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2 | MAY 7-13, 2020 | cltampa.com
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4 | MAY 7-13, 2020 | cltampa.com
PUBLISHER James Howard EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Ray Roa DIGITAL EDITOR Colin Wolf FOOD CRITIC Jon Palmer Claridge
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CONTRIBUTORS John Allman, Jeffery C. Billman, Angelina Bruno, Paul Catala, Gabe Echazabal, Chris Fasick, Julie Garisto, LJ Hilberath, Erin Hughes, Alexandria Jones, Eliot Mayo, Peter Meinke, Nano Riley, Jennifer Ring, Melissa Santell, Cathy Salustri, Eric Snider, Resie rld in February, animal Waechter, SKrights West
MICHAEL JOHNSON
on ry................. 5
g the practice of keeping wild on ................. rous. But even though public 5
INTERNS Katlynn Mullins, James Bennett III
World animal rights don’t in seeFebruary, a parallel between the kind PHOTOGRAPHERS ing the practice of keeping wild heNicole practice of Nick displaying Abbett, Cardello,animals Kimberly DeFalco, gerous. But even though public Dave Phil DeSimone, Todd for tooDecker, much? Or is it time forFixler, a Brian don’t seeTracy a parallel between Mahar, May, Marlo Miller,the Jesskind Phillips, mals? Michael M. Sinclair, Kelsey Walker, Chip Weiner, the practice of displaying animals g for too much?James Or is Ostrand it time for a mals? SENIOR ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Anthony Carbone, Scott Zepeda
ic: Tampa Bay Blues Fest ........................... 40
MARKETING, PROMOTIONS AND
ic Week ................................................... 42 EVENTS DIRECTOR
It’s the end of the beginning.
Alexis Quinn Chamberlain usic: Tampa Bay Blues Fest ........................... cert review: Artic Monkeys ..........................40 42
Tampa Bay cautiously enters the first phase of reopening, p. 12.
usic ................................................... 42 ListWeek .......................................................... 46
STREET TEAM
oncert review: Artic Liz Monkeys .......................... 42 ie reviews 63 Nate..................................................... Lamb, MacLean, Daniel Nolan,
Paola Otero, Jason Rivera, Shomy Rodriguez, List .......................................................... eeWill Astrology .........................................46 64 Abbey Turner
ovie reviews..................................................... 63 zler ........................................................... 66
CHIEF OPERATING OFFICERS vage Love ...................................................... 69 Chris Keating, Michael Wagner VP OF DIGITAL SERVICES Stacy Volhein DIGITAL OPERATIONS COORDINATOR Jaime Monzon euclidmediagroup.com cltampa.com cldeals.com clspace.com
EDITORIAL POLICY — Creative Loafing Tampa is a weekly newspaper covering public issues, the arts and entertainment. In our pages appear views from across the political and social spectrum. They do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.
NEWS+VIEWS ...................... 8 FOOD+DRINK ......................12 A&E ....................................19 MUSIC ............................... 22 ASTROLOGY....................... 28
JOE NEWTON
ee Will Astrology ......................................... MEDIA GROUP 64 age LoveEUCLID ...................................................... 69 CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER Andrew Zelman zzler ........................................................... 66
SAVAGE LOVE .................... 29 CROSSWORD ..................... 30
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Is your yard ready for the upcoming dry season?
editor's note MICHAEL JOHNSON
Is your sprinkler system applying water where it is needed? Is your sprinkler system watering as efficiently as it can? St. Petersburg is offering a FREE check-up to make sure our customers are ready for the spring dry season. To be eligible, you must be a City of St. Petersburg water customer, and your property must: 1. Have an operating in-ground sprinkler system with timer 2. Irrigate with drinking (potable), reclaimed, or well water
APPLY NOW!
Visit: stpete.org/WaterPrograms Email: SensibleSprinkling@stpete.org Call: 727-892-5611 Limited time offer. Restrictions may apply. Installation of suggested modifications not included in this offer. Partial funding provided by the Southwest Florida Water Management District.
STREET SMART: Use your noggin and protect yourself out there, Tampa Bay.
Grim reminders Reflecting on death as we reopen the state. By Ray Roa
T
his week’s cover features a photo of Santa Rosa Beach attorney Daniel Uhlfelder, dressed as the Grim Reaper as he protests Gov. Ron DeSantis’ decision to reopen the state’s beaches. As blog fodder, the image perfectly gets the point across. But when I saw it as a proof for page one of this—the eighth issue Creative Loafing Tampa Bay has put on stands since laying off more than half its staff—the picture felt a little jarring. Death, presiding over a bluebird day on Florida’s coastline, is intimidating. Another still—like the one above of a man in downtown Tampa doing his best to stay protected—might be better. But let’s face it: Death is on our minds as we ease into Gov. Ron DeSantis’ first phase of reopening the state. As of Tuesday morning, 1,536 people have died statewide as a result of coronavirus; 113 of those fatalities were recorded on Tuesday alone, a single day record for new deaths. The report marks the first time Florida reported more than 100 deaths in a single day. Thanks to insufficient testing and sketchy tabulations, many health experts think the national coronavirus body count (68,922 as of Tuesday morning) is far lower than the true death toll.
But armchair economists with Gadsden flag undies (plus reasonable people, including countless laid off service workers) have the slow death of the local economy on their minds, too. Death, no matter which one you’re thinking of, is frightening. But one involves human life, and the other involves a financial structure that can arguably be rebuilt. If you value bank balance numbers on a spreadsheet more than a human life, well, you probably want to stop reading. Whether they like it or not, policymakers have the tough task of respecting both sides. And like it or not: We’re doing this reopening thing. It’s happening at restaurants (p. 12), attractions (p. 19) and even some record stores (p. 25). Publix, which reported $11.2 billion in sales over the first fiscal quarter of 2020, never closed, but employees still don’t have hazard pay (p. 9). Hospitals—where healthcare workers will be exposed to more COVID-19 as they’re tasked with taking care of the increased coronavirus caseload—are even adding nonelective procedures now that the curve has flattened. We can make light of the rush to reopen (p. 21) and make bold pronouncements against it like attorney Uhlfelder is doing (p. 10) but let’s not forget some of the things we learned during these two months of quarantine. Wash your hands, cover your face, and stay home if you can. If your cerebral cortex won’t let you eat takeout at home, then at least live your vida loca at a local spot and tip well. Above all, don’t forget to be kind to each other, because let’s face it: We’re all scared of something nowadays.
“Policymakers have the tough task of respecting both sides.”
6 | MAY 7-13, 2020 | cltampa.com
Don’t forget
Photos by Sandra Döhnert Bourne
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hroughout this issue, you’ll find stories about parts of our community reopening, for better or worse. This page—featuring images from Sandra Döhnert Bourne’s “I Miss Us” photo essay— is a reminder of that time when you wanted to remember what it was like to slow down and think about others’ safety before your own desire to be out in the public. Pictured here, starting from the left and going clockwise, are journalist and host of WMNF's "Art In Your Ear," JoEllen Schilke, Tombolo Books owner Alsace Walentine and Marina Williams, the owner of ARTpool Gallery & Vintage Boutique. All the subjects you see were captured in St. Petersburg, and you can see more shots from the photo essay via photos.cltampa.com. —Ray Roa
cltampa.com | MAY 7-13, 2020 | 7
INFORMED DISSENT ISSUES
I, hypocrite?
The elephant, the rider, and the Biden allegation that won’t go away.
F
By Jeffrey C. Billman or weeks, Joe Biden’s campaign acted as if a rote denial was sufficient to snuff out an ember before it sparked. For a while, it was right. The coronavirus helped keep Tara Reade’s story on the backburner. But the national media also greeted her claim skeptically, leaving it to progressives outraged that Democrats weren’t holding Biden to their own standards and MAGA propagandists eager to both-sides pussy-grabbing. True, eight women—Reade included—had gone public in 2019 with complaints about Biden’s unwanted personal contact. But no one had accused Biden of sexual assault. Reade told the Associated Press that Biden had “rubbed her shoulders and neck [and] played with her hair.” She told a local California paper that she left Biden’s office in August 1993, after nine months, because she was sidelined after refusing to serve drinks at an event. But even then, the AP later hinted, its reporters thought something didn’t add up. It didn’t publish details of an interview with Reade because it was “unable to corroborate her allegations, and aspects of her story contradicted other reporting.” Still, this allegation—that 27 years ago, Biden digitally penetrated her without consent— was different. It wasn’t something Biden could shrug off. Scrutiny was inevitable. On April 12— four days after Bernie Sanders conceded the Democratic pr ima r y—T he Washington Post and The New York Times finally weighed in. The AP followed a day behind. None of those stories delivered a clear verdict. Reade had corroboration in friends she’d told about an assault or harassment. Reade also said she’d told her mother, who was dead, and her brother, who changed his story in comments to the Post. There was also a written complaint Reade said she filed that no one could locate, and no one who worked in Biden’s office back then said anything like this happened.
In short, Reade’s story was unverifiable, and there was enough ambiguity for you to believe what you wanted. Then a video surfaced of a 1993 Larry King Live episode in which an anonymous caller who Reade says was her mother asked what her daughter could do about a problem in a Senate office: “My daughter has just left [Washington] after working for a prominent senator, and could not get through with her problems at all, and the only thing she could have done was go to the press, and she chose not to do it out of respect for him.” The caller did not mention sexual assault or harassment. But it was evidence that she told her mother that something was amiss during her time there. Right after that, another former neighbor told Business Insider that Reade had told her about the assault in the mid-’90s. From there, things picked up: a Daily Beast story questioning Dem-aligned women’s advocacy groups’ silence; a Times story about Democrats’ frustration with Biden’s silence; Republicans calling Democrats hypocrites for not “believing all women.” By Friday, silence was no longer an option. Biden went on MSNBC’s Morning Joe, categorically denied the charge, and asked National Archives to release Reade’s complaint. On Saturday, Reade told the AP that she filed a “limited” report with a congressional personnel office that did not accuse Biden of abuse or harassment. In other words, if it’s found, it won’t say anything revelatory. So we’re back where we started: You believe it if you want; you don’t if you don’t. That’s something I’ve spent the last week wrestling with: Instinctively, I don’t think Biden did it. But I think that because I want to think that. To be clear, I’m not a Biden superfan. (Do those exist outside of Acela-corridor pundit circle-jerks?) He wasn’t my choice in the primary, though I don’t want him to lose to Donald Trump, whom I view as an existential threat to Western democracy. I’ve always imagined him as a decent if sometimes oafish guy. The Anita Hill hearing wasn’t his finest hour. His invasions of women’s personal spaces were gross. But the thing is, I’ve known men like Biden—too affectionate, perhaps, but empathetic, a trait we don’t usually associate with predators.
