BOLD CLASSIC: VOL 3

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GROW IN CONFIDENCE. KNOW YOUR IDENTITY.

JOURNEY

FOR GUYS

DEVELOP FOUNDATION

The Quest to Develop Welcome to Brave & Bold Journey 3! In this journey, you’ll dive into topics that help strengthen your core—your integrity, character, values, and understanding of healthy friendships. These are the foundations that will help you stand firm in what is good, right, and authentic, no matter what life throws your way.

Whether you see yourself as a natural leader or a steady supporter, leadership is something you’ll step into at various moments in life—within your family, with friends, on teams, or in the workplace.

Leadership and values are like the roots of a strong tree—they keep you grounded and help you grow tall and resilient. Developing leadership means learning to take responsibility, make confident decisions, and stand up for what’s right, even when it’s tough. Your values act as your compass, guiding you to honor not just others but also the person you are becoming.

As you engage with these articles, may you continue growing into someone others trust, honor, respect, and look up to. Come to this journey with a teachable heart and, as in previous journeys, prepare to be surprised, challenged, empowered, affirmed, and transformed.

Step by step, as you develop into the man you’re called to be, you’re building your capacity to make a powerful, positive impact on the world.

Let’s get started!

With gratitude, The Brave & Bold Team

Brave & Bold Copyright © 2025-2026 Releasing Generations Published by Releasing Generations Printed in the United States of America All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

All articles, art, and photographs have been published and printed with the permission of their creators.

Art Direction and Graphic Design by: Ahava Design, LLC. Photos by Unsplash and iStockphoto.

TheBraveSeries.com Through The Brave Series, we are on a mission to help youth and adults of all ages overcome insecurities about their value and purpose. The Brave Series empowers teens and adults to: • Grow in confidence and emotional health.

• Gain wisdom and vision for their future, enabling them to step into their purpose and pursue their dreams.

• Become aware and equipped to safeguard themselves and others from exploitation and sex trafficking victimization.

Learn more at TheBraveSeries.com or visit us at ReleasingGenerations.org

Brave & Bold Volume 03 (Classic) – 03/2026

FOR GUYS

DEVELOP FOUNDATION

The Journey: 03

Journey 01

Journey 02

HE IS BRAVE & BOLD Defining What is Brave & Bold

LET IT GO The Value of Forgiveness

KNOW YOURSELF Becoming Self-Aware

GOOD GRIEF Dealing with Losses in Life

STAND FIRM Being Secure and Confident

UNRAVELLING EMOTIONS Navigating Anger, Fear, and Anxiety

YOUR DESIGN Discovering Your Uniqueness

STAY THE COURSE Persevering Through Hardships

BORN TO CREATE Activating Your Creativity

PARENTS AND YOU Exploring the Impact of Parents

FREEDOM TO DREAM Dreaming Big for Your Life

FORGED IN COMMUNITY The Value of Belonging to a Community

Discover Purpose

Dig Deeper

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Develop Foundation

Journey 03

Journey 04

BUILDING YOUR CORE .................. 10 Establishing Character

PORNOGRAPHY The Negative Effects of Pornography

VALUES TO LIVE BY....................... ....................... 24 Embracing Key Values for Success

OVERCOMING TRAUMA Understanding Trauma

LEADERSHIP................................ ................................ 42 Becoming an Effective Leader

SEXUAL VIOLENCE Addressing Sexual Violence

FRIENDSHIP.. . ............................... 56 Building Healthy Friendships

SEX TRAFFICKING Protect Yourself and Others from Victimization

THE POWER OF WORDS ................. 72 Life-Giving Communication

THE BROTHERHOOD The Value of Men Arising

HE PROTECTS .............................. 86 Guarding, Defending, and Supporting Others

RISING STRONG Onward with Vision and Purpose

Develop Foundation

Daring Pursuit

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BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! Imagine a metal hammer pounding against a red-hot sword to shape it.

Imagine the sound.

We are like a sword being forged. Let’s take a closer look at the four major steps a swordsmith takes to craft a sword and see the connection to how we develop into great men.

DEVELOP.

1. Forging So, how does a sword come to life? Forging first involves the swordsmith melting and blending different metals to create a super strong new metal that can slice through just about anything.

by Damon Gohata

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We first need the right raw materials to create the strongest metal alloy. This chapter will give you the right foundational components to build your life on. To be forged well, be open to embracing positive, life-building mindsets and perspectives from others.

meant to be. It’s hammered, remodeled, and thrown back into the fire time and time again.

This whole intense process sorts out flaws and reinforces the weak spots that might mess up the sword’s strength and impact when needed. All that hammering strengthens the metal, making it more durable and resilient, so it’s less likely to break in battle.

Fire also refines. Let the tough times and words of challenge reveal and burn away the impurities and negativity in our lives that hold us back.

2. Shaping

Listen well to the words of these mentors who will help build your character core and stir up in you the guts to keep going. If we allow the wisdom of the wise to shape us, we will become adaptable, strong, and resilient rather than being easily broken and weak when faced with challenges.

This new metal mix then goes through the shaping stage.

Usually, the metal isn’t put into a mold. Instead, the smith keeps pounding on it with a hammer to shape it into the weapon it’s

3. Sharpening After it is shaped, the swordsmith grinds away at the edges and dull parts of the sword to sharpen it to a fine edge.

We’ve all got some rough edges—our lives are a work in progress. If you are open to learning, prepare to be sharpened into your best self.

4. Decorating Finally, the sword is decorated with a beautiful handle so that the warrior can hold the weapon, and it can be a glorious symbol of victory when the battle is won.

Imagine your life being a combination of purpose and beauty—like a beautifully crafted sword made with the artistry and creativity of a master craftsman. This is you—there are so many marvelous, creative facets to who you are that are meant to shine.

Just as a sword goes through stages to become something powerful, you’re also being shaped into a force to be reckoned with. Get ready to jump into the following chapters focused on building you into a guy who stands strong with purpose and confidence!

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“Integrity is essential and irreplaceable. It is the most valuable asset for a person, a company, or a society seeking to build and progress.”

Rex Tillerson, former US Secretary of State

Chapter 01

Building Your Core

Where is your core? It is the central part of your body, including your abs. Building a strong core is about getting your core muscles to work as a team. This helps boost your balance and stability and makes you stronger overall.

The lessons in this chapter are like building blocks for life and leadership—they’ll help shape who you are. Your character is built on the beliefs and habits that guide how you treat people. A solid core will help you overcome tough times and act as a compass that will point you toward making the right choices for the right reasons!

In the same way, building a strong core of character and integrity will give you the stability and balance needed for long-lasting success in life. But like building muscle, building a strong core requires effort, work, and being intentional.

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FAITHFULNESS.

by Pat McFall

“By being faithful in the little things, focusing on good relationships, and intentionally focusing on the right priorities, we can honor our limits and still be men that people can count on.”

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Who is the most faithful person you know? Who is a person whose integrity passes all the tests? For me, it was my dad. He wasn’t perfect by any means, but my dad was a man of mature character. As a school administrator, people trusted him when he spoke, and they believed in his leadership as an educator. It’s something that I strive for today.

numerous temptations and pressures that can erode our commitments and create tension between us and others.

So how do we cultivate healthy relationships built on integrity that encourage us towards the best versions of ourselves? We do this by prioritizing our most important relationships, being faithful in our commitments, showing love to those around us, and resisting the temptations that could harm our relationships. Remember, direction flows through relationships.

It can be challenging to remain steadfast in our character, especially in a culture that promotes pleasure and self-indulgence as if they are life’s highest good. But we know that life is more than just having the most fun or getting the most wins at any cost.

So, what are the most important relationships in your life? Are you the kind of friend who encourages and supports those around you? Do you have friends who inspire you? Are you someone that your friends can count on? The answers to these questions give insight into where we may need to grow in our faithfulness and integrity.

Character matters. That’s why a life of faithfulness and integrity is so important. Let’s explore a few places where we can practice the kind of faithfulness and integrity necessary to be the men we aspire to be.

Focus The little things The last area of faithfulness we’ll discuss is our focus.

More and more, our world is trying to grab the attention of young men. Advertisements tell us to look over here or to buy this product so that we’ll feel cool or accepted.

Our day is full of distractions that try to compromise our focus. Video games are on our phones, tablets, consoles, and computers. Doom-scrolling through TikTok, Instagram, or endless news stories isn’t helping anyone. Even good things like sports or school can consume much of our time and attention to the degree that we feel like we don’t know who we are anymore, and it can get us off track in accomplishing the goals we’ve set for ourselves.

The first area where faithfulness is essential is what you and I call “the little things.” Yup, those small, seemingly insignificant actions of diligence. It’s easy to think that only significant actions or epic moments matter in our lives, but the small things we do daily grow us the most. If we want to be trusted with greater responsibilities and opportunities, we must be faithful to the small things.

I want you to understand that some of the most important things that you will do, no one will ever see. The moments of self-control as you navigate a challenging situation. The diligent mornings of getting up and preparing for your day so that you have the clarity to discern your most important tasks. The moments of kindness and excellence at school or work that no one is ‘high-fiving’ you for. Showing up on time and doing what you say you will do. These are the hidden moments of faithfulness in the little things that deepen a mature character and enable you to have greater influence in life.

One of the best ways you and I can mature is to stay focused on who we are becoming and what we are supposed to be doing. Saying ‘yes’ to one thing means saying ‘no’ to something else. Because I can’t do it all, focusing on my priorities is integral to my life. We may need to learn to say ‘no’ to a few things, but it will help us be ‘all in’ for the things we say ‘yes’ to.

Having integrity in a world of competing priorities and values takes work, but it is possible. By being faithful in the little things, focusing on good relationships, and intentionally focusing on the right priorities, we can honor our limits and still be men that people can count on. We can be the kind of men who say what we mean and do what we say we’ll do.

“Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.” – Mother Theresa Relationships Another area where faithfulness and integrity are essential is in our relationships. As young men, we face

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TAKING RESPONSIBILITY: Why Buffaloes Are Smarter Than Cows.

by Scott Custer

“When it comes to responsibilities, men embrace them, while guys avoid them.”

When I was thirteen, my parents sat me down for an important conversation. First, there was good news: my monthly allowance was going to increase by a factor of ten! Each month, I would receive a nice wad of cash (of course, in return for doing chores and working around the house). I was excited, but it felt like there was going to be a catch. And there was.

That conversation impacted me deeply. I took it to heart and began taking more responsibility for my life, education, time, and faith. It wasn’t on anyone else to make the right choices for me: that was my job.

Fast forward to the end of my time at college. I was part of a campus group, and during our final gathering before my graduation, fellow students were invited to share how the seniors had positively impacted their lives. A young woman stood and gave me the greatest compliment I have ever received. The context for her statement was how I took responsibility for myself and cared for those around me. She said, “All my life, I have only known guys. You are the first man I have ever met. Thank you for showing me what a man looks like.” (Needless to say, my heart was encouraged by her words for a long time.)

With that money, I would now be responsible for all my own expenses. They would feed me at home and buy school supplies. That was it. I was now responsible for everything else: phone, clothes, eating out with friends, going to the movies, entertainment, gaming, etc. (After blowing all my money on junk food and other dumb purchases early on, I quickly saw the value of making and following a budget!) My parents also told me they would not wake me up in the morning, tell me when the bus was about to leave for school or schedule my calendar. It was time for me to become more responsible.

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Now, I do not want to give you the wrong impression here. I do NOT always do the right thing! I don’t always make wise choices. I still run from responsibility far more often than I’d care to admit. I can distract myself from what’s important for hours with television, video games, my phone, and food. My life, health, and relationships have suffered from neglect at times.

the rain is dramatically reduced. They get to it and through it quicker.

Think of the storm as representing the responsibilities in your life: your daily routine, your education, your chores, your extracurricular activities, your spending, your time, your attitudes, your job—anything you are responsible for.

But I share these two stories with you because I think they capture what is an important essence of manhood: RESPONSIBILITY.

When responsibilities come billowing toward you in life, do you react like a cow and run from them? Do you try to hide?

Do you hope your responsibilities will just go away? If so, not only are you avoiding living up to your potential, but you are making your life more difficult than it needs to be.

Honorable men are those who take responsibility, first for themselves and their lives. Then, in time, they extend their responsibility like an umbrella over those around them, using their influence and power to protect and promote the welfare of others, especially their families. Manhood is ultimately about embracing responsibility.

Running from responsibility will not lead to a great life. The Greek philosopher Seneca once said, “No man is more unhappy than he who never faces adversity. For he is not permitted to prove himself.”

The American writer Orison Swett Marden agrees. He says, “The greatest thing a man can possibly do in this world is to make the most possible out of the stuff that has been given him. This is success, and there is no other. It is not a question of what someone else can do or become which every youth should ask himself, but what can I do? How can I develop myself into the grandest possible manhood?”

Responding to responsibilities with determination and strength, like a buffalo, is not only what is best for you, but it allows you to fulfill your greatest potential. You are a man with growing responsibilities. Don’t shirk them. Show yourself faithful and true. You can do this! Run toward responsibility.

It’s the greatness you are destined for.

Marden encourages young men to embrace the challenge of making the most out of our lives and what we have been given charge of. To merge his ideas with my friends’ comments: At our best, we are men who embrace responsibilities. At our worst, we are guys who run from them.

When it comes to storms, buffaloes face them while cows run away.

This brings us to buffaloes and cows.

Which will you choose to be?

Buffaloes and cows are similar in many regards, but there is one key behavioral difference. It has to do with the weather.

While both animals can sense an approaching storm, they have very different responses. Cows will run away in the opposite direction. This seems like logical behavior; they want to get out of the pouring rain! However, the storm eventually catches up with the cows and drenches them. Though tired, they will keep running in that direction. This means they spend even more time in the rain, causing them more discomfort for longer.

“Taking responsibility is a commitment to own your life, to self-leadership, growth, and freedom.”

Christopher Avery

When it comes to responsibilities, men embrace them, while guys avoid them.

“It is only when you take responsibility for your life that you discover how powerful you truly are.”

Allanah Hunt “Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more.”

Tony Robbins

The buffalo, which is my favorite animal, does just the opposite.

It sprints directly toward the storm. It doesn’t run from harm and difficulty. The buffalo takes the storm head-on. At first, this may seem counterintuitive and foolish, but it’s actually brilliant! By moving toward the storm, the negative impact of

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ACTIVIT Y

GROWING IN RESPONSIBILITY.

Responsibility Survey: Check Out Your Responsibility Rating!

Create a list of five scenarios in your life that require a level of responsibility (e.g. “How often do I finish my homework on time?” Or “Do I clean up after myself without being asked?”). List them below then in the corresponding box, put in a number from a scale from 1-5, where 1 means “Never” and 5 means “Always.”

My Daily Actions Write down 3-5 things you did today that show responsibility. These can be small, like finishing your homework on time, or bigger actions, like helping a friend in need. How did these actions make you feel, and what impact do you think they had on others?

Role Model Reflection: Think of someone you look up to who is responsible (a family member, coach, or even a character from a movie or book). List at least three things they do that make them responsible. Journal what you can learn from their behavior and apply it to your life.

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Setting Responsibility Goals List three areas where you could be more responsible (like school, friendships, chores, or personal habits).

For each area, write down one action step you can take this week to show more responsibility.

Action Step

Action Step

Action Step

Action Step

Action Step

The Crossroads Life often puts us at a crossroads where we have to make tough choices. Doing what’s right and showing integrity isn’t always easy—it’s usually the harder path. Like when you mess up, you can either own up to it or try to dodge the blame by lying, staying quiet, or twisting things to get out of trouble. But remember, you have the strength to face those moments head-on. You’ve got what it takes to do the hard stuff.

