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$ % # % - " % 2 s 6/ ,5 - % . O 2 5 Dedicated to Free Times founder Richard H. Siegel (1935-1993) and Scene founder Richard Kabat Publisher Chris Keating Editor Vince Grzegorek Editorial Managing Editor Eric Sandy Music Editor Jeff Niesel Staff Writer Sam Allard, Brett Zelman Writer-at-large Kyle Swenson Web Editor Bliss Davis Dining Editor Douglas Trattner Contributing Dining Editor Rachel Hunt Stage Editor Christine Howey Visual Arts Editor Josh Usmani Copy Editor Elaine Cicora

CONTENTS 50 5PFRONT

A closer look at the Quicken Loan Arena renovation plan, and more

Advertising Senior Multimedia Account Executive John Crobar, Shayne Rose Multimedia Account Executive Kiara Hunter-Davis

&EATURE

'ET /UT

Winter is here, so grab your snowshoes and sixers of Christmas Ale and have some fun

Creative Services Production Manager Steve Miluch Layout Editor/Graphic Designer Christine Hahn Staff Photographer Emanuel Wallace Business Asst. To The Publisher Angela Lott Sales Assistant/Receptionist Megan Stimac Staff Accountant Kristy Dotson

Daniel Reichard

BRINGS HIS FAMILY FRIENDLY HOLIDAY SHOW TO TOWN ON 4HURSDAY

Dozens of events spanning the next week in Cleveland

Circulation Circulation Director Don Kriss Euclid Media Group Chief Executive Officer Andrew Zelman Chief Operating Officers Chris Keating, Michael Wagner Human Resources Director Lisa Beilstein Digital Operations Coordinator Jaime Monzon Chief Financial Officer William Mickey

3TAGE

The singing is great, the rest not so much in The Little Mermaid

www.euclidmediagroup.com National Advertising Voice Media Group 1-800-278-9866, voicemediagroup.com

&ILM

Cleveland Scene 737 Bolivar Rd, #4100 Cleveland, OH 44115 www.clevescene.com Phone 216-241-7550 Retail & Classified Fax 216-241-6275 Editoral Fax 216-802-7212 E-mail scene@clevescene.com

A look at what’s opening this week

$INING

Cleveland Scene Magazine is published every week by Euclid Media Group.

Verified Audit Member Cleveland Distribution Scene is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader Copyright The entire contents of Cleveland Scene Magazine are copyright 2016 by Euclid Media Group. Reproduction in whole or in part without written permission of the publisher is prohibited. Publisher does not assume any liability for unsolicited manuscripts, materials, or other content. Any submission must include a stamped, selfaddressed envelope. All editorial, advertising, and business correspondence should be mailed to the address listed above.

Subscriptions $150 (1 yr); $ 80 (6 mos.) Send name, address and zip code with check or money order to the address listed above with the title ‘Attn: Subscription Department’

Pizza (216) promises more than just pizza, but the pie is still why you’ll want to eat there

-USIC

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...The story continues at clevescene.com Take

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248-620-2990

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| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

5

UPFRONT

THE Q WILL BE TRANSFORMED AND WE’LL PAY FOR IT, WHETHER WE LIKE IT OR NOT

THIS WEEK

AT A PRESS CONFERENCE last week, representatives from Cuyahoga County, the city of Cleveland, Destination Cleveland and the Cleveland Cavaliers announced a “creative,” “collaborative” funding structure that will facilitate major renovations at the Quicken Loans Arena.

Roughly $140 million will be bonded by the county — the very same county with a “maxed-out credit card” — and repaid over 18 years using a variety of revenue streams. The final repayment costs will be roughly double the initial price tag. Tim Offtermatt, recent chairman of the Gateway Board, advised during a Q&A session that the final costs are unknown at this point and will depend on “market conditions.”

(If it helps, when the county talks about “bonds,” just substitute the word “loans.” They’re taking out massive loans.)

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Both County Executive Armond Budish and Mayor Frank Jackson promised that all of the revenue streams that will be used to pay off the renovations already exist.

No new taxes will be created and neither the city’s nor the county’s general funds will be affected.

But the announcement nonetheless scanned as propaganda.

Sparkling images of the proposed new facade cycled on huge hi-def TV screens on either side of the speaker platform. The comments themselves focused on the region’s recent success, and on the Q as both motor and mecca. The Q as “Cleveland’s living room” was the recurring metaphor.

Far from apologizing for yet another instance of a weary taxpaying public subsidizing billionaire sports owners, Armond Budish spent most of his remarks praising the generosity of the Cavaliers’ organization.

“The Cavaliers offered to pay half of the [$140 million] cost,” Budish said in opening remarks, “which I will tell you is very unusual in these types of projects, especially in a publicly owned facility. We knew that the deal was crucial to continuing the great momentum that the city and county are experiencing and we recognize that the Q is the largest economic driver for our region.”

As Crain’s Cleveland reported, the figures that the county cited were produced by the Cavs, via a Texasbased firm, and included the onetime RNC in its estimate of annual economic benefit while failing to mention that 25 to 30 percent of the spending would have taken place regardless. The prevailing view among economists (indeed, the consensus) is that “sports subsidies cannot be justified on the grounds of local economic development, income growth or job creation.”

MORE!

POTHOLE PARTY

FIT TO TINT

ODOT lends East Cleveland two salt trucks amid first freeze of winter, as city has none of its own. Incoming mayor Brandon King offers to buy those trucks for $1,000 as part of ongoing property grab.

City of Cleveland admits road quality study was “flawed.”

New study commissioned for $600,000; final report expected to be very accurate oneliner: “You’re gonna need new hubcaps, people.”

Cleveland.com unveils “pre-curated comments” system. Management also considering “post-editing message” process, in which Quicken Loans CEO Dan Gilbert will touch up all news stories after they’re turned in.

| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

But this is how we roll. Here’s how the public portion of the funding shakes out: ADMISSIONS TAX: Pending a vote by city council, there is expected to be a continuation of the existing portion of the 8-percent tax on every ticket sold at Q events. It’s not clear how much this will generate, but the $88-million figure has been provided, which includes taxes on playoff games from 2024-2034.

The Cavaliers have promised to pay any shortfalls on the projected tax revenue.

SALES TAX: This is the amount generated over and above the existing 1.25-percent county sales tax proceeds on all taxable purchases at the Q. COUNTY BED TAX: A portion of the county bed tax, which funds Destination Cleveland, will generate $44 million over 18 years.

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UPFRONT

COUNTY DESTINATION FACILITY RESERVE: About $16 million in resources dedicated for the Hilton Hotel project, but unused, will be re-allocated to pay down the renovations bonds.

No sin tax dollars may be used for the renovations, as that money is earmarked for maintenance and operation.

It was Fox 8, during the Q&A, who asked city leaders to defend this arrangement to taxpayers.

What would you say to folks, a reporter asked, who don’t think we should be contributing to stadium renovations at all?

It was none other than Fred Nance — big-shot lawyer and Believeland talking head — not an elected official, who walked from the front row to the dais to deliver what must have been perceived as a knockout punch: “For those of us who have lived in Cleveland for some time, we recall what happened here in 1995,” Nance thundered, and the press corps rolled its eyes. “Which is that if we don’t take care of the facilities in which our professional sports teams play, we are at risk of losing them.”

The risk of losing the Cavs must be almost zero, given the lack of viable markets elsewhere, the team’s enormous profitability, and Dan Gilbert’s web of local investments.

The Cavs contend that they’ve never brought up the possibility. But it’s a risk — a threat, really — that looms ever more ominously whenever sports teams ask for public money.

And it was a threat advanced by Cleveland.com in their exhaustive

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coverage of the announcement, coordinated ahead of time to coincide with the press conference.

Cleveland will also host an NBA All-Star game. That was part of the announcement as well. The NBA has promised (we were told) that if renovations are complete, Cleveland will land the coveted weekend at some point during the next seven years.

Destination Cleveland’s budget will be cleaved. A tight-lipped David Gilbert, Destination Cleveland’s boss, answered a direct question from WKYC’s Tom Beres about the impact to his organization’s operating budget. Gilbert danced around with some financial mumbojumbo but ultimately said it won’t matter a lick: “Throughout the process, we’ve actually taken a hard look at our budget, where our competitive set is,” Gilbert said. “In the end, we are still very confident we are going to be able to perform our mission and do all the things that the organization is charged with doing.”

City council, like the public, was kept in the dark on this decision.

Council members were outraged when they were blindsided by the Browns financing agreement back in 2013, and they’ll presumably be outraged this time, especially after they were left out of the Public Square decision last month. The ball can’t begin to roll on these renovations until council approves them, after which the construction is projected to last two years, during which the arena will remain fully operational.

| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

Council president Kevin Kelley sent an email to his colleagues one hour before the press conference, saying he didn’t have all the details, but that council would “thoroughly review any proposed plan before approval.”

A council member told Scene this weekend that they would take up the issue after their legislative recess. The earliest that could happen is Jan. 9.

All of this comes less than a year after County Executive Armond Budish advocated restraint on county spending. The county is $1 billion in debt. The “maxedout credit card” is his oft-quoted line, and Scene asked whether or not these new bonds represented a contradiction of his earlier remarks.

“Not at all,” Budish said. “What I’ve said is we want to continue to move the county forward. We want to continue the momentum and looking for creative ways to do that. We can issue bonds as long as we have a way to pay for them.

As you’ve heard, we’ve been able to work with the city and Destination Cleveland and our own sources to come up with a way to pay for these bonds without impacting city or county social services.”

We’d be remiss if we didn’t note that the energy and creativity expended to scrape every last available dime for renovations at the Q might have been expended on worthier causes. Where is the county’s innovation and creativity in helping solve the public transit crisis? Where is the city’s creativity on infant mortality and lead

poisoning? What if leaders bent over backwards to find money to solve, you know, actual problems?

OHIO’S OPPOSITION TO CLEAN ENERGY CONTINUES Gov. John Kasich has a big decision to make — amidst a sea of them, frankly — about the near-term future of Ohio’s energy standards. In 2008, the state approved a law that demands 25 percent of all energy use in Ohio must come from renewable resources by 2025. The incremental march toward that goal has been frozen since 2014, and it looks like the state may continue that freeze indefinitely.

The governor has been wary of his state looking like it’s backing away from renewable energy, although it certainly is. “I just would hope the legislature will not have a headline that Ohio went backward on the environment,” Kasich said during a November press conference. “I just don’t want to see that.” (Too late?) It was Kasich himself who froze the energy standards in 2014.

As of Monday, HB 554 awaits his signature.

The bill would make Ohio’s renewable energy standards — using wind and solar energy, sourcing in-state energy providers, etc. — voluntary for the next two years. Twisting the dagger just so, legislators tossed the in-state sourcing requirement entirely. The net result is essentially a two-year freeze, and a step backward from

R

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| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

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UPFRONT even the 2014 measure. â&#x20AC;&#x153;What weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re doing here is not an overhaul,â&#x20AC;? Rep. Ron Amstutz, the Wooster Republican sponsoring the bill, told the Columbus Dispatch. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a tune-up.â&#x20AC;?

Of course, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re going to see companies like FirstEnergy take the opportunity to opt into various efďŹ ciency programs that it had no role in creating â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and reap untold proďŹ ts. With voluntary standards, the opportunity for cherry-picking is ripe. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a tune-up.â&#x20AC;?

What the Ohio energy consumer gets is a lop-sided landscape: Renewable standards remain in limbo and Ohio companies work the numbers game for their beneďŹ t; the OfďŹ ce of the Ohio Consumersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Counsel has reported that FirstEnergyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s latest move will cost customers some $322 million over three years. All this at a time when the incoming president has announced his pick for the Secretary of Energy: Rick Perry.

This one is Kasichâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s call now.

If Kasich vetoes the bill, the renewable energy standards will resume in 2017. Check clevescene.

com for the decision.

COUNTY JAIL OFFICER UNDER INVESTIGATION, AGAIN Cuyahoga County corrections ofďŹ cer Eric Ambler is under investigation by the county, again, after he was arrested for disorderly conduct (intoxication) by Elyria police Nov. 20.

That evening Elyria police were dispatched to Boomerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Bar on Broad Street after a call of an intoxicated male brandishing a knife, according to an Elyria police report. When ofďŹ cers arrived, they found a man outside the bar. After frisking the suspect, they found a 6-inch knife in his pocket. The suspect couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t tell ofďŹ cers his name or address. OfďŹ cers searched his wallet; his driverâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s license identiďŹ ed him as Eric Ambler.

After being handcuffed, Ambler became dead weight, according to the police report narrative. He had to be carried and pulled into the back seat of a police car. Once inside, â&#x20AC;&#x153;he began yelling at OfďŹ cers, stating he was going to â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;kick their

ass,â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;? according to the report. In addition, while en route to the Lorain County Jail, Ambler â&#x20AC;&#x153;began violently kicking the plastic divider in the patrol vehicle.â&#x20AC;? Once at the jail, â&#x20AC;&#x153;due to Amblerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s increasingly violent behavior,â&#x20AC;? ofďŹ cers placed him in a restraint chair.

Cuyahoga County spokesperson Mary Louise Madigan conďŹ rmed that the investigation is open but couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t relay speciďŹ cs because it has not yet been completed.

Amblerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s discipline ďŹ le is already extensive and varied. He has been suspended or issued a written reprimand by the county no fewer than 10 times since 2005. Letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s roll the tape: On April 15, 2015, the county issued Ambler a three-day suspension without pay after he was found guilty of an OVI offense in Middleburg Heights on Feb. 28, 2015. (He was also originally charged with carrying a concealed weapon in the case.)

On June 9, 2015, the county issued him a two-day suspension for breaking Rule #70 in connection to a May 5 incident. â&#x20AC;&#x153;You were

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engaged in conversation with several inmates in the POD you were assigned to. As a result of your conversation which you maintain was jocular in nature, a physical altercation ensued between three of the inmates who became offended by the conversation.

Medical treatment was necessary and rendered for these inmates due to the physical altercation.â&#x20AC;?

On Nov. 10, 2011, he was given a one-day suspension for accumulating more than 30 AWOL hours in a single year. He also received written reprimands for missing hours three other times over three years.

On April 2, 2008, he received a written reprimand for breaking Rule #29. (Verbally abusing a fellow employee, supervisor, or inmate.)

On Jan. 16, 2007, he was given a one-day working suspension for breaking Rule #11. (Attendance violation.)

On Dec. 11, 2006, he was given a written reprimand for breaking the same rule.

And on March 21, 2005, he was suspended for 16 days without pay

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| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

UPFRONT by the county for breaking Rules #20 (failing to submit a thorough and complete incident report) and #82 (excessive use of force on an inmate).

Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll update you on the status and outcome of the countyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s investigation when it concludes.

DREDGING CONTROVERSY COULD BE OVER Hailed as a victory for the state of Ohio, its workers and its waterways, a major congressional bill passed last week effectively concludes the local argument about where to place sediment dredged from the Cuyahoga River.

According to a provision in the

DIGIT WIDGET $245,000,000 The Qâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s annual economic beneďŹ t to region, according to Cavs. The ďŹ gure has been parroted by city/county leaders, but it includes one-time RNC spending and fails to mention that 25-30 percent of spending wouldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve happened anyway.

10-14 Number of days that Frank Jackson and Joe Calabrese said it would take them to prepare their proposal to the Federal Transit Administration on Nov. 15, more than 30 days ago. Still no plan.

