Scene December 18, 2019

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$%#%-"%2 s 6/, .O 25

Dedicated to Free Times founder Richard H. Siegel (1935-1993) and Scene founder Richard Kabat

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| clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

UPFRONT FIRED COUNTY BUDGET DIRECTOR LAWYERS UP, SAYS SHE WAS RETALIATED AGAINST FOR ‘STANDING UP TO CORRUPTION’ THE ADMINISTRATION OF Cuyahoga County executive Armond Budish fired its budget director, Maggie Keenan, last week in an explosive move that could reverberate across the ongoing investigation of county government.

Keenan, in a flurry of emails to Cleveland.com the night of her dismissal, said the county made a mistake firing “the one who knows where all of the bodies are buried.” She characterized the move as retaliation for whistleblowing regarding deaths at the county jail in 2018. She said she was fired only days after she reminded Budish’s chief of staff Bill Mason about retaliatory behavior.

“Think that’s a coincidence?” she wrote.

In a followup email, Keenan wrote that she was going to “sue the shit out of” the county. She promptly retained legal counsel and directed Scene’s inquiries to her attorney, Chris Thorman.

Thorman confirmed to Scene that he had been retained and said he intended to pursue a wrongful termination lawsuit, among other things, on Keenan’s behalf. He said his client had been given no reason for her dismissal other than that the county wanted to move in a “new direction,” and that the evidence would bear out Keenan’s claims.

“Without question, this is retaliation,” he said. “She stood up to corruption in its many forms and lost her job because of it. She was an accomplished employee with nothing in her personnel record to warrant a firing.” — Sam Allard

Cleveland Councilman Booted from County Dems for Republican Endorsement Cleveland city councilman Anthony Brancatelli, who represents Slavic Village and portions of Tremont and Old Brooklyn, has been removed from the Cuyahoga County Democratic Party’s executive committee for endorsing Republican Ron O’Leary in the race for housing court judge last month.

The executive director for the County Dems, Ryan Puente, told Scene that

Photo by Eric Sandy

Sarah Gelsomino, who along with Terry Gilbert represents Fox’s sister, said in a press release, “The point is to reform the system. The jail is still in a state of humanitarian crisis. The county needs to make drastic reforms to keep people safe.”

The lawsuit alleges that jail officials and officers ignored multiple signs that Fox could harm himself, including verbal pleas from Fox himself, and that understaffing meant that officers did not monitor or check in on Fox as often as they should have. — Vince Grzegorek

Brancatelli was removed in accordance with the party’s bylaws, which state that he will be unable to receive a local endorsement in the next election cycle. Per Puente, no one has yet been appointed to fill Brancatelli’s spot on the executive committee.

Brancatelli told Scene that he endorsed O’Leary in light of his record as the incumbent judge, particularly for his work pursuing the right to counsel for evicted tenants. He said that he’d endorsed O’Leary before any Democratic competitors had pulled petitions and that neither his name nor face appeared on any of the judge’s literature.

Nevertheless, O’Leary’s challenger — and ultimate victor — Democrat Mona Scott, filed a formal complaint against him. At a hearing after the election, Brancatelli pleaded his case before the party’s Unity Rules committee, but was denied.

According to Puente, Brancatelli may still run as a Democrat but will have to do so without the benefit of the local party’s imprimatur for one election cycle. It is possible, as Brancatelli advised Scene, that he could run for a federal, state or county position in the short-term without the party’s backing and then run for Cleveland City Council in 2021 — keeping his current seat — with an endorsement. — Allard

County Settles Jail Lawsuit for $140,000, Faces Yet Another Cuyahoga County has and will continue to pay out hefty sums to settle lawsuits brought by inmates of the

troubled jail who have documented and alleged gross misconduct and use of excessive force.

One plaintiff, Corrionne Lawrence, last week reached a settlement with the county for $140,000. Lawrence had filed a federal civil rights lawsuit earlier this year alleging that jail officers beat him, among other retaliatory efforts, because he cooperated with U.S. Marshals in their investigation of the jail.

The Chandra Law Firm, which has a number of other previous and ongoing suits tied to the jail, represented Lawrence and summarized his various contentions in a press release announcing the settlement: s #ONl NED HIM TO A RESTRAINT CHAIR for hours to punish him for speaking Spanish during his booking; s +NOWINGLY ALLOWED HIM TO BE attacked by another inmate being held for the murder of Lawrence’s cousin; s "EAT ,AWRENCE AS HE WAS handcuffed in an elevator with a nonfunctional security camera — and then denied him medical treatment for his injuries; s 4HREATENED TO MACE AND HANG HIM

and, as one correction officer allegedly threatened, “make it look like a suicide;” s 2ETALIATED AGAINST HIM BY threatening him, serving him rotten food, and denying him access to basic hygiene — all for reporting to U.S. Marshals Service investigators these and other abuses.

As this one reached a settlement, the county was dealt a fresh lawsuit filed by the sister of Gregory Fox, an inmate who died in 2018 at MetroHealth days after he was found hanging in his cell.

DIGIT WIDGET 760 MPH Touted hypothetical top speed of hypothetical Hyperloop systems carrying pods of passengers through hypothetical tubes .

288 MPH Current Hyperloop speed record, achieved with a single humansized, human-less, pod on a short track. The team behind the pod had hoped to reach 373 mph, but the “successful” test was stopped after the pod suffered visible damage.

$60 Economy ticket on Amtrak from Cleveland to Chicago, one way.

Hyperloop proponents this week said a Hyperloop ticket would be about two-thirds of an Amtrak ticket, meaning about $ 40 each way.

1 Number of NOACA executive directors who claim that if a Hyperloop connected Chicago and Cleveland, then Cleveland would become a thriving, growing suburb of Chicago. The feasibility study released this week predicts that, in a hyperlooped reality, Chicago’s population would increase by 1 million by 2050 while Cuyahoga County’s would fall 200,000.

scene@clevescene.com t@clevelandscene | clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

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| clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

FEATURE

CHOOSE YOUR OWN CLEVELAND WINTER ADVENTURE

By Scene Staff

It’s wintertime in Cleveland and, you know what?

That’s just perfect. Sure, the cold, the darkness, the wind, the snow will all be around, but you are not going to let it get you down. You’re going to conquer the season. You’re going to embrace it, taking Old Man Winter’s hand and saying, “Let’s go, you pasty grump.

There’s fun to be had. Grab your mittens and don’t waste a second.”

But the city is full of options, and you have to know what to do and what to avoid, because your enthusiasm can quickly fade if you err in your decision making.

So your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to have the perfect winter day. There are pitfalls and roadblocks lurking around every corner, so be careful and choose

wisely. Succeed and you’ll come out the other end with a smile. Fail, and well … .

Start by choosing one of the options below to kick off the day, then follow the instructions underneath to follow along through the page numbers of the “book” (not the page numbers of the paper).

You slept in, and boy did you sleep like a rock. There’s no work in sight today and the whole day stretches before you. Do you …

Head out on a beautiful, snowy hike. (Turn to page 1) Hit Brandywine for some tubing. (Turn to page 2) Head to The Christmas Story House. (Turn to page 3) Hit the Metroparks’ toboggan chutes. (Turn to page 4)

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1 Long walks amid stunning scenes of Northeast Ohio’s natural splendor are not reserved for days with temperatures that start with a 5 or higher. Simply because they look different than they do in summer, those trails you enjoy in the fall are also trails you can enjoy in the winter — because the barren treetops and snow-covered landscape are entirely new, compared to the oranges and yellows and reds of autumn. Plus, there’s less traffic out here in winter, all the better to enjoy some peaceful contemplation.

Whether you’re in the Rocky River Reservation, the Chapin Forest Reservation, making the trek along the Salt Run Trail in the Cuyahoga Valley National Park or somewhere else, a winter walk is ideal for clearing the mind and getting those steps. A couple of hours of this, and you’ve now worked up an appetite. Piping hot soup sounds good. Do you …

Your instinct is to cuddle up on the couch with a blanket and immerse yourself in the warm glow of the TV, but you will not be defeated by winter. You won’t merely fight, you’ll win, by tubing down at the Polar Blast Tubing Park at Brandywine, channeling your inner 10-year-old self, and getting three hours of recreational wintertime fun in for just $25. Sweaty and tired at the end, it’s time to get some calories into your body. Do you …

Head to Mason’s for ramen. (Turn to page 11)

Focus on some refreshing adult beverages at Market Garden Brewery. (Turn to page 8)

Head to Asia Town for pho. (Turn to page 17) Opt for some soul-satisfying grub at Irie Jamaican.

(Turn to page 12)

| clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

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Ah, The Christmas Story House. You’ve meant to go all these years and just never quite made it. But here you are on the south side of the south side, and this little slice of Cleveland and Christmas cinematic history has won you over. After posing for pics in the cupboard beneath the kitchen sink and with the famous leg lamp, you’re bursting with winter spirit. Now it’s time for some breakfast. Do you …

Down in Strongsville you speed down a frozen chute, over and over with pals, flying into the face of the bitter winter wind at some 50 mph. The eyes water, the snot freezes, the smile beams. After a couple of hours the crew is exhausted but happy. Now it’s time for some post-toboggan beverages and a snack. Do you …

Head across the street to the Rowley Inn. (Turn to page 5)

Head to Fat Heads. (Turn to page 7)

Head to Larchmere for Big Al’s. (Turn to page 6)

Head to Market Garden. (Turn to page 8)

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6 You enter the Rowley Inn and you immediately feel at home — if home was a place where third-shifters mix with suburban visitors and local neighborhood folks nurse shots over plates of eggs or solidly constructed burgers, that is. You take a seat at the bar and order up a satisfying breakfast. This place … this place is a treasure. Good food, good people, cheap prices, and booze that starts flowing at the breakfast hour. You’re sipping a fine domestic lager while you finish your meal, when the guy next to you — Mark is his name, salt of the earth — offers to buy you a shot. Do you …

If there’s a better way to tackle the first meal of the day than the corned beef hash and a side of grits at Big Al’s, no one’s brought you in on the secret. You nestle into a booth and take in the friendly conversations happening all around you in this Larchmere diner.

The corned beef hash and grits don’t let you down. They never do.

A couple of cups of coffee fill the tank. Now you’re itching for the next stop. Do you …

Accept the shot. (Turn to page 10)

Head to the IX Center for the home and garden expo.

(Turn to page 9)

Politely decline and keep to your plans to meet some friends to go tobogganing. (Turn to page 2)

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| clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

Head down to the newly opened Topgolf location to hit some balls. (Turn to page 14)

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| clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

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7 You enter the emporium of beer and headwiches. Fat Head’s massive new brewery and production facility in Middleburg Heights is buzzy and busy, tables filled everywhere you look, glasses filled everywhere you look with some of the finest craft beer made right here in Northeast Ohio. There are dozens of options on tap but you’ve been thinking about a Holly Jolly all week, and boy, does it hit the spot. Some whole smokehouse wings appear, and that’s not a bad thing at all. With your energy levels replenished back to working order, it’s time to mosey on to something else.

The group’s splitting up. Do you …

Festivus is the reason for the season, and once that potent elixir is in the rearview there’s always lower-ABV options, including one of the best wheat beers you’ll ever have. The heart of Ohio City is throbbing with visitors and Market Garden is awash in energy.

You dip outside to stand around the fire on the patio, taking in the festive scenes of holiday shoppers and market visitors. You settle up and proprietor Sam McNulty asks, “One more?” You know better than to go down that path, as much fun as it would be. You’re in the mood for some hoops. Do you …

Join the crew heading to the IX Center for the expo of boats or whatever. (Turn to page 9)

Head to the Q for a Cavs game. (Turn to page 15)

Join the crew heading to the zoo for the winter lights festival.

