2
| clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
| clevescene.com clevesscene ne.com m | December Dece cembber 19 19 - 25, 25, 2018 20 8
3
MEDICAL MARIJUANA CARDS
$%#%-"%2 s 6/, .O 25
HOLIDAY SALE! NOW THRU DEC 31st
ALL MERCHANDISE
20% OFF
Dedicated to Free Times founder Richard H. Siegel (1935-1993) and Scene founder Richard Kabat
Amazing selection of Jewelry, Art, Antiques, Books, Vintage Clothing, Collectibles & More. Thousands of unique gift items!!! 1771 Coventry Road Cleveland Heights, OH 44118 Open 11:30-5:30 Mon thru Sat. Open Sun. Dec 23 Noon - 5pm
216-321-2515
Group Publisher Chris Keating Publisher Andrew Zelman
Upfront
Associate Publisher Angela Nagal
• For Medical Marijuana Cards • For Medical Marijuana Treatment Plans COMPASSIONATE BOARD CERTIFIED MD AT WELLNESS CENTER
Call 440-580-4998
www.AttensonsAntiques.com
Do they know it’s Blockland?
Editorial Music Editor Jeff Niesel Senior Writer Sam Allard Staff Writer Brett Zelman Web Editor Laura Morrison Dining Editor Douglas Trattner Stage Editor Christine Howey Visual Arts Writer Dott von Schneider Copy Editor Elaine Cicora
Feature
11
Snow owls, don’t be late
'ET /UT
Creative Services Production Manager Steve Miluch Staff Photographer Emanuel Wallace
It’s the most wonderful events of the week
Business Sales Assistant/Receptionist Megan Stimac Controller Kristy Dotson Circulation Circulation Director Don Kriss Euclid Media Group Chief Executive OfďŹ cer Andrew Zelman Chief Operating OfďŹ cers Chris Keating, Michael Wagner VP Digital Services Stacy Volhein Digital Operations Coordinator Jaime Monzon
>r^l >qZfbg^] Â? FZkd :' =Zobl% H=
6
Editor Vince Grzegorek
Advertising Senior Multimedia Account Executive John Crobar, Shayne Rose Multimedia Account Executive Kiara Davis
Best Wishes To You And Yours In 2019
CONTENTS
Stage
22
A farty, Shrek-y Christmas
www.euclidmediagroup.com
Family Owned & Operated – Since 1946 –
(URON 2OAD $OWNTOWN #LEVELAND s s WWW JEROLDOPTICAL COM
Film
National Advertising Voice Media Group 1-800-278-9866, vmgadvertising.com
23
Mary Poppins is coming to town
Cleveland Scene 737 Bolivar Rd., #4100 Cleveland, OH 44115 www.clevescene.com Phone 216-241-7550 Retail & ClassiďŹ ed Fax 216-241-6275 Editorial Fax 216-802-7212 E-mail scene@clevescene.com
Eat
25
Local restaurants got run over by delivery
Cleveland Scene Magazine is published every week by Euclid Media Group. VeriďŹ ed Audit Member Cleveland Distribution Scene is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader Copyright The entire contents of Cleveland Scene Magazine are copyright 2018 by Euclid Media Group. Reproduction in whole or in part without written permission of the publisher is prohibited. Publisher does not assume any liability for unsolicited manuscripts, materials, or other content. Any submission must include a stamped, self-addressed envelope. All editorial, advertising, and business correspondence should be mailed to the address listed above. Subscriptions $150 (1 yr); $80 (6 mos.) Send name, address and zip code with check or money order to the address listed above with the title ‘Attn: Subscription Department’
Music
29
The fairy tale of the House of Blues
3AVAGE ,OVE
All I don’t want for Christmas (is to sit on someone’s face)
248-620-2990
Printed By
...The story continues at clevescene.com Take W ˆ…„P >IIF? MOJCMNKL Š GFOG [D jw‚‚ƒwz}{ WÂŒ{D cwÂ?¢{‚z ^{ }~Š‰ >JJF? LNICJHON Š KNOF cwÂ?¢{‚z hzD c{„Š…ˆP >JJF? KMGCJIGF Š MJNN c{„Š…ˆ WÂŒ{D i‹ Š{ [ fwˆƒw ^{ }~Š‰P >JJF? IJKCKOOG Š LHMG f{wˆ‚ hzD 4
| clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
SCENE with you with the Issuu app! “Cleveland Scene Magazine�
COVER ILLUSTRATION BY ERIC MILLIKIN
YOUR PHOTO & VIDEO SOURCE
GET THE PERFECT GIFT FOR THE PHOTOGRAPHER IN YOUR LIFE as low as
$79.99 Lume Cube 1500 Lumen Light
$24.95 Photo Gloves
$99.95 MagMod Starter Flash Kit
Benro Slim Tripod with Ball Head
Peak Design Capture Camera Clip
$179 Godox VING V860II TTL Li-Ion Flash Kit
$99
$69.95
$59.95 ProMaster Mobile Lens Kit
$59 Rode VideoMic Me for Smartphones
get them the gift they want
Pixel Connection Gift Cards
$169.99
$89.99
$119.99
SAVE $80
FUJIFILM INSTAX SHARE Smartphone Printer SP-2
Savage RGB300 Color Video Light
$79.95 Joby GorillaPod 3K Mini-Tripod with Ball Head Kit
STORE HOLIDAY HOURS M-F. 10AM-8PM SAT.10AM-6PM SUN.12-5PM 2100 Center Rd. Avon, OH. 44011 www.ThePixelConnection.com 440.934.1544 | clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
5
UPFRONT BLOCKLAND-LAND: A DISPATCH FROM CLEVELAND’S NEW FLAGSHIP CONFERENCE By Sam Allard Photo by Sam Allard
THE LASTING IMPRESSION THE LASTING IMPRESSION imprinted by the Blockland Solutions Conference, held Dec. 1 through 4 at the Huntington Convention Center downtown, was this: Irrespective of blockchain’s potential as a disruptive, or even legitimate, technology, Cleveland leaders are hellbent on being associated with it. They may get their wish. The momentum and goodwill generated by the conference seems to have substantiated a Descartian proposition voiced by various engineers, nonprofit executives and technologists in attendance, the most cordial of whom could be prevailed upon shortly after sunup in the main hall as they munched on white chocolate Raisinets and French-toastcasserole fingers before the morning keynotes. Cleveland thinks blockchain is for real, one told me, therefore it is. Who cares if the jury’s still out on the tech, in other words. Who cares that a research firm recently found that not a single one of 43 blockchain startups surveyed had “actually delivered any sort of functional products or services.” The much more urgent note to scribble — incidentally, had I tried the smoothies? In the little cups? — was that the conference attendees were having a terrific time. This fellow said he’d attended other niche tech conferences before. But Blockland? Right here in Cleveland, Ohio? It was among the best he’d seen. Sunday night’s kickoff speaker Larry Sanger said much the same. Sanger is the co-founder of Wikipedia and current CIO of Everipedia, an online encyclopedia that intends to dwarf Wikipedia in total volume and re-invent online knowledge by putting competing articles on a blockchain. Sanger explained that Everipedia will allow readers to upvote or downvote articles and will tokenize voting, eventually. It will use the tokens to incentivize good-faith voting, thereby promoting accuracy. And it will collect caboodles of data in the meantime, which will facilitate
6
Bernie Moreno pumps up the crowd on opening night at the Blockland Solutions Conference.
the ranking of articles by accuracy as determined by various demographic and ideological groups. Wouldn’t it be cool, Sanger asked, to see which article for “God” was most “accurate” according to Christians versus Muslims versus atheists? Unshackled from Wikipedia’s “notability” test, which determines whether certain topics merit their own entries, Everipedia would be free to put articles about anything and everything on a blockchain — Sanger’s own left thumb, for example — a prospect that the bespectacled Alaskan continually averred was “just so cool.” But before he plunged, unbidden, into the weeds, he surveyed the soldout Blockland crowd (reported by organizers at 1,700), and marveled at the multi-sector representation. This wasn’t just an orgy of coders, Sanger realized. This was a gathering of industry executives and industryadjacent executives and marketers and policy wonks and lawyers and thought leaders and academics. It’s what’s known in high-powered circles as diversity. By Tuesday, Blockland might as well have been Bonnaroo for the certitude with which attendees were referencing the thing they were at.
| clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
It’s a catchy name, and the brand appears to have instantly caught on. People were talking about returning to Cleveland for Blockland’s second year and seemed genuinely amped to do so. Word from organizers was that they’d start planning the sequel in earnest in January, just as soon as they’d recovered from their fivemonth sprint to assemble Solutions 1. (“Solutions 2” has been scheduled for Nov. 30 through Dec. 3, 2019.) If organizers were smart, they’d dispense with the generic “Solutions” titling and recognize the branding power that “Blockland” has quickly and organically amassed: branding power, that is, for the conference itself. If organizers were really smart, they’d also dispense with the notion that on the basis of grotesquely inefficient distributed ledgers will Northeast Ohio be reborn.
DESTINATION BLOCKLAND I’m not ashamed to admit that I’d expected the conference to be a disaster. Among other things, I anticipated poor attendance. I figured the flurry of last-minute “Sold Out” announcements were likely the result of pity tickets
purchased by Bernie Moreno’s buddies and business partners who owed him favors. Perhaps even by Bernie himself. I’d expected the content to be of minimal value, the logistics to be hellish and the vibe to be embarrassing. This all would have made for a much more entertaining story. It is only with pouting deference to accuracy that I note the conference’s outward success. By way of example, the wi-fi worked. So, too, did the huge screens and the themed blue-green lighting and the sound system and the twin jets of smoke on the main stage. The Destination Cleveland staffers were as omnipresent as they were omni-knowledgeable and the media relations team was superb, coordinating timely interviews and guarding the media room with the dignity and grace of the Buckingham Palace Beefeaters. Regarding the coffee: It was plentiful and hot. Regarding the snacks: Not even the professors of Hogwarts could have replenished them with the swiftness and elegance of the attentive event staff. Deals were made. Drinks were had. Afternoons, typically when attendees return to their hotel rooms
for boozing and snoozing, found hordes of spry and curious notetakers filing in and out of panel discussions. Such was the joyous and fraternal atmosphere of Blockland that at any moment, within the men’s rooms, male conference guests could be heard tooting to their absolute hearts’ content. And as referenced above, the outof-towners seemed to find the content worthwhile, including — to my surprise — the frequent appeals by prominent locals to bring blockchain business to Cleveland. The opening night announcements, emceed by Bernie, were choreographed to demonstrate how tech companies would find “talent, capital and customers” on Lake Erie’s shores. It was overtly promotional. The biggest news was that FlashStarts, a local startup accelerator, would create a $6 million pot for blockchain seed funding. JumpStart, another accelerator, announced that it would partner with Ohio Third Frontier on a $100 million fund for blockchain companies in the state. Brenda Kirk, Hyland Software’s HR VP, announced a plan to train 1,000 blockchain coders in 2019, an ambitious goal. Tuesday, County Executive
WARNING: This product contains
Armond Budish delivered one of the conference’s flagship quotables when he declared that Cuyahoga County has “lots and lots and lots of challenges, and that’s why I’m so excited about blockchain!” (On a logically identical note, I have lots and lots and lots of challenges, and that’s why I’m so excited about this bowl of macaroni and cheese.) He said the county’s “lowest hanging fruit” would be auto titling — thanks, no doubt, to the lobbying of auto mogul and blockchain investor Bernie Moreno — but that there were any number of other challenges to which blockchain could be theoretically applied. In a fireside chat with AT&T Communications CEO John Donovan, KeyCorp CEO Beth Mooney asked what Cleveland had to do to become a “city of choice” for blockchain tech. Donovan said that he viewed the task as “more about persistence than brilliance, more about collaboration than capital.” He suggested that a unified front by the region’s executives, thought leadership at the local universities and early adoption of blockchain applications by major local companies would all play a part. While I daydreamed through much of this stuff — it was like
watching those awful Goldman Sachs interviews on Facebook — and was mindful of the protesters outside demonstrating against AT&T layoffs, other Blockland attendees evidently weren’t bothered by it. The feeling was that Cleveland “was putting itself on the map” in the blockchain world, boldly asserting its desire for relevance. My sense was that Blockland stood out for many attendees because, unlike other tech conferences they’d attended, which were often extremely techy, this one was incorporating real-world use cases. Cleveland.com’s Emily Bamforth, who ingested more Blockland content than anyone, and who managed to report on the conference highlights in real time, asked me more than once what my angle was. A few jocular civic leaders, several drinks deep, probed me for details about forthcoming coverage as well. I kept having to admit that I had no clue. I’d been itching to report on the location of City Block, the Blockland tech campus which attorney Jon Pinney has been orchestrating behind the scenes for months. Pinney was meant to announce the location on the conference’s opening night. But he and attorney Theresa Metcalf Beasley announced
instead that they’d be announcing the location in 2019. (It is, presumably, still Tower City.) After that disappointment, I’d just been sampling the snack trays and taking meticulous, irrelevant notes.
CHARLIE AND THE UNIFY PROJECT FACTORY Of the sundry afternoon “Block Study” sessions, the one I looked most forward to was a presentation by local entrepreneur Charlie Lougheed on blockchain and philanthropy. Lougheed is the co-founder of the Unify Project, a nonprofit I’d been tracking peripherally since its prominent positioning in Cleveland’s Amazon bid. It had been described in that unfortunate venue as “the most broad-reaching effort ever mounted to use big data, artificial intelligence and machine learning to end poverty,” and I was curious to see its evolution. As for the other Block Study sessions: They produced some shocking revelations. For example, the consensus by the “Diversity in Blockchain” panel, which included not one black person, was that
NEW!
Why is it so hard to quit?
Faster Satisfaction E-liquid E-liquid Products Products
Maybe you haven’t found the right place that can help!
nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.
Custom Alternative Solutions Start your journey at any designed for anyone. of our five area locations: Experienced sales consultants ready to help you transition from cigarettes Unlimited tastings and unparalleled selection ensures a smooth transition Largest product assortment for beginners Clean, welcoming, and friendly environment
Cuyahoga Falls
North Olmsted
Fairview Park
Elyria
Middleburg Heights All Allnew newAVAIL AVAILLife Lifecustomers customersget get10% 10%off offwhen when they mention Cleveland Scene at checkout they mention Cleveland Scene at checkout
AVAILvapor.com
| clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
7
216-371-8639 © Y ] z © _ { Y {
Gold, Platinum, Vintage Sterling Jewelry (Georg Jensen, David Andersen, Enamel, Mexican...), Diamonds Vintage Men’s Watches- Wrist & Pocket, Cuff Links, Lamps, Weaponry, Statuary, Prints, Toys, Stained Glass Windows IFOK cw ¢ { z hzD w b{{ hzD Y { { w z ^ D
Architectural Items & Furniture: Art Nouveau, Arts & Crafts, Art Deco, Mid-Century Modern, Industrial, Lighting, Barrister Bookcases, File Cabinets, Drafting Tables & Stools Over 5,000 sq.ft. of Antiques IGGI cw ¢ { z hzD w b{{
Hours: 11-7 p.m Mon.- Sat. | Open Sundays thru December 31, 2018
WEST 294 Crocker Park Blvd. Westlake 440.899.1957
UPFRONT blockchain really doesn’t have a diversity problem. Because the tech is so new, everyone is on a level playing field, they said. The only barrier to a successful career in blockchain is ourselves! The Opportunity Zone session was a hot ticket indeed for local attendees. It was all about the tax incentive which will allow investors to postpone or forego capital gains taxes if said gains are placed in special funds used for projects in designated high-poverty census tracts. Panelists included Jon Pinney and AYUCO15’s own Dan Walsh. They explained the logistics more coherently than I’d heard before. Alfred J. Puchala Jr., CEO of CapZone Impact Investments, told the room in introductory remarks that “a Republican and a Democrat
Jam,” and was not an unveiling of a specific Unify Project initiative. Lougheed did say that this was an area the Unify Project would explore as it continues to “map the socioeconomic genome” in an effort to disrupt social services for the betterment of mankind. Lougheed outlined the problem: The United States is the “most generous country in the world” — and Cleveland is among its most generous cities — but more than 90 percent of the money donated to charity isn’t effectively deployed. It’s shipped to Wall Street to maintain the endowments of philanthropic organizations, which are often chartered to operate in perpetuity. The proposed solution to this problem was … confusing. The gist was that by using smart contracts, built on blockchains, philanthropic giving and social service spending would become radically more efficient. Lougheed asked us to imagine an operating system that Photo by Sam Allard
RIVER 19025 Old Lake Rd. Rocky River 440.333.7994 charlesscott.com
© o yw }{ ^_l | ~{ { wyy { D © o z {{z x{ w | ^_l D © Y { w z{zD
8
| clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
got together for dinner at the home of [Napster founder] Sean Parker to solve poverty … and they did.” (By creating Opportunity Zones.) He closed the session with this cheerful note on the investment picture: “It’s a tax puzzle. It has no reality!” One other headline: A partnership between Case Western Reserve University and Cleveland State University has been formed to create a “Digital Futures” think tank which will research emerging tech like blockchain, the internet of things and virtual reality. A session explaining the road map for this think tank revealed that it has no funding just yet. Nor are there concrete plans for a physical home — Blockland’s Research and Innovation node is spearheading the effort and has only met three times — but its “spiritual home” will be at Case. But back to Lougheed. His presentation was titled, “How Blockchain Can Break the Charitable Foundation Trillion-dollar Log
uses big data to coordinate relevant services for a person in need of government assistance. (In his fictitious scenario, this person’s name was Kayla. The operating system is what the Unify Project is trying to build.) “And then imagine that operating system on top of a blockchain execution harness, an operating system to get Kayla where she needs to get to. That’s the beauty of blockchain,” Lougheed said. “That’s the beauty of smart contracts.” Milestones would be built into these smart contracts, Lougheed explained. And achieving milestones would trigger payouts from social impact funds for the organizations responsible. So when Kayla applied to a job, the organization helping her do so would automatically get some money. “You get to the point where you really want to see Kayla successful and get that job offer. That’s the big one,” he said. “In that process, you’re
incentivizing all the different parties, either with U.S. currency or a token.” But that’s not all, Lougheed said, because the Social Impact Fund still needs to be able to see a return on its investment. (This is the Unify Project’s raison d’etre, by the way, the idea of “moving from a charity to an investment model to eradicate poverty.”) “What if we created a model where when Kayla’s employer started sending out her paychecks — and as we know, employers withhold money for taxes — what if we had a smart contract, an agreement up front with those organizations that say, ‘Hey, we’re all better off because Kayla’s got a great job.’ What if a portion within the smart contract was programmed to go to the federal government, let’s say 50 percent, and the other 50 percent goes back to the impact fund? This is a model where everybody wins.” What? First of all, 50 percent? Second of all, why not just demand that people who are “lucky enough to be in a position to donate a million dollars” pay more taxes. Don’t take a single extra nickel out of Kayla’s paycheck. I feel like the Unify Project is well intentioned, but I also feel the need to italicize the ignorance and self-aggrandizement of suggesting that the most unequal nation in the world — the U.S. is the world’s wealthiest, but also the fourth-most impoverished, per Lougheed’s slides — is somehow the most generous. Lougheed conceded that the Unify Project’s modeling was easier said than done, and that it would “take a village” to make it work, to say nothing of convincing taxpayers that social impact funds of this sort would be valuable for society. Most of the talk was gobbledygook (real quote: “the interesting thing about blockchain is that it’s not about blockchain”), and if the Q&A was any indication, most of the attendees felt the same. Only one man stood up to ask a question. He wanted clarification about, well, pretty much everything. What exactly was the concern here? Was this whole model mostly about verifying that nonprofits are spending grant dollars appropriately? Lougheed said that most of the nonprofits he’d spoken with were saying “bring it on” to performancebased payments. The real challenge would be convincing taxpayers that this investment was “at the very least value neutral.” What sort of investment was Lougheed talking about though, the man asked.