40 Number of medical marijuana dispensaries allowed in Ohio under proposed Board of Pharmacy rules.

155 Acres in the Acacia Reservation, which the Metroparks is restoring to its natural habitat, thanks to a $14.75-million anonymous donation and stipulation (by donor) that it could no longer be used for golf.

Water Infrastructure Improvements for the Nation (WIIN) Act, the Army Corps of Engineers may not dump sediment in Lake Erie or establish a federal standard to do so unless it meets the stateâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s standards for water quality. That means that Port Authority-run conďŹ ned disposal facilities along the lake will be the disposal method for the foreseeable future.

As reported extensively by Scene, the local dredging controversy has been ongoing for the past several years. It became much more public this summer and fall. Due to the Army Corpsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; refusal to dredge the river, the economic productivity of the ArcelorMittal steel plant (and hundreds of jobs) were said to be in jeopardy. The dredging of the river,

by Michigan-based Ryba Marine Construction Company, is now underway.

The Port Authority has been lobbying hard for this legislation all year. A spokesman told Scene that the Port is viewing the bill as a victory. They are interpreting it in the same way that both senators from Ohio are: as a clear message to the Army Corps that their federal standard does not trump the recommendations of the Ohio EPA. â&#x20AC;&#x153;This is a win for local businesses and jobs along the Cuyahoga River and Port of Cleveland,â&#x20AC;? said Sen. Sherrod Brown in a joint statement with Sen. Rob Portman. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Dredging is key to protecting our lake and keeping the channel open for businesses. This law will hold the Corps to our stateâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s water quality standards so we can keep Lake Erie clean.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Protecting the Cleveland Harbor Project is vital not only to the local environment, but to our economy as well,â&#x20AC;? said Portman. â&#x20AC;&#x153;This new law ensures that dredged material will not harm either the City of Clevelandâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s water supply or Lake Erieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ecosystem and that commercial navigation will continue safely. This is a big win for Cleveland.â&#x20AC;?

The Army Corps, when reached for comment by Scene, said they would not comment on pending legislation. When asked what was still pending about a bill that had already passed, the Army Corps responded that the President still has to sign the bill before it becomes law.

scene@clevescene.com t @clevelandscene

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WINTER GUIDE

Photo courtesy of Kalahari

TROPICAL’S TOPICAL Kick the winter blues with these local summer-flavored activities

By Sam Allard KALAHARI RESORTS Unless you’ve got an indoor pool or a very large tub — or if, on an off chance, you do laps with the seniors at the Y — you rarely get a chance to go swimming in winter. Let’s face it: The lake’s frozen. But for the waterloving adventurers or families with young, water-loving kids, a weekend (or even a night) at Kalahari Resorts in Sandusky may be the ultimate cure to your winter blues. It’s only an hour from Cleveland, but it feels a hemisphere away. With winter specials — “Super Savings Saturday,” “Holiday Buffet and Stay” — you can hit up one of the region’s most exotic resorts for the cost of a (admittedly pricey) hotel. Rooms typically run in the $300 to $500 range, but they’re plush and it’s cheaper than a trip to Florida. Splash on.

7000 Kalahari Dr., Sandusky; kalahariresorts.com.

INDOOR GOLF Instead of flying to Florida or Arizona for a winter golf outing, why not drive east to Willoughby (Lost Nation) or southeast to Chagrin Falls (the Golf Dome) for an indoor simulation? It sure beats trying to track even psychedelically colored golf balls in the snow, or having a sudden gust of wind carry an otherwise killer drive into the

abyss. Out at Lost Nation, laser sensors read the speed, trajectory and spin of the ball, so your shots look almost precisely as good (or as bad) as they would outdoors. Plus, there’s no walking between holes, so a full round of 18 takes only about an hour ($32). At the Golf Dome, there’s an indoor driving range (like the former dome in Valley View) and simulated golf as well. You can join a 13-week 9-hole league, or get an unlimited season pass — seven and a half months — for $475. If you’re a golf fanatic, visiting one of the indoor simulators is essential as you nurse your wintertime withdrawal.

Lost Nation, 38630 Jet Center Dr., Willoughby; lostnationsports. com.The Golf Dome, 8198 East Washington St., Chagrin Falls; thegolfdome.com.

NEED FOR SPEED Among the perils of the Cleveland winter: driving in snow, driving on ice, trying to get into a locked vehicle when the handles have frozen shut. Shoot, with so much vehicular uncertainty in the cold weather, sometimes you just need to cut loose and do some driving. We’re talking go-karts, folks, and the best way to kart in Northeast Ohio is at high speeds and with very high voltage.

Medina’s High Voltage Indoor Karting is fun for the whole family, but especially for “adrenaline junkies, gear heads and racing fanatics.” Co-owner Steve Madden discovered the concept in Florida and realized it’d be perfect for Cleveland, where long winters make outdoor karting dicey. Enjoy all the sounds and adrenaline of the NASCAR track, while only dropping $19.99 for the privilege.

333 Foundry St., Medina; highvoltagekarting.com.

GREEN LANDS If getting your daily fill of Vitamin D or wearing one of those UV-light producing visors isn’t enhancing your mood, maybe you just need some green in your life.

And we don’t mean cash money, though that would help. Nor do we mean marijuana, but by all means do partake. We’re talking about plant life. That’s right, good old nature, battered and obscured by the elements (to say nothing of climate change!). In Cleveland, you can get a dose of exotic plant life at the Metroparks Zoo’s Rainforest or the Cleveland Botanical Gardens.

We’d also like to suggest the Rockefeller Park Greenhouse, up off MLK near the Cultural Gardens.

It’s a full acre of warm and

fragrant plant life and a beautiful meditative retreat.

750 East 88th St.; facebook.com/ rockefellergreenhouse.

PORCO LOUNGE & TIKI ROOM When a bar, in its introductory literature, describes itself as “an oasis” and “an exotic hideaway,” you might be tempted to think it’s a strip club or something. I mean, an exotic hideaway? But with Porco Lounge and Tiki Room, it’s the real deal, as oasis-like and exotic as it gets. Drinking isn’t necessarily an activity, but if you’ve had one of Porco’s mammoth rum-centric cocktails, you know there’s nothing else you’d rather be doing. The ambient bamboo and beads and fruits and wooden totemic goblets will make you feel like you’re in Elvis Presley’s Hawaii. Drink those winter blues away, in an easily accessible near-westside location between Ohio City and Tremont. And if the alcohol doesn’t do the trick, all we can do is encourage you to go see Disney’s Moana and then maybe change your computer wallpaper to something beachy.

2527 West 25th St.; porcolounge.com.

sallard@clevescene.com t@scenesallard

| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

13

WINTER GUIDE

RINGING IN 2017 7 places to celebrate New Year’s Eve in Cleveland

By Jeff Niesel CLEVELAND MIGHT NOT HAVE MADE WALLETHUB’S LIST of 2016’s Best Places for New Year’s Eve Celebrations but then the determining data, which includes criteria such as “legality of fireworks” and “forecasted precipitation for Dec. 31,” didn’t really skew in our favor. Given those parameters, no wonder Orlando ended up on top of the list.

Still, for those willing to brave the crowds and cold to ring in the New Year, the city has plenty to offer. Here’s a rundown of what’s happening where.

CLEVELAND POPS 21ST ANNUAL NEW YEAR’S EVE CELEBRATION After becoming one of the winners in Season 6 of American Idol, Melinda Doolittle quickly became a national sensation who critics have called “one of the most exciting and talented young vocal artists in America.”

Tonight at 9 at Severance Hall, she joins the Cleveland Pops Orchestra for its 21st annual New Year’s Eve concert. After the concert, there will be dancing as a pop and a rock band will perform in two separate locations in Severance Hall. Guests will receive free coffee and can order food from a special dessert menu. A balloon drop takes place at midnight. Tickets start at $48.

11001 Euclid Ave., 216-231-1111, clevelandorchestra.com.

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| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

Show takes a retro approach to ringing in the New Year. Organizers encourage patrons to wear ’80s prom dresses, neon bike shorts, rubber bangles and Miami Vice jackets. There will be an ’80s-themed burlesque show featuring regional acts such as Ms. Fever Blister, Pandora Foxx, Devon Ayer, Crystal Swarovski, Bella Sin, Shrimp Cocktail and more. A complimentary champagne toast takes place at midnight. It all starts at 9 p.m.

Tickets are $15 for VIP seating, $10 for general admission.

11904 Detroit Ave., Lakewood, 216-521-4906.

FIRST NIGHT AKRON 2017 Downtown Akron’s annual New Year’s Eve Celebration, First Night Akron will feature more than 40 performances. Theater, visual arts, dance and music groups will be on hand and there will be children’s activities, delicious food trucks, and two “bursting” firework shows. Metro shuttles will be available to help make getting around downtown easier.

Downtown admission buttons are $10 and are available online, at Acme Fresh Market and at participating FirstMerit Bank locations. Children under 10 are free. The party gets started at 6 p.m.; tickets are $10. downtownakron.com/explore/firstnight-akron.

NEW YEAR’S EVE BIG ’80S DANCE PARTY The ’80s are known for New Wave music and arcade video games like Pac-Man and Donkey Kong. Quality musical acts such as Michael Jackson, Madonna, Prince, the Police, Guns N’ Roses, R.E.M. and U2 emerged during the period as well. Hard Rock Rocksino Northfield Park aims to celebrate all things ’80s with its Big ’80s party slated to take place on New Year’s Eve. The tribute act the Spazmatics will throw a “nerdy” New Wave Dance Party, and there will be screenings of ’80s music videos.

Patrons can also play classic arcade games and participate in a Rubik’s Cube contest. The party will kick into gear at 9 p.m. Tickets cost $35 in advance, $50 at the door.

10777 Northfield Rd., Northfield, 330908-7771, hrrocksinonorthfieldpark. com.

LET’S GO ALL THE WAY ’80S PROM & BURLESQUE SHOW One of the wilder New Year’s Eve parties happening in town, the Let’s Go All the Way ’80s Prom & Burlesque

PETE GEORGE: THE ROCK STAR OF COMEDY A Cleveland native, comedian Pete George has come a long way since the days when he would open for a local

magician. George, who got his start in show business as a lead guitarist in a Cleveland based ’80s rock group, says he wanted to be like the band A Flock of Seagulls and call his group A Peck of Peckers. He has now played some 7,500 shows over the course of a 20-year career. He’s also had roles in The Shawshank Redemption and The Majestic and has made appearances on Blood Relatives, Tabloid, Night Shift, Now That’s Comedy and several national commercials including Audi and nick@nite. He also has a television show about his life in development and has released the comedy CD, Comedy You Can Dance To. He performs at the Hard Rock Rocksino’s Club Velvet at 7 and 9:30 tonight and has shows scheduled through Saturday. Tickets are $35 to $40.

10777 Northfield Rd., Northfield, 330908-7771, hrrocksinonorthfieldpark. com.

RED WANTING BLUE The indie pop/rock band Red Wanting Blue might hail from Columbus, but the guys play the Cleveland area so regularly, we might as well think of them as an honorary local band. The group just released the live album/DVD, RWB20: Live at Lincoln Theater, in celebration of its 20th anniversary. Singer Scott

Red Wanting Blue

Terry calls it the “midlife crisis” that comes to many bands after the guys have spent two decades together. In support of its 20th anniversary, Red Wanting Blue ends the year with its annual New Year’s Eve show at House of Blues. The show starts at 9:30 p.m., and tickets are $49.50 to $69.50.

308 Euclid Ave., 216-523-2583, houseofblues.com.

TRANS-SIBERIAN ORCHESTRA When he was young, TransSiberian Orchestra mastermind Paul O’Neill had trouble reading anything

more sophisticated than Cat in the Hat. In the first grade, he was in danger of falling behind. But then his mother spent a summer teaching him phonetics, and the floodgates opened as O’Neill, whose parents forbid him to watch TV, started devouring the books around the family’s home.

As he toured with Aerosmith in the ’70s, he started collecting letters and developing his esoteric sense of the world. Those literary sensibilities would inform the prog band Savatage, which originally recorded “Christmas Eve Sarajevo 12/24” in 1995. The song

would reappear on TSO’s debut, 1996’s Christmas Eve and Other Stories, and launch the band into the behemoth that it is today. Twenty years on, O’Neill says he feels like he blinked and two decades passed. TransSiberian Orchestra performs at 3 and 9 tonight at Quicken Loans Arena.

Tickets start at $40.

1 Center Court, 216-420-2000, theqarena.com.

jniesel@clevescene.com t@jniesel

| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

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ICE IS NICE Lake Erie is fun year-round, even when it’s a desolate frozen landscape

By Eric Sandy REMEMBER TWO YEARS AGO, when nearly every inch of Lake Erie water froze? It was delightful, and the phenomenon spurred plenty of Instagram photos from adventurous treks onto the ice. For better or worse, it’s looking more and more like a revival this winter: Things aren’t so bad right now, and January should be a breeze — but soon enough, by February, the snow will really be falling and Lake Erie waves will freeze into monolith imagery until their springtime thaw. Bundle up.

Here’s the first thing to know: Keep up to date with the National Weather Service and the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. Those agencies provide the most accurate data about Lake Erie ice cover (and plenty of local news outlets will be linking to their stuff). The last thing you need to be doing is walking onto a partially frozen lake and stumbling headfirst into a sudden crevasse.

That being said, if and when Lake Erie freezes over, there are plenty of ways to take advantage.

18

| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

GO FOR A WALK There’s nothing like a peaceful walk on a lake in winter. This is the simplest way to experience our frozen lake, and the Snapchat cred is immediate. Bring some friends, and be careful out there.

Keep an eye on the ice ahead of you, and beware the darker areas that may indicate water flowing beneath a thin sheet of ice.

Make sure someone knows where you’re going.

Bring a ski pole and a pair of snowshoes for the best results. If you need some pointers, get in touch with Cleveland Metroparks’ hiking and walking corps. They offer a number of pleasant snowshoeing events throughout the winter.

Registration for many of those activities begins this week. For instance, people may register for a Jan. 15 event at Squire’s Castle in the North Chagrin Reservation. The

cost is $7, and you’ll get in a good 2 or 3 miles of snowshoe fun among the gently sloping hills behind the castle. (If there’s no snow that day, it’ll just be a nice hike. The nuances of weather affect all our winter fun.)

CATCH SOME FISH Maybe you’re a diehard, or maybe you’re a casual once-a-summer-withyour-cousins type of fisher. Maybe you’ve never waded into those waters. Either way, ice fishing opens up a whole world of possibilities each winter. Perch and walleye are still available for the catching, as they continue to swim through the lake, right beneath what is hopefully a fairly thick sheet of ice.

Capt. Tony Muscioni runs icefishing charters at Air1Airboats over at West Catawba State Park, just a stone’s throw down Route 2.

His enclosed airboats — warm and safe, he notes — hit the ice from January to March. With some cold weather tearing up Minnesota right now, it looks like that 4 to 5 inches of ice that Muscioni looks for before setting off will be here in no time.

“No ice is safe ice,” Muscioni says, cautioning the wayward ice fisher. “It’s a learning experience out there for everybody.”

He adds that a lot of customers are diehards, and they will fly in from distant locales like Alaska and Canada; Lake Erie, you know, is the walleye capital of the world. “It’s the best freshwater fish in the world,” Muscioni says.

His charters roll out from 6:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m., and Muscioni joins ice fishing crews for the duration. Check icefishinglakeerie. com for the details.

SET SAIL, SURF’S UP If you’re feeling a bit more extreme, there are other options that necessitate super cold weather.

The Toledo Ice Yacht Club, the “largest iceboating club in the lower Great Lakes,” hosts its annual Winterfest sometime in the early months of each calendar year

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19

on Maumee Bay. (Like we keep saying, it’s tough to plan ice-based events in advance.)

