Scene october 12, 2016

By J ason S

egedy

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ArtCares Presenting Sponsors:

A colorful night of

DRINKS, DANCING, & DONATIONS. Join us for an evening of entertainment, culinary treats, cocktails at the cash bar, and plenty of opportunities to raise funds for the AIDS Taskforce—including a chance to purchase local selections of art on display throughout the event, courtesy of Maria Neil Art Project.

Saturday, Oct. 15, 2016 7–11p.m.

The Slovenian Workmen’s Home 15335 Waterloo Road, Cleveland, OH 44110 Purchase tickets online at bit.ly/Artcares2016.

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| clevescene.com | October 12 - 18, 2016

With generous support from:

ArtCares Red Ribbon Sponsors:

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/ # 4 / " % 2 s 6 / , 5 - % . O 15 Dedicated to Free Times founder Richard H. Siegel (1935-1993) and Scene founder Richard Kabat Publisher Chris Keating Editor Vince Grzegorek

CONTENTS 60

5PFRONT

Editorial Managing Editor Eric Sandy Music Editor Jeff Niesel Staff Writer Sam Allard Writer-at-large Kyle Swenson Web Editor Bliss Davis Dining Editor Douglas Trattner Contributing Dining Editor Rachel Hunt Stage Editor Christine Howey Visual Arts Editor Josh Usmani

Army Corps budges on river dredging, and more

Framed

Roger Hoover, performs at G.A.R. Hall in Peninsula on Saturday

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Our favorite photos from this past week

Advertising Senior Multimedia Account Executive John Crobar, Shayne Rose Multimedia Account Executive Kiara Hunter-Davis

Feature

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Confessions of a Rust Belt orphan, excerpted from The Akron Anthology

Creative Services Production Manager Steve Miluch Layout Editor/Graphic Designer Christine Hahn Staff Photographer Emanuel Wallace Business Asst. To The Publisher Angela Lott Sales Assistant/Receptionist Megan Stimac Staff Accountant Kristy Dotson

Get Out!

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Dozens of events spanning the next week in Cleveland

Circulation Circulation Director Don Kriss Euclid Media Group Chief Executive Offi cer Andrew Zelman Chief Operating Offi cers Chris Keating, Michael Wagner Human Resources Director Lisa Beilstein Digital Operations Coordinator Jaime Monzon Chief Financial Offi cer William Mickey

Art

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Annual art show will highlight work of AIDS Taskforce of Greater Clevelands

www.euclidmediagroup.com

Stage

National Advertising Voice Media Group 1-800-278-9866, voicemediagroup.com

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Words and music blend gloriously in Fun Home at Playhouse Square

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Dan Savage’s HUMP! film fest comes all over the Capitol

$INING

Square 22 will bring a taste of Cleveland’s hottest dining neighborhoods to Strongsville

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Simple Plan rides pop-punk’s new wave of resurgence

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An Evening with George Winston

Pure Prairie League w/The Empty Pockets

Legacy Remembering Keith and The Music of Emerson, Lake & Palmer

Wed., Oct. 19

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UPFRONT CUYAHOGA TO BE DREDGED AT LAST Photo by Sam Allard

THIS WEEK

THE U.S. ARMY CORPS OF Engineers (the Corps) announced last week that it would relent at last and dredge the six-mile stretch of the Cuyahoga River from Lake Erie to the ArcelorMittal steel plant.

But the Corps still expects to be reimbursed by the state of Ohio for some of the costs if it wins a case against them in Federal Court.

Dredging is expected to begin

by November 1 and conclude in December.

The Corps has maintained that its budget allows only for open lake disposal. That is, it would like to dump the material it dredges from the river directly into Lake Erie. The Ohio EPA has said hold your horses, fellas: Toxins from the dredged material would be harmful to the lake and its assorted bounties of marine life. With vocal co-signatures from the Port of Cleveland and U.S. Senators Rob Portman and Sherrod Brown, the EPA has advised that the dredged material should be placed in Confined Disposal Facilities along the Lake, where the material has been placed for years and where there is room for additional sediment.

The Army Corps disputes the toxicity levels of the dredged materials. In its most recent report on the subject, a 202-page behemoth from February, Corps scientists and analysts called into question the EPA’s material samples and testing methodologies and argued that open lake disposal would not result in any “significant or ecologically meaningful increase” in toxins.

On the contrary, the report argued, “placement of this dredged sediment at this [open lake] location would serve to cap and abate significant PAH-related benthic toxicity associated with existing CLA-1 sediments in that area and result in a several-fold reduction in potential PCB bioaccumulation from

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The Sam Laud navigates toward ArcelorMittal.

sediments within a portion of that area.”

(CLA-1 refers to a two-squaremile deep-water area in Lake Erie proposed for the open lake disposal.)

But more importantly, as far as money is concerned, the Corps requested a much smaller allocation from the Feds this year. The Corps’ line is: if regional stakeholders would prefer CDF (as opposed to open lake) disposal, they’ve got to cough up the difference.

This is all old news. The same saga played out last year until Federal Judge Donald Nugent compelled the Corps to dredge, warning that unless a depth of 23 feet was maintained along the Cuyahoga’s upper channel, freighters carrying raw materials to the ArcelorMittal plant wouldn’t be able to navigate with full loads.

To accommodate, the bulk carriers

would dump portions of their hauls — a process called “light loading” or “lightering” — at the Cleveland Bulk Terminal or elsewhere, thereby retarding commercial activity.

Maritime commerce on the Great Lakes is a 24/7 operation during the shipping season (March until January), and reduced loads result in exponentially reduced inventory shortages. Those shortages at ArcelorMittal could result, Nugent said last year, in a $2 billion annual loss to the local economy.

Chastened, the Corps complied and dredged.

This year has been the first time in more than 20 years that the Corps has failed to dredge the channel at all, and Nugent’s predictions are on the verge of coming true.

In a blistering 17-page-motion filed in late September, ArcelorMittal said it would suffer “catastrophic

STO OR BUST

MY BUDDY

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| clevescene.com | October 12 - 18, 2016

LAST CALL CLEVELAND Unique Thrift in Ohio City officially closed last weekend. Mike Polk last seen backing up U-Haul to back dumpster.

and far-reaching harm” if the Corps was not immediately compelled to dredge the channel. ArcelorMittal said that if inventory shortages continue — and its current levels are the lowest in five years — it may be forced to “curtail or idle” its blast furnaces, resulting in dire economic consequences for a facility that employs 1,900 and has an annual payroll of more than $280 million, not the least of which consequences would be layoffs.

“ArcelorMittal cannot afford to stand by and wait for the State and the Corps to resolve their dispute regarding the cost of disposal in 2016,” the motion read.

Tuesday evening, Ohio senators Rob Portman and Sherrod Brown issued a joint statement on the matter. They said they met with the Corps last week to help facilitate a solution.

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UPFRONT “I’m pleased that the Corps has finally acknowledged the need to dredge the Cleveland Harbor this year,” Portman said. “As we have said before, open lake placement of dredged material is unacceptable.

Dredging the harbor channel is critical to jobs and the economy in Cleveland and Northeast Ohio, and I hope this issue is resolved as quickly as possible. We’ll continue to use every tool available to make sure Lake Erie is protected.”

Sherrod Brown added, “The Army Corps of Engineers’ delay in dredging the Cleveland Harbor has already interrupted commerce in the area and it’s past time for the Corps to fulfill its obligation to maintain the Cuyahoga River shipping channel. I’m glad the Corps has answered our call to dredge the shipping channel and to safely dispose of the sediment in a way that protects the progress we’ve made in cleaning up Lake Erie.”

SERVICE INDUSTRY NEWLYWEDS WEREN’T ONLY VICTIMS OF APARTMENT FIRE A week or so ago we told you about Pete Daley and Victoria Weiland, a couple of newlyweds who lost everything in an apartment fire at W. 112th and Clifton just days after their wedding. Pete and Victoria are well loved in the service industry, and a couple of fundraisers were organized.

A GoFundMe has raised $16,000 of a $50,000 goal so far and the Spotted Owl threw a fundraiser where some $21,000 was raised, according to an Instagram post about the event.

(It’s unclear whether that number is independent of the GoFundMe total or includes it, but that’s beyond the point.)

That September 27 fire also affected another family whose hardships haven’t gotten the attention of Pete and Victoria.

“Rachel is a single mom of two whose apartment was also on fire, with her and her family inside,” read an email we got earlier this week. It was from Rachel’s best friend.

It turns out Rachel Todd is a single mother of two who also lost basically everything that night. Her two boys are 10 and 3. The youngest will be turning 4 in a few days.

She’d planned a Batman-themed party at the apartment. That’s no longer possible. Any belongings that can be salvaged from her place will need professional cleaning after the

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| clevescene.com | October 12 - 18, 2016

smoke damage. In the meantime, she’s figuring out where her and her family will stay.

“My youngest son’s room shared a wall with the room of my neighbors where the fire originated,” Rachel told Scene. “The fire spread into his room while we slept. By the pure grace of God my family was able to get out safely. A big thank you to our hero of a pitbull for waking me up.”

Thank that dog, indeed.

“My apartment has been deemed unlivable due to the fire,” she said. “I have two young boys who have lost everything — their home, their sense of security, their clothing, their toys.

I have to figure out how I will rebuild our lives from something that wasn’t even our fault.”

So, kudos to everyone that helped Pete and Victoria, but just a reminder that they weren’t the only ones whose lives were upended that night.

DIGIT WIDGET 18,500 Estimated attendance at a Hillary Clinton rally at OSU Monday night; 5,000 stood outside once the venue was packed.

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$379 Round trip fare from Cleveland’s Burke Lakefront Airport to Cincinnati on the carrier Ultimate Air. The company plans to add flights from Burke to NYC in 2017.

2 Open roster spots on the Cavs’ bench ahead of the start of the NBA season. Jordan McRae, DeAndre Liggins, Dahntay Jones and Toney Douglas are duking it out now. scene@clevescene.com t @clevelandscene

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Jean-Baptiste Monnot Solo organ recital, Cleveland debut Sunday, November 13, 2:00 p.m.

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FRAMED!

our best shots from last week Photos by Emanuel Wallace

Groovin’ @ MIX at CMA

Flower power @ MIX at CMA

Museum selfie @ MIX at CMA

Rockin’ and rollin’ @ ALDS home games

In it to win it @ ALDS home games

Heading in @ ALDS home games

Pre-game entertainment @ ALDS home games

Why not? @ ALDS home games

Back at it @ Cavs’ Wine and Gold scrimmage

Shump ballin’ @ Cavs’ Wine and Gold scrimmage

D @ Cavs’ Wine and Gold scrimmage

Going up for the shot @ Cavs’ Wine and Gold scrimmage

Hangin’ on the hoop @ Cavs’ Wine and Gold scrimmage

Getting the band back together @ Cavs’ Wine and Gold scrimmage

Tableau vivant @ MIX at CMA

Never miss a beat!

See more pics @ clevescene.com Dunkin’ @ Cavs’ Wine and Gold scrimmage

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FEATURE

CONFESSIONS OF A RUST BELT ORPHAN (Or ‘How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Akron’)

By Jason Segedy Go to sleep, Captain Future, in your lair of art deco You were our pioneer of progress, but tomorrow’s been postponed Go to sleep, Captain Future, let corrosion close your eyes If the board should vote to restore hope, we’ll pass along the lie — The Secret Sound of the NSA, Captain Future

IN THE BEGINNING …

As near as I can tell, the term “Rust Belt” originated sometime in the mid1980s. That sounds about right.

I originated slightly earlier, in 1972, at St. Thomas Hospital in Akron, Ohio, Rubber Capital of the World. My very earliest memory is of a day, sometime in the summer of 1975, that my parents, my baby brother, and I went on a camping trip to Lake Milton, just west of Youngstown. I was 3 years old. To this day, I have no idea why, of all of the things that I could remember, but don’t, I happen to remember this one. But it is a good place to start.

The memory is so vivid that I can still remember looking at the green overhead freeway signs along the West Expressway in Akron. Some of the signs were in kilometers as well as in miles back then, due to an ill-fated attempt to convert Americans to the metric system in the 1970s. I remember the overpoweringly pungent smell of rubber wafting from the smokestacks of B.F. Goodrich and Firestone. I recall asking my mother about it, and her explaining that those

were the factories where the tires, and the rubber, and the chemicals were made. They were made by hardworking, good people — people like my Uncle Jim. But more on that later.

When I was a little bit older, I would learn that this was the smell of good jobs; of hard, dangerous work; and of the way of life that built the modern version of this quirky and gritty town. It was the smell that tripled Akron’s population between 1910 and 1920, transforming it from a sleepy former canal town to the 32nd largest city in America. It is a smell laced with melancholy, ambivalence, and nostalgia — for it was the smell of an era that was quickly coming to an end (although I was far too young to be aware of this fact at the time). It was sometimes the smell of tragedy.

We stopped by my grandparents’ house, in Firestone Park, on the way to the campground. I can still remember my grandmother giving me a box of Barnum’s Animals Crackers for the road. She was always kind and generous like that.

Who were my grandparents? My grandparents were Akron. It’s as simple as that. Their story was Akron’s story. My grandfather, George Segedy, was born in 1916, in Barnesboro, a small coal-mining town in western Pennsylvania, somewhere between Johnstown, DuBois and nowhere. His father, a coal miner, had emigrated there from Hungary nine years earlier.

My grandmother, Helen Szabo, was born in Barberton, in 1920. Barberton was reportedly the most-industrialized

city in the United States, per capita, at some point around that time.

They were both factory workers for their entire working lives. (I don’t think they called jobs like that “careers” back then.) My grandfather worked at the Firestone Tire & Rubber Company. My grandmother worked at Saalfield Publishing, a factory that was one of the largest producers of children’s books, games and puzzles in the world. Today, both of the plants where they worked form part of a gutted, derelict, post-apocalyptic moonscape in South Akron, located between that same West Expressway and perdition. The City of Akron has plans for revitalizing this former industrial area. It needs to happen, but there are ghosts there.

My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings, Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!

Nothing beside remains. Round the decay Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare The lone and level sands stretch far away.

— Percy Bysshe Shelley, Ozymandias My grandparents’ house exemplified what it was to live in working-class Akron in the late 1970s and early 1980s. My stream-of-consciousness memories of that house include: lots of cigarettes and ashtrays; Hee-Haw; The Joker’s Wild; fresh tomatoes and

peppers; Fred and Lamont Sanford; Archie and Edith Bunker; Herb Score and Indians baseball on the radio on the front porch; hand-knitted afghans; cold cans of Coca-Cola and Pabst Blue Ribbon; the Ohio Lottery; chicken and galuskas (dumplings); a garage floor that you could eat off of; a meticulously maintained 14-year-old Chrysler with 29,000 miles on it; a refrigerator in the dining room because the kitchen was too small; catching fireflies in jars; and all being right with the world.

I always associate the familiar comfort of that tiny two-bedroom bungalow with the omnipresence of cigarette smoke and television. I remember sitting there on May 18, 1980. It was my eighth birthday. We were sitting in front of the TV, watching coverage of the Mount St. Helens eruption in Washington State. I remember talking about the fact that it was going to be the year 2000 (The Future!) in just 20 years.

I remember thinking about the fact that I would be 28 years old then, and how inconceivably distant it all seemed. Things seem so permanent when you’re 8, and time moves ever-soslowly.

More often than not, when we visited my grandparents, my Uncle Jim and Aunt Helen would be there. Uncle Jim was born in 1936, in West Virginia. His family, too, had come to Akron to find work that was better-paying, steadier and less dangerous than the work in the coal mines. Uncle Jim was a rubber worker, first at Mohawk Rubber and then | clevescene.com | October 12 - 18, 2016

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FEATURE later at B.F. Goodrich. Uncle Jim also cut hair over at the most-appropriately named West Virginia Barbershop, on South Arlington Street in East Akron. He was one of the best, most decent, kindest people that I have ever known.

