San Antonio Current - December 2, 2015.pdf

DECEMBER 2–8, 2015

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Thank You

DeceMber

to all of the barbecue teams, judges and volunteers for making the second annual GrillsGiving a tasty and safe event!

Brisket: 1 st : L.E. Myers Co. 2 nd : Big State Electric 3 rd : Los Diablos (CPS Energy) Ribs: 1 st : NAPE (CPS Energy) 2 nd : Los Diablos (CPS Energy) 3 rd : K-Bar Cookers (Techline)

12/5 – 11AM-6PM 12/6 – 1PM-6PM 12/12 – 11AM-6PM 12/13 – 1PM-6PM 12/19 – 11AM-6PM

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sacurrent.com • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • CURRENT 5

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FIRST WORDS

1

On “Bexar County Community Fights to Pave Its Stress of Sand”// Marie Smith: We live in a subdivision that has paved streets in Chicos district. We have tried to get them to repair our roads that are now starting to need repaired.

His office tells everyone they are public roads that are maintained by the residents. They have even told contractors hey are public roads that are maintained by the residents. The contractors have now damaged the roads to the point we can’t keep up with them.

Chico told us the same thing he told Highland Oaks residents. Nothing has been done even with the roads having been built better than county roads. He is all talk and no action. He scheduled a meeting with a couple of us and then didn’t show up when he was the one to call the meeting. Next year is election year so if course he is acting like he is trying to help. He won’t follow through. Same song and dance. [sic] On “The 20Somethings Take on Ramen” // Kelsey Cushman: I prefer the ramen at Fujiya ... traditional, filling, and relatively inexpensive.

On “Doughnuts, From Classic to Fanciful, Are Making Their Mark in SA” // Diane Salinas: I want to motorboat that tray of donuts On “Feds: Texas Can’t Block Syrian Refugees” George Pachecano: With so many badass gun owners in Texas you’d think they wouldn’t be so scared of refugees.

On “35 Photos of the Hays Street Bridge: An Instagram Portrait” // Osvaldo Charles: Hangout for Hipsters and Bums ... [sic]

IN THIS Issue 15_48

ISSUE /// December 2 – 8, 2015

8

NEWS

Newsmonger Water bills will jump, Planned Parenthood goes to court and a shifty SeaWorld

14

CALENDAR

Our top picks for the week

SCREENS

Murray Does Christmas Ho! Ho! Ho! and Ha! Ha! Ha! in A Very Murray Christmas Marvel’s Jessica Jones Refreshing Netflix series knows when to pull punches

• Send your thoughts, comments or kudos to letters@sacurrent.com

49

45

The Original Hickster Podunk poet Gary P. Nunn celebrates 70 at Floores Satisfied?

The cottage industry of the tribute band Metal Collage Between the Buried and Me play all the metal Music Calendar What to see and hear this week

MUSIC

ARTS + CULTURE

See Kimberly Run How art and fitness are (and aren’t) alike New Workout Plan A reporter tries cross training

Pedaling Forward Let’s talk about bike lanes

31

24

25

A Game of Snitches, Quaffles and Seekers UTSA’s quidditch team seeks a championship

37

FOOD

Food Desert No More With O’liva, Plaza de Armas gains fresh dining options Fit to Eat Testing out pre-portioned meals Flavor File A busy season for foodies

64

43

NIGHTLIFE

Old Is New Again Notwithstanding upgrades, Hills & Dales is still a legit bar Bottle & Tap Why bad beer happens to good people

ETC.

Savage Love Jonesin’ Crossword Freewill Astrology This Modern World

ON THE

COVER Trying to get fit? This week’s issue has what you need.

Photography by Josh Huskin Art direction by Rick Fisher and Sarah Flood-Baumann

6

CURRENT • November 25—December 1, 2015 • sacurrent.com

sacurrent.com • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • CURRENT 7

NEWS

•

Protesters lobby against the Vista Ridge pipeline at City Hall.

NEWSMONGER Water Bills Will Jump // Planned Parenthood Goes to Court // Shifty SeaWorld City Council OKs Water Rate Hikes San Antonio City Council unanimously approved a measure on Thursday, November 19, that would raise rates for residential San Antonio Water System customers by 50 percent over five years.

The biggest item the increases are designed to finance is the Vista Ridge pipeline, a $3.4 billion project that will pump water 142 miles out of the CarrizoWilcox Aquifer and into San Antonio water fountains, bathtubs and swimming pools. The increased rates are also meant to fund a new desalination plant on the South Side and repairs to the sewage and water system.

A coalition of concerned citizens fiercely opposed the increased rates.

They expressed concerns about the city’s poorest residents, the impact on the 8

MICHAEL MARKS/@MICHAELPMARKS

aquifer and whether the project would be a disincentive for conservation while catalyzing suburban sprawl.

Despite the opposition, every City Council member backed the rate increases, though some did so with strings securely attached to their vote.

Councilman Ron Nirenberg said in a news release that his approval came with commitments from SAWS CEO Robert Puente that the utility would prioritize conservation and be more transparent.

The ultimate rationale for approving the increase seemed to come down to the future needs of San Antonio’s projected population boom.

“Vista Ridge is essential to meeting our water needs of the future,” Mayor Ivy Taylor said in a news release. “Not planning for growth doesn’t mean we won’t grow — it just means we will be unprepared to meet the demands of tomorrow’s families and businesses.

As a community we need a common vision of prosperity that encourages sustainable growth, and today’s vote supports that.”

CURRENT • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • sacurrent.com

Planned Parenthood Sues Texas Texas Planned Parenthood affiliates are suing the state’s Health and Human Services Commission to stop the agency from cutting the group’s Medicaid funding.

Stuart Bowen, the HHSC’s inspector general, sent a letter to Texas affiliates of Planned Parenthood in October informing them that they’d no longer receive state support through Medicaid.

The letter raised concerns about patient safety, citing sting videos from an antiabortion group.

In the lawsuit, Planned Parenthood claims that the state’s actions violate the equal protection clause of the 14th Amendment, limiting the 10 anonymous women who are co-plaintiffs “from receiving services from their qualified, willing provider of choice.”

There are 34 Planned Parenthood clinics in Texas, but only a handful perform abortions.

The lawsuit comes in the wake of the Supreme Court announcing that it would consider the legality of Texas House Bill 2, a measure passed in 2013 that drastically lowered the number of abortion clinics in the state. A recent study from the University of Texas Policy Evaluation Project concluded that at least 100,000 Texas women between the ages of 18 and 49 have induced their own abortions. The number could be as high as 240,000.

More Shakeups at SeaWorld Faced with declining attendance, more changes are on the way for SeaWorld San Antonio.

Starting March 5, the Aquatica section of the park will be separated from the SeaWorld marine park. Aquatica contains water slides and other thrill rides, while the marine park houses the aquatic shows and exhibits.

Single-day admission to the marine park will cost $65, while entry for Aquatica will cost $40. Admission to both parks will cost $102.

SeaWorld has tried to retool its image since the 2013 release of the movie Blackfish, which exposed how the parks’ animals, particularly orca whales, were horrifically impacted by captivity.

SeaWorld announced last week that it would stop orca shows at its San Diego location, though they will continue in San Antonio. mmarks@sacurrent.com

BEXAR-O-METER Checking the temperature of events in Bexar County and beyond

‘TIS THE SEASON Red cups all around!

INDIGENOUS PEOPLE’S DAY APPROVED It’s about time

FREE WHEELIN ’ Regs relaxed for food truck placement PLANNED PARENTHOOD SUES TEXAS Medicaid cuts illegal, group claims

DOWNTOWN CIGARETTE BAN Smoking bans at Travis Park, Main Plaza

WATER RATE HIKES APPROVED Reconsider those long showers

MORE DEBATE OVER SYRIAN REFUGEES Fear-mongering abounds

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NEWS

PEDALING FORWARD

San Antonio’s made strides in bike infrastructure, but it needs leaps MARK REAGAN/@210REAGAN

Antonio Petrov is one of those brave souls willing to bicycle on Broadway, a major corridor connecting downtown to the Loop 410, where a spattering of bike lanes dot a road with growing congestion.

“We’ve been perceived as the enemy … motorists try to ‘educate’ you by really coming close to you and pushing you off the road, but there’s also a demographic and they honk in a happy way,” Petrov says. “You know, there’s always a few that kind of step out in a negative way, but mainly, people are kind of friendly.”

However, when riding down Broadway, Petrov also looks at the stretch of road through the eyes of an architect. He’s an assistant professor of architecture at the University of Texas at San Antonio, and he’s working closely with Alamo Heights’ City Council by sharing information about his research, which focuses on the Broadway corridor.

“I don’t want to call it a think tank. I would refer to my work as a do tank,” Petrov says. “We have done tremendous research on basically everything, we even counted all the trees on Broadway [507].”

Alamo Heights has been revamping its building code, and it could catalyze the city into a more walkable and bikeable environment. And bike lanes are part of that equation.

“There isn’t even a continuous sidewalk along Broadway,” Petrov says. “There’s poles in the way or it just stops.” He says the goal should be for Broadway to be a continuous walking experience.

Instead, Alamo Heights is disconnected from the historic road. “On December 9 we’re going to present a proposal where we see a walking/cycling path meandering through Alamo Heights along Broadway from Basse to Hildebrand,” he says. Leaving Alamo Heights toward Downtown, bike lanes do pop up, though 10

buses often stop in them and some motorists don’t seem to distinguish their existence from the road.

However, Broadway is just one of many important streets that lead in and out of Downtown, connecting an array of diverse neighborhoods to the center city.

Trish Wallace, transportation planning manager for the city’s Transportation and Capital Improvements Department, says during the next couple months an engineering team will be looking at 12 San Antonio corridors while exploring what multimodal streets look like, how they function and what safety features are needed.

The public was able to provide input during a November 30 SA Tomorrow Multimodal Transportation Plan virtual town hall.

“We have 22 bike shops that have big paper maps asking people to mark in where they ride,” Wallace said, adding that the city is trying to figure out the next wave of key connections it needs to work on.

As far as the Broadway corridor goes, San Antonio has agreed to take back the Texas Department of Transportation portion, which runs north of Hildebrand to Downtown.

“As part of that agreement to take back, TxDOT will do a study to evaluate what is there … all mode bike infrastructure and making recommendations and hope to have an upcoming bond in 2017,” Wallace said.

And there’s no doubt that San Antonio, which has taken on more and more healthy living campaigns, is building more bike infrastructure.

At the turn of the century, there were just 34 miles of bicycle facilities in San Antonio, which includes bike lanes, paths, shoulders and other related infrastructure.

However, as the 2014 Bicycling and Walking in the United States Benchmark Report, San Antonio now has 356 miles of on-street bike lanes, 100 miles of multi-use paths, 56 miles of signed routes and 1.1 total miles of bicycle facilities per square mile.

However, its goals for the next 25 years — over which the Alamo City is estimated to receive more than 1 million new residents — far outshine what its done in the last 15 years.

The goal is to add 1,741 planned miles for bicycles.

Last year, San Antonio received a bronze score from Bicycle Friendly Community program, which is administered by The League of American

CURRENT • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • sacurrent.com

•

UTSA’s Antonio Petrov, shown here, is rethinking the Broadway corridor by Alamo Heights.

Bicyclists, an advocacy organization.

The city’s Sustainable Transportation Manager, Timothy P. Mulry, says the goal is to receive a silver score by 2018.

To do that, San Antonio needs to a number of things, according to The League, including increasing safety for road users — a concern of anyone who rides a bicycle in Bexar County.

“We print regional bike tips for cyclists so they can be safer and we distribute these to all libraries and police substations,” Mulry said.

There’s also the city’s My3Feet social media campaign, which is meant to educate motorists about the city’s Safe Passage Ordinance that requires a passing distance of 3 feet for cars and 6 feet for commercial or large trucks that share the road with bicyclists. Violating it could result in a $200 fine.

That message also fits into the city’s Vision Zero Initiative, which seeks to prevent all fatalities on San Antonio roadways. The Alamo City currently ranked 27 out of the country’s 50 largest metropolitan cities when it comes to bicycle fatalities with 5.4 out of every 10,000 bicyclists dying from a collision.

However, while the city is making strides, there’s no doubt it still has plenty of obstacles to face, from reducing fatalities to increasing the amount of bike lanes while making them safer.

“You know, as a cyclist, but also as an urbanist, I’m always a critical observer, and in this case, I’m an active participant,” UTSA’s Petrov says. “I think we have a ways to go, but I also think that we have to commend the people in charge.” mreagan@sacurrent.com

SHI-15136-CheerAdResizes-SanAntonioCurrent-10p25x10p27-drawback.pdf

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sacurrent.com • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • CURRENT 11

Holiday Showcase

at Quarry Village F R I D AY, D E C E M B E R 4 , 2 0 1 5 6 - 9 P. M .

Get into the holiday spirit with free drinks and light bites, Alamo Heights High School Christmas carolers, a DJ, and a Santa photo booth. Enjoy discounts and giveaways from your favorite Quarry Village shops!

12

CURRENT • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • sacurrent.com

sacurrent.com • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • CURRENT 13

CALENDAR

THU

3

Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny FILM

Remember when you were a kid and you first started to question the Santa Claus mythos: whether one man could deliver all those toys in one night, or live year-round at the North Pole, or whether, if Santa’s sleigh got stuck on a Florida beach, he could actually summon a magical fire engine piloted by the Ice Cream Bunny? Relive that insane holiday tradition shared by only you and filmmaker R. Winer in the only appropriate way – accompanied by the live sarcastic commentary of the RiffTrax crew, featuring who else but former members of Mystery Science Theater 3000. $12.50, 7pm, Santikos Palladium, 17703 I-10 W., visit fathomevents.com for additional participating theaters. — Jeremy Martin

14

THU

Kim Russo

3 Along with “scientifically verified” TALKS PLUS

or “money-back guarantee,” a phrase you never expect to see in a press release for a psychic is “Due to an unforeseen scheduling conflict...,” as in the kind of snafu that required “Happy Medium” Kim Russo to reschedule her August appearance in San Antonio. Foreseeing stuff, it would seem, is part of the job description. To be fair, Russo doesn’t claim she can see the future — just telepathically communicate with the dearly departed. And if The Sixth Sense taught us anything, it’s that dead people have a really hard time processing irony. $45-$55, 7:30pm, Tobin Center for the Performing Arts, 100 Auditorium Circle, (210) 223-8624, tobincenter.org. — JM

CURRENT • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • sacurrent.com

FRI

Robo-Country Jamboree

4 Do you like your dance-pop served MUSIC

up at a cute fever pitch with a heaping side of absurdity? Do you like kitties and dark glasses? Hyperbubble just might be your new favorite band. The SA-based electronic art-pop duo, known for zany antics and even zanier recordings, will celebrate the release of their latest album, Live in London, this Friday. True to WTF form, Hyperbubble is throwing a “RoboCountry Jamboree” to mark the occasion.

