San Antonio Current - Summer Issue 2016

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MAY MAY 25-31, 18-24, 2016 2016

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CHAMOY CITY LIMITS

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a sweet Get ready for ith movies, w d e ll fi r e m sum vals, icy concerts, festi more! ips and 1868 treats, road tr

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©2016 SFNTC (2)

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Editorial

Senior Editors: Bryan Rindfuss, Jessica Elizarraras Interim Art Director: Sarah Flood-Baumann Food & Nightlife Editor: Jessica Elizarraras Music Editor: Travis Buffkin Staff Writers: Mark Reagan, Michael Marks Digital Content Editor: Alejandra Lopez Contributors: Alexis Barnhart, Ron Bechtol, Ainsley Caffrey, Erik Casarez, Murphi Cook, James Courtney, Callie Enlow, Jade Esteban Estrada, Dan R. Goddard, Lance Higdon, Steven G. Kellman, Lauren Madrid, Kiko Martínez, Jeremy Martin, Jeff Meyers, Eric Moreno, M. Solis, Gary Sweeney, J.D. Swerzenski Editorial Interns: Sarah Faulk, Gabriela Mata, Freddy Rodriguez, Shannon Sweet, Patricia Valdez

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sacurrent.com • May 25—May 31, 2016 • CURRENT 7

IN THIS

FIRST WORDS

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On “Unsurprisingly, A Proposed MexicanAmerican Studies Textbook Attempts to Whitewash History” // Charles Bennett: Ironic that these conservatives say we shouldn’t try to change history by removing a flag from public grounds, then they turn around and vote for people that literally change history.

On “Historic Building’s Fate Unknown” // TJ Skrodzki: As long as they don’t tear it down. I’d rather see it used for something besides tourist attractions.

However I understand that tourists contribute to our local economy so I can’t disparage them too badly.

ISSUE Issue 16_21 /// May 25 – May 31

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NEWS

Newsmonger Ill-gotten Gains // Gender equality in government // Seeing green

On “Beloved Spur Retires: The Coyote, Rob Wicall, Hangs it Up” // Angel Rodriguez: Enjoy retirement buddy!!

Now when and where can I audition for the next Coyote?

• Send your thoughts, comments or kudos to letters@sacurrent.com

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CALENDAR

Our top picks for the week

ARTS + CULTURE

Frozen Out Clock ticks for vendors on Alamo Plaza

Frothy Farce Thuggery and more in One Man, Two Guvnors

Cityscrapes Summer is baseball season, but where will SA’s team play?

SCREENS

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Festivals for the Rest of Us 14 shindigs to pencil in

Looking Forward Wimberley is hoping for a solid summer one year after tragic disaster

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War of the Words The Playhouse stages the domestic drama Tribes

FOOD

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NIGHTLIFE

A Summer Smorgasbord 10 summer flicks for your blockbuster fix

Squad Goals We check in with the staff at Rebelle

Spooky Good Donkey Lady in shot form?

Yes, please.

Acting Over Plot Points Susan Sarandon is a tour de force in The Meddler

Cool Treats How we’ll be keeping cool this summer

Summer at Sternewirth Hotel Emma’s bar is packing the rum this season

Summer Screens Cinema Tuesday kicks off

Flavor File There’s a new way to visit all your favorite breweries in one day

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MUSIC

Aural Pleasure 3 reviews of 3 releases

ETC.

Savage Love Jonesin’ Crossword Freewill Astrology This Modern World

ON THE

COVER

Breaking Down the Breakdowns A roadmap to the bands performing at River City Rockfest

You’re going to need a raspa or two like the one from Chamoy City Limits on our cover to make it through the next few months. And it won’t hurt to keep this Summer Issue handy, either.

Music Calendar What to see and hear this week

Photo by Julián P. Ledezma

Here Comes the Summer 9 concerts to see this summer

Art direction by Rick Fisher and Sarah Flood-Baumann 8 CURRENT • May 25—May 31, 2016 • sacurrent.com

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NEWS

CHRISTOPHER CARDINALE

BEXAR-O-METER Checking the temperature of events in Bexar County and beyond 1 MILLION S.A. JOBS

NEWSMONGER Ill-gotten Gains // Gender Equality in Government // Seeing Green Ill-gotten Gains The times in Texas are good for the forprofit prison industry.

The GEO Group, which operates the immigrant detention facility in Karnes County, and Corrections Corp. of America, which runs a similar facility in Dilley, Texas, are rolling in cash.

That’s because both groups have contracts with U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement to jail immigrant women and children caught on the border.

The GEO Group made around $510 million, an increase from $427 million from last year’s first quarter revenue.

That’s because of the 626-bed expansion of the Karnes residential center, Grassroots Leadership, an organization that seeks to end for-profit imprisonment, points out in a press release.

As for the Corrections Corp. of America, it experienced a 5-percent increase in first quarter revenue, bringing in $447.4 million.

The company’s Chief Executive Officer Damon Hininger credited the financial performance to “stronger than anticipated demand from our federal partners,” particularly from ICE, according to a company press release.

Rob Wicall Retires Thanks for all the laughs, Spurs Coyote

MARK REAGAN/@210REAGAN

Grassroots Leadership Immigration Programs Director Cristina Parker said that money is made off of the suffering of mothers and children who came to the U.S. seeking refuge.

“It’s sickening to hear CCA and GEO brag about their profitable quarter to shareholders,” Parker said.

Gender Equality in Government San Antonio City Councilwoman Shirley Gonzales wants the Alamo City to adopt a rule requiring 50 percent of all board of commission members to be women.

“It doesn’t have to be overcomplicated,” Gonzales said during a May Governance Committee meeting. “I recognize that putting a quota may put some people off, but I don’t think it’s at all unreasonable.”

Mayor Ivy Taylor agreed that city boards and commissions needed more women, but mentioned that finding people to sit in these positions was already tough.

“I know sometimes Sheryl [Sculley] and I find ourselves in meetings and we look around the room and it’s just us two gals,” Taylor said.

However, City staff is worried about imposing quotas, something other major Texas cities don’t do.

While Gonzales’ request didn’t make it onto an upcoming City Council agenda, San Antonio will study the split between women and men on boards and commissions, and identify boards with acute imbalances. City staff was also

10 CURRENT • May 25—May 31, 2016 • sacurrent.com

directed to look into a targeted marketing campaign to advertise vacancies to organization’s like the San Antonio Women’s Chamber of Commerce.

Gonzales said multiple women’s groups approached her about opportunities to get involved in municipal government.

“We’re just trying to open the door for them, give them more options,” she said.

The request will be revisited this summer during an already planned review of boards and commissions.

Seeing Green As we reported last week, there’s a whole lot of bullshit packed into the Texas Republican Party’s 2016 platform.

But despite all that badness, there is a bright spot in the party’s platform worth highlighting.

“We call upon the Texas Legislature to improve the 2015 Compassionate Use Act to allow doctors to determine the appropriate use of cannabis to prescribed patients,” the document states.

Well, that’s good — albeit a small step for the party. But don’t hold your breath that the Republicans are completely budging on marijuana reform.

“We oppose legalization of illicit and synthetic drugs. We also oppose any needle exchange programs. Faith based rehabilitation programs should be considered as a part of an overall rehabilitation program,” the platform states.

But, hey, baby steps. mreagan@sacurrent.com

1 Million Jobs San Antonio breaks employment record New Braunfels Second-fastest growing city in the country SA Zika Update There’s a total of 6 confirmed cases, 19 pending investigations RIP Musicians Emilio Navaira, Guy Clark die Vista Ridge Pipeline Controversial deal continues to change Illegal Aliens Republicans try to block Library of Congress from removing term from subject lines

sacurrent.com • May 25—May 31, 2016 • CURRENT 11

NEWS

MARK REAGAN

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Blue Hole Regional Park opens for swimming May 30.

Below: A fallen tree stretches across the Blanco River.

MARK REAGAN/@210REAGAN

LOOKING FORWARD

1 year after devastating floods, Wimberley remains a solid summer destination River Road in the Hill Country getaway of Wimberley winds a short way from a three-way stop in the middle of town down a narrow road to the bank of the Blanco River.

From where it starts in the small city, it’s hard to imagine the popular weekender spot for people looking to escape Austin, San Antonio or Houston was devastated by a powerful flash food that killed 11 people in late May of 2015. But when River Road spills gently down a hill to the banks of the Blanco River, numerous overturned, gigantic, majestic bald cypress trees lie cracked and splintered — testifying to the 40-foot-plus wall of water that bulldozed through this valley. A white cross was posted on one still-standing bald cypress. A for sale sign stood a few feet away.

Between May 23 and 25 of last year, historic flooding occurred in South and Central Texas, the worst of which impacted the Blanco and San Marcos rivers. Dubbed the Memorial Day floods, more than 1,000 homes were destroyed or damaged in Hays County — all right before summer, a lucrative season for a town like Wimberley.

Instead of a property tax, it earns revenue through sales tax made from tourists perusing the quirky town square 12 CURRENT • May 25—May 31, 2016 • sacurrent.com

during the summer months while visiting a multitude of attractions, like Jacob’s Well or Blue Hole Regional Park.

While many places were damaged by this major rain event, Wimberley experienced the worst of it.

And when national and regional media poured in to cover the flood, a depiction of a warzone was broadcast all across Texas and the country. The only problem for Wimberley? That wasn’t an accurate picture.

“It was causing an economic disaster,” Wimberley Chamber of Commerce Executive Director Cathy Moreman said.

On the fourth or fifth day of the flood, Moreman said she’d had enough of how television news was portraying Wimberley.

“They were saying how devastated the town was,” Moreman said, explaining that much of the town square and the art galleries and shops were unaffected. “They got wet on their roofs, but were not flooded. They kept portraying Wimberley as washed away, so people stayed away.”

So after watching yet another disappointing news report, she rushed out to where the TV crew was filming and banged on the back of their van as they were pulling away.

“I was hoping they might change their angle. So [the

reporter] came and met with me and I think that was a turning point,” she said. “They put it on the news. They filmed the town and shops and all of that.”

While the national media didn’t come back, regional outlets began redirecting their focus toward recovery and support efforts in Wimberley, but the last memory many non-Texans have of Wimberley is of a disaster zone.

“We still get calls where people ask if the shops are OK,” Moreman said.

Those media portrayals had a financial impact on Wimberley. The summer of 2015 wasn’t what it should have been for the town, though an influx of volunteers, who brought not only expertise and help, but also contributed to sales tax revenue, helped pad the financial fall a bit.

But now a year has passed. And though signs of tragedy still dot the bank of the Blanco River, the city is gearing up for what it hopes is a strong summer with lots of visitors.

“We are very, very hopeful,” she said.

And there’s a ton of reasons for Moreman and Wimberley to be hopeful.

CONTINUED ON PAGE 15 ►

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NEWS

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Cypress Creek flows through Blue Hole Regional Park. Below: A man jumps into Jacobs Well.

◄ CONTINUED FROM PAGE 12

For starters, The Texas Commission on the Arts designated Wimberley’s town square, which holds a multitude of art galleries, restaurants and shops as a Texas Cultural District.

“Wimberley is the smallest one. So it’s kind of a feather in the cap for us,” she said.

But some of the town’s most exquisite attractions are natural, and a great way to cool down during the Lone Star State’s brutal summer heat.

Take the one-of-a-kind Jacob’s Well, for instance.

The Jacob’s Well Natural Area features a natural spring that flows from an underground cave. The waters feed Cypress Creek, which winds its way through downtown Wimberley.

People used to be able to show up and swim as they please, but that’s changed.

Hays County now owns and operates the park, and swimmers must reserve a two-hour time slot online with the county to swim. There is also a fee to visit the park now. Adult entry is $9, with a sliding fee schedule for Hays County residents, children and seniors.

The artesian well opens for swimming on May 30.

“There are people that come from all over the world to see it,” Moreman said.

“It used to be a place you kind of knew about … and the county took over to protect it. So there is limited access.”

For more swimming options, visit Blue Hole Regional Park, which is just a short jaunt away from the town square. The 126-acre park features 3.5

miles of trails and a beautiful swimming area shaded by cypress trees. The swimming season is May 30 through September 5.

“Then there’s Old Baldy, which is a hill,” Moreman said. “It’s one of the highest points here. Visitors can gain access to that from dawn to dusk. It’s 218 steps to get to the top and you get a panoramic view of the valley.”

Summer will also feature theatrical performances, like Shrek The Musical, at the EmilyAnn Theatre & Gardens (1101 Ranch Road 2325). And the Corral Theatre (100 Flite Acres Road) will host outdoor movie screenings. But one of Wimberley’s biggest draws is its monthly market days, which are every first Saturday through December.

“And that has almost 500 outdoor booths along shaded walking paths,” Moreman said. “There’s food, crafts, antiques, household items, all that stuff, and that brings a lot of visitors to town.

And that traffic doesn’t stop. We just had our best month ever.”

Moreman hopes that momentum continues through the summer. Even though the tight-knit community is still remembering the lives that were lost and forever changed by the Memorial Day floods — and some who are still repairing and rebuilding — Wimberley’s designation as a go-to summer destination in the Texas Hill Country remains as constant as the current of the Blanco River. mreagan@sacurrent.com

WIMBERLEY VALLEY

ARTS & CULTURAL ALLIANCE Promoting the Vibrant Cultural Arts of a Vibrant Community Music, Art, And Theater

Horizontal Format - Business Card/Letterhead/Business Forms Version 1

Wimberley Alive! wimberleyalive.org Live Theater - EmilyAnn Theater emilyann.org & Wimberley Players wimberleyplayers.org

Celebrating Our Culture And History In Art Bootiful Wimberley bootifulwimberley.com

Join Us For Our Next Big Cultural Event : Wimberley Alive! Arts and Music Festival

Partnering with Wimberley Crisis Bread Basket to help end hunger at home

November 11-13 • wimberleyalive.org

sacurrent.com • May 25—May 31, 2016 • CURRENT 15

NEWS

NAN PALMERO / JESSE ACOSTA(INSET)

CITYSCRAPES

Play Ball!

music - food - fun

HEYWOOD SANDERS

Mayor Ivy Taylor wants AAA baseball in San Antonio. And a new Downtown ballpark, with a cost estimated at $75 million — for now. Her announcement was not greeted with collective shouts of joy and civic enthusiasm.

For some, the baby step up from AA to AAA ball isn’t much for a “city on the rise.” Especially not when it means we’re likely getting the team that used to be in Colorado Springs. “What about the Major Leagues?” some asked.

“Shouldn’t we wait until we have a shot at a real team?” And what does being minor league in baseball say about our chances for getting an NFL team, now that more than 20 years have passed since we built the Alamodome?

It’s the “Downtown” part of a ballpark that appears critical to the mayor’s plans. Minor league parks have emerged as key parts of downtown revitalization plans in places like Birmingham, Nashville, and El Paso.

So watch for claims about how those ballparks have boosted development and downtown activity. But those cities aren’t San Antonio. And our own experience with new sports facilities has been far from the best.

The Alamodome was touted as more than just key to getting us an NFL team. It was supposed to boost

our convention business, create thousands of new jobs and spur a dramatic boom on the East Side. A 1994 consultant study for developer Zachry Realty described a “world class visitor destination center around the historic Sunset Depot,” supported by an estimated three million annual attendees at the neighboring Alamodome. The San Antonio ExpressNews headlined the Sunset Station plans as the “dawn of historic area’s rebirth” in September 1997, with the renovated complex expected to attract more than 1.7 million visitors a year.

Today, the historic depot is largely empty, the Sunset Station area mostly devoid of visitors. The entertainment complex at the Station run by the Graham Brothers fizzled, and two eateries, including Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse, have left, though Smoke now occupies the space.

Then there’s the AT&T Center. The regular stream of dedicated Spurs fans, Stock Show and Rodeo attendees and event-goers were supposed to boost development around the Coliseum area.