“I’m making assumptions that conveniently align with my political interests.”
8 | MAY 7-13, 2020 | cltampa.com
P c s
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RIGHTEOUS MIND: Democrats won’t shake this elephant in the room. Of course, I’m making assumptions about Biden that conveniently align with my political interests. I didn’t give Brett Kavanaugh the same benefit of the doubt, and that, too, was based on assumptions that aligned with my politics but felt right all the same. I’ve known men like him, as well: children of privilege, self-important and self-righteous, feigning indignancy and raging at anyone who would dare sully his name. Does that make me a hypocrite? Perhaps. But it also makes me human. A book on political psychology called “The Righteous Mind” uses the analogy of an elephant and a rider. The elephant is heavy and dumb, representing impulsive reactions that pull us in a direction that usually but not always aligns with our values. The rider is our rational mind, the higher-order thinking we pretend controls our decisions but often is just along for the ride, making post-hoc rationalization for where the
i w e f a e
elephant has already taken us. Pulling the elephant back when it’s goney off-course requires first acknowledging its exis-s tence. In this case, I don’t want Biden to bew guilty, so I instinctively search for reasons he might not be. (And, it should go without say-l ing, I’m also watching this unfold as a man whoc should be very careful about judging Reade’st truthfulness in the absence of evidence to the contrary.) t There is one thing, though, that makes mec wonder: In every other #MeToo scandal, one alle-b gation has been followed by another and another.e Powerful men abuse their power habitually.a But no one besides Reade has accused Biden ofg assault. Not the women who spoke out againstm him last year. Not his former staffers or interns.p Is it likely that Biden committed one sexualt assault and never did it again? I don’t know. i Then again, is that the elephant talking,t or the rider? i
Seeing green
Publix made a $1B during coronavirus outbreak; employees still lack hazard pay.
By Colin Wolf and James Bennett III akeland-based grocer giant Publix reported $11.2 billion in sales over the first fiscal quarter of 2020, with an estimated $1 billion as a result of the coronavirus pandemic. According to a press release from the company, sales through March 28 were up 16.1% from $9.7 billion during the same quarter last year. The first fiscal quarter of 2020 ran from Jan. 1-March 31. Gov. Ron DeSantis ordered the close of restaurant dining rooms statewide on March 20. “Never before have we experienced a more challenging time,” said Publix CEO Todd Jones in a statement. “Our associates’ efforts to serve our customers and communities have been nothing short of extraordinary. I want to thank our associates and couldn’t be more proud to serve alongside them.” The employee-owned company also stated that stock prices have increased from $48.90 per share to $50.10 per share. Since the beginning of the pandemic, Publix employees have voiced frustrations with the company whose slogan is “Where shopping is a pleasure.” Back in March, associates were told they couldn’t wear masks or gloves because it might scare away customers. While many raised concerns over their own safety, employees were instead compensated with meager raises and $50 gift cards. After the federal CARES Act was signed into law on March 17, Publix then announced it would offer two weeks of paid sick leave to their employees, but only after they tested positive for COVID-19, which can often take a considerable amount of time and effort that many hourly employees don’t have. Of course, a proactive way to take care of your employees, and allow them the financial security to actually go get a coronavirus test, would be to offer hazard pay. For months, an online petition has circulated, with over 13,000 people begging the company to offer hazard pay, but this has yet to happen. The company has made numerous efforts to protect employees and customers during the coronavirus pandemic, like installing plexiglass barriers, initiating extra cleaning efforts, and finally allowing gloves and masks, but many of these examples came incredibly late in the outbreak. As the Tampa Bay Times reported in April, among its major competitors, Publix was one of the last to institute almost all safety measures, which is unconscionable for any company.
REDDIT/THAT_BLAXICAN_GUY
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THAT’LL DO: Not the Publix mask available online. But referring to grocery store employees as “essential,” while patting them on the back for putting their lives in danger as stock prices go through the roof, is probably worse. There’s nothing heroic about dying so that you could make some dude in a Salt Life shirt a chicken tender Pub Sub. You just get sick, and then you get replaced. It’s difficult to track these numbers, but grocery store employees are indeed dying from coronavirus. So far, 67 Publix employees in Florida have tested positive for COVID-19 based on media reports, and at least nine of those were in the Tampa Bay area, reports the Times. But it’s not just grocery workers, all frontline “essential” workers deserve hazard pay, and a good place to start would be offering a “living wage.” This is something Florida will hopefully take care of when a $15 minimum wage is on
LOCAL NEWS
the ballot in November, but it’s also something a company with earnings higher than Nike could certainly fix right now, especially when there’s no clear end in sight for this pandemic. To add insult to injury, Publix also just started selling its own branded facemask. In case you missed it, until late March, Publix employees weren’t allowed to wear face masks or gloves because they could “scare away customers.” The green reusable face masks are being sold on the online shop for $15.95 for two, or $67.79 for 10 masks. You can also buy a neck gaiter, which is sort of like a face-covering scarf, for $12.95. According to the store’s website, the masks will ship on or before May 27, while the neck gaiter will ship by May 15.
Each item also has “Made in the USA!” stated in the product listing. The masks, which have the company’s logo printed on the bottom right corner, are described as “doublelayered lightweight polyester, breathable face mask. Designed for everyday use, not medical grade.” “Features elastic loops to hold in place. Made in USA. Reusable and machine washable. Masks are not medical grade and have not been approved or endorsed by the CDC. Manufacturer makes no representations, express or implied, as to the efficacy of these masks against preventing the spread of any contagions.” Shipping is free for the mask, with a $7 discount applied at checkout. Cha-ching.
“There’s nothing heroic about dying so you could make Salt Life dude a chicken tender Pub Sub.”
cltampa.com | MAY 7-13, 2020 | 9
Outlook grim
The Grim Reaper is now stalking Florida beaches. By Colin Wolf
DWUHLFELDERLAW/TWITTER
A
Florida lawyer is now roaming Florida’s beaches to make the point that this is all a terrible idea. Last month, Santa Rosa Beach attorney Daniel Uhlfelder announced that he would protest Gov. Ron DeSantis’ decision to allow the state’s beaches to begin reopening, and on Friday he was in Walton County doing exactly what he said he would do. “I think it’s premature that we open our beaches,” said Uhlfelder to WMBB’s Brady Calhoun, dressed completely as the angel of death. “I’m a huge proponent of public beaches and I’ve been fighting for that for years,” he continued. “I think it’s going to prolong the recovery we have, and I think that we should take better measures. It’s drawing people from all over the world to our beautiful beaches. It’s too soon and it’s not appropriate.” Uhlfelder first announced his Grim Reaper stunt back on April 21. “Many of you have asked if I am willing to travel around Florida wearing Grim Reaper attire to the beaches and other areas of the state opening up prematurely,” he said in a Twitter post. “The answer is absolutely yes. Beginning May 1 we will hit the road here in state.” Uhlfelder has been a vocal advocate of keeping Florida’s beaches public. Last year, he sued to make private beaches in the Panhandle public, specifically a patch of sand near Mike Huckabee’s beach house. So far, Uhlfelder hasn’t said where and exactly how long his Grim Reaper will continue. But there are certainly some beaches opening in Tampa Bay over the next few weeks. In an interview with CNN, Uhlfelder said. “We aren’t at the point now where we have enough testing, enough data, enough preparation for what’s going to be coming to our state from all over the world from this pandemic.” The cable news channel also said the lawyer’s campaign is also an effort to donate to the campaigns of Democratic candidates: Phil Ehr, running against incumbent Florida Rep. Matt Gaetz, who wore a gas mask on the House floor during the vote on the coronavirus stimulus package; and Christy Smith, who’s running for former Rep. Katie Hill’s seat in California. There’s even a music tour-style T-shirt supporting the effort. The swag has seven beach towns listed on the back—Clearwater, Ft.
CHOP CHOP: A Florida lawyer is trying to make a grave point. Lauderdale, Miami, Jacksonville, Pensacola, Daytona Beach and Destin—and is available for $30 on dem. store. But not everyone’s a fan of Uhlfelder. On Sunday, he posted a picture and video of the Grim Reaper getting the cops called on him. “This is a way in which I can convey the message that this virus is a deadly virus and that we need to think about this and take some time before we jump into these types of things,” Uhlfelder told USA Today. “This is a symbol of how serious this situation is.” As of Friday, Florida’s Department of Health says the state has 34,728 confirmed cases of COVID-19, and 1,314 deaths.
STATE NEWS
“This is a symbol of how serious this situation is.”
10 | MAY 7-13, 2020 | cltampa.com
Shit Happened
It’s been a week since new Bucs QB Tom Brady popped up in any local headlines. Can someone make sure he didn’t already quit the team?
SUNDAY 03
Over the weekend, countless outlets—including People, BuzzFeed, Hollywood Reporter and Tampa’s own WFLA—run headlines sayJOSH PIETERS & ARCHIE MANNERS/YOUTUBE ing YouTubers tricked Carole Baskins into her first interview since “Tiger King.” Nobody bothered to do a Google search apparently, because the Times interviewed her multiple times after the show dropped on Netflix. So who got tricked again?
TOMBRADY/TWITTER
SATURDAY 02
MONDAY 04
TAKEOUT. CURBSIDE. UBEREATS. AT
The City of Tampa reopens beaches and dog parks, which means you can now passiveaggressively tell someone, “Hey, I think your dog pooped over there” standing six-feet apart. WFTS finds that Florida’s unemployment fund earned nearly $25 million in interest in the first three months of this year—more than any other state. The unemployment system was also dead last in paying out claims. Where do you stick the pitchfork again?