Translation: Come on out to Brick to catch the twosome waxing Western as they translate traditional country hits onto synthesizer and theremin. Free, 10pm, Brick, 108 Blue Star, (210) 262-8653, hyperbubble.net. — James Courtney

FRI-SUN

4-6

Hecho a Mano SPECIAL EVENT

Amid the season of storebought wares and impersonal gift cards, the Guadalupe rises to the occasion with a holiday market that champions all things handmade. A dependable solution for those question marks on your Yuletide list, Hecho a Mano runs the gamut from candles and trinkets to folk art and fine jewelry crafted by 20-plus artists and artisans selected by a panel of jurors. After tempting early birds with a Friday preview ($15), the 29th annual event takes over Galería Guadalupe for a festive weekend of eclectic shopping and browsing. $2 (or two canned goods), 6-9pm Fri, noon-6pm Sat-Sun, Galería Guadalupe, 723 S. Brazos St., (210) 271-3151, guadalupeculturalarts.org. — BR

CALENDAR

5

Jotos Y Recuerdos Dance-A-Thon SPECIAL EVENT

With a wink and a nod to Selena’s cumbia hit “Fotos y Recuerdos,” the charitable and outdoorsy coalition LezRideSA rolls out the Jotos y Recuerdos Dance-A-Thon.

Emceed by SA2020’s Molly Cox, the “divathemed dress-up dance party” aims to raise funds for LGBTQ youth organizations while attendees groove to tunes spun by DJs Amanda De La O, Anita Boogie and P. Cosita. Whether competing as a dancer for the $300 grand prize or attending as a spectator, guests can nab raffle tickets for a chance to win an array of prizes, including a stylish Electra “Townie” bike. $10-$20, registration at 6pm, dance at 7:30pm, La Botánica, 2911 N. St. Mary’s St., lezridesa.tumblr.com. — Bryan Rindfuss

SAT

Platinum Boys

5 Milwaukee four-piece Platinum MUSIC

Boys, despite the luxurious name, play cheap, gritty, power-pop with an over-thetop rock-and-roll core. Cock-rock through and through, the Platinum Boys sound is infused with elements of 1980s glam and punk, but heavy on the scuzzier side of things. There’s nothing pretty about it. As luck would have it, the boys will take the Limelight stage having just released their new EP Junior Varsity on Forged Artifacts Records the day before. They’ll be joined on the bill by Birmingham honky-tonk-androll six-piece Banditos and local garage rockers The Rich Hands. $5-$7, 9:30pm, Limelight, 2718 N. St. Mary’s St., (210) 735-7775, thelimelightsa.com. — JC

SAT

G ETTY IMAGES

ERIK MOORE

SAT

Spurs vs. Celtics

5 The Spurs overcame a slow start SPORTS

against the spunky Celtics last month in Boston, with big man LaMarcus Aldridge leading the way in points and rebounds.

Lacking a true superstar, the Celtics rely on the speedy backcourt tandem of Isaiah Thomas and Avery Bradley for buckets.

The undersized duo can put up numbers in a hurry, which should keep Tony Parker and Danny Green engaged for the duration of the contest. After working his way out of an early season shooting slump, Green appears to have rediscovered his stroke, and should be all over the court chasing down the Celtics guards. $47-$220, 7:30pm, AT&T Center, One AT&T Center Pkwy., (210) 444-5000, attcenter.com. — M. Solis

TUE

Holiday Laser Show

8 For the past 40 years, URBAN-15 SPECIAL EVENT

has presented performance-based art, in a multitude of different forms, to communities in San Antonio and beyond.

As it has grown, the multidisciplinary group of artists, dancers and musicians has parlayed its enthusiasm for the arts into a tremendous boon for our community in terms of both education and entertainment.

The collective’s latest effort, the 11th annual Holiday Laser Show, promises a multimedia extravaganza of choreographed laser beams, colorful 3D animation and light, paired with holiday favorites and experimental electronic compositions. $10$15, 7pm, Lila Cockrell Theatre, 200 E. Market St., (210) 736-1500, urban15.org. — JC

sacurrent.com • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • CURRENT 15

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sacurrent.com • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • CURRENT 17

CALENDAR

THU-FRI

3-4

Winter Shows at Blue Star

SAT

On December 3, Blue Star Contemporary Art Museum opens three exciting new exhibitions, on view through February 7. For starters, “Turn Your Face Toward the Sun,” the Main Gallery’s exhibit of work by Texas-transplants Charlie Morris and Liz Rodda, is a multidisciplinary affair that employs assemblage as a medium to juxtapose and recontextualize found items, seemingly random images and crafted elements. The pieces in the exhibit urge viewers to question the unseen and peer beneath placid surfaces. In Gallery 4, take in Norwegian filmmaker Bodil Furu’s Landscapes by the Book. From multiple points of view, the video looks at how the landscapes and people in Fron, Norway are altered by development and notions of progress. Meanwhile, in the Project Space, the interactive and deeply imaginative “The Gift: An Exquisite Exhibition” draws inspiration from creativity scholar Lewis Hyde’s book The Gift: Creativity and the Artist in the Modern World. Designed to grow and change over time — based on artist/ viewer response and curated groupings that reflect on Hyde’s modern classic — the exhibition opens with a single artwork by Lawrence Weiner, with subsequent installations on January 14 and 21. Free, 6-9pm Thu-Fri, Blue Star Contemporary Art Museum, 116 Blue Star, (210) 227-6960, bluestarart.org. — James Courtney

Art

Art opening: “Artistic Animals on Earl St.”

Wildlife Rescue and Rehabilitation hosts a gallery show and sale combining original artwork created by animals and a selection of pieces by three human artists (sculptor Lauren Browning, painter Heather Gauthier and photographer Jay Kazen) inspired by animals. Free, 2-6pm Saturday; Sherman Animal Care Complex, 137 Earl St., (210) 257-8823.

Art opening: “Danville Chadbourne: Retrospective Part 3 – Ceramic Vessels 1970-2013” Part of an ongoing series

of retrospectives that began in 2009, this exhibition comprising 70-plus works explores San Antonio sculptor Danville Chadbourne’s creative use and adaptation of ceramic vessel forms over the course of his career.

Drawn primarily from the artist’s collection, the show also includes selections from private and museum collections to present a comprehensive view of Chadbourne’s work in this format. Free, 6-9pm Friday; SAY Sí, 1518 S. Alamo St., (210) 212-8666.

Art opening: “Happiness, Sweet Sultan”

For the last Hello Studio exhibition before it relocates to The Upstairs Studio at Blue Star, artist/gallerist Amada Miller unveils a solo show exploring “art, craft and the changing role of female artists throughout history.”

Rooted in the Victorian-era tradition of floriography (aka “the language of flowers”), her “Happiness, Sweet Sultan” expands on coded communication via symbolic new works encompassing both traditional and new media. Free, 6-9pm Thursday-Friday; Hello Studio, 1420 S. Alamo St., Suite 106B, (210) 291-8640.

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Art opening: “Moments in Time” Texas

State University’s Middle Grey Photography Association takes over R Gallery with a group show that tasked participants with interpreting “what a moment in time specifically means to them.” Curated

by Dr. Erik Nielsen and organized by Chad Dawkins, the exhibition unites 25 photographers and opens with a First Friday reception featuring music by Scorpio Rising and DJ El Gato Scott. Free, 6-11pm Friday; R Gallery, 725 S. Presa St., (210) 862-8875.

Art opening: “Surrogate” For her MFA

thesis exhibition, University of Texas at San Antonio grad student Sarah Fox employs collage and smoky graphite to meditate on loss and absence. Drawing from “the history animals have as stand-ins for people in morals, tales and fables,” the solo show combines images both humorous and heartbreaking while blurring lines between children and pets. Free, 6-9pm ThursdayFriday; Terminal 136, 136 Blue Star, (210) 458-4391.

“Fall 2015 BFA Exhibition” UTSA’s

department of art and art history presents wide-ranging works by 19 emerging artists addressing themes ranging from “social and cultural critique to investigations that are challenging and exquisite explorations in creative form and image.” Free, 10am-4pm Wednesday-Friday, 1-4pm Saturday, 10am-4pm Tuesday; UTSA Art Gallery–Main Campus, One UTSA Circle, (210) 458-4391.

Noel de Papel Art Fair & Merienda San

Anto Cultural Arts’ inaugural Yuletide market combines an exhibition and sale of diverse works on paper, a light holiday merienda

CURRENT • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • sacurrent.com

‘50/250’

introducing its contemporary art 5 Since program back in 2013, the multitasking

endeavor known as French & Michigan has experienced setbacks and successes ranging from a lengthy zoning battle to a triumphant arrival as one of Beacon Hill’s must-visit destinations. But one component of an umbrella that encompasses everything from design-build projects to an elegant furniture line, French & Michigan Gallery returns to square one with the second edition of “50/250,” a juried exhibition that takes shape in a straightforward installation of 250 “new, approachable” works of the same size (8 inchesby-8 inches) by 50 artists. Co-curated by Haus Collective creative director Faith Haddad, the group show brings together gift-worthy creations from the likes of Fernando Andrade, Wesley Harvey, Mark Menjivar, Amada Miller, Justin Parr and Cornelia White Swann. Free, 2-6pm, French & Michigan Gallery, 115 Michigan Ave., (210) 378-0961, frenchandmichigan.com. — Bryan Rindfuss

with tamales galore and a performance by the talented young musicians of Mariachi Milagro. Free, 2-5pm Saturday; San Anto Cultural Arts, 2120 El Paso St., (210) 2267466.

Theater

A Charlie Brown Christmas The Magik

brings Charlie Brown, Snoopy and the rest of the Peanuts gang to life onstage in Eric Schaeffer’s adaptation of the 1965 TV special surrounding “the true meaning of Christmas.” $12-$15, 9:45am Wednesday, 11:30am Thursday, 9:45am & 7pm Friday, 2pm Saturday, 9:45am Tuesday; Magik Theatre, 420 S. Alamo St., (210) 227-2751.

A Christmas Carol The Playhouse presents the world premiere of Tony Ciaravino and Tim Hedgepeth’s theatrical adaptation of Charles Dickens’ 19th-century tale surrounding the transformation of bitter, old miser Ebenezer Scrooge. $12-$30, 8pm Thursday-Saturday, 3pm Sunday; The Playhouse, 800 W. Ashby Pl., (210) 733-7258.

Las Nuevas Tamaleras For playwright

Alicia Mena, who penned this holiday comedy in 1993, Las Nuevas Tamaleras acts as a window for audiences to see themselves in the ritual of tamaladas.

Mena and several of the original cast members will reprise roles they originated in the early ’90s. As Doña Mercedes, Mena plays a no-nonsense master tamalera who coaches a novice along with the spirit of Doña Juanita (played by veteran actor Ruby Nelda Perez) — hilarity ensues. $12$25, 8pm Friday-Saturday, 3pm Sunday;

Guadalupe Theater, 1301 Guadalupe St., (210) 271-1011.

Peter Pan Following the boy who would

not grow up and the children he lures to Neverland, Peter Pan brings high-flying antics and adventure to the Woodlawn.

Based on J.M Barrie’s classic tale, made famous by the Walt Disney cartoon, and later mocked across Twitter thanks to NBC’s live version, the story’s undergone facelifts over the decades, but one thing remains the same: Peter must fly.

Director Greg Hinojosa partners with ZFX Flying Effects Equipment to bring the magic of flight to Peter (Carlye Gossen) and his ensemble of lost boys, pirates, Indians and Darlings. $17-$26, 8pm Friday-Saturday, 3pm Sunday; Woodlawn Theatre, 1920 Fredericksburg Road, (210) 267-8388.

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians Counted among the worst films of all time, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians could have slipped into obscurity following its 1964 release had it not been for Mystery Science Theater 3000. After spoofing the film in an episode, the ’90s-era favorite successfully resuscitated the cautionary tale of what happens when Martians decide to kidnap Santa, thus inspiring countless decades of Martian mongers to come. The Overtime Theater explores this cult oddity in a new collection of shorts filled with green men, cardboard robots, half-Martian reindeer and a Santa danceoff. $10-$14, 8pm Friday-Saturday, 2:30pm Sunday; The Overtime Theater, 1203 Camden St., (210) 557-7562.

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CURRENT • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • sacurrent.com

CALENDAR NIGHTLIFE

Words

Finding My Story: Laurie Ann Guerrero Reading and Memoir Writing Workshop In collaboration with the

Mayor’s Book Club, the San Antonio Public Library welcomes San Antonio Poet Laureate Laurie Ann Guerrero for a reading to be followed by a workshop focusing on memory-activating techniques, sensory writing and journaling. Free, 6:30-8pm Tuesday; Central Library, 600 Soledad St., (210) 207-2500.

The World According To Coleen As a faculty

member at Trinity University for more than 50 years, Coleen Grissom has mentored, counseled and influenced the lives of thousands of students. The “honorary alumna” visits The Twig to read from her new collection of musings offering a unique view of life on and off an American university campus. Free, 6-8pm Wednesday; The Twig Book Shop, 306 Pearl Pkwy., Suite 106, (210) 826-6411.

Christmas Light Fest The 125-acre Don

Strange Ranch celebrates the season with a drive-through light show boasting two million decorative lights, photo ops in Santa’s Village, Longhorn sightings, hay rides and vendors offering unique gifts, s’mores and hot chocolate. $27-$65, 6-9pm Wednesday-Thursday, 6-10pm FridaySaturday, 6-9pm Sunday-Tuesday; Don Strange Ranch, 103 Waring Welfare Road, (210) 434-2340.

Eckman’s “Merry Christmas” Show SA’s

longest-running comic and toy show takes over the Austin Highway Event Center with a holiday-themed event featuring photo ops with Santa (10am-2pm). $5 (free for kids under 10) 9am-4pm Saturday; Austin Highway Event Center, 1948 Austin Hwy., (210) 639-1434.

Get Crafty Local arts organization Spare

Parts sets up shop at Pruitt Library to lead a holiday mug-making workshop focusing on creative reuse and up-cycling of provided materials. Free, 2-3pm Saturday; Pruitt Public Library, 5110 Walzem Road, (210) 650-1122.

San Antonio AIDS Foundation Red Balloon Release In conjunction with World AIDS Day and AIDS Awareness Week, the San Antonio AIDS Foundation (SAAF) hosts a memorial balloon release along with a short presentation and prayer honoring those who have been lost to HIV/AIDS. In the words of SAAF president Cynthia Nelson, “We hope this gathering lifts the spirits of those fighting this disease and increases awareness of treatment and SAAF’s services to promote better public

health.” Participants will receive a red balloon and have the opportunity to share the names of loved ones impacted by HIV/ AIDS. Free, 11:30am Thursday; San Antonio AIDS Foundation, 818 E. Grayson St., (210) 225-4715.

