San antonio current december 23, 2015

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6

San Antonio Current Publisher: Michael Wagner Associate Publisher: Lara Fischer

Editorial

Senior Editors: Bryan Rindfuss, Jessica Elizarraras Interim Art Director: Sarah Flood-Baumann Food & Nightlife Editor: Jessica Elizarraras Music Editor: D.T. Buffkin Staff Writers: Mark Reagan, Michael Marks Contributors: Ron Bechtol, Ainsley Caffrey, Erik Casarez, Murphi Cook, James Courtney, Jade Esteban Estrada, Dan R. Goddard, Lance Higdon, Steven G. Kellman, Kiko Martínez, Jeremy Martin, Jeff Meyers, Gary Sweeney, J.D. Swerzenski Editorial Interns: Carlo Jagge, Gabriela Mata, James McCandless, Shannon Sweet, Patricia Valdez

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sacurrent.com • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • CURRENT 7

IN THIS

FIRST WORDS

1

ISSUE

On “Film Review: Star Wars: The Force Awakens” // Dlanor Ovarb: For me it’s not about the critique. It’s about the notion that these movies that are intended to be “popcorn flicks” are critiqued as if they’re expected to win Oscars. Lighten up, it’s entertainment, not heart surgery.

Issue 15_51 /// December 23-29, 2015

10

On “San Antonio City Council Changes Zoning Laws, Targets Abortion Clinics” // Cynthia Hinkle: Texas, have you looked at your teen birth rates and your poverty level? Taking away programs that teach teens health life choices, such as delaying sexual activity, or using protection against pregnancy and disease will increase the numbers of unplanned births, diseases, and the need for abortions. Shame on you. [sic]

NEWS

Newsmonger No charges filed; former Jay HS coach pleads guilty to assault; Spurs vs. Warriors

18

26

SCREENS

O Come, All Ye Filmgoers Which X-Mas releases deserve your holiday cash

Marty Orosco: Didn’t they induct Donna summer? [sic] On “The Officer Who Shot Marquise Jones Will Not Be Charged” // John Deaux: Just like Michael Brown, right, running away ?? Until the jury heard forensic science from three different independent sources, which all proved the gentle giant, at 300 lbs, was punching and trying to take the officer’s gun. [sic]

67

• Send your thoughts, comments or kudos to letters@sacurrent.com

MUSIC

Slayer vs. Slayer Local metal gods Slayer battle some other band named Slayer O Lucrative Night The right Christmas song can mean long-term profits in a struggling industry

29

ARTS + CULTURE

Our top picks for the week

Creative Passion Artist moves to SA from Mexico in pursuit of dream

29

32

Culinary Calendar 6 ways to get your drink/grub on this week

78

COVER As the busiest bar days of the year draw near, we gather industry standouts in cocktails, distilling and more.

Photo by David Rangel, shot at Paramour

NIGHTLIFE

Next Wave Bartenders 5 cocktailians we’re following into 2016 Dancing Specters Who doesn’t love a good garage-like bar?

Time for Cocktails Updates for January’s biggest party

ETC.

Savage Love Jonesin’ Crossword Freewill Astrology This Modern World

Best & Worst We asked local musicians about their favorite and least favorite things of 2015

Art direction by Rick Fisher snd Sarah Flood-Baumann

FOOD

Well Done It’s hard to find fault at Brigid

ON THE

8 CURRENT • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • sacurrent.com

25

Cold on the Street How the homeless handle winter

On “Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Further Distances Itself from Rock ‘n’ Roll with 2016 Inductees” // Wayne Stevenson Thomas: There is nothing less Rock‘n’Roll than a Rock’n’Roll Hall of Fame. It was always lame. Nothing has changed. The whole idea was lame. [sic]

20

CALENDAR

44

Back to the Future Toast your trendiness by going back to basics Distilleries to Know Expect a completely new product coming out of Dorcol headquarters True Wino Or how to fake being a wine snob Beer Buds History by the pint in San Antonio Beer Drink Listings 100+ SA bars, cocktail lounges, wine rooms and dives

sacurrent.com • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • CURRENT 9

NEWS

finally, he’ll pay a $3,500 fine and restitution to the ref.

The players, 17-year-old Michael Moreno and 15-year-old Victor Rojas, are also expected to face charges. When both teens appeared on Good Morning America in September, they alleged the ref used racial slurs against them, and, like any good soldiers, said they were just following orders — from Breed, who thought the ref was biased, according to Rojas and Moreno.

While announcing Breed’s conviction, Burnet County attorney Eddie Arredondo said that Moreno would be charged as an adult, and he’ll face charges of assault and aggravated assault because he’s considered an adult by the Texas Penal Code, an un-named juvenile — Rojas — will face charges in juvenile court.

NEWSMONGER Spurs are the Best // John Jay Fiasco // No Charges Filed //

the only two teams ranking in top five for offense and defense, he notes.

San Antonio also snagged a win record last week, in addition to moving to number one in the win differential ranking. The Spurs have won 23 straight games at home, a franchise record.

Referee Revenge San Antonio’s Jay High School football team made national headlines — two players even appeared on Good Morning America — in September for all the wrong reasons.

But that chapter’s finally coming to its ugly close.

Former assistant coach Mack Breed plead guilty to assault causing bodily injury, a Class A misdemeanor, last Monday for ordering two players to tackle a referee during a game against Marble Falls.

Breed avoided a year in jail by reaching a plea deal with prosecutors. Instead of drawing up plays in Burnet County Jail, Breed faces 18 months of probation; he surrenders his Texas Teaching Certificate; he’ll have to pass an angermanagement course; then there’s also 120 hours of community service, and,

10 CURRENT • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • sacurrent.com

mreagan@sacurrent.com

Checking the temperature of events in Bexar County and beyond

MERRY CHRISTMAS! From us to you

YANAGUANA GARDEN Renovated park sees 100K visitors in 10 weeks

SPURS SPECIAL FORCES RETURNS Code 465: Pop taken hostage by Phil Jackson

FORMER JAY HS COACH PLEADS GUILTY Ordering a hit on a ref goes beyond bad sportsmanship

TOYOTA FIELD $21 million boondoggle or green light for the MLS?

MARQUISE JONES Off-duty officer who killed him won’t face charges

GILBERT FLORES Sheriff releases second video; still looks like he was surrendering

GABBY MATA

Best in the Game?

Sure, the Golden State Warriors had a remarkable start to the NBA season with a record-breaking 24-0 run.

But are they the best in the game?

Maybe not.

Consider the San Antonio Spurs’ win differential, which is top in the league.

The Spurs are winning games with a 13.154-point differential, compared to the Warriors’ 13.08.

Sport Illustrated’s Ben Golliver explains.

“San Antonio’s symbolic move past Golden State on the point differential charts, however, should serve as notice that there are now two teams functioning at an elite level on both sides,” Golliver writes. “In fact, the Spurs now rank third in offensive efficiency after posting wins by at least 22 points each in their last five games.”

This makes the Spurs and the Warriors

MARK REAGAN/@210REAGAN

No Charges Filed Nearly two years ago off-duty San Antonio Police Officer Robert Encina shot and killed 23-year-old Marquise Jones at the Chacho’s and Chalucci’s drive thru at Perren Beitel Road and Loop 410, where Encina was working security.

A week ago, Bexar County District Attorney Nico LaHood announced that a grand jury decided not to indict Encina for the killing.

Just a few months ago, in August, Bexar County Sheriff deputies Greg Vasquez and Robert Sanchez shot and killed Gilbert Flores, 41, in the front yard of a house on San Antonio’s northwest side.

Two weeks ago, LaHood announced a grand jury declined to indict Vasquez and Sanchez.

The cases are different.

Authorities were called because Flores was allegedly abusing his family and was combative with the deputies.

But two videos show Flores, who appears to raise his hands to surrender, moments before Vasquez and Sanchez open fire. Authorities have said that 911 calls and radio traffic paint a better picture of what happened.

Jones was a passenger in a car that had a fender bender at the drive thru before Encina shot and killed him. Police say Jones had a gun. Jones’ family says he was trying to leave and was shot in the back, alleging that the gun was planted.

Both stories are all too familiar, common even; just like the outcome of most grand jury decisions in policerelated killings: no charges filed.

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NEWS

MICHAEL MARKS

COLD ON THE STREET

As the temperature drops, it’s tougher to be homeless

•

Mitch Baldwin, a Marine veteran, stands outside the VIA Centro Plaza.

MICHAEL MARKS/@MICHAELPMARKS

After a couple years in Albuquerque, Fred Christa forgot how warm San Antonio’s winters could be.

Christa is homeless. He’s a San Antonio native who moved back to the Alamo City earlier this year. These days, he spends most of his day trolling through the downtown grid, up one side of the street then down the other, looking for food in trash and recycling bins.

Christa said police are more likely to ticket you for panhandling in San Antonio than in Albuquerque. But at least when he flies a sign in San Antonio, snow and ice doesn’t cling to his beard like it did in New Mexico.

Though it may not be as cold as in other cities, San Antonio’s homeless population still struggles to stay warm as the days grow shorter and the temperature dips.

Of the roughly 3,000 homeless people in San Antonio, more than one-third are without any kind of shelter, leaving over a thousand people on the city’s streets each night according to the most recent count by the South Alamo Regional Alliance for the Homeless.

The day-to-day challenges of being homeless are amplified in the cold as seeking proper shelter becomes more important, and the body burns more calories to keep warm. And though hypothermia is rare in comparatively balmy San Antonio, it’s still a potentially lethal threat. The Bexar County Medical Examiner ruled in January 2014 that Chris Jason Paine, a homeless man found under an overpass, died of hypothermia during a cold snap.

The temperature didn’t drop nearly enough to risk hypothermia when I recently slept outside for this story.

But the discomfort I felt in just chilly weather made sleeping in anything colder seem almost unfathomable.

Christa sleeps alone in an alleyway downtown. He said he doesn’t have trouble staying warm, which is due in large part to a recent dumpster-dive prize he scored behind a hotel: A queen-sized comforter streaked with magenta makeup stains. He thinks that’s why it was thrown away.

“I just wrap up in [the comforter] and I’m good for the night,” said Christa, clad in a couple of T-shirts and a tan jacket. Nylon and canvas bags dangle from his shoulders, filled with other things he’s salvaged. “I like to be alone, I try to stay away from other people.”

The best spots to stay on the street aren’t literally on the street. The ideal location is somewhere warm, safe and where you’re unlikely to be hassled by police or property owners.

Finding such a spot is tough in a world that’s made for house dwellers. On the street, where everything is designed for mobility, convenience and impermanence, people can be protective of a prime sleeping place.

‘It’s Where They Want to Be’ Joe, a homeless man from New Orleans who wouldn’t give me his last name, said he sleeps in a makeshift camp east of downtown, near an Interstate 281 overpass. He stays there alone, and he wouldn’t let me see it.

Joe spends most of his day panhandling. He’s got a husky smoker’s laugh, and is prone to espousing both the power of prayer and 12 packs of Steel Reserve in the same thought.

“I pray for people to be generous, to be kind,” he said.

“I say ‘Send me your angels God — the ones with the large denominations.’”

Joe will stay on the street even on the coldest nights.

He used to go to Haven for Hope when it got too cold,

though he rarely does anymore.

When the temperature drops below 45 degrees Fahrenheit, Haven for Hope staff allow people at Prospects Courtyard, the covered cement slab where people can spend the night without entering Haven’s recovery program, to sleep inside. The campus can accommodate 585 people from the courtyard inside.

When that happens, staff opens up areas such as the cafeteria where people can sleep. They pass out wool blankets, knowing they won’t get some back.

“We know that people keep them because they’re out on the streets and it’s cold. We don’t really make a big deal out of it, but we’re always in need of blankets,” said Laura Calderon, a spokeswoman for Haven for Hope.

But even when it gets cold enough to go inside, some people prefer to remain in the courtyard, Calderon said.

Joe doesn’t go to Haven anymore because sleeping inside means waking earlier than he’d like. Those who sleep inside must mop the floor and rearrange tables so that the cafeteria is ready for breakfast.

The city is currently revamping its policies toward the homeless population, spearheaded by the police department. Chief William McManus, in conjunction with other city departments, is creating “impact teams” to bring services such as rapid housing and mental illness treatment directly to the homeless, rather than perpetually giving them tickets for offenses like camping and panhandling.

“Some of those folks, that challenge is you could give them a five star hotel room and they wouldn’t want to stay in it. They’d rather be under the bridge somewhere,” CONTINUED ON PAGE 15 ►

sacurrent.com • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • CURRENT 13

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14 CURRENT • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • sacurrent.com

MICHAEL MARKS

OPEN FOR DIALOGUE

NEWS

w

◄ CONTINUED FROM PAGE 13 MICHAEL MARKS

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•

Manuel Romero (left) and Foster Hines (above) are both residents at Haven for Hope.

McManus said. “For whatever reason they’re on the street. It’s where they want to be. They don’t want to go anywhere else. And as long as they’re not breaking the law, they have a right to be there.”

One Night Out After spending a night on the street, it’s hard for me to imagine such a mindset.

I parked at a Wal-Mart on Austin Highway and searched for a spot to sleep, criss-crossing parking lots and circling around strip malls. I bumped into others doing the same. An elderly man leered at me as he plucked cardboard from a dumpster behind an H-E-B. Another guy with a red Marlboro backpack that was missing a strap twice passed me as we walked down the street.

As I walked, I didn’t feel afraid or vulnerable, but separated from the world around me. It’s strange to see people in cars, people in shops, people in restaurants from the outside, and know that they have a place to be and a place to go. I could feel eyes on me as I walked around a laundromat with windows on three sides.

The homeless people I spoke to for this story suggested that I look for in-between places — borders of neighborhoods and businesses, the edge of parks, spots like that. I found one after walking the perimeter of a Lowe’s parking lot, where a gap in a chain-link fence allowed me to get into a thin greenbelt between a row of backyards and a retaining wall upon which another parking lot sat.

I didn’t see anyone for the rest of the night, though people clearly came through the spot. Cardboard pallets were wedged under the bare, shrubby trees and graffiti covered the wall in splotches. I curled up into a ball with my back to the wall, lying in the grass with my backpack as a pillow. I listened to yappy dogs bark at each other from their yards and hoped no one saw me.

It was chilly – about in the low 50s or high 40s, but I felt warm enough in an old hoodie and thin blanket. Sleep came, but not easily. I was cold – not freezing, but occasionally shivering.

It felt odd to try to fall asleep with my shoes on, but my toes were too cold otherwise. I tried to pull the hood of my jacket down as far as I could to limit exposure to my face. I slept in fits and starts, regaining consciousness suddenly due to a pain in my neck or a gust of wind.

I woke up for good in the wee hours, my nose cold, my hands burrowed deep inside my jacket’s pockets. I packed up, walked back to my car, and drove to my apartment.

This is the reason that such an exercise can’t replicate real homelessness, though. Even if I stayed out multiple nights — a week, a month, even more — I’d still know that in the end, I had a home to return to.

At some point I would get out of the cold. For the chronically homeless, the only real solution is to bundle up and wait until spring. mmarks@sacurrent.com

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16 CURRENT • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • sacurrent.com

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CALENDAR

ROBYN VON SWANK

WED

23

Deck Them Halls MUSIC

If you’re looking to suck down some Lone Star and rock ‘n’ roll before the family lockdown of Christmas weekend, Paper Tiger’s Deck Them Halls has got you covered. Expect some rowdy holiday renditions from the abominable Garrett T. Capps (pictured), as well as new cuts of puro Americana from Antique Sunlight. One of SA’s great creative ex-pats, Bill Baird returns home for a set of his intensely original work — a cocktail of experimental undertaking and folk mastery. For the uninitiated, begin with “Your Dark Sunglasses Won’t Make You Lou Reed,” a rebuff to all the wannabe Jesus’ sons out there. Free, 9pm, Paper Tiger, 2410 N. St. Mary’s St., papertigersa.com.

— Matt Stieb

WED

23

Ken Slavin: The Silver Anniversary Concert MUSIC

In 1990, Ken Slavin made his performing debut at the tourist trap Dick’s Last Resort, an odd introduction for a traditional vocal jazz artist. Three albums and 25 years later, Slavin has proven himself time and again as one of the city’s premier singers. With the fake book and show tunes of the American canon, it’s easy to fall into pastiche or a rip-off of Sinatra. But Slavin knows how to make these standards his own, his voice booming with comfort and personality.

With pianist Barry Brake, bassist Chuck Moses and drummer Darren Kuper in the mix, it should make for a sterling evening indeed. $10-$30, 8pm, Sam’s Burger Joint, 330 E. Grayson St., (210) 2232830, samsburgerjoint.com. — MS

18 CURRENT • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • sacurrent.com

THU

24

Santa Claus FILM

As if delivering presents to all of the world’s children in a single night wouldn’t be difficult enough, the Saint Nick of the silver screen is perpetually delayed by one pain in the ass after the other. If he’s not arrested on trumpedup charges or straight-up murked by Tim Allen, he winds up waylaid by some rube or runaway with something to learn about the true meaning of whatever.

Or, in the case of Cuban director René Cardona’s Santa Claus (1959), he’s gotta team up with the wizard Merlin to defeat Satan. In space. At least that one gave him a fun story to tell at parties. $5, 6:30pm, Alamo Drafthouse Westlakes, 1255 SW Loop 410, (210) 677-8500, drafthouse.com.

— Jeremy Martin

FRI-SUN

25-27

Eliza Skinner COMEDY

Stand-up comic Eliza Skinner’s official bio says she first appeared onstage as a “child revolutionary in a production of Evita.”

Fun fact for a bio, but also an apt start for Skinner, who wrote and performed on the Chris Rock-produced, too-subversiveto-last Totally Biased with W. Kamau Bell and spoke out publicly as one of the writers on strike from Fashion Police in direct defiance of comedy’s Evita, Joan Rivers. One of the most Rivers-like things a person could do, really. Very much in the spirit of Saint Joan, Skinner will be playing two shows on effing Christmas. $16, 8pm & 10:15pm Fri-Sat, 8pm Sun, Laugh Out Loud Comedy Club, 618 NW Loop 410, (210) 541-8805, lolsanantonio.com. — JM

CALENDAR

GETTY IMAGES

REGINA MORALES SAT

26

St. Sucia Zine Release Show SPECIAL EVENT

This Saturday, you’re invited to join local zine St. Sucia as it celebrates one year of existence. The zine, which describes itself as “exposing what it is to be a mujer in contemporary society,” has put out four issues in its first year and helped provide an important expressive space for many talented young women in San Antonio and beyond. On this night, there will be copies of all the issues for sale, readings from featured poets, and a rather raucous selection of musical acts, including Los De Esta Noche, Amygdala, Grupo Frackaso and DJ Heavy Flow of Chulita Vinyl Club. $3, 9pm, Hi-Tones, 621 E. Dewey Pl., (210) 573-6220, stsucia.bigcartel.com.