Not much has happened.

So watch for a wave of promises of new development and investment, along with some real conflict over where the ballpark will actually be built. But don’t expect too much.

Free Concert Fridays

Join us June 3rd through October 28th from 7PM - 11PM

June 3 - After Five Dance Party

June 10 – Big E and the Wild Hairs

Featuring the best local sounds of San Antonio.

Southern and Classic Rock, Blues

June 17 - Bittersweet Variety Rock

June 24 - Chillfactor High Energy Rock

A GREAT EVENING FOR THE ENTIRE FAMILY! 739 E. Cesar E. Chavez Blvd. | 210.223.3101 | ToweroftheAmericas.com sacurrent.com • May 25—May 31, 2016 • CURRENT 17

WINE ENTHUSIAST RATINGS SCORE OUT OF 100 POINTS

D FTE A R DC in HAN

S A X TE

PTS

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CALENDAR

MARK GREENBURG

WED

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Barney Smith’s 95th Birthday Party SPECIAL EVENT

One of San Antonio’s greatest characters — retired plumber, raconteur and Toilet Seat Art Museum proprietor Barney Smith — is turning 95, and a few fellow eccentrics believe it should be a big deal. Check out the museum, admire his newly unveiled birthday seat, sign a seat yourself and visit with the infectiously enthusiastic man of the hour. There will be lots of chocolate desserts and whole milk (Barney loves chocolate almost as much as he loves a little attention) and, hopefully, some special guests. P.S. It’s a surprise! Free (donations for art supplies welcome), 6-8pm, Toilet Seat Art Museum, 239 Abiso Ave., (210) 824-7791, facebook.com/satxtsam.

— Allen Rindfuss

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WED

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W-I-P Crème DANCE

A long-running collaboration between Jump Start and San Antonio Dance Umbrella, W-I-P (Wednesdaysin-Performance/Works-In-Progress) take shape in monthly “performance labs” where movement-based artists develop works via feedback sessions.

As its title suggests, W-I-P Crème whips the season’s cream of the crop into a fully staged performance. Ranging from contemporary pieces to multimedia experiments, this year’s showcase unites modern dancer Crissy Ketchum, Chicano performance artist Adel Hernandez, writer Laurie Dietrich, filmmaker Erik Bosse and members of Aerial Horizon. $8-$10, 7pm, Jump Start Performance Co., 710 Fredericksburg Road, (210) 227-5867, jump-start.org. — Bryan Rindfuss

THU

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The Crowd

FILM

As part of the Get Reel film series, which ties into their current exhibition “Coney Island: Visions of an American Dreamland, 1861-2008,” the McNay screens director King Vidor’s 1928 silent film that follows the turbulent relationship between a couple (James Murray and Eleanor Boardman) who decide to marry at the end of their first date at Coney Island. The film was nominated for two Oscars (Best Picture and Best Director) at the first-ever Academy Awards ceremony. It was one of the first 25 films selected for preservation in the U.S. National Film Registry by the Library of Congress in 1989. Free, 7pm, McNay Art Museum, 6000 N. New Braunfels Ave., (210) 824-5368, mcnayart.org.

– Kiko Martínez

THU

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Buttercup: A Musical Journey MUSIC

Hometown rock ‘n’ rollers Buttercup have never lacked ambition — past feats include a packed 7 a.m. gig at the Cobalt Club, a live talk show and onstage snake-handling.

The latest coup is an “ambulatory” show at the Empire Theatre, in which Erik Sanden, Joe Reyes, Odie and the Navaira brothers provide a tour of the Majestic/Empire complex, inviting the audience to explore the backstage warrens of the historic Downtown theaters. The concert and Downtown history listen is dedicated to the late tejano legend Emilio Navaira, the father of band members Diego and Emilio, Jr. $30, 7:15pm, Charline McCombs Empire Theatre, 226 N. St. Mary’s St., (210) 226-3333, majesticempire.com.

— Matt Stieb

CALENDAR

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FLUX featuring Celestial Trax MUSIC

A creative collision of club music and street art, the local collective RAHK is possibly known best for its Downtown alley party Dream City Beneath but comes together regularly for FLUX. Organized by William C. Burkholder and artist Deleted (of Laws Crew), the club night has hosted national and international guests since its inception in 2014. Specializing in experimental dance music with nods to grime and jungle, London-bred, New York-based outfit Celestial Trax headlines the latest edition with support from DJs PuppyButt, I/O, Rad Envelope and Espre and performances by rising local vogue troupe House of Kenzo (pictured). $5, 9pm-2am, Web House, 320 Blanco Road, facebook.com/web.house.satx. — BR

ANDRIEI AVERBUCH

WAYNE HOLTZ

FRI

SAT

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TPY: Texas BBQ SPECIAL EVENT

A hub for Alamo City aerosol artists, The Paint Yard (TPY) puts a decidedly urban spin on Memorial Day weekend with TPY: Texas BBQ, an all-ages event sponsored by Pabst Blue Ribbon and innovative German spray paint brand Montana Cans. Anything but a backyard barbecue, the celebration brings 40-plus vendors (Black Moon Print, Broseph and San Antonio Battles Everybody among them) and dozens of aerosol artists to the retailer/gallery/ gathering place’s new location on the fringes of Southtown. Besides street art in the making, attendees can expect to find food trucks, body-painters, b-boy battles and DJ beats. $5, 3-11pm, The Paint Yard, 1216 Hoefgen St., tpy-urbancolors.com. — BR

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Échale Latino Music Estyles MUSIC

Returning to its post under Highway 281, the Pearl’s Échale block party promises a wild and all-female tip-off to the summer. New York quartet Mariachi Flor de Toloache (pictured) brings a bilingual mélange of soul, cumbia and traditional mariachi, with bright instrumentals and arresting group choruses. Girl in a Coma’s Nina Diaz fronts her five-piece alt-pop band with the confidence of two years of solo performance. San Antonio’s Mariachi Las Alteñas proves the booming power of a mariachi in the big band setting. And Chulita Vinyl Club, one of South Texas’ premier spinning collectives, provides the house blend. Free, noon-6pm, parking lot under Hwy. 281 (north of Pearl Pkwy.), atpearl.com. — MS

TUE

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The Wizard of Oz THEATER

Based on L. Frank Baum’s fantastical children’s novel and first adapted for the stage in 1902, The Wizard of Oz found an extravagant new life through the Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice collaboration landing at The Majestic on Tuesday via Broadway in San Antonio. Closely following the 1939 Technicolor gem that turned Judy Garland into a gingham-clad icon, the duo’s 2011 redux adds a sprinkling of new songs (including the Wicked Witch of the West’s “Red Shoes Blues”) to the film’s Oscarwinning score and stars rescued Cairn terriers Nigel and Loki in the beloved role of Toto. $30-$125, 7:30pm, The Majestic Theatre, 224 E. Houston St., (210) 2263333, majesticempire.com.

— Murphi Cook

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AT PEARL· SA, TX

NORTH OF PEARL PKWY STAURANTS RE L AR PE M O FR D O FO G N RI U AT FE ONS TI LA AL ST IN T AR VE LI RS O D N CRAFT VE

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CALENDAR NIGHTLIFE

WED

TUE

Art

Art opening: “Stylez” International

Academy of Music and the Arts unveils a group exhibit encompassing multiple styles and forms of expression, including Chicano pop art (Israel Rico), three-dimensional paintings (Karen Faye) and “Eurovintage” (Angela Swensen) and Western-inspired works (Clyde D. Lewis). Free, 6-9pm Friday; International Academy of Music and the Arts, 1627 Broadway, (210) 669-4277.

”Coney Island: Visions of an American Dreamland, 1861-2008” Fitting for the

locale that introduced the nation to roller coasters, Coney Island has seen its fair share of ups and downs. Possibly named by the Dutch in honor of the resident rabbits (or “coneys”) that once hopped its shores, the Brooklyn attraction evolved in tandem with the advent of three key amusement parks — Steeplechase Park, Luna Park and Dreamland — that lured guests with bathhouses, ballrooms, sideshow acts and spectacles ranging from elephant rides to a “Human Roulette Wheel.” Marked by devastating fires, ambitious reinventions and hefty doses of crime and prostitution, the beachfront destination earned a reputation as both “America’s Playground” and “Sodom by the Sea.” Home to the weathered wooden roller coaster the Coney Island Cyclone (opened in 1927), Charles Hermann’s iconic Wonder Wheel (opened in 1920) and the Coney Island History Project Exhibition Center (opened in 2004), the legendary landmark comes to light locally via “Coney Island: Visions of an American Dreamland, 1861-2008,” a

touring show exploring Coney Island not just as a place but as “an idea” that courses through more than 140 objects — from circus posters and sideshow banners to carousel animals and photographs by the likes of Diane Arbus and Walker Evans. $10$20, 10am-4pm Wednesday, 10am-9pm Thursday, 10am-4pm Friday, 10am-5pm Saturday, noon-5pm Sunday, 10am-4pm Tuesday; McNay Art Museum, 6000 N. New Braunfels Ave., (210) 824-5368.

”Maya: Hidden Worlds Revealed” The

Witte debuts its sprawling new Mays Family Center with the Texas premiere of “Maya: Hidden Worlds Revealed.”

Suitable for archaeology buffs of all ages, the immersive exhibition combines interactive displays with a plethora of artifacts (more than 200) to educate visitors on the civilization’s major cultural accomplishments (including its famous calendar system) and provide a glimpse into the lives of ancient Mayans via authentic examples of both everyday objects and finely crafted works of art. $15-$20, 10am-5pm Wednesday-Saturday, noon-5pm Sunday, 10am-5pm Monday, 10am-8pm Tuesday; Witte Museum, 3801 Broadway, (210) 357-1900.

”Rodin: The Human Experience”

Commemorating the 100th anniversary of the death of modern master Auguste Rodin (known best for his iconic bronze The Thinker), the touring “Rodin: The Human Experience, Selections from the Iris and B. Gerald Cantor Collections” brings together 32 bronzes, including depictions of writers Victor Hugo and Honoré de Balzac and God

31

PechaKucha vol. 22

It’s time again for your quarterly dose of wit and wisdom from local luminaries. Since 2011, San Antonio’s chapter of PechaKucha (Japanese for “chitchat”) has provided a uniquely vibrant space for all manner of accomplished and passionate folks to share their interests, expertise and secrets. The PechaKucha format, first developed in Japan back in 2003 by Klein Dytham Architecture, is beautifully simple: eight presenters get 20 slides each, which are each shown for only 20 seconds, for a total of six minutes and 40 seconds per presentation. The pacing and brevity of the presentations force presenters to whittle away at their material until only the most important elements are left. For the audience, the format allows for easy digestion of material and decreases opportunities for boredom. San Antonio’s 22nd PechaKucha Night brings together activist and vegan restaurateur Rebecca “Rebel Mariposa” Lopez (pictured), Kristal Cuevas (“yogipreneur” at Southtown Yoga Loft), Armand A. Fermin (Army medic), Peter French (entrepreneur and community builder), Omar Gonzalez (Hemisfair director of real estate), Sam Lerma (filmmaker and educator), Elaine Kearney (landscape architect at TGB Partners) and Jeff Moore (cyclist and systems analyst). $5, happy hour at 7:30pm, presentations at 8:30pm, Yanaguana Garden at Hemisfair, 434 S. Alamo St., pksa22.splashthat.com. — James Courtney (which oddly doubles as self-portrait), his Torso of the Walking Man and works derived from a casting of his monumental sculptural group The Gates of Hell. $10-$15, 10am-5pm Wednesday-Thursday, 10am-9pm Friday, 10am-5pm Saturday-Sunday, 10am-9pm Tuesday; San Antonio Museum of Art, 200 W. Jones Ave., (210) 978-8100.

”Up and Out” Although raised in a family

of “fierce atheists,” Boston-based sculptor and printmaker Liz Shepherd developed a fascination with “the human search for meaning through faith.” Inspired by the motifs associated with Jacob’s Ladder, her project “Up and Out” presents ladders and staircases not so much as potential routes to Heaven but precarious points of departure and steps into the unknown.

Encompassing multicolored ladders cast in resin, stairs made from reclaimed doors and prints on bedsheets, Shepherd’s “Up and Out” takes shape in a site-specific installation in Artpace’s Hudson (Show) Room through August 28. Free, noon-5pm Wednesday-Sunday; Artpace, 445 N. Main Ave., (210) 212-4900.

Theater

A Chorus Line In 1975, A Chorus Line

marked a turning point for Broadway — it’s one of the first shows to broach homosexuality — and paved the way for other groundbreakers like Rent. Set at a dance audition, the musical spotlights the individuality of dancers vying to become part of a homogeneous chorus.

This contrast demonstrates that even the background players have struggles

JOSH HUSKIN

25

Thorgy Thor

In the process of bringing it to the mainstream via cable TV, RuPaul’s Drag Race has significantly changed (some say killed) drag, especially for performers who don’t make it onto the show. Few contestants have summed up the current drag landscape or the ins and outs of said reality competition series better than season eight fan favorite Thorgy Thor — a classically trained violinist, fun-loving “fashion clown,” Brooklyn nightlife fixture, performance artist and co-creator of the live vintage clothing auction Alotta Stuff. “Now that you can watch everything on TV, it’s kind of killed the going out of it all … People will pay a $25 ticket and flock to go see one of the Drag Race girls, but they’ll never come out to see all the local girls,” Thor told Queerty last month. Fittingly, Thor (born Shane Galligan) comes to San Antonio courtesy of Rey Lopez Entertainment, an outfit that banks on the selling power of Drag Race stars but thoughtfully rounds evenings out with performances by emerging and established local drag queens. Hosted by repeat Best of San Antonio winner Tencha la Jefa, Thor’s San Antonio premiere unites the talents of RLE Showgirls Felisha Andrews, Amerie Parker, Nilaya Milan Raven, Aaron Andrews, Chyna Cravens and Alayna Marquez. $10-$25, 10:30pm & midnight, Heat Nightclub, 1500 N. Main Ave., (210) 227-2600, facebook.com/reylopezentertainment. — Bryan Rindfuss

and dreams, and the show as a whole is a cathartic experience for the audience and performers alike. Tim Hedgepeth directs The Playhouse’s production. $12$30, 8pm Friday-Saturday, 3pm Sunday; The Playhouse, 800 W. Ashby Pl., (210) 733-7258.

A Wolverine Walks into a Bar Writer

and performer Jaston Williams, best known for his work with Joe Sears on a popular series of off-kilter comedies set in mythical Tuna, Texas, returns to The Classic to reprise his latest collection of monologues. Subtitled Conversations Over Ice, the curiously named A Wolverine Walks into a Bar ... nods to San Antonio stories and conversations in bars, where “tongues tend to loosen and the memories bubble up.” Back by popular demand for two weekends only, this expanded version adds new characters to a mix that includes a gun-toting Mary Kay saleswoman and an aging Auntie Mame clone. $20, 8pm Friday-Saturday, 3pm Sunday; Classic Theatre of San Antonio, 1924 Fredericksburg Road, (210) 589-8450.