The Hackathon of Outlandish Things

Organized by the Kandy.io Developer Program, this hackathon with presentations by Alex Donn (Kandy.io/ Genband), Ami Readdy (Codeup.com), Omar Quimbaya (def-logix) and Louis Vela (SA Coders) invites designers, developers, and “imagineers” to pitch ideas, join a team and “build something outlandish” for a chance to win prizes. Free with registration at eventbrite.com, 6pm Friday, 8pm Saturday; Geekdom, 112 E. Pecan St., 11th Floor, (210) 373-6730.

Comedy

Alex Ansel A nerd of Texas-size proportions,

Circuit City employee-turned stand-up Alex Ansel (aka Koolaid) has appeared on the local CBS, NBC and FOX affiliates, and took home the title of Funniest Person in South Texas in 2010. $10, 8pm WednesdayThursday; Laugh Out Loud Comedy Club, 618 NW Loop 410, (210) 541-8805.

Pablo Francisco Possibly best known for his

MADtv appearances and Comedy Central specials They Put It Out There and Ouch!, stand-up, impressionist and sound effects specialist Pablo Francisco takes the Laugh Out Loud stage as he prepares to shoot his Nuvo comedy special Here We Go Again. $20, 8pm & 10:15pm Friday-Saturday, 8pm Sunday; Laugh Out Loud Comedy Club, 618 NW Loop 410, (210) 541-8805.

Special Events

Big Holiday Market Pearl expands its weekly

Farmers Market by adding an artisans gift market, special entertainment and a morning visit from Santa (10:30am). Free, 10am-2pm Sunday; Pearl Brewery, 312 Pearl Pkwy., (210) 212-7260.

sacurrent.com • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • CURRENT 21

Holiday Fair + San Antonio Clay Arts Festival SATURDAY, DECEMBER 5 | 10:30 A.M.–5:00 P.M.

Local artisans of jewelry, folk art, fabrics, and over 30 Texas potters. Demonstrations, art activities for children, live music, food trucks.

SAN ANTONIO MUSEUM of ART 200 W. Jones Avenue • San Antonio, TX 78215 • 210.978.8100 • samuseum.org

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CURRENT • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • sacurrent.com

MEJIA BALLET INTERNATIONAL PAUL MEJIA, ARTISTIC DIRECTOR San Antonio Metropolitan Ballet Susan Connally, Artistic Director

sacurrent.com • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • CURRENT 23

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CURRENT • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • sacurrent.com

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ARTS + CULTURE

SA artist and athlete talks training, teamwork and why you’ve just gotta do it When San Antonio’s inaugural Rock ’n’ Roll Marathon opened in 2008, artist Kimberly Aubuchon hit the pavement with hundreds of beat seekers, racing past bands at every mile. It was the first half marathon she’d ever run, and after the initial wobbly-kneed shock wore off (“After I crossed that finish line I was like, ‘Shit, that was hard. I’m never doing that again,’” she says) she was hooked, and she’s been running ever since.

Back then, Aubuchon was working at Artpace while simultaneously running the (now defunct) Unit B Gallery, and had no idea that physical fitness would become any more than a way to lose weight. Seven years later, and Aubuchon is a workout junkie, spreading her passion to her clients as a personal trainer at MBS Fitness and as a certified running coach for the San Antonio Roadrunners.

And she never forgets that fateful Rock ’n’ Roll Marathon, participating in some capacity every year — this year she’ll be walking instead of running due to a slow-healing lisfranc sprain that damaged her third metatarsal, but she’ll most definitely be rocking nonetheless.

Have you always been a runner?

I stopped running after high school and then I just chased boys and subways for the next few years. I didn’t take up physical fitness until I moved back to San Antonio. In October of 2005, I was like “Holy crap I sure have eaten a lot of bean and cheese tacos and drank a lot of margaritas.” I had gained a bunch of weight and

Humana Rock ‘n’ Roll San Antonio Marathon & 1/2 Marathon

I decided I needed to go back to the gym.

But I didn’t start running initially. It took me about two years to get into running after I started going to the gym and lifting weights … I started making all these bucket-list things for myself. I think I had turned 40 at the time and I wanted to make a list of things to do before I turned 50. The [Lone Star] Tower Climb was on it and running a half marathon was on it … I completed my first half marathon in 2008 at the Rock ’n’ Roll Marathon San Antonio in 2 hours and 21 minutes. My goal was to finish in less than 5 hours.

What does a typical training program look like for something like the Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon? How far ahead are you starting?

The very first training program I did was a 12-week program for beginners. With a beginning program, you start at the beginning, running and adding miles as you get stronger. The first weeks are about building your base and then you work on speed and endurance, and then you get your body ready for the taper. You’re getting really strong and then you back off for a couple of weeks. Which is really hard once you start doing races.

After that initial year did you start working with a team?

I never officially trained with a team, but I did make friends … I became really crazy about running and realized how important it was to me. Sometimes it really stinks being a runner, especially in South Texas because it’s so hot. It’s hard to find any given 24 hours that is comfortable, even at night. I would get up early and run with my friends on trails. I would get up at 3 o’clock to meet them at 4:30 to get on the trail by 5 and be done by 8 a.m. … And doing that, you may feel like a zombie after but everybody else is in the same sweaty clothes that you are and you’re all bearing through it together.

It’s easier in numbers. When you’re out there by yourself grilling it there’s no support team, there’s no “Come on man, just another mile, you can do it.”

How’d you make the transition from artist and gallery owner to fitness professional?

As much as I loved my job at Artpace, I worked there for seven years and I started doing the math and I realized that if I kept working at that rate of pay for an additional seven years, I would not be making $40,000 before I was 50 years old.

I was working with at trainer at the time and I was talking to him about it, and he said “You know, you should be a personal trainer.” I had to sit down because I loved working out, I loved running, and I thought, “Why didn’t I think of this myself?”

What takes more discipline: being an artist or an athlete?

I would say they’re both pretty parallel. As an artist, I have to make myself work sometimes and that’s really hard for me, because I want to make a good painting, or I want to make a good stuffed animal, but sometimes you just don’t feel it. And if you don’t feel it, you don’t want to do it, and that’s a lot like running.

It’s like, I need to run 13 miles today and I don’t feel like doing it. But if I don’t do it today then that means I’m going to have to do it tomorrow or I won’t be prepared for this race. I can’t always talk to myself like that about art unless I have a goal, like I’m trying to do work for a show or somebody commissioned me to do something.

What would you tell someone who’s considering starting any kind of workout program?

Do it. You gotta do it.

In this world there’s so many opportunities not to go anywhere. But go outside, go for a hike, even if you don’t want to work with a personal trainer, or you don’t want to be in a gym. We have all these city parks and state parks within a few miles of everywhere. We have a River Walk. We have all these greenways. Get your ass out there and experience it.

To schedule a workout with Aubuchon, email kimberlytrainsyou@yahoo.com or visit mbslife.com.

$45-$155 7:30am-2pm Sun, Dec. 6 Start line: Alamodome 100 Montana St. runrocknroll.com/san-antonio

sacurrent.com • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • CURRENT 25

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ARTS + CULTURE

NEW WORKOUT PLAN An out-of-shape reporter goes to the gym MICHAEL MARKS/@MICHAELPMARKS

Here’s the first thought I had after sitting down to write a first-person story on attending a cross training class: “How am I going to write this if I can’t lift my arms to the keyboard?”

This is a real problem. My job last week was to attend a class at a local gym and to write about it. I knew that I had the technical skills to make that happen. I never anticipated being physically unable to do so.

Let me preface my description of this experience by saying I’m not a fitness enthusiast — something you’ve probably guessed from the previous paragraphs.

The extent of my cardiovascular exertion is more or less limited to lifting 12 ounces at a time, playing pickup basketball and jogging a few guilt-fueled laps around the track once or twice per month. I haven’t lifted weights in years, and I certainly haven’t worked out with a group of other people in just as long.

So when I got this assignment, the words that came out of my mouth were “Yeah, sure. That could be fun.”

The words in my head were decidedly different, and were mostly strewn together by expletives.

But I am a good soldier, and I enjoy gainful employment, so I agreed. Besides, my wife goes to crosstraining classes several times per week. She swears by it, and she’s tried to bring me along for quite some time.

So I went. I took two one-hour group classes at TejasFit, a small, unassuming gym on Broadway. I went to the early morning sessions, the bright fluorescents casting light onto the normally busy street.

If the gym is a beacon of fitness, then Alexander Hutchinson is its lighthouse keeper. The owner and main coach at TejasFit, Hutchinson is an imposing figure. He’s a big, fit, bald dude, with the demeanor and physique of someone you’d want with you during the zombie apocalypse. I am not that person. I would quickly be disemboweled, or left behind by more savvy and ablebodied people. I would not blame them for this.

Hutchinson started us off easy, which imbued me with a false confidence about my physical abilities.

After tossing a medicine ball for a few minutes, I felt like Charles Atlas.

The feeling didn’t last. For the rest of the session I bumbled around the gym like Mr. Magoo — a comparison that describes both my athletic ability and general gym acumen. I was That Guy: tripping over my jump rope and making uncomfortable grunts through activities that others seemed to find routine.

Despite this, Hutchinson and my fellow gym-mates

•

Our intrepid reporter (right) does pushups.

Kind of.

couldn’t have been kinder or more helpful to me.

When I caught my breath enough to ask a question, someone answered it. When my form was off during a weight lift, Hutchinson gave me advice.

When I had trouble lifting the bare minimum bench press, people cheered me on. My frail little reporter arms strained to bring the bar to its apex, but when they did, people clapped. I smiled, said thanks, and focused on not puking.

After the sessions, I realized that those seeking a full-body workout would get their money’s worth. It wasn’t until the day after that I fully understood what I’d done.

I’ve never been in a boxing match before. The only fight I’ve ever had was in the sixth grade, when an older kid punched me in the temple at a shoe store (I don’t remember why, but it was probably over something significant). That hurt, but it wasn’t much of a fight. I was fine.

On the other hand, the way I felt after two sessions at TejasFit couldn’t have been much different from the aftermath of a genuine ass kicking.

Some of the soreness I expected. My abs, so steadfastly protected from exposure by years of cheap six packs, ached with every movement. My shoulder protested when I held a shampoo bottle aloft for the briefest of moments in the shower. After audibly groaning about how tough it was to lift my backpack, my wife

clucked at my protestations.

“It’s not that bad,” she said.

“You’re not in my body!” I retorted, unable to concoct anything clever, or apparently logical.

But of course, she was right. She typically is. I was being melodramatic, and my pain is proof of my woeful physical condition. I need to fix that.

I don’t know if I’ll keep going to TejasFit or another gym like it. But if I do, I know at least that I’ll get results.

It’s hard to know why someone would put themselves through so much work for anything less. mmarks@sacurrent.com sacurrent.com • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • CURRENT 27

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CURRENT • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • sacurrent.com

ARTS + CULTURE

A GAME OF SNITCHES, QUAFFLES AND SEEKERS UTSA’s Club Quidditch team takes aim at a national championship ERIC MORENO

“Harry learnt that there were 700 ways of committing a Quidditch foul and that all of them had happened during a World Cup match in 1473.”

- Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone Have you ever dreamed of playing a sport that combines the speed of basketball, the finesse of soccer, the aggression of rugby and the hand-eye coordination of hockey – and was played on magical flying brooms? The sport exists, minus the brooms.

For four years, the University of Texas at San Antonio has fielded a championship-caliber co-ed quidditch team. The sport, inspired by the Harry Potter novels, started in 2005 at Middlebury College in Vermont, where a group of students gathered to hold the first official quidditch tournament.

The activity quickly grew in popularity, and by 2008, six colleges in the Northeast had quidditch teams, according to U.S. Quidditch, the governing body for the sport, which was incorporated in 2010. Today, there are 4,000 athletes playing on more than 200 teams across the country. Though it was initially spurred on by the Potter craze, the sport has since taken on a life its own, and players take it seriously.

“I have a sports background playing football and wrestling in high school,” said UTSA team captain Taylor Tracy, a junior. “I’m in my third year on the team. I met somebody in one of my classes my freshman year. I didn’t know it was even a thing, but I thought it might be fun.

After one practice I was hooked.”

Played on a soccer or rugby-style pitch, quidditch is a strikingly complex game. Each team has seven players to a side: a seeker (the “Potter spot,” if you will), a keeper (basically a soccer or hockey-style goalie), three chasers (scorers much like in basketball, soccer or hockey), and two beaters (defenders). Each player must at all times be “aboard” a broom (sadly, of the non-magical variety), and they have to run with it between their legs for the entirety of the match.

“I think [running with the broom] is the thing that prohibits people the most from excelling at it right out of the gate,” said senior Shelby Rose, one of the team’s senior members and coaches. “It can really hinder people. It doesn’t come naturally to anyone.”

As in the novels and movie the seeker hunts down a snitch. Per the rules of U.S. Quidditch: “[The] snitch is a ball attached to the waistband of the snitch runner, a neutral athlete in a yellow uniform who uses any means to avoid capture. The snitch is worth 30 points and its capture ends the game. If the score is tied after the snitch

•

No flying brooms here.

catch, the game proceeds into overtime.”

“The movement around the field, moving in open spaces, and the creative stuff for me is what I find most similar to the sport I played, soccer,” said freshman Dylan Horwath.

The chasers score goals, worth 10 points each, by tossing the quaffle (a semi-deflated volleyball) through three hoops. They can advance the quaffle downfield by tossing it, passing or throwing it and even kicking it. The beaters are armed with dodgeballs (aka bludgers) and it is their goal to disrupt the opposing team’s “flow,” as any player hit by a bludger is out of play until they touch their own goals.

“I love the strategy behind the sport,” said senior head coach Azeem Hussain, who has been with the team since its inception. “Our first year, we went to the World Cup for the first time. Last year, when we went we flew, but that first year, we all loaded up on a road trip to Kissimmee, Florida. You can imagine how long that trip was. But what was great was that we all came together.

That’s the best part of quidditch. It builds a community.”

The team currently boasts more than 20 players and features a mix of returning veteran players and newbies.

Quidditch is still primarily played by college students; and seasons basically run a calendar year — beginning in the fall and ending before the summer. Last year was arguably the most successful one in the UTSA team’s history, as it had several top 10 finishes in major tournaments.

“I was playing soccer with a friend and one of my good friends was being taught how to play,” explained senior Joshua Andrews, who is in his first season with the club.

“They told me to come and try out for the team. I didn’t think it was going to be too fun, but then I got to go out and hit people and play this aggressive, competitive sport. It’s been fun ever since.”

At this point, it has evolved beyond a Potter fan event and become a full-fledged competitive team sport. By all accounts, what separates this niche sport from other collegiate experiences is the camaraderie that it fosters. Not only do teams develop this unique fellowship, but there is also a unique understanding between opposing teams.

