Creative Loafing Tampa — January 7, 2021

CREATIVE LOAFING • CLTAMPA.COM JAN. 7-13, 2021 ( VOL. 34, NO. 1 )

CORTNEY ALLEYNE’S FORTHCOMING

YBOR CITY COFFEE SHOP AIMS TO BOOST THE BLACK DOLLAR

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EL BORRITO BOL

PORTOBELLO RANCHERO PLANTFARE PORTABELLA RANCHERO

*Vegetarian options can be made vegan

VEGAN STEAK BUTTERNUT SQUASH RICE AND BEANS

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PUBLISHER James Howard EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Ray Roa DIGITAL EDITOR Colin Wolf FOOD CRITIC Jon Palmer Claridge FILM & TV CRITIC John Allman

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C/O PASTA PACKS

CONTRIBUTORS Carter Brantley, Jeffrey C. Billman, Justin Garcia, Alexandria Jones, Nora O’Neill, Stephanie Powers, Jenna Rimensnyder, Cory Robinson, Dan Savage, Eric Snider INTERNS Roberto Lopez

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PHOTOGRAPHERS Dave Decker, Michael M. Sinclair, Jenn Thai

SeaWorld in February, animal rights SENIOR ACCOUNT claiming the practiceEXECUTIVES of keeping wild d dangerous.Anthony But evenCarbone, though public Scott Zepeda atmany SeaWorld animal rights don’t in seeFebruary, a parallel between the kind claiming the practice of PROMOTIONS keepinganimals wild k, and the MARKETING, practice of displaying AND nd dangerous. evenOr though publicfor a EVENTS asking for tooBut much? isDIRECTOR it time d, many don’t see a parallel between the kind t” animals? Alexis Quinn Chamberlain

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Andrew Zelman CHIEF OPERATING OFFICERS Chris Keating, Michael Wagner40 Music: Tampa Bay Blues Fest ...........................

VP OF DIGITAL SERVICES Stacy Volhein Music Week ................................................... 42 DIGITAL OPERATIONS COORDINATOR Music: Tampa Blues Fest ...........................

Concert review:Bay ArticJaime Monkeys ..........................40 42 Monzon Music ................................................... 42 The ListWeek ..........................................................

46 Concert review: Artic Monkeys .......................... 42 Movie reviews .....................................................

63 euclidmediagroup.com TheWill List Astrology ..........................................................

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I can eat pasta every day; it’s a complete enjoyment for me.

Tampa’s Nicolaas Bryon launched Pasta Packs to give people good food that travels well, p. 17.

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Tampa is a weekly newspaper covering public issues, the arts and entertainment.

In our pages appear views from across the political and social spectrum. They do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

Creative Loafing Tampa is published by Tampa Weekly, LLC, 204 E. Henderson Ave. Tampa, FL 33602. The newspaper is available free of charge at locations throughout Tampa Bay and online at cltampa.com. cltv Copyright How2020, wasTampa your Weekly, Date? LLC. The m/cltv newspaper cltampa.com/movies produced and printed on How is was your Date? cltampa.com/movies Indigenous land belonging to Tampa Bay’s Tocobaga and Seminole tribes.

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It would be nice for [us] to be number one in something positive.

Hillsborough County once again led the state in 2019-20 with 3,448 juvenile arrests, p. 7.

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POLITICS

ISSUES

OPINION

We’re no. 1

Hillsborough arrested more juveniles than any other Florida county last year.

By Justin Garcia

A

recent report says 45,366 juvenile arrests were made in Florida during fiscal year 2019-20, marking a 45-year low across the state. The drop is attributed to COVID-19 and school closures. According to 2020’s “Delinquency Profile” from the Florida Department of Juvenile Justice, Hillsborough arrests were also lower than recent years. Still, Hillsborough County once again led the state in 2019-20 with 3,448 juvenile arrests. Hillsborough also led the state’s juvenile arrest numbers in 201819 (4,369) and 2017-18 (4,862).

“With COVID-19 related shutdowns and school closings throughout the state, the number of arrests during FY 2019-20 was abnormally low,” the Delinquency Profile wrote. The arrests in Hillsborough were driven by the sheriff’s office, which came in first in the state for juvenile arrests, while Tampa Police Department came in fourth.

“It is shocking to me,” Michelle D. Lambo, criminal and traffic defense attorney, told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay. “It surprises me because I know there are a lot of diversion programs, and it’s also surprising because beginning in March, the world shut down.”

Lambo said that policies on certain types of crimes need to be reviewed. For example, assault and battery (which includes domestic violence) were up this year, but there could be scenarios where charges might be avoided.

“If you have two brothers or two friends fighting and a neighbor calls the police or mom calls the police because she’s freaking out, why should anyone go to jail?,” Lambo asked. “Technically yes, that’s domestic violence or battery, but why would you ruin someone’s life over it?”

LOCAL NEWS

Law enforcement reaction TPD Public Information Officer Eddy Durkin told CL that “it is encouraging to see a decrease in juvenile arrests across the board,” but could not speculate on statewide comparison of individual data. Hillsborough County Sheriff Chad Chronister sent CL an email about the arrest numbers.

“Hillsborough is one of the most populated counties in the state of Florida, and despite the ever-growing increase in our youth population, we have seen a decrease by more than 20% in the last year, 44% over the last five years, in

the number of youth arrested, according to the data you provided,” he wrote.

Citing census data, florida-demographics.com says Hillsborough (pop. 1,471,968) is the fourth most populated county in the state; Pinellas (pop.

974,996) is sixth. By comparison, Florida’s most populated county, Miami-Dade (pop. 2,716,940) saw just 2,184 arrests in 2019-20.

Chronister went on to say that in September of this year, HCSO expanded its Juvenile Arrest Avoidance Program (JAAP). Instead of an arrest, all but five offenses now qualify for civil citations, counseling, drug treatment, and other alternative sanctions. Last year, Hillsborough County deferred 1,059 juveniles to diversion programs. HCSO also supported the County Commission’s decision to decriminalize small amounts of marijuana, added Chronister.

“We collaborated with our court system to launch Hillsborough County’s juvenile mental health court,” he wrote. “And furthermore, we have deputies assigned to the Boys and Girls Clubs of Tampa Bay who serve as mentors to youth within those facilities. We are encouraged by the progress we have made in our community, and we believe these steps will continue to contribute to the now 45-year low in juvenile arrests across the state of Florida.”

Activist reaction The Restorative Justice Coalition is an activist group with a mission to, “create a just system

that impacts victims, society and those who offend in a positive, restorative manner.” Its co-founder, Angel D’Angelo, told CL that he and his group are disappointed, but not surprised at the findings. “It would be nice for Hillsborough to be number one in something positive. We know our communities want their needs met, food, shelter, water, and accessible activities regardless of race, ethnicity, income level or disability. Instead, our county is once again prioritizing handcuffs and jails, which have not been proven to improve communities at all.”

D’Angelo went on to say that these arrests can put a huge strain on the families involved.

He said that even when using a public defender, there’s a high cost to being charged with a crime.

Parents also likely have to miss work to deal with court hearings. During a massive economic depression and a pandemic with no end in sight, these costs of juvenile charges can damage families deeply. If the arrest leads to a criminal record for the young person, it can follow them into adulthood and affect their ability to maintain steady employment.

Action items “We know the negative effects that arrests can have on children as they move forward in life, including hindering their ability to get a job, into college, or the military,” State Attorney Andrew Warren’s office wrote in an email to CL. “That’s why we’ve done so much over the continued on page 9

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continued from page 7 past four years to increase the use of civil citations and reduce juvenile arrests to create the best outcomes for our kids and community. We recognize there is more work to do, and we will continue working with law enforcement to minimize juvenile arrests and expand programs that get kids back on the right path.”

Data from the Direct Action Research Training Center (DART) says that Florida has been one of the leaders in the U.S. in arresting children for years. To address this issue, the Florida Legislature implemented a Juvenile Civil Citation program, which prioritizes citations over arrests. Warren has been a champion of the citation program.

But in an interview with ABC Action News in July, Warren said that only half of eligible kids in Hillsborough are given citations, rather than arrests.

To address this problem, in September, the State Attorney’s office worked with its partners to expand the Juvenile Civil Citation program.

Now, with the exception of five, all misdemeanor offenses are eligible for a civil citation. The five exceptions are: Assault on a Specified Official (school employee, detention officer, law enforcement officer), Battery (Domestic Violence, except incidents involving Family Violence), Driving Under the Influence, Racing, and Violation of Injunction.

Parental consent is no longer mandatory for a juvenile to qualify for the civil citation program.

When an officer is considering arresting a child under 12, they must consult with a supervisor to discuss other options, with preference given to a civil citation. Warren’s office said that these changes should hopefully result in more Juvenile Civil Citations and fewer arrests going forward.

Methodology and other data Findings in the report were compiled using data from the state’s Juvenile Justice Information System (JJIS). On its website, the Florida Department of Juvenile Justice says its mission is “To increase public safety by reducing juvenile delinquency through effective prevention, intervention and treatment services that strengthen families and turn around the lives of troubled youth.”

Hillsborough zip codes with the top three highest number of arrests include 33612, 33610 and 33604. Those zip codes include neighborhoods such as Carrollwood Gables, Forest Hills Village, North and East Tampa, University Square, Jackson Heights, Lowry Park, Sulphur Springs, Old Seminole Heights, Riverbend and others.

The top offenses in Hillsborough were burglary, assault and battery and aggravated assault and battery.

Pinellas County, with 2,979 arrests in 201920, came in third this year behind Orange County (Pinellas was also third in juvenile arrests the two previous fiscal years).

Pinellas zip codes with the most arrests include 33712, 33705 and 33771. Neighborhoods in those zip codes include Fairway Village, Coquina Key, Cromwell Heights, Lakewood Estates, Greater Pinellas Point, Highland Oaks and the Warehouse Arts District.

In Pinellas, the top offenses were violation of probation and burglary.

Of the Hillsborough arrests, 2,061—or 59%—were Black youth, 827 (24%) were white youth and 586 (17%) were Hispanic youth. The report added that 456 of the arrestees were categorized as female (1,605 were categorized as male). There was no category for trans juveniles arrested.

According to the report’s methodology, data in it is presented as counts of “arrests” or “youth arrested,” with the count of arrests determined by selecting the most serious offense for any individual youth on a specific date.

“If the same juvenile was charged with additional offenses on the same date, these would still be counted as a single arrest, always using the most serious offense for descriptive purposes,” the report said. “If the youth was arrested on another date during the same fiscal year for one or more charges, that would be counted as another arrest.”

What’s more is that the number of youth arrested is determined by counting only the most serious arrest for which a youth is charged during any fiscal year.

