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FIRST WORDS

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La Panadería gets boozy with its second location: “Hell Yeah...Looking Forward to it. Always joyful to see the Raza succeed. Much Love and Sending Positive Vibes to La Panaderia! Viva La Raza!!” – Hugo Red San Antonio lawsuit says “sanctuary cities” crackdown deliberately discriminates against Latinos, immigrants: “By becoming a legal immigrant, it would solve several problems. First, getting a job, and second, they wouldn’t have the time to be complaining about being discriminated against.” – Wayne Jay Davis “I find it funny that all the people who are saying it isn’t bad are WHITE. Total shocker. Sorry, people, if you’re aren’t a minority, you have no idea what it’s like to be in our shoes. I’m American born, educated, employed, and I vote in every election. And I’ve been flat out asked if I speak English. This law encourages discrimination based on skin color. The fact that Austin and San Antonio are planning to file a lawsuit against the state tells you there is something wrong with this law. And for the white folk who do get it, I thank you. Maybe you can convince your fellow man of this.” – Anna Olvera Video shows Councilman Warrick passing out on City Hall bench—twice: “Kevin Wolff drove drunk, medicated, hit two cars and was back at work oh so quickly. Politicians in San Antonio can do whatever they’d like.” – Christine King “‘I won’t say alcohol was the issue.. but I will avoid binge drinking environments (aka ‘any random bar’) in the future’... said every alcoholic ever known. Not acceptable behavior of a government representative.” – Stacy Garcia

ON THE

COVER This week we present to you our annual ode to eggs, bacon and waffles (pancakes with sixpacks, really) by catching up with one of the city's best panaderías, learning how to (correctly) poach an egg and listing all the ways you can get your brunch on in San Antonio. Cover and art direction by Sarah Flood-Baumann

CURRENT • June 7-13, 2017 • sacurrent.com

IN THIS

ISSUE Issue 17_23 /// June 7-13, 2017

NEWS

Dead Silence Turns out you can ignore police reform when running for mayor of San Antonio Deliberately Discriminatory San Antonio lawsuit says “sanctuary cities” crackdown is designed to target Latinos, immigrants

FEATURE

Break Bread La Panadería gets boozy with its second location

CALENDAR

Our top picks for the week

Brunch Bunch 36 ways to brunch around SA Patience in Poaching Practice is key for perfect poached egg

Tale of the Tape Video shows Councilman Warrick passing out on City Hall bench — twice

ARTS + CULTURE

All the World’s a Stage International theater comes to San Antonio

NIGHTLIFE

First Impressions Hanzo’s cocktails are on point

SCREENS

Saving Grace Wonder Woman makes up for a trail of DC Comics flops

MUSIC

Funk You Up Take an acid-laced train ride to Funkytown with Cadillac Muzik Girls Rock A music camp and safe space Music Calendar What to see and hear this week

FOOD

Food Court Openings for Ferra Coffee, Kung Fu Kitchen and Zedric’s

ETC.

Savage Love Jonesin’ Crossword Freewill Astrology

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NEWS

DEAD SILENCE

•

Turns out you can ignore police reform when running for mayor of San Antonio

≥

Nathan Cooper was housesitting for his parents on April 19, 2015 when his older brother Norman showed up at the far northeast side home at around 2 a.m. acting strange, sweating profusely and shouting at his little brother. Nathan figured he was on something (he’d damaged the door trying to get into his house), so after texting his parents, he dialed 911 hoping police could calm the situation and get his brother some help. San Antonio Police Department officer Oliver Flaig arrived first and saw Norman yelling and standing in the hallway. “I’m trying to save my brother,” Norman told the officer, according to court records. “He’s been sinning.” Flaig’s response: “Shut the fuck up.”

CURRENT • June 7-13, 2017 • sacurrent.com

When another SAPD officer, Arnoldo Sanchez, arrived as backup, the cops followed Norman upstairs so he could grab his ID. Nathan was still downstairs and had just called his father to tell him police had arrived when he heard loud scuffling coming from the second floor. Over the next three minutes, officers Flaig and Sanchez would use their Tasers on Norman at least nine times. In statements to investigators after Norman’s death, which a medical examiner blamed on methamphetamine intoxication “complicated by a prolonged struggle,” the officers claimed Norman had grabbed a laptop computer and feared he might use it as a weapon. They said their attempts to de-escalate the situation weren’t “permanently

successful,” and that Norman refused commands to get on the ground and put his hands behind his back. A medical expert’s report filed in court last month in a federal lawsuit against SAPD and the officers involved that morning calls their actions “grossly negligent” and blames the death on their “deliberate indifference to the welfare and safety of Norman Cooper.” City and SAPD officials wouldn’t comment on the case last week. This past spring, Norman’s parents spoke about their lawsuit to a small group of East Side community activists, lawyers and concerned citizens who had gathered at the Mount Zion First Baptist Church to talk about what the powers at City Hall have – and haven’t – done on the issue

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MICHAEL BARAJAS | @MICHAELSBARAJAS

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CURRENT • June 7-13, 2017 • sacurrent.com

NEWS

Nirenberg, SAPD Chief William McManus, and Mayor Ivy Taylor

accountability, either. Jones says Nirenberg’s campaign reached out to him not long after the councilman announced his candidacy for mayor, and says that he’s even met with Nirenberg several times to discuss issues around policing. Nirenberg’s campaign director Kelton Morgan said the candidate wouldn’t discuss the matter with us because the councilman “doesn’t want to politicize the issue.” Here’s how Jones characterized those meetings with Nirenberg: “While Ivy doesn’t think this stuff is politically benefi cial to talk about, Ron, I’m afraid, still doesn’t really get it.” Matthew Gossen, one of the attorneys representing the Cooper family in their lawsuit against the city, says the recommendations from Taylor’s task force that city council is supposed to consider later this year are underwhelming — particularly considering the kind of police misconduct that continues to generate headlines here. “Our local political leaders will require the gumption to make tough, controversial decisions along with the will to persevere through extreme criticism and backlash to make a true positive change,” Gossen told us. Gossen argues Norman Cooper’s death could have been avoided had officers simply followed SAPD’s own policies and procedures that morning in 2015. He also says that if politics continues to snuff out discussion around police reform, there will be more cases like Cooper’s in the future. When he walked upstairs to check on the noise that morning, Norman’s brother says he saw him “on the floor gasping for air” with his hands cuffed and an officer on top of him. When Norman became unresponsive, a female cop who’d arrived as backup came into the room, shined a flashlight on his pupils and said “he’ll be fine,” according to the brother’s statement. He claims other cops in the room even joked with the woman – Oh, so you’re a doctor now? The brother told police he was upset the cops were laughing, “just standing there.” Someone would pronounce Norman dead a half hour later.

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the “benefits and accountability that our public safety and of police violence. Inside the small room were current residents deserve.” and former members of Mayor Ivy Taylor’s task force to Yet what Taylor and Nirenberg have successfully build trust between police and policed, a group Taylor formed after a bitter contract negotiation process with the avoided talking about on the campaign trail are some of the issues that got 97 percent of police union members police union that produced no disciplinary reforms at the (roughly 2,000 San Antonio cops) to sign onto a department and angered local activists. report last year saying they had no confidence in Chief “This keeps happening,” Noble, Norman’s father, McManus’ ability to lead his department. In that report, warned the group as he and others in the room pointed union members expressed outrage that McManus would to what they consider dark spots in SAPD’s recent past. They talked about the case of Rogelio Carlos, who in 2014 fire an officer for shooting and killing an unarmed man (a decision the chief ultimately reversed) and, more was mistaken for a suspect and got beaten so badly by generally, might consider reforms that union officials claim San Antonio cops that his doctors recommended spinal “endanger the lives of police officers.” surgery that left him paralyzed. There was still anger over The approach by Mayor Taylor (whose campaign Antronie Scott, an unarmed man shot to death by an officer who mistook his cell phone for a gun last year. They refused to grant us an interview with her throughout her spoke about the police shooting death of Marquise Jones, entire race) has largely angered and frustrated activists like Jones who want the city to take police accountability a case that many activists and civil rights lawyers who handle police violence cases say highlights problems with more seriously. Jones says that’s because Taylor’s task force has so far failed to even address the specific issues accountability at SAPD and calls into question how the department investigates its own. “We’re all at risk because that brought activists like him to the table in the first place — like the fact that cops here are more likely to use force it’s continuing to happen,” Noble said. against people of color, might beat you into paralysis if What’s even worse, according to Noble and others in that room, was that none of the major candidates for mayor they mistake you for a suspect or might shoot and kill you or city council would even talk about any of this as election if they think your cell phone’s a gun. Jones says the union contract has basically become an off-limits issue in those season came and went. task force meetings. As Mayor Taylor and challenger City Councilman Ron Taylor told us earlier this year that she hoped the task Nirenberg entered the bitter end days of their June 10 runoff race, not much changed on that front. That’s despite plenty force would in part help educate community members on of headlines that hint at larger problems Black Lives Matter the good work that is being done at SAPD, a sentiment that Chief McManus and other city officials have largely activists have been struggling to highlight here for more echoed. Union officials (who wouldn’t respond to our than two years – like the federal trial over SAPD’s bizarre calls for comment this week) have in the past said handling of a police shooting case, problem officers that SAPD Chief William McManus literally cannot fire because they want the task force to educate citizens on how to properly interact with cops. Among the task force’s recent of protections embedded in the local union contract, or recommendations: a public education campaign with the even a video that shows a San Antonio cop punching a catchphrase “Comply Now, Complain Later.” 14-year-old girl in the face during a confrontation outside As Jones puts it, “They claim they’re trying to solve a quinceañera last month (in prepared statements, Taylor called the video “hard to watch,” while Nirenberg said it was problems they won’t even admit exist.” Jones isn’t particularly thrilled with Nirenberg “unsettling”; both say they’re waiting for police to investigate when it comes to issues of police reform and before commenting further). To people like Johnathan-David Jones, a police reform activist who’s helped lead marches at City Hall and sits on Taylor’s community-police task force, these are specific examples of longstanding problems that will never be addressed if politicians aren’t forced to discuss them when running for office. “It’s as if we still haven’t admitted there are any problems here,” Jones told the Current. “It really trips me up. We’ve been patient. We’ve been trying to talk to them about this for, like, two years. Where have we gotten?” It’s not as if policing hasn’t already entered the mayoral race. In the campaign’s final days, the San Antonio Police Officers Association endorsed Taylor for her work on a contract deal that gave the union just about everything it wanted last summer — a 17 percent wage increase, no healthcare premium costs, and no new reforms to the department’s disciplinary procedures. Nirenberg was one of two • council members to vote against From left to right: the contract, saying at the City Councilman Ron time that it carried none of

sacurrent.com • June 7-13, 2017 • CURRENT 9

NEWS

TALE OF THE TAPE

Video shows Councilman Warrick passing out on City Hall bench — twice

≥

San Antonio City Councilman Alan Warrick has no idea how he spent the hours between 2 and 6 a.m. on Friday, May 26. But, thanks to city surveillance tapes, he — and the rest of San Antonio — knows exactly what happened after he awoke on a park bench, fully clothed, outside City Hall at 6:30 a.m. In the city security footage first obtained by the ExpressNews last week, Warrick is seen stumbling toward a park bench by City Hall’s back steps at around 6:04 a.m. He kicks up his feet and lies motionless until 6:25, when a security guard is seen nudging the councilman awake and eventually helping him get into the city building. But wait — who’s that lanky figure strolling back into the left side of the frame four minutes later? It’s Warrick, inexplicably back outside, on a beeline back to his bench. He sits and immediately slumps to the right, kicking his feet back over the arm rail. A minute later, he rises, and slowly walks away from the building, out of sight. The video clip ends with a

SCRREEN SHOT COURTESY OF CITY OF SAN ANTONIO VIA SAN ANTONIO EXPRESS-NEWS

ALEX ZIELINSKI | @ALEX_ZEE

But Warrick still hasn’t explained why his immediate impulse was to publicly announce that someone had drugged him. “I didn’t know what happened, but something didn’t feel right,” he told the Current last week. “And I didn’t remember anything.” It’s an impulse that’s irked local sexual assault advocates, who say his false report only pushes actual date rape victims into the shadows. In a culture where people who’ve been drugged, and then sexually assaulted, already struggle to be taken seriously, a single false accusation of rape or drugging or assault can silence actual victims and kick the conversation around sexual assault into reverse. “When you’re drugged and assaulted you have no memory of it, so there’s no way to prove it, and so people might not tend to believe you,” Deana Franks, director of the Rape Crisis Center in San Antonio, recently told ExpressNews reporter Melissa Fletcher Stoeltje. “It’s extremely police car pulling up and an officer hopping out, clearly frightening and very upsetting, so this is a very serious claim scanning the scene for the missing councilman. This slapstick-like clip is just one sliver of evidence piecing for [Warrick] to make.” Warrick’s short-lived alibi may have done more harm together Warrick’s blurry Thursday night and Friday morning. to future date rape victims than to his political career, but When Warrick was originally asked why he woke up on he doesn’t see it that way. He told the Current he doesn’t park bench that Friday, he confidently said that someone think his false report hurt future assault victims. Instead, had “slipped some type of drug into one of my drinks” Warrick turned the conversation to rebuilding a relationship at a bar earlier that night. Warrick even suggested, in an with the owner of On the Rocks — and how his competition interview with the Express-News, that it could have been for the District 2 seat, William “Cruz” Shaw, is using this political foul play, since the District 2 councilman is up for episode as a talking point. Shaw has asked Warrick to reelection June 10. But then another set of surveillance resign and “seek help.” tapes — from On the Rocks, the basement bar where Warrick, who said he doesn’t have a problem with alcohol, Warrick was drinking that night — found no evidence of foul told the Current he plans on working with Mothers Against play (and bar also staff said that Warrick was so intoxicated Drunk Driving and local homeless shelters to make amends. Thursday they had to cut him off). “I won’t say alcohol was the issue,” he said. “I take full Warrick, who has a DWI record, quickly backpedaled and issued a public apology “for all the confusion,” admitting that responsibility of my actions, but I will avoid binge drinking environments in the future.” “it seems like I just had too much to drink.” MICHAEL BARAJAS | @MICHAELSBARAJAS

≥

One question percolating in the federal courts right now is whether Texas lawmakers are deliberately passing racist laws — like, say, a voter ID law that disproportionately targets black and brown voters or gerrymandered congressional and state legislative maps that dilute the state’s growing Hispanic vote (the recent conclusions of three separate federal court opinions). That question of so-called “legislative intent” is now at the heart of another federal court battle, this time over Texas’ new immigration law, Senate Bill 4, which will extend the reach of federal immigration enforcement to local police departments. The lawsuit the Mexican American Legal Defense and Education Fund filed in federal court last week on behalf of the City of San Antonio accuses the lawmakers who passed SB 4 of deliberately discriminating against people “on the basis of their race and national origin.”

