gas pedal of a car to escape a dangerous or frightening situation. The cerebral cortex, the reasoning part of your brain, goes offline when trauma occurs.

Then the limbic system releases chemicals triggering shock, confusion, and panic. This overwhelming experience is like throwing a lot of papers into the air on a windy day and then struggling to collect them.

What is trauma? Trauma is an emotional scar that results in deep pain, shame, or guilt from witnessing or being the victim of violence or a terrible event. Common experiences that may result in a person being diagnosed with Posttraumatic stress Disorder include: • A car accident • Being bullied • Being abandoned • Experiencing sexual, verbal, or rejected or physical abuse • The death of a loved one PTSD affects our ability to think clearly, make decisions, process information, trust ourselves or others, heal from painful experiences, and function in our daily lives.

Common responses from trauma include having flashbacks, nightmares, difficulty concentrating or sleeping, disconnecting from reality, becoming over-reactive, or panic attacks.

Depression, anxiety, and stress also mimic some symptoms of PTSD; however, PTSD affects the body in more intense ways.

Since we cannot think our way out of trauma, we can use techniques that help our body slow down and regain control.

• An effective way to calm the nervous system is to breathe deeply and slowly 5-6 times.

• You may count things in a room, like all the brown books on a shelf or the leaves on a plant.

• “Creature comforts,” including a warm drink, a snack, or a soft blanket, help a person become grounded and safe in the present moment.

• Think about things you are grateful for. Developing a thankful attitude releases powerful endorphins (positive brain chemicals)

Another powerful way to calm ourselves is to imagine taking a trip to a real or imagined safe place like a warm sandy beach or your favorite room. Close your eyes and take a few minutes to imagine a happy, peaceful place. Notice details about this place, like the temperature, colors, and sounds. You may notice someone is there with you, like a friend or family member. Are they saying or doing anything? Then, open your eyes and recall what you just experienced, including your strongest feelings.

Often, people notice they have a sense of deep peace and security. As your brain returns online, your body relaxes, and you can think more clearly. Envisioning a safe place can be helpful in releasing stress when you are anxious.

Recovering from trauma often requires professional help from a trained therapist as well as support groups and friends. The best ways they can be helpful are to listen, be patient, and be encouraging. Their love and support can bring strength and healing.

Trauma is not something we just “get over.” Be patient with yourself. It often takes months or even years to heal, especially if these events happened repeatedly over a long period of time when we were young..

Pursue your healing! It is a journey, and it takes courage to push forward. You are an overcomer, brave and bold one!

Gradually, your hope can be restored as you realize that healing is possible. Your story of perseverance may someday help others to heal.

“Trauma creates change you don’t choose. Healing is about creating change you do choose.”

Michelle Rosenthal “Instead of saying ‘I’m damaged, I’m broken, I have trust issues,’ say ‘I’m healing, I’m rediscovering myself, I’m starting over.” – Horacio Jones Melody Stone, M.A.Ed., Counseling, LMHC, Certified Trauma trained therapist | Ambassador and professional trainer with Shared Hope International | Founder, “Hawai’i Island Safe Net,” A volunteer network providing support and services for at-risk youth and survivors of human trafficking | Founder, Hawai’i Island Coalition Against Human Trafficking.

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TAKING FLIGHT: Settling In and Lifting Off An image of the healing process to freedom and wholeness.

by Amy Yu

Painting by Amy Yu

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ADVERSE CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES AND THE POWER OF HOPE

by Dawn O’Brien

• Witnessing domestic violence. (Did you often witness a close family member being treated with physical violence or threatened with a weapon?)

• Separation/divorce of parents (Did your parents ever get separated or divorced?)

• Incarcerated (Did a household member ever go to prison?)

We are all just children trying to find ‘home.’ I was nine when my parents got divorced. Done were the years of fights, cold shoulders, unspoken words, and the YELLING! You’d think it would have gotten better, but it was like jumping from a hot sidewalk into lava.

My mom had custody of me and my three little sisters.

When we got to the airport, she said goodbye. She had a oneway ticket to California; we were headed to live with her family in a poor country. We soon found ourselves in dark places— hungry, abandoned, bullied, and abused, even sexually.

And so alone. There was no help or hope, just bad and worse.

Having ONE is damaging to a child; a high score is four or more. How many do you have?

Being mindful of this may help you to seek healing and resolve root issues in a winning way to possibly avoid health issues later in life.

I have nine of the 10, so I joke that I’m a poster child for ACEs. I “aced” the ACEs test, LOL! What’s not funny is the bad choices I made and the dark places I ended up in. Like jail. Or my darkest and loneliest place: contemplating suicide.

DARK PLACES Many of us experience various types of trauma growing up. Trauma is just a word for intense bad things that happen to good kids and can cause them to make bad choices, like self-harm and suicide, smoking, drinking, drugging, etc. Toxic stress from these traumas can damage brain development (yikes!) and is linked to mental illness and chronic health problems later in life.

The CDC (Center for Disease Control) - Kaiser Permanente Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study is one of the largest research studies that investigated the connection between childhood traumas and later-life health and wellbeing. This study focused on ten common traumas, naming them Adverse Childhood Experiences, known as ACEs.

SUNNY SIDE UP! When I turned 14, I was over being a throwaway kid in a dumpster world. I planned my suicide for a Sunday afternoon. I walked into a church and heard a hope-filled message. My life flipped from death and darkness to life and light. It’s a roller coaster ride as I’m still working it out...but OH, THE RIDE! Friend, you’re reading this for a reason: you need to know you are valuable beyond the mess and darkness. You DO have a future and hope, and there IS HELP!

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Your future is worth fighting for, so keep pushing forward through the challenges.

Find a trusted teacher, family member, or school counselor and get help! There are people in your community who care and want to help and support you!

Have you experienced any of the following 10 ACEs? (experienced before a person turns 18 years old) • Physical Abuse (Were you often slapped, shoved, grabbed, or ever hit so hard that it left marks or injured you?)

• Emotional abuse (Were you often sworn at, put down, humiliated, or made to feel afraid of being physically hurt?)

• Sexual Abuse (Did an adult or person at least five years older than you ever touch your body in a sexual way?)

• Physical Neglect (Did you often not have enough to eat, have to wear dirty clothes, have no protection, or were you not given medical attention when you needed it?)

• Psychological neglect (Did you often feel that nobody in your family loved you or thought you were special, or your family members did not feel close or did not support each other?)

• Addiction (Was anyone in your household a problem drinker, an alcoholic, or addicted to street drugs?)

• Mental illness (Did a household member suffer from depression, mental illness, or attempt suicide?)

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.

These persons have an appreciation, sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep, loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

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Mindful Lettering: Trace the lettering. It does not have to be perfect. You may rewrite the phrase a number of times on the page. Enjoy the process of mindful lettering.

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DEALING WITH SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

Social media can be fun, taking selfies, making videos, and sharing them with your friends and beyond. The world comes crashing down, though, when embarrassing videos of you are shown without your permission and when other teens trash you online. A roller coaster online, with no privacy and no safety!

You may be at a place where you are dating someone or want to date. This experience can lead to feelings of joy in a happy relationship or feelings of despair when you feel rejected or if your relationship crashes. A roller coaster in loving and feeling loved!

Parents may have set boundaries that are stricter than those of your friends, or your parents may not even show concern or express love to you. Your parents may be abusive to you or each other, making it hard to focus at home or even to feel safe. The struggles with your parents may become so hard that you think about running away from home or actually do it. A roller coaster in your family!

A roller coaster has peaks of thrill and joy, but coming down can be very scary.

It is common at the bottom of the roller coaster of life that many teens think about suicide. The pain feels too great, and they just want to end that pain. Suicide is final; no coming back. If you are struggling with any of the pains listed in this article, talk to an adult you trust, such as a parent, teacher, school counselor, or youth pastor. There is hope for the future.

You will not always feel the way you do now. The person that you save from suicide could be yourself.

by Dr. George F. Rhoades, Jr., PH.D., Licensed Psychologist

“Should I keep the secret that my friend wants to commit suicide?”

This was a question asked of me by an 8th grader at a middle school. The student felt trapped, as he was made to promise not to tell. I asked him how he would feel if the friend did kill himself and he had kept the secret. He said he would feel terrible! I said yes, asking your friend to go with you to a responsible adult and share his struggles is better. If your friend says no, you should go to the responsible adult yourself to share your concerns. You may lose a friend, but that friend would still be alive!

For many reasons, being a teenager in this current world is a difficult struggle. You may struggle with your body image, feeling like you don’t measure up to your friends, whether it’s about your weight, height, strength, or coordination in sports.

You may have been failing in school and are embarrassed to tell your parents you have not met their expectations. Almost no one feels good enough in their teenage years. A roller coaster of emotions!

Friends are important to you, but you may not feel you fit in. It is so hurtful if your friends don’t want to spend time with you or if they make other friendships and exclude you.

Other people may put you down, bully you, or talk about you behind your back to make themselves feel better. You may be approached to join a gang, but this requires you to do things that don’t match your values, i.e., drug use or stealing. A roller coaster in feeling accepted!

Dr. George Rhoades, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist specializing in sexual trafficking, trauma and dissociative disorders, anger and stress management, and abuse. He is an international author and speaker, and formerly served as Chair of Psychology and Counseling and a full professor of psychology at the International College and Graduate School. He is also the founder and director of the Ola Hou Clinic.

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Don’t Give Up! FIVE SIGNS SOMEONE MAY BE SERIOUS ABOUT SUICIDE After going through something traumatic—like losing an important relationship, being a victim of abuse, or even witnessing something distressing—it’s easy to feel hopeless. That kind of pain can be overwhelming and even make you think about giving up on life completely.

Here are 5 signs that someone might be serious about committing suicide: 1. Talking about wanting to die or end their life.

4. Major mood changes. This could be extreme sadness, This could be direct statements like, “I want to kill myself,” hopelessness, or even a sudden calmness after being or more subtle ones like, “I can’t do this anymore.” upset, which can be a sign they’ve made a decision.

2. Giving away personal items or saying goodbye 5. Risky behavior or self-harm. They might take They may start giving away things they care about or dangerous risks, abuse substances, or engage in selfacting like they’re saying final goodbyes. harm as a cry for help.

3. Withdrawing from friends and activities.

If you notice these signs in a friend, don’t ignore them. Ask They isolate themselves, stop hanging out, and lose them how they’re feeling, show you care, and tell a trusted interest in things they used to enjoy. adult immediately. You could help save a life.

FIVE TIPS TO HELP A SUICIDAL FRIEND Here are 5 tips for what to say to a friend who’s thinking about suicide: 1. “I’m here for you. You are not alone, and I won’t leave you to handle this by yourself.” Stay committed to supporting them. Let them know they’re not alone and that you’re ready to listen without judgment.

2. “You are not a burden. Your life matters more than you realize.” Remind them that they are loved and valuable.

3. “Let’s talk to someone who can help us get through this because your life is worth fighting for.” Encourage them to reach out to a trusted adult, counselor, or pastor.

Offer to go with them if they’re scared.

4. “Let’s take this one day—one step—at a time.” Help them focus on getting through the present without feeling overwhelmed.

5. “I believe in you and your strength to get through this.”

Build up their confidence when they feel weak.

IF YOU EVER STRUGGLE WITH SUICIDAL THOUGHTS...

Here are 10 things YOU can do if you are struggling with thoughts of suicide: 1. Talk to someone you trust. Reach out to a parent, teacher, pastor, or counselor. You don’t have to face this alone.

2. Text or call a suicide hotline. You’ll get support from someone who understands and is ready to help.

3. Write down your feelings. Journaling can help you process emotions and make sense of your thoughts.

4. Stay around supportive people. Surround yourself with friends and family who uplift and encourage you.

5. Focus on one day at a time. Don’t get overwhelmed by the future. Just concentrate on getting through today.

6. Create a list of things you’re grateful for. Shifting your focus can help break negative thought patterns.

7. Take care of your body. Sleep, exercise, and eat well; physical health plays a big role in mental health.

8. Limit social media. Too much screen time can make things worse. Take a break and focus on real-life connections.

9. Find a creative outlet. Draw, make music, play sports—doing something you love can help release your emotions in a healthy way.

10. Remember, this is not the end. Your life has purpose, and even though it’s hard right now, brighter days are ahead. Keep fighting.

988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline • 24/7 Your conversation will be confidential.

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HOW TO SUPPORT OTHERS WHO HAVE FACED TRAUMA

by Chris Yanuaria

If they mention they want to do something reckless, dangerous, or harmful to themselves or others, don’t stay silent. Gently speak up, encourage them to make safer choices, and help them get support from a trusted adult if needed.

If the situation is serious enough to report to the police or seek medical attention, you can offer to go with them. You can share suggestions like speaking with a counselor, but let the person make the final decision. Try saying:

If you have never experienced trauma yourself, you may not be able to fully understand what someone who has experienced trauma is going through. You may find it difficult to know what to say or how best to offer support. You cannot take away someone’s traumatic experience, but you can play a crucial role in their healing process.

If your family or friend shares a traumatic experience with you, here are some tips:

• “I care about you. Know that I’m here to support you in any way I can.”

• “You are not alone in this. How can I help?”

LISTEN It takes a tremendous amount of courage for that person to share their story. It's important to provide a supportive, non-judgmental environment where they can be heard. If someone has not shared their story with you yet, let them know you are available whenever they are ready to talk. Don’t pressure the person to tell their story or try to change the subject to something lighter. Just listen. If someone opens up to you, they trust you and need someone to talk to. Try using statements like: • “Thank you for sharing your story with me.”