“If the same youth is arrested for several offenses during that year, only one would be counted, using the most serious offense charged during the fiscal year,” the report added.

“It’s also surprising because beginning in March, the world shut down.”

‘Debtor’s prison for kids’ Even citations, though, can be a financial burden for families during an economic scenario where food bank lines stretch for miles in Florida and across the country.

“I imagine, since Hillsborough’s arrests are the highest, that there are many families struggling with the financial burden of citations as well,” said D’Angelo. According to the Juvenile Law Center (JLC), the high cost of fines and fees in the juvenile justice system can lead to what they call a “debtor’s prison for kids.” The JLC report says that citations, much like arrests, can bring children and families deeper into the carceral system.

“Across the country, youth and their families, including many in poverty, face monetary charges for a young person’s involvement in the juvenile justice system,” the report reads. “Too often, the inability to pay pushes the young person deeper into the juvenile justice system and exacerbates the family’s economic distress.”

cltampa.com | JANUARY 7 - 13, 2021 | 9

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Authoritarianism sells Four lessons from a year we’d rather forget.

By Jeffrey C. Billman

I

f you’d told me on Jan. 1, 2020, that Donald Trump would lose, I’d have been relieved. If you’d told me it took 300,000 deaths and more than 20 million lost jobs to get that result—and that Trump would come within 50,000 votes of winning the Electoral College anyway—I’d have been unnerved. If you’d told me that Trump would invent an election conspiracy and half the Republican Party would sign on to his coup, I might have moved to Canada.

But here we are.

As we use our hind legs to kick fecal matter on the hellscape of 2020, there are four important (if sobering) lessons I think we’d do well to remember—warning signs that, while we dodged a bullet, our democracy and institutions are weaker today than they were 12 months ago. The scourge of illiberalism hasn’t been vanquished.

Until it is, our century’s defining challenges—climate change, socio-economic inequality, systemic racism—will likely go unmet.

is entertaining calls to institute martial law, and some members of Congress say they’ll challenge electors’ certification on Jan. 6.

Whether Republicans believe the fever dream or fear mean tweets is irrelevant. The point is that, over the last four years, the GOP has morphed into an authoritarian cult of personality. The post-election sedition was just the cherry on top.

But the party’s descent began before Trump, and it will continue after him. It’s not Burkean.

It’s Hannitized: radical and oppositional, angry and conspiratorial, dismissive of opponents’ legitimacy, and unmoored to any ideology beyond owning the libs, accumulating power, and cutting taxes.

It rages at the enemy du jour—the deep state, antifa, China, Hunter Biden, whatever—but has become so intellectually bereft that it no longer competes in the marketplace of ideas.

Instead, it invented its own reality.

INFORMED DISSENT

The Republican Party isn’t conservative After Trump’s defeat, 126 GOP House members co-signed a tinfoil-hat legal argument asking the Supreme Court to toss the election results. Meanwhile, a devolving Trump

There’s no price for shamelessness In 2013, as the U.S. clawed back from the

The system is broken Anti-Trump Republican exiles comprised a key part of Biden’s coalition—which doesn’t bode well for progressives, particularly after Democrats fell short of their congressional

expectations. Party leaders see their path to power by accommodating white moderates, which means marginalizing their left flank.

Whatever logic there is behind this strategy exists only because of the undemocratic nature of our democracy. Biden won by more than 7 million votes—4.5 percentage points. Senate Dems will represent between 20 million and 41 million more Americans next year than Senate Republicans, depending on the outcomes in Georgia. And House Democrats earned 5 million more votes than House Republicans.

Yet Biden squeaked by in Arizona, Wisconsin, and Georgia, which together had enough electoral votes to hand Trump the White House.

Senate Democrats will either be in the minority or clinging to a 50-50 split. House Democrats barely kept their majority.

The country isn’t conservative. But by bestowing outsize power on white rural voters, our anachronistic system has deceived us into thinking it is. In turn, that’s fomented an almost Jacobin cycle of Republican radicalization while constraining policy options. We don’t do what needs to be done. We do what those in the empowered and entitled minority deem acceptable, then praise them for giving us crumbs.

The wider the gap between the necessary and the possible, between what the people want and the government provides, the more imperiled the American experiment will become.

SHEALAH CRAIGHEAD

Authoritarianism is more attractive than we admit Despite a crushing economic collapse and a criminally mismanaged pandemic—and before that, the administration’s cruelty, lies, corruption, and ineptitude—74 million people wanted four more years of Donald Trump.

You can chalk that up to polarization and incumbency. But there’s another explanation we mustn’t ignore: Authoritarianism sells.

For those who lost faith in institutions and felt left behind by rapid social and economic changes, Trump’s order-versus-chaos, us-versusthem bombast offered morally unambiguous answers to complex problems. He convinced his base—often working-class whites—that his enemies were their enemies, that he and they were the victims of scornful cultural elites. On Election Day, they turned out in droves.

Trump improved his standing in immigrant neighborhoods and among people of color, too—Latino and Black voters aren’t immune to authoritarian appeals—but he got swamped in diverse, educated cities and suburbs, where his atavistic populism proved to be Joe Biden’s best friend.

Still, Trump won 47% of the vote with the world falling apart. Imagine what a more competent demagogue could do.

Great Recession, House Republicans brought the world economy to the brink by manufacturing a debt crisis. Four years later, with the GDP growing and Trump in the Oval, they voted to give the wealthy a trillion-dollar tax cut. Now, with Joe Biden taking the reins, deficits are a problem again, though the country is facing a dark winter of COVID-19 deaths, evictions, business closures, and layoffs.

So we can’t have $1,200 stimulus payments and $600-a-week unemployment supplements and aid to state and local governments. We get piddly-ass $600 checks, a few weeks of $300 unemployment assistance, dark money loopholes for special interests, and a tax break for three-martini lunches that Democrats traded for expanding a tax credit for poor families.

Tough luck, cities!

Republicans realized something about politics in a polarized era in which conservatives get their information from an echo chamber: There’s no price for shamelessness. Hypocrisy, either—which the Amy Coney Barrett confirmation neatly illustrated. Norms mean nothing.

Power is the only currency. If you have it, use it.

SERIES FINALE: Shithead’s made-for-TV presidency is almost over.

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Shit Happened TUESDAY 05

SATURDAY 01 Department of Health news that the new contagious strain of the coronavirus that spread in Britain has been detected in a man in Florida hits news outlets. So 2021 is off to a great start, right?

SUNDAY 02 KYLE ZEDAKER/BUCCANEERS

The Bucs defeated the hapless Atlanta Falcons 44-27 and punched their ticket to the wild card game this weekend.

All of a sudden, everyone loves Tom Brady again.

MONDAY 03 Officials at the City of Tampa say they conducted 154 inspections on the first two nights of 2021, and issued a total of six citations for mask and dance floor ordinance violations.

Head-scratchingly, code enforcement was not out on New Year’s Eve when hordes of partygoers spilled into Ybor City streets in the first moments of the new year.

POLKCOSHERIFF/TWITTER

GOVRONDESANTIS/TWITTER

Gov. Ron DeSantis kicks off the new year by saying Florida teachers, school staff will not be prioritized for coronavirus vaccination and warning that hospitals not distributing coronavirus vaccines fast enough will lose their shots.

This is the same guy who saw the state he’s in charge of experience a more than a 50% spike in coronavirus deaths over the last three months.

Grady Judd is sworn in for his fifth term, and Fox 13 points out that the move makes him the first sheriff in Polk County’s 160-year history to serve that long. “It appears that you are stuck with me for a little while longer,” Judd said in a statement. Last summer, when asked about looters coming to Pasco, Grady also said, “I’m highly recommending [Pasco homeowners] blow you back out of the house with their guns.”

What’s that about 2021 being a year of change?

Will shit be different in the new year? Follow along in real time via cltampa.com/news.

cltampa.com | JANUARY 7 - 13, 2021 | 13

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RESTAURANTS

RECIPES

DINING GUIDES

For the Kulture

A Black-owned coffee shop is coming soon to Ybor City.

N

ews of a Black-owned coffee shop laying roots in Ybor City this year is creating buzz on social media. Credit that to Tampa native, Cortney Alleyne (pictured), who is making moves to found Rise Koffee + Kulture where she’ll serve espresso with a side of social change.

Alleyne has been busy scheduling photoshoots, fleshing out the business plan, and drumming up interest to bring her vision to life. The 25-year-old connected with Creative Loafing Tampa Bay to share the story of how Rise Koffee + Kulture came about. Alleyne takes us back two years to when she was a graduate student in Chicago, full of energy and optimism, and ready to tap into her potential.

“Little did I know, instead of chasing my dreams right away, I found myself questioning my purpose in life. I was lost, completely,” Alleyne shared in an email. “I knew I wanted to help people, my community, and do something I enjoyed. I wanted to wake up every day and do something I truly loved, not just endured for a paycheck.”

Keeping those thoughts tucked away in the back of her mind, Alleyne found herself making her way to coffee shops throughout the Windy City every Saturday to study. While the grad student felt her most productive holed up in a cafe with her headphones in and a latte in hand, she always innately felt that something was missing. It wasn’t long until she moved to Bronzeville—a neighborhood located on the south-side of Chicago—where she frequented Blackowned coffee shop, Sip & Savor. It was there that she would have an experience that changed her life forever.

“I walked in and was immediately surrounded by what felt like warmth,” Alleyne explained, adding that it was like walking into a third home. “There were mainly people that looked like me. I had never seen a coffee shop like this in my life.”

Alleyne says she ordered a strawberry hibiscus tea, found a seat, and began studying like

she had done every Saturday before. But this time, something clicked.

“Next thing I know, 'Double Up' by Nipsey Hussle starts to play in the background. So, after sitting for a few minutes God told me to take out my notepad and write,” Alleyne recalled.

Putting pen to paper, ideas started flowing, and the entrepreneur says that she realized what the next chapter of her life was destined to hold.

Founding a coffee shop in Tampa, unlike any the city has seen before—one that embodies Black culture, community, and coffee. This session gave birth to Rise Koffee + Kulture, with the mission “to connect the Tampa community by brewing koffee with kulture.” A welcoming haven for people of all backgrounds to come together, to socialize, to work, and to bring cultural diversity to Florida’s coffee scene.

“Rise Koffee + Kulture is much more than a coffee shop. It is a Black-owned innovative and creative hub where coffee, community, art, and music connect,” Alleyne wrote.

Meaning you’ll be buzzing from the coffee as well as conversation with fellow creators.

Another important fold in Rise’s business plan is being devoted to cultivating sustainable social change by contributing to initiatives that help further elevate the Black community.