— James Courtney

SAT

26

Islands & Tigers’ Day After Christmas Fest MUSIC

Looking for a little bit of locally forged rock in the midst of your Yuletide season?

Something to rinse the stale seasonal tunes out of your head? Look no further than the second incarnation of Islands & Tigers’ Day After Christmas Fest. The young rock band (pictured), which has undergone some lineup shifts of late, welcomes a bevy of their talented musical brethren to help you chase away those pesky post-holiday blues. The rad and diverse bill includes ascendant indierockers Octahedron and Tera Ferna, experimental heavy rockers Ants and Porridge Fist, weeded-out pop-punkers Junkie and many more. $5-$8, 7pm, The Korova, 107 E. Martin St., (210) 2265070, thekorova.com. — JC

SAT

26

Free Day at SAMA

MON

ART

So, it’s the day after Christmas and your house is a mess and/or full of visitors. Maybe you’re looking to escape for some solitary contemplation on the true meaning of the Christmas spirit, or maybe you’re looking to entertain your friends and family at a neutral location — either way, the San Antonio Museum of Art beckons with another well-timed free day. While you’ll still have to pay a surcharge to dig the phenomenal “28 Chinese” exhibit before it departs on January 3, access to the grounds and the extensive permanent collection is free for all visitors the day after Christmas. Free, 10am-5pm, San Antonio Museum of Art, 200 W. Jones Ave., (210) 978-8100, samuseum.org.

— JC

28

Spurs vs. Timberwolves SPORTS

With the addition of number one draft pick Karl Anthony Towns, expectations were raised for the Minnesota Timberwolves. Towns joined fellow number one pick Andrew Wiggins on the roster, along with flashy point guard Ricky Rubio and high-flyer Zach Lavine. Even with veterans Kevin Garnett and Tayshaun Prince in the fold, the young Wolves have underwhelmed — and things won’t get any easier for them against the Spurs. While LaMarcus Aldridge has helped secure the paint, Kawhi Leonard continues to lock up opponents on the wing. Leonard versus Wiggins alone is worth the price of admission. $50-$235, 7:30pm, AT&T Center, One AT&T Center Pkwy., (210) 444-5000, attcenter.com.

—M. Solis

sacurrent.com • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • CURRENT 19

CALENDAR

SUN-MON

27-28

Great Russian Nutcracker

MON

Last but not least in an annual trio of Nutcrackers comprising productions by Ballet San Antonio and Paul Mejia Ballet International, Moscow Ballet’s Great Russian Nutcracker packs an extravagant punch with a cast of 40 elaborately costumed dancers, towering puppets, falling snow, roses shot from a cannon and nine hand-painted backdrops conjuring everything from the idyllic Land of Peace and Harmony to a Henri Rousseau-inspired jungle scene.

Touring internationally since 1993, the company thoughtfully localizes each performance of the holiday mainstay by welcoming young dancers to the stage as part of its long-running “Dance with Us” program. After training under soloists Olga Aru, Zhanna Golubenko, Olena Nalyvaiko and Mariia Skoruk, selected San Antonio dancers between the ages of 7 and 16 will step into the spotlight as mice, snowflakes, partygoers and snow sprites. $32-$126, 1pm & 5pm Sun, 7pm Mon, The Majestic Theatre, 224 E. Houston St., (210) 226-3333, majesticempire.com. — Bryan Rindfuss

Art

“28 Chinese” Launched in 1960s-era New

York on a budget of $25 per month, The Rubell Family Collection is now among the largest privately owned contemporary art collections in the world. Between 2001 and 2012, the Rubells conducted 100-plus studio visits in China, buying works by 28 artists.

Encompassing everything from a two-legged table by Ai Weiwei to a 50-foot paper and bamboo “boat” by Zhu Jinshi, the resulting bounty comes to light in a SAMA exhibition that “asks us to question any preconceived ideas about what art from China looks like.” $15-$20, 10am-5pm Wednesday-Thursday, 10am-5pm Saturday-Sunday, 10am-9pm Tuesday; San Antonio Museum of Art, 200 W. Jones Ave., (210) 978-8100.

International Artists-In-Residence Hand-

picked by NY-based Cecilia Alemani, whose curatorial credits include Frieze Projects and High Line Art, artists Cally Spooner (London), Marie Lorenz (New York) and Larry Bamburg (Marfa) represent the final installment of Artpace’s 2015 International Artists-in-Residence cycle. Spooner has penned “plotless novellas” and satirizes such pop-culture mainstays as Beyoncé and Justin Bieber; Lorenz works with found objects and operates a water taxi; and Bamburg builds peculiar — and at times humorous — arrangements from such unlikely materials as animal bones, electrical wire and skateboard wheels. Free, noon-5pm Wednesday, noon5pm Saturday-Sunday; Artpace, 445 N. Main Ave., (210) 212-4900.

”Miró: The Experience of Seeing” His

name may pop up in conversations about

surrealism, abstract expressionism and dadaism, but Spanish master Joan Miró defied movements and easy classification.

Born in Barcelona in 1893, Miró drew deep inspiration from his native Catalonia (and especially the seaside town of Mont-roig) but evolved considerably among the avant-garde icons of 1920s-era Paris — Pablo Picasso and André Breton among them. Exemplified by his heavily symbolic Still Life with Old Shoe (1937), elegantly abstracted series Constellations (19391941) and immersive triptych The Hope of a Condemned Man, Miró employed his own visual vocabulary to address the political landscape and illustrate the atrocities of war. Culled from the permanent collection of Madrid’s Museo Nacional Centro de Arte Reina Sofía and highlighting the artist’s later years, the traveling exhibition “Miró: The Experience of Seeing” brings together more than 50 paintings, drawings and sculptures said to “plumb the process of making art.” $15-$20, 10am-4pm Wednesday-Thursday, 10am-5pm Saturday, noon-5pm Sunday, 10am-4pm Tuesday; McNay Art Museum, 6000 N. New Braunfels Ave., (210) 824-5368.

”Tap to View” While FL!GHT residents André Stitt and James Cobb’s collaborative installation “14 Secret Masters of the Universe” remains on display through January 1, the gallery also has some exciting pop-ups in the works. One of these shows, on view through December 26, is San Antonio artist Kelsi Sharp’s “Tap to View,” an exhibit comprised entirely of Snapchat screengrabs. Through a series of interesting juxtapositions, Sharp playfully

20 CURRENT • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • sacurrent.com

28

Steve Aoki

In an era when handsomely paid EDM acts often appear to be doing little more than pushing buttons and tinkering with dials onstage, Steve Aoki spins the “superstar DJ” role into a hyperactive art form that involves spewing Champagne, throwing cakes and crowd-surfing aboard an inflatable raft. With musical roots in Southern California’s punk scene, Aoki (one of late Olympic wrestler and Benihana founder Rocky Aoki’s six children) launched the indie record label Dim Mak while still in college and steadily evolved from party DJ to the producer, songwriter and recording artist behind 2012’s Grammy-nominated rager Wonderland. The recently married party animal returns to the Alamo City (one of approximately 300 annual gigs) in support of Neon Future, a double album packed with collaborations — from Linkin Park to will.i.am. — and surprisingly bookended by spoken-word interludes from inventor/author/futurist Ray Kurzweil and controversial biomedical gerontologist Aubrey de Grey. $45, doors at 7pm, Cowboys Dancehall, 3030 NE Loop 410, (210) 646-9378, cowboysdancehall.com. — BR reminds us that, despite Snapchat’s claims regarding the ephemeral nature of content on its servers, nothing is ever really deleted in the digital age. Free, on view by appointment through Saturday; FL!GHT Gallery, 134 Blue Star, (210) 872-2586.

Winter Shows at Blue Star Winter at Blue

Star Contemporary brings three exciting new exhibitions, on view through February 7. For starters, “Turn Your Face Toward the Sun,” the Main Gallery’s exhibit of work

by Texas-transplants Charlie Morris and Liz Rodda, is a multidisciplinary affair that employs assemblage as a medium to juxtapose and re-contextualize found items, seemingly random images and crafted elements. The pieces in the exhibit urge viewers to question the unseen and peer beneath placid surfaces. In Gallery 4, take in Norwegian filmmaker Bodil Furu’s Landscapes by the Book. From multiple points of view, the video looks at how the landscapes and people in Fron, Norway are altered by development and notions of progress. Meanwhile, in the Project Space, the interactive and deeply imaginative “The Gift: An Exquisite Exhibition” draws inspiration from creativity scholar Lewis Hyde’s book The Gift: Creativity and the Artist in the Modern World. Designed to grow and change over time — based on artist/viewer response and curated groupings that reflect on Hyde’s modern classic — the exhibition builds on a single artwork by Lawrence Weiner via follow-up installations on January 14 and 21. $3-$5, noon-6pm Saturday-Sunday, Blue Star Contemporary Art Museum, 116 Blue Star, (210) 227-6960.

Film

Season 6 Premiere of Downton Abbey

KLRN invites Downton Abbey fans to arrive in period attire for this advance screening of the first episode of the show’s final season. Will Carson and Mrs. Hughes make it down the aisle? Will Branson find happiness in America? Will Mary snap up the affections of the “snappy chariot” driver? Free (RSVP required at klrn.org), 7-8:30pm Tuesday; Santikos Palladium, 17703 I-10 W., (210) 270-9000.

Theater

A Charlie Brown Christmas The Magik

brings Charlie Brown, Snoopy and the rest of the Peanuts gang to life onstage in Eric Schaeffer’s adaptation of the 1965 TV special surrounding “the true meaning of Christmas.” $12-$15, 9:45am & 11:30am Wednesday, 2pm Saturday-Sunday, 11:30am Monday-Tuesday; Magik Theatre, 420 S. Alamo St., (210) 227-2751.

Elf: The Musical Jr. Young actors take

the Cameo stage in this musicalized version of Jon Favreau’s 2003 holiday classic following an orphan who’s raised in the North Pole as an elf and later sets off to find his father and “help New York remember the true meaning of Christmas.” $15-$20, 7:30pm Wednesday, 2pm Saturday; Cameo Theatre, 1123 E. Commerce St., (210) 212-5454.

Peter Pan Following the boy who would

not grow up and the children he lures to Neverland, Peter Pan brings high-flying antics and adventure to the Woodlawn.

Based on J.M. Barrie’s classic tale, made famous by the Walt Disney cartoon, and

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later mocked across Twitter thanks to NBC’s live version, the story’s undergone facelifts over the decades, but one thing remains the same: Peter must fly. Director Greg Hinojosa partners with ZFX Flying Effects Equipment to bring the magic of flight to Peter (Carlye Gossen) and his ensemble of lost boys, pirates, Indians and Darlings. $17-$26, 7:30pm Wednesday; Woodlawn Theatre, 1920 Fredericksburg Road, (210) 267-8388.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: The Musical It just wouldn’t be Christmas

without that animated special about a certain red-nosed reindeer. Cozy on up in the Island of Misfit Toys, as the beloved characters (Elves! Santa! Bumble, the Abominable Snowman!) come to life through puppetry and song. $18.50$47.50, 7pm Wednesday, 2pm Thursday; Tobin Center for the Performing Arts, 100 Auditorium Circle, (210) 223-8624.

and Catherine Contreras drop the mic on 2015 with a brew-filled live taping featuring special guests Jeremy Banas (co-author of San Antonio Beer) and Bryan Powell and James Wells of the Friendcast.

Free, 6-8pm Sunday; The Hoppy Monk, 1010 N. Loop 1604 E., (210) 545-3330.

Special Events

2nd Annual Ugly Sweater Party Dig out

your ugliest sweater for a chance to win $500 at this holiday party with ’90s, indie and dance tracks spun by DJs Eddie and DC. Free, 10pm Friday; Brass Monkey, 2702 N. St. Mary’s St., (210) 480-4722.

Christmas Light Fest The 125-acre Don

Strange Ranch celebrates the season with a

drive-thru light show boasting two million decorative lights, photo ops in Santa’s Village, Longhorn sightings, hay rides and vendors offering unique gifts, s’mores and hot chocolate. $27 per vehicle, 6-9pm Wednesday-Thursday, 6-10pm FridaySaturday, 6-9pm Sunday; Don Strange Ranch, 103 Waring Welfare Road, Boerne, (210) 434-2340.

Family Art Play: Supplies Surprise

Added to the McNay’s increasingly eclectic collection back in 2009, Sandy Skoglund’s 1992 installation The Cocktail Party employs cheese doodles as decorative elements in a surreal domestic scene. After viewing The Cocktail Party and other works included

in the McNay’s “The Extraordinary Ordinary” (namely Tom Burckhardt’s cardboard creation FULL STOP and Ernesto Pujol’s photographic journey Walk#1), visitors can get messy while creating art with snack foods and other unlikely materials. $15-$20 (free for kids 12 and under), 1-4:30pm Sunday; McNay Art Museum, 6000 N. New Braunfels Ave., (210) 824-5368.

The Magic of Christmas Award-winning

magicians Scott Pepper and Jay García team up for a kid-friendly holiday program combining magic and illusions. $10-$15, 7pm Wednesday, 7pm Saturday; Magik Theatre, 420 S. Alamo St., (210) 227-2751.

Santa’s Rockin’ Christmas Countdown

Missy Miller and the young singers and dancers of The ShowStoppers Academy ring in the holidays with a fun-filled musical counting down the classics, from “Last Christmas” to “Rudolph the RedNosed Reindeer.” $10-$15, 2pm Saturday, 5:30pm Sunday; Josephine Theatre, 339 W. Josephine St., (210) 734-4646.

Comedy

Chris Fonseca Since his breakthrough

appearance on the PBS special Look Who’s Laughing, America’s original “sit-down comic” Chris “Crazy Legs” Fonseca has turned his disability (Cerebral Palsy) into a successful platform for comedy that’s been showcased everywhere from Baywatch to The Late Show with David Letterman. The Colorado native and enthusiastic Spurs fan plays Rivercenter with support from special guest Theo Taylor. $16, 8:30pm & 10:30pm Friday-Saturday, 8:30pm Sunday; Rivercenter Comedy Club, 849 E. Commerce St., (210) 229-1420.

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sacurrent.com • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • CURRENT 23

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24 CURRENT • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • sacurrent.com

ARTS + CULTURE

•

Carlos Guerrero learned his craft from a well-known border artist, not a university.

BRYAN RINDFUSS

CREATIVE PASSION

Civil attorney from Mexico moves to SA for the arts MARK REAGAN/@210REAGAN

Carlos Guerrero is like a lot of creative types from the Rio Grande Valley. He moved to San Antonio in search of a better life — as an artist.

He’s from Matamoros, a border city in Tamaulipas, Mexico, across the Rio Grande from Brownsville.

“I was a civil lawyer [in Mexico],” he says. “Over here I’m nothing.”

That’s not exactly true.

Guerrero is following his passion. He’s been in the Alamo City for five months and is getting by as a cook at a North Side restaurant.

“Well, it took me like five years to make this decision, because I was not sure,” he says. “OK, I have my day job as a lawyer. On the weekends I want to be an artist. And you cannot sell anything over there.”

He uses oil and acrylic paints, and paint markers to create vibrantly colored images of animals fused with geometric shapes and patterns, playing with lines and structure as he finds his way through compositions.

“I don’t really think I have a defined style. I get bored if I’m not trying new stuff and learning new techniques all the time,” Guerrero says. “My artwork is a constant journey of discovery for me, and I think the central idea behind my work is constant evolution.”

Right now, he says he’s exploring Aztec-themed images through portrait-style paintings of Mexico’s indigenous peoples.

One of his go-to animals to illustrate, however, is the bull.

“For me, it is such a precious animal,” Guerrero says.

“One of the things that manifests in my art, is I don’t like the killing of the bulls they do in Spain.”

Guerrero, who never attended college to study the arts, was lucky as a child. His mother encouraged his creativity.

“We were three children — one-year difference in each of us. We were like a storm for her. We were very hyper,” he says. “The one thing my mom did, is she put us in the art [sic], the three of us, so she could have a rest for two or three hours and we can go crazy doing art. And we did, for 10 or 11 years.”

But Guerrero’s mother also provided him with access to border artist Joaquin Garcia Quintana.

“Well, where I live, he is a famous painter in my city. My mom used to sell his art because my mom is an art lover, and he would teach us,” Guerrero says.

Quintana’s influence on Guerrero is apparent when listening to him speak about his teacher. And a quote from a June RGV Beyond Arts Magazine story about a show at the Harlingen Arts and Heritage Museum sheds light into Guerrero’s big leap to follow his work as an artist in San Antonio.

“Nobody chooses to be an artist, for art is a calling; a vocation. But art cannot be rushed. Nobody should expect instant success, for a college degree is only a license to initiate the process of maturing skill,” Quintana said during an interview with the magazine.

The other big take-away from Quintana for Guerrero is how he goes about creating a composition.

“My teacher once said, ‘Whatever you put there is whatever you are feeling inside, just go with it,’” Guerrero says.

And he certainly does.

“If I am stressed or I have problems, instead of doing something stupid, I go grab my paintings and just start to draw and paint,” he says. “And I go with whatever emotion it will let me out on. If I get frustrated or stressed, I just start to draw.”

That’s one side of it, but the other is that Guerrero

says he is a “hyper” person, and there are just so many different ways to create art, which fits well into his method.

“He [Quintana] told me there’s a thousand ways to do paintings, but it’s your time of expression,” he says.

While he hasn’t been in San Antonio long, his decision to pursue a future north of the border has already reaped positive results for his artistic endeavors.

“I had [my first show] at the Pipe Corner at South Alamo Street. It went good,” Guerrero says. “I sold two paintings. That was my first exhibition ever.”

Guerrero says he plans to continue trying to show his paintings and will ultimately pursue a law degree so he can practice in the states.