Let’s Twist Again Missy Miller Presents

and the Josephine’s very own troupe of performers revisit the music of Elvis Presley, Frankie Valli, Roy Orbison, The Beach Boys, The Beatles, The Monkees, Dusty Springfield, The Shangri-Las and other ’50s and ’60s greats in this second installment of Legends Of The Golden Oldies. $10-$20, 7:30pm Saturday, 2:30pm Sunday; Josephine Theatre, 339 W. Josephine, (210) 284-7869.

sacurrent.com • May 25—May 31, 2016 • CURRENT 23

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VIVA POESÍA: PALABRA, MUSICA Y CULTURA Join us for VIVA Poesía featuring Jesse Borrego. This event will include a community Poetry Slam hosted by Anthony the Poet, a film screening and live music performance

by Las Tesoros de San Antonio, and Los Nahuatlatos, interactive workshops, and artisan vendors. Plenty of food and beverages will be available, including FREE paletas throughout the day! Free admission. #VIVAPOESÍA

6P – 11P 3100 Roosevelt Ave, San Antonio Texas, 78214 For more information, call (210) 207-8612 or visit getcreativesanantonio.com/missionmarqueeplaza #missionmarqueeplaza CITY OF SAN ANTONIO

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24 CURRENT • May 25—May 31, 2016 • sacurrent.com

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CALENDAR

Life Lessons: Confessions The newly

formed Viva Theater Company debuts a collection of poems, monologues, short stories and scenes exploring the theme of Life Lessons: Confessions. $5 suggested donation, 7-9pm Tuesday; La Botánica, 2911 N. St. Mary’s St., (210) 392-0463.

The Supper Hour in Hell Written by Tess

Light, the two-act comedy The Supper Hour in Hell is set in an upscale restaurant filled with shallow, witty, unpolished, aspirational, indecisive and sophisticated characters entangled in complicated relationships. We bounce from table to table listening in as the café’s snarky waiter chimes in on conversations. If you’ve ever sat through an uncomfortable meal with someone, pull up a seat, order the sturgeon and share in the awkwardness.

Morgan Clyde directs the local premiere at The Overtime, where your table “will be ready in eleventy-five minutes.” $10-$15, 8pm Friday-Saturday, 3pm Sunday; Gregg Barrios Theater at the Overtime, 1203 Camden St., (210) 557-7562.

Film

Mad Max: Fury Road As part of its Cult

Movies series, Mission Library offers a free screening of George Miller’s postapocalyptic Oscar winner starring Charlize Theron as a commander rebelling against a tyrannical ruler with the help of a group of female prisoners, a psychotic worshipper and a drifter named Max (Tom Hardy). Free, 5pm Thursday; Mission Library (Meeting Room South), 3134 Roosevelt Ave., (210) 207-2704.

Words

The Holocaust: Learn & Remember In

conjunction with the ongoing program The Holocaust: Learn & Remember, Central Library welcomes Dr. Bernd Wollschlaeger for a discussion about A German Life: Against All Odds Change Is Possible, an account of growing up in the shadow of his father (a Nazi tank commander), leaving his family, converting to Judaism and serving in the Israel Defense Forces.

Free, 6pm Thursday; Central Library, 600 Soledad St., (210) 207-2500.

Two Nights of Chekhov, Wine, & Cheese

Professor Bonnie Lyons wraps up her two-night series with a casual program shedding light on iconic Russian author Anton Chekhov’s play The Cherry Orchard. $15, 6:30-8:30pm Wednesday; Gemini Ink, 1111 Navarro St., (210) 734-9673.

Comedy

Joshua David Evans Possibly known best

for his earnest catchphrase “Be nice to people,” YouTube personality, pop singer, actor and self-described “momma’s

boy” Joshua David Evans brings his second solo tour to the Laugh Out Loud stage for a one-night only performance suitable for ages 12 and up. $25, 7:30pm Wednesday; Laugh Out Loud Comedy Club, 618 NW Loop 410, (210) 541-8805.

Special Events

The Great Love Drop A collection of love

letters and journals written by people from all over the world, the locally based Love Letter Library pops up on the lawn in front of The Twig to take part in the worldwide initiative The Great Love Drop. In addition to providing supplies for 500 love letters for attendees to write and drop in the San Antonio area, the pet-friendly event promises gluten-free pastries from Real Crumbles Bakery and free yoga classes (plus a photo booth) presented by Mobile Om. Free, 10am-1pm Sunday; The Twig Book Shop, 306 Pearl Pkwy, Suite 106, (210) 826-6411.

Viva Villa Lotería Viva Villa adds weekly games of lotería to its mix of tacos, craft beer and margaritas. Free, 7-9pm Wednesday; Viva Villa Taquería, 905 Dolorosa St., (210) 987-8482.

Talks Plus

The Vagina Dialogue: A Conversation Between Women Local OB/GYN Dr. Troy

Hailparn discusses changes women’s bodies go through in different stages of their lives and how these changes can impact quality of life and sexual function.

Free, 7pm Thursday; Sexology Institute and Boutique, 727 S. Alamo St., (210) 487-0371.

Worm Farming in South Texas Kyle

Harrell of Texas Red Worms offers tips on creating “a worm oasis” sure to benefit your yard and garden. Free, 2-3pm Saturday; Rainbow Gardens, 2585 Thousand Oaks Drive, (210) 680-5734.

Zombie Awareness Pan American

Library observes Zombie Awareness Month with a teen gathering exploring the possibility of a future zombie apocalypse. Are you prepared? Free, 3:30pm Saturday; Pan American Library, 1122 W. Pyron Ave., (210) 207-9150.

CELEBRATE PRIDE MONTH EVERY SATURDAY IN JUNE! Sat., June 4, 6-9 pm, Opening Reception: “Profiling Made Visible:The Art of Mark Anthony Martinez & Michael Martinez”

Sat., June 18, 2 pm: “Dialog/Diálogo,” A gallery conversation with curator David S. Rubin & artists Mark Anthony & Michael Martinez

Sat., June 11, 2 pm: “Queer Disclosure: Identity. Biopolitics & Medical Practice,” a gallery talk by Will Robertson (Dept. of Anthropology, U. Arizona)

Sat., June 25, 2 pm: Queer Poetry Reading Organized by Michael Martinez

Open Fridays & Saturdays, 1-4 pm, or by appt.

2803 Fredericksburg Road, San Antonio, TX 78201 210.383.9723 | bihlhausarts.org

sacurrent.com • May 25—May 31, 2016 • CURRENT 25

26 CURRENT • May 25—May 31, 2016 • sacurrent.com

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Festivals

Stay close to home this summer and enjoy your share of crawfish, tequila and salsa dancing KIKO MARTÍNEZ

≥

Rest of Vs JUNE 10-12

• Fredericksburg Crawfish Festival

JUNE 10-12

• Festival of Flowers

> Celebrating its 19th year, this premiere gardening event will feature exhibitors, demonstrations, competitions and seminars on topics like butterfly gardening, natural pest control techniques and growing daylilies. Stop by and listen to the Organic Roundtable at 2 p.m. hosted by Bob Webster from Shades of Green, named Best Plant Nursery in our Best of San Antonio 2016 issue. $6, 9am5pm, Alzafar Shrine Auditorium, 901 N. Loop 1604 W., (210) 380-3532, safestivalofflowers.com.

MAY 28-30

• Memorial Day Celebration!

> Presented by Market Square and El Mercado Association, this three-day festival is the perfect way

• Texas Folklife Festival

> In its 45th year, the Texas Folklife Festival continues to share the state’s rich culture and heritage with guests through an assortment of food, music, dance, arts and crafts. Entertainment and demos traditionally include Flemish folk dancing, mariachi performances, trick roping, cattle branding, wood carving and sheep shearing. $5-$12, 5-11pm Fri, 11am-11pm Sat, noon-7pm Sun, Institute of Texan Cultures, 801 E. Cesar Chavez Blvd., (210) 458-2224, texancultures.com.

> Spend Memorial Day weekend sucking on crustaceans at this Cajun-inspired festival in the center of Fritztown. Along with the buckets of crawdads at your fingertips, enjoy tons of other festival foods and dance to live music by Jason Boland and the Stragglers, Bayou Roux and Kaylee Rutland. $5-$12, 6-11pm Fri, 11am11pm Sat, noon-6pm Sun, Marktplatz, 126 W. Main St., Fredericksburg, (830) 433-5225, fbgcrawfish.com.

MAY 28

for the

for both residents and tourists to get a taste of the kind of family-friendly fun that can be had in Downtown San Antonio when you mix live music, food booths and shopping. Free, noon-8pm Fri-Sun, Market Square, 514 W. Commerce St., (210) 207-8600, getcreativesanantonio.com.

Skipping out on that trip to the Hamptons with your BFFs this summer? Couldn’t find one house for rent in all of Tuscany for the entire family? Or maybe you’re just dreading the time it’s going to take TSA to get you through airport security so you can board your flight to Milan or Minsk. Whatever the reason you’ve decided to forego a big vacation this summer, there’s still plenty to do in and around the San Antonio area, especially if you’re a fan of seasonal festivals. Here’s a look at 14 you might want to circle on your calendar, unless, of course, that 17-hour road trip to Disney World with the kids screaming in the backseat is still an option.

MAY 27-29

ARTS + CULTURE

•

ttom : From top to bo stival, Fe e lif lk Texas Fo g ur sb ick er ed Fr l, Craw fish Festiva s, er ow Fl Festival of st Fe es rg Be Boerne

• Texas River Fest

> Hop into an inner tube and take a ride down the Comal River on Friday and/or the Guadalupe River on Saturday and enjoy music while you float. After your trip down the river, shuttles will take you to Downtown New Braunfels or Gruene, where more music awaits. Sunday brunch rounds out the weekend. $25-$50, 4pm Fri, noon Sat, 5pm Sun, Rockin’ R Comal (193 S. Liberty St.) and Rockin’ R Gruene (1405 Gruene Road), New Braunfels, (830) 620-6262 and (830) 629-9999, texasriverfest.com.

JUNE 17-19

• Boerne Berges Fest

>Learn about the German heritage around the Boerne area during this 50th annual three-day festival that features wheelbarrow races, bratwurst and watermelon eating contests, horseshoe tournaments, root beer CONTINUED ON PAGE 32 ►

sacurrent.com • May 25—May 31, 2016 • CURRENT 31

ARTS + CULTURE

•

From left to right: Summer Solstice Film Festival, San Antonio Salsa Festival, Cactus Pear Music Festival, Float Fest

KODY MELTON

JAIME MONZON

JULY 4

◄ CONTINUED FROM PAGE 31

drinking contests, Dachshund races, a parade and carnival, a Miss Berges Fest Pageant and much more.

Free, noon-midnight Fri, noon-1am Sat, noon-6pm Sun, Kendall County Fairgrounds, 1307 River Road, Boerne, (830) 249-2839, bergesfest.com.

JUNE 18

• Tequila, Taco and Cerveza Fest

> If you thought barbacoa and Big Red went well together, check out this tasty festival also taking place in El Paso, Albuquerque, Las Cruces, Denver and Phoenix.

Showcasing a diverse selection of Mexican beers and more than 60 different tequilas from around the world, the festival will also feature food trucks, live bands, Chihuahua racing and a “tequila Olympics.” $30-$40, 2-10pm, Freeman Coliseum Expo Hall, 3201 E. Houston St., (210) 226-1177, tequilatacocervezafest.com.

JUNE 18

• Summer Solstice Film Festival

> This second annual summer film festival will make you work for your movies. Once on the host farm, visitors will be given a map and invited to participate in a scavenger hunt where they’ll search for short artist-made films set up in viewing spaces like chicken coops and tool sheds. If cinema tracking isn’t for you, kick back in the main field and watch a series of feature-length art films, create spin art or help paint a hip-hop mural. Free, 4pm-midnight, Habitable Spaces, 3050 FM 1104, Kingsbury, habitablespaces.org.

32 CURRENT • May 25—May 31, 2016 • sacurrent.com

• 4th of July Celebration

> Celebrate America’s independence with games, live music and food vendors throughout the day.

Sponsored by the San Antonio Parks Foundation and the San Antonio Parks and Recreation Department, the outdoor event includes the H-E-B Fireworks Extravaganza, a Salute to the Red, White and Blue Parade and the Rio San Antonio Cruises All-American Kid’s Zone. Opening ceremonies start at noon. Free, noon, Woodlawn Lake Park, 1103 Cincinnati, (210) 207-7275, saparksfoundation.org.

JULY 5-17

• Cactus Pear Music Festival

> The chamber music festival celebrates its 20th anniversary with performances by festival artistic director and violinist Stephanie Sant’Ambrogio and other chamber musicians from around the world, including violinist Colin Sorgi, cellist Lachezar Kostov and pianist Ellen Pavliska. During the festival, performances will take place in San Antonio (Coker UMC), Boerne (First UMC), Kerrville (First Presbyterian Church) and New Braunfels (McKenna Event Center). $23 adults, $5 students, see website for dates, times and locations, (210) 838-2218, cpmf.us.

JULY 16-17

• Float Fest

> Tube down the San Marcos River and then enjoy some musical performances from various groups, including Blue Healer, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, Kongos, Pop Pistol, Nina Diaz and Metric. Spend a bit more to go camping on the grounds. $60-$299, 10am tubing, 2pm-12am Sat concerts, 2-11pm Sun concerts, Cool River Ranch, 601 Dupuy Ranch Road, San Marcos, (512) 212-0449, floatfest.net.

JULY 29-31; AUGUST 5-6

• Mozart Festival Texas

> If you’re only familiar with Mozart’s “Requiem in D Minor,” culture up and attend at least one of these five concerts where some of the 18th-century composer’s most beloved work will be performed by musicians around Texas. They include cellist Douglas Harvey, pianist Rick Rowley, violinist Richard Kilmer and clarinetist Gary Fair. $10-$85, 8pm Fri-Sat, 3pm Sun, University of the Incarnate Word Concert Hall, 4301 Broadway, (210) 829-3855, mozartfestivaltexas.org.

AUGUST 11-14

• San Antonio Salsa Festival

> Dance until the early morning hours with wellknown dancers like Osmar Perrones, Tamara Livolsi and Majesty in Motion. Register for workshops and learn about the art of salsa dancing before hitting the dance floor with live bands and disc jockeys like DJ Muñeco Caliente and DJ Gonzo. $30-$230, times to be announced, Grand Hyatt San Antonio, 600 E. Market St., (210) 224-1234, bigsalsafestival.com.

AUGUST 19-21

• Lone Star Gourd Festival

>Have you ever been interested in the ancient art of decorating gourds? Take classes and talk to experts at this arts festival and learn how to make art with gourds through a number of techniques, including carving, burning, painting, dyeing and sculpting. $5 (free for attendees 17 and under), 9am-5pm Fri-Sat, 9am-3pm Sun, New Braunfels Civic/Convention Center, 375 S. Castell Ave., New Braunfels, (830) 221-4011, texasgourdsociety.org.

OBC580-049_Drumroll_Opening Band_10.25x10.18_PROD.pdf

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sacurrent.com • May 25—May 31, 2016 • CURRENT 33

Plan your next adventure.

11

Service begins June 6.

301

40

11

VIVA culture connects you with museums, parks, theaters, art galleries and the zoo.

40

VIVA missions takes you to the historic San Antonio Missions World Heritage Site.

301

VIVA centro travels through the heart of downtown from the Alamo to Market Square.

Look for me at VIVA stops.

34 CURRENT • May 25—May 31, 2016 • sacurrent.com

VIAinfo.net/VIVA

(210) 362-2020

ARTS + CULTURE

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1016 N. FLORES | SA,TX 78212

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TM

STEVEN G. KELLMAN

“How can you feel a feeling clannishness to support her theme of unless you have a word for tribal loyalties — finds unity in hostility. it?” asks Christopher, a The tribe’s cohesion is challenged belligerent British intellectual who when Billy falls in love with Sylvia, the refuses to recognize signing as daughter of deaf parents. Sylvia, who is language. The question echoes the not (yet) deaf, teaches Billy, deaf from Sapir-Whorf Thesis, that, as Benjamin birth, sign language. But as Sylvia loses Whorf proclaimed: “We dissect nature her hearing, her trajectory reverses along lines laid down by our native Billy’s; as he is drawn into deaf culture language.” Christopher and his wife and away from his family, she loses Beth have raised their deaf son Billy her hearing but also enthusiasm for to lip-read and speak English. They the insular deaf community. “Making feel threatened when Billy, home after being deaf the center of your identity completing university, begins learning is the beginning of the end,” warns sign language. Meanwhile, their older Christopher, who studies Chinese son, Daniel, is writing a thesis on the but won’t learn sign. Until its facile, indeterminacy of language. Daughter sentimental end, Tribes seems set on Ruth is attempting a career in opera. scattering its characters in a post“Opera,” says Beth, “expresses Babelic world of competing languages. feelings you cannot put in words.”