“Quidditch is not like any other sport because you not only develop a love for your teammates, but also a love for players on the other teams,” said Rose. “Whenever you go to a quidditch tournament, you’ll never see a team just hanging out with themselves. I have friends all over the United States because of quidditch and it’s something that’s kept me coming back to the team season after season.”

sacurrent.com • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • CURRENT 29

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CURRENT • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • sacurrent.com

SCREENS

‘A VERY MURRAY CHRISTMAS’ Bill Murray’s Variety Show X-mas Special Is a Gift CODY VILLAFANA

•

Paul Shaffer, George Clooney and Murray doing the heavy lifting

As actor Bill Murray continues his ascension from beloved actor to national treasure, he has proven his tremendous staying power. It could be his omnipresence in the films of Wes Anderson or just the fact that he’s a weird dude, but Murray has become a favorite of the younger generation.

Of course, much of that can be attributed to his eccentric personality. He famously doesn’t have an agent and those who want to get ahold of him must call a 1-800 number and leave a message. He has also been known to crash bachelor parties, karaoke get-togethers and kickball games.

With Murray, it’s quite simple: the weirder, the better. This mystique and folk-hero quality is probably why nobody will think twice about watching his Christmas variety special premiering on Netflix — A Very Murray Christmas.

The premise is basic: It’s Christmas Eve and there’s a monumental snowstorm rolling over New York City. Murray is supposed to be putting on a celebrity-packed live Christmas TV special, but has one major problem — nobody can get in or out of the city. The special opens on a sad-looking Murray, wearing reindeer ears, with his tuxedo bowtie undown, longingly gazing out a window and crooning the words to “Christmas Blues.” Accompanied by former Late Show with David Letterman bandleader Paul Shaffer on piano, it’s a

perfect introduction to the sad sack version of Murray that we’ve come to know and love. As he is pep-talked by his producers, played by Amy Poehler and Julie White, an expressionless Murray proclaims “God hates me” as he is forced to perform with no audience and no celebrity guests.

As he attempts the show, problems are instantly felt and Murray and company linger trapped inside the Carlyle Hotel with no one to entertain and nowhere to go. As Murray navigates the hotel bar, he runs into a group of hotel workers and guests, including the band Phoenix, Rashida Jones, Jason Schwartzman and Jenny Lewis. It’s a little odd having celebrities play actual characters in a world where celebrities exist (and Murray/Schwartzman have worked together several times), but it works nonetheless.

Every interaction morphs into the performance of a classic Christmas tune, some that are less popular and the occasional random one.

When it comes to the music, A Very Murray Christmas is equally balanced between performances meant for humor and those with slightly more sincerity. Something like Miley Cyrus belting out “Silent Night” is a clear vocal shining light, while Murray performing “Do You Hear What I Hear?” wearing matching turtlenecks with a reluctant and petrified Chris Rock is pure comedy. But more often than not, these styles are blended, making for some sweet,

funny moments, including a fantastic duet of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” with Lewis. She crushes it vocally, while Murray answers back with well-delivered lines like “You couldn’t get a cab if your life depended on it.”

As the clock strikes midnight, Murray has a mishap and enters a dreamscape, where he’s met by Cyrus and George Clooney, himself, arriving by sleigh. This is where the party really kicks off as Cyrus and Murray perform a duet while Clooney does the most Clooney thing ever and flirts with beautiful women while making martinis at the piano with Shaffer. It’s also where the highlight of the show comes in, which is a funky rendition of “Santa Claus Wants Some Lovin’” with Murray and a totally game Clooney providing backing vocals that connect for a huge laugh every single time. Not only is the song catchy but it probably should replace “Jingle Bells” as the gold standard of Christmas songs.

Those searching for a comedy special may find themselves confused once they get past the initial moments and the songs keep on rolling. While the narrative plotlines are a bit tossed aside, the musical numbers are mostly fantastic and the entire thing feels warm, friendly and supremely charming. It may not be as offbeat as it could be (it’s certainly the most accessible pairing of Murray with co-writer and director Sofia Coppola) but A Very Murray Christmas is a fun and inviting throwback to pure variety show entertainment and it’s truly special. For Netflix, it’s an interesting move to release this special in early December, rather than leaving a nice present for Christmas morning. Though with great musical performances of classic Christmas tunes, a legitimately funny script, and best of all, Bill freaking Murray, it’s easy to see how A Very Murray Christmas could, and should, become the next timehonored holiday tradition.

A Very Murray Christmas premieres on Netflix Friday, December 4. sacurrent.com • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • CURRENT 31

Go Nuts with San Antonio’s #1 Nutcracker!

December 4 –13 Tobin Center for the Performing Arts presented by

Pointe Shoe Sponsor

“Childr en will lov e t h i s sh ow ! ” – S an A ntonio E xpres s -Ne ws

Exquisite performances by Ballet San Antonio artists and Tchaikovsky’s music performed live by the San Antonio Symphony.

Mayra Worthen, Founder/Choreographer

balletsanantonio.org | 210.223.8624 | tobincenter.org 32

CURRENT • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • sacurrent.com

SCREENS

CHANGE OF PACE

A triumph of nuance for ‘Jessica Jones’ D.T. BUFFKIN / @DTBUFFKIN

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TV binging may be as bad as it is good, but nevertheless, is not tailored to the short of attention.

The personalities and representations throughout the series are also rewarding. Though they could possibly be seen as tokenisms, the casting of a black man (Mike Colter) as Jones’ primary love interest, the prominent role of a lesbian, and the casual treatment of the social, racial and sexual disparities of the characters is not only refreshing in this specific series (the comic and the show), but a rewarding, recurring staple of many Netflix productions.

They don’t harp on the interracial status of the duo or the orientation of Carrie-Anne Moss as a gay woman, beyond being typical adult relationships.

Of course, visibility and representation in the media is an incredibly r u s o important dialogue, a r i t te but Netflix broaches it nR K r y s te frequently and it’s nice to be treated like an adult that doesn’t need over-sentimentalized “The More You Know” affectation in a storyline that isn’t specifically intent on working out the intricacies of modern American Other-ing.

The 13-part series stays true to its original comic format, working as chapters in a greater collection rather than portioned units of entertainment for the fickle, anxious viewer. In doing this, it avoids hurried sensationalism and champions committed cooperation, which, after all, is the superhero’s true aim for humanity, is it not?

All 13 episodes of Marvel’s Jessica Jones are currently streaming in Netflix. co

Netflix’s most recent series, Marvel’s Jessica Jones, which is based off of the Marvel comic Alias, is perhaps most inspiring for what it doesn’t do. That is, the cliched plots, scenarios and characters of many modern superhero tales. It may be a small gesture to cast a woman with a petite, understated physique, but the casting of Krysten Ritter is a welcome relief to the comically (pun intended) bulbous, juvenile wet dreams that function as the typical female superhero.

Consider, if you are unfamiliar with the Jessica Rabbits that pass as the comic book status quo, Scarlett Johansson as “Black Widow” (The Avengers), Halle Berry as “Storm” or Rebecca Romijn as “Mystique” (X-Men), whose curves even pale in comparison to the overexaggerated 44-nothing-36 dimensions that have ruled the illustrated page for decades.

Beside the simple dismissal of Jones being cast as a ’90s Baywatch caricature, her actual superpowers (flying, superhuman strength) are further empowering when in the possession of a woman that is so slender and superficially unassuming.

This, along with the appreciation of the complete series as the medium, as opposed to episodic installations that function on their own, is what aids in making Jessica Jones its own entity.

You won’t be hooked after the first episode. Or, at least I wasn’t. The season operates as one unit, and rewards those with the patience to treat it as such, which in this age of

dtbuffkin@sacurrent.com

A NT IQU E S. COLLE CT IBL ES . ODDITIES .

1423 E.Commerce St. • 210.827.5555

San Antonio Independent School District

Employment Job Fair Saturday, Dec 5th

9:00 a.m. - 2:00 p.m.

Place: Sam Houston High School 4635 E. Houston St., San Antonio, TX 78220 The following areas will be interviewed:

• Texas Certified Teachers • Instructional Assistants • Substitute Teachers • Bus Drivers • Custodians • Food Service Cooks

Come join us this First Friday dec 4th 6-9 pm for our free

spanish WINE TASTING

• HVAC Positions • Journeyman Mechanics Opportunities for screening interviews will be available

Additional parking will be available across the street at Davis Middle School (4702 E. Houston St.)

Apply on-line at www.saisd.net For more information call: 554-8500

Come Teach Our Minds.

Come Touch Our Hearts.

San Antonio ISD does not discriminate on the basis of race, color, gender, religion, national origin, age, disability, or any other basis prohibited by law.

727 S Alamo St. SUITE 200, San Antonio, TX 78205

(210)263-9729

sacurrent.com • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • CURRENT 33

On view through January 10

McNay Art Museum San Antonio, Texas 6000 North New Braunfels San Antonio, Texas 78209-0069 mcnayart.org

34

CURRENT • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • sacurrent.com

EXHIBITION ORGANIZED BY THE SEATTLE ART MUSEUM AND THE MUSEO NACIONAL CENTRO DE ARTE REINA SOFÍA. THIS EXHIBITION IS SUPPORTED BY AN INDEMNITY FROM THE FEDERAL COUNCIL ON THE ARTS AND THE HUMANITIES. JOAN MIRÓ, FIGURE AND BIRD, 1968. LOST-WAX CASTING, PATINATED BRONZE. NACIONAL CENTRO DE ARTE REINA SOFÍA. © SUCCESSIÓ MIRÓ / ARTISTS RIGHTS SOCIETY (ARS), NEW YORK / ADAGP, PARIS 2015.

Authentic Italian Cuisine Extensive Italian & Californian Wine List Lunch Mon-Fri 11:30 am-2:00 pm

Dinner Mon-Sat 4:30 pm-10 pm

: HAPPY HOUR Mon-Sat 4:00 pm-7:00 pm LuceSanAntonio.com 11255 Huebner Rd. #200 • 210.561.9700

Private Wine Room

Full Bar

Outdoor Dining & Fireplace sacurrent.com • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • CURRENT 35

Two Year Anniversary Party

dorĆol is turning two & unveiling something new!

December 11th, 2015 7p–midnight your barmen:

tickets:

Nick Kenna Valentino Lucio

$60

presale:

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BE RESPONSIBLE & KEEP SA REAL DORCOLSPIRITS.COM • 1902 S. FLORES STREET • @DORCOLSPIRITS

36

CURRENT • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • sacurrent.com

please enjoy:

Drinks, Food & Live Music

FOOD

FOOD DESERT NO MORE With O’liva, Plaza de Armas gains fresh eating options RON BECHTOL

In to the food desert between Downtown and Produce Row, bravely came Chuck Hernandez — and not with a burger or pizza joint.

That would have been too easy. It would not have fit his food philosophy. And it would not have done justice to O’liva at this handsomely repurposed corner of Plaza de Armas across from City Hall. The repointed limestone walls, the burnished wood floors, the rugged, exposed ceiling structure … all of this demanded more and Hernandez responded with a menu that supports seasonality, local farmers and artisan suppliers — olive oil not unsurprisingly — among them.

A tasting of three Salud de Paloma olive oils with grilled bread and flatbread is one way to start. Cold-pressed in Dripping Springs, the oils come in natural, Meyer lemon, garlic and chili pepper infusions. I’d be tempted to toss in a natural for one of the flavored versions — probably the chili, as it came across a little strident. And I’d be remiss in not noting that the accompaniments (you get three for $6) almost outshine the oils. The chunky babaganoush, the robust muhamarra and the stiffer-than-most hummus, all demanded more bread. Per request, it was cheerfully supplied. (It’s worth noting here, because, why not, that Hernandez seems to have recruited an

especially cheerful bunch of servers.)

A fourth condiment, the lusty olive tapenade, asserted itself in the Ba Ba Burger based on local ground lamb and additionally graced with Bibb lettuce, tomato relish and, most importantly, a gently fried egg. To be blunt, knife and fork it: this burger is a hot mess; the flimsy bun tosses in the towel from the opening bell and the egg runs all over everything … but it’s a robust and tasty mess. And that runny yolk is great with the side salad of romaine, kale and blue cheese. I liked this with a glass of good Spanish Tempranillo, the only wine available at that moment. There is more to come, along with a wine-tasting program (the appropriate license, I’m told, has just been received), and I’m hoping for an outgoing white to partner an ahi tuna aguachile or the Slappin’ the Bass ceviche. A “Smoky Swine” sammie with pickled cabbage could swing both ways, wine-wise. Vegans can take comfort in the Portabellizo enchilada with alternative chorizo. And everybody should try to get back to the historic heart of the city.

Downtown Tuesday with its free evening parking beckons.

On those Tuesday evenings, there may be a guest chef (some shuffling is already going on in the open kitchen) holding forth to add variety to an already varied menu. At all times, there are a few dedicated parking spaces in front of O’liva if further enticement were needed for those not living or working Downtown.

And, to further stir the pot, a lunchtime Chef’s Table prevails on Monday through Wednesday. Normally, I tend to ignore buffets, even ones of the pop-up variety, but this one looked enticing enough to explore. The main event was grilled chicken with roasted red peppers, there was a super-chunky vegetable soup with corn on the cob, a kind of grilled salad with curried cauliflower as its star.

•

This Ba Ba burger won’t put you to sleep.

A Green Goddess-like dressing as an acolyte provided a vegetarian option, and there were both leafy vegetarian and meatier club-inspired sandwiches. All, plus more of that hummus, some dainty cookies and fresh fruit for $10.

Since the selection likely won’t be the same again, let’s just say that it was all good — from the fearlessly grilled chicken to the well-dressed veggie sammie. But, as virtuous as the thin and fragrant cookies were, I had my heart

set on something more substantial for dessert. Bring on the brownie spiked with chile and mint, stuck with shards of hazelnut brittle and dribbled and drizzled with white chocolate sauce and what appeared to be a spiked strawberry purée — though your guess is as good as mine. Verdict: this brownie is of the light, not leaden persuasion. The heat level is perfect, and the whole thing sings — more than making up for the unavailability of the salted caramel olive oil ice cream.