“It’s tough,” he says, “but I’m liking it here.” mreagan@sacurrent.com sacurrent.com • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • CURRENT 25

SCREENS

O COME, ALL YE FILMGOERS Which of the 8 new movies opening Christmas Day make the nice list?

KIKO MARTÍNEZ

With all the gift wrapping and corn husks you’ll probably be tearing through on Christmas Day, you might find it a bit difficult to sneak away for a couple of hours and watch something besides the annual A Christmas Story marathon on cable, or, if you know what’s good for you, A Very Murray Christmas on Netflix.

Still, if there’s time (or if it’s already a holiday tradition with your family and friends), swing by a local theater and check out a movie. The San Antonio Current was able to review seven of the eight new films opening in San Antonio this week. Left out in the cold: Point Break, the remake of the 1991 action flick starring Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze about two surfer bank robbers, was not screened for critics (usually never a good sign).

All the films listed below hit theaters Dec. 25 with the exception of The Big Short, which opens two days prior.

The Big Short (R) Filmmaker Adam McKay, best known for directing and writing broad and silly comedies like Anchorman and Talladega Nights, takes a swing at something a little more serious than Will Ferrell running butt-naked through the quad. Set a few years leading up to the 2008 financial crisis, the self-important drama places audiences at the center of a three-ring circus where a group of stock market experts (Steve Carell, Ryan Gosling, Christian Bale and pals) find out the housing market is about to implode and that they can make a lot of money on the misfortune of others. What McKay creates here is his version of an exaggerated The Wolf of Wall Street that registers as phony and too shallow for its own good.

Maybe that’s the point, but when the script spews out confusing financial jargon and then backtracks to explain economics by breaking down the fourth wall, it’s about as entertaining as listening to a comedian do a stand-up routine on predatory lending. HHH Carol (R) Director Todd Haynes (Far From Heaven) has produced an elegant and beautifully shot drama adapted from the novel The Price of Salt by Patricia Highsmith.

Anchored by understated performances from Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara, the lesbian love story set in New York City in 1952 follows aspiring photographer Therese (Mara) and her complicated relationship with Carol (Blanchett), an older woman going through a divorce and fighting for custody of her daughter.

Stunningly atmospheric and featuring eye-catching 26 CURRENT • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • sacurrent.com

•

Steve Carell gets serious in The Big Short.

•

Samuel L. Jackson returns for Tarantino's latest.

production and costume design, the romance can be stilted at times (how long is too long to stare longingly at someone?), but it’s hard not to appreciate the cinematic composition in its entirety. Carol will open exclusively at the Santikos Bijou. HHH Concussion (PG-13) It’s been seven years since actor Will Smith has taken on a full-fledged dramatic role. Although his last, 2008’s Seven Pounds, was a complete misfire, Smith has proven in past films like The Pursuit of Happyness and Ali that he is more than capable of carrying the weight. He reiterates his talent with a genuine performance as real-life forensic pathologist Dr. Bennet Omalu, who was the first person to uncover the alarming truth behind brain damage suffered by professional football players. Directed and written by Peter Landesman (Parkland), there is much to be desired when it comes to the emotional impact of the screenplay itself, but Smith brings out the best in this Hollywood-ized exposé on the NFL and is completely

•

This picture is in the dictionary next to "frustrating."

believable as the good doctor. Landesman, however, misses an opportunity to delve deeper into the football culture and explore why sports entertainment trumped science for so long. HHH Daddy’s Home (PG) If the offbeat dynamic between Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell had you rolling in the aisle with 2010’s The Other Guys, the unlikely duo provides more consistent laughs in this domestic comedy from filmmaker Sean Anders (That’s My Boy). Just when stepfather Brad (Ferrell) feels he has finally been accepted into the family by his wife’s two young kids, the compassionate radio executive is forced to fight for their affection and attention when their badass biological dad Dusty (Wahlberg) rides back into their lives to prove he’s still king of the castle. Playing the fool might come second nature to Ferrell at this point in his career, but with a little more heart in this movie it’s easier to sympathize with his character, much like Ben Stiller in Meet the

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Parents. There are moments around the halfway point where the gags lose steam, but the satisfying mishmash of broad and dry humor does the trick more often than not. HHH The Hateful Eight (R) Three years after Quentin Tarantino’s Oscar-winning Django Unchained opened on Christmas Day 2012, the controversial filmmaker delivers another Western bloodbath for fans to eat up this holiday season, this time a 3-hour epic (including prologue and intermission) set in post-Civil War Wyoming. With a strong blizzard bearing down, two bounty hunters, Major Marquis Warren (Samuel L. Jackson) and John Ruth (Kurt Russell), the latter chained to fugitive Daisy Domergue (Jennifer Jason Leigh), find shelter in a local haberdashery where they must keep their eyes on a motley crew of strangers with unknown intentions. As with most of Tarantino’s creations, the film is full of smartly written dialogue and absurd violence.

Different is the stage play quality it exhibits since most takes place in a single location. This might be secondtier Tarantino, but there’s plenty to enjoy, especially composer Ennio Morricone’s extraordinary score. The Hateful Eight will open exclusively at the Santikos Palladium in 70mm.

HHHH Joy (PG-13) After the success of the half-great Silver Linings Playbook and the terribly overrated American Hustle, filmmaker David O. Russell again calls on his reliable acting twosome, Jennifer

Lawrence and Bradley Cooper, for the least accessible of their films together. Based on the true-life story of entrepreneur Joy Mangano (Lawrence), the single mother who invented such products as the Miracle Mop, Russell’s film is dragged down by a confusing tone, but makes up for it with a satisfying look at the way Mangano built her business empire from the ground up. Although it’s obvious Russell would like Lawrence’s Mangano to emerge as the female version of Michael Corleone, there’s simply not enough unforced conflict to create a true sense of struggle. Where the film is most convincing is during the QVC portions of the story. Who knew ordering a set of Huggable Hangers on TV could be so exciting? HHH Youth (R) Save for the pair of formidable performances by actors Michael Caine and Harvey Keitel, this unconventional dramedy helmed by Italian director Paolo Sorrentino (The Great Beauty) is a compelling albeit frustrating mess.

Set in a vacation resort in the Swiss Alps, two longtime friends (Caine and Keitel), one a retired composer, the other a working filmmaker, reminisce about the past and meet a cast of surreal characters that add no real substance to the bizarre plot (or lack thereof). While the dreamlike imagery is lovely and attempting to solve Sorrentino’s ambiguous themes will probably help you develop a strong mental stamina, it’s not an experience many would consider unpretentious.

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FOOD

There’s no boatrocking at Brigid, just smooth seas JESSICA ELIZARRARAS/@JESSELIZARRARAS

As the year comes to a close, it’s fun to reflect on the best and worst of everything. But while 2015 held a fair share of lows (see: The Monterey’s closing, no James Beard Award nods in town) it also held a great deal of highs. One good note is the addition of Brigid to the Southtown area ,if not San Antonio as a whole. The first venture for chef Chris Carlson after leaving the Andrew Weissman Restaurant Group earlier this year, Brigid delivers on just about all fronts.

Having spent the better part of three decades largely unused, the South St. Mary’s Street space was turned into an industrial-chic nook that uses pleasant hues of blue and rich wood paneling. Since opening in early September, Brigid blends stark exposed walls, abstract artwork and a handful of well-placed windows to keep the space light, but formal. It uses its nooks and crannies effectively to create warmth and comfort — though you should avoid that first table during windy evenings.

It’s also worth noting that when it comes to service, Brigid sits pretty with a dozen or so other fine dining restaurants for its nearly impeccable service. The servers aren’t there to befriend you or be imposed by you — these professionals are there to

DAVID RANGEL

WELL DONE

provide excellent, well-informed service.

Hospitality done right, whether for lunch or dinner, is refreshing.

My official visits, one for lunch and another for dinner, were both pleasant.

Lunch included a taste of both the sashimi of scallops and pickled melons, and housecured salmon with red onions, capers and tart crème fraîche served with grilled bread.

Both were fresh, light and delicate starters for the main course.

I veered into beefy territory with the steak sandwich, an early favorite for close friends, and I would have to agree. The house-baked baguette is rich and just-so toasty, while the touch of horseradish adds a bite to the medium steak and great fries.

Get this if you’re feeling famished.

I was more impressed by Brigid come dinnertime this past Monday. The thing about Brigid, like Bohanan’s and Bliss and Silo before it, is that the food might not lean toward the latest trend, but it does cosistently deliver solid flavors.

We began the night with the smoky pork belly and pickled apples and a bowl of the roasted butternut squash soup.

Though the butternut was overpowered by a healthy dose of butter, the soup’s beyond velvety texture and crème fraîche quenelle dollop on top more than made up for it.

Entrees included the pan-roasted salmon and the pork chop on special.

Though the salmon isn’t something I’d usually order, my impeccably dressed dining companion (he gets bonus points for the suit and tie) was delighted with his order. The crispy and salty skin, made only more rich with the addition of salmon roe, was a nice complement to the perfectly cooked medium-rare fish. I still wouldn’t trade my pork chop, again prepared medium rare, and plated with all manners of demi swirls, dreamy mashed potato spreads, and dainty mushrooms.

Even though I didn’t make a reservation,

•

Trust your seafood to chef Chris Carlson

the open kitchen counter tipped off a few order), coconut and basil. cooks to my visit, which meant I got a tiny Yes, the bill was steeper than usual for add-on to my plate — a charred leek “nest” most Wednesday nights (or weekends for and an over-easy quail egg. Juxtaposed that matter), but the experience was one I comically next to my massive pork chop, haven’t had in quite some time. It’s hard to the nest was an adorable touch. find faults in near-perfect lighting, excellent Desserts meant ordering the butternut service and solid execution. So I won’t. squash mousse (I was on a roll) Make Brigid your next special with gingersnap crumbles and the occasion dining destination, even if Brigid sorbet trio of vibrant raspberry it means making up said festivities.

803 S. St. Mary’s St. (also available with the chocolate (210) 263-7885 tart, which you should definitely flavor@sacurrent.com brigidrestaurant.com

The Skinny: Chef Chris Carlson and most of his crew from Sandbar — both front and back of the house — try Modern American fare with winsome results. Best Bets: Anything seafood; chef’s years at Sandbar weren’t for not. Soups don’t disappoint either. Cost: $10-$34 for dinner, $7-$18 for lunch Hours: 11:30am-10pm Tue-Fri; 5-10pm Sat; 11am-4pm and 6-9pm Sunday

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6 Ways to Get Your Drink/Grub on This Week

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JESSICA ELIZARRARAS/@JESSELIZARRARAS LET US DO YOUR

Thursday, December 24 Christmas Eve Dinner: Let chef Lorenzo Morales and the staff at Old Main do the cooking this Christmas Eve. Two seatings are available with three courses of San Anto fare. Stop in for pierogi with truffled potato, buttered onions and crema; Christmas duck with heirloom carrots, turnips, potatoes and polenta; and a Big Ass Ranger cookie with sweetened milk. $35 per person, 6 and 8pm, 2512 N. Main Ave., (210) 562-3440, facebook.com/theoldmainassoc.

Christmas Eve at NAO: The newly reinvigorated Nao Latin Gastro Bar will host a prix-fixe menu with and without wine pairings. The three-course menu created by chef • Zach Garza includes a “Trio Latino” Let Zach Garza and NAO do the cooking. with a Venezuelan arepa, Colombian patacones and Peruvian anticuchos; choice of grilled beef sirloin, roasted gulf fish and roasted whole pumpkin with vegetables; and cazuelita de chocolate with caramelized plantains. $45 ($55 with wine pairings), 5-10pm, 312 Pearl Pkwy., (210) 554-6484, naorestaurant.com.

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Dinner at Zinc: Visit Robbie Nowlin for a three-course menu at Zinc, which will feature French onion soup with black winter truffle gratin crostini; dry-aged duck breast with carnaroli risotto, grilled asparagus and sour cherry demi glace; and Zinc brioche bread pudding with salted caramel and toffee ice cream. $25, 11ammidnight, 207 N. Presa St., (210) 224-2900, zincwine.com. The menu will also be available Christmas Day from 3pm to midnight.

Boiler House Christmas: Chef Jeff White will include special holiday dishes such as braised pork shank with goat cheese potato mousseline and salsa verde; black truffle caviar risotto and egg, and faro with quinoa salad and seascape cheese and pumpkin vinaigrette. The seasonal winter menu featuring roasted cod and castiron duck mole will also be available. Prices vary, 11am-10pm, 312 Pearl Pkwy., (210) 354-4644, boilerhousesa.com.

Friday, December 25 Christmas Day Brunch: Las Canarias celebrates Christmas morning with a classic breakfast buffet featuring made-to-order eggs and omelets, applewoodsmoked bacon, country sausage, waffles, classic quiche Lorraine, cinnamon apple blintzes and fresh melons and citrus from the Rio Grande Valley. The menu will also include a variety of starters, market-style salads, seafood and chef-carved meats. $72, 10am-6pm, 112 College St., (210) 518-1063.

Christmas Dinner: End Christmas on an excellent note with three delicious courses at Ostra inside the Mokara Hotel & Spa. Choose from seafood gumbo, blackened Texas redfish and more. $70, 5-10pm, 212 W. Crockett St., (210) 396-5817.

Send food- and nightlife-related events to flavor@sacurrent.com. sacurrent.com • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • CURRENT 31

NIGHTLIFE

LINDA ROMERO

DAVID RANGEL

to Sternewirth at Hotel Emma. To his casual-vibe TBA resumé, he can now add high-volume experience — but he hopes to be shaking there only part-time in the future as he has just accepted an offer to work with Jeret Peña’s Boulevardier Group “doing things I’m good at,” such as developing a wine program. When given the chance to mix a favorite cocktail of his own, he admits that “gin is my first love,” and he takes it back to the classic Martinez, a drink some think of as the precursor to the martini. His creative urges these days are also playing out with his wife, a pastry pro, and a fledgling business baking and delivering cookies. The cookies are also good.

Jake Corney, Jazz, TX

•Keep an eye on these master mixers going into 2016.

Joshua Brock, Sternewirth & The Old Main Assoc.

You can have all the technique in the world, but if you aren’t good with people … This, in a nutshell, is bearded Josh Brock’s approach to cocktails. Brock, 33, is a fallen-away liberal arts major who started in the hospitality industry: steak houses, coffee shops, some pastry experience … It was through a job at Boiler House Texas Grill & Wine Garden with James 32 CURRENT • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • sacurrent.com

Moore that he came to seriously know cocktails when Moore opened TBA. “I first learned the bar banter routine, then the cocktails,” he says. Bartenderabout-town Jonny Yumol was there at the time; “Josh is my protégé,” he says. Brock calls Yumol “my irritable sensei.” But irritation aside, he appreciates the discipline brought to bear in learning “proper technique, balance, grinding it in to make drinks consistent.”

As ‘tenders tend to do, Brock moved on, this time

At 28, Jake Corney will helm one of the most anticipated bar programs of 2016. No pressure, right?

Thankfully the bartender’s resume isn’t one to scoff at.

After serendipitously landing at Bohanan’s Prime Steaks & Seafood (during eldest brother Josh’s job interview), Corney worked his way up from server assistant to server and later barback before finally training under late, great cocktail consultant Sasha Petraske, a stickler for detail and service. It was at Bohanan’s Bar that he met his future boss, Brent “Doc” Watkins, who will lead the charge in opening Jazz, TX at the Pearl next April.

“We would always talk and hangout ... and I’d make them something different, like a negroni, but I would change and experiment on the band,” Corney, who also adds founding large-format ice purveyor H&C Ice Company and opening Paramour to his resume, says.

The experiments continue as the cocktail menu comes together to match themed nights — salsa and Texas swing are already in the works — and chef Lorenzo Gomez’s fare, which could mean anything from fried rattlesnake poppers to fried pork chops to chicken parmesan.

“We want the menu to stay very fluid, but with the same kind of structure to build anything on top of it,” Corney said. “We’re going to keep it fresh, lively, classic.”

NIGHTLIFE

DAVID RANGEL

Roy Dutton, Paramour Five years in the Army, including two tours in Afghanistan, “gives you global perspective,” says Roy Dutton. But apart from the ability to be cool under fire, the experience doesn’t necessarily suggest bartending as a career. Dutton’s opportunity came when he moved from doing security at a bar to pouring drinks behind one. That first job was at the Faust Hotel in New Braunfels where a new owner was turning the historic property around. “I started reading, learning mechanics.

The devil is in the details,” he says, “and I was looking to push myself, to grow.” The next opportunity came through a friend who knew Chris Ware, Paramour’s manager.

Ware is also a stickler for detail, and there were three solid weeks of training, including dilution ratios, temperature and more. “To be honest, everybody here is really critical, but they took me in and helped me learn the recipes and establish good habits,” says Dutton.

He’s apparently a quick study, as not only do his habits look impeccable, but he likes doing bespoke drinks and can improvise on the spot if you should say, “Oh, start with rye, don’t be afraid of bitter components” … And he’s not averse to tweaking if someone (ahem) might opine that the Frangelico was coming on a little strong. A quick, military pivot to amaretto, and all was well. Word to the consumer: watch and learn, too. The reason for adding extra ice to the stirring glass is to “trap the cold air.” Gotta love cocktail geeks.

Ben Guerra, The Old Main Assoc.

Tattoos seem to be a condition of employment at The Old Main Assoc, Jeret Peña’s fourth bar concept, this time in Monte Vista. Ben Guerra got his at age 19 after he moved out of home. “I was young and rebellious then,” he says. Now 26, he also admits to another rebellious act, that of dropping his studies in pharmacology at Northwest Vista. “I hated sitting in a lab,” he says. You could counter that he’s traded one lab for another (insert self-medication reference), but first there was some dishwashing penance to be paid at Sushi Zushi on 1604.

“They looked at me funny when I said I wanted to move up to bartending,” he recalls — but they let him.

Guerra’s solid, staccato shake is likely a result of the three years spent there — as is his burgeoning creativity.

“They gave me some free rein,” he says.

That creativity is now being put to good use on Old Main’s new menu. The seasonal Here’s Looking at You (AKA Drag King), for example, boasts roasted pear that steeps in bourbon with cinnamon sticks and is finished with lemon and whiskey bitters. But as cool as imagining new drinks may be, from the consumer end, the ability to listen — and not just to the ice in the shaking tin — is maybe even more important. Feel free to fill him in on your likes and dislikes. And keep track of him as he evolves. He says he may help manager Steve Martín at Rumble when it opens on N. St. Mary’s St. Just one more move up the non-lab ladder.