• “It took a lot of courage to tell me about this.”

• “I’m sorry this happened to you.”

BELIEVE AND REASSURE Sometimes, a person who experienced trauma may fear you will not believe them—or worse, fear they will be blamed.

Avoid questions that sound like you don’t believe their story.

Oftentimes, survivors of trauma will blame themselves for what happened. Reassure them that they have nothing to be ashamed of.

The following responses can be helpful and healing to a person sharing their story:

EDUCATE YOURSELF AND OFFER RESOURCES

• “I believe you.”

• “This is not your fault.”

• “You didn’t do anything to deserve this.”

Learn more about the issue and the struggles a person is going through. If a loved one is in immediate danger or has a serious physical injury as a result of a traumatic event, call 9-1-1 and seek medical attention. You can make a big difference by being loving, compassionate, and empathetic!

LET THEM TAKE THE LEAD WHEN THEY BEGIN TO SHARE VULNERABLY When a friend opens up to you about something personal, it’s natural to want to fix it right away. But sometimes, the best thing you can do is just listen. Let them feel heard and cared for before rushing to give advice.

Friendship means standing up for the good in someone else. When you talk to your friend with honesty, care, and concern, you're not just saying you care—you’re showing it.

Real friendship isn’t just about fun times; it’s about looking out for each other and having the courage to speak up because their heart matters to you.

Chris Yanuaria holds an MSW and has facilitated violence prevention workshops and trainings for students, faculty, and staff at the University of Hawaii at Mānoa for many years. He has also dedicated significant time to addressing the issue of human trafficking locally, nationally, and internationally.

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Kintsugi is a Japanese art where broken pottery is repaired with gold, making the cracks part of the design—not something to hide, but something that adds beauty and value. Just like that pottery, you may have been broken by pain, trauma, or mistakes.

As you heal, the parts of you that were once shattered can shine with strength and purpose. Your story isn’t ruined—it’s being remade into something even more beautiful.

You’re being rebuilt with gold that tells the world you are an overcomer.

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Journal

What are some new insights gained about trauma from this chapter?

Journal about a very difficult or traumatic experience you had. What insights have you gained from your experience?

Creative Expression: Sketch what HOPE looks like to you.

“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.’’ - Desmond Tutu

mindful doodling 38

Chapter 2: Overcoming Trauma Activity

Walk it out.

• Understanding Trauma: Navigating The Journey Toward Healing • Adverse Childhood Experiences and the Power of Hope • Dealing with Suicidal Thoughts • How To Support A Others Who Have Faced Trauma Choose one or more action steps:

1.

2.

If you know of someone who is going through a difficult time overcoming a somewhat traumatic experience, do at least one of the following 10 supportive actions or think of a different act of kindness you can do to encourage them. Check the action item(s) you will do this week: F

Send a thoughtful text or handwritten note.

Let them know that they matter.

F

Invite them to hang out. Play video games or go for a walk—just be present.

F

Surprise them with their favorite snack or treat.

F

Offer to help with something. Homework, chores, or a task they’ve been putting off—it’ll ease their stress.

F

Share a funny video or story. Laughter is powerful and can lift their spirits.

F

Plan a movie or game night – Create a positive experience.

F

Create a playlist of encouraging songs.

Music can be a great comfort and mood booster.

F

Invite them to do something active. Go shoot hoops, ride bikes, or take a walk outside. Movement can help clear the mind.

F

Remind them of their strengths. Build them up by pointing out what makes them special and capable.

F

Just listen. Sometimes, the best gift is your time and attention without trying to fix everything.

F

Other:

Practice being a safe place for others. Memorize empathetic statements you can say and think of compassionate actions you can do to be a safe place for someone who shares with you about their trauma.

Review the article Be a Safe Place and practice being a safe place for others whenever they share vulnerably about something painful.

3.

Research has shown that physical activity can decrease depression and help in the healing process of overcoming emotional trauma. If you are feeling depressed, commit to a plan of exercise or some kind of physical activity (if you don’t already regularly exercise) beginning this week! If you know of someone who is depressed, reach out to them and invite them to take a walk, hike, or play a physical game with you this week..

4.

If you are in the process of emotional healing, do some research and make a list of quotes that encourage hope and strength. Memorize your favorite quotes or read them regularly.

The struggle is real, and so is hope.

Text 494949 to chat now | FREE Mental Health Chat Center | 24/7 for those over 13 years old.

1-888-373-7888 | Toll-Free Hotline | 24/7 | Confidential | Get Help. Report Trafficking.

39

“I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it.”

MAYA ANGELOU

Chapter 03

Pornography Overcoming Trauma Sexual Violence Sex Trafficking Rising Strong

Sexual Violence

Sexual abuse or sexual violence is often a difficult and uncomfortable topic to talk about, but it’s one that every teen needs to understand. Whether it’s something you’ve personally experienced or something that’s happened to someone you know, it’s important to know what it is and how to help yourself and others. Sexual violence happens when someone crosses physical or emotional boundaries without consent, leaving deep wounds that can affect your mind, emotions, relationships, and how you see yourself. Often, survivors feel trapped in silence because of feelings of great shame, fear, or confusion, but staying silent can make the hurt even worse.

Understanding what sexual violence is can help protect you and others. When you’re informed, you can protect yourself and be a safe person for others who might be struggling. If you have experienced this trauma, it is never your fault. No one should have to go through this alone, and there is help and support available.

In this chapter, we’ll break down what sexual violence is and how to start the healing process if you or someone you know has experienced it. You will also hear a vulnerable story from someone who has a passion for empowering youth through his painful yet hope-filled story. Remember, no matter what a person has gone through, freedom and healing are possible!

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STAY SAFE: PROTECT YOURSELF FROM SEXUAL VIOLENCE AND EXPLOITATION

by Phyllis Unebasami

As a mother of grown children, I often wish I had shared this information with them while they were teenagers, so they knew they were worthy of dignity and could confidently advocate for themselves in tough situations. You deserve to be treated with dignity and feel confident in making safe choices, especially during challenging moments.

Sexual violence and exploitation are serious issues, and it’s important for everyone, regardless of gender, to understand how to protect themselves and support others. These topics are crucial for making healthy decisions and staying safe.

In this article, we'll explore information about sexual violence, exploitation, and how you can set healthy boundaries for yourself. We will also provide resources that can offer support if you or a friend ever finds themselves in difficult situations. It's about empowering you to feel confident, respected, and safe. You deserve to feel strong and secure in who you are, and I’m here to help guide you through that.

Sexual violence refers to any sexual activity that happens without consent, meaning it’s forced, coerced, or manipulated. This includes actions like rape, sexual assault, harassment including verbal or physical sexual taunting or comments, and unwanted physical touching.

Verbal and physical sexual taunting make someone feel uncomfortable and disrespected. Verbal taunting includes making inappropriate comments about someone’s body or sexuality, making suggestive jokes, or asking personal questions about their sex life. Physical taunting involves unwanted touches, like pinching, grabbing, or making sexual gestures. These actions are never okay and are considered harassment.

Sexual exploitation is when someone takes advantage of you for their

own sexual or financial gain. This could be online grooming, where someone builds trust with you to manipulate you, or sextortion, which is when someone pressures or blackmails you into sending explicit photos or videos.

WARNING SIGNS Beyond this article’s topic, consent extends universally to all aspects of life, including friendships, work, and personal interactions. It means saying “yes” because you truly want to, not because you feel pressured or obligated. Consent should always be clear, enthusiastic, and ongoing. Just because someone says “yes” once doesn’t mean it’s automatically “yes” again. It’s important to check in and make sure everyone is still comfortable at every step.

Grooming and coercion often go hand-in-hand, and it’s important to understand how they work together.

Grooming is when someone gradually builds trust with you, often by giving you gifts, compliments, or attention to make you feel special or important.

This can happen both online and in person, and might feel flattering at first.

However, as trust is built, they might start pressuring you to keep secrets or share private information, pushing boundaries little by little.

Coercion is when that trust and manipulation turn into pressure to do something you don’t want to do. This can include threats, guilt, or emotional manipulation, like saying, “If you really cared about me, you’d do this,” or “You’ll regret it if you don’t.” The person might make you feel like you have no choice but to agree, but that’s not love or respect. Both grooming and coercion are forms of manipulation, and they’re never okay. Always trust your instincts and speak up if something feels off.

Romantic relationships can sometimes bring about a lot of pressure, whether it’s pressure to go further physically or pressure to do things

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you’re not comfortable with. Peer pressure can come from your friends, a romantic partner, or even social media, and it can feel like there’s no way out of saying yes.

• Romantic Ultimatums are often used to manipulate or control someone in a relationship. For example, your partner might say things like, “If you really loved me, you’d do this” or “If you don’t do this, we’re done.” These statements can put you in a position where you feel like you have no choice but to give in.

This is NOT love, it’s manipulation.

• Power Imbalance: In any relationship, both people should be equals. If one person is making all the decisions or controlling the other person’s behavior, it’s an unhealthy relationship. The power balance should be equal, where both people can express themselves freely without fear of guilt, manipulation, or pressure.

PROTECTIVE FACTORS TO KEEP YOURSELF SAFE Your boundaries are like your personal “no-go zones.” They’re the limits you set for yourself in relationships, whether physical, emotional, or digital. Knowing your boundaries means you’ll be more prepared to recognize when something isn’t right.

If someone crosses a boundary, whether it’s touching you without permission or saying something inappropriate, speak up. Don’t be afraid to set limits, and know that it’s always okay to walk away from a situation that feels wrong.

Healthy boundaries are about respect. You have the right to say no at any time, and it’s important that others respect your personal space, both physically and emotionally.

Communication is key: let others know what’s acceptable and what’s not.

ONLINE SAFETY: PROTECTING YOURSELF FROM DIGITAL EXPLOITATION Because many of you are technologically savvy and connected, the internet is a place to communicate, but it can also be a place where predators lurk. Be mindful about what you share online. Personal details, locations, and photos can be misused.

Always adjust your privacy settings and avoid oversharing.

Sextortion is when someone pressures you to send explicit photos or videos, often using threats to manipulate you. Grooming is when someone builds a relationship with you, online or offline, with the intention of exploiting you later. If someone asks you for intimate photos or makes you feel uncomfortable, BLOCK THEM immediately and REPORT THEM to a trusted adult, the platform you’re using, or organizations like CyberTipline (1-800-843-5678) or local authorities.

Remember: sending intimate photos is a big decision that can have lasting consequences. If someone asks you for photos or videos, say no. If they pressure you, block them, report them, and talk to a trusted adult.

WHAT TO DO IF YOU OR A FRIEND IS A VICTIM If you or a friend is experiencing sexual violence or exploitation, seek help.

You can talk to a trusted adult like a parent, teacher, or school counselor. If you're unsure who to turn to, there are confidential helplines available that can offer guidance and support. One such resource is the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network). You can reach them by calling 1-800-656HOPE (4673) or visiting their online chat service at rainn.org. This service is free, confidential, and available 24/7.

If you witness someone being manipulated or harmed, don't ignore it. If it's safe, step in to offer support or reach out to a trusted adult for help. We all have a responsibility to look out for each other. I’m proud of my daughter

for stepping up when she saw a friend in need. While I was concerned for her safety, I also knew that if she were ever victimized, I would want a friend like her by her side in her time of need.

CREATING A CULTURE OF RESPECT Respect in friendships, romantic relationships, and interactions with others is key. It’s about treating each other with dignity, acknowledging boundaries, and supporting each other in healthy ways. Let’s make it nonnegotiable and insist that everyone is treated with kindness and respect.

Knowing your boundaries, recognizing red flags, and understanding consent are all critical to staying safe.

Remember: you have the power to set limits and make decisions that protect your well-being and the well-being of those around you. No one should ever pressure or force you into something that feels wrong. Let people know when something makes you uncomfortable.

It’s your right to say no and to expect that others respect your decisions.

RULES OF THUMB TO STAY SAFE AND BE CAUTIOUS • If you wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing it with your family, it might be a sign to step back. While you might not tell your family everything, think about how they would react to a situation or conversation; it might give you a clue that it’s time to reconsider what’s going on.

• Trust your gut feelings. If something feels off, it probably is.

Never ignore that nagging feeling that tells you something isn’t right.

You don’t have to know all the details to know when to walk away or ask for help.

• If someone is pressuring you, it’s a red flag. Real love or friendship doesn’t involve pressuring you into doing things you’re not ready for or don’t want to do. If they’re giving you ultimatums or trying to manipulate you into something, that’s a huge sign to back off.

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RESOURCES AND SUPPORT If you ever need help, there are many organizations dedicated to helping people who have experienced sexual violence and exploitation, or need information. These organizations provide resources, support, and counseling for you.

National and Global Organizations: • RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): The largest antisexual violence organization in the U.S. provides support and resources for survivors. rainn.org • National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC): Provides information, resources, and training to prevent and respond to sexual violence. nsvrc.org • Childhelp: A national organization focused on preventing and treating child abuse, including sexual exploitation. Childhelp.org Remember, you deserve to be respected, and you have the power to protect yourself and others. Stay informed, set your boundaries, and always speak up when something doesn’t feel right. Stay safe because you matter.

CONSENT: WHAT IT IS, WHY IT MATTERS, AND HOW TO SPEAK UP

Respect must also be given for a change of mind. Consent can be taken back at any time. If someone says “yes” at first but later feels unsure or uncomfortable, they have every right to say “stop.” And that needs to be respected immediately.

• “Thanks for telling me. We can totally stop.”

• “No problem—your comfort matters more than anything.”

