On (small) Screens

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Woke Season 2 premieres Friday on Hulu

ON (small) SCREENS IN ORLANDO

Streaming premieres you won’t want to miss

by Steve Schneider

PHOTO COURTESY HULU

PREMIERES WEDNESDAY:

The Hardy Boys — Something sinister is lurking in the woods as the Gen-Z remake of the classic teen-sleuthing franchise returns for a second season. Since the dictum “make it more like Supernatural” seems to have worked, we’re probably only weeks away from Alfred Hitchcock and the Three Investigators and Zombies. (Hulu) Jimmy Savile: A British Horror Story — Prepare to feel your skin crawl thanks to this docuseries about the beloved British TV personality whose history of predatory pedophilia only became fully known after his death in 2011. Those perverts sure got away with murder before Madison Cawthorn was on the case, huh? (Netflix) Michela Giraud: The Truth, I Swear! — The Italian actor/ stand-up comic takes the stage in Rome to offer an unflinching description of her upbringing, body issues and other stuff you’re going to find positively hilarious. As soon as you finish eating that tub of Haagen-Dazs and crying. (Netflix) The Ultimatum — Looking for a new barrel to scrape the bottom of, the producers of Love Is Blind trot out Nick and Vanessa Lachey as the co-hosts of a relationship show in which reluctant couples are prodded to either tie the knot or find other partners. “And what would you know about finding other partners, RIGHT?” howls Jessica Simpson, hurling her California roll at the TV. (Netflix)

PREMIERES THURSDAY:

Close Enough — Season 3 of the off-the-wall animated sitcom poses the important question “Are all adult activities just kids’ activities with drinking?” Solid point, but don’t forget NASCAR. That’s Hot Wheels with meth. (HBO Max) Cursed Films II — Get ready for another round of behind-thescenes dish about movies that were just as unlucky to make as they were scary to watch, including Rosemary’s Baby, The Serpent and the Rainbow and Cannibal Holocaust. I keep saying the Zapruder film would be a natural, but it’s like nobody is even listening. (Shudder) Return to Space — The documentary team that scaled El Capitan for the Oscar-winning Free Solo takes on an even larger and more intimidating natural formation: Elon Musk’s ego. The intimate access the filmmakers were granted to Musk’s SpaceX program means there’s no way this portrait of modern-day privatized star trekking is going to be anything other than gee-whiz hagiography. But getting your colon licked clean on Netflix sure beats getting your ass kicked by Vladimir Putin on WWE Raw. (Netflix) See for Me — The next time you’re wondering if you have too many apps, think about this thriller, in which a blind woman’s telephonic connection to an Army veteran is her only hope of fighting off the burglars who have broken into her home. Bet she’s happy she didn’t uninstall DisabilityAndMe when T-Mobile told her to. (Shudder) Senzo: Murder of a Soccer Star — This month, five suspects are scheduled to go on trial for the 2014 killing of Senzo Meyiwa, captain of the South African soccer team. But first we’re getting this five-episode docuseries about the case, just to make sure jury selection isn’t too easy or anything. (Netflix) Tokyo Vice — In Michael Mann’s series adaptation of the 2009 nonfiction book, Ansel Elgort plays an American journalist who gets shown the ropes of Japan’s criminal underworld by a veteran cop (Ken Watanabe) in the late 1990s. On their first assignment together, they learn that “the lost decade” isn’t actually a kidnapping case. (HBO Max)

PREMIERES FRIDAY:

All the Old Knives — A CIA agent played by Chris Pine attempts to learn the identity of an agency mole who caused over 100 deaths; in the course of his investigation, he realizes one of the key suspects is his ex-girlfriend (Thandie Newton). He probably should have suspected something was up when she named Julian Assange as her hall pass. (Amazon Prime) Dancing on Glass — Two ballerinas with the Spanish National Dance Company retreat from the pressures of their lives by pursuing a relationship that lets them hide from the real world. Because as you know, dancers are normally thoroughly immersed in reality. (Netflix) Dirty Lines — In 1986 Amsterdam, some forward-thinking young entrepreneurs launch Europe’s first phone-sex line, to take advantage of a new wave of freedom that’s sweeping the continent as the Cold War comes to an end. The top queries: “What are you wearing? And how long did you have to wait in line to get it?” (Netflix) Elite — For its fifth season, the Spanish prep-school drama adds a bunch of new characters, including the heiress to a nightclub fortune and the son of the world’s most successful soccer player. I’ve thought and I’ve thought about why I find this show unrelatable, and I’ve decided it must be the accents. (Netflix) Green Eggs and Ham — It’s taken more than two years for us to get a second season of the well-received Seuss adaptation, but a brief rundown of its highlights indicates the wait may be quite worth it. How about a version of The Butter Battle Book with voices by the likes of Patricia Clarkson, Rita Moreno and Michael Cera? Buy a Powerball ticket and burn your N95, because you may never be this lucky again! (Netflix) iCarly — Season 2 of the revival reunites star Miranda Cosgrove with her former Josh & Drake castmate Josh Peck, who’s now playing Carly’s manager. Meanwhile, Dan Schneider, creator of both properties, is off somewhere reuniting his hard drive with photos of women’s feet. (Paramount+) Metal Lords — Take that, Rock of Ages: This comedy flick about three teenagers who try to headbang their way to a battle-of-the-bands win is so credible there’s even a shot of frickin’ Manowar in its trailer! Plus, Tom Morello oversaw the music, and the script is by D.B. Weiss, co-creator of HBO’s Game of Thrones. The only way a film could be more metal than that is if the ghost of Lemmy showed up in a mid-credits sequence. And we all know better than to rule that out. (Netflix) Pinecone & Pony — Here come eight animated episodes based on the 2016 Children’s Book Award winner The Princess and the Pony, in which a girl warrior tries to make a fighting steed out of a cute little horse with a gas problem. Hey, tell us about it. We’ve spent those ensuing six years trying to do the same thing with Stephanie Murphy. (Apple TV+) Tiger & Bunny 2 — Twelve years after its Season 1 first aired in Japan, the anime series about corporate-sponsored celebrity superheroes is finally back for another go-’round. Since then, of course, we’ve had The Boys up to our eyeballs, so will the concept retain its allure? Well, one of the new heroes on the team, Magical Cat, announces cryptically that “My ability isn’t shooting out the water I drink.” Whatever that leaves, I bet Homelander could have a field day with it. (Netflix) Woke — Cartoonist Keef Knight tries to balance social justice with commercial temptations in Season 2 of the series that’s kind of like a politically aware My World … and Welcome to It. Up against the wall, mother-Thurber! (Hulu) Yaksha: Ruthless Operations — Shenyang, China, is the site of a showdown between South Korean black operatives and a Japanese spy who masquerades as a lobbyist. You know, it’s always interesting to learn about cultures in which a lobbyist isn’t the worst thing you could be. (Netflix)

PREMIERES TUESDAY:

The Creature Cases — Two animal detectives solve the mysteries of the nonhuman world in an animated series that’s engineered to impart zoological facts to kids ages 4-7. I fully expect those children to follow in the footsteps of us oldsters and drop the show like a hot potato the minute they realize it’s trying to teach them something. (They’ve had to do enough learning at home these last few years anyway.) (Netflix) Hard Cell — Catherine Tate of The Office and Doctor Who fame takes on multiple roles in a mockumentary series set in a women’s prison. The plot framework has the inmates gearing up to put on a big theatrical production, which puts the show squarely in the tradition of Marat/Sade, Muppets Most Wanted and a bunch of other things that don’t coexist within anyone else’s brain but mine. Listen, at least I didn’t mention all of the plays I’ve seen that felt like being in prison. (Netflix)