O’liva 115 Plaza de Armas, Suite 107, (210) 229-2638 olivasa.com The Skinny: Fresh food options in Downtown? No, really, and Chuck Hernandez is your man. Best Bets: Ba Ba Burger, olive oil tasting (ask for an un-flavored oil) with added accompaniments, dried chile and mint brownie. Cost: $8-$13 Hours: 10:30am-8pm Mon-Sat, 10:30am-2:30pm Sun

EVERY THURSDAY FROM NOVEMBER 12–DECEMBER 17 (EXCEPT THANKSGIVING) ON PEARL PARKWAY FROM 3–7 PM

Holiday Gift Market

MUSIC, SPECIALTY VENDORS, HOLIDAY GIFTS, & MORE! VISIT ATPEARL.COM FOR MORE INFO!

sacurrent.com • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • CURRENT 37

ngry for more? u H SACurrent.com visit

KEEP COOL ON OUR NEW PATIO, AND SEE WHY WE ARE THE BEST IN SAN ANTONIO! BETWEEN 8A-2P | 210.737.8646

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8142 BROADWAY ST• SAN ANTONIO, TX 78209 • (210) 930-9393 • betosaltmex.com 38

CURRENT • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • sacurrent.com

FOOD

BRYAN RINDFUSS

FIT TO EAT

We test out three to-go food purveyors JESSICA ELIZARRARAS/@JESSELIZARRARAS

Unless you’ve got the wherewithal to meal plan, or you’re an ace at reading restaurant menus and choosing onplan foods, healthy eating can be time consuming. With the advent of readymade meals, pre-packaged, pre-portioned and ready to heat at home or the office, hurried eaters can fork over the dough to eat healthy, and it doesn’t have to come out of a box. We visited three of the city’s to-go alternatives to see which prevails according to taste, accessibility and presentation. Here are our results.

MY FIT FOODS | Multiple locations | myfitfoods.com Who makes it: Dishes are created by a group of chefs and a small army spread across Arizona, California, Illinois, Oklahoma and Texas. There are three stores in San Antonio, currently.

Presentation: We ventured to the My Fit Foods store in the Quarry Market that’s, coincidentally, next to a Chipotle. A big, clean space, tiny check-out desk and several freezers greeted us (I took a co-worker who practices CrossFit), and several tall tables lined the back wall. Though everything is packaged in microwavable containers, an extra sleeve is added baring the dish’s name, calorie count, amount of saturated fat and amount of protein. The back of the sleeve has complete nutrition label info, along with ingredients (most which I could pronounce, some including Maltodextrin took several more tries). Dishes are also presented with a tiny pic of what the dish looks like inside, which helps.

Taste Test: We sampled four dishes: a protein snack pack with apples, cheese, crackers; Farmhouse steak and eggs with Yukon gold mashed potatoes; chicken sausage and polenta cake; lemon turkey over white rice; and “omega me crazy” salmon. Our least favorite was the breakfast item (the steak was chewy and dry when reheated), but the salmon and turkey were both well seasoned. The polenta cake needed a good mashing, but worked well with the chicken and grilled side veggies.

Accessibility: Three stores and and supply changes often, so pretty damn accessible.

Pick up your meals: Quarry Market, 7322 Jones Maltsberger Road, Suite 218, (210) 829-8275; Stone Oak, 19202 Stone Oak Pkwy., Suite 101, (210) 5044755; Evans, 20780 N. 281, (210) 402-4014

NAKED COCONUT EATS | 1508 Guadalupe St. (210) 233-6575 | nakedcoconuteats.com Who makes it: Executive chef and Paleo lifestyle success story Jason Schweitzman, along with a small team, create all the meals that are distributed throughout seven H-E-Bs. The dude lost 180 pounds since switching to Paleo and operating a CrossFit gym.

Presentation: Though my partner preferred My Fit Foods, I must say I like what NCE does with their H-E-B endcaps. We visited the Lincoln Heights location, where a small 5-by-5-foot section was filled with snacks, sauces, desserts(!), holiday sides, lunches, dinners and breakfasts (there were also a few items made specifically for the kiddos, but whatevs, I’m eating them).

Taste Test: We purchased paleo doughnuts, spaghetti squash with meatballs and meatloaf. If you’ve got a sweet tooth and are adhering to this lifestyle, you could do far worse than nom on these doughnuts. As far as the spaghetti squash goes, the sauce was sweet (likely employing some coconut oil), but the meatballs were a bit too dense. If there’s one thing I will likely go back for, it’s the meatloaf with its grilled veggies and sweet potato and parsnip mashes that were downright delicious. More, please. Oh, and portions were huge.

Definitely shareable, and still good as lefotvers.

Accessibility: Found across a few H-E-Bs in town so the meals are easy to grab and you don’t have to go to a weird little store (but you can visit them at the kitchen to see how it’s all made). Bonus? The chatty gals who raved about dishes they tried and gave us honest feedback about things that didn’t work.

Pick up your meals: 8am-2pm from Naked Coconut Eats kitchen; or seven H-E-B locations across town

ZEDRIC’S: FIT WITH FLAVOR | 9873 W. I-10 (210) 541-0404 | zedrics.com Who makes it: Chef Zach Lutton, an alumnus of the Culinary Institute of America-Hyde Park, creates the dishes out of their commissary kitchen/store at the Colonnade.

Presentation: The bright orange packaging has always been eye-catching. The store resembles My Fit Foods almost down to a tee, but with brighter colors.

Though I’m most familiar with this store, having eaten it several times before, I was less than impressed with the only sales guy available at the time and his limited knowleged of the food. “What’s in the breakfast fried rice?” was met with a long pause and a succinct, “pork.”

Taste Test: Though I’m a fan of the turkey ragout, my tasting partner and I had a hard time with the offerings at Zedric’s. The Malaysian beef and broccoli sounded enticing, but was too heavy on the fish sauce. The breakfast fried rice had too much rice wine vinegar and was downright tangy. The saving grace came in the pot roast with carrot and cauliflower mash (though it could have used some thyme), and the red cabbage. The Fit Kit — with dried fruit, nuts and dried turkey jerky — will always be a fave.

Accessibility: There’s sadly only one location left, but the company has added delivery to orders over $75 in select ZIP codes.

Pick up your meals: 7am-8pm Mon-Thu; 7am-7pm Fri; 10am-4pm Sat; 10am-7pm Sun sacurrent.com • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • CURRENT 39

SOUTH TEXAS SPICE COmpany Your Hometown

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Since 1985.

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9818 W. Interstate 10 • San Antonio, TX 78230 (Corner of Wurzbach & IH-10) • 210-562-3075

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We will be sampling some delicious Cabs, Pinots, Merlots and Blends.

$5 off

15 Items $10 & under (from 11-3)

purchase of $15 or more

any wood fired pizza

$10

entire check

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$2 Drafts • $4 Wells Frosty 29 Degree Drafts (from 4-7, 9-close)

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All offers exclude alcohol and cannot be combined with any other offer or discount. Expires 11/15/15

@Nectarsat

12/4 - Wine Walk Ugly Sweater - Shake the moth balls off those Ugly Sweaters and get out for a great night of wine tasting with our First Friday Wine Walk. Explore various wines and the city all in the same evening.

12/9 Bites at Nectar - The wonderful worlds of chocolate and wine combine at Nectar Wine Bar on December 9th. Join us for a sampling of the sumptuous chocolates by Schakolad and a showcase of their seasonally perfect gifts!

Nectar Wine Bar and Ale House

Nectarwinebar

boba-ology boba tea • asian fusion foods • fresh juice 7220 Louis Pasteur Dr. # 125 210.854.4771

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CURRENT • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • sacurrent.com

n

FOOD

FLAVOR FILE

MOLINAS 700 N. ALAMO | 210.444.0711

San Antonio’s Best Turkish Grill

FREE HOUSE SALAD WITH MIXED GRILL OPEN 11AM-10PM EVERYDAY

8507 McCullough #B13 • 210-399-1645 (LOCATED BEHIND NORTHSTAR MALL)

•

Brunch meets beer at Hoppy Monk.

Tamales at Pearl, Burger Brawls and More JESSICA ELIZARRARAS/@JESSELIZARRARAS

The season of tamales is upon us, and with it comes the sixth annual Tamales! Holiday Festival at Pearl (303 Pearl Pkwy.) event on Saturday, December 5 from noon to 6 p.m. In case you’ve missed the past five tamal throw-downs, here’s a few tips: bring cash. Tamales run anywhere from $1 to $5.

Take a group of friends because you can’t taste and finish every tamal you buy (without spending the evening laid out with a tamal food baby). Try ‘em all — there will be more than 40 vendors available with corn husk- and banana-wrapped goodies in both savory and sweet varieties. Oh, and get there early.

If burgers are more your thing, The Point Park & Eats (24188 Boerne Stage Road) will host another installment of Burger Brawl on Saturday, December 5 starting at noon. This year’s competitors include Scratch Bistro, Gilbo’s Grill, Caliente Grill, Slider Provider, Mr. Big Stuffs and Benjie’s Munch Truck all vying for top burger. The event will double as a holiday gift drive benefiting the Baptist Children’s Home, so take unwrapped gifts for children ages 10-17, toiletries, hygiene products and gently used clothing.

You should probably start thinking about what you’re eating this Christmas. La Cantera Hill Country Resort (16641 La Cantera Pkwy., 210-558-6500) will host a Christmas Eve prix-fixe dinner from noon to close with grilled black mole shrimp, coffee and ancho-rubbed beef or seared artic char, and baked chocolate custard at $45 for adults and $20 for children ages 5-12; sister eatery SweetFire Kitchen will roll out a “Twas the Night Before Christmas” menu with holiday dishes, including filet mignon ($46), stone-roasted half chicken ($33), tagliatelle pasta ($28), roasted prime rib ($47) and roasted sea bass ($45). Las Ramblas at Hotel Contessa (306 W. Market St., 210-298-8040) will host a holiday brunch on Christmas Day with carved turkey, prime rib, breakfast items, salads and desserts. Brunch runs 11 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. ($62 for adults, $22 for children 6-13, free for children under 5).

Finally, Hoppy Monk (1010 N. Loop 1604 E., 210-545-3330) launched a Sunday brunch from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. and the menu looks pretty rad. You’ll find dishes like biscuits and gravy mac ‘n’ cheese, duck l’orange Benedict, barbacoa migas frittata and grilled avocado and nopal tacos. Dishes on the sweet side of things include house yogurt and brulee grapefruit, smoked dulce de leche pancakes and house ice cream. Locavores will be happy to know the restaurant/bar is using local community partners, including Heartbrand Beef, Groomer’s Seafood, The Bread Box, Kitchen Pride mushrooms and more. flavor@sacurrent.com

1526 ROOSEVELT AVE • 210.532.4113 (Look for the green building.)

NEW4-7PM HAPPY HOUR EVERY DAY • 1/2 price appetizers!

• $4 craft draughts • $3 off cocktails and wine • $6 Michelada all day everyday

Let us cater your holiday festivities!

Gift cards available for purchase!

NEW FOODIE DINNER EVERY WEDNESDAY

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NEW HOURS: Tue-Sat: 11a-10p, Sun: 11a-6p, Close Mondays 6462 N New Braunfels • 210-997-0193 • flairrestaurantsa.com sacurrent.com • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • CURRENT 41

Pizza by the slice!

Open late! We deliver!

Buy 1 large get 1 free with pick up.

42

CURRENT • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • sacurrent.com

NIGHTLIFE

ALBERT GONZALES

OLD IS NEW AGAIN Hills & Dales is still Center of the Universe, despite changes JESSICA ELIZARRARAS/@JESSELIZARRARAS

There are 54 brews and counting to choose from.

Opened 50 years ago, Hills & Dales only had two owners before this summer when Jody and Steve Newman signed the lease on the legendary bar. Now, if you’re reading this and don’t have a clue who the Newmans are, you probably don’t enjoy patios, or craft beer, or food trucks or Southtown.

After opening The Friendly Spot Ice House in 2009 and Alamo Eat Street Bar in 2012 (and the now-closed Tuk Tuk Tap Room), the Southtown denizens decided to spread their footprint outside their comfort zone — way out past 1604 and Babcock Road.

The acquisition makes sense as the pair has shown commitment to craft beer and chill places. Though the purchase was met with a mix of both glee and apprehension when first announced, the Newmans have tweaked more than they have altered since taking over the legendary bar. In the spirit of full disclosure, I never visited the joint during my time at UTSA, but a recent visit didn’t scream of newness.

There are plenty of changes.

For starters, the tap system received a makeover by the Steve-owned and operated

Newman Project. Draft lines were re-routed, kegs were for those used to grabbing their own bottles, but not organized and the draft room went through a good scrub really an issue if you didn’t know it was there before. down. The lineup still features 54 brews on draft, and the Since the Newman takeover, the bar has also added Hall of Foam is still very much available for those willing more viewing parties, pint nights and such. Things to to try all 54 beers, six times over. Hundreds of placards know for future bar-goers — there’s a parking lot behind — ranging from just over business card-sized rectangles the building, so you won’t have to use any of the Taquería to large stars and even bigger 8-by-11-inch signs — are Agua Calientes spots next door. displayed from just about every inch of the ceiling and The populace hasn’t changed a whole lot, according to along the bar. Also, how exactly does one find time a few friends who frequented the Center of the Universe. to drink 54 beers, times six, times 16, as During my visit a few weeks ago, the makeup of the some of those signs claim? bar included older beer lovers and a sprinkling of chill Aside from the beers, two students — though there has been a decline in bikers. A major physical changes are of tiny stage takes up the left-hand corner and a few made note. There’s the addition of use of the dartboards in the back, but for the most part the Friendly-esque patio in the long picnic tables were filled with small groups of what used to be a parking UTSA professors and faculty, drinking an IPA or two and lot and biker haven. It’s a livening up the joint in the evening with some country good modification to the jams from the jukebox. bar, which already featured On the snack front, there are a few nuts and jerkies to rustic outdoor picnic gnaw on. Or you could hop across the street and pick tables, though it isn’t as up a Vietnamese bún bowl (go with the brisket, trust me) soothing as its Southtown from Singhs Vietnamese food truck. If fresh-made spring counterpart, which is rolls and báhn mì aren’t your jam: a) we can’t be friends, showered with a and b) you can stroll on over to sister food lush canopy and sits truck, Buddha Belly, where the crew cranks out Hills & Dales in a neighborhood classic American “sliders” made with angus 15403 White Fawn Drive not adjacent to a busy pork and chuck. The Thai “chili” tots are a must, (210) 695-2307 facebook.com/ 1604 Frontage Road. and the guys deliver to Hills & Dales. Burgers centeroftheuniversesatx Once inside the joint, and great beers should be enough to make you 3pm-midnight Mon-Fri; you’ll find another bar added in drive over right now and join the Hall of Foam 11am-midnight Sat; front of a wall of beer fridges — a hindrance club while there’s still space. noon-midnight Sun sacurrent.com • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • CURRENT 43

44

CURRENT • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • sacurrent.com

NIGHTLIFE

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Dec. 6 - Bitter End

Don’t let draft lines ruin your buzz.

Describing your favorite beer isn’t much different than reviewing your favorite Captain Beefheart record. Mostly, you detail how much and to what degree it reminds you of things that it isn’t, and it’s these lattices of difference that make microbrews (and Trout Mask Replica) so damn great. Unfortunately, they’re both susceptible to unwelcome and corrupting influences.

For beers, off-flavors can originate during the brewing process or develop through subsequent mishaps in the bottle or on the draft line. After a nasty run-in with a foam-spewing, musty-dirtylaundry-water-swill disaster of a six pack earlier this month, I was motivated to describe the most commonly occurring brew nuisances, ranked from least to most heinous, with recommended precautions or cures.