Investments by foundations on Wall Street? Or society’s investment in social impact funds? Lougheed’s response: “You could do either with blockchain.” — Sam Allard
Plain Dealer Considers Outsourcing Production Jobs In what may be a grim foretaste of labor negotiations set to occur in 2019 when the Plain Dealer’s union contract expires, the Plain Dealer Publishing Company and
its corporate parent, Advance Publications, are now considering outsourcing the jobs of local journalists. The PD News Guild released a statement to that effect on social media last Tuesday. It’s as yet unknown how many jobs may be cut or where they’d be outsourced to. Members of the News Guild were unable to speak to Scene about details of the negotiations because they are currently at the bargaining table. Based on the Guild’s public statement, though, it sounds like headline writers, page designers and copy editors could stand to lose their positions.
PD editor George Rodrigue is, atypically, on the other side of the table in the current negotiations. Scene was told he is working alongside labor relations lawyers for Advance. Like Guild members, Rodrigue was unable to provide details, but sent Scene a statement on Wednesday morning (which says a bunch of nothing while droning on at length, and which, were you interested, you can read on our site). Copy editor Wendy McManamon is chair of the PD News Guild. Without going into specifics, she noted the irony of the PD celebrating local journalism on one hand while
Discover all things festive at Pinecrest! Grab a hot chocolate and go Skating in Central Park, presented by the Cleveland Monsters.
Book your own unique experience with Santa – including movie days at Silverspot Cinema and brunches at Pinstripes.
Enjoy original holiday window décor from Cleveland’s iconic downtown Higbee’s Department Store between REI and West Elm. Shop for everyone on your list and then take advantage of complimentary gift wrapping inside Pinecrest Guest Services, located next to The Candle Studio.
Skating rink partner: I-271 & Harvard Road • Orange Village
DiscoverPinecrest.com | clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
9
s#,% 6 % , ! . $ s
216-774-4399
CALL
OR
UPFRONT TEXT
ONE HOUR MASSAGE By Appointment Only 4098 Rocky River Dr. 44135 Open 11a-8p Daily/West Park Location
SPECIAL
72.99
$
Eastside | By Appointment Only | 27801 Euclid Ave. 44132
Hey Girls! Spice it up with NEW HAIR COLOR or style. See what’s new in wigs, scented body lotions & more!
GIFT CERTIFICATES AVAILABLE
Call Us For Your Appointment... Carabel Beauty Salon-Store | 15309 Madison Ave. Full Service Salon For Females
WE WENT OUT WHEN YOU COULDN’T. EVENT SLIDESHOWS. ONLY AT CLEVESCENE.COM
0DUHQJR /X[XU\ 6SD LV WKH SUHPLHU IXOO VHUYLFH GD\ VSD DQG VDORQ LQ GRZQWRZQ &OHYHODQG /RFDWHG LQVLGH RI The Arcade WKH VSD LV FRQYHQLHQW WR DOO GRZQWRZQ KRWHOV DQG HDV\ WR UHDFK IURP DOO IUHHZD\V 9DOHW SDUNLQJ LV DYDLODEOH :H RIIHU )DFLDOV 0DVVDJHV LQFOXGLQJ &RXSOHV 0DVVDJH %RG\ :UDSV %RG\ 6FUXEV DQG :D[LQJ 6HUYLFHV $OVR ORFDWHG ZLWKLQ WKH VSD LV RXU ZRUOG FODVV VDORQ RIIHULQJ 0DQLFXUHV 3HGLFXUHV 0DNHXS DQG +DLU 6HUYLFHV :KHWKHU \RX ZRXOG OLNH D IXOO GD\ RI SDPSHULQJ RU MXVW D IHZ KRXUV RXU H[SHUW VWDII ZLOO VSRLO SDPSHU DQG VXUSDVV \RXU HYHU\ H[SHFWDWLRQ
7KH $UFDGH ‡ (XFOLG $YHQXH 6XLWH ‡ 'RZQWRZQ &OHYHODQG
‡ ZZZ PDUHQJRVSD FRP HOLIDAY GIFT CERTIFICATES AVAILABLE 10
| clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
preparing to outsource local jobs on the other. The Guild’s social media post referenced a recent “marketing blitz.â€? This is the work of local PR ďŹ rm Falls Communications, which was recently hired by Advance to produce the “We Are the Stories We Shareâ€? series. The material is meant to highlight the work of local journalists and engender good will for the media in an era of distrust, division and violent attacks at news organizations. But one source told Scene that engaging Falls was a deliberate tactic, essentially running interference while the labor proposals were being hatched and then presented to Guild representatives. A Plain Dealer reporter conďŹ rmed that this was more or less the case. McManamon, by phone, said that it has been an extremely stressful time at the paper. “SufďŹ ce it to say, they look at what we do in the ‘pub hub,’ the copy editors and the designers and the people who select the stories for the paper, as an expense,â€? she said, “and they think they can do it cheaper elsewhere. That’s what it boils down to. What I want to convey is that we believe our quality makes us a worthy investment. We’re not just pushing pages out of a printer. We know our writers and our photographers. We have their backs, and we have the readers’ backs.â€? Tuesday afternoon, the Guild responded to a request for a comment with a general statement about its social media posts: “We put out a statement today on the battle our Guild members face because we believe in transparency,â€? the statement read. “We believe that the community deserves to know the company is considering outsourcing local jobs that are vital to putting out a quality newspaper. We can’t comment on all of the speciďŹ cs because we are meeting with the company and trying to get them to consider options to keep this work local. We have hope that we can convince them that our talented copy editors, designers and artists bring quality they won’t get from folks who don’t live here. We want to keep Cleveland’s journalism local.â€? What guild members did not say — it would be superuous to note — is that by separating the digital and print newsrooms, Advance has created an inefďŹ cient operation for producing and editing news. The print Plain Dealer staff, now
working under one roof at the production facility on Tiedeman Road, is union, organized as the Plain Dealer News Guild (News Guild Local 1). The digital Cleveland.com staff, led by Chris Quinn and currently working out of 1801 Superior Avenue, is non-union. Reporters’ from both newsrooms write stories that appear in print and online, yet staffers rarely communicate with each other and work is often duplicated. Most in the public refer to the entire operation as “the Plain Dealer,â€? though Cleveland.com has fortiďŹ ed its own brand as a cesspool for bigots in the comments section. If the current negotiations were truly about “creating efďŹ ciency,â€? gutting local page designers and editors from the print shop would not be the lowesthanging fruit. Nor would doing so be a sensible business decision. As local Guild members have noted, remote headline writers and designers, who aren’t plugged into the community, produce a more generic, lower-quality product. — Allard
DIGIT WIDGET $31 MILLION Purported economic impact of the inaugural Front Triennial, according to a study from Cleveland State University.
2,170 Number of Ohioans who, after approved physician recommendations, have already registered to buy medicinal marijuana in the state once the program’s live.
41 MILLION Packs of cigarettes sold in Cuyahoga County last year. The 30-cent-a-pack tax passed in 2015 translated to more than $12 million given out by Cuyahoga County Arts and Culture to local arts organizations.
1 PERCENT Respondents in a new poll of potential 2020 Iowa Democratic caucusgoers who listed Sherrod Brown as their ďŹ rst choice.
scene@clevescene.com t@clevelandscene
Photo by synspectrumFlickrCC
FEATURE
LOOKING FOR OWLS?
How to catch a glimpse of snowy owls and their feathery brethren in Northeast Ohio By Eric Sandy
W
ORD TRAVELS fast in the birding community. When Cleveland Metroparks naturalist Jen Brumfield dogged a rare long-eared owl along the lakeshore and posted a splendid photo on Facebook in late November, eager crowds followed her footsteps. Within the week, at another Cleveland Lakefront Nature Preserve birding walk led by Brumfield’s colleague, Jake Kudrna, that’s the first question on people’s minds: Will we see the long-eared? We don’t, as it happens. Aside from a few loons and grebes bobbing gently on flat water, all Sunday-stunned beneath warm winter sunshine, we don’t see much of anything. On our way out of the preserve, a bearded man with a telescopic lens pointed into dense overgrowth tells us: “I’ve been here since 6 o’clock this morning. No owl.” It was 11 a.m.
This is how things go in the land of birds: Sometimes you score a big one, and other times you stand in the woods for hours, neck tilted back, eyes darting, pondering the silent rhythm of the trees. There is no plan; all is random. In the more desolate stretch of winter in Northeast Ohio, the odds grow even longer, like afternoon shadows. Migratory flights have come and gone, and only the sparsest adventures await the birdwatcher. Last year, a surprising population boom of snowy owls landed in Northern Ohio around the holidays. The phenomenon was a rush of excitement for local birders. What happened was this: Way up north, on the lush, coastal grasslands past the Canadian taiga, populations of snowy owls were suddenly having more than the typical singular seasonal brood; lemmings were everywhere and, across the tundra, prey was bountiful.
“Young birds were raised quickly and successfully without much loss,” Brumfield says. With good fortune at their back, having migrated from the northern territories to our balmier lakeshore climes, more than a dozen snowy owls were spotted in the Greater Cleveland area. People from around the Midwest showed up for the phenomenon. Television crews parked their tripods on the windy lakeshore. Field guides were referenced. Words like “irruption” were used in evening newscasts. The snowy owl is an illustrious species. It’s accessible, in a visual sense, the sort of bird that appears omnipresently in children’s books and evocative wilderness tableaux. It’s a large bird, larger than the greathorned owl. They’re gleaming white, peppered almost uniformly with small gray and black spots. The males are paler, and the females demonstrate
a keener, patterned fashion sense. Because they’re apex predators, they find comfort out in the open, keeping watch over the broad expanse of our lake. The gleaming water mimics the Arctic lowlands back home, and the 5-mile break wall gives the owl a pleasant vantage point for dinnertime. “While snowy owls typically do hunt at night, since they are top predators, top of the line, they are not worried about anything. They do not hide,” Brumfield says. “Snowy owl just doesn’t care. Snowy owl is gigantic. … That’s one of the reasons why they’re fan favorites, is because people can actually get out to see them.” It’s easy enough to pop down to Wendy Park on a Sunday morning and have a look-see for a snowy. Check marina docks. Check telephone poles, fence posts. This year, based on migratory reports so far, the numbers just aren’t there. Brumfield says we’ll see fewer | clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
11
12
| clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
snowy owls in Northeast Ohio this winter. Maybe one or two in Cleveland. In mid-December, we receive word that someone had spotted a snowy owl at Cleveland Hopkins Airport. There, they roost on light posts and squat buildings. “One has arrived,” Brumfield confirms, adding that the first sighting is coming a little later than usual. “You’re gonna have to go to where they are, as opposed to just waiting.” According to the International Union for Conservation of Nature and Natural Resources (IUCN), the snowy owl was listed as a “vulnerable” species in 2017. Only 28,000 members of the species remain, as an estimate, and the population is trending downward. From 1988 to 2017, the snowy owl was listed as a “least concern” by the IUCN, which means that now, conservation efforts are taking on a greater urgency. It probably goes without saying that curious families should do what it takes to see this majestic bird before it’s too late. Brumfield leads Metroparks birding walks fairly often. She’s quite in tune with birds, and she’s spotted rare species throughout the region. In 2017, she saw 271 species of birds in Cuyahoga County, breaking a local record that she, herself, had set in 2012. On the walk where she found the long-eared owl, fellow birdwatchers had shown up and asked about the snowy owl. It is a presence during these wintertime events, a luring mystery. We join Brumfield’s lakeshore birding walk on Dec. 10, hoping to find some interesting birds. Maybe a snowy owl will materialize on the break wall? We stand near the pier at Edgewater Park, trying to gaze past thousands of Ring-billed Gulls sitting meditatively on the water. A flock of red-breasted mergansers floats by, almost glimmering in sunlight. Seeking something more exciting, we decide we may as well drive over to the Cleveland Lakefront Nature Preserve and see about an owl. Whether it’s the long-eared owl, an enticing snowy owl or the bijou and easy-to-miss northern saw-whet owl, Brumfield says she’s feeling good about this. She’s optimistic, and the group echoes her zeal. This is a great time of year to see owls in Northeast Ohio, after all. Once inside the nature preserve, she’s scouring the trunks of sprucefirs and Scotch pines, looking for whitewash and pellets, the telltale signs of a roosting owl. As the group sort of mingles along the trail, looking here and there and finding only jabbering blue jays and a redbellied woodpecker, Brumfield wends deeper into the brush, calling out and
remarking on the “piles” of whitewash that she’s finding. Surely an owl is nearby. Brumfield describes the characteristics of the likely northern saw-whet, a fist-sized bird that often perches daintily above eye-level. We continue to search the branches. After about an hour and a half of striking out, though, we can only speculate that the long-eared owl spotted last week must have eaten the northern saw-whet that Brumfield insists she’s tracking. These things happen. We take to the pines ringing the parking lot, looking for faint glimmers of hope. Perhaps the tiny owl had been pushed out here, pushed out of the nature preserve and into the buzzing world of humans and traffic? Ultimately, though, it’s time for us to leave. Brumfield has to get back to the Rocky River Nature Center and, anyway, the Browns game will be on soon. It’s time to pack it in and get back to everything else. And then, suddenly, a shout! “Guys, come here!” Brumfield calls out. Sure as shit, in the first tree we passed when we got here and the last tree we check before leaving, she’s spotted a tiny ball of fluff, high in a pine and all curled within itself. Feathers lifting and falling rhythmically. It’s almost impossible to see with the naked eye, what with the saw-whet’s natural striping blending in perfectly with the needles and bark. How did she see this diminutive creature, this speck of life? She brings the spotting scope around and we all peer in to see the sort of atavistic miracle that only comes around rarely, and only for those with open eyes. It’s an incredible stitch of serendipity. Just the sheer narrative arc of the morning was enough to stop us in our tracks, trading smiles and looks of wonder. More birders seem to be showing up out of nowhere, somehow called magnetically to the moment. We look again into the spotting scope, beholding the minutia, the surprising relief dwelling in the quieter hollows of life. Some folks are talking about coming back and awaiting the tiny saw-whet’s eventual flight; others are planning a meet-up at Hopkins later in the day to maybe see the snowy owl. It’s impossible to know what will happen, what will be seen. Curiosities fly around us like invisible fledglings, drawing us closer to a sense of hope when it’s needed most.
scene@clevescene.com t@clevelandscene
TREAT YO’SELF
Beat the winter blues by springing into self-care in Cleveland By Laura Morrison Photo courtesy of Cleveland Ritz Carlton
THE NATURAL REACTION TO A Cleveland winter is hibernation. And while you know you should be exercising and abstaining from all the pizza and beer (hello, New Year’s resolutions), digging down deep and finding the motivation can be rough. That’s why we also recommend — as Tom and Donna taught us on Parks and Recreation — that you be kind to your body and “treat yo’self” this season. Here are some of the best ways to keep the winter blues away, all while taking care of your mind and soul and getting your buns out of the house. Happily, all of this can be achieved in the Cleveland area without (completely) breaking the bank.