Olaf Harmel, Smoke & Stir At 44, Harmel is learning to not waste time. He puts it succinctly, “I finally came out of my shell.”

After moving to San Antonio in 2009 and helping open Mons Thai and Bar Du Mon Ami on Broadway, he occupied the landing nook bar at Blue Box from 2011 through early 2015. Harmel helped open Brigid (read more about that on page 29), and through several conversations, Harmel came on board as beverage director for the group responsible for China Garden, Smoke, PopUp For A Purpose and Stir (formerly Hidden Dragon).

For that operation, he’s simplifying cocktails and making them approachable for the dining set, instead of trying to make the cocktails overpower the restaurant experience.

“I’d rather a good cocktail be a surprise, that complements the meal,” Harmel said at Stir on a recent Wednesday.

Downtown dwellers that miss made-to-order cocktails or just seeing Harmel’s calming aura behind the service well won’t have to wait a whole lot longer as “Big” Smoke opens this February inside the former Ruth’s Chris near Sunset Station. The menu there will closely resemble that of Smoke in Stone Oak, with slight tweaks. Though he literally stopped himself several times from divulging details on the slated basement bar — “no, I probably shouldn’t say,” is quite literally the most frustrating thing a writer can hear — Harmel insists on approachable and malleable menus going forward.

“There’s never just one way to do something.” sacurrent.com • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • CURRENT 33

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NIGHTLIFE

DANCING SPECTERS

The Phantom Room’s got your dancing needs covered ALEXIS BARNHART

There’s nothing better than a good basement bar. Not stuffy or exclusive, and yet a step-up from college bars of yore, these kinds of pubs generally attract laid-back customers and have affordable prices to boot. Enter the Phantom Room.

Owned by the same people behind Faust and several other ventures along the St. Mary’s Strip, the Phantom Room was said to have a similar spooky vibe and eclectic crowd. It was also supposed to have a club feel — local DJs and musicians often perform into the early morning hours. Despite not actually being located in a basement, I was eager to check it out.

I arrived on a Thursday night at 9 p.m. on the dot, right at the beginning of happy hour. What I didn’t realize was that it wasn’t just the start of happy hour — it was also the time the Phantom Room opened for the night. Needless to say, I was the first one at the bar. I even arrived before some of the staff.

I was greeted by a bouncer, who looked surprised to see me — my car was one of the three in the parking lot.

We chatted as he scanned my ID, and he described the layout of the old-looking wooden building.

Split into two rooms, each with a distinct design and lit by saint candles and lanterns, the Phantom Room(s) seemed almost unearthly. Lines of veladoras rested on the walls, and various saints’ faces gazed at me somberly through flickers of flame light. A DJ booth was in the back of the room, and a large picture of the Virgin Mary was displayed on the wall by his side.

Because I was the first customer, the friendly bartender and I chatted for a while. He told me that last night (a Wednesday) had been much busier and that usually people don’t show up until about 11 p.m. Since I was already there, I decided that even though I was alone, I might as well enjoy a drink.

The Phantom Room’s happy hour menu was scant and straightforward: Deep Eddy drinks for $3.50 and $4 Crown Royal. Some nights, happy hour lasts all night long, and the deals usually revolve around $2-3 well drinks or local beer. That night, craving something light, I stuck with Deep Eddy Lemon mixed with water. The bartender recommended it, swearing it tasted just like lemonade. I definitely won’t be bringing that cocktail to office picnics anytime soon, but it was refreshing.

I stayed at the Phantom Room until 1 a.m., and only at around midnight did more people begin to show up. By then, the DJ was mixing just-old-enough-to-be-nostalgic throwbacks of early 2000s songs. Around that time, the energy changed. The Phantom Room became less

•

Phantom Room during the San Antonio Music Awards showcase party

gets the worm, right?). In essence, check their Facebook or mellow and more upbeat — it finally felt more like a club.

Instagram before showing up to get the most out of your trip.

While the bar still wasn’t packed by any means, a few As I left, I couldn’t resist snapping a picture of a neon people were dancing, although most of the groups were outline of Our Lady of Guadalupe. Her fluorescent green talking and laughing around the perimeters of the room. hands folded in prayer bid me adieu on my way out, and Busier weekend nights probably see a lot more dancing.

I almost wanted to make the sign of the cross. That was If you want to party with funky DJs and the icons on the allure of the Phantom Room: the slightly spooky feel the wall, you’ll have to do your research. Though the mixed with a basement-club atmosphere created an Phantom Room opened last spring, they don’t have a undeniable charm. website. They do have a Facebook page and Instagram I didn’t know what to expect from the Phantom Room. account, where performers and happy hour deals are In truth, I’m not much of a club girl. With an intriguing vibe listed a few times a week. and reasonable drink prices, the Phantom Room The Phantom Room social media pages has all the pieces to make a great bar, but I’m not sometimes boast that there is no cover on certain The Phantom sure I would visit again before midnight. That said, nights. On the Thursday that I went, there was no Room for clubbing enthusiasts, the Phantom Room has cover, but that could have been because I arrived 2114 N. St. Mary’s St. definitely earned its spot on the St. Mary’s Strip. at the same time as the bouncer (the early bird 9pm-2am sacurrent.com • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • CURRENT 35

NIGHTLIFE

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The nihilist in me does not care money. What follows is a hilarious and — about the The Big Lebowskiat times — heart-wrenching journey of The themed bar in a strip center at Dude and his bowling buddies. the intersection of Thousand Oaks and Bringing us back to whether The Jones Maltsberger.

Dude would abide at The Ringer, The lover of happy hour specials, maybe. The only real issues would clean bathrooms and friendly bars, probably be the lack of a bowling alley however, does like The Ringer Pub — and that if you aren’t from the area, it’s said Dude-centric bar. hard to spot the bar (Hint: it’s in the But is it truly a place where far corner of the strip center).

The Dude would abide?

For what it is, The Ringer Maybe not. Granted, Pub is a solid, though the walls are adorned small, bar. with all-things Duderino, When I visited during a but that’s really as far recent Happy Hour, my tab as it goes, aside from a didn’t hurt my wallet and shuffle board-like bowling my thirst was quenched. game and small bowling Happy Hour runs from table game. The bartender, 2 to 8 p.m. Monday through who was nice and helpful, was Friday and from noon to 8 p.m. dressed regularly — no bowling shirt or Saturday and Sundays. Domestics anything of that sort. And there weren’t and wells — they have a solid any drink specials — aside from the selection — are $2. There are $3 White Russians ($4 every day, and Fireball shots and, again, $4 White damn good) — that were named after Russians all day, every day. characters (a Walter’s Manischewitz There are several TVs, one was could be one) or that had a connection playing the movie. People filtered in to the legendary movie. and out. Bar-goers were nice, and To briefly take you back to the everyone there was popping 1998 flick, Jeffrey “The Dude” in for a drink after work.

Lebowski (played by Jeff Bridges) The Ringer Pub So is The Ringer Pub truly is mistaken for a millionaire whose 2826 Thousand Oaks Drive worthy of The Dude? Only if (210) 530-1319 porn star wife was “kidnapped” theringerpub.com the stoner Lebowski can find it and there’s goofy group of nihilists 2pm-2am Mon-Fri and it isn’t a league night.

Noon-2am Sat-Sun who think The Dude has the mreagan@sacurrent.com

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38 CURRENT • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • sacurrent.com

NIGHTLIFE

TIME FOR A COCKTAIL Five years since its inception, the San Antonio Cocktail Conferences keeps tweaking JESSICA ELIZARRARAS/@JESSELIZARRARAS

The San Antonio Cocktail Conference: cocktail lovers can’t wait for it, and newbies need several lessons in not overdoing it.

Whichever camp you may be in, you’re probably not ready for what’s slated for the fifth annual celebration of all things shaken, stirred or served neat.

The conference officially runs from January 14 through 17, but the imbibing starts far sooner with intimate, spirit-centric dinners (Lüke San Antonio, Shuck Shack, Bohanan’s, Citrus, Ruth’s Chris Steak House, Mixtli, Cured, Folc, Market On Houston and Il Sogno Osteria are all hosting brand ambassadors) for evenings of ‘tails and tales. The bourbon-fueled kick-off at Two Bros.

BBQ Market is back on Tuesday for fans of ‘cue and whiskey, but they event will face some competition.

The return of Speed Rack, an all-female bartender competition that seeks the most agile and competent shakers around (for those not in the know, the last three Speed Rack winners from Texas — Paramour’s Karah Carmack, Barbaro’s Elisabeth Forsythe and Esquire Tavern’s Zulcoralis Rodriguez have hailed from our fair city) returns to San Antonio on Tuesday at the St. Anthony Hotel will likely draw a crowd. The high-energy tournament is technically not part of the conference, but definitely worth attending if you’re a fan of empowered babes mixing four classic cocktails in less than two minutes.

Women Shaking It Up, a new event for 2016 at Arneson River Theater at La Villita will feature the screening of the Women of the Tin, a Kindform film, produced by Jeret Peña that highlights local females in the industry. After the screening, the night will feature food and drink from the female chefs and bartenders.

Because #girlbosses are a thing, and it’s fuckin’ awesome.

A major change to this year’s party lineup is the price decrease for Thursday’s Opening Night at the Majestic, the swanky and swinging soiree is now $85 (it was the priciest ticket last year). This is the ticket for party-goers

•

San Anto’s weeklong celebration of cocktails turns five.

who want to throw on their glitziest garb, and hobnob under the gaze of the white peacock while trying dozens of cocktails on the Majestic’s stage and lobbies.

My favorite event by far was Friday night’s Waldorf on the Prairie inside the St. Anthony, which occupied a large footprint of this glamorous (and newly renovated) hotel. At $120 per person, the event brings together eclectic chefs and cuisines from across the region, and of course, all the cocktails you can drink. Side note: Uber and Lyft are back in action. Don’t be a dummy — leave your car at home.

Those looking to dip their toes into cool cocktail waters will want to visit this year’s revamped Tasting Suites inside the Hotel Valencia and Frost Building. A highlight of last year’s conference, the tasting room will feature multiple suites with “thoughtfully organized” spirits and brands. For $45, visitors can pick up swag from their favorite brand, and check out trends for the next few years from noon to 4 p.m. The suites come in as the most relaxed event outside of the Friendly Beer Break, which takes place concurrently from 2 to 4 p.m. at The Friendly Spot (943 S. Alamo St.).

Saturday night’s Stroll on Houston — this cedar fever sufferer’s nightmare — will feature a larger perimeter in addition to the bookend parties at Bohanan’s Restaurant & Bar and Lüke San Antonio. Andrew Weissman’s Sip will open for the night, and an Irish pub will pop-up in the empty space next door, while the IBC Plaza, Sheraton Gunter Hotel and Hotel Valencia join the festivities. It’ll be worth the multiple pumps of Flonase.

I can’t say I’ve ever made it to the day-after brunch — the collective hangover by day 4 usually keeps me in bed until mid-afternoon. But this year’s “Hair of the Dog That Bit Ya’” brunch will mirror the format of Houston Street Charities’ previous picnic events in blocking off Houston Street between Navarro and St. Mary’s. If you’re skipping out on the other parties and prefer to booze during the day, the Sunday morning event (11:30 a.m. to 2 p.m.) will include a mimosa and michelada bar, live music and brunch baskets available for pre-order from Market on Houston.

Here’s to more booze, babes, brunches and bigger parties in 2016. flavor@sacurrent.com sacurrent.com • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • CURRENT 39

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Trends — the inevitable year-end survey. But here’s the thing: when activated charcoal makes its way into drinks and obscure preparations such as oleo saccharum (citrus peel plus sugar) appear in mainstream mags such as Bon Appetit (December ’15), it’s time to reassess. The next trend, I would like to predict, but instead just fervently propose, is going back to basics. Hence the next three walk-before-you-run drinks. Master them. Ask for them.

Might as well start with the martini; its age, some say over 150 years, gives it way-back creds. It’s also allegedly simple — but hold on: Do you really know what constitutes a classic?

For starters, it has nothing to do with vodka. Never. And it also eschews that past-its-prime vermouth in the cabinet over the refrigerator. It’s stirred, not shaken, despite James Bond (who got everything wrong). I recently tried a version that was equal parts gin and dry vermouth, and though it’s good, it’s not for newbies. Simply whispering “vermouth” in the vicinity is no good, either. So here goes: Into a mixing glass measure 3 ounces gin (Plymouth, for example), 1 ounce dry Vermouth (Dolin) and a good shake of orange bitters. Then add ice fresh from the freezer. Stir until the outside of the glass or tin is quite cold, then strain into a chilled martini glass. Garnish with lemon peel first squeezed over the glass. Olives are OK if you promise to

stop at two — more than that and you’re on the slippery slope to dirty.

The Daiquiri: oh, the indignities it has suffered. You will suspect that we’re not talking Bourbon Street frozen slush. And it’s not Papa Hemingway’s super-charged version — though feel free to try it after you’ve made this with the best rum you can muster: Into a shaker, measure 2 ounces white rum, 1 ounce freshly squeezed lime juice and 1 ounce simple syrup; fill with ice and shake vigorously to a rumba beat. Strain into a chilled coupe and garnish with a lime wheel. Some perfectly reasonable people prefer dark rum, others a little less sweetener. Suit yourself here (Editor’s Note: Slam it just for kicks.)

The Manhattan: bad things have happened to this classic over the years, as well — a fruit salad’s worth of garnishes, for example. I’m instead suggesting really good brandied/ preserved cherries (three max) such as Luxardo or the more-savory locally produced ones from Taste Elevated.

Into a mixing glass or tin measure 2 ounces rye (or go “crazy” with 100 proof if you like), 1 ounce sweet red vermouth such as Carpano Antica and two dashes Angostura bitters. Add ice and stir until frosty, strain into a chilled coupe and add the cherries — on a pick or not.

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DISTILLERIES TO KNOW 3 makers to keep an eye on in 2016 RON BECHTOL

The number of craft breweries in San Antonio and surrounding areas, well over a dozen at last count, continues to burgeon at a rate that might someday give us back “Brewing Center of Texas” bragging rights. The investment in time and equipment required to get a craft spirit out the door makes distilling an industry unlikely to catch up. But that hasn’t stopped three visionary (or lunatic, take your pick), enterprises from giving it a go (and I recently learned that the folks at Real Ale in Blanco have begun distilling whiskey and gin). One started logically with beer; the other two simply threw caution to the wind. Support them for, on the one hand, they know not what they do, and on the other, they have come to know quite a lot.

Alamo Premium Distillery Noel Burns and Anthony Caplinger are the latest loonies to take the plunge. Burns, with a background in chemistry, and Caplinger, coming out of the liquor retail business, opened Alamo Premium Distillery about five months ago, and they already have product on shelves around the state. Starting with un-aged spirits — a corn and grain-based moonshine and a rum made with Texan sugar — made sense from an economic and learningcurve standpoint, but the two are hard at work (around the clock if the folding bed in the office is any indication) on an aged dark rum and two whiskies — one’s a “Texas craft original.” Their spotless space near the airport is convertible from column- to pot-style, so they can easily select the kind of distillation required for each spirit.

But the rest is all experimentation. The dark rum, for example, is maturing in plastic containers with hand-cut staves of fallen, local live oak. (Some think maturation not in white oak barrels is heresy, but the proof is in the taste — already impressive, and in the hyper-local appeal of native oak.)

Start looking for the new products in 2016. “Our goal is to turn out high-quality, high-volume at a moderate price,” says Burns. So far, so good.

Dorcol Distilling Company Boyan Kalusevic and Chris Mobley, the partners behind Dorcol Distilling and makers of Kinsman rakia, are also among the caution-to-the-wind contingent. Not only did the duo build a distillery from the ground-up on South Flores, but their first product was an un-aged, apricot-based brandy — timehonored in Kalusevic’s native Serbia

•

The Dorcol guys have added a third partner and new line of products.

but unknown here. Somehow, though, the enterprise has not only survived but thrived. Kinsman took home Best American Brandy honors at a 2014 Chicago competition, and it can be found on shelves and in bars not only all over San Antonio but in hot spots such as The Townsend in Austin and Anvil Bar and Refuge in Houston. Accordingly, the guys have been inspired to develop new products. Currently in the works is an apricot rakia aging in used sherry barrels from La Cruz de Comal Wines and a new, Muscat-based brandy from grapes sourced at Bending Branch Winery. The Dorcol guys launched their new line of High Wheel beers at a recent second anniversary party – complete with an actual, and gorgeous, high-wheel bike. I tasted all four and came away favoring the profound porter for its deep coffee/chocolate flavors coupled to a light body and the IPA for its justhoppy-enough zing married to pretty citrus notes. The pale ale was crisp, refreshing and eminently, year ‘round quaffable. As for the saison, despite its seasonality, its still not a favorite of mine, but I await spring. Must be the clove and bubblegum. For now they’ll be available only at the brewery in kegs and on tap at the adjacent bar. Now that there’s grain

in the mix, who knows what might logically follow on the distillation side. Cycle on down.

Ranger Creek Brewing & Distilling “We’re jockeying with Garrison Brothers [in Hye] for the oldest Texas bourbon in current release,” says Mark McDavid. “Right now, ours is the oldest at four years seven months.” That’s almost as old as the Ranger Creek “brewstillery” operation, which just celebrated its five-year anniversary. McDavid and his active partner T.J. Miller began their operation as a brewery with complementary spirits firmly in mind, and with eagerly awaited seasonal beer releases and best-of-show and best-in-class national spirits awards won in 2014 and 2015, both aspects of the business seem to be doing very well. The partners initially did some of their distilling experimentation in small barrels for faster results, but “this year was spent distilling in large barrels,” says McDavid. The intent is also to produce straight bourbon with two to four years of age as a year-round — and more popularly priced — complement to the longer-aged whiskeys. But specialty products won’t be ignored: they’re also playing with at-the-distillery-only spirits that may coincide with those seasonal beer profiles — one with coffee bean, vanilla and chicory being currently used in cocktails, (think Manhattan) at the tasting bar Saturdays from 5-9 p.m. “We plan to keep experimenting … we might find a gem [for regular production],” says McDavid. We suspect they might. sacurrent.com • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • CURRENT 43

NIGHTLIFE

LAUREN SALGUERO

TRUE WINO

How to fake being a wine snob RON BECHTOL

Truism: The best way to come across as somebody who knows wine — snobbism optional — is to actually know something. But assuming you aren’t intent on becoming a Master Sommelier there are a few things that can be done to speed up the process. Books, for example. Pre-eminent among them is Kevin Zraly’s Windows on the World Wine Course, now in its 25th anniversary edition. Read it, then get out and taste.