CURRENT • June 7-13, 2017 • sacurrent.com

DELIBERATELY DISCRIMINATORY

Texas Association of Chicanos in Higher Education because SB 4 demands that even college and university campus police departments allow officers to provide “enforcement assistance” to federal The lawsuit argues that SB 4, which will that my family loves America.” immigration authorities. MALDEF also filed allow local cops to ask about immigration “He (Rinaldi) said the protestors hated on behalf of La Unión Del Pueblo Entero, status even in routine police encounters, America, so ‘fuck them,’” was how Rep. the Worker’s Defense Project and San like traffic stops, was clearly “enacted Diego Bernal, a San Antonio Democrat, Antonio City Councilman Rey Saldaña, with the purpose of discriminating against recalled the exchange. who has been perhaps the loudest voice Latinos and against immigrants.” As part Rinaldi’s actions, along with other of their evidence, they point to the final day statements from his GOP colleagues that of local opposition to the law. Austin city officials, who voted last month to sue the of the 85th legislative session, when GOP characterized immigrants as dangerous state over SB 4, say they plan to join the state Rep. Matt Rinaldi reported protestors criminals and a threat to public safety San Antonio lawsuit. who’d gathered in the Texas Capitol to throughout the debate over SB 4, could While San Antonio City Council immigration officials. come back to haunt the state as it members approved the lawsuit in a closed “They need to deport all these illegals,” defends the law in court, says MALDEF session last week, clearly not everyone’s Rinaldi reportedly told colleagues, regional counsel Marisa Bono. “It’s that happy about the decision. In a statement sparking what almost became a fist fight type of racist rhetoric that surrounded last week, Mayor Ivy Taylor called the on the Texas House floor. When one the debate and ultimately passage of Democratic lawmaker reminded Rinaldi SB 4,” she said in a conference call with legal challenge “premature” and said she his own Italian ancestors were immigrants, reporters Thursday announcing the latest opposed filing a lawsuit on the city’s behalf. You can read the full lawsuit at our too, his response: “The difference legal challenge to the law. between those people and my family is Thursday’s lawsuit was also joined by the website sacurrent.com.

San Antonio lawsuit says “sanctuary cities” crackdown is designed to target Latinos, immigrants

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sacurrent.com • June 7-13, 2017 • CURRENT 11

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FEATURE

Brunch has become such a monumentous weekend staple that we've started celebrating the ode to eggs, bacon and waffles (pancakes with six-packs, really) annually. This time, we're catching up with the owners of La Panaderia as they add brunch to their second location, learning how to poach an egg and listing all the ways you can get your brunch on around town. And if the power of brunch compels you, join us for the third annual United We Brunch on Saturday, June 10 at the Jack Guenther Pavilion of the Briscoe Western Art Museum from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. Tickets, $43.73-$80.90, are available at localculturetickets.com.

CURRENT â€˘ June 7-13, 2017 â€˘ sacurrent.com

FEATURE

La Panadería gets boozy with its second location

JESSICA ELIZARRARAS | @JESSELIZARRARAS

“I remember selling as a kid in the markets of Mexico [City], yelling ‘Roscas, roscas de cinco y diez,’” Jose Cacéres said. Houston Street is a far cry from those bustling markets, but the Cacéres brothers, Jose and younger brother David, are now bringing bread cultura to Downtown San Antonio with their second La Panadería location. The story of La Panaderia began long before they opened an instantly popular pan dulce booth at the late Quarry Ranchers and Farmers Market in late 2013. The brothers learned their trade from mother Josefina in D.F., who owned a bakery, but Jose and David would go on to grow their own bread-centric empire in Mexico with close to 500 employees and later producing baked goods for Alsea, a restaurant company that owns 2,000 fast-food chains in Mexico and Latin America. In 2012, David, an engineer, officially ditched desk work for the kitchen and earned his culinary arts degree from Le Cordon Bleu in Mexico City before attending

the San Francisco Baking Institute. At this point Jose moved his family to San Antonio and began extensive market research, popping into bakeries and restaurants to study local customer patterns and eventually landing them a spot at the market. La Panadería’s launch at the Quarry was successful — how can you go wrong with perfectly rounded conchas, sweet orejas and tequila almond croissants? A year later, in April of 2014, the pair made a permanent leap into a brick-and-mortar location off Broadway with a full-blown bakery and an expansion later, a cafe complete with breakfast and lunchtime fare. Still, the relatively new to SA brothers had plenty to learn about their new clientele. “Every location is different. The first thing we learned is the lunch culture here is very important,” David said. “In Mexico you take lunch at 2 or 3, here it’s at 11. Now it’s our busiest time of the day.” A solid menu of value-friendly and plain-delicious offerings helps. Tweaks

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David and Jose Cacéres

included renaming the popular Cuban torta to the Mexican Cubana, which edits the original recipe al estilo Mexicano, with more meats and a cilantro mayo. Even baking times were adjusted to please San Anto palates (though David’s preference is to bake his loaves a little darker). And adjustments will be made to their new location, which will officially

DANNY BATISTA

LA PANADERÍA PHOTOS BY JESSICA ELIZARRARAS

Break Bread

JESSICA ELIZARRARAS | @JESSELIZARRARAS

Patience in Poaching

Practice is key for perfect poached egg

Saturdays at NOLA Brunch & Beignets are a big deal. The New Orleansinspired kitchen serves brunch Tuesday through Saturday, which means brunchers are out in force on Sabados to try and score a table at The Cookhouse’s sister eatery. Owned by chef Pieter Sypesteyn and wife Susan, NOLA delivers a tight menu of beautiful plates made in a ridiculously small kitchen. Out of the 12 large dishes offered, a third of them feature poached eggs, delicately cooked breakfast faves that require finesse and patience to make. According to Brandon Wright, Sypesteyn’s sous chef, the eatery goes through 120 poached eggs every Saturday — this of course doesn’t include the over easy and scrambled eggs also available on the menu — as they star in every uptown eggs bennie, eggs rockafella, brisket grillades and grits and the hash brown crusted trout. Cook Jessica Torres is tasked with batch poaching the eggs before every shift, and she’s able to prepare 90 eggs before service starts at 8 a.m. Wright shared a few tips on how to nail that perfect balance of gooey yolk and barely cooked whites on the off chance you’d like to tackle poaching at home and ditch the long wait times. Make sure to use fresh eggs and crack them individually into small ramekins before using. Wright uses a large, deep pan to bring a gallon of water to a very low simmer, and adds a tablespoon of vinegar. Once tiny bubbles are observed at the bottom of the pan, Wright uses a serving spoon to start a small whirlpool and he slowly drops the egg into the center of it. The egg white will scatter slightly, but the majority of the egg should stay firm. From there, the egg should poach within two to four minutes. Carefully check for doneness using a slotted spoon.

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FEATURE

DANNY BATISTA

The

Brunch Bunch

36 Places to Brunch Around SA

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NOLA Brunch & Beignets

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open its doors on June 9 inside the former home of short-lived Toscana Ristorante. Already menu items have been added including a chocolate sourdough French toast topped with berries; and a new kamut loaf will join the birotes, teleras, and croissants as a sandwich option. Their latest addition: beer and wine. So, yes, you’ll be able to enjoy a mimosa or two with your breakfast tortas. The second store was a study in patience. Opening a 6,000-square-foot restaurant in a historic building is far from easy (see most of the homes currently being rehabilitated at Yanaguana Garden as an example). Jose, the older brother, mentioned the design for La Panadería’s downtown location revolved around the kitchen’s venthood. “There’s tenants right now, you just can’t build through apartments,” Jose said. Design also played into production. The oven is center stage from the order counter, as is the kitchen, where the additional space means chicken breast will replace deli-style chicken in sandwiches and salads and newcomer pepitos (think open-faced tortas) will be available for dinner with choice of al pastor, beef milanesa, carnitas, mole poblano, steak and vegetarian options. The prep-room, where the croissants are laminated and blocks of butter are woven into each loaf sits in a cooler, air conditioned portion of the kitchen that includes large windows so passersby and customers can check in on the action. Clayton & Little Architects tackled the restaurant’s 16

CURRENT • June 7-13, 2017 • sacurrent.com

blueprints to serve a multi-purpose experience where diners are there for a quick bite before a show at The Majestic on date night or trying to decompress after a long shift at the neighboring Nix. Still, the added space gives the Cacéres room to make groups happy. “We looked at tickets that came in at the Broadway location and big parties are key,” Jose said. That means La Panadería will easily accommodate hordes of brunchers. There’s the 16-seater “Friendship Table” that anchors the front portion of the dining room, and a round “Family Table” that seats six to eight diners. La Panadería isn’t just for large parties: smaller tabletops also fill the space along with bar seating for those just hoping to grab a quick lunch (there’s even a separate espresso station equipped with a cherry red Slayer where downtowners can zip in and out for a morning, afternoon or evening pick-me-up). More sophisticated treats are on the way in due time as a new menu of tarts and desserts join the pan dulce in cases. The brothers brought in Parisian Amaury Guichon, a pastry consultant out of Las Vegas to help land on new, elaborately decorated goodies. But the heart of La Panadería will always be its pan dulce. “This wasn’t an accident. It’s the outcome of 30, 40 years of hard work by me, my brothers, my mother Josefina,” Jose said. 301 E. Houston St.

5 Points Local The yoga spot and eatery features vegetarian, vegan and paleo options, coldpressed organic juices, and a menu that includes a “quiche of the day” and “empanada of the day” on top of other savory items. 1017 N. Flores St., (210) 267-2652 9 a.m.-4 p.m. Sunday. Aldaco’s Mexican Cuisine You can’t beat their cheap mimosas at $3, paired with hearty Tex-Mex fare like chilaquiles San Antonio, or the breakfast chile relleno filled with scrambled eggs, queso blanco and green onions. Multiple locations, 11 a.m. -3 p.m., Saturday and Sunday. Barbaro This Monte Vista favorite adds variety to their menu with brunch cocktails, skillet pancakes, parmesan biscuits and fried chicken. 2720 McCullough Ave., (210) 3202261, 10 a.m.-3 p.m. Saturday and Sunday Bite International flavors inspire Bite’s brunch menu. Butterpoached lobster, pork gratin, and grilled romaine with jamon Serrano are a few of the hits. 1012 S. Presa St.,(210) 5322551,11 a.m.- 2 p.m. Saturday,

11a.m.-3 p.m. Sunday. Boiler House The brunch menu includes a wide selection of hefty plates (“BLT mac and egg,” anyone?), kids menu, spreads, and mimosas by the bottle. 312 Pearl Pkwy., Bldg. 3, (210) 354-4644, 10 a.m.-3 p.m. Saturday and Sunday. Botika Not into pancakes? Botika’s dim sum brunch will lead your taste buds to wildly unique dishes, like the pork and cabbage dumplings. 303 Pearl Pkwy., Suite 111, (210) 6707684, 11 a.m-3 p.m. Sunday. Candlelight The ultimate in mimosa kits, with brunch classics like the croque monsieur, lox, and chilaquiles. 3011 N. St. Mary’s St., (210) 7380099, 10 a.m.- 2 p.m. Saturday and Sunday. Cappy’s This Alamo Heights go-to is known for their savory steak and potato brunch options, as well as classics done Texas-big, like their Mondo benedict. 5011 Broadway, (210) 828-9669, 10 a.m.-2:30 p.m. Saturday, 10 a.m.-3 p.m. Sunday.