In the space below, draw a crossroads with two paths. One path should represent making choices with integrity and strong character, and the other should show the effects of dishonest or unethical decisions.

At the end of each path, draw what you think the outcomes would be for a person’s life. Feel free to use symbols or images—get creative!

“The high road is always respected. Honesty and integrity are always rewarded.”

Scott Hamilton

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“Like tiny seeds with potent power to push through tough ground and become mighty trees, we hold innate reserves of unimaginable strength. We are resilient.” – Catherine DeVrye, The Gift of Nature

BUILDING RESILIENCE: Turning Setbacks into Comebacks

by Lisa Kai

Life can be messy, uncertain, and full of detours. Plans fall apart, people let you down, and sometimes, you let yourself down. You might feel like quitting, hiding, or giving up on your goals altogether. But what if those exact moments, when everything feels like it’s falling apart, are the moments that shape your future the most?

Here’s the truth: what defines you is not the fall—it’s how you rise.

That’s where resilience comes in. Resilience is the inner ability to bounce back, keep going when life gets tough, and grow stronger through every challenge, disappointment, or pain. It’s not about being perfect or pretending everything’s fine. It’s about showing up, even when it’s hard, and staying hopeful.

I grew up feeling like I wasn’t smart like everyone else because I didn’t speak English until I was five. I didn’t have good grades in English, and when the teacher handed back our tests, if I had a “D” or an “F,” I would hide my papers and not tell anyone.

If you want to succeed in life, relationships, school, or leadership, resilience isn’t optional. It’s essential.

I found my confidence when I realized that I wasn’t dumb, I was just a slower learner who needed more time to understand things. Rather than pretending to be someone I was not, I grew more resilient by learning from my mistakes. I used my failures as motivation to try again. Over time, I gained more understanding and confidence speaking English with people.

Resilience is different from perseverance. Perseverance helps you push forward, but resilience helps you rise again. You need both to grow strong and succeed.

Think of resilience like a muscle. You weren’t born with six-pack abs—and you weren’t born with unshakable inner strength either. But both can grow with intentional practice.

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▶ Shift your self-talk. Your mindset and words shape reality and set the tone for your comeback.

Pay attention to how you speak to yourself when things go wrong. Replace “I’m a failure” with “I’m learning.” Instead of “This is the end,” say, “This is the start of something new.” Choose to believe there is always a way forward. ▶ Remember your “why.” What do you believe you’re called to do or become? Focus your mind on those thoughts. When you know your “why,” you’ll find the strength to endure the “what.” ▶ Anchor your identity in something unshakable.

You’re valuable simply because you were created with a purpose. When you anchor your identity in something more profound, like faith, truth, and values instead of success, popularity, or performance, you will stand, even when life shakes you. ▶ Surround yourself with encouraging, resilient people. You become like those you’re around.

Walk with friends, mentors, and leaders who don’t quit, pick you up when you fall, remind you of your worth when you forget, and challenge you to become the best version of yourself. ▶ Don’t fear failure—use it as a stepping stone.

Every successful person has failed, but what sets them apart is their resilience in trying again. Your comeback could give hope to someone who needs it. Setbacks can teach us vital lessons. Learn. Adjust.

Grow. Try again. That’s the rhythm of resilience.

I had to learn to own my mistakes and not try to fake them or feel embarrassed. I am now a communicator who speaks for a living. I often speak to crowds of 40 to 1500 people, which can be nerve-racking! I don’t want to make mistakes or look like a fool on stage. However, I’ve learned that people are more gracious when you acknowledge your mistakes rather than trying to hide or fake it.

Do you pretend you’re ok even when you’re struggling after experiencing a setback?

I want to encourage you—you don’t have to be perfect.

What matters most is being real. Feeling anxious, discouraged, or needing help doesn’t mean you’re weak.

Resilience is choosing to move forward with courage anyway. People usually appreciate someone real and authentic. Your honesty creates safety and inspires others to do the same.

Understand that you have your whole life to practice and perfect things. Instead of making it a priority to please people, find the courage to push yourself forward and ask for help when you need it.

Mistakes and failures help us understand who we are and what we can do. I recall a quote: “Resilience isn’t just the ability to get back up; it’s the courage to get back up as yourself.”

Many heroes with remarkable resilience can inspire us from the past and present. One such person is Elizabeth Smart, who was tragically abducted at 14 and held captive for nine months. She showed incredible resilience in the aftermath of her trauma. She now speaks boldly on overcoming fear and helping victims of abuse find healing and hope.

“Only those who dare to fail greatly, can ever achieve greatly.” – Robert F. Kennedy

Derrick Rose, one of the youngest MVPs in NBA history, faced career-threatening injuries but never gave up. He kept fighting to get back on the court. His powerful comeback reminds athletes and fans everywhere that it’s possible to rise again, no matter how many times you fall.

Resilient people don’t expect life to be easy—they expect it to be worth it.

▶ Practice Self-Care. Rest, journal, talk to someone—your emotional health matters. Burnout doesn’t make you braver; wisdom does. Even warriors need rest to fight another day.

Keep rising. Keep growing. Keep showing up.

You’re stronger than you know. And your story isn’t over—there are new chapters for you to live out with courage!

How does one grow in resilience?

You don’t have to have it all together. You just need to start building your resilience muscles. Here are some practical ways to do that:

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INTEGRITY: THE FOUNDATION OF CHARACTER

by Ché Ahn

“The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.” – Bob Marley

“Truth is dead.” Or at least it seems that way sometimes in today’s broken society.

Thankfully, that’s not the end of the story. Even in the midst of uncertain times, truth shines in the darkness and gives us hope for the future.

Our everyday lives are flooded with lies. In this information age, anyone can blog anonymously and say whatever they want to say without taking responsibility for their words. We also have blatant lies being told by the media and politicians. We just don’t know what is true and what is fake news.

What is our greatest need?

The famous itinerant speaker Billy Graham was once asked what the three greatest needs in society were. He said, “Number one: integrity. Number two: integrity.

Number three: integrity.” I couldn’t agree more.

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This is not just about society at large losing its value for integrity. As individuals seeking truth, we need to be honest with ourselves and recognize if we also lack integrity. If we do, a paradigm shift is needed in our lives. We must first change how we think in order to take action and become people of character and integrity.

Having integrity in your life means that there is no gap between how things are and how things ought to be.

You have the unwavering determination to do what is right. With integrity, you have the fierce desire to walk in truth and speak the truth in love.

Practical keys to walking in integrity

This takes time, but it is well worth the effort. The Greek philosopher Heraclitus said, “Good character is not formed in a week or a month. It is created little by little, day by day. Protracted and patient effort is needed to develop good character.”

1. One of the keys to living a life of integrity is to be a person of the truth. Knowing the truth is vital to maintaining a noble character. Every day, our physical bodies need natural food and nourishment—how much more do our minds need to be fed by truth in a time when lies are running rampant?

My need for integrity

2. Another key is to learn about men and women of integrity throughout history. One of my early mentors taught me the vital importance of reading about exemplary leaders, and I have been a voracious reader ever since. Read books about great presidents, spiritual leaders, or noble figures who led lives of integrity and character. You can even find movies about them and immerse yourself in history in an entertaining way.

When I was growing up, I may have been a pathological liar. Rejection was deep in my soul, so I lied to get people to accept and like me. I cheated in school so I could gain approval from my dad. I changed my report card in 5th grade, and, of course, I got caught!

Then, as a teenager, I started selling drugs. I became a lying con man as I grew to be the number-one high school drug dealer in Montgomery County, Maryland, based on the testimony of the daughter of the County Sheriff.

3. Be accountable to a mentor who can guide you through different seasons of life. Learn from someone who has already cultivated a lifestyle of integrity.

By spending time with a mentor who is pouring into your life, you can see what integrity looks like as you imitate their example.

To sum it all up, I had no integrity. I was broken and in rebellion.

Everything changed when I had an unexpected encounter that began my faith journey at the age of 17. I started learning what it means to be a person of the truth, to cultivate noble character, and to walk in integrity. The key is knowing the truth, practicing the truth, and following the example of noble role models.

Ultimately, character and integrity are so important because, without them, you cannot handle greater responsibilities in life. Make the resolution today to be a person of integrity. Start using each of these keys to walk out your integrity and grow in noble character.

Take responsibility to develop yourself as a leader and see what doors open up in your life as a result!

Value integrity Integrity is the foundation of your character. Integrity is not what you do so much as who you are. And who you are, in turn, determines what you do. If you have integrity, your life will be secure.

Dwight L. Moody once said, “Character is what a person is in the dark.” Having integrity means being consistent and genuine, both with others or all alone. Integrity is being real.

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Journal Write about your main takeaway from this chapter. What is something you learned about yourself?

What is something you want to grow in?

Mindful Doodling: In the space above, sketch something in nature that represents the power and goodness of great character and integrity.

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mindful doodling

Chapter 1: Building Your Core ACTIVIT Y

Walk it out.

• Faithfulness • Taking Responsibility: Why Buffaloes Are Smarter than Cows • Building Resilience: Turning Setbacks into Comebacks • Integrity: The Foundation of Character

Choose one or more action steps:

1.

30-Day Faithfulness Challenge: Pick a small but meaningful task you can do every day for 30 days, like journaling, reading a book chapter, or doing a quick workout. Keeping up with the commitment for a whole month helps to build discipline, faithfulness, and loyalty to seeing things through. Don’t forget to acknowledge and celebrate your progress.

4.

Watch an inspirational movie about a great leader or character that inspired integrity, such as Coach Carter, Remember the Titans, Rocky, October Sky, or Mr. Holland’s Opus. Journal how the main character showed integrity and character and how they affected others around him/her. How were you inspired?

2.

Integrity Pledge: Write a personal integrity pledge that outlines the values you want to live by, such as honesty, dependability, and respect. You can share this pledge with the group or a trusted friend and commit to holding yourself accountable to it in your everyday life. Put this pledge in your personal belongings or in your room, where you can re-read it and commit to it regularly.

3.

The Honesty Challenge: Take on an honesty challenge where, for one week, you consciously avoid telling even small lies or half-truths. At the end of each day, you can reflect in a journal about how it felt to be honest and how it impacted your relationships and self-respect.

The struggle is real, and so is hope.

Text 494949 to chat now | FREE Mental Health Chat Center | 24/7 for those over 13 years old.

1-888-373-7888 | Toll-Free Hotline | 24/7 23 | Confidential | Get Help. Report Trafficking.

“Create a ladder of values and priorities in your life, reminding yourself of what really matters to you.”

Robert Greene

Chapter 02

Values to Live By

What are the values you live by?

Your values matter because they give you purpose and help shape the way you think and act. They guide your choices in everyday situations, future goals, and even what kind of career you might choose.

to you personally can guide your life and help you focus on what’s most important.

In this chapter, we’ll look at a few values that can bring more meaning to your life, starting with valuing the attitude of being teachable and open to learning and growing. May these articles help you reflect and discover the core values you want to live by.

Core values are the deep principles that guide your actions. There are many important values out there, but picking five to seven key core values that really matter

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CULTIVATING A GROWTH MINDSET.

by Michele Okimura

Want to grow? Value, cultivate, and nurture a growth mindset!

“The more I live, the more I learn. The more I learn, the more I realize, the less I know.” – Michel Legrand

they know everything. Instead, they stay open to learning, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Let’s be honest—nobody likes being told what to do. It’s tough to hear criticism, even when it’s meant to help. And when things get hard, or we fail to meet our goals, it’s easy to feel like giving up. But here’s the truth: The most successful, confident, and respected people in life have something in common—they have a growth mindset. They don’t act like

I remember that at a conference I attended, I noticed one of the attendees, Itsuko, a gray-haired woman in her late 70s, taking notes on her notepad as the speakers shared on stage.

She inspired me, and I thought to myself, “When I grow up, I want to be just like Itsuko! She is someone who is a learner even in her old age!” This woman displayed an attitude called a growth mindset.

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What is a Growth Mindset?

you push through and keep trying? And when a parent, coach, or leader challenges you to grow, do you take it as a positive push forward or see it as unwanted pressure? Being aware of your reactions can help you figure out where you might need to grow and how to become more resilient and open to learning.

A growth mindset is the belief that your abilities, intelligence, and talents can grow with effort, time, and help from others.

It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being willing to grow.

On the flip side, a fixed mindset says, “This is just how I am. I can’t change.” That way of thinking puts a limit on your potential.

People eager to learn and improve don’t always love correction, but they learn to welcome it. Why? Because they care more about growing than protecting their ego.

Think of it like this: Imagine your brain is a muscle. When you work out, your muscles get stronger over time. Your mind is the same. Every time you try, fail, and try again, you're building mental strength. You’re becoming wiser, stronger, and more capable.

How to Develop a Growth Mindset 1. Replace negative thinking with a positive perspective.

Swap “I can’t” for “I’m learning.” Instead of saying, “I’m not good at this, say, “I’m not good at this yet.” That one little word—yet—can change everything. Know that with time and effort, you will only improve and grow! Reflect on what you learned. Any wisdom gained is a win!

Being teachable doesn’t mean you’re weak or less than. It actually shows strength. It means you're secure enough to admit you don’t have all the answers—and brave enough to do something about it.

2. Ask Questions and listen more than you speak. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Curious people become smart people, and asking questions is a sign of strength, not weakness.

When someone gives you advice or feedback, really listen.

You don’t have to agree with everything, but don’t reject what is being said right away. There might be valuable gold in what they’re saying.

Here are some reasons why having a growth mindset can be your superpower: 1. You Grow Faster: People who are teachable soak up wisdom from others. They don’t have to learn every lesson the hard way because they’re willing to listen and learn from someone else’s experience.

3. Surround Yourself with Growth-Minded People. Hang out with people who push you to be better and who are your greatest encouragers. Real friends challenge each other to grow.

2. You Build Better Relationships: Nobody likes a know-it-all.

Being humble and teachable makes you easier to talk to, work with, and trust. It shows respect to the people around you and opens the door for deeper connections.

4. Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection. You won’t get it right every time—and that’s okay. Celebrate the fact that you’re showing up and trying. That’s what growth looks like.

3. You Bounce Back from Failure: When you’re teachable, failure doesn’t crush you. Instead, it becomes a lesson.

You’re able to say, “Okay, that didn’t work—what can I learn from it?” That mindset turns setbacks into comebacks.

Developing a growth-focused attitude isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being willing. Willing to listen. Willing to learn. Willing to grow.

4. You Get Opportunities Others Miss: Coaches, teachers, and leaders notice the ones who are eager to learn. When you're teachable, people want to invest in you and give you chances to grow.

So, next time you face a challenge, remember this: people who embrace a growth mindset don’t just survive—they thrive.

“It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts.”

John Wooden, Hall of Fame Basketball Coach

Think about how you usually react when someone gives you constructive criticism or feedback. Do you shut down, get defensive, or want to quit? Or do you try to learn from it? What about when you’re trying something new and it’s not going perfectly—do you get frustrated and want to give up, or do

“Never stop learning, because life never stops teaching.”

Unknown

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Develop this Superpower:

BEING TEACHABLE.

by Walter Chu

Want to grow? Value, cultivate, and nurture a teachable spirit!

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“The more I live, the more I learn. The more I learn, the more I realize, the less I know.” – Michel Legrand

others who may be better than I am. It comes from those moments when I choose to be a learner.

Valuing being teachable and a lifelong learner is a powerful posture to have in life—yet discovering how much we still have to learn is one of the most challenging experiences anyone can face.