• “I’m really glad you said something. I want to respect your boundaries.”

by Michele Okimura

Let’s talk about something that affects everyone—consent.

Maybe you’ve heard the word in health class or online, but what does it actually mean? Why is it such a big deal?

Here’s the short version: Consent means giving permission for something to happen, and meaning it. It has to be freely given, clearly communicated, and respected every single time.

These examples show that consent is ongoing, respectful, and open to change. It’s not just about asking once—it’s about continuing to check in, listen, and care.

No Means No. But sometimes, a person doesn’t—or can’t—say “no” out loud due to fear or anxiety. That might look like freezing up or going silent. It could also look like avoiding eye contact and looking scared or uncomfortable. A person might also try to pull away.

If it’s not a clear “yes,” it’s a no.

Consent doesn’t count and is not real if someone is pressured, manipulated, threatened, drunk or high, asleep, or unconscious. Consent is also not valid if the person being pressured is underage (the legal age of consent varies by state).

It is also inappropriate and out of bounds for a teacher, coach, pastor, boss, or youth leader to have a romantic relationship with a youth in their care.

In the previous article, sexual violence was defined as any kind of unwanted sexual behavior—touching, comments, pictures, or pressure—that someone forces on you or does without your full, willing consent.

In the U.S., the legal age to agree to sexual activity depends on the state. It’s usually between 16 and 18 years old.

These laws are there to protect young people from being taken advantage of and to make sure they’re mature enough to make that kind of decision.

It matters if someone crosses your boundaries in any way that feels wrong, scary, or uncomfortable. And it is not your fault. Ever.

To review, sexual violence can be done by strangers, friends, family members, dating partners, and by people in authority, such as coaches, teachers, or leaders.

No matter who is involved or how long it’s been going on, you are allowed to say something, and you deserve to be protected.

CONSENT IS MORE THAN JUST A “YES.” LET’S BREAK IT DOWN: Consent means someone agrees to something on purpose, with a clear head, no pressure, and total freedom to say “yes” or “no.” Consent is extremely important when it comes to relationships and sex. However, it shows up in lots of everyday ways too. For example, you need to give your consent if someone wants to borrow your hoodie. It is important to ask for consent to post a picture of someone, use someone’s phone, or go through someone’s belongings.

When it comes to sexual or intimate physical contact, consent becomes even more important—and the boundaries are even more serious.

HOW TO SPEAK UP AND GET HELP If someone has touched you in a way that felt wrong, pressured you into anything intimate, or violated your consent in any way, please know you are not alone. There is help. And you are so brave for speaking up!

You can ask for help from a trusted adult, your school counselor, or school nurse by saying something like, “I need to talk about something that happened and I don’t know what to do.”

There are also community resources, such as sexual assault centers or hotlines, which provide free, confidential help 24/7, all the time, anytime. Try searching on the internet for a local “teen crisis center” or “youth advocacy services.”

IN RELATIONSHIPS, CONSENT CAN SOUND LIKE: • “Do you feel comfortable if I hold your hand?”

• “Is this okay with you?” and “Is this still okay with you?”

• “Do you want to keep going or stop?”

• “It’s totally fine to say no.”

• “Let’s wait until we’re both comfortable.”

• “We can take our time—no pressure at all.”

• “If you’re not sure, let’s pause.”

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You are the gatekeeper of your life. Consent is the gate in your fence that helps to guard what is valuable. You decide who’s safe enough to let in. Love doesn't demand access, but instead respects and honors boundaries.

FINAL THOUGHTS

You deserve safety and respect. Whether it’s your body, your space, your stuff, or your feelings, you are allowed to set boundaries. You don’t owe anyone access to your body just because they like you, because they’re older, or because they’re in a position of power.

Consent isn’t just a one-time conversation—it’s a lifelong skill. It’s how we treat people with care, protect ourselves, and build healthy relationships. It’s about knowing your value, using your voice, and looking out for others, too.

Ask questions and speak up. Trust your gut. And remember: You are worth protecting. Your voice matters.

And you’re never alone.

Real respect always honors your “no.”

Real love waits for your “yes.”

Real friends ask, listen, and don’t cross your boundaries.

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WOUNDED BUT NOT SHATTERED

The unbearable pain in my heart soon turned to extreme hatred towards my abusers to the point where I would imagine all sorts of ways I would get my revenge on them. Although, by nature, I was a happy-go-lucky kind of kid, I became a bitter, angry child.

When I was 16, in a moment of frustration with my parents, I finally did it. I blurted out to them that I had been molested.

After this, with my parents’ help, I spent years going in and out of drug rehab programs, yet I always returned to drug use.

I was a drug addict, an alcoholic, a smoking addict, a sex addict, and a porn addict by the time I was an older teen.

Because I kept silent about my abuse, another struggle I had was questioning whether I was gay. Being abused by two men caused so much confusion within me. I later came to the conclusion I was not gay, but for years, I struggled with that question.

I never graduated high school, and my downward spiral through my twenties took a great toll on my life.

By age 29, I was still trying to fill the hole in my life with drugs, sex, and alcohol. I wanted to change, but I didn’t know how. Then, the best thing that could have ever happened to me happened. The Feds busted me for drug dealing.

I remember my first night in the lonely, dark jail cell like it was yesterday. I thought, “How did my life end up here?” I got on my knees. I had tried living life my way, and this was where I ended up! I decided at that moment to return to my faith for some hope and strength.

by James Webb

You have a voice and a story to tell. I have a voice and a story to tell.

I am passionate about reaching out to let you know that you are not alone. Whether you can identify with parts of my story or not, my hope is that you will be a witness to my miracle…and be changed.

I was born into a normal home. I had great, loving parents and a sister. My parents were lead pastors of a Christian church. My mom had always worried about the safety of my sister, believing that she would perhaps be more vulnerable to being victimized by sexual abuse because she was a girl.

Nobody could have predicted that I, a young boy, would become a victim of sexual abuse.

One day, when I was only four years old, I happened to be under the care of an 18-year-old young man, my parent’s friend’s son. We were walking along the beach when we came to a private area where nobody was around. It was then that he brutally sexually abused me. I didn’t know how to handle this trauma, so I kept silent.

About a year later, when I was about 5 years old, a male cousin of mine who was 16 years old began to regularly sexually molest me. This went on for three years. This older cousin was someone I looked up to as a cool hero because he had things I loved at the time, such as 4-wheelers, bows and arrows, and guns. However, my hero was also my abuser, which created a very strange dynamic between us. I was so confused.

Again, I kept silent. No one knew, not even my parents.

When I was eight years old, this cousin’s parents were going through a divorce, so to help out, my parents had this cousin come live with us. I didn’t know how to handle this new arrangement. It was at this time that I made a decision in my childlike mind that I would not trust my parents because they allowed this cousin to live with us, giving him access to molest me in my own home. I became disillusioned with life and my faith. To top it off, both of my abusers were sons of pastors.

I stuffed down all my feelings regarding my abuse, and I blocked the memories of abuse out of my mind completely in order to cope. Around this time, my grades in school started dropping.

When I was 12 or 13, I started to wake up every night crying, not knowing why I was crying. After a while, the memories of abuse started to flash in my mind, causing intense feelings of hurt, anger, confusion, embarrassment, and deep shame. I never wanted anyone to ever know such things happened to me!

I started acting out and began to steal and run away from home. I sought after anything that could help me numb the pain and anguish I was suffering from. I turned to alcohol and drugs. By the time I was 15, I was a meth addict. I caused my parents to suffer through so much heartache. They had no idea what was going on with me.

I experienced a miracle that night. You see, up to that day, I had been drinking at least a bottle of whiskey a day and had a $200 to $300 per day meth habit. Well, I had NO withdrawal symptoms whatsoever! I had been a meth addict since I was 15 years old, and I was completely freed and healed from my meth and alcohol addiction in my cell that night at age 29.

At the time of writing this article, I have been 23 years sober and free from my addictions.

From that jail cell moment, my healing began—out of the darkness into the fullness of light and purpose. The second half of my story continues in the following article.

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“You’re not a victim for sharing your story. You are a survivor setting the world on fire with your truth.

And you never know who needs your light, your warmth, and raging courage.” – Alex Elle

You will see how I began finding freedom from the bitterness and hatred I harbored against my abusers. Finding my value. Finding my purpose. Finding the dreams in my heart that mattered.

Finding Jami.

THE SUN DOES NOT ASK THE SPROUT FOR ITS HISTORY; IT ONLY INVITES IT TO RISE. KEEP STRETCHING.

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WOUNDED BUT NOT SHATTERED

I soon realized I had a heart of concern for youth, so I also began serving as a youth leader at my church.

In the coming years, I had children of my own. My wife had a great job, which enabled me to stay home and devote my time and energy to raising my young children while working as a valet at night.

Little did I know that my childhood dream, which I thought was dead, was about to come back to life.

As an older child, I loved the taste of coffee and dreamed of someday owning my own coffee shop. During this season of valet work, this dream began stirring in my heart and mind. I started to read books on how to roast your own coffee during the in-between periods of valeting cars. I became curious about how freshly roasted coffee tasted, so I purchased a roaster and began experimenting with roasting my own coffee. A passion for roasting coffee and opening my own coffee shop grew within me.

Once my children were old enough to enter preschool, I opened my first coffee shop, Ali’i Coffee, in 2018. At the time of writing this article in 2024, I have opened my fourth coffee shop!

In closing, I would like to share this encouragement. If you are being abused or have been abused, tell a trusted adult who can help you.

Lastly, know that the dreams in your heart matter. Rediscover and pursue positive dreams - maybe even those you had as a child. Your dreams may take on a different form, or maybe you will discover new dreams within you. In my WILDEST imagination, I could never have thought that I would be at the place I am now, living my dream, which I once thought was long gone and forgotten.

And…I did find Jami.

I was lost for a long, long time. But in the process of my healing, I found myself. I not only found my faith again, I discovered who I am. I am a person of great value with immense purpose and potential.

And so are you.

PART 2: FINDING JAMI

by James Webb

Forgiveness. As I began my healing journey from sexual abuse, I knew I had to begin the long, painful process of forgiving those who hurt and damaged me physically, emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually.

How could I forgive people I hated intensely?

My parents bailed me out of jail, giving me eight months of freedom before my official sentencing for my crime of selling drugs. During those eight months, to recover from my emotional pain, I attended a healing program called Cleansing Stream. People in that program showed great care for me.

There were healing moments I experienced when I released the deep pain within me through my tears and loud sobs. Forgiveness was a daily choice I had to make for almost a year, even in the midst of feeling extreme anger and bitterness. It took commitment and perseverance to keep choosing to forgive. Then, surprisingly, one day, I realized that forgiveness had gone from my head to my heart, and I felt absolutely no tormenting anger or hatred towards my abusers any longer! This was a miracle of the heart. I was free from bitterness, and I had great peace.

My sentencing day soon came. I was sentenced to over four years in prison. Interestingly, as I entered prison to serve my term, I had a huge smile on my face. I had never felt so free!

Due to forgiving my abusers, overcoming my addictions, and finding hope in my faith once again, I had such joy during my days in prison that other inmates had a hard time understanding why I was always happy. I had come so far from where I once was. I became so thankful and hopeful for my future.

I know this sounds a bit crazy, but even in prison, I was freer than I had ever been before.

I served my prison term, which ended up being less than my four-year sentence.

There was one desire that was foremost in my heart after my prison term. I wanted to share my story of abuse freely without shame because I knew there were other boys and men out there who had experienced sexual abuse. I did not want them to feel alone.

I believe that if I had heard the story of a guy who had experienced sexual abuse when I was a boy, I would have most likely mustered the courage to seek help for myself. That would have spared me over a decade of destructive living. I know that freedom and healing are possible, so I want to share this hope with you and your friends too.

Once out of jail, I worked as a roofer and volunteered at a community program, River of Life, that served the homeless community. It was there that I met my future wife who was also volunteering.

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ACTIVIT Y

Draw a large heart below and fill it with symbols, colors, or words that represent your thoughts and feelings right now after reading Finding Jami. You can use different sections for different thoughts and emotions.

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Be aware. Be safe.

Here are 10 practical things you can do to protect yourself from sexual violence:

1. STAY AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS

6. STAY CONNECTED WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY

• Pay attention to your environment, especially when meeting new people or in unfamiliar places.

Trust your gut—if something feels off, leave or ask for help. Be aware even during sleepovers.

2. SET STRONG PERSONAL BOUNDARIES

• Isolation makes it easier for predators to take advantage. Stay connected with a healthy support system.

7. BE CAUTIOUS ONLINE • Avoid sharing personal information with people you meet online. Be aware of online grooming and never agree to meet someone in person without a trusted adult knowing.

• Know your limits and what makes you uncomfortable. Be confident in saying “no” and recognize that no one has the right to cross those boundaries.

8. KNOW YOUR RIGHTS

• Know your value. You are worthy of honor and respect.

• Understand that your body is your own. No one has the right to touch you or make you feel uncomfortable, no matter their age or relationship to you.

3. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS • If something feels wrong or makes you uncomfortable, trust your gut and remove yourself from the situation or tell a trusted adult.

9. HAVE A SAFETY PLAN • Think ahead about what you’d do in uncomfortable or dangerous situations.

For example, know how to contact a safe adult or excuse yourself if needed.

4. IDENTIFY SAFE ADULTS • Have a list of trusted people you can go to for help, such as a parent, teacher, counselor, or mentor.

10. LEARN SELF-DEFENSE OR ASSERTIVENESS SKILLS

5. LEARN TO RECOGNIZE RED FLAGS

• Build confidence in how to stand up for yourself verbally and physically if needed.