The iceboats themselves are pretty impressive engineeringwise: like a jury-rigged skiff with a sail that simply glides across ice (known as “hard water” in the iceboating scene). Toledo Ice Yacht Club’s Winterfest is a hoot for participants, who often build their own iceboats, and observers alike.

The event includes live music and excellent food and drink well into the evening.

And, closer to Cleveland, on the right days you can find groups of people surfing Lake Erie in the winter. The time is perfect right now, on the far edge of an Indian Summer; jolly gusts of wind are bringing waves to the North Shore, and the freezing, icy temperatures of Cleveland’s winter months have yet to arrive. Brave the threat of hypothermia and join our city’s unique tribe of freshwater surfers.

20

Photo courtesy of Michael Sutadji

WINTER GUIDE

PITCH A TENT You may have noticed this from time to time in recent winters: Adventurous souls pitching tents about a quarter-mile offshore in the coldest months of the year. From Port Clinton to Presque Isle, the North Shore affords ample public parkland from which to embark onto the ice.

Quick note: One Cleveland man who camped on Lake Erie during the

| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

2015 freeze told us, “I would rather not encourage others to do this kind of activity because of how dangerous it can be.” So do please be careful in whatever winter fun you pursue. Be adventurous, but not stupid.

Still, if you’ve got camping experience at, say, Allegheny National Park or Bonnaroo, then you can safely modify your rig to suit the cold, cold temperatures.

Keep something between your tent

and the ice (much like the tarp you use on the forest floor), and bring your boots inside before you hit the hay.

Even better: You won’t need to bring your old Coleman. Stick your Bud Lights right in the snow for optimal results.

esandy@clevescene.com t@EricSandy

| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

21

WINTER GUIDE

‘TIS THE SEASON TO GET BUZZED 13 local winter beers to soothe your cold body

by Rachel Hunt WHETHER IT’S A TRADITIONAL Christmas ale brewed with honey, cinnamon, ginger and nutmeg, like Great Lakes Brewing Company’s well-known original — bottled for the first time in 1992, and what many think of when they think of winter beer in Cleveland — or something a little more edgy, like Buckeye Brewing Company’s Christmas Girl Belgian Blond, there is something for everyone’s taste in this year’s bumper crop of local seasonal creations.

Great Lakes Brewing Company

(2516 Market Ave., 216-771-4404, greatlakesbrewing.com) Christmas Ale: With more championships than LeBron (it’s a six-time medal winner since 1999), GLBC’s Christmas Ale is the original King of Cleveland.

Every year people wait for the ceremonial release date, tasting for subtle differences from year to year.

You’ll always find honey from the Great Lakes region, which contributes sweetness, strength and subtle floral notes; 7.5 percent ABV, and 30 IBU. Available in six-packs anywhere

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craft beer is sold, as well as on draft throughout Cleveland and beyond.

Thirsty Dog Brewing Co. (529 Grant St., Akron, 330-252-2739, thirstydog.com) 12 Dogs of Christmas Ale: Filled with seasonal flavors including toasted caramel malts, honey, cinnamon, ginger and nutmeg, this was the classic seasonal in competition with GLBC, delivering a slightly sweeter and more richly spiced ale throughout the years; 8.3 percent ABV, 21.5 IBU. Available in six-packs anywhere craft beer is sold as well as

on draft throughout Cleveland and Akron.

Fat Head’s Brewery (18741 Sheldon Rd., 216-898-0242, fatheadsbeer. com) Holly Jolly Christmas Ale: Fat Head’s utilizes a rich amount of malts for this one including Pale, Munich, Special Roast, Victory, CaraMunich I & II, CaraAroma, Cara-Pils, and Chocolate in addition to local Ohio honey, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg and coriander; 7.5 percent ABV, 28 IBU. Available in six-packs anywhere craft beer is sold as well as on draft

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throughout Cleveland and beyond.

Pimp My Sleigh Christmas Ale: The new Christmas beer on the block from Fat Head’s, this complex Belgian-style Christmas ale has more fruity overtones and dark fruit and malt flavors including raisins, figs, anise, and spicy phenols; 10.5 percent ABV, 30 IBU. Available in six-packs anywhere craft beer is sold as well as on draft throughout Cleveland and beyond.

Platform Beer Co. (4125 Lorain Ave., 216-202-1386, platformbeerco. com) Esther Belgian Christmas Ale: A dark ruby ale tasting full of honey, toffee and dark cherries, with a sweet honey aftertaste balanced by the Belgian yeast; 8 percent ABV. Available on draft at select bars, and in cans at local groceries and other places where craft beer is sold.

Goldhorn Brewery (1361 East 55th St., goldhornbrewery.com) St. Clairsmas Stout: A malty holiday beer that takes the flavor profiles of a traditional Christmas ale but pairs them with a smooth and chocolaty stout as a base instead; 7.2 percent ABV. Only available on draft at Goldhorn Brewery.

The Brew Kettle (8377 Pearl Rd., 440-239-8788, thebrewkettle.com) Winter Warmer: Traditional spiced Christmas ale loaded with cinnamon, ginger, orange and lemon peel. The microbrewery has been open since 1995 making specialty seasonals on premise; 8 percent ABV, 24 IBU. Available on draft at select locations, as well as in bottles in limited supply.

Sibling Revelry Brewery (29305 Clemens Rd., 440-471-8589, siblingrevelrybrewing.com) Winter Ale: Sweet raisin and plum flavors with a dry warming finish. This seasonal taproom exclusive is brewed with Pilsner, Munich, Crystal, and Chocolate malt, and includes Magnum and Saaz hops; 7.8 percent ABV, 25 IBU. Available on draft in their taproom and in growlers; select local bars may carry it.

Buckeye Brewing Company (9941 Walford Ave., 216-860-1434, buckeyebrewing.com) Christmas Girl Belgian Blonde Ale: A big twist on a Christmas ale, this beer is going to be light in color and taste with no spices added. All floral and spice notes here come from the strains of yeast used during brewing. It’s the “snow” counterpart to all of those amber gingerbread cookie-inspired beers you’ll be indulging in this season; 8 percent ABV. Sold in 22-ounce bottles, on draft at Buckeye Beer Engine and Buckeye Brewing Co. only. (They will fill half growlers.)

Butcher and the Brewer (2043 East Fourth St., 216-331-0805,

butcherandthebrewer.com) Spice Spice Baby: Deep amber ale with notes of caramel, Christmas spices and toffee.

You can sing its name to the tune of the classic MC Hammer song as you drink; 7 percent ABV. Available only at Butcher and the Brewer or poured into a growler to go.

Market Garden Brewery (1947 West 25th St., 216-621-4000, marketgardenbrewery.com) Festivus Ale: An American holiday ale that’s smooth, spicy and malty with a caramel, brown sugar and nutmeg finish. Named for the secular holiday made popular by Seinfeld, this is the perfect beer to enjoy before the annual

Airing of Grievances but after the Feats of Strength; 7.5 percent ABV. Available on draft and in bottles at area bars and restaurants. MGB also makes a Malt Train Winter Warmer and a Winter Porter that will knock your socks off!

Forest City Brewery (2135 Columbus Rd., forestcitybrewery.com) Shinny Spiced Belgian Quad Holiday Ale: Shinny was a popular street hockey game in 19th century Cleveland, according to FCB’s Facebook page.

This Belgian ale is brewed with nutmeg and allspice. “Quad” refers to it’s quadrupel style full of flavor, heavy, and dark compared to other Belgians;

9.5 percent ABV, 24 IBU. Available only on draft at Forest City Brewery.

Euclid Brewing Company (21950 Lakeshore Blvd., facebook.com/ EuclidBrewingCompany) Cherry Christmas Ale: Instead of replicating what everyone else was up to this year, Euclid Brewing Company decided to go with something a little simpler for the first batch of holiday cheer to be brewed in their new location: a stout with deep cherry flavors; 4.8 percent ABV. Only on draft in their taproom or in growlers to go.

scene@clevescene.com t@clevelandscene

| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

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WINTER GUIDE

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“JUST GO OUTSIDE,” SAYS Alex Baca, managing director of UH Bikes, Cleveland’s bikeshare program that launched in September.

“I think Clevelanders need to do a better job, in general, of getting outside in winter.”

The thinking is that once you’re outside more often, riding your bike in the cold might not seem like such an insurmountable hurdle. That’s what it seems like now for a lot of Clevelanders, who dash from heated home to heated vehicles to heated offices with as little time in the elements as possible. It’s no secret that a driving culture pervades Northeast Ohio. But come late autumn, one sees its psychological effects in action. The kvetching begins in earnest: complaints about the cold, about the wind, about the lake effect snow. It’s an ironic fragility, Baca contends, given the ballyhooed Cleveland self-image of being ultra gritty and Rust Belt Tough.

And for the record: Baca is not what you’d call a disinterested party on this topic. She has elected to keep UH Bikes open through the winter months. And though it won’t be running at full capacity, she tells Scene it’s important for people to recognize that it exists. Plus the decision made sense weather-wise.

“We have really inconsistent winters,” she says. “It’s not like Minnesota, where there’s a predictable frozen tundra. We have a lot of nicer days, and we have days where it might be 20 degrees in the morning, but 40 degrees and beautiful in the afternoon.”

Given the day-by-day, hour-byhour fluctuations, one objective Baca has this winter is encouraging more one-way trips: biking to work, say, and then catching the bus or a ride home. (Or vice versa.)

Baca’s a native of Maryland, and she arrived in Cleveland by way of San Francisco. Here, more than elsewhere, biking in winter is thought to be something that only diehards do. It’s an activity for maniacs or radicals. But assuming one owns a winter jacket, a warm pair of gloves and a hat, it’s really not all that extreme.

Take a look at Baca herself.

She rode her bike to meet Scene at Gypsy Beans & Bakery in DetroitShoreway on the coldest day of the year. This is not something she brags about; it’s just a lifestyle choice.

She drops the fact that most of your body heat is lost through your head, so covering one’s head is important, as is “appropriate layering.”

“The rookie mistake is to wear like four sweaters,” Baca says. (A better option? Maybe a waterproof jacket over a base layer, like a longsleeved jersey.)

And though psychologically it may still be intimidating, Baca says the first five or 10 minutes are the worst. After that, your body warms up.

“Alternately,” she advises, “go ride up a hill. Then you’ll be warmed up.”

sallard@clevescene.com t@scenesallard

| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

25

WINTER GUIDE

tickets on sale

TURN THE PAGE 10 of the best books of 2016 to cuddle up with this winter

By Brett Zelman Imagine Me Gone

by Adam Haslett A beautifully written novel exploring mental illness, Imagine Me Gone addresses not only those who suffer, but also the family members around them.

Haslett’s story of a father and son both dealing with severe anxiety and depression is at times a difficult read given the emotional topics involved, but a wholly worthy one nonetheless.

wear your jammies & get in free!

FREE Reservations

www.thebigbangbar.com 26

| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

Before The Fall

by Noah Hawley Hawley is probably best known as the creator of the critically acclaimed television adaptation of the Coen brothers’ Fargo; but his place in this year’s literary scene deserves notice on its own merit. Before The Fall begins with a private jet crashing off the coast of Cape Cod. The novel then alternates between the aftermath of the crash and the lives of the well-to-do passengers aboard before the tragedy. The jet itself belongs to a media bigwig in charge of a Fox News-like network, which allows Hawley to widen the scope to examine how media covers breaking news and tragedies. That’s partially accomplished through a Bill O’Reillyesque character who’s trying to get to the bottom of what happened to his friend and boss. In an era of fake news and incessant spin, Before the Fall is a timely exploration of our turbulent times.

Behold The Dreamers

by Imbolo Mbue In another debut novel to make this list, Mbue, a Cameroonian immigrant, tells a story of the daily

struggles an immigrant family faces while also navigating America’s immigration system. At a time when immigration has become one of the most contentious issues for the country, Mbue’s work shows how the American dream is still very much alive for people all over the world. Behold the Dreamers shows the lengths to which some go to live in America despite the many hurdles and negativity they have to battle.

Why They Run The Way They Do

by Susan Perabo In this humorous and emotional collection of short stories, Perabo writes about everyday situations.

But what at first may seem like straightforward, mundane tales actually spin into surprising and at times disturbing conclusions. Perabo, like many short story writers before her, has been generously compared to the master of the short story, Raymond Carver, and in this collection at least, it’s easy to see why.

The Nix

by Nathan Hill In yet another debut novel on this list, Hill explores our divided political landscape through the story of an English professor who has to deal with the fallout of his estranged mother throwing a rock at a divisive and discriminating political candidate.

With sharp prose, a keen knack for detail and humorous observation,

| clevescene.com m | December 21 - 27, 2016

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| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

WINTER GUIDE

she depicts urban life in England via an interweaving love story about three friends on the run from past mistakes and drug deals gone wrong.

Hill has written a novel that feels at home with and indispensable for the reality-show nature of our current political times.

Underground Railroad

by Colson Whitehead The winner of the National Book Award for Fiction is on every year-end must-read list and for good reason.

Swing Time

by Zadie Smith Zadie Smith, best known for her tour de force debut novel White Teeth, has written what may be her finest work to date with Swing Time. Smith’s fifth book explores a friendship between two black girls growing up in the United Kingdom who bond over dancing and dreams of making it big. One of them succeeds and ends up an international pop star.

The other reckons with her life in relation to her famous friend. The novel, like many of Smith’s previous works, is global in scope, moving from London to New York City to West Africa.

Whitehead’s sixth novel, about two slaves on the run from a cotton plantation, is historical fiction with a twist. Whitehead turns the metaphorical underground railroad into an actual railroad, with trains, engineers and conductors all throughout the South helping escaped slaves find their way to freedom.

Another Brooklyn

by Jacqueline Woodson In this short, nostalgic novel, a finalist for the National Book Award, Woodson poetically writes

about four young African-American girls growing up in poverty in Brooklyn and how they deal with friendship, love, death, adolescence and separation. Woodson’s lyrical prose is a perfect fit for the dreamlike nature of the tale.

scene@clevescene.com t@clevelandscene

All That Man Is

by David Szalay Marketed as a novel but really more a collection of linked short stories, Szalay’s work is a snapshot of men of all ages living and exploring presentday Europe. It begins with a 17-year-old on holiday from school and ends with a 73-year-old settling down. This collection, shortlisted for the Man Booker Prize, is a tragic and darkly funny exploration of people exploring a country that isn’t their own.

The Bricks That Built The Houses

by Kate Tempest Kate Tempest, best known in the U.K. as a hip-hop artist, spoken word poet and playwright, broke onto the literary scene this year with this energetic and chaotic debut, her first work of fiction. Her background in poetry and hip-hop are on display through her prose, but also through the gritty realism of how | clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

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SCENE Magazine presents

UNITED WE BRUNCH There’s no better way to chase away a hangover than brunch with friends. And SCENE is once again bringing together the best restaurants in town with one mission: unite to cure Cleveland’s hangover. Brunch tastings, Bloody Mary’s, mimosas, beer, wine and champagne - all in the historic, newly-renovated Galleria & Tower. It’s the ultimate cure for a Friday night party — and a great start to another night on the town! General Admission tickets are $40 in advance and include 5 drink tickets, unlimited brunch tastings and commemorative glass.

VIP tickets are $60 in advance and include early entry, 8 drink tickets, unlimited brunch tastings, commemorative glass, VIP seating and access for full bar. Limited availability.

Saturday, January 21, 2017 Galleria & Tower at Erieview scenebrunch.com

Thanks for a fun 2016!