TUESDAY 05
People eager to get out of the house celebrate Cinco de Mayo by sociallydistancing at restaurants. Corona is a popular drink, but we wonder if those same people will participate in Día de Muertos, too.
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MICHAEL JOHNSON
RESTAURANTS
RECIPES
DINING GUIDES
Just a taste
Local restaurants wade into DeSantis’ phase one opening.
By Ray Roa
I
t’s happening. For better or worse, Tampa Bay is coming out of its cage. Will we end up doing just fine? That’s up in the air along with the collective throat particles of people who’ve been presumably cooped up and social distancing like good little citizens for the last seven weeks. On Monday, the City of Tampa opened more than a dozen parks and dog parks, plus four beaches. Pinellas beaches were back open, too, but Sheriff Bob Gualtieri said deputies had to close Pass-a-Grille beach to nonresidents due to capacity. And while a healthy number of restaurants and cafés—like King State coffee in Tampa Heights, the Columbia Restaurant Group’s Goody Goody, and Res Mesa—are opting to stick with takeout and delivery while keeping their dining rooms closed, many have decided to go with Gov. Ron DeSantis’ phase one reopening plan which says they may operate at 25% capacity indoors, with six-feet of space between tables outdoors. “I want to be clear that the state’s order does not require restaurants and retail establishments to open on Monday, it simply permits them to do so if they choose to do so,” St. Petersburg Mayor Rick Kriseman wrote, adding that retail establishments that were previously closed may also reopen on Monday at 25% occupancy. His reading of the recent order is that localities cannot expand the governor’s restrictions, only further restrict them. “I will not do that in this instance,” Kriseman added. On Monday, during an appearance on the “Midpoint” news show on community radio station WMNF 88.5-FM, Kriseman said the City of St. Petersburg was looking at ways for restaurateurs to increase outdoor capacity so that restaurants could have a better shot at paying rent with just a fraction of their usual business. Across the bridge in Tampa, Mayor Jane Castor was already doing that very thing with her Lift Up Local Economy Recovery Plan, which lets restaurants and retail stores legally expand onto public rights-of-way and private parking areas without a city permit. “Street activation zones”—including parts of downtown and Tampa
12 | MAY 7-13, 2020 | cltampa.com
ORDER UP: You can finally have that literally-on-7th Avenue dining experience.
Heights’ Franklin Street, Swann Avenue and S. Dakota Avenue in South Tampa, Grand Central Avenue in the West River district and Seventh Avenue in Ybor City—are also closed 24-7 while parts of S. Howard Ave. are closed from 5 p.m.-10 p.m. Face masks are required for front-of-house staff, along with disposable paper menus and reduced table-to-waitstaff contact (so don’t hop on fucking Yelp when your water is topped off right when you want it to be, OK?). It’s not required by the plan, but the city is strongly encouraging restaurants to test employees and implement contactless ordering and payment. Critics of DeSantis’ move say it makes it look like the governor is doing what he can to kickstart the flailing economy while taking attention off an abysmal unemployment system that was widely panned as the worst in the nation. What’s more is that scores of small businesses have been left out of the federal government’s Payment Protection Plan and Economic Injury Disaster Loan emergency advance programs. On Tuesday, WFTS looked at accounting records and reported that Florida’s unemployment fund earned nearly $25 million in interest in the first three months of this year—more in interest on its largely untapped unemployment fund than any other state. A spokesperson for the Florida Department of Economic Activity (DEO) told the station, “In March, we did receive money faster than we could distribute it, which is why there was a minor increase in the Trust Fund.”
An unemployment insurance expert with the National Employment Law Project added that Florida is “unemployment insurance expert with the National Employment Law Project.” And while both Hillsborough and Pinellas have made testing more widely available in the last 10 days, at the time of this writing, state has still only tested less than 2% of its population. Experts say that massive numbers of tests are required in order to properly screen a community to determine the scope of the virus. Plus, anyone who tests positive must be tested more than once to confirm if they have recovered. “According to Dr. Lockwood from the USF medical school, we need to have 2,240 tests a day,” Castor told WMNF on the same “Midpoint” program, citing Dr. Charles Lockwood, the dean of the University of South Florida’s College of Medicine. “We’re a ways away from that but we’re trying to get more and more and more testing done. One to get an accurate picture of the virus in our community but also as we start to open up to ensure that we’ll be able to identify any surges.” Still, given the data available, it’s hard to argue that Tampa Bay hasn’t flattened its curve. Local safer-at-home orders have a lot to do with that; for the most part, citizens abided, but on Tuesday, the state recorded 113 new deaths from the coronavirus, including 11 in Tampa Bay. The state figure is a record, and it’s the first time Florida reported 100 deaths in a single day. Castor told WMNF that coronavirus cases
FOOD NEWS
would increase after this first phase of reopening. She and Kriseman said their counties are committed to finding an effective method of contact tracing, which requires public health workers to work with COVID-19 patients in recalling everyone whom they’ve had close contact with while they may have been infectious. The workers then warn those contacts of their potential exposure as rapidly and sensitively as possible. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) says, “To protect patient privacy, contacts are only informed that they may have been exposed to a patient with the infection. They are not told the identity of the patient who may have exposed them.” The mayor also said that syndromic surveillance—where positive test results are placed on a map—will be utilized along with results from a survey Hillsborough County is asking residents to complete. “We will map those results as well and it will ask them if they have any symptoms, signs, those kinds of things,” Castor added. “So through that mapping system we should be able to identify hotspots as they pop up and go out and address them immediately as opposed to allowing it to spread and present itself at the hospital when it’s too late.” Castor respects what she called DeSantis’ “thoughtful” and “very, very gradual” opening because it’s grounded in available data; she believes its slow pace will give her the option to ratchet the opening back quickly in the event of an uptick in cases.
LITTLE GREEK
ROSE-COLORED GLASSES: In spite of the economics, Percy Rosemurgy is going to give opening his dining room a go. “We hope not to have to do that,” Castor said, adding that Tampa will have code enforcement and police officers out educating and encouraging the public to wear face masks, not gather in large groups and adhere to social distancing. “I have to have responsibility to keep all of our citizens safe and healthy. But I also have a responsibility towards our economic health as well,” Castor explained. And just how the economics of phase one play out remains to be seen. Over the weekend, CL asked local restaurants and retail shops to detail their reopening plans. More than 60 responded before Wednesday (we’ve got those spots listed at cltampa.com). Little Greek franchise Percy Rosemurgy— who owns and operates locations in North Tampa, South Tampa and Lakewood Ranch—told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay that he was able to get a PPP loan through Regions Bank. He credits his success in getting the loan to a little bit of the extreme preparation he did before applying, but mostly ultimately chalks the approval up to luck. “The process seemed to go pretty smoothly, especially considering the horror stories I’ve heard about other businesses’ applications,” Rosemurgy said. He noted that the next few months will be unpredictable, but that the loan will help him get to the point where he can find out.
Little Greek is making some seating available in its dining room, but he’s still not sure whether doing so makes economic sense. “Operating with a cap of 25% capacity is a not sustainable long-term business plan. I think it’s a good measured first step in restarting our industry in the state, but it’s simply not going to pay all the bills,” Rosemurgy added. “I don’t see delivery or take-out slowing down any time soon. For all I know, that could be the new normal for all of us.” Louie Spetrini, a managing partner a Nueva Cantina, did not get the PPP loan. His St. Petersburg restaurant is going to try reopening its dining room in accordance with new health regulations, and is only taking reservations for seating. He, too, was unsure of how the plan would work out. “I understand a slow opening of the economy, but as a small business owner how can we possibly hire back all of our employees when we are not allowed to fully open,” Spetrini told CL. “It is a tough situation. Everyone just wants to get back to work.” And as we do, Castor evoked Winston Churchill’s 1942 speech after the British drove German troops out of Egypt. “I want everybody to know… This isn’t the end, it isn’t the beginning of the end. It’s the end of the beginning,” Castor said. “So please don’t let your guard down.”
“Operating with a cap of 25% capacity is a not sustainable long-term business plan.”
