San Antonio Current // Holiday Gift Guide // November 15, 2017

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TERROR IN SOUTH TEXAS Recounting the worst mass shooting in Texas history

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FIRST WORDS 1

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On San Antonians Want Academy Sports to Stop Selling Semi-Automatic Guns // It's like Mexican restaurants being held responsible for obesity and heart disease. Current appearing foolish again. Stick to reviews of food an drink. [sic] — Doug Wachowski On Bexar County Voter Turnout Lowest in 23 Years// Sad but not a shocker but then again this is San Antonio we talking about. The city where many of it's citizens will camp out a day before a damm parade before fiesta rather than taking the 3 minutes to vote on some local issues.

— Anthony Cardenas On Following Sutherland Springs Shooting, Sen. Cornyn Proposes Law to Actually Make Military Follow the Law // I thought their excuse about gun control is that a law can't change the behavior of people who don't want to follow it... how is this any different? — Scott Ontiveroz

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Issue 17_46 /// November 15-21, 2017

NEWS

10 Gift Ideas for News Junkies

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CALENDAR

Our top picks for the week

In Hot Water Owner of sewage-saturated mobile home park faces criminal charges

As we gear up for the holiday season and all it entails, we combed the local landscape for homegrown gifts fit for folks who favor music, food, art, booze and news.

Illustration by Jeff Drew 6

CURRENT • November 15-21, 2017 • sacurrent.com

10 Gift Ideas for Art Lovers

School’s Out La Vernia ISD superintendent resigns after high school hit with sexual assault allegations

31

SCREENS

High Note Greta Gerwig’s Lady Bird soars

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FOOD

Food Court Closures for Aldaco’s, El Machito and Brew’s Lee Tea Station sets a date

10 Gift Ideas for Food Lovers

COVER

ARTS + CULTURE

Shutterbugs Unite 4x5 Photo Fest focuses on accessibility, community in its second year

Shots Fired San Antonians want Academy Sports to stop selling semi-automatic guns

Eastside Soul What’s old is new at Tony G’s Soul Food

ON THE

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MUSIC

10 Gift Ideas for Music Lovers Meet Hairkut San Antonio’s newest punk rock band

58

ETC.

Savage Love Jonesin’ Crossword Freewill Astrology

Music Calendar What to see and hear this week

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NIGHTLIFE

10 Gift Ideas for Boozehounds Missing The Mark Target’s California Roots Wine is a sad medley of fruit flavors in a well-designed bottle

sacurrent.com • November 15-21, 2017 • CURRENT 7

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NEWS

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CURRENT • November 15-21, 2017 • sacurrent.com

It’s been a rough year in news. Okay, so that’s an understatement.

Even if you try to avoid staying on top of the news, it’s damn near impossible to dodge the constant shitstorm of breaking news coming from the new administration. If anything, this year has taught us the importance of understanding local politics and community — and the history that it’s built on. We’ve built a list of San Antonio and South Texas-centric gifts that’ll help anyone stay on top of local news that matters and understands why it matters. No alternative facts, we promise.

NEWS

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CURRENT • November 15-21, 2017 • sacurrent.com

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NEWS

HOT WATER ≥

Owner of sewagesaturated mobile home park faces criminal charges

ALEX ZIELINSKI | @ALEX_ZEE

It’s been over a year since city staffers discovered several septic tanks leaking raw sewage straight into the soil of a Northwest Side mobile home park. It appeared tenants of the 64-unit Oak Hollow Mobile Home Park, who were mostly families, had been living with the smell for months, if not years. And it also appeared that the tenants’ landlord, Joseph Mangione, had no intention of fixing it. Mangione instead saw the city’s intervention as an excuse to evict all tenants and sell the property.

In a tangle of emergency tenant meetings and multi-agency coordination, the office of then-District 8 Councilman Ron Nirenberg was able to cobble together a fix to rehouse the displaced, disrespected tenants on the city’s dime.

“Our concern was two-fold: First we made sure the residents were living in a safe place where their kids could keep attending the same school,” said Nirenberg, who’s since been elected mayor. “And then we threw the book at the slumlord.”

On Thursday, Nov. 9, a grand jury indicted San Man,

Inc., Mangione’s business, for knowingly dumping raw sewage “into or adjacent to water in the State of Texas, which threatened to cause water pollution.” According to the indictment, this criminal act began in April 2014 and continued until November 2016. In a press release, the city said this type of charge is “significant” because property owners are rarely held accountable for environmental issues on their land.

If convicted on the felony charge, Mangione could face a fine up to $250,000. He'll also have to financially compensate the city for the cost of moving and housing his former tenants.

A few tenants still live on Mangione's property in units the city deemed to be livable last year. The indictment, however, is the final nail in the coffin — the park is officially shutting down. The city's offering up to $4,500 in relocation fees for each remaining tenant.

When Nirenberg’s office first discovered Mangione’s sewage-saturated property, tenants said he’d often ask inexperienced residents to fix septic tank leaks and electrical

SCHOOL’S OUT

issues in exchange for lower rent. When tenants still complained of unsanitary and unsafe conditions, Mangione threatened eviction — or worse. Some told city staffers that their landlord threatened to tell immigration officials about certain undocumented tenants if they complained.

“This is about a mobile home millionaire that has let property go into decay to the point that government has to force compliance,” Nirenberg told the Current a year ago.

Back then, the city’s hands were often tied when it came to holding negligent landlords accountable. But now that he’s mayor, Nirenberg’s able to rewrite the book. That means improving the inspection process of these kind of mobile home parks (and any rented space, really), and actually enforcing some of the standards the city already has in place. Mangione's indictment comes as a warning shot to other maintenance-dodging property owners.

“For me, this is an opportunity to proactively show that if you are going to do business in the city of San Antonio and your business is to provide shelter for people, we are going to hold you to certain expectations,” Nirenberg said.

La Vernia ISD superintendent resigns after high school hit with sexual assault allegations

ALEX ZIELINSKI

The superintendent of La Vernia Independent School District has resigned after a year plagued with staggering sexual assault allegations out of La Vernia High School.

Jose Moreno resigned after the district’s Board of Trustees held a public hearing on Nov. 9 to evaluate his 3-year stint at the district — and then voted to “invite” Moreno to resign.

“The board gave no reasons for the decision,” the La Vernia News posted on Facebook.

According to the News, no one in the audience spoke out against Moreno prior to the vote — only in praise of the superintendent’s leadership through a particularly rocky patch.

In March, police arrested 13 members of LVHS male varsity teams for the alleged sexual assault of more than 20 younger male students. According to victim testimony,

the suspects called anally raping boys with various objects “hazing.” Police, and the Texas Rangers, didn’t see it that way.

Police estimated this kind of ‘hazing’ had been going on for more than three years at LVHS — both on and off campus. For parents, the idea that coaches or teachers may have known about this and brushed it off was infuriating.

They turned to Moreno for explanations and solutions.

At least one family of a young victim sued the school district, accusing school officials of turning a blind eye to a series of “sadistic hazing rituals.” Moreno gave parents little to work with, saying he couldn’t discuss an open investigation.

“All children deserve due process and the privacy they’re entitled to,” he told a packed room of parents and students at the first board meeting after the arrests. He did not fire

any employees after the allegations, but nearly 30 LVISD employees have resigned or retired in 2017 alone.

Since the early-2017 arrests, two other cases of sexual abuse have risen from LVHS’ halls. In May, a high school student was arrested for allegedly filming child pornography on campus. Four months later, a LVHS math teacher was sentenced to 12 years for distributing child pornography.

But it’s still unknown what drew the board to vote Moreno out, especially with so many parents behind him. In Facebook comments, angry parents of LVISD kids accused the board of ignoring the communiy's needs — and just making Moreno the scapegoat for the years’ scandals.

The board has temporarily appointed LVISD human resources director Shannon Burns to fill Moreno’s role. sacurrent.com • November 15-21, 2017 • CURRENT 13

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CURRENT • November 15-21, 2017 • sacurrent.com

NEWS

Shots

Fired ALEX ZIELINSKI

San Antonians want Academy Sports to stop selling semi-automatic guns ALEX ZIELINSKI | @ALEX_ZEE

≥

Days after Devin Kelley killed 26 members of Sutherland Springs’ First Baptist Church with an AR-15 assault rifle, Academy (the store where Kelley had legally purchased the gun) advertised a new “hot deal” online: Discounted boxes of the very bullets Kelley used in his attack.

“Academy is supposed to be better than this,” said Shannon Perez, who helped organize a protest in front of a San Antonio Academy store on Saturday.

But it wasn’t just the questionable marketing that brought Perez and a group of 30 parents, kids, and other gun control advocates outside on a drizzly Saturday afternoon. They want the Texas sporting goods store to stop selling semiautomatic firearms altogether.

“CVS stopped selling tobacco. HEB doesn’t sell liquor.

Academy shouldn’t sell assault rifles,” said Yonhui Bell, who came to the rally with three of her kids. “This isn’t meant to be political, or partisan. This is about a store where you take your children that’s selling guns that have been used to kill children.”

The group knows it wasn’t Academy’s fault that a

criminally violent man bought an assault rifle from its store — when staff ran Kelley through a federal background check for gun buyers, his name came up clean. The U.S. Air Force has since admitted that it failed to submit his domestic assault conviction into the database. That conviction should have kept him from ever purchasing firearms. But, the group argues, that doesn’t mean the company should shed all guilt.

“It’s not their fault he bought the gun from them. But they need to hold themselves responsible,” Perez said.

Academy currently sells more than one hundred different semi-automatic weapons on its online store.

Shortly after the Nov. 5 shooting, Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton said that if more people were armed in First Baptist Church last Sunday, it's likely less people would have died. To Perez, this kind of statement is infuriating — and wildly uninformed.

“A semi-automatic weapon is designed to kill many people in a very short amount of time. Seconds. There’s no way anyone in that church could have reached for a gun before they were hit,” Perez said.

If Kelley had come in with a handgun or shotgun, Perez said, the churchgoers would have likely had time to react and stop him. But a semi-automatic weapon is an entirely different type of killing machine.

Many cars honked and waved as they whizzed past the small protest. But some revved their engines to intimidate the group — one truck purposefully spewed dark black exhaust onto a group of kids holding homemade signs reading “guns are bad” and “play with balls not guns.”

Bill Wilkie, a former San Antonio police officer, came to the protest to debunk the belief that semi-automatic weapons are just for hunting. “I grew up going sport hunting in Texas,” he said. “And let me tell you — you don’t need a semi-automatic weapon to hunt animals. There has to be a line. Yeah, some people want to own bazookas, but we don’t sell those. Why should this be any different?”

Wilkie admitted that this specific focus is only part of the work that needs to be done, nationally, to combat gun violence.

“It’s one of many steps. We need new legislation, new laws.