F I N D O U T A B O U T T H E S E E V E N T S A N D M O R E AT C L E V E S C E N E T I C K E T S . C O M

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| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

everything you should do this week

GET OUT WED

2163 Lee Rd., Cleveland Heights, 440717-4696, clevelandcinemas.com.

12/21

HOLIDAY SHOPPING

Seventh Annual Christmas Bazaar Home of the Christmas Story House, Tremont is always a festive neighborhood during the holiday season. From 6 to 10 tonight, Edison’s Pub hosts its seventh annual Christmas Bazaar. This year’s event features art and handmade gifts by about a dozen local artists. Fun fact: Edison’s annual Christmas Bazaar was where local photographer Laura Wimbels found the initial inspiration for her Faces of Cleveland book. It’s free. (Josh Usmani) 2373 Professor Rd., 216-522-0006, edisonspub.com.

FILM

The Offense The Cleveland Museum of Art continues its tribute to the late, great writer-director Sidney Lumet by screening many of his films. At 7 tonight and Friday night, it shows The Offense, a 1973 crime drama about a police detective who struggles to stay composed as he interviews an accused child molester. Sean Connery, Trevor Howard and Ian Bannen star. Tickets cost $11, or $9 for CMA members, seniors and students. (Niesel) 11150 East Blvd., 216-421-7350, clevelandart.org.

SPORTS

Cavs vs. Milwaukee Bucks Earlier this month, the Milwaukee Bucks surprised the Cavs and handed them a loss in a tight game played on the Bucks’ home court. While the Bucks have some great young players in Jabari Parker and Giannis Antetokounmpo, they’re no match for the Cavs’ Big Three. Expect the Cavs to get some revenge for that loss when the two teams square off tonight at 7 at Quicken Loans Arena.

Tickets start at $58. (Jeff Niesel) 1 Center Court, 216-420-2000, theqarena.com.

ART

Drawing Power Twice a month, Great Lakes Brewing Company hosts Cleveland’s Drink & Draw Social Club. The event is organized by the Rust Belt Monster Collective and sponsored by Carol and John’s Comic Book Shop. Drink & Draws are an opportunity for artists of all levels of experience to drink, draw, socialize/network and collaborate in very relaxed and welcoming environment. Events take place at 7 p.m. on the first and third Wednesdays of each month, including tonight. At the end of each Drink & Draw, prizes are awarded for various superlatives. Admission is free.

(Usmani) 2516 Market Ave., 216-771-4404, greatlakesbrewing.com.

HOLIDAY MUSIC

Getty: Irish Christmas Public television stars Keith and Kristyn Getty, the writers of many modern hymns and carols, swing into town from Ireland tonight

COMEDY

Comedian Ramon Rivas headlines Mahall’s. See: Thursday.

as part of their fifth annual tour. Dubbed Irish Christmas: A Celebration of Carols, the program features the duo along with a band of top-notch instrumentalists who fuse Celtic, bluegrass, Americana and classical music with cultural dance routines and the choral sounds of the holiday. The concert takes place at 7:30 tonight at Severance Hall.

Tickets start at $30. (Niesel) 11001 Euclid Ave., 216-231-1111, clevelandorchestra.com.

BEER

Hoppin’ Frog Hoppy Hour Much like the Fat Head’s tasting room in Middleburg Heights, the Hoppin’ Frog Tasting Room in Akron is in a nondescript strip of storage facilities and warehouses.

But step inside and you’ll find a cozy tasting room with a huge array of the brewery’s wonderful libations. The place features “hoppy hour” every weekday from 3 to 7 p.m. Tonight, the brewers visit the tasting room from 5 to 7 p.m. While

they don’t fill growlers, you can drink bottles on site or take ’em to go. The place also offers a “Hoppin’ Frog Rare & Vintage” list as well as a guest bottle list. And you can order from a limited food menu too.

(Niesel) 1680-F Waterloo Rd., Akron, 234-525-3764, hoppinfrog.com/tasting-room.

FILM

The Nutcracker Nina Kaptsova, Artem Ovcharenko, Denis Savin, Pavel Dmitrichenko and Vyacheslav Lopatin star Bolshoi Ballet’s The Nutcracker, which shows at 7 tonight at the Cedar Lee Theatre. The classic story centers on a magician who sets out to find a young girl who can break a curse on his nephew and restore him to human form. Mice and toys do ferocious battle. Yuri Grigorovich choreographed the dance movements. Admission is $15 for adults, and $12.50 for children and seniors. (Niesel)

Jay Stevens “Laughter is a healing medicine,” says comic Shawn D. Stevenson (aka Jay Stevens), a native Clevelander.

Stevens didn’t set out to pursue a career in comedy. But after he had a religious awakening nearly 20 years ago, he felt the need to share his gift with others to help them relieve their stress and possibly heal them with laughter. A clean comic, Stevens performs in both comedy clubs and churches. He performs tonight at 7:30 at the Improv where performances continue through Friday. Tickets are $15 to $17.

(Niesel) 1148 Main Ave., 216-696-IMPROV, clevelandimprov.com.

BEER

Think & Drink with the Extinct Billed as “one of the brainiest happy hours in Cleveland,” Think & Drink with the Extinct at the Cleveland Museum of Natural History represents more than just an opportunity to get wasted. Rather, patrons actually learn something as the museum’s staff members give interactive demonstrations and talk about assorted topics drawn from the world of natural science. Various local breweries provide the libations each week. Tonight’s event runs from 5 to 9 p.m. and focuses on the science and lore of the winter solstice. Wash down the knowledge with beer from Butcher and the Brewer. Tickets are $8 but museum members and Case students get in for free. (Niesel) 1 Wade Oval Dr., 216-231-4600, cmnh.org. | clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

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GET OUT

2035 East Fourth St., 216-241-7425, pickwickandfrolic.com.

SPORTS

THU

12/22

HOLIDAY MUSIC

Jim Brickman: Comfort & Joy A collaboration with Kenny Rogers, “That Silent Night” is one of many highlights on Jim Brickman’s latest holiday release, On a Winter’s Night: The Songs and Spirit of Christmas, which was released exclusively via Amazon last year.

Brickman, a Shaker Heights native, has put out several holidaythemed albums, and revels in the creative freedom they provide. He put that freedom to good use on the current album, putting an interesting melodic spin on the classic poem, “’Twas the Night Before Christmas,” with John Oates handling the vocals. He’ll bring the festive holiday spirit close to home when he performs tonight at 7:30 at Severance Hall.

It seems like a good way to wrap up his first 20 years as a recording artist — a career that has racked up 30 hits on the Billboard Adult Contemporary charts, along with two Grammy nominations and four gold albums. For Brickman, it’s been a great ride, fulfi lling the musical dreams he always believed were possible, even though he was modest in his expectations. Tickets to tonight’s concert start at $35.

(Matt Wardlaw) 11001 Euclid Ave., 216-231-1111, clevelandorchestra.com.

Monsters vs. Charlotte Checkers The Cleveland Monsters’ won the hearts of local hockey fans with its lengthy playoff run that culminated

COMEDY

Ramon Rivas and Friends Local comic Ramon Rivas serves as a ringleader for the local comedy scene. He regularly hosts shows featuring local comics and often brings national acts to town.

Recently, the guy’s gotten some

GIve tHe gifT oF RoCk

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FRI

12/23

ART

All I Want for Christmas is a Steve Buscemi All the artists of 3204 Studios want for Christmas this year is …Steve Buscemi? That’s right, the latest exhibition at the studios features original artwork inspired by the firefighter-turned-actor Buscemi.

From 1980 to 1984, Buscemi served as a Manhattan firefighter in the Little Italy section of New York City.

The day after 9/11, he anonymously returned to help clear debris and search for survivors. For a week, he worked 12-hour shifts. So, what’s not to love about this guy, right?

This unique and slightly absurd exhibition is the latest in a series of unlikely themed shows that 3204 Studios has hosted. All I Want for Christmas is a Steve Buscemi opens with a reception from 7 p.m. to 11 p.m. today, just in time for lastminute holiday shoppers looking for a perfectly odd holiday gift.

Admission is free. (Usmani) 3204 Studios, 3204 Lorain Ave., facebook.com/3204studios.

SPORTS

Get official Rock Hall gear for the music fan in your family, or give yourself the rock star treatment! Inductee t-shirts, vinyl collections, year-long memberships and more gift items can be found in store and online.

COMEDY

Pat McGann Creator and host of the Emmy nominated television show The Chicago Stand Up Project, Pat McGann has tackled a variety of projects. He created a comedy show with the Chicago White Sox Players and has been featured on The Daily Show for his response to Jon Stewart’s attack on Chicago pizza.

In his routine on David Letterman, McGann cracked about his role as family laundress; he ends the bit by saying, “I stayed single too long. I got to a point where I was jumping in cabs and the guy would be like, ‘Where to?’ and I’d be like, ‘I don’t care, what do you feel like doing tonight?’” The comedian takes the stage at 8 tonight and at 7:30 tomorrow night at Hilarities.

Tickets are $22 for tonight’s show, and $25 for tomorrow night’s show.

(Danielle Immerman)

13200 Madison Ave., Lakewood, 216-521-3280, mahalls20lanes.com.

rockhallstore.com 216.515.8444 1100 Rock and Roll Blvd.

Cleveland, OH 44114

We're expecting our 11 millionth visitor by the end of 2016!

Big prize to be given. Could you be the one?! in a championship. The team lost more times than it won in November, but it started off December by winning four out of five games.

Tonight at 7, the Monsters go up against the Charlotte Checkers. It’s College ID Night, so students with a valid college ID can get $6 tickets.

They can also buy a “College Meal Deal” — hot dog, chips and soda — for $6. (Niesel) 1 Center Court, 216-420-2000, theqarena.com.

| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

national acclaim himself, and even taped a half-hour special for Comedy Central. Tonight at 8 at Mahall’s, he performs along with some of his fellow comics. Local joke man Bill Squire hosts, and if 100 or more people attend, Rivas has promised to make a donation of $250 to the ACLU and $250 to Planned Parenthood. We take that to mean that he’s as upset about a Trump presidency as we are.

Tickets are $10. (Niesel)

Cavs vs. Brooklyn Nets Look for the Cavaliers to continue their dominance against the Eastern Conference tonight as they take on the Brooklyn Nets. The Nets once again have one of the NBA’s highest payrolls and poorest records. Outside of center Brook Lopez, forward Bojan Bogdanovich, guard Sean Kilpatrick and guard Jeremy Lin, the team doesn’t have much talent. Former No. 1 draft pick Anthony Bennett plays for the Nets but mostly rides the bench. The game begins at 7:30 p.m. at the Q. Tickets start at $43. (Niesel) 1 Center Court, 216-420-2000, theqarena.com.

ART

Idolatry Gallery 1299 in the Warehouse District is hosting an opening for its latest exhibition, Idolatry, from 8 to midnight tonight, the night before Christmas Eve. The show includes work by Soledad “PaintedOver” Vasquez and Gallery 1299 owner Will “Topiltzin” Sanchez. The evening includes live music by Meganne Stepka. Idolatry explores humanity’s timeless and universal quest for faith and spiritual evolution through art that reflects beauty and projects hope of escaping the chaos and suffering

SAT

12/24

SPORTS

Browns vs. San Diego Chargers The Browns final home game of a truly miserable season happens today at 1 at FirstEnergy Stadium, as our hapless heroes take on the San Diego Chargers. Given that the Chargers play half their games in a semi-tropical city on the California coast, we hope that the winter conditions throw quarterback Philip Rivers and his squad for a loop and that the Browns don’t bring their home record this year to 0-8. Tickets start at $68. (Niesel) 100 Alfred Lerner Way, 440-891-5000, clevelandbrowns.com.

HOLIDAY SHOPPING

Pop-Up Holiday Market Anyone looking for a last minute, Cleveland-centric Christmas gift would do well to check out the Pop-Up Holiday Market at Crocker Park. This special store, in the former Danny Vegh’s space, features a variety of gift baskets, Cleveland-themed T-shirts and coasters.

The Gyspy Cafe provides coffee and pastries to help you relax while you shop. The store keeps the same hours as Crocker Park, so it’ll be open from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. today. (Niesel) 143 Crocker Park Blvd., Westlake, crockerpark.com.

SUN

12/25

CHRISTMAS FUN

12 Assholes of Christmas It’s a tradition that, at noon on Christmas day, the punk rock club Now That’s Class opens its doors to welcome “those who don’t have anywhere to go or don’t wanna go anywhere” for an event dubbed 12 Assholes of Christmas. From noon to 3 p.m. today, the bar will offer specials on Great Lakes and Negro Modelo beers, selling them for only $1. The price goes up by increments as the night goes on.

Bring some food for the potluck dinner.

Brainwashed California, Mateo Manic, Basement Box, Paul Mac, Live from the Garage, Cheap Clone, Bad Noids, Roobydocks, Air Sicily and Swindlella provide the tunes. It’s free. (Niesel) 11213 Detroit Ave., 216-221-8576, nowthatsclass.net.

SPORTS

Cavs vs. Golden State In what looks like it’s becoming a Christmas Day tradition, the Cavs once again take on the Golden State Warriors. The two teams squared off last Christmas Day on the Warriors’ turf and the Cavs came up just short.

The Cavs had the last laugh, however, as they would beat the Warriors in the finals despite losing to them twice during the regular season. The Warriors have retooled this season, adding Kevin Durant to an already strong roster. Expect this nationally televised game to be a real battle. The game begins at 2:30 p.m. Tickets start at a whopping $175. (Niesel) 1 Center Court, 216-420-2000, theqarena.com.

HE’S BACK! NOV 25 - DEC 23 ALLEN THEATRE

ART

This Light of Ours Christmas Day is as good a time as any to experience the inspiring stories in the Maltz Museum of Jewish Heritage’s newest exhibition, This Light of Ours: Activist Photographers of the Civil Rights Movement. Today’s events also include a chance to create welcome cards for new immigrants to Northeast Ohio and a special screening of the acclaimed Freedom Riders documentary, with a post-screening talk with associate producer Stacey Holman. Kosher food from BlueStar Cafe will be available for purchase.

Bring a canned-goods donation and/ or pay what you can toward museum admission. Canned goods will be donated to the Semach Sedek R.I.A.S. Kosher Food Bank & Pantry and the Greater Cleveland Food Bank. The museum will be open from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m., and guided drop-in tours of This Light of Ours take place at noon, 1 p.m. and 3 p.m. The Freedom Riders screening and talkback takes place at 2 p.m.; the screening is free but space is limited: Pre-registration is required by phone or online. (Niesel) 2929 Richmond Rd., Beachwood, 216593-0575, maltzmuseum.org.

MON

written by PHILIP GRECIAN directed by JOHN McCLUGGAGE based on the motion picture written by JEAN SHEPHERD, LEIGH BROWN & BOB CLARK

TICKETS START AT $25 216.241.6000 | clevelandplayhouse.com

JANUARY 27, 2017 Verb Studio FEBRUARY 17, 2017 Akron Civic Theatre

12/26

NIGHTLIFE

Wing Ding Doodle Blues icon Howlin’ Wolf famously covered “Wang Dang Doodle,” the old blues tune penned by Willie Dixon.

Prosperity Social Club in Tremont has adopted that slogan, calling its wing night Wing Ding Doodle. The weekly event features specials on Buffalo wings and cold brews. Prosperity will not only serve up substantial, $1 whole wings, but it’ll also offering meatless Monday “wing” baskets for vegans.