Or just start cold turkey at the regular wine tastings at retail outlets such as Saglimbeni Fine Wine and Bergheim Cellars. Twin Liquors actually has classrooms at some locations for more structured explorations such as Spanish 101.

But here’s my favorite, quasi-educational ploy: sit yourself down in front of a bartender at a restaurant with a good wine list and start drinking your way through the wines-by-the-glass selection. Once a sense of what you like develops, ask to be pointed in the direction of similar wines, maybe from a different region. I like dealing with actual people, but there are of course apps for that. Plonk says things like “if you liked X then you might also like Y.” 44 CURRENT • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • sacurrent.com

But let’s say you really do want to fake it. Here, in no particular order, are some attitudes and tips that will either impress or piss off your friends.

primetime. Besides, decanters look cool, and they allow for learned observations on color and clarity. Hints of ruby, for example …

The red-with-meat, white-with-fish dictum: While generally true, the Wine Snob will want to feign indifference. Declare, correctly, that you’d prefer a red wine with that grilled salmon. Pinot Noir from, say, New Zealand, is always a good bet — as is Beaujolais from the Village level or above. Same goes for meat where dry Riesling (more points for choosing Austria, New York or Washington) can often be called into play — maybe not for a grilled steak but certainly for chicken, veal, rabbit, rare roast beef or most cured meats. When in doubt, rosé. And always bubbles.

Sending Back Wine: This is a high-stakes snob gamble, but it’s sometimes fully warranted. The subtler effects of “corkiness,” the defect coming from a flawed cork, are often difficult to assess — maybe just a damping down of character. But learn to detect the aromas of old gym socks if you aren’t already intimate with them: this is a sure sign of a flawed wine. Should you detect vinegary aromas, you might casually mention “a whiff of volatile acidity.” Calling it “VA” is even snobbier yet.

Wine temperature: Conventional wisdom has it that reds are served at “room temperature” and whites chilled.

Not so fast. Texas temp is not what the rule-makers had in mind, and most reds will benefit from a little chilling.

The inverse goes for whites. Only light-bodied wines with little complexity (memorize that word) should be served straight out of the refrigerator or ice bucket. Asking the server to leave the bottle out of the ice — at least for a while — can score points. Its bouquet (another snob word) will develop as will your prestige.

Decanting: While it’s true that decanting is helpful with old wines that might have “thrown” a little sediment, it’s also useful in other situations — especially in the taming of young reds. Pouring them into a decanter with appropriate glugging flourish wakes up a recalcitrant wine, often turning it into something more ready for

Wines from obscure regions: Nothing says snob more than flaunting an unfamiliar wine region. So for starters, let’s go Greek. Most people are still living back in the resin-bomb retsina age, so big points for knowing that there is way more out there. Practice saying “I think an Assyrtiko (ass-SEEHR-tee-koh) from Santorini would be perfect with the marinated shrimp.” It’s a crisp, fullbodied white that would actually work, by the way.

Negociant: Knowing the French term for wine merchant/ importer gets you instant snob points, but it’s also useful in that certain negociants are very good at assembling and selecting wines from diverse producers. Look for Kermit Lynch, Neal Rosenthal, Terry Theise and Jorge Ordóñez, among others. These names don’t guarantee winners, but they will get you closer than you deserve.

Bonus tip: If presented a cork, ignore it. None of us can afford the aged wines that sniffing one implies.

sacurrent.com • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • CURRENT 45

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226-OINK 46 CURRENT • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • sacurrent.com

NIGHTLIFE

BEER BUDS

History buffs will love San Antonio Beer JESSICA ELIZARRARAS/@JESSELIZARRARAS

The subject matter for San Antonio Beer, written by Jeremy Banas and Travis E. Poling, two former Bottle & Tap columnists, is simple enough. Published

by Arcadia Publishing and History Press and available where most books are sold these days ($21.99 and yes, there are still a couple Barnes & Noble stores in town), San Antonio Beer leaves you jazzed for what’s to come in 210 beers. But the best part of the book, and what the authors are able to fully capture, is the city’s rich brew history.

San Antonio Beer is broken down into nine small chapters, and they start, obviously, on the banks of the Comal with the life and times of Julius Rennert, who opened Rennert Brewery in New Braunfels. But the book really gets going in its Pearl chapters that discuss the five “periods” the area has gone through from its early start with J.B. Belohradsky’s City Brewery, and later as the San Antonio Brewing Association under the direction of Otto Koehler. Considering the Pearl’s current state of active renewal, it’s enthralling to read about how the buildings that occupy some of my favorite eateries were built.

Highlights, of course, include the story of the Three Emmas, which really leaves Otto looking like a grade-A fool.

No spoilers here, but you’ll want to read that portion much like you’d watch an episode of Maury. Though the book labels his death as “tragic,” I would lean more toward “karma.” San Antonio Beer does a great job of describing Emma’s (the original) time as the company’s saving grace. Hop-heads,

•

A concise look at SA’s nutty brew history

both male and female, will get a kick out of learning more about this leader’s tenure at SABC. The author’s relaxed but authoritative style is especially appealing. The book could come across as a bore, but instead cherry-picks great stories from across the city’s brew history to set several scenes.

The chapters aptly labeled “Resurgence” and “Beer Boom” do an excellent job of covering craft beer’s growth spurt in San Antonio from the opening of the Flying Saucer Draught Emporim to the upcoming OK Brewery & Eishaus at Yanaguana Gardens.

If you don’t get this book for Christmas, pick up a copy and make visiting each brewery listed a resolution for 2016 — for posterity. flavor@sacurrent.com sacurrent.com • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • CURRENT 47

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48 CURRENT • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • sacurrent.com

NIGHTLIFE

DRINK LISTINGS 2016 20nine Restaurant & Wine Bar // Take your bourgeoisie wine friend and grab a pizza. Stop by between 3 and 6 p.m. for 25 percent of all wine, appetizers and pies. 255 E. Basse Road, (210) 7989463, 20ninewine.com 2015 Place // A laid back neighborhood bar where everyone is friendly. Make it your Cheers. 2015 San Pedro Ave., (210) 733-3365 502 Bar // Enjoy great drink specials at one of the best live music venues in the city.

The acoustics are great. 502 Embassy Oaks, Suite 138, (210) 257-8125, 502bar.com Alamo Street Eat Bar // The perfect place to watch Los Spurs, sip a reasonably priced brew and grab some munchies from a variety of food trucks. 609 S. Alamo St., (210) 224-2337, alamostreeteatbar.com Alamo Ice House // Get your country on and enjoy a cold one at the Alamo Ice House, located in Downtown.

802 N. Alamo St., (210) 758-5151, alamoicehouse.com Alberico Fine Wine // Located at The Yard at Olmos Park, Alberico’s features an extensive wine list. Wine for everyone!

5221 McCullough Ave., (210) 320-8466, albericofinewine.com Alibis Sports and Spirits // Situated in a 19th century building in St. Paul Square, Alibis is great place to enjoy a drink without spending all your hard-earned money. 1141 E. Commerce St., (210) 2255552, alibisbar.com Azúca Nuevo Latino // Groove to some Latin music and drink all the sangria your heart desires. Oh, and the patio is awesome. 713 S. Alamo St., (210) 225-5550, azuca.net Aztec Lounge // This historic and architecturally stunning space features some awesome concerts, affordable drink prices and cheap entry. 280 W. Crockett St., (210) 201-3301, azteclounge.com Bar 1919 // If it’s too cool for a sign, that probably means the drinks are spot on (which they are). Try the strawberry Serrano shots, so delicious. 1420 S. Alamo St., Suite 001, (210) 227-1420, facebook. com/1919sa

Bar 601 // You might have to wait for the elevator, but the view from the 750-foot-tall Tower of Americas, and its happy hour specials, will be worth it. 601 Hemisfair Park, (210) 223-3101, toweroftheamericas.com ▲ Bar America // Good ol’ Bar America. It’s a no frills bar perfect for when no one in your group can agree on where to go. 723 S. Alamo St., (210) 223-7462, facebook. com/bar.america.satx Barbaro // With a full bar and creative pizza toppings, you can’t really go wrong at this neighborhood pub. 2720 McCullough Ave., (210) 320-2261, barbarosanantonio.com Bar du Mon Ami // Bar du Mon Ami has a cozy ambiance, knowledgeable bartenders and excellent cocktails. 4901 Broadway, (210) 740-9229, facebook.com/ bardumonami

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Barflys // Well, it’s a sports bar with a bit of an older crowd, but it’s a good place to watch the game and drink a cheap beer.

8503 Broadway, Suite 110, (210) 277-7202, facebook.com/barflys1 Beethoven Maennerchor Halle und Garten // Perfect for when you want to grab a nice German beer and hear the house choirs sing. 422 Pereida St., (210) 222-1521, beethovenmaennerchor.com Betty’s Battalion // A low-key militaryfriendly bar where all are welcome to partake in inexpensive libations. 1524 E. Grayson St., (210) 227-9255, bettysbn.com Big Hops Growler Station // Try some craft brews then take home a growler of your fave. Multiple locations, bighops.com Blue Box Bar // Enjoy handcrafted, classic cocktails at Blue Box (named after the blue cooler Pearl Brewery employees met at after work for a cold one). 312 Pearl Pkwy., (210) 227-2583, facebook.com/ blueboxatpearl Blue Star Brewing Company // Located in the Blue Star Arts Complex, Blue Star features their brewed-in-house beers and a new menu we are pretty CONTINUED ON PAGE 50 ►

sacurrent.com • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • CURRENT 49

NIGHTLIFE

◄ CONTINUED FROM PAGE 49 LINDA ROMERO

psyched about. It was about time. 1414 S. Alamo St., Suite 105, (210) 212-5506, bluestarbrewing.com The Bar at Bohanan’s // Found on the ground floor of Mark Bohanan’s steakhouse, the Bar has classy décor and equally classy cocktails. You might want to dress up. 219 E. Houston St., (210) 4722202, bohanansbar.com Boiler House Texas Grill & Wine Garden // This little piece of Texas history, located in the Pearl District, features an evolving wine list and a great patio built to enjoy the warm weather (except for about a few months out of the year). 312 Pearl Pkwy., Building 3, (210) 354-4644, boilerhousesa.com Bombay Bicycle Club // A Trinity staple with a chill atmosphere and sweet daily drink specials. 3506 N. St. Mary’s St., (210) 737-2411, bombaybicycleclubsa.com Bond’s 007 Rock Bar // The website boasts that it is “home of the big ass beer.” Enjoy one while rockin’ out. 450 Soledad St., (210) 225-0007, bonds007rockbar.com The Bonham Exchange // It may not be as happening as it used to be, but with three dance floors, weekly entertainment and daily drink specials your night surely won’t be boring. 411 Bonham, (210) 2249219, bonhamexchange.net Bottom Bracket Social Club // The live music is good, the bartenders are friendly, and there’s a surprisingly good selection of beers. It’s your new favorite dive bar.

1603 N. Colorado St., (210) 267-9160, facebook.com/bottombracketsocialclub

16620 US 281 N. • 210.572.9307 sherlockspub.com 50 CURRENT • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • sacurrent.com

Brass Monkey // From indie music nights to Selena nights, this dance bar located on the St. Mary’s strip never has a cover and is always a great place to show off your dance moves. 2702 N. St. Mary’s St., (210)

480-4722, facebook.com/brassmonkeytx Broadway 5050 // When you don’t want to dress up and just want a beer, go here. 5050 Broadway, (210) 832-0050, broadway5050.com The Brooklynite // The atmosphere is unbeatable and the cocktails are crazy good. 516 Brooklyn Ave., (210) 444-0707, thebrooklynitesa.com Claude Hopper’s // A relax and chill beer garden, featuring 48 beers on tap. Choose wisely. 19178 Blanco Road, (210) 479-5445, claude-hoppers.com Club Rio // If you’re not into EDM, you should probably avoid this place at all cost.

If you are, get VIP bottle service, drink up and dance. 13307 San Pedro Ave., (210) 403-2582, club-rio.net Club Sirius // Not the best place to carry on a conversation (which can sometimes be a good thing), but they’ve got beats and inexpensive drinks for being so close to the River Walk. 228 Losoya St., (210) 2233722, drinksirius.com Cobalt Club // Head to this LGBT dive bar in Tobin Hill for both a diverse crowd and music as early as 7 a.m. 2022 McCullough Ave., (210) 734-2244 ▲ Concrete Jungle // If you are into overthe-top, really awesome tiki drinks, head to the jungle. 1628 S. Presa St., (210) 3739907, facebook.com/tikiconcretejungle Copa Wine Bar & Tasting Room // In the land of Stone Oak you’ll find a laid back wine bar (yes, those exist) with a great happy hour (half-priced select appetizers and 25 percent off beer and wine).

19141 Stone Oak Pkwy., (210) 495-2672, thecopawinebar.com CONTINUED ON PAGE 53►

B U P T S A X

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121 BROADWAY • (210)271-1058 sacurrent.com • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • CURRENT 51

52

Coming January 2016

106 Pershing Ave 52 CURRENT • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • sacurrent.com

53 NIGHTLIFE

TILL

76 TAPS

7 DAYS A WEEK

CRAFT BREW

KID & DOGGIE

&

FRIENDLY EATS

MIDNIGHT

◄ CONTINUED FROM PAGE 50 JAIME MONZON

FRIENDLY

OF

OVER 400 BOTTLE

ICE HOUSE

CAN CHOICES

943 South Alamo • 210.224.BEER (2337)

The Cove // One of our favorite places in San Antonio: listen to live music, drink local beer and eat locally sourced organic food. 606 W. Cypress St., (210) 227-2683, thecove.us Cowabunga Bar // A dive bar through and through: it might look sketchy on the outside, but this bar promises simplicity and low-priced drinks that actually taste good. 402 E. Travis St., Suite 1, (210) 226-1338, facebook.com/ cowabungabardowntownsa Cured // Cured’s happy hour is truly worth a visit, with half-off drinks and wines by the glass. Oh, and the food is beyond yummy. 306 Pearl Pkwy., Suite 101, (210) 314-3929, curedatpearl.com Dad’s Karaoke // A friendly karaoke bar where hopefully you don’t have to hear your pop sing. 2615 Mossrock, (210) 267-5813 Drink // You’ll run into a lot of tourists, but with a dangerously long happy hour (until 9 p.m. daily), we suggest you unwind carefully and don’t forget to hydrate. 200 Navarro St., (210) 224-1031, drinktexas. com Durty Nelly’s Irish Pub // Established in 1974, Durty Nelly’s provides the River Walk crowd with an Irish experience where you can sing out loud without embarrassment and snack on free peanuts. 200 S. Alamo St., (210) 224-3343, durtynellyspub.com E.R. Bar & Grill // The Medical Center’s neighborhood dive bar, expect a friendly crowd and wallet-friendly drinks prices.

8647 Wurzbach Road, (210) 694-4477 The Esquire Tavern // One of our favorite places on the River Walk, with tasty handcrafted cocktails and delicious bar eats, plus it’s not completely overcrowded by out-of-towners. 155 E. Commerce, (210) 222-2521, esquiretavern-sa.com

Essence // This place is friendly on your budget, plus you get to see scantily clad men hanging from ceilings. 1010 N. Main Ave., (210) 223-5418, facebook.com/ clubessencesa Faust Tavern //Find a comfortable space to visit with friends while having a drink and nosh on comfort fare via Crossroads Southern Kitchen. 517 E. Woodlawn Ave., (210) 257-0628, facebook.com/ thefausttavern Filling Station Tap Room// It’s tiny and charming, and the beer selection never disappoints. 701 S. St. Mary’s St., facebook.com/stationtaproom

HOLIDAY MOVIES ON THE HUGE SLAB CINEMA EVERY TUESDAY

OPEN M O N - F R I 3 P - 1 2 A • S A T - S U N 1 1A - 1 2 A

S DAY CHRISTMMAIDNIGHT 3PM TO

FRIENDLY GROWLERS AVAILABLE | FRIENDLY EATS TILL MIDNIGHT

Pizza by the slice!

▲ Francis Bogside // Steve Mahoney (Blue Box, George’s Keep) does it again, this time in Southtown. The new addition to the area is dark and cozy and the restaurant next door, Brigid, is just as top-notch as the bar. 803 S. St. Mary’s St., (210) 988-3063, francisbogside.com John T. Floore Country Store // Elvis, Patsy Cline, Hank Williams, Little Richard Bob Dylan and, of course, Willie Nelson have all played at this country bar located just outside of San Antonio. Stop by for a good ol’ honky-tonk time. 14492 Old Bandera Road, Helotes, (210) 695-8827, liveatfloores.com Flying Saucer // The friendly staff welcomes you as do nearly 300 brews to choose from. You better start drinking.

11255 Huebner Road, Suite 212, (210) 696-5080, beerknurd.com Freetail Brewing Co. // Bat Outta Helles is such a good beer, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Freetail knows what they’re doing. Multiple locations, freetailbrewing.com CONTINUED ON PAGE 55 ►

Open late! We deliver!