But this is supposed to be a family sports center,” he said. “All we’re asking is to be more responsible to your community.” sacurrent.com • November 15-21, 2017 • CURRENT 15

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CURRENT • November 15-21, 2017 • sacurrent.com

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Jak Knight At this point probably best known for his voice-over work — as good-natured D-Leaguer Denver Levins in NBA2K17’s career mode or as DeVon on Netflix’s animated series Big Mouth, for which he also works as a staff writer — stand-up Jak Knight THU was named a New Face at 2015’s Just for Laughs. While many comics are already in their mid-30s with more than a decade in the industry by the time they’re named a “New Face” at the Montreal comedy festival, Knight seems much less far removed from the pubescent school kids on Big Mouth, but you can tell his new face will most likely one day be an old famous face in comedy by the way he reacts when he isn’t doing well on stage. That’s not to say Knight, whose good-natured riffs on our shared reality (sex, politics, police brutality, etc.) take a circuitous, almost-spontaneousseeming route to the heart of the matter, doesn’t land killer punchlines, but that he’s unafraid to take a less-traveled, sometimes even highly warned-against road to get there.

And when the audience begins to pull back is exactly when he leans in and grins. Get used to him, and enjoy the ride. $16, 8pm Laugh Out Loud Comedy Club, 618 NW Loop 410, (210) 541-8805, lolsanantonio.com. — Jeremy Martin

‘The Upside Down’

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COURTESY OF GRUPO JNS

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CURRENT • November 15-21, 2017 • sacurrent.com

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Although the mention of ’90s pop might bring to mind Spice Girls and Backstreet Boys, the ’90s Pop Tour touching down at the Freeman Coliseum celebrates pop en español acts who ruled the charts en los noventas (hence the tour’s signature hashtag #vivelosnoventas). Uniting eight heavy hitters of varying sounds and styles, the tour packs in live sets from Grupo Jeans (pictured, aka JNS, a revolving-door girl group that climbed the charts with their 1998 hit “Enferma de Amor,” disbanded in 2008 and rebooted with a reconfigured lineup in 2015); Fey (born María Fernanda Blázquez Gil, a Monterrey native who reached international audiences with her 1996 hit “Azucar Amargo”); OV7 (formerly La Onda Vaselina, a five-piece that drew early inspiration from the 1950s vibes of Grease and topped international charts with “Mírame a los Ojos” and “Te Quiero Tanto Tanto”); Grammy-nominated Mexican singer-songwriter Aleks Syntek (who’s won over an international fan base with a musical approach that’s simultaneously polished and unplugged); Caló (Mexico’s answer to Ace of Base); party-ready Argentinean outfit The Sacados; Mexican actress and THU vocalist Irán Castillo; and Puerto Rican Menudo spinoff MDO. $57-$202, 8pm, Freeman Coliseum, 3201 E. Houston St., (210) 226-1177, freemancoliseum.com. — Bryan Rindfuss MUSIC

SATURDAY, MARCH 24 • ON SALE FRIDAY! 18

Creative duo Las Lloronas is calling all binge-watchers to don their hazmat gear and venture into “The Upside Down” for a Stranger Things-themed art show benefitting Autism Speaks. Local artists and vendors — including Casas Ink, Violet Serpentine and The Wednesdays — will descend upon Brick with their best and strangest wares for a night celebrating Netflix’s breakout hit, which premiered its second season in late October.

Feel free to grab yourself a drink at Brick’s bar and jam out to an early ’80s playlist, but keep an eye out for flickering lights and unexplained slime … the demogorgon isn’t guaranteed to make an appearance, but you may want to grab your nail bat on the way out of the house.

You know, just in case. $5, 6-11pm, Brick at Blue Star, 108 Blue Star, (210) 262-8653, THU facebook.com/laslloronas.

— Kelly Merka Nelson ART

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Art in the Garden

The San Antonio Botanical Garden continues its commitment to the arts via its Art in the Garden initiative. By bringing works of art, some permanently and some temporarily, into its confines, the garden is able to add another dimension of aesthetic joy to the experience it provides, and, as a bonus, to invite visitors to look at its botanical collections in fresh ways. Opening Thursday, and on view until February 18, the garden’s latest artistic foray will bring the clay sculptures of local ceramics master Diana Kersey to the Lucile Halsell Conservatory. Kersey’s work, which readers may know from her totem-like, nature-worshipping installation at VIA’s Five Points hub, or one of her other public art contributions around town, is uncannily organic, celebrating natural shapes and the patterns that emerge from the generous chaos of the Earth herself. Kersey, who will bring an array of objects large and small for this installation, is one of the most imaginative potters around, somehow commanding the clay with the playful precision of a brilliant painter. $9-$12, 5:30-7pm, San Antonio Botanical Garden, 555 Funston Pl., (210) 536-1400, sabot.org. — James Courtney ART

THU

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Shakespeare on the River: The Taming of the Shrew

Spurs vs. Thunder Just a few seasons ago, the Oklahoma City roster boasted three MVP candidates in Kevin Durant, James Harden and Russell Westbrook, who claimed the NBA’s highest individual award last season. With Durant chasing titles in Oakland and Harden causing mayhem in Houston, the Thunder constructed a new big three in the offseason, landing Carmelo Anthony and Paul George via trade. OKC’s latest triumvirate may not be as talented as their original, but they are arguably more intriguing. Along with Westbrook, Anthony remains one of the more mercurial talents in the game and, aside from injury, George has yet to refine his NBA narrative. Spurs versus Thunder has been a must-see matchup since 2012’s Western Conference Finals, and this latest iteration should not disappoint. $42-$1,579, 7pm, AT&T Center, FRI One AT&T Center Pkwy., (210) 444-5000, attcenter.com. — M. Solis SPORTS

ARKANSAS SHAKESPEARE THEATRE

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SPURS SPORTS AND ENTERTAINMENT

The Magik Theatre presents a celebration of Shakespeare with a performance of The Taming of the Shrew, believed to have been written around 1590.

The production marks Arkansas Shakespeare Theatre’s second visit to San Antonio, the previous being at last year’s Shakespeare in the Park. The play, which is performed as part of a prank on a drunk, surrounds male competition for a bride and the manipulation of Katharina, an assertive and quick-witted daughter of a lord in Padua, Italy. Because her younger sister, Bianca, isn’t allowed to marry until Katharina has found a husband, Bianca’s suitors try to find a man for Katharina. Enter Petruchio. Once wed, he tricks and breaks down Katharina in various ways with the goal of eventually “taming” her to be the proper submissive wife (you know, the “desirable” kind). Meanwhile, the competition over Bianca gets tangled, adding nicely to the display of archaic gender politics. Free, THU-SAT 7:30pm Thu-Sat, La Villita, Arneson River Theatre, 418 Villita St., (210) 227-2751, magiktheatre.org. — Kelsey Valadez THEATER

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CALENDAR NIGHTLIFE

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SAT

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Formed three decades ago with a mission “to support and strengthen Chicano/Latino culture and identity,” Centro Cultural Aztlan is many things at once — an early champion of Día de los Muertos celebrations, steadfast supporter of emerging artists, an anchor of the Deco District and a community hub for everything from the annual Mole Throwdown to themed exhibitions and the seasonal favorite Zonarte. The first of many artisan-focused markets on the horizon, the weekend affair tempts shoppers and browsers with unique prints, paintings, sculptures, jewelry, textiles, folk art and other one-of-a-kind offerings from nearly 30 artists and makers, including Sandra Estrada, Esther Guajardo, Iliana Mendez, Lupe “Spike” FRI-SUN Muñoz, JD Morera and Sylvia Tijerina. Free, 6-9pm Fri, 10am-6pm Sat-Sun, Centro Cultural Aztlan, 1800 Fredericksburg Road, Suite 103, (210) 432-1896, centroaztlan.org. — BR SPECIAL EVENT

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Texas Body Paint Competition Since its launch in 2010, Beyond the Canvas has grown into an arts organization associated with nearly 100 body painters, special effects artists, models, photographers and other creative types. Founded by art and music enthusiast Tomas Vasquez and sponsored by the Avenida Guadalupe Association, the collective regularly comes together for showcases, competitions and special events in San Antonio (as well as Louisiana, South Carolina, Georgia and New York) and also works with area charities such as the Believe It Foundation, a nonprofit dedicated to “the inclusion of kids with physical challenges into the lives and experiences of their typical peers.” Through their outreach efforts with the Believe It Foundation, BTC has touched the lives of kids like 18-year-old Xavier Sanchez. Born without arms or legs, Sanchez recently visited the Beyond the Canvas studio and found a new level of confidence after being transformed with body paint. Following a theme of “Dreams and Delusions,” the outfit’s 10th annual Texas Body Paint Competition brings together 25 body paint artists and 25 “live canvases” for a creative battle with guest judges from the reality series Skin Wars, performances by hoop artists, the Afro-Brazilian troupe Capoeira Luanda and stand-up comic Cleto Rodriguez, and more than $1,000 in cash prizes. $25-$50, 7pm-midnight, Guadalupe Theater, 1301 Guadalupe St., (210) 271-3151, beyondthecanvas.org. — BR SAT SPECIAL EVENT

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COURTESY OF BEYOND THE CANVAS

Most know the nonprofit organization TED (Technology, Entertainment and Design) as a source for engaging and intellectually stimulating talks covering a wide range of subjects, or as they bill it, “ideas worth spreading.”

TEDxSanAntonio has selected 16 speakers to share such talks in 18 minutes or less on this year’s theme of “Now Is the Time.”

Speakers include Eric Cooper, President and CEO of the San Antonio Food Bank; Sonny Melendrez, radio personality and inspirational speaker; and Janet Trevino (pictured), professional platonic touch and cuddling specialist. Cooper will deliver a talk titled “Volunteer Prozac,” covering the mental health benefits of volunteering, while Melendrez’s talk, “Intentional Enthusiasm,” mirrors his book The Art of Living with Enthusiasm. The book aims to guide readers through ways to incorporate enthusiasm into their daily lives. Trevino’s talk will present the healing effects of physical touch and how to access it. Other speakers’ talks will cover dance, healthcare, politics, gastronomy and more. $45$100, 10am-5pm, Witte Museum, 3801 Broadway, (210) 357-1900, greatstuff. tedxsanantonio.com/tedxsanantonio-2017.