I remember one time I started playing the electric guitar for a new band. At the time, I had been playing for a number of years and had enough experience to learn riffs and melodies on the fly. The band leader, who was pretty good at electric guitar himself, had asked me to play a new part in the song we were covering. On one hand, I didn’t really feel like playing the part because I didn’t think it went with the song we were covering. More than that, however, the part he asked me to play was a little difficult for me!

I was once in Japan with a group of volunteers helping with a program where we taught English to local college students.

We were all invited to a staffer’s home to play video games with the students. As we took turns playing against each other, I couldn’t help but notice one match going on between a staffer and a volunteer.

At that point, I had a choice: I could either object to this situation or learn from the leader and ask for help. I decided on the latter, and when I asked for help, the leader got so excited that he said, “I’ll teach you everything I know!”

The game started out friendly and light-hearted. However, the laughter in the room soon turned into nervous chuckles as the person losing began to mutter his disappointment and anger under his breath.

At first, I felt a little humiliated—I wished I could come before my bandmates, having already learned everything! However, by being teachable, I developed something else that came with humility—trust. I ended up in that band for seven years, and when people saw how I played and worked with the others, they would ask me to play at other gigs outside of the band as well! When I look back, the honor and new opportunities didn’t come based on my guitar skills but rather because people saw my willingness to learn and respect other people’s ideas.

At one point, the person winning said, “Chill out, it’s just a game.”

The room became awkwardly silent when the losing person said in a loud voice, “BUT THIS IS ALL I HAVE!” The person who lost that day was a friendly guy who struggled throughout the trip. I realized he had a particular mindset regarding proving things in his life. In order for him to feel accomplished, he needed something that he was good at, and when the one thing he counted on (this particular video game) was taken away, he began to break down. He wanted to feel proud that he had taught himself how to play this game well and had a natural talent for it. He couldn’t accept that he still had space to grow and learn.

The choice to remain teachable throughout life comes down to one question: where does my value come from? If I am valuable because of my accomplishments and achievements, then I need to do things to demonstrate my significance.

A quote by Denzel Washington sums this up well: “At the end of the day, it’s not about what you have or even what you’ve accomplished… It’s about who you’ve lifted up, who you’ve made better. It’s about what you’ve given back.”

Now, I might say to myself, “I would never get upset over some silly game,” but if I’m honest, I know how similar I can sometimes be. In fact, this story illustrates something I think many of us struggle with—the ability to be teachable.

If I know I don’t need to prove my worth through my accomplishments, then when I am faced with a situation where I make a mistake, discover I have much to learn, or have to celebrate others over myself, I can recognize the occasion and rise above it. When, in humility, I realize I can grow, I discover a deeper honor as I choose others over myself, opening more doors into greater possibilities.

“It’s what you learn after you know it all that counts.”

John Wooden, Hall of Fame Basketball Coach Many of us want to be significant—and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. The tricky part, however, is that the honor that comes with significance often comes through the process of growing humility. It comes from those moments when I’m willing to say that I’m not the best and, in turn, celebrate

“Never stop learning, because life never stops teaching.”

Unknown

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GRATITUDE IS THE ATTITUDE THAT CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

by Mike Frasier

pay attention to the good.

“I am happy because I’m grateful. I choose to be grateful. That gratitude allows me to be happy.” — Will Arnett, Actor, Comedian

The shaka hand sign originated in Hawaii and expresses ‘thank you’ and so much more!

What would my life look like if I was never grateful for anything?

That’s a good question. I would probably look at my entire life and the world through dark-shaded glasses of negativity. I would think that the whole world is against me. I would look at everything and everyone as a big disappointment. I would NOT be a fun person to be around because I would only think about myself and what I want.

Whoa…That was a deep dive into a major “what if.”

However, there is a total mindset shift when gratitude comes into play. When you look for things to be grateful for in your life, things change automatically.

This next statement is going to be wild. Check this out: “Be grateful for everything. The good, the bad, the ugly. Our entire life is a precious gift. It’s all part of our path.” – Dawn Gluskin Here are some things to reflect on: ▶ It is possible to not be grateful during good times. ▶ Good situations can be elevated to GREAT situations when we are grateful. ▶ Although it is easy to be ungrateful for bad things that happen in life, we can still look for something to be grateful for in those situations.

I learned the power of gratitude one summer when I was 19 years old. I went on a family trip with my parents and sister to the East Coast for a wedding. One particular day, I desperately wanted to visit with my cousins, so I kept bugging my parents, asking if I could hang with them, but my parents had already made plans for us to do something as a family. Their answer was a firm “No.” I was pretty upset, but I listened to my parents and got into the car with them.

While in the car, I kept going on and on, mouthing off about what my cousins would do... without me. After listening to me and experiencing my salty attitude, my parents unexpectedly exploded at me because all my ranting was telling them that I would much rather be with my cousins than in the car with them!

Apparently, they had observed that I had been acting pretty ungrateful the whole trip until then. There was yelling, scolding, and lecturing for approximately one hour, the entire car ride to our destination. I could only sit and listen.

So, you know, I actually became grateful for that tense car ride. Why? Let me share.

That car ride was one of the worst rides of my life!

However, it was also one of the rides that I am most grateful for because that ‘venting session’ with my parents made me aware of the wrong I was doing. I had been totally unaware that how I was acting was affecting my parents that much. It hit me that this big mess was ignited by me wanting my way and not looking at how my attitude and actions affected my parents. Unfortunately, I ruined the plans that they had made at that point, but the rest of the trip was awesome because my attitude changed to being grateful for my parents. Even now, I look back at that incident with gratitude for that horrible day that taught me a life-changing lesson about gratitude.

Gratefulness is a power that you can harness right now. Start being grateful for the small things because there are plenty of things to be grateful for. When you wake up, be grateful for a new day; when you dress, be grateful for clothes; when you eat, be grateful for food. There is something that changes your whole day when you start it off being grateful. Try it out; it will help you, I promise.

“When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.” — Willie Nelson, Singer-Songwriter

“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.”

G.T. Chesterton

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Pay attention to unexpected miracles.

Noticing a picture perfect nature scene before you.

A moment of surging confidence knowing you will be fine.

Finally finding a solution to a big problem.

Finding the right words that comfort someone’s shattered heart.

An ‘aha’ moment where you learned something.

A timely text from someone that lifted your spirits.

Finding something you were frantically looking for!

A belly laughing moment that took away your depression.

A perfect song that verbalizes what is in your heart.

An answered prayer.

ACTIVITY In the clouds above, jot down some favorite minor miracles you have experienced.

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The Gratitude Project.

THE BRIGHTER SIDE OF LIFE. Gratitude Without pausing, list 20 things you are grateful for (big and small):

What is something you are grateful for that you did not have 3 years ago?

Jot down the nicest thing someone said to you in the past week:

Live with a Grateful Heart: Do one or more of these action steps this week!

•

Before you sleep each night, write down or meditate on at least three things you are grateful for.

This may help you have a peaceful and restful sleep!

•

Send a thank-you text, message, or phone call to someone who has done something nice for you or said something helpful.

•

Pay attention to the little things in life, like the beauty of a tree or a bird’s song. Take that moment to be grateful that you have eyes to see or ears to hear something beautiful when some people in the world are not able to.

•

Tell a person in your life that you appreciate them and share why.

•

Bless someone you are thankful for—even if it means hugging them.

•

Focus on the good in your life. Every time you feel discouraged or down, pause to reflect on what you can be thankful for despite your circumstances.

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Draw something that represents celebration in your life.

“One small positive thought can change your whole day.”

Zig Ziglar

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THE POWER OF GENEROSITY.

by Michele Okimura

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Are you open-handed or tight-fisted when it comes to being generous to others?

the ways you made a positive difference in their lives. That’s the stuff that makes a life worth living and worth remembering.

When it comes to giving, you can give your time, money, material things, and services to others.

“Those who are happiest are those who do the most for others.” – Booker T. Washington

But why does generosity matter?

You will be refreshed

“Sometimes when we are generous in small, barely detectable ways it can change someone else’s life forever.” – Margaret Cho

We all know that to increase our chances of living a long, healthy life, we need to have a healthy diet, manage our stress, and exercise.

ACTIVITY: If you had the resources and you could practice radical generosity, what are some of the things you would want to do to bless others and your community?

Interestingly, a 2003 study at the University of Michigan found that generosity may increase our life span! The researchers discovered that people who regularly did volunteer work had a lower death rate than those who didn’t volunteer.

It has also been found that people who struggle with depression will usually feel uplifted after volunteering to help others.

“I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver.” – Maya Angelou When you are generous towards someone, especially someone in need, you will probably feel a sense of joy and fulfillment that you made a positive difference in this world. Your sense of purpose receives a boost!

Being generous helps you to focus outward Being self-centered and self-absorbed are not positive character qualities. Let’s face it! How many of us like to be around stingy people who only think about themselves?

When you are intentional about being generous and helping others to succeed, you will experience the positive payback of loving and serving others—and gain a greater sense of confidence and value.

Adding value to the lives of others

“Greatness is not defined by what a person receives, but by what that person gives.” – John Maxwell

Imagine this…you are 80 years old. You are at your birthday party. People are coming up to the mic to express their birthday thoughts to you. Let’s say you did pretty well financially in life up to that point. Will they say they were so impressed with your grand house or the amount in your bank account?

Probably not… What would you want them to thank you for?

A good guess might be you would want them to thank you for

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“Give and give again. Keep hoping, keep trying, keep giving! People who give will never be poor.”

ANNE FRANK, WRITER, HOLOCAUST VICTIM

Passing On Your Wisdom.

One way to show generosity is to share any life lessons learned with others, especially with younger ones. Doing this can help you realize just how much you know and how your experiences can make a difference.

Write a letter to your younger self of 3 years ago. What life lessons would you want your younger self to know?

What wisdom have you gained from your experiences? What lessons have you learned that can be passed on to encourage and help someone else?

What important mistakes or wrong choices have you made that you hope others will avoid? Next to each mistake listed, briefly jot down what you learned from that mistake or wrong choice.

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JOURNAL

Think of at least one person to a few people in your life who you would like to encourage. Write one to three names of those peers or younger ones in your life that come to mind below. Pass on your wisdom! You never know how one conversation could change a life for the better.

Look for opportunities to share some of your wisdom and insights with others. Share stories from your life that can support their success.

Mindful Lettering: Trace the lettering. It does not have to be perfect. You may rewrite the phrase a number of times on the page. Enjoy the process of mindful lettering.

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Journal Journal your main take-away from this chapter:

YOUR CORE VALUES Circle 5-7 core values that matter the most to you from the list below. If you don’t see one that fits, add your own. Once you’ve picked your top values, write down what each means on the journal lines below. Describe and explain briefly why each value you picked is important. Your core values might change a little in the future or stay the same your whole life!

Excellence Kindness Honesty Tradition Creativity Appreciation Peace Vision Communication Boldness Beauty

Commitment Adventure Love Challenge Forgiveness Healing Justice Collaboration Community Authenticity Stability

Leadership Health Integrity Celebration Self-expression Fun Success Friendship Responsibility Growth Humor

Confidence Wisdom Compassion Loyalty Reputation Security Ambition Courage Contribution Uniqueness Respect

Generosity Harmony Joy Time Contentment Simplicity Fairness Nature Safety Faith Art

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Chapter 2: Values to Live By ACTIVIT Y

Walk it out.

• • • •

Cultivating a Growth Mindset Being Teachable Gratitude is the Attitude that Can Change Your Life The Power of Generosity

Choose one or more action steps:

1.

Part of being teachable is asking for feedback, considering the feedback, and applying what is helpful.

Ask for feedback from teachers, coaches, or mentors on a specific project or skill. The key is to ask, listen carefully, and apply the feedback to improve, showing your willingness to learn and grow.

4.

Go through your belongings and gather items in good condition, such as clothes or sports equipment you no longer use. Donate these items to a local charity. Be generous with things you no longer need that could be someone else’s treasure.

5.

Consider volunteering and giving your time to serve a good cause in your school or community.

2.

Create a Gratitude Journal and list three or more things you are grateful for daily.

3.

Practice generosity with your time, energy, and resources. Do one random act of kindness every day for a week. It could be anything, such as holding the door open for someone, paying for a friend’s snack, giving a gift, or writing an encouraging text. Be creative!

The struggle is real, and so is hope.

Text 494949 to chat now | FREE Mental Health Chat Center | 24/7 for those over 13 years old.

1-888-373-7888 | Toll-Free Hotline | 24/7 41 | Confidential | Get Help. Report Trafficking.

“A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way.”

John C. Maxwell

Chapter 03

Leadership

You are a leader. We are all leaders in some way, whether we realize it or not.

workplace, or any team you belong to, you will be called to take the lead in some aspect of your life.

Younger ones in your life observe you, and you model something for them. Whether you see yourself as a natural leader or feel more comfortable in a supportive role, the truth is you have led, are currently leading, or will take the lead in the future. Your influence is significant, and your actions matter.

This chapter is all about stepping up, starting with being the leader of your own life. If you take what you learn and put it into action, you’ll build up the skills, mindset, and character to make a real difference in the world around you. This is part of the purpose you were meant for, and your personal growth is part of this journey.

Henry Ford once said, “You don’t have to hold a position in order to be a leader.” Whether in your family, school,

Step up! It is time for you to rise to greater heights.

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NO ORDINARY LEADER.

by Tony Kim

One of the things I really enjoy during my time off is watching movies, especially Marvel movies. I have done several Marvel movie marathons with my son over the last few years. Believe it or not, we watched every movie in order. Through that experience, I discovered one of my favorite Marvel characters is The Black Panther. In the world of Wakanda, T’Challa became King in the wake of his father’s death. T’Challa had a lot to face after it was uncovered that his Father had made some big mistakes, which he then had to deal with as king. There is much to learn from T’Challa, including refusing to let the past define you and the power of taking responsibility for your own actions and decisions.

he was a true leader. Not just any ordinary leader, but a SERVANT LEADER. Many want to be a leader, but there is a cost to leadership.

Before I share about being a servant leader, let’s take a look at what leadership IS NOT. ▶ Leadership is not about telling people what to do.

Do you like it when people tell you what to do and boss you around? Neither does anyone else. ▶ Leadership is not having a title or position. I know people whose goal was to become an “executive” because then they would feel important. Any person who needs a title or position to feel important will feel empty inside once he or she achieves that place. ▶ Leadership is not about being a one-man/woman show.

The solo act and becoming a “superhero” is a lonely road leading to disaster. ▶ Leadership is not being the smartest person in the room.

A business magazine did a study on the most successful business leaders in America. The top leaders didn’t have

There is one dominant characteristic of King T’Challa that I love and emphasize the most—the true reason why The Black Panther is one of my favorite Marvel characters. Was it his suit? I love his suit, but that’s not the reason. Is it because of his title and position? To be a king or queen is powerful, but that’s not the reason. Is it because of his charismatic personality? It’s great to be charismatic, but that’s not the reason. The reason why he is one of my favorites is because

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the highest IQ (intelligence quotient)—intellect or smarts. Instead, they scored highest in EQ (emotional quotient)—the ability to be emotionally stable and connect relationally. ▶ Leadership is not about gaining power. The most dangerous leaders are those that need to be in “power.”

When a person with this characteristic achieves a place of power, they can be very egotistical and self-serving, perhaps even narcissistic in the way they operate in life.

before he was positioned before the people—he was already serving those around him. The heart of leadership is to serve those around you.

So, what is leadership? One of the great leadership experts, John Maxwell, says, “Leadership is influence, nothing more, nothing less.” In other words, leaders have followers. Followers act like their leader. King T’Challa had followers, not because of his title but because of his character and his integrity.