Tea Time The English have gotten some things right in their rough and tumble history, including tea time. Usually observed after lunch but before dinner, it’s the time of day when people kick back a couple cups of warming, antioxidant-rich
tea, nosh on a scone and generally find respite from their tiresome workday. Thankfully, Ritz-Carlton Cleveland (1515 West Third St.) offers an afternoon tea right in the heart of downtown from 2 p.m. to 4 p.m. on varying days of the week. As expected, this charming tea service includes sandwiches without the crusts, beautifully shaped sweets and, of course, a selection of seasonal warming teas. The tea is $48 for adults and $22 for kids under 10. Reservations, which are required, can be made at 216-902-5254. Sipping from your cup with your pinky finger raised is not required, but it is sure to make you feel fancy. Go to ritzcarlton.com for more information.
Winter Feet Be Gone The wet cold of winter metes out terrifying punishment to Ohio feet. Stuffing them into boots doesn’t help matters any, either. That’s why places like Marengo Luxury Spa in the
The Story You Know and Love!
A CHRISTMAS STORY NOVEMBER 23 – DECEMBER 23 | ALLEN THEATRE written by PHILIP GRECIAN | directed by JOHN McCLUGGAGE based on the motion picture written by JEAN SHEPHERD, LEIGH BROWN & BOB CLARK
AND DON’T FORGET... Come early or stay after to enjoy the FREE Festival of Trees, with dozens of beautiful holiday trees decorating the Allen Theatre lobbies! Presenting Sponsor
TICKETS ON SALE NOW!
216.241.6000 | clevelandplayhouse.com
SPAMILTON AN AMERICAN PARODY
CREATED , WRITTEN , AND DIRECTED GERARD ALESSANDRINI
OPENS THURSDAY
December 20 – January 6
BY
216-241-6000 Group Sales 216-640-8600 playhousesquare.org | clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
13
Photo by Laura Morrison
OHIO'S PREMIER
SMOKE SHOP & TATTOO SUPPLY HEADQUARTERS
NEEDLES: Combos Singles Cartridge Bug Pins Piercing
We strive to meet all of your premium tobacco needs with unparalleled knowledge, service and facilities. We offer a wide selection of pipe tobacco, lighters, cigar cutters, humidors and briar pipes.
INK: Specialty Sets Also MACHINES Coil Rotary Cartridge TATTOO KITS GLOVES FOOT PEDALS POWER SUPPLIES CLIP CORDS CHAIRS ARM RESTS AFTERCARE poizon_ _ink MADACIDE Tattoo Background SHARPS CONTAINERS
Cleveland Arcade offer treatments to help quiet your barking dogs this winter — yes, for women and men alike. This isn’t some in-andout pedicure spot (although they do offer that if you’d like); instead we recommend booking a whole hour appointment. Get your feet soaked in warm, aromatic water, followed by a foot massage and nail treatment and nail polish of your choice if you want, for an added $5 to the $45 cost. Your feet, and everyone who has to look at your feet in the summer months, will thank you. Find out more at marengospa. com.
GLASS PIPES BUTANE TORCHES INCENSE DIGITAL SCALES DETOX GRINDERS COLLECTABLES & MORE!
CLEVELAND
STRONGSVILLE
4264 Pearl Rd. 216.749.3440
19097 Drake Rd. 440.572.8287
EASTLAKE
GIRARD
32888 Vine St. 440.942.8668
16 N. State St. 330.545.8131
LORAIN
BARBERTON
832 Broadway 440.242.4080
536 W. Tuscarawas 330.753.0500
AKRON
MANSFIELD
1004 Kenmore Blvd. 330.753.3600
532 Park Ave. W 419.522.1695
SEE OUR AD ON THE BACK COVER
Get Salty MENTION SCENE RECEIVE
10% OFF
It’s Time to Break that Bond!
DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN QUIT SMOKING WITH A SIMPLE LASER TREATMENT?!
BECOME NICOTINE FREE!! Painless & Relaxing Smoking Cessation Treatments. Quit smoking with one treatment. No drugs, no nicotine replacements. Safe, effective, no chemicals, no side effects. Appetite suppression. Stress Relief. THE OFFICE ATRIUM (CONVENIENTLY LOCATED OFF I-77) | 440.740.1020 | aculasetreatment.com
14
| clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
Prayer, meditation, deep thinking or falling asleep. Whatever you call it, saying fewer words out loud can be helpful for everyone from time to time. And with flotation therapy, where one floats alone in perfect silence, in a small tank filled with hyper-salty water, a person gets the chance to be in tune with their thoughts, for better or worse. True Rest Spa, which has locations throughout Ohio, including a recently opened location in Rocky River (21643 Center Ridge Rd., 216815-4231), offers people the chance to try out the newish fad for $59 for a first-time, one-hour session. Similarly, the Mentor Salt Cave (7501 Mentor Ave., 440-942-8228) uses salt in its treatment, without the use of water. Instead, folks lay back on
zero-gravity chairs in a darkly but warmly lit room full of salt, while listening to soothing music. One 45-minute session costs $25. For those who always dream of getting away from it all during the winter, these spots could serve as an oasis. Find out more at truerest.com and mentorsaltcave.com.
Find an Axe to Grind Cleveland Axe Throwing, which sits in a nondescript office building (9000 Bank St., Valley View) not far from Cinemark at Valley View theaters, aims to bring the thrill of tossing a weapon in a controlled and safe environment to anyone looking to work off a little steam. In other words, with this place, open since 2017, you don’t have to be a lumberjack to like the way it feels to slice through a wooden target with a sharp axe. The spot is quite popular for date nights, family outings, team building events and bachelorette parties, along with serious league play. While the other suggestions on this list are about relaxation and rejuvenation, Cleveland Axe Throwing ($32 per session) offers a way to learn a new skill while getting out any built-up tensions during the long winter months. Find out more, or reserve a spot, at clevelandaxethrowing.com.
lmorrison@clevescene.com t@lowesays
NEW YEAR’S EVE GUIDE By Jeff Niesel
ALSO KNOWN AS ‘AMATEUR NIGHT,’ New Year’s Eve offers everyone the chance to hit the reset button (or at least the booze button) and begin another year with a fresh perspective. Whether or not you intend to celebrate the beginnings of a new and better you in 2019, or cruise into the new year in the same debauched manner that defined 2018, plenty of local bars, clubs and attractions have a party for you. Here’s a rundown of some of the many festivities taking place around town.
A ’90s-Themed New Year’s Eve Party For New Year’s Eve, Punch Bowl Social will host a special party inspired by the ’90s. There will be a balloon drop at midnight and special sparkling punch. Organizers encourage patrons to dress in eraappropriate threads (parachute pants and choker necklaces are highly recommended). There’s no cover charge, and it all starts at 9 p.m. 1086 West 11th St., 216-239-1508, punchbowlsocial.com
Photo by Emanuel Wallace
Ian Bagg If you go to see Ian Bagg tonight at Hilarities, you might want to think twice about sitting in the front row. The comic loves to pick on audience members and ask personal questions about their sexual preferences. Though he’s not nearly as manic as Robin Williams, he still possesses Williams’ unhinged energy. And he’s a talker. He’s been a regular on all the usual late-night shows and currently hosts his own podcast, The Ian Bagg Show, where he and a couple of pals riff on popular culture for two hours at a time. He performs two special New Year’s Eve shows tonight at 7 and 10. Tickets start at $79.95. 2035 East Fourth St., 216-241-7425, pickwickandfrolic.com
Erich Bergen: The Hollywood Songbook Erich Bergen, who currently stars as Blake Moran on the TV drama Madam Secretary, also sings and performs in concert venues all over the world. He joins the Cleveland Pops Orchestra tonight for a special
New Year’s Eve concert at Severance Hall. Expect to hear “songs from the big and small screen.” A pop band and a rock band will be on hand for after-concert dancing that’ll continue into the new year. There will be cash bars, refreshments and desserts for purchase as well as a balloon drop at midnight. Consult the Cleveland Orchestra website for ticket prices and more info. 11001 Euclid Ave., 216-231-1111, clevelandorchestra.com.
The Freak Drop 2019 featuring Tropidelic/Zach Deputy/The Quasi Kings/Dutty Last year, local rockers Tropidelic successfully launched their two-day Freakstomp Music Festival in Medina. The inaugural festival featured acts such as Vibe & Direct, Bumpin’ Uglies, Sun-Dried Vibes and others, and this year’s lineup included Afroman, Broccoli Samurai, and more. Tonight
| clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
15
Do Your Holiday Shopping With DeWitts!
Tiffany & Co
at the Beachland, Tropidelic keeps the Freak Drop vibe alive with a special New Year’s Eve show, Freak Drop 2018. There will be live performances by Tropidelic and Zac Deputy. A special VIP package offers access to a preparty, a photo op with the bands, free band merch, complimentary hors d’oeuvres and two complimentary drink tickets. It starts at 9 p.m., and tickets are $45 to $75. 15711 Waterloo Rd., 216-383-1124, beachlandballroom.com
Freedom Children Presents Pika’s New Year’s Eve
Roberto Coin
SHOP OUR ONLINE STORE 24/7 tradesy.com/closet/dewittsjewelry and dewittsjewelry.com David Yurman Stephan Webster
Hosted by Undergod & Angelswurld, tonight’s New Year’s Eve party at Now That’s Class promises to be a rowdy good time. Tickets — $12 in advance, $15 at the door — include hors d’oeuvres and a glass of champagne for the toast at midnight. There will be four DJs, and a special performance by the terrific local hiphop group Red Rose Panic. It all starts at 9 p.m. 11213 Detroit Ave., 216-221-8576, nowthatsclass.net
New Year’s Eve Party Package 2018
likes to make fun of white people who try to act cool by wearing Obama T-shirts. He performs special NYE shows tonight at 7:30 and 10 at the Improv, where he has performances scheduled through Sunday. Tickets are $30 to $45. 1148 Main Ave., 216-696-IMPROV, clevelandimprov.com
Sixth Annual New Year’s Eve Soiree For the sixth consecutive year, Lago will host an extravagant New Year’s Eve party. There will be dining, dancing and entertainment at the black-tie optional event. DJ Flaco Flash will be on hand, along with DJ Maestro and a French jazz band. There will also be a special countdown to midnight and confetti drop as 2018 becomes 2019. Full admission tickets include a decadent buffet dinner from 7 to 10 p.m. in the Riviera Ballroom. Allinclusive tickets are $200 per person or $350 per couple. For those who just want to partake in the late-night festivities, there’s a $150 single ticket option that allows entry at 10 p.m. 1091 West 10th St., 216-862-8065, lagoeastbank.com
Studio 54 New Year’s Eve
HUGE Holiday SAVINGS! Not Your Average Smokeshop
SAVE❄BIG 50 $
T H IS
HOLIDAY
HG : PB=> :LLHKMF>GM H? CBD OILS & EDIBLES | VAPORIZER & HOOKAHS SMOKING ACCESSORIES | T-SHIRTS | POSTERS | BAJAS JEWELRY | CARDS & GIFTS
SPEND
OR MORE AND RECEIVE A
10.00
$ @B?M <:K=
?HK ?NMNK> INK<A:L> Expires 12/31/18
E H < : E ER H P G > = H I > K :M > =
Each year, Pickwick and Frolic throws a massive New Year’s Eve party. This is year is no different. The New Year’s Eve Package includes live music and dancing with Nitebridge, numerous hors d’oeuvres stations, a balloon drop, a sparkling toast at midnight, a live countdown from New York and a “Raise Your Glass: The NYE Cabaret” performance. It all starts at 9:30 p.m., and tickets cost $60. East Fourth St., 216-241-7425, pickwickandfrolic.com
Noon Year’s Eve For those who don’t want to stay up until midnight to celebrate the New Year, the Cleveland MetroParks Zoo offers its annual Noon Year’s Eve event. There will be music, dancing and crafts, and a ball drop at noon. All activities are included with zoo admission. You can also upgrade to a special VIP experience that includes brunch, a character meet-and-greet, and family-friendly activities. Check the zoo’s website for more details regarding times and ticket prices. 3900 Wildlife Way, 216-661-6500, clemetzoo.com
Jay Phillips CLEVELAND’S ORIGINAL SMOKESHOP SINCE 1975
6627 Mayfield Rd, MAYFIELD HEIGHTS
423 E. Main St, KENT
(440) 442-5474
(330) 673-5270
By Som Center
16
| clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
Next To KInkos
You may recognize foul-mouthed comic Jay Phillips from his small roles in Baby Mama or Semi Pro. Phillips, who’s often compared to Richard Pryor,
In keeping with the Studio 54 theme of tonight’s New Year’s Eve party at Luxe, DJ Mazi Jahi will spin New York-style disco from 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. Disco attire is preferred, and there will be a complimentary champagne toast at midnight. There’s no cover, but for those interested in getting dinner, Luxe will have a special winter dinner menu and feature seasonal cocktails as well. The enclosed patio will be heated, and a second patio bar will be open. 6605 Detroit Ave., 216-920-0600, luxecleveland.com
The Sunrise Jones This local group’s members come from various bands, including the local, long-running Copperfoot. They jammed one night on a whim and decided they just wanted to play some covers that they were passionate about. The group grew from there and put together a setlist of fantastic covers. The band specializes in Beatles tunes, but you can expect to hear a wide mix of music at tonight’s special New Year’s Eve gig. The show starts at 9, and tickets are $25 to $30. 1148 Main Ave., 216-242-1250, musicboxcle.com
scene@clevescene.com t@clevelandscene
| clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
17
18
| clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
GET OUT everything you should do this week Photo courtesy of Warner Bros.
WED
12/19
THEATER
A Christmas Carol This Great Lakes Theater production of Charles Dickens’ classic never fails to engage and delight. Framed cozily as a story within a story in this Gerald Freedman adaptation, the production really comes alive once the ghost of Jacob Marley appears, dragging his chains and creaking eerily with every movement. This annual tribute to knee-jerk liberal sentiments, like compassion for the downtrodden, is always a must-see, whether you’ve seen it before or not. Tonight’s performance takes place at 7:30 at the Ohio Theatre. Tickets are $15 to $75. Performances continue through Dec. 23. (Christine Howey) 1501 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org. THEATER
A Christmas Story The Cleveland Play House’s production of Jean Shepherd’s beloved Christmas Story rides a two-hour wave of intricate details to unerringly establish the period and to help even the youngest patrons make the leap back to a time before televisions were omnipresent and cowboy hero Red Ryder was king of the wireless. See it tonight at 7:30 at the Allen Theatre. Performances continue through Dec. 23. Tickets are $25 to $97. (Howey) 1407 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, clevelandplayhouse.com. SPOKEN WORD
Cleveland Stories Dinner Party Cleveland Stories Dinner Party is a weekly series that pairs fine food with storytelling. Through it, the folks at Music Box Supper Club hope to raise awareness of the mission of the Western Reserve Historical Society’s Cleveland History Center. The goal of the Cleveland Stories Dinner Party is to “bring to life some of the fun, interesting stories about Cleveland’s past — from sports, to rock ’n’ roll, to Millionaires’ Row,” as it’s put in a press release. Admission is free, with no cover charge, although a prix fixe dinner, designed to complement the night’s theme, is $20. Tonight, Kevin Dugan, a guy who’s worked backstage for various
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation shows at the Capitol Theatre. See: Wednesday.
bands, including such local groups as Rainbow Canyon, the James Gang and the Raspberries, will talk about life on the road and behind the stage. Dinner includes Cream of ’Shroomies, Pot Roast, and Cosmic Brownies. (We’re sensing a theme, here.) Doors open at 5 p.m., dinner is served at 6, and the storytelling starts at 7. (Jeff Niesel) 1148 Main Ave., 216-242-1250, musicboxcle.com. FILM
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation A Christmas classic, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation stars Chevy Chase as the hapless Clark Griswold, a guy who causes a power outage when he overdoes it with the Christmas lights and then proceeds to berate his boss for not providing him with the Christmas bonus he desperately needs. The movie screens tonight at 7 at the Capitol Theatre. Part of the Happy Hour Classic Series, the screening comes with a complimentary cocktail or soft drink and light appetizers during a reception that takes place an hour before the movie starts. Admission is $10. (Niesel) 1390 West 65th St., 216-651-7295, clevelandcinemas.com. COMEDY
Dave Waite Funnyman Dave Waite isn’t your typical comedian. His odd catchphrases and honesty
distinguish him from the competition. He lives in the moment and improvises some of the content in his shows. Clips from his album Kaboom! regularly get played on Pandora Internet Radio and Sirius XM. He’s been featured on Comedy Central’s Live at Gotham and The Bob and Tom Show. He performs tonight at 8 at Hilarities, where he performs again at 7 p.m. on Sunday with co-headliner Brad Wenzel. Tickets are $13 and $18. (Niesel) 2035 East Fourth St., 216-241-7425, pickwickandfrolic.com.