Discounted drafts and a playlist of

John Earl Brown

in the world. During the reception, the gallery will host the “Art Claim” for its Artnarchy: Random Acts of Kindness scavenger hunt. For more information on how to participate in the scavenger hunt, visit Gallery 1299’s Facebook page. Admission is free. (Usmani) 1299 West Ninth St., 216-338-9806, gallery1299.com.

verbballets.org | clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

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GET OUT vintage-electric blues and soulful R&B curated by local musician Clint Holley will be on tap as well.

Wing Ding Doodle takes place every Monday from 6 p.m. to midnight.

(Niesel) 1109 Starkweather Ave., 216-937-1938, prosperitysocialclub.com.

TUE

12/27

COMEDY

Mike Bonner Call the sitter. Comic Mike Bonner takes the stage at the Improv tonight for a parent-friendly routine. Of course, that doesn’t mean it’s kidfriendly. Bonner has made a name for himself as a relatable, down-toearth comedian who understands the everyday struggles of being a father. From dirty diapers to his daughter’s first boyfriend, the BET comedian explores the small joys and annoyances of parenthood through a sardonic lens. The show starts at 7:30 p.m. at the Improv, where Bonner has shows scheduled through Dec. 30.

Tickets are $15 to $17. (Brittany Rees) 1148 Main Ave., 216-696-IMPROV, clevelandimprov.com.

FILM

WJW.CLEVELAND

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| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

Earthquaker Devices: A Mini Movie Known for the guitar-effects pedals that its employees make one at a time, by hand, the Akron-based effects pedal company EarthQuaker Devices is the subject of the new documentary film, EarthQuaker Devices: A Mini Movie. Shot entirely on location in Akron, the movie chronicles the “meteoric” rise of the popular guitar effects pedal manufacturer and traces the company’s roots from a one-man basement operation to an international success. Acts such as Queens of the Stone Age, Modest Mouse and the Black Keys use the company’s pedals. The film’s soundtrack features music

by Akron acts such as Relaxer and Mount Ratz. In addition, it includes original compositions from the EarthQuaker Devices crew. Viewers will gain “unparalleled access” to the “day-to-day inner workings of the enigmatic effects pedal company,” and the movie features interviews with owner, designer and guitarist Jamie Stillman. The film screens along with Goodnight Brooklyn: The Story of Death By Audio, a documentary about the rise and fall of the Brooklyn underground venue Death By Audio.

The screenings take place at 6:45 and 9:15 tonight at Nightlight Cinemas in Akron. Folks from EarthQuaker Devices will conduct a headphone demo and have merch on hand as well. Tickets are $5. (Niesel) 30 North High Street, Akron, 330-252-5782, nightlightcinema.com.

SPORTS

Harlem Globetrotters Some might say that if you’ve seen the Harlem Globetrotters once, you’ve seen them a hundred times; but the spectacular Globetrotters bring their unrivaled ball-handling wizardry, high-flying dunks and gut-busting comedy to the Quicken Loans Arena this afternoon and this evening. This basketball-entertainment bonanza is fun for the whole family. Tickets start at $20.50. The guys play at both 1 and 6 p.m. (Niesel) 1 Center Court, 216-420-2000, theqarena.com.

COMEDY

Dom Irrera Growing up surrounded by relatives, comedian Dom Irrera had a receptive audience for his jokes when he was a kid. He got his big break on the ’80s TV showcase Nothin’ Goes Right, which starred Rodney Dangerfield, an early supporter. Since winning awards for his 1988 HBO standup show, Irrera has become a latenight staple and has had small roles in a few films. He’s done so much standup over the years, it’s now second nature. He performs tonight at 8 at Hilarities. Tickets are $23.

Additional performances are set for this Thursday and Friday. (Niesel) 2035 East Fourth St., 216-241-7425, pickwickandfrolic.com.

SPOKEN WORD

Life, the Universe & Hot Dogs Austin Leeds from Cleveland MetroParks Zoo will discuss the minds of monkeys at this week’s installment of Life, the Universe & Hot Dogs, a lecture series hosted by the Happy Dog. Leeds plans to address how “teaching mandrills, the world’s largest monkey species, to use a touchscreen computer has value for both basic and applied avenues of research.” He’ll also explain how Cleveland Metroparks Zoo explores the psychology of mandrills and how that research “optimizes their care and welfare.” The talk begins at 7:30 p.m., and admission is free. (Niesel) 5801 Detroit Ave., 216-651-9474, happydogcleveland.com.

Find more events @clevescene.com t@clevelandscene

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| clevescene.com l m | December 21 - 27, 20166

STAGE WELL SUNG BUT HALF BAKED Photo by Kathy Sandham

Mermaid and man find each other but miss some fun in The Little Mermaid at Beck Center

By Christine Howey “TOO MANY NOTES!” When Emperor Joseph says that to Mozart in the movie Amadeus, it is understood to be a vapid criticism of the work of a genius. As the emperor elucidates further, “There are, in fact, only so many notes the ear can hear in the course of an evening.”

At the risk of being found vapid, I must conclude that, upon viewing The Little Mermaid at Beck Center, there are too many songs in this often-waterlogged adaptation of the eponymous animated flick.

Despite being well sung by the Beck cast, the music by Alan Menken (performed with polish by musical director Larry Goodpaster and his orchestra) along with lyrics

by Howard Ashman and Glenn Slater, often feel perfunctory and workmanlike. That problem is magnified at times due to many lyrics being lost because of inadequate amplification or careless diction.

Those offenses to the ear are a shame because the show is quite pleasing to the eye. This is due in large part to the lighting by Jeff Herrmann and some wonderful effects created by projection designer Adam Zeek. Indeed, from the moment you walk into the theater, the watery projections wallpapering the set make you feel like you’re wading into the welcoming warmth of a Caribbean beach.

From that point, the book by Doug Wright introduces us to lovers from two different worlds. Ariel is the beauteous daughter of papa Triton (Darryl Lewis), who lives in

his undersea kingdom. Meanwhile, Prince Eric is on board a ship and is entranced by a siren voice (guess whose?) and declares it his mission to follow it to the end of the earth.

While mermaid Ariel’s six mersisters are singing homage to daddy, Ariel is picking up ocean trash and worshipping the artifacts of the human world. Lucky for her, there’s plenty of that garbage floating around, and she’s given a lesson in collecting it from a malaprop-prone seagull named Scuttle (Zachary Vederman, whose promising comic characterization could benefit from more risktaking).

Anyhow, the prince is thrown overboard in a storm and Ariel saves him without his knowledge.

can be saved by a really delectable villain, one who makes your skin (or scales) crawl. But evil Ursula, the octopus who is Triton’s sister, doesn’t have enough menacing moments to fill this bill. Natalie Blalock sings up a storm as Ursula, but her lyrics don’t have the mean snap that can send shivers. Instead, she sings about her ability to help mermaids such as Ariel live their dreams. It’s all a scam of course, but Ursula’s real mean streak is kept hidden far too long, depriving the show of a much-needed engine.

Once Ariel makes a deal to become a human for a while, thanks to Ursula, the transition never quite resonates since costume designer Leon Dobkowski and Spence decided to eschew mermaid tails and other

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But Ariel is fixated on hooking up with the boy (hey, it’s Disney pre-Moana), and the remainder of the show dissects this not-so-torrid romance in often excruciating detail. As Ariel, Kathleen Rooney sings the frequently banal songs quite beautifully, and she displays the right amount of spunk and innocence. But her swoony adoration of the ramrod stiff prince (played with ramrod stiffness by the gifted singer Shane Patrick O’Neill) never ignites.

Usually, Disney shows like this

secondary fish characteristics.

That’s understandable from a mobility standpoint (hard to dance in a fish tail), but the sea creatures in this production never seem sufficiently aquatic.

In the featured role of Sebastian, the bodyguard crab assigned to keep watch over Ariel, Wesley Allen sings well and has the strut and posture of this crustacean down pat.

And his song, “Under the Sea,” lifts the show with its calypso beat. But in the first act, Allen rushed his exit lines so that they came out garbled,

a diction problem shared at times by other cast members.

Director Scott Spence has an admirable track record for mounting big productions such as Mermaid, and he paces the show well. But the predictable fish-centric gag lines (one mer-person laments, “Teenagers: Give them an inch and they’ll swim all over you!”) and the overly complex plotting make it all feel a bit stale.

And there are some scenes that just don’t seem to fit at all, such as the cooking scene when the chef (Robert Pierce) tries to fry up Sebastian along with a collection of other fish. In an attempt at wild slapstick, the chase that ensues involving multiple chefs feels entirely too controlled and choreographed. By this time in the run (the show opened Dec. 2), a scene like this should have the giddy energy of a free-for-all, not a tentative rehearsal.

Fortunately, in the second act Zeek’s projections come to the rescue, including an awesomelooking panorama of the prince’s balcony-bedecked crib, and an enveloping appearance of Ursula’s tentacles wiggling menacingly over the entire set. If the first part of the show had captured some of that stage magic, this show would succeed, um, swimmingly.

scene@clevescene.com t@christinehowey | clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

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MOVIES SCENE AT THE MOVIES A look at what’s opening this week LA LA LAND With the most electric opening sequence of the year — topping even the slow-motion car-crash credit sequence of Deadpool — La La Land informs you immediately that it’s here to party, and ought to be taken seriously. Currently one of three buzzy favorites for the top Oscars (along with Moonlight and Manchester by the Sea), it will no doubt appeal to Hollywood for its homage to musicals of old. It is, after all, a love story. Our star-crossed duet is Sebastian (Ryan Gosling), an old-school jazz pianist, and Mia (Emma Stone), an aspiring actress. On the boulevards and landmarks and backlots of L.A., Sebastian and Mia grapple with familiar artistic questions — Is change a betrayal of tradition? Can one justify selling out for material benefits? — while singing and tap-dancing their way to romance.

Romance, just like musicals, we learn, can be both timeless and very, very modern. Directed by Damien Chazelle, the musically oriented wizard who made Whiplash in 2014, La La Land emits an equal affection for music and the artist’s wayward path. It does so with a splashy panache that announces itself as a Beta Model, a millennial edition. Gosling and Stone leave quite a bit to be desired on the musical side, but Chazelle — thank heaven — is a cinematic artist with a vision and an angle.

And this one’s a gem. — Sam Allard

SING With his latest film, Sing, writer-director Garth Jennings (The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy) imagines what an American Idol/America’s Got Talent competition would be like if the contestants were animated animals. That’s roughly the premise of this kids’ flick that centers on Buster Moon (Matthew McConaughey), a bumbling koala bear who runs a musical theater on the brink of bankruptcy. In order to save his floundering business, he decides to stage a talent competition. During auditions, he picks a motley crew of singers to perform while his BFF, a spoiled Suffolk sheep (John C. Reilly), tries to help as best he can (turns out, the kid’s a pretty good sound man). The contestants include true underdogs such as the following: Rosita (Reese Witherspoon), a pig who struggles to raise 25 unruly children without much help from her ornery husband Norman (Nick Offerman); Meena (Tori Kelly), an elephant who can really wail but suffers from debilitating stage fright; Mike (Seth MacFarlane), a street musician mouse with an ego the size of a suitcase; the son of a gorilla mobster (Taron Egerton) who doesn’t want to follow in his father’s criminal-minded footsteps; and a punk rock porcupine (Scarlett Johansson). The actors give terrific performances, and the songs hit the mark too. Too bad the film takes too long to arrive at its feel-good conclusion. — Jeff Niesel

WHY HIM Essentially stealing its premise from the far funnier Meet the Parents/Meet the Fockers/Little Fockers, Why Him, a raunchy comedy starring Bryan Cranston and James Franco, focuses on a first encounter between Ned Fleming (Cranston), an overprotective father, and Laird Mayhew (Franco), the lewd fellow who happens to be boning his college-aged daughter Stephanie (Zoey Deutch). Since Stephanie hasn’t told her parents anything about Laird, they’re in for a shock when they first meet the guy on a Christmas break visit to see Stephanie. The tech mogul puts them up at his mansion where he and his assistant Gustav (Keegan-Michael Key) stage Pink Panther-like sneak attacks on one another on a regular basis. For Ned, who runs a printing press that’s on the verge of going out of business because it’s so outdated, much of Laird’s world seems completely foreign. This contrast makes for the movie’s best jokes; in one funny scene, Ned can’t figure out how to work Laird’s hightech toilet. Too often, the movie settles for the predictable as Ned and Laird, a tattooed guy who regularly drops the f-bomb and makes all sorts of inappropriate remarks about Stephanie, struggle to bond. While Ben Stiller portrays the hapless Gaylord “Greg” Focker as a loveable loser, the smirking Franco never makes Laird the least bit likeable. — Niesel

JACKIE Natalie Portman took home Best Actress honors for her performance in Black Swan in 2010.

She’s a good bet to be nominated once again this year for her striking portrayal of Jackie Kennedy in Jackie, a funereal dirge that chronicles the harried aftermath of JFK’s assassination in 1963.

Exiled to Hyannis Port, Massachusetts, Jackie tells the story of her husband’s presidency and its bloody finale in Dallas to a nameless reporter (Billy Crudup), editing the narrative that would become the world’s glimpse into the Kennedy’s lives. Portman is a revelation as the first lady, nailing her mannerisms and her breathy speaking voice. The rest of the movie is a somber rehash. It’s important, of course, to have fresh perspectives on infamous events, and even more important when those perspectives are through the eyes of people who’ve been relegated to history’s sidelines. But even for history buffs, beyond the recurring pleasure of Portman’s mimicry, the voyeur’s thrill at the gore of the assassination, and the physical resemblance of Danish actor Caspar Phillipson to JFK, this is not a film to be enjoyed. It’s one to be withstood. — Allard | clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

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| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

EAT

Photos by Emanuel Wallace

ANOTHER SLICE Pizza (216) might aim to be more than just pizza, but pies are where it really excels

By Douglas Trattner A DINER COULD BE EXCUSED for thinking that Pizza (216) is baking its pies in a genuine wood-burning oven. Watching from seats at the long bar, or any number of tables near the front of the restaurant, one can observe the occasional log being added to a fiery chamber in the revolving brick oven. Though it’s largely heated by gas, the addition of wood boosts the temperature by about 150 degrees, which speeds up the cooking time and enhances crust production. In theory, smoke from the wood might kiss the crust with a hint of woodsy perfume, but that is debatable.

What isn’t up for debate is how those pies turn out. The crusts are thin and crisp, but remarkably light and delicate. Like the hybrid oven from where they come, these pizzas sport a texture that lands right in the middle of New York and Neapolitan. Down below, a nubby cornmeal base supports logical arrangements like those on the Spicy Pie ($19), a mix of local sausage, mushrooms, pepperoncini, cheese and spicy red sauce. I expected to abhor the Pierogi Pie ($18), but fortunately the kitchen had a light hand when it came to the mashed potato spread.

The combination of potato, cheddar, caramelized onions, green onions, sour cream and bacon really did manage to summon those portly Polish dumplings.

Cleveland is in no danger of running out of pizza, but owners Johnny Lis and Brad Wiescinski managed to generate some early buzz when their fly pies scored high with attendees at a recent Cleveland Pizza Fest. Prior to launch, Lis enrolled in an intensive pizza school in Staten Island, where he learned at the hands of the pros from 25-year-old Goodfella’s Brick Oven Pizza. The owners landed a prominent perch, too, in the Old Arcade, which also fronts Euclid. The long space is dark, industrial and not altogether comfortable, especially when you’re seated, as we were one night, at a wobbly high-top. Or, as we were on another night, anywhere near the front door. With every ingress and egress, it was as if all Lake Erie’s fury thundered through the door and into our laps.