I remember asking my mother once why Uncle Jim never washed his hands. She scolded me, explaining that he did wash his hands, but that because he built tires, his hands were stained with carbon black, which wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t come out no matter how hard you scrubbed. I learned later that it would take about six months for that stuff to leach out of your pores once you quit working.

Uncle Jim died in 1983, killed in an industrial accident on the job at B.F. Goodrich. He was only 47. The plant would close for good about a year later.

It was an unthinkably tragic event, at a singularly traumatic time for Akron. It was the end of an era.

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My friend Della Rucker wrote a great post entitled, â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Elder Children of the Rust Belt,â&#x20AC;? over at her blog, Wise Economy. It dredged up all of these old memories, and it got me thinking about childhood, about this place that I love, and about the experience of growing up just as an economic era (perhaps the most prosperous and anomalous one in modern history) was coming to an end.

That is what the late 1970s and early 1980s was: the end of one thing, and the beginning of a (still yet-to-bedetermined) something else. I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know it at the time, but thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s because I was just a kid.

In retrospect it was obvious: the decay, the deterioration, the decomposition, the slow-at-ďŹ rst and then faster-than-you-can-see-it unwinding of an industrial machine that had been wound up far, far too tight. The machine runs until it breaks down; then it is replaced with a new and more efďŹ cient one â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a perfectly ironic metaphor for an industrial society that killed the goose that laid the golden egg. It was a machine made up of unions, and management, and capitalized sunk costs, and supply chains, and commodity prices, and globalization.

Except it wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t really a machine at all. It was really just people. And people arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t machines. When they are treated as such, and then discarded as obsolete, there are consequences.

You could hear it in the music: from

the decadent, desperately seeking something (escape) pulse of disco, to the (ďŹ rst) nihilistic and (then) fatalistic sound of punk and postpunk. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not an accident that a band called Devo came from Akron, Ohio. De-evolution: the idea that instead of evolving, mankind has actually regressed, as evidenced by the dysfunction and herd mentality of American society. It sounded a lot like Akron in the late 1970s. It still sounds a little bit like the Rust Belt today.

As an adult, looking back at the experience of growing up at that time, you realize how much it colors your thinking and outlook on life. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s all the more poignant when you realize that the â&#x20AC;&#x153;end-of-an-eraâ&#x20AC;? is never really an â&#x20AC;&#x153;endâ&#x20AC;? as such, but is really a transition to something else. But to what exactly?

The end of that era, which was marked by strikes, layoffs and unemployment, was followed by its echoes and repercussions â&#x20AC;&#x201D; economic dislocation, outmigration, poverty and abandonment â&#x20AC;&#x201D; as well as the more intangible psychological detritus: the pains from the phantom limb long after the amputation, the vertiginous sensation of watching someone (or something) die.

And it came to me then That every plan Is a tiny prayer to Father Time As I stared at my shoes In the ICU That reeked of piss and 409 It sung like a violent wind That our memories depend On a faulty camera in our minds â&#x20AC;&#x2122;Cause thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s no comfort in the waiting room Just nervous paces bracing for bad news Love is watching someone dieâ&#x20AC;Ś â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Death Cab For Cutie, â&#x20AC;&#x153;What Sarah Saidâ&#x20AC;?

But it is both our tragedy and our glory that life goes on.

Della raised a lot of these issues in her post: our generationâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ambivalent relationship with the American Dream (like Della, I feel the same unpleasant taste of rust in my mouth whenever I write or utter that phrase); our distrust of organizations and institutions; and our realization that you have to keep going, ďŹ ght and survive, in spite of it all. She talked about how we came of age at a time of loss: â&#x20AC;&#x153;Not loss like a massive destruction, but a loss like something insidious, deep, pervasive.â&#x20AC;?

It is so true, and it is so misunderstood. One of the people commenting on her blog post said, essentially, that it is dangerous to

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romanticize about a “golden age,” that all generations struggle and that life is hard.

Yes, those things are all true. But they are largely irrelevant to the topic at hand.

There is a very large middle ground between a “golden age” and an “existential struggle.” The time and place about which we are both writing (the late 1970s through the present, in the Rust Belt) is neither. But it is undoubtedly a time of extreme transition. It is a great economic unraveling, and we are collectively and individually still trying to figure out how to navigate through it, survive it, and ultimately build something better out of it.

History is cyclical. Regardless of how enamored Americans, in general, may be with the idea, it is not linear. It is neither a long, slow march toward utopia, nor toward oblivion. When I look at history, I see times of relative (and it’s all relative, this side of paradise) peace, prosperity and stability; and other times of relative strife, economic upheaval, uncertainty and instability. We really did move from one of those times to

Unwritten History: A Grays Lecture Series

many of my family members and friends’ parents worked in rubber factories. In 1982, the last passenger tire was built in Akron. By 1984, 90 percent of those jobs were gone, many of those people had moved out of town, and the whole thing was already a fading memory.

Just as when a person dies, many people reacted with a mixture of silence, embarrassment and denial. As a kid, especially, you construct your identity based upon the place in which you live. The whole identity that I had built, even as a small child, was of a proud Akronite: This is the RUBBER CAPITAL OF THE WORLD; this is where we make lots and lots of Useful Things for people all over the world; this is where Real Americans Do Real Work; this is where people from Europe, the South, and Appalachia come to make a Better Life for themselves ... .

DALE FELLOWS, ED RYDER AND DIANE RYDER Starting at 7pm Unwritten History: A Grays Lecture Series is FREE and brought to you by Cleveland Grays Armory Museum and Cuyahoga Arts and Culture Please RSVP to reserve a seat by October 14th by calling (216) 621-5938 In the Footsteps of General George Patton will start in Normandy, France and travel through Europe pushing through to Germany. This presentation will present a historic tour of Patton’s EDWWOH¿ HOGV DQG FKURQLFOH PDQ\ RI WKH LQGLYLGXDO EDWWOHV

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| clevescene.com | October 12 - 18, 2016

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I’m fond of the above quote. I was even fonder of it when I was 28 years old. Time, and the realization that life is short, and that you ultimately have to participate and do something with it besides analyze it as an outside observer, has lessened its power considerably. It remains the quintessential Generation X quote, from the quintessential Generation X movie. It certainly fits in quite well with all of this. But, then again, maybe it shouldn’t.

I use the phrase “Rust Belt

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Well, that all got yanked away. I couldn’t believe any of those things anymore, because they were no longer true, and I knew it. I could see it with my own two eyes. Maybe some of them were never true to begin with, but kids can’t live a lie the way that adults can. When the mythology of your hometown no longer stands up to scrutiny, it can be jarring and disorienting. It can even be heartbreaking.

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the other, beginning in the 1970s and continuing through the present.

The point that is easy to miss when uttering phrases like “life is hard for every generation” is that none of this discussion about the Rust Belt — where it’s been, where it is going — has anything to do with a “golden age.” But it has everything to do with the fact that this time of transition was an era (like all eras) that meant a lot (good and bad) to the people that lived through it.

It helped make them who they are today, and it helped make where they live what it is today.

For those who were kids at the time the great unraveling began (people like me, and people like Della) it is partially about the narrative that we were socialized to believe in at a very young age, and how that narrative went up in a puff of smoke. In 1977, I could smell rubber in the air, and

Orphan” in the title of this piece, because that is what the experience of coming of age at the time of the great economic unraveling feels like at the gut level. But it’s a dangerous and unproductive combination, when coupled with the whole Gen-X thing.

In many ways, the Rust Belt is the “Generation X” of regions — the place that just doesn’t seem to fit in; the place that most people would just as soon forget about; the place that would, in fact, just as soon forget about itself; the place that, if it does dare to acknowledge its own existence or needs, barely notices the surprised frowns of displeasure and disdain from those on the outside, because they have already been subsumed by the place’s own self-doubt and self-loathing.

A fake chinese rubber plant In the fake plastic earth That she bought from a rubber man In a town full of rubber plans To get rid of itself — Radiohead, “Fake Plastic Trees” The whole Gen-X misfit-wanderingin-the-Rust-Belt-wilderness meme is a palpably prevalent, but seldomacknowledged, part of our regional culture. It is probably just as well.

It’s so easy for the whole smoldering heap of negativity to degenerate into a viscous morass of alienation and anomie. Little good can come from going any further down that dead-end road.

WHITHER THE FUTURE? The Greek word for “return” is nostos. Algos means “suffering.” So nostalgia is the suffering caused by an unappeased yearning to return.

— Milan Kundera, Ignorance So where does this all leave us?

First, as a region, I think we have to get serious about making our peace with the past and moving on. We have begun to do this in Akron and, if the stories and anecdotal evidence are to be believed, we are probably ahead of the region as a whole.

But what does “making our peace” and “moving on” really mean? In many ways, I think our region has been going through a collective period of mourning for the better part of four decades. Nostalgia and angst over what has been lost (some of our identity, prosperity and national prominence) is all part of the grieving process. The best way out is always through.

But we should grieve — not so

we can wallow in the experience and refuse to move on — but so we can gain a better understanding of who we are and where we come from. Coming to grips with and acknowledging those things ultimately enables us to help make these places that we love better.

We Americans are generally not all that good at, or comfortable with, mourning or grief. There’s a very American idea that grieving is synonymous with “moving on” and (even worse) that “moving on” is synonymous with “getting over it.”

We’re very comfortable with that neat and tidy, straight, upwardly trending line toward the future (and a more prosperous, progressive and enlightened future it will always be, world without end, amen).

We’re not so comfortable with that messy and confusing historical cycle of boom-and-bust, of evolution and deevolution, of creation and destruction and reinvention. But that’s the world as we actually experience it, and it’s the one that we must live in. It is far from perfect. But for all of its trials and tribulations, the world that we inhabit has one big advantage: It is real.

“Moving on” means refusing to become paralyzed by the past, living up to our present responsibilities and striving every day to become the type of people who are better able to help others. But “moving on” doesn’t mean that we forget about the past, that we pretend that we didn’t experience what we did, or that we create an alternate reality to avoid playing the hand that we’ve actually been dealt.

Second, I don’t think we can, or should, “get over” the Rust Belt. The very phrase “get over it” traffics in denial, wishful thinking and the estrangement of one’s self from one’s roots. Countless attempts to “get over” the Rust Belt have resulted in the innumerable, short-sighted “get rich quick” economic development projects, and public-private pyramid schemes that many of us have come to find so distasteful, ineffective and expensive.

We don’t have to be (and can’t be, even if we want to) something that we are not. But we do have to be the best place that we can be. This might mean that we are a smaller, relatively less-prominent place. But it also means that we can be a much better connected, more cohesive, coherent and equitable place. The only people who can stop us from becoming that place are ourselves.

For a place that has been burned so badly by the vicissitudes of the global economy, big business and big industry, we always seem to be so quick to put our faith in the Next Big Project, the Next Big Organization

7001 DENISO CLEVELAND N 216.651.0888 | clevescene.com | October 12 - 18, 2016

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FEATURE and the Next Big Thing. I’m not sure whether this is the cause of our current economic malaise, or the effect, or both. Whatever it is, we need to stop doing it.

Does this mean that we should never do or dream anything big? No. Absolutely not. But it does mean that we should be prudent and wise, and that we should prefer our economic development and public investment to be hyper-nimble, hyperscalable, hyper-neighborhood-focused and ultra-diverse. Fetishizing urban designer Daniel Burnham’s famous quote — “Make no little plans, for they have no magic to stir men’s blood” — has done us much harm. Sometimes “little plans” are exactly what we need, because they often involve fundamentals, are easier to pull off and more readily establish trust, inspire hope and build relationships.

Those of us who came of age during the great economic unraveling and (still painful) transition from the Great American Manufacturing Belt to the Rust Belt might just be in a better position to understand our challenges, and to

find the creative solutions required to meet them head-on. Those of us who stuck it out and still live here know where we came from. We’re under no illusions about who we are or where we live. I think Della Rucker was on to something when she listed what we can bring to the table: Determination Long-game focus Understanding the depth of the pit and the long way left to climb out of it Resourcefulness Ability to salvage Expectation that there are no easy answers Disinclination to believe that everything will be all right if only we do this One Big Thing When I look at this list, I see pragmatism, resilience, selfknowledge, survival skills and leadership. It all rings true.

He wanted to care, and he could not care. For he had gone away and he could never go back any more. The gates were closed, the sun was gone down, and there was no beauty but the gray beauty of steel that withstands all time. Even the grief he could

have borne was left behind in the country of illusion, of youth, of the richness of life, where his winter dreams had flourished.

“Long ago,” he said, “long ago, there was something in me, but now that thing is gone. Now that thing is gone, that thing is gone. I cannot cry. I cannot care.

That thing will come back no more.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald, Winter Dreams So, let’s have our final elegy for the Rust Belt. Then, let’s get to work.

Excerpted from The Akron Anthology, out now from Belt Publishing. Beltmag.com.

Jason Segedy is the Director of Planning and Urban Development for the City of Akron, Ohio. He has worked in the urban planning field for the past 21 years, and previously served as the Director of the Akron Metropolitan Area Transportation Study (AMATS), the Metropolitan Planning Organization serving Greater Akron. He is an avid writer on urban planning and development issues, blogging at Notes from the

Jason Segedy

Underground. His work has been published by Planetizen, Streetsblog, Rustwire, Wise Economy, Real Clear Policy, and New Geography.

A lifelong resident of Akron’s west side, Jason is committed to the city, its people and its neighborhoods. His passion is creating great places and spaces where residents can live, work and play. He came into this world at St. Thomas Hospital, in 1972, and he’ll continue to do this work until they put him in the ground at Holy Cross Cemetery — hopefully a long time from now.

scene@clevescene.com t@clevelandscene

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| clevescene.com | October 12 - 18, 2016

everything you should do this week

GET OUT WED

off, Akron hosts its annual Craft Beer Festival at the Akron Civic Theatre. Forty-one local, national and international craft breweries will be on hand tonight to sample sour beers, meads and ciders. The Civic has created its own one-of-a-kind beer, the Mighty Wurlitzer, in collaboration with Maryland’s Heavy Seas brewery. That keg will be tapped at 8:30 p.m. on the Civic stage. Other highlights of the evening include a cask of Fat Head’s Double Dryed Hopped Head Hunter and a mystery infusion with Dogfish.

The event starts at 8 p.m. Tickets are $40. (Niesel) 182 South Main St., Akron, 330-253-2488, akroncivic.com.

10/12

SPOKEN WORD

Cleveland Stories Dinner Parties Earlier this year, Music Box Supper Club launched Cleveland Stories Dinner Party, a weekly series that pairs fine food with storytelling. The series aims to help raise awareness of the mission of the Western Reserve Historical Society’s new Cleveland History Center. The club’s owners consider the Cleveland History Center to be “one of the most interesting museums in Cleveland” and “an unknown gem that Clevelanders should know more about and support.”

The goal of the Cleveland Stories Dinner Party is to “bring to life some of the fun, interesting stories about Cleveland’s past — from sports, to rock ’n’ roll, to Millionaire’s Row.” Each week features a guest speaker and a custom prix fixe menu — a full threecourse meal for only $20. The popular series resumes tonight at 7:30 with a panel of local musicians, promoters and journalists who’ll speak about the history of reggae music in Cleveland.

The three-course dinner will include seafood chowder, jerked chicken and Bananas Foster. (Jeff Niesel) 1148 Main Ave., 216-242-1250, musicboxcle.com.

