Achuar

i never truly realize how much i needed the trip until i’m actually there

it feels a bit silly, maybe even a bit ridiculous,

to the point where i question whether i’m somehow lying to myself as if i could somehow fake my own emotions for the sake of vulnerability

Deep in the heart of the Ecuadorian Amazon lies a place many call home.

A portal to a different world where suddenly you are nothing more than another organism making up part of an even greater, living and breathing ecosystem.

achuar

About an hours ride on canoe, the pain from sitting in one position for too long is inevitable and will quite literally creep up behind you.

But it’ll be worth it once you feel the river, spritzing its water onto your face as if it were a child and you its newfound friend with whom to play with.

It’ll be worth it once you witness firsthand the magnitude at which everything exists, as the trees that line either side of you open a path and extend an invitation to go further.

It’ll be worth it once you realize that part of you has finally made it back home. home.

Home to memories of firsts.

first cries, first steps, first words.

Home to a new generation to come.

Home, is what it feels like to be able to share this moment together. To relish in it, knowing that it is mine forever to keep.

The air is different here. Crisper, lighter, fresher and unlike anything I’ve ever had the privilege of breathing in before. The leaves around us flutter as we walk, smiling and giggling with the wind who caresses my face softly and tenderly, much like a mother would.

The difference between us is evident.

My steps are slow and clumsy. Occasionally tripping on roots, rocks, or whatever might find its way onto my path (all of which seem to disappear the moment I draw my gaze downwards).

Her steps never falter. She moves and the earth seems to move with her. The two walking alongside each other like two old friends casually catching up on their respective lives.

Every so often, the reality of what is in front and all around me threatens to overwhelm me so I take a step back. And I am left trailing behind.

But this is nothing new. This is the way it has always been. She leads. And I follow. (albeit slowly) but proudly

Because she is she and I am me. She is who now resides in me.

She is my grandma

My nukuchich

ñuka apamama man