Argentinian malbec could be had for a little over twice retail.

As their hashtag promises, Pizza (216) offers #morethanjustpizza. Their fresh-from-the-oven garlic knots ($5) are old-school delicious, glossed with butter, Parmesan and parsley. They’d be even better if the accompanying marinara wasn’t served ice cold. Same goes for the fried provolone ($8), deliciously melty, salty cheese wedges in a crispy crust that are served atop cold marinara on a cold plate (in a cold room). No such issues encumbered the “Giant Italian Meatball” ($10), a giant beef and pork meatball served in a screaming-hot skillet with sauce, cheese and grilled bread for dipping.

Pizza (216)’s menu eschews conventional menu categories like appetizers and entrees in favor of more ambiguous phrases like “More Than

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In the plus department, Pizza (216) stocks a beer and wine selection that trumps every neighborhood pizza parlor. Beers from Cincinnati’s Rhinegeist Brewery and Athens’ Jackie O’s join a tight but agreeable and moderately priced wine by the glass and bottle program. Bottles of fruit-forward

Just Pizza.” That results in items such as the oven-roasted Brussels sprouts ($8), that you intended to enjoy as a side dish, arriving immediately as an appetizer. Salads, like the seasonal roasted beet with arugula ($9), thankfully, are served as starters. Blue cheese fans might lament the near absence of said cheese, especially given

the price.

Other menu items range from fried chicken and cheeseburgers to risotto and pasta, but pizza is where this shop really excels. In addition to a half dozen house-designed pies, the menu leaves room for personal expression.

Diners can build their own from the crust up, choosing a sauce, a cheese or cheese blend, and topping it with a host of vegetables and meats.

The prime downtown location makes the shop a great choice for folks heading to or from any number of activities or events. One night we wandered in just as the restaurant seemed to be recovering from a pre-Cavs game rush. Servers were literally sweeping up under our table as we were attempting to eat our appetizers, which seemed a touch intrusive. But other than that, service was always friendly, efficient and remarkably speedy.

For a city as inundated with pizza joints as Cleveland is, it’s nice to discover a place that not only is doing it right, but is doing it different. Pizza (216) is crafting pies that are making true believers out of skeptics who argue that we don’t need any more pizza places, such as this writer.

dtrattner@clevescene.com t@dougtrattner | clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

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EAT

DELICIOUS TRADITIONS Around the world in a cookie tray

By Rachel Hunt

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| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

EVERY YEAR FOR THE HOLIDAYS, my family indulges in kolachki, poppy seed rolls and rogaliki. It’s the one time of year I feel connected to my Eastern European heritage, enjoying as many Christmas cookies as my stomach can handle (don’t judge, my ancestors did it too). This time of year, there is no shortage of festive baked goods to try. Cleveland’s Europeanstyle bakeries have become as much of a tradition as the festivities they feed.

Arguably the closest to the Polish baking my grandparents grew up with is Rudy’s Strudel (5580 Ridge Rd., 440886-4430, rudystrudel.com), owned by mother-daughter duo Eugenia Polatajko and Lidia Trempe. For over 68 years the bakery has specialized in Old-World recipes, sweet to savory.

During our recent visit, Trempe had control of the counter, conversing with two white-haired women in Polish while Polatajko wheeled out dozens of fresh, flakey kolachki to cool, filled with fruits, nuts and cheese.

At Samosky’s Home Bakery (6379 Pearl Rd., 440-845-3377, samoskyshomebakery.com), they’ve been offering many of the same products since 1910, including the specialty Polish houska, sweet braided egg bread studded with golden raisins and cherries. Their paczki, fruit-filled fried dough with powdered sugar, has a light and fluffy texture, making this recipe easily recognizable to connoisseurs.

For Hungarian-style nut and poppy seed rolls, called beigli, look no further than Farkas Pastry Shoppe (2700 Lorain Ave., 216-281-6200, farkaspastries.com). “Our filling is more concentrated with either poppy or nut,” says Mike Harrison, who has been baking at Farkas for 10 years. “The dough itself is crisper and more cookie-like as opposed to potiza

[Slovenian nut bread].”

The storefront is denoted with Hungarian and Ohio City flags. Inside, a team of four rolls out thick slabs of dough, making the small interior space smell of yeasty, unbaked rolls.

Sandor Farkas first garnered acclaim for the bakery’s krémes or Napoleons, a decadent layered desert made with vanilla custard and whipped cream sandwiched between sheets of puff pastry, a recipe brought from Budapest. The shop has been sitting just feet from the West Side Market for 50 years.

There is also a new cluster of bakeries in Ukrainian Village, a commercial district in Parma, including Kolos Bakery (5346 State Rd., 216-741-1282), which was opened in 2011 by immigrants Andro and Nataliya Dokhoian. They specialize in breads and carry harder-to-find varieties like cinnamon and sweetbutter rolls.

Italians are known to take the cake when it comes to their breadth of baking. While most Clevelanders are familiar with the wonderful offerings at Corbo’s (12210 Mayfield Rd., 216-4218181, corbosbakery.net), at the family run Colozza’s Bakery (5880 Ridge Rd., 440-885-0453, colozzasbakery.com) shoppers can find festively decorated cassata cakes and pizzelles, popular during the holidays, plus a brightly colored assortment of sugar cookies.

The shop opened in 1975 on Storer Avenue, moving five years later to its current location.

“Both of Angelo’s [Colozza] parents are still here every day,” a staffer proudly reports. “John is 72 years old and baking his butt off.”

scene@clevescene.com t@clevelandscene

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FIRST LOOK: Yours Truly at the Halle Brothers Co. Building

By Douglas Trattner AFTER 35 YEARS IN THE business of feeding suburban diners in Chagrin Falls, Hudson, Mayfield Village, Medina and Mentor, among other spots, Yours Truly restaurant is gearing up to open in the heart of downtown. Its newest location might just be its most unique: the former jewelry department of the historic Halle Brothers department store.

“We’ve always wanted to be down here but it never made sense,” owner Larry Shibley explains. “It always felt like a good idea, but then we never thought that what we did in the suburbs, having busy meal periods and in-between times all day long, would work down here. This, we feel, is the right place.”

The 12-level Halle Building was constructed in 1908 as the celebrated department store. K&D is in the process of redeveloping the building to accommodate retail, commercial and residential tenants. The mainlevel Yours Truly space fronts Euclid Avenue with direct access off the building’s main lobby.

When the restaurant opens in late December, diners will see a compact but well-designed space with seating for 120 in the two-level dining room with mezzanine. Diners on that openconcept second floor will enjoy views straight out to Euclid, as will diners

seated at the snow-white, low-slung bar up front. Additional seating will be available on the sidewalk as well as extending into the lobby.

A massive support column and brick wall were both exposed for the first time, providing a timeless backdrop for era-appropriate reproduction signage. Last used as office space, the restaurant claimed 20-foot ceilings by removing the dated drop ceiling tiles. The original concrete floors were buffed up and an old elevator door was repurposed into a window that looks into the lobby.

While Yours Truly menus are largely identical from shop to shop, downtown will feature a full bar with bartenders, expanded wine lists and cocktail menus. Other locations offer a limited wine, beer and cocktail selection, but even those will see improvements in the coming months.

An open kitchen will turn out breakfast, lunch and dinner seven days a week, while a grab-and-go cooler will be filled, depending on the time of day, with items like breakfast sandwiches, wraps, fruit and hummus.

When downtown opens in the coming weeks, it will be Yours Truly’s ninth location.

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| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

EAT PLATFORM BEER AND OLD CITY SODA ANNOUNCE MANUFACTURING AND DISTRIBUTION PARTNERSHIP Cleveland-based craft soda producer Old City Soda and Cleveland-based craft brewer Platform Beer Co. have announced a strategic partnership whereby the brewery will produce and distribute Old City Soda within the state of Ohio. This arrangement will greatly expand the production and reach of Old City Soda.

Old City Soda began small back in 2014, slowly growing and cultivating a loyal following for its hand-crafted sodas using only natural ingredients and no preservatives. A recent product enhancement allows the sodas to be stored, stocked and distributed at room temperature without the use of preservatives.

“Platform has been a great partner, and this agreement will help us in so many ways,” says Old City Soda founder Mike Gulley.

“We will be able to dramatically increase our production capabilities while also providing a much higher degree of service to our existing customers, as well as those that have been asking for our products.

We simply haven’t been able to meet all of the demand for our sodas, which is exactly why this partnership made sense. We’re excited to fi nally be able to make the leap into broader distribution.”

“We’ve been carrying and using Old City Soda since they started production,” adds Paul Benner, cofounder of Platform Beer Co. “It’s been great to see their brand take hold in Cleveland, yet we knew they were struggling to meet the increasing demand. This is exactly the kind of scenario we envisioned when we started Platform and we’re really happy to be working as a partner with Old City as they grow.

We’ve dedicated production, sales, distribution resources to really help them ramp up and I would expect to see their sodas in a lot of the accounts Platform already serves across the state.”

PANINI’S ON WEST SIXTH HAS CLOSED The Panini’s Bar and Grill franchise in the Warehouse District (1290 West Sixth St.), around since 2002, has

closed. The phone number has been disconnected, the Facebook page has been deleted, and the location has been scrubbed from the corporate website.

Attempts to reach corporate principals and franchisees have been unsuccessful.

Panini’s Bar and Grill opened its first restaurant in May of 1986.

It currently has 14 remaining locations.

DONUT FEST COMES TO CLEVELAND IN FEBRUARY Cleveland’s inaugural Donut Fest is coming in February. Yes, Donut Fest, as in a festival for donuts (or doughnuts, for you purists). This is good news. Very good news.

The fest, slated for Feb. 12 at Red Space, is being organized by Bobalky and Gnocchi, a company out of Chicago. They’ve thrown Donut Fests in the Windy City for years now and also branched out to New York. Needless to say, those sweet, sweet heavenly donutfilled events have been sold out and spectacular.

And now Cleveland is thankfully getting some of the action.

Local bakeries and restaurants already on the list of participants includes Moxie, Becker’s, Jubilee Donuts, Bloom Bakery, Mary Anne Donuts and Brewnuts, and all are battling to be declared to have the best donut in Cleveland. As for coffee, Hartzler Family Dairy, Erie Island Coffee Co., Rising Star Coffee Roasters, Solstice Coffee, and City Roast will be in attendance.

Tickets will be sold by session beginning in January. Tickets to the first session (8 to 10 a.m.) are $45 and get you early entry, taste tickets for every donut, coffee and a donut mug. Kids 3 and under get in free. Tickets to the second and third sessions (10 a.m. to noon and noon to 2 p.m.) are $30 per person and include taste tickets.

For more information visit donutfest.com.

dtrattner@clevescene.com t@dougtrattner

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Join Us For Our Annual New Years Eve Celebration! | clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

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| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

MUSIC

Photo by Rob Blackman

NOT A NOSTALGIA SHOW Blackberry Smoke goes with its gut on its terrific new album

By Jeff Niesel RECORDED AT THE QUARRY Recording Studio in Kennesaw, Georgia, Blackberry Smoke’s new album, Like an Arrow, finds the country/rock band taking a particularly eclectic approach.

Album opener “Waiting for the Thunder” features loud guitars that make the tune verge on heavy metal.

Some critics have said the song expresses an anti-Trump sentiment, but singer-guitarist Charlie Starr disagrees.

“Lyrically, it’s just an observation about how scary the world is,” says Starr, who brings the band to House of Blues on Dec. 28. He spoke via phone from his Atlanta home as he was doing some Christmas shopping.

“From time to time, it hits home with me more than ever. The world has been always been scary and now our lives are inundated with it.

Everyone makes jokes about 2016 being the year of all years. There’s a

little bit of an Armageddon warning to it. Somebody asked me if it was a protest song, and I said it was as close to a protest song as I’ll ever write. It’s not about Donald Trump.

It’s about whoever might wind up with that job. Good luck with that.”

Starr says he has difficulty writing new tunes while he’s on tour. Given that the group tours relentlessly, that means he seldom has time to write. But when he sat down and started to pen some songs for Like an Arrow last year, they came out quickly.

“I looked down at one point when I was making demos, and I had 15 or 16 songs,” he says. “It felt really good. We started rehearsing the new songs, and they felt really good immediately. There was a lot of smiling going on in the room, so I knew we were heading in the right direction.”

Since the guys didn’t tour for

the entire month of January, they booked some time in a studio close to their Atlanta home. They initially planned to write some demos. Those demos turned out so well, they became the songs that make up the album.

“I wasn’t exactly sure we were making a record until we started to record,” says Starr. “We didn’t call a producer. It became clear to everyone involved that we were making a good record. We produced it as it went along. Before we knew it, we were done. It took a month. That’s the way it should be. Records shouldn’t take a year or two to make.”

He says the Quarry Recording Studio provided the band with the perfect environment to get the raw sound it loves.

“It’s got a big tracking room which we utilized,” he says. “We put amps in the room to get a nice, natural bleed. It’s funny how far

we’ve come throughout the decades.

In the early days at Sun Studios, they worked with what they had and got mic bleed. It’s not necessarily what they wanted. In the ’70s and Red Fang ’80s, we tried to isolate everything.

Now we want to put all the amps in the same room and get noisy again.

The track “Sunrise in Texas” possesses the kind of swagger that’s typical of the best Southern rock of the ’70s. Think “Free Bird” or the Marshall Tucker Band’s “Can’t You See.” Starr says the band has played various incarnations of the tune for years.

“Before we formed Blackberry Smoke, we backed up a singer named Michael Tolcher,” says Starr.

“On the initial version of that song, he was a troubadour. We played it with him and it was really cool. A couple of years after we made our first record, we started playing it again, and I rewrote some lyrics so Torche | clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

47

MUSIC that it took on a different meaning for me. Over the years, it’s become a fan favorite and then we would forget about it and it would lie there and get dusty. Fans keep asking us about putting it on a record, so we finally did. It fit well.”

Special guest Gregg Allman appears on the album’s closing track, “Free on the Wing.”

“When we started to record that song, it had a Macon, Georgia/ Capricorn Records vibe,” says Starr.

“Over time, we’ve played his festivals and spent time with him over the years. We just said it would be great if he could sing it for us, and he did.”

Produced by Brendan O’Brien (AC/DC, Aerosmith, Pearl Jam, Bruce Springsteen and Neil Young), last year’s hard rocking Holding All the Roses shows off the band’s heavier side. It commences with “Let Me Help You Find the Door,” a swaggering mid-tempo rock tune that sounds like a cross between Tom Petty and Aerosmith.

Starr says the band didn’t necessarily intend the album to be a departure from 2013’s The Whippoorwill, but it is. That album’s fast-paced title track is a rollicking tune that features a bit of fiddle that’s hidden until a mid-song segment that features a twangy fiddle solo courtesy of guest Ann Marie Simpson that then gives way to searing guitar riffs. It’s a real juxtaposition of sounds, but it works.

I was getting ready for school one morning, and my mom was listening to the Stones, like she did every morning. ‘Honky Tonk Women’ came on, and it clicked. I realized it was the same thing as the country songs I learned from my dad. It has that beautiful chorus and harmony. They understand what I understand. I was about 11, and that put me on the path.”

At first, Starr just focused on playing guitar. But after working with more than one singer who couldn’t really cut it, Starr figured it was time to take over as frontman.

The band put out its debut in 2003. It followed it up in 2004 with another album but, according to Starr, the group became involved in “two different label disasters.” During that time, the band continued to tour and play new songs every night.