Knowing how to say “no” assertively can make a difference.

• Pay attention to warning signs like manipulation, inappropriate comments, or someone trying to isolate you from friends and family. The enemy works through lies and confusion. If anyone pressures you to keep secrets or makes you feel uncomfortable, tell a trusted adult immediately.

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what happened. Sometimes, all I could get out was a few words or a sentence, but I needed to talk, and I wanted to find some answers: my voice was starting to form a story of understanding.

I learned that finding the vulnerability to be honest with myself and to ask for help from others isn’t a sign of weakness but rather a sign of strength and courage in my healing journey. It feels so good to be rescued from these chains and to move into freedom and joy. I am now connected to a healthier part of me, and I am willing to let people help me form a new story of hope.

HEALING HAPPENS IN RELATIONSHIPS Trying to heal on your own is tough because real healing often happens with the help of healthy, supportive relationships. It takes courage to open up and connect with others on a deeper level, and finding safe people who truly care, understand, and show love isn’t always easy. But having the right people around you matters. Sometimes, just doing fun things and spending time with others can be the first step toward feeling whole again.

STEPPING STONES: THE HEALING PROCESS

by Vicky Wong

Here are some helpful steps that open the door to your inner healing journey. They will encourage you if you have experienced sexual violence. Please know you can restore and rebuild, as what lives inside of you is one of beauty, compassion, courage, and joy! If you have not been sexually violated, knowing these steps will help you be a source of wisdom and encouragement for someone who has been abused.

FINDING SAFETY AND SUPPORT Everyone needs a safe place. It’s where you can be real and speak from the heart without fear of being judged or shut down. In that kind of space, people speak with kindness, listen with care, and don’t throw blame or harsh advice your way. A safe person is someone you can trust—someone who listens, encourages you, and lets you open up at your own pace. They’re there for you, whether you’re ready to talk or just need a moment to breathe.

TIME DOESN’T HEAL ALL WOUNDS Recovering from sexual violence is a personal journey, and it looks different for everyone. Whether it happened once or many times, it’s okay to need time to work through it. Some memories and emotions can feel like they’re frozen in time, and they can still hit just as hard today as when they first happened. There’s no set timeline for healing. It might take months, a year, or even longer to face those painful memories and start rediscovering who you are and what’s true about your worth. Be patient with yourself—healing is real, and it happens step by step.

THE JOURNEY BEGINS...

1. Connect: It starts with connecting with one person who is supportive, empathetic, and calm in listening. A safe person could be a family member, close friend, counselor, teacher, community worker, or a church leader who is available regularly to spend time with you. I went to professional counseling, where I started cautiously speaking for the first time with someone who could help me work through my thoughts and feelings from the past. We met weekly and sometimes twice per week. Once I found my courage and confidence, I started sharing my story as I slowly broadened my circle of support.

START THE PROCESS WITH YOURSELF AND A PERSON YOU TRUST I had to find the courage and strength within myself to admit that something very wrong had happened to me. I had suppressed a lot of my painful memories in my own unhealthy denial. It was time to be honest with myself that a broken little girl lived inside of me who was bound in fear, abandonment, and shame. Yet I knew that little person deserved to rediscover joy and hope and receive genuine love from others.

I knew I needed to find both a close friend and a professional counselor who could walk this journey of restoration with me. I wanted at least one or two people who could listen with understanding, empathy, love, and compassion. I started talking a little at a time about

2. Group Support: Some schools, churches, community centers, and hospitals offer reputable support groups established especially for abuse and trauma recovery. You may find people in those places who are willing to walk alongside your journey of healing and self-disclosure. Hearing other people’s stories with similar experiences will help you feel connected and loved by people who understand.

Vicky Wong is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Mental Health Counselor.

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HEALING ISN’T A LEAP— IT’S A STEADY WALK ACROSS STEPPING STONES, ONE BRAVE STEP AT A TIME.

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Journal

Journal any reflections from this chapter on sexual violence.

Mindful Lettering: Trace the lettering. It does not have to be perfect. You may rewrite the phrase a number of times on the page. Enjoy the process of mindful lettering.

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Chapter 3: Sexual Violence Activity

Walk it out.

• Stay Safe: Protect Yourself from Sexual Violence and Exploitation • Consent: What It Is, Why It Matters, and How To Speak Up • Wounded But Not Shattered - Part 1: Finding Jami • Wounded But Not Shattered - Part 2: Finding Jami • Stepping Stones: The Healing Process Choose one or more action steps:

1.

3.

Make a list of personal boundaries to protect yourself emotionally and physically. Think about what’s okay and what’s not okay for you.

If you have ever been sexually abused, reach out to a trusted adult family member, relative, pastor, or mentor. Review the steps to healing in the article Stepping Stones: The Healing Process and consider walking them through.

2.

Make a playlist of songs that help you or your friend process emotions—whether they bring peace, strength, or hope. This can be a go-to personal “healing soundtrack.”

• • •

Commit to your healing process.

Next, continue by sharing with one trustworthy person.

Seek help from a trustworthy family member or mentor and seriously consider professional counseling.

The struggle is real, and so is hope.

Text 494949 to chat now | FREE Mental Health Chat Center | 24/7 for those over 13 years old.

1-888-373-7888 | Toll-Free Hotline | 24/7 | Confidential | Get Help. Report Trafficking.

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“Defeating human trafficking is a great moral calling of our time.”

Condoleeza Rice, former U.S. Secretary of State

Chapter 04

Pornography Overcoming Trauma Sexual Violence Sex Trafficking Rising Strong

Sex Trafficking

Wisdom speaks. It is so important to stay sharp and aware of ways teens can be exploited in this present world. In this chapter, you will be given practical ways to avoid dangerous situations. We will also give you tools to protect yourself and others from being tricked, pressured, or lured into sex trafficking—whether it’s by friends, classmates, online predators, or strangers, both in person and online.

Our heart is for you to not walk in fear, but instead walk in wisdom and confidence! Be empowered to protect yourself and others you care about.

human trafficking research that more than two million women are missing each year due to being bought and sold for sexual exploitation.

There are front-line experts who believe close to half of all trafficked victims globally are boys or men.

“Every two minutes, a child is trafficked for the purpose of sexual exploitation in the United States.”

–U.S. Dept. of Justice

Take a moment to ponder these facts.

TWO MILLION WOMEN MISSING EACH YEAR: Susan Tiefenbrun, a professor at the Thomas Jefferson School of Law in San Diego, California, discovered after extensive

Anti-sex trafficking is a justice issue and a cause we invite you to join. Have the courage to LISTEN and be moved in your heart.

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WHAT IS SEX TRAFFICKING?

Boys are also recruited into sex trafficking through gangs.

Gangs target boys looking to belong or in need of protection.

Older gang members will recruit you to join the gang, but instead of mobbing or jumping you into the gang, you will be forced to have sex with some or all of the members, or they will force you to rape someone else. Once in the gang, you will be forced to go on “dates” with older women or men who will pay money or give something of value to the gang in exchange for sexual acts, regardless of your sexual orientation.

With the internet, most targeting occurs over social media, where the person may offer to pay you money in exchange for inappropriate pictures. This exchange quickly leads from pictures to videos to meetings to eventually engaging in sexual acts. Before you know it, you’re in an intense relationship you either feel you cannot live without or are fearful of leaving due to physical abuse or blackmail. Through social media, it is easy for a person to learn who you are: your likes and dislikes, where you live, where you hang out, who you hang out with, and anything they need to know to gain your trust. They then find a way to connect with you.

Many victims feel stuck in sex trafficking because they fear being rejected or judged. In most cases, this will not occur.

The best way to avoid or get out of being trafficked is to tell your parents, a trusted adult, or a friend you know can help.

There is also outside support and resources available if you don’t have anyone in your life you can trust.

The best defense to avoid being trafficked is to make sure you’re not being lured or tricked. Remember, if it feels too good to be true, it usually is! Your body has a way of telling you when something is wrong; it’s called our gut instinct.

When your gut tells you something is wrong, listen to your body; it can save your life. Avoiding getting involved in sex trafficking will save you a lifetime of severe mental health issues. Find resources to help you with any risk factors you struggle with to ensure you’re not vulnerable to exploitation.

by Shantae Williams, Psy.D.

Sex trafficking, often referred to as modern-day slavery or prostitution, is when a person uses force (beating, kidnapping, etc.), fraud (posing as a photographer for a modeling agency, etc.), or coercion (becoming someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend in order to take advantage of them, etc.) to trick someone into engaging in a sexual act in exchange for something of value to that person.

For minors (people under the age of 18), sex trafficking is when a sexual act (sex, stripping, pornography, etc.) is exchanged for something of value (money, drugs, protection, etc.) to that person or a third party; force, fraud, or coercion do not need to be present for minors to be considered victims of sex trafficking.

Most people think sex trafficking is what we see in the movies: a person is kidnapped and taken to another country where they are drugged, raped and repeatedly sold for sex.

Although this does happen, it is very rare. More often, a person is recruited or tricked into sex trafficking by someone they trust. The majority of the sex trafficked children in the United States are lured into trafficking by a friend who is also being trafficked, their parents (this is called familial trafficking) or a trafficker (pimp).

Many think sex trafficking only happens to girls or women, but they are mistaken. Anyone can be a victim of sex trafficking, including boys and men. Males are often overlooked or fail to report sex trafficking for many reasons.

Common causes include fear of not being believed, worry they will be seen as weak, worry they will be thought of as gay, or not realizing they are victims.

The most common form of sex trafficking that boys experience is directly between the boy and the buyer. The buyer identifies a vulnerability, such as a history of child abuse, identifying as LGBTQ+, or homelessness, and offers a “quick way out” with a place to live, love, a home, or money.

The buyer’s main goal is to be seen as a trusted person.

They can then manipulate you into doing things you would not normally do. Buyers can be anyone, but they are often someone you have a pre-existing relationship with, such as a coach, religious leader, or family member.

If you or someone you know is or was involved in sex trafficking, and need help, call the National Human Trafficking Hotline at 1 (888) 373-7888 or text “HELP” or “INFO” to BEFREE (233733).

You can remain anonymous and get the help you need.

REMEMBER, HELP IS A PHONE CALL AWAY!

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Knowledge is powerful if it changes your life for the better.

PROTECT YOURSELF! GUYS CAN BE VICTIMS TOO. Ways Recruiters Groom Teenagers WHO COULD BE A RECRUITER? • • • •

Recruiters could be strangers or friends you meet at school, after-school programs, and other public places.

A recruiter could be a male or female trying to gain your trust, including mother or father figures.

Be especially cautious of older teens or adults trying to get you to go with them somewhere.

Know that a recruiter can ‘groom’ a victim over varied times. Some victims are lured within hours or days, while others are lured over many months by a good friend.

STRANGERS: Recruiters can be strangers who are good-looking, charming, friendly, seemingly sincere, and smooth-talking people who know how to connect heart-to-heart with you. These recruiters can approach you at malls, beaches, restaurants—anywhere.

CLASSMATES: A recruiter could also be a classmate or an upper or lowerclassman at your school. They gain your trust as a friend, so you would never think they had a plan to coerce you.

A FATHER FIGURE OR MOTHER FIGURE: Unfortunately, a father or mother figure could be playing this role in your life to eventually gain your trust so he/she can later recruit/trap you into sex trafficking.

NEW FRIENDS: Sometimes, a recruiter might be someone you think of as a friend—maybe a new person your classmate introduced you to. You’ve hung out together and enjoyed their company, so you assume you can trust them.

GANG MEMBERS: It has happened where gang members have sexually assaulted new gang members and ended up trafficking them.

FAMILY MEMBERS: In some cases, sadly, recruiters can be family members or relatives.

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WHAT KINDS OF TACTICS DO RECRUITERS USE TO GROOM VICTIMS? •

Recruiters exhibit charming behavior. They say words and act in ways that can seem too good to be true.

•

Recruiters’ words initially make you feel very special and cause you to believe they are there to support you.

RECRUITERS MAY SAY SOMETHING SIMILAR TO THE FOLLOWING LINES TO BUILD TRUST AND FRIENDSHIP TO MANIPULATE YOU:

“Tell me everything about you. I want to know everything!”

The recruiter gives the victim an opportunity to elevate their status through promises of ‘upgrading,’ buying them new shoes, clothes, devices, or other items they want or need. This also increases the victim’s sense of obligation to the recruiter. The person may attempt to establish a sexual relationship with you in return for the gifts and to further bond you to him/her. Avoid a person who desires to ‘upgrade you.’ You are already valuable! Many of us like nice material things, but this is often a tactic to trap, deceive, and trick you into being trafficked. Be brave. Decline the offer and walk away from the situation.

These types of statements try to get you to share deep, dark secrets with them so they can use this information to manipulate and blackmail you in the future. Refrain from disclosing details about yourself and your past with someone you do not know well. Be careful not to reveal too much about yourself too quickly.

“I have never met anyone like you. I feel I can trust you with anything. I have told you things I have never told anyone else.”

“You want to make some money? I can show you how you can make a lot of money!”

This is a tactic to try to make the victim feel responsible for the mental health and well-being of the trafficker. When the victim tries to leave, the guilt of leaving someone who trusted them with everything prevents them from leaving.

Beware when someone starts to use guilt to manipulate you.

“You are so good-looking!”

Traffickers often target a person who is overlooked, especially someone wanting love, attention, and affirmation as a result of their family and peer experiences.

We all desire affirmation, attention, love, and encouragement.

