TWENTY-EIGHTY-FOUR DAVID WORBOYS THINKING ALOUD

BY 1964 I had read all George Orwell’s novels, short stories and essays with the sole exception of ‘1984’. I left this for another 20 years, finally reading it in Luxembourgin 1984.

He wrote it in 1948 and much of what he foresaw had come to pass by 1984. Orwell predicted the loss of personal freedom to supervision by the state autocracy (Big Brother).

By 2084, the UK will have split into four separate republics of England, Wales, Scotland and Ulster. King Kevin has abdicated and briefly became interim President of England, before being replaced following a referendum. But let’s look at 2048.

King William V is on the throne. The Prime Minister is tattooed up to the nostrils. The Archbishop of Canterbury sports a ponytail and an Alice band. The Church of England gives its blessing to any man who wants to marry his dog or horse. Public lavatories no longer discriminate be­ tween the genders (male, female and not quite sure).

Proper written and spoken English is no longer considered necessary, as teachers have surrendered in the battle against Twitter and the media. And what about the year 2030?

After a film transmitted on television: “If you have been affected by any of the scenes of violence or any other issues in this film, you can obtain help and support which is available from the following organisations…” Yes, you’ve guessed it. The film is a classic Tom and Jerry cartoon transmitted in about seven years’ time, as our trembling society has degenerated further and lies in tatters.

Back in the late 20th century, ‘Spitting Image’ portrayed Margaret Thatcher clouting members of her cabinet round the head while, in ‘Fawlty Towers’, Basil inflicted slaps and kicks on the cringing Manuel. How on earth could such violence get past the censors in those days?

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Norajohnson Breakingviews

THE UK’s got on and off strikes all over the place, a government at war with itself, inflation through the roof, the NHS in meltdown, war in Europe, a vegetable shortage and nothing works any more.

And don’t get me started on flippin’ potholes. Or those intense bearded chaps doing nine­course tasting menus from reconditioned barns, celebrating ‘nature’s bounty’.

And then we read that a restaurant in Mayfair is selling the most expensive tins of seafood money can buy: £31 for a can of tuna or cockles for £56. Plus the Michelinstarred Welsh restaurant, Ynyshir, with its £350 tasting menu lasting five hours. With reservations reportedly snapped up immediately, most diners stay the night in the restaurant’s attached rooms (from a further £145 a head).

My flabber’s never been so gasted!

Well, that’s all very well for the likes of Tristan and Jocasta Gallivant­Jodhpur, Jemima Moneybags­Cashpot and Sophia Excess­Capital but what about the rest of us?

I know the difference between the haves and have­nots is a minor problem compared to world peace, reality TV and why the slowest van’s always in front of you, but that’s seemingly how things are now in the worldsic Ford Transit gloria mundi...

Nora Johnson’s 11 critically acclaimed psychological crime thrillers (www.nora­johnson.net) all available online including eBooks (€0.99; £0.99), Apple Books, audiobooks, paperbacks at Amazon etc. Profits to Cudeca cancer charity.