—KV TALKS

Zonarte COURTESY OF CENTRO CULTURAL AZTLAN

TEDxSanAntonio

COURTESY OF JANET TREVINO

COURTESY OF SOUND CREAM AIRSTREAM

‘The San Antonio List’

On view at the San Antonio Museum of Art through December 31, revered photographer and director Timothy GreenfieldSanders’ series “The Latino List” explores 21st-century Latin@ identity via 31 portraits of notable figures, including such familiar faces as author, MacArthur “Genius” and former San Antonio resident Sandra Cisneros (The House on FRI Mango Street, Caramelo, Woman Hollering Creek), politician Henry Cisneros (San Antonio Mayor from 1981 to 1989 and Secretary of Housing and Urban Development from 1993 to 1997), and actress and philanthropist Eva Longoria (Desperate Housewives, Eva’s Heroes). If you’ve yet to take in the exhibition, SAMA’s special event “The San Antonio List” presents a unique viewing opportunity with an abundance of local flavor. After kicking off with a Q&A with beloved yet controversial Spanish-language radio personality Eddie “Piolín” Sotelo (whose nickname translates to Tweety Bird), the evening takes shape in a panel discussion on “what it means to be Latino/ a/x in San Antonio” between Texas State Representative Diego Bernal, City Councilman Rey Saldaña, visual artist and entrepreneur Ana Fernandez, Puro Pinche founder Stephanie Guerra, Giant Noise San Antonio president Rose Reyes, Boulevardier Group co-founder Jeret Peña and moderator Gilbert Garcia of the San Antonio Express-News to be followed by drinks (cash bar provided by The Brooklynite) and a Latin-inspired DJ set in the West Courtyard courtesy of Sound Cream Airstream. $5-$15, 6-10pm, San Antonio Museum of Art, 200 W. Jones Ave., (210) 978-8100, samuseum.org. — BR SPECIAL EVENT

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CALENDAR

ART ”All This and Heaven Too” Curated by

Rene Paul Barilleaux, the McNay’s Chuck Ramirez career retrospective brings together a comprehensive selection of the late local artist’s large-scale photographs (depicting wilted bouquets, cuts of meat, destroyed piñatas, empty chocolate boxes and other curiosities) as well as a to-scale recreation of his 1999 Artpace show “Long Term Survivor.” $5-$20, 10am-4pm Wednesday, 10am-9pm Thursday, 10am-4pm Friday, 10am-5pm Saturday, noon-5pm Sunday, 10am-4pm Tuesday; McNay Art Museum, 6000 N. New Braunfels Ave., (210) 824-5368.

“$t@tU.S.? Prints from Puerto Rico to San Antonio” Curated by UTSA associate professor Dr. Teresa Eckmann and hosted

by Centro de Artes in collaboration with the Puerto Rican Heritage Society of San Antonio, the group show “$t@tU.S.?

Prints from Puerto Rico to San Antonio” juxtaposes prints created between the 1950s and the present day by celebrated Puerto Rican printmaker Antonio Martorell (as well as his contemporaries and students) with works from seven San Antonio artists who work within the realm of serigraphy. Free, 11am-6pm Wednesday-Sunday, 11am-6pm Tuesday; Centro de Artes, 101 S. Santa Rosa Ave., (210) 784-1105.

International Artist-in-Residence Exhibitions Carrying on a yearlong

string of practicing artists guest-curating Artpace’s International Artist-inResidence program, Brooklyn/Austinbased Michael Smith summoned a performative and collaborative spirit by uniting Heyd Fontenot (Dallas), Martha Wilson (New York) and Lili ReynaudDewar (France/Switzerland). Free, noon5pm Wednesday-Sunday; Artpace, 445 N. Main Ave., (210) 212-4900.

FILM Better Off Dead Video Dungeon Theater

revives writer/director Savage Steve Holland’s 1985 cult comedy starring John Cusack as an avid skiier and high school student who makes several half-assed attempts at suicide after getting dumped by his girlfriend (Amanda Wyss). Free, 9pm Thursday; Oak Hills Tavern, 7920 Fredericksburg Road, (210) 614-8855.

Frozen The City of San Antonio World

Heritage Office hosts a free outdoor screening of Disney’s animated blockbuster following a fearless princess who sets off on a journey alongside a rugged iceman, his loyal pet reindeer and a naive snowman to find her

estranged sister, whose icy powers have inadvertently trapped the kingdom in eternal winter. Free, 7pm Saturday; Mission Marquee Plaza, 3100 Roosevelt Ave., (210) 207-8612.

THEATER. A Doll’s House Henrik Ibsen’s “modern

tragedy” from 1879 digs into gender roles and marriage as it follows the story of a woman whose attempt to help her husband goes terribly wrong.

Kelly Roush directs the Classic Theatre’s production, which sets the play in 1950s American “with a Mad Men flair.” $17$32, 8pm Friday-Saturday, 3pm Sunday; Classic Theatre of San Antonio, 1924 Fredericksburg Road, (210) 468-3900.

Assisted Living: The Musical Rick

Compton and Betsy Bennett’s 75-minute vaudeville-esque revue employs two actors to embody 18 colorful characters residing at Pelican Roost, an active, fullservice retirement community. $34.90, 7:30pm Thursday-Saturday; Tobin Center for the Performing Arts, 100 Auditorium Circle, (210) 223-8624.

Constellations Through the ages, it’s been

a common trope that folks look to the stars when in search of answers about their love life. Constellations, the hit play from British playwright Nick Payne, tinkers with this concept in ways that make for sophisticated yet heartwarming drama. In an exploration of love and astrophysics, especially the concept of parallel universes, the play enlivens the mind and stirs the heart in equal measure. It turns out that we, and by extension our relationships, are as infinite (and complicated) as the universe itself.

Molly Cox directs Jeff Jeffers and Kate Glasheen in The Playhouse’s production. $10-$40, 7:30pm Friday-Saturday, Sunday; The Playhouse, 800 W. Ashby Pl., (210) 733-7258.

Spend the holidays with Magik!

Like Stars, Moonie Seen through the

experiences of one turbulent American family, Morgan Clyde’s original new play explores many manifestations of longing and loss, and the damage that can be done by wounds left unhealed and dreams left unfulfilled. $10-$15, 8pm Friday-Saturday; The Overtime Theater, 5409 Bandera Road, (210) 557-7562.

The Case of the Deadly Detective Killer

Productions’ latest unites Sherlock Holmes, Agatha Christie and Velma from Scooby-Doo in an interactive, improv-heavy, murder-mystery musical. $20 (includes dinner), 7pm Friday; Woodlawn Pointe, 702 Donaldson Ave., (210) 480-5786.

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever

By Barbara Robinson

Season tickets and passbooks make great gifts!

November 21 through December 30

Bring this ad to The Best Christmas Pageant Ever to recieve a FREE popcorn and soda (a $5 value) Downtown | Hemisfair Park 420 South Alamo Street, San Antonio, TX 78205

www.MagikTheatre.org 210.227.2751

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CALENDAR

The Children’s Nutcracker Vanessa Bessler

facing physical, cognitive, sensory and mental health challenges. Free, 10am-2pm Saturday; Toyota Field, 5106 David Edwards Drive, (210) 704-7262.

directs the Children’s Ballet of San Antonio production of the holiday favorite starring young performers between the ages of 3 and 19. $20, 7pm Friday, 2pm Drone Exhibition Focused on inspiring & 7pm Saturday; Scottish Rite Theatre youth to enter STEM-related fields, this & Grand Ballroom, 308 Avenue E., (210) free event with live music, door prizes, 540-8398. games and vendors invites attendees to learn how to solder and safely fly Woman Hollering Creek An original real drones. Free, noon-6pm Saturday; comedy with a farcical flair, Rita Converse North Park, 8200 Spring Town Anderson’s Woman Hollering Creek St., Converse, (210) 802-9583. plays out at Dressy BBQ Fish Tacos — a

restaurant, boutique, and bait-and-tackle Surclovia Headed by District 4 Councilman shop in a fictional town hoping to win a Rey Saldaña, the City of San Antonio and Guinness World Record for the Largest Ball AARP, this Southside event blocks off city of Dental Floss. $10, 7:30pm Thursdaystreets so residents can enjoy a car-free Saturday; Northeast Lakeview College, day by bike or on foot. Free, 10am-3pm Performing Arts Center, 1201 Kitty Hawk Sunday; Pearsall Park, 4700 Old Pearsall Road, (210) 486-5624.

Road, (210) 207-7275.

COMEDY Mike Britt A Brooklyn-based comic who’s

made appearances on Comedy Central Presents, BET’s Comicview and VH1’s Best Week Ever, Mike Britt is perhaps best known as the vocalist behind the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt theme song. $17, 8:30pm Wednesday-Thursday, 8:30pm & 10:15pm Friday-Saturday, 8pm Sunday; Improv San Antonio, 849 E. Commerce St., (210) 229-1420.

Shane Mauss Since his first big break in

The Cocktail Hunt Guests can forage for

cocktails, discover the botanical flavors of edible plants hidden in the garden, hunt for plants to be used in a garden cocktail, and snap a photo of them (no plant collecting, please). A hidden pop-up bar in the garden hosted by the San Antonio Cocktail Conference will provide refreshing libations utilizing the essence of edible plants. $20, noon-2pm Saturday; San Antonio Botanical Garden, 555 Funston Pl., (210) 536-1400.

The Cosplay Ball Dress as your favorite

character (from any book, TV show, movie 2007 (when he took home the title of “Best or video game) for this ball hosted by Stand-Up” at the HBO U.S. Comedy Arts Wayne Holtz with music from DJ Beni Hito.

Festival), Wisconsin native Shane Mauss $3, 8pm Friday; La Botánica, 2911 N. St. Mary’s St., (210) 716-0702. has become a fixture on the late-night circuit and recently launched the podcast TALKS PLUS Here We Are, which takes him across the country to interview scientists about the Astronomy on Tap Stargazers can discuss meanings of life. $16, 8pm & 10:15pm the universe with experts while enjoying Friday-Saturday, 7pm Sunday; Laugh Out craft brews at this inaugural event. Free Loud Comedy Club, 618 NW Loop 410, but donations appreciated, 6:30-8:30pm (210) 541-8805.

Wednesday; Blue Star Brewing Company, 1414 S. Alamo St., (210) 212-5506.

SPECIAL EVENTS AccessAbility Fest Presented by

disABILITYsa, this family-friendly fest offers resources and opportunities for individuals

Make Your Own Mole Workshop Guests

can learn how to make the traditional Mexican dish (mole verde and mole poblano) from scratch using recipes adapted from La Cocina en el Bolsillo, a Mexican cookbook series published by Antonio Vanegas Arroyo in the early 20th century. $10, noon-2pm Saturday; Casa Navarro State Historic Site, 228 S. Laredo St., (210) 226-4801.

“Tales of a Life on the Green Highway”

In conjunction with the Witte’s Wagner Lecture Series, conservationist Dr. Andy Sansom sheds light on the exhibition and accompanying book Of Texas Rivers and Texas Art. $9-$14, 6-8:30pm Wednesday; Witte Museum, 3801 Broadway, (210) 3571900.

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ARTS + CULTURE

As the yuletide season prepares to rear its head, our holiday wish list includes an abundance of items we hope will inspire readers to temporarily unplug devices, tune out tragedies, go totally analog, learn a little, and welcome whimsy with open arms. Beyond good ol’ books (from smart to silly, historical to hilarious), the items below highlight both San Antonio legends (Chuck Ramirez, Mel Casas) and recent additions to our cultural landscape, including shops like Cadeaux and Feliz Modern, and local outfits such as Dawson+Hellmann and Boyd’s of Texas.

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ARTS + CULTURE

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ARTS + CULTURE

Shutterbugs Unite JAMES COURTNEY

≥

4x5 Photo Fest, an annual, daylong event that brings photographers of all skill levels together to swap ideas, techniques, and even photos, is gearing up for its second year. While last year’s well-attended, inaugural fest was held at Brick at Blue Star, this year’s 4x5 Photo Fest will go down at Paper Tiger on Saturday, November 18.