BEER

Hoppy Hour The Cleveland Botanical Garden offers an educational take on the beer tasting with its weekly Hoppy Hour, which takes place this evening from 5:30 to 8:30. You can sample pale ales, dark lagers and other cool craft brews while discussing hops and horticulture with staff from the Botanical Garden and experts from Great Lakes Brewing Company, Beverage Distributors and Butcher and the Brewer. Non-member tickets are $5 after 5 tonight; the event is free for members. Twelve-ounce beers are $4, while a tasting flight is $6. Also, there will be seasonal dinner specials from the Garden Cafe, along with fire pits, lawn games and flashlight garden tours. (Niesel) 11030 East Blvd., 216-721-1600, cbgarden.org.

The Cleveland Monsters begin their quest for another championship. See: Friday.

NIGHTLIFE

videos seem to surface every day, the trouble shows no sign of abating.

Without Commercial Interruption, the current art exhibition at Waterloo Arts, explores race and identity through the eyes of three young artists with deep connections to Cleveland. Join the artists at 7 p.m. for a gallery talk moderated by CAN Journal editor Michael Gill. The talk is free and open to the public. Without Commercial Interruption remains on view through Oct. 30. (Josh Usmani) 15605 Waterloo Rd., 216-692-9500, waterlooarts.org.

THUR

10/13

SPOKEN WORD

Ruins & Relics From 5 to 8 p.m. on the second Thursday of the month, the Cleveland History Center features History on Tap, a friendly discussion of historical topics accompanied by happy hour refreshments, light hors d’oeuvres and hands-on activities. This week’s topic is Relics & Ruins, a seasonally spooky roundup of stories about shipwrecks, cemeteries, and the shadows of demolished buildings. Tickets are $7 online or $10 at the door. (Tickets for WRHS members and students with ID are only $5.) Visit the website for details. (Niesel) 10825 East Blvd., 216-721-5722 ext.

1108, wrhs.org/events/history-on-taprelics-and-ruins

ART

Without Commercial Interruption Between our current presidential campaigns and daily news reports, we can’t escape the tensions of race relations in this country. The effects have hit close to home more than once, but as more reports and horrifying

Louis CK was at that show and called it groundbreaking. Massive success has followed as Notaro subsequently did a segment on This American Life, landed a book deal, released a live recording, appeared on Conan and teamed up with comedian pals Kyle Dunnigan and Amy Schumer to write Inside Amy Schemer. Notaro, whose deadpan delivery and storytelling skills distinguish her from other comics, performs tonight at 8 at the Capitol Theatre. Tickets are $35.

(Niesel) 1390 West 65th St., 216-651-7295, clevelandcinemas.com.

Bianca del Rio The alter ego of comic Roy Haylock and the Season 6 winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race, Bianca del Rio admits to being a “clown in a gown.” The New York Times has called her “the Joan Rivers of the drag world,” and the late Joan Rivers called Bianca’s humor “funny and sharp.” In the wake of the release of her first feature film, Hurricane Bianca, del Rio brings her comedy tour, Not Today Satan, to the Ohio Theatre. The show begins at 8 p.m. Tickets start at $37.50. (Niesel) 1501 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

COMEDY

ART

Tom Papa Tom Papa, the fun-loving guy who used to host the Marriage Ref on NBC, likes to joke about how he misses the days when he didn’t have kids or the responsibility for them. For one thing, he notes that being a dad has has led to more drinking. “Daddy is a lot more fun when he gets his magic juice inside of him,” he likes to say, slipping in the fact that all his daughter’s drawings of him include a martini glass. But the guy will also switch gears and talk about anti-depressants and societal pressures. His talent lies in the fact that he comes off as an average Joe. He performs tonight at 8 at Hilarities, where performances continue through Saturday. Tickets are $23 to $30. (Niesel) 2035 East Fourth St., 216-241-7425, pickwickandfrolic.com.

Boulevardier Former Clevelander Chad Bilyeu moved to Amsterdam in 2009; he now works there as a freelance photographer and writer. But he hasn’t forgotten his Cleveland roots. He represents Cleveland proudly in his new city with ABSNFC — or Another Bullshit Night From Cleveland — his multimedia studio/apartment that delves into art, music, nightlife and publications. It’s also home to Bullshit Night Records, the label he started a few years ago. Loop, the coffee shop and record store in Tremont, will display a solo exhibition of black and white photos Bilyeu has taken around the world. The exhibit, Boulevardier, kicks off tonight with an opening party from 6 to 10. He’ll also have a series of postcards of photos he’s taken in both Cleveland and Amsterdam.

Local Bang Messiah will DJ at the opening. (Niesel) 2180 West 11th St., 216-298-5096, facebook.com/LoopInTremont.

COMEDY

Tig Notaro More than just a standup comedian, Tig Notaro does a bit of everything these days. Back in 2012, she turned heads when she spoke about being diagnosed with cancer. Comedian

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The 2016 Akron Craft Beer Festival Just as Cleveland Beer Week kicks

Bruno Celebrate Hispanic Heritage Month | clevescene.com | October 12 - 18, 2016

29

GET OUT Experience this classic silent film on the big screen with live accompaniment by organist Todd Wilson.

with a visit to Bruno Casiano Gallery for a retrospective exhibition of his artwork. Casiano studied at the School of Plastic Arts in Puerto Rico, Altos de Chavon School of Design in the Dominican Republic and the Cleveland Institute of Art. Bruno Casiano Gallery is near Gordon Square in the Detroit Shoreway neighborhood. The venue is divided into two galleries: the street level main gallery and the downstairs gallery, which once served as a speakeasy during prohibition.

Bruno opens with a reception from 6 to 10 tonight. It’s free. (Usmani) 5304 Detroit Ave., 216-346-6562, brunocasiano.com.

SPORTS

Cleveland Monsters vs.

Rockford Ice Hogs The Cavs NBA title undoubtedly overshadowed the Cleveland Monsters’ Calder Cup win, but the AHL team won the hearts of local hockey fans with its lengthy playoff run that culminated in a championship win. Tonight at 7, the team returns to the Q to defend its title against the Rockford Wild Hogs. The two teams face off again tomorrow at 5 p.m. For tonight’s game, the first 10,000 fans will receive a replica championship banner. As part of 1-2-3 Fridays, there will be $1 Pepsi products, $2 Sugardale hot dogs and $3 beers. A Calder Cup championship banner will be hung from the rafters prior to the game’s start. The first 10,000 fans on Saturday will receive a Calder Cup Magnetic Schedule. Tickets start at $10. (Niesel) 1 Center Court, theqarena.com.

CLEVELAND BEER WEEK

Collaboration Kick Off The eighth annual Cleveland Beer Week launches tonight with a Collaboration Kick Off that takes place in five different bars/ restaurants in Tremont. For tonight’s event, 23 breweries created eight small-batch collaboration beers.

Tickets are $25 per person and that includes samples of all beers across the locations in Tremont. (Guests must be 21 years of age. Advance tickets are required; no onsite sales are available.) Proceeds benefit the Malone Scholarship Program. Beer Week, which runs from Oct. 14 to 22, will feature 350 keg tappings and beer sipping events throughout Greater Cleveland. Go to the website for more details. (Niesel) clevelandbeerweek.org.

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| clevescene.com | October 12 - 18, 2016

MUSIC

Daphnis and Chloé Under the direction of Alain Altinoglu, the Cleveland Orchestra takes on Ravel’s magical Suite No. 2 from Daphnis and Chloé. Known for its ethereal colors and subtle sensuality, the piece brings an “aura of poetry” to the pastoral story of Daphnis and Chloé. The performance takes place tonight and tomorrow night at 8 at Severance Hall. A performance also takes place at 3 p.m. on Sunday. Guest speaker Eric Charnofsky, an instructor in the Case Western Reserve University music department, delivers the preconcert talk — From St. Petersburg to Paris: A Russian-French Exploration —an hour before each performance.

Tickets start at $29. (Niesel) 11001 Euclid Ave., 216-231-1111, clevelandorchestra.com.

ART

An Exclusive Tour As the work week winds down, the Artists Archives of the Western Reserve presents an exclusive opportunity to tour the prestigious Progressive Art Collection at the insurance company’s headquarters in Mayfield Village. Today’s tour begins at 2 p.m. and is free for AAWR members or $10 for non-members.

The tour includes works by several renowned artists. To ensure your spot, reserve tickets through Eventbrite or at 216-721-9020 by 10 a.m. on Wednesday, Oct. 12. Tickets may be paid for via credit card by phone or cash in-person upon arrival at the event. For more information, visit the AAWR website. (Usmani) 1834 East 123rd St., 216-721-9020, artistsarchives.org.

FILM

Hump! Film Festival Eleven years ago, syndicated sex columnist Dan Savage launched Hump!, a film festival designed to challenge his Pacific Northwest readers to “get their hands dirty” and create “good, old-fashion homemade porn.” The results ran the gamut with straight, gay and transgender shorts made by amateurs from the area. Until two years ago, Hump!’s screenings were limited to the Pacific Northwest.

It recently hit the road: This year, the tour features an all-new program of 21 films. They screen at 7:30 and 9:15 tonight at the Capitol Theatre. (Jeff Niesel) 1390 West 65th St., 216-651-7295, clevelandcinemas.com.

FILM

On the Edge Film Festival The second annual On the Edge Film

Festival promises “something for extreme sport and armchair athletes alike” when it returns to the Breen Center for the Performing Arts today and tomorrow. The festival will include films about “adrenalinedriven action sports” as well as “engrossing character studies and environmental and cultural issues from around the globe.” Many of the movies include shots of breathtaking scenery. Different films will screen each evening. For tonight’s openingnight reception, food trucks will park outside the theater. Complimentary coffee, Beanitos bean snacks and cookies will be available in the theater lobby from 6 to 7:30 p.m. Coffee, Beanitos and cookies will also be served at tomorrow’s reception, from 7 to 8 p.m. The films begin at 7:30 tonight and 8 tomorrow night. The cash bar will include beer and wine; all sales benefit Bike Cleveland’s bike advocacy efforts in our city. Tickets are $25 each night. Get details on the website. (Niesel) 1911 West 30th St., 216-397-3757, theedgefilms.com.

ART

The People’s Art Show Calling all artists! It’s time again for Cleveland’s most democratic art tradition, Cleveland State University’s People’s Art Show. Unjuried and uncensored, past exhibitions have been so controversial that the formerly annual event is now held once every two years. Past shows have even made the front page of the New York Times and led to gallery director Robert Thurmer being interviewed on the Howard Stern Show. Although the show doesn’t open until Oct. 28, artists of all ages and experience levels are invited to drop off work from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. today and tomorrow. The show is free and open to anyone (from children and students to amateurs and professionals), but a $5 donation per entry is suggested. Each artist may submit up to two works in any size and medium. For more information, contact the gallery or visit the website.

(Usmani) 1307 Euclid Ave., 216-687-2103, csuohio.edu/artgallery.

MUSIC

Uptown Roots Fest National and local acts will be on hand today at the inaugural Uptown Roots Fest, a celebration of live American music in University Circle. There will be daytime performances on Toby’s Plaza in front of the Museum of Contemporary Art, a children’s activities tent with partners from the Cleveland Institute of Music and the Children’s Museum of Cleveland,

and national headliner performances at the Happy Dog at the Euclid Tavern. Roots Fest will also include documentary screenings at Cleveland Institute of Art’s Cinematheque: A Well Spent Life, a tribute to blues singer and guitarist Mance Lipscomb, and The Blues Accordin’ to Lightnin’ Hopkins, which chronicles the life of the legendary Texas guitarist and performer. The free festival kicks off at 6 today and runs through tomorrow.

See the website for more info. (Niesel) universitycircle.org.

SAT

10/15

FILM

12 Hours of Terror The seventh annual all-night horror movie marathon returns to the Capitol Theatre. Tonight’s big event features classic flicks Evil Dead 2, Drag Me to Hell, Piranha 3-D, Pieces, Trick ’r Treat, Re-Animator and a surprise screening. It starts at 8 p.m. and continues until 8 a.m. tomorrow. Tickets are $25 in advance, $30 on the day of show.

Admission includes a continental breakfast if you can stomach it.

(Niesel) 1390 West 65th St., 216-651-7295, clevelandcinemas.com.

FUNDRAISER

Empty Bowls by the Lake Fundraiser The local charity Empty Bowls by the Lake aims to raise both money and awareness in the fight to end hunger by “creating positive and lasting changes through the arts, education, and projects that build community.” Potters, crafters, educators, students and volunteers make handcrafted bowls and local restaurants donate soup and bread.

In exchange for a cash donation, guests get a simple meal and keep the bowl as a reminder of all the “empty bowls” in the world. Proceeds go to organizations that feed the hungry. This year’s event will be held today from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. at the American Legion Post 211 in Avon Lake. Over 25 restaurants will participate and artists and students have made the bowls. Some of the participating schools are Lake Ridge Academy, Avon High School, Avon Lake High School and elementary schools, North Olmsted High School, Bay High, Lutheran West, and Olmsted Falls High School. The Avon Electric Orchestra has performed every year since the event began in 2012 and will once again perform.

A $20 donation includes one pottery bowl and unlimited soup and bread.

(Niesel)

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ART

Flickering Sky Andrea Joki’s Flickering Sky exhibition at 2731 Prospect showcases a new, previously unseen collection of paintings on canvas and works on paper. These new works were created during a recent artist’s residency at the Headlands Center for the Arts, a former Army barracks across the Golden Gate Bridge from San Francisco. Instead of flying, Joki drove from Cleveland to California and back to Cleveland for her residency. These solo, crosscountry road trips allowed Joki to observe changes in weather and landscape, and gave her plenty of time to contemplate and reflect. The exhibition’s title refers to the work as a collection of signs in flux, “like a flickering sky telling us something is coming.” Learn more from the artist herself during a free, public talk in the gallery at 2 p.m. today. A closing reception will follow the talk.

(Usmani) 2731 Prospect Ave., 888-273-1881, 2731prospect.com.

view through Sunday, Nov. 6.

Admission is free. (Usmani) 25325 Fairmount Blvd., Beachwood, visitbeachwoodohio.com.

PARADE

Spooky Pooch Parade Now in its ninth year, the Spooky Pooch Parade attracts hundreds of dogs (and their owners) to Lakewood’s Kauffman Park. This year’s edition is scheduled to take place today from 12:30 to 4 p.m.

Attractions include a festival within Kauffman Park, a parade through Lakewood’s downtown business district along Detroit Avenue, and an awards presentation. Organizers claim it’s the only event of its kind within the region. Adding to the fun, there will be kids’ games, food and dog-related vendors, including rescue groups and other nonprofits offering canine-oriented goods and services. Kids are encouraged to wear Halloween costumes and visit vendors for trick-or-treating.

The parade commences at 2 p.m.

Afterward, judges will award prizes in a number of categories, including Best Dog & Child, Best Dog & Adult, Best Dog & Group, Spookiest Pooch and Best in Show. (Niesel) lakewoodalive.com.

SUN

ART

Inked Images: Seven Printmakers The Beachwood Community Center celebrates the region’s rich printmaking community with a new exhibition showcasing seven printmakers from Northeast Ohio.

Inked Images: Seven Printmakers includes new work by artists who explore both traditional and contemporary themes, from the natural to the abstract, and features a range of three-dimensional works, such as books and sculptures. The exhibit opens today with a reception from 5 to 8 p.m. and remains on

10/16

into ex girlfriends, D’Elia has terrific comic timing. He performs tonight at 7 at Hilarities where he has shows scheduled through Saturday. Tickets are $25 to $30. (Hannah Borison) 2035 East Fourth St., 216-241-7425, pickwickandfrolic.com.