Remember, after he lost his “crown” in the battle against his brother, he still had followers. The people lived under a tyrant leader, Killmonger, but their hearts remained with servant leader T’Challa.

King T’Challa was the King of Wakanda. But remember this: he acted as a king before he became king. He was beloved by the people because of his heart. His heart was for the people

“Allow the way to your great work to be guided by your service to others.”

Artika Tyner, lawyer, educator, and author.

Here are five characteristics of a true servant-leader: 1. The servant leader is humble. Those who are humble gain favor with those around them. Humility goes a long way.

Humility doesn’t mean you think less of yourself. It does mean you think of yourself less. It’s not about you. The servant leader doesn’t see how the world could benefit him. Instead, he thinks about how he can help, support, and benefit others around him. How can you benefit those around you—your neighborhood, your school, etc.?

leader, to see others and treat others in this way. What would it look like for you to live this way?

4. A servant leader uses his or her influence to benefit others. The reason why a person wants to be a leader is very important. Many people are hurt because they are used and not cared for. Many “leaders” who are very self-centered, selfish, and ambitious for their own gain are dangerous people. The “servant-leader” uses his or her gift, position, etc., to help others become the best version of themselves.

How can you do this for others?

2. The servant leader creates a place where others feel safe. When people feel cared for, they feel safe. When people feel accepted, they feel safe. When people are celebrated, they feel safe. What can you do to help others feel safe around you?

5. The servant leader is a learner. The best leaders are those who are always learning. Leaders are readers. You will find most leaders have mentors who speak truth and life into them. Highly successful leaders are rarely solo acts. The fact that you are reading this shows that you are a learner. When a person stops learning, they stop leading.

3. The servant leader sees the best in people. While many see the bad and ugly in people, true leaders are able to see the good in people, giving people the benefit of the doubt.

They treat others based on the good, not the bad. This is very difficult to do, and it takes a special leader, a servant

The world is looking for leaders who know how to serve. Don’t wait until you “become” a leader to start leading.

Start acting like a leader. Start serving now.

“People do not care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

John Maxwell

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ACTIVIT Y

Leadership Reflections MINDFULNESS ACTIVITY Sit quietly in a comfortable position, close your eyes, and take slow, deep breaths. As you breathe, imagine yourself in a leadership role—leading a team, helping others, or solving a problem.

Pay attention to how you feel as a leader—what emotions come up for you? Confidence, nervousness, excitement? After the exercise, write down the emotions you experienced:

What does this tell you about how you view leadership?

How can you improve your confidence or calm your nerves when stepping into leadership roles?

DEFINING LEADERSHIP Journal Prompt: What does leadership mean to you? Think about someone you admire as a leader—what qualities do they have that make them a great leader? How can you start developing those qualities in your life right now?

• Name one leader in your life (personal or public):

• List three leadership qualities they demonstrate:

• Which of these qualities do you already have?

• Which do you want to work on?

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SERVING OTHERS As you have just learned, leadership isn’t just about being in charge; it’s about serving others. Write about a time when you helped someone without being asked. How did it make you feel?

What was the outcome of your actions when you helped someone?

How did that experience change your view of leadership?

List two ways you can serve someone this week, either at home, school, or in your community:

THE LEADER WITHIN Activity: Draw a self-portrait, but instead of focusing just on your appearance, include symbols or objects that represent your inner leadership qualities. For example, you could draw the shape of your head, and in the shape, you could sketch a collage of symbols such as a heart to symbolize compassion, a lightbulb for creativity, or a shield for courage. Think about what makes you a leader on the inside. Be creative! There is no right or wrong way to do this activity.

Reflection: After drawing, write about the qualities you included. How can you use these traits to step into leadership roles in your everyday life?

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NAVIGATING AUTHORITY WITH RESPECT.

by Michele Okimura

What Does Honoring Authority Look Like?

Authority figures are everywhere in your life: parents, teachers, coaches, your boss at your part-time job, maybe even that older sibling who thinks they run the world. Do you ever feel like you’re constantly living by someone else’s rules?

First off, “honoring authority” does not mean you have to be a silent robot who agrees with everything. It’s not about losing your voice or never asking questions. It’s about respecting the role they play in your life.

Learning how to relate well to those in authority is part of growing up, and it can actually help us build trust, responsibility, and stronger connections. However, if we have a negative experience with an authority figure, it can cause us either to shut down, lose our voice, or go into rebellion mode, which can get us into trouble. So, how do we find that sweet spot between showing respect and standing up for ourselves? Let’s break it down.

Honoring authority is about respecting the position, not always the person or the opinion. Think of it like being on a sports team. You might not agree with every single play the coach calls, but you respect their role as the leader. Why? They have a different vantage point, more experience, and the responsibility for the whole team’s success. Showing you can trust their leadership, even when you don’t fully get it, is a sign of maturity.

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Here are some ways you can show respect for the authority figures in your life:

okay. If a leader uses their position to manipulate you or demand total control over your life, leaving you with no room to be yourself, you are in a very unhealthy situation. If you are told to do something illegal, something that goes against your core values, or puts you or someone else in danger, this is a massive boundary cross. Any physical harm or unwanted physical contact is abuse. Period.

▶ Listen actively. When they’re speaking, really listen.

Try to see where they’re coming from. You might be surprised by what you learn. ▶ Follow fair and reasonable rules. When you cooperate with reasonable expectations (like curfews or deadlines), you’re building a reputation as someone reliable and trustworthy. That trust will likely earn you more future freedom. ▶ Express disagreements politely. It’s 100% okay to have a different opinion! The key is how you share it.

Instead of “That’s a dumb idea,” try respectfully sharing, “Can I share another perspective?” or “I’m feeling a little unsure about that, can you explain it more?” ▶ Be honest. Being honest, even when you’ve messed up, is a power move. It shows integrity, and most adults will respect you more for telling the truth than for trying to cover something up.

You deserve to feel safe, valued, and respected by the authority figures in your life. If you are experiencing any of these red flags and find yourself in an unhealthy or abusive situation, your top priority is your safety. It’s not something you have to handle alone.

Recognize that it is not your fault. Abusers are skilled at making you feel like you’re the one to blame. Their behavior is their choice, and it’s wrong.

Don’t try to fix the situation alone. If you’ve tried to talk to the person and they’ve dismissed your feelings and feedback, it’s time to get extra support.

Pro-Tip: When you need to bring up an issue, use “I” statements. Instead of “You always criticize my work,” try, “I feel discouraged when I hear feedback in that tone.” It shifts the focus from blame to your feelings, which is much harder to argue with. It’s also important to stay calm and respectful, even in tough situations, because yelling or name-calling will make things harder to resolve.

Seek out wisdom and guidance from a safe adult. Finding the right trustworthy person to talk to outside of the situation is a very important step. This could be a parent, a school counselor, another teacher, a coach, a relative, or a trusted family friend.

Tell them what’s going on.

Know the system. Many places have specific people, like counselors or Human Resources (HR) staff, whose job it is to help you navigate these conflicts safely and formally.

As you grow in honoring authority in healthy ways, you’re not just making your life with adults easier—you’re building a superpower that will help you in future jobs, friendships, and all your relationships.

Speaking up takes incredible courage, but you are worth protecting.

When Authority Becomes Unhealthy or Abusive Finding Your Power, Finding Balance Now for the serious talk. Sometimes, the person in charge isn’t leading well. They might be misusing their power, and you need to know what that looks like. Your safety and well-being always come first.

Learning to work with authority is a balancing act. You’re learning how to be a respectful team player while also being a strong self-advocate who knows their own worth.

Trust your gut. Your intuition is your built-in alarm system.

If a situation feels weird, uncomfortable, or just plain wrong, pay attention to that feeling.

Respecting the leaders in your life will open doors for you. But using your voice to set boundaries and call out what’s wrong will protect your dignity and keep you safe. You don’t have to choose one or the other. True strength lies in knowing when to listen and when to speak up. Remember, even authority figures are human, and sometimes they need your honesty and feedback to help them grow and improve. You’ve got this.

Pay attention to red flags that signal a line is being crossed from healthy authority to unhealthy control or abuse. If you are constantly being criticized, your self-worth is attacked, making you feel small; this is emotional abuse, and it is never

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A lesson in authenticity, culture, and connection for today’s teens.

BE INTERESTED, NOT JUST INTERESTING: Listen First, Shine Later

by Phyllis Unebasami

In a world where everyone wants to stand out, it’s easy to think that being “interesting” is the key to gaining friends, attention, even respect. But there’s a quiet power in flipping that idea: Be interested first. Being interested means you’re curious. You ask questions.

You listen deeply. You care about others’ stories, not just your own. Being interesting, on the other hand, means trying to capture attention, trying to be seen as exciting or impressive.

Here’s the catch: Trying to be interesting all the time, more than other people, is exhausting. It can even become a performance that takes us further away from who we are. There’s nothing wrong with having a vibrant personality, but when being interesting becomes more important than being present, it will lead to shallow relationships that just don’t last.

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When we work so hard to be impressive, we may begin to hide our real feelings, silence our opinions, or act in ways that don’t feel true to who we are. Over time, this habit can chip away at our confidence and leave us feeling disconnected, even when we’re surrounded by people. The pursuit of being “interesting” can actually make us feel more alone.

So here’s the challenge: In your friendships, your class discussions, even your social media presence—what would it look like to focus more on being interested than trying to be interesting? ▶ Listen before speaking. Sometimes you might not get to talk, but as Abraham Lincoln once said, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.”

In many indigenous cultures, including Hawaiian, leadership begins with listening, not speaking. There’s an ‘ōlelo no‘eau (Hawaiian proverb) that reminds us:

In a world where speaking out—especially online—feels like power and belonging, it’s easy to forget that silence can also be a strength. Wisdom includes restraint. Don’t jump into every argument or respond to every insult. Just because you can say something, doesn’t mean you should. And when you decide to speak, respond from a place grounded in who you are, rather than reacting to pressure or ego.

“E maka’ala, e ho’olohe.”

Be alert, be attentive.

This reflects kuleana, or responsibility, to each other.

When we are interested in others, we honor them. We build pilina, relationships that we cherish because we honor each other’s stories. We show aloha, loving respect towards and for each other.

▶ Build trust through authentic relationships.

Choose people over image, presence over popularity. Before speaking, ask yourself if what you are about to say is true and if it builds people up.

The power of encouragement is a strong force in building connections.

Similarly, in many Native American traditions, such as those of the Lakota and Navajo people, listening is sacred.

Elders often share that the greatest gift you can offer someone is your full presence. Speaking out of turn or interrupting is a sign of disrespect, while listening deeply, with your ears and heart, shows humility and strength.

▶ Share power with each other. Honoring other people’s voices does not mean giving up your own. It means making space for other voices and ideas, too.

In the words of Native American leader Chief Phil Lane Jr. (Yankton Dakota and Chickasaw), “The hurt of one is the hurt of all, the honor of one is the honor of all.” This understanding of the interconnectedness of a community reminds us that caring for the well-being of others is how we stay strong.

It’s a natural phenomenon in nature, “A rising tide lifts all boats,” as President John F. Kennedy famously said. Instead of vying for the limelight, share it by asking others what they think, giving thoughtful consideration to their input, and contributing your best ideas too. This shows maturity, confidence, and respect. In the long run, everyone feels valued.

Modern research backs up what indigenous cultures have known for so long: deep connection and belonging start when people feel heard, respected, and included.

The strongest leaders are not those who dominate and try to impress, but those who listen with humility and value the voices in the room. Real influence doesn’t come from trying to stand out. It comes from showing up.

Moving from being interesting to being interested, it’s a shift. But it’s one that makes all the difference.

And people naturally find this deeply “interesting”—because it’s real, rooted, and respectful.

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TEAMWORK MAKES THE DREAM WORK.

by Michele Okimura

I can say with great conviction that teamwork matters.

So much can be done through the art of collaboration!

When you think of a great leader, what comes to mind?

Maybe it’s someone confident who makes big decisions or inspires others. Another quality that makes leaders truly unforgettable is the ability to bring people together.

That’s what teamwork is all about—working alongside others to achieve something greater than you could ever do on your own.

Whether you consider yourself a leader or not, you will inevitably find yourself in a leadership role at some point. You might be co-leading a group project at school, volunteering at a community event, initiating and leading an activity, or serving on a sports team. Whatever the situation, your ability to connect with others and grow a sense of unity can make all the difference.

Throughout my life, I have been fortunate to have been part of various work, mission, music, drama, and performance teams, as well as project and event teams.

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Build trust and respect. The best way to foster teamwork and strong relationships is to model them yourself.

Show up with a positive attitude, be willing to help, and treat everyone respectfully. Be someone who follows through on your promises, listens when others speak, and stands up for your team. People who see you as reliable and respectful will trust you.

The second STORMING stage is when conflicts or differences show up. It can be a little messy, but it’s a normal part of figuring out how to work together.

Team members grow in understanding one another’s strengths, work styles, and personalities, often through misunderstandings, assumptions, unmet expectations, and differences in communication styles. No team is perfect. There will be disagreements, mistakes, and moments when things don’t go as planned. Keep positive, reaffirm your goals, encourage open communication, and create a culture of forgiveness and grace. Look for solutions as a team.

Every person on your team has unique strengths, ideas, and perspectives. As a leader, ensuring everyone feels heard and appreciated is vital.

Unity is built when people feel valued, respected, and motivated to do their best. When everyone feels like they belong, they’re more willing to share ideas, help each other out, and keep going even when things get tough. That’s what makes a team unstoppable.

Thirdly, the NORMING stage is where the group finally starts to gel, find their rhythm, and feel comfortable working as a team. Members clearly understand their roles.

Finally, the PERFORMING stage is when everyone collaborates smoothly, using their talents and achieving great things.

John Maxwell, an author of many books on leadership, including Teamwork Makes the Dreamwork, said, “​​All good leaders are connectors. They relate well and make people feel confident about themselves and their leader.”

Understanding these stages can help you be a better leader and teammate by letting you know what to expect and how to support your team through each phase.

Communication is key. Good leaders learn how to communicate effectively. This doesn’t mean you have to be the loudest voice in the room—it means being clear, honest, and open. Let your team know what the goals are, listen to their concerns, and ask questions when things are unclear.

Remember to celebrate wins! As a leader, take time to celebrate big or small accomplishments and team members’ contributions and progress. Whether it’s finishing a tough project, winning a game, or just getting through a challenging week, appreciate, acknowledge, and compliment the hard work everyone puts in. A simple “Great job, team! Thank you for your amazing work” or a high five can make people feel seen, appreciated, and motivated.

When conflicts arise—and they will—do your best to address them with empathy, understanding, and a calm attitude. This takes some self-control! Instead of blaming, criticizing, or becoming defensive, focus on finding solutions. For example, you might say, “Hey, I noticed we’re not on the same page. Can we talk it through?” This kind of response builds trust and shows you’re committed to the team’s success.

Be aware of the 4 stages that teams often go through.

I have found Bruce W. Tuckerman’s explanation of the four typical phases of a group’s coming together extremely helpful and comforting! Be patient with your team as they go through the different stages.

As a leader, your ability to build strong relationships, create a sense of unity, and empower others will make your team more successful and make you a better leader and friend.

Teamwork really can make the dream work.

“Leadership is not about being in charge. It is about taking care of those in your charge.” – Simon Sinek

Teams typically go through four phases: The first FORMING stage is where everyone’s getting to know each other, learning the purpose of the group, and understanding their roles.

“Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success.”

Henry Ford

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Journal Journal your main take-away from this chapter:

Influence vs Power: Reflect on the difference between influence and power. Write about a leader you admire who positively influences others. What makes their leadership impactful, and how do they use influence rather than power to lead?