Acetaldehyde is the least offensive of the lot (though it’s the main culprit in causing hangovers), lending beer the flavor of Granny Smith apples. It often indicates that a beer is too green itself and needs some time to sit around and let the yeast gobble up the excess acetaldehyde, turning it into a moredesirable form of ethanol.

Diacetyl is a chemical compound that betrays itself by buttering (or butterscotching) up a beer’s flavor and mouthfeel. Like acetaldehyde, every beer has at least a little bit present during brewing and it’s usually eliminated by the yeast.

It’s an acceptable feature of some styles (it always brings Stella Artois to

mind for me), but if your hefeweizen or porter tastes like it was aged in an AMC popcorn bucket, you’ve got a problem.

The problem may lie either in a brewing snafu or, if you’re drinking at the bar, insufficient sanitation of the draft line.

If you’re in control of such things, the Brewer’s Association recommends giving draft lines a solid cleanse at least every two weeks.

Skunked beer, as the term implies, tastes like the business end of Pepé Le Pew. Turns out that light hates your hops, breaking down alpha acids and setting off the chemical reaction that will make you reach for a tomato juice chaser. This is only a problem for beers that are a) bottled in green or clear glass or b) left in direct sunlight for a lengthy stretch, so be mindful of keeping your IPAs in the shade.

Oxidation occurs when your beer encounters too much oxygen either while brewing or during the aging process.

This means your beer will assume the subtlety of wet cardboard or soggy paper, though in the right hands it can also introduce sherry impressions to the flavor profile. There isn’t much to remedy oxidation once it has occurred, so let the imbiber beware.

For further analysis of where your beer could go wrong, consider checking out the Beer Judge Certification Program’s handy flashcards or one of Beersmarts’ off-flavor classes. Either way, you’ll be better prepared to guard against a drain pour.

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CURRENT • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • sacurrent.com

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Happy Hour at the Bar and on the Patio Daily from 4pm - 7pm and 9pm - Close Drafts 12 oz. $2.00 16 oz. $3.00 | 25 oz. $4.00 Michelob Ultra, Miller Lite, Bud Light & Shiner $1 Off All Cocktails Wine by the Glass Premium Draft Beerst

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7pm - 9pm Mon-Sat: 7am - 4pm $5 House Margaritas, $2.50 Domestic $3.25 Import Drafts & Mini Margaritas Bottles, Tecate & Dos XX, $2.75 Domestic Drafts $3 Indio and Bohemia, and Mexican Draft $4. Tue- $3.25 Mini Hurricanes 427 N Loop 1604, Ste 202, SATX 78258 Thu- $3.25 Premium Vodka Specials Behind Trader Joe’s Sun- $.75 Wings & $3 Sunday Specials 4-8pm: $1 off mixed drinks Slackers & appetizers!

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Charlie-Browns.com • 210-496-7092 Mon.Fri. until 7pm $2.75 well drinks, $8.50 domestic pitchers, $2.75 domestic longnecks Mon.-Fri. 2-6pm 60¢ Wings Wednesday special from $6.50 domestic draft pitchers

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CURRENT • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • sacurrent.com

g i h b t h n t a h i A H t

MUSIC

THE ORIGINAL HICKSTER

2410 N. ST MARY’S ST. / ADVANCE TIX - PAPERTIGERSA.COM

Gary P. Nunn turns 70

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Thursday, December 3rd

THE BRIGHT LIGHT SOCIAL HOUR W/ MOVING PANORAMAS 8:00PM ALL AGES Friday, December 4th Transmission Events Presents

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•

Nunn in his Western best

For a songwriter, songwriter-by-day, starvingparticularly one in the songmonger-by-night to scope out the country-western sphere of vibes in Texas’ capital. influence, there isn’t much greater With the catalytic current of e-z an honor than having Willie Nelson media that has oozed into the porous play your song. And for him to do existence of the modern American so live and to include it on several — our cellphones being the main greatest hits records is just about offenders — I wondered if Nunn, 69, tantamount to receiving a Nobel who is still on the road at least half of Prize for songwriting. any given year, has noticed a decline Gary P. Nunn is one such in Texas’ nightlife. So, I asked him. songwriter. Probably most well“No, no not at all. I would say just known for his Texas country the contrary. ’Course Austin, San music anthem “London Homesick Antonio, all over Texas, even some Blues,” which, much like Nelson’s of the smaller towns are starting to own music, utilizes far-out chords create newer venues and open up and substitutions that are more places of entertainment … Sometimes often seen in jazz than the I-IV-V I get a little frustrated, some of these wheelhouse of honky tonk music. college kids will be sitting right in Nunn first made a name for himself front of the stage and have their back as a sideman for Michael Martin turned to me and they’ll be texting. So Murphey and Jerry Jeff Walker, I tell them ‘You people are forbidden playing numerous instruments in the to text during my show unless you’re Lost Gonzo Band from ’73 to ’80, downloading my tunes.’” before striking out on his own.

I really wanted to know how Nunn If it wasn’t for Nunn, who was and his merry band of hicksters utilize gigging and kicking around in Austin country music to air their opinions in ’68, Willie and Waylon would about the ever-evolving state of affairs. have most likely never come to the Gary didn’t bat an eye (and I blossoming Texas college town to would’ve heard it over the phone): “I turn on the rednecks and hick out the would say it’s a natural progression. hippies; outlaw country would have We were removed from the traditional never established itself as country music environment, the alternative to Nashville; not being in Nashville and Gary P. Nunn’s 70th and country music may being influenced by the Birthday Party have slipped back into the way things were done up $12-$15 intricate woodworking of the there. ’Course, y’know it was 7pm Fri, Dec. 4 American musical experience. Floore’s Country Store coming along on the late 14492 Old Bandera Road He helped convince many of ’60s and the early ’70s …

(210) 695-8827 the vanguard of Nashville’s there was definitely cultural liveatfloores.com

changes going on, the counterculture was raising its head and everybody was protesting the war, growing long hair.”

One landmark thing Gary did for country music — that with all of the hawkish flag-wagging still seen today is sometimes overlooked by the casual country listener — is introduce the ethics and principles of the hip, turned-on college student to the often stuffy and jilted ol’ biddy of a genre. Unfortunately, many people still see country music as having particularly hayseed, hickish politics.

“I think in the, I’ll say rock ‘n’ roll culture, for lack of a better general term, there is a general perception that people from the country, that believe in country music, are backward or hayseed, like you say.

Country music is sort of an outgrowth from backsliders. People drinking and carrying on and then paying the dues for that kind of lifestyle.”

“You feel 70?” I asked the man who penned one of the best holiday songs of all time and Willie Nelson favorite “The Last Thing I Needed, the First Thing This Morning.”

“No, not at all. I don’t feel any different than when I was 21, as far as in my mind.”

Believe it or not, Gary P. Nunn is turning 70, and you can celebrate the life of the man who confirmed for us that Texas is home of the friendliest people in the world and the prettiest women anyone’s ever seen. dtbuffkin@sacurrent.com

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CURRENT • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • sacurrent.com

MUSIC

SATISFIED? Stones tribute band, Satisfaction begs: Who are the real rock stars?

D.T. BUFFKIN / @

Being a rock star has become one of the most enviable positions in the pantheon of modern occupations: to be seen or beheld, rather, as a hedonistic troubadour, stopping in town for one night only to communally achieve satisfaction via rock ’n’ roll and starry-eyed fantasy. So much so that the term has been recast and now functions not as a literal designation of occupation, but a figurative state of being exceptional at one’s real job or function.

It’s serendipitous that Keith Richards was recently quoted in Rolling Stone as saying, “Nine-to-fivers would all like the freedom I have. They have given me license.” The drudgery of our menial existence gives him license to be as brash, brazen and shameless as we all would be, if were we in his snakeskin boots. And he’s not altogether wrong.

We're frequently encouraged to “party like a rock star.” It’s become a clichéd phrase in pop culture, an attempt to democratize the balls-to-the-wall lifestyle that we are led to assume all rock stars lead, and to partake in a bit of it ourselves.

With the arrival of Satisfaction, the leading Rolling Stones tribute band (a very important distinction from a cover band, as the former tries to emulate the original down to the mannerisms and stage presence), I sought out one of SA's premiere tribute artists to help illuminate the intricacies, role-switching and identifying that goes along with pretending to be someone you aren’t.

Vic Vaga has been performing as Rod Stewart for over a decade.

“It started as a Halloween joke, man. I got tired of being called Rod Stewart when I was in college. I started doing it every Halloween and winning contests and, eventually, I got spotted by an agent ... I went to a lookalike convention in the mid2000s and I just saw the potential for that business and I said, ‘Why not?’”

•

“Mick? You look so young.”

Vaga was a fixture in a Las Vegas Strip production — where the real money is for tribute performers.

“I’ve done shows in Mexico City, Canada, all over the United States. I guess the pinnacle of my involvement has been my success in Vegas … It’s a million-dollar market. The people that are [older], who grew up with this kind of stuff, relish the memories that a good tribute artist can bring. If the person out there is really good and knows what they’re doing, they can take people back quite a ways.”

With respect to Vic’s privacy, I can say that just for him to show up at your party, by himself, you can expect to shell out over a grand, and for the entire band and Rod experience, you’re looking at five figures.

This is Vic's job. He travels the world, not “impersonating” Rod Stewart — he doesn’t fake the accent or sign autographs as Stewart — but as Vic Vaga: Rod Stewart tribute artist, and fans pay serious money to just touch the idea of the hem of Rod’s garment. “This business is the business of

manipulation and manipulating all the senses cover band. To me a ‘tribute band’ kind … what they hear and what they see.” of implies a more or less impersonation It would appear that it’s the access, … Y’know I’ve got people handing me whether real or imagined, that folks get off peanut butter and stuff, wanting me to on. Much like when you think there may do some re-enactment … I would rather be a celebrity in the room and you get all just keep the music credible and have awkward, muster your courage and give fun with it that way.” them a good once-over, only to discover With the growing number of cover and it’s just another Average Joe, but then you tribute bands (San Antonio itself lays claim still tell your friends you ran into David to tributes of Tool, Pantera, System of a Hasselhoff at Dunkin’ Donuts. Right?

Down, KISS, The Smiths and Morrissey, On the flipside of Vaga, often not making The Cure and Disturbed, to name just much more than gas and taco money is a few off) it leads one to ponder: as the a San Antonio/Austin punk “face,” Jeff profile of imitators, tribute artists and Smith. Mostly known as the singer and cover bands reaches greater prominence, rabble-rouser for local I-35 legends The will the hierarchy of fame and celebrity Hickoids, about “six shows in the further fracture, creating cottage course of 10 years,” and three industries for folks that want to times in this, “banner year for the Satisfaction: The taste just a morsel of the success International Rolling band,” Smith has manned the enjoyed by the real rock stars?

Stones Show stern of Cock in My Pocket, a And maybe more interestingly, if $10-$50 7pm Thu, Dec. 3 Stooges cover band. this is the case, who are the real Sam’s Burger Joint “I don’t even really look at rock stars?

330 E. Grayson St. what we do as a tribute, I kinda (210) 223-2830 samsburgerjoint.com just consider us a Stooges dtbuffkin@sacurrent.com sacurrent.com • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • CURRENT 53

s i e f i L e r e Wh t to be Good!

Mean

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While supplies last. Tickets can be purchased at all Ticketmaster Ticket Centers, including select H-E-B locations, online at ticketmaster.com (all Ticketmaster fees apply). Call 225-TEAM or at the AT&T Center Southeast Box Office.

54

CURRENT • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • sacurrent.com

MUSIC

METAL COLLAGE Between the Buried and Me play all the metal ANTHONY DEAN-HARRIS

•

This isn't the first rodeo for Between the Buried and Me.

The medium of collage speaks creation doesn’t topple over on itself. as much about the sources of Thus there’s the question of components as it does about execution: Can these guys pull off these assemblage itself, more so all of these nine-minute songs in the live setting? elements speak to the choices made Is it as dynamic to watch as it is to sit by the artist. The disparate tropes through? that fall beneath the umbrella of metal These musicians are pros. They’ve that Between the Buried and Me been at it for a decade at the constant use displays the berth of knowledge whim of Tommy Giles Rogers. They BTBAM has to create this music, but certainly seem to have grown to a point it’s in the notion of creating grandiosity over the course of seven albums to that all these choices make sense. make an everything-but-the-kitchen-sink Their latest album, Coma Ecliptic, has rock opera. If their longevity is tied to its slow builds to epic arrangements — their populism (and for a band that has it’s a rock opera. However, it leapfrogs risen to these heights how can it not through so many different styles of be?) it would seem such grandiosity of metal that it certainly isn’t the rock sound is most appropriate for the Aztec opera one would picture, but it also still Theatre and its spate of new bookings, very much is. This band isn’t confined amenable to such mid-sized acts. to death metal, or prog or whatever In essence, the aural collage of else fits. This is a band wellBetween the Buried and Me versed in metal and is making proves the group’s adoration Between the Buried all the choices in these of its surrounding scene and Me Feat. Enslaved, sprawling songs — falsettos and everything that makes it Intronaut and Native up. These are the decisions and growls, power chords Construct and arpeggios, standard BTBAM has made and they $25 beats and fascinating fills — to 6pm Sat, Dec. 5 pull them off to the delight Aztec Theatre make something larger. All of their fans. A city like San 104 N. St. Mary’s St. these ingredients function as Antonio, very much a metal (210) 812-4355 a dense foundation so this town, is aptly among them. theaztectheatre.com

ON SALE NOW! sacurrent.com • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • CURRENT 55

56

CURRENT • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • sacurrent.com

MUSIC

FRI

4

VISIT SANTIKOS.COM FOR SHOWTIMES & MORE

The Octopus Project

We will one day be having sex with robots. If you’re not having sex with a robot currently, know that there will be a time when the Pocket Pussies, Fleshlight Cyborgs and AutoBlows seek out their ideal partner. As the artificial intelligence of your keychain vagina grows, will it not look to, if not a potentially more suitable partner, at least a variety of partners for maximum satisfaction of itself or said partner? Where will we turn when our Porta-Pus just isn’t feeling it anymore? These are the questions that come to mind when I am listening to The Octopus Project, a band that relies so heavily upon electronic sound formations and master(bate)s them with such dexterity and skill it inspires such robo-inquiries.

When your iLove inevitably leaves you for another, droid or humanoid, where does the modern techno-infused biped turn for solace? In what art do we escape the pangs of automaton affliction or digital despair? The Octopus Project provides the answer in their humanistic blips, bloops, whizzes, whirs and their extensive encyclopedia onomatopoeia, their lexicon of love for the 21st century hominid. $16, 8pm, Paper Tiger, 2410 N. St. Mary’s St., papertigersa.com -dtbuffkin@sacurrent.com

Wednesday, December 2

Carousel with Lawman & DJ Smoak From out of a Mark III billows plumes of smoke, the K.B. magenta haze of a black light and yards and yards of hair, they call themselves Carousel.