FEATURE

Chisme On Saturdays, Chisme’s patio and dining room are filled with the sweet, mellifluous sounds of a mariachi band that serenade brunchers starting at noon. Chicken and churros for brunch, anyone? 2403 N. St. Mary’s St., (210) 530-4236, 10 a.m.-3 p.m. Saturday and Sunday

potatoes, black beans, onions, avocaodo and crema. 1401 S. Flores St., (210) 251-3104, 9 a.m.-3 p.m. Saturday and Sunday.

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Southerleigh Fine Food & Brewery

General Public With a gastropub atmosphere, General Public offers $1 mimosas, shrimp and grits, and a menu of made-to-order burgers at The Rim. 17619 La Cantera Pkwy., Suite 102, (210) 920-1101, 10:30 a.m.2:30 p.m. Saturday and Sunday.

Grayze Try out any of their hearty entrees, including “The Cure” breakfast plate (a delicious Cullum’s Attagirl Don’t expect an sandwich Ron Swanson would be official brunch fare staged at proud to eat made of pork belly Cullum’s. It’s a casual spot that sausage patty, freedom cheese, mostly caters to beer-lovers, and fried egg, bacon, and jalapeño happens to also serve fried chicken apple jam all nestled in a maple and waffles that are nothing less whiskey glazed English muffin. 521 than fried, hot, and wonderful. E. Grayson St., (210) 481-8776, 10 Pop Rock mimosas are a must. 726 a.m.-3 p.m. Sunday. Mistletoe Ave., (210) 437-4263, 11 Halcyon Along with coffee, you’ll a.m.-3p.m. Sunday. find cheap mimosas, and unique takes on benedicts and pancakes from sweet potato pancake with a bacon-banana syrup to a chopped brisket benedict with black beans, poached egg, avocado, and ranchero hollandaise. 1414 S. Alamo St., (210) 277-7045, 8 a.m.-2 p.m. Saturday and Sunday. Hoppy Monk An all-day brunch menu boasts options that are sweet, savory and from the sea with oodles of craft beer to wash it all down. 1010 N. 1604 E., (210) 545-3330, 10 a.m.-11 p.m. Sunday (brunch served all day).

Mash’D Get a $2 mimosa with your chicken and biscuits covered in something called “Chuck Norris gravy.” Get there early for seating. 17623 La Cantera Pkwy., Suite 107, (210) 538-5833 11 a.m.-3 p.m. Saturday, 10:30 a.m.-3 p.m. Sunday.

Blanco Road, (210) 408-2670, 10:30 a.m.-3 p.m. Saturdays, 10:30 a.m.-6 p.m. Sundays. NOLA Brunch & Beignets The newly opened BYOB spot offers unique large plates, like the blue crab omelet, hash brown-crusted trout, and yes, coffee creamstuffed beignets. 111 Kings Ct., (210) 320-1572, 8 a.m.-2 p.m. Tuesday-Saturday.

Max & Louie’s New York Diner Enjoy the NYC diner atmosphere with a large offering of brunch classics, including cheese blintzes and Challah French toast. 226 W. Bitters Paramour Check out the monthly Road, Suite 126, (210) 483-7600, all drag shows and grab one of their Cured Led by James Beard Award day Sunday-Saturday. specialty coffees or morning nominee Steven McHugh, Cured Indy Coffee Club Specialty coffee cocktails (“Death in the Afternoon” Max’s Wine Dive You can’t go wrong delivers a tasty brunch with plates shop and espresso bar, with a menu sounds especially appealing). 102 with award-winning fried chicken such as chicken and doughnuts, and featuring unique items like the Tacu 9th St., Suite 400, (210) 340-9880, 9 for brunch. The gourmet comfort the “Chef’s Breakfast” with biscuits, Tacu (a rice and bean patty with a.m.-2 p.m. Saturday and Sunday. food dive offers sliders, tacos, their crabmeat, eggs, boudin noir, praline smoked sausage, pickled onion, “Signature Blend Burger” and bacon, fried green tomatoes and Sabor Cocina Bar Pair a coffee with ají amarillo “Ranch” dressing and more. 340 E. Basse Road, Suite a Pearl can michelada. 306 Pearl waffles and authentic chilaquiles. a fried egg). Or keep it sweet with 101, (210) 444-9547, 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Pkwy., Suite 101, (210) 314-3929, 10 Try not to get overwhelmed by strawberry and cream pancakes. Saturday and Sunday. a.m.-3 p.m. Saturdays. their large variety of enchiladas, 7114 UTSA Blvd., Suite 103, (210) waffles and pancakes. 5313 Michin Kitchin Enjoy an authentic Feast One of San Antonio’s best 233-9203, 8 a.m.-1 p.m. Sunday. McCullough Ave., (210) 314-7760,8 breakfast experience with Divorced brunches features a variety of a.m.-3 p.m. Saturday, 8 a.m.-2:30 Eggs, chilaquiles, molletes and mimosas, almond-pistachio French Liberty Bar Grab one of their signature p.m. Sunday. bloody marys for brunch (mimosas sincronizadas ahogadas (a flour toast, crepes and even “Eggs and others also available), and pair it tortilla quesadilla drenched in in Hell.” Get there early. 1024 S. Sangria on the Burg While known with your chilaquiles. 1111 S. Alamo tomato-y ahogada sauce, ham, Alamo St., (210) 354-1024, 10:30 for their sangria flights, Saturday St., (210) 227-1187, 9 a.m.-2 p.m. cheese, cream, onions and a.m.-2:30 p.m. Sunday. Brunch offers mimosa flights, Saturday and Sunday. avocados. 427 N. 1604 W., Suite in addition to ribeye Benedicts, The Fruteria Inspired by Mexico’s 202, (210) 277-722, 9 a.m.-3 p.m. pancake tacos, and more. 5115 Luther’s Café This staple on the Main market stands, Fruteria’s menu Fredericksburg Road, (210) 744Mimosa The extensive menu Strip includes mimosa options, includes an array of jugos, fruity 1448,11 a.m.-3 p.m. Saturday. features an array of eggs Benedict, burgers, pancakes, tacos and a cocktails, and smoothies. On omelets and other savory items. the solid food side, they serve “Luther’s Breakfast Feast.” 1503 ▲ Southerleigh Fine Food & Additionally, they boast having platos, tortas and tostadas. Don’t N. Main Ave., (210) 223-7727, 11 Brewery Enjoy mimosas by the 20,000 mimosa options. 14415 miss the choripapa with chorizo, a.m.-3 p.m. Sundays. glass or bottle and pair it with

SOPHIE COVO

Casa Azul de Andrea The Frida-centric spot features tapas, tortas and mini tacos. Yes, you CAN have street corn for brunch. 1036 S. Alamo St., (210) 451-9393, noon-3 p.m. Sunday.

chocolate chip scones or crab and avocado omelets. 136 E. Grayson St., Suite 120, (210) 455-5701, 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Saturday-Sunday. Southtown Pizzeria Chicken and waffles, apple strudel and frittatas are all on the menu at this Italian eatery. 728 S. Presa St., (210) 2514606, 11 a.m.-2 p.m. Sunday. Stella Public House Need a pickme-up? Try the breakfast cocktails, and enjoy them with an entree from their concise menu with items like the frittata caprese and prosciutto benedict. 1414 S. Alamo St., Suite 103, (210) 277-7047, 10 a.m.-2 p.m. Saturday and Sunday. Tacos and Tequila At $22 a person, TNT’s brunch buffet includes a street taco bar, omelet bar, waffles, enchiladas, and more. 1915 Broadway, Suite 111, (210) 314-8226, 10 a.m.-3 p.m. Saturday and Sunday. Tucker’s Kozy Korner Try their bloody mary/michelada bar, the eggs benedict or signature chicken and waffles. 1338 E. Houston St., (210) 320-2192, 11 a.m.-3 p.m. Sunday. Vida Mia Mexican Cuisine With locations in Stone Oak and off Bulverde Road, Vida Mia has the northside covered for Mexican breakfast and brunch options daily. Multiple locations, hours vary.

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CALENDAR

◀ The University of Texas at San Antonio’s active and consistently excellent Art Department will present a special exhibit, beginning with a reception on June 7. The group exhibition, in something of a nod to Gabriel García Márquez’s novel Of Love and Other Demons, is entitled “Daydreams and Other Monsters,” and will feature works from four inter-generational artists, all of whom focus, in their own unique way, on “lowbrow imagery, critiques of popular culture, and conflicts with inner-self that are presented with brash colors and the unexpected.” Curated by Alana Coates, the show features internationally acclaimed artist Peter Saul, whose work is characterized by “a strong WED

‘Daydreams and Other Monsters’

PETER SAUL JUAN MORA

ART ◀ Local artist and UTSA grad-turned printmaking professor Juan Mora presents his most recent exhibition “Culture Clash” — displaying a series of etched linoleum prints narrating stories of the Texas-Mexico border. Having attended high school in Laredo, Mora’s adept social awareness of the blending of border cultures became inspiration for his print work. Similar to the process of linoleum printing, cultural variances are etched and instilled in the community surrounding the border. Incorporating cultural iconography specific to the area and a dash of dark humor, Mora’s etched scenes detail the lives, faith, and values of residents on both sides of the border. $15-$20, 10am-9pm Thu, 10am-4pm Fri, 10am-5pm Sat, noon-5pm Sun, 10am-4pm Tue, McNay Art Museum, 6000 N. New Braunfels Ave., (210) 824-5368, mcnayart.org.— Kimberly Rivera

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CURRENT • June 7-13, 2017 • sacurrent.com

▲ A week after President Donald “Global Warming Is a Chinese Hoax” Trump withdrew the U.S. from the Paris climate accord, the fight for ecological awareness continues with the fourth annual Environmental Film Festival hosted by the San Antonio River Authority (SARA) in commemoration of National Rivers Month. The festival will feature national and international short films covering a variety of issues, including nature, wildlife, environmental justice and conservation. “It is my hope that everyone attending the event will leave educated and inspired to take their own actions to help protect the natural resources of our watershed,” said

Suzanne Scott, general manager at SARA. Films screening include Our Wonderful Nature: the Common Chameleon, Selah: Water from Stone, Native Waters: Rio Grande, The Last Resort and Douglas Tompkins: A Wild Legacy (pictured). Along with the screenings, SARA will recognize eco-friendly individuals and organizations across Texas during the Watershed Wise Awards. This year’s award winners include Michael Burke of the Mission Verde Alliance and Art Dohmann of the Goliad County Groundwater Conservation District. Free, 6-9pm, Santikos Northwest 14, 7600 I-10 W., (210) 227-1373, sara-tx.org. – Kiko Martinez

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counterculture aesthetic and a wild politically incorrect figurative practice,” John Hernandez, a celebrated Texas artist who works with “lurid colors and eccentric sometimes outlandish subjects,” Megan Solis, an inventive and boundary-pushing San Antonio artist with a style that’s both saccharine and repulsive, and Louie Chavez, a young local artist who culls as much of his influence from meme culture as he does his study of artists like Saul. In many ways, this show is a unique opportunity to catch several generations of artists, the younger inspired, at least in part, by the older. Free, 6-8pm, UTSA Main Gallery, One UTSA Circle San Antonio, (210) 458-4391, art. utsa.edu. — James Courtney

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SPECIAL EVENT

Texas Folklife Festival

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‘Crossing Borders’