Buy 1 large get 1 free with pick up.

sacurrent.com • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • CURRENT 53

55 NIGHTLIFE

◄ CONTINUED FROM PAGE 53

George’s Keep // Located inside the European-style Éilan complex and featuring expertly crafted cocktails, George’s Keep is where you want to grab a nightcap. 17101 La Cantera Pkwy., (210) 310-3733, georgeskeep.com The Granary ’Cue & Brew // Good barbecue and craft brews? Sold. 602 Ave. A, (210) 2280124, thegranarysa.com The Green Lantern // It has the feel of a secret bar, but the secret is out, so grab a table early and enjoy the good music. 20626 Stone Oak Pkwy., Suite 101, (210) 497-3722 GS 1221 // Refill your growler or have a pint and relax on the patio, either way your night is going to be good. 1221 Broadway, (210) 251-3184, gs1221.com Halcyon // Boozy coffee. It’s perfect anytime, any season. The tableside s’mores aren’t to be missed. 1414 S. Alamo St., (210) 277-7045, halcyonsouthtown.com Haunt // Tucked inside the St. Anthony Hotel (which is famed to be haunted), this posh and initimate bar has easily become one of our new favorite downtown spots. 300 E. Travis St., (210) 352-3172, facebook.com/hauntsa

The Hoppy Monk // The mantra of “good people drink good beer” couldn’t be more spot-on than at Hoppy Monk. The friendly staff never seems to get annoyed no matter how many samples you ask to taste. 1010 N. Loop 1604 E., (210) 5453330, thehoppymonk.com Hot Joy // Ramen is the perfect meal for the cold-ish weather we are experiencing in the city. Pair it with an Asian-inspired cocktail and you’re set. 1014 S. Alamo St., (210) 368-9324, hotjoysa.com

sa

Industry // Flashback to the ’80s and ’90s at this dance club where there are plenty of drink specials. 8021 Pinebrook Drive, (210) 374-2765

J&O’s Cantina // Grab some food from Taco Haven then head over to J&O’s for an open mic night (Thursdays) or to watch a local band perform (Fridays). 1014 S. Presa St., (210) 485-7611 Joe Blues // Joe Blues is one of the friendliest bars in the Blue Star Arts Complex, and you never have to wait too long for a drink, First Fridays excluded. 1414 S. Alamo St., (210) 212-5421, facebook.com/joe-blues

Highlander Bar & Grill // This casual Scottish-themed pub is perfect for your next Sunday Funday. 5562 Fredericksburg Road, (210) 340-4577, highlanderbarandgrill.com Hills and Dales // Located next door, practically, to UTSA, Hill and Dales is a motorcycle-friendly dive bar with a wide selection of beers. 15403 White Fawn Drive, (210) 695-2307 Hi-Tones // This St. Mary’s Strip live music venue has some of the best pickle shots and chamoy shots you’ve ever had (go ahead and test us). Get your dance on. 621 E. Dewey Pl., (210) 785-8777 Hofbrau and Beer Garden // Enjoy one of the 31 beers on tap or 33 bottle offerings on the spacious patio at this casual sports bar where you can always catch the game.

Multiple locations, quarryhofbrau.com, hofbraurim.com Hooligans Bar & Grill // Shoot some pool and listen to some tribute bands while imbibing in your favorite beverage.

13920 I-35 N., Live Oak, (210) 654-4444,

tx

OPEN EVERYDAY TIL’ 2AM

Jack’s Patio Bar // The live music venue features music from mostly country and rock acts and boasts a chill atmosphere. Nothing fancy here. There’s plenty of room to move.

3030 Thousand Oaks Drive, (210) 494-2309, jacksbarsa.com

DAV ID RANGEL

Heat Nightclub // This gay-friendly nightclub brings weekly drag shows, dance music and theme parties to the Main Strip. 1500 N. Main Ave., (210) 227-2600, heatsa.com

hooligansbarandgrill.com

▲ The Last Word // Cocktails on tap and leather-bound books, yes please. 229 E. Houston St., Suite #10, (210) 314-1285, thelastwordsa.com La Tuna & La Tuna Grill // La Tuna is a fixture in Southtown and arguably one of the most casual places to grab a damn cheap beer.

Go now. 100 Probandt, (210) 212-5727, latunagrill.com Liberty Bar // The bar is housed in a restored convent in Southtown, so go ahead and guzzle some drinks here without any guilt. 1111 S. Alamo St., (210) 227-1187, liberty-bar.com CONTINUED ON PAGE 57►

Live Jazz e v E s ’ r a e Y New HAPPY HOUR

Monday - Friday 4-9 | Saturday & Sunday 6-9 $5 OLD FASHIONEDS & $5 CUCUMBER MARTINIS

LIVE MUSIC SUNDAY 20626 Stone Oak Pkwy | San Antonio, Texas 78258 sacurrent.com • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • CURRENT 55

presented by

56 CURRENT • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • sacurrent.com

NIGHTLIFE

◄ CONTINUED FROM PAGE 55

Esta Semana

Dec. 23 Ruben V 8 - 10PM

Dec. 27

El Westside Sound System and Friends 1 - 5PM

Dec. 28

DJ Stereyo 7 - 12AM

Dec. 30 Ruben V 8 - 10PM

Lion & Rose // Get your fish and chips or warm Shepard’s pie here. Both always pair well with a draft beer. Multiple locations, thelionandrose.com The Local Bar // Just blocks away from the Alamo, you’ll find the hidden gem that is The Local Bar. 600 N. Presa St., (210) 2679885, the localbarsa.com The Looking Glass // A quaint bar that delivers classic cocktails with none of the fuss. 1710 McCullough Ave., (210) 255-8995 Luna // Go here for a sultry date night and enjoy some live jazz and blues. 6740 San Pedro Ave., lunalive.com The Luxury // The best place to enjoy the beauty of the River Walk without being surrounded by a constant flood of people.

Make sure you order some “crack fries” with a fried egg and Sriracha aioli dipping sauce. You won’t regret it. 103 E. Jones Ave., (210) 354-2274 Mariachi Bar at Mi Tierra // Indulge in strong margaritas and be serenaded by the traveling-from-table-to-table mariachis. 218 Produce Row, (210) 2251262, mitierracafe.com Max’s Wine Dive // Where else can you get fried chicken and bubbles and feel so classy? 340 E. Basse Road, Suite 101, (210) 444-9547, maxswinedive.com The Menger Hotel Bar // This historic bar steps away from the Alamo may have steep prices, but then again, this is where Teddy Roosevelt used to recruit his Rough Riders. 204 Alamo Plaza, (210) 223-4361, mengerhotel.com Mezcalería Mixtli // With more than 50 agave spirits to choose from, this Olmos Park nook is a can’t-miss for cocktail fans.

5313 McCullough Ave., (210) 320-1660, mezcaleriamixtli.com

Midnight Rodeo // The country dance club offers free dance lessons and drink specials that help you loosen up on the racetrack-style dance floor. 12260 Nacogdoches Road, (210) 655-0040, midnightrodeosanantonio.com The Mine Shaft Saloon // Sharing the same building as the Magic Time Machine restaurant, the Mine Shaft Saloon is a cozy bar with live music, cheap drinks and karaoke (and people in costumes). 902 NE Loop 410, (210) 828-1470 Missions Untapped // Grab a pint of craft beer at the bar and don’t forget to take some home with you in a growler.

8123 Broadway, Suite B, (210) 320-0486, missionsuntapped.com ▲ The Mix // It’s a tight squeeze into this bar, but this St. Mary’s Strip mainstay offers free shows by local bands, which keeps crowds coming back. 2423 N. St. Mary’s St., (210) 735-1313, facebook.com/ themix.sanantonio Moses Rose’s Hideout // Half the fun is finding the hidden entrance. Once you’re in you’ll find a crowd whose looking for the same thing as you are: to unwind.

518 E. Houston St., (210) 775-1808, mosesroseshideout.com

s

ma y a n i cant

Go to sanchosmx.com for full listings

628 Jackson St | 210-320-1840 Charlie Brown’s Neighborhood Bar & Grill

11888 Starcrest (210)496-7092 Charlie-Browns.com

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NAO Latin Gastro Bar // Served and prepared by students at the Culinary Institute of America, visitors can indulge in Latin American cuisine and craft cocktails at this contemporary eatery. 312 Pearl Pkwy., (210) 554-6484, naorestaurant.com Nectar Wine Bar & Ale House // Visit this cozy new addition to downtown for your wine and snacking needs. 214 Broadway, (210) 375-4082, nectarsa.com CONTINUED ON PAGE 58 ►

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NIGHTLIFE

◄ CONTINUED FROM PAGE 57

Oak Hills Tavern // This fan-fave Medical Center dive bar where you can actually carry on a conversation, also features karaoke.

7920 Fredericksburg Road, (210) 614-8855

Happy New Year!!

Make your New Year’s Eve Plans to come laugh with us!

Ocho // This pan-Latin restaurant and bar has a pretty spectacular patio speckled with lights and big chandeliers.

1015 Navarro St., (210) 222-2008, havanasanantonio.com Olmos Bharmacy // Bharmacy has everything: soda, milkshakes, beer, live music and some of the tastiest fried pickles in San Antonio. 3902 McCullough Ave., (210) 822-1188, olmosrx.com

JEF FEREY BUR TON

NBC’s Mr. Rhodes Show

Papa Woody’s Roadhouse // The lighting might blind you, but with two full-service bars, live bands, a DJ and a dance floor, Papa Woody’s diverse crowd welcomes you with open arms. 8902 S. Presa St., (210) 534-5000 ▲ Paramour // Come here to view the city’s downtown skyline while swigging back some fancy cocktails on the rooftop bar.

102 9th St., Suite 400, (210) 340-9880, paramourbar.com Park Social // This small and intimate bar with bold cocktails that will keep you coming back for more. 224 E. Olmos Drive, (210) 822-0100, park-social.com

Dec 31 - Jan. 3 Latino Laugh Festival, Tonight Show

Pegasus // This LGBT-friendly dance club invites you to strut your stuff to Contemporary dance tracks or show off your two-step moves on the back bar where country music plays. 1402 N. Main Ave., (210) 299-4222, pegasussanantonio.com The Phoenix Saloon // Established in 1871, the Phoenix Bar used to host alligator and badger fights. Fast-forward to 2015 where patrons can enjoy some Texas chili, live music and karaoke. 193 W. San Antonio St., New Braunfels, (830) 643-1400, thephoenixsaloon.com Raffles Restaurant and Bar // This old man bar features American pub-grub and live entertainment. 1039 NE Loop 410, (210)

58 CURRENT • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • sacurrent.com

Ranger Creek Brewing & Distilling // Texas’ only “brewstillery,” a microbrewery and craft distiller, invites guests to visit during open-house hours to sample the lineup. 4834 Whirlwind Drive, Suite 102, (210) 775-2099, drinkrangercreek.com Rebar // There’s never a cover at Rebar and with a daily happy hour and three bars, this Alamo Heights lounge will draw you in with their relaxed atmosphere and local live music. 8134 Broadway, (210) 320-4091, rebarsatx.com Sanchez Ice House #1 // A humble and friendly bar that almost makes Miller Lite taste good. 819 S. San Saba ST., (210) 223-0588, facebook.com/ sanchezicehouse Sancho’s // Tequilas, tacos, cervezas and great times ahead. 628 Jackson St., (210) 320-1840, sanchosmx.com Sam’s Burger Joint // Grab a beer, a burger and listen to some blues, soul or swing. 330 E. Grayson St., (210) 223-2830, samsburgerjoint.com

Tom Rhodes Dec 31 - Jan. 3

Willie Barcena

826-7118, rafflesrestaurantandbar.com

Silo Elevated Cuisine // With three locations, Silo brings cocktails, import beer, wine by the glass and upscale food that will make you feel equal parts boozy and classy. Multiple locations, siloelevatedcuisine.com SoHo Wine & Martini Bar // SoHo brings cool Manhattan vibes to the River Walk.

Go early so you don’t have to wait too long before you imbibe. 214 W. Crockett St., (210) 444-1000, sohomartinibar.com Southtown 101 // This quaint bar located in the King William district offers a wide beer selection plus theme nights. 101 Pereida St., (210) 263-9880, facebook.com/ southtown101 Sparky’s Pub // Welcoming gays and straights alike, this friendly pub has a fun crowd and strong as hell drinks. 1416 N. Main Ave., (210) 320-5111, sparkyspub.com Stay Golden Social House // After a sizable expansion that added more indoor seating, Stay Golden still keeps area boozers happy with accessible cocktails at great prices.

It’s a formidable place to wind down or wind up. 401 Pearl Pkwy., facebook.com/ goldenglovessocialhouse Stella Public House // Fight back the urge to yell “Stella!” (Thanks, Tennessee Williams) every time you walk into this pizza joint, but no need to find objection to delicious pizza toppings and a truly great beer selection. 1414 S. Alamo St., (210) 277-7047, stellapublichouse.com CONTINUED ON PAGE 63 ►

champagne toast at midnight For table or couch reservations email nye@drinktexas.com

includes party favors, champagne at midnight and table service all night!

DJ RICE | $10 cover |21 & older Step and repeat at entrance 200 Navarro Street Downtown San antonio, texas Corner of Market & Navarro Streets

Visit our other locations DRINK TEXAS Sports bar 31138 IH- 10 West Boerne, TEXAS

drink TEXAS Biergarten 265 S. Main Street Boerne, Texas

sacurrent.com • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • CURRENT 59

60 CURRENT • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • sacurrent.com Untitled-2 1

12/20/15 4:30 PM

$$$

BALLOON DROP

2 DJ’S

CHAMPAGNE TOAST & PARTY

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NEW YEAR’S EVE SPECIALS! $2 Jello Shots • $2.50 Domestic Drafts $3 Wells • $4 Jameson • $5 Food Specials

Bottle Service upon reservation Shenanygans I • 6422 Babcock Rd • 210.690.1156 | Shenanygans II • 8827 State Hwy 151 • 210.257.9726 sacurrent.com • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • CURRENT 61

DECEMBER SPECIALS

40% off

any 1 regular priced item Not valid on Lelo or We-Vibe.

Expiration of 12/31/15. Can NOT be combined with any other offers

Mon: Closed Tue.-Thu: 12p-10p

Fri-Sat:12p-12a Sun: 1p-9p

E I R E G N I L Y A D I L HO N STOCK! IS I 6957 SAN PEDRO RD. • 210-348-6902 | 5117 FREDERICKSBURG RD. • 210-348-9401 62 CURRENT • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • sacurrent.com

8503 Broadway St. Suite #107 • 210-824-0188 • mindseyetattoos.com

NIGHTLIFE

◄ CONTINUED FROM PAGE 58 CASEY HOWELL

hear live jazz from local legend Jim Cullum on Mondays, and they have a Sunday brunch with bottomless mimosas. 1338 E. Houston St., (210) 320-2192, tuckerskozykorner.com Vbar in the Hotel Valencia // Get swanky at this high-end bar located alongside the River Walk.

150 E. Houston St., (210) 2279700, hotelvalencia-riverwalk. com Viva Tacoland // A piece of San Antonio’s punk music past reinvented with on-site food trucks and a little less grittiness.

103 W. Grayson St., (210) 3682443, vivatacoland.com VFW Post 76 // This reportedly haunted Victorian home is the oldest VFW post in Texas.

Share a drink with some spirits.

10 10th St., (210) 223-4581, vfwpost76.org

Stroker’s Sports Bar // This no-fuss bar serves up some of the best micheladas and attracts a steady stream of local and young folk from Southtown. 703 Roosevelt Ave., (210) 533-4549 TBA // A relaxing cocktail bar and sandwich shop that features a drink called the Rye’n Gosling. It’s just too clever. 2801 N. St. Mary’s St., (210) 3201753, facebook.com/tbasatx The Tavern // Stop by for games, lots of TVs, trivia nights and plenty of beer. The great open atmosphere is inviting and casual. 14532 Brook Hollow, (210) 8468810, thehangartavern.com The Ten Eleven // Loud and sweaty, the Ten Eleven brings punk and hardcore to SATX. Make use of that patio to keep yourself cool. 1011 Avenue B, (210) 3209080, theteneleven.com Texas T Pub // Drinks start pouring at 8 a.m. at this dive bar that might be a little shady but is great for people watching.

121 Broadway, (210) 271-1058 The Thirsty Camel // Hidden away in Olmos Park, The Thirsty Camel is the definition of a dive bar. 5307 McCullough Ave., (210) 277-0979, facebook.com/ thirstycamelbar Tucker’s Kozy Korner // This homey bar, established in 1948, never has a cover to

Wax Club Lounge // This grungy bar plays ’80s underground music, new wave jams and has tasty drink specials. 2211 San Pedro Ave., (210) 379-4788, facebook.com/waxclublounge Wayne Harper’s Martini Club // Owner Wayne Harper’s band graces the stage every Friday and Saturday and bar-goers can sing their rendition of tunes at karaoke on Wednesday and Thursday while getting liquid courage from one of the specialty martinis.

8507 McCullough Ave., (210) 344-4747, wayneharpersmartiniclub.com Web House // Great beats, cheap drinks and occasional feasts at this relocated SA gem. 320 Blanco Road, (210) 531-0100, facebook.com/web.house.satx Wurzbach Icehouse // It’s absolutely a bar in the old Texas icehouse tradition, which at its simplest is a place to drink with people you may or may not know. Bonus: There’s Frito Pie. 10141 Wurzbach Road, (210) 877-2100, wurzbachicehouse.com Zinc Bistro & Wine Bar // The patio is one of the best places to have your next date night, and you won’t even feel like you’re downtown. Surrounded by lush green vines and tea lights, you can kick back with a glass of wine or bubbly. 207 N. Presa, (210) 224-2900, zincwine.com Zombies Bar & Live Music Venue // Zombie’s features live rock and metal music, but still feels like a neighborhood bar. 4202 Thousand Oaks, (210) 281-8306, zombiesliveinsa.com sacurrent.com • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • CURRENT 63

64

Gourmet Dinner Buffer Passed Hor D’Oeuvres Complimentary Bar From 8PM - Midnight in our Elegant

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Call Christa for details 210.212.3957 Check out our website for more details: www.patobriens.com 64 CURRENT • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • sacurrent.com

65

sacurrent.com • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • CURRENT 65

66 CURRENT • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • sacurrent.com

MUSIC

SLAYER VS. SLAYER

S.A. Slayer guitarist Bob Dog Catlin drops some knowledge TRAVIS BUFFKIN /@DTBUFFKIN

“I’m glad I made the decisions I made, so I could be dirt-poor white trash and keep it true.”

– Robert “Bob Dog” Catlin When I set out to do this piece, I intended to cover a rock ‘n’ roll show that occurred in 1984. That’s it, just one show. The concert happened to be a heavy metal face-off, with local metal heroes, Slayer, pitted against a small underground band from California, also named Slayer. However, as time went by and I listened to the recorded conversation between guitarist and founding member Robert "Bob Dog" Catlin and myself, I realized there was a greater dialogue taking place. Bigger than two bands sharing a name, playing a show “against” each other — the local band fading into obscurity and the legal recipients of the “Slayer” moniker rising to be one of the most profitable metal acts of all time — it was a conversation about the heart and soul of rock ‘n’ roll.