SPOKEN WORD

An Evening with David Sedaris A preeminent humor writer, David Sedaris has published a number of books over the course of a career that dates back a few decades now.

His bestselling books include Barrel Fever, Holidays on Ice, Naked, Me Talk Pretty One Day, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, and When You Are Engulfed in Flames.

And then, of course, there’s his bestknown work, the SantaLand Diaries, which first brought him to the public eye way back in 1992 when it was broadcast on NPR. He’s put up some impressive numbers too: some seven million copies of his books are in print, and they’ve been translated into 25 languages. A terrific speaker, Sedaris (who lives in England) has been nominated for three Grammy Awards for best spoken-word and best comedy album. He speaks tonight at 7 at the Akron Civic Theatre. Tickets are $25 to $45. (Niesel) 182 South Main St., Akron, 330-253-2488, akroncivic.com.

BRUNCH

COMEDY

Chris D’Elia Chris D’Elia has become one of the best comedians in the business because he’s extremely quick and witty; he feels very comfortable on stage and can easily relate to an audience. He jokes about starting out as a standup comedian and having to perform in rundown bars and laundromats.

Whether he is joking about the pros and cons of living in the San Fernando Valley outside Los Angeles, or talking about his experiences with bumping

FOTO Brunch For the fifth year, Mahall’s 20 Lanes in Lakewood hosts the Cleveland Print Room’s annual FOTO Brunch fundraiser at 11 a.m. today. This year’s honorary chairpersons are James Anderson and David Wittkowsky.

Again this year, brunch will be provided by Hollyhock Hill with French toast from Breadsmith of Lakewood. Tickets are $25, or $10 for guests 18 and under. Patron tickets include a Cleveland Print Room coffee mug, and are available for $50. Tickets

must be purchased in advance via the Print Room’s website or in person. Call CPR directly at the number below with any dietary concerns. There will also be silent auctions including donations of collected works from Peter Cohen, an internationally renowned vernacular collector from New York City, as well as 50/50 raffles, a cash bar and more. All proceeds support the print room and its programming throughout the year. (Usmani) 13200 Madison Ave., Lakewood, 216-401-5981, clevelandprintroom.com.

MUSIC

Northeast Ohio Vinyl Swap & Spin Social While sales of compact discs continue to decline, sales of vinyl, the format once considered obsolete, are on the rise. Today at 1 p.m. at the Happy Dog at the Euclid Tavern, vinyl aficionados can potentially add to their collections as the Northeast Ohio Vinyl Club descends upon the place for a “social, swap, sell and spin.” Admission is free.

(Niesel) 11625 Euclid Ave., 216-231-5400, happydogcleveland.com.

MON

10/17

BRUNCH

Industry Brunch Brunch isn’t just a Saturday/Sunday thing. Over at Mahall’s 20 Lanes in Lakewood, you can grab a great brunch on Mondays as the club caters to industry folks who have the day off. Not that you have to work in the restaurant industry to indulge. The menu features items such as Chicken and Donuts, a dish that features three pieces of fried chicken along with two Old Hushers doughnuts. Other staples include the Everything Pretzel and the Creamy Egg Sandwich. A live DJ from WCSB will be on hand to spin cool tunes too. It runs from noon to 4.

(Niesel)

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GET OUT 13200 Madison Ave., Lakewood, 216-521-3280, mahalls20lanes.com.

FILM

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| clevescene.com | October 12 - 18, 2016

Movie Mondays Every Monday, Cleveland Cinemas hosts $6 Movie Mondays, where film fans can catch up on the latest Hollywood flicks for significantly reduced prices. Many theaters even offer discounted concession stand items. Participating theaters include Apollo Theatre, Capitol Theatre, Cedar Lee Theatre, Chagrin Cinemas, Shaker Square Cinemas and Tower City Cinemas. Unfortunately, additional charges apply for 3-D movies. For schedules of what’s playing at the various venues, check the website.

(Alaina Nutile) clevelandcinemas.com.

FOOD

Wing Ding Doodle Blues icon Howlin’ Wolf famously covered “Wang Dang Doodle,” the old blues tune penned by Willie Dixon.

Prosperity Social Club in Tremont has adopted that slogan, calling its wing night Wing Ding Doodle. The weekly event features specials on Buffalo wings and cold brews. Prosperity will not only serve up substantial, $1 whole wings, but it’ll also offering meatless Monday “wing” baskets for vegans.

Discounted drafts and a playlist of vintage-electric blues and soulful R&B. Wing Ding Doodle takes place every Monday from 6 p.m. to midnight.

(Niesel) 1109 Starkweather Ave., 216-937-1938, prosperitysocialclub.com.

TUE

10/18

at an alternative high school in the Mojave Desert. Regular admission rates apply to the first film you see in the series; but bring in your ticket stub when you return to see another film in the series and you’ll save $3 off the admission. (Sam Allard) 1390 West 65th St., 216-651-7295, clevelandcinemas.com.

MUSIC

Classical Revolution Cleveland For many years, classical music wasn’t intended for the masses. Classical Revolution Cleveland helps tear down that wall and once again bring great chamber music to the people.

Showcasing a variety of performers in bars, cafes and the like, it’s actually not that different from how people used to listen to chamber music. The third Tuesday of every month, CRC brings its wide array of chamber music to the Happy Dog. Performers like the Trepanning Trio, Anime Duo, students of Cleveland Institute of Music and even Cleveland Orchestra members grace the stage in these exciting concerts.

Full of immensely talented performers, CRC re-instills the relevancy of this vibrant art form. Tonight’s free, all-ages performance starts at 8. (Patrick Stoops) 5801 Detroit Ave., 216-651-9474, happydogcleveland.com.

FILM

The Pit A Canuxploitation horror classic originally released in 1981, The Pit centers on 12-year old Jamie (Sammy Snyders), a creepy kid who has just one friend — an evil teddy bear. Jamie uses the bear to take revenge upon the kids who regularly tease him. Tonight at 7:15, the Capitol Theatre shows a new 2-K digital restoration of the movie. Tickets are $9.50. (Niesel) 1390 West 65th St., 216-651-7295, clevelandcinemas.com.

FILM

MUSIC

The Bad Kids Every Tuesday evening through Nov. 22, Cleveland Cinemas offers movie fans a chance to see a newly released documentary feature at its Capitol Theatre, where the films will screen for one night only. As with most documentaries, the strength of the films included in the Fall Docs series lies both in their wildly diverse subject matter (from chess phenom Magnus Carlsen to Japan X to The Fantastic Four) and in their unique and vivid storytelling methods. At least for the foreseeable future, you’ll have something to do on Tuesday nights. Tonight at 7:30, the theater shows The Bad Kids, a newly released documentary that uses a vérité-style approach as it follows at-risk students

Vinyl Night While sales of CDs continue to decline, vinyl has seen a resurgence. Jukebox owner Alex Budin has described his 1,350-square-foot, music-focused bar in the Hingetown ’hood as “a place where people can expect to hear and learn about music of multiple genres, all of which is concentrated in a constantly evolving jukebox.” The club hosts a vinyl night every Tuesday The place has partnered with Loop in Tremont so that patrons can hear a new album on vinyl. It all starts at 7 p.m. (Niesel) 1404 West 29th St., 216-206-7699, jukeboxcle.com.

Find more events @clevescene.com t@clevelandscene

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ART POWER TO THE PEOPLE Annual art show will highlight work of AIDS Taskforce of Greater Cleveland

By Josh Usmani THE AIDS TASKFORCE OF Greater Cleveland, an affiliate of the AIDS Healthcare Foundation, serves more than 15,000 people each year, including more than 1,200 intensive case management clients.

Established 1983, the AIDS Taskforce is the oldest AIDS service provider in Ohio, and is Cleveland’s primary provider of education, prevention, case management, housing, advocacy and research for and to people living with HIV and AIDS. Each year, the organization hosts ArtCares, its signature fundraiser. The event supports its programs and helps create awareness in the community. Under new leadership and vision, ArtCares 2016 begins at 7 p.m. this Saturday, Oct. 15, at the Slovenian Workmen’s Home at 15335 Waterloo Rd. “As the HIV/AIDS epidemic continues into its 35th year, our work continues, and it continues to change,” says interim executive director LaRaun T. Clayton. “ArtCares has been a way for the AIDS Taskforce to engage the community by highlighting our daily work. As the impact of the virus changes, our vision for our events changes to ensure we are including as much of the Greater Cleveland community as possible. Our work is not done, and we need people from all demographics to know that.”

In an effort to make the event more affordable and accessible to more members of the community, organizers have lowered tickets to $35 per person. The centerpiece of the annual event continues to be the curated art by professional artists living in or with connections to Northeast Ohio.

However, this year artists will sell their work and split proceeds with the AIDS Taskforce. The event also includes entertainment courtesy of Oldboy, DJ Saint and other musical acts.

Organized by John Farina and Adam Tully of the Maria Neil Art

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K. Sekelsky’s “Chocolate Orange Sorbet”

Project, the exhibition includes many of the gallery’s represented artists.

ArtCares 2016 features new work by Leslye Arian, Cathie Bleck, Justin Brennan, Hilary Gent, Bridget Ginley, Riley Kemerling, Michelangelo Lovelace, Adam Markanovic, Liz Maugans, Madelaine Mavec, Eric Rippert, Paul Sydorenko, Charity Thomas and Daiv Whaley.

"John and I are as committed as ever to promote the artists of Cleveland,” says Adam Tully, co-owner of the Maria Neil Art Project. “Our relationship with the AIDS Taskforce of Greater Cleveland is yet another opportunity to help promote the talented local artists we work with to a brand new community. And with the new commission structure put in place for this event, artists will no longer feel like they are ‘giving something for nothing’ because they will be getting something back. The artist is giving something to the Taskforce and in return the Taskforce is recognizing this giving of time and talent with a proper commission. The artists whose work will be at ArtCares reflect the diversity one would expect in our

| clevescene.com | October 12 - 18, 2016

community. It will not disappoint!"

Proceeds from ArtCares will help the AIDS Taskforce with services and programs, including a food pantry, which provides much-needed support for a community “in which illness most often coincides with poverty.”

For tickets and more information, call the AIDS Taskforce of Greater Cleveland at 216-621-0766 (ext. 2915) or visit bit.ly/artcares2016.

This fall, the talented local artists of the Northern Ohio Illustrators Society have published a new, fully illustrated cookbook. Just in time for the holidays, the book doubles as a directory of the region’s talented illustrators.

Each entry includes a glimpse into each artist’s unique personality and drawing style. Cooking It Up in Cleveland contains 38 recipes and accompanying illustrations, as well as artist bios and a directory of members with their contact info and websites.

The full-color, ring-bound book is designed for easy use while cooking.

“In the nearly two decades since this society was formed, our industry has seen amazing change in the way

we create images and the media in which those images are published,” says NOIS president Ron Hill. “Onethird of these illustrations were created digitally, and of the remaining, many were finished with digital color or effects. Paper or pixels, watercolor or WACOM, Prismacolor or Apple Pencil, there is an amazing range of technical applications displayed in this directory.”

The book’s table of contents is divided into six categories: Salads ; Breakfast, Soups and Chilis; Main Dishes; Side Dishes; Desserts and Snacks; and Beverages.

“This book was the idea of the board: Karen Sandstrom, Nancy Lick, Cristina Bruce Kaiser, George Kocar and Jaime Lombardo. I would like to extend special thanks to Jaime Lombardo for his organizational and layout skills, and for managing production.”

Cooking It Up in Cleveland retails for $15, and is currently available at five retail locations: The Art Gallery, 4134 Erie St., Willoughby, 440-946-8001; Mac’s Backs Books, 1820 Coventry Rd., Cleveland Heights, 216-321-2665; Valley Art Center Gift Shop, 155 Bell St., Chagrin Falls, 440-247-7507; The Learned Owl Book Shop, 204 North Main St., Hudson, 330-6532252; and BAYarts, 28795 Lake Rd., Bay Village, 440-871-6543.

Additionally, the book will be featured at the Indie Author Conference & Showcase from 2 to 4 p.m. on Saturday, Nov. 12, in the auditorium of the Parma-Snow branch of the Cuyahoga County Public Library (2121 Snow Rd., Parma, 216661-4240).

“The aim of our society has always been multi-faceted: social, informational and supportive,” Hill explains. “We share experience, knowledge and skills with one another. We try to focus programming on technique, in both marketing and art skills. This book displays both of those aims: Certainly sharing a meal or recipe is a social activity, and this book is a resource of illustration talent in the Northern Ohio region. It is our hope that those readers employed in advertising or publishing or media roles will phone, email or text some of the illustrators herein for that next unique commission or project.”

jusmani@clevescene.com t@clevelandscene

STAGE

FUN AND TRAGEDY IN A FUNERAL HOME Words and music blend gloriously in Fun Home at Playhouse Square

By Christine Howey IF YOU CARE ABOUT GENDER diversity in film, you may have come across the Bechdel Test at some point.

It was trotted out some 30 years ago by the cartoonist and graphic novelist Alison Bechdel, in her comic strip Dykes to Watch Out For, and it’s a damn clever way to judge if a flick takes its women characters seriously.

According to the test, a movie must meet three requirements: It must have at least two women in it (who have names), they must speak to each other, and they must talk about something other than men.

People have actually applied the Bechdel Test to films and found that only about half get a passing grade, which tells you something. And it also indicates that Alison Bechdel is a fascinating person, as is revealed in Fun Home, the innovative and gripping musical now at Playhouse Square. Based on Bechdel’s graphic eponymous memoir, set in the family’s home which doubled as a funeral parlor, this densely layered piece with music by Jeanine Tesori and book and lyrics by Lisa Kron is a triumph of theatrical invention and execution.

The entire story is laid out with brutal directness early on, when grownup Alison says, “My dad and I both grew up in the same small Pennsylvania town. And he was gay, and I was gay, and he killed himself.

And I became a lesbian cartoonist.”

But after that revelation, the truth of this dysfunctional family is revealed with the kind of gentle precision that archeologists employ, softly brushing off the dust of years from the artifacts they hold gently in their hands.

As Kron’s words and Tesori’s music weave seamlessly together, we see how Alison grew up in a home that was treated like a museum by her dad Bruce. He’s a schoolteacher by trade and a punctilious restorer of their historical home by avocation, and his insistence on absolute perfection hides the chaos he is experiencing with his own sexual orientation.

Alison and her two younger brothers.

And particularly those of his wife Helen.

Medium Alison (Abby Corrigan) is away at Oberlin College and just getting fully acquainted with her own lesbian identity when she meets a young woman named Joan.

Soon, Joan is all that for Alison, as expressed in the hilarious, “I’m Changing My Major (to Joan).” The older Alison is often observing these scenes of her younger self, exploring and discovering, and it is done so subtly by director Sam Gold that it never seems intrusive or obvious.

The songs in Fun Home are actually a revelation, since they are so

FUN HOME THROUGH OCT. 22 AT CONNOR PALACE, 1615 EUCLID AVE., 216-241-6000, PLAYHOUSESQUARE.COM

Sliding back and forth between three separate time periods, the play is never confusing since different actresses portray Alison at these three stages in her life. Small Alison is enamored of playing “airplane” with her father, as he lays on his back while she soars above him propped up on the soles of his feet while she sings, “I wanna put my arms out and fly … like Superman up in the sky!” Even then, though, when Alison is small, there are hints of darker times to come as Bruce fetishizes his antiques and ignores the needs of

natural to the ear, with interruptions and backtracking just as in normal conversation. Even so, there is a full range of emotion displayed, from the childish fun of “Come to the Fun Home,” when all the kids create their version of a TV commercial for the family business, to the casually heartbreaking “Helen’s Etude.” In that song, Bruce is putting the moves on a young guy he’s hired to do yard work while his wife and kids are in the next room.