▶ When O.T. Baker attended the first Smithsonian Folklife Festival in 1968, he returned Clamp Light — formed as “an organization home with plans for San Antonio’s own version. Inaugurated in 1972, the Texas Folklife of visual artists who have come together to Festival now proudly “showcases the Lone Star State’s diversity and rich heritage through support one another’s creative process, to a wide variety of ethnic food, music, dance, arts, and crafts.” The three-day festival will network as artists, and build an established host more than 170 groups and individuals representing over 40 cultures, including 13 relationship of creative community” — recently that “have have been with the festival for all 46 years,” says James Benavides, Senior called all artists, poets, photographers, Communications Specialist at the Institute of Texan Cultures. New additions to the menu thinkers/tinkerers, and well-wishers to submit will include soul food and Vietnamese dishes; and guests can enjoy entertainment from the a postcard-sized work (or works) that might FRI-SUN likes of Ukrainians of San Antonio, Hula Halua Ohana Elikapeka, Chilean Folklife and many keep the concept of “Crossing Borders” in more. $5-$15, 5-11pm Fri, 11am-11pm Sat, noon-7pm Sun, Institute of Texan Cultures, 801 E mind. These works will be displayed in the César Chávez Blvd., (210) 458-2300, texasfolklifefestival.org. — Kelsey Valadez gallery throughout June and sold (hopefully) for $50 each, with the proceeds being split between the artist and the nonprofit RAICES (Refugee and Immigrant Center for Education and Legal Billing itself as the “baddest lil show on earth,” Fort SPECIAL EVENT Services). In a press release, Clamp Light explained Worth-based promotion Extreme Midget Wrestling (or, as the thematics of the exhibit this way: “‘Crossing we’re significantly more comfortable calling it, EMW) obviously Borders’ seeks to celebrate the immigrant spirit that is isn’t looking to score any points for political correctness, part of the American story, raise awareness about the but “professional” wrestling at its best has always been GA L LERY immigrant and refugee crisis, and strives A ND about taking the worst aspects of human nature (bloodlust, S O DI TU to help those affected. Postcards xenophobia, spandex, etc.) and repackaging them into are a symbol of travel and can a semi-safe, somewhat controlled sports-entertainment provide cross-cultural connections experience. The question with all sports (and most between friends and family entertainment) isn’t whether someone’s being exploited but abroad or even closer to home. how much control they have over how they’re being exploited. Through this exhibition and in EMW’s wrestler roster — which includes afro’d kung-fu collaboration with RAICES, Clamp aficionado Bruce Lee Roy, crown-sporting Baby Jesus, Light hopes to support a cause self-described wrestler/stripper Rampage, and the selfFRI that deeply affects our community explanatory Nasty Boy, Eddie Vato and Redneck Brawler THU while connecting individuals from diverse — is more diverse and interesting than most of what you’ll backgrounds.” Buy stuff and feel good about it. Put it see on Monday Night Raw nowadays, and they seem to up in your home and talk about it. Believe in something be having way more fun than Mickey Rourke in that movie and be about it. Free, 6-10pm, Clamp Light Studios, where he sticks his hand in a meat slicer. $15-$28, 1704 Blanco Road, Suite 104, (512) 569-8134, 8pm, Aztec Theatre, 104 N. St Mary’s, (210) 812-4355, clamplightsa.com. —JC theaztectheatre.com. – Jeremy Martin ART

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COURTESY OF JOHN CAPARULO

CALENDAR NIGHTLIFE

◀ For more than three years now, comic John “Cap” Caparulo has been releasing about 10 new minutes of comedy every month on his YouTube channel. As might be expected, the videos, sometimes recorded at SoCal comedy clubs and sometimes featuring his wife Jamie and daughter Madden, are significantly less polished than stand-up specials tend to be (Caparulo’s last official special, Come Inside Me, was released in 2013), but the format suits Cap, whose dressed-down doofiness first found a large audience on, oddly, Chelsea Lately and has since found more intuitive fits on CMT’s Mobile Home Disaster and Ron White’s Salute to the Troops. Offering up laughs with the same nonchalance a similar-looking dude might display repairing your water heater and even getting his family in on the act (he also co-hosts the podcast Domestic Disputes with his wife), former golf-course groundskeeper Caparulo is the comedic equivalent of the locally owned corner hardware store — except that he can currently still be seen outside of sitcoms. $20, 8pm & 10:15pm Fri & Sat, 7pm Sun, Laugh Out Loud Comedy Club, 618 NW Loop 410, (210) 541-8805, lolsanantonio.com. – JM

John Caparulo FRI-SUN

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‘#Queergrito’

ART

▲ The Esperanza Peace and Justice Center has a history of bringing together and celebrating diverse communities, be it through art, educational programs, or events. Their new “#Queergrito” exhibit is co-curated, or “queer-ated” by Penny Boyer, Gianna Rendon and Eliza Perez. The exhibit, officially titled “#Queergrito: Esperanza 3.0,” is a “call for current cultural output by LGBTQIA+ artists/ cultural workers in response to current sociopolitical crises.” The exhibit will feature art in any medium, with digital media no longer than 20 minutes, and visual art no larger than 24 x 24 inches. As for the title of the exhibit, the Spanish word grito “means yell or shout or call. This yell can be one of celebration, anger, helplessness, etc.,” says Rendon. “A grito also brings up political connotations, like the Grito de Dolores. In this current political situation, we were wondering, what does a queer grito look like?” The hashtag signifies the “conversation between the artists and society, the artists and people who see the exhibit, and the artists and each other,” says Rendon. The inclusion of “Esperanza 3.0” in the title nods to the Esperanza’s 30th anniversary while looking forward to the next 30 years. “The historical portion of the exhibit, one room, is being devoted largely to enlarged headlines from Esperanza’s past 30 years of media representation of queer qulturas,” says Penelope Boyer, co-curator of the show. “Also featured is some anticipated ’80s- and ’90s-era archival digitized VHS documentation of Esperanza exhibitions.” Free, 6-9pm, Esperanza Peace and Justice Center, 922 San Pedro Ave. (210) 2280201, esperanzacenter.org. — KV

▶ Despite all the predictable schlock one might expect from a drag queen modeled after an overly exaggerated version of Barbie, Trixie Mattel has proven herself as a master of surprise. Created by Milwaukee native Brian Michael Firkus as a means of “laughing through the pain” of a childhood riddled by alcoholism and verbal abuse, Mattel ruffled more than a few feathers with a controversial impersonation of Ann Frank on the seventh season of RuPaul’s Drag Race yet still emerged as a fan favorite — sparking debate over what many considered an early elimination (hence the hashtag #justice4Trixie) and ultimately making a triumphant return to the “reality” competition series four episodes later. A guitarist and vocalist who worked as a folk singer before diving into the world of drag, Mattel recently made unexpected headlines by dropping Two Birds — a wellreceived, straight-up country album “narrating the life of a recently heartbroken cross-dresser” (the video for “Mama Don’t Make Me Put On The Dress Again” pretty much says it all). Rey Lopez Entertainment brings the living doll back to San Antonio for a Monday night production of her one-woman standup show Ages 3 and Up. $23-$31, 9pm, Aztec Theatre, 104 N. St. Mary’s St., (210) 812-4355, theaztectheatre.com. — Bryan Rindfuss

COURTESY OF WARNER BROS.

SAT

COURTESY OF TRIXIE MATTEL

LILIANA WILSON

COMEDY

TUE

Rebel Without a Cause

MON DRAG

Trixie Mattel

FILM ◀ Some parts of the 1955 drama Rebel Without a Cause have always been corny, like the idea that a teen boy’s angst has something to do with his dad wearing an apron. What mattered was never the sociology but the emotion, the melodrama, the colorful use of Cinemascope, and above all, James Dean’s instantly classic image of wounded coolness in jeans and a red windbreaker. He’s matched by the vulnerability of Natalie Wood and Sal Mineo as their characters fall harmoniously in love with the moody rebel. Director Nicholas Ray knows how to stage the excitement of a “chicken run” and a knife fight, and also the poetry of looking up at the stars, whether in an observatory or a swimming pool. He takes the tragedy of beautiful youth as seriously as it wants to be taken. Texas Public Radio revisit the classic as part of its Cinema Tuesdays film series. $10-$15, 7:30pm, Santikos Bijou, 4522 Fredericksburg Road, (210) 614-8977, santikos.com. — Michael Barrett

sacurrent.com • June 7-13, 2017 • CURRENT 23

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CURRENT • June 7-13, 2017 • sacurrent.com

CALENDAR

ART Art opening: “Habits of Liberty”

Formerly executive director of the City of San Antonio’s Department for Culture and Creative Development, Cuban-born artist and curator Felix N. Padrón unveils a new series of paintings at Dock Space in conjunction with the Second Saturday art walk. Free, 7-10pm Saturday; Dock Space Gallery, 107 Lone Star Blvd.

Art opening: “Scripted” Artist Scott Bell

draws creative inspiration from suburbia and the American Dream as well as “boundaries, expectations, space and waste.” Free, 6-9pm Saturday; Mantle Art Space, 714 Fredericksburg Road, (210) 971-4740.

Art opening: “The Darker and Richer the Hue” Local artist Amada Claire

Miller blurs the distinctions between contemporary art and craft (dyeing, sewing and quilt-making) with a solo exhibition presenting fiber as painting. Free, 6-9pm Saturday; Flax Studio, 1906 S. Flores St., (909) 518-2245.

Art at the Jalapeño The grassroots event

series Art at the Jalapeño returns with an evening of live music, live painting, stone sculpture, food and more. Free, 6-10pm Friday; Movement Gallery, 1412 E. Commerce St., (210) 320-1925.

Art in the Park with Artpace Artpace

educators lead young artists between the ages of 4 and 12 in the creation and decoration of an imaginative pop-up card. Free, 11am-1pm Saturday; Hemisfair Park, 434 S. Alamo St., (210) 709-4750.

Art Party: It’s a Zoo in Here SAMA and

KRTU’s monthly collaboration continues with an evening of gallery tours, specialty cocktails crafted by Blue Box (cash bar), art-making activities and live music from soulful pop outfit The Nightowls. $5-$10, 6-8pm Friday; San Antonio Museum of Art, 200 W. Jones Ave., (210) 978-8100.

“Illuminate the Dark” Caliente Hot Glass

Studio hosts a glassblowing demo “lit only by fire and molten glass.” Free, 6-10pm Saturday; Caliente Hot Glass Studio, 1411 N. Hackberry St., (210) 504-9244.

Summer 2017 Open Studios Artpace invites guests into the studios of Summer 2017 residents Christie Blizard (San Antonio), Rolando López (Aguascalientes, Mexico) and Kang Seung Lee (Los Angeles) for a rare peek at works in progress. Free, 6-8pm Tuesday; Artpace, 445 N. Main Ave., (210) 212-4900.

FILM Chips & Salsa Central Library screens James Sanders new documentary exploring

three small family-owned taquerías in San Antonio: Taquería Rello (expanded from one to two Southside locations), Viva Vegería (relocated from Alamo Heights to Nogalitos St.) and Taquería Datapoint #5 (a taco truck that expanded to a small Westside location). Free, 1-3pm Monday; Great Northwest Branch Library, 9050 Wellwood St., (210) 663-4145.

The Jungle Book Slab Cinema presents

a free outdoor screening of John Favreau’s 2016 adaptation of Rudyard Kipling’s collected works following Mowgli, a young man-cub who’s raised by wolves and finds himself on a path of self-discovery as the only human in a jungle full of talking animals. Free, 8pm Saturday; Mission Marquee Plaza, 3100 Roosevelt Ave., (210) 212-9373.

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The Secret Life of Pets Slab Cinema hosts

a free outdoor screening of Illumination Entertainment’s 2016 computer-animated comedy exploring what pets do when their owners aren’t around. Free, 8pm Friday; Bulverde Community Park, 29815 Bulverde Lane, (210) 212-9373.

THEATER Crimes of the Heart Beth Henley’s

Southern Gothic classic Crimes of the Heart comes to The Playhouse in a production directed by Bill Gundry. In the small town of Hazlehurst, Mississippi, sisters Babe, Meg and Lenny reunite under dodgy circumstances: Babe has shot her husband in the stomach, and while he had it comin’, there’s a bit of fallout that needs to be dealt with. The three sisters navigate old hurts that have bubbled up to the surface as they tangle with Babe’s latest crisis, dogged by dysfunctional family history at every turn. $12-$42, 8pm Friday-Saturday, 3pm Sunday; The Playhouse, 800 W. Ashby Pl., (210) 733-7258.

The Golden Glee Club A recent addition

to the city’s performing arts scene, San African-born playwright and composer Bernard J. Taylor’s new LGBT-centric theater at Woodlawn Point comes to light with a campy tribute to the beloved sitcom The Golden Girls. Directed by Greg Hinojosa, the drag musical sees the fabulous foursome forming a glee club to entertain the residents of Florida’s many retirement homes. Featuring a dozen original songs (including Blanche’s commanding “Make Love Like a Savage”), The Golden Glee Club stars Dave Ankrom (as Blanche), Richard C. Solis (as Dorothy), John Stillwaggon (as Rose) and Dave Cortez (as Sophia). $15-$20, 8pm Thursday-Saturday; Woodlawn Pointe, 702 Donaldson Avenue, (210) 468-2787.

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The Final, Final Farewell Tour of Dick and Delores Del Rubio Described as a “fond and feisty little homage to old-school cabaret and its people,” this campy musical romp stars Alan Palmer and Andrew Orbison as “the most innocently inappropriate couple that never was.” Telling tales of “competing with Liz Taylor, wedding Elvis, bedding Donald Trump and performing in burlesque,” Dick and Delores promise to “charm the pants right off of you.” $20-$30, 7:30pm Saturday; Josephine Theatre, 339 W Josephine St, (210) 320-0514.

Matilda The Musical Based on the Roald

Dahl children’s novel, Matilda The Musical is a fun, sweet and inspiring story about one brilliant young girl of incredible spirit and abilities. Matilda is the neglected child of a ruthless car salesman and a self-absorbed amateur dancer who find more amusement in their television than their offspring. Intimidated by her intelligence, Matilda’s parents send her to Crunchem Hall, a school with a strict set of rules and a frightening head master — Ms. Trunchbull. Matilda finds friendship in the quirky kids around her and kindergarten teacher Miss Honey. While swapping secrets, Matilda shows Miss Honey that she can move objects with her mind. Fine-tuning her abilities, Matilda prepares the schoolchildren for a revolt against the tyrannical Ms. Trunchbull. With music and lyrics by composer Tim Minchin, Matilda The Musical is a triumphant tale of small proportions; proving big voices can come in small packages. $30-$85, 7:30pm Wednesday-Thursday, 8pm Friday, 2pm & 8pm Saturday, 7:30pm Sunday; The Majestic Theatre, 224 E. Houston St., (210) 226-3333.