(Turn to page 13)

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Head to the Wolstein Center for some CSU action.

(Turn to page 16)

You head down Route 237 and, as you pull up, you can’t help but bop your head along to the jingle: “Come on down to the … IX … Indoor … Amuuuuusement Park.” Classic. Anyway, you’re not here for that, but instead for some wintertime expo that sets your mind in a summertime mood. The motorcycle show. The RV show.

The home and garden show. It’s always something, and today it’s just the ticket. Browsing the finest offerings in Cleveland’s finest indoor exposition center has you positively gleeful. And it’s that wave that sparks a thought as you eye the indoor Ferris wheel. Sure does put a damper on these festivities that it’s not running. Seeing that thing circling sure would be nice. So you find an electrical box, jimmy it open, hit a couple of switches. Whirr. Whirr. Whirr.

It clangs to life after an asthmatic start, and before a nearby security guard can intervene you’re in a seat and heading higher and imagining a warm summer carnival. But something goes wrong. While you’re sitting at the apex, the machine comes to an abrupt and unpleasant halt. Promises of help and rescue arrive via megaphones from below, but the help and rescue never do, as everyone gets distracted by the waterskiing squirrel. Your death is the first edit in the year 2020 to the IX Center’s Wikipedia page, which still somehow doesn’t include an entry about the jingle, a fact you mourn from your perch in the afterlife.

“Mark,” you say, “that is mighty generous of you.” And with that, he orders up two Jamesons and you toast the gesture. “To your eternal kindness, and to this place,” you say. That tastes mighty good. And Mark turns out to be a lively conversationalist.

One more, this time on me, you offer. “You won’t hear me turn that down,” Mark says. Two shots become four, morning turns to afternoon, strangers become friends, you eat lunch, you tell your pals to come to the Rowley after they’re done tobogganing. They do. Glasses are raised, memories are made. Not everything has to be outdoorsy and exciting. Activities can wait for another day.

Better luck next time. Try again by restarting the story.

Congratulations, you chose a perfect winter day. To land on one of the other ideal scenarios, restart the journey.

| clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

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For the second winter in a row, Mason’s Creamery has transformed into Mason’s Ramen Central, and between the cuteas-hell building and flavorful bowls of noodles and pork, you can see why the crowds arrive en masse. With these wind chills, few things satisfy like a bowl of ramen; and thus fortified, you ponder your next move. Do you …

Chef Omar McKay offers diners heaping plates of fiery jerk chicken, supple braised oxtails and sweet shrimp curry alongside the customary warm cabbage slaw, rice and beans at both outposts of Irie Jamaican Kitchen. Whether you end up at the one on East 185th or the new location in Old Brooklyn, the same delightful, entrancing Jamaican cuisine awaits. And when it comes to culinary antidotes to the cold season, it’s what the doctor ordered.

Time for diversionary fun. Do you …

Stick to the indoors and catch a Cavs game. (Turn to page 15)

Head to Nela Park to catch the annual Christmas light display.

(Turn to page 21)

Head back into the outdoors and ice skate at Wade Oval.

(Turn to page 20)

Catch Mike Polk’s weekly show at Hilarities. (Turn to page 26)

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13 The zoo is a wonderful place, and this year the Metroparks has bedazzled the landscape with the Wild Winter Lights Festival, its first holiday light celebration since 2004, brought back, undoubtedly, to capitalize on the momentum created by the popular Asian Lantern Festival during the summer. You take it all in before being accosted by a TV news reporter shoving a microphone in your face. “Hi, do you care to share your thoughts about the zoo’s importance to the city?” Sure, you say. The zoo, and the Metroparks as a whole, are clearly important to the city and the region. We have to be careful, though, about giving the wholesale benefit of the doubt to Metroparks’ leadership. They have to be good stewards of public money, and giving CEO Brian Zimmerman substantial raises every year sometimes feels like they are lacking in that area. You just want to make informed decisions, and the public should really take some more time to educate themselves before blindly defending the Metroparks. “Um, thanks,” the TV reporter says. You know none of that will be used on air. Bemoaning the lack of accountability in reporting on local issues, you decide you need to do something to take your mind off the whole mess. Do you …

It’s a wonder what men and women are capable of, you think as you enter the stadium of Top Golf, newly opened in Independence.

Micro-chipped golf balls: The mind boggles. With heated stalls, it doesn’t much matter what nasty single digits the temperature is tumbling toward — here, it’s always golf weather. You whack around some balls at different targets with varying degrees of success and accuracy while promising yourself to hit the links more this summer. This Top Golf thing sure is fun, but there are other adventures to be had this day. Hey, it’s downright pleasant outside right now. Let’s go ice skating. Do you …

Head to Nela Park for more Christmas lights festivities.

(Turn to page 21)

Head to Public Square. (Turn to page 18) Head to Wade Oval. (Turn to page 20)

Head to Porco’s for a tiki cocktail. (Turn to page 24) Head to Brite Winter. (Turn to page 25)

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| clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

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15 You scored some free last-minute tickets to the Cavs game, which isn’t hard to do these days. Boy, these fellas suck. But it’s basketball, and you love basketball, and while this team isn’t going to win many games, it’s nice to see basketball live.

You think this for awhile but today, right now, the Cavaliers are down by 65 points in the third quarter with the opposing team looking to be en route to some sort of single-game scoring record. The only thing worse is the guy next to you who’s trying to argue that the arena renovations were worth every damn penny of taxpayer money and Dan Gilbert is a saint. The diff is looking mighty ugly; the guy next to you is asking how you’d feel if Dan moved the team, because he’d really do that, ya know.

Do you …

I should really do this more, you think to yourself as you waltz into the Wolstein Center with your $8 ticket to enjoy the $1 happy-hour beers prior to tip off. Horizon League Basketball: can’t beat it. You may not know any of the players, but this is honest-to-goodness college hoops, and you root on your Vikings with pride. Afterward, hunger pangs hit. Do you …

Shove off early and hit the ice skating rink at Public Square.

(Turn to page 18)

Head to the Parkview for Nashville hot chicken.

(Turn to page 19)

Stick around for the full fourth quarter, then meet some friends at Tina’s. (Turn to page 22)

Head to Irie Jamaican. (Turn to page 12)

Shove off and hit the Spotted Owl for a drink. (Turn to page 23)

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18 You walk into Pho Lee, a recent addition to Asia Town, where bowlfuls of piping hot pho await. But you pivot, because you spot the bun bo hue on the menu, and this meatier, spicier brew is more appropriate for winter. Slicked with chili oil and stocked with beef, a pork roll, some tendon and accompanied by an exceptionally fresh garnish plate, it more than does the trick. Now that your belly is warm and full, it’s time for the day-conquering to proceed.

Next up …

Public Square is resplendent in holiday decorations and it surely is something. Forking over $10 for skate rental, you enter the rink, which is tiny compared to other rinks but has the benefit of being seated squarely amongst devastatingly beautiful downtown skyline views. You gracefully circle the rink, displaying your best moves, somehow managing to avoid making a public spectacle by face-planting in front of strangers. Assured in your skill, brimming with winter cheer, you return the skates only to find yourself completely blocked in on the square by vehicles illegally parked on sidewalks. There’s no way out. You become despondent, even more so when you consider what a frightful end inevitably awaits as you freeze to death, emergency crews unable to puncture the SUV blockade. But it’s not the cold that gets you; it’s the sight of the jersey barriers. Still there, you say to yourself.

So ugly. So unnecessary. You try to think of something else but, as your brain contemplates the inaction of Mayor Jackson, it can simply not focus on anything else, and you quickly succumb to a breakdown as an image of the concrete barriers becomes the last thing you see before your eyes close forever.

Head to the zoo for the winter lights festival. (Turn to page 13)

Better luck next time. Try again by restarting the story.

Head to the IX center for the RV expo, or something.

(Turn to page 9)

| clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

17

20

19 The Parkview has always been one of Cleveland’s best bars, and it only got better after Chow Chow closed in Lakewood and partnered up with the Parkview. That Nashville hot chicken sandwich you loved so much came along for the ride, and that’s good news today because you’re on a mission to obtain that fiery, crunchy piece of heaven; after all, it’s cold outside and you want to be blasted with some intense heat. A bit sweaty — in a good way! — you think it’s time to soothe that pleasant ache on your tongue with a cocktail. Do you …

The Wade Oval ice skating rink has a big leg up on the Public Square one — both because it’s far cheaper (along with available discounts tied to admission to most of the museums in the area) and because the rink is bigger. You feel pretty good about making the right decision to head out here to University Circle, where families and revelers have gathered to glide around, some more elegantly than others, amidst the snow-covered trees and crisp air.

After a carefree hour that leaves you feeling like a kid again, it’s time to keep the party going. A text pops up on your phone with two options for the next move. Do you …

Head to the Spotted Owl. (Turn to page 23)

Head down to Brite Winter. (Turn to page 25)

Head to Porco’s. (Turn to page 24)

Head to Mike Polk’s weekly show at Hilarities. (Turn to page 26)

21

18

22 You are pleased as your mother’s rum-heavy punch to be enjoying one of Cleveland’s most treasured holiday traditions.

For the 95th year, Nela Park in East Cleveland is a veritable winter wonderland of lights: More than 500,000 of them from General Electric, to be exact. The Christmas lights have drawn crowds for nearly a century and they never fail to delight.

You could just stay here until the end of time, you muse while admiring the display — which you unfortunately will do because a blizzard has arrived and East Cleveland has failed to pay for the repair or service of any snowplows. You are stranded forever.

East Cleveland is later found liable for your death in a civil trial, but it never pays a dime in damages.

Even before you walk through the doors, you can hear the lyrics of “Africa” being belted out and you know it’s going to be a good night. Once inside, you’re handling budget bottles of domestic lager and perusing the seemingly endless musical canon from which you’ll select the perfect song with which to serenade your fellow stars. It’s karaoke all the time here at Tina’s, and during the winter, on any given night, it can feel like you walked into the middle of someone’s office party — except that’s how it also feels the rest of the year. But there’s something about belting out tunes in a windowless room that feels like a Soviet-era bunker, with the hard winter behind those concrete walls kept at bay by good tidings, good cheer, and alcohol-enhanced vocal ranges.

Before you know it you’re dancing and duetting and raising shots to the season, to these people, to Little Lou and all the rest, and all is right with the world.

Better luck next time. Try again by restarting the story.

Congratulations, you chose a dynamite Cleveland winter adventure. To restart and find one of the other optimal outcomes, go back to the beginning.

| clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

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| clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

19

23

24 There are few cozier saloons in Cleveland than the Spotted Owl, Will Hollingsworth’s semi-subterranean cocktail oasis in the first level of the Tremont Places Lofts, which took over the old and abandoned Union Gospel Press buildings that date back to the 1850s. With an ever-changing cocktail menu conjured out of the deep and troubled recesses of Hollingsworth’s evil-genius brain, there’s never a bad month to stop by, but the winter months bring about festive decorations and alluring seasonal winter cocktails that are sure to brighten your spirits and cheeks.

And brightening your spirits and cheeks is your selection doing, right until Porco owner Stefan Was barrels through the door and unleashes a barrage of cocktail tiki umbrellas into the room, each of them tinged at the tip with a deadly poison that Was procured on a Pacific island. The scent of the toasted marshmallow from your beverage lingers at your nose as you feel a prick in your neck and you fall, ending up on the floor eyeto-eye with Hollingsworth, whose eyes are closing slowly like yours. “Man, the next menu was going to be freaking awesome, … you have no idea … just no idea,” he says before the light goes out forever.

