On (small) Screens: streaming premieres

[ film + tv ]

Sort Of debuts Thursday on HBO Max; The Strings hits Shudder/AMC+ Tuesday

ON (small) SCREENS IN ORLANDO

PHOTOS COURTESY OF HBO, AMC

New shows you won’t want to miss during your holiday streaming fest

by Steve Schneider

PREMIERES WEDNESDAY:

Marvel’s Hit-Monkey — Following in the tiny footsteps of M.O.D.O.K., Hulu mines more Marvel obscuranta for laughs. Folks, it’s just a matter of time until we get the Millie the Model of our dreams. (Hulu) Tiger King 2 — Hey, look! Just in time for the second season of his show, Joe Exotic has a new book and cancer. Meanwhile, all that poor hitman can manage is a pamphlet and post-nasal drip. (Netflix)

PREMIERES THURSDAY:

Chrisley Knows Thanksgiving — Spend the holiday with a bunch of dysfunctional Southerners who have more money than sense. Or you could skip your family dinner and watch this show instead! (Peacock) Craftopia Season 2B — There’s one thing that could maintain the relevance of this kids’ crafting series as it drops a bunch of new episodes. And I think we all know what that is: a crossover with Squid Game. (HBO Max) Comedy Chingonas — Top Latina talent takes the mic in a stand-up special shot at the 2021 HA Comedy Festival. “You ladies are going to clean up tonight,” said Ted Cruz, speaking literally. (HBO Max) The Curse of Von Dutch — Somebody heard we like documentaries about illfated retail enterprises, so here’s another one. Now do Toys R Us, because I always thought that Geoffrey had “embezzler” written all over him. (Hulu) Dogs in Space — Haley Joel Osment provides the lead voice in an animated series about canines sent into space to find a new home for humanity. In other words, it’s like Interstellar if Matthew McConaughey peed on stuff. (More often.) (Netflix)

The Princess Switch 3: Romancing the

Star — The royal galpals have to work with an old enemy to retrieve a priceless jewel that belongs to the Vatican. Oh, please: The Pope has so much bling he wouldn’t notice if somebody sneaked in while he was sleeping and removed his gold-plated gallbladder. (Netflix) Psych 3: This Is Gus — While the title sidekick prepares to get married, he and his fake-psychic buddy seek the hard truths about his fianceé’s shady ex. The reveal we’re all hoping for: a clandestine throuple with Rizzoli & Isles. (Peacock)

The Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip

— A septet of series all-stars go on vacation together to see what kind of trouble they can get up to in Turks and Caicos. If it’s an international incident you’re hoping for, bet on the two from New Jersey. (Peacock) The Sex Lives of College Girls — Show creator Mindy Kaling has taken pains to point out that her new series about carnally active freshmen isn’t purely autobiographical. I’d joke that it sounds like she was doing the wrong research, but I don’t have much of a GPA in that area to show off either. (HBO Max) Sort Of — Canada sends us a sitcom about a nonbinary millennial of Pakistani heritage who works in an LGBTQIA+ bookstore. Listen, I don’t even care if it’s really a show, as long as Dr. Laura thinks it is. (HBO Max)

PREMIERES FRIDAY:

Cowboy Bebop — John Cho plays the title role in a live-action adaptation of the anime classic. Total tangent here, but isn’t it something that Cho played Sulu yet he’s the half of Harold & Kumar that isn’t gay? I mean, we could only wish the rest of life were that symmetrical. (Netflix) Everybody Loves Natti — A six-episode reality series shows how Dominican reggaeton sensation Natti Natasha completed her latest album while pregnant with her manager’s baby. Right, and we’re all supposed to act like that’s the first time an artist got fucked by her manager. (Amazon Prime) Extinct — In an animated fantasy that’s already played theatrically in Russia, China and the U.K., a pair of donutshaped creatures are transported from the Galapagos of the 19th Century to the Shanghai of today. Good thing they didn’t land at Krispy Kreme, or they’d end up in the belly of everybody with a vax card. (Netflix) The Great — Catherine the Great is pregnant as Season 2 commences — and of course my first impulse is to blame her manager. But with Gillian Anderson added to the cast as Catherine’s mother, maybe we shouldn’t rule out aliens. (Hulu) Harriet the Spy — Beanie Feldstein is the voice of Harriet and Jane Lynch is her nanny in an animated series based on in the book about an inquisitive tween’s attempts to become a writer. The period setting means they didn’t have to retitle it Harriet the Unemployable. (Apple TV+) Hellbound — South Korea is the source of a fantasy series about angels who appear on Earth to rain down hellfire and damnation upon mortals whose behavior has earned it. As Joe McCarthy once said, I have here in my hand a list … (Netflix) King Richard — How has Hollywood chosen to celebrate the landmark accomplishments of Venus and Serena Williams? By making a movie about their dad! Will Smith plays papa Richard Williams in a biopic you can see in theaters or watch on HBO Max with the pricier ad-free plan. Your own father would tell you to go with what’s cheaper, but his ass has never been to Wimbledon. (HBO Max) The Line — Remember Eddie Gallagher, the Navy SEAL who committed all manner of atrocities but got off with a slap on the wrist? Find out how that sort of thing happens in a probing four-part docuseries. It would have been eight, but Kyle Rittenhouse already had the research he needed. (Apple TV+) The Mind, Explained — In Season 2, we learn how the human brain responds to forces like QAnon propaganda. And here you thought that would be the province of a show called The Spleen. (Netflix) Prisoners of the Ghostland — The 1,003rd Nic Cage movie released this year casts Mr. Restraint as an outlaw forced to rescue the granddaughter of a high-ranking official from an enclave of misfits. Astute genre-heads have pointed out an awkward similarity to Escape From New York/L.A., but since it’s a Nic flick, I’m sure it owes nearly as much to delusional psychosis. (Shudder) Tick, Tick … Boom! — Lin-Manuel Miranda directs Andrew Garfield in an adaptation of the late Jonathan Larson’s autobiographical musical. In a new sequence added just for the film, Tobey Maguire and Tom Holland show up to warn Garfield’s Jon that Rent doesn’t really need to ever be a movie. (Netflix) The Wheel of Time — Robert Jordan’s fantasy novels become a series about an elite society of women who are all capable of working magic. The most visible sign? Everything they wear has pockets. (Amazon Prime)

PREMIERES TUESDAY:

Masters of the Universe: Revelation — Kevin Smith caught a lot of flak for killing off He-Man in his sequel series to the beloved 1980s cartoon, but Eternia’s answer to Rocky Horror is back from the dead in Season 2. And that’s a good thing, because those episode-ending life lessons really lost something when they were delivered by Silent Bob. (Netflix)

Reasonable Doubt: A Tale of Two

Kidnappings — The problems of the Mexican legal system are explored in a documentary that begins with a simple traffic accident. Learn all about it in this program brought to you by the law firm of Morgana y Morgana. (Netflix) The Strings — A rock musician who’s recently gone solo retreats to a remote cottage, only to find herself pursued by a mysterious and malevolent force. On the bright side, she’s a lesbian, so we can probably rule out Natti Natasha’s manager. (Shudder) Waffles & Mochi’s Holiday Feast — The former First Lady of the United States brings us a heartwarming special about a yeti with waffles for ears who has to make dinner for a talking mop. No, that isn’t a sentence I ever thought I’d hear either. But why d’ya think they call them edibles? (Netflix)