THU
12/20
THEATER
Falling for Make Believe Actor and writer Ryan J. Haddad returns to Cleveland for a hometown performance of his new cabaret show, Falling for Make Believe, which offers a “witty and whimsical” portrait of his showbusiness family. When he couldn’t join the traditional youth theater, Haddad created the Haddad Theater, a non-actor acting troupe. Tonight, Haddad will sing and talk about his unconventional theater training. The performance starts at 8 p.m. at the Music Box Supper Club. Tickets are $15. (Niesel) 1148 Main Ave., 216-242-1250, musicboxcle.com.
HOLIDAY MUSIC
COMEDY
Cleveland Orchestra Christmas Concert The Cleveland Orchestra and Chorus celebrates the holidays with their annual series of Christmas concerts at Severance Hall. You’ll find sing-alongs, guest choruses and a “surprise visitor” as the orchestra variously teams up with the Cleveland Orchestra Children’s Chorus, the Cleveland Orchestra Youth Chorus, the Cleveland State University Chorale and the College of Wooster Chorus for these seasonal performances. Tonight’s concert begins at 7:30; the holiday concerts continue through Sunday. Consult the website for ticket prices. (Niesel) 11001 Euclid Ave., 216-231-1111, clevelandorchestra.com.
Nikki Glaser One of the stars of MTV’s The Nikki and Sara Show, comedian Nikki Glaser cracks crude jokes about ways to get out of speeding tickets and how you can get through a breakup by listening to Will Smith’s music. Her jokes come out of left field as she draws upon everyday experiences but then adds a twist. She performs tonight at 8 at Hilarities where she has shows scheduled through Saturday. Tickets are $23 to $28. (Niesel) 2035 East Fourth St., 216-241-7425, pickwickandfrolic.com. COMEDY
Leonard Ouzts South Carolina native Leonard | clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
19
GET OUT Ouzts likes to talk about his family life. He says his parents never divorced; they just argued a lot. “I didn’t mind that until it started messing up my life,” he says, adding that his mother stopped cooking, and he and his father had to eat baloney sandwiches for a week. The portly comic also regularly jokes about his size, noting that he’d be a literally “unfit” parent if he were to have kids. He performs tonight at 7 at the Improv, where he has shows scheduled through Saturday. Tickets start at $17. (Niesel) 1148 Main Ave., 216-696-IMPROV, clevelandimprov.com.
British-American actress Ida Lupino, who would’ve turned 100 this year, the Cleveland Museum of Art will screen her 1953 film The Bigamist tonight at 7. Lupino helmed low-budget movies about issues that Hollywood tended to avoid, and The Bigamist, focused on a traveling salesman who falls in love with two women, was one of them. It screens again at 1:30 p.m. on Sunday. Tickets are $10, or $7
$1 Pepsi, $2 Sugardale hotdog and $3 select 12-ounce beer tonight, as the team takes on the Belleville Senators at the Q. The game begins at 7; the teams face off again tomorrow night at 7. Tickets start at $10. (Niesel) 1 Center Court, 216-420-2000, theqarena.com. HOLIDAY HAPPENINGS
Scuba Claus & the Seas’N of Play Scuba Claus & the Seas’N of Play
SAT
FRI
DEBBIE HARRY of BLONDIE Class of 2006 Photo by James Shive
LY I M A F S& D N E I FR N? W O T IN
R I E H T K C RO IDAY! HOL
12/21
ART
78th Street Studios Third Friday Art Walk Time again for the Third Friday Art Walk at the cavernous 78th Street Studios. More than 50 studios and galleries will participate in this popular indoor art walk; be sure to check out spots like the Derek Hess Gallery, Tregoning & Company and Hilary Gent Studio for a chance to shop and interact with artists. Look for food trucks out front and live music on the first floor. Hours are 5 to 9 p.m. and admission is free. (Niesel) 1300 West 78th St., 78thstreetstudios.com.
t io residen h O t s a e 19 North y visiting Get the $ for you PLUS an c. 31st* e e rate onlin ily now through D fam friends &
TICKETS AT
rockhall.com / local19
*Online Only. Terms & conditions apply.
for CMA members. See the website for details. (Niesel) 11150 East Blvd., 216-421-7350, clevelandart.org. SPORTS
FILM
The Bigamist As part of a series devoted to
20
12/22
HOLIDAY MUSIC
THEATER
Spamilton The more successful something is, the more likely it is that someone, somewhere, will want to take the piss out of it with a parody. That would explain Spamilton: An American Parody. Created and performed by a versatile cast of seven, it pokes fun at Lin-Manuel Miranda’s Broadway hit about Alexander Hamilton. Just in time for Christmas, the musical comedy created by Gerard Alessandrini, the comic mastermind behind the popular spoof Forbidden Broadway, arrives tonight at the Hanna Theatre for a 7:30 show. Performances continue through Jan. 6. Tickets start at $39. (Niesel) 2067 East 14th St., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.
residents. Guests of all ages can participate in an aquarium-wide scavenger hunt and/or talk to and snap a selfie with Scuba Claus, who dives in the Aquarium’s 230,000-gallon shark exhibit from 1 to 2 p.m. Aquarium hours are 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. daily. Check the website for ticket prices. (Niesel) 2000 Sycamore St., 216-862-8803, greaterclevelandaquarium.com.
Monsters vs. Belleville Senators As part of a seasonal promotion, Cleveland Monsters fans can score a
| clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
continues today, tomorrow and Sunday at the Greater Cleveland Aquarium. Kids get a temporary tattoo, an activity book and the chance to expend some of their excess holiday spirit by learning about and imitating the movements of crabs, archerfish, frogs, frilled lizards and other Aquarium
Mannheim Steamroller Christmas By Chip Davis In various press releases and articles, Mannheim Steamroller’s Chip Davis proudly recalls trying to shop his New-Age Christmas concept in the early ’80s and meeting with rejection from all the major labels and distributors. Released in 1984, Mannheim Steamroller Christmas went on to sell some 9 million albums, proving the record label execs wrong (again). The Ohio-born Davis then developed a larger-than-life touring ensemble to bring the synth-heavy tunes to life. In 2009, Mannheim celebrated the 25th anniversary of that first Christmas album with a special twoCD set that included its renditions of tunes such as “Joy to the World” and “The First Noel.” The live show is a multimedia extravaganza — which is a good thing, since these smooth jazz renditions of yuletide tunes will often put you to sleep. Tonight’s concert takes place at 7:30 at the State Theatre. Tickets start at $10. (Niesel) 1519 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.
SUN
12/23
SPORTS
Cavaliers vs. Chicago Bulls Much like the Cavs, the Chicago Bulls got off to such a dismal start this season that they’ve already fired their coach. Both teams have lost way more games than they’ve won and are currently locked in a battle for the bottom of the Eastern Conference. Sad to see such storied franchises sink to such lows. Regardless, it should be a close game when the two teams play each other tonight at 6 at the Q. Check the Cavs website for ticket prices. (Niesel) 1 Center Court, 216-420-2000, theqarena.com.
COMEDY
Mark Reedy Veteran comedian Mark Reedy likes to claim Cleveland as his home, even if he wasn’t born here. He’s been nicknamed “Mr. Positive” because his set aims to uplift and inspire the crowd rather than degrade anyone or anything. Most of his material is based on his own experiences. He wants people to know that they always have a chance to start over — he grew up around the wrong crowd and managed to completely turn his life around. He performs tonight at 7 at the Improv. Tickets are $15. (Martin Harp) 1148 Main Ave., 216-696-IMPROV, clevelandimprov.com. COMEDY
Bill Squire’s Christmakwanzakah In what we assume is the attempt to be inclusive, comedian Bill Squire, co-host of the local radio program The Alan Cox Show, headlines tonight’s event at the Agora that he’s calling Christmakwanzakah. Squire’s comedy regularly touches on his “life as a stepparent, divorce, dating and leaving the Mormon church in his early 20s,” as it’s put in a press release. Comedians Al Jackson, Mary Santora and Ryan Dalton will join him for the performance, which takes place at 6. Tickets are $15 to $25. (Niesel) 5000 Euclid Ave., 216-881-2221, agoracleveland.com.
performances from the historic Hermit Club in the festive atmosphere of the Hofbräuhaus Bier Hall, Christmas Eve Hermit Club Symphony features a 40-piece symphony orchestra that’ll occupy the bier hall for an old-fashioned sing-along of traditional Christmas carols. Admission is free, but the beer and food will cost you. It all begins at 1 p.m. (Niesel) 1550 Chester Ave., 216-621-2337, hofbrauhauscleveland.com. FILM
Movie Mondays Every Monday — including today, Christmas Eve — Cleveland Cinemas hosts $5 Movie Mondays, where film fans can catch up on the latest Hollywood flicks for significantly reduced prices. Many theaters even offer discounted concession stand items. Participating theaters include Apollo Theatre, Capitol Theatre, Cedar Lee Theatre, Chagrin Cinemas, Shaker Square Cinemas and Tower City Cinemas. Unfortunately, additional charges apply for 3-D movies. (Alaina Nutile) clevelandcinemas.com.
TUE
12/25
BOOKS
MUSIC
Sunday Beat As part of a Sunday Beat promotion at Visible Voice Books, if you purchase a New York Times at the store, you’ll receive a free cup of coffee or tea and a Jim Alesci’s Place pastry. An added bonus: A jazz, Americana, samba or bossa nova band will perform from 1:30 to 3:30 p.m. Anyone who shows a Sunday receipt from Music Box, Prosperity Social Club or any of the Tremont restaurants that offer brunch can enter a same-day drawing for a $30 Visible Voice gift certificate and a $25 Visible Voice Loyalty Card. They’ll also receive 10 percent off any Visible Voice book purchase. The bookstore is open today from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. (Niesel) 2258 Professor Ave., 216-961-0084, visiblevoicebooks.com.
12 Assholes of Christmas It’s a tradition that, at noon on Christmas day, the punk-rock club Now That’s Class opens its doors to welcome “those who don’t have anywhere to go or don’t wanna go anywhere” for an event dubbed 12 Assholes of Christmas. From noon to 3 p.m. today, the bar will offer specials on select Great Lakes beers, selling them for only $1. The price goes up by increments as the day goes on: the brews will cost you $2 from 3 to 6 p.m., and $3 from 6 to 9. Acts such as Blimp, Obnox, Roobydocks, Swindella, Prostitutes, Scum Guppies, Party Plates, Live from the Garage, Basement Boi, Beckett & Friends, DJ Krissy Krass, DJ Sadie and DJ Depeww will provide the tunes. It’s free, but bring along something for the potluck dinner. (Niesel) 11213 Detroit Ave., 216-221-8576, nowthatsclass.net.
MON
12/24
HOLIDAY MUSIC
Christmas Eve Hermit Club Symphony An annual tradition that puts
scene@clevescene.com t@clevelandscene
Tickets Make a Great Holiday Gift! QUICKEN LOANS ARENA JAN 11 – 20 DisneyOnIce.com | clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
21
STAGE CALLING ALL OGRES The socially awkward fart fan is back, in Shrek the Musical at Beck Center By Christine Howey Photo by Andy Dudik
IN ORDER TO GET THROUGH life successfully you need at least two things: An ogre friend who is big and green, and a sassy donkey. At least, that’s the message that’s being sent to youngsters in Shrek, the Musical, now at Beck Center. That, of course, makes success hard to attain for most of us, since smart-mouthed donkeys are in short supply. But in this wonderful production (with a couple of wrinkles), the green ogre who farts, and the donkey, and the princess who farts once again come out on top. This is due in large part to the book and lyrics by David Lindsay-Abaire and the music by Jeanine Tesori. But without the right people in key roles, this rich material can still lay an egg. This Beck version doesn’t get everything right, starting with Gilgamesh (G.A.) Taggett in the title role. While he has a masterful stage presence and powerful singing voice, Taggett isn’t quite as warm and amusing as local actor Patrick Ciamacco has been as Shrek in previous productions at Mercury Summer Stock (now Mercury Theater Company) and Near West Theatre. From the moment the slight 7-year-old Shrek is sent off by himself into the cold, cruel world by his parents, in traditional ogre fashion, we are with him as he encounters a volley of unusual characters. At the same time, the young Princess Fiona is being locked away in a tower by her parents, awaiting the arrival of her true love — which is not particularly woke. Hey, life in fairy tales ain’t no walk in the park. Fiona’s first big moment arrives when we see how she grew over the years in the song “I Know It’s Today.” Three performers — Jordyn Freetage as the youngster, Pilar Lee as the teenager, and Natalie Steen as the grown-up Fiona—dream about how the incarceration will end. And they all give fine voice to those lyrics that reflect the girl and woman’s dream dude: “So I know he’ll appear/And his armor will be blinding/As shiny as his perfect teeth/And manly hose.” Little does she know. Meanwhile, the first eccentric individual Shrek meets is an unnamed Donkey, who drops in on
22
Shrek from a tree where he’d been hiding from the soldiers of the mean Lord Farquaad. Remell Bowens animates this irrepressible yet emotionally needy jackass with such familiar verve, he could have stepped right out of the animated Dream Works film that inspired the stage play. He and Taggett go though the usual buddy-flick conflicts until they bond on a mission in the weird world that is only described as “long ago and far away.” That mission involves getting rid of all the fairy tale
Once Shrek is convinced to accept this impossible mission on behalf of Pinocchio and pals, he and the burro-with-attitude head off toward the castle of Farquaad. This journey, which includes a perilous traversing of a bridge over a fiery river, is brought to life through evocative projections designed by Brittany Merenda. Turns out, Farquaad is, you know, short — requiring actor Brian Altman to walk and stand on his knees with tiny fake legs dangling in front. This is always a hilarious sight
SHREK, THE MUSICAL THROUGH JANUARY 6 AT THE BECK CENTER, 17801 DETROIT AVE., LAKEWOOD 216-521-2540, BECKCENTER.ORG.
characters who have been exiled by the Lord into the swamp that Shrek and his burro pal call home. Those exiled folks include Humpty Dumpty, the Ugly Duckling, Peter Pan and all the other oddballs who populate those stories. It’s always kind of a rush to see everyone from the Three Little Pigs to the Three Blind Mice gathered in one place, outside of our kids’ bookshelf.
| clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
gag, but Altman doesn’t take enough chances with this goofy Lord and villain, in a role that begs for wild comic invention. Actually, Altman plays it pretty straight, a decision that makes all the short jokes that are volleyed about seem kind of mean instead of funny. Farquaad not only has to be short, he has to be imaginatively nasty and odious to make the humor zing.
Truly, this is one show where you don’t want the audience to feel guilty, since Shrek and Fiona face off in a belching and farting contest, sealing their love match as two outsiders who need to rely on each other for support. Overall, the production is massive and detailed with fine musical direction by Larry Goodpaster and only a couple minor glitches. The dragon — beautifully designed by Jim Gough and Russ Borski, and given gorgeous voice in “Forever” by Sydney Thomas — is less than lethal when it attacks Farquaad near the end. There must be some way to make that moment a bit more graphic and satisfying than just having Farquaad disappear. And it’s always a bit disappointing when the show is capped off by a lame cover of a Neil Diamond cover of the Monkees’ song, “I’m a Believer.” Tesori and Lindsay-Abaire could have come up with something better than “What’s the use in tryin’/All you get is pain/When I needed sunshine I got rain.” Other than that, there’s a lot to delight the kiddies in Shrek at Beck. No pain there.
scene@clevescene.com t@christinehowey
MOVIES NOT SO SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS The sequel to the 1964 musical, Mary Poppins Returns lacks a purpose By Jeff Niesel MARY POPPINS RETURNS, THE sequel to the 1964 classic film that starred Julie Andrews in the title role, has plenty going for it. For one, it features Emily Blunt as Mary. Blunt plays Mary with her trademark sternness and does a decent job of singing too. Her sharp British accent alone is enough to make any child want to clean his or her room and stand up straight. The film also includes the grinning, effervescent Lin-Manuel Miranda of Hamilton fame. He capably fills the large shoes of Dick Van Dyke, who portrayed a chimney sweep in the original movie and has a cameo here. Miranda capably plays Jack, a guy who lights the city’s street lamps, gleefully whistling and singing while he works. It’s all for naught, however, as this half-baked storyline doesn’t give enough purpose to the film to make it seem like it was necessary. The movie, which promises to be one of the Christmas season’s biggest blockbusters, is currently showing area-wide. Set in London in the 1930s, the film follows Michael (Ben Whishaw) and Jane Banks (Emily Mortimer), the brother and sister from the first film. They’re all grown up now, and
Michael lives with his three children and housekeeper (Julie Waters). All is not well with Michael, however. He’s just experienced a personal loss, and he’s got money problems. In fact, he might even lose his house if he doesn’t come up with the money he owes the bank, a point that the bank owner (Colin Firth) drives home during a visit to the homestead. Enter Mary Poppins. She makes a grand entrance as Michael’s son, young Georgie (Joel Dawson), chases a kite and grabs the string. With a little help from Jack, they reel it in and Mary Poppins comes along with it, gracefully landing in the park and announcing that she has come back to restore order to the household. While Mary Poppins attends to the children’s needs and introduces them to a magical aquatic underworld along the way, Michael tries to resolve his issues with the bank. Without giving anything away, we can assure you that all will be right with the Banks family by the film’s conclusion. A predictable ending could be forgiven if the film offered a better storyline leading up to it. But it’s all highly rote and rather derivative of
Photo courtesy of Walt Disney Pictures
the original. And with the exception of the whimsical “Trip a Little Light Fantastic,” a tune that features one of the best song-and-dance sequences in the movie, the songs here aren’t nearly as memorable as the ones that the Sherman brothers wrote for the first movie.