There are few more exotic adventures, amidst the frigid temps and slushy commutes, than walking through the doors to a Polynesian fever dream at Porco in Ohio City. It’s tiki heaven, and you can close your eyes and almost imagine being thousands of miles away from the dreary sky and those 5 p.m. sunsets — not that the sun’s anywhere to be seen in the first place. Reinvigorated in both body and soul with a Fogcutter in hand, you think winter ain’t that bad at all, not as long as places like Porco exist. But the continued existence of Porco and its owner Stefan Was is something that Spotted Owl owner Will Hollingsworth can’t stand. After a late-night viewing of Avengers: Age of Ultron the previous month, Hollingsworth got an idea: He’d detonate small explosives under Porco and use three stolen blimps to lift the bar from its near-westside home, carry it over Lake Erie and drop it to the bottom of the water, never to return. You take the last sip of your drink and put it on the counter. It begins shaking. The whole room starts shaking.

You’re soon heading up into that infernal gray sky. You lock eyes with Was. He doesn’t even react. He knows the gig is up.

“Will really got me this time,” he says. “Bastard.” You share your compliments for his cocktail with him, shouting so as to be heard over Hollingsworth’s maniacal cackling from the pilot’s seat of one of the blimps. When you begin falling, you think: That really was one tasty drink. Worth it.

Better luck next time. Try again by restarting the story.

Better luck next time. Try again by restarting the story.

26

25

20

There are music festivals — and then there are music festivals held outdoors in the dead of February in the middle of Cleveland next to a river. With epic bridge views and a couple dozen bands at assorted stages across the Flats, Brite Winter is, to put it simply, quite Cleveland. There’s an energy here you don’t find anywhere else, with attendees — some of whom know the bands, many of whom don’t — huddled around open fires with a cold beverage in hand, communing with Cleveland and communing with the music, which takes on a timeless, majestic feel when it’s coming from the main stage on Elm Avenue. You take it all in — the music, the art installations, the happenstance meetups and breathy air — and you realize this is a perfect moment in a perfect day.

Mike Polk’s weekly show in the cabaret theater room at Hilarities is far more entertaining than the $5 admission price would suggest. You never know what you’re going to be in store for except that it’s bound to be wacky and funny. This you agree with, while you enjoy some skits; then Polk asks the audience for volunteers to help with a game. You raise your hand. It’s damn near 0 degrees outside, but the warmth of the room has become infectious, the laughter uproarious, and you want to immerse yourself in this glorious experience. You walk up and after thanking you, Polk shakes your hand and says, “You’re one of us now.” And that’s the last thing you remember until something slices through your consciousness weeks, maybe months, later as your mind clears for just a second. You’re on stage. You’re one of Polk’s 17 co-hosts. This is a cult. You have to escape. You throw on your jacket, a WKYC windbreaker — did Channel 3 hire you as an anchor sometime in the interim? — and catch the first flight to Morocco, never to see or speak to your friends or family again.

Congratulations, you chose a great Cleveland winter adventure. To find the other optimal outcomes, restart the journey.

Better luck next time. Try again by restarting the story.

| clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

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| clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

GET OUT everything you should do this week Photo by Mindy Tucker

WED

Tickets cost $10, and the price of admission includes a complimentary cocktail or soft drink during a reception that begins at 6 p.m.

(Niesel) 1390 West 65th St., 216-651-7295, clevelandcinemas.com.

12/18

SPORTS

Cavs vs. Charlotte Hornets Much like the Cavs, the Charlotte Hornets are rebuilding after the loss of a star player. In the Hornets case, star guard Kemba Walker left the team over the summer to play for the Celtics. The Cavs should be able to eke out a win tonight as the teams face off at 7 at Rocket Mortgage FieldHouse. Check the Cavs website for ticket prices. (Jeff Niesel) 1 Center Court, 216-420-2000, rocketmortgagefieldhouse.com.

THEATER

Mean Girls Part of the KeyBank Broadway Series, Mean Girls centers on a newbie who must navigate a high school filled with “frenemies.” Book writer Tina Fey, composer Jeff Richmond, lyricist Nell Benjamin and director Casey Nicholaw collaborated on this musical that’s based on the movie of the same name. Tonight’s show takes place at 7:30 p.m. at Connor Palace, where performances continue through Dec. 22. Tickets start at $10. (Niesel) 1615 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

THEATER

A Christmas Story The Cleveland Play House’s production of Jean Shepherd’s beloved Christmas Story returns, as it does each holiday season, to the Allen Theatre. You still have time tonight at 7:30. Performances continue through Dec. 23. Tickets are $20 to $97. (Christine Howey) 1407 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, clevelandplayhouse.com.

COMEDY

Ryan Niemiller The self-described Cripple Threat of Comedy, comedian Ryan Niemiller has managed to overcome adversity (he was born with a disability that affects both arms) to become a successful comic. Niemiller, who fared well on America’s Got Talent, likes to joke that when people ask if his disability is genetic, he responds, “Yes, it is because my mom is Irish, and my dad was a lobster.” He performs at 7 tonight and tomorrow night at Hilarities. Tickets cost $15 and $20. (Niesel) 2035 East Fourth St., 216-241-7425, pickwickandfrolic.com.

MUSIC

Cleveland Orchestra Christmas Concert The Cleveland Orchestra and Chorus, along with assorted guest choruses, team up every year at this time for an annual offering of music for the season, including singalongs and a very special guest. The concerts take place in the “yuletide splendor of Severance Hall,” a gem of a space aglow with festive decor. Tonight’s performance is at 7:30 p.m. The concert series continues through Sunday. Consult the orchestra website for more info. (Niesel) 11001 Euclid Ave., 216-231-1111, clevelandorchestra.com.

SPOKEN WORD

Cleveland Stories Dinner Parties Cleveland Stories Dinner Party is a weekly series that pairs fine food with storytelling. Through it, the folks at Music Box Supper Club hope to raise awareness of the mission of the Western Reserve Historical Society’s Cleveland History Center.

The goal is to “bring to life some of the fun, interesting stories about Cleveland’s past — from sports, to rock ’n’ roll, to Millionaires’ Row,” as it’s put in a press release. Admission is free, with no cover charge, although a prix fixe dinner, designed to complement the night’s theme, is

Author and musician Dave Hill comes to Visible Voice Books. See: Saturday.

$20. Tonight, Kevin Dugan, stage hand and manager extraordinaire, delivers stories from his life on the road and behind the stage, with tales about bands ranging from the Raspberries to Van Halen. Doors open at 5 p.m., dinner is served at 6, and the storytelling starts at 7.

(Niesel) 1148 Main Ave., 216-242-1250, musicboxcle.com.

THEATER

Every Brilliant Thing Billed as “a surprising and immersive theatrical experience that speaks openly about depression, mental illness, and suicide,” Every Brilliant Thing focuses on a character who decides to make a list

of things he thinks will rescue his mother from her depression. The Cleveland Play House presents its take on the play tonight at 7:30 at the Helen Rosenfeld Lewis Bialosky Lab Theatre, where it continues through Dec. 22. Tickets start at $20. (Niesel) 1407 Euclid Ave, 216-241-6000, clevelandplayhouse.com.

FILM

It’s a Wonderful Life A classic flick that centers on a small-town man (James Stewart) who feels so limited by his circumstances that he contemplates committing suicide on Christmas Eve, It’s a Wonderful Life screens at 7 tonight at the Capitol Theatre as part of the theater’s Happy Hour Classic series.

THU

12/19

COMEDY

Tony Baker A Chicago native, comedian Tony Baker, a finalist on Seasons 8 and 9 of NBC’s The Last Comic Standing, delivers what he calls Bakerisms during his raucous standup routines.

“How come nobody smiles at drug deals?” he asks in one bit. “It’s the easiest tax-free money around. You’d think everyone would be happy.”

Baker performs tonight at 7:30 at the Improv, where he has shows scheduled through Sunday. (Niesel) 1148 Main Ave., 216-696-IMPROV, clevelandimprov.com. | clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

23

GET OUT THEATER

A Christmas Carol The Great Lakes Theater’s annual production of this Charles Dickens’ classic returns to Playhouse Square each year at this time. The story about how a certain Scrooge comes to realize that he needs to embrace the holiday season has proven to be a timeless tale. Tonight’s performance takes place at 7:30 at the Ohio Theatre, where it continues through Dec. 22. Tickets are $28 to $75.

(Niesel) 1501 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, greatlakestheater.org.

is also a great standup comedian, writer and actor. A New York native, he graduated from NYU in 1987 with a degree in communications. During the day, he worked crappy jobs and did standup at night. After getting national exposure courtesy of David Letterman, his career took off. The caffeinated comic has a rapid fire delivery that suggests he has trouble

Rock Your Holiday

The Wild Winter Lights Festival The Cleveland Metroparks Zoo has brought back its holiday lights event that was discontinued after the 2004 season. The zoo has reworked the bright spectacle to include thousands of lights, a visit from Santa, an extremely tall teddy bear and, of course, plenty of animals. Dubbed the Wild Winter Lights Festival, the event takes place today through Sunday from 5:30 p.m. to 9:30 p.m.; additional select dates, through Jan. 5, are listed on the website. Tickets start at $18.50 for those who aren’t members of the zoo and $15.50 for members. Find out more about the event and buy tickets on the website.

(Laura Morrison) 3900 Wildlife Way, 216-661-6500, clemetzoo.com.

This season, grab your whole crew and head over to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame for holiday jam sessions, spirited drinks & festive photo opps. Explore spotlights on your favorite artists inside Play It Loud: Instruments of Rock & Roll and then get your hands on real gear and jam inside The Garage.

12/20

ART

78th Street Studios Third Friday Art Walk Just in time for your last-minute holiday shopping, the Third Friday Art Walk returns to the cavernous 78th Street Studios. More than 50 studios and galleries will participate in this popular indoor art walk; be sure to check out spots like the Derek Hess Gallery, Tregoning & Company and Hilary Gent Studio. Look for food trucks out front and live music on the first floor. Hours are 5 to 9 p.m. and admission is free. (Niesel) 1300 West 78th St., 78thstreetstudios.com.

COMEDY

Dave Attell Known as the host of Comedy Central’s Insomniac with Dave Attell and The Gong Show, Dave Attell

24

members and students. (Niesel) 11150 East Blvd., 216-421-7350, clevelandart.org.

PODCAST

Rebel Force Radio Jason Swank and Jimmy Mac, hosts of the popular podcast series Rebel Force Radio, will be on hand tonight for a special live episode of the show featuring insights and analysis of Episode 9 – The Rise of Skywalker.

The event begins at 7:30 tonight at Kennedy’s Cabaret on Playhouse Square. Tickets cost $30. (Niesel) 1501 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

HOLIDAY HAPPENING

HOLIDAY HAPPENING

FRI

struggled to notch wins this season in the tough Western Conference.

They come to town tonight at 7 to face the Cavs in what therefore should be a winnable game for the Cavs. Consult the Rocket Mortage FieldHouse website for ticket prices.

(Niesel) 1 Center Court, 216-420-2000, rocketmortgagefieldhouse.com.

Scuba Claus The Greater Cleveland Aquarium’s annual Scuba Claus event continues today, tomorrow and Sunday.

Guests can talk to Scuba Claus while he’s in one of the exhibits and ask a question about diving or suggest gifts for the fish. Guests can also takes photos with Scuba Claus. The aquarium will also offer a chance to craft animalthemed snowflakes and take part in a cold weather trivia challenge for a chance to win an aquarium experience prize package valued at $200. In addition, the animal care team will present holiday- and coldweather-themed feeding enrichment activities such as giving fish melting icicle treats and giving birds fruit ornaments. Children visiting on Scuba Claus appearance days also receive an original holiday mini activity book and a Scuba Claus temporary tattoo, while supplies last. Check the aquarium website for hours and ticket prices.