For instance, access to opportunities for Black youth and young adults to acquire new skills like financial literacy and entrepreneurship. Taking its commitment to giving back to the community and like minded professionals, Rise’s focus on supplier diversity and ensures that at least 25% of suppliers and vendor companies are Blackowned, to further circulate the Black dollar.

“We turn a daily ritual of a cup of coffee into an enriching cultural experience that contributes to community growth and development,” Alleyne explained.

In the coming weeks, Alleyne plans on launching a Kickstarter campaign to crowdfund and bring her vision to life. If you don’t

OPENING

SHAI-ANN GAYLE

By Jenna Rimensnyder

“I wanted to wake up every day and do something I truly loved, not just endured for a paycheck.”

TRYNA MAKE A SLOW CHANGE: ‘Rise Koffee + Kulture’ wants to boost the Black dollar. have the bread to donate, you can spread the news through social media, allowing Rise to gain traction and cultivate a supportive community before doors open.

To follow along with Alleyne and her progress with Rise, you can subscribe to the brand’s

Facebook, Instagram (@risekoffeeandkulture) or website. In the meantime, you can support other Black-owned coffee-centric businesses like New Tampa's Coffee Speaks N Tea Talks, plus Hogg Batch Coffee roasters and Brea’s Coffee mobile coffee cart in St. Petersburg.

cltampa.com | JANUARY 7 - 13, 2021 | 15

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Tampa’s Bryon brothers turned a COVID-19 layoff into a bustling business.

By Alexandria Jones

I

n these times, we’re all looking for any kind of convenience to add to our lives—that includes figuring out dinner. If standing over pots and pans to cook an elaborate meal sounds like no fun, Tampa brothers Greg and Nicolaas Bryon have a plan.

The Bryons are co-owners of Pasta Packs all-in-one, already prepared meal kits.

The brothers moved to Florida from the Bronx when they were kids. Nicolaas, 31, graduated from Johnson & Wales with his culinary degree in 2010 and bounced around Florida working at various restaurants and opening hotels like B Ocean in Ft. Lauderdale. Greg started out studying as a biomedical science major at University of South Florida in Tampa, where he also developed his photography skills.

Greg landed big opportunities like going on tour in Jamaica in 2011 and documenting behind the scenes action for Dynasty who was signed to a small record label named “Macten Sounds.” Currently, Greg is a partner at local creative studio Pep Rally Inc. and owner of his own photography business Eight 20 Eight Inc. A few of his projects at Pep Rally Inc. involve murals for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Tampa Bay Lightning plus the shipping containers at Sparkman Wharf.

“The photography got really big for a college student. I took a semester off to go to Jamaica and I didn’t look back after that,” says Greg.

Cooking and food were important in the Bryon family, so learning about flavors and different foods came naturally. Being first-generation American (their mother is from Guyana and their father is from Aruba), they grew up with the understanding that food varies from place to place whether it was a friend’s home or restaurant. “The diversity of food is pretty complex, so we always paid attention to food. Without having to study it from a traditional sense, our background is food culturally,” Greg adds.

Pasta Packs stemmed from an idea the brothers threw around for over a year before deciding to finally develop it when Nicolaas was laid off from Oak & Ola due to the COVID-19 pandemic.

Nicolaas gave himself a short break before immediately starting to test various pastas. Greg says within the first week, they’d completely developed Pasta Packs and were ready to launch. They wanted to develop and produce dishes that are fresh and travel well.

“We wanted to figure out how people can still get an amazing plate of food and be safe,” Greg explains.

Nic developed his noodles over two years. One is an egg noodle made from double zero flour, a soft wheat flour used to make pizzas and pastas.

Another noodle he developed is a plant-based noodle made with basil and spinach aromatics.

“Each dish I made with the noodles was different every time. I can eat pasta every day; it’s a complete enjoyment for me,” says Nicolaas.

There are six varieties of pasta to choose from on the Pasta Packs menu, all made by Nicolaas. Greg says Pasta Packs has a “contemporary” taste to it that helps it evolve and adapt with the times. Over the fall, Nicolaas and Greg slowly released their fall pasta lineup, starting with a pumpkin agnolotti; seasonal ingredients like winter squashes, pumpkin, and beets are all used, and aromatics like rosemary and sage paired alongside the dishes, too. As of late, the Bryons are almost out of lobster ravioli, and sharing shots of their white lasagna, plus pesto spaghetti garnished with prosciutto di parma.

“The fall menu will have dishes that are a bit heavier and filling. Dishes to make you feel warm and cozy like ragu and gnocchi, preferably sweet potato gnocchi,” Nicolaas says. Each meal (including sides) is made from scratch and comes with meal instructions. No meal takes more than 10 minutes to complete. “Whether we’re in season or not, I’m always trying to think ahead and be prepared for the future.”

The meal kits average about $35 for two people. If you’re interested in private dinners for a small group of people (no more than 10), prices run between $80-180 per plate depending on the menu and budget. Private dinners create a different experience and feature more elaborate ingredients than what you get in a regular pack.

“You get a personal chef making the pasta exactly the way it is intended to be eaten and you get great conversation, if desired, from the chef. We put on an eclectic blend of music that is relaxing and calming,” Nicolaas adds.

Guests can meet Greg and Nicolaas at a pickup location in Ybor City between noon-2 p.m.

Once pickups are complete, Greg and Nicolaas hand deliver orders to homes from 2 p.m.-4 p.m. as long as they’re within a 10-12-mile radius from downtown Tampa. Pickup and delivery

FOOD NEWS

Regardless of all the issues happening currently, Greg and Nicolaas are amazed they were able to start a unique business like Pasta Packs as a way to show others they can do it too.

The brothers did their first TV interview with CNBC program “The Exchange” recently to talk about starting Pasta Packs during a pandemic.

“The experience was pretty surreal, it was such a great opportunity. We have been extremely humbled and grounded throughout this process. Being recognized on such large platforms lets us know how far we have come in such a short amount of time. It drives us to work 10 times harder,” says Greg.

“It really is an awesome feeling especially when we’ve gotten emails from Sicilian moms saying the pasta tastes just like theirs or a grandmother’s,” says Nicolaas.

C/O PASTA PACKS

Pack mentality

is Wed.-Mon. The packs are made fresh so it’s important to order within a 24-hour window.

“We try to keep it interesting and exciting.

I don’t want people to get comfortable. I want them to try something new,” says Greg.

They are hoping to expand to shipping and keeping Pasta Packs as an e-commerce concept.

Greg says even people who live outside of the radius contact them. Some don’t mind making the drive from St. Petersburg or Clearwater for a Pasta Pack.

“Most people have an idea we aren’t shipping but they’ll ask anyway. We do have a significant amount of people who want it that bad,” says Greg. There was no hesitation with starting this kind of business during a pandemic. “What do we have to lose? Once we put the first photo up on the internet, it went crazy with our family and friends. It was literally that simple.”

“We’ve gotten emails from Sicilian moms saying the pasta tastes just like theirs or a grandmother’s.”

NICK OF TIME: Pasta Packs co-founder Nicolaas Bryon pivoted quickly after being laid off from Oak & Ola.

cltampa.com | JANUARY 7 - 13, 2021 | 17

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DUNEDIN • CARACARATAPAS.COM 18 | JANUARY 7 - 13, 2021 | cltampa.com

Market forces

Two different approaches to addressing food deserts in St. Pete.

By Alexandria Jones

O

nce Walmart left South St. Pete in 2017, any access to fresh fruits and veggies virtually disappeared, thus turning the area into a food desert.

“I found myself running all over to find fresh produce and found out my neighbors were having a worse experience,” Kim-Nikkol Patton, founder of South St. Petersburg Marketplace, wrote in a message to Creative Loafing Tampa Bay. Patton says she thought it was unacceptable for her neighbors and other residents using rideshare, cabs, and public transportation to get food from other parts of the city. She used her relationship with the Historic Manhattan Casino (she’s on the Advisory Council) to use part of the parking lot as the venue—located at 642 22nd St. S—for the farmer’s market.

The first South St. Petersburg Marketplace launched in November. Vendors like The Lather Lab, Life Farms, and Florida Fruit Coop provide locally-sourced produce and other goods to area residents.

“This lack of access to fresh fruits and vegetables has forced an already disenfranchised community to shop at corner markets and purchase unhealthy things. Our community is already plagued with generational pre-existing conditions,” she added.

One thing that sets South St. Petersburg Marketplace apart from other local markets in Tampa Bay is residents with SNAP/EBT benefits can use them to purchase fresh foods.

“Beneficiaries get far more food for their buck with me than the big chain food store,” Patton said.

The market is every Tuesday from 4 p.m.-8 p.m. Vendors can sign up via email at southstpetemktplc@gmail.com or through the Facebook page. It’s an outdoor shopping experience with social distancing (masks are mandatory) and every booth has a sanitation station.

“We are united, enriching the lives of the community, creating employment, and creating opportunities for generational health and wealth,” she said.

St. Petersburg creates Food Policy Council to fight food insecurity As evidenced in the story above, food deserts and food insecure areas are more prevalent than ever, and the COVID-19 pandemic has made it harder for an increasing number or families to purchase food or eat in general.

“Before the pandemic, we know over 150k struggled with food insecurity in Pinellas County. We know those numbers have nearly doubled,” Feeding Tampa Bay Chief Programs Officer Matt Spence told CL. St. Petersburg City Council says it’s proactively fighting the issue.

Council recently created a Food Policy Council (FPC) to help fight food insecurity. The FPC will work independently from the city council. Along with food insecurity, the FPC will address food deserts like South St. Pete that don’t have adequate access to fresh and nutritious foods. Several focus groups and community members made it a point to make sure the council focused on food insecurity.

“The St. Petersburg Food Policy Council was the number one boldest idea of aspiration and inspiration for our community,” Julie Rocco, senior community engagement advocate for research and evaluation for Foundation of a Healthy St. Petersburg, told Bay News 9.

St. Petersburg Councilmember Gina Driscoll, told the news station that she was inspired by food policy councils formed in other U.S. cities. “[I] did some research and found that it really has been effective to bring people with different backgrounds regarding food together to work on the different issues related to food security and urban agriculture,” Driscoll said.

FOOD NEWS

SOUTHSTPETEMKTPLC/FACEBOOK

FOLLOW THEM: South St. Petersburg Market Place founder Kim-Nikkol Patton (L) and Larry Butler of St. Pete Housing Authority.

cltampa.com | JANUARY 7 - 13, 2021 | 19

20 | JANUARY 7 - 13, 2021 | cltampa.com

Flipping the bird

Gluten-friendly fried chicken lands in Seminole Heights.

By Ray Roa

J

oe Dodd’s Nashville-style hot chicken has been a fixture in the bellies of Tampa’s hungriest foodies since the spring of 2019, and a recent tweak to the recipe just made King of the Coop’s fried chicken more accessible to even more eaters.