COMEDY Kountry Wayne Self-described as a “humble

guy from the small town of Millen, Georgia,” Kountry Wayne (born Wayne Colley) is a nationally touring stand-up comic boasting a massive social media presence of over 3 million followers. $30, 7:30pm Tuesday; Improv San Antonio, 849 E. Commerce St., (210) 229-1420.

Dr. Joe Bates encourages guests to literally “think their way to a smarter life” by using a series of brain workouts. Free, 1-4pm Saturday; Barnes & Noble, 321 NW Loop 410, Suite 104, (210) 342-0008.

Cirque de la Symphonie High-flying

aerialists, daredevil cyclists and jugglers present acrobatic feats of wonder, all choreographed to classical gems performed by the San Antonio Symphony. $12.50-$100, 8pm Friday-Saturday, 2pm Sunday; Tobin Center for the Performing Arts, 100 Auditorium Circle, (210) 223-8624.

Dino George Beloved dinosaur enthusiast

Dino George returns to Eisenhower Park with a program featuring displays of amazing replicas of prehistoric skulls and teeth, including giant killer birds and large Texas mammals. $3-$6, 10-11am Saturday; Eisenhower Park, 19399 NW Military Hwy., (210) 207-3782.

JUNE 10 • ROGER CREAGER

Jungle Boogie Nights Every Friday night this summer, the San Antonio Zoo transforms into a family-friendly fiesta featuring live music, food trucks, family games and happy hour specials. $9, 6-9pm Friday; San Antonio Zoo, 3903 N. St. Mary’s St., (210) 734-7184.

JUNE 16 • WAYMORE’S OUTLAWS (WAYLON JENNINGS’ ORIGINAL BAND)

San Antonio Vintage Expo Vintage

retailers converge at the Austin Highway Event Center for a weekend of shopping for retro treasures. $5, 10am-5pm Saturday, 11am-5pm Sunday; Austin Highway Event Center, 1948 Austin Hwy., (210) 464-1764.

Summer of Tech The DoSeum’s

multifaceted summer program ecompasses camps, a kids’ coding challenege and the “digiPlaySpace,” a hands-on exhibit that invites kids to race through a virtual world, create a largescale painting with movement alone, pop ‘n’ lock with stop-motion animation, and become techie trailblazers in a maker space. $12, 9am-5pm WednesdaySaturday, 11am-5pm Sunday, 9am-5pm Monday-Tuesday; The DoSeum, 2800 Broadway, (210) 212-4453.

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SPECIAL EVENTS BBQ, Bottles and Beer: Whales and Ales Edition The Witte hosts an after-hours

social pairing Blanco BBQ with cold beer from GS1221, plus access to the immersive new exhibition “Whales: Giants of the Deep.” $10-$25, 6:30-8:30pm Friday; Witte Museum, 3801 Broadway, (210) 357-1900.

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CURRENT • June 7-13, 2017 • sacurrent.com

COURTESY OF TOBIN CENTER FOR THE PERFORMING ARTS

ARTS + CULTURE

•

Snapshots of a Fervid Sunrise

ALL THE

STEVEN G. KELLMAN

WORLD’S A STAGE International theater comes to San Antonio

≥

Technology has made it relatively easy to experience film and music created throughout the world. But live theater is not nearly as accessible. It might be that all the world’s a stage, but, without regular travel to New York, Edinburgh, Bogotá, and Tokyo, residents of San Antonio see few of the world’s stages. In previous years, AtticRep has offered a partial remedy to theatrical provincialism by importing troupes from Austria, Colombia, Cuba, Ecuador, Germany, Hungary, Italy and Switzerland. This year, AtticRep’s third International Fest of Theatre offers productions from India, the United States and Mexico. Roberto Prestigiacomo, artistic director of AtticRep and impresario of the festival, explains that he originally intended to include a fourth production, from a fourth country – Italy. Teatro Potlach was scheduled to present its version of Jules Verne’s 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. However, the company was touring in Tehran and the Trump administration’s restrictive policies prevented them from obtaining a visa to come to the United States. The politically charged issue of immigration figures prominently in two of the three productions that will

be on stage at the Tobin Center’s Carlos Alvarez Studio Theater. Two of the three are world premieres; the other is making its debut in the United States. The festival kicks off on June 8 and 9 with Snapshots of a Fervid Sunrise, a play by Mahesh Dattani that dramatizes how two adolescents each choose a different path to challenge injustice in their beloved India. Directed by Dushyanth Dunashekar, it is a production of Crea-Shakthi, a company based in Chennai. Prestigiacomo is intent on establishing local connections with his visiting troupes, so performances of Snapshots will be supplemented by Dhanasri Thillana — a reconception of classical Indian dance choreographed by Aarthi Karthic and performed by Karthic and Madhavi Subramaniam, students of Kausi Subramaniam, who choreographed part of AtticRep’s 2015 production From the Mahabharata: The Great Dance-Off. On June 10 and 11, the stage at the Tobin will become a family’s porch, given over to On the Porch with the Lavens, a musical history of a talented singing clan, from its origins in Holland to success in the United States. “Rachel Laven was a student of mine at Trinity

3rd International Fest of Theatre

$25-$28 (full festival package $75) 7:30pm Thu, 8pm Fri-Sat, 2:30pm Sun

Snapshots of a Fervid Sunrise Jun 8-9 On the Porch with the Lavens Jun 10-11 Through the Wall: A Traves

del Muro Jun 16-18 AtticRep Tobin Center for the Performing Arts (Carlos Alvarez Studio Theater) 100 Auditorium Circle (210) 999-8524 atticrep.org Through June 18

University,” Prestigiacomo, who directs the production, recalls. Performing their own blues, folk, and country songs, Andreas and Jana Laven and children, Rachel and Niko, will recount some of the challenges the family has faced and overcome. “They are,” says Prestigiacomo, “a positive story of immigration.” More bittersweet are the immigration stories in Through the Wall: A Traves del Muro, scheduled for June 16, 17, and 18. Playwright Regina Moya, who grew up in Mexico City and lives in San Antonio, began by interviewing Mexican immigrants who crossed the border illegally. She translated transcripts of their stories into English and shaped them into dramatic form. “I am an immigrant myself,” notes Prestigiacomo, who directs Through the Wall and feels especially troubled by how immigrants are maligned and criminalized. “They follow the archetypal journey of the hero,” he contends. “When they come here, they do all they can to respect the laws and contribute to the country.” The set for Through the Wall was designed by renowned Mexican artist Betsabeé Romero. In coordination with the theater festival, the Instituto Cultural de México will, from June 15-August 27, sacurrent.com • June 7-13, 2017 • CURRENT 29

CURRENT • June 7-13, 2017 • sacurrent.com

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Through the Wall

host the exhibition “El Vuelo y Su Semilla,” a set of installation pieces by Romero that refl ect on the objects that immigrants carry with them during their treacherous journeys across the border. On June 11 from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m., a storytelling session titled “When People Migrate” and featuring Carolina Quiroga-Stultz will also take place at the Mexican Cultural Institute. And on June 14 from 6-8 p.m, it will hold a panel discussion, led by Consul General Reyna Mendivil, titled “Moving Forward: Five Approaches to the Migration Phenomenon.” “For the past 10 years,” Prestigiacomo notes, “AtticRep has mounted 46 productions, 36 of them new to San Antonio, 13 of them world premieres.” During that time, the company has also performed abroad, in India, Italy, Hungary, and Taiwan. “To grow artistically,” its artistic director insists, “we need to mix

our creative juices with people who have different experiences. We need to bring them here and go there.” To accomplish that, AtticRep will no longer schedule traditional theatrical seasons but will concentrate its work on festivals, here and abroad. San Antonio can no longer count on AtticRep throughout the year for some of the city’s most exciting and accomplished dramatic art. Disappointment has to be tempered by a realization that the company is taking its talents to the world and importing the world’s talents to San Antonio.

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SAVING GRACE Wonder Woman makes up for a trail DC Comics ﬂops

> Finally! Wonder Woman is the movie the suits at Warner Bros. have been yearning for, and at long last have figured out how to get. After the gloomy, hyper-stylized and unfulfilling DC Comics misadventures Man Of Steel, Batman v. Superman and Suicide Squad, Wonder Woman feels like a breath of fresh air, and not a moment too soon. Director Patty Jenkins’ (Monster) film is bright, vibrant and engaging. It’s an origin story. Born to a tribe of female warriors on a remote island hidden from mankind, Diana’s (Gal Gadot) aunt (Robin Wright) teaches her how to fight while Diana’s mother (Connie Nielsen), a queen, worries for her safety. Before Diana realizes the extent of her powers and becomes Wonder Woman, an American officer named Steve Trevor (Chris Pine) crashes near the island and Diana rescues him – the first of many times she (the female) saves his (the male’s) life. This twist on traditional gender roles in action movies could not be more welcome. We learn it’s 1919, and Steve is embroiled in a battle to defeat Germany. Specifically, he fears General Erich Luderdorff (Danny Huston) and his chief chemist, Dr.

Maru (Elena Anaya), will concoct a poisonous gas that could wipe out an army miles at a time. Understanding the danger, and because she’s truly kind as long as you’re not threatening her, Diana joins Steve in trying to stop the Germans. They don’t need much help, but they get it in the form of Steve’s friends Charlie (Ewen Bremner), Sameer (Said Taghmaoui) and Chief (Eugene Brave Rock), as well as government official Sir Patrick (David Thewlis). The action is fantastic, and really pops in IMAX 3D. Whereas action in the other DC Comics movies has essentially been a big, loud blur, here it’s carefully rendered for clarity and impact. There’s not one second of battle in which the events aren’t perfectly clear (there’s no overediting here at all), and at times slow motion is used to make it even more dynamic. The visual effects are strong, and the fight choreography and cinematography are tremendous. If only all action movies were this attentive to their main selling point. Chris Pine seems to have no qualms about the male lead being a secondary role, and given that he’s our new Captain Kirk in Star Trek, kudos to

him for allowing Gal Gadot to step front and center. And boy does she. Reports say Gadot, who was Miss Israel in 2004 and subsequently spent two years in the Israeli Army, gained 17 pounds of muscle to play Diana. It’s doubtful she was weak beforehand, but with the added muscle her stature is more imposing and she shows no signs of struggling with the physicality of the role. Nor does she have a problem with Diana’s beauty. While Gadot’s acting talent has yet to be proven in a non-action role, the camera loves her and her pulchritude is undeniable. If she makes the right choices, she could be a fixture on the big screen for years to come. Let’s be honest: Warner Bros. needs this. At a time when the studio is desperately trying to get franchises off the ground and struggling mightily with all of them (Godzilla and King Kong will soon merge, and King Arthur landed with a thud a few weeks ago), Wonder Woman could be a saving grace. Let’s hope the box office yields a positive response to this fantastic story of female empowerment, and future DC Comics movies follow this film’s formula for success.

sacurrent.com • June 7-13, 2017 • CURRENT 33

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FOOD COURT Openings for Ferra Coﬀee, Kung Fu Kitchen and Zedric’s

•

Zedric's: Fit With Flavor

JESSICA ELIZARRARAS | @JESSELIZARRARAS

Healthy options for the Quarry

> The Quarry Crossing gained a local business this past week with the opening of a second Zedric’s Fit With Flavor, a healthy prepared meals concept first launched in 2011. The store replaces My Fit Foods, which abruptly closed all its stores in February 2017. Owned by chef Zach Lutton, Zedric’s is known for its prepackaged diet-specific and diet-friendly meals. The menu will be identical to the Colonnade location off Wurzbach Road with shoppers being able to order in advance or just grab and go from the wall of coolers. Lutton, a graduate of the Culinary Institute of America-Hyde Park, says the stores carry between 80 and 90 menu items to choose from. The new shop sits at 2,100 square feet and includes plenty of cooler real estate along with extra microwaves and plenty of seating. The Quarry Crossing location will open 10 a.m.- 9 p.m. Sunday, 7 a.m.- 9 p.m. Monday through Thursday, 7 a.m. - 8 p.m. Friday and 10 a.m. - 6 p.m. Saturday 7322 Jones Maltsberger, Suite 218, (210) 455-0477

More Coﬀee in SA

> Susan Jaime is making herself and her coffee beans a lot more accessible to coffee lovers in San Antonio. The master roaster from Guadalajara, Mexico who first launched Ferra Coffee Roasters in 2010 in Boerne has moved the production facility within the confines of Loop 1604. The new roasting facility, which shares a production space with Weathered Souls Brewing Co., has doubled

as a retail shop and espresso bar since mid-May, with the announcement of the shop’s opening coming earlier this afternoon via press release. The shop will open from 7:30 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. with grab-and-go espressos, cappuccinos, lattes and Americanos and a selection of pastries from Bakery Lorraine. No seating is available in the shop for now. “We had an opportunity to have a new facility that’s more central to people,” Jaime said. “They’ll be able to have a first look at what we do, when we’re Q grading or cupping.” Ferra, which is carried at the Hyatt Hill Country Resort, Driscoll Hotel, Travaasa in Austin, NAO, Botika and El Naranjo, will carry its full menu of five blends with eight different origins. Jaime says retail shoppers will get a first taste of exclusive beans coming out of the Galapagos and Haiti. The shop will also offer cupping classes for the public, with Jaime helping drinkers identify flavor profiles and roasting techniques. The first two-hour classes will take place June 24 with sessions at 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. Classes are limited to 15 participants and the $65 fee includes a pound of coffee beans. Reservations are available by calling (210) 245-7900 or online at ferracoffeeus.com. 606 Embassy Oak, Suite 350.