How can you be an influential leader in your own life without relying on power or control?

I am a

Mindful Lettering: Trace the lettering. It does not have to be perfect.

You may rewrite the phrase a number of times on the page. Enjoy the process of mindful lettering.

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Chapter 3: Leadership ACTIVIT Y

Walk it out.

• • • •

No Ordinary Leader Navigating Authority With Respect Be Interested Not Just Interesting Teamwork Makes the Dream Work

Choose one or more action steps:

1.

Read a biography, watch a movie about a great leader, or read books on leadership principles. You may find some helpful YouTube videos on these subjects as well. Reflect on what you have learned and how to apply the principles gained.

Consider doing a book club with one to a few friends and discuss each chapter of the book and the insights gained.

2.

Write a letter of appreciation to an authority figure in your life (parent, teacher, coach, etc.), explaining how their leadership has positively influenced you and how you’ve grown from respecting their authority. Reflect on what you’ve learned from them about leadership and honoring others.

3.

Draw a mountain that symbolizes your journey to becoming a strong leader. On the path up the mountain, include obstacles you’ve faced or challenges

you think you might encounter (e.g., fear of failure, peer pressure). At the top of the mountain, draw a flag or symbol representing your goal as a leader. After drawing, write about the challenges and how you plan to overcome them. What leadership skills will help you reach the top of your “mountain”?

4.

Take a walk outdoors (or in a quiet space). As you walk, focus on each step, the sounds around you, and your breathing. Think about a time when you showed leadership, even in a small way, and reflect on how it felt. Pay attention to your thoughts and body sensations as you reflect on this moment.

After the walk, write or draw about the leadership moment you thought of. What did you learn from that experience? How did you feel during and after your walk? What would you do differently next time to grow as a leader?

The struggle is real, and so is hope.

Text 494949 to chat now | FREE Mental Health Chat Center | 24/7 for those over 13 years old.

1-888-373-7888 | Toll-Free Hotline | 24/7 55 | Confidential | Get Help. Report Trafficking.

“The better part of one’s life consists of his friendships.”

Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of the United States

Chapter 04

Friendship

But what does that actually mean? What qualities make someone a good friend? What does a solid, healthy friendship look like? And if you really want good friends but don’t feel like you have any right now, what can you do about it?

Hey guys, some of you might be lucky enough to have an awesome group of buddies, while others might find themselves longing for genuine connections.

Have you ever been in a crowd yet felt like the loneliest person in the room? Sure, online friends are cool, but deep down, we all crave something more meaningful.

In the pages ahead, we’re digging into some key topics that’ll give you tools to build strong friendships and create authentic, meaningful connections. Get ready to dive into the world of friendship and discover what it’s all about!

The truth is, as a human being, you were wired for connection and friendship.

There’s this idea that if you want good friends, you’ve got to know how to be a good friend first.

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BEING A GOOD FRIEND.

by Jet Nelson and Michele Okimura

If you have even one close friend, you have a gift—someone who knows you—the good, the bad, the ugly—and still is loyal and faithful.

When you make friendships that have your values in common, those friendships can last despite all of life’s changes!

▶ Someone who cares, listens, lends a hand, and will stand by you through thick and thin. ▶ Someone who will speak the truth to you...even if it hurts. ▶ Someone you enjoy doing things with. ▶ Someone with whom you have shared losses, laughs, hopes, and dreams. ▶ Someone who believes the best in you and fights to support the best for you.

Really listen Listening is not just polite. It is a way of caring, honoring, respecting, and connecting with someone else. Listen with intention! ▶ Give the speaker your full attention (put your phone away). ▶ Show that you are tracking with what they are saying through your nods or brief comments/ phrases. ▶ Mirror back what the person is saying from time to time by rephrasing their words back to them.

For example, if your friend tells you a story about a time when they were stressed out, you can respond by commenting, “WOW! So you were really stressed out!”

You can also be that friend to others.

How can you learn to be a better friend? Be open, yes.

Be available—but choose to love and trust friends who value what you value, and those people will be at your side for life.

Continued

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▶ Maintain good eye contact. ▶ Don’t interrupt. ▶ Listen without wishing to speak yourself.

How wonderful it is when there are those meaningful conversations where both you and your friend connect and understand each other.

Reach out

Showing interest is a great way to connect you to others!

Especially if you know one of your friends needs some encouragement—maybe they are struggling with doubts, hurt, confusion, or discouragement—reach out and be there for them.

▶ Being a good friend starts with a heart attitude that genuinely cares about others. ▶ Smile when you greet others. Smiling at appropriate times can cause people to feel more at ease with you. ▶ Take interest and find common ground! Ask questions to learn more about the person you are talking with. Try to find things in common to have a lively conversation about a topic. ▶ Make the other person the star of the conversation. Be sensitive to not dominate the conversation. ▶ Encourage. Empathize. Validate feelings.

▶ Text, call, or visit them. ▶ Serve them—help them with a task. ▶ Take them out for a run or walk. ▶ Give them a hug or reassuring pat on the back.

Spend time Give your friends the gift of your time. Another simple way to be a better friend is to make the effort to spend time with your friend. When a friend comes to mind, you can call them immediately or set up a reminder to call them later. It’s a simple but brilliant action step.

So often, we think of someone and then forget to text or call them.

“I felt it shelter to speak to you.” – Emily Dickinson Be real – The vulnerability factor The friendships that last the test of time are the ones that have deep roots. This doesn’t necessarily include your oldest friends you’ve known since kindergarten—this is about the depth of vulnerability you share with someone.

You can initiate plans to get together just to hang out or do an activity together. Letting our friends know we’re thinking of them takes straightforward intentionality.

Keeping the ugly and raw details about your life hidden from the people in your life can be more comfortable, but if you desire close friends, then being honest is key.

Being open about the struggles and messiness in your life with someone that you trust and love will strengthen your bond with that person. Your closest friends will care and respect you even at your worst, encouraging you and lifting you up in those times.

Be interested Have you ever felt truly cared for when someone paid genuine attention to what you were saying? How did it feel to be heard?

Reaching out to make a new friend or get to know someone better can be described as engaging in the art of conversation. Sometimes, it is tempting to chat about ourselves during those silent, awkward moments in a conversation. However, it’s also cool to have some handy questions ready to ask the other person to show you’re genuinely interested.

Have you ever been in a conversation that felt one-sided, where you were eager to hear what the other person had to say, but they didn’t show the same interest in you?

It can be challenging to be patient and engaged during those times, but it’s also a great opportunity to practice the skill of listening.

Be a loyal and trusted friend to others as well. When your friend shares vulnerably with you, keep their confidence and don’t tell others without their permission unless they plan to harm themselves or others physically (get help for your friend in those cases!).

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

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“Close friends are truly life’s treasures. Sometimes they know us better than we know ourselves.”

Vincent Van Gogh

“You know you are with true friends when they lift, encourage, correct, and then spur you on.”

Lisa Bevere, Lioness Arising: Awaken The Power of the Untamed Life

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FOR REAL! BE A SAFE PERSON. The Power of Empathy and Validating Feelings.

by Vicky Wong, MSCP, LMFT, LMHC, NCC and Michele Okimura

It is not always easy to know what to say when someone is vulnerable and tells you something very personal. There is power in words that can encourage and uplift or hurt and destroy. Careless words keep people isolated and silent for years. Supportive words can be healing and can also give people the courage to share more deeply about themselves.

After someone shares something vulnerable, it can be very hurtful not to say anything, quickly change the subject, or make a joke/comment to lighten the mood. When appropriate, a hand on a shoulder, a hand squeeze, or a hug can also communicate comfort and empathy.

Don’t start immediately sharing your similar experience. This time is not about you. It is about listening and connecting.

Giving advice and encouraging words comes later after they feel validated and heard, and you sense they are ready for that. Lastly, keep their confidence and ask for their permission before telling anyone else. The exception would be if they are about to hurt themselves or another person.

Here are some tips on what to say vs what not to say when someone is opening their heart to you.

WHAT NOT TO SAY: • • • • • • • • • •

You just need to let go and move on.

Other people have it worse than you.

You’re making too much of a big deal of this.

Are you just trying to get attention?

I can’t believe this really happened.

Tell me every detail and don’t leave anything out.

How come you just can’t forgive?

Did you enjoy it? (the abuse) What are you going to do about it now?

At least...(minimizing issue)

“

Don’t start immediately sharing your similar experience.

This time is not about you.

WHAT TO SAY: • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Sounds like you are feeling really (angry, sad, excited, shocked etc.) by what happened.

I don’t know exactly what to say right now except that I’m here for you.

I’m so sorry that happened to you.

This must be so tough for you.

Thank you for having the courage to share that with me.

You are very brave and courageous to talk about what happened.

I am here to help you through your sadness.

I care about you. I am here to listen and help you in any way.

I am so glad you are sharing this with me.

You are not alone.

I believe in you!

I’m so sorry that awful thing happened to you.

You didn’t deserve this (abuse, hurtful situation).

You are not to blame. This is not your fault (if they were a victim of abuse).

Healing is possible! You can be whole again.

Forgiveness for such a deep hurt is a process and will happen over time.

What I hear you saying is...(reflect back what they said/reflect back what you sense they are feeling).

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OVERCOMING LONELINESS.

by Abi Kroontje

“I believe it is a sign of strength to realize we need people because then we can start investing in relationships that are life-giving, inspiring, and purposeful.”

Loneliness – it’s a feeling that can often sneak up on us, but when it hits us, it can feel all-consuming. The depths of loneliness can become so overwhelming that it might lead one to sink into depression or turn to an addiction to numb the pain. When all hope feels lost, contemplating dark thoughts about life may feel like an enticing way out.

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Studies show that teenagers, more than any other age group, grapple with loneliness. Even though we live in a time where people have more access to connect with one another because of technology, some have speculated that this has actually led to young people feeling isolated and cut off socially.

As human beings, we have a very real need for connection, which is why we feel deep pain in our souls when we experience loneliness. Most of us will go through seasons where we feel alone to varying degrees for various reasons.

you want to navigate those times and what it is you want your heart to focus on.

At 28 years old, I had never been asked on a date…ever. I used to think, “Maybe I’m not pretty or skinny enough.” I believed there was something wrong with me because I was always the one initiating, never the one pursued. I carried a deep loneliness in my heart as I longed to be loved.

While I felt the loneliness of being single, there are many other types of loneliness. ▶ Close friendships: Perhaps you wish you had a friend who truly gets you, the one whom you can be your true self with. ▶ Family conflicts: Maybe the people who you feel should be the closest to you don’t seem interested, or like they understand what you’re going through. We can feel lonely even in the midst of our own family if we have ‘detached’ family relationships. ▶ Romantic Relationships: You might look around and see all those “perfect” couples on social media or in movies. It might make you wish you had someone to love and care for you. ▶ Loss of a Loved One: Losing someone close to you can create a profound ache in your heart.

Experiencing hurt from people can make us think it would be easier to avoid close relationships. But those walls that we build up to keep us from getting hurt will also block our ability to receive the love that our hearts crave.

We’ve all felt that lonely ache in our hearts because, deep down, we crave real connections with others. I believe it is a sign of strength to realize we need people because then we can start investing in relationships that are life-giving, inspiring, and purposeful. Dealing with loneliness isn’t simple, but it’s worth it.

I used to believe that having a loving partner would cure my loneliness. But then I got a boyfriend. We got married. We moved away from my friends and family. And I felt lonely again. Even though it was a different kind of loneliness, it still made my heart ache.

A truth of life is that people will come and go for various reasons, and you’ll go through seasons of feeling alone. But an equally powerful truth is that you can always choose how

Pursue meaningful connections with authentic people.

If you find yourself in a season of loneliness, consider using this time to think about the kind of community you want to be a part of. We tend to devote our time and effort to the things that matter most in our lives. Once we recognize the value of relationships, we begin prioritizing our lives to reflect this.

What type of person do you genuinely want to be, and what type of people will that attract? Building relationships takes hard work, patience, and a willingness to be open and genuine with people.

We’re designed to thrive in the company of others, so it’s essential to invest wisely.

It takes courage, but I encourage you to consider taking the leap and putting yourself in situations where you will have more opportunities to find community. Communities oftentimes provide a place for shared common interests—a place to belong.

Consider checking out groups around you, such as: ▶ school clubs ▶ sports teams ▶ church or community groups

▶ service groups ▶ groups centered around common interests

You can also invest time in the relationships you do have.

Consider initiating and asking friends out simply to hang out or do various fun activities. These experiences can bring you closer together.

Continued

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Valuing relationships remains a top priority through the many seasons of my life. Now that I’m married, my husband and I invite people to our house for dinner, games, or movie nights.

We also set aside a part of our paycheck so that we can be generous with others.

If you find yourself in a season of loneliness, how can you make the most of your time? Here are some tips:

Be hopeful and positive. I believe with you that seasons of loneliness will pass, just like winter, which is always followed by spring. Meanwhile, in whatever season of life you are in, be teachable, learn ways to be a better friend to others, and seek creative solutions to make new friends.

1. Take note of when you feel lonely and how you respond. We often use coping mechanisms to help us deal with the pain of what we are feeling. However, our coping mechanisms do not help us grow. They often keep us immature and leave us feeling empty.

Take some time to consider how loneliness can be seen as a gift to you. Take time to gain valuable insights. Reflect on the following questions and consider journaling your thoughts: 1. Who are the kinds of people you’d like to have in your circle?

2. Make a plan to use this additional time productively! What do you want to do, grow in, or invest in? What are the blessings of this season of loneliness that you may not have later?

2. What qualities or characteristics about them attract you?

3. Do you share those same traits? If not, how can you work on developing those qualities?

3. Create a list of 3 things you could do to pursue relationships with people. Don’t wait for others to initiate.

4. What are areas of your life that you thought would fill your loneliness? Did they end up satisfying you?

5. Can you think of a relationship in your life – whether it’s with family, friends, or someone else – where you’ve felt truly loved for who you are?

How did that feel?

6. How can you make the most of your current free time to invest in building and strengthening other relationships?

7. Consider that this phase of your life can be an opportunity for personal growth before you need to care for someone else or depend on them. It’s a chance to discover your true self and become secure and confident.

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When a person focuses their thoughts on being lonely, it can increase a feeling of hopelessness and depression. What you focus on and repeat in your thought life will gain more power over you and affect your emotions and actions.

How you manage your thoughts can really help! Here are some helpful tips: 1.

2.

3.

4.

Reflect on your thoughts...what am I thinking?

Ask yourself, “Are these thoughts helping me or hurting me?”

Ask yourself, “How can I shift my thinking to something more positive?”

Decide on an action plan that can help you feel a better sense of well-being and connection.

Here are some practical suggestions that can help: • Decide to engage in a brief conversation with a stranger such as the cashier, someone you don’t know at lunch, or the person next to your in line. You can smile and say something brief to connect.

• If you find yourself thinking about loneliness, shift your mind to thoughts of what is something kind you can do or say for someone, then do it!

• Volunteer your services at an organization or cause.

Be creative in the space below. Sketch or write a poem that expresses the feelings or experience of loneliness OR the opposite—express the feeling or experience of belonging to a solid group of friends.

mindful doodling 65

“Associate with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for it is better to be alone than in bad company.” – George Washington

AS YOU ARISE...

CHOOSE WISELY...

We can have various layers of friends, ranging from those we are super close with to those who are more like acquaintances... and everything in between!

Friends can greatly influence you in the right ways or the wrong ways. Your life will be greatly impacted by the people who run beside you, link arms with you, lift you up (not pull you down), have your back, and challenge you to grow!