As the shards of Alison’s memory come back, they all begin to flow into

one direction. We see that Alison’s sexual interests began early when Small Alison, played by an excellent Alessandra Baldacchino, sings her 9-year-old ode to a butch delivery woman in “Ring of Keys.” And as events lead up to Bruce’s suicide, we see the toll these secrets have imposed on the family, especially in Helen’s lament, “Days and Days,” sung with perfect emotional resonance by Susan Moniz.

In the two central roles of Bruce and grown Alison, Robert Petkoff and Kate Shindle excel. Petkoff gives Bruce a sort of shlubby affect which works well against his character’s almost manic desire for perfection.

And Petkoff nails each of his singing assignments, particularly his last effort, “Edges of the World,” in which Bruce feels his own life collapsing under him, like a ruined building unable to be restored. Shindle’s grown Alison, almost detached until the end, keeps the story moving ahead to its inexorable conclusion.

Last year, Fun Home won the Tony Award for best musical, and this is one award that is very much deserved, since it takes two genres — comics and memoir — and boldly fuses them into something new and remarkable. And shattering.

scene@clevescene.com t@christinehowey | clevescene.com | October 12 - 18, 2016

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TO WHERE IT ALL BEGAN TUESDAY, OCTOBER 18 7:00PM

For your chance to win a pass to the advance screening, visit Tinyurl.com/ OuijaOriginOf EvilCleveland

OUIJA: ORIGIN OF EVIL has been rated PG-13 (Parents Strongly Cautioned – Some Material May Be Inappropriate for Children Under 13) for disturbing images, terror and thematic elements. DUPLICATE ENTRIES WILL BE DELETED. One entry per name and email address. NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. Employees of all promotional partners and their agencies are not eligible. Entries must be received by 5pm on Sunday, October 9.

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Invite you and a guest to an advance screening Tuesday, October 18 at 7:00 P.M. Cedar Lee Theatre Go to the following link for a chance to receive passes for two.* http://tinyurl.com /DENIALCLE *No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited or restricted by law. Once 50 admit one passes have been redeemed this giveaway will end. Two (admit-one) passes per person. Rated PG-13 for thematic material and brief strong language.

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REGAL CROCKER PARK FOR YOUR CHANCE TO WIN AN ADMIT-TWO PASS, VISIT WWW.GOFOBO.COM/JACKCLE *THIS FILM IS RATED PG-13. Passes are limited and are available on a first-come, first-served basis. No purchase necessary. While supplies last. One admit-two pass per person. Theatre is overbooked to ensure a full house and seating is not guaranteed.

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MOVIES TROUBLED TIMES Dan Savage’s Hump! Film Fest comes all over the Capitol

By Sam Allard DAN SAVAGE, BELOVED disseminator of sexual advice in his syndicated weekly column “Savage Love,” presents the 11th iteration of a porn festival that aspires to celebrate and positivize the full spectrum of sexual appetites. The Hump! Film Fest arrives at the Capitol Theater for two screenings Friday.

“We bill Hump! as an amateur porn festival, but it’s more than that,” said Savage, in a statement about the festival. “It’s rare for people to watch porn that takes them outside their comfort zones — it’s rare for people to watch porn that, if they were home alone in front of the computer, they wouldn’t choose to click on and watch.

At Hump! straight people watch gay porn, vanilla people watch kinky porn, gay people watch lesbian porn. And people laugh, they gasp, sometimes they cover their eyes. But at the end of every film people clap and cheer. It’s moving and wonderful and newcomers don’t expect it. The whole festival is a celebration of sexual diversity.”

Diversity indeed: In Cake Boss, a straight couple have sex whilst assuming the roles of chef and cake. (Flour, eggs and frosting are involved.) In Blown, trans men talk about, and receive, oral sex during their transitions. In Film Bonoir, a foreplay role play, penises on green screens solve a pun-heavy mystery — at “The Grundle” bar, ‘Rod,’ ‘Shaft’ and ‘Slick Johnson’ are subject to potential interrogation. The private dicks must

eventually visit the scene of the crime, in the tunnel at Twin Cheeks. In I Fist a Grrrrl, vaginas are penetrated with various objects to a fetish-friendly parody of Katy Perry.

None of the 22 films is longer than five minutes. That’s been a rule for submissions since the festival began, back in 2005, and in keeping with Savage’s ideas about it.

“You can protect yourself if something is too hardcore, extreme or unnerving by closing your eyes,” he said in 2015. “It makes people better humans to be comfortable with

and down with what other people are doing, what other people are into.”

Some of the films are serious reflections and representations of off-the-wall desires. Unicorn in the Castle is a sort of music video depicting S&M activities involving rope, fire and clothespins. Others are hardcore-sex-themed home videos, designed (one presumes) to entertain as much as to arouse. Some are creative. In Level Up, a video-game theme allows a costumed heroine to (literally) ‘fuck the patriarchy.’ Others are more like sketch comedy. In The

Collector, a man proudly shows off his collection of celebrity semen, which he’s been accruing — “mostly by letter writing”— for years.

Mike Huckabee — nothing if not a mascot for anti-gay rhetoric — is lambasted in multiple films. His book God, Guns, Grits and Gravy is the festival’s favorite recurring prop and punching bag. In fact, the 2016 Hump! lineup kicks off with a solo act, a woman doing her finest Meg Ryan (a la When Harry Met Sally) as she reads from the text aloud.

This festival is by no means for everybody. And we should get over thinking that diehard social conservatives and grandparents are the only sets for whom this material will be beyond the pale. Celebrating sexual diversity is important, and it’s true that exposure to diversity increases acceptance of diversity, but watching 90 minutes of homemade erotica (much of it lovingly crafted, make no mistake) isn’t likely to convince many folks that porn of any stripe is something to be shared communally in a darkened theater auditorium. Feel free to see for yourself.

As Cleveland Cinemas says, Hump!

Fest covers “every color in the sexual rainbow ... and some we never knew existed.” Tickets are $20.

sallard@clevescene.com t@scenesallard

SPOTLIGHT: ON THE EDGE FILM FESTIVAL ON AN EQUALLY NICHE-FESTIVE NOTE: The second annual On the Edge Film Festival promises to have “something for extreme sport and armchair athletes alike” when it returns to the Breen Center for the Performing Arts on Friday, Oct. 14 and Saturday, Oct. 15.

The festival will include films about “adrenaline-driven action sports” as well as “engrossing character studies and environmental and cultural issues from around the globe.”

Unsurprisingly, many of the movies include shots of incredible scenery.

The two-night event will feature different

films each evening. For Friday night’s opening night reception, food trucks will park outside the theater. Complimentary coffee, Beanitos bean snacks and cookies will be available in the theater lobby from 6 to 7:30 p.m. In addition, Coffin Nachtmahr, star of the short documentary, Throw, will appear that night. He will do a brief yo-yo demonstration and answer questions from the audience after the film screens.

Other Friday-night highlights include Acrophobia, a film about a base jumper, and The Trail to Kazbegi, a film about four fearless mountain bikers.

Coffee, Beanitos and cookies will also be

served for Saturday’s reception, which takes place from 7 to 8 p.m. Saturday’s screening schedule includes Across the Sky, a short film about a guy who walked on a slackline that stretched nearly 500 meters in Castle Valley, Utah, and Dog Power, a movie about a variety of dog-powered sports, including canicross, skijoring, and cart and sprint racing.

The films begin at 7:30 p.m. on Friday and at 8 p.m. on Saturday. The cash bar at the receptions will include beer and wine and all sales benefit Bike Cleveland’s bike advocacy efforts.

Tickets cost $25 for each night. Go to theedgefilms.com for more info. — Jeff Niesel | clevescene.com | October 12 - 18, 2016

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COMING SOON

Photo by Douglas Trattner

EAT Square 22 will bring a taste of Cleveland’s hottest dining neighborhoods to Strongsville

By Douglas Trattner YOU COULDN’T BLAME THE residents of Strongsville for assuming that the marquee property of Westwood Commons would be handed over to another drab chain eatery. After all, they’ve watched as this new development at the corner of Pearl and Westwood filled up with national franchises like Tom+Chee, Hot Head Burritos and Pita Pit. But that wasn’t the case at all.

In fact, the 4,500-square-foot space went to first-time operators with very big ambitions. As Square 22 took shape over the past weeks and months, curious neighbors began peeking into the windows, hopping onto the restaurant’s Facebook page and chatting up construction workers — anything to get a better hint of what was in store for the community.

“We wanted to build up a little mystique without putting paper over the windows like a lot of new restaurants do,” explains general manager Dan Stroemple. “As you can see, we thought we were building something special.”

Practically in the shadow of the Ziggy-adorned water tower, Square 22 indeed is something special. The bartop alone will stop a diner in his or her tracks, yard upon yard of live-edge black walnut polished and shellacked to high luster. Above the bar is a warm and rustic woodpaneled design feature built of barn wood liberated from Kentucky. The number 22 is carved into the wood and illuminated by blazing red light.

Anterooms are separated from the main barroom by large sliding panels that simulate multi-pane warehouse windows, complete with missing lights of glass here and there. Despite being new construction, there are real beefy

wood rafters travelling across the ceiling and walls covered in deephued pallet wood from an old steel mill.

“It’s a new building; there are no old brick warehouses out here in suburbia,” Stroemple says. “So we said, let’s build it urban industrial.

We’ve softened some edges, so it’s really more suburban industrial.”

Nobody understands the Strongsville dining scene more than Stroemple, who has spent the past 30 years of his life running Don’s Pomeroy House, which sits all of 500 feet away from Square.

He says that suburban diners

the jump from Don’s, where he was the number-two chef for 15 years.

His culinary chops include a stint at the famed Fulton Bar and Grill in Ohio City.

“It’s a great opportunity for me and a way that I can better express my creativity,” says the chef. “Don’s is more Continental and we couldn’t go very far outside the box because of our clientele. Here I can be creative but still not stuffy enough to have white tablecloths.”

The team describes the menu as going from burgers to prime steaks and everything in between. On it you’ll see the same sort of items

SQUARE 22 WESTWOOD COMMONS, STRONGSVILLE THESQUARE22.COM

often are erroneously described as unadventurous or old-fashioned.

“They’re more adventurous than you think,” he says. “They’ve been going to West 25th and East Fourth and Tremont for years. We’re going to bring a little bit of that here and give them the opportunity to not have to drive so far.”

From his well-equipped open kitchen, executive chef Chris Bruder will preside over a broad and appealing menu of contemporary American foods. Bruder, too, made

commonly found in gastropubs and bistros closer to town. Starters include Ahi tuna poke with ponzu, pork belly skewers with blueberry barbecue sauce, charred cauliflower with Meyer lemon oil, and poutinestyle frites topped with brown gravy, cheese curds and a fried egg.

Flatbreads are gilded with pork belly and crispy chicken skin or Danish brie and enoki mushrooms.

For the chicken and grits, Bruder sous vides thighs, breads and fries them in cast iron, and pairs the

crispy nuggets with cheddar grits.

There’s a New England lobster roll filled with butter-poached Maine lobster, a grilled bone-in pork chop paired with savory bread pudding and au jus, and bourbon-braised short ribs served with spaetzle.

True to their word, there’s a $12 burger on the menu as well as a $50 20-ounce bone-in Certified Angus Beef ribeye.

When you add up all the seats at the bar, at high-tops, in cushy booths in quiet side rooms, and on two patios — one four-season, one seasonal — you end up with around 220 seats. That’s a fair amount of spots to fill, but nothing in comparison to the three floors of dining down the street, says Bruder.

“After working over at Don’s for so long, this is nothing,” he says.

“With the buzz that’s going around I’m nervous we’ll run out of seats and food. I feel like we’re going to be so busy for the first six months.

Now, the thing that I have to make sure of is that we keep those people coming back.”

When it opens in late October, Square 22 will serve dinner seven nights a week. Lunch will be added a month or so down the road.

dtrattner@clevescene.com t@dougtrattner | clevescene.com | October 12 - 18, 2016

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EAT

ALL IN THE FAMILY Lakewood gets a gluten-free bakery

By Rachel Hunt ENTER LAURA MARCONI AND Elyssa Clare Janos onto the list of dynamic mother-daughter duos. The pair are creating something delicious and have teamed up to open Bouche Gluten Free Bakery (11823 Detroit Ave., 216-904-5688, facebook.com/ BoucheBakery) this November.

“It’s funny, because I wasn’t thinking about it when she was born, but her first name is Elyssa, with an ‘E’, and her middle name is ‘Clare,’” (making her E. Clare). “It’s like she was intended to be a baker,” coos Marconi, recounting the anecdote as only a proud mother can do. Both women suffer from intolerance to gluten, the protein found in wheat, barley and rye products that help foods retain their shape.

“A lot of it was digestive issues,” says Janos, the head baker and coowner of Bouche. “A lot of people have that sensitivity but they don’t want to acknowledge it.” Janos, who attended the Midwest Culinary Institute at Cincinnati State for pastry arts, decided to take matters into her own hands when it came to their health, unwilling to compromise on taste or freshness.

“Ingredients are expensive for gluten-free items and if you want quality you have to pay for it,” she explains. “But it was such a gamble when you bought something: It was either really awesome or just terrible, and we were tired of gambling. We wanted to play around with it for ourselves.” She quickly perfected a recipe for pretzel bread that had her friends without dietary restrictions requesting more. Janos and her mother, a traditional Italian cook, adapted pasta recipes to fit their gluten-free lifestyle.

“The problem with most commercial kitchens or community kitchens that you can rent is that they are not totally gluten-free,” Marconi, the proprietor behind the operation, explains. “Even

places that advertise as gluten-free often are not because the products are made in kitchens that still use flour,” adds Janos. “Cross-contamination can occur from flour in the air.”

The pair searched the city to find a storefront with a kitchen before settling on this space in February.

“We have people who are interested far and wide,” says Marconi. “This shop is not going to just be for Lakewood, it’s for all of Greater Cleveland. We didn’t want to stray far from downtown; we wanted to be central so that everybody can partake.”

Today, they’ve hung up their oven mitts for paintbrushes, coating a fiery red onto end tables strewn about the storefront that once housed Helvetica Juice Bar before it closed in 2014. An electrical upgrade will allow them to operate a newly purchased oven while utilizing kitchen appliances the previous proprietors left behind.

The bakery will have a vintage vibe to match Janos’ personal style. They recently purchased a 1930s-era cast iron stove to display in the window.

There will be no seating in the shop, just a large display counter and kitschy mint-green dressers repurposed to fill with scones, cupcakes and other decadent gourmet pastries. Gluten-free versions of comfort foods like macaroni and cheese, pasta salad and rotating side dishes also will be available.

It’s hard to imagine a time when the charming team won’t be the stars of the show. Instead, the tempting scent of fresh baked bread will take center stage, and the best part is that everybody can enjoy it.

Bouche Bakery will be open Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 9 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. and 4 p.m. to 6 p.m.; and on Saturday from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m.

scene@clevescene.com t@clevelandscene

| clevescene.com | October 12 - 18, 2016

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OAK AND EMBERS TO OPEN NEW BBQ JOINT

By Douglas Trattner LAST YEAR WE LEARNED THAT Marcelita’s Mexican restaurant in Hudson was closing its doors after nearly 40 years in business. Now we know what will replace it. Hopefully by the holidays, Oak & Embers Tavern will be filling the building and the surrounding neighborhood with the sweet and smoky scents of barbecue.

In 1978, Marcela Arregui de McNeill, an immigrant from Mexico City, opened a one-room Mexican restaurant in what was then the middle of nowhere. As her operation

grew more and more successful, she added more and more dining space onto the structure. In 2008 she sold the business to a longtime customer, but the transition was not a fruitful one.