Featuring workshops and talks from well-established photogs, a photo swap, a photo fair with exhibitor booths, and an after party with live music (courtesy of local act Fishermen), 4x5 Photo Fest is as much a one-day buffet of ideas and inspiration as it is a fast-tracked networking opportunity for photographers of varying experience.

Despite a fierce local/regional focus, the fest welcomes talented photographers from across the nation.

The fest, which is the brainchild of three locals — seasoned professional photographers Scott Ball and Josh Huskin, and art/design/marketing wiz Shannon Gowen — centers its mission around “building intentional community by connecting, educating, encouraging and inspiring others.”

We caught up with 4x5 Photo Fest’s organizers, looking to discern what, depending on your level of involvement in photography, you can expect from this year’s event.

Experienced/Professional Photographers For the experienced photogs among us, Gowen noted that the fest’s “artist talks are free to attend and feature bigname talent.” But, she was also quick to add that the fest encourages those involved to “forget about the labels and just look at great work.”

Huskin, for his part, said that “the professional photographer

4x5 Photo Fest focuses on accessibility, community in its second year

has a lot to gain from networking with peers and listening to our great artist talks that will happen throughout the day.” He also mused that “getting out of your studio for the day to go out and celebrate photography is a good refresh.”

Ball sees the fest as an opportunity for experienced photographers to “learn the processes of other like-minded professionals of all different backgrounds,” noting that “4x5 has the potential of inspiring those who want to break bad habits or see things differently.”

Amateurs, Dabblers, and the Like Ball stated that 4x5 Photo Fest is “designed to be accessible and enjoyable for all skill levels” and that “you get out what you put in.” Continuing, he clarified: “Want to make great contacts with creatives in the community? Start chatting folks up. Want to learn the technical process of a photographer? Take down notes during one of our artist talks and ask follow-up questions after the talk.”

All three fest founders noted the importance of generating a sense of community not only around the event, but among local artists and art lovers in general. Ultimately, as Huskin explained, attendees “can expect to leave inspired to go out and make photos.”

Artists in Other Media and General Arts Appreciators For arts lovers in general, Huskin noted that this is a great opportunity to “collect prints during our print swap” and “check out the photographers showing work ... Listening to other artists talk about their work can be inspiring, and you

Clockwise from left: photographs

by Brinson + Banks (first three), John Keatley, Reg Campbell, John Keatley, Verónica G. Cárdenas

can always learn new ways to approach art,” he explained, “even if it’s from a medium you don’t normally practice.”

Meanwhile, Ball stressed the fact that “photographs mean so many different things to different people ... For art lovers, being able to hear the background and story behind an image gives the viewer a unique inside look at what was going on both in front of and behind the camera.”

The opportunity to learn “from world-class talent through our artist talks,” Gowen said, will help foster both inspiration and education in our arts community.

For Gowen, Ball and Huskin, it is important that each year’s fest offer a distinct experience, so that folks are excited to see what new avenues of exploration each incarnation may bring.

Highlights of this year’s 4x5 Photo Fest will include, in addition to the photo swap and print fair, a Lomography DIY Workshop, The Candid Frame (a live podcast moderated

by Ibarionex Perello), a Lumiere Tintype Pop-Up shop, the opportunity to check out cameras for use, and artist talks with Verónica G. Cárdenas, Brinson + Banks, Reg Campbell, and keynote speaker John Keatley.

Visit 4x5photofest.com for full details.

4x5 Photo Fest and After Party Free unless otherwise indicated ($60-$100 for Lumiere Tintype Pop-Up, $25 for Lomography DIY Workshop, $5 for after party (9pm), 11am-midnight Sat, Nov. 18, Paper Tiger, 2410 N. St. Mary’s St., 4x5photofest.com.

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EQUAL OPPORTUNITY EMPLOYER

NOV. 17 • TEJAS BROTHERS

A24 FILMS

NOV. 18 • ZANE WILLIAMS

NOV. 24 • MICKY & THE MOTORCARS

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NOV. 25 • ROGER CREAGER

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SCREENS

A24 FILMS

HIGH NOTE

Greta Gerwig’s Lady Bird soars

≥

Lady Bird, the debut directorial effort from indie darling Greta Gerwig, is instantly a top-five film of 2017. Maybe even top-three. It’s that good.

Filmed in the twilit hues of the California magic hour, this loosely autobiographical coming-of-age tale marks Gerwig as an artist with equal talent and creative force — originality, spunk and heart — on either side of the camera.

The story is nothing more or less than a girl’s senior year of high school. It probes with humor, warmth and depth all of the following: a volatile mother-daughter relationship, the financial strains of college, high school theater, the navigation and pursuit of authentic friendship, the

navigation and pursuit of one’s authentic self, class conflict, sexual tension, the special angst of the early aughts.

Telltale signposts will be familiar to any millennial who attended high school — in particular, Catholic high school — during that time. Immaculate Heart, the Sacramento prep school where Lady Bird McPherson (Saoirse Ronan) wanders and rebels, is bedecked with fashion trends, “We Remember 9/11” signage and cultural signifiers that feel ripped from 2002. One of Lady Bird’s romantic interests is a boy named Kyle (Timothée Chalamet) who asserts his radical status by rolling his own cigarettes and toting Howard Zinn’s The People’s History of the United States.

It’s perfect. And it’s an eye for these details that make this Sacramento world feel so rich and real.

Note: Apologists for the late-’90s Dave Matthews ballad “Crash into Me” will be delighted to learn of its enthusiastic support by the characters (and presumably, the filmmaker).

Opening with a quote from Joan Didion about Sacramento’s blandness, the film becomes a sort of ode to Gerwig’s hometown. Though Lady

SAM ALLARD

Bird calls Sacramento “the Midwest of California,” her love for its urban terrain and its natural beauty (and the people it produced!) abides. To a huge degree, Lady Bird argues, we are defined by where we come from. And that’s a good thing, a thing to savor.

Gerwig is every bit the wit that she revealed herself to be in 2012’s Frances Ha, the marvelous black-and-white indie that she wrote and starred in. Here, the scenes are alive with awkwardness and naturalism. Only once or twice does the humor feel off, as when a JV football coach assumes directorial duties of the high school play. Other moments, as when Lady Bird’s best friend Julie (Beanie Feldstein) auditions for the fall musical with a rendition of the church song “Make Me a Channel of Your Peace,” are laugh-out-loud funny.

But most searingly successful of all are Lady Bird’s scenes with her mom (Laurie Metcalf, famously the voice of Andy’s Mom in the Toy Story franchise). The relationship is hot to the touch and hormonally charged, reminiscent of other teenage-parent dramas you’ve seen before. But these scenes — thanks to the writing and the actors’ chemistry — are electric, both tense and uproariously funny. In the very first scene, Lady Bird and her mom go from tearfully finishing an audio tape of John Steinbeck’s The Grapes of Wrath to shouting about college prospects in the span of 30 seconds. Then, in a move that is pure Gerwig — shocking, funny, painfully plausible — Lady Bird leaps from the moving car. sacurrent.com • November 15-21, 2017 • CURRENT 31

Frank is proud to present a new music series on the third Saturday of the month featuring singer songwriters.

Hosted by Jason Scott, this monthly residency will feature guest artists performing cover songs and original music.

It's a late night set in the heart out Southtown; be sure to show up every third Saturday at Frank, for your acoustic fix.

FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM @FRANKSANANTO • HOTDOGSCOLDBEER.COM • JRSCOTTMUSIC.COM 32

CURRENT • November 15-21, 2017 • sacurrent.com

FOOD

FOOD COURT

El Machito will reopen in 2018

JESSICA ELIZARRARAS + SARAH

La Fogata heads north

>It's the ol' Mexican restaurant switcheroo. (That's a thing, right?)

Blanca Aldaco, owner of Aldaco's Mexican Cuisine, has announced Aldaco's at the Dominion will close this Sunday, November 12. Service that day will run 11 a.m. to 9 p.m.

But the area won't be devoid of Mexican cuisine for long.

In its place, Patrick Richardson of Silo Restaurant Group will open a second La Fogata location this December, according to Aldaco.

"I'm going to focus on Stone Oak, that's not going anywhere," said Aldaco over the phone. Aldaco's Mexican Cuisine has been in San Antonio since 1989, first in St. Paul's Square, then with a second location in Stone Oak in 2008 and finally the Dominion, which opened in 2014.

22211 I-10 Frontage Road.

Tucker’s add Saturday brunch

>Tucker's Kozy Korner is saying yes to more brunch.

Beginning Saturday, November 11 from 10:30 a.m. to 3 p.m. the brunch menu designed by chef Jeff White will be available every Saturday and Sunday.

Starters on the menu include Pigs in a Blanket or fruit cream cheese pastry for $7 each. Plates range from $5-$11 and include anything from American favorites

such as fried chicken and waffles, buttermilk biscuits and gravy, and smothered pork chops over seasonal hash or, for a lighter breakfast, items such as scrambled eggs with peanut butter on toast are also on the menu. Keep it basic with two eggs your way, potato hash, bacon and a biscuit.

The apple brown sugar hand pies, which is topped with brown sugar rum ice cream, powdered sugar and cinnamon, are also on the menu for your sweet tooth or get some coffee for a boost. Bubbles and bloody marys are also available.

1338 E. Houston St., (210) 320-2192.

Thai Dee brings back lunch

>After a brief hiatus, Thai Dee is serving up awesome lunch specials once more. Since Monday, November 6, the Thai restaurant has once again been serving lunch from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m.

This means that for $8.99, you can score one of the lunchtime entrees (pad Thai, pad woonsen, pad see ewe, basil noodles), plus two spring rolls, a cup of soup and unsweet tea — a genuinely fine lunch made by one of SA's best Thai restaurants.

The eatery is open 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. Monday through Saturday. Thai Dee is closed Sundays.

5307 Blanco Road, (210) 342-3622.

COURTESY OF GRUPO LA GLORIA

Closures for Aldaco’s, El Machito and Brew’s Lee Tea Station sets a date

More boba tea on the way

>Brew's Lee Tea Station finally has an opening date, y'all!

Even better, the Alamo Heights tea shop is going all out for its grand opening.

You'll only have to wait until Saturday, November 18, when the shop will open its doors at 10 a.m. The shop, located on Broadway, will host a grand opening from 1 to 3 p.m. that day, and they're pulling out all the stops for the opening.

The first 150 people to show up during the grand opening festivities will earn themselves some swag plus a special surprise. Don't be too sad if you miss it though, the shop will be offering free tea add-ons during the party until closing time at 8 p.m. Students, teachers and military service members will also be able to get discounts (with ID).

4009 Broadway, brewsleetea.com.

El Machito has closed (for now)

>Chef Johnny Hernandez is making moves. The chef has just announced via press release that he'll be relocating El Machito to the Brooks on the Southside.