The climax to this gloriously In Tribes, which opened in London multilingual production comes in a in 2010, English playwright Nina Raine “speech” that Billy delivers entirely in weds the linguistic skepticism of a sign. Titles translate for the audience.

Beckett piece to Naturalistic domestic Mark McCarver, as Billy, and McKenna drama. It is the story of a factious, Liesman, as Sylvia, prepared for their raucous family — Christopher, Beth roles through extensive, intensive and their grown children Daniel, Ruth coaching in sign. English characters and Billy, all of whom are living at home would use British Sign Language, — that finds harmony in cacophony. and, though I presume that McCarver Dinnertime conversations erupt into and Liesman employ American Sign contentious verbal pyrotechnics.

Language, they do it fluently. When Christopher consoles Daniel, distraught McCarver speaks, he does so deftly, over rejection by his girlfriend Haley, with the slurred, high-pitched monotone by declaring that: “She had all of someone who has never the charisma of a bus shelter.” heard his own voice. The rest Tribes The family — which Raine of the cast — Garry Hoeffler as $12-$30 identifies as Jewish, though Christopher, Kathy Couser as 8pm Fri-Sat, 3pm Sun there is nothing identifiably Beth, Kimberlyn Gumm as Ruth The Playhouse Cellar Theater Jewish, especially the name and John Stillwaggon as Daniel 800 W. Ashby Pl. Christopher, about them, and — all speak British English in (210) 733-7258 though she seems to exploit ways that show how words can theplayhousesa.org Through June 12 ethnic stereotypes of Jewish still convey strong feelings.

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ARTS + CULTURE

DAVID NOBLES

ONE MAN, TWO GUVNORS And cross-dressing in frothy farce STEVEN G. KELLMAN

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In British slang, “guvnor” back and playing the tambourine. The means master, especially of a lines between actor and spectator are social inferior. To be a Servant so uncertain that many on opening of Two Masters, as Venetian playwright night assumed that a noisy woman Carlo Goldoni titled his 1746 comedy, working her cell phone was a plant. is to be doubly distressed, particularly if She was just an obnoxious Spurs fan the servant faces dire consequences if distraught over the team’s loss. The either master learns of the other. In One plot is pure piffle, and the characters, Man, Two Guvnors, his 2011 derived from the Commedia dell’arte, adaptation of Goldoni’s Il servitore are stock figures. As ravenous and di due padroni, English playwright obsequious Francis, Joshua Goldberg Richard Bean transposes the action throws his considerable weight to Brighton, England in 1963. The around in almost every scene. He contemporary American actors who meets his match in Sara Brookes’ don mod clothes and affect British fleshy floozy Dolly. Erin Polewski is accents in director Ken Frazier’s doubly effective as Rachel/Roscoe, zestful production currently at the Vex and Ben Scharf’s Stanley is an are spoofing a spoof of a spoof. elegant reprobate.

Francis Henshall is the one man who, The energy of the flashy cast in order to feed an insatiable appetite that never seems to falter, though, at just compels him to gobble everything in sight, under three hours, Richard Bean’s including a letter from the post office ball loses some of its bounce. and a scrap of cheese in a mousetrap, However, gifted musicians Ron Krays, agrees separately to serve two guvnors.

Fingers McGillicutty, Philippoussis Meanwhile, Stanley Stubbers is forced Tench and Reggie Thick — two into hiding after fatally stabbing his on guitar, one on bass and one fiancée Rachel Crabbe’s twin brother. In on washboard — return frequently to order to obtain desperately needed cash, keep the entertainment entertaining.

Rachel disguises herself as her dead The greatest comedy tickles the sibling Roscoe. What ensues is a barmy belly but pierces the soul. With its salmagundi of mistaken abundance of physical identity, cross-dressing, shtick (a clobbering with One Man, Two Guvnors frustrated love, thuggery and a cricket bat, a hair piece $16-$22 7:30pm Thu, 8pm Sat, muggery. singed from flambéed crêpe 2:30pm Sun This is a playful play about suzette, a joyful fart) and The Sheldon Vexler Theatre playing, one that reduces the recurring jokes about Barshop Jewish Community fourth wall to gaudy rubble.

Australia as the land of “lager, Center of San Antonio 12500 NW Military Hwy. Audience members are barbecues and opera,” One (210) 302-6835 spoken to directly and even Man, Two Guvnors contents vexler.org conscripted into speaking itself with being a frothy farce.

Through June 5

SUMMER 2016

It’s summertime and hot in the city.

The coolest place to grab some shade is in our Sculpture Garden during Art Party. See art. Listen to great music. Sip on cold cocktails.

Art Party | Second Fridays. 6:00–8:00 p.m.

Free with Museum admission | Cash bar | Gallery tour: 5:30, 6:00, 7:15 p.m.

August 12

June 10

Egyptomania

Black and White

July 8

September 9

Music: Dr. Zog | Cocktails: Esquire Tavern Lite bites by Paloma Blanca

Music: Johnny P. and the Wise Guys | Cocktails: Esquire Tavern

Music: Bombasta | Cocktails: Blue Box

Saints Above!

Music: Jim Cullum Band | Cocktails: Blue Box

The Geometry of Art

In the event of inclement weather, Art Party is held indoors.

Art Party is generously funded by the John L. Santikos Charitable Foundation, a fund of the San Antonio Area Foundation. Art Party is a collaboration between the San Antonio Museum of Art and KRTU Jazz 91.7.

SAN ANTONIO MUSEUM of ART

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Celebrate the SUNSHINE with Heeling Sole at our Summer SOLEstice Party! The longest day of the year coincides with Fathers Day, the 78209 Farmers Market, and our annual event: get barefoot, bring dad, and come start your Summer season off on the right foot!

• Outdoor Sunrise yoga 7am-8am • Walking Barefoot Meditation - Earthing/Grounding walk around the area without shoes (or in minimal footwear).

8:30am-9:30am • Restorative yoga class at 10am • Beginners yoga class at 11:30am • Ashtanga yoga class at 1pm • Drum Circle in the mouth of the Robber Barron Cave 1pm

ONGOING EVENTS BETWEEN 10AM-2PM • • • • • •

Aerial yoga samples and demonstrations Barefoot Massage samples and demonstrations Farmers Market with healthy groceries, food and drinks Henna tattoos Music Sale on Barefoot Massage & Yoga Packages

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SCREENS

Summer Summer Action flicks and animated fare headed to a theater near you

Smorgasbord Smorgasbord

BY SAM ALLARD

≥

Captain America: Civil War exploded into theaters earlier this month, kicking off what is destined to be another historically profitable summer for Hollywood studios. The next three months will be awash in blockbuster action romps, premium animated fare and a slew of raunchy comedies. Here’s a brief taste of some of the biggest titles arriving at a cinema near you.

JULY 1

>Worth mentioning here — not for its box-office potential but for its weirdness — this limited-release indie stars Dano as a man stranded in the wilderness who befriends a corpse played by Harry Potter himself. Expect one of the more surreal films of the summer season.

MAY 27 • X-Men: Apocalypse Director: Bryan Singer; starring James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Oscar Isaac, Jennifer Lawrence, Sophie Turner

>It’s the next big superhero bash to hit screens this summer and it looks like a dandy. The X-Men, per usual, must unite against a common enemy or else face common destruction. This time, they’re up against the world’s first mutant, Apocalypse, played by Oscar Isaac doing his finest Ivan Ooze impersonation. Bryan Singer, who directed the first two X-Men films and, most recently, X-Men: Days of Future Past, is at the helm of the franchise yet again.

JUNE 3 Me Before You

•

Director: Thea Sharrock; starring Emilia Clarke, Sam Claflin

> Ding-ding-ding! Date movie alert! The Game of Thrones star meets The Hunger Games hunk in this ultimate chick flick extravaganza based on the best-selling novel of the same name by JoJo Moyes. A lovable British bumpkin (Clarke) falls for the wealthy, recently paralyzed man she’s hired to care for. Tears, British accents and a crooning Ed Sheeran-heavy soundtrack co-star.

JUNE 24

• Independence Day: Resurgence

Director: Roland Emmerich; starring Maika Monroe, Liam Hemsworth, Jeff Goldblum

>Twenty years after the original Independence Day, disaster-film czar Roland Emmerich returns for a destructo-sequel. Earth has maximized its alien defenses in the interim, but a new — assuredly massive — threat looms. Many of the original cast members reprise their roles in a movie that should, if nothing else, temporarily quench your thirst for ’90s movie nostalgia.

• Swiss Army Man

Directors: Daniel Kwan, Daniel Scheinert; starring Paul Dano, Daniel Radcliffe, Mary Elizabeth Winstead

JULY 1 • The Legend of Tarzan

Director: David Yates; starring Alexander Skarsgård, Margot Robbie, Christoph Waltz

•

Ghostbusters, Swiss Army Man and X-Men.

>Speaking of Harry Potter, this Tarzan film is director David Yates’ intervening project between Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II and Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. The Potter universe was done a great service by the British technician and soul wringer, and Edgar Rice Burroughs’ timeless tale of the man raised by apes looks to be an equal beneficiary. With jawdropping visuals and an all-star cast — Waltz! — this one could be a surprise hit of the summer.

JULY 15 •

Ghostbusters

Director: Paul Feig; starring Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Wiig, Kate McKinnon, Leslie Jones

>This all-female reboot of the 1984 paranormal comedy classic stars some of the funniest women working in Hollywood (and New York City) today. With Paul Feig (Bridesmaids, Spy) at the helm, count on Ghostbusters to bring a fresh take to a beloved franchise. As always, expect Melissa McCarthy to outperform all your expectations.

Chris Hemsworth, in bitchin’ librarian glasses, co-stars.

JULY 22 • Star Trek: Beyond

Director: Justin Lin; starring Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Zoe Saldana, Simon Pegg

> Fast and Furious director Justin Lin helms the sequel to 2013’s Star Trek: Into Darkness. This time around, Captain James T. Kirk (Chris Pine) and his sidekick Spock (Zachary Quinto) take on a group of evil aliens.

CONTINUED ON PAGE 47 ►

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Matt Damon, Bourne again, and the Suicide Squad. ◄ CONTINUED FROM PAGE 43

JULY 29 • Jason Bourne

Director: Paul Greengrass; starring Matt Damon, Julia Styles, Alicia Vikander

> The plot of every Jason Bourne movie sounds the same — Bourne again, am I right? — and this one’s no different: The amnesiac espionage guru, finally remembering who he is, uncovers truths about his past. Academy Award winner Alicia Vikander joins the fun in what should be a return to form for this guilty pleasure franchise. Paul Greengrass, who directed Bourne’s Supremacy and Ultimatum, returns to the chair.

AUGUST 5 • Suicide Squad

Director: David Ayer; starring Will Smith, Margot Robbie, Jared Leto

>Though D.C. has yet to even approach Marvel in the scope of its cinematic universe, this ensemble film, which assembles the D.C. villains to take down the world’s most cutthroat bad guys, should be a refreshing deviation from the standard superhero film. Harley Quinn, the Joker, Deadshot, Enchantress, Boomerang — who are these people? We’ll find out in August.

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Director: Timur Bekmambetov; starring Jack Huston, Nazanin Boniadi, Morgan Freeman

> In 1959, Ben-Hur became the winningest film in the history of the Oscars, nabbing 11 awards, including Best Picture and most of the technical categories.

It was also the top-grossing film that year. It’s unlikely that this remake, with a cast of relative unknowns and a director best known for the Russian fantasy films Night Watch (2004) and Day Watch (2006) will repeat the original’s success. But it ought to be an orgiastic visual feast with what we can confidently predict will be the best chariot race sequence of the year. sacurrent.com • May 25—May 31, 2016 • CURRENT 47

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SCREENS

•

Estranged mother and daughter reunite in The Meddler.

Estranged mother and daughter reunite in The Meddler.

BRETT SEAMANS

THE MEDDLER CHOOSES ACTING OVER PLOT POINTS

And pens a love letter to mothers in the meantime

Mother’s Day may have come and gone, but that doesn’t mean that cinematic mothers can’t be celebrated by filmmakers and moviegoers alike, a feat that is beautifully executed by Lorene Scafaria, writer of Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist and director of Seeking a Friend for the End of the World. The Meddler showcases a subtle tour de force performance from Susan Sarandon, a recent Brooklyn transplant to Los Angeles who is desperately vying for a substantial place in her only daughter’s (Rose Byrne) hectic Hollywood life. In an attempt to supplement her estranged familial relationship, Sarandon happily ingratiates herself with her daughter’s best friends and a wayward Apple store employee, successfully going out of her way to bring happiness and substantial well-being to all with whom she comes into contact, ultimately receiving the appreciation by these relative strangers that she can’t seem to earn from her own self-obsessed child.

As the titular character, Sarandon owns this film with her carefree and socially fearless performance. She is a fresh breath of air in an urban landscape that is notorious for promoting alienation and isolation. With the uncanny ability to relate to those outside her immediate communal circle, Sarandon’s recent widow is the mother to all that you and I never had, willing to throw herself into new and uncomfortable situations in order to, in her own words, fill out the empty hours of her day. The unanimously positive reactions met by Sarandon’s benevolent actions only serve as a counterpoint to her daughter’s inability to recognize her mother’s good

intentions and self-sacrificing behavior, making this myopic oversight all the more heartbreaking.

As a charming character piece, the film’s acting is king of its cinematic universe. J.K. Simmons is another highlight of The Meddler’s offerings.

Portraying a romantic, mild-mannered and low-key potential love interest to Sarandon’s mildly overbearing matriarch, Simmons has effectively turned 180-degrees from his Oscarwinning portrayal of a totalitarian, noquestions-asked elitist jazz conductor in Damien Chazelle’s riveting Whiplash, only serving to emphasize the actor’s impressive, chameleon-like versatility.

Although The Meddler may not make major waves with the filmgoing audience at large, it deserves to be seen by those who appreciate wonderfully acted, character-driven narratives carried out by two Oscarwinning thespians. Sarandon’s socially unconventional mother-to-strays is a sight to behold, and J.K. Simmons is the man who can potentially ground the meddler and help her transition from grieving over her fallen, late husband. The Meddler is a love letter to mothers across the globe, and it will make any audience member re-examine his or her emotional connection to their familial matriarch.

The Meddler opened at Santikos Bijou Cinema Bistro Friday, May 20.

The Meddler (PG-13) 100 min.

Dir. Lorene Scafaria; writ. Lorene Scafaria; feat. Susan Sarandon, Rose Byrne, J.K Simmons, Lucy Punch, Michael McKean, Jason Ritter, Casey Wilson

HHHH

sacurrent.com • May 25—May 31, 2016 • CURRENT 49

SCREENS

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Saturday Night Fever is just one of the classic films screening at this year's Cinema Tuesdays series.

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www.thetrinitymarket.com 50 CURRENT • May 25—May 31, 2016 • sacurrent.com

With a lot of TV series’ spring seasons coming to an end, now is the perfect time for fans of Tuesday night shows like The Flash, Fresh Off the Boat and Dance Moms to start planning what they're going to do that night for a little entertainment.

Have no fear! Texas Public Radio’s Cinema Tuesdays has you covered. The popular film series is back starting Tuesday, May 31 and the 2016 summer lineup looks as impressive as ever. (Note: all you Person of Interest fans, just DVR it!)

“With the success of film series like Slab Cinema and others, it really seems like people want to watch movies together,” said Nathan Cone, TPR’s director of cultural and community engagement, who programs the film series. “Whether it allows them to talk about the movies afterwards or intuitively feed off everyone’s emotions, it’s just more fun to experience it with someone else.”