However, though you may appreciate positive words, be cautious around a person who showers you with compliments—you do not know if their motives are for good or to control you.

“You are too good to be wearing those clothes!

You need to get with me so I can upgrade you!”

A comment like this makes victims feel good, and then immediately, the trafficker belittles them, making them feel vulnerable. Traffickers and recruiters utilize this tactic to capture a victim’s attention with flattery but also embarrass them by pointing out their low-quality clothes or accessories.

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This lures victims who come from impoverished backgrounds.

Victims never make money; they may be given small amounts of money in the beginning to gain trust or earn some wages by being ‘bottoms’ or ‘recruiters,’ but they get nowhere near what their trafficker makes. Money given to victims is often taken back at a later time. Do not go for such fast money opportunities! Seek wisdom from wise, trusted mentors in your life.

“You may as well make money for what someone is taking from you anyway.”

Because traffickers often target youth with a history of molestation and sexual violence, they often use this line, which seems to make sense to someone who is actively being victimized at home. You are deserving of respect and honor.

Though this line may seem to make sense to you if you have already been sexually active or abused, seek help from trusted mentors. Beware of falling into this trap, and do not sell yourself short!

WHAT OTHER SIGNS SHOULD I LOOK FOR TO KNOW IF I AM BEING GROOMED—EVEN AS A GUY? TRAFFICKERS TRY TO ISOLATE YOU FROM FRIENDS AND FAMILY: A person who often uses shame and control to keep you away from friends and family is a red flag!

TRAFFICKERS TRY TO KEEP YOU DEPENDENT ON HIM/HER: A recruiter tries to get you to think he/she is the only one who will care for you and get you to depend on them. This person may attempt to learn your biggest wants and needs so they can manipulate you slowly into becoming dependent on them as a close friend. They may promise you that they will fulfill your dreams.

WHAT SHOULD I DO IF I SENSE SOMETHING DOESN’T SEEM ‘RIGHT’ OR SAFE?

TRAFFICKERS CAN BE AGGRESSIVE TOWARD POTENTIAL VICTIMS

• Pay attention to what you are sensing or feeling—if you feel something’s not quite right or is making you feel uncomfortable, fearful, or strange, pay attention to those red flags. If you get caught in a suspicious conversation with someone, be strong and assertive by excusing yourself and leaving as soon as possible! Contact a trusted friend or relative who can help you or come pick you up.

• Be vigilant and aware of your surroundings, especially when walking alone in an area with few people or no one around. Take notice if a pedestrian, car, or van is following you.

• Kidnapping: Be aware of your surroundings when walking alone on sidewalks and in parking lots. Although rare, there have been cases where traffickers have tried to force someone into their vehicle.

• If you are out in public and someone is bothering, following you, and/or constantly trying to talk with you, get another adult involved. For example, if you are at a mall, go to a store employee or store manager and say something like, “This person keeps following me. Please help me.”

• Drugging your drink: Be aware of your drink when out with friends. There have been situations where a trafficker has put drugs in the drinks of victims so they can be taken. Do not accept a drink from someone else, and keep an eye on your drink when you are in a group you don’t know well. Be wise and be aware.

• Be aware of abusive or possessive behaviors in people and notice their reaction when you say no to something they want you to do. If they don’t respect your decision, if their response is controlling, rageful, intimidating, manipulative, or just too charming, seek help and safety.

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10 TIPS! 1. Tell a family member where you will be going and when you will return and keep in contact with them when you are out and about with someone you do not know well.

6. Never get into a car with a stranger and avoid being alone in an isolated place with strangers.

7. Don’t hesitate to call 911 when you feel you are danger.

2. Set up a safety word with your family, so if you say that word, your family member knows you feel you are in danger.

8. When meeting up with someone you don’t know well, plan to meet in a public place or in a group setting until you feel comfortable and feel you know them well.

3. Memorize at least one trusted friend’s family member’s phone number.

9. If a new friend or stranger offers to buy you expensive gifts, refrain from receiving such gifts, as this could be a tactic to control you later.

4. BEFORE making any decisions, check with a trusted family member or a wise mentor when offers almost seem too good to be true.

10. Traffickers prey on youth who run away from home.

If you are having trouble at home and are tempted to run away—there are other options. Running away will put you at risk of being lured into dangerous situations. Seek help from your pastor, school counselor, a trusted mentor or relative.

5. Consider allowing 2-3 people to track your phone via GPS so they know your whereabouts at all times.

Some phones allow this. You could allow them to track you varying amounts of times, such as just for an hour, a day or all the time. This type of tracking can be completely under your control.

SEXTORTION CLICK WITH CAUTION

by Dean Kaneshiro

Sex trafficking is when someone pressures or forces you to do sexual things so they can make money. It’s dangerous and illegal.

Did you know you’re just a click or two away from being a victim of sextortion?

And it starts with what’s right in your hands… your phone.

Wait…WHAAAAAT?!

BECOMING A VICTIM CAN HAPPEN FAST... JUST ASK SERENA

Yeah. And the trap gets set the moment you believe the lie: That’ll never happen to me.

Here’s the hard truth: it is happening— to students just like you, every day.

But here’s the good news: When you understand how sextortion works, you can make wise choices, stay safe online, and protect your future.

SO WHAT EVEN IS SEXTORTION?

Sextortion is when someone uses lies, pressure, or threats to get you to send nude photos or videos of yourself.

Sometimes, it leads to something even more serious—sex trafficking.

Serena* was in 8th grade. She had a crush on a guy who asked her for a nude video. She sent one.

That decision changed everything.

He asked for more. Flattered by his attention, she sent more. She felt special… until things fell apart.

Kids at school started acting weird.

Then someone told her the videos were being shared. Someone even posted some on a porn site!

Then, students started texting her.

They threatened to show the videos to her mom unless she sent more.

Serena spiraled. She skipped school. She began cutting herself and

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eventually overdosed, which almost ended her life! She left home at 16, became homeless, got hooked on drugs, and began selling nude photos and videos of herself.

“I’m not worth anything anymore because everybody has already seen my body,” she said.

Thankfully, at 19, she got off drugs—but she was still living in her car, still dealing with the trauma.

“It was one small thing that a teenager does,” she said, “and it’s crazy how it turns into something so much bigger. A whole life can be changed because of one little mistake.”

HOW THE TRAP WORKS (FOR BOTH GUYS AND GIRLS!)

Check it out: Step 1: A creepy old guy creates a fake profile pretending to be an attractive teen.

Step 2: They study your social media posts, tracking your moods.

Then—at the perfect moment—

they slide into your DMs with compliments and words that build an emotional connection.

Step 3: They send (or offer to send) a naked photo of themselves and ask you for one back. That’s called sexting.

Now, READ THIS PART SLOWLY: That naked or semi-nude photo or video of you is key because, from that moment on, that is how they control you!

Step 4: Then come the threats: “Send more, or I’ll post this.” “Pay me, or I’ll tell your parents.” They keep pushing, demanding more.

You see it?

Thankfully, some teens wake up and tell their parents or call the cops, which is the right move.

Others don’t—and things get worse.

NEVER TAKE OR SEND NUDE PHOTOS OR VIDEOS OF YOURSELF. NOT EVEN ONCE.

MORE SMART MOVES TO STAY SAFE Here are five tips from online safety expert Sarah Seigand of Parents Who Fight: 1. NEVER Meet Up With People You Only Know Online They might seem cool, but they could be catfishing you. Sex traffickers use fake profiles to earn your trust. Meeting up with someone you don’t know is dangerous… seriously.

2. Keep Personal Info Private Never share your number, address, school, or neighborhood you live in— even small clues. Traffickers can use that info to find and pressure you.

3. Avoid Dating Apps and Random DMs Traffickers and predators start off by acting like an amazing boyfriend or girlfriend… buying you gifts and paying for stuff for you. But once they’ve gained your trust, they use that emotional

The Simplest Solution… EVER Now burn these points in your brain as they are the biggest keys to staying free from this horrible trap… YOU READY?

NEVER TRUST ANYONE—EVEN A FRIEND OR YOUR GIRLFRIEND— WITH NUDE PICS OR VIDEOS OF YOURSELF... EVER. AND IF YOU’VE ALREADY DONE THIS (OR IF YOU EVER DO), TELL YOUR PARENTS OR A TRUSTED ADULT. RIGHT AWAY. Yes, it’s scary. But it’s brave to ask for help today instead of letting a predator ruin your life tomorrow. So don’t play their game.

connection to control you—even make you do sexual things to “pay them back.”

Don’t fall for these traps!

And if this has already happened to you?

You’re not alone. Get help. Speak up.

Healing is possible.

4. Use Privacy Settings and Turn Off Location Sharing

The internet, social media, and your phone aren’t bad in and of themselves.

But they can be dangerous.

Don’t respond to message requests from strangers. And if a teacher, coach, or adult DMs you—that’s not okay. Healthy adults stick to safe, accountable ways to communicate, like email or group chats.

5. Know How to Block and Report Learn how to block and report users on every app. If someone crosses a line, report it fast. You can also go to CyberTipLine, which works with law enforcement to stop predators.

YOU’VE GOT THIS Remember: sex traffickers do use platforms like YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, Discord… even gaming platforms to find and groom victims.

So stay alert. If something feels off—it probably is.

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The key is knowledge. Boundaries.

Courage. And support.

So talk about this stuff with your friends! And watch out for each other (because that’s what true friends do).

That’s what it means to be truly brave and bold.

Dean Kaneshiro is a certified Building Family Connections instructor through the Medical Institute for Sexual Health, a father of seven kids, and has been equipping parents and youth with practical tools for healthy living in marriage, parenting, dating, technology, and sexuality since 2005. *Read Serena’s full story in the New York Times article, “The Children of Pornhub”

by Nicolas Kristof.

IT HAPPENED TO ME! A GUY!

by James Webb

You might not think that sex trafficking groomers would target guys, but beware. It happens to guys more than you realize, and it happened to me.

When I was around 12 years old, a Catholic priest started to groom me by befriending me at Ala Moana Shopping Center in Honolulu, Hawaii. I recall he was a super nice guy, and over time, he built a friendship with me. After a while, he finally tried to entice me to go with him to Europe! He even contacted my parents, trying to get them to allow me to go with him. I could have been abducted, but thankfully, he never did kidnap me. Eventually, the relationship ended.

Another time, when I was still around 12 years old, I was hanging out with a buddy at the same Shopping Center. A guy approached us and invited us to come near his van. He opened up the back of his van, showing us piles of pornography magazines. He told us to go inside the van to look at them. I was about to go inside when my friend grabbed me and yelled, “Get out of here!” We ran away. I can only imagine what would have happened if we had gone inside the van. That man could have easily locked us in the van and kidnapped us.

Research has shown that the vast majority of victims of sex trafficking have experienced sexual abuse in the past. Interestingly, I had been molested as a young child, and I was approached twice by two different men, who I firmly believe were trying to traffick me. Be aware that those of us who have been sexually abused may be that much more vulnerable to being coerced and manipulated by a trafficker.

However, even if you have not been sexually abused in your past, you still need to be aware of groomers and their tactics because they prey on naïve and trusting girls and guys!

Grooming can take place online and in person. Get equipped to protect yourself and others.

Stay safe!

Grooming can take place online and in person.

Get equipped to protect yourself and others. Stay safe!

Mindful Lettering: Trace the lettering. It does not have to be perfect. You may rewrite the phrase a number of times on the page. Enjoy the process of mindful lettering.

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WHAT KEEPS A VICTIM TRAPPED? Why don’t victims of sex trafficking just run away?

This may seem like the logical thing to do, but it is not easy and is probably an extremely dangerous choice. Victims experience emotional, physical, and psychological abuse, so running away is not as simple a solution as it seems.

ONCE TRAFFICKED, WHAT ARE COMMON THREATS MADE TO KEEP THE VICTIM TRAPPED? Traffickers use fear and control tactics to keep victims trapped and afraid to get help.

“If you tell anyone, I will kill (or harm) your parents (or brothers/sisters/your family)!”

“I video-taped you having sex. If you tell anyone, I will show this video to your parents and all your friends and family. I will make it go viral in your school.

Such threats cause much fear due to the overwhelming shame the victim feels. This causes great fear because the victim wants to protect their family’s lives. Traffickers may even show the victim a gun or weapon to intimidate them further. Traffickers may threaten to kill the victim as well.

WHAT ARE OTHER TACTICS THAT TRAFFICKERS USE TO KEEP VICTIMS TRAPPED? DRUGS & ALCOHOL: Traffickers will often drug victims. Traffickers can make victims addicted to drugs and/ or alcohol and therefore, more easily control them.

VIOLENCE AND VERBAL ABUSE: Traffickers can use physical and verbal abuse, violence, and even torture, to keep victims controlled.

PORNOGRAPHY: Traffickers often make victims watch hard core porn (which often includes violence towards women) to get them de-sensitized to all kinds of sexual acts and acts that can even cause physical pain.

Watching porn helps to normalize what they see and experience.

EMOTIONAL BOND: Oftentimes, an emotional bond forms between the victim and abuser where the victim wants to stay in the relationship.

Victims may believe their trafficker is the only person who loves them.

LEAD VICTIMS TO BELIEVE TRAFFICKING IS THIER ONLY OPTION: NOTE: In some situations, such as poverty, some girls willingly go into sex trafficking as a way of making a living and because they see no other options or job opportunities for themselves.

REQUIREMENT TO REPAY THEIR DEBT: Traffickers can intimidate their victims and require them to repay them

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financially for giving them housing and food and other material things they purchased for the victim.