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Ghost story
St. Pete’s Red Mesa is completely reinventing itself. By Jenna Rimensnyder
L
RED MESA GROUP
ast Thursday, Mayor Rick Kriseman said that St. Petersburg restaurants can start to prepare for May 4, the beginning of the first phase of Gov. Ron DeSantis’ reopening of Florida, which calls for dining rooms to be just 25% full (with six-feet between patrons sitting outside). Red Mesa Group’s concepts, however, will continue as takeout and carryout operations until owners feel it is safe to resume normal business operations. “We look forward to continuing to serve our guests delicious take out options while ensuring the safety of our employees and customers,” the restaurant group said on April 30. Although the group—which runs Red Mesa Cantina, Restaurant Mercado and the new Quatro concept—has taken a hit during this shutdown, owners thought it was inappropriate to apply for St. Pete’s Fighting Chance Fund, an emergency grant for St. Pete’s negatively impacted locally owned and independently operated small businesses. “With the criteria and limited funds, we felt [the Fighting Chance Fund] should be left to more deserving businesses,” Red Mesa Group COO Peter Veytia told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay. CHRIS-CROSS THE GLOBE: Chef Chris Fernandez dishes Cuban food alongside pad thai at his new concept. He said that diverting to pickup and delivery only has definitely hurt the Red Mesa Group, customer needs but to also to try and cover the And while the end could be near for pan- use an app? Both Uber Eats and ChowNow users which relied on a model where the restaurants cost of bills. That means curbside pickup, deliv- demic regulations, it looks like this is just the can access the Quatro menu through Red Mesa were closer to 100% full. Still, the community ery, and for a select few, ghost kitchens. If you’re beginning for Quatro. Cantina’s options. has propped his group up. unfamiliar, a ghost kitchen concept is essentially “This isn’t a ghost kitchen to us. It’s a test But what happens when the regulations for “The city has been incredibly supportive, a restaurant that solely offers pickup or delivery kitchen for something more,” Pullaro added. dine-in are lifted and concepts begin to integrate when we look at our orders, we can see that service—which seems ideal in a time of social “Red Mesa has always wanted to dish out some- into “regular” service? they’re from all around distancing. thing a little different. Our COO Peter Veytia III Pullaro reassures locals that in these unpreTampa Bay,” Veytia told Earlier this week, Red and Executive Chef Chris Fernandez had this dictable times, there’s one thing you can count CL. “That’s what will get Mesa decided to launch brainchild—a concept that hit on some of their on. Red Mesa Quatro us through this—local a ghost kitchen called favorite worldly flavors. Best way to describe “We are learning those steps, but rest support.” “Quatro.” The latest addi- it: Quatro is an experience from Cuban sand- assured, we are all over it. We are always for128 3rd St. S., St. Petersburg. $2-$13. resmesatogo.com This new change of pace tion to the family set up wiches to Pad Thai.” ward thinking. We are here. We are adapting,” reminds Veytia of when shop inside of the former Wanting to be accessible in both options and he said. “You can have your Red Mesa, and Cantina first opened its doors in the middle of event space on the second floor of Red Mesa budget, Quatro’s sections range from $2-$6.50 eat it too.” the recession in 2009. Cantina, located at 128 3rd St. S. in downtown. for starters, $5-$12 for bowls, and $6-$13 for As for what the next few months and years “Back then, I would sit out on the patio with Red Mesa Group marketing director Tony handheld eats like may look like for the my executive chef and wait for customers to come Pullaro explained why one of the ‘Burg’s OG res- sandos, burgers and Tampa Bay food scene, in. The streets of downtown St. Pete were quiet taurant groups decided to launch a new concept wraps. While the menu Veytia weighs in with back then,” he added. Now he finds himself sit- in the middle of a pandemic. offers four different a realistic outlook, and ting in Cantina’s empty dining room with both “This is a great time to create something takes on a Cuban sandsaid that in the coming Pullaro and chef Fernandez strategizing in new and exciting for our guests,” Pullaro said wich, Quatro also is serving “One Bad Dog,” days and weeks, the industry will take cues order to keep the Red Mesa Restaurant Group without hesitation. “In a time where we are which consists of a bacon-wrapped hot dog with from other states that’ve gone head first into evolving to conquer the new normal caused by kind of just waiting, you won’t have to wait for chipotle mayo, chipotle ketchup, pico de gallo, new regulations. this pandemic. something fun when it comes to our food," he pickled jalapeño and pickled red onion. “It’s really just reactionary. And with that, Over the last six weeks or so, local restau- said. "It’s here. We want to bring smiles and Locals can get a taste through ordering by we have to focus on what we do within these rants like Veytia’s have adapted to not only meet full stomachs.” pickup or delivery from redmesatogo.com. Rather four walls,” he said.
OPENING
“It’s a test kitchen for something more.”
cltampa.com | MAY 7-13, 2020 | 15
CL’s most recently reviewed restaurants
Parlor House Bistro Chef Ryan Steffensmeier’s new French restaurant is a cozy addition to the Dunedin scene. Entrees deliver classic bistro dishes in fine form. The super tender filet mignon has a perfectly-charred crust plus delightful green peppercorn cognac cream sauce with Lyonnaise potatoes and surprisingly full-flavored confit carrots with grill marks 1757 Main St., Dunedin. parlorhousebistro.com
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Counter Culture James Beard-nominated chef Jeannie Pierola has outdone herself with her latest concept, Counter Culture, in Tampa. Our critic gushes over the menu and decor, while marveling at Pierola’s attention to detail. According to JPC, you’re safe ordering anything, but make sure to start with the tuna tartare appetizer, which he says is simply perfection. 2909 W. Bay to Bay no. 100, Tampa. cc-tampa.com
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Olivia Chef Chris Ponte’s latest venture (pictured below) is an upscale Italian trattoria in South Tampa showing the care and thoughtfulness of a chef at the top of his game. An all-star on the menu is the Bucatini, which leads your tastes buds on an tangled adventure filled with smoked guanciale nuggets from tender pork cheeks, and plenty of sharp black pepper for pungency to balance the creamy carbonara sauce. Be prepared for a wait, even with a reservation. 3601 W. Swann Ave., Tampa. oliviatampa.com
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Rox Rooftop Bar The most sweeping panoramic view of Tampa Bay of any watering hole in the region comes with carefully crafted cocktails at this indoor-outdoor bar. Along with the unparalleled views and splendid sips, the food matches the high standard with eats like a citrus grilled achiote shrimp taco topped with shreds of cabbage and pickled kohlrabi, plus some heat from jalapeño, and minced cilantro make for a flavorful combo. You’d need to be a pelican or
16 | MAY 7-13, 2020 | cltampa.com
osprey to get a better view. Current Hotel, 2545 N. Rocky Point Dr., Tampa. thecurrenthotel.com
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Old School Bar and Grill Stocked with TVs, giant Jenga and live music, this South Tampa restaurant serves classic bar food. If you’re a corndog fan, go for the six hand-dipped miniwagyu beef corn dogs the size of fat skewered golf balls. The juicy dogs have layered beefy flavor highlighted by corn batter that’s not at all grainy. 2202 W. Kennedy Blvd., Tampa. oldschoolbars.com
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Barterhouse Ybor City’s new show-stopper has a seasonal menu that focuses on approachable but elevated fare. The Fresh Florida fish (black grouper) wows, constructed of a luscious filet sitting on creamy cauliflower purée topped with shaved crisp Brussels sprouts and bacon surrounded by herb vinaigrette. A perfect quenelle of golden caper pistou with citrus adds a scrumptious grace note. 1811 N. 15th St., Suite A, Ybor City. barterhouseybor.com
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Psomi The Greek restaurant aims to please from menu offerings to decor. Psomi’s burger is terrific. A short rib-sirloin mix with some Greek spices sits on crisp butter lettuce atop a brioche bun. It’s bathed in piquant kefalograviera cheese béchamel which drips down the sides onto the plate. Don’t leave without sliding by the droolworthy display of stunning Greek pastries. 701 N. Howard Ave., Tampa. eatpsomi.com
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Jon Palmer Claridge is the Bay area’s longest running food critic and dines anonymously when reviewing. Visit cltampa.com/food to see an explanation of his rating system, his Top 50 Tampa restaurants of 2019 and read his new book, “Drink. More. Wine!”
#EATDRINKBEGREEK
dinegreek.com YBOR CITY • NEW TAMPA • RIVERVIEW SARASOTA • ST PETERSBURG • SOUTH TAMPA
cltampa.com | MAY 7-13, 2020 | 17
18 | MAY 7-13, 2020 | cltampa.com
MOVIES
THEATER
ART
CULTURE
Coming out of the cage ZooTampa and The Florida Aquarium will open with limited capacity. By Ray Roa
VISIT TAMPA BAY
T
wo of Tampa’s most popular tourist attractions have plans to reopen, with one getting going as soon as Mother’s Day. The Florida Aquarium in downtown Tampa will reopen to the public on Friday, May 15 with “strict limits on attendance and programming.” That’s according to a press release sent on Tuesday, which adds that the facility is implementing new standard operating procedures to enhance health, safety and safeguards when it comes to its guests, staff and animals. Part of those procedures include attendance limits to promote social distancing, online only ticket sales, touchless transactions and the continued closure of animal touch tacks and outdoor play areas. The Florida Aquarium—located at 701 Channelside Dr. near Sparkman Wharf—closed on March 16 due to the novel coronavirus. Admission to the aquarium will require an online reservation, which the public can begin to make on May 7. A separate email to members says that passholders—who’ll also have to make reservations on a first-come, first-served basis—can return on Sunday, May 10 (Mother’s Day) and Monday, May 11. Other safety measures include required mask-wearing for staff (guests are encouraged to wear masks), no water fountains (guests may bring their own bottle) and pre-paid parking. No strollers or wheelchairs will be available for rent either. In an email Florida Aquarium President and CEO Roger German told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay that at the beginning, 150 people an hour will be allowed to enter the facility, which accounts to about 12.5% of total building capacity. "Currently there are no time restrictions, however we will continue to evaluate to ensure physical distancing," German added. German also said that no employees were furloughed in the fallout surrounding the coronavirus, but that his nonprofit did not even remotely dodge the financial hard hits that've been dealt to so many in the Bay area.
LEMUR ASK YOU A QUESTION: Are you ready to go back to local attractions? "Last year, during March and April combined The Florida Aquarium welcomed roughly 175,000 visitors. This March they only had 30,000 before the closure," German said. "Revenue wise, The Florida Aquarium generated over $5 million in visit at ion-r elat e d revenue (turnstile revenues and memberships) last March and April; only $1 million this year. So comparing March and April in 2019 and 2020 attendance dropped 83% and revenue from attendance and memberships dropped 78%." Don’t go looking for the aquarium’s beloved Goliath grouper, Cleatus, however, because the fish—who made his debut at the aquarium’s opening day 25 years ago—was announced dead on Monday. He was estimated to be 30 years old. “We have been preparing for our re-opening for several weeks,” Andy Wood, The Florida Aquarium’s Chief Operating Officer, said in the release. “We will continue to coordinate with local, state and federal agencies and public health officials and are prepared to make any
ATTRACTIONS
and all adjustments necessary now and after we open, to maintain the highest standards of health and safety for all.” Landlubbers can get in on the animal actions, too. ZooTampa at Lowry Park has plans to reopen to the public on or about June 1 with limited capacity and “protocols designed to help ensure public safety while also restoring the community benefits of sensibly reopening businesses and outdoor spaces.” ZooTampa is the first local attraction to announce a reopening date. A 17-page plan submitted to county and city officials on May 1 says capacity at the zoo will be limited to 50%; indoor spaces at the zoo will have a 25% capacity. Six-foot social distancing will be required along with thermal monitoring stations at the zoo’s single point of entry. The zoo closed to visitors on March 16, but retained all full and part-time staff.