While 11 of the 12 films will screen at the Santikos Bijou Theater (4522 Fredericksburg Road) inside the

Cinema Tuesdays Schedule Dial M for Murder May 31 - 7:30pm at the Santikos Palladium Ben-Hur June 7 - 7pm To Kill a Mockingbird June 14 - 7:30pm

Wonderland of the Americas Mall, this year's Cinema Tuesday series kicks off at the Santikos Palladium Theater (17703 W. I-10) with a 3D screening of Alfred Hitchcock’s 1954 crime thriller Dial M for Murder, starring Oscar winners Grace Kelly (The Country Girl) and Ray Milland (The Lost Weekend).

“I’m excited that San Antonio will have the very rare opportunity to see [the film] in 3D, the way it was [originally] shot,” said Cone. “Not even The New York Times saw it that way when it was released in 1954. Most theaters only saw the flat version."

Other film screenings Cone is excited about are the July 5 screening of Louis Malle’s 1981 comedy My Dinner with Andre and the July 12 screening of Martin Scorsese's controversial 1988 drama The Last Temptation of Christ starring Willem Dafoe. The latter is a film Cone has been wanting to screen for quite some time.

“It’s been unavailable [because of copyrights], but now I got it,” said Cone. “After the show, I’m putting together a panel of religious leaders to talk about the film.”

The Quiet Man June 21 - 7:30pm

Chimes at Midnight July 19 – 7:30pm

Academy Awards Short Films Program June 28 - 7:30pm

Saturday Night Fever July 26 – 7:30pm

My Dinner with Andre July 5 - 7:30pm The Last Temptation of Christ July 12 – 7pm

Gü​​eros August 2 – 7:30pm Who Framed Roger Rabbit August 9 – 7:30pm The Last Picture Show August 16 – 7:30pm

sacurrent.com • May 25—May 31, 2016 • CURRENT 51

KARAH CARMACK

52 CURRENT • May 25—May 31, 2016 • sacurrent.com

FOOD

For Rebelle Staff, Knowledge Is Power KARAH CARMACK

Editor’s Note: For our next Squad Goals, bartender Karah Carmack visits with the opening team at Rebelle, winner of this year’s Best New Restaurant.

There is no question that San Antonio is a city on the rise, and just like we see neighborhoods growing, our culinary scene is booming. A short decade ago there was not too much more than your friendly neighborhood “insert name of chain restaurant here,” but today this is no longer commonplace.

You may know the names of a handful of local chefs that we all love, but who makes their ever-growing companies continue to open day in and day out?

I had the pleasure of sitting down with the amazing crew at Rebelle (300 E. Travis St.), recent winners of the San Antonio Current’s Best of San Antonio yearly poll for restaurant and best chef, and getting some insight into one of the most unique kitchen programs in San Antonio.

Most people automatically think Stefan Bowers when they hear the names Feast and Rebelle. However, Bowers

DAVID RANGEL

KARAH CARMACK

SQUAD GOALS

came out of the kitchen with his whole team and let them do the majority of the talking during the time I spent with them.

Alan Nelson, 28, formerly of Hot Joy and The Monterey, Sam Wratten, 29, formerly of The Monterey and Bohanan’s Prime Steaks & Seafood, and Jake Gonzales, 24, formerly of Feast, all have one commonality — their chef’s trust. Each week they are assigned days when one is tasked with creating the specials, one person is assigned the market vegetable dish, while another creates that night’s off-menu special. These dishes often feature fresh ingredients from local farmers markets and local meat purveyors — such as Windy Hill Farms — and have included grilled veal tenderloin with crème fraiche, fennel escabeche, grilled tomato, fried masa and mango puree (a recent Wratten special), or Nelson’s applewood smoked trout with Japanese cucumber salad of fennel, dill, green onion and wasabi crème fraiche.

While Bowers encourages his team to think creatively, what really matters is whether people are going to want to eat the dish.

The crew is challenged not only to come up with an outside-the-box dish but also to consider the money that goes into it and whether it will be an easy sell for the service staff. Bowers explains that there are nights that a dish will only be ordered once.

“If it doesn’t sell, it forces them to think differently to get them to sell,” Bowers explained.

This is a learning opportunity for his team and instead of being chastised, Bowers encourages them to try again and consider this occasion when coming up with new ideas.

A new daily dish is no easy task, and it requires the Rebelle crew to seek inspiration from various avenues.

Wratten and Nelson take to social media and the happenings in the modern culinary scenes around the world when looking for inspiration, while Gonzalez tends to take a more off-the-cuff approach and go based on how he’s feeling that day and what he would eat.

Learning to cook this way takes time, and Bowers stresses to his cooks that reading is the most important part of the learning process.

“Cooks don’t read enough — I never fall asleep without a cookbook on my lap,” he said, while listing a few authors, such as Alice Waters, Deborah Madison and Diana Kennedy, as his go-tos for reading.

Nelson explained that he enjoys finding random cookbooks at places like Half Price Books to find recipes that may have gone under the radar or been lost over time,

while Wratten mentioned The Escoffier Cookbook and Guide to the Fine Art of Cookery as one of his favorites, and Gonzalez likes to take the occasional trip to the library to see what he can find there for cooking reads.

Outside of their kitchen program, Rebelle is also special in that it is inside a hotel — the historic St. Anthony Hotel.

Bowers and crew agree that this may be a deterrent for some folks looking for a good meal but describes his place as “the anti-hotel restaurant.”

In a typical hotel kitchen, cheap food is being pumped out for hundreds of guests a day, as massive kitchens cater to conferences, and cooks are just there for one reason — to cook the same menus day in and day out.

Not so at Rebelle. Instead, the food is prepared inhouse by a small, dedicated kitchen family. The chef goes to various famers markets throughout the week and the menu is ever-changing. If you removed the hotel aspect and put it in a stand-alone building, it wouldn’t change a thing about the daily functions of the rather small kitchen at Rebelle.

The hotel aspect does help in some ways, though, as it offers free valet to all of Rebelle’s guests. In addition to their dinner menu, the crew is also there for lunch offering large portions made in-house, such as the French dip and a hearty cheeseburger for a reasonable price. On Sundays, the crew is there bright and early to prep for their recently launched brunch menu featuring delicious, sizeable variations on classic dishes.

With less than a year under their belt and lots of room to grow, the crew at Rebelle has already proven that they mean business. There is no doubt we will see much more from them in the near future.

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sacurrent.com • May 25—May 31, 2016 • CURRENT 53

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54 CURRENT • May 25—May 31, 2016 • sacurrent.com

FOOD

JESSICA ELIZARRARAS

•

Clockwise: Piñas Locas, Big Bob’s Shaved Iced, Paciugo

≥

Though we’ve had an unusually cool and borderline nutso spring replete with one too many hailstorms and temperatures in the 50s, summer is coming. It’ll get here soon enough and you’ll wish you’d never stepped foot outdoors.

Stick with Chamoy City Limits, which won a Best of San Antonio this year for Best Raspa and makes us salivate with its Kool-Aid pickles, housemade syrups and sky-high creations. You can find them at Lions Field (2809 Broadway) on weekends, but if you’ve got a hankering for cool treats (nearly) 24/7, I’ve rounded up a few other spots around town to help keep you cool when we reach 100 degrees in the next few months.

Big Bob’s Shaved Ice 447 W. Hildebrand Ave. (210) 734-2627 • facebook.com/bigbobsburger > Bob Riddle’s not content with making beloved burgers. These days, the chef and owner of Big Bob’s Burgers is trying his hands at shaved ice. With the help of Steve McGarity, whose father owns Steve’s SnoCones off Pleasanton Road, Riddle is bringing shaved ice and cool desserts back to the spot once occupied

by Frozen Fridays. A facelift to the space, a quick new paint job and the addition of caricatures by artist Jeff Hull over the last few months, Big Bob’s Burgers opens up to Big Bob’s Shaved Ice where he offers chopped pickles, fruit cups, pickle popsicles and a slew of frozen concoctions. Prices range from $2.99 to $5.95 and there are more than 20 flavored syrups to choose from.

Two highlights on the board include the Banana Bomb with banana shaved ice and Blue Bell vanilla ice cream

ool C

Chill and sweet snacks we’re loving for this summer

Treats JESSICA ELIZARRARAS/@JESSELIZARRARAS

topped with Nilla wafers and the Dreamsicle, with orange shaved ice, Blue Bell vanilla ice cream, candy orange slices, red and green chamoy and gummy belt ribbons.

Paciugo San Antonio

999 E. Basse Road, Suite 197 (210) 832-8820 • paciugo.com/lincoln-heights > If Leslie Knope were a real person, she’d want to get in on this new snack from Paciugo. Owner Mo Shideed teased out his latest on Instagram and I couldn’t get into the shop any quicker.

Shideed and staff make Hong Kong waffles using a batter loaded with vanilla and offers it as a variation to the now-boring waffle cone (total snoozefest, amirite?). Choose one scoop or two and get creative with the toppings, as the extra crevices help act as reservoirs of sweetness. And the shop carries at least a half-dozen dairy-free treats for all my lactose-intolerant comrades.

Piñas Locas 2413 Thousand Oaks Drive

• (210)

378-9958 • pinaslocas.com

> Thousand Oaks is blessed with a raspa joint worthy of all our praise. Tucked away in a nondescript shopping center, Piñas Locas will celebrate its third anniversary this July. “Where’ve you been?” was what one employee cheekily answered after I confessed I’d never stopped by.

Learn from my mistakes and get there ASAP. Aside from the wonderful mishmash of Mexican candy (Mazapan was a highlight) to choose from, Piñas Locas offers

“volcano” snow cones available with sweet cream or chamoy “magma,” mangonadas available in junior sizes that you can actually eat and not feel bad about throwing away half your medium-sized cup, banana splits and aguas frescas. Stop in for the namesake Piñas Locas — pineapple halves filled with fruit and topped with various degrees of chamoy, Tajin, Greek yogurt (for the healthconscious) or Reddi Whip and Hershey’s chocolate syrup. Yum.

Rise Up 2202 Broadway • (210) 268-8009 facebook.com/riseuporganic

> Lin-Manuel Miranda didn’t waste his shot and instead chose to write a ridiculously popular musical known as Hamilton. If your frozen repertoire needs a boost, visit Rise Up (only musical geeks will get this reference) on the Broadway News parking lot. Opened just over a month ago, the food truck is raw, vegan and flat-out delicious. If your body can only take so much chamoy, the truck offers an assortment of cold-pressed juices, fruit smoothies, coffee smoothies and perhaps most Insta-worthy, a collection of acai and pitaya (dragonfruit) bowls. They won’t come cheap — $8.50-$9.50 — but they are chock-full of fresh veggies and fruits and topped with amazing textures. The colorful Pitaya Breakfast with pitaya, blueberries, banana, almond butter and almond milk comes topped with granola, banana and cacao nibs along with a helping of Happy Hemp seeds. flavor@sacurrent.com sacurrent.com • May 25—May 31, 2016 • CURRENT 55

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Beer Cruises, Farm Dinners and more JESSICA ELIZARRARAS/@JESSELIZARRARAS

The Craft Cruiser is about to set sail this summer and beer lovers will want to get on board. Launched by Dan and Jessica Ward, the business will offer brew-centric tours through the city’s breweries on a weekly basis from Friday to Sunday. Friday tours are offered from 6 to 10:30 p.m. while weekend tours run 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. The official debut will take place Friday, June 10 with the group leaving from Little Woodrow’s (2535 Babcock Road), and brewery stops at Freetail, Branchline and Busted Sandal along with a bonus stop at The Growler Exchange.

Beer drinkers can hop on for $85, and designated drivers can tag along for $65.

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Ocho (1015 Navarro St.) and Shiner Beers invite guests to enjoy a Texas-focused dinner on Wednesday, May 25 at 7 p.m. The hotel’s chefs will serve a special fivecourse menu on the second floor terrace highlighting local, seasonal ingredients and pairing said courses with brews from your favorite Spoetzel brewery. Tickets are $80 per person (tax and gratuity included), and reservations are required at havanasanantonio.com or by calling (210) 222-2008.

Help your local farmer and enjoy a multi-course dinner with the Farmers for Gardens Feast benefiting Green Spaces Alliance of South Texas at My Father’s Farm (1722 Steffens, Seguin) on Friday, May 27 from 4 to 7 p.m. Guests will nosh in style at a family-style dinner celebrating the local bounty of farmers, ranchers, local brewers and wineries at My Fathers Farm, a certified organic farm in Seguin, and the proceeds will benefit Green Spaces Alliance of South Texas. Enjoy a local familystyle bounty with whole roasted South Texas Heritage Pork, Hudspeth goat and lamb and fresh, local and seasonal vegetables prepared by The Chef Cooperatives.

The chef-driven menu will be complemented with drinks from Alamo Beer, Karbach Brewery, BS Brewing, Kuhlman Cellars, Blue Lotus Winery and Treaty Oak Distilling.

Tickets are $55. Call (210) 854-4479 to reserve your spot.

Sometimes you need a little wine to unwind. Add yoga to the mix and make it an even better experience with the UnWINEd Yoga Happy Hour Series at Hyatt Regency Hill Country Resort and Spa (9800 Hyatt Resort Drive) every other Thursday through September 1. Punny name aside, you’ll relax and enjoy the beauty of Mother Nature before retiring to the spa’s serene back porch to enjoy rustic views of the Texas Hill Country while sipping a selection of Texas wines. Yoga class flows from 6:30-7:30 p.m., but UnWINEd guests can check into Windflower as early as 4 p.m. to enjoy the spa’s amenities prior to the event including a selection of cheeses, crackers and crudité beginning at 6. Hot appetizers will be available after the yoga session and wine will be served beginning at 6 p.m. Tickets are $20; call (210) 7675577. flavor@sacurrent.com

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58 CURRENT • May 25—May 31, 2016 • sacurrent.com

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sacurrent.com • May 25—May 31, 2016 • CURRENT 59

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60 CURRENT • May 25—May 31, 2016 • sacurrent.com

sun.-wed.: 7a-9p | thurs. - sat: 7a-10p

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MARK STENBERG

•

You won't be scared off by these prices.

Frankly, Franky Diablo’s nails San Anto’s creepy urban legends in shot-form MARK STENBERG

Call it an unfair comparison, but I’d be willing to bet that 3-month-old Franky Diablo’s on Roosevelt has accomplished much more in its short lifespan than any 3-month old human could ever hope to achieve.

For starters, the South Side bar has a far more extensive alcohol selection than even the more curatorial newborn. And when it comes to composed shots — tiny alcoholic drinks that I like to think are simply toddlersized cocktails — Franky Diablo’s has the market unquestionably cornered.

Take, for example, their delightfully sweet Mexican Candy ($4.50). The drink, four ounces of a liquid so unnaturally colored that I was only able to identify it as Rhodamine Red with the help of a Pantone chart of magenta hues, is precisely the flavor that I have grown to associate with embarrassingly drunken nights.

Composed of tequila, watermelon puckers, sweet and sour and chamoy, the shot’s neon flavor is electrified by a syrupy delight vaguely reminiscent of what watermelon would taste like if it were farmed in Candy Land. Cutting against the saccharine viscosity, tequila and chamoy sweep the leg and bring the drink back down to a stratosphere more suitable for the palate of an adult.

Follow the quick slurp down with a bite of lime, and you have a drink on your hands worth ordering two more of.

For those opposed to the juvenile delights of fructose, put your faith in the Flying Chancla ($4.50) to swoop in and save the day. A veritable who’s-who of the lippuckering scene, the Chancla owes its astringent tart to a combination of pickle juice, chamoy, vodka and lime.