Kung Fu Kitchen adds giant patio

> Flatbreads, burgers and Chinese fare are all sharing the menu at Kung Fu Kitchen, the latest concept by the team behind Smoke The Restaurant and Ash, which has been in a soft opening phase since last week.

EXP E R I ENCE

P EARL

The 5,000-square-foot restaurant features a large wrap-around patio and bar, with approximately 80 of the 140 seats available outdoors. Owner Adrian Martinez, who first opened the late China Garden in Southtown, says he signed the lease for the space in late 2015 and has been hands-on with the entire process down to the menu, which he and Eric Lopez have crafted and liken to a neighborhood version of Kona Grill. The 60-plus item menu includes appetizers, burgers, dim sum, flat breads, soups, shareable sides, noodles and rice and Kung Fu classics (think lemon chicken, sweet and sour, shrimp stir-fry, etc.). Lunch specials include lunchsized entrees (lemon chicken, sweet and sour chicken, beef and broccoli, shrimp stir-fry), steam or fried rice, and a choice of egg roll, spring roll or cheese rangoon, and are available from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. daily for $7.99. “We are cooking with banging sauces and recognizable flavors that we grew up with,” Martinez said. “We wanted to have a variety of food so people can experience different things over the course of several days.” The happy hour includes $1-off beer specials, $2-off cocktails, $2-off appetizers, $3-off flatbreads and $1-off house wines from 3 to 7 p.m. daily and all day Sunday. Kung Fu Kitchen is open 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. Sunday through Thursday and 10 a.m. to 11 p.m. Friday and Saturday. 1010 S. Flores St., (210) 267-9277.

Send food and nightlife news to flavor@sacurrent.com.

local flavor since 1883 sacurrent.com • June 7-13, 2017 • CURRENT 35

Fruteria | Taqueria | Mariscos | Cerveza

BUY ONE 16OZ MIXED FRUIT CUP GET THE SECOND ONE 1/2 OFF (Offer good M-F 3pm-7pm)

1502 Bandera Rd | (210)431-7786 loscocosmexicanrestaurant.com

CURRENT • June 7-13, 2017 • sacurrent.com

7210 BLANCO RD | 210.314.4194

NIGHTLIFE

PHOTOS COURTESY OF JACQUELINE FIERRO/GIANT NOISE

RON BECHTOL

FIRST IMPRESSIONS Hanzo’s cocktails are on point so far •

Hanzo, the latest bar by Steve Mahoney, is serving up Asian-inspired cocktails like the Far East Side (left), seasonal smash and Hell No Kitty (right).

≥

Izakayas are pretty much ubiquitous in Japan. These casual, pub-like hangouts for drinking, dining and after-work socializing are announced by red lanterns called akachochin — and often by the smells of grilling yakitori. You’ll have to follow your nose to Hanzo, the latest outpost in serial bar-builder Steve Mahoney’s expanding empire; as is often the case with craft-bar entrepreneurs, there’s no signage — at least for now. No red lanterns, either. That is unless you count the sea urchin-like fixtures adorning some walls of this sleekly turned-out tavern. It’s both more colorful (consider the “scales” opposite the bar) than most Mahoney operations — and more thematically focused. And that focus snaps into special sharpness with the drinks menu created by crazy-creative cocktailian, Nick Kenna, a veteran of Dorcol Distilling Company and George’s Keep, among others. Brush up on your Asian-themed movie references (Kill Bill, for example). For now, all drinks are served in a restrained martini glass and highlights include the Thrilla in Vanilla with Japanese whiskey and vanilla-infused sweet vermouth (not to worry — the vanilla is geishademure); Southern Root with tequila, mezcal, carrot, ginger yuzu and citrus (both pretty and potent); Miso Hungry (sake, shochu, miso syrup and more — just umami’d enough); Matcha Matcha Man (Kinsman Rakia and gin with matcha powder, orgeat and chocolate bitters); and the challenging but must-try The Bride with turmeric-infused vodka, sake, orgeat and habanero tincture.

At a classic izakaya, the food and the drink are given equal emphasis, and on that basis, Hanzo’s five-item “tiny meal” menu is still a work in progress. There’s apparently an extremely fancy frying device, which accounts for items such as the salty lotus root chips with an edamame/wasabi-based dip, squid rings dredged in potato starch and served with a kewpie mayo, and pork gyoza on a bed of dipping saucedrenched cabbage. When bar action is slow, you can watch ‘tenders fashioning cubes and spheres out of

large chunks of ice. When chef Justin Richardson, formerly of Brigid/Francis Bogside, has time on his hands, he’s apparently working on more ambitious food offerings. Think hamachi collar and an appealing “cone” capped with an avocado scoop — also fried. Some more conventional sushi rolls are contemplated. But there’s apparently no grill, so sizzling yakitori won’t be a sensory clue. Regardless, mata kimasu: I will come back. Hanzo is open 4 p.m. to 2 a.m. daily. 7701 Broadway, Suite 124, (210) 826-1488.

Coming Up June 10 // Texas ice houses don’t dot the landscape like they used to. And then there’s La Tuna, which is celebrating its 25th anniversary with Los #3 Dinners and Soulace. Stop by for a beer in one of Southtown’s best patios and make sure to get in the group picture at 7 p.m. No cover, 2-11pm, 100 Probrandt, (210) 224-8862., latunagrill.com/icehouse.html. June 11 // The San Antonio chapter of Girls Pint Out is bringing together beer and books for a night of discussion at Frank. This month’s Pages and Pints book, “The Devil in the White City” by Erik Larson involves murder, the 1983 World’s Fair and plenty of thrills. No cover, 11am-3pm, 1150 S. Alamo St., (210) 265-5292, facebook.com/sanAntoniogpo. June 17 // Freetail Brewing Co. will celebrate Texas Craft Beer Independence Day (which pays homage to that fateful day on June 14, 2013 when the Texas lege allowed breweries and brewpubs to directly sell and distribute packaged beer), with a crawfish boil by Pinch Boil House and Bia Bar, porky snacks by Swine House, jumbo games, and Freetail brews. Prices vary, noon-5pm, 2000 S. Presa St., (210) 625-6000, freetailbrewing.com.

sacurrent.com • June 7-13, 2017 • CURRENT 37

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CURRENT • June 7-13, 2017 • sacurrent.com

MUSIC

COURTESY OF THE SA GIRLS ROCK CAP

CHRIS CONDE

FUNK YOU UP COU RTE SY

Take an acid-laced train ride to Funkytown with Cadillac Muzik MUZIK LAC DIL CA F O

> Though our collective hip-hop and R&B scene is comparatively small in the shadow of Houston’s enormous one, there is a growing community of artists here who are rising up amongst the bubbling of indie pop rock and psych/garage bands in the Alamo City. Rappers like Milli Mars and Kree23 are holding it down with their respectable flows, while R&B singers Alyson Alonzo and newcomer Amea show us that sultry vocals definitely still have a place over thick hip-hop beats. Quite frankly, we think SA deserves a little more recognition on this front. So if you haven’t heard of the two piece rapper/producer funk duo who have been opening for acts like The Temptations, Zro and Cypress Hill, it’s time you meet Cadillac Muzik. Cousins Beseja “Caddymack” Moses and Scott Campbell were always drawn to music as kids growing up on the east and west sides of San Antonio, but it wasn’t until 2003, when the duo were in their teens, that they started writing and rapping with their cousins in the local rap group THK (Texas Hardknocks). Like most artists working to find their niche sound, Campbell and Moses would continue to collaborate with other artists until 2010, when they finally landed on their funky hip-hop tone. “We’re heavily influenced by ‘70s soul bands,” Moses told the Current. The rapper/producer listed a number of musical influences from Houston’s UGK to alt-rappers A Tribe Called Quest and the psychedelic funk collective Parliament — all of which totally makes sense when listening to these dudes’ music. Within the first moments of their latest single “Mind Play,” it’s clear Cadillac Muzik want you to jump on some acid-lace cartoon train ride to Funkytown, outer space, Stankonia or wherever the wild futuristic funk party is happening nowadays. A bass guitar-driven beat opens the track with “Alright y’all ready to rock? I know y’all came to funk the night” then jumps right into the kind of psychedelic, synth-laced hip-hop and R&B that’s reminiscent of Ceelo Green and Outkast. These guys aren’t buying their beats online or dishing out cash for a producer or engineer to record them in a studio; all of their music is done in-house. “I’ve been mixing and mastering since 2005,” Moses says. “I’ve built my own ear for what I want [Cadillac Musik] to sound like.” Now, we’ve all endured that excited friend showing us their raw, unmixed, lo-fi home recordings of their new project, but let us assure you — there’s nothing lo-fi about anything that these two put their hands on. From the quality of the production to the sophisticated musicianship and attention to detail this duo puts into their work, Cadillac Muzik is a template for the modern day musician: hard working, high caliber, and refreshingly original. Saturday, June 10, 10pm, $10+, Little Jamaica Bar & Grill, 8800 Broadway St. For more information visit their website

CHRIS CONDE

GIRLS ROCK

A music camp and safe space

≥

There are many female musicians here who balance out the bearded bro-ness that often embodies local indie scenes — women like Feliza Salazar, who plays drums for the instrumental prog group Verisimilitude, soul singer Amea, who’s about to embark on a tour across the country, or Bianca Quiñones, front woman for the ferocious hardcore punk group, Amygdala. To help pave the way for the next generation, The SA Girls Rock Camp wants to equip young women with an opportunity to explore their musical interests and get some hands-on learning by connecting with volunteers who are active in local music community. The camp curriculum focuses on providing instruction and support in the history of women in rock, gender and diversity, body positivity, healthy relationship and communication skills, and DIY printmaking, as well as music lessons. SA Girls Rock says the day camp is meant for girls, genderfluid/non-binary and trans youth ages 11-14, and provides a “safe space for young ladies and trans-youth to grow their musical interests and build confidence to take with them in their future endeavors.” “Through mentorship and creative expression, we aim to give youth a safe space to try new things, gain leadership

and collaboration skills, share their stories, and create positive social change in both our local communities and the world at large,” the organization said in a statement. The camp (which will be held at 318 MLK Dr. from Monday, July 17 through Friday, July 21) is affiliated with the Girls Rock Camp Alliance, the Portland-based organization that has seeded such camps across the country over the past decade. “I wanted to be in a band, instead of just going to a middle school orchestra band kinda thing,” SA camp director Echo Diaz told the Current. Diaz says she volunteered as a guitar instructor at an Austin Girl’s Rock Camp several years ago. After seeing the positive impact it had on young women, she wanted to bring the concept home. To help raise money for camper scholarships, Lowcountry is hosting a benefit show on First Friday, July 7. Volunteer signups for the camp will be available as well as donation-based screen printing to benefit the camp and feature live music from Topo Chica, Polly Anna and Heather Leathers. Registration for the camp is open until July 1. For more information visit the group’s website. Friday, July 7, Free (donations appreciated), 8pm, Lowcountry, 318 Martinez St., 210-560-2224

sacurrent.com • June 7-13, 2017 • CURRENT 39

MUSIC

COURTESY OF THE BIRTHDAY MASACRE

MUSIC PICKS

THE BIRTHDAY MASSACRE

I don’t know if I was lost in The Birthday Massacre’s gothic synths or was singing along to vocalist Chibi’s lullaby-like melodies, but all of sudden my shoulders lunged over my dashboard and glass began to shatter seemingly in slow motion as my tiny Ford Ranger collided into an Escalade. Besides causing (thankfully, non fatal) car crashes in Texas, the Toronto based sextuplet have been actively producing their 80s pop-goth anthems since the early 2000s with their first release Imagica. When they first started getting big, it was easy to write them off solely on their mall-goth Donnie Darko imagery but, upon listening, I soon discovered that this group was chock-full of everything I loved about 80s goth music: sad pop melodies, triumphant synth progressions and beautiful vintage electronic drums. With Arm of the Universe, Ludovio Technique, $25, 7pm, Paper Tiger, 2410 N. St. Mary’s St., papertigersatx.com — Chris Conde THU

Jeff the Brotherhood, hailing from JEFF THE BROTHERHOOD and repping the swell Infinity 8 Cat Records, are one of the most prolific and most interesting straight upNashville fuckin’ rock acts out there today.