Or "Carasuel" now, because somebody’s suing ‘em or something dumb like that.

Austin’s Lawman keep it groovy with midtempo riffs that incite you to bang your head like you were born in a Trans Am. With the metal maestro of the ones and twos, the man who makes the Pug look like a hellhound from the fire and brimstone below, DJ Smoak.

The Mix, 11pm Cursus Drum and riff duo Cursus prove that monotony and repetition don’t have to be dirty words. Especially when your primary concern is banging your fucking head. With Se Tu Propio Dios, Lament Cityscape, Take Over & Destroy. Bottom Bracket Social Club, 10pm D.R.I. Houston’s Dirty Rotten Imbeciles are Texas punk royalty, if it’s not too un-punk to be considered a sovereign. Fit for carving in the neighbors drained pool or hyping yourself up before your friend’s sister does her first stick ‘n’ poke of the skanking man logo on your ankle. Jack’s Patio Bar, 7pm Guttermouth Infamous Epitaph Records outfit Guttermouth continue to make the juvenile comedic staples of fart noises and dick jokes punk. We miss you, Dactyl. The Korova, 8pm

Thursday, December 4

The Bright Light Social Hour Austin exports The Bright Light Social Hour make their name known in the midst of ATX’s crowded indie rock scene by flexing their ambitious cosmic rock ‘n’ roll sound that’s never dull or pretentious. On their newest, Sun Ra-referencing 2015 release Space is Still the Place, their wingspan is fully expanded as they soar through the scene for which their hometown is celebrated. Paper Tiger, 8pm Lonely Horse Farewell Residency On Desert Sons, Nick Long (Lonely Horse) and Travis Hild (Heavy Foot) get in rhythmic fisticuffs with

SPECIAL ENGAGEMENTS

DECEMBER 3 AT 7 PM | DECEMBER 15 AT 7:30 PM At Palladium | Silverado Rialto | Embassy

DECEMBER 5 AT 12:55 PM | DECEMBER 10 AT 7 PM At Bijou | Palladium | Silverado Rialto | Embassy

their axes and skins. Playing each other as much as they play their own instruments, the duo has been poised to drag San Antonio popular music into the 21st century for several years now. The loogey-fuzz of Long’s guitar and the Keith Moon-meets-Cherokeedrum-circle powder keg of Hild’s foot and right hand could grind maize into flour, or mota into keef. Join them on their farewell series of shows before they fracture and regroup and do something else that gets the too-hip Humanities majors all hot and bothered. Hi-Tones, 9pm Psychomagic with The Bolos & Lochness Mobsters Play Songs the Lord Taught Us through the white-noised humming of an oscillating fan and you’ll get an idea of the submerged surf sound of Psychomagic. The Bolos' “cowboy garage blues” is the bee in the San Antonio music scene’s bonnet. Either you love them and the buzz is the background to your booze-blues bender as you stumble from bar to bar in search of the heart of Saturday night, or you’re sick and tired of hearing about their John Lee Hooker as done by the Black Lips swagger. Either way, they couldn’t give a shit. They’re sneaking to the bathroom with your girlfriend and shooting Fireball out of each others’ mouths. God forbid the levees break again, but if they do, follow Lochness Mobsters. The Louisiana trio may not know how to surf but they sure sound like they’ve been navigating waves of piss, beer and piss beer for a solid minute. Ready your denim, fam. The Mix, 9pm

DECEMBER 6 AT 12:55 PM At Bijou | Palladium | Silverado Rialto | Embassy

FREE MOVIE NIGHT DECEMBER 10 AT 7 PM At Bijou

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Friday, December 4

Charlie King with The Cover Letter On the Boz Scaggs-sounding banger “Memphis,” Charlie King admits, “I ain’t got the rhythm to play that real Memphis sound...” he said it, not me. The Cover Letter have parts of songs that sound like Tom Waits, Shawn Colvin, Arcade Fire, Counting Crows and a myriad of other disparate artists. Highly emotional indie-pop, well-suited for upping the winter temp via alcohol. 502 Bar, 9pm

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MUSIC

Donella Drive with Versimilitude, Stereofiend, Marila Voe Whether you're open to instrumental, energetic sound waves or something you can sing along with, each of these young bands offer a chance to experience the diversity of SA’s up-andcomers. Hi-Tones, 9pm Johnny Chops & The Razors I heard this was the side project from the bass player from the red dirt-styled Randy Rogers Band and I was like, “Aahhh, hell NO!” Then I read that it was a more classic take on honky tonk, blues and rock ‘n’ roll and I was like, “Hmm?” Then I listened to it and I was like, “Aahhhh, hell NO!” The Amp Room, 9pm The Kelly Willis and Bruce Robinson Holiday Shindig This annual family-friendly tradition puts concertgoers of all ages in the holiday spirit with a warm celebration. Gruene Hall, 8pm Mothership - A Tribute to Led Zepplin Mothership is a Led Zeppelin feature band comprised of San Antonio musicians. See this week’s “Satisfied” article. Sam’s Burger Joint, 9pm The Rich Hands If bands that sound like The Ramones doing Tom Petty tunes is your deal, and it's mine, then this is your deal. With Junkie & DJ De La O. La Botanica, 8pm San Antonio Symphony: The Nutcracker San Antonio Symphony joins Ballet San Antonio for performances of The Nutcracker, our city’s only rendition with a live orchestra.

This enduring classic realizes Tchaikovsky’s original vision — exquisite choreography, sets and costumes — accompanied by the San Antonio Symphony. Tobin Center for the Performing Arts, 7:30pm Silverstein & Senses Fail For those that kept their flair for screamo close to their broken hearts even after tossing that grad cap in the air.

With Hundredth, Capsize & Aaron Gillespie, Speak Low If You Speak Love and Nathan Hussey. Alamo City Music Hall, 6pm Spell 27 Surfing the atmospheric, synth-driven dark wave genre, Austin’s Spell 27 will make you dance your ass off all while weeping at the same time. With Wolf Party and Requiem Rust. Bottom Bracket Social Club, 10pm Trinity University’s Annual Christmas Concert The Trinity University Department of Music presents its gift back to the San Antonio community with an evening of seasonal music by the Trinity choirs, symphony orchestra, symphonic wind ensemble, handbell ensemble and jazz band. Laurie Auditorium, 7:30pm

Saturday, December 5

Asleep at the Wheel Nine-time Grammy award-winner Asleep at the Wheel is proud to announce the return of the popular holiday-themed concert series “Merry Texas Christmas Y’all” for the 2015 holiday season.

Gruene Hall, 9pm Fea A San Anto reworking of the Riot Grrl standards of the early '90s. With The Uprising & Celeste’al Descent. 502 Bar, 9pm Filthy Phil’s Punks for Tots Toy Drive In their tenth

year, the annual toy drive that’s fueled by the power of rock ‘n’ roll will feature 10 punk bands, local art, raffles and prizes. Korova, 7pm Jennifer Nettles This is the rhinestoned crossroads where country and pop meet.

Chet Atkins may have never seen this definition of “countrypolitan” coming but it’s here, and Shania, Faith and Kelly Clarkson, along with the Nashville bigwigs and the handful of songwriters they’ve got writing EVERYBODY’S Billboard hits, helped usher it in. Girls' night out jams for the 40-something suburban housewife. The Majestic Theatre, 8pm Kevin Gates Islah Tour Baton Rouge’s Kevin Gates doesn’t get tired of “chasin’ them dead presidents, [he’s got six jobs].” I wonder if he gets tired of being reminded of that time earlier this year in Lakeland, Florida when he kicked a woman in the chest. I’ll tell you what I’m tired of, rappers milking Coppola and Brian De Palma’s mafioso canon for gangster mojo material, Gates’ Luca Brasi Story being just one of the more recent examples. Alamo City Music Hall, 8pm Hydra Melody If someone suggests that you check out a recent hit they heard on the radio and your first reaction is not to completely write off any other musical suggestions from that individual, then this show is for you.

San Antonio’s leading ethereal-pop princes, Hydra Melody, have been poised to be the next breakout SA band for quite sometime.

Y’know, if being on the radio is success. Third Eye Blind-approved. With Black Market Club.

Jack’s Patio Bar, 9pm King Pelican One Year Aniversary It may just be a PR stunt, but I could’ve sworn that King Pelican have been doing their version of the surf rock thang for quite sometime. There may be a digit missing from their anniversary show. Either way, they’re on that Dick Dale tip, reminding us all that the bird is the word in Southtown’s craft tiki hut. Concrete Jungle, 9pm Love and Theft God bless the blonde, mid-riff Medusas, their 3/4 sleeve baseball tees, purchased suburban tans and Daisy Dukes.

They mean well. Bands like Love and Theft keep them from coming around much and away from guys like myself who only want to mock and ridicule them for thinking Thin Lizzy is a pet name for their anorexic friend and The Germs are treated with Herpecin L. Gentlemen, enjoy them, they’re all yours.

Floore’s Country Store, 9pm Nik Turner’s Hawkwind The space rock pioneers Hawkwind are considered to be a key link between hippie and punk cultures since their formation in 1969. Famed singer, composer, saxophonist and flutist Nik Turner fronts his version of the band as they celebrate the release of their new album Space Fusion Odyssey. They’re never gonna play with Lemmy again, and forgive me Mr. Turner for dropping the Kilmister moniker, but this is a must-see for any ill-informed 20-something that believes that Diarrhea Planet or The

DEC 4 –GARY P NUNN

DEC 5 – LOVE AND THEFT

DEC 11 – JASON BOLAND AND THE STRAGGLERS

DEC 19 – CHARLIE ROBISON

DEC 26 – WILLIAM CLARK GREEN

14492 Old Bandera Rd Helotes, TX (210)695-8827

For tickets: liveatfloores.com sacurrent.com • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • CURRENT 59

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2535 SE Military Dr (Located at City Base West)

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MUSIC

Black Angels is psych. Korova, 8pm Sam Kinsey’s Birthday Party Come help Sam Kinsey celebrate his 77th Birthday! The Blue Note Ringos band will play and there’ll be chocolate fucking cake — Sam’s favorite! He’d like to see all his friends and fans and he’d especially enjoy hearing your memories of Teen Canteen. South Texas Popular Culture Center, 2pm Sleepercar After gaining fame from his posthardcore band At the Drive-In, El Paso native Jim Ward did the next best thing: form a country-twanged alt-rock band. With only one album, West Texas, to their name that’s filed under country rock, Ward’s Sleepercar shockingly isn’t a snooze fest. With Pinko.

Paper Tiger, 8pm Uncle Lucius With spitfire hot licks and a ‘tude to match, Uncle Lucius play tunes akin to fictional blues rockers Stillwater, all “Fever Dog”-like and stuff, scratching at your backdoor. With Brennen Leigh and Noel McKay. Luckenbach Dancehall, 8pm

Sunday, December 6 Bitter End As a testosterone-fueled wonderland of nihilism and bone-crushing angst, Bitter End’s music is so hardcore that they sound like their daily diet consists of rusty nails, razor blades and Grape-Nuts cereal. They’re probably vegan, though, (because of the PETA people at Warped). The Korova, 6pm Coles Whalen The tight plucking of mandolin strings and the earthy draw of horsehair across steel weigh Coles Whalen’s songs down to the terra firma from which they came. Limelight, 9pm Devon Allman Band Hailing from the groin of the blues rock legend Greg Allman, Devon Allman, with his flowing grunge gold locks and virtuoso guitar skills, plays solo from his two obviously Bible Belt-influenced rock bands Honeytribe and Royal Southern Brotherhood.

Sam’s Burger Joint, 8pm Rock ‘N’ Roll Brunch with The Zeros, Spray Paint, Sons of Hercules, Us Weekly & Spokesmodel.

Punk legends The Zeros provide you with your beer-for-breakfast soundtrack with some of SA and Austin’s best and loudest pisstakers. Paper Tiger, 12pm San Antonio Rock ‘N’ Roll Marathon For me one of the few ways to get into the idea of moving my body faster than the comfortable and safe

speed of a brisk saunter is alcohol or rock ‘n’ roll. Unfortunately, I don’t believe they’re giving out Tequila shots at the checkpoints, but they will have spots designated for rocking, y’know, at eight in the morning.

Alamodome, 7:30am Scott Bradlee’s Postmodern Jukebox So, this fool, popular via uber-A&R rep YouTube, plays Top 40 shit, but as if they were done in a speakeasy. By placing them in a more traditional and orchestrally organic setting (read: not all synths and iPads) he can tease the real musicality from the piece, which is often hidden behind topically typical, modern instruments. Empire Theatre, 8pm

Monday, December 7 Black Dahlia Murder & Goatwhore Black Dahlia Murder’s vocalist Trevor Strnad screams and growls like he’s trying to drown a pack of feral cats fucking in his larynx with some evil rotgut swill. From beneath a cape of death-black hair Goatwhore’s vocalist Louis Benjamin Falgoust II summons and slanders in guttural incantations of the Dark Prince.

With Iron Reagan, Entheos, Artificial Brain.