Hernandez first opened El Machito with all the fireroasted meats in 2014 at The Quarry and added La GloriaCONTINUED ON PAGE 35 ►

sacurrent.com • November 15-21, 2017 • CURRENT 33

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CURRENT • November 15-21, 2017 • sacurrent.com

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FOOD

A Cuban sandwich from The Point on Main

CHRIS CONDE

EASTSIDE SOUL JESSICA ELIZARRARAS

What’s old is new at Tony G's Soul Food JESSICA ELIZARRARAS | @JESSELIZARRARAS

esque features to the menu less than a year ago. The last day of service was Sunday, November 12, if you didn't get that chorizo verde you're going to have to wait.

The announcement also includes details on a new La Gloria, which will make it the fourth in the city.

“We’re thrilled to bring the Johnny Hernandez brand to Brooks,” said Brooks President & CEO Leo Gomez in the press release. “The addition of these two local, high-profile restaurants puts a spotlight on Brooks as an emerging area of San Antonio."

The restaurants are both expected to open in the fall of 2018.

The Point on Main hits the Strip

>After closing in early 2017, the space formerly occupied by The Clean Plate has new tenants. The Point on Main opened inside the wee space in mid-October with a tight menu of breakfast, sandwiches and entrees.

Opened by Jo Ann Karambis, the shop has added a bar area to the interiors while scrapping the outdoor patio and seating (at least for now). Breakfast includes breakfast tacos ($2.25-$3.25), chicken and waffles, buttermilk pancakes, blueberry pancakes, French toast, Belgian waffles, and two eggs with toast, bacon or sausage along with a la carte offerings. Prices range from $4.50 to $14.

Lunch and dinner consists of appetizers ($8 for truffle fries, $20 for a charcuterie board), salads ($10-$13) and sandwiches (including a solid Cuban, and a confusing open-faced hot chicken torta ... on Texas Toast; $12-$13).

The Point on Main is open from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m.

Monday through Wednesday and 7 a.m. to 3 a.m.

Thursday through Sunday.

1022 N. Main, (210) 222-2226.

Snowflake Paradice is now open

>Flora You dreamt of opening a shop that used entirely organic and natural products. While most stores use powder for their boba tea, Snowflake Paradice doesn’t.

That means the staff uses natural ingredients and the freshest produce possible when creating their goodies.

Located on the northside of San Antonio, Snowflake Paradice offers three things: Taiwanese snow ice, boba teas and smoothies. Currently they offer six flavors of the snow ice and let guests choose from a variety of toppings from cookies to cheese puffs and pringles.

But the coolest thing is that everything in the store is as customizable as you want, meaning you can mix all the flavors of your choosing. Currently, there is just one size — a large. But with a price point starting at $5 for the snow and $4.50 for the drinks, it can only get better.

The process to make the snow ice is difficult one. It takes about two hours to create the flavor and about 10 hours for the ice to form in a special freezer imported from Taiwan. They’re constantly striving to improve the quality and create the best product for their customers.

The menu is mostly healthy, catered to a healthconscious crowd. Don't worry, you can add stuff like chocolate to make it not-so-healthy if you care to indulge.

While the location has only been open since October 10, there are already plans to expand the menu and maybe even add some food to the mix.

12730 Interstate 10 W., Suite 303, 210-465-7041.

Send food and nightlife news to flavor@sacurrent.com.

≥

Tommy Moore’s may have closed in 2014 due to foreclosure, but soul food never truly left the Eastside. Tony G’s, which relocated from its original location at St. Paul Square to the former home of Tommy Moore’s, is keeping soul alive.

The space received a deserved makeover — the carpets are gone, as are the transmissions that were left by previous tenants, according to one of our servers. In its place are stained concrete floors, a sleek new paint job, a bar and a new buffet line.

A first visit after opening was shaky — we learned belatedly that an electric panel was out and our order of three lunch entrees took more than an hour to make. That said, the food was everything we needed. The collards leaned on the bitter side during lunch, and the smothered pork chop (covered in a velvety brown gravy) fared better with a steak knife, rather than the butter knife we were given. Still the fried chicken is a must, as is the cornbread and grits (cheesy or chipotle, your choice).

Tony G’s was also known for its brunch, which they jumped back into this weekend in their new digs.

Electrical woes must have been put to rest because brunch was bumpin’ by 10:30 a.m. The never-empty buffet line, emblazoned simply with “Soul Food” held brunch basics such as sausage, bacon and scrambled eggs on one side and then all the hits on the other such as biscuits and gravy, mac ‘n’ cheese, wings and waffles (honestly, more convenient that an entire leg, but the waffle was a tad too sweet), fried catfish, collards — oh, and there’s a meat carving station.

At $22.95 for adults (drinks are extra) and $12.95 for children, the brunch is on par with others, but the jovial and communal vibe sets it apart.

Tony G’s // 915 Hackberry St., (210) 451-1234, tonygssoulfood.com. sacurrent.com • November 15-21, 2017 • CURRENT 35

Charlie Brown’s Neighborhood Bar & Grill Eat, Drink & Be Merry

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CURRENT • November 15-21, 2017 • sacurrent.com

FOOD

Get the gourmand in your life a gift they'll use in the kitchen for years to come or an experience they'll never forget with these gifts we've selected at every price point.

sacurrent.com • November 15-21, 2017 • CURRENT 37

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CURRENT • November 15-21, 2017 • sacurrent.com

NIGHTLIFE

Whether they're a fledging cocktail maker, or a booze lover that loves to go out on the town, we've picked up a few gift ideas for the hooch hound in your life.

sacurrent.com • November 15-21, 2017 • CURRENT 39

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CURRENT • November 15-21, 2017 • sacurrent.com

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sacurrent.com • November 15-21, 2017 • CURRENT 41

THE TROPHY ROOM

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CURRENT • November 15-21, 2017 • sacurrent.com

LOCATED IN THE PEARL. 312 PEARL PARKWAY | BLUEBOXBAR.COM | HOURS: MONDAY - SUNDAY, 4PM - 2AM

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COURTESY OF TARGET

C O L D D R A F T & H A N D C R A F T E D C O C K TA I L S .

NIGHTLIFE

Target’s California Roots Wine is a sad medley of fruit flavors in a welldesigned bottle

COURTESY OF TARGET

RON BECHTOL

MISSING THE MARK ≥

Unique among U.S.-based big-box retailers, Target has enjoyed a reputation as a champion of decent product design, with the whistling teapots, toasters and coffee grinders authored by the late architect/designer Michael Graves likely being the most familiar examples.

But unlike at competitor Costco, wine has not been the serious focus of any of Target’s attention — until now. Enter California Roots.

Starting with the simple but graphically effective labels, it’s probably fair to suggest that the five mainstream wines that make up the line (chardonnay, moscato, pinot grigio, cabernet sauvignon and a red blend — all retailing for $5) have been designed as well. But for what audience?

Apparently not the whimsical, whistling teapot set.

Pinot Grigio // Enlisting some skeptical co-tasters, I began with pinot grigio, a wine that sees some of its best expressions in northeastern Italy and Oregon where it can be at once zesty and appealingly fruity. The Roots label doesn’t say where in California this 2016 vintage comes from, but it’s fair to suggest that we’re not talking cool and breezy climes. The first whiff was of white flowers, followed by peach and baked apple. More apple emerges on the palate; if we’re trying hard, maybe a little tropical

fruit comes along for the ride. But the advertised citrus is nowhere present; the wine is flabby and in desperate need of acid. On a scale of one to five, with five being the highest, let’s say 1 ½.

Red Blend // Red wines made from a blend of grapes have been around for centuries; think classic Bordeaux and its magic melding of cabernet, merlot, cabernet franc, petit verdot and, previously, malbec. Red blends are back in vogue today, but now its no-holds-barred: pinot with Moscato // But if the pinot grigio might be redeemed by zinfandel, merlot with syrah … Roots doesn’t say what a more bracing backbone, the moscato couldn’t care less makes up their 2015 red blend, but safe to say it’s not about high-toned concerns such as structure. Aromas are classic anything. Sweet cherry and raspberry rise to the typical of moscato — floral and raisiny. So far, so good. But top of the glass. The flavors fall into the Jolly Rancher fruitthe palate turns totally honey-sweet and cloying. It’s hard to bomb category. The wine gets a tad less jolly/fruity with imagine where this wine might work — maybe in a spritzer some chilling, but the end result is the same: this tastes like with lemon (lots of lemon) and Topo. Or as a frankly syrupy cheap wine. Score: 1 dessert sipper with a slice of pound cake. Score: 1 Cabernet // Riding reluctantly to the rescue is the Chardonnay // Among the white wines, the 2016 California Roots cabernet: it tastes like real wine — maybe chardonnay takes the top prize by virtue of being less even real cab if we’re being generous. Though there’s not offensive than the others. We assume no oak here, a lot of tannin, there is a suggestion of structure; the fruits, not even in the form of chips, as the nose is clean and while a little plummy/roasty, gain some focus after fridge reasonably bright. On the palate, we get green apple and time; and the notion of an actual finish isn’t totally out of the green melon, and if you let the wine warm some in the question. Chill slightly, don’t expect too much, and you’ll be glass it rewards (or not, depending on your preference), fine at $5. Score: 3 with some pineapple, mango, maybe a little canned fruit salad in light syrup. Serve it on the cold side, in other Sorry, Target. Maybe I’m just not your target audience. I words. Score: 2 ½ think I’ll stick to teapots.

sacurrent.com • November 15-21, 2017 • CURRENT 43

CUSTOM PRINTED

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1031 E Nakoma Dr, Ste 102, San Antonio, TX 78216 44

CURRENT • November 15-21, 2017 • sacurrent.com

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sacurrent.com • November 15-21, 2017 • CURRENT 45

MUSIC

Meet Hairkut JAIME MONZON

San Antonio’s newest punk rock band CHRIS CONDE

≥

104 N. St Mary’s St, San Antonio, TX

OTTMAR LIEBERT • NOV 19

JACK AND JACK • NOV 21

VHT - TRIBUTE TO VAN HALEN • NOV 24

BLUE OCTOBER • NOV 25

TANK & LEELA JAMES • NOV 30

GWAR • DEC 1

FOR FULL LIST OF CALENDAR EVENTS, VISIT THEAZTECTHEATRE.COM 46

CURRENT • November 15-21, 2017 • sacurrent.com

“Oh god, the feedback,” I thought to myself wincing as if squinting would make it easier to endure the screeching piercing the crowd at local St. Mary’s Strip venue The Mix. I’d just left the Mastodon and Russian Circles show at the Aztec Theatre to catch the first performance from Hairkut – a local punk band made up of Paper Tiger’s general manager and talent buyer Ryan Brummett as well as Yoshimoto’s Mauricio Gudiño and ex-The Bolos musician Abel Lopez. I’m wondering if the electronic shrieks are part of the performance or just first show kinks since, all but bassist and band conceptualizer Brummett, are seasoned musicians.