ISOLATION: Especially if the victim is taken to a foreign country where they do not speak the language, the victim can feel helpless and even more dependent on their trafficker.

Most victims want to leave the sex trafficking lifestyle but feel trapped and helpless. This is where community members like yourself can make a difference by reporting suspicious activity to your local police or the National Human Trafficking Hotline.

IS MY FRIEND BEING TRAFFICKED? SOME POSSIBLE SIGNS

Listen. The silent cry. Do you hear it?

Because sex trafficking has become more and more common on school campuses and in public places, you may have a friend or classmate you suspect may be trapped in trafficking.

You are not sure, but maybe you think you might be hearing their silent cries.

BUT WHAT ARE SOME POSSIBLE SIGNS? Here are some possible indicators that may suggest that someone is a victim:

•

Shows an inability to attend school regularly or has many unexplained absences.

•

Runs away from home regularly.

•

Makes references to travel to other cities frequently.

•

Visible bruises from physical trauma

•

Is depressed, withdrawn, fearful and/or very anxious.

•

Is often hungry or malnourished or lacking needed medical care.

•

Dresses inappropriately.

•

Displays a sudden change in how they dress, their behavior, their relationships, or material possessions. Oftentimes, victims are coerced by expensive gifts.

•

Has a “boyfriend”or “girlfriend”who is much older.

•

Engages in promiscuous behavior that seems unusual or uncharacteristic from their typical behavior.

•

Makes references to sexual situations or uses sexual vocabulary that previously was not typical in his language or is not typically used by peers your age.

NEXT STEPS: Don’t be a bystander—you can help. Make notes of your concerning observations and report your suspicions to your school counselor. Instead of approaching the person you suspect might be a victim, seek guidance from your school counselor for any further next steps.

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Voices of Freedom –

THREE STORIES OF VICTORS

A LETTER TO YOU FROM THE HEART

After I moved schools, an extremely popular, older boy soon became interested in me. So many girls wanted him. So, of course, I felt on top of the world knowing that I had THAT boy! He was your typical bad boy with tattoos, gold chains, nice clothes, money, always invited to parties, and always had drugs on him.

In the beginning of our relationship, it was as if he could never do anything to hurt me. Yes, we had a cupcake stage. I gave him my heart. He knew nearly everything about me. He knew I didn’t have a great relationship with my family.

He knew I craved attention and affection, which is exactly what I got from him, with a little twist no one saw coming.

Anything he wanted me to do, I did. Why do you ask? Because of the simple line he often told me, “If you really love me, you would do it.” That simple line became a tool to abuse, manipulate, and control me.

After four months in the relationship, he started to show his true colors. He knew I did not have a support system. I believed there was nobody else in my life who would listen to me or understand me. He abused me sexually, physically, emotionally, and mentally.

DEAR BROTHERS, I am Kawai. I am a survivor. I would prefer to be called a ‘survivor’ rather than a ‘victim’.

I was born and raised in Hawaii. Not long ago, I was your typical 15-year-old teen who cared about her looks, popularity, parties, and of course…boys! I was a very insecure teen, worried about my body image and beauty standards. I didn’t have much planned for my future. All I wanted to do was party with my friends and live a reckless life. I had always told myself, “You only live once. Make the most of it!”

Due to my behavior and the bad influences that were affecting me at the time, I transferred from a public school to a small private school that I didn’t even know existed. This is when my behavior and thought process started to get out of control!

I never believed sex trafficking was real in Hawaii, a place often called ‘paradise.’ I had no clue that I was about to be groomed and sex-trafficked into a dark world.

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I ended up running away from home on May 26, 2015.

While living away from home, I attended a party that was held in Waikiki, a famous tourist area in Hawaii. The party was nothing I was used to. I was surrounded by older men and women who were drugged up, and I was vulnerable to being taken advantage of. I stayed for the heck of it and ended up becoming drugged myself!

I woke up in a dark room. No clothes. No phone. Just a thin blanket that did not cover my whole body. My body was aching and bruised up, and I had a terrible hangover. I had become an object that was worth money. After this incident, I was sold around to multiple men, raped, beaten, and starved. I felt so alone, helpless, worthless, and unloved.

Months later, I was miraculously found, rescued, and brought home to my family. However, I was not the same person, I was barely Identifiable—new hair, 50 pounds lighter, swollen face, and much more.

The hardest part about this experience was my healing process. I did not know where to begin. I spent many painful nights crying and asking, “Why me?” My healing process took many tears, trials, tribulations, therapy sessions, and, most of all, learning to love myself and know my worth.

Learning to love myself was the hardest part. How could I love myself when all I identified myself with were the mentally abusive names I was repeatedly called for the past 6 months?

I prayed to forgive myself, forgive my traffickers, and I prayed to move on. I wrote every day in a journal about how I was feeling.

I now look back in that journal and smile. Yes, smile. I smile because the teenage girl I was when I wrote in my journal is now someone who is able to walk in public by herself without having a panic attack. I am a young woman now—a woman who went through trauma, survived, and recovered. I know I am not an object for a man to buy for $500. I know I should not let myself be vulnerable to men just because I’ll get ‘attention’ out of it. I now know I am a woman of immense value.

I speak to you from my heart. I pray my story will give you wisdom and inner strength to protect yourself from danger and give you the encouragement and inspiration to know that you have incredible value and purpose!

I learned that when you fall, you get up. You try again. You forgive. You discover the beauty you have to give to this world and give it!

FINALLY FREE.

left, we girls would collapse exhausted and sleep upstairs above the club until it would all start again the next night.

The owner forced us to work every day.

One night, the owner was very nervous and told us to stay out of sight. We did not know why, but we heard shouting and the sound of police sirens. We were crouching down in a laneway just outside the back of the club when some of the other girls took a risk and ran away down the street into the night. I was too scared to run and remained hidden, my heart pounding.

All I remember next was that a bright light was shining on me, and suddenly I was pulled up out of my hiding place. I felt confused at first, but the reassuring voices of the rescue team were telling me that I was safe.

A STORY FROM A SURVIVOR SUBMITTED

by Zoe International Based in Thailand

One New Year’s holiday, I went to stay at my aunt’s house.

While I was there, my aunt asked me if I wanted a job working at a restaurant in the big city. I thought it sounded like a good idea and would be a way to earn money and help my grandmother, who I lived with.

I took the bus as my aunt had directed, and, after many hours of traveling, I arrived at the restaurant. The city was very busy and different from what I was used to.

When I got inside the restaurant, a few other girls were also waiting to hear about the job. That night a man met us at the restaurant to explain. He told us that our job was not serving food—but that we would be giving sexual services to men.

I didn’t know what to do. I had no idea how this promise of a “good” job had turned out like this. I didn’t even know where I was, or how I could escape to find my way back to my grandma’s house. Had my aunt known about this all along? I felt confused, alone, and uncertain about what to do next.

The ZOE Child Rescue team, alongside local police, successfully rescued Mina and some of the other girls that night and brought them to a safe house. The owner of the bar was successfully prosecuted. ZOE was able to reunite Mina with her grandmother.

Mina is now safe and working a job that she loves. Mina thanks ZOE, for giving her “new life…life to the fullest,” which is what ZOE means in Greek.

I felt scared. I was trapped.

*Based on real-life events. In an effort to protect her identity, her name and the details of this case may have been slightly changed.

Unable to escape, I was taken to another location where we started “work” the next night around 9 pm and didn’t finish until 5 am. Night after night, once the clients had all

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Today, I share my story to raise awareness and help prevent others from falling into the same trap. I advocate for boys and young men as well because they are often overlooked, afraid to share their trauma, and taught by society to “be tough” or “man up.” Boys are being targeted, too.

Empowering young men to stand against exploitation not only helps them to heal but also helps them to develop into leaders in the fight against modern-day slavery.

TRAFFICKING: HIDDEN IN PLAIN SIGHT

Human trafficking isn’t something that happens far away; it’s hidden in plain sight, thriving in our communities and online spaces. Traffickers now have direct access to children through apps, social media, gaming platforms, and other online spaces.

Often, traffickers disguise themselves as peers, mentors, or even romantic partners. Boys are often recruited and manipulated through friendships, mentorships, or promises of belonging. Shockingly, students themselves are sometimes pressured or manipulated into recruiting their classmates.

Drugs often get used as a weapon to trap and control victims, keeping them hooked and obedient while stripping away their sense of control and independence. Parents and guardians may remain unaware, believing their children are safe within the walls of their homes.

FROM EXPLOITED TO EMPOWERED A SURVIVOR’S JOURNEY TO PROTECT YOUTH FROM TRAFFICKING

by Rachel Fischer

I was a child when the world felt like it had already turned its back on me. After entering the foster care system and facing homelessness, life became a series of hardships that left me vulnerable and searching for stability and acceptance. That vulnerability became the gateway for a trafficker posing online as a helpful mentor to groom me. They promised to help me become a model, earn money, and build a successful life. I was too young to understand that these promises were lies.

Instead of a pathway to success, as a high schooler, I was forced into commercial sexual exploitation, trapped in a world I couldn’t escape. I was even coerced into recruiting other teenagers, male and female alike, into this glamorized but brutal life. The trafficker used blackmail to keep me silent, threatening to expose me to my teachers, my church, and anyone who would listen, making it seem as though my suffering was my fault.

At school, I hid behind a mask, pretending everything was fine and attending classes. By night, I was living a nightmare, a secret life forced upon me by someone who took advantage of my youth, trust, and desperation. They used me to make money, posting photos of me online, images I never consented to and that I didn’t understand were being sold as pornography to strangers who didn’t care that I was just a child.

But despite the darkness, I survived. I escaped that life, though it wasn’t easy, and I channeled my pain into purpose.

I went to nursing school and became a Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner (SANE), caring for victims of violence and advocating for them in court. I also became a licensed commissioned officer and child advocate, working alongside law enforcement and the judicial system to provide training and support in cases involving human trafficking and exploitation.

PREVENTION STARTS AT HOME

Parents need to understand the realities of human trafficking and take proactive steps to protect their children.

Education is the first line of defense. Children and teens must be taught about safe internet use, recognizing red flags, and feeling empowered to report suspicious interactions with strangers online.

Equally important is open communication. Boys should feel safe talking to trusted adults without fear of judgment or shame. Being open can make a huge difference since traffickers count on secrecy and shame. When kids know they can trust their parents or other adults, they’re more likely to speak up if something feels off.

EMPOWERING YOUTH TO LEAD THE FIGHT

While parental involvement is critical, peer support can be just as powerful. Student-led groups that mentor and empower their peers can create a ripple effect of awareness and resilience. These groups can lead conversations about standing up against exploitation and encourage young people to protect one another. By building a culture where exploitation is not okay and talked about openly, we can shut down abusers’ power to manipulate and control.

Prevention is key. If we educate our youth before they become victims, if we teach them their worth and arm them with knowledge, we can stop trafficking before it starts. Safe internet practices, peer mentorship, and parental vigilance are not just strategies; they’re lifelines.

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A MESSAGE TO THE BRAVE YOUNG MEN READING THIS

this fight. Whether it’s through a trusted adult, a support group, or one of the many resources specifically designed for boys and young men who have survived abuse, you have options. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness; it’s one of the bravest things you can do.

You are worthy of love, respect, and safety. You have a future filled with hope, purpose, and potential. Don’t let shame or fear hold you back from speaking your truth or seeking help. Every step you take toward healing is a victory, and every victory builds the foundation of a stronger, brighter future.

The world needs your voice, your courage, and your strength. You are not defined by what has happened to you.

You are defined by how you rise from it.

You are brave. You are strong. And you are never, ever alone.

To the young men who are struggling in silence, I want you to know this: you are not alone.

It takes courage to face tough topics like this, and the fact that you’re here shows how strong you are.

When we talk about sexual violence, trafficking, harassment, and exploitation, the conversation often centers around females. But the truth is, boys and young men are just as likely to be targeted. Many boys get targeted because of things no one should take advantage of—like tough family situations, money problems, or just being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Traffickers count on their victims to stay silent, and society often makes it worse by ignoring or not understanding the struggles boys go through.

Here’s what I want you to know: none of this is your fault. Being targeted doesn’t mean you’re weak or unworthy.

It doesn’t define who you are or who you’re meant to be. Your past does not dictate your future.

Help is available. There are people who will believe you, support you, and help you heal. You are not alone in

Rachel is an author, international consultant, speaker, overcomer, and registered nurse certified by the Commission for Forensic Nursing Certification through the International Association of Forensic Nurses in adult and adolescent sexual assault as well as pediatric sexual assault.

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The Global Crisis.

HEARTS ARE BEING STIRRED TO ACTION Sex trafficking has been going on for thousands of years. With the growth of online access to pornography, the demand for buying sex has soared around the world.

Like the illegal drug industry, enormous amounts of money are being made by sex traffickers who are also involved with organized crime organizations and gang activity.

Industry recruiters can be school classmates, friends, or people considered online friends. In some cases, traffickers can even be family members.

BE INSPIRED WITH HOPE. We share these stories to inspire and bring you hope that organizations around the world are helping to recover, heal, and restore victims of sex trafficking.

BRING AWARENESS TO OTHERS AND BE PART OF THE SOLUTION. Share with others what you have learned about this issue and think of creative ideas to become part of the solution.

JOIN US. Is your heart being stirred? You can join in the fight by partnering with Releasing Generations as we connect with various organizations locally in Hawaii and globally. Together let’s make a difference!

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There is Hope Rising.