The event continues through Dec. 24. (Niesel) 2000 Sycamore St., 216-862-8803, greaterclevelandaquarium.com.

SAT

12/21

FILM

OPEN FOR THE HOLIDAY SEASON* Extended Hours on Dec. 27th & 28th 10AM - 7PM *closed Christmas Day

turning his mind off. He performs tonight at 7 and 9:30 at Hilarities and has shows scheduled through Sunday too. Tickets start at $25.

(Niesel) 2035 East Fourth St., 216-241-7425, pickwickandfrolic.com.

SPORTS

Cavs vs. Memphis Grizzlies The Memphis Grizzlies have

| clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

FILM

The Lower Depths Toshiro Mifune and Isuzu Yamada star in The Lower Depths, Akira Kurosawa’s take on Maxim Gorky’s tale of the poor and the dispossessed.

As part of a series dubbed Overlooked Kurosawa, the film screens at 6:45 p.m. today and at 1:30 p.m. on Sunday at the Cleveland Museum of Art. Tickets cost $10, or $7 for CMA

Black Christmas Before he made A Christmas Story, director Bob Clark made this 1974 horror film set in a sorority house at Christmas time. There have been two Hollywood remakes of the movie, including one that comes out this holiday season. The original screens tonight at midnight at the Capitol Theatre. Tickets cost $6. (Niesel) 1390 West 65th St., 216-651-7295, clevelandcinemas.com.

BOOKS

Dave Hill A Cleveland native, writer and

musician (who played with Cobra Verde), Dave Hill put out his second book, Dave Hill Doesn’t Live Here Anymore, three years ago. The followup to his debut book, 2013’s Tasteful Nudes, it’s a collection of humorous essays, many of which reference Northeast Ohio. Earlier this year, Hill published his third book, Parking the Moose: One American’s Epic Quest to Uncover His Incredible Canadian Roots. Tonight at 7:30, he reads from the book at Visible Voice Books. Admission is free. (Niesel) 2258 Professor Ave., 216-961-0084, visiblevoicebooks.com.

SUN

12/22

SPORTS

Browns vs. Baltimore Ravens One of the Browns’ biggest wins this season came against the Baltimore Ravens, a team that’s emerged as one of the best in the league. That win came during Week 4, and since then the Browns have arguably not played nearly as well. The Ravens will undoubtedly be looking for revenge when they come to FirstEnergy Stadium today at 1 p.m. for a rematch. Consult the Browns website

for ticket prices. (Niesel) 100 Alfred Lerner Way, 440-891-5000, clevelandbrowns.com.

MON

12/23

Mortgage FieldHouse. Consult the Rocket Mortgage FieldHouse website for ticket prices. (Niesel) 1 Center Court, 216-420-2000, rocketmortgagefieldhouse.com.

FAMILY FUN

SPORTS

Cavs vs. Atlanta Hawks Despite having some good young talent, the Atlanta Hawks have one of the worst records in the entire NBA this season. Given how porous the Hawks’ defense is, the Cavs should be able to get a win tonight when the two teams face off at 7 at Rocket

Movie Mondays Every Monday, Cleveland Cinemas hosts $5 Movie Mondays, where film fans can catch up on the latest Hollywood flicks for significantly reduced prices. Many theaters even offer discounted concession stand items. Participating theaters include Apollo Theatre, Capitol Theatre, Cedar Lee Theatre, Chagrin

| clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

25

MUSIC

GET OUT CLEVELAND FOOTBALL Party for home and away games!

For home games, FREE shuttle to the stadium, 30 minutes before, entire duration of game and 30 minutes after end of game.

Cinemas and Tower City Cinemas.

Unfortunately, additional charges apply for 3-D movies. (Alaina Nutile) clevelandcinemas.com.

NIGHTLIFE

Shit Show Karaoke Local rapper/promoter Dirty Jones and Scene’s own Manny Wallace host Shit Show Karaoke, a weekly event at the B-Side Liquor Lounge wherein patrons choose from “an unlimited selection of jams from hip-hop to hard rock,� and are encouraged to “be as bad as you want.� Fueled by drink and shot specials, it all goes down tonight at 10 p.m. (Niesel) 2785 Euclid Heights Blvd., Cleveland Heights, 216-932-1966, bsideliquorlounge.com.

FOOD

Miller Lite, Maker’s Mark & wing specials.

Ask your server how you can enter to win a Punch Bowl Social gift card from Scene.

All home/away games on Big Screen TV’s with volume up!

7 4( 34 s &,!43 %!34 "!.+ s #,%6%,!.$

INVITES YOU AND A GUEST TO SEE

Wing Dang Doodle Blues icon Howlin’ Wolf famously covered “Wang Dang Doodle,� the old blues tune penned by Willie Dixon. Prosperity Social Club in Tremont has adopted that slogan, calling its wing night Wing Dang Doodle. The weekly event features specials on Buffalo wings and cold brews. Prosperity will not only serve up substantial, $1 whole wings, but it’ll also offer meatless Monday “wing� baskets for vegans. Discounted drafts and a playlist of vintage-electric blues and soulful R&B curated by local musician Clint Holley will be on tap as well. Wing Dang Doodle takes place every Monday from 6 p.m. to midnight. (Niesel) 1109 Starkweather Ave., 216-9371938, prosperitysocialclub.com.

TUE

12/24

ANIMATION FEST

For your chance to win movie passes for two Send name and mailing address to togcleversvp@gmail.com

Five lucky winners will be chosen randomly.

No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited or restricted by law. One pass per person. Each pass admits two. Passes are limited and will be distributed on a first come, first serve basis, while supplies last. No phone calls please. Seating is not guaranteed.

IN THEATERS JANUARY 3 /TheGrudgeMovie @GrudgeMovie

#TheGrudge 26

| clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

Best of Conscious Cartoons International Animation Festival This touring program arrives at the Cleveland Museum of Art today, and features 10 of the best animated videos from the International Animation Festival. Nine countries are represented in this collection of festival shorts that aims “to open eyes, hearts, and minds through the uniquely transcendent medium of animation.â€? The ďŹ lms screen at 1:45 p.m. today. Tickets cost $10, or $7 for CMA members. (Niesel) 11150 East Blvd., 216-421-7350, clevelandart.org.

Open Turntable Tuesday Tonight from 6 to 9, the Winchester hosts its weekly Open Turntable Tuesday. Jason Gokorsch will book guest DJs and offer slots to people who want to bring their own vinyl and spin their favorite songs or deep tracks. First time DJs are encouraged, and equipment is provided. Patrons can also bring records for the night’s DJ to add to their set. Sign up on Northeast Ohio Vinyl Club’s Facebook page. (Niesel) 12112 Madison Ave., Lakewood, 216-600-5338, facebook.com/ TheWinchesterMusicTavern.

MUSIC

Vinyl Night Jukebox owner Alex Budin has described his 1,350-square-foot music-focused bar in the Hingetown ’hood as “a place where people can expect to hear and learn about music of multiple genres, all of which is concentrated in a constantly evolving jukebox.�

The club hosts a vinyl night every Tuesday that serves as a listening party for new releases, partnering with Loop in Tremont, so patrons can hear a new album on vinyl. You can bring your own vinyl and spin it too. It all starts at 5 p.m. (Niesel) 1404 West 29th St., 216-206-7699, jukeboxcle.com.

WED

12/25

MUSIC

12 Assholes of Christmas It’s a tradition that at noon on Christmas Day, the punk rock club Now That’s Class opens its doors to welcome “those who don’t have anywhere to go or don’t wanna go anywhere� for an event dubbed 12 Assholes of Christmas. From noon to 3 p.m. today, the bar will offer select Great Lakes beers (except the coveted Christmas Ale) for only $2.

The price goes up by increments as the night goes on. Bring some food for the potluck dinner. The Ruiners, Mr. California, Hermes, Basement Boi, Swindlella, Nora Irish Dancing Set, Kellen, Odd Job Extraordinaire, DJ Andrew Schoen, DJ Hamma & Becca and DJ Krissy Krass are slated to perform. It’s free. (Niesel) 11213 Detroit Ave., 216-221-8576, nowthatsclass.net.

scene@clevescene.com t@clevelandscene

| clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

27

GENERAL ADMISSION: Includes Entry, 6 Vodka Samples, And A Souvenir Glass.

TICKETS: $35 UNTIL 1/7

VIP ADMISSION: Includes Entry, 8 Vodka Samples, A Souvenir Glass, Light Appetizers, And Early Entry At 6 P.M.

TICKETS: $45 UNTIL 1/7

28

| clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

MOVIES HENS IN THE FOX HOUSE Ensemble sparkles in Bombshell

By Sam Allard BOMBSHELL , THE NEW FILM about the culture of sexual harassment at Fox News under Roger Ailes, belongs to a cinema lineage that includes the likes of The Big Short and VICE. These films are gimmicky dashes through very recent history, jam-packed with info and Oscar-worthy performances.

Screenwriter Charles Randolph, who penned the script for both The Big Short and Bombshell, likes to break the fourth wall a lot. It’s kind of his pet literary device. In the former film, explanatory interludes — Margot Robbie talking about the subprime lending crisis while sipping champagne in a bubble bath, for example — were ostensibly to hold the audience’s attention given the dry subject matter. In Bombshell, the breaking of the fourth wall feels more natural. Transformed astonishingly into erstwhile Fox anchor Megyn Kelly, Charlize Theron gives a guided tour of the studios in an opening monologue.

And it doesn’t feel like a gimmick at all. That is to say: Formally presenting scripted material to help an audience understand an urgent or complicated topic is what news anchors do.

Theron is joined in the Fox

Photo by Hilary B. Gayle

trenches by Nicole Kidman, playing ousted “Fox and Friends” host Gretchen Carlson; and Margot Robbie, playing a composite character based on Roger Ailes’ many young victims. Though they aren’t friends or even acquaintances at the office, they band together in a class-action lawsuit that results in Ailes’ dismissal.

The film begins at the 2016 RNC in Cleveland — local moviegoers will no doubt delight in both scenes filmed in the bowels of what was then the Quicken Loans Arena — with the media tornado that engulfed Kelly after Trump uttered

his “she had blood coming out of her eyes, out of her wherever,” jab. Kelly’s frustration with Ailes and Fox in the wake of Trump’s brazen sexism sets the stage for her personal conundrum about coming forward later.

In addition to effectively portraying how Ailes (a fat-suited John Lithgow) went down at Fox, the film shows just how perilous and toxic a workplace culture can become when a powerful man is threatened.

The tone oscillates between zany SNL -ish caricature and moments of tense and earnest drama. In one of the film’s best (and worst) scenes,

Ailes interviews young Kayla (Robbie) alone in his office. She wants to be on air, she tells Ailes, and so he instructs her to show him her legs. He makes her lift her skirt higher, and higher, and higher. It’s a degrading moment that Robbie plays perfectly.

While Robbie’s fictitious Kayla is over-the-top at first — she’s a heartland religious nut whose family members are such Fox diehards that the logo has been permanently burned into their TV screens — it’s her story of abuse that plays out in the film’s present tense. She befriends a closeted lesbian producer (Kate McKinnon) and wants to confide in her, but can’t. Watching them navigate the boundaries of their friendship was my favorite of the film’s several B-storylines.