Alamo City Music Hall, 6pm

Tuesday, December 8 Conspirare Christmas Craig Hella Johnson and Grammy award-winning choral ensemble Conspirare are sure to warm your heart and stir your soul as they weave together a musical collage of pop, folk, classical and seasonal favorites. Tobin Center for the Performing Arts, 7:30pm Urban-15’s Annual Holiday Laser Show 2015 marks URBAN-15’s 11th annual Holiday Laser Show, a multimedia spectacular of choreographed laser beams, colorful 3D animation and light effects performed to traditional holiday favorites and experimental electronic compositions. Lila Cockrell Theatre, 7pm We Live as Kings I love the tightrope act of a Christian hip-hop group torn between the worldly trappings of the cliched gangster existence, exhibited in the anything but humble bragaddocio of a name like “We Live as Kings,” and the fact that it’s tough to move units about J-to-the-Esus, unless you’re claiming to be him, right Yeezus? The rhymes are pretty good though, honestly. 502 Bar, 9pm

502 Bar 502 Embassy Oaks, (210) 257-8125, 502bar.com Alamodome 100 Montana St., (210) 207-3633, alamodome. com Alamo City Music Hall 1305 E. Houston St., alamocitymusichall.com Alchemy 1123 N. Flores St., (210) 3201168, alchemysanantonio.com Bottom Bracket Social Club 1609 N. Colorado St., (210) 267-9160, facebook.com/ bottombracketsocialclub Brick 108 Blue Star, (210) 262-8653, facebook.com/BrickatBlueStar Concrete Jungle 1628 S. Presa St., facebook.com/tikiconcretejungle Empire Theatre 224 E. Houston St., (210) 226-5700, majesticempire.com Floore’s Country Store 14492 Old Bandera Road, (210) 695-8827, liveatfloores.com Gruene Hall 1281 Gruene Road, (830) 606-1281, gruenehall. com Hi-Tones 621 E. Dewey Pl., (210) 573-6220, hitonessa.com J&O’s Cantina 1014 S. Presa St., (210) 485-7611 Jack’s Patio Bar 3030 Thousand Oaks Drive, (210) 494-2309, jacksbarsa.com La Botánica 2911 N. St. Mary’s St., vivalabotanica.com Laurie Auditorium 1 Trinity Pl., (210) 999-8117 Lila Cockrell Theatre 200 E. Market St., (210) 207-8500 Limelight 2718 N. St. Mary’s St., thelimelightsa.com Luckenbach Dancehall 412 Lukenbach Town Loop, (830) 997-3224 luckenbachtexas.com Lush 4553 N. Loop 1604 Paper Tiger 2410 N. St Mary’s St., papertigersa.com Majestic Theatre 224 E. Houston St., (210) 226-5700, majesticempire.com Sam’s Burger Joint 330 E. Grayson St., (210) 223-2830, samsburgerjoint.com San Fernando Cathedral 115 Main Plaza, (210) 227-1297 South Texas Popular Culture Center 1017 E. Mulberry Ave., (210) 792-1312, stpcc.org The Amp Room 2407 N. St. Mary’s St., (210) 320-2122, theamproom.com The Korova 107 E. Martin St., (210) 226-5070, thekorova. com The Mix 2403 N St. Mary’s St., (210) 735-1313 Tobin Center for the Performing Arts 100 Auditorium Circle, (210) 2238624, tobincenter.org

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THE SISTER ACT SAVAGE LOVE

by Dan Savage

I’m a 37-year-old straight male in a relationship with a slightly older woman.

I have a GGG girlfriend, and I am completely GGG — until we talk about having a MMF threesome.

We have great sex and have experimented together. We tried playing with a couple to give her the “two-dick experience” she wanted, but the other man was of “average” size and she was not into it. I’m of average stature, and she made such a fuss of having someone extra large join in that it threw my hang-up about my size into overdrive. It’s paralyzed me sexually. I’m afraid she’ll leave me or run off looking to fulfill her need on her own.

Average Nerdy Guy Shunning Threesomes If leaving you is the only way this woman can ever experience an aboveaverage cock again, ANGST, then she might leave you. Depending on how important sitting on an above-average cock now and then is to her, your insecurities may create an incentive for her to leave you or cheat on you. But if she can have you and all the good times and the great GGG sex you two have together — if she can continue to enjoy your cock and the things it and you can do for her along with the occasional ride on an above-average cock — then you’ve created a massive incentive for her to stay.

Check out fresh daily content at sacurrent.com

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How bad is chlamydia? My gynecologist left me a voicemail, and I am absolutely terrified.

A quick Google search told me that it can cause infertility if left untreated — what it didn’t tell me is how long when left untreated before it causes infertility? I told my boyfriend of 10 months, and he seems very sane about it. But I am terrified that he’ll leave me. HELP! Seriously Terrified Damsel Some time has passed between your letter arriving and my response appearing in print — so here’s hoping you called your gynecologist back, STD, and got the download and the treatment you needed.

Quickly: Chlamydia is a common sexually transmitted infection (STI), men and women are equally at risk, it can be contracted through vaginal, anal, or oral intercourse. Your Google search was accurate: Left untreated, chlamydia can cause infertility in women. But you’re not going to leave it untreated, right? Fortunately, chlamydia is easily cured. Unfortunately, most people who have chlamydia aren’t aware they’re infected, as most infected people have no symptoms. That’s why it’s extremely important for all sexually active people — adults and adolescents — to get regular STI screenings.

Is your reproductive system already harmed? You’ll have to discuss that with your gynecologist, STD, who is in a far better position than I am to have a look inside you. As for your boyfriend: He needs to get tested and treated too, and if his last STI screening was more than a year ago, it’s possible he infected you and not the other way around. If your boyfriend leaves you over this — if he blames you for something he may be responsible for — then he’s not someone you want in your life or in your twat.

My younger brother outed me to our parents, our siblings, and our only living grandparent. I’m a straight woman and into bondage, SM, and kinky swinging — nothing outrageous — and I tried to keep this aspect of my sexuality (and my marriage) hidden. Things are fine now: Mom and Dad are mad at my brother, not me, and my siblings (save the fundamentalist) are over it. But I wanted to share my grandmother’s reaction: She called to tell me that my late grandfather liked to be tied up and spanked too and that their marriage (47 years!) was more fun for it.

Kink Isn’t New, Kiddo That’s wonderful — and so true!

Thanks for sharing.

On the Lovecast, Dan chats with writer Parker Molloy about relationships with trans folks: savagelovecast.com. mail@savagelove.net

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PARTICIPANTS NEEDED FOR A DIABETES STUDY!

JONESIN’ CROSSWORD by Matt Jones

Answer on page 21

IF YOU ARE: •Have diabetes but otherwise healthy.

•30 years of age or older.

•Take Bydureon (exenatide) or Victoza (liraglutide.

You may be eligible to join a clinical trial conducted by the Diabetes Division of the UTHSCSA at the Texas Diabetes Institute (TDI).

If qualified, you will receive: •Physical exam at no cost.

•No cost trial related blood tests.

•Compensation for your time.

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Study will be conducted at the: TDI on 701 Zarzamora St. Principal Investigator: Ralph A. DeFronzo, M.D. Department of Medicine, Diabetes Division UTHSCSA. 66

CURRENT • December 2­­—December 8, 2015 • sacurrent.com

“Flour Power” — bake it a good one.

ACROSS

1 Watch chains 5 “I Love a Rainy Night” country singer Eddie 12 ___ deferens 15 Farmer’s measurement 16 Team with the football 17 “Bravo, bullfighter!”

18 Flour sorters that form patterns?

20 Pack member, for short?

21 This evening, in ads 22 “___ me, that’s who!”

23 Go over some lines?

25 “Well, lah-di-___!”

26 “LOSER KEEPS ___” (billboard seen before the U.S.Canada gold medal hockey game of 2014) 27 Particle in a charged state 29 I, in Munich 32 Borneo ape, for short 34 Motors that are better suited for flour mills?

40 Test giver’s call 41 Dormant 42 Kunis of “Black Swan” 43 Giant bodies of flour and water that won’t rise?

46 Marshmallow holiday candies 47 “I don’t wanna know about your infection” initials 48 Elly May Clampett’s pa

49 Check to make sure 52 Annual MTV bestowal 54 “Help!” actor Ringo 55 Turntablists, familiarly 58 Bout before the main event 61 Dye holder 62 The next batch of flour being from the same common grain as the last?

65 Cherry discard 66 “Wait, let me wash up first!”

67 Rain hard?

68 Like some winks and grins 69 Like some poker games 70 Naysayer’s view

DOWN

1 Hard to catch 2 Cuatro plus cuatro 3 Staples or Hooters, e.g.

4 Antique photo tone 5 One of the “Golden Girls” 6 Movie buff’s org.

7 Lifelong pals, less formally 8 ___ noire (bane) 9 Gospel singer Andrews 10 Co. that introduced Dungeons & Dragons 11 Mic check word 12 Some English homework, casually 13 Writer Munro 14 “Against the Wind” singer Bob 19 Principle of good conduct 24 Current government

26 Paperback publisher named for a small fowl 27 “It ___ laugh” 28 Psych suffix 30 Pursued 31 Approach for money 32 Pitcher Hershiser 33 Stopwatch button 35 “(Don’t Fear) The ___” (1976 Blue Oyster Cult hit) 36 White-tailed coastal birds 37 Stealthy-sounding (but subpar) subprime mortgage offering 38 “Waiting For the Robert ___” 39 Anti-DUI gp.

44 Top-five finish, perhaps, to an optimist 45 Joie de ___ 49 Invitation replies 50 Net business, as seen in crosswords but not in real life 51 Ramshackle 53 “A.I.” humanoid 55 Cope 56 Actress Gertz of “The Neighbors” 57 Cherry discard 58 “Ahem” relative 59 “Down ___” (Nine Inch Nails song) 60 1551, to ancient Romans 63 Insurance option that requires referrals 64 “___ said before ...”

ETC.

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY by Rob Brezsny ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19): “Charm is a way of getting the answer ‘yes’ without having asked any clear question,” wrote French author Albert Camus. I have rarely seen you better poised than you are now to embody and capitalize on this definition of “charm,” Aries. That’s good news, right? Well, mostly. But there are two caveats. First, wield your mojo as responsibly as you can. Infuse your bewitching allure with integrity. Second, be precise about what it is you want to achieve — even if you don’t come right out and tell everyone what it is. Resist the temptation to throw your charm around haphazardly.

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20): I suspect that in the coming days you will have an uncanny power to make at least one of your resurrection fantasies come true. Here are some of the possibilities. 1. If you’re brave enough to change your mind and shed some pride, you could retrieve an expired dream from limbo. 2. By stirring up a bit more chutzpah that you usually have at your disposal, you might be able to revive and even restore a forsaken promise. 3. Through an act of grace, it’s possible you will reanimate an ideal that was damaged or abandoned.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20): To the other eleven signs of the zodiac, the Way of the Gemini sometimes seems rife with paradox and contradiction. Many non-Geminis would feel paralyzed if they had to live in the midst of so much hubbub. But when you are at your best, you thrive in the web of riddles. In fact, your willingness to abide there is often what generates your special magic. Your breakthroughs are made possible by your high tolerance for uncertainty. How many times have I seen a Gemini who has been lost in indecision but then suddenly erupts with a burst of crackling insights? This is the kind of subtle miracle I expect to happen soon.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22): In September of 1715, a band of Jacobite rebels gathered for a guerrilla attack on Edinburgh Castle in Scotland. Their plan was to scale the walls with rope ladders, aided by a double agent who was disguised as a castle sentry.

But the scheme failed before it began. The rope ladders turned out to be too short to serve their intended purpose. The rebels retreated in disarray. Please make sure you’re not like them in the coming weeks, Cancerian. If you want to engage in a strenuous action, an innovative experiment, or a bold stroke, be meticulous in your preparations. Don’t scrimp on your props, accouterments, and resources.

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22): If you give children the option of choosing between food that’s mushy and food that’s crunchy, a majority will choose the crunchy stuff. It’s more exciting to their mouths, a more lively texture

for their teeth and tongues to play with. This has nothing to do with nutritional value, of course.

Soggy oatmeal may foster a kid’s well-being better than crispy potato chips. Let’s apply this lesson to the way you feed your inner child in the coming weeks. Metaphorically speaking, I suggest you serve that precious part of you the kind of sustenance that’s both crunchy and healthy. In other words, make sure that what’s wholesome is also fun, and vice versa.

VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22): Your mascot is a famous white oak in Athens, Georgia. It’s called the Tree That Owns Itself.

According to legend, it belongs to no person or institution, but only to itself. The earth in which it’s planted and the land around it are also its sole possession. With this icon as your inspiration, I invite you to enhance and celebrate your sovereignty during the next seven months. What actions will enable you to own yourself more thoroughly? How can you boost your autonomy and become, more than ever before, the boss of you? It’s prime time to expedite this effort.

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22): Police in Los Angeles conducted an experiment on a 10-mile span of freeway. Drivers in three unmarked cars raced along as fast as they could while remaining in the same lane. The driver of the fourth car not only moved at top speed, but also changed lanes and jockeyed for position.

Can you guess the results? The car that weaved in and out of the traffic flow arrived just slightly ahead of the other three. Apply this lesson to your activities in the coming week, please.

There will be virtually no advantage to indulging in frenetic, erratic, breakneck exertion. Be steady and smooth and straightforward.

brewing fascination. I don’t know if you will be able to gather the resources you would require to carry out your quest. What do you think? Will you be able to summon the necessary audacity?

Maybe the better inquiry is this: Do you vow to use all your soulful ingenuity to summon the necessary audacity?

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19): “Once I witnessed a windstorm so severe that two 100-year-old trees were uprooted on the spot,” Mary Ruefle wrote in her book Madness, Rack, and Honey. “The next day, walking among the wreckage, I found the friable nests of birds, completely intact and unharmed on the ground.”

I think that’s a paradox you’d be wise to keep in mind, Capricorn. In the coming weeks, what’s most delicate and vulnerable about you will have more staying power than what’s massive and fixed. Trust your grace and tenderness more than your fierceness and forcefulness. They will make you as smart as you need to be.

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18): Aztec king Montezuma II quenched his daily thirst with one specific beverage. He rarely drank anything else. It was ground cocoa beans mixed with chili peppers, water, vanilla, and

annatto. Spiced chocolate? You could call it that. The frothy brew was often served to him in golden goblets, each of which he used once and then hurled from his royal balcony into the lake below. He regarded this elixir as an aphrodisiac, and liked to quaff a few flagons before heading off to his harem. I bring this up, Aquarius, because the coming weeks will be one of those exceptional times when you have a poetic license to be almost Montezuma-like.

What’s your personal equivalent of his primal chocolate, golden goblets, and harem?

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20): “Unfortunately, I’m pretty lucky,” my friend Rico said to me recently. He meant that his relentless good fortune constantly threatens to undermine his ambition. How can he be motivated to try harder and grow smarter and get stronger if life is always showering him with blessings? He almost wishes he could suffer more so that he would have more angst to push against. I hope you won’t fall under the spell of that twisted logic in the coming weeks, Pisces. This is a phase of your cycle when you’re likely to be the beneficiary of an extra-strong flow of help and serendipity. Please say this affirmation as often as necessary: “Fortunately, I’m pretty lucky.”

THIS MODERN WORLD by Tom Tomorrow

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21): You will generate lucky anomalies and helpful flukes if you use shortcuts, flee from boredom, and work smarter rather than harder. On the other hand, you’ll drum up wearisome weirdness and fruitless flukes if you meander all over the place, lose yourself in far-off fantasies, and act as if you have all the time in the world. Be brisk and concise, Scorpio. Avoid loafing and vacillating. Associate with bubbly activators who make you laugh and loosen your iron grip. It’s a favorable time to polish off a lot of practical details with a light touch.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21): “Like all explorers, we are drawn to discover what’s out there without knowing yet if we have the courage to face it.” Buddhist teacher Pema Chödrön said that, and now I’m telling you. According to my divinations, a new frontier is calling to you. An unprecedented question has awakened. The urge to leave your familiar circle is increasingly tempting. I don’t know if you should you surrender to this

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You & Your Family are invited Saturday, December 5th at 2pm for a FREE reading of the THE NUTCRACKER at the San Antonio Central Library, 600 Soledad St. Performance and meet & greet members of the San Antonio Metropolitan Ballet.

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Nutcracker-themed craft time to follow.

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Ballerina and Nutcracker apparel encouraged.

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