While on a Lynyrd Skynyrdhosted cruise in the mid-2000s, Starr met up-and-coming singersongwriter Zac Brown, who subsequently signed the group to his now-defunct Southern Ground label. When it came time to record its debut for Zac Brown’s label, the band kicked out 17 songs in five days. Released in 2013, the resulting album, The Whippoorwill, is a great collection of Southern rockinspired tunes that show off Starr’s consummate songwriting chops and established the band on a national scale.

The group subsequently has been dubbed “the new face of bluecollar Southern rock” — something that sits well with Starr, though he

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Dipping into different genres is something that Starr, who grew up in the Atlanta area, has done ever since he first picked up a guitar when he was a kid. His father and grandmother were very religious, and he developed an appreciation for gospel music from them.

“I had to play the guitar; I just had to,” he says when asked about his upbringing. “From as far back as I can remember, I wanted to play. I got that feeling from when I was 4 years old or from whenever your brain starts to process memories. [My father] would tell me not to touch it. I couldn’t wait to start writing songs on it. It’s from watching him do it.

I was just entranced. I remember learning these country-type songs and learning the cowboy chords.

48

| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

bristles at the suggestion that he’s somehow revived Southern rock.

“People say it a lot that we’re reviving Southern rock or carrying the torch and that’s great,” he says.

“We never tried to be the second coming of Lynyrd Skynyrd. They’re still here, after all. We’re just five guys from the South making music.

If it reminds people of Skynyrd or Allmans, that’s good because it reminds them of good music. We want to make music we love and enjoy and respect. It would be silly if we tried to be a punk band. We play what feels right to us. We’re not a nostalgia show. We just want to play and sing as best we can.”

jniesel@clevescene.com t@jniesel

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| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

49

MUSIC A FLAIR FOR THE DRAMATIC Jersey Boys star Daniel Reichard brings his family friendly holiday show to town

By Jeff Niesel SINGER AND ACTOR DANIEL Reichard, who grew up in Rocky River and attended St. Ignatius High School, says he dreamed about becoming a Broadway star from an early age.

“I grew up with a flair for the dramatic,” he says in a recent phone interview, adding that he was the eighth of nine kids.

Reichard brings his Home for Christmas concert to Music Box Supper Club at 7:30 p.m. on Thursday and Friday.

“Right away, my family could tell there was something distinctive about my personality,” he says.

“When I learned how to read, I would even adopt different accents. When I was in grade school, I wanted to be a Saturday Night Live performer.

I idolized Steve Martin. I thought I would be a comedic actor. When my voice changed, and I could sing, that was when the focus shifted toward Broadway musicals. I took to it like a duck takes to water.”

After high school, he headed to the University of Michigan’s School of Music and moved to New York where he made his Big Apple debut in Forbidden Broadway.

“When Forbidden Broadway came along, I thought it was a New York institution in the theater,” he says.

“I was the newbie when I joined the cast. It definitely got my career going. I started my first three or four years in the off-Broadway scene, which is really cool stuff. I would guest at various concerts too, and that got my name out there.”

He then portrayed artist and social activist Keith Haring in the musical Radiant Baby. That was a major break.

“That was my first really big starring role in New York,” Reichard says. “He’s such an iconic artist, especially in New York. I was young, and it was a major director, George C. Wolfe, behind it. He’s iconic himself. That was a maturing experience. That was something that taught me what show business is about and showed me the challenges of bringing a new show up in New York. I really learned about life.”

Director Des McAnuff, who had seen Reichard in Radiant Baby,

50

DANIEL REICHARD IS HOME FOR CHRISTMAS 7:30 P.M. THURSDAY, DEC. 22 AND FRIDAY, DEC. 23, MUSIC BOX SUPPER CLUB 1148 MAIN AVE., 216-242-1250. TICKETS: $40-$60, MUSICBOXCLE.COM

asked him to audition for a new play about the vocal group the Four Seasons.

“He said he wanted to work with me, and that’s how we got going,” says Reichard. “I read from the script and the part was mine. It was the easiest audition I ever had. There was something so uncanny about [the Four Seasons’] Bob [Guadio] and me. When we stood next to each other, we could have been father and son.”

The resulting musical, Jersey Boys, opened at the La Jolla Playhouse and then moved to Broadway where it has become

| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

a record-setting smash hit. With his Jersey Boys co-stars, Reichard then formed the vocal group, the Midtown Men, which has performed over 600 concerts worldwide. The group has also recorded two albums and produced two public television specials.

“That’s been amazing,” says Reichard when asked about the group. “It’s my proudest accomplishment. We dreamed this up ourselves and worked hard to make it happen, and we’ve played prestigious stages like the Beacon and the Kennedy Center. We write, choreograph and direct it. It’s

enlightening to learn about being an entertainer. You speak to the audience, and you entertain as yourself. It’s incredible to know what it’s like to own a business. It’s been very, very cool. We’re performing all the time. We’ve played almost every single city except Cleveland. One of these days, we hope to play there. I hope it’s while I’m still in the group.”

As a solo artist, Reichard has played dozens of sold-out engagements all over New York City, where he resides.

Home for the Holidays, a special two-night stand at the Music Box Supper Club, stems from Reichard’s holiday show he has turned into an annual attraction in New York.

Last year, for the first time, he brought the show to Cleveland.

This year’s incarnation will feature holiday favorites such as “Winter Wonderland,” “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,” and “Do You Hear What I Hear?” Reichard will also incorporate Hanukkah songs and Broadway tunes.

“I started it to express myself outside Jersey Boys,” he says of the holiday program. “I wanted to put my energy into something different.

I love Christmas and come from this big family. The show is about my life growing up in Cleveland because the nostalgia comes from my childhood.

This year, we want to bring it back.

We do the traditional ballads and fun rousing renditions of ‘Winter Wonderland’ and Stephen Sondheim songs. It’s a very eclectic setlist that appeals to different ages and people Red Fang with different tastes in music.

It’s family friendly for Cleveland. I tend to be naughtier in New York.”

He sees it as a way for music fans to unwind after a difficult year.

“No matter if you celebrated or were disappointed in November, everyone would agree we’re in such a divisive time,” he says. “I want my show to be not just an escape but an evening of inspiration to bring the spirit of the holidays to our everyday lives, so we can remember what it’s all about. I have a great passion for the season.”

jniesel@clevescene.com t@jniesel

Torche

| clevescene.com m | December 21 - 27, 2016

51

MUSIC IMPORTED FROM CLEVELAND A European label has helped launch the career of local rockers Archie & the Bunkers

By Jeff Niesel INITIALLY, SINGER-DRUMMER Emmett and his brother, singerorganist Cullen O’Connor, thought their locally based punk-y hi-fi organ band Archie & the Bunkers would be a bass and drums duo.

When that didn’t work out, they mixed things up, and Cullen switched from bass to organ.

“We tried bass and drums, and it sounded like crap,” says Cullen, 15, one morning while sitting with his brother at the dining room table in his parents’ Rocky River home.

“I wanted to start a punk band,” adds Emmett, 18. “We kept trying stuff and would get our friends to try to play guitar and it wouldn’t work out with school and girlfriends or whatever. None of the kids were into what we were into.”

But Cullen wanted to learn to play keyboards, so the band took things in a different direction. And when his brother discovered the Screamers, a punk band that used keyboards extensively, he realized his band could adopt a similar sound.

“I didn’t think it would work with just drums and keyboards until I heard the Screamers,” says Emmett.

“That was a revelation. They were two keyboard players and drummer and singer. I thought we could do it. I had played drums and sang. That, along with old-school punk bands from Cleveland like the Pink Holes and the Guns, were really inspirational.”

Cullen learned by trial and error, and the two guys began recording music in their basement and selfproduced their first two EPs, Comrade X and Trade Winds. They sent their music to various labels before the U.K.-based Dirty Water Records signed them.

“We had sent stuff to a lot of labels but when I looked them up, they had a good roster,” says Emmett. “I saw the Henchmen had put out an album with them. They got back to us relatively quickly. One of the things I like about them is that they were really passionate about our music and believed in us since the beginning.”

Dirty Water Records issued the band’s self-titled debut, which the guys recorded at Ghetto Recorders in Detroit with famed producer/engineer Jim Diamond.

Earlier this year, the band released

52

the followup, Mystery Lover. Jason Tarulli, the front of house engineer for the Black Keys, recorded the EP at his Studio Time recording studio in Akron. Nick Knox, former drummer of the Cramps, worked as senior advisor on the album, which opens with the rousing Doors-like track, “All That Lovin.’” While Tarulli produced the album, Diamond mastered it and put his grunge-y touch on the final product.

“We just wanted the record to be us,” says Emmett. “Jason has a great studio, even if the tape machine broke and we lost our music not once but twice. But it was a great experience.

We really enjoyed working with him.”

“Mexican Garage” comes from the group’s first demo, and the album includes recent songs and older songs

great movies, and I thought they were hilarious. They’re from the mid-’30s.

The song ‘The Thin Man’ revolves around my imagination with regard to the Thin Man films. The middle verse refers to another film, [1942’s] Cat People, which struck me as kind of strange. It has nothing to do with The Thin Man at all, but I think it works.”

The band has had quite a year. In February, it headlined two nights at the Golden Tiki in Las Vegas, where the club owner claimed the band blew out the sound system. In May, the duo headed to Europe for a three-week tour that included some great garage rock music festivals. The band was one of several garage acts to play at Gonerfest, the annual garage rock festival that takes place in Memphis

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as well.

While the music has its punk rock precedents, the brothers say that classic movies had an inspiration on their approach too.

“I would watch those old movies, and both of us are old Hollywood film buffs,” says Emmett. “They were

| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

each year.

“We hope that next year we’ll have an album out on a U.S. label, so we can start touring more in the States,” says Cullen, admitting that the band is much more popular in Europe than the U.S. “Record stores here can carry the album but it cost so much

because it’s an import. Goner Records in Memphis had some of our records for sale and we wished we could have sold them some directly so they didn’t have to cost so much.”

In June and July of next year, the band will return to Europe for a four-week tour. And it also hopes to have a new album by the year’s end.

A 7-inch it recorded at Third Man Studios in Nashville will likely come out as well.

The group’s even recently recruited a New York-based management company to help their father with booking and promoting Red Fang the band.

“We got enough songs to pick from to make a new album,” says Emmett. “Our music constantly evolves, and it’s a matter of what we’re listening to at the time and what’s inspiring us at the moment.

Something I can say about us is we’re always going to be true to what we want to do. We had an instrumental song on our self-titled album, and we like doing stuff like that. We find influences from all sorts of places.

We might put out a record that our fans don’t like, but that’s tough because that’s what we want to do.”

jniesel@clevescene.com t@jniesel

Torche

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LIVEWIRE WED

all the live music you should see this week

12/21

10 X 3 Singer Songwriter Showcase: Hosted by Brent Kirby (in the Wine Bar): 8 p.m. Brothers Lounge.

21st Annual Rockabilly Holiday: Alan Leatherwood/David Loy & the Ramrods/Johnny Fay & BelAires: 8 p.m., $8 ADV, $10 DOS. Beachland Tavern.

The Underland 2: 9 p.m., $10. Grog Shop.

THU

12/22

Neighborhood Send Off for Dan Bode with MoKo BoVo/Me Got Fire/The Bean Sisters: Local musician Dan Bode, member of MoKo BoVo and Me Got Fire, will move to Seattle for a few years with his wife, Meg Doerr. In order to wish him luck, the Beachland Ballroom will throw a send-off party. Bode’s two bands will perform along with the Bean Sisters, a group that features singersongwriter Maura Rogers and accordion player Meredith Pangrace; the two also play together in the indie folk act Maura Rogers and the Bellows. Bode will sit in with them as well, and MoKo BoVo has asked some of its collaborators to join the band during its performance. Should be a hoot. (Jeff Niesel) 8 p.m., $5.

Beachland Ballroom.

Annual Old Home Night with Home & Garden/The Kidney Brothers/ Nick Riley All-Stars/Nicholas Deveney: 8 p.m., $5. Beachland Tavern.

Cleveland Tapes Presents a Red, Black and Green Christmas with Muamin Collective/Fresh Produce/ Mourning a Blkstar: 9 p.m., $5.

Now That’s Class.

From Borealis Album Release/If Only/Stif: 8 p.m., $10. Musica.

Chris Hatton’s Musical Circus (in the Wine Bar): 8 p.m. Brothers Lounge.

Jam Night with the Bad Boys of Blues: 9 p.m., free. Brothers Lounge.

A Lesson in Cadence and Rhythm featuring the Admirables & Friends including Tae Miles/ Jessica Yafanaro/Jul Big Green: 9 p.m., $8 ADV, $10 DOS. Grog Shop.

Daniel Reichard is Home for Christmas: 7:30 p.m., $40-$60.

Music Box Supper Club.

Songwriter Showcase with Austin Stambaugh/Madeline Finn/Ryan Manthey (in the Supper Club): 7:30

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Carlos Jones and the P.L.U.S. Band play a special holiday show at the Music Box. See: Monday.

p.m., $7. Music Box Supper Club.

Curtis Taylor Quartet: 8 p.m., $20.

Nighttown.

FRI

12/23

Boys From the County Hell: Tribute to the Pogues/Mary’s Lane: When the Boys from the County Hell first got together in 2000 as a Pogues cover band, it was supposed to be just a one-night stand. But after selling out their first show at the Euclid Tavern, the group’s popularity escalated. As you can imagine, the band is pretty busy by the time St. Patty’s Day rolls around. But it regularly plays a special holiday show this time of year too. The band’s been working on blending some horns into the mix so expect to hear a bit of R&B as it plays a selection of Pogues tunes as well as some seasonal covers tonight at House of Blues. (Niesel) 8 p.m., $14 ADV, $17 DOS. House of Blues.

Elemental Groove Theory: In what’s become something of an annual reunion tradition, Elemental Groove Theory returns to the stage. With roots in Athens — and a fervent fan base — the band makes sure to return to form every now and then and deliver the funky and energetic grooves they’ve been known for. Get ready to dance too, because EGT tends to improvise their way across a variety of genres. Singer Rachel

| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

Maxann builds each song into a towering world of its own, soulful vocals and all. (Eric Sandy) 9 p.m., $12. Beachland Ballroom.

Christmas Happy Hour with DJ Total Business aka Mr. Suit: 6 p.m., free. Happy Dog. Disco Inferno: 9:30 p.m., $5. Brothers Lounge.

Goldmines/Magic City/Queen of Hell: 9 p.m., $5. Happy Dog. Heaven is in You December Edition featuring Galcher Lustwerk/ Quavius/Ghost Noises/ADAB: 9 p.m., $10. Now That’s Class.

Home for the Holidays 3: A Punk Rock Reunion: 8 p.m., $5. Mahall’s 20 Lanes.

Latin Night: 9 p.m. Vosh Club.

Motown Holiday Show by Nitebridge (in the Supper Club): 8 p.m., $10.

Music Box Supper Club.

Mushroomhead Freakfest: 6 p.m., $27 ADV, $33 DOS. Agora Ballroom.

Northcoast Christmas with the Modern Electric/Nick D and the Believers/Teddy Boys: 9 p.m., $10 ADV, $12 DOS. Grog Shop.

Punk Rock Festivus 4 featuring Archie & the Bunkers/Bridesmaid/ Fuck You Pay Me: 9 p.m., $8 ADV, $10 DOS. Beachland Tavern.

Daniel Reichard is Home for Christmas: 7:30 p.m., $40-$60.

Music Box Supper Club.

Vanessa Rubin: 8:30 p.m., $30.

Nighttown.