With a hefty 130-minute running time, this movie sure could’ve used some better tunes to help carry it along.
jniesel@clevescene.com t@jniesel
SPOTLIGHT: MARY, QUEEN OF SCOTS Photo courtesy of Focus Features
A HISTORICAL DRAMA BASED ON the John Guy book Queen of Scots: The True Life of Mary Stuart, the new film, Mary Queen of Scots, features compelling performances
by both Saoirse Ronan, who plays the film’s title character, and Margot Robbie, who portrays her cousin Queen Elizabeth I. Even though Ronan is Irish and Robbie is Australian, you couldn’t have found two actresses better suited for their respective parts. While the film often comes off as more Masterpiece Theatre than Game of Thrones, it still packs a mighty punch. It opens on Friday area-wide. If you don’t know the history of how Mary and Elizabeth quarreled with one another, it might do you good to do a bit of brushing up before watching this movie, which presupposes at least a working knowledge of what was going on politically in England and Scotland
in the 16th century as Protestants and Catholics took opposing sides. At the film’s start, we see Mary practically wash up on the Scottish shores. Widowed, she was the Queen of France but has returned to her homeland to reclaim her right to the throne. Legally, it’s hers, but her arrival does not sit well with everyone, particularly her brother James (James McArdle), the Earl of Moray. Still, the strong-willed Mary persists, and she’s able to take charge. But Mary doesn’t just want to be Queen of Scotland. Rather, she’d also like to rule England. When Elizabeth discovers this, she sets out to disrupt Mary’s quest and funds a small rebellion. While that
doesn’t do the trick, a group of Scottish dissenters soon finds a way to undermine Mary, and we see her slowly unravel in the film’s second half. One major shortcoming here is that Ronan and Robbie share so little screen time. Most of their interaction takes place via letters and messengers. It’s only near the film’s conclusion that they come face-to-face, and that scene itself is so staged that it feels rather anti-climactic. Still, their terrific performances make the movie worthwhile. — Niesel
jniesel@clevescene.com t@jniesel | clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
23
IT’S ALL ABOUT THE CHICKEN, RIBS, FISH & OUR OWN 13 GOURMET SAUCES! NEW HOURS FOR
CHRISTMAS EVE
t )0634 11:00 TO 6:00PM
NEW YEAR’S EVE
t )0634 11:00 TO 6:00PM
WE WILL BE CLOSED 12.25.18 - 12.26.18 & 01.01.19 LET V’S CATER YOUR NEXT EVENT
#*35)%": 1"35*&4 t #"#: 4)08&34 8&%%*/( 3&$&15*0/4 t '6/&3"-4 t "//*7&34"3*&4 $0.1"/: 1"35*&4 t $"3 %&"-&34)*14 Or Any Other Event You May Have!!
CATERING ORDERS MUST BE PAID IN FULL 1 WEEK BEFORE PICK UP CHECK OUT THE REST OF OUR CATERING MENU AT vsgourmetchicken.com
CALL US: 216.738.7000
Bringing
LOUISIANA-STYLE SEAFOOD BOILS & VIETNAMESE PHO NOODLES to Independence, Ohio
HAPPY HOUR
DINE IN or CARRY OUT
$
2.00 OFF
MONDAY- FRIDAY 3-8PM
APPS
Featuring...
w/Purchase of
HOUSE WINE....$5 Glass or $15 Bottles Any Flavored Vodka Lemonade....$6
HAPPY HOUR DRINK
6901 Rockside Road | Independence | 216-525-0028 | lobsternpho.com
24
| clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
15418 LAKESHORE BLVD. | CLEVELAND V’s HOURS
SUN -MON OPEN FOR CATERING ONLY (By Appointment) TUES-SAT OPEN FOR CATERING AND INDIVIDUAL ORDERS 11AM-7:30PM vsgourmet@yahoo.com | vsgourmetchicken.com
EAT FOOD DELIVERY SERVICES ARE KILLING YOUR FAVORITE RESTAURANT Uber Eats and its ilk might be a convenience for you, but they’re squeezing restaurants’ already slim profit margins By Douglas Trattner Photo by Karin McKenna
“THE FOOD DELIVERY SERVICES are absolutely killing us,” says Elie Chamoun, not mincing his words. As the owner of the 10-year-old Burgers 2 Beer in Highland Heights, as well as newer outposts in Solon, Concord and downtown Cleveland, Chamoun has watched as companies like GrubHub, DoorDash, Uber Eats and, to a lesser extent, Deliver Me Food have moved in and completely revolutionized the restaurant business, and not for the better, according to him and others we spoke to. Until recently, unless you lived in New York or San Francisco, your food delivery options were largely limited to pizza and Chinese. These days, however, thanks to third-party apps like DoorDash and others, diners literally can order any dish from almost any restaurant menu from the comfort of their own sofa. The arguments in favor of restaurants offering delivery through any or all of these services is an increase in revenue, the ability to attract new dine-in customers, and appealing to tech-savvy consumers who prefer to stay home. In the real world, however, many restaurant owners are less cheerful about the situation, calling the services a necessary evil at best and a restaurant killer at worst. “Delivery services are a killer to local business because you’re basically working your ass off, paying for labor and expenses, and they’re taking 30 percent from you, which is your profit,” says Chamoun, succinctly encapsulating the dilemma. “They are making money for themselves, but the customer is paying more and the restaurants are making less.” The notion that delivery business is supplemental to dine-in revenue no longer holds water as more and more consumers are electing to stay home. When customers take a seat in the dining room, they buy alcohol, they tip their server, food errors can be addressed on the spot, and
the restaurant keeps all of the take. During his two years in Lakewood, before electing to close the doors, Chamoun saw delivery revenue increase by $5,000 to $6,000 per week, a direct correlation to a drop in on-site sales. “There’s a smaller percentage of people who eat out now,” Chamoun reports. “Even when a customer orders food to go, they often sit at the bar and order a beer. It generates income.” Less obvious but no less vexing issues for owners revolve around driver and/or delivery errors that result in comps, re-makes and negative Yelp reviews, which have the opposite effect on attracting new dine-in customers. Since 1956, Corky and Lenny’s has been providing a unique and authentic Jewish deli experience to a very devoted following. But that following is not getting any younger, if you know what we mean, so the restaurant is willing to do whatever it takes to attract new customers, even if it’s a break-even proposition. “We obviously love [our older clientele’s] business, but we’d like to cater to a younger crowd too,” explains Adam Siegel, who has managed the iconic shop for more than 20 years. “We’re willing to take a hit just to get people in and say, hey, this is what we have to offer, we’d love your business and we’d love your company.” Of course, any discussion of industry challenges is set against a backdrop of a dining landscape brimming with an excess of inventory. “There are so many choices out there,” Siegel laments. “Even though we are a unique New York-style deli, there are only so many mouths you can feed, but there are hundreds and hundreds of restaurants out there all trying to grab a piece of the pie.” Since opening his first restaurant at the age of 23, Andy Himmel has been a keen observer of evolving industry fads, trends and tech. Now,
nearly 14 years later, Himmel’s restaurant portfolio includes four Paladar Latin Kitchens in three states and three Bomba Tacos in Ohio. Like every other operator we spoke to, this one has observed an unmistakable decline in on-premises sales at the hand of delivery services. “I guarantee that every restaurant is seeing a drop in dining room sales and an increase in their delivery and carryout sales,” Himmel reports. “That’s what we are seeing across the board. It’s not a good long-term feeling because at the end of the day you still have a brick-and-mortar that you spent money to build.” Rather than bitch, moan and complain, Himmel will do what he always has done when confronted with a challenge: accept, adapt and survive. “I look at delivery like I looked at Yelp in the beginning, which is, okay, it’s here, it’s not going
anywhere, how do we make the best of it?” Himmel and his team are going so far as to modify the physical layout of their properties to accommodate the rise of delivery traffic. Going forward, new Bomba locations will have significantly smaller dining rooms, larger bars and a redesigned host stand that doubles as a carryout zone to deal with the flurry of delivery drivers. “It’s not something entirely good for the industry,” Himmel admits. “So we’re trying to put as much energy, money and time into really driving the dining experience and try to give people a reason to come in. Just the food alone is not enough to do that. That’s the big challenge for the industry.”
dtrattner@clevescene.com t@dougtrattner | clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
25
EAT BITES Paladar Latin Kitchen will close for a month to undergo major renovation
1261 W 76th St. | CLEVELAND | 216.999.7074
HAPPY HOUR EVERYDAY 4-7PM
$7 Shot & Beer $1 OFF =kZ_ml $3 Margaritas
LATE NIGHT FOOD MENU CATERING & PRIVATE PARTIES DINE-IN, TAKE-OUT & DELIVERY
HOURS of operation: MON - SAT 12pm - 2am
13603 Madison Ave. Lakewood, Ohio. 440.799.8343
Let Marion’s Cater your Function At the Holiday Inn Cleveland Northeast-Mentor Call To Reserve Your Date.
440-951-7399 Mediterranean Restaurant and Tapas Bar V>Ìi`Ê Ê `>ÞÊ Ê,ÌÊÓÊEÊÎäÈ®ÊÇÇä£Ê,iÞ `ÃÊ,`Ê i Ì ÀÊUÊ `>Þ Ê->ÌÕÀ`>ÞÊ{* £ä*
{{ä x£ Ç£ääÊUÊ >À à i` ÌiÀÀ> i> °V
26
| clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
By Douglas Trattner CEO AND FOUNDER ANDY Himmel would be the first one to tell you that, after 11 years of rum-slinging, Paladar Latin Kitchen (28601 Chagrin Blvd., 216896-9020) is in dire need of some attention. The popular Latin Americanthemed restaurant opened its doors at Eton Chagrin Boulevard in August of 2007. Since then, the Paladar Restaurant Group has added locations in Maryland and Pennsylvania while launching a second concept, Bomba Tacos, which has locations in Beachwood, Rocky River and Akron. “We had kicked around the idea of moving the restaurant completely because of how much work it needed, but the more we started thinking about it, we decided that you don’t move your flagship restaurant,” Himmel explains. “Instead of moving and trying to start over, it’s more about how can we blend what we have been doing and what the market has been responding well to with what we know is more in line with our brand and what has been successful at the newer restaurants that we’ve done.” The ambitious project will touch nearly all aspects of the facility, from the dining room and bar to the kitchen and restrooms. The entire bar side of the restaurant will be ripped out and reworked to level the grade and create more guest seating. A new guacamole bar in the dining room will let diners put their own spin on that popular dish. To accomplish this sizeable undertaking, the restaurant will temporarily close its doors for four weeks, tentatively scheduled to run from Jan. 7 to Feb. 6. “I’m really excited,” adds Himmel. “We’ve started and stopped this process, like, 10 times. I love the location and feel that doing this in the space we’ve been operating in is kind of neat. I don’t want to lose the energy that we’ve built in this space.” Before the project kicks off, guests are invited to take part in a special New Year’s Eve series of dinners comprising a three-course prix fixe meal and entertainment on the nights of Dec. 28 through 31. “We’re really going to make use of this time and significant investment,” Himmel says. “We’re going to be
treating it like a new restaurant opening in terms of how we will retain and train our team. It’s an opportunity to get everybody back on the same page.”
Shake Shack to Open Downtown Cleveland Location Ohio’s first Shake Shack opened this summer at the Pinecrest development in Orange Village. Soon after that splashy opening, we learned that the company also would be part of a fresh class of newcomers at Cleveland Hopkins International Airport, slated to open sometime this winter. Now we’re learning that Shake Shack will open one of its insanely popular “modern day roadside burger stands” in the heart of it all: downtown Cleveland. The long-rumored addition was confirmed by company spokespeople this past fall, a help wanted ad was recently posted online, and last week the plans were confirmed to Scene by Kristyn Clark, senior manager, brand communications for the company. This 4,055-square-foot Shake Shack will be at 1965 East Sixth St. When it opens sometime in 2019, the shop will feature all the classics, including the ShackBurger®, crinkle-cut fries, handspun shakes and a selection of frozen custard concretes in collaboration with local food purveyors. In keeping with Shake Shack’s commitment to green architecture and eco-friendly construction, the restaurant will be constructed of recycled and sustainable materials. Booths will be made from lumber certified by the Forest Stewardship Council, and tabletops will be made from reclaimed bowling alley lanes. “Downtown Cleveland is a bustling retail destination to bring our modern roadside burger stand,” says Andrew McCaughan, VP of development at Shake Shack. “We’re thrilled to open our second Cleveland area location and provide the local community a fun place to gather with family and friends.”
dtrattner@clevescene.com t@dougtrattner
18405 Detroit Ave. Lakewood 216.221.0676
To See Our Other Locations Check Out indiagardencleveland.com
NOW IN THREE LOCATIONS!
BEST NEIGHBORHOOD BAR
TOP RATED VEGAN & VEGARARIAN CUISINE Wishing Our Womderful Customers A Happy Holiday Season!
5.00
$
OFF
Your Next Meal Sign Up On indiagardencleveland.com
Sunday, December 23
LUNCH BUFFET 7 DAYS A WEEK
N WE’RE OPE ALL DAY ’S EVE NEW YEAR YEAR’S DAY & NEW AT 5PM!
HOURS: Mon- Fri 11:30am- 2:30pm / 5:00pm- 10:00pm Sat & Sun 12:00pm- 3:00pm / 5:00pm- 10:00pm
Browns vs Bengals 1:00Pm
Tuesday, December 25
Merry Christmas! Doors Open At 3:00Pm Kitchen Open 6:00-11:00Pm Friday, December 28
Live Music Featuring
Minor League Saturday, December 29
College Football Playoffs Clemson vs Notre Dame 4:00Pm Alabama vs Oklahoma 8:00Pm Live Music Featuring Conundrum Sunday, December 30
Browns At Ravens 1:00Pm Monday, December 31
New Years Eve Bash Limited Number Of Tickets Available Call Bar For Information Tuesday, January 1
Happy New Year! Open For Brunch At 10:00Am Bloody Marys & Mimosas
Rose Bowl 5:00Pm Ohio State vs Washington | clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
27
2 28
| clevescene.com m | December 19 - 25, 2018
Two beloved local acts, the Ohio City Singers and Boys From the County Hell regularly play holiday concerts each year. This year, they’ve aligned so that the concerts fall on the same weekend. The Ohio City Singers play on Friday night, and the Boys From the County Hell play on Saturday night. Both concerts are at House of Blues. By Jef f Niesel
Photo by Amber Patrick
HE OHIO CITY Singers, a group that plays original Christmas music (along with a few choice covers), and the Boys From the County Hell, a Pogues tribute act, share several band members, including singer-guitarist Chris Allen. We shared a cup of coffee with Allen one recent morning and discussed each band’s history as well as what to expect from this year’s concerts.
Ohio City Singers
The Bands’ Beginnings
Photo by Mara Robinson
The Boys From the County Hell
In 2003, Allen, his sister Molly and [singer-guitarist] Doug McKean worked up four original Christmas tunes and then threw a big Christmas party to which they invited their musician friends. They played the four original tunes they had penned as well as a few covers, recorded them and delivered them on a CD to their families as a Christmas gift. “Molly did the artwork, and me and Doug [McKean] wrote the songs,” says Allen. “I invited every musician I knew. We gave them lyric sheets and learned the songs. It was the funnest party. We started with ‘Merry Christmas Baby,’ and everyone piled into the room with drinks to sing along.” That
signaled the birth of the Ohio City Singers; the band now plays several Christmas-themed concerts each year. When the Boys From the County Hell first got together in 2000 at the now-shuttered Euclid Tavern as a Pogues cover band, it was supposed to be just a one-night stand. But after selling out that first show, the band continued from there. “We all came from different areas of rock,” says Allen. “I had never met the guys in the [local punk band] GC5, but I found out they needed a mandolin player for the show, so I learned how to play mandolin, and we had to learn all the Pogues songs in three months. It was packed, so we figured we’d have to do it again. We just picked a rock club that made sense. It was St. Patrick’s night that we did it, which is even crazier because people get drunk all day and often don’t come out much at night.” Now, every St. Patrick’s Day, the Boys play marathon shows, often starting before 10 a.m. and not stopping until the bars close. One year, they teamed up with Spider Stacy, an original Pogue, for a series of shows. Another year, they had a residency in Las Vegas. They’ve even played a gig | clevescene.com cllevves esceene ne.ccom m | December Dece De cem mber 199 - 25, 255, 2018 2018
29
MUSIC
UPCOMING ENTERTAINMENT!
in Bangkok. A few years ago, they added a Christmas concert to the mix.