On Dec. 17, Dodd put into action a plan that hatched weeks before. He made his signature tenders gluten-friendly.

You read that right: gluten-friendly fried chicken.

“A regular of ours reached out and noticed,” Dodd told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay on Dec. 18, a day after the gluten-friendly tendys showed up, “said it’s definitely better.”

That should come as no surprise. At a private tasting on Nov. 9—as the team at King of the Coop put the final tweaks on the recipe twist—Dodd told a handful of taste testers that he agonized over the change until it was perfect. And he’s not calling the chicken “gluten-free” either because the kitchen still uses flour in some aspects.

“You can’t have our fries if you’re truly gluten-free or avoiding gluten… you can’t have the mac ‘n cheese, we’re not switching to a glutenfree pasta—that’s gross. And you can’t have the buns because gluten-free bread is terrible as well,” Dodd said with a chuckle. “You can, however, have the collard greens, the coleslaw, and you can have fried chicken.”

Dodd said that motivation for a move to a gluten-friendly recipe was two-fold.

For one, it’s healthier, but the new chicken also stays crispier in to-go boxes that have become the norm in pandemic-era eating.

“Flour holds moisture. At home, if you don’t seal your flour, it gets hard and it becomes stale.

I can’t stand that,” Dodd explained, adding the King of the Coop’s new recipe uses just two starches in a ratio that Dodd is keeping secret. “So this new recipe doesn’t hold any of the moisture from the oil. We’ve left it covered for an hour, and it was as crispy as when it came out of the fryer.”

The chicken—which is being fried, along with the now gluten-friendly catfish, in a separate fryer from the fries and hush puppies—is definitely crispier; 30 minutes later from the comfort of my office chair, the tender was as crispy as when it came to me at the restaurant.

And to be clear, gluten is no longer used in the King of the Coop fried chicken recipe.

Dodd joked that he decided to just go through with it while he was high one day, but the move sets King of the Coop—which is opening new locations, including one in Wesley Chapel—up to be able to serve more people. Once Dodd gets through the gluten-friendly hurdle, he plans on implementing a vegetarian option.

King of the Coop is located at 6607 N Florida Ave. in Seminole Heights, and opens at 11 a.m. every day.

FOOD NEWS

KINGOFTHECOOPTAMPA/FACEBOOK

NO FLOUR-POWER: King of the Coop’s new recipe uses just two starches in a secret ratio.

cltampa.com | JANUARY 7 - 13, 2021 | 21

22 | JANUARY 7 - 13, 2021 | cltampa.com

Yeah, brother

Hulkster’s new restaurant, plus more foodie news to kick off 2021.

By Jenna Rimensnyder and Alexandria Jones

O

utside of Hulk Hogan’s new restaurant, most of this week’s opening and closing action is going down in the ‘Burg with sushi spots, cigar bars, upscale eats and forthcoming grilled cheese joints. In Tampa, a cereal concept made its debut and there’s a fresh fastcasual face coming to Brandon in the spring. We also said goodbye to the fairly short lived Rawk Star Cafe and hello to its replacement Driftwood Kava and Roastery. Oh, St. Pete’s Beach Drive is also saying bye for now to The Moon Under Water, since Ceviche is relocating to the address. Yes, 2021, is officially here, but we’re still taking every precaution to keep our bar and restaurant scene safe from leftover pandemic bullshit. That means supporting local, grabbing food to-go if the dining room is a little cramped and tipping your server like your money is on fire. Have a clean mask handy for when you're not actively eating a table, too.

E.B.I. Sushi While the resto scaled down its menu to reduce the amount of staffing in the building to ensure the safety of staff and guests during the pandemic, E.B.I. still has a fairly healthy selection. There’s a selection of soups, salads, and plates like teriyaki, garlic shrimp, and poke. The sushi menu is stacked with samplers and a variety of rolls for newbies and seasoned sushi enthusiasts. 7900 4th St. N, St. Petersburg. ebiflorida.com Hogan’s Hangout After over a year of waiting, WWE Hall of Famer, Hulk Hogan, has finally opened the doors to Hogan’s Hangout on Clearwater Beach. The two-story restaurant is 6,500-sq. ft. and features 29 TVs. Its menu is full of appetizers like poke tuna nachos, a “Nashvillan” flatbread made from spicy glazed Nashville chicken chunks, plus other options including salads, burgers, and pasta. 499 Mandalay Ave., Clearwater Beach. hoganshangout.com Social Roost Kitchen and Bar The longawaited concept finally opened on Dec. 27. The full-service poultry-forward restaurant’s menu is constructed of globally-inspired chicken dishes, and hosts a full bar pouring up craft cocktails. 150 1st Ave. NE, St. Petersburg. eatatsocialroost.com

Opening Cerealholic Cafe and Bar Making its debut on New Year’s Eve, Cerealholic’s menu is full of food our inner kids enjoy including milkshakes, fries, and tater tots. Stop by for a “Hit the Road Jack,” one of Cerealholic’s signature burgers made with Apple Jack-infused meat topped with applewood bacon and a fried egg nestled in a waffle hash brown bun. The shop is open daily from 7 a.m.-1 a.m. for breakfast, dinner, and a late-night snack. 1909 N. 15th St., Ybor City. cerealholic.com Cigar Paradise Royal Lounge Enjoy puffing on a hand-rolled stogie? You’re in luck. A new cigar bar in town offers an array of cigars and is pouring up handcrafted cocktails. Cigar Paradise is rooted in Cuban tradition, boasting nearly 200 years of experience in using ancestral techniques to specialize in the art and manufacturing of handmade cigars. The space hosts a custom HEPA filtration and ventilation system allowing customers to enjoy cigars inside the lounge without the worry of any lasting odors.

400 Beach Dr. NE Suite 142, St. Petersburg. @cigarparadiseroyallounge on Instagram Eastern Kitchen Making its debut in fall, the menu is inspired by Pan-Asian flavors including Japanese, Korean, Chinese, and Thai. Expect a selection of soups and salads, and bowls which, for the most part, are vegan with the option to add meat. EK also has a variety of fried rice and noodle dishes like ramen, pad thai, and stir fry udon, plus an entire page of the menu dedicated to sushi rolls, bowls, and combos. 5226 4th St. N, St. Petersburg. easternkitchensushi.com

Coming Soon Aussie Grill The fast-casual restaurant is an offshoot from Bloomin’ Brands, the parent company of Outback Steakhouse. The latest Tampa Bay location is set to make its debut in spring 2021, with its menu stacked with handhelds like sandos, burgers, as well as large plates with ribs, sirloin, and chicken options. You can also opt for salads and vegan plates. 1426 W Brandon Blvd., Brandon. aussiegrill.com Ceviche The restaurant is moving a little further down Beach Drive, taking over the home of The Moon Under Water. But have no fear, The Moon Under Water will be relocating as well to a yetto-be-announced location. Construction for the new Ceviche location begins in February, with a projected opening date in March. The restaurant is scheduled to close at 10 Beach Dr. NE on Jan. 9, so get your last eats at the OG location before it makes the move just a few doors down. 332 Beach Drive, St. Petersburg. ceviche.com Driftwood Kava & Roastery Taking over the former home of Rawk Star Cafe, Driftwood’s second location is shooting to open the first week of 2021. The menu hosts espresso drinks, kava, kratom, as well as smoothies, juices, acai as well as bites. 740 Central Ave., St. Petersburg. driftwoodkavacoffeecafe.com

HOGANSHANGOUT/FACEBOOK

OPENINGS & CLOSINGS

WELL LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING: Hulkamaniacs have a new favorite Clearwater Beach bar.

Fo’Cheezy Celebrity chef Robert Hesse is expanding his concept, Fo’Cheezy with a second location in downtown St. Pete. Buildout of the specialty grilled cheese joint starts January 2021 within the former Five Guys space, which means prime latenight eats for nightcrawlers stumbling COVID-ly out of downtown St. Pete’s first block bars. 111 3rd St. N., St. Petersburg. focheezy.com Island Fin Poké The Orlando-based fastcasual chain announced a plan to open 20

new locations over the next few years. One location is open currently in Wesley Chapel with new locations in Sarasota and Tampa Bay expected to open in 2021. Island Fin Poké provides guests with boat-to-bowl, locally- and responsibly-sourced ingredients to customize the perfect bowl with endless possibilities.

Co-founder Mark Settington hopes to give customers a bit of Hawaii in each meal. islandfinpoke.com

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24 | JANUARY 7 - 13, 2021 | cltampa.com

“You can order your tickets to attend in person or watch from the comfort of your own home.”

MOVIES

THEATER

ART

CULTURE

Looking DIFF-erent

Dunedin film festival kicks off next week, plus more Florida film news.

By Jenna Rimensnyder and Nora O’Neill If you want to support the Dunedin Film Festival’s mission, you can become a member for $50, allowing the organization to improve artist platforms for performance art by helping fund the mobilization of volunteers to build unconventional performance stages throughout the city of Dunedin.

FILM & TV

New documentary ‘Killing a State’ looks at Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis’ COVID19 response Filmmaker Michael Malott is working on a new documentary about the impact of COVID19 on Florida residents and Gov. Ron DeSantis’ response to the pandemic.

“We needed someone to have the ability to lead the state and protect the citizens and that didn’t happen,” Malott said in a phone call to

He plans to release the documentary for free online via a variety of streaming services.

Katherine Heigl releases trailer for new horror movie shot in Tampa Bay Though it’s a far cry from “27 Dresses,” Tampa Bay fans of actor Katherine Heigl will be glad to know her latest movie, a psychological horror film, was shot right here.

Slated for an early 2021 release, “Fear of Rain” seems to be about a young girl, Madison Iseman of the Jumani remakes, who experiences a series of hallucinations, unsure whether they are real or in her head.

The trailer, which opens with an aerial shot of downtown Tampa, depicts Iseman as she is chased through the woods, buried alive and has maggots crawl out of her skin.

Jessica Steinbrenner, daughter of baseball mogul George Steinbrenner, is listed as one of the film’s executive producers on IMDB. The movie also stars Grammy and Emmy winning actors Harry Connick, Jr., and “To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before” star Israel Broussard.

DUNEDINFILMFESTIVAL/FACEBOOK

T

he Dunedin International Film Festival returns to the Fenway Hotel—but there’s a virtual option, too. The weeklong event runs from Monday, Jan. 11 through Sunday, Jan. 17, highlighting original content by filmmakers around the world. The mission of DIFF is to develop the film community in Florida and bring awareness to the growing arts and cultural community of Dunedin, Florida.

You can check out DIFF’s 2021 schedule on the festival’s website, dunedinfilmfestival.org, where you can order your tickets to attend in person or watch from the comfort of your own home with the virtual festival tab.