“The band is one part nihilist art project [in the vein of] Chris Burden (a controversial American artist who used the the idea of personal danger as artistic expression for his performances), and one part skuzzy slob-goth punk band,” Brummett told the Current a couple of days before the show. “It’s dark and offensive, with some humor mixed in and I consider it a meditation on life after postmodernism,” said Brummett.

While the the band’s two demos incorporate elements of punk rock and '90s industrial, the debut October 15 performance was unquestionably punk leaning, eschewing any fringes of the industrial textures found on the demos.

The music is a reminiscent mix of protopunk bands like Death (not the metal band), New York Dolls, or more currently bands like Protomartyr and Pissed Jeans.

The trio played for about 20 minutes to a crowd of industry folks including promoters, veteran musicians, and frequenters of th St. Mary’s Strip. It was certainly a family affair, and with Brummett’s investment in the music industry here, not at all surprising watching his colleagues and friends take in the procession of raw punk rock tracks unloading in distorted waves from the stage.

Brummett, who also has been curating unconventional shows through his blogturned-DIY show-curating company Mondo Nation explained that being

surrounded by artists and musicians all the time left him with a yearning to contribute and produce music rather than just showcase it.

“I [curate shows] for a living and I consider that my job but I’ve found what I was looking for [in Hairkut],” said Brummett.

In April, Brummett started going to Lopez’s home. Lopez had left The Bolos and was recording for his project GAGGERZ, and together they started writing what would be the first manifestations of Hairkut. “Ryan showed up my house and was talking to me about his (recent) divorce and he was admiring that I was recording at the time,” Lopez told the Current. “I told him the best way to deal with [anything] is to keep your mind occupied,” said Lopez. He loaned Brummett a synthesizer and told him to “go nuts.”

“The next day the guy went and bought a synthesizer,” said Lopez, and explained that Brummett also bought a Tascam recorder and bass guitar a few days later.

“He fell in love with idea of creation …

I didn’t want to direct him in anyway. I wanted him to experience [music] himself and learn the hard way, as any musician should – not to be spoiled, but bust your ass and fuck up ... It came to a point where I could see what he wanted to do, and [we started recording and] just layering and layering [tracks],” said Lopez.

The band also opened for seminal NYC hardcore outfit Reagan Youth in Corpus Christi last month and are planning on releasing their first album on vinyl in early 2018 with a tour to follow shortly after.

Given the steady involvement of Hairkut’s individual members in the music scene, and San Antonio’s love for all things DIY, the band’s place in the local live music community seems fitting, and a good sign of what’s to come from the Alamo City in 2018.

Thursday, November 30 Paper Tiger 2410 N. St. Mary’s St. papertigersatx.com.

MUSIC

JAIME MONZON

Because your musician friend or family member might not exactly be looking for a CD anymore (especially since they most likely use Spotify or Apple Music), the following list offers a variety of suggestions that can enrich other parts of their artistic personalities. Also, this list will be helpful for the musician or artist on a budget. So whether money’s tight or you don’t know what to get that guitar-shredder friend, we’ve got you covered.

sacurrent.com • November 15-21, 2017 • CURRENT 47

48

CURRENT • November 15-21, 2017 • sacurrent.com

FAVORITES FOR EVERY FESTIVITY Pay less for the labels they’ll love

NOW OPEN

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Meiomi Pinot Noir

Veuve Clicquot Brut NV

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Mix and/or Match 6 or more 70ml and/or 1.L wines and save 10%.

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Use a designated driver.

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From I-35S - exit for Retama Pkwy toward Olympia Pkwy/Forum Pkwy. Merge onto I- Frontage Rd. Left onto Forum Pkwy. Left at the st cross street onto I- Frontage Rd. From I-35N - exit

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sacurrent.com • November 15-21, 2017 • CURRENT 49

CULTURE

tickets

L O C A L C U LT U R E T I C K E T S . C O M

Secondhand Serenade Wed., Nov 15 • 6pm • All Ages

NOV 17 THE USED @ 7 pm W/ GLASSJAW Towr’s

Wed., Nov 15 • 8pm • All Ages

Take Care of Home Benefit & Food Drive

NOV 18 @ 7 PM

Thu., Nov 16 • 9pm • All Ages

21 SAVAGE N.B.A YOUNGBOY

Brash Nov 29 • 6pm • Launch SA Mndsgn

Fri., Nov 17 • 8pm • All Ages

NOV 21 @ 7 PM

FLAW

4x5 Photo Fest

sat., nov 18 • 9pm • All Ages

Sailor Poon + Topo Chica + FEA

Dulce! A Night of Desserts, Drinks & Decadence

Tue., Nov 21 • 8pm • All Ages

NOV 29 @ 7 PM

SALIVA

TO PURCHASE TICKETS AT ANY OF OUR OUTLETS:

papertigersatx.com 50

Box Office at The Rock Box|Mon-Sat:10am- 5pm www.ticketfly.com

1223 E Houston St. SA, TX 78205 www.therockboxsa.com

CURRENT • November 15-21, 2017 • sacurrent.com

Dec 1 • 7pm • Jack Guenther Pavillion at the Briscoe Western Art Museum

Sell Your Event Tickets

On Localculturetickets.com And Get Free Promotion In The Current

Call 210-388-0606 For More Info

MP

MUSIC

EARTHQUAKE RELIEF CONCERT FOR MEXICO

MUSIC PICKS

Sanchos Cantina will host a relief concert benefiting victims of the September 19 earthquake that shook Central and Southeast Mexico. The 2017 disaster struck on the anniversary of the 1985 Mexico City earthquake that shattered many parts of the city. In San Antonio, Jorge Canavati, host of KRTU 91.7 FM’s Jazz de Mexico program, organized an international effort to support those in need. “I just thought, I have to do this,” Canavati told the Current. San Antonio’s NATIAO Latin Jazz Ensemble will be featured along with Ruben V., Los Sancheros, and Natalia Guerrero (Miss Nat-G), a special guest funk vocalist based in Mexico City performing with the Odie Wallace Band. $30, 5pm-midnight, Sanchos Cantina, 628 Jackson St., (210) 320-1840, mxreliefconcert.org. – JJ Lopez WED

SHUTTERSTOCK

15

CONRADO GONZALES

BRUJERIA + PIÑATA PROTEST

Piñata

Protest

THE TEMPTATIONS Before the term “pop music” became synonymous with Madonna and Britney Spears (facts, not shade, hunty), groups like The Temptations (one of the many groups to emerge through Berry Gordy’s Motown Records) were on the forefront of music and were paramount in paving the way for generations of pop stars to come after. Yup, for over half a century now, the group has continued to deliver their smooth stepping, fabulous harmonies and flawless live shows all over the world, which has made them icons in the annals of American music. $49.50-$79.50, 7:30pm, Majestic Theatre, 224 E. Houston St., (210) 226-5700, majesticempire.com. – Chris Conde THU

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MNDSGN AT ODYSSEY FEST Probably best known for his collab with rapper Danny Brown “Sweeney Song,” MNDSGN (pronounced Mind Design) is an American hip-hop producer from L.A. who possesses a catalog of beats which likely could turn you into one of his biggest fans. I try not to get too fanboy in these weekly picks ‘cause taste is subjective, but as a person whose spentf the better part of their 31 years on the planet listening to hip-hop, MNDSGN is sick. And it’s no surprise that he’s the headliner for Odyssey Fest, which will include performances from local folks like Femina-X, and Verisimilitude, as well as many other local acts. $16.82, 8pm, Paper Tiger, 2410 N. St. Mary’s St., papertigersatx.com. – CC FRI

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Brujeria

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FILMFESTIVAL LINZ VIA FLICKR COMMONS

While “mojado-punk” might not be the most politically correct term — certainly uncomfortable for a gringo como yo to commit to print — it’s an apt descriptor of Piñata Protest’s sound, and one that bandleader/accordion punisher Àlvaro Del Norte has frequently used himself to denote the band’s furious, border-hopping, sonic fusion. Regardless of the moniker you give it, Piñata Protest’s Tex-Mex punk music is defiant and full of movement, rage, and instrumental inventiveness. Plenty of folks have taken note, and the band is coming home with metal fan favorites, Brujeria. $22.50-$25, 6:30pm, The Rock Box, 1223 E. Houston St., (210) 677-9453, therockboxsa.com. – James Courtney WED

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MUSIC

PERIPHERY + ANIMALS AS LEADERS After being popularized by bands like Meshuggah, the “djent” movement, (which is basically rapid, palm-muted staccato guitar jabs, over heavygrooving metal beats) sort of peaked around 2011-2012 with bands like Periphery and Animals as Leaders leading the pact. In November, both bands will make an appearance at Alamo City Music Hall. Even though the genre has become less popular over the years, the technicality and musicianship of both Animals as Leaders and Periphery surpasses all those who try and imitate their sound. $25-$27, 6pm, Alamo City Music Hall, 1305 E. Houston St., alamocitymusichall.com. – CC FRI

SHERI GIBLIN

COURTESY OF PERIPHERY

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SHANA FALANA Matching spacey psychedelic over-tones with enough poppiness to be palatable to a broader audience, NYC’s Shana Falana manage to venture into the psych-pop realm without sounding like the million other bands in the genre (it’s not a dig, it’s a compliment, calm down). For instance on “Go,” from the two-pieces’ 2015 album Set Your Lightning Fire Free, the track starts off sounding strikingly similar to The Beatles’ trippy AF track “Tomorrow Never Knows,” and pulls listeners through the swirling corridors of pulsing psychedelia without like, completely losing yourself like the one time you took too many mushrooms. They’re great, as per the majority of touring acts brought here by the folks at K23.

Free, 8pm, Lowcountry, 318 Martinez St., (210) 560-2224, facebook.com/lowcountrysa. – CC FRI

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SA SYMPHONY PRESENTS “BOLÉRO”

SHUTTERSTOCK

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KSYM’S ALTERNATIVE 2 HUNGER KSYM 90.1 is an alternative radio station that has been run by San Antonio College students since 1966. Consistently billing itself as “Your Only Alternative” to standard commercial radio, the station offers eclectic musical programming focused on a wide variety of genres.

This weekend, for the 20th year in a row, KSYM presents its food drive/fundraiser “Alternative 2 Hunger,” which will benefit St. Peter-St. Joseph Children’s Home (St. PJ’s). This year’s party with a purpose will feature local bands St. Dukes (exuberant and intricate indie-pop), True Indigo (gloriously hi-fi psych-rock), SPACE WLVS (altrock), Los #3 Dinners (throwback San Anto rock ‘n’ roll), and The Ghost in the Machine (experimental/ progressive rock). Note: If you bring a whole turkey, aside from getting mad props for lugging a turkey to The Strip, you can get five people in. $5 (or five canned goods), 7pm-1am, The Mix, 2423 N. St. Mary’s St., (210) 735-1313, themix-sa.com. – JC FRI

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True Indigo

OSCAR MORENO

Maurice Ravel’s “Boléro,” easily the French composer’s most famous work, is a roughly 15-minute orchestral piece that was originally intended as a ballet. An exercise in (almost mechanical) restraint and exuberance at once, the piece, beloved by audiences throughout the years despite Ravel’s own tendency to dismiss it as a half-realized experiment, offers little in the way of divergence from its central melodies (passed from instrument to instrument) and a steady, martial tempo. Nevertheless, as “Boléro” builds to final force, the orchestra gets louder and the sound fuller/more complex. Conductor Sebastian Lang-Lessing will lead the SA Symphony in performing “Boléro” as well as other classical favorites from Franz Liszt, Richard Strauss, and Richard Wagner. $25$96, 7pm FriSat, 2pm Sun, Tobin Center for the Performing Arts, 100 Auditorium Circle, tobincenter.org.