A Holiday Tradition In 2008, the Ohio City Singers played their first public show at the House of Blues Cambridge Room in front of about 100 people. “The crowd was mostly families and friends,” says Allen. “We had just put out an album, and we had to rent the venue ourselves because we had no track record,” says Allen. “We grew that the way you do any band. We’d play the Treehouse and any place we could play. In 2012, we had done an afternoon gig at the Happy Dog, and it was packed. That was when it started to take off.” About 10 years ago, the Boys played their first Christmas show at the
NEW YEAR'S EVE BASH
BRET MICHAELS DEC 27
E5C4P3 THE JOURNEY TRIBUTE & DJ DENICIO DEC 31
WALT SANDERS JAN 12
THE CLAIRVOYANTS JAN 19
1/18 The Wall Live Extravaganza
3/1 Amy Grant 3/9 Jim Jefferies
Celebrating the Music of Pink Floyd
1/25&1/26 Gabriel Iglesias One Show Fits All World Tour
2/2 Stayin’ Alive
A Tribute to the Bee Gees
Bruce [Springsteen] kind of characters who talks about his ride and how he put it together,” says Allen. “We thought that he wouldn’t tell us the name of it. It fell together really fast. We had earmarked it for [singerguitarist] Austin ‘Walkin’ Cane’ Charanghat because he would be the most Santa like.” The Boys have never put out an album. “If the band would have recorded, we should have done it earlier. It was really just a fun thing to do. When the band was younger and life was less complicated, that’s when we should have thought about and recorded something then. We always thought it would have been kind of phony. We’re a Pogues tribute band, so we would just make Poguessounding stuff. It would have been nice to do a live thing, but at the same time, it’s nice to have a band that just exists as a line project. I like people to remember it that way.”
OHIO CITY SINGERS | ALEXIS ANTES 8 P.M., FRIDAY, DEC. 21, HOUSE OF BLUES, 308 EUCLID AVE., 216-523-2583. TICKETS: $18 ADV, $20 DOS, HOUSEOFBLUES.COM
The Night Talker Tour
4/6 Larry The Cable Guy 4/26 Tyler Henry The Hollywood Medium
2/14 Rick Springfield Stripped Down
ED PRESENT
Grog Shop. “We didn’t play a whole lot outside of St. Patrick’s Day,” says Allen. “It was snowing like crazy, and we thought no one would show up, but it was packed, so we kept doing it every year.” He says the Irish punk band has a number of holiday-themed songs. “You’ve got ‘Fairytale in New York’ and songs like ‘London, You’re a Lady’ and ‘Rainy Night in Soho.” Those songs have a nice orchestral feel. That’s why we’ve added horns and strings to the shows. Let’s face it; it’s
BY
UPCOMING ENTERTAINMENT!
MATT JOHNSON’S DUELING PIANO FIASCO! DEC 28
RICH GUZZI Comedy Hypnosis Experience DEC 29, 30 & 31
What to Expect From This Year’s Concerts This year’s Ohio City Singers’ gig at House of Blues will include songs from the entire catalog. A few guests will be on hand as well; local guitarist Bobby Latina will play guitar, and local singer-songwriter Alexis Antes will sing. “It will be an overview of our catalog,” Allen says. “Alexis is fun to hang out with, and she is a good singer, so she’ll sing with us too. We do a couple of
THE BOYS FROM THE COUNTY HELL | MARYS LANE 8 P.M., SUNDAY, DEC. 23, HOUSE OF BLUES, 308 EUCLID AVE., 216-523-2583. TICKETS: $18 ADV, $20 DOS, HOUSEOFBLUES.COM
live music presented by
every friday and saturday
a party band. You can see, with that crowd, that it’s not necessarily Pogues’ fans who show up for the holiday concert. We throw in some Clash and a zydeco song too. It’s like the greatest hits of our party jams.”
12/21 ARMSTRONG BEARCATS 12/22 ERIC BROOKE BAND 12/28 MARC LEE SHANNON 12/29 MICHELLE ROMARY TRIO
TICKETS AVAILABLE AT TICKETMASTER.COM AND THE ROCKSINO BOX OFFICE, OPEN DAILY FROM 1PM - 9PM. ALL TICKET SALES FINAL.
FIND YOUR RHYTHM
The Discography
TM
HRRNP.COM • 330.908.7625
VEGAS EXPERIENCE. OHIO ADDRESS. TM
MUST BE 21 YEARS OF AGE OR OLDER. FOR FREE, CONFIDENTIAL HELP 24/7, CALL THE OHIO RESPONSIBLE GAMBLING HELPLINE AT 1.800.589.9966 OR VISIT WWW.ORG.OHIO.GOV.
30
| clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
PROUD ENTERTAINMENT PARTNER OF THE
CLEVELAND INDIANS
The Ohio City Singers have released several albums and this year cranked out two new singles, the zydeco-tinged “What’s the Name of Santa’s Sleigh?” and the rowdy guitar- and accordiondriven “Hey! Hey! Hey! (It’s a Holiday).” “In ‘What’s the Name of Santa’s Sleigh,’ we made him one of these
different cover songs we haven’t done before; one in particular is ‘The Last Month of the Year.’” The Boys will again play with a four-piece string section and a threepiece horn section. “We just got all the charts for the songs, so we’re ready to go,” says Allen. “We have the same string and horn players from the last three years. We will definitely do a few Clash tunes we haven’t done before too.”
jniesel@clevescene.com t@jniesel
@masoniccle @hobcleveland
@masoniccleveland
J U S T
A N N O U N C E D
MARSHA AMBROSIUS w/ Elle Varner
M RO BR O IDG M E
FEB. 7 ON SALE FRI. 10AM
CA
CA
M RO BR O IDG M E
JANUARY 18 ON SALE NOW
FEB. 17 ON SALE NOW
MARCH 6 ON SALE NOW
CHERRY POOLS
ALI WONG
w/ tiLLie
FEB. 14 ON SALE FRI. 10AM
CHASE RICE New Year’s Eve w/ AJ and the Woods
MARCH 9 ON SALE NOW
TURKUAZ & TOO MANY ZOOZ
CL MA EV SO EL NI AN C D
In Association with Beachland Ballroom
APRIL 8 ON SALE NOW
M AY 3 O N S A L E F R I . 1 0 A M
DECEMBER 28
CHASE RICE
CL MA EV SO EL NI AN C D
New Year’s Eve w/ AJ and the Woods
DECEMBER 31
DECEMBER 31
JANUARY 5
CAPRICORN PART Y ft. TERRY LEE GOFFEE
JONATHAN A N E V EVAN N I NNESS G WITH LETTUCE
TRIBUTE TO JOHNNY CASH
COMING SOON
JANUARY 10
Dec. 21 Dec. 23 Dec. 27 Jan. 17 Jan. 19 Jan. 24 Jan. 25 Jan. 27 Feb. 1 Feb. 5
BUY TICKETS AT
JANUARY 12
Ohio City Singers w/ Alexis Antes Boys From County Hell w/ Mary’s Lane Bruce In The USA (Tribute to Bruce Springsteen) Cory Wong Cambridge Room Fayrewether Russell Dickerson & Carly Pearce w/ Logan Mize Dylan Scott w/ Seth Ennis Senses Fail & The Amity Affliction w/ Belmont, Silent Planet Young Dolph Brasstracks Cambridge Room
JANUARY 23
Feb. 5 Feb. 6 Feb. 8 Feb. 9 Feb. 10 Feb. 11 Feb. 13 Feb. 15 Feb. 16 Feb. 17
Greensky Bluegrass w/ Billy Strings - In association with Beachland Ballroom The Devil Makes Three w/ Lost Dog Street Band Led Zeppelin 2 (Tribute to Led Zeppelin) Here Come The Mummies Dorothy w/ Spirit Animal Metric w/ July Talk Jacquees Hosted by Micah Dixon music by DJ Ryan Wolf Cherub w/ Mosie Tom Segura (early show 7pm / late show 10pm) Masonic Cleveland Anderson East - Presented by 91.3 The Summit Buy tickets at Ticketmaster.com or 216-523-BLUE
MASONIC CLEVELAND: 3615 Euclid Ave, Cleveland OH 44115 HOUSE OF BLUES: 308 Euclid Ave, Cleveland OH 44114 masoniccleveland.com / houseofblues.com | clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
31
MUSIC FINDING HER PURPOSE Singer-songwriter Jessica Lea Mayfield talks jail time, discovering inner strength By Laura Morrison Photo courtesy of ATO Records
SINGER-SONGWRITER JESSICA Lea Mayfield says she’s not sure why she’s in jail. But she’s currently calling collect from a Davidson County holding facility in Nashville on a pay phone she says smells strongly of barf. “I’m not supposed to be here,” the Kent native says. “I’m here because of insane circumstances. Today is a day I have to be strong. I know the right thing has to happen sometime, and this is a story that will help someone else.” The past year has been hard; actually, the past five years have been hard. As her musical success has progressed, her personal life has devolved. And a year since taking her darkest secrets public, she knows she can’t take any of it back. First came the Instagram post in July 2017: “I’ve struggled with posting this, but feel it’s necessary. Last week, I had a surgery for a broken shoulder related to a domestic violence incident. I had been suffering with this injury (and others that still require surgeries) for three years. This is not uncommon … My silence helps no one except the person who did this to me.” Then came the release that September of her fourth studio record Sorry is Gone, a heartbreaking yet hopeful work dedicated to the perseverance of the human spirit in the face of her exhusband’s abuses. She toured behind the album through early 2018. But then her beloved dogs suddenly died (something she also posted on Instagram), which the police later told her was a poisoning, she says. She suspects the culprit is the person who physically and mentally abused her for years. She says that since then, it’s been hard to leave her home and that she’s only wanted to squirrel away. She canceled most tour dates. Then, today, while attending a court hearing with her current boyfriend, she says she was hauled out, handcuffed and told there was a warrant out for her arrest. “You’d think I’d be livid or angry,” she says. “I feel sad and sorry for the
32
person who is no doubt behind this.” When the call came earlier this year to do the Beachland Ballroom show on Friday, she says she was hesitant. “But I want to live my life, and I want to play music, and I don’t want to be scared of anybody,” Mayfield says. “I want to come home and do a show for my friends and family and the people who were there since the beginning.” Growing up playing in her
the Avett Brothers. Her 2010 single, “Our Hearts Are Wrong” garnered serious play on college rock stations across the country. Critics and fans alike took notice of her sparse, rock vibe and melancholic vocals. Along with the rise in profile came an increasingly overprotective partner, whom she says micromanaged every move she made, down to the songs she listened to and the food she ate. “I call those the bunker years,”
JESSICA LEA MAYFIELD | EMILY KEENER 8 P.M., FRIDAY, DEC. 21, BEACHLAND BALLROOM, 15711 WATERLOO RD., 216-383-1124. TICKETS: $18, BEACHLANDBALLROOM.COM
parents’ bluegrass band alongside her brother David, a wonderful singer-songwriter in his own right, Mayfield has been making music on stage essentially since she can remember. Her teenage years were full of sketchy shows and also lastminute opener gigs, including at the Beachland, just trying to be heard. Eventually, she started making music with Dan Auerbach and later
| clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
she says, “I was so closed off.” Since the release of the record, she says she’s found her purpose. “I told everybody what happened with me,” she says. “I now have this job and obligation to continue to share my life. I’ve gotten so many messages from women who say that seeing me keep going helps them. That’s gotta be why I’m here.” Through it all she says she’s
learned how to protect herself, but that there are also people out there who have her back. There was a time she believed she was alone, because that was what someone told her. That was a lie. “I’ve learned I love life,” she says. “I want to be alive.” She also wants to continue to make music, and is currently working on a bunch of projects she’s not at liberty to discuss yet. In the meantime, she’s focused on her upcoming Cleveland show. Mayfield loves the holidays and says the Beachland show may be more Christmas-tinged than anticipated. “I’ll be dressed Christmassy; I’ll have spirit,” she promises. Expect also to hear her version of Loretta Lynn’s “To Heck with Ole Santa Claus,” a single released just last holiday season, somewhere in the mix. There’s much to celebrate, including freedom from the slammer. After hours behind bars the day of our interview, bond was paid, and she sent a text: “I’m free!”
lmorrison@clevescene.com scene@clevescene.com @clevelandscene t@lowesays
P O H S G THE GRO
D HTS LEVELASN C , D P.GS V L B H S ID HT 21.5588 GROG O L C U E 5 8 7 2 216.3
FRI 12/21
THE WHISKEY HOLLOW JOEY AICH
2875 EUCLID HEIGHTS BLVD CLEVELAND HEIGHTS WWW.BSIDELIQUORLOUNGE.COM
SAT 12/22
#,%6%,!.$ 3%33)/.3 02%3%.43
35.
OTTAWA CAPTAIN KIDD MUAMIN COLLECTIVE
2%$ ",!#+ '2%%. #(2)34-!3
0/,!23
4(% 6).$93s#/229 -)#(!%,3
34/+% 0/05,)s$* #!.$) &2%3#!
(90% " #(2)34-!3
MOPACINO & FRIENDS ,!9:)% "/.%s!, &!4:
LO-PAN 2%"2%!4(%2
7% ,)6% "9 .)'(4 '//3%$
THU 12/20
35.
COPPER THIEVES INT’L /2!.'% !.)-!,
BRENT KIRBY "2!84/. 4!9,/2
"%7!2%7/,6%3
!,933! "/9$ -)#(%,,% '!7
TUE 12/25
FRI 1/11
'2/' 3(/0 &2%% 3(/7 7%%+%.$
SAT 1/5
7%$
3!4 0-
DAVE HILL
FRI 2/8
AFTERFUNK with UNCLE GNARLY 3!4
EYE 15%%. /& (%,, ",//$9 3(/7 !,"5-
7%$
80’S DANCE NIGHT LIVE: FOOTLOOSE $* $2 15)..s$/..)% ,9.%%
BAS 2%88 ,)&% 2!*
WED 12/26
THU 1/17
FRI 2/15
&!4 "!#+ -!.'/
$9.!-/ ,/6%
-%-"%23 /& %+//34)+ (//+!( 9/3%-)'(4
/2%'/. 30!#% 42!), /& $//-
FRI 12/28
3!4
TUE 1/22
FRI 2/22
SAT 1/26
CHIP THA RIPPER QUENTIN MILLER
&2)
VOIVOD YOB !-%.2!
THE SOFT MOON HIDE 35.
VIRTUAL NYE #(52#( /& $25- "!33
MUTTS 3(!7. 3(%,"9
#5-5,53 %.4%24!).-%.4 34%%,9!2$ 3/5.$3934%- 2!0452% 345$)/3
3!.3 2%"%,,)/. '2/' 3(/0 &2%% 3(/7 7%%+%.$
TICKETS TO GROG SHOP EVENTS ARE AVAILABLE THROUGH
^^^ [PJRL[Ã…` JVT
CHERRY GLAZERR 0!,%(/5.$
,).'5! )'./4!
-/.
2%$ 2/3% 0!.)# 0%!#(#52,3s-%,,/78!#4
45%
MAGIC GIANT #!34,%#/-%2
35. .%7 9%!23 %6% 02%'!-%
OBNOX 3-/+% 3#2%%.
!#45!, &/2-
VACATIONER -/.34%2 2!,,9 TINDER LIVE with LANE MOORE
&2)
MARTY FRIEDMAN )--/24!, '5!2$)!.
-/.$/ 3,!$% '2!.$ ,92)#!, !5$)/
PRINCEMAS &%!4 $* $!22)#+ '2!.4
# ,%6%, "!,!.#%$ "2%!+&!34
SAT 2/16
BENNY THE BUTCHER *!9 +)#+3 3!4
MO’MOJO THE ARK BAND *!( -%33%.'%23
CHOLLY #/50 $% '2!#%
TOKEN "%47%%. 3/-%7(%2% 4/52
FRI 1/18
THE KATZ PAJAMAS
4(5
+ 2//3%6%,4 )..!.%4 *!-%3s#/22%9 #
LITZ 4(% #!4 3 -%/7
THU 12/27
4(5
THE BRUMMIES 4(% -!3/. $)342)#4 0/2/
THU 2/7
JARET REDDICK /& "/7,).' &/2 3/50 "/""9 6!5'(.
Twitter & Instagram @BSIDECOVENTRY
-!29 3!.4/2! (/34%$ "9 */(. "254/.