ZooTampa is also providing personal protective equipment (PPE) to employees and offering disposable masks to any guest free of charge. Groups of more than 10 people are also not allowed. “We’ve all felt the anxiety and stress of the pandemic on people, including children.” Joe Couceiro, president and CEO of ZooTampa, said in a release. “Outdoor experiences and connecting with nature and wildlife are healing and bring comfort to people. The Zoo can provide restorative family experiences that are within the recommended guidelines for controlling the spread of COVID-19.” So, yeah, if you’ve felt like a caged animal during quarantine, don’t worry, you’ll be able to visit some real animals in captivity very soon. More information is available via flaquarium.org and zootampa.org.
“We have been preparing for our re-opening for several weeks.”
cltampa.com | MAY 7-13, 2020 | 19
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YVONNE GOUGELET
I am a patriot
LEADING AUTHORITY: I learned from the School of Hard Knocks and seeing memes on Facebook.
I know more than Dr. Anthony Fauci. By Pete Kotz
I
f you’ve read the comments section of any respected website over the past year, certainly you’re aware of my expertise ranging from, but not limited to: The Constitution. Venezuela. Libtards. The Founding Fathers. Regulating the uterus. Martial arts. Jesus. World of Warcraft. Babes. And how the ’97 Olmsted Falls Bulldogs would have totally won state if coach let me start at middle linebacker instead of Chad Weaver. (Complete, unabridged remarks on Chad Weaver available upon request.) What you may not know is that I’m now a leading authority on infectious disease. How did I obtain this knowledge? The right way. Through the School of Hard Knocks. And seeing memes
on Facebook. And watching a few minutes of Hannity each night before dinner. Which I now have to make myself. Because my wife left last September. And may or may not be hiding out at her sister’s place in North Carolina. A matter I plan to fully investigate once the restraining order expires. Clearly this exhaustive research grants me the right to categorically reject the opinions of so-called “experts,” who know way less than me, as evidenced by my use of the phrase “socalled” earlier in this sentence. Unlike them, I am not biased, for I do not rely on discredited notions of science or study or clinical analysis to reach my findings. I have developed a foolproof method of divining truth from fiction: Anything that coincides with my existing beliefs: Truth. Anything that doesn’t: Sheeple feed spread by Bill Gates and/or Alyssa Milano and/or 5G towers in Great Britain. This exacting methodology has allowed me, in just a few short days, to declare myself way more knowledgeable than anyone else. This
SATIRE
includes so-called “Dr.” Anthony Fauci, who says things that will inconvenience me and probably hasn’t even converted his AR-15 to fully automatic, so how can he possibly be trusted? Anthony Fauci hates freedom. I, on the other hand, am BFF with freedom. I have a shrine to Lindsey Graham in my backyard to prove it. Which is why you’ll now find me protesting at the statehouse. Because I have declared it perfectly safe to restart the economy. Surely you’ve admired the photos of me in the news. Jutting chin under performance sunglasses, posing in camo with my Ruger AR-556, the very essence of virility. It’s a look that says, “Don’t Tread on This 100% Red-Blooded Patriot Who Happens to Be Available Because His Wife Won’t Likely Be Returning; DM Me If Interested.” It’s also a look that says freedom. Give me Bob Evans or give me death. The cure can’t be worse than the disease. And I want a haircut. What do you get when socialism is allowed to
fester? They close the goddamned Great Clips. That’s what. Some of you have questioned my scholarly bona fides, noting that I proudly fly the Confederate flag, which makes me a so-called “racist,” since “freedom” and “slavery” are “mutually exclusive.” Wrong again, Commander Cuck. The Civil War wasn’t fought over slavery. It was fought over the liberty to own slaves. Big difference. If my enormously brave stance means I must spend two hours on a Thursday looking really good in camo, I’m willing to make that sacrifice. And if someone else must die to cast off the yoke of tyranny, I’m willing to make that sacrifice too. As long as it’s my ex-wife. Or Chad Weaver. For I am a patriot. And an infectious disease expert. Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for the Dow Jones Industrial Average. This article was first published at our sibling paper The Cleveland Scene.
“Give me Bob Evans or give me death.”
cltampa.com | MAY 7-13, 2020 | 21
PROFILES
MUSIC WEEK
Fever dream
Kasey Maloney faithfully saved money for touring, but those dollars are now paying the bills.
By Eric Snider
V
an tours are still a thing. Kasey Maloney and her two bandmates in the cow-punk band Fever Beam had been venturing out about four times a year in a 1997 Ford Econoline with a broken odometer, playing gigs in the Southeast and down into Texas, staying at friends’ houses when possible. That career path made more sense than working local bars so often that the trio became overexposed and led to “shittier and shittier shows,” Maloney said. In fact, the periodic gigs that Fever Beam played in the Tampa Bay area were more apt to happen at record and book stores than in clubs. Van tours are out these days, of course, and Maloney’s job as a stylist at Number 9 salon in St. Petersburg vaporized as well, although not permanently. She’d made a habit of setting aside money from her day gig to help cover tour expenses. Those dollars now go toward paying bills. “The thought of May 1st makes me nervous,” she said. “A big chunk of my savings will go to rent. Actually, I’d say I’m OK for eight to 10 weeks.” Maloney—Fever Beam’s 22-year-old frontwoman, guitarist and songwriter—laments having to milk her tour fund, but is glad she has the money on hand. She shares a house in St. Pete with Sam Loder, the band’s drummer, who has a five-day-a-week job at Cappy’s Pizza in St. Pete. Bassist Dane Giordano lives nearby in the Roser Park neighborhood. Fever Beam spent a couple of months prepping for South by Southwest, where it had three official showcases booked, as well as a dozen other unofficial gigs over eight days. The band also had a show set for New Orleans on the way to Texas. The City of Austin canceled the SXSW on March 6, and Fever Beam’s side performances disappeared four or five days hence. Still, Maloney bought a cheap ticket and hopped on a plane to Austin on March 15. (Before you think that was a sheer act of foolishness, note that Maloney visited her boyfriend there.)
“Everything was closed and when I got there no one was hanging out,” she recalled of her time in Austin. “I managed to do a little networking and got a few leads for a potential label and connections for next year’s South by Southwest.” Maloney flew back on March 28 in order to make Fever Beam’s show at The Bends the following night. She arrived to find that the gig had been canceled. Maloney has been staying home ever since, venturing outdoors only to walk the dog in her Crescent Lake neighborhood. She’s also been writing songs—or trying to. “I’ve had a bit of a creative block, trying to get through this really serious time we’re in,” she explained. “My songs are mostly made-up stories, and they’re usually lighthearted. It’s hard to tune into that part of myself creatively when all I can think about right now is how tough it is for everyone. It just feels wrong or forced to tell a lighthearted or silly story.” I asked her if she’d considered writing songs that reflect the times. “I might have to go in that direction, but it’s one of the reasons I’ve been blocked,” she replied. “I’ve been trying to avoid the [coronavirus] reality—not ignore it, but so it’s not so front-facing. I think I’ll have to wait until the waters have calmed a bit and see if that [more serious] direction works for me.” In the meantime, Maloney is learning covers to add to Fever Beam’s repertoire, expanding her knowledge of guitar chords, and working on melodies, as well as reading and watching movies, in part for songwriting inspiration. Maloney grew up in St. Pete. Her father Jim licensed a franchise of the Rock ’n’ Blues Academy, and Kasey worked the desk there as a preteen. After some initial guitar lessons, she rebelled. “I had that angst, ‘I don’t wanna do this,’” she recalled. “‘I wanna skateboard and film my friends skateboarding.’” Kasey moved with her father to Honolulu, Hawaii for a couple of years during high school, and returned to St. Pete at age 18, more deeply into music. She bought an electric guitar, which collected dust for a couple months before she knuckled down. Maloney and two girlfriends formed a garage-punk band called The Spuds. She then joined the new wave-ish group Glove, with whom she got her first touring experience. A bit stifled by a lack of creative freedom, and getting more into riot grrrl rock, Maloney left Glove and formed Fever Beam, which has been together going on two years. She’s grown
LOCAL MUSIC
22 | MAY 7-13, 2020 | cltampa.com
MICHAEL M. SINCLAIR
REVIEWS
MERRIER, BRIGHTER: Kasey Maloney and Fever Beam playing Rock The Park Tampa in December 2018. comfortable being the band’s focal point. “Our debut show, I realized, ‘people actually like when you’re shockingly a frontwoman,’” she said. “‘I can take this and run with it.’ Plus I got more comfortable with my band members, and my role.” Maloney has broadened her influences to include Lee Hazlewood, Roy Orbison, Johnny Cash, Elvis Presley and others, which has added a touch of twang to Fever Dream’s punk foundation. They can sometimes be seen in campy Western garb. Hence “cow punk.” “It’s a more specific genre, more so than just punk, but it’s also unique enough and can be a lot of different things,” Maloney said. During our interview, Maloney expressed relief that she does not “know anyone who is
personally impacted by the Coronavirus. I don’t have a family member in the hospital, no family friends are sick. First and foremost, I’m thankful for that.” Still, “I guess I feel a little trapped,” she continued. “Being an extrovert and a performer, I’m used to socializing. And I miss my cheerleaders. I try to stay on the positive side—‘aw, this is temporary. I’ll stay at home watching movies, listening to records and writing as much as I can.’ But at some point it’ll become, ‘How much of this can I do before I’m missing real life?’” This story is part of a series about how musicians are coping with life during the COVID-19 pandemic— from a creative, financial and emotional standpoint. If you would like to share your story, email: eric.r.snider@gmail.com.
“Being an extrovert and a performer, I’m used to socializing.”