I am unfortunately torn between recommending the Chancla for a romantic night out and declaiming it, as arguments could realistically go either way. On the one hand, I can think of few things in the world I’m less biologically repulsed by than the sour humidity of acidulated breath. The thought of puckering up pre-puckered lips is nauseating on some deep evolutionary level.

On the other hand, if a date were discouraged by any single part of the Chancla — especially the pickle juice or chamoy — I would at least appreciate the drink’s diviningrod ability to separate the soulmate wheat from the onedate-only chaff. Personally, I loved the taste, though it’s nothing if not assertive. If subtlety and nuance of flavor is more your M.O., you can at least appreciate the shot for its merit as a compatibility test.

But, let’s entertain the notion that no matter how convincing of a case I’ve made for the bar’s infantfriendly selection, you’re still in the mood for an adultsized drink. Not to fear: Franky Diablo’s assorted alcohol selection is impressive in both breadth and depth. Their beer board, riddled with comforting numbers like $2, $2.50, $3 and $3.50, is doing the Lord’s work. Their reasonably priced offerings range from the mainstays — Lone Star, PBR, Shiner — to the more adventurous — featured items such as the Midget Mansion ($5), Donkey Otra Vez, Power & Light, Coney Island Root Beer — all Lady ($5), La Lechuza ($4.75) and a Two-for-$10 Dance within the blink of a wallet fold. In a city beset by the with the Devil. price-hiking scourge of gentrification, Franky’s beer list If you were in the mood for a slightly less soused is a place of sub-$5 refuge. night out, the space offers plenty to do besides drink. A For those with liquor on the brain, the calavera-laden massive projector screen plays host to their retro Sunday dive gives you plenty to mull over. Roll the dice with less night Mario Kart competitions, a side room boasts several pedigreed brands for a humanitarian $4, or put on airs pool tables, an inviting patio area sits outside the eastern with the likes of Buchanan and Bulleit for a still-square end of the bar and every Monday night Diablo’s has an $6. Everywhere you turn, you’ll find yourself surrounded open mic. If you were keeping count, it would seem as if by confounding, agreeable prices. the bar has everything you could ever want except for one Despite the bar’s laudable alcohol variety, the real critical component — food. breadwinners are clearly their inventive mixed Fortunately, their next door neighbor on East drinks and shots. Though the Chancla and Mitchell Street is a 24-hour taco joint called RicFranky Diablo’s Mexican Candy are two of their most popular Ron Taco House. The restaurant serves breakfast 1301 Roosevelt Ave. concoctions, they’re merely the tip of the at all hours of the day, and after three too many (210) 436-9763 facebook.com/frankydinebriating iceberg. If Russian Roulette were a shots of whatever an El Cucuy is, you’ll be happy iablos list of signature drinks, it would read like Franky knowing that $1.19 papa and chorizo tacos are 5pm-2am WednesdayDiablo’s creations. On two weeknights, the bar Monday, closed Tuesday waiting just a stumble away. sacurrent.com • May 25—May 31, 2016 • CURRENT 61

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302 E. Commerce (between presa & navarro) | (210) 271-9494 | LeapinLizardPub.com 62 CURRENT • May 25—May 31, 2016 • sacurrent.com

NIGHTLIFE

JESSICA ELIZARRARAS

SUMMER AT STERNEWIRTH Hotel Emma’s bar is ready for the heat JESSICA ELIZARRARAS/@JESSELIZARRARAS

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You could tell during Ramos Gin Fizz, you’ll want to take in Sternewirth’s opening that the this creamy concoction. bar housed inside a former The rest of the menu takes a brewery is begging for stories to tell. decidedly tiki turn with the addition Mirroring the rest of Hotel Emma, of the Two Tikis to Paradise ($14) Sternewirth contains an almost-absurd with Aviation gin, averna, Trader Vic amount of seating, and when filled with macadamia liqueur, lemon, pineapple warm bodies, the space definitely goes and Bittermen’s tiki bitters, the Three from 0-100 pretty quickly.

Islands ($12) with Rhum J.M., Wray & That’ll ring truer as its latest menu Nephew, Flor de Caña dark rum, lime, wins more people over. The classics simple, coconut milk, pineapple and aren’t going anywhere — you’ll still find allspice dram or the Pineapple Finesse La Babia Margarita ($10), based on ($15) with tequila, Aperol, Krogstad Kit Goldsbury’s own recipe, and The aquavit, tepache pineapple liqueur, lime Three Emmas ($14), named after the honey and cava. trio of Emmas that brewery owner Otto I resisted tiki temptations and instead Koehler, uh, dabbled in. listened to one of the bartenders who But the menu has taken a decidedly recommended the Bidi Bidi Plum Plum springy turn, and it’s worth exploring. ($14). Because the ingredient lists A bar buddy and I stopped by on a skews into uncommon territory, the recent Wednesday evening for a quick Selena-centric libation is not ordered taste. We were met with a bustling often, but cocktail buffs should give Sternewirth, every leather couch, chair it a shot. Served over ice in a rocks and table dotted with either a hotel glass and topped with a gorgeous guest or a cocktail fan. New additions orchid, the Bidi Bidi Plum Plum is to the bar’s layout include tall, but complex and cool. Blending cachaca teensy end tables paired with tall bar (distilled sugarcane, essentially), Dolin stools, and the now-open upstairs wine dry vermouth, and the citrus-based area which offers a bird’s eye view of Nardini Acqua di Cedro liqueur with the bar and intimate seating for pairs. plum bitters, the drink is refreshing A sucker for anything with egg whites and surprisingly light considering the in it, I ordered the Caribbean Fizz amount of spirits in it. ($12) with Sugar Island coconut rum, You’ll have to push your way to the egg white, lemon, lime, cream, simple bar if you head there any later than 7 syrup, vanilla and orange flower p.m., but this playful new menu water. Though all the notes were at Sternewirth will certainly be Sternewirth present, the lime was a hair too worth drawing a little side eye.

136 E. Grayson St. tart and overpowered the drink, if (210) 448-8300 slightly. But if you’re a fan of the flavor@sacurrent.com thehotelemma.com

Wed May 25th Ruben V • 8-10PM

Thursday May26th

sharpen the quills • 7-9PM prophets of addiction • 9-11pm

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Saturday May 28th

The Schick Brothers • 6-8PM Black Water Mountain • 8-10P

Sunday May 29th

El Westside Sound System and Friends • 2-6PM The Winchester Local • 7-9PM

628 Jackson St | 210-320-1840 sacurrent.com • May 25—May 31, 2016 • CURRENT 63

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sacurrent.com • May 25—May 31, 2016 • CURRENT 65

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2410 N. ST MARY’S ST. ADVANCE TIX - PAPERTIGERSA.COM Friday, May 27th Paper Tiger Presents

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GOLDEN DAWN ARKESTRA EMPIRES

Annihilation of Self Empires TXHC and Front Door Records // Released May 20

→ Wasting no time after his somewhat unceremonious departure from local “mojado punks” Piñata Protest, drummer JJ Martinez has joined forces with some of the city’s hardcore heavyhitters to form Empires. Featuring singer Joe Roque (J-Roq), whose vocals are reminiscent of Op Ivy’s Jesse Michaels, bassist Gabe Mendez and guitarists Greg Alaniz and Rob Sharp, Annihilation of Self possesses D-beats, chuggachuggas and angst-ridden poetry, all running riot through the muddled recording; enhanced by the lack of pristine, studio-heavy production.

The five-song EP covers classic hardcore terrain in its brief 12 minutes, bringing the rabid but familial feel of American Nightmare, Bane, Madball, Terror and their rowdy raucousness with it: Sweaty kids enrapt in the camaraderie of all-ages shows in VFW halls and basements, arm in akimbo arm. To many, this is family.

It’s been 40 years since punk broke into the mainstream and almost as many since hardcore bullied the once snide genre into more brutal territory, considered by some to be a humorless hostagetaking. However, Empires’ passion is palpable.. — Travis Buffkin

STEVE GUNN

Eyes on the Lines Matador // Released June 3

→ With his latest release, the

prolific guitarist/singer/songwriter Steve Gunn continues his progression from experimental and meditative guitar compositions to full-fledged pop songwriting.

A particularly adept student of American primitive guitar music, à la his most obvious influences John Fahey and Jack Rose, here Gunn moves beyond mood and instinct as his chief compositional domain, and with success. When compared to his first two proper solo LPs, the impeccable Time Off (2013) and Way Out Weather (2014), Eyes on the Lines finds Gunn shortening his song length dramatically and reining in his exceptional, improvisational playing in a way that makes sense within tighter song structures. While these nine tracks may not lead you to spontaneous nirvana, they make a compelling argument for the adaptation of American primitive guitar techniques to mainstream song craft. The strongest songs here — “Ancient Jules,” “Conditions Wild” and “Park Bench Smile” — are, despite Gunn’s often monotone vocal delivery, endlessly listenable for their winning incorporation of jazz, blues and rock stylings.

Suffice it to say that if Gunn is to be considered successful here, and I believe he is, it is a success that is informed by the promise of what may yet come of his interest in writing tighter songs, and not a success based wholly on this album’s actual material. — James Courtney

CAR SEAT HEADREST

Teens of Denial // Matador Released May 20

→ Beginning in 2010, Will Toledo — who has now recruited a full band — has churned out messy, emotive, lyrically sophisticated rock music at breakneck speed (dig the 12 albums-worth of previous material). Last year’s Teens of Style collected new versions of some of those (surprisingly good) bedroom emo/indie/punk rock songs and now, finally, we have a fully new LP, recorded in a real studio, with backing players y todo. Lyrically and sonically, Teens of Denial is dense as fuck, a product of Toledo’s restless ingenuity that refuses to let a single song be finished until it’s full to bursting with movement and quirks. This album, rather than a crisp distillation of what was once called indie rock, comes off like a melting pot of all the elements that made 1990s and early 2000s indie rock so appealing: It’s rough and sloppy, it’s full of personal emotional turmoil painted on a canvas of societal evil, it’s dynamic, pompous, intelligent, weary and wary, all at once. It’s sad sack guitar rock that is ambitious and savvy enough to avoid staleness (or triteness) and reverent enough to easily reveal its natural predecessors (though they be myriad). — JC

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sacurrent.com • May 25—May 31, 2016 • CURRENT 67

MUSIC

Summer Summer Here Comes Comes Here

Mark your calendar for these summer shows-to-see TRAVIS BUFFKIN + MATT STIEB

Warren G

Ted Nugent

TOBIN CENTER, JULY 14

> More of a call to action than a concert announcement — although I wouldn’t recommend buying tickets just to heckle the Motor City Madman and walking Freudian field day — you can always stand outside the Nuge’s bus to catch a glimpse of the loincloth-clad 4X4-version of Trump. Or, try to sneak in with a flask and drink every time Ted does something phallically compensatory. Just take small sips or you’re gonna get alcohol poisoning by song two.

Maxwell

case/lang/veirs

ALAMO CITY MUSIC HALL, JULY 12

> By a twist of G-funk fate, Warren Griffin III was responsible for introducing the lion’s share of LBC’s talent to greater Los Angeles and beyond. After playing his tape of 213 — the stacked trio of Warren G and Doggs Snoop and Nate — at a bachelor party hosted by his stepbrother Dr. Dre, the good doctor invited the crew to take a hit of The Chronic. G never joined the powerhouse of Death Row, but he was there for some of G-funk’s finest moments, from his “OG gangsta glide” on “Indo Smoke” to the production of Tupac’s “Definition of a Thug Nigga.”

Then, of course, there’s “Regulate,” a smoky street anthem so synonymous with the era that if you buy a six-four Impala off Craigslist, the seller is morally, if not legally, required to include a copy of the ’94 single along with the car’s title.

MAJESTIC THEATRE, JULY 19

> It’s an unfortunate piece of math that humans can figure out their relative date of conception just by subtracting nine months from their birthday. But, drawing from this equation, I am willing to bet that a disproportionate number of children born in the past 20 years have joined us on Earth about nine months after a Maxwell record dropped. That’s a long way to say that the Brooklyn singer makes baby-making music, but we’re psyched that Maxwell will debut his first record in seven years, BLACKsummers’night, just weeks before this concert.

68 CURRENT • May 25—May 31, 2016 • sacurrent.com

•

Warren G, Lila Downs and Culture Club

TOBIN CENTER, AUGUST 2

> In support of the June 17 release of their album, Neko Case, k.d. lang and Laura Veirs will be performing what is sure to be a stellar symposium on how to break hearts via serenade by trio. The avant-artists, each a cyclonic songsmith in her own right, collaborated for over two years on case/lang/veirs, a complementary copy of which will be rewarded with each ticket purchase.

Culture Club

TOBIN CENTER, AUGUST 3-4

> The original lineup of the band and soundtrack to Goddess knows how many distressed individuals looking for solace in Anglo-soul balladry and devil-may-care dance-pop is back together for this two-nighter from the most exclusive of clubs.

Lila Downs + Guadalupe Dance Company

LILA COCKRELL THEATRE, AUGUST 26

> A daughter of Oaxaca, Mexico, Lila Downs found herself culturally at-sea in her first years in the States, dying her hair and dropping out of college to follow The Grateful Dead. Thankfully, music brought Downs to her roots; since her 1994 debut Ofrenda, Downs has been a champion of Mexican indigenous cultures, blending the music and language of the Mixtec, Zapotec and Nahuatl peoples with contemporary pop. To celebrate the 25th anniversary of the Guadalupe Dance Company, Downs will join the San Antonio dancers for an evening of colorful and joyous music.

Bad Boy Family Reunion Tour feat. Diddy, Ma$e, Lil ’ Kim, Faith Evans and more AT&T CENTER, SEPTEMBER 16

> So Biggie’s dead, rest his soul, Lil’ Kim is doing her best plastic surgery impression of Nicki Minaj’s grandma, God bless her, and Ma$e can’t decide whether God and/or Michael Jackson* want him to rap or play CONTINUED ON PAGE 71 ►

JOSHUA EVANS

Youtube Sensation May 25th at LOL E DEON COL

ABC’s Black-ish, TBS’s Angie Tribeca

May 27-29 at the Improv

MAY RALPHIE

Last Comic Standing, Austin-tacious

June 2-4 at LOL

MICHAEL YO

EARTH

QUAKE

Chelsea Lately, Yo on E!

June 10-11 at LOL

HBO Special One Night Stand

June 17-19 at The Improv

sanantoniocomedyclubs.com

sacurrent.com • May 25—May 31, 2016 • CURRENT 69

SHPO_SummerFlavor_SACurrent2016.pdf

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MUSIC

•

Maxwell and the Melvins

◄ CONTINUED FROM PAGE 68

preacher … but Bad Boy was the shit, right? Despite not knowing anyone that rocks Sean John, drinks Cîroc or bumps Diddy’s latest MMM, Forbes estimates that the mogul formerly known as Puff Daddy, P. Diddy, Puff and Puffy is worth $735 million. That being said, the Family Reunion tour is a twofer: a Lebronlike “Get on my shoulders” for the flailing Bad Boy roster and their Don, and a preview of Diddy’s 2016-slated final album No Way Out 2. *Ma$e reportedly returned to hip-hop in 2015, for the second time, citing Michael Jackson’s death as inspiration.

Kraftwerk

TOBIN CENTER, SEPTEMBER 12

> Alas, Kraftwerk is one of the great victims of mansplaining — at the bar or in your dad’s basement, too many first introductions to the krautrockers have been strained listening parties as a male voice loudly drones on about the band’s “seminal” history. But hear this: Kraftwerk is to electronic music what Neil Armstrong is to the moon. Even if you don’t like the repetition or machinelike tone (or the tone of voice that introduced you to them), the German outfit were the first to putz around in electronica, getting a foot in the door for everyone who has since picked up a synthesizer in a pop setting. Since a 2012 retrospective at the Museum of Modern Art, the German icons have been in full multimedia regalia, touring an experience of 3D Gesamtkunstwerk — “a total work of art.”