Choose wisely.

SOME FRIENDS MAY: • • • • •

Ever heard of crab mentality?

There is a story about a bunch of live crabs that were piled up in an open bucket. Each time one of the crabs attempted to climb out of the bucket and was almost to the top, the other crabs would pull it down! This can be related to some people who pull down those who try to grow and improve themselves, who do something different, and who aspire to reach for their dreams. Like the crabs, they can criticize and be negative in an attempt to discourage any positive change within their friend who wants to arise to their full potential.

• • •

BE IN YOUR LIFE FOR YEARS OR A BRIEF SEASON. BE IN YOUR LIFE FOR A SPECIAL REASON. BE YOUR FAVORITE ACTIVITY BUDDY. BE A FARAWAY FRIEND. BE SO DIFFERENT FROM YOU, WHILE OTHERS WILL HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON WITH YOU. REALLY ‘GET’ YOU. STRENGTHEN YOU WHEN YOU FEEL WEAK. HELP YOU TO REACH YOUR HIGHEST POTENTIAL!

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”

Mark Twain

“Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you “Be careful of the environment you choose for it will give them your confidence.”

As you grow and mature, choose your friends wisely.

shape you; be careful the friends you choose for you will become like them.” – W. Clement Stone

George Washington

FRIENDSHIP BOUNDARIES. Friendships are ever-growing and ever-changing. Some friendships may last a lifetime, while some close friendships may last only for a season.

Friends move away, or you move away. New friends can come into your life unexpectedly. Unfortunately, conflicts or misunderstandings can happen that may change a relationship.

Through it all, know that there are boundaries in relationships. It is normal and healthy to have various levels of closeness in relationships: Outer Circle Relationships First, there are people in the outer circle of your life that would fall into the category of acquaintances—people you may have met once to a few times, but you really don’t know each other.

Middle Circle Relationships Secondly, there are people who you would consider pretty close to you.

These relationships would fall in the middle group, as they are friends you hang out with sometimes or often.

Maybe you do certain activities with

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you

, ds en i r F ily, e.g. Fam

these people. Though you have a good level of trust with these people, they do not know you deeply.

Inner Circle Relationships Hopefully, you have people in your life that you would consider in your ‘inner circle’. It could be just one to a few people with whom you feel safe and who will keep what you share with them confidential. If you are in great need, people in your inner circle would be the first people you would call. You would gladly sacrifice for them, and they would gladly sacrifice for you.

“

The more others encounter us honoring the boundaries we have set for our lives, the more they will know that they can trust us with their lives.

Danny Silk

Use wisdom, and do not allow ‘just anyone’ into your inner circle. You only have limited time and energy to invest in relationships. Continue to make new friends, as they may later become inner circle friends!

ACTIVITY On this circle grid, write the names of some people in your life’s outer, middle, and inner circles. This could change over time. Doing this activity can help bring relationship boundaries to your awareness, which can be helpful!

THE POWER OF COMMUNITY: FINDING ME IN THEM.

by Mark Stinton

One of the biggest reasons I found my calling was because I was part of a community of friends who showed me who I was even when I couldn’t see it myself.

I was once at an 8th-grade summer camp, and the speaker said something that really stuck with me: “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” It made me pause and think. I didn’t have a super close group of friends yet, but the ones I did hang out with were awesome. We’d play sports, watch movies, and joke around together. Hearing that made me realize how much the people around us can influence us, whether it’s encouraging us to grow or inspiring us in new ways.

It made me want to be more intentional about the friendships I built and who I spent time with.

My deep desire to be liked, recognized, and accepted pushed me into harmful behaviors. I gave in to dangerous negative peer pressure. I got in trouble with the law twice and even got arrested. I’d tell my parents, “My friends made me do it,” but the truth was, I chose to do those things because I craved acceptance. I felt like nobody really knew the real me. Until people could see me fully, I knew they couldn’t love me fully. I was chasing love and belonging.

New experiences and new environments can open doors to opportunities to make new friends. I later went to college and, for the first time in my life, I met friends who were thoughtful and sought a higher purpose in life. I grew super close to a small group of guys who cared about me, invited me to try new things, and got

In high school, I was a pretty good dude. I was kind, friendly, and easy to relate to. The problem was that I wanted friends so badly that I started changing myself to fit in with others.

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close enough to have deep, meaningful conversations about life. They were such good people that, over time, I started to become more like them. I sounded like them, acted like them, and little did I know, they started acting like me, too.

Being proactive in belonging to a community of friends can meld different people together in shared common experiences, goals, perspectives, and values. People knew us as a group more than who we were as individual people. It is all about allowing yourself to be found in relationships with others.

often come from tough or painful backgrounds. Instead of judging them, try to understand where they’re coming from and why they might be acting out. At the same time, be aware that some of these friends might have strong or intimidating personalities that can influence you in ways that aren’t healthy. Stay true to yourself and know when to set boundaries so you can keep moving forward in a positive direction.

If you are struggling to find a community of friends—the kind that will make you a better overall human being —know you are not alone.

But remember, you don’t have to lose who you are just to fit in. A strong group doesn’t mean everyone is exactly the same—it means you all support each other while still being your unique self. That way, people see the awesome group you’re a part of, but they also see you shining as an individual.

I want to share two big lessons I learned along the way with you: First, reflect on who you want to become, not just what you’ll do. Picture yourself in five years—are you kinder, more confident, patient, flexible, and faithful? Will you be someone who makes good decisions and brings out the best in others?

Have you ever thought of a community of friends like that? A place where you can get to know yourself better? These friends encouraged me; they could see my strengths and abilities to help people, though I never noticed them myself.

Consider asking yourself, “Who am I becoming?” I am convinced that it is the most important question of your life. Seek a community that shares your values and vision.

I am so grateful for them because I wouldn’t be where I am in life if they hadn’t given me the influence I needed to grow.

Having a little more clarity about yourself will help with the second nugget of wisdom: to be a good friend before you look for a good friend.

Community is super powerful because it shapes who we are and who we’re becoming. It’s amazing to have supportive friends who inspire you to grow, but it’s also okay to be friends with people who are trying to figure things out, even if they’ve had a rough past or made mistakes. What matters is that they’re open to change and willing to be positively influenced. You don’t always have to stick with the “perfect” crowd—sometimes being a true friend means walking alongside someone as they work on becoming their best self. And you might be surprised at how much you can learn and grow together along the way.

When you walk confidently in who you are and your purpose, you’re free to lift others up too. I am now a community leader who creates a place of community for others to belong, grow together, and discover their unique purpose in a safe and supportive space.

Just remember, if you tend to be more influenced by others than influencing them, it’s important to be careful.

Surround yourself with people who help you grow so you can be a positive friend to those who are hurting without getting pulled into unhealthy habits. Many people who get into harmful or even illegal activities

Be intentional in finding a community of people to belong to. We need each other.

“It is not more bigness that should be our goal. We must attempt, rather, to bring people back to the warmth of community, to the worth of individual effort and responsibility, and of individuals working together as a community, to better their lives and their children’s future.” – Robert F. Kennedy

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Journal

What is a takeaway from this chapter on friendship?

Write about one of your past or present friends and include a favorite memory you shared with them.

What is one quality you want to grow in as a friend to others?

mindful doodling

“A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.” – Arnolad H. Glasow

Mindful Doodling: In the space above, sketch something that represents friendship.

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Chapter 4: Friendship ACTIVIT Y

Walk it out.

• • • •

Being A Good Friend The Power of Vulnerability For Real! Be A Safe Person The Power of Community: Finding Me In Them

Choose one or more action steps:

1.

Is there someone in your school or activity group who seems lonely? Have the courage to start up a conversation with them. Invite them to join you or your group in an activity as an attempt to include them. They may or may not join in, but it is good to attempt to reach out to those who seem to need a friend. People have a need to be known and noticed.

Treating them kindly and with friendliness can help them feel important and not invisible. You never know if a person can become a good friend over time.

3.

Friendships are often based on trust, respect, and shared interests (things in common). Spending time doing things together and having shared experiences can strengthen bonds of friendship. Think about an activity and initiate by inviting a buddy or a group of friends to do something with you.

4.

Practice using your words to build others up.

Challenge yourself to compliment three people daily over the next week and then reflect on how it went.

2.

Think about what you can do as an act of service or generosity for one of your friends. Do this gesture within the next week.

The struggle is real, and so is hope.

Text 494949 to chat now | FREE Mental Health Chat Center | 24/7 for those over 13 years old.

1-888-373-7888 | Toll-Free Hotline | 24/7 71 | Confidential | Get Help. Report Trafficking.

“The best word shakers

were the ones who understood the true power of words.

They were the ones who could climb the highest.”

Markus Zusak

Chapter 05 72

The Power of Words Think back for a second. Can you remember a single sentence someone said to you that changed everything?

that changes the world. They can build someone up into a hero or can tear them down, making them feel like nothing special.

Maybe it was a compliment from a coach that gave you a surge of confidence that you can still feel today.

Or maybe it was a cruel comment whispered in the hallway, a put-down that stuck to you like glue and left a wound that took years to heal.

Printed photos can fade, trends die, but words can last forever, echoing through decades. The words you say to others—and just as importantly, the words you say to yourself in your own head—are constantly building your reality.

We all have them. Those words. The ones that are tattooed on our memories.

So, the question is: are you using your power by accident, or are you in control?

Words are the most powerful creative force on the planet. Think about it. A few words can start a friendship, end a relationship, or spark a movement

Gear up to explore the power of words.

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THE POWER OF WORDS.

by Kau'i N. Burgess

Have you ever said something without thinking and immediately wished you could hit “undo”?

with you, replaying over and over like a song you didn’t even ask for.

Or maybe you’ve been on the other side—someone said a few careless words that hit you like a punch in the gut. You tried to brush it off, but their words stuck

We live in a world flooded with words. From group chats and social media posts to captions and class presentations, we’re constantly surrounded by people

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talking, texting, venting, and sharing. And somewhere in that flood, it’s easy to forget that what we say (or even think) actually matters. But it does.

One weekend, we were going to compete against the number one team in our league, which was BYU-Hawai’i, but we were in fifth place in the NAIA’s Western Conference, which included teams from Hawai’i and California. BYU-H had the best players in the conference.

Words are powerful.

Think about it. Words shape the world around you. One encouraging text can save someone from the edge of hopelessness. One harsh comment can make someone question their worth. Words can build up or tear down, heal, or hurt. Words can start fights and end friendships.

One genuine compliment can spark confidence that changes the course of someone’s day—or life.

Before the game, our team gathered in our coach’s hotel room. When I walked in, a spirit of confidence and determination permeated the room. The serious message spoken by our coaches was encouraging, strong, bold, and felt so true. Their words stirred within me the belief that we were going to win the championship… and WE DID! It was one of the best games my team had ever played.

Words Aren’t Just Noise—They’re Power Here’s the truth: People may forget what you said, but they’ll remember how your words made them feel. The coach’s words on game day stirred up deep emotions within me—such as confidence and belonging—that I still remember to this day, more than 30 years later!

Words are more than sounds or letters on a screen. They carry power. They shape how people feel, what people believe, and even how people see themselves.

Think about a time someone said something that really stuck with you—good or bad. Maybe it was a joke that went too far. Maybe it was a sarcastic remark. Maybe it was encouragement you didn’t know you needed.

Maybe it was something someone said about you years ago, and it still replays in your head like a broken record.

I learned a great life lesson. We all have the power to bring about good or bad in our lives and in the lives of others through the words we choose to speak.

Whether you’re texting a friend, giving a presentation, talking to yourself, or just thinking about the day, you’re using words.

That’s the power of words. They don’t disappear when the moment passes. They echo.

So, here’s a challenge: And guess what? That means your words carry that same power too. Your voice can change the way someone else feels about themselves, the world, or their future.

▶ Catch yourself when you’re about to say something negative and choose a different word. ▶ Give one compliment or encouraging word to someone each day. ▶ Notice your self-talk. Would you talk to your best friend the way you talk to yourself? If not, it’s time to change that. ▶ Think before you post. Is it necessary? Is it kind?

Will it help someone or hurt someone?

And the most powerful words? Sometimes, they are the ones we never speak out loud at all. The words you speak silently to yourself—whether it’s “I’m not enough” or “I believe someday my dream will come true”—can define the direction of your thoughts, your emotions, and your future.

In life, I’ve experienced how words impact outcomes, beliefs, attitudes, and the confidence of others.

In the following articles, you will take a deeper dive into the power of words! You don’t need to be loud to be powerful. Your words already are. So use them like they matter—because they do.

When I was 18, I was blessed to go to college on a four-year volleyball scholarship at the University of Hawai’i at Hilo.

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THE POWER OF ENCOURAGING AND ASSERTIVE WORDS.

by Michele Okimura

Your voice carries more weight than you may realize. Every time you speak, you have a choice: Will your words bring hope, truth, and confidence—or will they add to the noise of negativity that already floods our world?

At a recent event I attended, my friend was the keynote speaker, sharing her journey to becoming the influential leader she is today. To my shock, she suddenly pointed me out in the audience and told me to stand up and wave at everyone. She said she wanted everyone to know that I had changed her life.

Let’s talk about two types of words that are especially powerful: encouraging words and assertive words. Both have the ability to shape your life and the lives of others in positive, impactful ways. But they work best when used together.

She recalled a moment, over a year ago, when she had told me in desperation, “I don’t know what my gifts are!”

Encouraging Words

Without hesitation, I had said, “Oh! I know! Your gifts are your passion and boldness!”

Have you ever had a rough day when someone said something kind or uplifting that totally shifted your mood? That’s the power of encouraging words. Words can heal, build confidence, and give someone the courage to keep going.

I barely remembered it—but she never forgot. Through tears, she told everyone my words gave her the clarity and courage to chase her dreams with greater confidence! I was so grateful that I was able to make a difference and celebrate her!

Encouraging words don’t have to be long speeches. They can be simple phrases such as “You’ve got this,” or “I’m proud of you,” or “That was so brave of you.” Spoken or written words can make a huge difference when someone feels unseen, discouraged, misunderstood, stressed, or hurt. You can become a person who brings light into dark places!

Your words might change someone’s life forever.

You never know—one conversation can literally change a life.

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Want to get better at being encouraging?

Start by noticing the good in people and practice taking the next step by complimenting them, even if it’s a stranger passing by. There was a time when someone in passing made my day by saying to me, “What a stylish outfit! You look great in it!”

Praising someone’s great effort or making sure to congratulate someone’s accomplishments can also be so uplifting.

Assertiveness is like having a steady voice in the middle of chaos. You’re not shrinking back or blowing up—you’re choosing to speak truth with confidence and kindness.

Whenever possible, be specific in your encouraging words. For example, instead of “You’re awesome,” try saying something like “You always show up for people—that’s inspiring.”

How to Grow in Assertiveness

Remember, you can communicate encouragement through speaking, texting, emailing, or writing notes.

Use “I” statements. Instead of blaming (“You always make fun of me!”), say: “I feel hurt when that happens.” It’s less confrontational and helps people listen without getting defensive.

Assertive Words: Speak Up Practice in small moments. Start with little things. If your food order is wrong, kindly let the server know. If you need help on a group project, speak up. These moments add up and build confidence.

Being encouraging doesn’t mean staying silent when something’s wrong. Assertiveness is about expressing your thoughts, needs, and boundaries clearly and respectfully. It’s the middle ground between being passive (letting people walk all over you) and being aggressive (trying to dominate others).

You can speak your mind with graciousness and respect.

Be kind but firm. You can say something hard without being harsh. For example: “I value our friendship, but I won’t tolerate being made fun of.”