The fierce wave of dawn crashes through the darkness— unstoppable, rising with new hope, reminding you to rise and shine. Many people around the world are being moved to take action and do their part! It starts

with you. And it starts with me. Let us be fueled with a vision to do our part in bringing justice and freedom to this world.

Let’s dream and discover what is possible.

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Journal Write about your main takeaway from this chapter. What are some new things that you learned? Describe your level of concern about this justice issue.

mindful doodling 74

Chapter 4: Sex Trafficking

• • • • • •

Activity

Walk it out.

What is Sex Trafficking?

Sextortion: Click with Caution It Happened To Me! A Guy! What Keeps A Victim Trapped?

Is My Friend Being Trafficked?

Voices of Freedom: Three Stories of Victors

Choose one or more action steps:

1. Review the 10 Tips page and do one or both of the 3. Use your social media to help educate people about following this week: •

Set up a safety word that only you and your family know.

•

Memorize at least one trusted friend’s or family member’s phone number.

the issue—share posts about facts and ways to prevent sex trafficking.

4. Creatively express the importance of sex trafficking

awareness and prevention through the arts, then share your work with others.

2. Raise Funds for an Anti Sex Trafficking Organization.

• • •

•

5. January is the United States National Human

Here are just a couple of ideas. Consider giving to an anti-sex trafficking organization(s) even in your future as an adult.

•

Collect loose change: You can do your own fundraiser by collecting loose change from people you know and donating the proceeds to a credible local anti-sex trafficking organization or ministry you know of.

Write a poem Write a song Make a creative film to educate others and to help prevent sex trafficking

• •

Write a skit about the issue Paint or create graphics to further the anti-sex trafficking cause

Trafficking Awareness Month. Think of a creative action step that you want to do to bring awareness to the issue during that month.

6. Look for ways to support anti-sex trafficking

Give up your birthday presents: You can throw yourself a birthday party, but tell guests instead of buying you a gift, they can donate money towards your fundraiser to support an anti-sex trafficking organization of your choice.

organizations that do good work.

The struggle is real, and so is hope.

Text 494949 to chat now | FREE Mental Health Chat Center | 24/7 for those over 13 years old.

1-888-373-7888 | Toll-Free Hotline | 24/7 | Confidential | Get Help. Report Trafficking.

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Be bold.

Be bright.

Rise up!

You’re called to impact the world.

Chapter 05

Pornography Overcoming Trauma Sexual Violence Sex Trafficking Rising Strong

Rising Strong

Ever wonder if there’s something greater for your life? Like there’s this quiet whisper inside of you saying, “There’s more. You were made for more.” That whisper is right. You were never created to live an insignificant life. You were designed with greatness inside of you—potential that is waiting to be activated no matter who you are, where you come from, or what mistakes you’ve made.

Right now, you may not feel extraordinary. You might feel average like you’re just another person in a crowded world. Maybe you compare yourself to others. You need to hear this: There is more inside of you than you can even see right now.

Rising strong starts here. Rising strong starts when you say:

The truth about greatness: When people hear the word greatness, they often think of people who are famous, successful, or have millions of followers. But true greatness is about living fully as the person you were created to be and using your gifts to make an impact in the world.

The problem is that many people never unlock the greatness inside of them because they settle. They doubt their potential, settle for comfort, fitting in, and doing what’s easy instead of right.

But here’s the truth: no one else can unlock your greatness for you. It’s something you must choose to step into.

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• I refuse to stay stuck.

• I won’t let my past define me.

• I’m ready to step into my potential.

Remember, greatness is developed in hard, challenging moments when you push past excuses and decide to take one step forward, even when it feels uncomfortable.

Let’s take the first step together by diving into this chapter!

Say yes to unlocking the greatness inside of you. Say yes to rising strong.

JUNGLE TO JEWELRY TO JUSTICE

I decided to visit orphanages to learn, see, and try to understand their needs. Then, I started small by just bringing some vitamins and toothbrushes for kids. I visited many orphanages during this learning period, asked many questions, made many friends, and even learned to ride a motorbike.

The raucous chatter and laughter of what sounded like a room full of schoolgirls caught the attention of both the orphanage executive director and me. She chuckled and said, “Oh, the girls are taking their lunch! Let’s go say hi.” We peered into the lunchroom, and a chorus of “Hi ma’am, hi sir!” rang out. It seemed they were having a blast and enjoying lunch. As we walked away from the lunchroom, the executive director paused, her face turned serious, and she said, “It’s good to see them laugh. These girls are between the ages of 8 and 18 and have been removed from their homes because they have been sexually abused.”

A mix of emotions rushed all at once, and all I could respond with was, “Ohhhh… that’s awful.” I vividly recall thinking, “Oh boy, that is something I could NEVER deal with.”

I saw a banner with colorful handprints that the girls had put on it. I took a photo so I wouldn’t forget that moment.

Those moments I shared had a deep impact on me. A year and a half later, I co-founded MADE IN HOPE, a nonprofit organization that supports survivors of sex trafficking in the Philippines and works creatively to prevent trafficking in Hawai’i. And that photo of the handprints – we use it on our business cards to this day. Also, I’ve become more careful with the word “NEVER.” We started small, simply selling jewelry made by the survivors to help them provide for their families and get an education. Sometimes, I even sold jewelry out of the trunk of my car! I know… it’s weird.

by Chris Kanemura

There is the smell of something burning in the distance, the sound of sirens, honking horns, the roar of vehicles, and commotion from crowds of people. The heat is intense, and the humidity is suffocating. Mabuhay! Welcome to Ninoy Aquino International Airport! It is just a typical day in the concrete jungle of Manila. In case the message is unclear, there’s a sign to remind you as you exit the airport: “It’s more fun in the Philippines.”

We arrived in the evening from the long 16-hour commute from Honolulu to Manila. Tired but super hungry, we went to find food. Seeing some taxicabs parked near our hotel, we asked one of the drivers for a ride to the nearest mall.

Using his lower lip to point and nod in the general direction of down the street, the taxi driver says, “It’s just nearby there.”

He then asks us, “You guys want entertainment?”

We obviously looked a bit confused, so he clarified further, saying, “You guys want to go to the bars and get girls?”

We were like, “Whoa, no!” and I was like, “We are missionaries, and he (my friend) is a pastor!” That was the only dumb response I could come up with amid the shock of that awful proposition. These were my first impressions from the first few hours of my first trip to the Philippines.

Since then, I’ve been to the Philippines over two dozen times for work and mission trips. But there were moments during my early trips that stood out. Moments that made me uncomfortable, and that I knew were not right, left me with so many questions. Unbeknownst to me, these moments were shaping and preparing me. Like breadcrumbs on a trail, they were leading me on a journey.

I remember a little girl sitting up against a long wall with colorful murals that students had painted. She was barefoot, covered in soot from the street, and wiping her tears on the shoulder of her black, tattered tank top. She looked around 6 or 7 years old, but she was so thin and frail. Her appearance starkly contrasted with the vibrant, happy, and hope-filled murals behind her: bright colored paints that showed families together, friends playing, and beautiful nature scenes. Is she okay? Why is she alone? Why is she crying? Is she hungry?

There’s a school right here! Where are social services? What am I supposed to do? What is going on here? Is this normal?

Overwhelmed, I wept too.

“Not all of us can do great things, but we can do small things with great love.” – Mother Teresa

Busting down doors and rescuing people? Yeah, we don’t do much of that. Instead, we build up people and create spaces for people to build relationships. The truth is that some of the solutions to ending human trafficking are being kind, having compassion and respect for each other, being humble, and doing it all with love. If that is how everyone in the world treated each other… there’d be no human trafficking as well as a lot of other problems. Simple - but we all need a lot of practice to make it a habit.

RISING STRONG Whatever it is that you feel you are supposed to do, your great purpose, just know you don’t always have to go big or go home. You don’t need a grand plan to rise up and stand for a great cause. Starting small is just fine. The main thing is that you get started, preferably with some friends. And just try your best…with great love.

“You may choose to look the other way, but you can never say again that you did not know.” – William Wilberforce

It’s not like I didn’t notice all the poverty in the Philippines, but my heart just broke when I saw that little girl. All I could do at that moment was silently pray for her as my friend moved me on. I wanted to do something, but where to begin?

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Mindful Lettering: Trace the lettering.

It does not have to be perfect. You may rewrite the phrase a number of times on the page. Enjoy the process of mindful lettering.

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YOUR RISING PATH

by Ian Nelson

When I was little, I wanted to be a zookeeper. I was low-key obsessed with animals. So naturally, in my six-year-old brain, what could possibly be better than working at a zoo with animals?

However, some unexpected events confused my life vision. I visited a friend’s farm and quickly learned how much crap farmers must put up with. I mean this quite literally—there is a ton of manure on animal farms. That’s a problem because I’ve always had a super sensitive ‘sniffer’—strong smells can hit me hard and send me straight into gag mode, dry heaving and all. At my friend’s farm, I plugged my nose the whole day!

I wondered if I was not cut out to shovel animal feces for a living.

Then, at age 10, a real tragedy struck.

Living out in the country, I oversaw the feeding of our dog and cats, who roamed the property. One night, my favorite cat, Gertrude, went missing. A week later, my dad found what was left of the poor cat’s remains. Gertrude had been outnumbered by a pack of coyotes and eaten. I was crushed thinking about my helpless cat in trouble. Maybe I didn’t have the toughness to care for fragile animals as a zookeeper after all.

Spoiler alert: I didn’t end up becoming a zookeeper. Today, I care for and protect an entirely different kind of creature—humans.

A lot has changed since my young zookeeper ambitions. It was not a straight path getting to where I am today in human justice work. Long story short: • • •

•

I first learned in middle school that I was a good writer.

In high school, I got into creative arts and photography.

During college, I studied marketing and developed a passion for encouraging youth.

After college, I worked for several years at a church.

Then it happened. I got the opportunity of a lifetime to help an upand-coming nonprofit called Remember Nhu save children from traffickers. At the time of this writing, I work as a Vice President at a nonprofit that focuses on combating child sex trafficking in 16 countries. The focus of our organization is to protect vulnerable children from the dangers of predators. I love what I do for a living, and I don’t have to shovel any poop! For the record, I still have pets, and I still like animals, but you could say I have found my true calling.

What about you? How do you find the right vision and mission for your life and rise to fulfill your potential?

HOW CAN MY PASSIONS OR TALENTS HELP THE WORLD?

Here are 5 Questions to ask yourself:

WHAT DO OTHERS SAY?

WHAT AM I PASSIONATE ABOUT?

Each of us is wired differently. Make a list of your interests and hobbies. Not every hobby will turn out to be a lifelong passion or sustainable career, but some can. Circle the things on your list that you feel strongly about. What kind of activities do you find most fulfilling?

What do you daydream about? Perhaps also ask, “What is wrong in the world that upsets me?” In my story, I had no idea that my concern for animals falling victim to predators would one day turn into a way to help people.

WHAT AM I GOOD AT?

Our unique skill sets can often be clues for discovering ways to contribute to the world. I’m bad at a lot of stuff, even when I try my hardest. For example, I like the idea of being a major league baseball player, but I’m a lousy baseball player! My talents are more along the lines of leading people and communicating creatively. What are your talents? Are there any skills that differentiate you?

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When we start using our abilities to serve the world, we either discover a potential vision for our lives or we discover we don’t like shoveling poop. So, try stuff. Take risks. The world is shaped by doers.

Put your passions and talents together. For example, if you’re good at chess and find it fulfilling to teach others how to play, perhaps sign up for a local chess club. If pollution makes you angry and you are skilled at making funny videos, make a TikTok video to raise awareness for a local environmental initiative.

Ask people close to you what they think your talents and passions are or what they picture you doing with your life. Run your vision by someone who knows you well. People who care about us can often affirm whether we’re on the right track with a vision. However, be careful —there are plenty of naysayers out there who enjoy shooting down ideas like professional snipers.

Once you identify a vision for your life, take practical steps in that direction.

Have fun with your ideas, and dream big! Following a vision is a lifetime adventure with ups and downs. Certain doors of opportunity will open up, and others will stay shut. Not everyone is meant to be a zookeeper.

I should wrap up by saying childhood dreams really do come true for people all the time. I may not have become a zookeeper, but my cousin Casey wanted to be a pilot as a little boy. Guess what his career is now? He is a commercial airline pilot, and I’m happy for him. My guess is he never had to shovel any poop.

Your future isn’t behind you— it’s rising in front of you like the sun.

Every new day is a step toward the purpose and potential waiting to unfold in your life.

Maya Angelou

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The flight of an eagle reminds you that you were made to rise as a hero who sees beyond what is. The wind beneath the eagle's wings calls your name - rise!

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ARISE A HERO

by Allen Cardines, State Commissioner for the Hawaii State Commission on Fatherhood led an initiative called “Fathering Hawaii’s Future.”

My new passion is to summon a generation of people who will be able to win and overcome their personal, private, painful battles that no one can see or fully understand—the ones that you fight in your mind and your heart. That is where the battle starts, and that is where we begin to change culture.

The bigger the mess, the bigger the message can be.

Do any of you have any problems in life?

As a native Hawaiian leader in my state, there was a time when I held deep pain and hatred in my heart for certain people who committed certain injustices that happened in the past…and I believed I was a powerless victim feeling used, abused, and taken for granted.

I live in Nanakuli, a city on the island of Oahu, where I have seen how local crimes, tragedies, and divisions cause deep pain and hopelessness in people. Yet, in recent years, I have also seen powerful transformation and healing of lives, as others and I have taken action to bring about positive change.

As a side note, in Volume 2, you can read more about my life in the article, The Angry Man Transformed. Yup, that was me.