Melvins PAPER TIGER, SEPTEMBER 18

> Say goodbye to summer with one of the U.S.’s baddest groups of hot-rock, hearing-impairing savants. This show is an SA revelation and should put any doubting mind at ease about the recent Transmission Events fracture and whether Taco City can host indie royalty. To earplug or not to earplug? That is the question. sacurrent.com • May 25—May 31, 2016 • CURRENT 71

72 CURRENT • May 25—May 31, 2016 • sacurrent.com

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sacurrent.com • May 25—May 31, 2016 • CURRENT 73

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1223 E Houston St. SA, TX 78205 www.therockboxsa.com 74 CURRENT • May 25—May 31, 2016 • sacurrent.com

3PM - Midnight SPECIALS! Monday $3.50 Oskar Blues 12oz cans Dale’s Pale Ale, Pinner IPA, Mama’s & Blue Dream IPA Tuesday $3.50 All Local SATX Pints Wednesday $3.50 Saint Arnold Specials 16oz Tallboy Santo & Lawnmower cans Thursday $3 Nebraska Brewing 12oz Cans Friday $2.75 Bud Light 16oz. Bottles ALL DAY SPECIALS! Saturday $3.50 Bud Light, Miller Lite & Coors 16oz. Pints Sunday $15 Karbach 12oz cans bucket of 5 to share with Friends

15403 White Fawn Dr.

MUSIC

BREAKING DOWN THE BREAKDOWNS A guide to the many metal acts at this year’s River City Rockfest TRAVIS BUFFKIN | @DTBUFFKIN

If Dimebag is prominently displayed in your bedroom (particularly when a blacklight is on), there are pot leaves on your tailgate or the guttural “Wah-ah-ah-ah” of Disturbed’s “Down With the Sickness” doesn’t spontaneously make you nauseous, then you’re probably well aware of the annual catharsis of teenage angst, blue-collar frustrations and the synchronized homoeroticism of predominantly male mosh pits (these are not negative things, people), that make up Bud Light’s annual River City Rockfest.

This year’s festival, awash in waves of body odor, dirt weed and water-beer, will feature numerous metal and metal-ish acts unleashing themselves upon a town that is known to fancy a shred or two. And just like Rockfests past, several local groups will be showcased, including modern post-everything rockers Donella Drive and Lynnwood King, pulling double-duty with his soul-rock group The Revival and goodtime sing-a-longhairs The Heroine.

Whereas former Pantera frontman Phil Anselmo has gone on to become a master curator of underground metal at his annual Housecore Horror festival, as well as remaining super pissed with his post-Pantera ensembles Down and Superjoint Ritual, the drummer of the Arlington, Texas band and brother of the late “Dimebag” Darrell Abbott, Vinnie Paul has taken his seat upon the drum throne of mushy metal supergroup Hellyeah.

“I don’t care what Manson said, rock ain’t dead, it’s just in rehab / Tell Betty Ford I need a bed, rock ain’t dead, it’s just in rehab.” This passage from Texas Hippie Coalition (THC, hehe) is delivered over crunchy riffs most often utilized to sell some form of “manly” body spray or “XXXtra cheezy” junk food and serves as the band’s Call to Rock.

Wielders of natural disaster-inspiring rock ‘n’ roll, Clearly, the bill isn’t all brutish jock rock. The Sword, Scorpions are sure to be a crowd pleaser with their carrying the torch, forging the steel and brandishing the decade-spanning occupation of the classic rock radio dial battle axe for gallant stoner metal, will play alongside and exhausting touring schedule, which has left generations redheaded ripper and Metallica bane Dave Mustaine and of SA fans well-weathered by the German band.

Megadeth. The Sword has been building a solid national Also headlining alongside the Hasselhoffian fan base for years, however, as Austin’s most visual metal metalheads is the aforementioned Disturbed, Mötley Crüe exports, the Lone Star love runs deep, hot and black for bassist Nikki Sixx’s post-Crüe party posse Sixx:A.M. and the majestic heshers.

Christian dread-bangers P.O.D., who rose to prominence The unfortunate irony of Megadeth and, particularly on the popularity of thinly veiled rap-rock for Jesus Dave Mustaine, which is well documented in the tracks “Youth Of The Nation,” “Alive” and breakout single hilariously aloof rock doc Some Kind of Monster, “Southtown.” Sevendust, who also ruled the late-’90s is that Mustaine, though visually broken-hearted at airwaves, will be playing alongside newcomers Pop Evil playing second fiddle his entire career to the Bay area and Bullet For My Valentine. thrashers, has escaped the fickle fate of “Alcoholica” Gothenburg, Sweden’s Avatar, who traveled the and their panned recent efforts by not being in the most farthest of all the bands on the bill to grace the Spurs’ commercial metal band of all time. stadium parking lot, incorporates the jilted, jolty mathHatebreed may be the most awkward contribution to the leticism of System of a Down on their most recent bill as fans of the legendary hardcore group are not likely single “For the Swarm,” but, overall, prefer a more to drop the cash required to see the only band they’ll enjoy. placid, mid-tempo take on the curious time signatures However, it should be worth the price of admission to see and rhythms of SoAD. mall metalheads flip their shit as Jamey Jasta tears through Proprietors of “Thread” music, Ohio’s Red Sun Rising classic tracks off Satisfaction... and Perseverance. wander the most into the acoustic emo-metal country One thing you can’t take away from these road-weary of Aaron Lewis’ Staind, with dashes of widely loathed bands, besides their affinity for long, stringy locks and Canadians Nickelback. This is one group that is definitely black fingernail polish, is their work ethic. When Top 40 gonna divide the longhairs between those that radio is consistently dominated by lame-brained are willing to shit-kick and those that just want to lullabies and pubescent party anthems, it’s River City Rockfest commendable to still be working, trucking along kick the shit out of Nickelback fans. $65.50-$229.50 (MiliNapalm Records’ DevilDriver, fronted by Coal down that highway to hell, putting considerable tary discount available) Noon Sun, May 29 Chamber’s Dez Fafara, mince no words when it mileage between yourself and profitable past AT&T Center comes to their love of all kinds of music, giving a glories, stopping in SA to rock your fellow true 1 AT&T Center Pkwy. blistered middle finger salute to anyone that tries to (210) 444-5000 believers along the way. pigeonhole the melodic rock band. dtbuffkin@sacurrent.com rivercityrockfest.com sacurrent.com • May 25—May 31, 2016 • CURRENT 75

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sacurrent.com • May 25—May 31, 2016 • CURRENT 77

MUSIC

SAT

28

An Evening with Jack DeJohnette and Savion Glover

In this swirling duet, drummer Jack DeJohnette and tap dancer Savion Glover cross disciplines in the pursuit of rhythm. Glover, known for his Tonywinning choreography for the ’96 musical Bring in ‘da Noise, Bring in ‘da Funk, has more rhythmic talent in one foot than most drummers can muster from an entire kit. The 42-year-old Newark native is so creatively gifted that he can be recorded in audio alone, foregoing the typical tapper medium of video; in 2009, Glover teamed with DeJohnette and a combo of jazz legends to track a live album at the Blue Note.

Meanwhile, Jack DeJohnette’s avant-garde and funk attack has put him in the one-name club among jazz nerds — to describe the 73-year-old’s career is to outline a highlight reel of jazz since 1969. Alone, the artists’ solos grab you by the collar and let go only when they’ve had their say. Together, one can only imagine the athletic showcase from these masters of their forms. $35, 8pm, Jo Long Theatre, 226 N. Hackberry St., (210) 207-7211, thecarver.org – Matt Stieb

MAY 27 - ELI YOUNG BAND

JUNE 11 - TURNPIKE TROUBADOURS PLUS OLD 97S

Wednesday, May 25

Live at Ocho: Money Chicha The

captivating syncopation and rhythms of Colombia and Peru's cumbia are on full display from Austin's first chicha band.

Ocho at Hotel Havana, 8pm

JUNE 12 - HUEY LEWIS & THE NEWS

Propaganda Release the beats! DJ Ely Bat

Charlie Brown’s Neighborhood Bar & Grill Join Us for Happy Hour

JUNE 17 - GARY ALLAN

Mon-Fri 2pm-6pm Specials Daily

Watch all the Playoff Action Here!

spins punk, post-punk, industrial, new wave, goth and no wave every hump day – as in Igor's hump. The Mix, 10pm

Stolen Rhodes Lock up your crazy aunts!

Philly's Stolen Rhodes blend the smooth guitar balladry of the Allman Brothers with the peach tree-shaking 'tude of the Steve Miller Band. 502 Bar, 9pm

Viva Mi Cultura This 60-minute lecture documents the rich history of Mexico and Spain's folklórico and flamenco.

Displaying the traditional dances, costumes and music will be members of the Guadalupe Dance Company.

Guadalupe Cultural Arts Center, 10am

You Spin Me Right Round Wednesdays Spin the wheel every half-hour to decide which genre of music and its corresponding shot will be played and on special. The Bang Bang Bar, 9pm

JUNE 18 - OLD CROW MEDICINE SHOW

Thursday, May 26

An Evening with Taylor Hicks Although

14492 Old Bandera Rd Helotes, TX (210)695-8827

For tickets: liveatfloores.com

78 CURRENT • May 25—May 31, 2016 • sacurrent.com

"beloved" American Idol winner Taylor Hicks virtually fell off the charts in 2009 (the year his last album was released), the blue-eyed crooner is making his comeback with a series of intimate performances. Tobin Center, 7:30pm

Karaoke • Trivia Live Music

11888 Starcrest | 210 496-7092 Charlie-Browns.com

The Grizzly Band The sorrowful whine of a pedal steel anchors this Houston group that's a little bit country and a little bit rock 'n' roll. With Doral Club,

The Morning Owls and Mozey. Jack's Patio Bar, 8pm

The Hawks (of Holy Rosary) and The Red Legs Smitten since their hilarious

performance at this year's Maverick Fest, The Hawks approach pop music with wreckless zero-fucks-given abandon.

They got spunk. The Mix, 10pm

Queer y Que: LGBTQIA Thursdays DJ

De La O spins the soundtrack to the glorious, gay end of America – as the Republicans know it. La Botánica, 4pm

Prophets of Addiction How this greasy,

glam punk group is even gonna fit their Aqua Netted coiffs into the tiny tequila bar is beyond me. Sancho's Cantina, 8pm

Friday, May 27

Alex Metric In the same vein as Cut Copy or Hot Chip, Alex Metric composes EDM for adults. With The Gogo Gadgettes.

Jack Rabbit, 10pm

The Cloth Power tool punk from Philly,

The Cloth saw, tear, rip and pound through eardrums, like sandpaper on a peach. With Ganesha and Cursus. Franky Diablo's, 9pm

Gajah The LA MC flexes his palate

with rhymes that tongue-twist and turn, teasing out his anxieties and personal philosophies. With Quasar, Faceless, Ghost Palace and Chisme.

Hi-Tones, 11pm

Hal Ketchum You mix in a little

Springsteen small town romanticism, a dash of good clean fun a la Mellencamp and a dollop of Jackson Browne's dreamy optimism and you're cooking with Ketchum. Gruene Hall, 7pm

Junkie W/E Tape Release At the forefront

Open 3p-2a Everyday • Happy Hour 3-7pm Daily

MONDAYS: $3 COSMOS ALL DAY TUESDAYS: SHOT SPECIALS ALL DAY: $2.75 WELLS • $2 ZIEGENBOCK DRAFT “RIVER RAT SPECIAL” ALWAYS!

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9329 WURZBACH RD #101 (210) 558-9800 sacurrent.com • May 25—May 31, 2016 • CURRENT 79

MUSIC

of SA's nihilistic-what's-nihilism? set of post-everything garage rockers is plainspoken punks Junkie. With Baby Bangs, Surplus and Flower Shop. Imagine Books & Records, 8pm

Slomo Drags, Quiet Company and The Please Help Three pop-oriented

PRESENTS

rock bands remind us that just because it pops doesn't mean it has to blow.

Paper Tiger, 7pm

Saturday, May 28

Chicago Am I crazy for thinking that the

honking, cracker soul of Chicago makes the PG pseudo-psych of Steely Dan look like Racer X? Majestic Theatre, 8pm

Elevaderdan Record Release Party On "Two One Oh," Elevaderdan reps the deuce dime with classic Spurs colorsthemed ... everything. "It's Alamo wherever I go." With Mad-One, B-Hop and more. Jack's Patio Bar, 8pm

The Eric Stanley Project Bouncing

CUSTOMER APPRECIATION HAPPY HOUR

between the classical world of serious violin prodigies and Top 40 hip-hop, Stanley's style puts the club in the symphony and vice-versa. Tobin Center, 8pm

Golden Dawn Arkestra More of an

intergalactic soul cleansing than a modern funk group, Golden Dawn apply jam band pageantry to their soulful grooves. Complete with a Buddha-like shaman/hypeman. Paper Tiger, 8pm

King Pelican In a city where the closest

beach is a three-hour drive and a “pipeline” is the head shop you get your glassware from, the instrumental trio are pleased as spiked punch to simply play “surf.” With The Del-Vipers.

The Mix, 10pm

PINKO Discarding the typical four-on-

the-floor punk rhythm for everything but, PINKO volley their post-hardcore sound between exasperated whining and perseverant riffing. With Gillian Carter and Sex Problem. Paper Tiger, 6pm

2 San Antonio Locations 126 W. Rector, Behind NorthStar Mall 80 CURRENT • May 25—May 31, 2016 • sacurrent.com

12234 Nacogdoches Rd at Thousand Oaks

Steel Panther: All You Can Eat Tour

Equally derided and celebrated for their jockish humor and hair metal mockery, the comedic cock rockers exist somewhere between Dane Cook and Mötley Crüe. Aztec Theatre, 8pm

Sunday, May 29

Enrique Bunbury Spain's Oscar Wildeinspired crooner performs his bluestinged Latin rock. Aztec Theatre, 7pm

Sioux & Fox Brandishing four-part

harmonies and jingle-jangle pop hooks, Sioux & Fox construct light Baroque pop.

Limelight, 9pm

Monday, May 30

Echale! The first fiesta in the annual "Latin Estyles Block Party" series will feature a female-powered lineup, consisting of Mariachi Flor de Toloache, Nina Diaz, Mariachi Las Alteñas and Chulita Vinyl Club. The Historic Pearl, Noon

Stone Animals, Sweat Lodge, Crypt Trip and DJ Smoak SA and Austin

boogie-metal bands provide more hair, sleaze and smoke than when your mom made your dad burn his '80s Penthouse collection out behind the shed.