Marc and Gretchen Garofoli, who opened the original Oak and Embers Tavern in Chesterland two years ago, purchased the property (7774 Darrow Rd.) and immediately began work on it.

“We ripped down half of the building and gutted the other half,” Marc explains. “It was chopped up into seven different rooms.”

Diners will immediately notice the transformation, which included raising the room and expanding the footprint to create an open and airy 8,500-square-foot interior that can seat 350 guests. There will be a new bourbon-heavy bar with garage doors that open onto a patio with a fireplace.

Garofolo just took delivery of his new baby, a $40,000 Southern Pride smoker capable of handling 3,000 pounds of meat at a time.

From that rig will come the same delicious lineup of smoked meats, like baby back ribs, beef brisket, pork shoulder, sausages and chicken wings. Management says that the

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| clevescene.com | October 12 - 18, 2016

menu will be almost identical to the original spot save for the addition of more kid-friendly meals and sides.

There will be no changes at the Chesterland outpost (8003 Mayfield Rd., 440-729-4030).

“We have been welcomed with open arms,” Marc says about his new Hudson and Twinsburg neighbors.

“It’s such a nice community. We’re already getting requests for parties.”

THE SMITH, A ‘CONTEMPORARY SMOKEHOUSE,’ TO OPEN IN BURTON Earlier this year, the sleepy village of Burton welcomed the addition of Warren’s Spirited Kitchen, a progressive dining option in a sea of humble homestyle cooking. By the middle of October, Burton will say howdy to the Smith, described by management as a “contemporary smokehouse.”

For the past 18 months, owners Art and Linda Smith, who have run Meadow Ridge Events for decades, have been working to convert the old Belle’s Colonial Restaurant in the heart of town into the Smith (14608 West Park St., 440-273-8039), which executive chef William Burke describes as an updated take on the country kitchen concept.

“I enjoy the idea of doing revivalist cooking; using recipes that have been forgotten along the way or replaced with more convenient ones,” says Burke, who for the past three years served as chef de cuisine at the nearby Walden Inn and Spa. Diners can look forward to a menu that makes modern use of techniques like smoking, canning, pickling and other traditional forms of preserving foods, many of which will be sourced locally at the peak of freshness. From that Southern Pride pit will come a wide array of slow-smoked meats like pulled pork, ribs, sausage and chicken, but also bacon and even chili meat.

“Smoke will touch almost every menu item,” Burke says.

Smoked herbs will season split

Photo courtesy of ipanemamarket.com

Ipanema Market

chickens, which will then be cooked confit-style before a hot bath in the deep fryer. Whole wings will be smoked. New Creation top round will be smoked, shaved, piled onto caraway and salt encrusted brioche and served with smoked au jus.

Seared trout will come with sweet potato hash and smoked butter sauce. Sweet potatoes will be smoked and turned into gnocchi.

For dessert there will be oldfashioned pies like rhubarb, apple and chocolate chess pie made with a splash of local buttermilk.

“Belle’s used to be known for their pies,” notes the chef.

The transformation from Belle’s to the Smith pared down the dining room from about 190 seats to just 66. As the business gets its bearings it will expand into the rear of the space. The restaurant will serve dinner five nights a week and weekend brunch.

For those living in the area, the news of another quality dining option means there will be fewer trips into town, says Burke.

“I think that Cleveland — and Chagrin — are getting almost over saturated with restaurants, so instead of wanting to go all the way downtown, why don’t they come to us instead,” explains Burke. “On one side of us we have JC’s, a sort of greasy spoon that every small town has. And then across the square we have Vince [Thomascik] at Warren’s. We’re kind of filling the niche right in the middle.”

The Smith is on schedule to open on Oct. 19.

BRAZILIAN-THEMED IPANEMA MARKET READY TO SERVE ITS LARGE, GROWING COMMUNITY Carla Batista and Gustavo Nogueira, the owners of Batuqui

(12706 Larchmere Blvd., 216801-0227), are approaching the finish line on their Brazilianthemed market Ipanema (12602 Larchmere Blvd., 216-465-1422, ipanemamarket.com), which will specialize in Latin food products.

Located immediately next door to Big Al’s Diner, the shop recently welcomed customers during a “preview day” and will be opening for good this month.

“We’re pretty close to getting started,” says manger Matt Quinn.

The market, which caters to the large and growing Brazilian community in Northeast Ohio, is the only one of its kind in the region.

“I think a lot of the stuff in here is unique to the city,” Quinn adds.

“The nearest places that sell most of it is Columbus.”

The idea for the market developed organically, say the owners. Down the road at the restaurant, customers are always asking where they can purchase the mix for the cheese bread, passion fruit juice, good Brazilian coffee or palm oil for cooking. With Ipanema, they have a convenient location that sells them all in one place.

In addition to the packaged goods like flours, mixes, oils, preserves and coffees, there is a selection of meats and cheeses and frozen heat-and-eat items.

While the days and hours of operation are still being worked out, the owners say that it makes sense to be open during and after dinner service at Batuqui.

“That way we can crosspollinate,” says Quinn. “So when people are done eating down there, they can come here and shop.”

dtrattner@clevescene.com t@dougtrattner

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MUSIC

A TEAM EFFORT Simple Plan rides pop-punk’s new wave of resurgence

By Jeff Niesel WHEN THE MONTREAL-BASED pop-punk act Simple Plan signed with Atlantic Records in 2002 to release its debut, No Pads, No Helmets … Just Balls, the execs at the label were anxious for the album to come out.

“They wanted to strike the iron when it’s hot,” recalls drummer Chuck Comeau in a recent interview.

The band brings its tour in support of its new album, Taking One For the Team, to House of Blues on Oct. 15. “We were laughing. [Pop-punk] had already been around for 15 years. Sure enough, 17 years later, the bands are still here. And there’s a big resurgence of bands coming back. Blink 182 is selling out huge venues and our album is coming out and Sum 41 is back.”

According to Comeau, because the music comes off as something “honest and heartfelt,” it continues to appeal to fans.

“People write from the heart,” he says. “They don’t write for radio. The music is honest and real and talks about people’s lives and doesn’t take itself too seriously. It’s high energy and in your face and catchy. A lot of the bands are all about touring and

playing live. Nowadays, it’s often not as important for new types of acts. We don’t need huge production.

We can play in a small club or big arena and just jump around and go crazy and run around. People feel the energy and react to that. That’s part of the reason why [pop-punk] is still there, and I’m grateful it’s still around and we get to do what we do.”

Comeau says the band took five years to record Taking One For the Team, the group’s first full-length since 2011’s Get Your Heart On!, because the band scrapped some of the initial recordings to head back into the studio and write new tunes.

“It didn’t feel very long,” he says.

“We toured for about two years and a half. We played in 65 to 70 countries around the world, from Vietnam to Russia and Australia and Indonesia.

We went around the world. We thought we’d be done faster with the album, but at this stage, your fans judge you on what you’ve done. We didn’t want to become a band that puts out a record just to go on tour.

We wanted to put out something that could rival what we did before and could stand up to No Helmets

and records that had a big impact on the scene and on our fans. It took awhile. We’re not the fastest songwriters. We took our time in the studio. We had a finished album and we thought it wasn’t good enough.

We went back and wrote three more songs that made the album. That’s why it took some time.”

He admits the long layoff might’ve been detrimental, but fans have responded so favorably, the delay didn’t seem to detract from the band’s publicity.

“In some ways, it might have hurt us,” he says. “But when I listen to the record, I’m really proud of it. Our fans have told us that they love it as much as our first and second albums and that says a lot. When the fans ask us to play more songs live, that’s a great sign. A lot of times when you play new songs, fans think of it as a time to go get a beer.”

The album offers a solid mix of classic pop-punk anthems (“Boom” and “Farewell”), danceable pop songs (“I Don’t Want to Go to Bed”), and even reggae/pop blends in a Sugar Ray/Sublime vein (“Singin’ in the Rain”).

Comeau thanks his high

school French teacher for initially suggesting he and singer Pierre Bouvier should pursue their punk rock dreams.

“For some reason, our French teacher said we should be in a band together,” he recalls when asked about the group’s origins. “He told us that we looked like we should be in a band together. We started playing together right away and only stopped for maybe one year. It’s been 23 years of playing music together.

It’s an interesting dynamic. It’s crazy to think we’ve been doing this that long. We’re not young but not that old. The one thing we’re very lucky about is that we’re still friends. We all grew up together and went to the same high school. We never had any lineup change, and I’m proud of that.

It’s pretty rare nowadays with bands.

In that respect, we’re very fortunate and very blessed.”

Since the start, the band’s songs have managed to possess both a punk edge and pop sensibilities.

“We’ve always had one foot in both worlds,” Comeau says. “We grew up loving hard-hitting Fat Wreck Chords and Epitaph and all the punk rock bands from the ’90s. That was | clevescene.com | October 12 - 18, 2016

49

MUSIC our whole world and changed the day I heard NOFX and Bad Religion. But at the same time, we love the Beach Boys and Beatles and Cheap Trick and Elvis Costello and tons of poppy songs on Top 40 radio. We blended those two sensibilities and it came out as Simple Plan. We have a trademark sound. When people hear a song, people know it’s Pierre’s voice. We got some flack for being too pop or being too edgy but we feel comfortable being right in the middle.”

“Singin’ in the Rain” features a reggae beat and call-and-response vocals. The brisk horns give it an ’80s ska feel.

“It’s something we got into on the last album,” Comeau says. “We had a song called ‘Summer Paradise’ that was really beachy and Jack Johnsonlike. We loved it. At first, we were a little scared. It turned out to be one of the biggest hits we had around the world. It was a No. 1 song in Europe.

It was kind of shocking to have that success so far into our career. We thought, ‘Why not try this again and go further into that vibe and try to have fun with it?’ We came up with ‘Singin’ in the Rain.’”

That’s what the song is about. Our fans have embraced it, and it goes off when we play it live.”

“I Don’t Want to Go to Bed” features Nelly and a satirical Baywatch-inspired companion video that stars David Hasselhoff.

“That song is so different for us,” says Comeau. “It’s a left-field move.

We had the song for a long time and thought it wasn’t a Simple Plan song. We kept going back to it. At some point, we said, ‘Why not?’ We wanted to make a video that was funny. We wanted to show that we don’t take ourselves too seriously. We didn’t want to make a sexy Maroon 5 video. We made fun of that. We came up with the Baywatch idea. It’s the most watched show in the world. We thought that it would be rad to have fun with it. It was complicated. We had to get a license from the show.

We came up with the idea for the cameo from David Hasselhoff. It was a blast to make. We were on the beach goofing around and laughing. Our fans were surprised by the musical direction, but they love the video.”

The new album reflects the fact that band members continue to enjoy making music and haven’t lost their sense of humor.

“Most bands don’t expect to be around this long,” Comeau admits.

SIMPLE PLAN, HIT THE LIGHTS, STORY UNTOLD 6 P.M. SATURDAY, OCT. 15, HOUSE OF BLUES, 308 EUCLID AVE., 216-523-2583.

TICKETS: $27.50-$37.50, HOUSEOFBLUES.COM

He says the song possesses a serious message too.

“The song is about how there’s so much bad news in the world,” he explains. “People are dealing with lots of issues in their lives. It says, ‘Let’s try to keep our head up and stay positive and not let that ruin your day, so we came up with that line and it was inspired by the movie.’

We just wrote something around it that felt cool. It’s about making you smile.”

The hard-driving, guitar-driven “I Refuse” suggests the album’s theme.

“We love to crank up those in-yourface punk tunes,” says Comeau. “We had that line ‘I refuse’ and took it from there. I think this whole record is about empowerment and standing up for who you are and not letting people dictate who you are. Our fans can relate to that. It’s an anthem for them but also for us. As a band, you get criticized. It’s so easy to hate on everything. We’re in a culture where it’s so easy to type a few words on a phone or a keyboard and vent.

Sometimes you have to fight back.

50

| clevescene.com | October 12 - 18, 2016

“With every album we feel like we’re beating the odds, and we’re still here and still alive. It’s a great time. We know who we are. We’re not trying to be something we’re not. We know we’re not the critics’ darlings. We’re fine with that.”

Comeau says the band cherishes the way the group’s music has become something personal for its fans.

“Meeting these kids after the show and talking to them and realizing how much the music had an impact, as we got older, that becomes the most gratifying thing about being in the band,” he says.

“People tell you that if they didn’t have our music, they wouldn’t be here. You take stock of what you were able to do, and that’s always special and what you hope for. It’s been fun doing that and playing new music live, and we’re happy to still be able to tour.”

jniesel@clevescene.com t@jniesel

FOLLOW

308 EUCLID AVE. CLEVELAND, OH 44114 216.523.BLUE Complete listing at houseofblues.com/cleveland

US:

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SIMPLE PLAN

STURGILL SIMPSON OCTOBER 13

w/HIT THE LIGHTS STORY UNTOLD

OCTOBER 14 MASONIC AUDITORIUM

OCTOBER 15 20TH ANNIVERSARY TOUR

DECEMBER 15

SAINT MOTEL

ON SALE FRI. 10AM

w/ Hippo Campus • Weathers

OCTOBER 16

OCTOBER 17

NF

OCTOBER 18

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JANUARY 30

ON SALE FRI. 10AM

w/ FLEURIE w/ MADBALL OCTOBER 20

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w/ Chelsea Grin, Emmure, Sylar OCTOBER 26

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COMING SOON

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Carnival of Horrors ft. DJ’s: Flaco Flash, JonDoe, Hovaround Rusted Root w/ The Devon Allman Band Russ Lecrae w/ Ambré The Fray w/ American Authors Beartooth w/ Everytime I Die, Fit For A King, Old Wounds Brothers Osborne w/ LANco The Pretty Reckless w/ Holy White House, Them Evils Rebelution w/ HIRIE NOFX w/ PEARS, Useless ID

BUY TICKETS AT

NOVEMBER 9

MARCH 28

ON SALE FRI. 10AM

Nov. 15 Niykee Heaton Nov. 16 JJ Grey & Mofro w/ Parker Millsap Nov. 19 Atmosphere w/ Borther Alim DeM atlas, Plain Ole Bill, Last Word Nov. 20 BBC Tour w/ Izzy Bizu, Spring King, Sundara Karma Nov. 20, 21, 22 - Machine Gun Kelly w/ Mod Sun Nov. 25 Papadosio w/ Broccoli Samurai Nov. 26 Welshly Arms Nov. 27 Tory Lanez w/ a Boogie, Kranium, Taylor Bennett, VeeCee Nov. 28 Children of Bodom w/ Abbath, Exmortus, Oni Nov. 30 Steel Panther w/ Wilson

Buy tickets at HOUSEOFBLUES.COM/CLEVELAND Order By Phone: 800.745.3000 • House of Blues Box Office

| clevescene.com | October 12 - 18, 2016

51

MUSIC ROOTS ROCK Max and Igor Cavalera talk about revisiting Sepultura’s groundbreaking album

By Jeff Niesel WHEN THEY PLAYED TOGETHER in the metal band Sepultura, singerguitarist Max Cavalera and his brother, drummer Igor, who currently play together in Cavalera Conspiracy, explored their Brazilian heritage on the 1996 album Roots.

For the current tour, Cavalera Conspiracy guitarist Marc Rizzo and bassist Johny Chow will join the Cavaleras as they play the album in its entirety. We spoke to both brothers via Skype and asked them about the tour.

Talk about what made you want to revisit this album?

Max: We thought it would be a good time because it’s been 20 years from the Roots album and we haven’t done anything like this before. It’s really something different in our lives and in our careers. Everyone got really excited about it. We tried it out in Canada, and it was killer.