Director Jay Roach got his start in comedies (Austin Powers, Meet the Parents), and he’s able to make this weighty subject matter light and enjoyable enough. But this film is nothing without its three powerful leads. It opens areawide Friday.

sallard@clevescene.com t@scenesallard

SPOTLIGHT: UNCUT GEMS UNCUT GEMS IS THE EXPLOSIVE, razor-edged followup to Benny and Josh Safdie’s 2017 masterpiece Good Time. Like that film, which starred Robert Pattinson as a man on a frantic chase to rescue his mentally disabled brother from a trip to Rikers Island, Gems plays out in a whirling, manic, jittery New York City, with a vibrating electronic score, nonstop handheld camerawork, and a riveting lead performance, this time by Adam Sandler. The film opens on Christmas Eve in select theaters.

For this reviewer, Gems doesn’t have the same emotional force as Good Time. Sandler plays a pathological gambler and Manhattan jewelry dealer named Howard Ratner. He’s in absolute free fall by about the 12th minute of this lengthy character portrait and the

script positively refuses to give him a parachute. From the moment an illegal Ethiopian black opal (transported in the belly of a fish) arrives at his shop, Ratner makes bad decision after bad decision in both his personal and professional spheres, hoping to extricate himself from past debts but accumulating new ones in the process.

Kevin Garnett plays an earlier version of himself — the film transpires during the 2012 NBA playoffs, on which Ratner makes increasingly audacious bets — and it’s Garnett who takes a shine to the opal when he sees it in Ratner’s shop, chaperoned by a hustler named Demany (Lakeith Stanfield) who brings around celebs and athletes for a cut of the profits. When Ratner reluctantly allows Garnett to take

the opal for good luck at that night’s game, he sets in motion a chain of violent events that don’t let up until the credits roll.

Ratner mostly dodges the furious impatience of his wife Dinah (Idina Menzel), whose readiness for divorce makes Marriage Story look like Sleepless in Seattle. In an inadvertently hilarious scene, Ratner asks if he and Dinah might try to make another go of their relationship. Dinah describes with the utmost sincerity how she feels about him and their marriage. “I think you’re the most annoying person I’ve ever met,” she says.

Ratner meanwhile fends off jealousy when he catches his mistress and employee (Julia Fox) making out in the bathroom of a club with crooner the Weekend (also playing himself).

If this all sounds like a lot, that’s because it is. The film is a raging, and not entirely entertaining, hurricane which Sandler is 100-percent the eye of. And while he’s often a dynamo, reveling in the adrenaline high of fending off thugs beeping at his jewelry store, lawyers screaming on the phone, high-rollers and lovers in his office, he’s also an extremely difficult character to rouse much sympathy for. To their credit, the Safdie brothers create magnificent cacophonies that are at times downright orchestral. But by the tail end of this exhausting thriller, you’ll likely be yearning for some peace and quiet. — Sam Allard

sallard@clevescene.com t@scenesallard | clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

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| clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

EAT STILL PACKIN’ THEM IN Umami hasn’t strayed far from the successful Pan-Asian niche it found a decade ago

By Douglas Trattner A DECADE AGO WE STUMBLED into an impossibly small bistro in Chagrin Falls, where we were blown away by the progressive Pan-Asian fare emanating from the equally small kitchen. True to its billing, Umami trafficked in foods redolent of racy flavors like tamari, dashi, ponzu, ginger and galangal. Back then, the swank but conservative village was awash in burgers, meatballs, steaks and ribs, and dishes such as seared albacore with ponzu sauce, coconut curry-spiked mussels and wasabi-crusted halibut proved a refreshing, even exciting, departure.

The decade may have changed, but Umami has not. And why should it, given its matchless track record for keeping every seat in the house filled — month in and month out — for this many years. Granted, there are only 28 seats, but still, the legacy put in place by previous chef Matthew Anderson set the amenable eatery on a path of continued prosperity.

Subsequent chefs have endeavored largely to stick to the same script by proffering Asian-fusion menus with throughlines that stretch clear back to those earliest versions.

Of course, what felt fresh and distinctive 10 years ago can come across as familiar — or worse, stale — in the present day. Fortunately, chef Andrew Nichols keeps things interesting with daily specials that follow the seasons if not necessarily the latest culinary trends.

Swimmingly fresh fish has always been a core principle at Umami and that has not changed. That fish appears on both the regular and features menus in the form of sashimi, sushi rolls, poke and entrees built using yellowfin tuna, yellowtail, salmon, scallops, cod, sea bass and more.

In terms of easygoing starters, the pakora ($11) is a can’t-miss.

A heaping mound of crispy-fried cauliflower and onions is arranged on a bed of arugula. The craggy, crunchy bite-size nuggets come alive when dipped into the vibrant and minty chutney, and eating them becomes almost as involuntary as breathing. The crash comes just moments later when a platter of potstickers ($12) lands on the table.

Photo by Emanuel Wallace

Wan, floppy and barely warm, the dumplings clearly were sitting around before finding their way to us. Making matters worse was yet another arugula cushion that only exacerbated issues with texture and temperature.

Warm up with a wholesome bowl of carrot-ginger soup or a classic (if salty) miso ($7) studded with sliced shiitakes and cubes of soft tofu. There are no surprises, twists

dollars for a bowl of udon. I won’t attempt to justify that price, but I will say that it’s a savory pastiche starring high-quality Pat LaFrieda steak, earthy wild mushrooms, bright greens and fat and chewy noodles, all bobbing in a dark and brooding beef soup.

Some of the dishes are less elegant in preparation and presentation. We enjoyed the boldly flavored, mildly spiced yellow curry

UMAMI 42 NORTH MAIN ST., CHAGRIN FALLS 440-247-8600 UMAMICHAGRINFALLS.COM

or upgrades in an autumnal beet salad ($9) — unless you count a discouraging scarcity of goat cheese as a surprise. It was as if the kitchen sensed a looming shortage and began rationing the stuff as though it were a precious commodity. Those creamy orbs are paired with pickled red beets, nutty pepitas and lightly dressed arugula and microgreens.

The namesake umami is on full display in a hat-size bowl of udon ($30). Yes, you read that right, 30

sauce in the chicken curry ($28), but there was so much of it that it threatened to spill over the sides of the plate. The ratio of onions to chicken was lopsided in the wrong direction, and the addition of whole cherry tomatoes felt clumsy. The white meat chicken was overcooked and the accompanying black rice, while pleasantly nutty, proved less effective at soaking up sauce.

Despite the absence of a bar, Umami manages to turn out

creative, well-mixed cocktails like the Winter Warmer ($12), made with whiskey, amaretto and bourbon maple syrup. While perhaps better suited to summer, the sake-fueled Saketini ($12) fits the Asian vibe. The concise but well-selected wine list features fishfriendly whites by the glass, meatappropriate reds by the pour and enough moderately priced bottles to meet most tastes and budgets.

With fewer than 30 seats, reservations are always strongly encouraged. We got tucked into one of the two snug window seats up front, each furnished with cushions, pillows and even blankets. It’s a perfect perch for canoodling couples, but it took our server nearly 15 minutes to discover our presence because we were concealed by standing diners waiting for seats. After that, it was smooth sailing. The dim, trim and bustling space feels clubby in all the right ways — like a fashionable dinner party for you and 27 friends.

dtrattner@clevescene.com t@dougtrattner

| clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

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By Douglas Trattner CHANGE IS ONCE AGAIN AFOOT AT the Ohio City Galley. It has been a little more than a year since the incubatorstyle food hall opened and already we’ve observed plenty of movement.

Some of that is to be expected given the nature of the endeavor, one designed to help small business owners test the viability of new concepts.

But already we’ve observed two of the original four tenants depart: The Rice Shop and Poca. A third, the Galley-operated Forest City Steaks, lasted just a few months. Now we are learning that Tinman, home to one of the best double smash burgers in town, will be departing at the end of the year, leaving just Sauce the City, provider of killer hot chicken, as the lone original tenant.

In the plus column are two new concepts by Brett Sawyer and Vince Thomascik of the Plum and Good Co. One of them, Pie Squared, will sell five pre-designed pies plus a buildyour-own model. Sawyer describes the pie as “Rust Belt-style pizza” because it takes its influence from various regional styles of pizza. Square and pan-style, they feature a naturally fermented sourdough crust. The sandwiches are also square, built on toasted brioche bread, and filled with combinations such as braised kale, mushrooms and caramelized onions and smoked brisket, cheddar and mashed potato puree.

Grains and Greens, the other concept, offers a mainly vegan and vegetarian selection of grain bowls and salads. There will be protein supplements that diners can add to their bowls. For the salads, Sawyer is offering his versions of the wedge, Cobb, Caesar and taco.

Both of these stands opened on Friday, Dec. 13.

As for the future success of the Ohio City Galley, Sawyer is bullish. He reports that recent improvements to the space over a short break have made it brighter and more welcoming. He also believes that the overall concept is sound.

“I think it’s a great space, I think it’s a great idea, and I think they’ve proven from the Pittsburgh location and the Detroit location that it’s a great way to test the market for new

concepts,” he says. “It’s also nice to not be tied into a five-year lease to try something new.”

Meantime, Tinman chef and owner Michael Schoen has divulged plans to unveil a new food concept at Bottlehouse in Lakewood that should open in late winter. No word on who or what will be replacing Tinman at the Galley.

Singapore Street Food-Inspired Dang Good Foods Now Open in Lakewood Less than a year ago, Daniel Ang launched the popular Singaporestyle food truck Dang Good Foods, featuring a sort of melting pot cuisine with roots in Chinese, Indian, Malay, Japanese and Korean cooking.

When Thai Thai announced plans to relocate to a larger space down the street, Ang found himself on the receiving end of the keys to the original shop. At only 16 seats, he considered it ideal for his first brickand-mortar restaurant.

“Many of my friends in the business told me to go big or go home,” he explains. “I say, if you go big, you definitely will go home! … If I am going to do a restaurant, I want to start out small like this, an intimate, non-pretentious place that is all about the food.”

The menu at Dang Good Foods (13735 Madison Ave.) builds upon the dishes that Ang has been selling from the truck: crispy spring rolls, savory Spam musubi, Singapore fried rice, soy-braised pork or chicken steam buns, and nasi lemak, coconutmilk-seasoned jasmine rice with crispy chicken wings, cucumber, egg and a sweet-spicy chili sauce.

“I want to make people comfortable enough to venture outside of their comfort zone with their taste buds,” adds Ang. Dang Good Foods is open Tuesday through Saturday from 11 a.m. to 8:30 p.m.

dtrattner@clevescene.com t@dougtrattner

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| clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

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EN YEARS INTO PLAYING WITH the pop-punk band State Champs, guitarist Tyler Szalkowski still gets excited about working on a new

album.

The group’s currently in the midst of finalizing an album due out in 2020. It will come on the heels of the New York band’s fourth record, 2018’s Living Proof.

“It’s such a fun time for us to start a new cycle and make a new record,” says Szalkowski. On Friday, the band headlines Snowed in 7 at the Agora Theatre. “We get to pick the new vibe, the new colors, the new music — everything that feels fresh and exciting.”

With the upcoming full-length, the

Warped Tour veterans hope to mix it up with some new sounds. The band already has a fairly sonically diverse catalog that includes The Acoustic Things, 2014’s acoustic revamp of The Finer Things, but Szalkowski isn’t satisfied yet.

“On the last record, we took a lot of chances,” he says. “Going into Living Proof, we were just like, ‘Nothing is off limits.’”

Szalkowski hopes to expand upon this experience, but nix some of the co-writers this time. “We have a lot more knowledge now of what we like and what we don’t like, what works and what doesn’t work,” says Szalkowski, who lives in Columbus. “We’re going to continue to experiment, but I think it’ll be a little more with ourselves.”