– James Courtney FRI

MUSIC

MUSIC CALENDAR

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 15 Bru’s Tunes Live acoustic music. Free. La Hacienda De Los Barrios, 6-9pm

performances by hip-hop artists Bamsworth Belli, Hoodlum, Worldwide, Tony Stacks, Paulito, KP Tha Profit, E.L.S. and more. Cash donation or canned goods. Paper Tiger, 9pm The Temptations and The Four Tops Famed Motown supergroups.$49.50-$69.50. The Majestic Theatre, 7:30pm

Brujeria Death metal band from Los Thursday Night Picker Circle With Ben Angeles and Mexico, joined by PowerFlo, Beckendorf. Free. Luckenbach Dance Piñata Protest and members of Cypress Hall, 5-9pm Hill and more. $22.50-$25. The Rock FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 17 Box, 7:30pm Barb Wire Dolls Punk, grunge and metal Chris Travis Rapper and record producer band from Greece. Joined by Svetlanas.

Chris Travis is joined by Eddy Baker, $12-$15. The Korova, 7pm MTR Fontaine and Dj Scheme on his WATERSZN Tour. $20-$50. Alamo City Devan Jones & Uptown Stomp Jazz with a mix of soulful swing. $10. Luna, Music Hall & Club, 8pm 9:30pm The Georges Texas rockabilly act. Free.

Dojo Heavy metal band joined by Gruene Hall, 6-10pm Blunsplitter and more. $5. Zombies, Secondhand Serenade Pop rock act on 9:30pm the Awake - 10 Year Anniversary Tour.

Friday Afternoon Picker Circle With Joined by Ronnie Winter Defoe of Red Hayden Whittington. Free. Luckenbach Jumpsuit Apparatus and more. $20-$25.

Dance Hall, 1-4pm Paper Tiger, 6-11pm Tow’rs Indie folk act of Arizona, joined by Zach Winters. $10-$12. Paper Tiger, 8pm Traditional Music of the Middle East Featuring bouzouki, oud and clarinet.

Free. Naara Cafe and Hookah, 9-11pm Wednesday Evening Picker Circle With Brent Ryan. Free. Luckenbach Dance Hall, 5pm THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 16 Arts at the Amphitheater | Willow City Czhechaholics Czech polka band as part of the Arts at the Amphitheater music series. Free. Patrick Heath Public Library, 7-9pm Charley Pride Country musician joined

by Bret Graham. $79.50 (Sold Out).

Gruene Hall, 8pm Cpt. Kirk Covington Quintet Live R&B, soul and salsa. $5. Luna, 9:30pm Intocable American Norteño musical group from Zapata, Texas. $25-$50.

Cowboys Dancehall, 7pm Marcy Grace Band Local country pop rock artist. $7-$30. Sam’s Burger Joint, 8:30pm SuperSonic Lips Rock band from Dallas joined by local pop punk act Heather Go Psycho. $2. Bottom Bracket Social Club, 8-11pm Take Care of Home Benefit Show and Food Drive With live musical

KSYM Alternative 2 Hunger Live musical performances by local psychrock band True Indigo, SPACE WLVS, Los #3 Dinners and more. All donations will provide aid to St. Peter-St. Joseph Children’s Home (St. PJ’s). $5 or 5 canned goods. The Mix, 7pm L&M Kings “Honky-tonk” act. Free.

Luckenbach Dance Hall, 4-7pm Metal Sucks Showcase Metal act Cattle Decapitation is joined by Revocation, Full of Hell and Artificial Brain. $22-$25.

The Korova, 7pm MNDSGN Dance/electronic act from San Diego. $15-$60. Paper Tiger, 4pm RANCH \ HOUSE Local indie folk rock act performs as part of Rosella Music Fridays. Free. Rosella Coffee Co., 4-7pm

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Ruben V Local guitarist Ruben V and his band. Free. Rolling Oaks Golf Club Bar and Grill, 8-11pm Skyrocket Austin cover band playing music from the '70s and '80s. $13-$90.

Sam’s Burger Joint, 9pm

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Tejas Brothers “Tex-Mex Honkytonk” act. $12-$15. John T Floore’s Country Store, 9pm The Used Alternative rock band joined by post-hardcore act Glassjaw. $36-$38, Vibes Event Center, 7-11:30pm West Kings Highway Blues, jazz and Americana. Free. Sancho’s Cantina, 7-9pm

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MUSIC

William Clark Green Americana musician joined by Copper Chief. $20. Gruene Hall, 8pm SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 18 21 Savage Atlanta rapper on his Numb The Pain Tour, joined by NBA Youngboy. $32-$180. Vibes Event Center, 8-11pm PICKARTS San Antonio Presents Eddie at 80: Eddie Palmieri and His Latin Jazz Septet Known for fusing jazzy elements with his Puerto Rican roots, 80-year-old pianist, composer, arranger and Grammy winner Eddie Palmieri brings his Latin Jazz Septet to Trinity courtesy of the nonprofit Arts San Antonio. $29-$99. Laurie Auditorium, 7:30-9:30pm Bru’s Tunes Live acoustic music. Free.

Evil Olive Elixir Lounge, 9:30pm Grownhop Music Experience Hosts DJ Elixir and I Sing the Sax Electric. Free.

Whiskey Girls, 9pm Judas And The Beast (Judas Priest and Iron Maiden tribute band) joined by Broken Soul and more. $5. Zombies, 9:30pm MC Magic Phoenix-based rapper and singer joined by San Diego rapper Lil Rob. $45-$100. Alamo City Music Hall & Club, 6pm Red Dirt Rangers Texas red dirt musician.

Free. Gruene Hall, 1-5pm San Antonio Blues Society Texas Americana blues act Johnny Nicholas and more. $20-$60. Sam’s Burger Joint, 8pm Traditional Greek Music and Belly Dance Traditional Greek music and belly dance. Free. John the Greek Restaurant, 6-9pm WC Clark Blues Revue Texas blues legend. $10. Luna, 9:30pm

Hummingbird Armenian soprano Mane Galoyan joins the Atrium String Quartet of Germany for a program of European art songs. Free. San Fernando Cathedral, 7-9pm

C A P T U R I N G S AT X

Nag Champa Original cumbia tracks live.

Limelight, 9pm Ottmar Liebert German guitarist and songwriter known for his Spanishinfluenced easy listening music, joined

by Luna Negra. $14-$45. Aztec Theatre, 8pm Postcards From The Moon Pop punk acts Slick Grip, Sine Cura, The Second After and more. $10. The Korova, 6 pm Sunday Evening Picker Circle With Bill Lewis every Sunday. Free. Luckenbach Dance Hall, 5-9pm Tchaikovsky and Friends Celebrating Masterworks HTxCB presents symphonic works re-imagined for wind band with a performance of Russian master Tchaikovsky’s final symphonic masterpiece, the Symphony No. 6 “Pathetique” and more. Free. McAllister Auditorium, 3-4:30pm

photography | photobooth d r u p h o t o g r a p h y. c o m

Zac Wilkerson Americana/R&B act. Free.

Gruene Hall, 4-8pm MONDAY, NOVEMBER 20 Bret Graham Country artist Bret Graham performs at Gruene Hall. Free. Gruene Hall, 6-10pm Monday Evening Picker Circle With Kathy Bauer and Michael Broussard.

Free. Luckenbach Dance Hall, 5-9pm Swing Nite Huck Johnson and the Jackknives play swinging Texas Blues. $7-$10. Sam’s Burger Joint, 8:30pm Willie Nelson and Family Iconic Texan country singer joined by Drew Holcomb. $70-$333. The Majestic Theatre, 8pm

William Clark Green Americana musician. $20. Gruene Hall, 9pm TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 21 Zane Williams Country musician from Abilene joined by Carson McHone. $12$15. John T Floore’s Country Store, 9pm

Exhumed Death metal band from San Jose joined by Arkaik. $15-$17. Alamo City Music Hall & Club, 7pm

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 19

Flaw Rock band from Kentucky. $13. The Rock Box, 8pm

Bill Chambers Australian singer/ songwriter joined by Arna Georgia. Free.

Gruene Hall, 12-3:30pm BillyRay Sheppard CD Release Smooth jazz, instrumental R&B and standards. $15-$30. Plaza Club, 6:30-9:30pm Gandhi’s Gun Local alt rock/pop band Gandhi’s Gun releases their new EP. $10-$30. Sam’s Burger Joint, 6pm

Jack & Jack Pop duo Jack & Jack performs on their Jack & Jack Present Fall 2017 Tour. $20. Aztec Theatre, 8pm Josh Grider Singer/songwriter joined by Walt Wilkins. Free. Gruene Hall, 6-10pm Sailor Poon Garage/psych/punk act from Austin joined by Topo Chica and Fea. $5-$6. Paper Tiger, 8pm sacurrent.com • November 15-21, 2017 • CURRENT 55

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I was honored to appear with Esther Perel at the Orpheum Theater in Vancouver, BC, a few weeks ago to discuss her new book, The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity. Questions were submitted on cards before the show — some for me, some for Esther, some for both of us — and we got to as many as we could during the event. Here are some of the questions (mostly for me) that we didn’t get to.

I’ve never slept with anyone. My current boyfriend has had sex with many, many partners. He knows I’m a virgin, but I’m worried. Any tips on how I can avoid performing like the amateur gay man that I am?

Give yourself permission to be bad at it — awful at it, inept and halting and awkward.

And remind yourself going in (and out and in and out) that whatever happens, this isn’t the last time you’ll ever have sex.

Some people are good at sex right out of the gate, but most people need a little practice before they catch a groove. But nothing guarantees a bad first experience (or bad millionth experience) quite as effectively as faking it. Faking is always a bad idea — faking orgasms, faking interest, faking confidence — so don’t fake. Just be.

How would you help a woman who has never experienced an orgasm?

I would gift her a mild pot edible and a powerful vibrator.

I’m a woman in my mid-30s.

Sometimes I want to bang it out in 30 seconds but my husband wants 45 minutes. What do we do?

Your husband has a nice solo stroke session for 44 and a half minutes, and then you climb on top or slide underneath for the last 30 seconds.

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I’m a 34-year-old woman. My 40-year-old boyfriend used to date his sister-in-law. One time he said he thought it would be funny if I asked her who was better in bed: him or his brother. Is this weird or is it just a man thing?

It could be both — a weird man thing — but seeing as your boyfriend asked only once, he’s clearly not obsessed.