The seven-day film festival access pass will run you $75, and get you access to all screenings, panels, and workshops during the film festival.

However, you’ll have to shell out another $100 to get into the red carpet and awards gala event on Sunday, Jan. 17 at the Fenway Hotel. The ticket includes an open bar and cocktail dinner provided by Pisces Sushi Global Bistro.

Not into walking the red carpet?

No worries, there are plenty of low key events to slide out to.

On Friday, Jan. 15, the festival is hosting a drive-in at Highlander Park. Tickets are $10 for access of one car or golf cart. The evening will consist of screenings of shorts beginning at 7 p.m.

There is also an event held at Soggy Bottom Brewing Co. on Saturday, Jan. 16, from 2 p.m.11:30 p.m., for screenings, panels and a few brews.

“Join us for a day full of rock & roll documentaries, and an evening of our best films made locally in Florida, and a night of conversations over beers about how we can strengthen the film industry in Dunedin, together,” reads the brewery’s Facebook event page.

Tickets for the brewery screening event are $25, giving you access to all screenings and panels. Soggy Bottom Brewing Co. is located at 662 Main St. in Dunedin.

Whether you’re making it out to the Fenway Hotel for the big show, or are just swinging by Soggy Bottom for a pint and a show, be sure to wear your mask and follow outlined protocols to keep you and your fellow cinephiles safe.

Creative Loafing Tampa Bay. “I felt that needed to be documented.”

The documentary is a product of Malott’s film company Bad Clown Films. He said his true passion lies in making low-budget horror films and he never planned to make a documentary. When he came up with the idea for this upcoming film, “Killing a State,” he had hoped someone else would run with it. When they didn’t, he knew it was up to him to tell the story.

“I never wanted to do a documentary,” Malott said. “But someone had to do it.”

While the topic of the documentary isn’t fictional, it certainly is frightening. “My horror films have a killer and two or three victims,” he said. “But right now we’ve got over a million victims of COVID-19 and that is scary.”

The documentary is nearing the post-production stage, but it has been hard to find a stopping point as the news keeps progressing, he said. Malott expects to wrap up the documentary once most of the state has been vaccinated, and is aiming for an April release.

DUN-DEAL: Dunedin International Film Festival has a dress code (read: masks).

cltampa.com | JANUARY 7 - 13, 2021 | 25

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26 | JANUARY 7 - 13, 2021 | cltampa.com

Still enraptured?

The new local NBA team is already testing its new followers.

By Carter Brantley and Ray Roa Now, all of those guys are going to bounce back. Powell is an excellent and efficient perimeter scorer who will begin to shoot the ball much better, and as he starts to improve, so will the team. He can space the floor and create more space in the lane for Spicy P to do his thing, as with Powell shooting so poorly right now teams can clog the paint and not have to worry

The Knicks are the butt of almost every basketball joke ever in the 21st century. With the Knicks’ struggles in pretty much every facet of the game, the Raptors unsurprisingly took out all of their frustrations with their subpar performance thus far on the poor, lowly Knicks.

Fear not, Raptors fans, this is certainly a much better team than than the one that's shown up at this point. It’s a long season, and it has only been a few games. Plus, the Raps play in the Eastern Conference. They’ll get some cakewalk games to get things back on track.

SPORTS

“In true Tampa Bay fashion, the jersey is not for fair weather fans.”

WADE + WILLIAMSON

R

emember when you couldn’t put that Raptors jersey Tampa deserves on your holiday wish list because it simply didn’t exist in real life?

Not anymore.

Over the weekend, we started noticing ads for the Tampa Raptors jersey being sold by Wade + Williamson. The threads—with a sublimated design on moisture-wicking micromesh polyester—are a flip on the color scheme designer Luc Samanski used on his original mockup of the potential jersey for Tampa Bay’s new, temporary, NBA team, but the piece still sports the pink dino decked out in a Hawaiian-style shirt and shades.

In an email to Creative Loafing Tampa Bay, Wade + Williamson co-founder Jake Wolpert confirmed that Toronto-based Samanski was being compensated for his work.

“We absolutely fell in love with design, so we reached out to him to partner and establish the relationship,” Wolpert wrote. Online, Wade + Williamson said it was only selling a limited quantity of the $50 jersey, but Wolpert told CL that the company was close to already selling out of the 250 pieces it initially ordered.

“Our plan was basically to ensure that everyone who wanted one got one, so we were going to sell them throughout the season until the interest dies down,” he said. “But we are going to continue to re order like I said, so there really is no issue in terms of volume.”

And in true Tampa Bay fashion, the jersey is not for fair weather fans.

On Dec. 23, the Raps—arguably the deepest, most well-balanced team in the NBA—opened their regular season at Amalie Arena and earned a very Tampeño 0-3 record (the Raps were 1-4 and 13th in the Eastern Conference as of press time).

What’s more is that they did not look great.

Toronto’s star player and no. 1 option offensively, Pascal “Spicy P” Siakam, is off to an incredibly inefficient start, averaging 18 points per game on 39% shooting from the field. Yeesh.

And guess who has him on not one, but two fantasy basketball teams?

Norman Powell is also starting to become a liability offensively, as he went 4-23 from the field through the first three games.

Fred VanVleet—who doesn’t get enough credit for his defense of Golden State’s Steph Curry in the 2019 NBA Finals—is not playing nearly as awful as Powell, but he certainly is not living up to that recent contract extension, as he is averaging 14 points per game on 36% shooting from the field, 60% from the free throw line and 32% from 3-point land to start the season.

about Powell on that side of the floor. VanVleet is a much better shooter than he has shown in his first three games, and he will bounce back as well.

However, all of this poor play from three of Tampa's, err, Toronto’s key contributors offensively adds up to the Raptors ranking dead last in both offensive rating and points per game. The team has looked lost and nothing like a playoff bound squad through these first three games. But, the good news is that the Raps got to play the New York Knicks on New Year’s Eve.

GIFT-RAPTOR-ED: You can ask for holiday gifts after Christmas, right?

cltampa.com | JANUARY 7 - 13, 2021 | 27

Still golden

WW84 is the perfect holiday treat, but not an all-time classic.

By John Allman

28 | JANUARY 7 - 13, 2021 | cltampa.com

McGuffin, even if it reminds you most of an Infinity Stone from the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Basically, the stone grants the deepest wish of anyone holding it, but at a significant cost, which creates yet another worlds-ending race against time once Maxwell Lord gets his grubby mitts on it.

That “Wonder Woman 1984” is so much better means that its missteps also are much more apparent, none more so than the DCEU’s continued tinkering with Wonder Woman’s core powers.

Less than an hour after gloriously introducing her invisible jet, Diana basically takes flight without it, soaring across the sky while awkwardly adjusting her arms over and over.

First, it’s one fist. Then both fists forward. Then no fists as she dive-bombs through a cloud.

The point is this: Why the hell is she flying?!?

Why isn’t she in her damn jet?!?

The film clumsily tries to suggest that Diana is using her lasso to harness lightning and then coasting along the upper currents as a result, but it looks and feels unnecessary.

FILM & TV

CLAY ENOS/DC COMICS

T

here’s a moment about midway through the ridiculously long “Wonder Woman 1984” where director/co-writer Patty Jenkins introduces one of the most iconic props in DC Comics’ lore, the invisible jet flown by Diana Prince (Gal Gadot).

As Diana sits and her reanimated soulmate Steve Trevor (Chris Pine) pilots the plane through a gorgeous kaleidoscope of bursting fireworks, I watched, stunned, with a huge grin.

It’s as close as a DC superhero movie has gotten in more than 40 years to matching the thrill of seeing Christopher Reeve take flight with Margo Kidder in 1978’s “Superman.”

Following the character’s solo introduction in 2017’s “Wonder Woman,” Jenkins and Gadot have returned to deliver a gift to fans and, more importantly, female fans of all ages, as the year of COVID-19 and global lockdowns winds to an end.

“Wonder Woman 1984” is a better movie overall, but as with every DCEU (DC Extended Universe) film released since 2013, there are issues that prevent it from being an all-time classic.

The elements that work best remind us why we love comic book movies.

Whether it’s an intricately-staged and magnificently realized sequence that closes the second act, where Wonder Woman disrupts a convoy in the Middle East and flips a tank end-over-end, or relishing the introduction of a surprisingly honest and organic relationship between Diana and Barbara Minerva (Kristen Wiig), aka Cheetah, “Wonder Woman 1984” sends your imagination into geeky hyperdrive.

Wiig plays goofy and awkward to perfection, but after Minerva casts a wish on the Dream Stone and wakes up with newfound confidence and enhanced abilities, her head to toe physical transformation is equally solid.

Both villains in “Wonder Woman 1984” are better, and more believable, than Diana’s antagonist, Ares, the God of War, from the first film.

Pedro Pascal’s Maxwell Lord, a relatively new figure in DC Comics canon, gets his mustache-twirling moments, but he also reveals unexpected death as a single father struggling to raise his son.

It’s also nice to see Pine return from his surprise death in the first film, but his re-emergence, which also tracks back to the Dream Stone, comes off a bit clunky at first. Luckily, Pine and Gadot’s chemistry, coupled with their character’s rich backstory, smooths the rough edges quickly.

The stone itself, whose origins date back to Mayan civilization and before, is a decent

Early on, during the fantastic opening greatest years in the greatest decade in recent sequence, which is basically the non-fatal ver- history. And Jenkins stuffs her movie with subtle sion of “The Hunger Games,” as practiced on nods and in-your-face totems, whether it’s an Themyscira, the secluded island where Diana early Apple desktop computer, a multi-tiered and other Amazons were born and raised, Diana shopping galleria or a changing room montage is told, “no true hero is born from lies,” after she while Pine tries on memorable (and outdated) cheats to win a competition. men’s fashion.

Jenkins returns to this central theme throughPut it this way, I felt like “Captain Marvel” out “Wonder Woman 1984,” which is admirable and embodied the 1990s far better than “Wonder an awesome lesson to instill Woman 1984” does the in younger viewers. mid-80s.

But Jenkins also And while this sequel refuses to allow any opporsucceeds in making Wonder Wonder Woman 1984 tunity pass to have Diana Woman feel as important, if ★★★ as Wonder Woman internot more so, than her Justice Run Time: 151 minutes act with young girls of all League colleagues, it also Available now via HBOMax colors and creeds, whether lacks any sense of its overand in theaters all place in the DCEU. It’s she’s thwarting a robbery, scooping children out of harm’s way or taking great as a stand-alone feature, but the reason a second to wink at a young Black girl whose the MCU is so successful is that Marvel figured life she just saved. out a way to include connective tissue between You almost feel the weight of responsibility all of its first 23 films. that Jenkins is trying to shoulder here, and it’s Finally, to end on a high note, make sure an enormous burden to saddle any hero with, you stick around during the credits for the best male or female. I’m not saying the message is surprise of all, a most welcome and sincere nod to the woman who first held the golden lasso bad, but it shouldn’t be so obvious.