Snowed In 7 FEATURING:

State Champs | Grayscale | Hot Mulligan Belmont | Sleep On It | Jetty Bones Envoi | Better Off | Bad Luck | the Stolen Boys Of Fall | ’90s Kids | Elbow Room 4 p.m. Friday, Dec. 20 Agora Theatre, 5000 Euclid Ave. 216-881-2221. Tickets: $36.95 ADV, $41.95 DOS agoracleveland.com

| clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

35

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| clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

MUSIC Szalkowski says that he has always wanted to try a piano ballad and would love to incorporate some other instruments as well. As lead guitarist, he writes many of the band’s defining chord progressions and riffs.

“Yeah, the melody means a lot, and the lyrics mean a lot, but what is the unsung hero for me when it comes to writing is that I get to express my emotions through sound,” says Szalkowski. “I get to build up the feeling of the song and the emotion surrounding it.”

“Dead and Gone,” the lead single on Living Proof, is also Szalkowski’s favorite to play live because it isn’t as difficult as some of the other tracks, chordwise, so he can focus more on rocking out and getting down to the grit of the emotion behind the song.

“We were feeling really burnt out. We were just over it. We didn’t care about being in a band. We had been touring for like seven years straight, beating the shit out of ourselves,” says Szalkowski of “Dead and Gone.”

“What was a dream was turning into a nightmare. We were at each other’s throats. We were getting aggravated by little things that didn’t matter in the grand scheme.”

The angsty, upbeat, bassheavy singalong tells of craving some sleep and some time at home in upstate New York, and serves as a reminder of why they fell in love with music in the first place.

“That song is just about exhaling all the toxic shit in our bodies,” he says. “Bleeding it out.

Letting go of what people expect from you. It was a mixture of everything. We’re just five guys.

We’re by no means superheroes.

Half of us aren’t even of sound mind. There’s a lot of mental illness in our group. There’s a lot of things that we don’t really talk about.”

It’s easier to write about what you’re dealing with than it is to speak about it for many artists.

For Szalkowski, good writing is all about taking the leap just to see if you can make it.

“Life at its core is all about risk,” he says. “If you gamble and lose, then you lose; but if

you gamble and win, then you’re the smartest person in the room.” The key for Szalkowski is pushing the envelope without straying too far off brand. Every State Champs record will have typical pop-punk songs, but Szalkowski doesn’t want any sort of limitations or expectations to define State Champs as a band.

He expresses irritation with listeners who write off a record because of one song that they don’t like.

“The song that you don’t like, maybe someone else likes, and maybe that song that someone else likes was their gateway to the group,” says Szalkowsi.

Without trying something new and challenging itself, the band would never be able to reach new audiences. Szalkowski refuses to put a cap on the band’s creativity.

“Music is made to be listened to, and the elitism surrounding what people think your record should sound like versus what you as an artist think your record should sound like should be done away with,” says Szalkowski. “I don’t really think it has a place in this scene. If you want us to stay in this box, we can do that, but we’re not gonna do it for you.”

In the midst of the negativity, however, Szalkowski makes sure not to let the triumphant moments get buried. His favorite moment of his career thus far was selling out the 2,300-seat London Forum.

“It was this gorgeous venue.

It was somewhere that we had supported New Found Glory,” says Szalkowski. “And I think in that moment I felt validated in all my efforts. I felt like, ‘Damn, we’re really doing this.’”

scene@clevescene.com t@clevelandscene

@masoniccle @hobcleveland

@masoniccleveland

J U S T A N N O U N C E D - O N S A L E F R I DAY TRIBUTE TO JOURNEY

JAN. 7 ON SALE NOW

JAN. 25 ON SALE NOW

FEB. 27 ON SALE NOW

APR. 1 ON SALE FRI. 10AM

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MR. SPEED – TRIBUTE TO KISS w/ THEATRE OF CRÜE TRIBUTE TO MOTLEY CRÜE

MARCH 14 ON SALE NOW

w/ WALKER COUNTY

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MAY 20 ON SALE NOW

DECEMBER 29

THE DEAD SOUTH w/ LEGENDARY SHACK SHAKERS, DANNY OLLIVER

DECEMBER 31

JANUARY 4

JANUARY 5

SAVED BY THE 90’S

G HERBO COMING SOON

JANUARY 10

Dec. 20 Dec. 21 Dec. 23 Dec. 27 Dec. 28 Jan. 2 Jan. 6 Jan. 11 Jan. 15

BUY TICKETS AT

FEB. 25 ON SALE NOW

Bohemian Rhapsody (Queen Tribute) + Madmen Across The Water (Elton John Tribute) Ohio City Singers w/ Clint Holly Boys From The County Hell – Tribute to The Pogues w/ Jack Harris Ten – Tribute to Pearl Jam w/ Best of Foo – Tribute to Foo Fighters The Four Horsemen – Tribute to Metallica w/ Maiden Voyage – Tribute to Iron Maiden Motion City Soundtrack w/ The Sidekicks, Van Dale SOLD OUT Surfaces w/ Public Library Commute Cambridge Room SOLD OUT Capricorn Party ft. Terry Lee Goffee (Tribute to Johnny Cash) w/ SOWFLOW Led Zeppelin 2 plays III: A 50th Anniversary Celebration

Jan. 17 Jan. 18 Jan. 23 Jan. 24 Jan. 27 Jan. 28 Jan. 28 Jan. 30 Feb. 1 Feb. 4 Feb. 7

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Beartooth & Motionless In White w/ Stick To Your Guns, LIMBS G. Love & Special Sauce w/ D.J. Williams’ Shots Fired Magic City Hippies w/ Tim Atlas Cambridge Room Snoop Dogg – I Wanna Thank Me Tour SOLD OUT The Adicts Nightly w/ Sawyer, THE WLDLFE Cambridge Room Tori Kelly w/ Audrey MiKa Trampled By Turtles w/ Them Coulee Boys In Association w/ Beachland Ballroom Thunderstruck – AC/DC Tribute iann dior w/ Landon Cube, POORSTACY Roddy Ricch

Buy tickets at Ticketmaster.com or 216-523-BLUE

Feb. 8 Feb. 9 Feb. 10 Feb. 11 Feb. 11 Feb. 12 Feb. 13 Feb. 14 Feb. 15 Feb. 20

SiriusXM presents Totally 80’s w/ The Motels, Bow Wow Wow, When In Rome II The Allam Betts Band w/ JD Simo, Jackson Stokes Jacquees NGHTMRE w/ KOMPANY, EFFIN, BLACK A.M. – In Association with Cumulus Tall Heights w/ Saint Sister Cambridge Room Badfish: A Tribute to Sublime w/ The Quasi Kings JJ Grey & Mofro w/ Neal Francis Boy Band Review - Demin Valentine Formal Dance Paul Fayrewether Chris Lane

MASONIC CLEVELAND: 3615 Euclid Ave, Cleveland OH 44115 HOUSE OF BLUES: 308 Euclid Ave, Cleveland OH 44114 masoniccleveland.com / houseofblues.com | clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

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| clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

MUSIC A GIFT THAT KEEPS GIVING Another year brings another anniversary for 10,000 Maniacs

By Jeff Niesel Photo by Jeff Fasano

THE ALTERNATIVE ROCK/ MODERN folk group 10,000 Maniacs recently celebrated a handful of anniversaries. Two years ago, the band’s breakout album, In My Tribe, turned 30. Last year, singer Mary Ramsey celebrated 26 years with the group as its lead singer (she replaced Natalie Merchant back in the early ’90s).

And last year also marked the 35th anniversary of the release of their first full-length recording, Secrets of the I Ching. That album caught the attention of the late BBC DJ John Peel, who gave the band its first significant airplay.

As if all those milestones weren’t reason enough to celebrate, this year also marks the 30th anniversary of Blind Man’s Zoo. “It just means I have to find another outfit to wear to fit for the color of the anniversary,” says Ramsey via phone from her Buffalo home, when asked what’s it like to regularly celebrate so many milestones. The band performs with Cats on Holiday at 8 p.m. on Friday at the Music Box Supper Club. “It’s fun. It’s always good for us to celebrate another year of doing things together because there’s been so many. It puts things in perspective to the audience. It’s all of us sharing with the people who are still there with us.”

The band, which also includes bassist Steven Gustafson, keyboardist Dennis Drew, guitarist Jeff Erickson, guitarist John Lombardo and drummer Jerome Augustyniak, first formed in 1981 in Jamestown, New York.

While Ramsey wasn’t a member when the group first formed, she had plenty of musical experience prior to joining the act. Ramsey, who grew up in Washington, D.C., began studying violin at a young age.

“The Suzuki Method was just getting introduced there, and when I saw my sister do that, I wanted to do that too,” she says. “I eventually learned classical music. I also listened to a lot of my parents’ music — the Weavers and Joan Baez and a lot folk stuff. From babysitting money, my sister got [the Beatles album] Revolver and I got the double

albums. And before that, I had a Mr. Rogers’ album. That must’ve influenced me in some way too.”

She met John Lombardo in 1989, after moving to Buffalo, and the two quickly hit it off.

“It’s easy to meet people in Buffalo,” she says. “We first met at a place called Nietzsche’s in Allentown.

play guitar; let’s get together.’”

As John & Mary, they put out two CDs through Rykodisc records, and they opened for 10,000 Maniacs in 1990.

“The 10,000 Maniacs had just put out The Hope Chest, which was old recordings,” says Ramsey.

“John had written lots of the music

10,000 MANIACS with MARY RAMSEY | CATS ON HOLIDAY DUO 8 P.M. FRIDAY, DEC. 20 MUSIC BOX SUPPER CLUB, 1138 MAIN AVE., 216-242-1250 TICKETS: $45-$55, MUSICBOXCLE.COM

I was in this rebel string trio. We would play on the streets. We were on the bill with John’s other band. It was the band he was in after he quit 10,000 Maniacs in the mid-’80s. It was a random meeting, and he was impressed by my playing, and we became friends, and I was impressed by him. We started to play music.

I started to play some guitar one night. He said, ‘You can sing and

on the tapes. I met the band and played strings and did background singing. Natalie [Merchant] was the lead singer, and we did a lot of touring with them. I even played on the Unplugged album. After Natalie wanted to do the solo thing, the other members asked me and John to join the band.”

In 1997, with Lombardo and Ramsey in the fold, the group

cut Love Among the Ruins. With their use of mandolin and violin, songs such as “Even with My Eyes Closed” and “All That Never Happens” still sound like vintage 10,000 Maniacs even with Ramsey handling lead vocals.

“It was fun to make that record,” says Ramsey. “We worked with various people and were quite happy with the CD.” The album yielded a hit with a poignant cover of the moody Roxy Music track, “More Than This.”

“I remember saying, ‘Can we try this?’” Ramsey recalls. “I remember really loving that Roxy Music album Avalon.”

The songwriting sessions for Love Among the Ruins also yielded the songs for The Earth Pressed Flat, an album of B-sides that followed Love Among the Ruins.

Lombardo left the band while it cut 2013’s Music from the Motion Picture but returned to the group for 2015’s Twice Told Tales, an album of traditional folk tunes.

“The band had a history of recording and singing those [folk] songs,” says Ramsey. “The instrumentation of our band works well with those songs. I had found my name in two old tunes, ‘Lady Mary Ramsey’ and ‘Lady Mary Ramsay.’ We thought of them as bookends. You start with one, which is a jig, and the last one is a dance.”

For the upcoming Music Box show, Ramsey says fans can expect “a bit of everything” from the veteran group.

“We may even put in a few holiday tunes,” she says. “I think that will be good. We played [the Music Box] in December before. It’s a great venue, and I love Lake Erie, and I love being near it. [Buffalo and Cleveland] are cousin cities. We can feel the same things climate-ly. We know each other’s bane and our victories. We feel the warm sun on our face and the cool air too when we get frostbit.