Unfortunately, a band like (S.A.) Slayer, their members and their history deserve much more space than is allotted. So, for that I can only issue an apology. Sorry, Bob. Hope you still dig it.

Catlin has been offered the six-figure contracts. He’s played with his heroes, toured with Metallica, been in bands with punk and metal legends; people that have been on posters that adorn the walls of long-haired hesher kids who just want to shred ’til they’re dead and for mom to get them a Pepsi, just one Pepsi.

For those who are not aware, San Antonio was home to a band named Slayer, consisting of Chris Cronk on vocals, Catlin and Art Villareal on dual lead guitars, Don Van Stavern on bass and Dave McClain on drums.

“We were real show-offs. The double-lead thing was what really grabbed us by the nut and was probably our second claim to fame after the super high vocals … That was always part of the formula: double leads, high vocals, double bass drum kit.”

Eventually Cronk was replaced by Steve Cooper and Villareal left to be replaced by Ron Jarzombek.

Nevertheless, in their short two-year span, Slayer grew to be one of the most popular metal bands in the area, with only one EP, Prepare to Die, released during their tenure.

“The whole Slayer controversy has to do with … I’d say diplomatically … mismanagement on Rainforest Records.

The EP was finished and it sat waiting to get pressed for six months. In that ensuing six months, the famous Slayer put out their first record. But ours would have come out first and it would have changed everything, but it didn’t, so theirs did.”

L.A. Slayer, the Slayer that most are familiar with, released their first LP Show No Mercy in 1983, months

after S.A. Slayer wrapped up their recording at Bob O’Neill’s Sound Studios.

“Once Prepare to Die came out, we were being distributed by Dutch East Indies. That’s when Brian Slagel [founder of Metal Blade Records] sent the ceaseand-desist stuff to Bob O’Neill. Which, boy, that sucked … that sucked.”

With a lawsuit hanging over their heads and three-fifths of the band joining up with former Riot guitarist Mark Reale to form Narita, S.A. Slayer, our Slayer, decided to call it a day. However, they would join forces one final time to face their lawyer-wielding nemesis in a battle of licks.

By the time of the infamous Slayer vs. Slayer gig, set at Villa Fontana, S.A. Slayer had already been broken up for several months. Catlin, as an employee of Hastings Records in Windsor Park Mall, was present for the L.A. Slayer in-store, and partied with the California band throughout the day.

“Later [that] afternoon, Kerry King looks at his watch and proclaims to his bandmates, ‘Well, I guess it’s time to go downtown and meet this other fucking Slayer band,’ looks me right in the eye and goes, ‘What do you know about ‘em?’”

“I said, ‘Well, I’m the original guitar player.’ Jeff Hanneman looks at me and goes, ‘But you’re cool.’ I said, ‘Man, we’re all cool. Y’all won, we lost, it’s over.’”

“So these guys kind of freak out because they were expecting all this aggro bullshit. But, the fact that I had spent the whole day with them kind of diffused all of that … and here it is almost [31] years later and people still talk about that gig.”

Although the millionaire-Slayer went on to be one of the most revered metal bands in history, Catlin didn’t seem bitter at all. He has one thing they will never have, the brokeass bastion of poor rock ‘n’ rollers everywhere: street cred.

“As we were walking off the stage somebody jumped on my back, licked my ear and yelled ‘You guys kicked ass! You guys kicked ass!’ … I threw off said person, all UFC-style… it was Jeff Hanneman from Slayer. I don’t know too many people that can brag about giving a suplex to the cool guy from Slayer.”

Interestingly enough, there is a bootleg of the Slayer vs. Slayer show floating around, which means somewhere out there are Famous Slayer fans bumping it, deciding for themselves who the real rock gods are. Upon hearing Catlin and Jarzombek’s dueling riffs, Cooper’s soaring vocals, Van Stavern and McClain’s cacophonous gallop, surely, some are banging their heads, declaring, “Shit, dude!

Those not-millionaire-Slayer dudes are pretty fuckin’ excellent!”

—dtbuffkin@sacurrent.com

•Steve Cooper and his golden locks (background). Catlin mid-riff (foreground)

The infamous Slayer vs. Slayer bootleg

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68 CURRENT • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • sacurrent.com

MUSIC

2410 N. ST MARY’S ST. / ADVANCE TIX - PAPERTIGERSA.COM

Wednesday, December 23rd Paper Tiger Presents

‘DECK THEM HALLS’ W/ GARRETT T CAPPS, DT BUFFKIN, BILL BAIRD & MORE! 8:00PM ALL AGES Saturday, December 26th (MAIN ROOM) Paper Tiger Presents

SUB CULTURE COLLECTIVE 9:00PM ALL AGES Saturday, December 26th (SMALL ROOM) Paper Tiger Presents

VERTIGHOST

8:00PM ALL AGES Tuesday, December 29th (SMALL ROOM) Paper Tiger Presents

KILLER KILL W/ FEUDING FATHERS, PINKO

O LUCRATIVE NIGHT

8:00PM ALL AGES Wednesday, December 30th Paper Tiger Presents

WARTHOG

How Christmas songs make money MATT STIEB/@MATTHEWSTIEB

Remember Slade? Many people don’t. A taut, solid glam band, they were nevertheless swept aside by the barbarians of punk. But, before their light flickered out, the English quartet managed to pen “Merry Xmas Everybody,” an annual holiday blessing. According to The Guardian, the 1973 tune earns Slade £500,000 (about $750,000) every year in royalties.

In a music economy turning its back to album sales, a Christmas hit can mean long-term profit for songwriters and performers.

People don’t buy records anymore — according to Nielsen Soundscan, album sales in 2014 were 528 million units lower than sales in 2000. But, holiday records still move. An innocuous and universal gift, a great (or comically bad) Christmas album makes for a nice stocking stuffer or White Elephant offering.

Recorded in 1965, A Charlie Brown Christmas by the Vince

Guaraldi Trio is currently at the 44th spot on the Billboard Top 200. On its 50th anniversary, the beloved jazz effort still makes money for the Guaraldi estate and the trio’s sole surviving member, drummer Jerry Granelli.

From N’SYNC to Susan Boyle, 51 records on the Top 200 are Christmas-themed.

With radio play from late October through December, a massive holiday hit can mean a lifetime of financial security. For years, Mariah Carey’s perfect “All I Want for Christmas” was the most-played festive tune.

Piped into stores, jukeboxes, radios and televisions, two solid months of airplay will snowball into a big wad of cash. Written in 1994, the tune has reportedly earned Mimi and her songwriter $50 million in royalties.

But, Mariah’s reign has come to an end. In 2015, The Shins’ Phil Spector-esque cover of Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful

Christmastime” is the most-played holiday tune of the season.

The payoff for a hit can be lifechanging, but it’s difficult to rise above novelty and achieve a lasting addition to the Christmas canon.

In the past 30 years, the Mariah Carey joint and Wham!’s “Last Christmas” are the only stable introductions to the songbook.

The Christmas classics are remarkably old — December is one of the few times that music before the 1960s enters the FM band. Irving Berlin and Bing Crosby certainly make the cut, though the only-know-the-firstverse religious tunes go way back. The oldest extant carol, “God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen,” dates back to 16th-century England. So, for the modern band looking to make a holiday buck, a heavy cover of an ancient carol could be a Hail Mary play for the Holy Dollar, for American copyright law does not apply to songs written before 1776.

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BEST + WORST

MUSIC

Local musicians pick their highs and lows of 2015 TRAVIS BUFFKIN /@DTBUFFKIN

Alyson Alonzo of Sugar Skulls/Alyson Alonzo/ Ghetto Prom BEST: “The YOSA thang [Radiohead’s OK Computer as done by local artists with the Youth Orchestras of San Antonio].”

WORST: “Whitney Houston’s daughter dying the same way she did.”

Osita Anusi Jr. of The Bolos/Fuzzland Productions BEST: “Opening for the Black Lips.”

WORST: “DS2 by Future.”

Jim Beal Jr. of Miss Neesie & the Earfood Orchestra/ Retired Express-News music columnist/Bro. Dave & the Barrio Blasters/KSYM Third Coast Music Network host BEST: “East LA’s Los Fabulocos October gig at Sam’s Burger Joint was a real-deal, rollicking Cal-Mex party — and a fine Casbeers reunion.”

WORST: “Food and craft cocktails supplanting rock ‘n’ roll in the hearts and minds of the going-out public.”

Josh Borchardt of Crown/Mockingbird Express BEST: “Transmission booking the Paper Tiger. Finally getting more national acts that appeal to adults rather than 14-year-olds. Pretty big game changer for the San Antonio scene in general.”

NO WORST Bob Catlin of S.A. Slayer/Pigface/Martyrhead BEST: “Robert Rich’s Filaments was my fave.”

WORST: “Social networking is the worst thing to happen to anything in 2015.”

Nina Diaz of Girl in a Coma/Nina Diaz BEST: “I’m super excited that Alyson Alonzo is taking 70 CURRENT • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • sacurrent.com

I

n an effort to democratize the snooty and pretentious end of the year best-of lists, I decided to ask a shit ton of local artists and musicians what they really dug and loathed about 2015. Some went hard, some kept it short and sweet, and some never responded. Here are their uncensored responses, edited for space, in alphabetical order.

the solo route as well. She’s blooming as a writer, great things to be heard from her next year. I’m bummed that Lonely Horse will no longer be a band but respect the decision. Nick Long is another amazing writer and my ears are excited to hear what comes out of him next.”

WORST: “First thing that comes to mind on a national sense is the death of Scott Weiland. His music and voice had a big impact on me growing up.”

Phanie Diaz of Fea/Girl in a Coma BEST: “The revival of vinyl and the fact that it keeps growing.”

WORST: “Musically, fashion-wise, [kids] looking like they listen to punk/new wave/goth but they have no idea that L7 reunited because they just downloaded Young Thug’s new single.”

Jeff and Jess DeCuir of Hyperbubble BEST: “‘When I Was a Boy’ music video by the Electric Light Orchestra. The video is similar to the Beatles’ ‘Free as a Bird’ and follows [singer/songwriter Jeff] Lynne’s journey from Beatle-ized dreamer to pop music legend. The lyrics speak to and for every artist who has followed a similar vision. If that describes you, then try … just TRY to look and listen without welling up. Actually, the song is a lot like ‘Beautiful Ride’ by Dewey Cox, from the movie Walk Hard, which, however tongue in cheek, also made us weep like Hyperbabies.”

WORST: “Facebook holding fans hostage. If you become a fan of a band on Facebook, you may not be seeing all of their posts. Facebook posts by artist accounts are only seen by a small percentage of their fans, and that percentage got even smaller in 2015. To guarantee views, bands have to pay a ransom. Now, think about those friends of yours in local bands. Not exactly swimming in money, right? Still, Facebook is

where the eyes are, so bands continue to deal with the devil. Simply put, Facebook isn’t punk at all.”

Travis Hild of Lonely Horse BEST: “I would say the best thing was Lonely Horse’s album coming out.”

WORST: “The worst was our album coming out."

Pink Leche BEST: “Sleater-Kinney reuniting.”

WORST: “‘CoCo’ by O.T. Genasis” Nick Long of Lonely Horse/Nothing Chief BEST: “Getting to play on stage at the Tobin Center with, like, a 60-piece orchestra.”

WORST: “The worst thing is that [Lonely Horse] never made the cover of the Current, haha.”

Phil Luna of Royal Punisher/The Please Help BEST: “The release of the Royal Punisher Bullets for Breakfast album.”

WORST: “The release of the Royal Punisher Bullets for Breakfast album.”

Cody Mauser of The Rich Hands BEST: “The best was definitely seeing Cheap Trick.”

WORST: “When the Spurs lost to the Clippers in the first round of the playoffs.”

Alvaro Del Norte of Piñata Protest/Los Callejeros de San Anto BEST: “San Antonio getting Paper Tiger. I think it represents a new era of the music scene for San Antonio.”

WORST: “The loss of Jaime at Hogwild, Davy of Hickoids and Jason (DJ Shabby Tiger) were definitely the worst for me.”

MUSIC

Clockwise from left: Tony Romero; Osita Anusi Jr.; Josh Borchardt; Girl in a Coma; Hyperbubble; Phil Luna; Saakred; The Rich Hands; Lonely Horse

Joe Reyes of Buttercup/Demitasse/The Swindles BEST: “One of my favorite things about 2015 was the Two Ten Empire Series, which gives local music acts the chance to perform in a beautiful old theater.”

WORST: “The cancer that took the lives of several of our music friends before their old age, including Shawn Terry and Davy Jones.”

Tony Romero of The Spiders Jazz Quintet BEST: “My band! I want my brand of jazz to represent the young local music scene.”

WORST: “I think San Antonio needs to capitalize on its local music scene. It’s good and can only get better if the better bands and musicians set the standard.”

Sarah Ann Roork of Cursus BEST: “My favorite thing this year in music is the song ‘Sparrow’ from Windhand. I’ve probably watched this video 30 times since it came out, I can’t get enough.”

WORST: “Most of San Antonio’s all ages DIY spots like Tofu House, Cafe Rev, Poorcore HQ and Ritual Art Gallery all closed down or stopped doing shows.

It makes it difficult for younger fans to see our band when we’re limited to mostly 21+ places, and the younger folks are usually a lot more enthusiastic about the shows.”

Saakred of Saakred/visual artist BEST: “Desert Sons by Lonely Horse.”

NO WORST

Erik Sanden of Buttercup/Demitasse BEST: “Nothing good or bad happened in 2015.

However, the last few months of 2014 were significant. On November 14, 2014, Father John Misty appeared on David Letterman to perform his song “Bored in the USA.” His routine was pure performance art and should be framed somewhere in a museum. He used a player piano and a laugh track to deliver a cutting cultural critique of how Americans can’t even slouch into death with dignity. His straight-faced belting of the tragic couplet 'They gave me useless education and a subprime loan on a craftsman home' was immediately answered with the incongruous laugh track. It took me back to eighth grade when I really knew firsthand how cruel laughter can be.”

WORST: “Oh, and this very same month (Nov. 2014), contributors at Slate, Rolling Stone and NPR tried to gushingly convince me that Taylor Swift’s new record 1989 was 1) a great work of art 2) original 3) something I would like. 1) no 2) no 3) no. If you are 40+ and you really groove on Taylor Swift, there is something deeply amiss.

I’m not begrudging Taylor Swift’s success — she’s talented and kind of sunny and fresh in the way that she is lifting entire melodies and her complete vibe from Lorde. There is plenty of room in Musicland for everybody, but critics in their 40s and 50s … should know better.”

Chris Smart of Chrysta Bell/DJ Smarty Pants/ Masters of Love BEST: “13th Floor Elevators reunion at Psychfest.”

WORST: “S.A. losing DJ Bart Koch, Jaime Gonzalez (Hogwild) and Shawn Terry (Robot Monster).”

Ryan Smith of Yippee Ki Yay Records/DJ Proper Yarn BEST: “La Luz (band), or Marathon by Mujeres.”

NO WORST Cameron Taylor of Ghost Police/Killer Kill/Blithe BEST: “The Epic by Kamasi Washington or Head Wound City reuniting.”

WORST: “Everything on pop radio, currently.”

James Woodard of The Grasshopper Lies Heavy/ Mega Man BEST: “Shape Shift by Zombi. Progressive synth rock from the deepest reaches of Alpha Centauri. Synth/ bassist Steve Moore and synth/drummer Tony Paterra decided to finally get back together and smoke a bunch of pot in Steve’s basement for a few weekends and bless the human race with this fantastic slab of Ancient Space Monolith Rock.”

WORST: “Fucking ‘Hotline Bling.’ This motherfucker, fucking Drake, cursed us all with this steaming load of elephant shit that permeated my Facebook feed with unfunny memes for months.”

—dtbuffkin@sacurrent.com sacurrent.com • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • CURRENT 71

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MUSIC

TUE

29

Killer Kill

If Donald fucking Trump actually becomes our next president he should have Killer Kill play his inauguration, if only for their name being synonymous with his proposed foreign and domestic policy. The blistering cries and industrial whines of the guitar and the jet propulsion, thunder-hummer of the rhythm section is the perfect four-minute warning siren for a post-apocalyptic fallout shelter formal.

The members of Killer Kill form a nucleus of past and present San Antonio musicians that are killer-killing it. Mason Macias, now living in New York City, has been in more badass bands than there are hairs upon his lean, hirsute bod. Vocalist and guitarist Cameron Taylor is currently holding down scribble-guitar duties in putrid punk groups Blithe and Ghost Police. Bassist Ian McIntosh now lives in Wisconsin and is one of the finest local musicians to clear that trite hurdle of bassists usually being as boring to watch as to hear. The trio finished the Televised Ending EP in September but with Macias and McIntosh’s departure has been unable to give the band the release it deserves … until now. Happy Xmas, war is forever (if you Trump it). With PINKO, Feuding Fathers, Crawl and Signalman. $5, 8pm, Paper Tiger, 2410 N. St. Mary’s St., papertigersa.com –dtbuffkin@sacurrent.com

Wednesday, December 23

Arctic Wonderland: All Fur Fun Show Don your furry apparel and get in at a discounted rate as The Korova promises an evening full of bass, lasers, lights and two stages full of DJs to make that booty go ... The Korova, 6pm Bring Your Own Vinyl Revel with friendly vinyl-heads over the best wax in each others’ collection, or slam pickle shots in the corner and seethe over that one dude with an original 45 of Wham's "Last Christmas." Hi-Tones, 10pm Oh Bleep! presents gLAdiator Get crunk on the rooftop with LA duo gLAdiator.

Forgive them for their love of the Lakers, it's gotta be hard to be an LA fan these days. Lush Rooftop, 10pm

Thursday, December 24

Cock Block Thursdays Phantom Room returns with their weekly Lesbian night hosted by Phanie Diaz of hometown heroes Girl in a Coma and FEA. Phantom Room, 9pm Lonely Horse Farewell Residency Playing each other as much as they play their own instruments, Lonely Horse has been poised to drag San Antonio popular music into the 21st century for several years now. The loogey-fuzz of Long's guitar and the Keith Moon-meets-Cherokee-drumcircle powder keg of Hild's foot and right hand could grind maize into flour, or mota into keef. Join them on their farewell series of shows before they fracture, regroup and do something else that gets hip humanities majors all hot and bothered. Hi-Tones, 9pm

Friday, December 25

Friday Nights with Ghostpizza Hip-hop tastemaker Ghostpizza gets you all TGIF'ed. Phantom Room, 9pm Over the Top Like the movie they take their name from, Over the Top are the perfect truck-driving or arm-wrestling soundtrack — tough, driving metal. With Black Molly and DJ Smoak. The Mix, 11pm

Saturday, December 26

Bob Schneider For better or worse, Bob Schneider is the Dave Matthews of South Texas. So if you’re down for DMB, Schneider’s pan-rock should be a treat.