Imagine someone speaks to you disrespectfully. You don’t have to stay quiet—you don’t have to yell. Instead, you can calmly say, “Hey, I don’t appreciate being spoken to like that,” or “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t speak to me that way.”

Stay calm under pressure. If a conversation gets tense, slow your speech and take a breath before responding. A calm voice carries more power than a loud one.

If a conversation is getting heated, you can also suggest speaking at another time by saying something like, “I’m not okay with being spoken to like that. Let’s pause and come back to this when it can be respectful,” or “I care about this conversation, but I also care about how we treat each other.

Can we take a step back and try again later?”

If someone is pressuring you to do something you don’t want to do or are uncomfortable with, whether it’s something unsafe, unhealthy, or just not right for you, stand your ground with confidence and respect. You can say something like, “I care about you, but that’s not something I’m okay with,” or “Thanks, but I am going to pass.”

Encouragement and Assertiveness Work Together If you are in a conversation and have a different opinion, you can kindly disagree. You can say something like, “I see it differently, and I’d love to share why if you’re open to hearing it,” or “I see it a little differently. Can I share my perspective?”

You can be someone who cheers people on and stands up for what’s right. You can be a friend who encourages others and also sets healthy boundaries. Remember that you don’t have to be loud to be strong. You just have to be honest, respectful, and courageous.

If the conversation is getting intense or one-sided, you could say something like “It’s okay if we don’t all agree. I think different views can be valuable. We can still have a good conversation,” or “I’m not trying to argue—I just see it from another angle.”

Your words carry weight. Use them wisely—and the world will feel the difference.

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ACTIVIT Y

The Word Museum Take a walk through the museum of your memory. In your journal, create two exhibits.

The Hall of FAME: Write down the kindest, most powerful, and most encouraging words someone has ever said to you. Who said that? How did they make you feel then? How do they still impact you today?

The Hall of FLAME: Write down a time when words hurt you. You don't need to dwell here but acknowledge the words and the feeling they created. This exercise helps you see the real, lasting impact words have had on your own life.

Illustrate how these positive words impacted you by sketching a picture below or writing a poem. Be creative!

Illustrate how these negative words impacted you by sketching a picture below or writing a poem.

Be creative!

"Watch your thoughts, they become your words. Watch your words, they become your actions. Watch your actions, they become your habits. Watch your habits, they become your character. Watch your character, it becomes your destiny." — Anonymous

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WATCH YOUR WORDS.

DID YOU KNOW? Check out YouTube videos by searching for ‘Rice Experiments with Words’ and ‘Water Experiments with Words.’

“Words can Inspire. And words can Destroy.

Choose yours well.”– Robin Sharma

Call out the GOLD in others

“Be careful with your words.

Once they are said, they can only be forgiven, not forgotten.”

“Words are powerful. They have the ability to create a moment and the strength to destroy it.”

Carl Sandburg

Unknown

SPEAKING LIFE INTO OTHERS QUIZ: Take this self-reflection quiz by checking the box that reflects your answer.

How often do you think about the impact of your words before speaking?

How often do you speak encouraging words to others?

o Always o Sometimes o Rarely o Never

o Every day o Once a week o Rarely

Which of the following best describes how you usually speak to others?

Do you find it easy or hard to compliment others? o Easy o Hard

o Encouraging o Direct o Sarcastic o Supportive

Which words do you think people need to hear more often?

What’s more powerful? o Words o Voice tone/facial expression o Both

o “I believe in you” o “You’re capable” o “You matter”

When someone says something negative to you, how do you usually react?

When someone says something kind and affirming to you, how does it make you feel?

o Get angry o Think about it for a long time o Shrug it off

o Happy o Motivated o Embarrassed o Indifferent

How well do you handle criticism?

How you talk and what you say can impact your relationships. Be the kind of guy who speaks life into others, using words that lift people up instead of bringing them down.

o Very well o Okay o Not well

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THE POWER OF “NO”

“What’s helped with saying no to others is asking myself first if I’m saying yes out of guilt or fear.

If so, then it’s a polite no.”

Neil Strauss, Tribe Of Mentors: Short Life Advice from the Best in the World

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I am a woman, but one thing I know about men is—they can be powerful. Some may say that brute strength makes men powerful. However, what makes a man most powerful is the character of a solid man. This is the most powerful thing. It is what will often win a woman’s heart. It is what they usually look for when considering who they will marry. It is a man’s character that a woman knows will warm her heart during cold and barren seasons. It is a man’s character that a woman leans upon to find rest and support.

If you have treated anyone wrongly, be it a girl, a guy, or a family member, talk to a trusted mentor about it. If possible, ask the person you have wronged for forgiveness and express what you will do differently to make things right Be brave and bold and exercise your no as well.

Your boundaries matter. As you honor other people’s no, it is also important to exercise your “no,” creating healthy boundaries for yourself. For example, temptations to do harmful things can often come our way. Peer pressure and the desire to fit in and belong is real. Search your heart and know your values and convictions ahead of time regarding your health and safety. When possible, have a plan for responding to negative peer pressure. For example, be ready to say no to underage drinking, smoking, vaping, sex, drugs, criminal behavior, and dangerous, risky ventures that you don’t want to do.

What does not win a woman’s heart, though, is when a man uses physical power against a woman. How does this happen?

No man ever thought he would grow up with the intent to harm, hit, or abuse a woman.

Maybe some of you have witnessed some painful family dynamics where men in your family used their fists or words to hurt others. Or maybe you have been through it yourself, dealing with domestic violence or verbal abuse. If so, I want to encourage you that there are men with solid character and compassion in this world who can show you how to build respectful and healthy connections.

Remember the following things: 1. A “no” is not personal, so you can still respond honorably and respectfully.

I was once harmed by a man who did not respect my “no” and caused me to feel powerless. I’ve learned the word “no” is a major boundary line that should always be respected and not crossed.

A person’s no is not always a negative judgment about who you are, as much as it is a boundary to protect who they are. Sometimes, a no can feel like a hurtful rejection.

However, you can grow in responding graciously and honorably, knowing that the no does not take away from your immense value as a person.

Are we okay when we hear the answer “No”?

2. Respect is a two-way street.

Think about it—If we can’t respect someone’s “no” in minor situations when a parent, a friend, a teacher, or a boss says it, how can we expect to handle it when someone opposes what we want in significant situations? How will we say no to the inclination to raise our voices, our hands, or our bodies against another in anger or frustration?

As you respect the person who says “no,” they will usually grow in respect for you.

3. Your agreement to someone’s “no” makes a pathway for a far better “yes” in your future.

Self-control is first practiced in everyday situations so that we can be prepared to handle big decisions well with that same level of respect.

Trust grows through honor and respect. Relationships and bonds are strengthened as trust and respect are experienced. These sorts of relationships are not only healthy but emotionally gratifying. This is the best yes you could give yourself!

Are you a powerful man of self-control? How do you respond when you hear “No”?

“Men are respectable only as they respect.”

When you honor someone’s no, a friend’s no, a mom’s no, a dad’s no, you make room for a better yes. You say “yes” to honor. You say “yes” to forming character. You say “yes” to a future healthy relationship filled with trust and honor.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

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SPEAK LIFE: HOW WORDS CAN SHAPE YOUR FUTURE

by Joshua Kaina

Imagine standing in the middle of a stadium, crowd roaring, pressure rising, and having to perform at your absolute best. Now imagine doing that over and over again, knowing the world is watching, judging, and expecting more. How do you keep going? How do you stay grounded, confident, and unshaken?

Self-talk is the ongoing dialogue you have in your mind— it’s how you interpret your experiences, your failures, and your potential. These words either build you up or tear you down. We can be our worst enemies when it comes to self-talk. I started managing my self-talk later in life and am still mastering it. I hope this article helps you to start now.

For some of the world’s most legendary athletes, the answer is simple, but powerful: they speak positive affirmations over themselves, what I call “speaking life.”

Did you know that science backs this up? Repeated self-talk literally rewires your brain because of something called neuroplasticity. Your thoughts form pathways, like trails in a forest. The more you repeat a certain kind of thought, whether positive or negative, the easier it becomes to travel that path again.

Whether you’re facing pressure in school, struggling with identity, or trying to push through anxiety or fear, the words you speak to yourself matter. A lot.

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So, when you constantly say, “I’m not good enough,” or “I always mess things up,” your brain starts to believe it.

But when you say, “I’m capable,” or “I can grow through this,” your brain responds with increased confidence and clarity. You begin to act on what you say.

Here are three simple ways to start speaking life over yourself: 1. Replace Lies with Truth Catch negative thoughts like “I’m a failure” or “I’ll never change,” and replace them with truth:

As a tennis fan, I loved watching Serena Williams play.

She is one of the greatest athletes of all time, and she didn’t rise to the top by chance. She’s known not just for her physical strength but for her mental resilience.

In interviews, Serena has shared how she uses positive self-talk and affirmations in high-pressure moments— especially when self-doubt creeps in.

▶ “I’m growing and learning.” ▶ “One mistake doesn’t define me.”

2. Create Personal Affirmations Write a few short, positive statements that reflect who you’re becoming: ▶ “I am chosen. I am capable. I have purpose.” ▶ “I don’t have to be perfect—I just have to keep moving forward.”

She once said: “I am strong. I am powerful. I am beautiful.”

She repeated these words to herself, not when everything was going great—but when she felt fear, fatigue, or frustration. These affirmations weren’t magic spells they were declarations of identity that helped her show up as her best self.

Say them out loud every day. Over time, your brain will start believing them—and your life will follow.

3. Speak What You Want to See Don’t just talk about where you are. Speak about where you’re going.

Another great example is the boxing legend Muhammad Ali. Before Muhammad was “The Greatest,” he was a young boxer from Kentucky who faced racism, doubt, and criticism at every turn. But Ali understood the power of words. He declared victory long before the match even started.

▶ “I will graduate.” ▶ “I will overcome anxiety.” ▶ “I will use my gifts to help others.”

Your words set the direction of your life. Use them wisely.

His famous line: “I am the greatest. I said that even before I knew I was.”

The most important voice in your life isn’t from the crowd—it’s the one inside your head. You have the power to SPEAK LIFE over yourself, just like Serena Williams and Muhammad Ali did. You were created with purpose, designed with greatness, and wired to grow.

Ali didn’t say this out of arrogance—he spoke it to shape his reality. He knew that to fight and win in the ring, he first had to fight and win in his mind.

Every time he faced a challenge, Ali chose words of strength, confidence, and vision. And over time, his mindset helped create the legacy we remember today.

So speak like it.

Let the words you say be a reflection of the truth: You are more than enough, and your story is still being written.

How to Speak Life Over Yourself You don’t have to be an athlete to use self-talk powerfully.

Whether you’re walking into a classroom, a tryout, a performance, or just a tough day—what you say to yourself will either fuel you or drain you.

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Journal

Journal a takeaway you had from this chapter:

Think about a time when you were the target of gossip or a rumor. How did those words affect your "inner world"—your self-talk, your confidence, and your sense of safety at school or with friends?

Did they create a label that was hard to shake off? What do you wish people had known about the real story? Journal some of your thoughts:

The next time you're in a conversation and it turns into gossip, what will you do? Think of at least two specific strategies. Will you change the subject, politely say you're not comfortable talking about someone who isn't there, or simply walk away? Creating a plan now makes it easier to act with integrity in the moment.

Referring to the last article on speaking life, what are three positive sentences you can tell yourself —or others—that would speak life, encouragement, and strength, especially in those moments of stress, insecurity, and hardship?

mindful doodling 84

Chapter 4: The Power of Words ACTIVIT Y

Walk it out.

• • • •

The Power of Words The Power of Encouraging and Assertive Words The Power of “No” Speak Life: How Words Can Shape Your Future

Consider choosing one or more action steps:

1.

3.

2.

4.

For one day, be a detective of your own thoughts and do a self-talk audit. Pay close attention to your inner monologue—the voice in your head. Write down the phrases you say to yourself, especially when you're stressed or make a mistake. At the end of the day, look at your list. Is your self-talk mostly critical or encouraging? Challenge one negative thought and rewrite it into something true, kind, and constructive.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it: for the next 24 hours, you must give a genuine, specific compliment to at least three different people. It could be a friend, a family member, a teacher, or a classmate.

Instead of a generic "nice shirt," try something specific like, "The way you explained that concept in class really helped me understand it." Observe their reaction and take note on how it felt to be the source of that positive energy.

Conduct a legacy interview. Sit down with an older person you respect—a grandparent, a mentor, an older neighbor. Ask them this one powerful question: "What are the most memorable words of encouragement or advice you ever received, and how did they shape your life?" Listen to their story.

You'll gain incredible wisdom about how words can echo through an entire lifetime.

Think of a "hidden hero" in your school or community—a janitor, a cafeteria worker, a bus driver, or a librarian who is often overlooked. Either write them a simple, handwritten thank-you note and deliver it or take the time to verbally thank them. Acknowledge their hard work and tell them they are appreciated.

You have the power to make someone's entire week with just a few sentences.

The struggle is real, and so is hope.

Text 494949 to chat now | FREE Mental Health Chat Center | 24/7 for those over 13 years old.

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“A man with a brave and bold heart rises to lead and defend what is good and true. He stands up for what matters and lives with honor, always ready to protect and support those who need him most.

This is the kind of strength that makes a real difference.”

Anonymous

Chapter 06

He Protects

the weak and vulnerable can be as simple as standing up for a friend being bullied or offering support when someone’s going through a tough time.

What does it mean to act as a protector?

It means you stand up and protect what is right, even when it’s hard or unpopular. It’s about defending honorable values, whether refusing to go along with something wrong or speaking up when you see injustice.

In this chapter, you’ll discover what it means to protect—starting with guarding your own heart.

Before you can protect others, you must be aware of what impacts you in a world full of distractions and negative influences. Armor up with strength and wisdom for the journey ahead!

Being a protector means having the courage to act, whether stepping in to stop harmful behavior or encouraging others to do the right thing. Protecting

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HEART GUARDIAN.

by Mike Frasier

One organ in the human body that needs much protection would have to be the heart—it doesn’t only need physical protection!

You may have heard the motto, “Follow your heart.” However, this may or may not be the best advice, depending on the situation. Decisions based only on feelings (which can come and go like the wind) can lead to messy, stressful situations.

Our hearts also refer to our mind, intellect, emotions, and conscience. What is in our hearts is reflected in our feelings, thoughts, and even our reasoning.

Instead of “following your heart,” I propose you “guard your heart.”

The heart can be easily influenced, so it needs to be protected.

Your heart can be hurt, manipulated, and abused in relationships.

We can experience the heartache of regrets, guilt, rage, rejection, grief, and disappointments.

I am not saying you must build a thick wall around your heart, shutting everyone out and playing it safe. Loving and caring

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for others means you might face rejection and get hurt. Taking risks? Yes, that can mean failing sometimes. But there is a smart way to protect yourself from negative influences to receive the very best in your life.

To help filter out activities that are more harmful than helpful to you, a helpful question you can ask yourself is, “Does this activity tempt me to do wrong or harmful actions, think negatively, or feel negative emotions?

Why guard our hearts?

If yes, then don’t do it. If you are struggling, ask a trusted mentor for help.

What goes on in our heads is pretty much driven by our hearts.

Our hearts can shape everything we say and do. Our words and actions are all influenced by what’s swirling in our minds.

What is in our hearts plays a role in our decisions about money, our health, our future dreams, the group of friends we hang with, what we believe about ourselves, and much more!

Guarding your heart requires being 100% intentional about it. It is a choice that we make every day. You are a powerful person! You can make that choice!