DJ CHOP 02%3%.43 XMAS NIGHT OUT LAND OF PANDA ACID CATS
Happy Hour Every Day 6—9 PM
7%$ 4(5 FRI 1/11 3!4 3!4 45% 35. 35. 4(5 3!4 35. 3!4 45% 7%$ &2) 3!4 45% 4(5 &2) 45% &2) &2) -/. 45% 35.
$)342!#4%$s-OOD "OREDs2ULE /F 9OUNG *!-%3 %--%44 "!.$s5PTIGHT 3UGAR @ 3 $!.#% .)'(4 ,)6% &OOTLOOSE W $* $R 1UINN 0- 3#(//, /& 2/#+ '2!$ 3#(//, 0- 9/)$s4ERMINAL ,OVERSs3AM 'OLDBERG */.!4(!. "2/7.s%ASY ,IVING #ULTURE .).%49./7 3(/7#!3% 4( !6%s!JA 5./4(%!#4)6)34 -ASS !PPEAL 3TARTING W &!3(!7.s3TRO !* -)4#(%,,s-ARTEEN 7(/ 7%%+,9 s ,)6% 0/$#!34 "RAVO!RTIST PRESENTS 3%4 )4 /&& 0).%'2/6% ˆ3/,$ /54 -!'')% 2/3% 4(% %80%.$!",%3s"ALLYHOOs+ASH D /UT GRANDSON !,, 4(%- 7)4#(%3s0LAGUE 6ENDOR 6(3 #/,,%#4)/. -!8 &2/34 4/+9/ 0/,)#% #,5" 4(% #/!4(!.'%23s3ISTER 3MIRK ,!$9 ,!-" ,!52! *!.% '2!#% 4(% $%6/52).' -/4(%23 (%!,4(s,ADY ,AMB
WEDNESDAY 12.19 LAST MINUTE MARKET (7-11pm) KISS ALL HIPSTERS CLE (9pm) Indie Rock Dance Party THURSDAY 12.20 THE HOOKUP (10pm) College ID night with DJ MIKE FILLY FRIDAY 12.21 AFTERGLOW (10pm) ‘90s NIGHT w/DJ GUILTY PLEASURES SATURDAY 12.22 BASEMENT (10pm) An Ugly Sweater R&B Experience! SUNDAY 12.23 OPEN STAGE SOUND SYSTEM (7pm) Full Band Open Mic Night Hosted by BIRD DOG & XELA UGLY SWEATER HOLIDAY PARTY w/DJ FLUGAZY (11pm) MONDAY 12.24 CHRISTMAS EVE SHITSHOW KARAOKE Featuting Kathy’s world famous boozy wassail! TUESDAY 12.25 LYRICAL RHYTHMS CHRISTMAS
;PJRL[Z JHU IL W\YJOHZLK MVY HSS ZOV^Z H[ [OL JS\I ^P[OV\[ H ZLY]PJL MLL I` WOVUL MVY H Z\YJOHYNL VY H[ HU` VM [OL MVSSV^PUN SVJH[PVUZ!
BRITTANY’S RECORD SHOP *SL]LSHUK ,90, :;9,,; .<0;(9: >PSSV\NOI` 3667 ;YLTVU[ 4@ 405+»: ,@, 9,*69+: 3HRL^VVK 9,*69+ 9,=63<;065 *SL]LSHUK /LPNO[Z 9,*69+ :/67 >PSSV^PJR :8<(9, 9,*69+: (RYVU ;/, =05@3 .966=, )LKMVYK
| clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
33
34
| clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
LIVEWIRE
all the live music you should see this week Photo by Joseph D. Stec / Stechouse Photography
WED
12/19
10x3 Singer/Songwriter Showcase hosted by Brent Kirby (in the Wine Bar): 8 p.m. Brothers Lounge. Broken Ornaments: 7 p.m., $12. Bop Stop. Pete Cavano and Joe Hunter: 7 p.m., $15. Bop Stop. Church of the Lazy Bastards/Jake Dunn and the Blackbirds: 8 p.m., $8. Beachland Tavern. Mopacino & Friends Present the Hype B4 Christmas Featuring Layzie Bone of BTNH/Al Fatz/ John Doe: 9 p.m., $15 ADV, $20 DOS. Grog Shop.
THU
12/20
5j Barrow: Eryn Murman formed 5j Barrow in 2011 when she met bandmate Jason Hite in San Jose, California. They had worked on a play together and discovered they had much in common. Murman, who grew up in Lakewood, once told us her upbringing in “a really creative, very supportive of the arts family” gave her the motivation to pursue a career as an actress and singer. Named Best Band in NY after winning the Greene Space WNYC/WQXR’s Battle of the Boroughs 2014, the group released its debut album, From the Dim Sweet Light, that same year and has toured steadily ever since. (Jeff Niesel) 8 p.m., $15. Nighttown. Adrian + Meredith/The Luckey Ones/Wesley Who: 8 p.m., $8. CODA. Copper Thieves INT’L/Orange Animal/Bewarewolves: 8:30 p.m., $6 ADV, $8 DOS. Grog Shop. Chris Hatton’s Musical Circus (in the Wine Bar): 8 p.m., free. Brothers Lounge. Jam Night with the Bad Boys of Blues: 9 p.m., free. Brothers Lounge. Krud/Tit/Mount Nepal: 9 p.m., $5. Happy Dog. Lilieae/Sway Cherry Sway/ Static on the Radio/Filler (in the Locker Room): 8 p.m., $10. Mahall’s 20 Lanes. Marys Lane/Pat Shepard: 7:30 p.m., $10 ADV, $15 DOS. Music Box Supper Club. Night Ranger: 7:30 p.m., $34.50$59.50. Hard Rock Rocksino.
The indie band 5j Barrow performs at Nighttown. See: Thursday.
Plattenbau/Racket Man: 8:30 p.m., $10 ADV, $12 DOS. Beachland Tavern.
FRI
12/21
A Very Chestertons Christmas III Album Release/Jason Patrick Meyers/Emily & Ivory: 8 p.m., $5. CODA. Ray Charles Christmas & More: 8 p.m., $8 ADV, $10 DOS. Music Box Supper Club. Neil Diamond Tribute with The Diamond Project: 7:30 p.m., $15 ADV, $18 DOS. Music Box Supper Club. Andre Cavor & The Cavor Project: 8:30 p.m., $20. Nighttown. Bob Frank CD Release Party: 7:30 p.m., $15. Bop Stop. Goldmines/Shitbox Jimmy/Xanny Stars: 9 p.m., $6. Happy Dog. Jazz Jam Session: 11 p.m., free. Bop Stop. Jessica Lea Mayfield/Emily Keener: 8 p.m., $18. Beachland Ballroom. Ohio City Singers/Alexis Antes: 8 p.m., $18 ADV, $20 DOS. House of Blues. Snowed In VI with Knocked Loose/ Knuckle Puck/Harms Way/Hot
Mulligan/Vein/Kublai Khan/ Belmont/Sanction/Sharptooth: 5:30 p.m. Agora Theatre. The Vital Organs/Leaf Borbie & The Family Tree/Chimps: 7 p.m., $10. Mahall’s 20 Lanes. Jackie Warren: 10:30 p.m., free. Nighttown. Whiskey Daredevils/The Torments: 9 p.m., $10. Beachland Tavern. The Whiskey Hollow/Joey Aich/ The Vindys/Corry Micheals: 8:30 p.m., $10 ADV, $12 DOS. Grog Shop.
SAT
12/22
Automatic Weapons/The Katy: 8:30 p.m., $10 ADV, $12 DOS. Beachland Tavern. Moises Borges: 8 p.m., $10. CODA. Reggie Kelly/Joe Hunter Trio: 8:30 p.m., $15. Nighttown. Ladies ’80s with Tiffany/DJ RedI/’80s Proof: 8 p.m., $12 ADV, $15 DOS. House of Blues. Ottawa/Captain Kidd/Polars: 8:30 p.m., $10. Grog Shop. Shagg/Bloody Show/The Missed: 9 p.m., $6. Happy Dog. Signals Midwest/Annabel/Curtail: 8 p.m., $10. Mahall’s 20 Lanes.
Michael Stanley & the Resonators/ Donnie Iris and the Cruisers: Despite his recent health issues, local singer-guitarist Michael Stanley continues to be productive. He’s put out an album a year for the past six years, self-releasing the discs through his own Line Level label. Expect to hear MSB favs as well as a good sampling of Stanley’s solo material tonight at a show that pairs him with singerguitarist Donnie Iris, another Midwestern rocker who’s become a legacy act and still draws well in Northeast Ohio. (Niesel) 8 p.m., $48.50-$75. Hard Rock Rocksino. Tropical Cleveland – Hot Latin Holiday Party: 9:30 p.m. Music Box Supper Club. Jackie Warren: 10:30 p.m., free. Nighttown. We Finished Last/Hogan’s Last Smash/Northern Weather/ The Magnavox’s (in the Locker Room): 8 p.m., $10. Mahall’s 20 Lanes. Dan Wilson’s Electric Ensemble: 8 p.m., $20. Bop Stop. Winter Warm Up 2018 Featuring Herobust/Stylust/Freddy Todd/ Defunk: 9 p.m. Agora Theatre. The Wizards of Winter: 7 p.m., $29$49. Akron Civic Theatre.
SUN
12/23
Frank Amato’s Christmas Jam: 7 p.m., $15 ADV, $18 DOS. Music Box Supper Club. Boys from the County Hell/Marys Lane: 8 p.m., $18 ADV, $2 DOS. House of Blues. Boys of Fall/’90s Kids/Seconds to Live/Third Floor Underground: 7 p.m., $10. Mahall’s 20 Lanes. Shirley Cook/Eddie Baccus Sr.: 7 p.m., $15. Nighttown. Garage Rock Festivus 6! featuring the Alarm Clocks/DJ Alr!ght: Local garage rockers the Alarm Clocks existed for close to three short years in the ’60s before calling it quits after releasing only one single. And yet those years left such a lasting impression that the band reunited 13 years ago to start recording and touring again. The band recorded its first (and until recently only) single “Yeah!”/“No Reason to Complain” live in the studio in 1966, and some 300 copies were made (the original pressings have since become collectors’ items that sell for up to | clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
35
LIVEWIRE
•Get Your Bike Serviced To Be Ready For All Your Biking Adventures •Lots Of Bikes, Clothing & Accessories ON SALE
SALES, SERVICE, REPAIRS FAT & MOUNTAIN BIKE RENTALS. 665 BROADWAY AVE., BEDFORD • (440) 735-BIKE (2453) Located less than one mile from the Bedford Reservation singletrack bike trail
KentStage The
=HGÍM FBLL MA>L> @K>:M LAHPL MB<D>ML HG L:E> GHP
Keller Williams Pettygrass Sat Jan 19
Bob James
Sun Feb.24
Cowboy Mouth, Nathan & The Zydeco Cha Chas Fri Feb 15
Loudon Wainwright III Thur Feb 28
Hard Day’s Night Sat. Feb 23
Stephen Bishop & Robbie Dupree Sat Mar 2
$1,000). With its lyrics about cruising for women and walking down the streets on a Saturday afternoon, “Yeah!” doesn’t boast particularly sophisticated lyrics. The same goes for “No Reason to Complain,” another song about looking for quick and easy love. Yet the rawness — characterized by Mike Pierce’s high-pitched yells and Boehm’s abrasive guitar — is distinctive. Both tracks have become iconic. Expect to hear them tonight when the group performs a rare live concert. (Niesel) 8:30 p.m., $8 ADV, $10 DOS. Beachland Tavern. The Modern Electric’s Northcoast Christmas 2018 with Mollo Rilla/Holden Laurence: 8:30 p.m., $12. Beachland Ballroom. Mike Petrone (Piano Sing-Along): 5:30 p.m., free. Brothers Lounge. A Red, Black & Green Christmas with MuAmin Collective/ Revolution Brass Band/Stoke/ Populi/DJ Candi Fresca: The first time the guys in the local hip-hop outfit Muamin Collective put on a holiday show, they simply intended to “do something big for when people come home,” as the guys told us a few years a back. They hosted their first show and it turned out great. They’ve kept doing it every year since. This year’s lineup features an eclectic group of locals, including Revolution Brass Band, Stoke, Populi and DJ Candi Fresca. (Niesel) 8:30 p.m., $10. Grog Shop. Satin Doll Orchestra (in the Supper Club): 4 p.m., free. Music Box Supper Club. Herb Wilborn Jr.: 7 p.m., $20. Bop Stop.
MON The Earls of Leicester Tue. Mar 5
Pat Metheny SIde Eye Sat. Mar 23
Graham Nash
Sat Mar 16 @ Akron Civic
David Wilcox & Mary Nielson Chapman Fri. Mar 29
Lonesome Traveler w/Peter Yarrow Fri Mar. 22
Carbon Leaf
Sat April 20
ALL SHOWS AT THE KENT STAGE UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED 36
Tickets available at thekentstage.com or 877-987-6487 GMK [w cw i {{ © a{ B e~ JJHJF | clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
\h_ZWoB Z[Y[cX[h HG © NPFFfc
SHOUT!
NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY WITH
12/24
A Funky Xmas with 4 DJs: 9 p.m., free. Now That’s Class.
Zeehi ef[d Wj Mfc XWdZ Wj OPIFfc j y { _ y z{ P
TUE
12/25
11th Annual Blue Lunch Holiday Latke Party with Omar Coleman/Tom Moore: 7:30 p.m., $12 ADV, $15 DOS. Beachland Tavern. DJ Chop Presents Christmas Night Out: 10 p.m., $10 ADV, $15 DOS. Grog Shop.
scene@clevescene.com t@clevelandscene
©fWii[Z Z=e[klh[i MCOfc ©bWj[ d_]^j f_ppW ©^Wji < fWhjo \Wlehi ©]bem d[YabWY[i < mWdZi ©_Y[ bk][
l m{x { | j y { < Z{ w GREAT MUSIC, FOOD & DRINK Book Your Special Events With Us! 1414 RIVERSIDE DRIVE LAKEWOOD HGLCMLMCKHFH © l ~y xDy
| clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
37
STELLA’S MUSIC CLUB
Rockin’ New Year’s Eve
Archtop Thinline Dreadnought Orchestra Auditorium A Style F Style Oval sound hole Solid body See them all at our Kent store!
(with purchase of ticket)
135 S. Water St., Kent woodsysmusic.com 330-673-1525
CALL FOR LIVE MUSIC FOR THE HOLIDAYS! CALL NOW 216-881-1802 3 6 3 1
P E R K I N S
V I S I T
38
A V E .
O U R
| clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
|
S U I T E
W E B S I T E
A T
4 C
-
N O R T H
|
C L E V E L A N D ,
m u s i c t a l e n t o f c l e v e l a n d . o r g
O H I O
BAND OF THE WEEK
CLEVELAND’S FINEST SMOKE & VAPE SHOP!
BOB FRANK By Jeff Niesel MEET THE BAND: Bob Frank (vocals,
guitar) BLUEGRASS AND BEYOND: Born in
Cleveland, guitarist and producer Bob Frank has lived in Northeast Ohio his whole life. He was working as a radio salesman but quickly realized “that was not what I wanted to do.” After that didn’t pan out, he became the musical director for a local play. In the wake
“Married Woman Blues” and the boisterous “Lucky So Far.” “I wrote ‘Lucky So Far’ when I turned 65, and I wanted a brass band for that,” says Frank. “I got the three guys from Blue Lunch. I also added my best friend Norman Tischler to play clarinet and Bill Watson to play tuba. They just nailed it. You couldn’t have asked for a better brass band. We cut that live. I was in a different room with headphones, but we nailed
AMAZING SELECTION OF GLASS PIPES & ACCESSORIES! Detox Products | Vape Juices Vape Devices | Cigars Hand Painted Creation Rolling Trays Rolling Papers | Wraps Hookah Supplies
Photo by Herbert Ascherman Jr.
12120 MADISON AVE.LAKEWOOD 216.801.4343 | ohiopipedreams.com
Talented Touch Studio CLEVELAND’S BEST MASSAGE
216-298-4099
www.clevelandsden.com
$10 OFF MASSAGE WITH AD! 5107 DETROIT AVE. | CLEVELAND
of that, Frank formed the Hotfoot Quartet and then played in a reggae band for about four years before joining the local swing/jump blues act Blue Lunch in 1995. Frank has also played with local heroes such as Robert Lockwood Jr., Wallace Coleman, Howard Armstrong and British bluesman John Baldry. MAKING HIS SOLO DEBUT: Two years
ago, Blue Lunch signed a deal with RipCat Records, and Frank decided it was a good time to pitch a solo album. His solo debut, True Stories and Outrageous Lies, has just come out on the label. “I cut almost all the solo songs that are just me and a guitar on the album on the first take,” says Frank. “I went into Audio Recording in Solon one afternoon, and I had eight tracks done by the end of the day.” The album features 11 originals as well as a cover of the traditional tune “Stavin’ Chain.” WHY YOU SHOULD HEAR HIM: Standouts
on the album include the twangy
it live.” Local musicians such as Watson (Numbers Band, Rachael Brown), David Krause (Tiny Alice, Blue Drivers), Ray McNeice and Nancy Redd will contribute to the upcoming show. “I’ll have people moving on and off the stage,” says Frank. “John Adams, who beats the drum at the Indians’ games, and I will do a guitar and bass drum thing together, and Ray McNeice will do some poetry. I hope to do more solo shows down the road. I had never done them before because I was always scared to, but I entered the Blues Challenge a couple of years ago as a solo artist, and I won. So that changed my perspective.”