But, before I share some hope-filled news with you, let me give you a snapshot of a time recently when my community was overwhelmed with the following list of concerns:

THE REVIVAL OF ALOHA (LOVE) IN MY OWN HEART I now believe I am powerful, not powerless because I can choose my attitude and actions. I have a purpose of making right the wrongs and of being an ambassador of aloha (love), and peace.

I started to help lead the charge to put the ‘neighbor’ back in my neighborhood and ‘unity’ back in my community.

Through my faith, with lots of perseverance, sacrifice, and not letting criticism from others stop me, I began to take leadership. Over time, I helped to initiate the following: • Elevate the Neighborhood Watch Program, where neighborhood teams (including ex-convicts and ex-drug dealers) began to watch out for each other, preventing crime in partnership with the police. One victory: The community came together, including a team of grandmothers, who helped to shut down a gambling drug house that the government tried to shut down for over 20 years! This was a feature story headlined, Grandmas and Gangsters, on an online news organization, Honolulu Civil Beat.

• Road Rage Crimes: Our senior elders, who should be respected and protected, were being physically attacked while in their cars.

• Gun Violence: Even innocent youth were victims of gun violence.

• Homicides: In one year, there was an 80% rise in homicides.

• Drug Addiction: There was high drug use and drugrelated crimes.

• Homelessness: There has been a huge rise in homelessness.

• Kidnapping: Kidnapping crimes were being committed.

• Suicide: Youth suicide rates were heartbreaking.

• Sex Trafficking and prostitution were on the rise.

• High Numbers of Children in the Foster Care System.

• We increased Community Policing, where we began to deal with the underlying causes of crime and social problems and find positive, productive, creative solutions to painful and seemingly impossible situations.

• I spearheaded a Challenge Day program in our local public high school so youth could heal from hurts, know their value, and have hope for their future.

Having hope is hard when you feel helpless. To be honest, before my attitude changed, I DID NOT WANT to get involved in being part of the solution even though community leaders were asking me to help.

It all started with me asking myself, “Do I love and care about my community?” If I wanted things to change, change needed to begin with me. I realized that getting angry, complaining, causing division and disunity, and doing nothing is not helpful. I made the decision to learn and grow to have a greater love for my community. I went through a radical mind shift in my perspective.

In such challenging times, we need to have hope in action to lead people to the other side of problems, where solutions lie.

• I implemented the Operation Blue Light Christmas initiative to heal the divide between the community and the local police department. We gave wrapped Christmas gifts to the police, who delivered them to the children in our community in their police cars with their blue lights flashing. They gave gifts to 120 children in the first year. It has grown to distribute gifts to 2000+ children in Nanakuli. Operation Blue Light Christmas has spread to other cities!

I began to see the progress of change in my community!

In the midst of moving forward, an unlikely and unexpected hero arose in Nanakuli.

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MANA RISES Let me introduce you to my friend Mana, an ex-gang leader who was incarcerated for 26 years. Soon after I met Mana, I devoted myself to mentoring him, building up his sense of value and purpose for good. Over time, he transformed into a different person and joined our Neighborhood Watch Program.

This is one story of many that I will never forget about Mana. At one of our Operation Blue Light Christmas events, I told Mana that he would have an opportunity to do good for the community he once used to steal from. I told him he would ride in the front passenger seat with one of the policemen to deliver the gifts. Both Mana and the policeman were initially shocked and hesitant at my instructions. You see, Mana had never sat in the front of a police car before…he had ALWAYS sat in ‘the back’ of a police car after being arrested in the past. But it happened. As Mana entered the police car to sit in the front seat, he began to weep uncontrollably at this miracle in his life.

You see, for the past 34 years, Mana had resented the police because a police officer killed his brother when his brother escaped from prison. As Mana sat in the front seat of the police car, forgiveness, and healing began to change his heart.

Then I told him, “Mana, your friends who see you in the car will think you got arrested again, so make sure you show them that you do not have handcuffs on by giving people a ‘shaka’ sign (shaka sign means friendship, gratitude, positive attitude)!

Show people you are not going to jail but are partnering with the police to put the neighbor back in the hood.”

Later that year, at a conference where Nanakuli police stood on stage, Mana spoke words of love, appreciation, and support to them! Presently, a number of police officers and Mana describe their relationship as ‘family.’ THAT is true change!

Through his faith and commitment to serving our community and beyond, Mana’s impact and story were featured on our statewide Hawaii News Now program and have been heard by people worldwide, giving hope and inspiration!

Although Mana is now serving his term in prison for past crimes he committed before his transformation; he continues to aspire to help and support others where he is.

Is Mana a hero? You bet he is! He is my hero. And the hero to many.

Like all communities, does my community still have many challenges and concerns? Yes. However, is my community now seeing the OTHER SIDE of the problems? Yes! We are.

REMEMBER: YOU ARE A HERO, NOT A ZERO. In closing, I want to share with you my recent vision and proposal to community leaders to adopt the Be a Hero movement. I challenged the community and government leaders that as we roll out this movement in our city, they also must aspire to become heroes in their own families.

As you read the following pledges on the following page, I invite you to consider committing yourself to grow in these areas and be the hero I know you can be!

Heart to heart, from me to you.

I invite and challenge YOU to: • Rise and be a modern-day hero, and do whatever it takes to win your personal, painful battles. As you do this, you will be able to help others more fully.

• Help people to see the other side of their problems.

• Grow to love your community.

Change starts with you.

• Use your gifts and talents to make a difference. What you do will look different than what I do. YOU BE YOU. The definition of a hero is a person who is admired for their courage, noble character, and life achievements. I believe in you.

You were created to do more beyond your wildest dreams. Believe the truth that you have immense value and significant contributions to make the world a more beautiful place! Be a hero!

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PLEDGE TO BE A HERO ALOHA, an acronym from Hawaii to inspire the world.

by Allen Cardines

AKAHAI: Kindness expressed with tenderness:

HA’AHA’A: Humility expressed with restraint.

“I will always control myself no matter what others do.”

“I will forgive others who have hurt me and reconcile with those I have hurt.”

We cannot control other people, but we can practice self-control and respond in respectful, honorable ways. If we cannot control ourselves, then we are ‘out of control.’

Forgive. We can pursue forgiving others who have hurt us and do our best to reconcile with those we have hurt. We cannot control their response, but we can do our part to reach out and ask for forgiveness if possible.

LOKAHI: Unity expressed with harmony.

“I will create a culture for others to feel unconditionally loved and accepted.”

AHONUI: Patience expressed with perseverance.

We can refrain from judging and seek to appreciate other people’s contributions, no matter their ethnicity, background, or age.

“I will always take responsibility for my choices and clean up my mess. I will honor the generations before me and leave a legacy for those after me.”

‘OLU’OLU: Graciousness expressed with pleasantness.

Take responsibility for your actions. Honor the good of the generations before you and seek to

“I will always listen respectfully to understand.”

leave a great legacy in your life.

We must seek to understand before seeking to be understood so we can work together to solve problems. You don’t have to agree on everything, but we can seek to co-exist together in peace.

RISING STRONG INTO AN EXTRAORDINARY FUTURE

by Michele Okimura

Have you ever felt like you’re just going through the motions?

Wake up, go to school, go to work, scroll through your phone, hang out with friends, sleep, repeat. It’s easy to fall into the rhythm of just existing, but deep inside, you probably feel it: a pull for more.

That’s because you were never meant to drift through life.

You were designed to live with purpose.

Have you ever felt a dream stirring deep inside—a vision of something you want to build, a purpose you feel called to pursue, or a gift you want to share? Maybe it’s starting your own business one day, writing a song that inspires others, or making a difference in your community. Imagine yourself shining, standing tall, making an impact.

But then something happens.

The fear creeps in. You start doubting. Maybe you don’t feel qualified. Maybe you begin to feel overwhelmed. You tell yourself, “I’ll work on it later. I’m not ready. What if I fail?” So, you wait, hoping the perfect moment will come when you feel totally ready.

I know that sinking feeling all too well—the urge to run from my dreams because I felt too small, too unqualified, too insecure to accomplish something big and bold. But I’ve also learned that sometimes the best way to grow is to take the first step anyway.

This Brave & Bold journey you have been reading through started with an unexpected idea I had one day. My heart was stirred to see people loving themselves more, being more confident in their value, thriving in life and in relationships with greater joy, living with a great sense of purpose, reaching their potential… and being safe and protected from harm in the process.

I believe my desire to help others find purpose stemmed from the rejection and trauma that I experienced growing up through my teen years. I believed the lie that I had little or no value. I struggled with literally hating myself! Although I felt unlovable, I desperately wanted to feel I mattered.

Fortunately, over the years, with my faith and the support of people around me, I found the courage to heal from my past hurts. This journey inspired me to believe I can make a difference by supporting others.

How did the Brave Series idea become a reality that you are now a part of?

One small step at a time.

Did I ever feel overwhelmed by the mountain of unknowns? YES!

Did I ever feel like giving up when I looked at the long list of tasks? YES! Did I ever feel afraid that I could not lead this project to success? YES! Despite my doubts, I kept pushing through each day. I kept returning to my WHY. WHY am I doing this project?

Knowing the WHY behind your vision will help fuel your motivation and courage to take action. So, what was my why for creating Brave & Bold?

My WHY was you.

Though I may never meet you face to face in my lifetime, I want you to know that I fully believe that your life matters, regardless of what you have been through. Hold onto hope.

You don’t have to wait to be older, richer, or more experienced to make a difference. The truth is that every extraordinary life begins with ordinary, everyday choices.

The people who rise take small, intentional steps when no one is watching. They say “yes” to what matters and “no” to what distracts them. They choose to have noble character when it would be easier to cut corners.

THE POWER OF ONE SMALL STEP

Think about it: a single spark starts a wildfire. One drop of water can send a ripple across a pond. One conversation or one small step in the right direction can completely change the course of a life.

It could be as simple as showing up on time, encouraging a friend, putting in a little extra effort in your schoolwork, or walking away from a toxic situation. Such moments might feel insignificant, but stacked over time, they are the building blocks of something powerful.

The world needs you, and I need you. In the mysterious tapestry of life, you have the potential to cause a positive ripple effect that could reach me, my loved ones, and generations after you.

Every day, you are shaping your story. The habits you’re forming, the attitudes you carry, the people you choose to surround yourself with—they are all part of the process.

Lead yourself first by making strong, wise decisions when it’s hard. Start by being faithful with what’s in your hands right now, whether it’s your studies, job, family relationships, or personal growth.

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The people who live extraordinary lives aren’t necessarily the most talented. They’re the most consistent. They choose to do the right thing even when it costs them something.

Maybe you’re not sure what your dreams are yet.

Uncertainty can make you freeze, thinking, “If I don’t know exactly what I want, I’ll just wait until I figure it all out.” But life isn’t a waiting room. You find your purpose by moving, by trying, by discovering, by learning… even if it looks a bit messy. Remember, the world doesn’t need perfect people; it needs real people—people willing to get their hands dirty,

fail, learn, and grow. Every dream that has changed the world started as a rough draft.

THE CHALLENGE

I challenge you in this moment. No more waiting. No more holding back. The world is waiting for your artistry, vision, courage, and leadership. Don’t let procrastination steal your destiny. Light that spark. And rise strong!

So, take a deep breath, look ahead, and remember—you are here for a reason. It is your time to rise, one step at a time!

The world is waiting for the purpose you carry!

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Journal

Journal your thoughts and takeaways from this chapter:

Briefly describe the kind of man you want to become in the next 5-10 years.

Based on what you’ve written so far, try to write a one-sentence mission statement for your life.

It can change over time. What’s one thing you feel called to do or become?

Here are some examples: • • •

I will work hard, stay true to who I am, and always give my best in everything I do.

My mission is to lead by example, support others, and never give up on my dreams.

My mission is to stay motivated, push through challenges, and inspire others to do the same.

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Chapter 5: Rising Strong Activity

Walk it out.

• • • •

Jungle to Jewelry to Justice Your Rising Path Arise A Hero Rising Strong Into An Extraordinary Future

Choose one or more action steps:

1.

Create a personal vision board. Use images, quotes, and symbols that represent your goals, dreams, and the type of person you want to become.

•

2.

Identify a person you admire (could be a person in history) who rose strong in their life. How did they rise strong? Read about their life and journal about the life lessons you can take and apply to your life.

4.

Find five or more inspirational quotes that inspire you and help you build a strong mindset. Pick the ones that really hit home for you. Write them down and put them somewhere you’ll see them every day—like your mirror, locker, or phone background.

3.

Find a personal growth book for your age level to read and help you to have a growth mindset.

•

A fixed mindset, on the other hand, makes you think your skills or intelligence are set in stone—like you’re either good at something or you’re not. But a growth mindset says: You’re not there yet, but you can get there if you put in the work.

A growth mindset is believing that you can get better at anything with effort, learning, and persistence. It’s about seeing challenges as opportunities to grow instead of proof that you’re not good enough.

The struggle is real, and so is hope.

Text 494949 to chat now | FREE Mental Health Chat Center | 24/7 for those over 13 years old.

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Our journey together through these pages of Brave & Bold ends here, but this is not an ending. It is a launch. Take the strength you've built, the wisdom you've gained, and the unstoppable power of your voice into your future journey and adventures of life. Let your voice echo in places that need healing. Let your light guide others still in the dark. You’ve realized that you’re not alone—and never have to be. The bravery you've cultivated is now a beacon. Shine it brightly, live it loudly, and create a legacy of hope that reshapes the world.

Let us be Brave & Bold.

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