The crowd went crazy. We wanted to do it for real for a whole tour. We got backdrops and merchandise and it’s rolling now. I love the show. It’s one of the coolest things I’ve ever done.

Igor: The cool thing about it is to do something different that we haven’t done in our whole career.

At the same time, we have a special relationship with this record. As a drummer, I got to explore different styles of percussion and drums. To try to recreate this now as a live concert is a real challenge. There is stuff we’ve never played live before.

As a musician, it’s amazing when you have a strong challenge in front of you. That’s what keeps us hungry to do more and improve.

Take us back to the making of the album. What prompted the band to explore the indigenous music of Brazil with the album?

Max: We’re always looking for something different. It was evident on all the records that there was growth. I think the seed was planted on [1991’s] Arise. We did some intros where we mess around with tribal rhythms, and it continued heavily on [1993’s] Chaos A.D. We started to listen to old Brazilian acts like Chico Science. I had the idea to spend

52

some time with the Xavante. That was in the middle of the record. That provided the imagery and concept came from the trip we did to the tribe. That’s never been done before by a metal band. That’s very unique.

There’s something special about this record. It surprised everyone and was a game changer in the metal world.

Igor: It seems like we were moving in that direction naturally.

Even before Chaos A.D., on Arise, we tried some intros that had different sounds. That sent us on the way to Roots. It was a natural progression of ideas. By the time we did Roots, it became logical to explore as much as we could from the tribal beats to playing together with the tribe and exploring their music.

You recorded “Itsari” with a native Brazilian tribe. Talk about that.

Igor: For us, it was amazing.

No one in the rock or metal world had tried anything like that. It was quite magical. We had to record with car batteries because there was no electricity. Things like that made it so special not just for metal but for Brazil too.

Max: I think that’s the coolest thing. We went back to the deep roots

were 300 people sitting down and they started making this noise, and we asked the translator what they were saying and they were asking for more. Getting painted by them and experiencing the way they live, for us, it was awesome. We were involved in their rituals, and it was very magical. It was a one of a kind experience. We were blessed to be part of that. In metal, nothing like that has been done. I love stuff like Paul Simon’s Graceland for which he went to South Africa and recorded,

MAX AND IGOR CAVALERA RETURN TO THEIR ROOTS TOUR, COMBICHRIST, ALL HAIL THE YETI, ONI 6 P.M. SUNDAY, OCT. 16, AGORA BALLROOM, 5000 EUCLID AVE., 216-321-5588.

TICKETS: $20 ADV, $25 DOS, AGORACLEVELAND.COM

of Brazilian music before samba. We went back to the original Brazilian music before anyone was there. It was important to us that if we call the record ‘roots,’ we go back to the original music. It was important to go back there. People in Brazil at the time didn’t care much for the Indian values and all their values.

Our grandmother was a native, which is very cool, so we have some native blood. The trip was amazing from every angle. We spent three days with them. They were so nice and open minded and so friendly and everything went so smooth.

They wanted to play our music so we played a song for them. There

| clevescene.com | October 12 - 18, 2016

and Peter Gabriel’s Last Temptation of Christ, which used the Eastern rhythms. I wanted to do stuff like that. There are no rules. The record is groundbreaking, and I think that’s why the record was so well received.

The two of you had a falling out at one point. What’s enabled you to work together again?

Igor: The most important thing is that we decided to start making music again. The cool thing about it is that the second Max talked about making music again it was a new thing. It was to write new music together. That was the most important thing. We’re super proud

of our past. This Roots tour is a special thing. I’m more excited about working on new music. We want to be influenced by new bands right now.

Those things are a way to motivate me as a musician. There’s a way to try new things. We want to do something for the future.

Max: I really love when I got back with Igor epically after 10 years of not talking. It was very hard on all of us. When we got back together it was great just to be back together.

We wanted to do something new with our life. We created Cavalera Conspiracy, and it was super, super killer. I love the record Inflikted. It was really awesome. There are some great things on it. I remember when we wrote “Sanctuary,” I was so happy about the song. The main refrain is “everybody die tonight.” It’s a heavy angry phrase. I felt so alive to sing that. The song just kicks ass. People love Pandemonium too. It’s a cool underground record. Like Igor said, we’re excited to look for the future and the Roots tour will influence us to come up with better stuff when we do the next Cavalera album, which will be our fourth album. I hope we’re inspired and can do something different to create a Cavalera Conspiracy album that people haven’t heard before.

jniesel@clevescene.com t@jniesel

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| clevescene.com | October 12 - 18, 2016

53

MUSIC END OF THE EQUATION Mathcore pioneers the Dillinger Escape Plan mark an end to their 20-year run

By Sam Mendez THE DILLINGER ESCAPE PLAN are not for the faint of heart. With their jarring guitar riffs, fleeting rhythms and vocalist Greg Puciato’s screams sounding like a frenzied Trent Reznor, their recipe of chaotic metalcore wields itself with heavy, unstable power, like a semi-truck fishtailing on the freeway, but is carefully crafted as such. This style of lurching aggression has them regarded as the pioneers of the technically conscious subgenre “mathcore,” a juxtaposition of mindfulness and insanity where their compositions are brilliantly layered and meticulously measured, yet operate as if they’re about to rip apart at the seams.

That precariousness may be the sonic signature that positioned the Dillinger Escape Plan as one of the most influential metal bands of today, but it’s also been an ongoing theme in the band’s lifespan of nearly 20 years. With the band now feeling the most stable they’ve ever been, their upcoming sixth album, Dissociation, will be their last. The decision to end the band was their own choice.

When asked if there were any moments in the band’s history that felt like it could be their last, Ben Weinman responds with a laugh. “At every album!” As the lead guitarist, head songwriter and the only founding member left, Weinman knows how often the band has nearly veered into its own end. A tragic accident that paralyzed their original bassist almost cut off Dillinger from finishing their landmark debut album, Calculating Infinity.

Having to find a new vocalist almost prevented the making of their followup, Miss Machine, and the album’s aspiration of branching out into other styles was a make-it-or-break-it period of growth. Parting ways with their original drummer in the midst of writing Ire Works almost derailed that album’s completion. Struggling with the business aspect of moving forward as a band was a stressful undertone while working on Option Paralysis.

The most recent tensions were perhaps the strongest. The straining personal relationships within the

54

band while making One of Us Is the Killer had Weinman feeling the end truly was nigh.

“It nearly imploded the band, there were so many issues between us,” Weinman says. But after letting the conflicts cool down, they realized that beyond the issues that they’ve had and may have in the future, their bond was a great one, and that they would make a sixth record. “We really felt privileged to have each other creatively.”

All those snags that didn’t kill Dillinger only made the members stronger. But while working on their latest album, Weinman noted a feeling that he hadn’t experienced with any other Dillinger album: a feeling that everything was fine.

There were no unfortunate elements

a profound dichotomy, because Weinman then realized that this feeling of security was the feeling necessary to bring Dillinger to a proper close. The band’s end wouldn’t be caused by unfortunate events or a crumbling of personal relationships, but brought forth by finally hitting a sweet spot — the final scene in which they can happily ride off into the sunset.

“We figured it out. We finally got to a good place. We want to end on a high note.”

Initially keeping this idea of ending the band to himself, he eventually told Billy Rymer, the drummer and co-head songwriter of the band, who was supportive of the decision. Puciato, on the other hand, was ambivalent about totally ending

THE DILLINGER ESCAPE PLAN 7 P.M. TUESDAY, OCT. 18, HOUSE OF BLUES, 308 EUCLID AVE., 216-523-2583.

TICKETS: $18, HOUSEOFBLUES.COM

that needed to be weathered, they were working fully independent, and not one iota of their creative conscience was nervous about meeting the expectations of others.

“For the first time, I was 100-percent centered in this album,” he says. “I was just trying to make the best album I could make without any care about how well the album does or what people think. That’s the ultimate emotional maturity.”

That epiphany proved to be

| clevescene.com | October 12 - 18, 2016

things, making a counter-proposal of an indefinite hiatus. Weinman agreed at first, but the more he pondered the idea, the more certain he felt that this end shouldn’t be a temporary one.

“I just don’t feel like, cosmically, the world will open up new doors if we don’t close this one,” he says.

Puciato eventually came around, and the making of Dissociation became a unified expression of being the band’s swan song. With the music being more chaotic and dynamic than

ever before, Weinman comments on Puciato’s performance being the most honest it’s ever been on their records.

“There are moments when you can tell he’s really going someplace, not concerned if it’s the appropriate thing for the part,” Weinman says. “It’s an honest reaction to the song.”

This stands out most on the titular song — the final song on the album and the very last song for the band’s catalog. In contrast to hearing the band pour out all the crazy they can earlier in the record, the final song showcases Puciato’s clean singing, swaddled by synths and string sections courtesy of Seven)suns. It’s a song that most defies Dillinger’s signature sound, yet it’s the most appropriate song to bring the band to an end: a ballad to say goodbye to the listener. And the kicker is that the song was originally conceived long before this point in their career, long before this enlightened sense of finality.

“I wrote the majority of that song close to 10 years ago and just never finished it,” he says, noting that no Dillinger song is ever actually finished. “Those songs are literally abandoned.”

That sentiment about nothing ever truly being finished is a universal one when it comes to art.

Every artistic work can be developed ad infinitum, but it’s up to the artist to decide when it’s ready for an end.

It may seem like an act of surrender, but the choice to finally let go of a creative endeavor displays a sense of empowerment. The Dillinger Escape Plan’s end by their choice is that same sense of empowerment, writing their own consensual end to their body of work. And though the pioneers of mathcore are ending their journey together, Weinman understands how much impact they’ve made with the trail they blazed.

“It’s definitely cool to know that I left a mark, and that there are things out there that would never be out there if we didn’t do what we did.”

scene@clevescene.com t@clevelandscene

| clevescene.com m | October 12 - 18, 2016

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| clevescene.com | October 12 - 18, 2016

LIVEWIRE 10/12

Moon Hooch/Honeycomb: Two saxophones and a drum kit: The structure of Moon Hooch seems outwardly simple, but there’s a fascinating and fun depth to this band. Their latest album, Red Sky, came out recently, and continues the band’s danceable, funky mission.

This is high-energy music, the sort of thing that’ll have you toppling out of your chair if you dare listen at work. And that makes it perfect for a mid-October romp at the Beachland. With the new album out now, it’s really interesting to see the places Moon Hooch is taking its stripped-down sound. You’ve got sort of the classic Hooch sound (“Psychotubes”), and then more farout songwriting concepts (“Sunken Ship”). Any way you slice it, though, this is fun music. (Eric Sandy), 8:30 p.m., $18 ADV, $20 DOS. Beachland Ballroom.

10 X 3 Singer Songwriter Showcase: Hosted by Brent Kirby (in the Wine Bar): Same old., 8 p.m.

Brothers Lounge.

An Acoustic Evening with John Hiatt/Rick Brantley: 8 p.m. Music Box Supper Club.

Todd Carey/Hough Crowd/Glendale/ Two Hands: 7 p.m., $12 ADV, $14 DOS. Mahall’s 20 Lanes.

Cleveland State University Jazz Showcase: 8 p.m., $10. Bop Stop.

Fair City Fire/Ray Flanagan & the Authorities: 9 p.m., $5. Happy Dog. Gosh Pit: 9 p.m., $8. Mahall’s 20 Lanes.

Michale Graves: 7 p.m., $10 ADV, $12 DOS. Agora Ballroom.

Meg & the Magnetosphere/Mimi Arden: 8:30 p.m., $10. Grog Shop.

Jeremy Porter & the Tucos/Dutch Babies/Skim the Reason: 8:30 p.m., Free. Beachland Tavern.

Vampyre/Carl Sagan’s Skate/Beach Glass: 8 p.m., Free. Now That’s Class.

VanLadyLove: 8 p.m., $10 ADV, $12 DOS. House of Blues Cambridge Room.

THU

10/13

Blues Deville (in the Supper Club): 7:30 p.m., $7. Music Box Supper Club.

Paquito D’Rivera & John di Martino Trio play Billy Strayhorn: 8 p.m., $40. Nighttown.

Gentle Brontosaurus/Heavenly

Photo by Timothy M Schmidt

WED

all the live music you should see this week Guitar whiz Davy Knowles comes to Music Box Supper Club. See: Friday.

Creatures/The Supposed So/Half An Animal: 8:30 p.m., $7. Grog Shop.

Saul Glennon: 9 p.m., $5. Mahall’s 20 Lanes.

Hackensaw Boys/JP and the Chatfield Boys: 8:30 p.m., $15.

Beachland Tavern.

Chris Hatton’s Musical Circus (in the Wine Bar): 8 p.m. Brothers Lounge.

Jacuzzi Boys/Ex-Astronaut/See Creatures: 9 p.m., $5. Happy Dog. Jam Night with the Bad Boys of Blues: 9 p.m., Free. Brothers Lounge.

John Brown’s Body/Cat’s Meow: 8:30 p.m., $13 ADV, $15 DOS. Beachland Ballroom.

Jim Messina: 8 p.m., $35-$45. The Kent Stage.

Mondo Drag/The Well/Petyr/ Reisnaut: 8 p.m., $10 ADV, $12 DOS. Now That’s Class.

Pennywise/Strung Out/Unwritten Law/Runaway Kids: 8 p.m., $25 ADV, $30 DOS. House of Blues.

The Westerlies: 8 p.m., $12. Bop Stop.

FRI

10/14

Davy Knowles/Austin Stambaugh (in the Supper Club): With a new album, Three Miles From Avalon, due out on this very day, Davy Knowles is sure to hit Cleveland with a spring in his step. We’ve been spinning the record at Scene’s worldwide headquarters, and can attest that it’s a groovy collection of upbeat blues rock tunes. The guy’s got chops; over the years, he’s cut his teeth touring with Jeff Beck and, at other times, the Rhythm Devils, tapping into some serious

rock ‘n’ roll DNA. While he weaves a nice Celtic influence into his material (he went to high school and formed his first band on the Isle of Man), Knowles hews close to American rock songwriting structures. (Sandy), 8 p.m., $15 ADV, $18 DOS. Music Box Supper Club.

Armstrong Bearcat: 9:30 p.m., $5.

Brothers Lounge.

Emmet Cohen Trio: 8 p.m., $15. Bop Stop.

The Devil You Know: 6:30 p.m., $13 ADV, $15 DOS. Agora Ballroom.

High Plains Jamboree/Long Road Home: 9 p.m., Free. The Euclid Tavern.

Ian Hunter & the Rant Band`: 8 p.m., $32.50 ADV, $35 DOS. Beachland Ballroom.

Steve Masek (in the Wine Bar): 8 p.m. Brothers Lounge.

Ohio Weather Band: 8 p.m., $10.

Musica.

Pig Flayer Record Release Show/ Parrot Heads: 9 p.m., $5. Now That’s Class.

Signals Midwest Record Release Party/The Gunshy/Two Hand Fools: 9 p.m., $5 ADV, $8 DOS. Grog Shop.

Sturgill Simpson: 8 p.m., $30-$40.

Masonic Auditorium.

Sister Smirk/Cross Brothers/Uno Lady/Mourning a Blkstar: 9 p.m., $5. Happy Dog. Moss Stanley: 10:30 p.m., free.

Nighttown.

SAT

10/15

Get the Led Out: 8 p.m., Tickets start at $10. (Niesel). State Theatre.

Kofi Baker’s Cream Experience (in

the Supper Club): 8 p.m., $20 ADV, $22 DOS. Music Box Supper Club.

Wesley Bright & the Honeytones/ Bassel & the Supernaturals: 9 p.m., $12 ADV, $15 DOS. Beachland Ballroom.