The Sonder Bombs/The Whiskey

Hollow/Crystal Lakes/Glendale/ Ashley Blasko (in the Locker Room): 7 p.m., $6 ADV, $8 DOS. Mahall’s 20 Lanes.

Songs of the Season with Amanda Powell: 8 p.m., $15. Bop Stop.

Moss Stanley: 10:30 p.m., free.

Nighttown.

SAT

12/24

Funky X-Mess with DJs Alive and Rafeeq: 9 p.m., free. Now That’s Class.

Jackie Warren: 10:30 p.m., free.

Nighttown.

X-Mess Eve Party: 9 p.m., free. Grog Shop.

SUN

12/25

12 Assholes of Christmas with Brainwashed California/Mateo Manic/Basement Box/Paul Mac/ Live from the Garage/Cheap Clone/ Bad Noids/Roobydocks/Air Sicily/ Swindlella: free. Now That’s Class.

Secret Soul Club X-Mess Edition with Trios & Sleepykid: 9 p.m., $5.

Grog Shop.

9th Annual Latke Party with Blue Lunch and Special Guest Ernie Krivda: Veteran local blues/swing band Blue Lunch has the antidote for too much togetherness on Christmas day. The group will celebrate the holidays with its 9th Annual

| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

55

LIVEWIRE Christmas Night Holiday Latke Party. Local sax man Ernie Krivda will sit in with the band as well.

Latkes and other food and beverage will be available for purchase. The venue will offer special club-style seating for the event, and proceeds will go to the Collinwood-based nonprofit, Dream On Kids. (Niesel) 8 p.m., $12 ADV, $15 DOS. Beachland Ballroom.

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| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

12/26

Into the Blue 1, Grateful Dead Revival Night featuring Dead Tunes from the ’60s: What began as an 11 a.m. Nelson Ledges show a while back has turned into a local institution. Into the Blue, a group of Cleveland Deadheads who’ve been paying homage to the grandfathers of the jam band scene, regularly post up at Beachland Ballroom for trips to the past. Tonight, they begin a two-night run that will bring some off-the-beaten-path song selections into the set. Night 1 will comprise the Dead’s 1960s output: the early stuff. Wear flowers in your hair. “Getting a chance to dive into tunes that aren’t usually commonly featured has been a really fun collective journey, and we’re all looking forward to being able to take the work that we’ve done and create something unique for everyone to enjoy on both nights,” guitarist Dan Shramo tells Scene. (Sandy) 9 p.m., $12-$20. Beachland Ballroom.

Carlos Jones & the P.L.U.S. Band Holiday Revival: Local reggae act Carlos Jones and the P.L.U.S. Band ranks as one of the hardest working groups in the region. Jones has just recorded a new version of his classic Christmas song, “Christmas the Way It Used to Be.” Produced by multiple Grammy Award winner, Edwin “Tony” Nicholas (Levert, O’Jays, Back Street Boys), the song shows off Jones’ talent as both a singer and songwriter. Expect to hear the tune tonight as Jones plays a special “holiday revival” concert.

(Niesel) 8 p.m., $10 ADV, $12 DOS. Music Box Supper Club.

Skatch Anderssen Orchestra: 8 p.m., $7. Brothers Lounge.

Lou Armagno & Sinatra Selects: 7 p.m., $10. Nighttown.

The Boomer Gang Rides Again: Alex Bevan with Dave Young, Bill Watson and Tommy Dobeck: 8 p.m., $12. Beachland Tavern.

Boxing Day with Moss Stanley: 8

p.m., $12. Bop Stop.

Machine Gun Kelly/Mod Sun: 8 p.m., $39.50 ADV, $45 DOS. House of Blues.

Velvet Voyage (in the Wine Bar): 8 p.m. Brothers Lounge.

TUE

12/27

Cities and Coasts/Oldboy/Ryan Humbert: In 2007, singer-guitarist Nathan Hedges was signed to a small Virginia label and released a solo album. He met drummer Michael Gould of the local group Welshly Arms when he needed to put a backing band together, and Gould helped recruit bassist Jimmy Weaver. The resulting band, Cities and Coasts, draws from Beatles, Beach Boys and ’60s pop and rock, and regularly plays locally and puts on a spirited live show. Tickets to tonight’s special holiday concert cost $10, but the show is free if you get tickets from the band, which you can do by emailing info@clemusiccity. com. (Niesel) 8:30 p.m., $10. House of Blues Cambridge Room.

Into the Blue 2, Grateful Dead Revival Night featuring Dead Tunes from the ’80s and ’90s: Tonight, Into the Blue returns for a splash of 1980s and 1990s Grateful Dead. “While we usually explore all the different eras of the Dead within our shows, it’s really cool to home in on these two very different times and learn from both,” guitarist Dan Shramo says. “It gives us some new ideas for future shows as well, as we continue to expand our repertoire into these unchartered waters. We can mix and match in ways that have never really been explored before. It gives us an entirely new template to build on and from as we delve into the endless musical gifts the Grateful Dead have left for everyone. It’s really quite an honor and we feel so lucky to be able to do this and share this music that means so much to each of us.”

(Sandy) 9 p.m., $12-$20. Beachland Ballroom.

Rachel Brown & the Beatnik Playboys: 7 p.m., $10. Nighttown.

Perverts Again/Shagg/Tonawandas: 9 p.m., free. The Euclid Tavern.

River Oaks/Mark Rose/The Promise Hero: 8 p.m., $12 ADV, $14 DOS. Grog Shop.

Two-Set Tuesday featuring: Meg & the Magnetosphere (in the Wine Bar): 7 p.m. Brothers Lounge.

Wanted/Dirty Deeds: 8:30 p.m., $11 ADV, $13 DOS. House of Blues.

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MEET THE BAND: Sharon Yoo (vocals, guitar), Carol Yachanin (bass), Barb Eckles (drums) A GOOD OLD-FASHIONED POWER TRIO: The band first came together in 1999 when members decided to jam together and see what happened. “We all knew each other from playing in other bands, and Carol and Barb had played together in another band,” says Yoo. The group quickly gelled after the jam sessions. “Once we started playing, we thought it was pretty cool,” says Eckles. Songs came to the band within a week. “Our band formed so quickly,” Eckles says.

“Everything about our band was a whirlwind. The more we played, the more proficient we got. Playing live was an incredible experience.

We didn’t expect it to become what it did. It was a neat thing to see happen,” adds Eckles. Because band members’ other bands played poppier or more ethereal music, the Librarians embraced what Yoo calls a “straightforward heavy rock thing.”

“We enjoyed being in a power trio as women and indulging in this heavy sound. We liked the hard rock feel.

There weren’t many women doing it at the time. We had all embraced a broad scope of music and some of us were trained classically, so we had this broad spectrum of music to draw from.” Yoo and Eckles admit male bands such as the Scorpions, Fu Manchu and Blue Oyster Cult influenced the group’s sound.

THAT ELUSIVE FIRST ALBUM: The band made a number of “scratch tapes” but never put out a formal debut album.

It recorded several sessions at Yoo’s home and did some preproduction too.

“We still have some of the tracks on a tape,” says Yoo.

JUST IN TIME FOR THE HOLIDAYS: The band played its last show in 2001 and then Eckles moved to Columbus to attend Ohio State University. She still lives and works in Columbus. When some of the Librarians’ musician friends began playing the annual punk rock reunion that Mahall’s hosts each year, the seeds for a Librarians’ reunion were planted. Now, the group has worked up six of its old songs for a reunion show. “We’re keeping it to a 30-minute set or less,” says Yoo, who adds that the group may start to play regularly once again.

“We have technology that makes it easier to collaborate remotely. We can trade MP3 files. It won’t be at a quick pace, but we want to continue to collaborate.”

WHY YOU SHOULD HEAR THEM: Back in its heyday, the group often drew comparisons to Queens of the Stone Age, and many of its songs have a stoner rock feel. A tune like the sludge-y “Disengaged” features shrieking vocals and a heavy, Sabbathinspired guitar riff as Yoo screams “I am alive” with a real fierceness. With its bluesy guitars, the mid-tempo “Purple” feels like a Cream tune, albeit with a female singer.

WHERE YOU CAN HEAR THEM: m.facebook.com/The-Librariansband-985386204920918/ WHERE YOU CAN SEE THEM: The Librarians perform with Cypher, the Atomix, Brave Bones and the Hooligans as part of Home for the Holidays 3 — A Punk Rock Reunion! at 8 p.m. on Friday, Dec. 23, at Mahall’s 20 Lanes in Lakewood.

jniesel@clevescene.com t@jniesel

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59

C-NOTES EURODANCE HERO Local indie act Johnny La Rock issues new single

By Jeff Niesel A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO, Furface (MIDI controllers) and Johnny La Rock (samplers, turntables), who both played in the local hip-hop outfit Presque Vu, focused on solo projects before reconvening to form Johnny La Rock & Furface with Ottawa guitarist Will Hooper. The band creates moody electronic music that recalls ’90s era DJ Shadow.

Now, La Rock has just announced he will release a new solo single, “Dance to the Rhythm (Party Time),” on digital outlets like iTunes, Amazon, Spotify, and Bandcamp.

With its pulsating synths and dance club vocals, it sounds like it could be the soundtrack for an aerobics video. The tune represents a shift from La Rock’s 2015 instrumental downtempo hip-hop release, Splittape.

60

“It’s a departure for me from my hip-hoppy type stuff,” says La Rock. “It’s very Eurodance. I have an obsession for that stuff. It will also have two remixes released with it: one is by Furface and the other is an 8-bit remix I did of it.”

As a youth, La Rock collected cassettes by artists like La Bouche, Snap!, the KLF, and the Real McCoy. Cauliflower Audio’s Adam Boose, who played additional synths on the cut, mixed and mastered the track.

La Rock plans to release a series of singles like “Dance to the Rhythm (Party Time)” for the next few months.

THE LONGEST SONG IN THE WORLD Known for new wave hits such as “I Know What Boys Like” and

| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

“Christmas Wrapping,” the Waitresses were one of the most significant bands to emerge from the same Akron scene that produced acts such as Devo and Tin Huey.

A couple years ago, Omnivore Recordings reissued the band’s first two albums, 1982’s Wasn’t Tomorrow Wonderful? and 1983’s Bruiseology as part of the terrific double disc set Just Desserts: The Complete Waitresses.

Twenty years ago, Chris Butler, who now lives in Akron again, ended the song “The Devil Glitch” with a number of variations that featured 500 choruses over the course of 69 minutes, making it “The World’s Longest Pop Song” according to the 1997 Guinness Book of World Records.

In 2014, some 50 artists contributed to make it even longer. Thanks to the submissions from over 50 artists, writers, musicians, and “pranksters,” it approached the five-hour mark.

Now, Butler wants to make it even longer.

“I am asking for audio submissions (we call ’em ‘chunks’) to the song,” he says in a Facebook post. “Come up with lyrics that start with ‘Sometimes you can fix something by…’, create ANY sort of backing noises (regular ol’ music, tuned vacuum cleaners, computer-mutated dog barks …

anything), get it to me, and I’ll edit it in.”

Since a song is legally defined as “a lyric with a melody,” the “Sometimes …” phrase must be included, though Butler says “you are free to play with that.”

“Long instrumentals are not what I need,” he explains. “NB: no musical ability required — in fact, the most interesting chunks have come from non-musicians. There are free, downloadable recording programs like Audacity you can use, as well as free cellphone recording apps. There’s also GarageBand, etc. To the audio/ tech savvy, the best format for your chunk is a .wav or .aiff file. MP3s are ok. If this is gibberish, get in touch and I’ll walk you through it. Also, if you are in the Northeastern Ohio area, I CAN RECORD YOU at my studio.”

You can contact Butler through Facebook or via email at beezwax2@ aol.com.

Thanks to local musician and writer Ron Kretsch for calling our attention to the project. He’s written about Butler’s quest for Dangerous Minds.

jniesel@clevescene.com t@jniesel

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Dear Dan, I’m having an issue with my boyfriend, and I don’t know if I am the crazy, paranoid, controlling party here.

We have been together for more than a year and a half. We had troubles early on because he has a low sex drive. It made me very insecure, and I think that’s why, at the time, I became extremely jealous of his friendship with his very attractive intern. I fully owned up to my irrational jealousy and decided on my own that it was my responsibility to overcome that.

She eventually stopped working with him, and they haven’t been in contact for over sex months. Fast-forward to the present. On Monday night, I asked my boyfriend what his plans were on Tuesday. (I am studying for law school exams, so I knew I wouldn’t have time to spend with him.) Around 8:30 on Tuesday, he texted me and asked how studying was going, and I asked him again what his plans were.

He told me he was going to meet an “old coworker” at a bar for birthday drinks. I didn’t think twice about it.

Then, around 11:30 when I got in bed to relax, I saw on my Instagram feed that his old intern posted a photo of her birthday party at the bar. I became extremely upset, because instead of being up front and saying he was meeting HER for her birthday, he was intentionally ambiguous. I confronted him when he got home, and he admitted to being ambiguous to avoid a “freak-out.” I told him that if he’d been up front with me, I would have been jealous but I would have also been mindful of my toxic feelings and not projected them onto him. I told him that as a result of how he handled it, I feel worse, I feel lied to, and I feel insecure. He insisted it was a last-minute invite and he didn’t want to cause any drama. We went to sleep, and I woke up feeling pretty much over it. But when he got into the shower, I looked at his phone and saw that she had actually invited him on Monday afternoon. So he lied to me when I asked him what his plans were on Tuesday, and he lied to me again when he said it was a last-minute invite. I am not upset with him for getting drinks with her. I have a weird tic about this girl, though, and I’ve owned up to it. I don’t want to control him, but I feel like I can’t trust him now.

— Am I Crazy?

Sex months? Interesting typo.

There’s another way to read your boyfriend’s ambiguity/obfuscation/ dishonesty about Tuesday night: equal parts considerate and self-serving.

Your boyfriend knew you had to study, he knew his ex-intern is a sore subject/ weird tic, and by opting for ambiguity he allowed you to focus on your studies. So that was maybekindasorta considerate of him. And since one person’s “mindful of my toxic feelings” and “handling it” is another person’s “freak-out” and “invasion of privacy,” AIC, your boyfriend opted for ambiguousness/deceit-by-omission to avoid drama. And perhaps that was self-serving of him.

Want to prove to your boyfriend that he didn’t need to lie to you?

Retroactively bestow your blessing on Tuesday night’s birthday drinks and stop raking him over the fucking coals. Yes, he lied to you. But unless you’re made of marshmallow fluff and unicorn farts, AIC, you’ve lied to him once or twice over the last year and a half. Even the “most honest” people on earth tell the odd harmless, selfserving white lie once in a while. If you want your relationship to last, AIC, you roll your eyes at the odd HSSW lie and move on. If you want your relationship to end, you do exactly what you’re doing.

I would also advise you to apologize to your boyfriend for having “looked at his phone” while he was in the shower, which is both an asshole move and, yes, a sign that you might be the crazy, paranoid, and controlling one in this relationship. And for the sake of your relationship — for the sake of fuck — stop following the ex-intern on Instagram.

Finally, AIC, you mention mismatched sex drives. As several commenters pointed out on my blog, where your letter appeared as the Savage Love Letter of the Day, mismatched sex drives are usually a bad sign. You talk about the libido issue in the past tense, so perhaps it’s not a problem anymore. But if the problem was resolved in a way that left you feeling neglected, insecure, and frustrated, it wasn’t resolved and it constitutes a much bigger threat to your relationship than that ex-intern.

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| clevescene.com | December 21 - 27, 2016

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