Adult.-ing
Overcoming illness and quarantine with the Detroit electro duo. By Doug Coombe
GRANDSTAND HQ
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icola Kuperus and Adam Miller of Adult. are workaholics. Musicians. Film and video makers. Installation artists. Music production. Nicola’s eerie photography, which adorns their record covers. So when the coronavirus pandemic and the stay-at-home order disrupted a March video shoot for “Total Total Damage” that was to incorporate six dancers, they of course got to work on a Plan B. The married couple made their video at home under quarantine. Not surprisingly, they had enough material laying around from previous projects to build a set in the commercial building attached to their Detroit home—which they then totally, totally destroyed on camera. “It was eight days from construction to destruction,” jokes Miller. It’s a perfect video for the current state of affairs. Detroit rapper Curits Roach’s viral TikTok sensation “Bored in the House” captured the lighter side of being cooped up at home, and inspired a slew of tribute videos in the process. Kuperus and Miller’s video captures the darker emotions circulating underneath the fear and uncertainty about the pandemic that we are all experiencing, but all done with a good sense of fun. Hopefully “TTD” will inspire some tribute videos of its own. Maybe set to your five-yearold taking down the pillow fort they built in the living room? Maybe a television while the President is giving a “press briefing?” The possibilities seem endless. Filming a video under quarantine was a comparatively small hurdle Adult. faced after finishing its new album Perception is/as/of Deception. After a 79-date tour supporting Cold Cave ended last April, the duo almost immediately started working on their new record. “I would guess we were home for two weeks when we started working on the new record in May,” recalls Kuperus. “We took a small amount of gear down into our basement and painted the walls black,” Miller says. “(The gear) makes the demo process faster. You’re really just focusing on…”—as he briefly trails off, Kuperus finishes the thought—“...the heart of the song. You’re not getting into the minutiae. The little details. It’s easy to imagine what an Adult. demo might sound like. The heart of an Adult. song is a simple, manic rhythm track with an undeniable groove. Kuperus’ impassioned vocals are minimalist mantras soaked in dystopian alienation that alternately hammer along with and tear away at the underlying rhythm. The secret sauce is the final production—the percolating keyboard lines, percussion accents,
EYE ON THE PRIZE: Adult. was supposed to play Ybor City next week, instead it’s sharpening other skills. and just the right amount of distortion added to Kuperus’s vocals. The layered sound design on top of everything adds a rich and disorienting depth to the whole song. The cumulative effect serves as a dance exorcism—somehow transforming the darkness into joy in the process. Kind of like smashing a room to pieces. The final recordings for the album were the big hurdle. “I got incredibly sick at the end of June. On my birthday,” Kuperus recalls. An undiagnosable dry cough wound up putting Kuperus in the hospital at the end of August and bringing an end to the demo writing. “They really didn’t know what was wrong with me ... coughing up a quarter cup of blood a day,” Kuperus says. “I was just left there with my thoughts in the hospital wondering if I was going to die, if I was ever going to sing again, to write again, if the album was ever gonna see the light of day or will we just have made it to the demo (stage).” After being released from the hospital, Kuperus says, “it was very psychologically difficult. It took several weeks to heal and to feel like I had the stamina again (to sing).” Add mounting pressures to finish recording in time to meet deadlines ahead of a planned May tour, and it’s a miracle the album even got finished. Or maybe it’s all business as usual given Adult.’s work ethic. Listening to the album, you would never guess at all the turmoil involved in its completion (other than the “I’m losing my breath” lines in “Controlled By”). It’s another classic Adult. record, which if anything given the surreal
INTERVIEW
quarantined world it’s being released into makes it even more relevant and necessary. The pandemic has laid bare all the cracks in our society — something Adult.’s lyrics have always dived into. While slowly watching their May album release tour die due to the coronavirus shutdown, Adult. dug into their archives to put out the previously unreleased studio recording of “Go Home” from 2007, which is eerily more relevant than ever. Kuperus and Miller quickly put together a lyric video in time for March 20, a promotion in which the music site Bandcamp waived all sales fees. “We couldn’t believe how lyrics from 2007 are exactly what’s going on right now,” Miller says. “Can someone please make this an anthem? Not because we want to be famous or want the money, people need to sing this and know this.” Indeed, the lyrics (“What are you doing here/ go home/go home/go home/stay at home” would be the perfect thing to blast at high volume at the clueless congregating people that still don’t seem to understand the seriousness of pulmonary failure. The first video that Adult. released to preview the album seems oddly nostalgic in the age of social distancing. Released in late February, “Why Always Why” was filmed guerilla-style at big box retail stores and malls in Florida. It’s impossible to imagine filming the video now with scenes of Kuperus pushing a shopping cart around the store and both of them hanging out at a busy mall while dressed like
they’re just about to hop on stage. Just watching it seems surreal. Do you remember the last time you leisurely went shopping? And once again Nicola’s lyrics are frighteningly relevant (“Don’t you know/consuming doesn’t make you exist?”) in an age where we wonder if shopping will now kill us. Adult.’s May tour was supposed to hit Ybor City’s Crowbar on May 15. With rescheduling their tour now in a holding pattern, like other grounded musicians Kuperus and Miller plan on spending some of their downtime perfecting their new live set. Says Miller, “Every time we go to work on the live set, it feels like this very strange French film where you have purpose and you have no purpose. We’re rebuilding our entire live rig. We’re just going to pretend that this live set needs to be created.” Adds Kuperus, “We’re pretending our tour isn’t canceled and we’re working toward it, even though it is canceled. But you know, maybe for us the good thing coming out of this is we will have had time to really hone in our live performance, and that’s exciting. We’ve really been wanting to up our live game.” Who knows when Adult.’s rescheduled Crowbar show will be. When it does happen, it will be the perfect party to kiss this pandemic goodbye. Until then, the new record is a perfect soundtrack for these times. Perception is/as/of Deception is available from Dais Records or on Bandcamp. This story originally appeared in CL Tampa Bay’s sibling paper, Detroit Metro Times.
“I was coughing up a quarter cup of blood a day.”
cltampa.com | MAY 7-13, 2020 | 23
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The tables turn How local record shops are handling reopening.
By Matthew Moyer and Josh Bradley
JORDAN HICKS
B
owing to the inevitable, Record Store Day 2020 as one big, mass gathering of vinyl junkies packed into record stores all around the country is not happening. However, you can still support your favorite Tampa Bay mom-andpop record emporiums and the bands offering RSD-exclusive releases, just in a socially-distanced kinda way, as there will now be a trio of drop dates for RSD loot at participating record stores later this year. Record Store Day Drops of quantities of select exclusives will happen in phases on Aug. 29, Sept. 26 and Oct. 24. The list of which exclusive releases will be available on which dates will be released on June 1 on the RSD website, and as you can imagine, the list of participating stores will be a work in progress between now and August. As of this writing, for the first time, record stores will be allowed to do day-of online sales of exclusives as well as inperson purchases. Obviously there will be a lot of planning yet to be done to ensure potential customers’ safety. Head to cltampa.com/music to finds links to follow the Record Store Day Drops event page for updates, as well as the Record Store Day Facebook page, but look below for Josh Bradley’s recap of local updates. Bananas Music (retail location) May 4 as a reopening date was a definite no for the world’s largest record shop. But though nothing is confirmed, reps at the retail location stated the possibility of reopening by the end of the week. Even if they don’t, they do have a Discogs page for those who are dying to go digging again. 2887 22nd Ave N., St. Petersburg. 727-327-4616 (ext. 1). bananasrecords.com Clearwater Record Shop The shop told Creative Loafing Tampa bay that its reopening date will be Wed. May 13. In the meantime, the home of Clearwater’s monthly record show does ship worldwide from eBay. If you have any requests that may not be on their store, send an email to clearwaterrecordshow@gmail.com. 1610 N. Hercules Ave. Suite G, Clearwater. 727200-9397. clearwaterrecordshow.com Daddy Kool Records On Facebook Live, manager Manny Kool confessed that while his online store will remain active, he didn’t feel comfortable reopening the building just yet. “We will [reopen] eventually, but right now, it’s not gonna be May the 4th.” If you’ve bought concert tickets from Daddy Kool for a show that has been postponed, either hold onto your tickets,
CRATE DOUG-ER: Doug Allen of Bananas Records. or contact the store for a gift card worth 150% of your purchase. 2430 Terminal Dr. S., Side B, St. Petersburg. 727-822-5665. daddykool.com Dunedin Records & Audio A soft opening happened on Monday, and the store will officially reopen to the public tomorrow, with all safety measures in place. Oh, and owner Frank Schiano wants you to know that his store hasn’t been a house for a little while. 430 Patricia Ave., Dunedin. 727-423-4108. dunedinrecords.com Kingfish Records Owner Pat Nolen plans to open the store starting this weekend, at 25% capacity. Until then, the store accepts mail orders, and curbside delivery on certain days at certain hours. Check Kingfish’s Facebook page for the latest info. 26024 U.S. Hwy 19 N., Clearwater. 727-351-5177. kingfishrecords.com Microgroove Everyone’s favorite indie spot in Tampa proper took to social media Thursday to announce that not only is a reopening improbable right now, but it’s in dire need of new stock, and would love to sell some used records. So
RECORD STORES
maybe if you have some wax you don’t need anymore, definitely think about shooting Keith Ulrey a message offering him a look. Entry to the store for that purpose is appointment only, but there’s no better time to help out than now. 4906 N. Florida Ave, Tampa. 813-667-7089. microgroovetampa.co Mojo Books and Records While only eight people are allowed in the store at a time, and curbside delivery still being an option, the record and book shop near USF has officially reopened to the public. 2540 E. Fowler Ave., Tampa. 813-9719717. mojotampa.com Planet Retro Records May 5 is the St. Pete spot’s first day back in the loop, but by appointment only, one person at a time, and hand sanitizer will be required. Be sure to be healthy if you’re planning on going in. 226 Martin Luther King Jr. St. N., St. Petersburg. 727-218-7434. planetretrorecords.com Sound Exchange Employees have been running curbside delivery at the Tampa location only
since the pandemic began. However, starting May 4, the Pinellas Park store is also offering curbside delivery. You can also have your order shipped to your house for an extra $5 shipping fee. soundexchangetampabay.com Steelworker Records On March 18, Riverside Heights’ Steelworker records transitioned to “appointment only for the next couple weeks.” One guest per visit with a 30-minute time limit. Email steelworkerrecords@gmail.com or get in touch by phone, through Facebook and Instagram (@steelworkerrecords). The shop is also offering curbside pickup, free delivery within a three mile radius and free shipping on Steelworker gift certificates. 708 W. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., Tampa. 813-666-4933. steelworkerrecords.com Vintage Vinyl LLC Not only has the store reopened, but the hidden gem in Tarpon Springs has moved to a new location in Palm Harbor’s Shoppes of Boot Ranch. And yes, those autographs are real. 664 E.Lake Rd., Palm Harbor. 727-491-3800
“You can still support your favorite Tampa Bay momand-pop.”