Relationships are a big deal. What is in our hearts also decides the kind of friends we pick and how we relate to friends, family, authority figures, and even strangers. It’s all connected.

What does guarding your heart look like?

When you are on guard, it’s usually about keeping the good and valuable things safe and keeping the bad influences and danger away. Be careful with what you fill your mind with and allow yourself to be exposed to.

“Want to Think Big? Then get rid of the negative influences in your life. Harsh? Possibly. Healthy? Yes.” – Michael Port Filter. Filter. Filter. Practically speaking, what are some things that affect your heart? What are you filling your mind with? ▶ the people you hang out with ▶ whatever you hear with your ears, including music and words spoken ▶ whatever you see and read with your eyes, including videos and social media posts What are you feeding your brain? It matters what you put into it. There’s a saying, “garbage in, garbage out,” meaning if you fill your mind with negative stuff—whether it’s the music you listen to, the shows you watch, what you read, or the people you hang out with—you’re more likely to end up thinking and acting negatively.

Become more self-aware of how your actions are affecting you.

For example, constantly listening to song lyrics expressing anger and hatred will probably negatively affect your emotions, attitude, and actions. If you listen to music with positive lyrics, your mind will begin to think more positively.

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KNOW THE SIGNS!

Protect Yourself and Others from Unhealthy Relationships.

by Michele Okimura and Joshua Kaina

Who likes to be controlled and manipulated? Nobody!

Who wants to be deceived by others? Nobody!

Manipulators care only about their own interests. A manipulator’s end goal is to get what they want, such as money, things, a favor, permission to do something, or to borrow something. They may want you to do something, allow them to do something, or allow them to do something to you.

Yet unhealthy, controlling, abusive relationships happen often in our society.

How do I respond when I think I am being manipulated?

Let’s become aware of how you can protect yourself and others from being in unhealthy, manipulative, and even abusive relationships by knowing the signs.

It is helpful to be prepared with words and phrases you can use to respond to a manipulator because it can be difficult to think clearly when you feel pressured. When possible, avoid being in a relationship with manipulators.

A common practice in such relationships is manipulation.

Victims of manipulation may not even realize they are being manipulated!

Let’s dive in and begin by learning about this harmful practice that hurts people.

You can exercise your voice and say “no” to the manipulator.

You do not need to apologize or say you are sorry for disagreeing with them.

What is Manipulation?

Here are some words you can use in response: Manipulation is a behavior that seeks to exercise harmful influence over someone else for personal advantage.

▶ ▶ ▶ ▶ ▶ ▶ ▶

For example, you could have a “friend” who claims to care about you but who makes you feel guilty or bad if you don’t do what they say. Another example might be a “friend” who puts you down or bullies you in front of others yet pretends they don’t mean to hurt your feelings. In extreme cases, a “friend” might convince you to do things that are dangerous, threaten you if you don’t bully others with them, isolate you from other friends, or try to control who you spend time with.

“No, because I don’t want to.”

“No, I don’t have the time.”

“No, I don’t believe that is a good idea.”

“No, I don’t want to get involved with that.”

“No, I don’t have the money to give you.”

“No, I believe that is illegal, and I don’t want to.”

“No, because I do not (fill in the blank).”

Be courageous and brave. This is a time to stand up for yourself!

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Pay Attention.

Trust your instincts when you feel that something is ‘off ’ in a friendship. It could be a signal that you’re dealing with someone who is trying to control you or even be abusive.

It is crucial to be alert to the early signs of a ‘toxic’ or abusive relationship because it’s easier to leave such an unhealthy relationship in its early stages rather than after a long time has passed.

Learning about controlling, manipulative, or abusive tactics can protect you from getting into an unhealthy or dangerous situation.

Keep in mind: Manipulators and abusers tend to get their way more easily with people who always want to please others and who struggle with low self-esteem.

Being self-aware of your weaknesses can help you recognize when you are in an unhealthy dynamic.

There are 3 Main Types of Abuse: PHYSICAL ABUSE This happens when a person physically hurts another through means such as kicking, hitting, pinching, or choking.

Warning Signs: • Displays a violent temper and lashes out physically, like hitting someone or throwing things.

• Displays cruelty to animals.

MENTAL/EMOTIONAL ABUSE This happens when a person is controlling, manipulative, and intimidating.

These types of behaviors cause the victim to feel mental stress and fear. *Refer to the following activity page for a handy checklist of manipulation tactics.

SEXUAL ABUSE This can happen in unwanted or non-consensual sexual behaviors.

Warning Signs: • You are forced to watch pornography when you do not want to.

• Someone inappropriately touches you without your consent.

• Someone makes you feel guilty or fearful if you do not comply with their demands—they manipulate you using their words to get you to do what they want.

If you are in a toxic, unhealthy relationship, you may find yourself often feeling fearful, anxious, hopeless, ashamed, confused, depressed, or guilty.

Don’t hesitate to reach out to a trusted adult if you recognize that you’re in a harmful relationship. The insights you gained from this article can guide you in making wise choices when forming friendships that bring value and positivity to your life!

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Manipulators and abusers tend to get their way more easily with people who always want to please others and who struggle with low self-esteem.

PAY ATTENTION TO THE RED FLAGS! Manipulation Tactics.

Take a look at the list below of tactics people use to emotionally and mentally control others. Check off any ‘red flags’ you have experienced from another person.

Warning Signs Checklist:

They won’t take no for an answer.

They keep pushing and pressuring until they get their way.

They act differently with different people depending on the situation.

A little jealousy can be normal, but extreme jealousy is a red flag. They are possessive and always want to know where you are and who you are with.

They have a pattern of lying and attempting to trick or deceive you.

They try to make you feel guilty through their actions and words.

They cry to make you feel sorry for them and to get what they want.

They intimidate you by using threats.

For example, they may threaten to harm you, harm someone you care about, or harm themselves. They may use threats to trap you into never leaving the relationship.

They twist conversations so they are never at fault. They make it seem that you or others are the ones to blame. They believe they are justified in behaving the way they do.

They may have a pattern of tearfully apologizing after abusing you. However, the ‘niceness’ is short-lived until they abuse you once again.

They twist the truth, making you question your recollections.

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There is growing control over your life, such as your schedule and your activities.

Over time, they isolate you from other friends and your family.

They are nice to you, give you false praise, say things to make you feel loved and special, or overly compliment you to get you to do what they want.

They try to bargain with you by saying they will do something for you or give you something.

They show you generosity by giving you or buying you things, so you feel obligated to do what they want—or they use the fact that they gave you certain things to convince you that you owe them.

They attempt to make you believe you need them and depend on them.

They constantly criticize you and put you down. They can publicly humiliate you.

They ‘silence’ your voice and do not give you a say in many matters.

They have a bad temper and yell and swear when angry.

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Hmmm.

Recognizing Manipulative Habits in Yourself.

by Joshua Kaina

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Let’s protect our hearts. Let’s make sure we don’t turn into people who manipulate others by starting with being aware of our motives and actions.

In the previous article, we discussed ways to protect yourself and your friends from manipulative people. But while we’re at it, let’s do some self-reflection and consider how you connect with others —are you relating to others in a healthy, positive way?

Have you ever struggled with jealousy?

Have you ever felt afraid and felt the need to be in control?

These feelings are something everyone deals with at some point. When we feel this way, it’s easy to try to control situations or people through manipulation.

But that usually just leads to hurt and damaged relationships. Instead, there are better ways to handle things that can help both you and the people around you without causing harm.

Manipulative behaviors can negatively impact personal growth and harm relationships with friends and family.

Recognize manipulative behaviors in yourself.

Recognizing manipulative behaviors in yourself is an important step toward building healthy, positive relationships.

1. Be honest with yourself.

3. Be a good listener.

Become more aware of your feelings and thoughts. Reflect on past interactions with others.

Ask yourself tough questions, such as:

Give your full attention to others when they speak. Be genuinely interested in their thoughts and feelings. Avoid interrupting. Don’t be quick to ignore their opinions.

▶ Have I ever lied to get what I want? ▶ Have I made someone feel guilty so they would do what I wanted?

“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.”

Bryant H. McGill

Take another glance at the list of unhealthy behaviors in the previous article and see if you have practiced such methods to get what you wanted from others—even your parents!

4. Respect boundaries.

Avoid pressuring or forcing others into doing things they do not want to do or are uncomfortable with. Respecting the personal boundaries of others is important in any relationship.

“The first and greatest victory is to conquer yourself.” – Plato 2. What is your heart motivation?

No one is born with a desire to manipulate or control other people. This behavior is also much more common than most of us realize, so if any of this relates to you—know that you are not alone.

▶ Are you trying to control situations out of fear, insecurity, or a desire for power? ▶ Are you trying to force someone to like you because you fear rejection?

Here are a few ways that I learned to overcome my manipulative ways and instead be more honest, honoring, and caring towards others.

“If you don’t address the things that caused you to stumble and fall, they will always be in your way.”

John C. Maxwell

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“Respect is appreciation of the separateness of the other person, of the ways in which he or she is unique.” – Coach Annie Gottlieb As we grow to be brave and bold young men, we can recognize any manipulative tendencies in ourselves and choose to honor and respect others instead of wanting to control them.

ACTIVIT Y

Journal Think about a time when you felt like someone was trying to control or influence you in an unhealthy way. What did they do or say that made you feel this way? How did you respond?

Briefly describe a situation where you felt pressured to act in a certain way because of guilt, fear, or obligation.

How did these emotions influence your decision? Do you think the other person knew how you were feeling?

Mindful Doodling: Sketch something that represents what manipulation looks like. Be creative!

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mindful doodling

The Bystander Effect is when someone sees a person in trouble but doesn’t step in to help. Instead of doing something, they just watch what’s happening, assuming someone else will take action.

Why do you think people sometimes stay silent or don’t step in to protect or help when they see someone in distress? What are some common fears or reasons that hold people back?

COURAGE TO SPEAK UP Think of a situation where you saw someone being mistreated or taken advantage of, but you didn’t step in. What held you back? If you could go back, how would you respond differently? What level of courage would it take to speak up and/or take positive action?

DEFEND AND PROTECT Write about a time when you stood up and tried to protect someone who couldn’t defend themselves. What was the situation? How did you feel before, during, and after you took action? If you haven’t had an experience like this yet, write about a time you wish you could have helped.

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FROM HARMFUL GOSSIP TO ADVOCATING FOR DIGNITY.

by Charis Logan

Give me the tittle-tattle (1500s). What’s the scuttlebutt (1800s)? Gimme the skinny (1970s). What’s the 4-1-1 (1990s)?

Spill the beans. Spill the tea. However you put it, GOSSIP has been around since the beginning of time. And I get it. I love a good gossip session like anyone else! I admit it, whether

it’s celebrity gossip, neighborhood, family, or friends—I love to partake!

Maybe it’s the feeling of “being in the know” that feels so good? Or maybe it’s the illusion that you’re bonding with those with whom you are gossiping? Or it could be because

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it makes you feel better about your own situation. Whatever it is, as much as I hate to admit it, it’s truly a guilty pleasure.

feeling disrespected by this girl. But I also knew that I shouldn’t gossip and add fuel to this fire; after all, she was my friend.

BUT, none of these reasons seem to ease the pain of being on the other end…the one being gossiped about.

Then, in a moment of weakness, I blurted out something that I regret to this day. I shared something private about her that would have deeply humiliated her if she had been there. The second it came out, I instantly wanted to take it back. But like that toothpaste squeezed out of the tube, I couldn’t. Whether this “information” was true or not, I did not intend for it to come off like it did! The girls erupted in laughter, but deep down, I felt terrible.

It never feels good to find out that someone has been talking about you behind your back, whether it was true or not. You can’t defend yourself or explain your side of the story. You feel helpless and powerless. Voiceless. Judged. Ashamed.

Simply put, gossip is information shared about a person behind their back in a way that can hurt their reputation, especially if it’s private, unkind, or not true. Many times, gossip typically involves details that are not confirmed as true.

Well, as it usually happens, word got back to this girl about the things we had gossiped about, and we all found ourselves in the Counselor’s office. I will never forget seeing the tears in that girl’s eyes as we were confronted with these rumors. All these years later, I still feel horrible about it. Our words were powerful, and instead of building her up, they tore her down.

Decide which of these are GOSSIP (Answer at the bottom) a) You told someone that you heard a classmate got into a fight during recess. b) You and a friend were talking about a soccer game you both played in last night. c) You told your mom about the award that your friend won. d) You saw someone look around while you were taking a test, so you told everyone that the person cheated.

The fact of the matter is that even after you grow up, you will still encounter gossip. Like me, you will face those same kinds of emotions and thoughts when you are tempted to dive into the gossip session. So, what can you do?

Examples of What To Say When You Hear Gossip:

Have you ever squeezed too much toothpaste out of a tube?

It’s just not possible to get that extra toothpaste back in! The same is true with our words. There’s an old Jewish proverb that says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”

Basically, your words can either lift someone up or tear them down. So before you speak, ask yourself: Is this going to bring life or cause damage? Because once it’s out—it’s out.

1. “I don’t think that’s true. I know that person has their faults, but they have always been kind to me.”

2. “Maybe we shouldn’t talk about them since they aren’t here.”

3. “This is kind of messed up of us. I wouldn’t like it if you said that about me.”

4. “Are you sure that happened? That doesn’t sound like something that person would do.”

I can remember a time when I was in middle school, and there was a girl in our group of friends who was sort of the “leader of the pack.” She was pretty and smart, but she was also very sassy and very bossy! One day, a bunch of us started “sharing,” aka gossiping about this girl when she wasn’t around. I remember sitting there listening to what each girl had to say about her.

Here’s one last thing to think about—be the kind of person who spreads good gossip. Yeah, that’s a thing! Good gossip is when you talk about people behind their backs in a way that builds them up. Like, “Did you hear Sarah crushed it and got an award on the swim team?” or “Robert’s been training nonstop for that marathon—he’s so committed.” If you’re going to talk about someone, let it be something positive. Let your words spread encouragement. And who knows? Word will get back to them that you are sharing affirming, uplifting things about them—and they’ll remember you for it. Plus, don’t be surprised if people start doing the same for you.

There was a whirl of emotions and thoughts going on within me. I wanted to feel included in this juicy conversation. I didn’t want to look like I wasn’t a supportive friend to them.

I also felt similar things to what they said and could relate to

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Answer: a) yes b) no c) no d) yes

Journal Write about your main takeaway from this chapter. What is something you learned about yourself? What is something you want to grow in?

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Chapter 6: He Protects ACTIVIT Y

Walk it out.

• Heart Guardian • Know the Signs! Protect Yourself and Others from Unhealthy Relationships • Hmmm. Recognizing Manipulative Tactics in Yourself • From Harmful Gossip to Advocating for Dignity

Choose one or more action steps:

1.

Filter out at least one negative influence this week to protect your heart. Go back and check out the first article in this chapter again. What’s one thing you can cut out or avoid that’s been a bad influence on you or just isn’t healthy for your mind or life?

3.

Next week, be proactive in looking for situations where you can protect others through your words or actions. Remember, being a protector can be as simple as looking out for others and taking small actions to help those in need.

2.

Create a “NO” list. This should include things you feel are important to say “no” to (e.g., negative influences, peer pressure, harmful behaviors). You can decorate the list with words or symbols reminding you of values and why you choose to say “no” in certain situations.

The struggle is real, and so is hope.

Text 494949 to chat now | FREE Mental Health Chat Center | 24/7 for those over 13 years old.

1-888-373-7888 | Toll-Free Hotline | 24/7101 | Confidential | Get Help. Report Trafficking.

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