Speaking of obvious, by its very title, “Wonder and who for many fans will always be the most Woman 1984” promises a return to one of the wonderful.

WONDER WOMEN: Patty Jenkins (L) directs Gal Gadot in WW84.

cltampa.com | JANUARY 7 - 13, 2021 | 29

Solo mission

Seven new streaming movies to help keep your ass alone at home.

By John Allman

I

n case you missed it, Florida closed out 2020 by posting its highest ever number of new coronavirus cases (17,192) on New Year’s Eve. Tampa Bay added 3,150 coronavirus cases and 34 deaths that day, and on Monday, Jan. 4 Tampa Bay added 1,770 coronavirus cases and 19 deaths. That’s several thousand reasons to stay your ass at home, and these short reviews of new, streaming movies should help you do just that. See more via cltampa.com/magazine.

the best festival films of 2020 that I didn’t get to see until recently, is a white-knuckle rush of adrenaline about two estranged sisters who go for their annual dive in a remote location.

Faster than you can say ‘stay out of the water,’ the younger sister, Tuva (Madeleine Martin), becomes trapped by a rockslide, forcing Ida (Moa Gammel) to scramble against time to figure out a way to free Tuva before her air tank depletes. Writer-director Joachim Hedén keeps his foot on the gas, allowing viewers to feel the gravity of the situation as the seconds tick away.

Army of One 3.5 star(s), 90 minutes, DVD and streaming If you’re like me, and you grew up in the ‘80s and ‘90s, then cheesy action movies are a thing to treasure. From “Stone Cold” to “Joshua Tree,” and anything starring Wings Hauser or Thomas Ian Griffith, said shoot-em-ups always involved a lone hero facing unimaginable odds.

To that end, “Army of One” feels like a VHS relic unearthed in a time capsule.

Ellen Hollman, who is set to have a plum role in the upcoming fourth film in “The Matrix” franchise, stars as Brenner, a retired soldier, who takes a trip with her detective husband Dillion (Matt Passmore) after Dillion finishes investigating a particularly nasty serial killer.

Within scant minutes of getting their vacay started, they immediately stumble onto a dilapidated cabin that a local gang of backwoods sex traffickers use to store an arsenal. Brenner and Dillion get caught. It doesn’t go well. But, thankfully, Brenner’s Army Ranger training kicks in, and she quickly starts kicking hillbilly ass.

“Army of One” is pure goofy fun, the kind of movie where you don’t care when Brenner throws a piece of rebar at a bad guy and you clearly see it bounce off his chest, but in the next frame, it’s firmly embedded in his eye socket.

Why? Because when it counts, “Army of One” delivers, particularly during the inevitable bunkhouse stampede when Brenner injects herself with an adrenaline shot and whups so much behind that you immediately understand why Hollman is getting legitimate buzz right now.

Climate of the Hunter 3.5 star(s), 90 minutes, limited theatrical (streaming as of Jan. 12) Fans of Onur Tukel (the genre cinema answer to Woody Allen) and Jim Jarmusch likely already know about Oklahoma’s Mickey Reece. For everyone else, including me, “Climate of the Hunter” is a wonderful introduction via this wacky slice of 1970s psychedelia steeped in the gothic trappings of classic Hammer Films horror. Two stuffy socialite sisters, Alma (Ginger Gilmartin) and Elizabeth (Mary Buss), pass time in their family’s waterfront cottage waiting for the arrival of Wesley (Ben Hall), a well-known author, who just may be an ancient vampire.

“Climate of the Hunter” is very, very talk-y, but Reece punctuates his film with bursts of surreal imagery and unexpected sight gags, such as when Wesley has an allergic reaction to fresh garlic in his salad dressing, which causes him to cough up a bloody tampon at dinner.

“‘Army of One’ is pure goofy fun.”

Breaking Surface 3.5 star(s), 82 minutes, streaming Oh, the irony. I’ve now realized in my 50th year of life that the ocean absolutely terrifies me. The irony is that for the first five or six years of my life (once I was aware of my surroundings), all I wanted to be was an oceanographer. In part, I blame movies like “Breaking Surface” for my fear. This Norwegian survival thriller, one of

30 | JANUARY 7 - 13, 2021 | cltampa.com

Beasts Clawing at Straws 3 star(s), 108 minutes, Blu-Ray, DVD and streaming In a year that’s already seen South Korean writer-director Bong Joon Ho sweep the Academy Awards with his 5-star masterpiece, “Parasite,” the arrival of a new South Korean crime thriller is cause for celebration.

Writer-director Yong-hoon Kim, adapting a novel

by Keisuke Sone, clearly cares about the colorful collection of low-lifes, dreamers and miscreants at the heart of “Beasts Clawing at Straws.” The film tracks a large cast all gaming, conniving and killing to take control of a cache of cash, and for long stretches, “Beasts…” is thrilling stuff.

Still, the influence and shadow of “Parasite” is wide, and I found it tough at times to match the same level of intensity that I felt as a viewer watching Bong Joon Ho’s superior movie.

UNCORK’D ENTERTAINMENT

FILM & TV

SAY CHEESY: Ellen Hollman is Ranger Brenner in ass-kicking ‘Army of One.’

The Curse of Hobbes House 3 star(s), 103 minutes, DVD and streaming As far as zombie movies go, longtime fans—those who will watch anything undead-related—will find much to appreciate about “The Curse of Hobbes House,” which does a solid job building a mythology and backstory well before the first reanimated corpse claws its way from the ground.

But, as with many zombie movies of late, there’s not a ton here to keep viewers invested when it comes to the central characters, half-sisters Jane (Mhairi Calvey) and Jennifer (Makenna Guyler) Dormant, who inherit a sprawling countryside estate from their mother. The biggest issue I had was with how unlikable Jane is, in particular, which made it next to impossible as a viewer to form any connection to her or her plight.

Still, beggars can’t be too choosey when it comes to finding new content to stream during a global lockdown, and there’s enough zombie chaos in “The Curse of Hobbes House” to occupy a few hours.

Tenet 2.5 star(s), 150 minutes, Blu-Ray, DVD and streaming As the only big-budget Hollywood blockbuster to open in theaters during the COVID-19 pandemic, Christopher Nolan’s “Tenet” likely benefited from the nostalgia I felt actually sitting in a dark theater and watching a movie.

That would explain my original 3-star review.

Having now watched “Tenet” for a second time, on home media, I can report that Nolan’s ambition remains admirable, even as a repeat viewing exposed more flaws and plot holes than I initially recognized. One thing is remarkably clear, though. You must, and I can’t stress this enough, watch “Tenet” with subtitles or else you miss a ridiculous amount of critical information.

The first hour is by far the best with Nolan delivering two extended action sequences that only reinforce why he is one of the best, most meticulous directors working today. The second hour still bogs down for me, as the inevitable issues with time travel as a plot device also are reinforced with a second watch.

Jiu Jitsu 0 star(s), 102 minutes, DVD and streaming When I first received my review copy of “Jiu Jitsu,” the kung fu versus space aliens epic co-starring Nicolas Cage and Tony Jaa, I immediately posted to Facebook that yes, Virginia, there indeed was a Santa Claus. However, after three serious attempts to watch “Jiu Jitsu,” each of which ended with me falling asleep well before Cage ever stepped into the arena to swordfight some nasty E.T., I basically gave up.

Here’s a pro tip: If you’re making a cheesy action movie about an ancient order of fighters bred to stave off an intergalactic invasion, it might make sense to pack that puppy full of so much overthe-top fighting and pure Velveeta one-liners to keep fans enthralled, as opposed to snoring.

VIRTUAL COCKTAIL & COLLECTIONS THURSDAY, JANUARY 21, 6:30–7:30 PM VIA ZOOM

Participate in a live gallery tour and Q&A of Color Riot! from the comfort of your home. A signature cocktail recipe inspired by the show will be provided to you ahead of the event.

Register for this event and learn about additional Color Riot! programs at MFAStPete.org. Your participation in our public programs helps to support the Museum of Fine Arts. #ColorRiotMFA COLOR RIOT! IS ORGANIZED BY THE HEARD MUSEUM, PHOENIX, ARIZONA Venancio Francis Aragon, Navajo, b. 1985, Prism of Emotions, 2019, Heard Museum Collection, Gift of the Heard Museum Council

cltampa.com | JANUARY 7 - 13, 2021 | 31

32 | JANUARY 7 - 13, 2021 | cltampa.com

REVIEWS

PROFILES

MUSIC WEEK

Yeah, fuckers

Just before 2021, local live music venues scored big.

A

gainst all reasonable odds, a diehard group of about 40 independent venue owners and promoters marshalled their energies and got a $15 billion provision included in the $900 billion pandemic relief package that Congress passed and President Trump signed into law.

It’s called the Save Our Stages Act, and it just might do what its name promises.

These people, who became instant lobbyists and called themselves “The Fuckers,” did the heavy lifting on behalf of a larger organization, the National Independent Venue Association (NIVA), which hastily formed just a few weeks after the coronavirus shut down live entertainment.

It looks like The Fuckers’ efforts will save many of the small, for-profit venues that have been hanging on by their fingertips for the last several months. The bill also provides muchneeded funds for mid-size venues, promoters, theatrical producers, and some museums and movie theaters.

“I feel great,” Tom DeGeorge, owner of Crowbar in Ybor City, told Creative Loafing Tampa Bay on the morning of Monday, Dec. 21, when news had come out that the relief bill would pass. “We worked for nine months on this.”

He’s a Fucker. After DeGeorge accepted the role as NIVA’s “captain” for the state of Florida in April, he went from presenting club shows to being a full-time lobbyist virtually overnight.

As with anything involving federal legislation these days, there was some last-minute fuckery. On the evening of Tuesday, Dec. 22, President Trump emerged from his bunker and, as is his wont, threw sand in the vaseline. His demand for major last-minute changes to the relief bill was an apparent attempt to deep-six the delicate compromise—intended as a stop-gap measure— that centrist Republicans and Democrats in Congress had hammered out in recent weeks.

After some hollow grandstanding, Trump signed the bill on Sunday, Dec. 27.

Save Our Stages, although it went through many iterations, was spared the last-minute changes and personal turkeys that so often get inserted in national bills. One of the biggest concerns among advocates was that large corporations like Live Nation, AEG, Hard Rock and House of Blues could get their hands in the kitty and grab up funds designed to aid independent operators. Those worries appear to have been allayed. The bill’s language expressly excludes businesses that operate in more than 10 states and employ more than 500 people, among other restrictions.