The question presumably made you uncomfortable (which is why you’re asking me about it), and here’s how you shut it down if he ever asks again:

“I could ask her who’s better in bed or I could go fuck your brother myself and report back.”

What do I do if my wife doesn’t want an open relationship and I do? We haven’t had sex in 11 years, but we are still in love and have two young children.

I don’t understand monogamous but sexless marriages. Because if your relationship is monogamously sexless … wouldn’t that mean you don’t have sex only with each other? Setting that aside aside…

Your wife probably and perhaps reasonably fears that opening up your marriage could result in you leaving her for some woman you’re fucking. But if you’re unwilling to go without sex for the rest of your life, you’re going to wind up leaving your wife in order to meet some woman you can fuck. So the thing she fears might happen if you open the relationship up is definitely going to happen if you don’t.

I’m a 34-year-old gay man. I’ve never had a long-term relationship.

Are long-term relationships even necessary nowadays?

Long-term relationships are nice — I’m happy with mine — but not strictly necessary. They’re not oxygen, iodine, or cannabinoids. The pressure to pair off can make LTRs feel not just necessary but compulsory, and the negative cultural messaging around being single and/or enjoying a series of successful short-term relationships (single people are losers, serial daters “just can’t commit” or are losers) certainly doesn’t help.

How does someone in a straightpresenting, long-term relationship come out as being bisexual/ pansexual?

Someone opens a mouth — preferably their own — and says the words “I’m bisexual/pansexual.”

Is there a way to compromise if one partner wants kids and the other does not?

There’s no such thing as half a kid — at least a live one — so there’s no room for compromise here. Someone has to give or someone has to go. mail@savagelove.net @fakedansavage on Twitter ITMFA.org

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“Chopped” — a little bit off.

ACROSS

1 Lumber mill equipment 5 Frittata ingredients 9 Datebook abbr.

13 Defendant’s response 14 Turing played by Benedict Cumberbatch 15 “___ directed” (prescription phrase) 16 Somewhat 17 First-choice 18 “The Hunchback of ___ Dame” 19 No-frills hair stylings to look like a breakfast mascot?

22 Hall who followed McMahon on “The Tonight Show” 23 Teensy 24 “Fighting” NCAA team 26 “King” bad guy in Super Mario Bros.

28 Barbershop offering 31 Article for the Brothers Grimm 32 1040 recipient 34 Swelling reducer 35 “NFL Live” network 36 Injuries from your book on the beach?

40 Mark Harmon military series 41 Smartphone program 42 ___ La Table (kitchen store) 43 Hockey legend Bobby 44 PC drive insert, once

46 Result of a three-putt, maybe 50 Basketball Hall of Fame sportscaster Dick 52 “Quite so,” in Quebec 54 Channel skipped on old TV dials 55 Sparring with a punching bag for only half the usual time, e.g.?

59 President born in 1961 60 Kristen of “Bridesmaids” 61 Laila and Tatyana, for two 62 Saucer-steering creature 63 Former education secretary Duncan 64 Actress Garr of “Close Encounters of the Third Kind” 65 Houseplant with fronds 66 Cribbage markers 67 Old Internet suffi x for Friend or Nap

DOWN

1 “In the Bedroom” Oscar nominee Sissy 2 Reflectivity measure, in astronomy 3 Creep 4 Fill fully 5 Flyer with exceptional sight 6 World representations?

7 Cat, in Colombia 8 Cold shower?

STATE OF WISCONSIN COUNTY OF KENOSHA CIRCUIT COURT KENOSHA COUNTY No. 2017FA000558 MARY ANN ALEJOS, Petitioner, vs. ALFRED GALLIGOS ALEJOS, Respondent.

NOTICE OF PENDENCY OF ACTION STATE OF WISCONSIN to the above-named Respondent, Greetings: You are hereby notified that the above-named Petitioner has filed a civil action against you in the above entitled Court and cause, the general object thereof being: DIVORCE. Unless you enter your appearance in said cause on or before the 19th day of December, 2017, a judgment by default will be entered against you.

9 Not ___ (nobody) 10 Most trifl ing 11 Pale carrot relatives 12 “The Waste Land” writer’s monogram 15 Mom’s brother 20 Cup, maybe 21 Sources of bile 25 Word after Days or Quality 27 Alley targets 29 Zoo attraction with a big bite 30 Do superbly on 33 “The Blacklist” star James 35 100 cents, in some places 36 Doodle 37 High-altitude type of missile 38 Letters in a car ad 39 Noah’s Ark measurement 40 Election Day mo.

44 Tidied up 45 Providing some “Old MacDonald” sounds, maybe 47 Crooner Robert portrayed by Will Ferrell on “SNL” 48 Complete 49 Compliant agreement 51 History Channel show about loggers 53 Impulses 56 Make a trade 57 Add to the payroll 58 They’re good at landing on their feet 59 Fumbling person

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FREE WILL ASTROLOGY by Rob Brezsny ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Many people go fishing all their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after,” observed Henry David Thoreau. The spirit of Thoreau’s observation is true about every one of us to some extent. From time to time, we all try to satisfy our desires in the wrong location, with the wrong tools, and with the wrong people.

But I’m happy to announce that his epigram is less true for you now than it has ever been.

In the coming months, you will have an unusually good chance to know exactly what you want, be in the right place at the right time to get it, and still want it after you get it.

And it all starts now.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): I predict that during the next ten months, you will generate personal power and good fortune as you ripen your skills at creating interesting forms of intimacy. Get started! Here are some tips to keep in mind. 1. All relationships have problems. Every single one, no exceptions! So you should cultivate relationships that bring you useful and educational problems. 2. Be very clear about the qualities you do and don’t want at the core of your most important alliances. 3.

Were there past events that still obstruct you from weaving the kind of togetherness that’s really good for you? Use your imagination to put those events behind you forever.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You may be entertaining an internal dialog that sounds something like this: “I need a clear yes or a definitive no ... a tender revelation or a radical revolution . . . a lesson in love or a cleansing sex marathon — but I’m not sure which! Should I descend or ascend? Plunge deeper down, all the way to the bottom? Or zip higher up, in a heedless flight into the wide open spaces? Would I be happier in the poignant embrace of an intense commitment or in the wild frontier where none of the old rules can follow me? I can’t decide! I don’t know which part of my mind I should trust!”

If you do hear those thoughts in your brain, Gemini, here’s my advice: There’s no rush to decide. What’s healthiest for your soul is to bask in the uncertainty for a while.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): According to storyteller Michael Meade, ancient Celtic culture believed that “a person was born through three forces: the coming together of the mother and father, an ancestral spirit’s wish to be reborn, and the involvement of a god or goddess.” Even if you don’t think that’s literally true, the coming weeks will be a favorable time to have fun fantasizing it is. That’s because you’re in a phase when contemplating your origins can invigorate your spiritual health and attract good fortune into

your life. So start with the Celtic theory, and go on from there. Which of your ancestors may have sought to live again through you? Which deity might have had a vested interest in you being born? What did you come to this earth to accomplish? Which of your innate potentials have you yet to fully develop, and what can you do to further develop them?

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): I predict that starting today and during the next ten months, you will learn more about treating yourself kindly and making yourself happy than you have in years. You will mostly steer clear of the mindset that regards life as a numbing struggle for mere survival. You will regularly dream up creative ideas about how to have more fun while attending to the mundane tasks in your daily rhythm. Here’s the question I hope you will ask yourself every morning for the next 299 days: “How can I love myself wth devotion and ingenuity?”

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): This may be the most miscellaneous horoscope I’ve ever created for you. That’s apropos, given the fact that you’re a multifaceted quick-change artist these days. Here’s your sweet mess of oracles.

1. If the triumph you seek isn’t humbling, it’s not the right triumph. 2. You may have an odd impulse to reclaim or recoup something that you have not in fact lost. 3. Before transmutation is possible, you must pay a debt. 4. Don’t be held captive by your beliefs.

5. If you’re given a choice between profane and sacred love, choose sacred.

at a box every night.” - filmmaker Darryl F. Zanuck, commenting on television in 1946.

I hope I’ve provided enough evidence to convince you to be faithful to your innovative ideas, Scorpio. Don’t let skeptics or conventional thinkers waylay you.

your life in the coming weeks, Capricorn.

In my astrological opinion, you’ll be more likely to accomplish good and useful things if you’re willing to look uncool.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): In 1991, Aquarius rock star Axl Rose recorded the song SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Of all “November Rain” with his band Guns N’ Roses. the signs in the zodiac, you Sagittarians are It had taken him eight years to compose it. most likely to buy a lottery ticket that has the Before it was finally ready for prime time, he winning numbers. But you’re also more likely had to whittle it down from an 18-minutethan everyone else to throw the ticket in a long epic to a more succint nine-minute drawer and forget about it, or else leave it in ballad. I see the coming weeks as a time when your jeans when you do the laundry, rendering you should strive to complete work on your the ticket unreadable. Please don’t be like that personal equivalent of Axl’s opus. in the coming weeks. Make sure you do what’s necessary to fully cash in on the good fortune PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Thomas Edison that life will be making available. was a prolific inventor whose work led to the creation of electric lights, recorded music, CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In the movies, and much more. When he was 49 game of basketball, if a player is fouled by a years old, he met Henry Ford, a younger member of the opposing team, he is given a innovator who was at the beginning of his “free throw.” While standing 15 feet away, he illustrious career. Ford told Edison about his takes a leisurely shot at the basket without hopes to develop and manufacture low-cost having to deal with any defenders. Studies automobiles, and the older man responded show that a player is most likely to succeed at with an emphatic endorsement. Ford later said this task if he shoots the ball underhanded. this was the first time anyone had given him Yet virtually no professionals ever do this. any encouragement. Edison’s approval “was Why? Because it doesn’t look cool. Everyone worth worlds” to him. I predict, Pisces, that opts to shoot free throws overhand, even you will receive comparable inspiration from though it’s not as effective a technique. a mentor or guide or teacher in the next nine Weird! Let’s invoke this as a metaphor for months. Be on the lookout for that person.

THIS MODERN WORLD by Tom Tomorrow

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The next ten months will be an ideal time to revise and revamp your approach to education. To take maximum advantage of the potentials, create a master plan to get the training and knowledge you’ll need to thrive for years to come. At first, it may be a challenge to acknowledge that you have a lot more to learn. The comfort-loving part of your nature may be resistant to contemplating the hard work it will require to expand your worldview and enhance your skills. But once you get started, you’ll quickly find the process becoming easier and more pleasurable.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “Everything that can be invented has been invented.” - Charles H. Duell, Director of the U.S. Patent Office, 1899. “Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible.” - Lord Kelvin, President, Royal Society, 1895. “All the music that can be written has already been written. We’re just repeating the past.” - 19th-century composer Tschaikovsky. “Video won’t be able to hold on to any market it captures after the first six months. People will soon get tired of staring sacurrent.com • November 15-21, 2017 • CURRENT 61

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CURRENT • November 15-21, 2017 • sacurrent.com

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