If not, avoid Gruene like the plague.

Gruene Hall, 9pm Los Skarnales In 1994, Los Skarnales rose out of the ashes of Houston punk band Desorden. Always true to roots music in all forms, Skarnales performs a mixture of ska, reggae, rockabilly, swing, mambo, cumbia and danzón, all with a punk attitude. With Spies Like Us, Channel One and The Dead Barons. Jack's Patio Bar, 7pm Mannheim Steamroller Christmas The synth spirit of the season comes alive with the signature sound of Mannheim Steamroller. Majestic Theatre, 8pm Remembering Scott Weiland The former frontman for the Stone Temple Pilots and Velvet Revolver died on December 3.

Local musicians will perform songs in his memory. Boozehounds, 10pm Soul'd Out Saturday Get on the good foot with DJ Gibb. Bottom Bracket Social Club, 10pm

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74 CURRENT • December 23­­—December 29, 2015 • sacurrent.com

MUSIC

St. Sucia Zine Release Party St. Sucia, a zine about being latina/xicana in our contemporary society, hosts its one-year anniversary party. Hi-Tones, 9pm Vertighost Fluctuating between fogged out noise and laser-powered dance music, Vertighost is confusingly entertaining.

Paper Tiger, 8pm

Sunday, December 27

The Bellfuries With the smooth rockabilly mojo of Ricky Nelson, the trio of Austinites make due with just an upright bass, lead guitar and the acoustic drive of a flat top box. Sam’s Burger Joint, 8pm Forever Town "Through the chiming of the cosmic bells, we are called to be the Rock Shamans of Forever Town. In this realm of infinite possibilities ... in this world of Players and Dealers ... led by this Way of the Sound, we've come to make the new deal go down. So join us as we ride the thunder and rock this world into a new age!" So reads the intro to hard-hitting cock-rock revival group Forever Town.

Worth seeing for the pageantry alone.

Think KISS on acid. With Red I.V. and Reaction. Fitzgerald's Bar, 8pm I'm So Sorry One of the newest DIY venues in town, which also functions as a recording studio, plays host to upstart emo and pop-punk bands from Corpus, McAllen and Brownsville. Bring plenty of Kleenex and your diary/journal to catalog all your feels. Featuring Distress Signal, Sine Cura, Dispirit and Disposable. Sound Crater Recording Studio, 8pm

Monday, December 28

Better Than Ezra with Hydra Melody Relive the glory days of Airwalks and Yaga T-shirts with the group that gave us the roommate anthem "Waa-huh, it was gooood livin' with ya!" Named to indicate a multi-headed driving force and a multidimensional sound, Hydra Melody is a synth-and-keys-heavy alt-rock outfit.

Aztec Theatre, 8pm Doral Club As the runner up for the Best New Band category of the Current's 2015 San Antonio Music Awards, Doral Club occupy that intriguing position of bands that remain under the radar of most inside-the-loop-music-fans. This,

however, is an excellent opportunity to see if all the hype is true, and to scope out the readers' choice for Best DIY Venue.

With Sine Cura and Ego Rhythm. Imagine Books & Records, 8pm Open Jam Session with Small World Jazz Led by drummer Kyle Keener and guitarist Polly Harrison, Small World features music from the Great American Songbook and bossa nova sung in its original Portuguese. One of SA's most masterful jazz ensembles. Olmos Bharmacy, 7pm Swing Nite with The Georges South Texas stalwarts The Georges inject rockabilly with the pop stylings of the Fab Four.

Sam’s Burger Joint, 8:30pm Voodoo Vinyl Don't miss DJ Smarty Pants spin his final Voodoo Vinyl session.

The grooviest groovers from the canon of rock 'n' roll most Mondays, when his duties with David Lynch-muse and bodacious chanteuse Chrysta Bell hasn't whisked him away to a far-off, exotic locale. If "Hotline Bling," "Drunk in Love" or whichever jock Pitchfork has their visage firmly planted in doesn't blow up your skirt and you wanna strap on those sharp shoes and cut that rug to ribbons, get your fanny to The Mix for gems from the garage. The Mix, 11pm

Tuesday, December 29

Glenn’s Gems Enjoy an evening of all vinyl rock ‘n’ roll as the husband/wife duo behind K23 Gallery curates the tunes. La Botánica, 8pm Shakey Graves There are one-man bands, and there is Shakey Graves. The Austinbased bluesman (born Alejandro RoseGarcía) is the complete package: subtle, tasteful fingerpicking, solid percussion using both feet, a whisky-soaked voice, amazing stage presence and two albums with enough good songs to prove he’s a lot more than just a novelty act.

His performance at 2013’s South by Southwest was one of the festivals’ most buzzed about events with even The New York Times’ socks being knocked off. His reputation as a live act is so strong that the dude even has his own official Austin holiday (February 9). Gruene Hall, 9:30pm

Aztec Theatre 104 N. St. Mary’s St., (210) 812-4355 theaztectheatre.com Boozehounds 8531 Perrin Beitel Road, (210) 590-3223 Bottom Bracket Social Club 1609 N. Colorado St., (210) 267- 9160,facebook.com/bottombracketsocialclub Fitzgerald’s 437 McCarty Road #101, (210) 629-5141 facebook.com/fitzgeraldsbarsa Gruene Hall 1281 Gruene Road, (830) 606-1281, gruenehall.com Hi-Tones 621 E. Dewey Pl., (210) 573-6220, hitonessa.com Imagine Books & Records 8373 Culebra Road, (210) 236-7668, imaginebookstore.com Jack’s Patio Bar 3030 Thousand Oaks Drive, (210) 494-2309, jacksbarsa.com La Botánica 2911 N. St. Mary’s St., vivalabotanica.com Lush Rooftop 4553 N. Loop 1604, (210) 858-9028, facebook.com/lushrooftop Majestic Theatre 224 E. Houston St., (210) 226-5700, majesticempire.com Olmos Bharmacy 3902 McCullough Ave., (210) 822-1188, olmosrx.com Paper Tiger 2410 N. St Mary’s St., papertigersa. com Phantom Room 2106 N. St. Mary's St. Sam’s Burger Joint 330 E. Grayson St., (210) 223-2830, samsburgerjoint. com Sound Crater Recording Studio 1908 Fredericksburg Road, (210) 837-1850, facebook.com/soundcraterrecording The Korova 107 E. Martin St., (210) 226-5070, thekorova.com The Mix 2403 N. St. Mary’s St., (210) 735-1313

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OTHER DICKS, OTHER DOMS SAVAGE LOVE by Dan Savage What are your thoughts on two Doms sharing one sub? The scene I envision includes the domination of the other Dom. Do some Doms enjoy the submission to another Dom while also enjoying dominating the sub? It’s probably best to put it into the context of my fantasy. I tie my sub to a chair or tie her down and then send a Snapchat to her other Dom. I invite the other Dom to come over and have his way with her. I would then leave, but they must stop immediately when I return, no matter where they are.

The other Dom must then leave, and I do what I want from that point. Is this something I should talk with the other Dom about beforehand or should I just do it and see what happens? I’ve talked to my sub, and she is really into that scene, but she doesn’t know how her other Dom would feel about it.

Dominate Other Man Sharing a sub could strike me as a great/hot idea, DOM, but my feelings are irrelevant — the scene isn’t going to work if the other Dom thinks the idea is terrible/lame. That said, I don’t see any harm in waiting until your sub is tied down to propose this scene—lay out the details out in advance on Snapchat, not once he’s in the room, so he’ll be free to take a pass if the scene doesn’t appeal to him. But by waiting, you run the risk of discovering, after it’s all set up, after you’ve sent the Snapchat, that her other Dom lo ves the idea but is out of town/watching the GOP debate/sitting shivah/whatever.

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Longtime reader and listener (magnum podcast subscriber!) here, and I have a conundrum.

My partner and I have a DADT agreement in regards to extramarital relations. I’m a fortysomething woman who travels a lot on business, and I find those trips a great opportunity to have NSA flings with younger men, all in good fun. So far, Tinder seems

to be a good way to meet people, and I try to take precautions to ensure they are who they say they are by checking them out on social media and meeting them first in a public place. But a girl can’t be too careful. Sometimes I wish I had someone I could call and just say, “Hey, I’m hosting a stranger tonight at my hotel. Could you call me at a specific time to check he hasn’t chopped me up into little pieces?”

My partner can’t be that person because of the whole DADT thing.

My friends don’t know about my flings. And the front desk seems inappropriate. Is there an app out there providing this kind of service? Or does someone need to create one?

Seeks Discreet Call Service A Tinder-like app to hook up random people who are about to hook up with other random people so the randos who met via the Tinder-like app can verify neither was murdered by the randos they met via Tinder itself? Sounds a little complicated, SDCS, and I’m not sure the market for your proposed app is big enough to attract investors. I also don’t think introducing a second potentially unreliable and/or sinister stranger into the mix is going to make your hotel hookups appreciably safer.

Here’s a better idea/simpler life hack: Schedule a wake-up call for an hour or two after your Tinder rando is due to arrive. You can schedule wake-up calls for any time of day, SDCS, and in nicer hotels you can even ask the front desk to ring you personally instead of scheduling a robocall. Just tell the receptionist you’re a heavy sleeper and you need them to verify that you’re awake/alive in time for your big meeting.

Or you could take a risk and confide in a friend about your open marriage, your flings, and your need for a safety buddy.

Start the New Year right and subscribe to the Savage Lovecast: savagelovecast.com. mail@savagelove.net @fakedansavage on Twitter

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1 How-___ (instructional books) 4 Kind of bar lic.

7 “Today” rival, initially 10 Chiding sound 13 “Not my call” 15 FF’s opposite, on a VCR 16 “That’s ___ quit!”

17 Malaria medicine 18 Canniest, for instance 20 Group that keeps count from AK to WY 22 “A garter snake!”

23 DDE’s command in WWII 24 Denounces strongly 26 Armenia and Georgia, once 29 James Bond’s first foe 31 Former Texas governor Perry 32 “Don’t reckon so” 34 Singer-songwriter Redding 36 Reticent 37 WWII naval cruiser named for a Hawaiian city 40 Night wear, for short 42 ___ Kong International Airport 43 Congressional assent 44 Feels sorrow over 46 They’re known for 10s and

20s, but not 30s 48 Slipper tips 51 “Snowy” heron 53 Sombrero, for one 54 Audio collectibles 56 1929 Luis Bunuel/Salvador Dali surrealist short film 61 One side of a drill bit, e.g.

62 What student loans cover for 63 Namath, in 1977 64 “May ___ now?”

65 Palindromic 1992 album from Bela Fleck and the Flecktones 66 Bauxite, e.g.

67 Maze runner 68 Gees’ predecessors 69 1/6 of a fl. oz.

DOWN

1 Canadian wool cap 2 Catalogued musical works 3 Stones’ companions 4 “___ Eyes” (1975 Eagles hit) 5 Air purifier emissions 6 Waiting for the London Underground, perhaps 7 Take hold of 8 Restaurant request 9 One of four in an EGOT

10 Dessert made with espresso 11 Steadfast 12 Actress Cattrall 14 1300, to civilians 19 Equipment 21 Dictator 25 Astronomer’s view 27 OR personnel 28 Pageant adornment 30 Like a mechanic’s rag 33 Yell that puts the brakes on 35 Wintertime bird treat 37 Password accompanier 38 Not one minute later 39 Chinese philosopher ___-tzu 40 Tense beginning?

41 As they say, go for it!

45 Denominational offshoot 47 Town square centerpiece, maybe 49 “Billy ___” (2000 movie) 50 Lampoons 52 His and her 55 Break of day 57 “Young Frankenstein” heroine 58 “Sho ___!”

59 “Vaya con ___” 60 Bar assoc. member 61 To and ___

ETC.

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY by Rob Brezsny ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19):

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22): Avoid pain

The raw materials you have at your disposal in 2016 may sometimes seem limited. You might not have access to all the tools you wish you did. You could be tempted to feel envy about the vaster resources other people can draw on. But I honestly don’t think these apparent inhibitions will put you at a disadvantage.

Within your smaller range of options, there will be all the possibilities you need. In fact, the constraints could stimulate your creativity in ways that would have never occurred if you’d had more options.

and pursue pleasure. Be kind, not cruel. Abstain from self-pity and ask for the help you need.

Instead of complaining, express gratitude. Dodge time-wasting activities and do things that are meaningful to you. Shun people who disrespect you and seek the company of those who enjoy you. Don’t expose yourself to sickening, violent entertainment; fill your imagination up with uplifting stories. Does the advice I’m offering in this horoscope seem overly simple and obvious?

That’s no accident. In my opinion, what you need most in 2016 is to refresh your relationship with fundamental principles.

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20): You know what physical hygiene is. But are you familiar with imaginal hygiene? Educator Morgan Brent defines it like this: “Imaginal hygiene is the inner art of self-managing the imagination, to defend it from forces that compromise, pollute, colonize, shrink, and sterilize it, and to cultivate those that illuminate, expand, and nourish it.” It’s always important for everyone to attend to this work, but it’s especially crucial for you to focus on it in 2016.

You will be exceptionally creative, and therefore likely to generate long-lasting effects and influences out of the raw materials that occupy your imagination.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20): Your mind sometimes works too hard and fast for your own good. But mostly it’s your best asset. Your versatility can sometimes be a curse, too, but far more often it’s a blessing. Your agile tongue and flexible agenda generate more fun than trouble, and so do your smooth maneuvers and skillful gamesmanship. As wonderful as all these qualities can be, however, I suggest that you work on expanding your scope in 2016. In my astrological opinion, it will be a good time for you to study and embody the magic that the water signs possess. What would that mean exactly? Start this way: Give greater respect to your feelings. Tune in to them more, encourage them to deepen, and figure out how to trust them as sources of wisdom.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22): Swedish movie director Ingmar Bergman won three Academy Awards and was nominated for eight others. Numerous filmmakers have cited him as an important influence on their work. His practical success was rooted in his devotion to the imagination. “I am living permanently in my dream, from which I make brief forays into reality,” he said. Can you guess his astrological sign? Cancer the Crab, of course! No other tribe is better suited at moving back and forth between the two worlds. At least potentially, you are virtuosos at interweaving fantasy with earthy concerns. The coming year will afford you unprecedented opportunities to further develop and use this skill.

VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22): Many of the atoms that compose your flesh and blood were not part of your body 12 months ago. That’s because every year, 98 percent of you is replaced. Old cells are constantly dying, giving way to new cells that are made from the air, food, and water you ingest. This is true about everyone, of course. You’re not the only one whose physical form is regularly recycled.

But here’s what will be unique about you in 2016: Your soul will match your body’s rapid transformations. In fact, the turnover is already underway. By your next birthday, you may be so new you’ll barely recognize yourself. I urge you to take full charge of this opportunity! Who do you want to become?

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22): The English word “ain’t” can mean “am not,” “is not,” “are not,” or “have not.” But it ain’t recognized as a standard word in the language.

If you use it, you risk being thought vulgar and uneducated. And yet “ain’t” has been around since 1706, more than 300 years. Most words that are used for so long eventually become official. I see your journey in 2016 as having resemblances to the saga of “ain’t,” Libra.

You will meet resistance as you seek greater acceptance of some nonstandard but regular part of your life. Here’s the good news: Your chances of ultimately succeeding are much better than ain’t’s.

the new republic doubled its size, acquiring what’s now Louisiana and Montana and everything between. I don’t think you’ll add that much to your domain in 2016, Sagittarius, but it’s likely you will expand significantly. And although your new resources won’t be as cheap as the 1803 bargain, I suspect the cost, both in terms of actual cash and in emotional energy, will be manageable. There’s one way your acquisition will be better than that earlier one.

The Americans bought and the French sold land they didn’t actually own — it belonged to the native people — whereas your moves will have full integrity.

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18): I predict that 2016 will be your Year of Fruitful Obsessions. In giving this positive spin to the cosmic tendencies, I’m hoping to steer you away from any behavior that might lead to 2016 being your Year of Fruitless Obsessions. One way or another, I think you’ll be driven to express your passions with single-minded intensity. Focused devotion — sometimes verging on compulsive preoccupation — is likely to be one of your signature qualities. That’s why it’s so important to avoid wasteful infatuations and confounding manias. Please choose fascinations that are really good for you.

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19):

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20):

The coming year will be a favorable time for you to nourish a deeper devotion to truth, beauty, and goodness. Anything you do to make your morality more rigorous will generate benefits that ripple through your life for years to come.

Curiously, you can add to the propitious effect by also cultivating a deeper devotion to fun, play, and pleasure. There is a symbiotic connection between the part of you that wants to make the world a better place and the part of you that thrives on joy, freedom, and wonder. Here’s the magic formula: Feed your lust for life by being intensely compassionate, and vice versa.

Your symbol of power in 2016 will be the equal sign: =. Visualize it in your mind’s eye every morning for 20 seconds. Tattoo it on your butt. Write it on an index card that you keep under your pillow or on your bathroom mirror.

Gestures like these will deliver highly relevant messages to your subconscious mind, like “Create balance and cultivate harmony!” and “Coordinate opposing forces!” and “Wherever there is tension between two extremes, convert the tension into vital energy!” Here are your words of power in 2016: “symbiosis” and “synergy.”

THIS MODERN WORLD by Tom Tomorrow

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21): My old friend John owns a 520-acre farm in Oregon’s Willamette Valley. Blueberries are among the crops he grows. If he arranges their growing season so that they ripen in July, he can sell them for $1.75 a pint. But if he designs them to be ready for harvest in late summer and early fall, the price he gets may go up to $4 a pint. You can guess which schedule he prefers. I urge you to employ a similar strategy as you plot your game plan for 2016, Scorpio. Timing may not be everything, but it will count for a lot.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21): In 1803, the U.S. government bought a huge chunk of North American land from the French government. At a price of three cents per acre,

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