So what does all this mean for the concert business in Tampa Bay? Most important, it provides emergency relief for the little guy.

Qualified businesses that suffered the biggest revenue losses during the shutdown should be first in line to receive aid. They’re expected to get grants—not loans—equaling 45% of their gross revenue during 2019 to go toward “costs incurred during the period beginning on March 1, 2020, and ending on Dec. 21, 2021.”

For small indie venues, a major portion of those costs is back rent. By and large, Tampa Bay landlords have been patient with clubs who might be up to six months in arrears. As a result, no venues, save Skipper’s Smokehouse, have closed during the pandemic, according to DeGeorge. Landlords have waited in large part because of the potential windfall that their livemusic tenants were due to receive from Save Our Stages. That helped forestall evictions.

Now that the legislation has passed, landlords will likely wait a bit longer for their money.

“I don’t know why they wouldn’t,” DeGeorge said.

“It’s their best chance to get their money back. If a tenant is six months behind, why not wait one more month and be made whole, especially seeing as the [overdue rent] is not the tenant’s fault? To evict now would see that back rent disappear.”

To be clear, DeGeorge was not guaranteeing that landlords will receive their back rent in a month. But advocates, both inside and outside of

VENUE NEWS

“The bill’s language expressly excludes businesses that… employ more than 500 people.”

KELSEY WALKER

By Eric Snider

BOOM, BITCHES: The Sh-Booms plays Crowbar in Ybor City, Florida on Sept. 27, 2019.

Congress, have indicated that they want to see the relief money dispersed quickly. The Small Business Administration-Office of the Inspector General is the agency tasked with running the program. Applications will have to be submitted, vetted and approved. DeGeorge’s understanding is that the application process should begin “shortly after the new year.”

Tony Rifiguato plans to apply. He owns and runs No Clubs Productions, a long-standing concert promotion outfit based in St. Petersburg.

He described his financial situation as “right on the edge. [The bailout dollars] will keep me in business hopefully until fall, when we should be back to some version of what the concert business was about.”

But Rifugiato is not ready to do somersaults down the sidewalk. Although No Clubs is a member of NIVA, he was not directly involved in the lobbying initiative. Therefore, he’s hazy

on what amount of money he might get in terms of revenue percentage, or when he might get it.

“I’m also concerned that there will be enough money to go around,” he said. “I’d like to see the venues get it first. I’m not going to get all excited yet. We got excited when PPP [Paycheck Protection Program] came out and we saw what happened with that.”

Rifugiato was mostly referring to the huge companies, many of them sitting on massive stacks of cash and not in need of aid, that hogged much of the PPP money. When I told him that the language in the bill explicitly excludes large corporations, Rifugato replied, a little hesitantly, “Well, that’s good to hear.”

A measure of skepticism and a lot of questions on the part of live-music operators are understandable. But there’s reason to believe that, for the time being at least, Tampa Bay’s stages have been saved.

cltampa.com | JANUARY 7 - 13, 2021 | 33

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THU JANUARY 07–WED JANUARY 13

THU 07

Noan Partly

C Finest in Funk: DJ A.J. One of my best-ever dance floor moments was the first time I heard Rick James’ “Give It To Me Baby” in a small bar next to a Jewish deli in Los Angeles. It’s a feeling I’ll never forget, and Tampa Bay promoters/music collective FWD Thinkers are hoping to share that dance floor euphoria with the new “Finest in Funk” dance party at New World Brewery. DJ A.J. Hall will spin nothing but vinyl and the most danceable tunes from the ‘70s and ‘80s every Thursday. The mention of the Gap Band and Cameo in the event description alone is proof enough the jams will be brought. Even a funk novice will be drawn to the dance floor upon hearing “You Dropped A Bomb On Me.” Wear comfortable shoes, too, because your soles will be worn out. This show is also a chance to see how one this designated “Safe & Sound” venue adheres to its pledge to run limited-capacity, socially-distant and maskrequired events in the context of a dance party. (New World Brewery, Tampa) FREELANCEAMERICANA/FACEBOOK

C Rock The Park Tampa: Katara Trio w/ Noan Partly/Perception A certain, palpable, and undeniable progressive energy follows harpist-songwriter Adam Seth Lynn and drummer-songwriter Natalie Depergola, and while their Prince Tanuki project with Savvas Savvinidis appears to be on hold, the duo has linked up with another bassist—Jon Shea, an alum of the jazz program at University of South Florida—to form The Katara Trio. On Thursday, the band plays a free, “Safe & Sound” concert outside the Tampa Museum of Art where Rock The Park organizers have set up 20 “pods” (designated, separated space on the pavilion under the awning) which can each accommodate six friends and family members. All 20 pods are first come, first served, and promoters are telling concertgoers to “bring your own low-back chairs, blankets or cushions to sit on.” Get there early, too, because songwriter Noan Partly is one of the most exciting artists to come out of Lakeland in the last few months. If you miss Katara Trio on Thursday, make plans to catch the group at another outdoor concert happening in Seminole Heights on Jan. 17. (Tampa Museum of Art at Curtis Hixon Waterfront Park, Tampa)—Ray Roa

FRI 08

By Stephanie Powers

Designated Safe And Sound Venue On Monday, Jan. 4 Tampa Bay added 1,770 coronavirus cases and 19 deaths. To close out 2020, the state posted its highest ever number of new coronavirus cases (17,192) on New Year’s Eve.

That’s several thousand reasons to stay your ass at home, but the local music scene is trying to find its feet amidst the mess. We’ve marked the gigs at venues that have joined a local “Safe & Sound” initiative that pledges to strictly enforce limited capacity, mask wearing and social distancing. Get more information and listen to what you’re reading about via cltampa.com/magazine.

C Live and Local w/Eden Shireen Downtown Tampa’s Straz Center is creeping back into some normalcy—or whatever that means these days—with new dates and artists lined up for its “Live and Local” series. Singersongwriters Eden Shireen and Frankie Raye kickoff the outside no-cover shows Friday and Saturday, respectively. The series currently has talent booked into February, with Jesse Byer, Chris Flowers, Jariah Higgins and John McRae all scheduled to perform. Food and drink will be available on site to purchase. Straz is super

serious, as they should be, about keeping you and its staff safe. The long list of COVID-19 protocols includes a mask requirement that forbids neck gaiters or bandanas and a temperature check upon entry. (Riverwalk Stage at David A. Straz Center for the Performing Arts, Tampa) C Adam Randall Band Another Friday night of free and “Safe & Sound” live music in Seminole Heights, this time with Adam Randall. The Clearwater songwriter’s latest EP Two Man Con, released in July, amplifies Randall’s emotional indie-folk which is reminiscent of Iron and Wine and Blind Pilot; it’s the perfect music for some January introspection over Ella’s barrel-aged bourbon (and we’re hoping Randall plays one of the Radiohead covers he killed at Crowbar’s October Fangsgiving show). If you want a sure spot, make reservations for a table because bar seats are usually hard to come by. Masks are required when you are not sitting, so people, don’t forget to put yours back on when you go to the bathroom. (Ella’s Americana Folk Art Cafe, Tampa) C In Transit Since its November reopening, proprietors at Hooch and Hive have made the West River bar, restaurant and music venue a solid bet when looking for a safe place to see live music (with extra credit to new Hooch General Manager Dean Rosenberger and Hive concert calendar bookers Brokenmold Entertainment). This Friday, Brandenton’s In Transit arrives with a mix of alternative, progressive and indie-rock. There’s a smidge of ‘90s influence in there, but not that Wallflowers crap. When guitarist Adam Byers rocks a Mr. Bungle t-shirt, you know the band’s influences are in the right place—and I’ll give a chance to any band that calls on the rock god that is Mike Patton. (Hooch and Hive, Tampa)

SAT 09

The Florida Orchestra: Mendelssohn’s “Reformation Symphony” & A Noble Pairing Florida Orchestra Music Director Michael Francis’ crafty solution to staging safe classical concerts involves choosing pieces that require less musicians, with performances made up of shorter sets that have no intermission. This weekend gives fans four chances to experience the experiment at St. Petersburg’s Mahaffey Theater when TFO does three performances of Mendelssohn’s “Reformation Symphony” and two runs through “A Noble Pairing” which is a production of two versions of “Le Bourgeois Gentilhomme.” Some shows are available to livestream for free, too, including the 8 p.m. Saturday Mendelssohn show (donations are requested, and it’s hard times for all, so if you’ve got scratch, please consider giving a little to the musicians who make life worth listening to). TFO’s COVID-19 guidelines can be read here and include only pairs of tickets being sold, a mask requirement and an intense cleaning regimen. (Mahaffey Theater, St. Petersburg)

cltampa.com | JANUARY 7 - 13, 2021 | 35

36 | JANUARY 7 - 13, 2021 | cltampa.com

European adventures

By Dan Savage

We’re an adventurous, bisexual, nonmonogamous, opposite-sex couple with a teenage kid living in Europe. We don’t really struggle with finding and trying new and interesting stuff in bed. However, we do have a problem and it’s getting worse. Having sex is, well, weird, when the kid is at home. We can’t be loud, we can’t watch porn, we can’t webcam with other people, we can’t do anything involved or time-consuming, like ropes or pegging or foursomes or whatever.

We can’t even fuck in the shower. When he was little we had some plausible deniability, but teenagers know exactly what mom and dad do when they shower together. And it’s weird and makes us both not want to. And we’re not imagining it.

Our son frequently reminds us that he can hear everything that happens in the house. Before we took a lot of it outside or to clubs or other people’s places. And he had sports clubs and sleepovers and vacations at grandparents, and we could do our thing at home when he was gone. All of that is over now. We really like having sex with each other but it has been just very quiet quickies during the day while he’s doing school online or waiting for those rare nights when he is more tired than we are and goes to bed first. It’s been almost a year. Way less people want to meet up now, clubs are closed, and traveling is irresponsible. So before we plunge into another year, which as far as I can tell does not look that different circumstance-wise, any tips?—Cabin Fever

parents who melt down when their teenagers ask for contraception and parents who shame their kids for being gay or kinky or sexually active or just sexual. While these asshole parents can’t make their gay kids straight of their kinky kids vanilla or somehow de-activate their sexually active kids, they can do real and lasting damage.

The exaggerated disgust of a sex-negative teenager is lot less likely to do any permanent harm to you or your wife—your son’s disgust is merely and temporarily inhibiting—and you aren’t going to need therapy to solve this problem. You just need him to grow the fuck up and move the fuck out.

In the meantime, CF, go ahead and take those long showers together. And if your son objects—if he shames you—just remind him that the front door isn’t nailed shut and he won’t hear anything if he takes a fucking walk.