SEMI SONG

THU

PETER BESTE

Anchored by a dynamic duo of brothers, Jake and Jamin Orrall, Jeff the Brotherhood has released a slew of riff-heavy, crunchy, and toe-tingling rock since forming in 2001. The band’s sound, which toggles between (or blends) punk, jazz, black metal, grunge, psych-rock, and garage-pop, is not only pretty damn unique, but it somehow seems better (more immediate, less predictable, and more organic) than what Jeff the Brotherhood’s would-be peers (all the Burger Records band you know) are doing. In the live setting, where the band comes unhinged, imbibing huge doses of its own fuzzy and filthy rock medicine, Jeff the Brotherhood is truly a force of nature. $12.00, 8:00pm, Paper Tiger, 2410 N St Mary’s St, papertigersatx.com. — James Courtney

THE HOOD INTERNET Everyone loves a good remix or mash-up every now and then, right? If you haven’t heard the Hood Internet’s mash-up of The XX’s “Intro” and Z DMX’s “X Gon’ Give It To Ya,” you’re missing out on a seriously weird but strangely cohesive mashup. For a track typically used for action movies (Cradle To The Grave, Deadpool) it gives DMX’s lyrics a strange sort of depth and emotional edge. Since 2007, Aaron Brink (ABX) and Steve Reidell (STV FRI

EBR UY ILD I

GOATWHORE Be it burning churches, occult symbols carved into arms, or actual photos of dead vocalists, the bands that fall under the umbrella of “extreme metal” almost always have pretty extreme imagery to go along with their music. Goatwhore isn’t any different. Fusing components of black metal with thrash and death metal, New Orleans-based Goatwhore has continued to tear through nearly two decades of blast beats, thrashing guitar riffs and vocals that range from low guttural growls to high pitched shrieking. While the quartet have definitely moved away from a blackened sound in recent years, Goatwhore will continue to be a name that is revered in the realms of extreme metal. With Anciients, $15-$18, 7pm, The Rock Box, 1223 E. Houston St., therockboxsa.com — CC FRI

CURRENT • June 7-13, 2017 • sacurrent.com

SLV) have been releasing their mashups of popular indie rock and hip-hop songs through their website thehoodinternet.com, which over the years has slowly grown in popularity thanks to other mash-up artists like Girl Talk. Also on tour with the duo is rapper Showyousuck who, with Brink and Reidell, have an alternative hip hop group called Air Credits and have been slowly building a name for themselves in the underground rap community. $15, 8pm, Paper Tiger, 2410 N. St. Mary’s St., papertigersatx.com — CC

EDUARDO ALVAREZ

JAIME MONZON

MUSIC

FRONTERA BUGALÚ

AT THE DRIVE-IN At The Drive-In’s recent performance at SXSW is definitely in my top ten fave shows of all time now. In this era of synth-driven indie pop it was refreshing to see a high-energy rock and roll show from a band that’s become famous for going nuts on stage. Back in February, the El Paso boys announced that they were going back on tour, and much to ATDI fans worldwide, were also releasing a new album entitled in•ter a•li•a. If you haven’t listened to the record and you’re a fan of the band, stop what you’re doing (well, finish reading this obviously), and turn that shit on full volume. I won’t say that it’s as good as Relationship of Command but all the components of a good ATDI record are there: Omar Rodriguez’ signature spasm guitar riffs and Cedric’s true to form shout/singing about something (whatever it is, it sounds cool). The only bummer is that the show has been sold out for several months now so if you haven’t been proactive about hunting down a ticket, you might want to light a candle and pray for a miracle or that your best friend breaks up with their ex so you can snag theirs. With Le Butcherettes, sold out, 7pm, Aztec Theatre, 104 N. St. Mary’s St., theaztectheatre.com — CC FRI

Does several hours of blood-curdling shrieks and violent, smashing drums sound like the perfect Saturday night? If so, you’re in luck this week. Dubbed “Unleashing Carnage Fest,” this night of metal and mayhem features bands from all over Texas that fall somewhere under the “extreme metal” category. Among the San Antonio acts making an appearance is Chaotic End, which matches echoey shrieks and black metal growls with furious guitar riffing of death making a sound as tight as it is ferocious. Also on the bill are local grindcore bros Toluca, whose tracks range anywhere from 22 seconds to less than two minutes. But length doesn’t matter much when the tracks are that intense. $10, 4pm, Fitzgerald’s Bar and Live Music, 437 McCarty Rd #101, fitzrocks.com — CC SAT

Carrying the pachanga across the Lone Star State, from El Paso to be exact, Frontera Bugalú will bring its deliriously heady live show to The Squeezbox this weekend. The group, with a variable cast of musicians, always led by composer, singer, and accordionist Kiko Rodriguez, began as a tribute band, focused on bringing wonderful and unsung borderland songwriters’ work to larger audiences. Now, still heavily indebted SAT

SAT

to bygone composers rooted in border life, Frontera Bugalú crafts its own unique tunes, passionate hybrids of border folk tradition and sweltering Caribbean rhythms. Needless to say, you had better have your comfortable dancing shows ready for this one, because Frontera Bugalú will have you both in your feelings and moving your feet all night long. $5.00, 9:00pm, The Squeezebox, 2806 N St Mary’s, facebook.com/TheSqueezebox. — JC

The Old 97’s are a Texan institution at THE OLD 97’S this point. The rowdy folk/alt-country crew, based out of Dallas, has been active, plying dynamic Texicana with the aplomb of the cult heroes that they are, since 1993. Now, with opening support from celebrated local avant-pop-rock group Buttercup, The Old 97’s will commemorate the release of its eleventh studio album Graveyard Whistling this weekend. The title of the album, for those who aren’t familiar with The Old 97's gospel, is a fine approximation of the band’s attitude and catalog of music: in turns crass, raucous, flippant, reverent, and emotive. All told, The Old 97’s, throwbacks from an era when rock stars did more than just Instagram their latest purchases of hairstyles, put on one of the most energetic and earnest live shows you’re ever likely to catch. $25.00-$150.00, 8:00pm, Sam’s Burger Joint, 330 E Grayson St, (210) 223-2830, samsburgerjoint.com. — JC

COURTESY OF ATO

UNLEASHING CARNAGE FEST

sacurrent.com • June 7-13, 2017 • CURRENT 41

COMMUNITY. ENTERTAINMENT. LOCAL EVENTS. GIVEAWAYS.

M A K E E V E R Y DAY, A G R E AT DAY ! WEEKDAYS @9AM ON

CURRENT • June 7-13, 2017 • sacurrent.com

MUSIC

James Dean

MUSIC CALENDAR WEDNESDAY, JUNE 7 Shane Walker Shane Walker (New Braunfels) performs an acoustic set. Free. The Phoenix Saloon, 8:30pm Bru’s Tunes Live acoustic music. Free. La Hacienda De Los Barrios, 6-9pm The Deslondes Five-piece country and R&B band from New Orleans. Joined by Garrett T Capps and Ranch House. $8. Limelight, 8pm John Papa Gros Band New Orleans funk music and more. $12-$40. Sam’s Burger Joint, 8:30pm Mitch Webb and the Swindles Local Americana act. Free. Gruene Hall, 7-11pm Moodie Black “Rap-gaze” artist out of Los Angeles, joined by Chisme and more. Free. The Mix, 9pm Primetime Jazz Orchestra John Magaldi’s Primetime Jazz Orchestra. Free. The Cove, 8-10pm Stitched up Heart Hard rock band from Los Angeles. Joined by Hell or High Water and more. $13-$15. Jack’s Bar, 6-11pm THURSDAY, JUNE 8 210 Blues Band R&B music by 210 Blues Band every Thursday and Sunday. Free. SoHo Wine & Martini Bar, 10pm The Bacon Brothers Country rock musical duo consisting of Kevin and Michael Bacon. $45. Gruene Hall, 8pm Great Peacock Folk act from Nashville. Joined by The High Divers. $10-$45. Sam’s Burger Joint, 8pm Jay Wimberley Rock and soul music every Thursday night. Free. The Phoenix Saloon, 9pm Last Flight Home EP Release Local pop/ punk act. Joined by The Brightest Star and more. $5. Ventura, 6-11pm PM Jazz Vocal jazz. $5. Luna, 9:30pm FRIDAY, JUNE 9 Aggravator, Isolaydead Local rock acts Aggravator, Isolaydead, and more play in support of the upcoming film “Golgotha” which they are all featured in. $5-$8. Bond’s 007 Rock Bar, 8pm The Canvas People Local indie rock act, joined by pop rock act Hotbed. Free. The Phoenix Saloon, 9pm

Natalie Wood

Dan West Open, unplugged acoustic circle with Dan West. Free. Luckenbach Dance Hall, 4pm

Sal Mineo

Flow Tribe Funk/psych rock band from New Orleans. $10-$45. Sam’s Burger Joint, 9pm

REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE

The Georges Rockabilly act from San Marcos. Free. John T Floore’s Country Store, 9pm The Maples Punk/garage rock band from Laredo. Joined by Universal Monster, Benji and Party Robot. $5. Imagine Books and Records, 8-11:45pm

TUESDAY, JUNE 13 7:30 PM

Nimbus Cubs Indie rock band from Denton. Ventura, 8 p.m. Silent Minority Local rock/punk act joined by Recreating Eden and more. $5. The Amp Room, 9pm The Soul Supporters R&B at Luna. $10. Luna, 9:30pm

Santikos Bijou

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Strawberry Girls Experimental rock act from California, joined by Comrades, Belle Noire and more. $12. Jack’s Bar, 6-10:45pm Thomas Michael Riley Music Festival The two-day festival features country, blues and folk music. $20-$40. Luckenbach Dance Hall, 12-11:45pm West Kings Highway Friday night residency. Free. Sancho’s Cantina, 7-9pm Whiskey Myers Southern rock/country act play in support of their latest release, Mud. $28. Gruene Hall, 8pm SATURDAY, JUNE 10 Eclipse Touring tribute to Journey. $12.50. Aztec Theatre, 8pm Elizabeth Cook, Jonathan Terrell Americana act from Nashville, joined by Jonathan Terrell. $15. Jack’s Bar, 8-11:45pm Food Bank Fundraiser Benefitting FeedSA. Performances by alt-indie rock band 16 Psychē and more. $5. Imagine Books and Records, 8-11:45pm Harvest Thieves Americana/alt-country act from Austin. Free. Gruene Hall, 1-5pm Iron King Stag Local “neoclassic rock” act, joined by Resination and more. $5-$8. Bond’s 007 Rock Bar, 8pm Jesse Stratton Band Country/Americana act from Wimberley, TX, joined by Alice Mattice Band. Free. The Phoenix Saloon, 9pm Little Hurricane Rock and blues act from San Diego, joined by Lonely Horse and Carly Garza. $15. Paper Tiger, 7pm sacurrent.com • June 7-13, 2017 • CURRENT 43

MUSIC

SOL

D OU

T Marshall Tucker Band Southern country/ rock act. Joined by The Reed Brothers. $35. The Roundup Outdoor Music Venue, 8-11pm Pluto 2 Texas Basement show at the Korova featuring UNOFROMPLUTO, Lepht & Anne Swank, and more. $5 with flyer. $5-$10. The Korova, 6pm

Randy Rogers Band Country act from Texas, joined by Kevin Fowler. $22.63$886.84. Whitewater Amphitheater, 7:30pm Roger Creager Country artist from Corpus Christi, performs in support of his latest EP release, Gulf Coast Time. Joined by Austin Meade. $15-$20. John T Floore’s Country Store, 9pm

LIVE JAZZ MUSIC & DJS + BLOODY MARY & MIMOSA BARS

Sensuous Sonatas Neo Camerata performs new Sonatas for Cello & Piano written by Mark Landson and Thiago Nascimento. $30-$35. Cave Without A Name, 7:309:30pm Summer Vibe Fest Caribbean night featuring Cadillac Muzik. $10. Little Jamaica Bar and Grill, 10pm Tripping Daisy Margin Walker presents Dallas act Tripping Daisy. $20. Paper Tiger, 8pm Unleashing Carnage Fest Rock acts Interment, Athanatos, The Destroyer of Worlds and more. $10-$13. Fitzgerald’s Bar & Live Music, noon USA: On the Porch with The Lavens Live story telling and music by the Lavens family. $28. Tobin Center for the Performing Arts, 8pm WC Clark “Godfather of Austin blues.” $10. Luna, 9:30pm Whiskey Ignition Local rock act, joined by Blameshift Ritual, Red Beard Wall and more. Free. Zombies, 9:30pm SUNDAY, JUNE 11