Hi-Tones, 9pm

Swing Nite with The Dirty River Dixie Band Get a taste of New Orleans' dixieland style of jazz without having to leave the state. Za-ta-rain's! Sam's Burger Joint, 7pm

Tuesday, May 31

Havana Hi-Fi DJ Steven Lee Moya and

friends spin psychedelic soul, funk and Afro-Latin grooves in the Hotel inspired by the formely embargoed communist island. Hotel Havana, 7pm

Tuesday Night Music Series Matthew Rose's YesBodyElse pivots between folk, lounge, country and rock on his impressive debut Elsewhere. Liberty Bar, 7:30pm

502 Bar 502 Embassy Oaks, (210) 257-8125, 502bar.com Aztec Theatre 104 N. St. Mary’s St., (210) 812-4355, theaztectheatre.com Franky Diablo's 1301 Roosevelt Ave., (210) 436-9763, facebook.com/frankydiablos Gruene Hall 1281 Gruene Road, (830) 606-1281, gruenehall.com Guadalupe Cultural Arts Center 723 Brazos St., (210) 271-3151, guadalupeculturalarts.org Hi-Tones 621 E. Dewey Pl., hitonessa.com Hotel Havana 1015 Navarro St., (210) 222-2008, havanasanantonio.com Imagine Books & Records 8373 Culebra Road, (210) 236-7668, imaginebookstore.com Jack Rabbit 6322 San Pedro Ave., (210) 202-8989 Jack’s Patio Bar 3030 Thousand Oaks, (210) 494-2309, jacksbarsa.com La Botánica 2911 N. St. Mary’s St., vivalabotanica.com Liberty Bar 1111 S. Alamo St., (210) 227-1187, liberty-bar.com Limelight 2718 N. St. Mary’s St., thelimelightsa.com Majestic Theatre 224 E. Houston St., (210) 226-5700, majesticempire.com Paper Tiger 2410 N. St. Mary’s St., papertigersa.com Sam’s Burger Joint 330 E. Grayson St., (210) 223-2830, samsburgerjoint.com Sancho’s Cantina 628 Jackson St., (210) 320-1840, sanchoscantinaandgrill.com The Bang Bang Bar 119 El Mio Drive, (210) 833-2203, facebook. com/thebangbangbar210 The Historic Pearl 303 Pearl Pkwy., (210) 212-7260, atpearl.com The Mix 2423 N. St. Mary’s St., (210) 735-1313, themix-sa.com Tobin Center for the Performing Arts 100 Auditorium Circle, (210) 223-8624, tobincenter.org

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IDENTITY CARDS

>I am a 40-year-old woman; I came out when I was 16. When I was 17, I met M and we dated for eight years. M was a horrible human being — emotionally and occasionally physically abusive. M still sends me the occasional (creepy) e-mail, wishing me a happy birthday or giving me updates on people I don’t really recall. I don’t respond. A few years back, I got an e-mail saying that M was now “Mike.” I think it’s important to use the pronouns people want you to use for them.

But Mike wasn’t Mike when he was in my life. Changing his pronoun when describing him feels like I’m changing my identity — my first real long-term relationship was with someone I thought was a woman.

Mike caused a lot of damage in my life — does he get to fuck up (or complicate) my identity, too? It’s not like the subject of Mike comes up daily. When it does, I feel like a liar if I use “she,” using “he” makes me feel like I’m lying about myself, and stopping to explain everything derails the conversation. And it’s not like I’m being a great trans ally when a conversation gets sidelined by something like: “Well, random coworker whose only trans reference is Caitlyn Jenner, my ex is trans and he’s a psychopath.”

Mike’s Hard Lemonade Block Mike’s number, block his e-mail address, block him on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, LinkedIn, Periscope, Kik, FuckStick, WhatsApp,

SAVAGE LOVE

by Dan Savage

CumDump, etc., etc., etc., ad infinitum.

And stop talking about Mike — don’t discuss him with random coworkers, casual acquaintances, or friends. If you absolutely, positively must discuss him with someone — a true intimate with a right to your relationship history, who needs to be sensitive to the abuse you suffered — you can be a good ally to other trans people (not your abusive trans ex) by carefully using nouns and descriptors in place of your asshole ex’s preferred pronouns. So instead of “I met him when I was still a teenager,” you say, “I met the abusive piece of shit when I was still a teenager.” Instead of “It took me eight long years to get away from him,” you say, “It took me eight long years to get away from that asshole psychopath.”

What I’m gonna say next will get me slammed on Twitter (heavens), MHL, but I’ve learned not to read my @s, so here we go…

If using male pronouns when referring to your ex is gonna complicate your life — really complicate it — if the “transitioned later” part is likely to get dropped during a game of interoffice telephone, if the qualifier about your ex having identified as a woman while you were together is likely to get dropped too, and if either of those drops could lead coworkers or casual acquaintances to assume something about you that isn’t true, i.e., that you’re into dudes and therefore gettable by dudes, and if that erroneous assumption could result in your having to deflect awkward and/or unpleasant advances from confused males, or if having your status as a Gold Star Lesbian questioned could induce orientational dysphoria …

I don’t see the nontheoretical harm in you — and only you — misgendering Mike on the rare occasion when a convo about him can’t be avoided. You don’t live near him, no one you know knows him, and the misgendering is unlikely to get back to him.

The adage “no harm, no foul” applies here.

But it would be simpler, easier, and ally-ier if you sidestepped the issue by not speaking to anyone about your asshole ex ever again. >I am a fortysomething bi woman happily married to a newly transitioned 50ish trans woman.

I have a history of putting myself about a bit (safely) before our relationship, but we have been monogamous since we met (except for a disastrous threesome). My wife hasn’t put herself about and has slept with only myself and one other to whom she was also married — and that threesome. She understands that I have a high libido and mostly she doesn’t. Our sex life is loving and good mostly, but I do want more. There have been discussions on opening up our relationship — but essentially I want to and she is resistant. I want to do this with transparency and with men (mostly), but I don’t feel this is realistic emotionally for her given some conflict we’ve had over this issue. Is cheating the only answer here?

Never Overly Terrified I can see how it might be emotionally tricky for a recently transitioned trans woman — that would be your wife — to cheerfully sign off on her second wife sleeping with men (mostly) and with transparency (ethically). But if you absolutely, positively can’t commit to sleeping with only her for the rest of your life, NOT, and you can’t get her permission to sleep with others … then, yes, there’s cheating. There’s also fantasy, masturbation, repression, sublimation, self-sacrifice — and divorce. >I’m a queer woman. When I entered my 30s, I realized that I was more queer/bi than I had previously allowed myself to be, and I started exploring my attraction to cis heterosexual men. Five years later, and I’m in an incredible GGG relationship with a cis het male. He’s everything I have ever wanted in a partner: sexy, funny, feminist, and smart. We have full disclosure about sexuality and kinks, no complaints there. What I do have trouble with is navigating his family and friends, twin social circles composed of heterosexuals who fall into stereotypical gender roles. I spent my teens and 20s fully submersed in queer/trans circles with like-minded feminist

hippies who are not hung up on the gender binary. My partner’s friends are fundamentally good people, but they see nothing wrong with “old fashioned” misogyny. I am often interrupted, talked over, and “mansplained” by my partner’s male friends. And while I am a pretty friendly person, I can’t get a foot in the door with the women in his friend circle. My notions on feminism and equality are way too out there, so I tend to keep to myself in a corner during parties in order to avoid starting an argument.

How do I navigate this weird heterosexual world that I don’t understand? I’ve tried to explain my feelings to my partner, but I think he has a hard time relating, as he is a heterosexual cis male and was raised as one. How do I keep from losing my cool when someone starts to mansplain to me? I may be in a heterosexual romantic partnership, but I am still a queer lady at heart.

Bi Lefty Encounters Cis Hets Some people “fall into stereotypical gender roles” because that’s who they are, BLECH, and what you perceive as the thoughtless embrace of the gender binary can in some cases be an authentic expression of gender identity.

That doesn’t excuse misogyny and mansplaining, of course, but not everyone who embraces seemingly stereotypical gender roles is a dupe who needs a good talking to from the new queer girlfriend of an old straight friend.

That said, if going to parties with your cis het boyfriend’s gender-normative friends makes you miserable … don’t go to those parties. Or if you must go, drag along a leftist-hippie-queer friend who can sit in the corner with you and marvel at the mansplaining manmuggles and their clueless lady friends who aren’t interested in your thoughts on feminism and equality.

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ACROSS

1 Brake quickly and accurately 12 Zapp Brannigan’s timid, green assistant on “Futurama” 15 Interactive Twitter game on Comedy Central’s “@midnight” 16 Eggy prefix 17 Part of a content warning, maybe 18 Columnist Savage 19 Palindromic “War on Poverty” agcy.

20 Providing funds for 22 Body part in a lot of cow puns 25 Kind of dye containing nitrogen 26 Without a stitch 27 Bob Ross ‘dos 28 Fault finder 31 Physicians’ medical gp.

32 “Cast Away” costar (in a way) 33 Clearance sale container 34 Herd of whales 35 Grass bought in rolls 36 Be the author 37 Greek vowel that resembles an English consonant 38 Title for a Khan 39 “Thirteen at Dinner” detective 41 Bon ___ (cleanser brand) 42 Stuck trying to get somewhere, maybe

44 Aesopian conclusion 46 Drei squared 47 “M*A*S*H” soldier, briefly 48 Orgs.

49 Pull forcibly on 52 Hard ending?

53 Comedian Notaro 54 2014 bio subtitled “Paul McCartney in the 1970s” 59 Ending for winter or weather 60 Assimilate a different way of life, perhaps 61 French possessive meaning “your” 62 Cinematographer’s option

DOWN

1 “___-La-La” (1974 Al Green hit) 2 One of Lincoln’s sons 3 Sch. for Cowboys, Buckeyes, or Beavers 4 Innermost layer of tree bark 5 Sleek, whiskered swimmers 6 Gp. with a phonetic alphabet 7 Comics outburst 8 Frank Zappa’s oldest son 9 1975 Leonard Nimoy autobiography (with an “opposite” 1995 follow-up) 10 “A horse is a horse” horse 11 Canadian (and former U.S.) fuel brand

12 Southern Alaskan omnivores (and the largest of their kind) 13 Director of “Ghostbusters” and “Ghostbusters II” 14 Bad things to use on a chalkboard 21 Pugilist’s org.

22 In a difficult situation 23 Render a credit card useless, e.g.

24 Theater consultants of sorts 25 Folk rocker with the 2014 album “Allergic to Water” 29 Jim Morrison, e.g.

30 Business off the highway 32 “Scratch me behind the ears!”

35 Place for some “me time” 40 Hilariously funny 43 “Messenger” molecule 44 Biz Markie vocals played over Metallica, say 45 Some blenders 50 Apple that debuted 18 years ago 51 It dissolves in H2O 52 Caesar’s “And you?”

55 Atlanta Braves’ MLB div.

56 “Go, old-timey baseball team!”

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FREE WILL ASTROLOGY by Rob Brezsny ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19): To convey the best strategy for you to employ in the coming weeks, I have drawn inspiration from a set of instructions composed by aphorist Alex Stein: Scribble, scribble, erase. Scribble, erase, scribble. Scribble, scribble, scribble, scribble. Erase, erase, erase. Scribble, erase.

Keep what’s left. In other words, Aries, you have a mandate to be innocently empirical, robustly experimental, and cheerfully improvisational — with the understanding that you must also balance your fun with ruthless editing.

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20): “One must think like a hero to behave like a merely decent human being,” wrote Taurus memoirist May Sarton. That’s a dauntingly high standard to live up to, but for the foreseeable future it’s important that you try. In the coming weeks, you will need to maintain a heroic level of potency and excellence if you hope to keep your dreams on track and your integrity intact. Luckily, you will have an extraordinary potential to do just that.

But you’ll have to work hard to fulfill the potential — as hard as a hero on a quest to find the real Holy Grail in the midst of all the fake Holy Grails.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20): “Whatever you’re meant to do, do it now,” said novelist Doris Lessing. “The conditions are always impossible.” I hope you take her advice to heart, Gemini. In my astrological opinion, there is no good excuse for you to postpone your gratification or to procrastinate about moving to the next stage of a big dream. It’s senseless to tell yourself that you will finally get serious as soon as all the circumstances are perfect.

Perfection does not and will never exist. The future is now. You’re as ready as you will ever be.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22): French painter Henri Matisse didn’t mind being unmoored, befuddled, or in-between. In fact, he regarded these states as being potentially valuable to his creative process. Here’s his testimony: “In art, truth and reality begin when one no longer understands what one is doing or what one knows.” I’m recommending that you try out his attitude, Cancerian. In my astrological opinion, the time has come for you to drum up the inspirations and revelations that become available when you don’t know where the hell you are and what the hell you’re doing.

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22): Proposed experiment: Imagine that all the lovers and would-be lovers you have ever adored are in your presence. Review in detail your memories of the times you felt thrillingly close to them. Fill yourself up with feelings of praise and gratitude for their mysteries. Sing the love songs you love best. Look into a mirror and rehearse your “I only have eyes for you” gaze until it is both luminous and smoldering. Cultivate facial expressions that are full of tender, focused 86 CURRENT • May 25—May 31, 2016 • sacurrent.com

affection. Got all that, Leo? My purpose in urging you to engage in these practices is that it’s the High Sexy Time of year for you. You have a license to be as erotically attractive and wisely intimate as you dare.

VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22): “Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you’ll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others,” wrote editor Jacob M. Braude. Normally I would endorse his poignant counsel, but for the foreseeable future I am predicting that the first half of it won’t fully apply to you. Why? Because you are entering a phase that I regard as unusually favorable for the project of transforming yourself. It may not be easy to do so, but it’ll be easier than it has been in a long time. And I bet you will find the challenge to reimagine, reinvent, and reshape yourself at least as much fun as it is hard work.

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22): “Never turn down an adventure without a really good reason,” says author Rebecca Solnit in her book The Far Away Nearby. That’s a thought she had as she contemplated the possibility of riding a raft down the Colorado River and through the Grand Canyon. Here’s how I suspect this meditation applies to you, Libra: There have been other times and there will be other times when you will have good reasons for not embarking on an available adventure. But now is not one of those moments.

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21): Russian poet Vera Pavlova tells about how once when she was using a pen and paper to jot down some fresh ideas, she got a paper cut on her palm. Annoying, right? On the contrary. She loved the fact that the new mark substantially extended her life line. The palmistry-lover in her celebrated. I’m seeing a comparable twist in your near future, Scorpio.

A minor inconvenience or mild setback will be a sign that a symbolic revitalization or enhancement is nigh.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21): Norway is mountainous, but its neighbor Finland is quite flat. A group of Norwegians has launched a campaign to partially remedy the imbalance. They propose that to mark the hundredth anniversary of Finland’s independence, their country will offer a unique birthday gift: the top of Halti mountain. Right now the 4,479-foot peak is in Norway. But under the proposed plan, the border between countries will be shifted so that the peak will be transferred to Finland. I would love you to contemplate generous gestures like this in the coming weeks, Sagittarius. It’s a highly favorable time for you to bestow extra imaginative blessings. (P.S. The consequences will be invigorating to your own dreams.)

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19): I believe that every one of us should set aside a few days every year when we celebrate our gaffes, our flaws, and our bloopers. During this crooked holiday, we are not embarrassed about the false moves we have made. We don’t decry our bad judgment or criticize our delusional behavior.

Instead, we forgive ourselves of our sins. We work to understand and feel compassion for the ignorance that led us astray. Maybe we even find redemptive value in our apparent lapses; we come to see that they saved us from some painful experience or helped us avoid getting a supposed treasure that would have turned out to be a booby prize. Now would be a perfect time for you to observe this crooked holiday.

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18): Sometimes the love you experience for those you care about makes you feel vulnerable.

You may worry about being out of control or swooping so deeply into your tenderness that you lose yourself. Giving yourself permission to cherish and nurture can make you feel exposed, even unsafe. But none of that applies in the coming weeks. According to my interpretation of the astrological omens, love will be a source of potency and magnificence for you. It will

make you smarter, braver, and cooler. Your words of power will be this declaration by Syrian poet Nizar Qabbani: “When I love / I feel that I am the king of time / I possess the earth and everything on it / and ride into the sun upon my horse.” (Translated by Lena Jayyusi and Christopher Middleton.)

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20): In November 1916, at the height of World War I, the Swedish schooner Jönköping set sail for Finland, carrying 4,400 bottles of champagne intended for officers of the occupying Russian army. But the delivery was interrupted. A hostile German submarine sunk the boat, and the precious cargo drifted to the bottom of the Baltic Sea. The story didn’t end there, however.

More than eight decades later, a Swedish salvage team retrieved a portion of the lost treasure, which had been well-preserved in the frosty abyss. Taste tests revealed that the bubbly alcholic beverage was “remarkably lightbodied, extraordinarily elegant and fantastically fresh, with discreet, slow-building toasty aromas of great finesse.” (Source: tinyurl.com/ toastyaromas.) I foresee the potential of a similar resurrection in your future, Pisces. How deep are you willing to dive?

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