[We both know] that wind off the mighty Lake Erie.”

jniesel@clevescene.com t@jniesel | clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

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| clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

LIVEWIRE

all the live music you should see this week Photo courtesy of DRPR

WED

12/18

Boston Manor/Microwave/Heart Attack Man/Selfish Things: 7:30 p.m., $18 ADV, $21 DOS. Grog Shop.

Jake Clemons/Diana Chittester: Earlier this year, singer-songwriter and multi-instrumentalist Jake Clemons released his sophomore album, Eyes On the Horizon.

The nephew of the late Clarence Clemons, a longtime member of Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band, Clemons composed all of the songs on the album (with exception of “Democracy”) and played guitar, keyboards and saxophone. Clemons studied jazz performance at the Virginia Governor’s School for the Arts and started his solo career in 2010. He’s spent the past seven years as the tenor and baritone saxophonist with the E Street Band, stepping in for his late uncle. (Jeff Niesel) 8 p.m., $18 ADV, $20 DOS. Beachland Ballroom.

Hanson/Paul McDonald/Joshua & the Holy Rollers: 7 p.m., $39.50 ADV, $45 DOS. House of Blues.

Debi Lewin “A Broadway Holiday”: 7 p.m., $20. Nighttown.

Brett Lindemann Featuring Jon and Bri Bryant: 7 p.m., $15. Bop Stop.

Marys Lane Cleveland Celtic Christmas/Ray Coleman: 7:30 p.m.

Music Box Supper Club.

THU

12/19

The Fixx/Royston Langdon: 8 p.m., $35-$45. The Kent Stage.

A Holiday Tribute to Frank Sinatra (in the Supper Club): 8 p.m., $10.

Music Box Supper Club.

Kadavar/Ruby the Hatchet/Relaxer/ Frayle: 8:30 p.m., $16 ADV, $18 DOS. Grog Shop.

Whitey Morgan/Them Dirty Roses: 8 p.m., $16.25-$75. Beachland Ballroom.

Russian Duo: 7 p.m., $20. Bop Stop.

Tomo Alone/Xe La Sol: 8 p.m., $5.

CODA. Under the Streetlamp: Hip to the Holidays: 7:30 p.m. MGM Northfield Park.

Jackie Warren Trio: 8 p.m., $15.

Nighttown.

Why?/Gabby’s World: 7 p.m., $16 ADV, $20 DOS. Mahall’s 20 Lanes.

FRI

12/20

10,000 Maniacs/Cats on Holiday

Jake Clemons comes to the Beachland Ballroom. See: Wednesday.

Duo: 8 p.m. Music Box Supper Club.

Bohemian Rhapsody – A Celebration of Queen/Madmen Across the River – A Tribute to Elton John: 8 p.m., $15 ADV, $18 DOS. House of Blues.

The Chestertons Annual Holiday Extravaganza: 7 p.m., $8. CODA. Crobot: 9 p.m., $20. The Winchester.

The George Martins and Friends Performing Abbey Road: 9 p.m., $10. Happy Dog. A Holiday Tribute to Frank Sinatra (in the Supper Club): 7:30 p.m., $10.

Music Box Supper Club.

Jazz Jam Session: 11 p.m., free. Bop Stop.

Jessica Lea Mayfield/The Angie Haze Project: Growing up playing in her parents’ bluegrass band alongside her brother David, a wonderful singer-songwriter in his own right, Mayfield has been making music on stage essentially since she can remember. Her teenage years were full of sketchy shows and last-minute opener gigs, including at the Beachland, just trying to be heard. Eventually, she started making music with Dan Auerbach and later the Avett Brothers. Her 2010 single, “Our Hearts Are Wrong” garnered serious play on college rock stations. Critics and fans alike took notice of her sparse, rock vibe and melancholic vocals.

She’s steadily toured and recorded ever since. (Laura Morrison) 8 p.m., $20. Beachland Ballroom.

Andy Milne & UNISON Featuring La Tanya Hall: 8 p.m., $20. Bop Stop.

Snowed In 7 Featuring State Champs/Grayscale/Hot Mulligan/ Belmont/Sleep On It/Jetty Bones/ Envoi/Better Off/Bad Luck/the

Stolen/Boys Of Fall/’90s Kids/ Elbow Room: 4 p.m., $36.95 ADV, $41.95 DOS. Agora Theatre.

A Very 12 Dogs of Christmas Ale Party Featuring Window Dogs/ Souther/personsplacesthings/ Smith Taylor: 9 p.m., $10 ADV, $12 DOS. Grog Shop.

Jackie Warren: 10:30 p.m., free.

Nighttown.

Erin Zindle & the Ragbirds/Lea Marra & the Dream Catchers: 8 p.m., $13 ADV, $15 DOS. Beachland Tavern.

SAT

12/21

Cruelster/ChoirBoy/FriedE/M/Citric Dummies/Yambag: 8 p.m., $12 ADV, $15 DOS. Now That’s Class.

Madeline Finn/Ohio Weather Band/ Being Still/MILAN: 8:30 p.m., $10 ADV, $12 DOS. Grog Shop.

First Snow: 8 p.m., $20-$25. The Kent Stage.

Joey Fleming of In Her Own Words/Rare Candy/Safe Bet/ Heyohwell/Misery Melody/ Sorrythiswasawkward (in the Locker Room): 7 p.m., $10 ADV, $12 DOS. Mahall’s 20 Lanes.

J@MS Combo Concert: 11:30 a.m., free. Bop Stop.

Machine Gun Kelly XXMAS Show: Wolstein Center.

The Modern Electric/The Vindys/ John’s Little Sister: 8:30 p.m., $12 ADV, $14 DOS. Beachland Ballroom.

Ohio City Singers: Last year, Ohio City Singers, featuring some of Cleveland’s best musicians, released two new tunes and added to its already impressive catalog of original Christmas music. The

zydeco-tinged “What’s the Name of Santa’s Sleigh?” and the rowdy guitar-and-accordion-driven “Hey! Hey! Hey! (It’s a Holiday)” capture holiday magic in a bottle. In addition to band leader Chris Allen, the allstar band features Doug McKean (the Boys From the County Hell), Brent Kirby (the Jack Fords, the New Soft Shoe), Austin “Walkin’ Cane” Charanghat, Don Dixon, Kelly Wright (the Anne E. DeChant Band), Matt Sobol (the Waynes), Nick Stipanovich (the Boys From the County Hell) and Dave Padrutt (Falling Stars). (Niesel) 7 p.m., $18 ADV, $20 DOS. House of Blues.

Part-Time Lover/Cross Brothers/ Psycho Men/Safe Words: 8 p.m., $7.

Happy Dog. Shallowheads/Indian Giver/TRVSS/ deathcar: 7:30 p.m., $6. Mahall’s 20 Lanes.

Signals Midwest/Rusted Hearts/ Rude Staff Checkers / Youth Pallet: 8 p.m., $10 ADV, $12 DOS. Grog Shop.

Michael Stanley & the Resonators/ Donnie Iris & the Cruisers: 7:30 p.m. MGM Northfield Park.

Steely Dan Tribute by The FM Project (in the Supper Club): 7 p.m., $12 ADV, $15 DOS. Music Box Supper Club.

The Stolen Faces: 8:30 p.m., $12 ADV, $14 DOS. Beachland Tavern.

Tropical Cleveland – Hot Latin Holiday Party (in the Supper Club): 11 p.m., $15. Music Box Supper Club.

Jackie Warren: 10:30 p.m., free.

Nighttown.

Herb Wilborn Jr. “The Gift”: 8 p.m., $20. Bop Stop.

Winter Warmup 2019 Featuring G Jones/CharlestheFirst/Dirt Monkey/Earthcry/Risik: 8 p.m.

Agora Theatre.

SUN

12/22

Crash Coffin – 60th Anniversary Show: 8 p.m., $5. Beachland Tavern.

CSNY Tribute by Long Time Gone (in the Supper Club): 5 p.m., $10.

Music Box Supper Club.

Neil Diamond Christmas: 7 p.m., $15 ADV, $18 DOS. Music Box Supper Club.

Cliff Habian Trio: 7 p.m., $20.

Nighttown.

Ernie Krivda’s Fat Tuesday Big Band: Bop Stop.

Moko Bovo/Maura Rogers and the Bellows: 8 p.m., $12 ADV, $15 DOS. Beachland Ballroom. | clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

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LIVEWIRE CHRISTMAS CAROL SING ALONG

SINGING YOUR FAVORITE X-MAS SONGS IN GEORGETOWN RESTAURANT 6 - 8:30PM DEC. 18 ......................ISLAND TROY DEC. 20 .................CAROLINE KING DEC. 21 .................CAROLINE KING DEC. 23 .....................ISLAND TROY

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| clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

The Real 106.1 Homegrown Holiday Show Featuring Dubxx/Preme/ Acky/TY’BRI/OG Cetta/Freshie/ Dre Walton/Will the Genaral/ BIGFVME: 6 p.m. Agora Theatre.

Red Black and Green Christmas Featuring Muamin Collective/ Obnox/Opus/DJ Candi Fresca: The first time the guys in the local hiphop outfit Muamin Collective put on a holiday show, they simply intended to “do something big for when people come home.” This year finds Muamin Collective again headlining the show. Local acts Obnox, Opus and DJ Candi Fresca round out the bill. (Niesel) 8:30 p.m., $5 ADV, $10 DOS. Grog Shop.

School of Rock: 3 p.m., free. CODA.

MON

12/23

Frank Amato’s Christmas Jam: Frank Amato, the lead singer of the long-running local rock band Beau Coup, has enlisted several of Cleveland’s top musicians for his second annual All-Star Christmas Jam. It serves as a fundraiser for Big Brothers/Big Sisters of Lorain County. Beau Coup’s Dennis Lewin, Don Krueger and Bill March will perform alongside locals like Paul Wolf Christensen (Michael Stanley and the Resonators), Eric “Eroc” Sosinski (Michael Stanley and the Resonators/Wish You Were Here), Jennifer Lee (Michael Stanley and the Resonators), Michael Tyler (Unglued), Neil Zaza and many more. Auction items include two tickets to Kiss’ End of the Road tour and an autographed guitar signed by the evening’s all-star band.

(Niesel) 7 p.m., $24 ADV, $28 DOS. Music Box Supper Club.

Boys From the County Hell: For more than 10 years, the Boys From the County Hell, a locally based Pogues tribute act, have played an annual Christmas show. Unlike their St. Patty’s Day marathons, these gigs are one-time events designed to appeal to both locals and all of those annoying out-of-towners who come into Cleveland for the holidays.

While singer-guitarist Chris Allen and fellow bandmate Doug McKean play exclusively Christmas tunes with their other project, the Ohio City Singers, they indulge in only a few seasonal tunes at this gig.

(Niesel) 8 p.m., $18 ADV, $20 DOS. House of Blues.

Coup De Grace/Apostle Jones/ The Buffalo Ryders / Dave Ziggy

Dietke: 8:30 p.m., $8 ADV, $12 DOS. Grog Shop.

Rob Mayes: A former Cleveland who now resides in L.A. and Nashville, singer-songwriter Rob Mayes comes to the Winchester tonight with lots of momentum behind him. “Closer,” the title track from his new EP, made enough of an impact to wind up on the country music charts, and “Road with No Lines,” his second single, has performed well too. With Mayes’ resonant voice and a catchy chorus, it seems destined for radio airplay. Mayes makes a reference to Cleveland in the moody “Prospector,” a tune that’s more rock than country. Expect to hear all these tunes when Mayes, who’s in town for the holidays, performs tonight.