While a lot of teenagers are performatively disgusted about their parents fucking around, CF, a little tangible/audible evidence that mom and dad—or dad and dad or mom and mom or nonbinary parent no 1 and nonbinary parent no. 2—are still into each other is, on some other level, reassuring. Because if your parents are still fucking each other that means your parents still like each other. And if your parents still like each other that means you don’t have to worry about your parents leaving each other and throwing your world into chaos. So while overhearing your parents fuck may not be comfortable, it can be comforting.

But if you can’t power through your son’s disgust a la Diane and Elliot Birch on “Big Mouth”—if knowing your son might overhear dad getting pegged or mom getting railed on cam is a boner killer for you and a dehumidifier for the wife—then you’ll just have to resign yourself to quickies for the duration of the pandemic. That means no fucking around in sex clubs for you and no sleepovers at grandma’s house for him for at least the next six months, CF, if not longer.

Zooming out… We talk a lot about parents who blow up when their children masturbate and

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years. I am 25 years old and he is 33 years old.

I’m thinking about ending our relationship. I love him, but I don’t see it working out. Our sex-life is almost non-existent. I have low sex drive and can go long stretches without the need for sex.

His sex drive, on the other hand, is very high.

I’ve brought up opening the relationship, but he is very opposed to the idea. The reason I brought up outside partners besides the sex-drive thing is that we both have different kinks. Some overlap, but a majority of our interests aren’t shared.

I will be moving to Belgium soon to advance my career. When I told my boyfriend he said he wanted to go with because he wanted to be wherever I was. He didn’t say anything about his own goals for the future. He has mentioned to me on several instances that he would like to write a book, but he has not written a word in all the time we’ve been dating. He doesn’t seem to have any drive or passion which kind of scares me. Another big issue is that my boyfriend is having serious financial difficulties and declared bankruptcy a few months ago. I was blindsided by this since we don’t have combined finances or live together, and he never indicated that he was having financial trouble. As I mentioned earlier, I am thinking of ending our relationship. I love him, but I just don’t know if staying with him is the right thing. I don’t want to hurt him and I don’t see things going down well if I break up with him. Should I stay? Should I go?— Concerned About Relationship Enduring Economic Repercussions You haven’t moved in together, you haven’t mingled your finances, you haven’t adopted a houseplant or a dog or a child. Which makes going—leaving your boyfriend when you leave

JOE NEWTON

SAVAGE LOVE

for Belgium—pretty painless and uncomplicated logistically, CAREER, even if it’s still going to be painful emotionally.

You say you love your boyfriend, CAREER, and I believe you. And if everything was working except your boyfriend’s financial issues, I would urge you to give him a little more time—not infinite time—to get his shit together. And not everyone is ambitious for professional success; some people’s ambitions are harder to recognize because they don’t revolve around making money.

Two people with no professional ambitions might find it hard to make their way in the world— someone’s gotta pay the rent—but a supportive non-striver often makes a great partner for a striver. And I don’t know if you’ve been following the news, CAREER, but there’s a pandemic on, and a lot of people are struggling financially right now. Your boyfriend isn’t the only person who had to declare bankruptcy in 2020.

But I nevertheless think you should end this relationship. You obviously aren’t sexually compatible, CAREER, and you’re definitely going to wanna explore your kinks—without guilt or encumbrance—once you get to Belgium. Openness

is the only way to make it work when two people have a lot of kinks but not a lot of kink overlap.

Kinks can’t be wished away or waved off, as much as people like to pretend they can be (and not just vanilla people); kinks are hard-wired and some outlet—some way to express and enjoy them—is necessary for a kinky person to feel fulfilled and content. You might’ve been able to make the relationship work if your boyfriend was willing to open it up, but he’s not; and you’re not comfortable, at least at this stage of life, with a partner who isn’t a striver. Getting dumped is going to suck for your boyfriend, of course, but he’ll be better off in the long run with someone who comes closer to matching his libido and who doesn’t care that his ambitions, whatever they might be, don’t revolve around his career. And who knows? Maybe he’ll wind up writing a book about your breakup. Enjoy Belgium, CAREER, it’s a good place for a young gay man to explore his kinks.

Contact mail@savagelove.net, follow @ FakeDanSavage on Twitter. If only this column were a podcast... Wait, it is! Listen via savagelovecast.com.

cltampa.com | JANUARY 7 - 13, 2021 | 37

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FOUR LITTLE WORDS

by Merl Reagle ACROSS 1 Rule-book pros 5 Sonneteer, for one 9 Former Entertainment Tonight cohost John 13 Country club club: abbr.

16 Elite Navy group 17 Have a nursery mishap 20 Do-or-die sports moment 22 Insurance quote 23 Rainfallchallenged?

24 Grant played by Ed Asner 25 Pacific detonations, in headlines 27 Barrel-hoop wood 28 For hours ___ stretch 29 TV’s Nightline is part of it, with 32 Across 32 See 29 Across 34 Contest 35 Song originally titled “Et Maintenant” 39 Went into the closet 41 Layer 42 Viet region (or backward, Bible bread) 43 Watcher of the skies: abbr.

44 ___ Enter 46 Swingin’ Count 49 Rec center 51 Élève’s roll call response 53 Black Sea port 57 Rejoices 59 1960s mantra 1

2

3

62 Express lane limit, 131 often 132 63 “___ true ...”

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7 79 Decorative flap 82 Speaking exercise 8 9 87 What’s My Line?

10 panelist Francis 89 Franklin’s middle 11 12 name 13 90 Santa ___ CA 14 91 Would-be atty.’s 15 test 93 Fashion accessory 16 94 Word to a pest 96 Meadow 17 98 Mainframe 18 language 19 100 Popular clay, 21 Play-___ 26 103 He wed Wallis: 28 abbr.

104 Kitchen compromise 109 Poetic encomiums 30 31 111 Error 113 Tallahassee sch. 33 114 West end 36 115 Have debts 37 116 Frank 118 Print-job clarity, for short 120 Tom Clancy’s Jack 38 40 122 Problem 44 123 Kay Kyser 45 catchphrase 46 (not aimed at 47 you, I hope) 48 128 Gangster’s “payback” remark 50 129 Sprinkler sites 130 Woolly one 4

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HELP HELPWANTED WANTED DATA ENGINEER

DATA sticky.io, Inc.ENGINEER has job opp. in Tampa, FL: Data sticky.io,Dsgn Inc. has jobcross-functnl opp. in Tampa, Data Engineer. & dvlp & FL: cmplx Engineer. Dsgn & dvlp cross-functnl & cmplx resumes refernc’g Req. #DTA35 to: Attn: C. resumes refernc’g Req. #DTA35 to:Ste Attn: C. Sarsano, 2502 N. Rocky Point Drive, 145, Sarsano, Tampa, FL 2502 N. Rocky Point Drive, Ste 145, Tampa, FL 33607.

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line "Outside line "Outside SalesSales Representative" Representative" LIFE IS REALTOR® GOOD! IS GOOD! JohnLIFE LaRocca REALTOR® A John LaRocca A PROFESSIONAL PROFESSIONAL John@MyHomeTB.com A Warm A Warm Lotion Lotion MASSAGE John@MyHomeTB.com HELP HELP WANTED WANTED MASSAGE Therapuetic Therapuetic Massage.

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Are you a "Creative Loafing" personality? Love talking with people personality? Love talking with people and helping businesses succeed? and helping businesses succeed?

Contact us today and submit your Contact us today and submit your resume with a cover letter to: resume with a cover letter to: Kassey@cltampa.com. Use subject Jobs@cltampa.com - Use subject Kassey@cltampa.com. line "Outside Sales Representative" line "Outside Sales Representative"

Licensed LicensedMassage Massage&&Spas Spas

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NOW NOW HIRING HIRING OUTSIDE SALES! OUTSIDE SALES! Are you a "Creative Loafing"

SERIOUS SERIOUSONLY ONLY727-455-7139 727-455-7139 chansonsnow3@gmail.com chansonsnow3@gmail.com

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www.chansonsnow.biz www.chansonsnow.biz

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PUZZLE FANS !

For info on Merl's Sunday crossword anthologies, visit www.sunday crosswords.com.

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92 Take ___ (feel deeply) 95 Pointed tool 97 North Pole worker 99 Actor Gabriel 100 Part of DJIA 101 Proust’s Mme. Swann 102 Donkey holler 104 “___ differ” 105 Dawn goddess 106 Organ givers 107 Hutu-Tutsi land 108 Safecrackers 110 Lowlife 112 Mr. Heep 117 Canaan ending 119 Slow to mingle 121 Taiwan’s monetary unit 122 Sp. ladies 124 Greek letter 125 Overly 126 “So tasty!”

127 Casper’s home: abbr.

Solution to Toulouse-ly Translated H A O L E

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52 Islands twixt Mozambique and Madagascar 54 It hits flies 55 Luis Rey intro 56 Flood relief vessel 58 Lie-telling, e.g.

60 Keep an ___ (watch) 61 Corp. VIP 64 Finish Julius Caesar?

69 Best and Ferber 70 Liquor store Walker 71 Renders unable to scratch 72 Nogales aunt 73 Queequeg’s weapon 74 Prof’s pride 75 1973 plaintiff 80 It comes first on Jeopardy!: abbr.

81 Apiary denizen 83 Auctioneer’s word 84 Scrabble conventions, e.g.

85 Good place for a hanging 86 Women in uniform 88 Humdinger

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DOWN Go over again Singer Kitt Run away Which way the wind blows, perh.

Vacation isle Like breakfast menus at some restaurants Mr. Hyde’s creator Banned spray Countdown finish Follow Pepper preceder Gets too close to Stooge-struck Rises Popular Dutch beer, ___ Light Little Pig’s building need Remote Wise bird Little while Podium prop Cagey Michael’s American President co-star Less optimistic Beat pounder Reporter’s question Kite part Part of a Campbell’s Soup jingle Skiing mecca Extinct bird Backless couch “4” opener “Don’t ___ on it” Budget “cutter” El Paso football event Encrusted, as grease

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Area of London Saudi Arabia neighbor Greek peak

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MASSAGE BY MASSAGE BYBUTCH BUTCH @ THERELAXATION RELAXATION STATION @ THE STATION StrongHands Hands with with aaGentle Touch Strong Gentle Touch years experience 1919years experience CALL / OUT ININCALL OUTCALL CALL 8amtill till 10pm 10pm 7 7days 8am days

817.228.2990 817.228.2990

Cash/Credit Cards Cards Accepted Cash/Credit Accepted MM#6181 MM#6181

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CONNEXIONS STRAIGHT, GAY or BI 800-538-2428 ONLY 20 Cents Per Minute!

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cltampa.com | JANUARY 7 - 13, 2021 | 39

WINE MONDAYS

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