cltampa.com | MAY 7-13, 2020 | 25
26 | MAY 7-13, 2020 | cltampa.com
Where the vinyl is: a list of Bay area record stores
It’s no secret that locally-owned and operated businesses are taking a hit from coronavirus closures and curfews. Some Tampa Bay record stores have adapted by offering curbside pickup, free shipping and private shopping during the COVID-19 pandemic. Stock up on some quarantine vinyl, and spend that money you were saving for the now postponed Record Store Day 2020. Just make sure to call ahead of time to see what’s up at the shop. —Kyla Fields ArtPool Records (2030 Central Ave., St. Petersburg) 727-433-5195, artpoolrules. com
Daddy Kool Records (2430 Terminal Dr. S., Side B, St. Petersburg) 727-822-5665, daddykool.com
Kingfish Records (Main Store) (26024-B US Highway 19 N., Clearwater) 727-351-5177, kingfishrecords.com
Sound Exchange Tampa (14246 N. Nebraska Ave., Tampa) 813-978-9316, soundexchangetampabay.com
Asylum Sights and Sounds (6566 Central Ave., St. Petersburg) 727-384-1221
Disc Exchange (6712 Central Ave., St. Petersburg) 727-343-5845, thediscexchange. com
Kingfish Records (Flea Market) (180 Race Track Rd., Tampa) 727-455-9923, kingfishrecords.com
Sound Exchange Pinellas Park (66th Street N and 86th Avenue N., Pinellas Park) 727-545-0042, soundexchangetampabay.com
Dunedin Records & Audio (757 Main St., Dunedin) 727-423-4108, dunedinrecords.com
Microgroove (906 N. Florida Ave., Tampa) 813-667-7089, microgroovetampa.co
St. Pete Records (6648 Central Ave., St. Petersburg) 727-490-8861, stpeterecords.com
Mojo Books & Records (2540 E. Fowler Ave., Tampa) 813-971-9717, mojotampa.com
Steelworker Records (708 W. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., Tampa) 813-666-4933, steelworkerrecords.com
Bananas Records (2887 22nd Ave N., St. Petersburg) 727-327-4616 ext. 1, bananasrecords.com
Bananas Records Warehouse (2226 16th Dustin’s Vinyl Shop (180 Race Track Rd., Ave. N., St. Petersburg) 727 327-4616 ext. 2, Booth F25 W, Oldsmar) 727-678-6829, bananasrecords.com facebook.com/pg/dustinsvinylshop Blue Moon Antiques, Books & Music Green Shift Music & Comics (5713 N. (1413 Cleveland St., Clearwater) 727-443-7444 Nebraska Ave., Tampa) 813-238-4177, greenshiftmusicandcomics.com The Clearwater Record Shop (1610 N. Hercules Ave., Clearwater) 727-755-1201, Hello Darlin’ Records (Roving VW Camper) clearwaterrecordshow.com 727-479-6783, hellodarlinrecords.com
Patrick’s Book and Record Store (15215 US Hwy.19 C, Hudson) 727-868-3168, patricksbooksandre.wixsite.com/patricks Planet Retro Records (226 Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. St. N., St. Petersburg) 727-2187434, planetretrorecords.com
Unique Music & Collectables (123 Main St., Dunedin) 727-240-0757 Vintage Vinyl (38874 U.S. 19 N., Tarpon Springs) 727-940-8301, vintagevinyl.biz
cltampa.com | MAY 7-13, 2020 | 27
Taurus
you’re primed to be clear and precise. Your willpower should be working with lucid grace. You’ll have an enhanced ability to assess your assets and make smart plans for how to use them.
The bull.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “The future belongs to those who see possibilities before they become obvious,” says businessperson and entrepreneur John Sculley. You Tauruses aren’t renowned for such foresight. It’s more likely to belong to Aries and Sagittarius people. Your tribe is more likely to specialize in doing the good work that turns others’ bright visions into practical realities. But this Year of the Coronavirus could be an exception to the general rule. In the past three months as well as in the next six months, many of you Bulls have been and will continue to be catching glimpses of interesting possibilities before they become obvious. Give yourself credit for this knack. Be alert for what it reveals.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): For 148 uninterrupted years, American militias and the American army waged a series of wars against the native peoples who lived on the continent before Europeans came. There were more than 70 conflicts that lasted from 1776 until 1924. If there is any long-term struggle or strife that even mildly resembles that situation in your own personal life, our Global Healing Crisis is a favorable time to call a truce and cultivate peace. Start now! It’s a ripe and propitious time to end hostilities that have gone on too long.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Novelist Marcel Proust was a sensitive, dreamy, emotional, self-protective, creative Cancerian. That may explain why he wasn’t a good soldier. During his service in the French army, he was ranked 73rd in a squad of 74. On the other hand, his majestically intricate seven-volume novel “In Search of Lost Time” is a masterpiece—one of the 20th century’s most influential literary works. In evaluating his success as a human being, should we emphasize his poor military performance and downplay his literary output? Of course not! Likewise, Cancerian, in the coming weeks I’d like to see you devote vigorous energy to appreciating what you do best and no energy at all to worrying about your inadequacies.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Last year the Baltimore Museum of Art announced it would acquire works exclusively from women artists in 2020. A male art critic complained, “That’s unfair to male artists.” Here’s my reply: Among major permanent art collections in the U.S. and Europe, the work of women makes up five percent of the total. So what the Baltimore Museum did is a righteous attempt to rectify the existi n g excess. It’s a just and fair way to address an
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “It’s always too early to
q u i t ,” wrote unhealthy imbalance. In accordance with current omens and necessities, Virgo, I encourage you to perform a comparable correction in your personal sphere.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In the course of my life, I’ve met many sharp thinkers with advanced degrees from fine universities—who are nonetheless stunted in their emotional intelligence. They may quote Shakespeare and discourse on quantum physics and explain the difference between the philosophies of Kant and Hegel, and yet have less skill in understanding the inner workings of human beings or in LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “Fortune resists half- creating vibrant intimate relationships. hearted prayers,” wrote Yet most of these folks the poet Ovid more than are not extreme outliers. I’ve found that virtually 2,000 years ago. I will add that Fortune also all of us are smarter in resists poorly formulated our heads than we are By Rob Brezsny intentions, feeble vows, in our hearts. The good and sketchy plans—especially now, during an news, Libra, is that our current Global Healing historical turning point when the world is under- Crisis is an excellent time for you to play catch going massive transformations. Luckily, I don’t up. Do what poet Lawrence Ferlinghetti sugsee those lapses being problems for you in the gests: “Make your mind learn its way around coming weeks, Leo. According to my analysis, the heart.”
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
28 | MAY 7-13, 2020 | cltampa.com
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Aphorist Aaron Haspel writes, “The less you are contradicted, the stupider you become. The more powerful you become, the less you are contradicted.” Let’s discuss how this counsel might be useful to you in the coming weeks. First of all, I suspect you will be countered and challenged more than usual, which will offer you rich opportunities to become smarter. Secondly, I believe you will become more powerful as long as you don’t try to stop or discourage the influences that contradict you. In other words, you’ll grow your personal authority and influence to the degree that you welcome opinions and perspectives that are not identical to yours.
author
Norman Vincent Peale. We should put his words into perspective, though. He preached “the power of positive thinking.” He was relentless in his insistence that we can and should transcend discouragement and disappointment. So we should consider the possibility that he was overly enthusiastic in his implication that we should NEVER give up. What do you think, Sagittarius? I’m guessing this will be an important question for you to consider in the coming weeks. It may be time to re-evaluate your previous thoughts on the matter and come up with a fresh perspective. For example, maybe it’s right
to give up on one project if it enables you to persevere in another. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The 16-century mystic nun Saint Teresa of Avila was renowned for being overcome with rapture during her spiritual devotions. At times she experienced such profound bliss through her union with God that she levitated off the ground. “ A n y real ecstasy is a sign you a r e moving in the right direction,” she wrote. I hope that you will be periodically moving in that direction yourself during the coming weeks, Capricorn. Although it may seem odd advice to receive during our Global Healing Crisis, I really believe you should make appointments with euphoria, delight, and enchantment. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Grammy-winning musician and composer Pharrell Williams has expertise in the creative process. “If someone asks me what inspires me,” he testifies, “I always say, ‘That which is missing.’” According to my understanding of the astrological omens, you would benefit from making that your motto in the coming weeks. Our Global Healing Crisis is a favorable time to discover what’s absent or empty or blank about your life, and then learn all you can from exploring it. I think you’ll be glad to be shown what you didn’t consciously realize was lost, omitted, or lacking. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “I am doing my best to not become a museum of myself,” declares poet Natalie Diaz. I think she means that she wants to avoid defining herself entirely by her past. She is exploring tricks that will help her keep from relying so much on her old accomplishments that she neglects to keep growing. Her goal is to be free of her history, not to be weighed down and limited by it. These would be worthy goals for you to work on in the coming weeks, Pisces. What would your first step be? ARIES (March 21-April 19): According to Aries author and mythologist Joseph Campbell, “The quest for fire occurred not because anyone knew what the practical uses for fire would be, but because it was fascinating.” He was referring to our early human ancestors, and how they stumbled upon a valuable addition to their culture because they were curious about a powerful phenomenon, not because they knew it would ultimately be so valuable. I invite you to be guided by a similar principle in the coming weeks, Aries. Unforeseen benefits may emerge during your investigation into flows and bursts that captivate your imagination.