Melt the Fat Away! Say goodbye to the bulge—for good. TruSculpt 3D is a revolutionary way to permanently eliminate fat and tighten skin without surgery. No pain. No downtime.
WHERE YOU CAN HEAR HIM:
facebook.com/bobfrank WHERE YOU CAN SEE HIM: Bob Frank performs at 7:30 p.m. on Friday, Dec. 21, at the Bop Stop.
jniesel@clevescene.com t@jniesel
Available now at Dr. Laurel’s PRP Bar Call 216-245-6682 to schedule a free consultation 3439 W. Brainard Rd., Woodmere DrLaurelsPRPBar.com | clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
39
WE WENT OUT WHEN YOU COULDN’T. CATCH UP ON LAST NIGHT WITH SCENE’S EVENT SLIDESHOWS. ONLY AT CLEVESCENE.COM
532 W. MARKET ST. AKRON, OH 330-376-7171
THIS FRIDAY, DEC 21
GERALD ALBRIGHT’S FAMILY CHRISTMAS
New Year’s Eve
SCENE
TWO BIG SHOW PACKAGES
See website or call for info
FRI JAN.18
Sit down with your guests.
VIVIAN GREEN
Advertise with SCENE. Call 216-241-7550 for more information.
SAT JAN 19
CON FUNKSHUN SAT FEB 9
FRANKIE VALLI THE JERSEY FOUR & THE TRIBUTE BEAT BAND SEASONS
SHOW TICKETS AVAILABLE ONLINE! www.thetangier.com BANQUET FACILITIES AVAILABLE FOR EVENTS
40
| clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
$5 mules HAPPY HOUR
till 8p
m DAI
LY
SLASH
BOOK YOUR PARTY TODAY FOR FREE.
LOVES OUR GAMEROOM!
GO TO TIMEWARPBAR.COM FOR RESERVATIONS
• BIG BALL BOWLING • BILLIARDS • SHUFFLE PUCK • GOLDEN TEE • POWER PUTT • NBA JAM
BACHELORETTE, CORPORATE, BIRTHDAY OR ANY OCCASION.
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 21
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 22
FACTION
BREAKFAST CLUB
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 28
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 29
TRICKY DICK DISCO INFERNO & THE COVER UPS
“Coolest local live band venue I’ve seen in a long time” - Slash
MONDAY, DECEMBER 31
NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY!
THAT 80’s BAND
Happy Hour!
POWER HOUR!
KARAOKE
Every Day
sun-Thurs 8-9p
THURSDAY & SUNDAY
Until 8pm!
$2.00 Drinks!
9pm-1am
| clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
41
OFF ONE FREE ANY10% DVD, GAME OR VHS
ADULT MOVIE RENTAL with 2 or more paid. Expires 12/31/18
purchase of $25 or more. Expires 12/31/18
NEW TIME CLOSINGM 10P
TWO BUSTY BABES
YOUR FANTASY COME TRUE! NUDE FULL BODY MASSAGE WITH TWO GORGEOUS BUSTY BI-FRIENDLY BEAUTIES 45 Min for only $120
Call Today at 216-359-1169 Available Monday - Saturday 11am-10pm | Closed Sunday
CASH PAYMENT ONLY! 42
| clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
| clevescene.com ccllev leevves escceeene ne.com ne .ccom om | December Deeceem D mbber er 19 19 - 25, 2018 2018
433
HALF SAVAGE LOVE HOUR FREE QUICKIES By Dan Savage
I’m a kinky single woman who keeps attracting the wrong men for me — specifically, submissive guys into face-sitting. I’m submissive myself, and face-sitting is not a turn-on for me. I think it’s a size-related issue — a my-size-related issue. I’m a full-figured/ curvy woman with a big butt. Granted, it’s a fabulous butt, but my butt sends the wrong signals, apparently. I’ve tried several times to word my FetLife and other dating profiles so that I’ll attract dominant men, but the messages from submissive wannabe face-sittees pour in. Dating when you’re not thin is hard enough. Help, please. — Baby Got Back
Real Singles, Real Fun...
1-216-377-6292 More Numbers: 1-800-926-6000 Livelinks.com, 18+
You’ve worded your dating profiles to attract Doms, BGB, but it doesn’t sound like you’ve worded your profiles to repel — and crush the hopes of — submissive wannabe face-sittees. Let’s fix that: “I get a lot of messages from submissive guys into face-sitting. I’ve got a great butt, I realize, but I’m a sub, I’m not into face-sitting, and I only want to hear from Dom guys.” Some submissive guys will message you anyway — letting you know they have a hard time taking no for an answer, BGB, so not guys you’d ever want to meet up with IRL. Delete their messages and block their profiles.
While having sex one night with my girlfriend, I pulled out a vibrator for the first time. She asked whether I (a guy) had used it with a previous partner (another woman). I conceded that I had. She refused to let me use it on her on the grounds that it had already been inside someone else. I pointed out that since I am not a virgin, her objection did not seem principled: My penis has been in someone else and she lets me put that in her. Nevertheless, she remained adamant. Do you think she was being reasonable? — Very Interested Boyfriend Enquires
44
| clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
I do not, VIBE, but since you don’t want to stick your old vibrator in me — presumably — what I think is irrelevant. When it comes to who gets to stick what in our bodies, we’re allowed to be arbitrary, inconsistent, capricious, and even illogical. That’s why, “But my dick has been in other women and you let me stick that
in you!” isn’t quite the slam-dunk argument you think it is. So toss that old vibrator and get yourself a new one — but save the packaging so you can pass it off as new with your next girlfriend.
My cousin was a victim of revenge porn. A bitter ex-boyfriend of his sent several videos they’d made to everyone on my cousin’s contact list, including me. I’m a straight woman who prefers gay male porn, and my cousin and his ex are beautiful men — they’re both dancers — and I couldn’t help myself: I watched the videos, more than once, before deleting them. So how bad a person am I? — Sick And Wrong You’re a better person than the asshole ex who sent those videos to everyone your poor cousin knows, SAW, but a worse person than those who deleted the videos without wanking over them first.
Your life is a monstrous affront to God, and your ridiculous “advice” column encourages people to act on their worst impulses. Advice column? Take the “D” away! You write A VICE column! I was involved in the gay life once, Mr. Savage, but the love of Jesus delivered me from homosexual sin. Embrace Christ, and you too can be delivered. I pray for you every day. Someone has to. — Christ Even Saves Savages P.S. I have read what you’ve written about your mother, who you claim to have loved. Your mother died relatively young. I’m not suggesting God punished you by cutting your mother’s life short. No, your mother died of shame. You pray for me, CESS, and I’ll gay for you — because all the delicious dick you left behind when Jesus raptured you out of homosexual sin aren’t gonna suck themselves, are they? P.S. “Jesus is love,” my Catholic mother liked to say. If she was right, CESS, he surely finds the things going into my mouth less offensive than the shit coming out of yours.
mail@savagelove.net t@fakedansavage
FUN SEXY SINGLES
ADULT GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS
Send Message FREE! 216-912-2222 Use FREE Code 3229, 18+
Hold your private appointments at my westside home Call Buffy 216-235-0052
HOT LOCAL URBAN SINGLES!
PHONE LINES 100’s OF SEXY LATINO SINGLES Meet Hot Latin Locals! Get your FREE trial! 18+ 216.626.7777 440.325.7777 www.questchat.com
Are looking to hook up now! Try it FREE! 18+ 216.367.1010 / 440.424.0303 www.metrovibechatline.com
Make a Connection. Real People, Flirty Chat Call FREE! 216-377-6292 or 800-926-6000 www.livelinks.com 18+
ALL KINDS OF SINGLES Straight 216-912-2222 Curious 216-912-6000 FREE Code 3227, 18+
MEET GAY & BI LOCALS
Browse & Respond FREE! 216-912-6000 Use FREE Code 2642, 18+
CALL NOW, MEET TONIGHT! FREE to try! 18+ 216.626.7777 / 440.325.7777 Other Cities: 1.888.257.5757 www.questchat.com
EXPLICIT CHAT WITH SEXY LOCALS
FIVE STAR MASSAGE by Vanessa
5’6 long blonde hair with blue eyes. I specalize in deep tissue massage.
Where Local Girls Go Wild!
Call me to schedule @
WHERE SINGLES MEET
216-273-5802 +++++
Call 216-377-6290 or 800-700-6666 Try FREE! www.redhotdateline.com
Get your FREE TRIAL! 18+ CALL The Night Exchange NOW! 216.502.4388 / 440.499.6400 www.nightexchange.com
+++++
Listen to Ads & Reply FREE! 216-912-2222 FREE Code 3228, 18+
Who are you after dark? Free trial for men, always free for ladies.
1-216-377-6290
More Numbers: 1-800-700-6666 Redhotdateline.com 18+
FREE TRIAL
Discreet Chat Guy to Guy
216.626.0320
WE WENT OUT WHEN YOU COULDN’T.
Your premier choice for classy & fun entertainment providing firstrate entertainment for all occasion, including a wet & wild bachelor parties, divorce parties, birthday celebrations & retirement parties! Whatever the reason is that you request our services, rest assured that we have what you’re looking for! Our carefully selected adorable playmates cater to any occasion! We offer a diverse selection of exotic, classy, sophisticated & gorgeous ladies for you to choose from.
EVENT SLIDESHOWS. ONLY AT CLEVESCENE.COM | clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
45
WISH YOU WERE HERE. • WALK-INS WELCOME • Relaxation has never been better! Low rates, great friendly staff. Cleveland
(216)671-3813 3834 W. 140 ST. | Cleveland, OH 44111
HOURS: Mon ~ Fri : 12PM ~ 10 PM Sat : 12 PM ~ 8 PM | Sun 1pm - 7pm
MISSED ANhiring. EVENT? We’re CATCH UP WITH SLIDESHOWS. CHECK OUT OPENINGS ONLY AT CLEVESCENE.COM AT CLEVESCENE.COM
SIT DOWN WITH YOUR GUESTS.
(440)545-1213 7043 Pearl Rd | Middleburg Heights | 44130 allendeshaunwleeness.com
CARING MASSAGE Days & Evenings, weekends. Warm candlelight atmosphere. Lakewood/West Suburbs Linda 216-221-5935
MASSAGE WITH MARRIED COUPLE! Seniors welcome! No draping required. Hands on instruction. 330-741-0001 No texts please.
Massage - Licensced MASSAGE & BODYWORK Now Open in West Park Call or Text 216-774-4399 Open Daily 11am-8pm
Relaxation Limited 3834 west 140 st Cleveland Ohio 44111 The Relaxation In Town Walk Ins Welcome 216-671-3813 Relaxationlimited.com 12pm -9 pm Mon -Sat
ADVERTISE
WITH SCENE. Call 216-241-7550 for more information.
HOME BUYERS!!!
FREE MONEY!!! DOWN PAYMENT PROGRAM*
Help Wanted NOW HIRING for BRASSICA at the Van Aken District in Shaker Heights! Come and join our busy Sandwich & Salad Shop, known for its exceptional food, nutritious ingredients and remarkably friendly people. Full and part-time hours available. $12+/ hour + Free Meals. Please Apply Online: www.brassicas.com/sh
Bulletin Board WANTS TO PURCHASE
To Buy...or Sell
Call Grizzell *Some restrictions will apply *for those who qualify... we consider... Se Habla Espanol
'//$ #2%$)4 s "!$ #2%$)4 s "!.+2504#9 46
| clevescene.com | December 19 - 25, 2018
PARK PLACE Spacious 1BR and 2BR suites available. Steps from Edgewater Park. Heat included. Off-street parking available. 216-392-5384
PARKSIDE Spacious 1BR and 2BR suites available. Steps from Lakewood Park. Heat included. 216-392-5384
METRO LOFTS APARTMENT Located at 3307 Scranton Rd., in Cleveland. 216-351-6936. 21 Loft Style Apartments Secured Entry Off-Street Parking Available Pets welcome w/ fee Central A/C
Real Estate: West/Suburbs Hedgewood Manor Spacious updated 1 bedroom and 2 bedroom suite, Secured entry, laundry on site. Air conditioning. 440-829-8444.
Real Estate Services WATERBURY Large, remodeled 1br and 2 BR suites. Heat included. Off-street parking available. 216-392-5384.
Rentals: West/Suburbs
WINDSOR 1 BR suites. Backs up to Cleveland Metroparks. Heat Included. Secured Entry. Off-Street Parking Available. 216-392-5384
EDGECLIFF
(for new kitchen, new roof, new carpet, appliances, paint, basement waterproofing, windows, heating & cooling)*
440.342.7355 (SELL)
18900 Detroit Extension Newly Renovated 1-2 Bedroom Apts Heat & Water Included Updated Laundry on Site Off Street Parking Air Conditioning Secure Entry Lake and Park Views Call for our Specials 216-392-5384 *****some restrictions apply*****
minerals and other oil & gas interests. Send details P.O. Box 13557, Denver, CO 80201
BUY YOUR DREAM HOME!!! Plus Get Up To $100k + More*
NEVER EVER EVER BEEN A BETTER TIME TO BUY A HOME!!! Great Low Fixed Interest Rates* When YOUR dreams come true... OUR dreams come true!!!
LAKEWOOD CLIFFS APARTMENTS
Personals MAN SEEKING FEMALE Youngish, Hip, Fit, Attractive, 50ish year old- professional black male, 6ft athletic build. Seeking attractive, fit, fun, professional female of any color & ages 38 to late 40’s (no children). Must be interested in travel, fine dining, fitness, art & compassionate. Seeking a life partner interested in marriage & starting a family. No smokers & no drug users please. Contact Dean at 216-577-8306
Escape into a world of total comfort, relaxation and rejuvenation!
LUXURIOUS EXPERIENCE. AFFORDABLE PRICING
Massage - Certified
Large, upgraded suites. Heat included. Overlooking the metro parks. Free off-street parking available. 216-392-5384
BROOKSIDE OVAL APARTMENT Located on Park Fulton Oval near the Cleveland Metroparks! 216-351-6936 Choose from any of our newly remodeled 1 & 2 bdrm apartments, all w/ modern kitchens & bathrooms. All feature air-conditioning & Garage parking also available. Brookside is located close to I-480, I-71, and I-90, just minutes from downtown Cleveland. Come home to the beautiful park-like setting of Brookside Apartments! You’ll be happy to call Brookside home.
ELBUR Located on a private tree lined street, 1BR and 2BR suites available. Off-street parking available. Heat included. 216-392-5384.
clevescene.com
OHIO’S PREMIER
SMOKE SHOP & TATTOO SUPPLY
OHIO BLOWN GLASS! At Each Location
HEADQUARTERS! ɞVAPORIZERSɞ The Flintstones! GLASS HOUSE EASTLAKE
Ohio’s Own!
FULL LINE OF CLEANSING PRODUCTS
COLLECTABLES!
Large Selection!
MASKS
Full Line of
SILICONE PRODUCTS
CANVAS ART TraysɞT-Shirts BandanasɞSocks Lanyards Dog Toys & Collars CONES TIPS WRAPS TRAYS
CLEVELAND 4264 Pearl Rd. 216.749.3440
Happy Holidays From The Glass House Family!
BARBERTON GIRARD STRONGSVILLE America’s 19097 Drake Rd. 536 W. Tuscarawas 16 N. State St. #1 Incense 440.572.8287 330.753.0500 330.545.8131
EASTLAKE AKRON 32888 Vine St. 1004 Kenmore Blvd. 330.753.3600 440.942.8668
LORAIN
832 Broadway 440.242.4080
AUTHORIZED DEALER
STORES CLOSED CHRISTMAS DAY Limited Hours Christmas Eve
www.glasshouseohio.com
MANSFIELD
532 Park Ave. West 419.522.1695
Fresh SAGE!
5,000 YEARS OF CIVILIZATION REBORN
“Incredible... Groundbreaking!� —MSNBC
ĆŤ ĆŤÄ‚Ä€Ä ÄŠĆŤ ĆŤÄ‘ĆŤ ĆŤ ĆŤ
When was the last time something was so beautiful, it changed your life?
T
he breathtakingly beautiful Shen Yun performance is at once exciting, moving, and inspiring. Like nothing you’ve ever seen. The secret? Shen Yun’s works are steeped in a classical aesthetic and timeless virtues. Its art transcends the trends and tastes of our day. Shen Yun is your ticket to the world of classical Chinese culture that you don’t know. Discover a new realm of divinely inspired beauty and artistic mastery.
“The ancient Chinese wisdom will not only benefit the Chinese people, but also the whole world.� —Ted Kavanau, founding senior producer of CNN Headline News
“Simply gorgeous stage magic. A must-see!� —Broadway World
A FABULOUS GIFT TO ALL!
Playhouse Square, March 2–3 ƍđƍƍ216.241.6000, ShenYun.com