(Niesel) 7 p.m., $10. The Winchester.

Collin Miller & the Brother Nature/ Oregon Space Trail of Doom/ Racket Man: 8:30 p.m., $12 ADV, $15 DOS. Beachland Ballroom.

Dave Thomas and Reggie Kelly: 7 p.m., $15. Bop Stop.

TUE

12/24

Dancehall on Coventry: 10 p.m., $10 ADV, $20 DOS. Grog Shop.

WED

12/25

Blue Lunch with Special Guests Billy Price and Billy Seward: Once again, the local jazz/blues act Blue Lunch will host its annual Holiday Latke Party tonight at the Beachland Tavern. This will be the 12th annual Holiday Latke Party, and soul/blues singer-guitarist Billy Seward, a national artist who’s released two critically acclaimed CDs, will come up from Florida to join the band for the show. Soul singer Billy Price will also join the band. He just performed at the Lucerne Switzerland Blues Fest, and his 2015 release with the late soul legend Otis Clay received the Best Soul Blues Album award at the Blues Music Awards in Memphis.

The Holiday Latke Party concert will mark the first time he’s performed with Blue Lunch. DJ Pete London will spin classic soul and blues before and after Blue Lunch performs. (Niesel) 7:30 p.m., $15 ADV, $18 DOS. Beachland Tavern.

Yule Night at the Grog Shop!

Featuring Vikings of Vulkgaard/ Captain John Stout/Virginia Ackley/Shelby Lynn: 8:30 p.m., $5 ADV, $8 DOS. Grog Shop.

scene@clevescene.com t@clevelandscene

KentStage =HGÍM FBLL MA>L> @K>:M LAHPL MB<D>ML HG L:E> GHP

The Fixx

First Snow

Ekoostik Hookah

Thu December 19

Sat December 21

Tue December 31

Béla Fleck & Abigail Washburn

Hard Day’s Night

The High Kings

Mon February 3

Sat February 22

Mon February 24

We Banjo 3

Dave Mason

Carbon Leaf

Wed March 4

Sat March 7

Sun March 8

Eric Johnson

The Howard Jones Trio

Christone “Kingfish” Ingram

Tue March 10

Fish Grease 2: A Juke Joint Tour Thu March 12

Robert Cray

John Waite

Marc Cohn

Sat March 14

Fri March 20

Sat March 21

Bob Mould

The Brubeck Brothers Quartet

50th Anniversary of The Music of Cream

Mon March 9

Wed March 25

Sat April 11

Wed April 22

ALL SHOWS AT THE KENT STAGE UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED Tickets available at thekentstage.com or 877-987-6487 GMK [w cw i {{ © a{ B e~ JJHJF | clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

43

BAND OF THE WEEK SOFT COPY

By Jeff Niesel

MEET THE BAND: Skylar Keffer (vocals, guitar), Paul Ryan (guitar, vocals), Matt Novak (drums, percussion), Mike Abbadini (electric piano, keyboards, vocals)

room, which has lead walls, so it has really wild reverb. It was a weird place to do it.”

WHERE YOU CAN HEAR THEM: soft-copy.

bandcamp.com.

Mobile is HOTTER THAN EVER CHECK OUT: sexy member videos, hot user stories, and new search filters.

44

| clevescene.com | December 18 - 25, 2019

A HIGH LONESOME MIDWESTERN FOLK THING: This Cleveland band formed

a few years ago and the lineup has shifted over the years. Keffer originally joined as a guitarist and only recently became the band’s principal songwriter. “We’ve all played in bands around Cleveland since we’ve been teenagers,” he says.

“We have a lot of influences from ’90s rock. I like Jason Molina and some of the early bands on the Secretly Canadian record label. I really dig the ‘high lonesome Midwestern folk’ stuff that came out of that era.” The band put out an album a couple of years ago, but Ryan wrote all the songs for that album. Keffer wrote all the songs on the band’s new album, The Big Quiet.

WHY YOU SHOULD HEAR THEM: “Passion Flake,” the opening track on The Big Quiet, features listless vocals and immersive guitar solos as it creates a Dinosaur Jr.-like wall of sound.

“I’ll Get Used to It” features a spacey mid-song bridge that shows off the band’s psychedelic side. The droning “Another Planet Earth” has a Smashing Pumpkins vibe to it. “Paul [Ryan] brings the texture to the songs,” says Keffer. “I bring things to the band in a standard classic singer-songwriter kind of way and Paul layers wonderful things over it.

I write on acoustic guitar and bring the song to the band, and everyone just absolutely fucks it up, and I love it.”

A ‘SUPER CREEPY’ SPACE: The band

WHERE YOU CAN SEE THEM: Soft Copy

spent the past year recording its new album, The Big Quiet, in a former medical clinic building that Keffer says is “out in the sticks.” “It was awesome,” he says. “The building is super creepy. It’s this old medical building. It’s super isolated out there.

We recorded the drums in the X-ray

performs with Factual Brains and the Swimfan at 9 p.m. on Thursday, Dec. 19, at the Little Rose Tavern.

jniesel@clevescene.com t@jniesel

SAVAGE LOVE BLOODY BUSINESS

by Dan Savage

I am a 60-year-old heterosexual man, and I am being told that I’m normal. I have been to several urologists, and they say I have no medical issues. But I’m having a hard time buying it, because for the last six months, my ejaculate has been extremely bloody. This is embarrassing, especially since oral sex — giving and receiving — has always been my favorite. The urologists’ explanation is that as you get older, there are blood vessels within the penis that can break during an erection. They gave me some pills to ensure there was no infection, but then they told me that I’ll probably have to use condoms for the rest of my life. My partner doesn’t need contraceptives, so we haven’t used condoms for decades.

If I were bleeding out of any other orifice, there would be a team of doctors helping me. Is there really no hope?

— Tell Me It Ain’t So “Hematospermia — blood in the ejaculate — is usually not considered a big deal, in the sense that the vast majority of the time it’s not a sign of cancer,” said Dr. Ashley Winter, a board-certified urologist, the cohost of The Full Release podcast, and my go-to expert on all blood-in-spunkrelated matters. “I’d want to know how much he’s actually bleeding and what they’ve done to check him out. But that said, sometimes a guy with a large prostate will bleed with orgasm.”

For everyone out there panicking because they saw blood in their semen one time a decade ago, Dr. Winter says a one-off bloody load isn’t something to worry about.

But if you saw blood in your semen that one time and you have health insurance and you’re a hypochondriac like me, Dr. Winter recommends a visit to a doc for a short consultation and a quick physical exam.

“But in a case like TMIAS’s, where the issue is ongoing and the subject is over 55,” said Dr. Winter, “a typical evaluation would include a PSA blood test (a prostate cancer screening test), as well as testing for STIs (such as gonorrhea, chlamydia, and herpes), along with a urinalysis

to check for blood in the urine and urinary infections. If those tests were not revealing, I would consider doing an ultrasound or MRI of the prostate and surrounding organs, as well as putting a camera up the urethra (called cystoscopy) to check out the plumbing.”

Assuming you’ve had all those tests, and your prostate was present on photo day, and the doctors found no sign of cancer or infection, TMIAS, then what the hell is going on?

“Typically, the cause would be something such as dilated blood vessels along the ejaculate exit route,” aka the urethra. Quickly: The urethra is a tube that connects the outside world (and all those piss bottoms) to your bladder; it’s the tube we all piss through. In males, the urethra pulls double duty: Men also ejaculate through it (and some women do, too!). It runs through the prostate gland, a gland that produces about a third of the seminal fluid.

An enlarged prostate squeezes the urethra, which can make urination difficult and uncomfortable, and can also result in — you guessed it — blood in the semen.

One possible “fix” for an enlarged prostate is a transurethral resection of the prostate (TURP), which basically amounts to “a ‘roto-rootering’ of the prostate,” as Dr. Winter so vividly put it. A doctor shoves something called a resectoscope up your urethra and slices away chunks of prostate tissue.

“The problem with these procedures is that they can cause a person to stop ejaculating at all,” said Dr. Winter. “So if TMIAS has already had a fairly robust evaluation, then either using condoms or just having his sex partner adapt to the presence of blood may be the best solution.

And in the absence of an infection, shooting a bloody load into your partner is not dangerous.

Couples have intercourse during menstruation without harm, and plenty of F-F couples have sex during menstruation as well.”

But hold on and back up and wait just a goddamned minute: Didn’t your doctors say everything looked

normal? Doesn’t that mean your prostate isn’t enlarged?

“A ‘normal’ prostate generally means that it is not cancerous and normal in size for your age,” said Dr. Winter. “As you get older, your prostate gets bigger. So it’s highly probable that what TMIAS has is a big-ass-but-normal-for-his-age prostate. And bigger prostates tend to have larger blood vessels lining the urethra and are therefore more likely to bleed when he experiences those lovely contractions associated with orgasm. When TMIAS was told that ‘there are blood vessels within the penis that can break,’ I suspect his doc was referring to this and was trying to simplify the explanation.”

And while the presence of blood in your ejaculate may not be normal or ideal, TMIAS, it’s likely your normal, and there’s nothing your doctor — or a team of them — can do about it.

“Sometimes a lack of a ‘fix’ is not dismissiveness, it’s just an admittance that a lot of things medical folks do/offer aren’t perfect,” said Dr. Winter.

Follow Dr. Ashley Winter on Twitter @AshleyGWinter, and check out The Full Release podcast, which she cohosts with comedian Mo Mandel, at thefullreleasepod.com.

*** I’m a woman with a dating profile on OkCupid that states I’m nonmonogamous and only looking for the same. Recently, I had two great dates with a guy who described himself as monogamous on his profile. However, after our first date and a lot of messaging, I intuited that he hadn’t actually read the fine print on my profile. Usually guys bring that up when they’ve read it, and he hadn’t mentioned it once. So I brought it up at the end of our second date when we were having post-dinner drinks at a bar.

In retrospect, I should have set up a time to seriously discuss this, not spring it on him while we were drinking, but I felt like the longer it went unsaid, the more “betrayed” he might feel. And boy, did he have a reaction. He went from, “This is

not a deal breaker” to “Oh my god, I can’t do this, I should just go” in 20 minutes, and then rushed out of the bar. We cleared the air the next day, and he apologized for being a jerk and bailing. But clearly we’re not going to be dating going forward.

Maybe this was always how a guy like him was going to react, but when is the right time to bring nonmonogamy up if you meet someone in real life first? Or if it’s clear someone didn’t read the damn fine print on your profile before jumping straight to infatuation? He claimed his meltdown was an emotional response to the conflict he was feeling between (a) the expectation that serious relationships need to lead to monogamy and (b) the great time he was having with someone who turned out to be (gasp) nonmonogamous. Was there a better way to have shared this information? A time sooner or later? We were really clicking, so his freak-out was a huge surprise.

— Read The Fine Print Dude should have read the fine print on your profile. He should have done his screw diligence — but you should have done yours, too. Or followed through with yours. You read the fine print on his profile, RTFP, you knew he described himself as monogamous, but you went on a date with him anyway — you went on two dates and swapped a lot of messages — without stopping to ask him the dreaded direct question (DDQ): “My profile says I’m non-monogamous and only looking for the same, and yours says you’re monogamous. Are you making an exception for me because I’m amazing or did you not read my whole profile?” You should have asked this guy the DDQ, not to spare him the horror of your company and avoid wasting his time, RTFP, but to spare yourself that stupid scene in the bar and avoid wasting your time.

On the Lovecast, Erika Moen’s sex toy gift recs! Listen at savagelovecast.com.

mail@savagelove.net t@fakedansavage

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