Wallace Coleman Blues Folk/Zoe & Cloyd: 9 p.m., Free. The Euclid Tavern.

Cornmeal/Good Luck Elouise: 8:30 p.m., $10 ADV, $12 DOS. Beachland Tavern.

The Devil Wears Prada/Memphis May Fire/Silverstein/LIke Moths to Flame: 5:30 p.m., $22 ADV, $25 DOS. The Agora Theatre.

Distant Signals: 9:30 p.m., $10.

Brothers Lounge.

Gabriel’s Horns: 8 p.m., $15. Bop Stop.

In Training Two-Year Anniversary with Bill Converse/ KiernanaLaveaux/GhostNoises/ Glacial 23: 9 p.m., $10 ADV, $12 DOS. Now That’s Class.

Marion Meadows featuring Paul Taylor: 8:30 p.m., $40-$82.50.

The Tangier.

Mike Bono & Natalie Cressman: $20. Nighttown.

The Scenic Route: 8:30 p.m., $5.

Musica.

Simple Plan/Hit the Lights/Story Untold: 7 p.m., $27.50/$30.50.

House of Blues.

Slingshot Dakota/Kississippi/ Hurry (in the Locker Room): 7 p.m., $8. Mahall’s 20 Lanes.

Touche Amore/Tiny Moving Parts/ Culture Abuse: 9 p.m., $15 ADV, $17 DOS. Grog Shop.

Travelin’ Johnsons (in the Wine Bar): 8 p.m. Brothers Lounge.

Jackie Warren: 10:30 p.m., free.

Nighttown.

SUN

10/16

Birth — Special Reunion Show: From 1998 to 2004, Birth, a Cleveland/New York-based saxophone, electric bass, drums trio, received attention and praise from some of the leading voices of the avant-garde jazz and creative music world. Birth released four records to great acclaim, including two studio records, as well as collections of live recordings. After a performance at the High Mayhem Festival in Santa Fe, New Mexico, in 2004, the group went on an indefinite hiatus. Saxophonist Joshua | clevescene.com | October 12 - 18, 2016

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SCENE

Smith relocated to just north of San Francisco, where he has performed with various groups under his own direction and as a sideman. Bassist Jeremy Bleich relocated to the Southwest and drummer Joe Tomino decided to devote his time to studio and touring projects. Tonight’s reunion show at Mahall’s comes as the band has decided to record at a new studio space in the Masonic Temple in Ohio City.

(Niesel), 8 p.m., $10. Mahall’s 20 Lanes.

Blue Lunch: 8 p.m., $15. Bop Stop.

Dodie Clark & Tessa Violet/Rusty Clanton: 7 p.m., $15. Musica.

Tony Cuda & His Jazz Cats: 7 p.m., $10. Nighttown.

Futuristic/Beez/Marzek/Zero: 7 p.m., $15 ADV, $18 DOS. Beachland Ballroom.

Rickie Lee Jones: 7:30 p.m., $40$50. The Kent Stage.

Marbin/Neogiant: 8:30 p.m., $10 ADV, $12 DOS. Beachland Tavern.

Max and Igor Cavalera Return to Roots Tour/Combichrist/All Hail the Yeti/Oni: 6 p.m., $20 ADV, $25 DOS. Agora Ballroom.

Nots/Tonawandas/Methodrones: 9 p.m., $10. Now That’s Class.

Mike Petrone (in the Wine Bar): 5:30 p.m. Brothers Lounge.

Ritz/Jaren Benton: 8 p.m., $22 ADV, $27 DOS. House of Blues.

Tancred/Violet Blue/John’s Little Sister: 8:30 p.m., $10. Grog Shop.

MON

10/17

Saint Motel/Hippo Campus/ Weathers: Two years ago, the Los Angeles-based rock act Saint Motel made its label debut with the EP, My Type. The EP delivered the catchy, retro-leaning title track, which is also featured on the Paper Towns soundtrack. The song has received over 46 million streams on Spotify and was a top 40 favorite overseas too. In addition, the music video directed

by Saint Motel frontman A/J Jackson has drawn more than 12 million views at the band’s official YouTube channel. Expect to hear it along with material from the band’s new studio release, saintmotelevision, at tonight’s high-energy show. (Niesel), 8 p.m., $22 ADV, $25 DOS. House of Blues.

Skatch Anderssen Orchestra: 8 p.m., $7. Brothers Lounge.

Palm/And the Kids: 8 p.m., $10.

Beachland Tavern. SALES/Small Wood House/The Sonder Bombs: 7 p.m., $10 ADV, $12 DOS. Mahall’s 20 Lanes.

Velvet Voyage (in the Wine Bar): 8 p.m. Brothers Lounge.

Rumer Willis Over the Love Tour: 7:30 p.m., $30-$40. The Kent Stage.

TUE

10/18

Quintron & Miss Pussycat/Sick Trees/Ma Holos: Delivering the world some good ol’ swamp-tech noise music from New Orleans, Quintron is one of the more idiosyncratic DJs out there.

Working with puppetry and minimal electronic soundtracks, Miss Pussycat is a bubbly spirit and singer. Together, they’re a wild musical force. Really, they’re unlike anything else out there.

Quintron is known for playing his Drum Buddy, an instrument he fashioned himself that oscillates and turns light into sound (a variety of drum beats and synthesizer-like blurps and whoops). On top of that madness, he and Miss Pussycat roll out the red carpet to psychedelia -- almost a weird throwback to rockabilly at times. The visual alone is great (look ‘em up online), but the music is infectious. It’s vintage 9th Ward, and it’s not to be missed.

(Sandy), 8:30 p.m., $12. Beachland Tavern.

Dillinger Escape Plan/O’ Brother/ Cult Leader/Bent Knee: 8 p.m., $18 ADV, $23 DOS. House of Blues.

Holy Daughters/Spissy: 9 p.m., Free. The Euclid Tavern.

Ernie Krivda’s Fat Tuesday Big Band Featuring Cleveland’s Jazz Voices: 8 p.m., $15. Bop Stop.

Kung Fu/Particle: 8:30 p.m., $16 ADV, $18 DOS. Beachland Ballroom.

Like Pacific/Broadside/Rarity/ Boston Manor: 6 p.m., $12 ADV, $14 DOS. Mahall’s 20 Lanes.

Maal & Morris/Fat Tony: 9 p.m., $10. Mahall’s 20 Lanes.

Palisades/It Lives, It Breathes/ Darke Complex/Blindwish/Atlas Uncharted: 6 p.m., $10 ADV, $12 DOS. The Foundry.

Andy Timmons Band/Travis Larson: 7:30 p.m., $15. Musica.

Two-Set Tuesday featuring: Jason Meyers (in the Wine Bar): 7 p.m.

Brothers Lounge.

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TO KENT AND BACK: Singer-songwriter Roger Hoover has been a ďŹ xture on the local scene for at least the past decade. A native of Barberton, he ďŹ rst came to Kent when he was 15. He used to watch local singersongwriters such as Patrick Sweany, Andy Cohen and Mike Lenz perform and would glean everything he could from them. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I got in with this great group that included some of the older folkies,â&#x20AC;? he says. He moved away from Kent to Cleveland in 2001, toured for a few years with backing bands such as Whiskeyhounds and Magpies and had moderate success before moving back to Kent in 2011.

A SONGWRITER AT HEART: He wrote his ďŹ rst signiďŹ cant song shortly after his dad died in 2003. And then, since he was so destitute and didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have an expansive record collection, he started writing more songs just to entertain himself. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I wanted to hear some songs,â&#x20AC;? he says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Instead of buying a stereo, I started writing some songs I wanted to hear. On heavy rotation would have been Neil Youngâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Harvest Moon and Tom Waitsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Mule Variations. Dylan had a record out then â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Love and Theft. I liked that too.â&#x20AC;?

weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re left with is this shitty sports team called the Cleveland Browns.

Throughout the Rust Belt region thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s this funk. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not negativity.

We have this fuck-you-Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m-fromthe-Rust-Belt attitude. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s that Midwest thing.â&#x20AC;?

WHY YOU SHOULD HEAR HIM: For the new album, Pastures, Hoover and producer Ryan Foltz tracked everything live in one room either in a cabin in Northwest Pennsylvania or at Foltzâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s house on Lake Erie.â&#x20AC;?

Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been a fan of taking an organic approach to recording,â&#x20AC;? says Hoover. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to have everything planned out. I want to get an emotive performance. That was the whole approach to that record. The band had heard two or three of the tunes.

I had around 30 tunes for the record.

As we started getting quality takes, the album started to form and I would put songs on the back burner and bring other ones up.â&#x20AC;? The albumâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ďŹ rst single, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Something in My Heart,â&#x20AC;? has a classic sound that recalls Van Morrison with its undulating melody and soulful vocals. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m really happy with the album,â&#x20AC;? Hoover says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s taken me a long time to ďŹ gure out the business side. Having a label and manager and publicist and all of these things has been awesome. It helps to have people working for you that believe in a long-term thing. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s working out really well.â&#x20AC;?

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A MIDWEST MENTALITY: Hoover grew up in Barberton, where there were a few factories. He says that informed his music. â&#x20AC;&#x153;As a kid, I remember soaking up the factory funk that was in the air,â&#x20AC;? he says. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I would see the bars packed at 6 in the morning.

It might be this Midwest mentality but the community where I was, things have been taken away and all

WHERE YOU CAN HEAR HIM: rogerhoover. com WHERE YOU CAN SEE HIM: Roger Hoover performs at 8 p.m. on Friday, Oct. 14, and Saturday, Oct. 15, at G.A.R. Hall in Peninsula.

jniesel@clevescene.com t@jniesel

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THE ROCK HALL HONORS JOHNNY CASH WITH THE ANNUAL MUSIC Masters series, the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame and Museum and Case Western Reserve University honor a Rock Hall inductee with a week of programming that culminates with a tribute concert.

Last month, the Rock Hall announced this year’s honoree would be Johnny Cash, who was inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in 1992. The weeklong celebration will take place from Oct. 17 to 22 and will include a tribute concert on Friday, Oct. 21, at Playhouse Square’s State Theatre.

“We are so grateful that the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame is honoring Johnny Cash for the 2016 Annual Music Masters series,” says John Carter Cash in a press release. “Our father remains one of the most enduring names in entertainment history, and this recognition helps further his legacy and inspire both existing fans as well as a whole new generation of Johnny Cash fans.”

The festivities kick off with a film Screening of We’re Still Here: Johnny Cash’s Bitter Tears Revisited at 7 p.m. on Monday, Oct. 17, at Case Western Reserve University’s Tinkham Veale University Center.

David C. Barnett of WCPN will serve as moderator. From 5 to 8 p.m. on Tuesday, Oct. 18, the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame’s Library & Archives will showcase Cash-related materials from its collections. At 7:30 p.m. on Wednesday, Oct. 19, Cash’s daughter Roseanne will give a 90-minute exclusive interview and perform several songs.

The gala tribute concert then takes place at 7:30 p.m. on Friday, Oct. 21, at the State Theatre. Acts such as Mike Ness, Eilen Jewell, X, Sam Bush, Paul Cauthen, Ana Cristina, Ira Dean, Nikki Lane, Terry McBride, Bill Miller, The Oak Ridge Boys, Charlie Worsham, and Cash’s longtime drummer WS Holland will perform. John Carter Cash will serve as executive

Johnny Cash is the subject of the Rock Hall’s annual Music Masters series.

bandleader, and keyboardist Tony Harrell will act as band director.

On Saturday, Oct. 22, the Rock Hall hosts Johnny Cash Day, a day of live music, an exhibit opening, panels, films, and family activities to celebrate the life and music of Johnny Cash. Events are included with Rock Hall admission.

TRIBUTE TO AN ICON Morris Day and The Time (“Jungle Love”) and Sheila E. (“The Glamorous Life”) have had a long history with the late, great Prince.

Now, they’ll bring their tribute, Purple Rain: A Tribute to Prince, to the I-X Center on Saturday, October 15.

“We’re thrilled to welcome Purple Rain: A Tribute to Prince to the I-X Center,” says Claire Vanidestine, Director of Marketing at the I-X Center, in a press release. “His untimely death shook the music world and for one night only all expectations will be met as Morris Day and Sheila E. take the stage in our arena.”

Prince helped shape the careers of both Day and Sheila E., and Sheila E. says he has inspired her throughout her career.

“I still, and always will, provide the rhythm of his music and memory, whether through my music, drums, words, or the beating of my heart,” she says. “He grew into a conqueror of rules, and a provider of dreams for millions.” — Jeff Niesel

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| clevescene.com | October 12 - 18, 2016

SAVAGE LOVE SENIOR MOMENTS

By Dan Savage Dear Dan, I’m 64 years young, a musician, chubby, full head of hair, no Viagra needed, no alcohol, I don’t mind if you drink, smoker, yes I am. I am also faithful, loyal, and single for five years. No health issues, nada, zero, zilch. Not gay, not prejudiced against gays, prowoman, Democrat, MASCULINE. Except I only like the younger women and women without tattoos.

And I like them FEMININE. Ladies my age are a shopping bag of issues with children and ex-hubbies. NO THANK YOU. So what’s my problem? Young women see me as an old gizzard. I am not ugly, and I look younger than 64.

But I see what younger women go for. These girls are missing out on me because they would rather be abused, cheated on, and kicked around by some young prince. Be my guest, dear! Another problem is that I don’t go to bars or really go out at all, so how the hell am I going to meet a girl? But I long for a girl I can cherish. I’m even willing to marry the right girl if she wishes, no problema. Who cares about age? I sure don’t, but they sure do. Of course, I will die first; she can keep the car and everything else for that matter.

I can’t take it with me. So I have about 24 more years of life and I don’t want to wait. Dreaming is free, of course, but I want it right here, right now. Am I asking for too much?

— Oblivious Ladies Disregard Elder Romeo Who cares about age? You, OLDER, you care about age.

You rule out dating women your own age and then toss out two and possibly three stupid rationalizations for not staying in your actuarial lane: Women your age have children, ex-husbands, and tattoos(?). All bullshit. Women your own age might be likelier to have children and ex-husbands, but there are plenty of childless women out there in their 50s and 60s, OLDER, younger women are likelier to have tattoos, and everyone (yourself included) has exes.

And excuse me, but women your own age are a shopping bag of issues? You’re a shopping mall’s worth of issues yourself, OLDER. Issue number one: You can’t be honest, even in an anonymous forum, about why you wanna date younger women — they make your grizzled old dick hard — so you take a dump on all older women.

Issue number two: male entitlement syndrome. (The universe doesn’t owe you a younger woman, OLDER; the universe doesn’t actually owe you shit.) Issues three, four, and five: an inability to spot your own hypocrisy (I mean, come on), a clear preference for nursing a fantasy (the young woman of your nicotine-stained dreams) over accepting reality (there’s no settling down without settling for), and the probability that you’ve watched way too many movies with actresses in their 20s playing the romantic interests of actors in their 60s and 70s.

If I may be blunt(er): You’re an older man, you’re a smoker, you’re out of shape, you don’t leave the house much, and, most fatally of all, you harbor resentment for the objects of your desire (“Be my guest, dear!”), something objects of desire always pick up on and are almost always repulsed by.

(Let’s all light a little candle for the ones who aren’t.) So unless you’re a billionaire or an A-list actor, OLDER, the young woman of your dreams is unlikely to break into your apartment. (There’s not a lot of overlap between the young gerontophile community and the burglar community.) Not even the prospect of inheriting a used car 24 years from now is going to land you a young woman.

My advice, OLDER: Keep dreaming. And if you want to be with a young woman once in a while, consider renting. But please don’t misconstrue anything I’ve written here as encouragement to date women your own age: They deserve better.

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