Amazed and confused I’ve been with the same amazing man a dozen years. We’ve had our ups and our downs, same as any other couple, but these days life is better than it’s ever been for us. Except in the bedroom. A few years ago he started having fantasies about sucking dick. Specifically, he wanted to suck a small one because his is very big and he wanted to “service” a guy who’s less hung than he is. Which is fine except it’s now the only thing that gets him off. We seldom have sex since now because his obsession with sucking off a guy with a small dick makes me feel unattractive, and to be honest I don’t share the fantasy. I even let him suck a dude off in front of me once, and I didn’t enjoy it at all. He tells me he still finds me attractive but when we’re having sex the talk always goes to how he wants to take “warm and salty loads” down his throat. I’ve told him I’m not into it, but he enjoys talking about it so much he can’t help himself. I thought by allowing him to live out his fantasy would help him “get over it,” so to speak, but that didn’t happen. So now we just don’t have sex except once every few months. I’m not sure how to make him see that it’s just not my thing and to get the focus back on just the two of us. —Love Obsesses About Dick Sucking
sucking dick to get off, LOADS, he doesn’t need to verbalize that fantasy each and every time you fuck. Even if you were into it, which you’re not, it would get tedious. And it wasn’t just selfish of him to ignore how you felt, LOADS, it was shortsighted. Because women who are willing let their husbands talk about wanting to suck a dick—much less suck a dick—aren’t exactly easy to come by. I guess what I’m trying to say, LOADS, is that your husband really blew it. If he hadn’t allowed this obsession to completely dominate your sex life—if he’d made some small effort to control himself—you might’ve been willing to let him act on his fantasy more than once. But as things stand now, it’s hard to see how you come back from this, LOADS, because even if he can manage to STFU about warm and salty loads long enough to fuck you, you’re going to know he’s thinking about warm and salty loads. So the most plausible solution here—assuming that you want to stay married to this guy—would be for him to go suck little dicks (once circumstances allow) while you get some decent sex elsewhere (ditto). Finally, a lot of vanilla people think—erroneously—that acting on kink will somehow get it out of a kinky person’s system. That’s not the way kinks work. Kinks are hard-wired and kinky people wanna act on their kinks again and again for the exact same reason vanilla people wanna do vanilla things again and again: because it turns them on.
If you can look at your husband and think, “Things are better than ever!” despite the dismal state of your sex life, LOADS, I hate to think what life with him used to be like. There’s not an easy fix here. If you’ve already told your husband the “warm and salty load” talk is a turn-off and made it clear it’s the reason your sex life has pretty much collapsed, and nevertheless he persists with the “warm and salty load” talk, well, then your husband is telling you would he would rather not have sex than have sex without talking about warm and salty loads. Now I’m assuming that you actually told him how you feel, LOADS, in clear and unambiguous terms and that you said what you needed to say emphatically. And by “emphatically,” LOADS, I mean, “repeatedly and at the top of your lungs.” If not—if you’re doing that thing women are socialized to do, i.e. if you’re downplaying the severity of your displeasure in a misguided effort to spare your husband’s feelings—then you need to get emphatic. Sometimes it’s not enough to tell, LOADS, sometimes you have to yell. You’re obviously GGG—you’re good, giving, and game—but your husband has taken you for granted and been almost unbelievably inconsiderate. Because even if he needs to think about
I have what most people would consider an amazing life. I have two healthy kids, financial security, a stable career, and a husband who is the exact partner I could ever want. I really couldn’t ask for more. I just have one issue: My husband wants to be intimate more often than I do. We are both nearing 40, and his libido has not slowed down. I, on the other hand, due to a combination of being busy with work and us both taking care of the kids (especially during the lockdown), find myself with a decreased sexual drive. Because of all my (and our) obligations, I find myself alternating between a state of tiredness, anxiousness or distraction, none of which get me “in the mood.” We’ve talked about the situation, and he is absolutely respectful when we do so, but he has made it clear he’s very frustrated. I think once a week is more than enough and he could go multiple times a day. It’s to the point where he feels he’s begging just to fit some “us” time into our lives, which he says makes him feel undesirable and humiliated. There isn’t anything wrong with him that leaves me not wanting to engage in physical intimacy, we just seem to have different physical intimacy schedules, and it’s putting a serious strain on our relationship. How can we work to find a comfortable middle ground, or at
By Dan Savage
SAVAGE LOVE
the absolute least, help me explain to him why I’m not as randy as he is? —Completely Lost In Tacoma You don’t need to craft an elaborate explanation, CLIT, as what’s going on here is pretty simple: Your husband has a high libido and you have a low one. What you need is a reasonable accommodation. Opening up your marriage obviously isn’t an option right now, CLIT, and it might not be an option you would’ve considered even if it were possible for your husband to find an outlet (or inlet) elsewhere. But there is something you can do. Your husband is doubtless jacking off a lot to relieve the pressure. If there’s something he enjoys that you don’t find physically taxing, and if he promises not to pressure you to upgrade to intercourse in the moment, then you could enhance his masturbatory routine. Does he like it when you sit on his face? Then sit on his face—you can even keep your clothes on— while he rubs one out. Does he love your tits? Let him look at them while he beats off. Is he a little kinky? It doesn’t take that long to piss on someone in the tub and it wouldn’t mean adding something to your already packed schedule,
CLIT, as you have to find time to piss anyway. It would be unreasonable of your husband to expect sex three times a day—that would be an irrational expectation even if you were childless and independently wealthy—but your husband isn’t asking you to fuck him three times a day. He wants a little more sexual activity, some erotic affirmation, and more couple time. Giving him an assist while he masturbates ticks all those boxes. That said, this will only work if your husband solemnly vows never to initiate intercourse during an assisted masturbation session. If you catch a groove and start feeling horny and wanna upgrade to intercourse, you should. But he needs to let you lead because if he starts pressuring you for sex when you’re just there to assist then you’re going to be reluctant to help him out. If he can follow that one rule, CLIT, you’ll feel more connected and you’ll probably wind up having more PIV/PIB/PIM sex—maybe twice a week instead of once a week—but it will be sex you both want. On savagelovecast.com: yes it is possible to be both horny and depressed. Also, hear the tale of intrepid mountain climbers, and what they can do in their harnesses. Email mail@savagelove. net, and follow @FakeDanSavage on Twitter.
cltampa.com | MAY 7-13, 2020 | 29
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Built in 2010 by interior designer Paul Lewis. 3,517 sq ft , 3 BR, 4 BA 2 CG, + workshop/storage, Dock w/ lake access, + pergola! 50 YR SLATE ROOF, 10’ ceilings. WALNUT CABINETRY, BRAZILIAN STAR BEACH GRANITE, CABINET FACED SUB-ZERO fridge/freezer, Enjoy the LAKE LIFE on your deck, pergola, overlooking SERENE CYPRESS trees & FRENCH INSPIRED landscape. Located in the highly coveted STEINBRENNER SCHOOL DISTRICT. offered at $1,495,000.
85 Miss the full 51 Visit 118 Nabokov’s ___ potential of unannounced Fire 86 Lion, at times 52 Sporty Chevy, 119 “___ a girl!” 88 1977 Alain Delon for short Speaker’s advice 120 Coward and film 53 Matty of baseball Harrison to a theater 89 Adorable one 121 Tranquillity, for one 56 Brooks of owners’ 92 Donny, to Marie 122 Vanderbilt et al. baseball convention? 94 Strainers 57 Hayseed Island souvenir 97 His ___ 59 Coil of yarn Green land, in DOWN (important one) verse 1 Tito’s real name, 60 Longtime Incline from the ___ Broz National Enquirer 98 Reek 99 Original forms of vertical 2 First name of the chief Calder words One with no party leader of the 61 Oliver Hazard’s 101 Best of the best affiliation: abbr. Gramercy Five last name 102 BBC TV Speaker’s advice 3 ___ de lune 64 Ms. Korbut 103 Places for to a window4 Old garage-door 65 Formal shoes valuables washer’s opener 66 Feeds (on) 107 Bettors’ letters convention? 5 Shark, e.g. 67 Bard villain Diamond toss 6 Lady Bird 68 Tushingham and 109 “Après ___ le déluge” Nobel physicist Johnson, née Hayworth 111 It’s a sign Stern Claudia ___ Taylor 69 Between, to 112 Pole panorama Of bees 7 Ravine, to a Brit Racine 113 Capture ___-poly (anagram 74 They get 114 Salubrious setting Speaker’s advice of COMBO) connected to a barbers’ 8 Soak (up) 75 “Serves you convention? 9 Figures the sum of right!” Solo of Star Wars 10 Detest 76 Flat Swabs 11 Mr. Geller 77 A certain amount Arresting group 12 Noted diarist of golf Chirping and 13 Remnants PUZZLE FANS ! 78 Scout unit rustling, e.g. 14 Islamabad resident 79 Get cracking For info on Merl's War god 15 Is caught by the 80 Big name in Sunday crossword Poppycock wind, as a door anthologies, visit vodka Sapporo sport 16 Scheming animal 81 Think www.sunday Judo rank in Babe crosswords.com. 84 Friars’ saint Speaker’s advice 19 Chinese dish, to a battery egg ___ Solution to Turkey Sub salesmen’s 21 U.S.S. Nautilus, L E J E UN E C A P P MS T GA B convention? e.g. I RONMA N ON E A L A PO E L F F OUR A ND TWE N T Y T OK I L L A Builds 24 Adjust T ONO SOS N I N E T YMA It merged with 25 Literary Ethan C L U B T HR E E D A Y SO F T H E Exxon 31 Lethal coiler B R I L L O S E E N A R I ON I K E U G H DO L T F L OR E NC E Chow ___ 33 Loses footing T OR S A I T I S T AGE E Spare, for one 35 Perfect locations E A R L OB E S H A S L A ND E D T H E C A T T H A T A T E T H E A N Y Actor Stephen 36 Go ___ on about S E P T A I NC I MA O L D I E The Guv in Blazing 37 Lousiest A L I A ND T H E S E V E NHOOD S Saddles 42 Put, as a question R I C H E L I E U Z A N I N E S S E L E C S S I COX E B B S Speaker’s advice 43 Not hurt B U I C K S K Y CON T S T U RU T to an agnostics’ 44 Stair post E RN OU I Y E S UN E A S Y A N D T H E P U S S Y C A T P I N K convention? 45 Slow, in music UN I T E A S P P A P D E A U Little bill 46 IQ guy Alfred W I L T T H E F ORCOCOA P U F F S Fin de ___ 47 Forced-labor camp A R G M E L B R E S T E Y E S O R E X K E E L S S S T S T E A T ROS The Stranger guy 50 Mongolian tent 6
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to advertise by phone 813-739-4800 by email dlancaster@cltampa.com
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