CURRENT • June 7-13, 2017 • sacurrent.com

Metasota Hip hop artist joined by Greg Grease and more. $5-$8. Limelight, 8:30pm Organ Donor Transplant Fundraiser Featuring Kirk Brown Band, Felix Reyes, Wes Starr and others. $10 donation. Sam’s Burger Joint, 2pm Sunday Evening Picker Circle w/ Bill Lewis Open, acoustic session with Bill Lewis. Free. Luckenbach Dance Hall, 5pm Sunday Jazz at the Witte Every second Sunday of the month with jazz. $7-$10. Witte Museum, second Sunday of every month, 3-5pm Turncoat Basement show with hardcore band Turncoat, Great American Ghost and more. $10. The Korova, 6pm USA: On the Porch with The Lavens Live music and story telling. $28. Tobin Center for the Performing Arts, 2:30pm Waylon’s Birthday Bash Country and Americana music with Thomas Michael Riley. $10 suggested donation. Luckenbach Dance Hall, 1-5pm Whitney Rose Country act from Austin performing in support of her latest release, South Texas Suite. Free. Gruene Hall, 5-9pm MONDAY, JUNE 12 Meat and Metal Mondays Metal night with meat and drink specials. Free. Zombies, 5pm Monday Evening Picker Circle with Jimmy Saurage Unplugged, acoustic session with Jimmy Saurage. Free. Luckenbach Dance Hall, 5pm Swing Nite with Brad Stivers “Roots” act from Austin. $7-$10. Sam’s Burger Joint, 8:30pm TUESDAY, JUNE 13

210 Blues Band R&B music by 210 Blues Band every Thursday and Sunday. Free. SoHo Wine & Martini Bar, 10pm

Corky Laing Rock artist and drummer from Canada. $15-$60. Sam’s Burger Joint, 8pm

BillyRay Sheppard’s Second Sunday Smooth Jazz: Sonterra II Edition Smooth jazz. $35. The Club at Sonterra, 6:30-9:30pm

Gorguts Death metal act Gorguts (Canada), joined by Defeated Sanity, Exist and Pawns of Christ. $16-$20. The Rock Box, 7pm

Bret Graham Americana music by Bret Graham. Free. Gruene Hall, 12:30-4:30pm

Jazz on the Rocks Live jazz and happy hour. Free. St. Anthony Hotel, 5-7pm

Cowboy Doug Davis Memorial Picker Circle Honoring Doug Davis, hosted by Bill Lewis. Free. Luckenbach Dance Hall, 5-9pm

Two Tons of Steel Local rockabilly act at their weekly Two Ton Tuesdays show. $5. Gruene Hall, 8:30pm

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GET OUT > I hate how my boyfriend has sex with me. He is 40 years old. It used to be fine, but a year ago he started adding new moves he obviously got from porn: smacking my pussy with an open palm, vigorously rubbing my clit, wrapping his hands around my neck. I’m not anti-porn; what bothers me is that even though I told him these moves don’t feel good on my body and hurt me, he doesn’t care. I’ve told him that it is painful when he slaps and manhandles my clit, and he responds that he likes it and I should feel happy that he still wants to fuck me six times a week. It’s not that I don’t want him to enjoy himself, but I don’t feel like his enjoyment should come at the price of mine. I don’t know how to get him to listen to me. Porn Lessons Erasing All Sexual Energy Your boyfriend listened to you, PLEASE. You told him you don’t like his porny new moves; he told you he likes them and intends to keep doing them. So this isn’t about listening—it’s about caring. Your boyfriend is hurting you and “he doesn’t care.” Dump the motherfucker already. And while you’re not anti-porn, PLEASE, and I’m certainly not anti-porn, it would appear that porn—the default sex education for too many people, young and old—is part of the problem. “The porn industry, like every other area of popular culture, is dominated by a closed loop of white guys talking to white guys about other white guys,” said Cindy Gallop, legendary advertising executive, consultant, and public speaker. “The most easily accessed mainstream straight porn is all about the man, with zero empathy for the female experience, taken to ludicrous (and for the woman, painful) extremes.”

SAVAGE LOVE by Dan Savage

Like you and me, PLEASE, Gallop is not anti-porn. But she’s fighting shitty porn—and the shitty expectations it can instill—with real-life contrast via her innovative #realworldsex site/platform MakeLoveNotPorn.com. “It’s a social sex-video-sharing platform designed to be a counterpoint to the porn industry while promoting good sexual values and behavior,” said Gallop. “We need to be able to view great #realworldsex in all its messy, funny, beautiful, silly, wonderful, ridiculous humanness in the same medium that we view porn: online. That’s why MakeLoveNotPorn.com exists. We’re pro-sex, pro-porn, and proknowing the difference.” Gallop wants not only to balance out porn with socially shared #realworldsex, but to see the porn market flooded with porn made by women—which doesn’t mean porn made “for” women, she points out, but more disruptive, creative porn for everyone. “Seeing more innovative porn—porn that men would find just as hot—would result in everybody having a much better time in bed,” said Gallop. “Men need to see there is no bigger turn-on than being in bed with someone who you know is having an absolutely fabulous time because of you.” Unfortunately, PLEASE, you’re having an absolutely miserable time because of him. “PLEASE’s boyfriend is operating in his own closed loop,” said Gallop, “the belief that sexual gratification is all about him. He has no idea what sexual gratification really could be. She needs to leave him.” You can find Cindy Gallop’s viral Ted Talk and a documentary about Make Love Not Porn at ifundwomen.com/ projects/makelovenotporn. Follow her on Twitter @CindyGallop. @fakedansavage on Twitter

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“You Say You Want a Revolution”— it’s your turn. ACROSS

1 Like “der” words, in Ger. 5 “48 Hours Investigates” host Lesley 10 Bus route 14 Palindromic Italian digit 15 Jason who will play Aquaman in 2018 16 Ride-sharing app 17 “Va-va-___!” 18 Bring together 19 “Hercules: The Legendary Journeys” spinoff 20 Character on a cel 23 “Unleaded” drink 24 Maker of Centipede 25 Takes much too seriously, for short? 26 “Carmen” highlight, e.g. 30 Some Italian models 33 Third-generation actress who co-starred in “Jackie Brown” 36 “The Secret ___ Success” 39 “Fences” star Davis 40 “Back in the ___” (Beatles tune) 41 Did some birthday prep work, maybe 44 Bicycle shorts material 45 Sacred promise 46 Trucker’s compartment 49 Civic’s make 52 Like theremin noises, usually 54 Toys that are making the

rounds in 2017 news? 58 Waitstaff’s handout 59 Crowdfunding targets 60 Moore of both “The Scarlet Letter” and “Striptease” 61 Baldwin with a recent stint on “SNL” 62 “The Five People You Meet in Heaven” author Mitch 63 Page for pundit pieces 64 Prior 65 Huge amounts 66 Cubs Hall of Famer Sandberg

DOWN

1 Name in men’s watches 2 Made amends 3 Zeno’s followers 4 “Girl, Interrupted” character? 5 Blue matter 6 Quality of voice 7 Enclosed in 8 Labor leader Jimmy who mysteriously disappeared 9 ___ on thick (exaggerate) 10 Extravagant 11 Portuguese, by default 12 “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” star Leakes 13 “___ Yes!” (1970s political placard) 21 Way out there 22 Angler’s spear 27 Break apart 28 “Oops! ... ___ It Again”

29 Disco-era term meaning “galore” 31 Six-pointers, briefly 32 Saloth ___ (Pol Pot’s birth name) 33 Secondary result of a chemical reaction 34 Film director Kazan 35 The last U.S. president with a prominent mustache 36 X, of Twitch’s “Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood” marathon, e.g. 37 “Frizzle ___” (1990 Primus album) 38 Electric can openers and pencil sharpeners, e.g. 42 Guilty feeling 43 Nostalgic time, perhaps 46 Like porcelain dolls you just know are staring right at you 47 Fly guys 48 Compared with 50 “L’Absinthe” painter 51 Lagoon surrounder 53 “Return of the Jedi” moon 54 Afrobeat composer Kuti 55 “QuiÈn ___?” (“Who knows?”) 56 “Call Mr. ___, that’s my name, that name again is Mr. ___” (jingle from one of Homer Simpson’s business ventures) 57 Unspecified philosophies 58 It might cover the continent

ETC.

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY by Rob Brezsny ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19): If you chose me as your relationship guide, I’d counsel you and your closest ally to be generous with each other; to look for the best in each other and praise each other’s beauty and strength. If you asked me to help foster your collaborative zeal, I’d encourage you to build a shrine in honor of your bond – an altar that would invoke the blessings of deities, nature spirits, and the ancestors. If you hired me to advise you on how to keep the fires burning and the juices flowing between you two, I’d urge you to never compare your relationship to any other, but rather celebrate the fact that it’s unlike any other in the history of the planet. TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20): The Milky Way Galaxy contains more than 100 billion stars. If they were shared equally, every person on Earth could have dominion over at least 14. I mention this because you’re in a phase when it makes sense for you to claim your 14. Yes, I’m being playful, but I’m also quite serious. According to my analysis of the upcoming weeks, you will benefit from envisaging big, imaginative dreams about the riches that could be available to you in the future. How much money do you want? How much love can you express? How thoroughly at home in the world could you feel? How many warm rains would you like to dance beneath? How much creativity do you need to keep reinventing your life? Be extravagant as you fantasize. GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20): “When I grow up, I’m not sure what I want to be.” Have you ever heard that thought bouncing around your mind, Gemini? Or how about this one: “Since I can’t decide what I want to be, I’ll just be everything.” If you have been tempted to swear allegiance to either of those perspectives, I suggest it’s time to update your relationship with them. A certain amount of ambivalence about commitment and receptivity to myriad possibilities will always be appropriate for you. But if you hope to fully claim your birthright, if you long to ripen into your authentic self, you’ll have to become ever-more definitive and specific about what you want to be and do. CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22): As a Cancerian myself, I’ve had days when I’ve stayed in bed from morning to nightfall, confessing my fears to my imaginary friends and eating an entire cheesecake. As an astrologer, I’ve noticed that these blue patches seem more likely to occur during the weeks before my birthday each year. If you go through a similar blip any time soon, here’s what I recommend: Don’t feel guilty about it. Don’t resist it. Instead, embrace it fully. If you feel lazy and depressed, get REALLY lazy

and depressed. Literally hide under the covers with your headphones on and feel sorry for yourself for as many hours as it takes to exhaust the gloom and emerge renewed. LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22): In the early days of the Internet, “sticky” was a term applied to websites that were good at drawing readers back again and again. To possess this quality, a content provider had to have a knack for offering text and images that web surfers felt an instinctive yearning to bond with. I’m reanimating this term so I can use it to describe you. Even if you don’t have a website, you now have a soulful adhesiveness that arouses people’s urge to merge. Be discerning how you use this stuff. You may be stickier than you realize! VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22): Ancient Mayans used chili, magnolia and vanilla to prepare exotic chocolate drinks from cacao beans. The beverage was sacred and prestigious to them. It was a centerpiece of cultural identity and an accessory in religious rituals. In some locales, people were rewarded for producing delectable chocolate with just the right kind and amount of froth. I suspect, Virgo, that you will soon be asked to do the equivalent of demonstrating your personal power by whipping up the best possible chocolate froth. And according to my reading of the astrological omens, the chances are good you’ll succeed. LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22): Do you have your visa for the wild side? Have you packed your bag of tricks? I hope you’ll bring gifts to dispense, just in case you’ll need to procure favors in the outlying areas where the rules are a bit loose. It might also be a good idea to take along a skeleton key and a snake-bite kit. You won’t necessarily need them. But I suspect you’ll be offered magic cookies and secret shortcuts, and it would be a shame to have to turn them down simply because you’re unprepared for the unexpected.

have been talking trash about them – even though you haven’t been. Someone else may describe a memory they have about you, and you know it’s a distorted version of what actually happened. Don’t be surprised if you hear even more outlandish tales, too, like how you’re stalking Taylor Swift or conspiring with the One World Government to force all citizens to eat kale every day. I’m here to advise you to firmly reject all of these skewed projections. For the immediate future, it’s crucial to stand up for your right to define yourself – to be the final authority on what’s true about you. CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19): “God doesn’t play dice with the universe,” said Albert Einstein. In response, another Nobel Prizewinning physicist, Niels Bohr, said to Einstein, “Stop giving instructions to God.” I urge you to be more like Bohr than Einstein in the coming weeks, Capricorn. As much as possible, avoid giving instructions to anyone, including God, and resist the temptation to offer advice. In fact, I recommend that you abstain from passing judgment, demanding perfection, and trying to compel the world to adapt itself to your definitions. Instead, love and accept everything and everyone exactly as they are right now. AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18): Lysistrata is a satire by ancient Greek playwright

Aristophanes. It takes place during the war between Athens and Sparta. The heroine convinces a contingent of women to withhold sexual privileges from the soldiers until they stop fighting. “I will wear my most seductive dresses to inflame my husband’s ardor,” says one. “But I will never yield to his desires. I won’t raise my legs towards the ceiling. I will not take up the position of the Lioness on a Cheese Grater.” Regardless of your gender, Aquarius, your next assignment is twofold: 1. Don’t be like the women in the play. Give your favors with discerning generosity. 2. Experiment with colorful approaches to pleasure like the Lioness with a Cheese Grater, the Butterfly Riding the Lizard, the Fox Romancing the River, and any others you can dream up. PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20): Take your seasick pills. The waves will sometimes be higher than your boat. Although I don’t think you’ll capsize, the ride may be wobbly. And unless you have waterproof clothes, it’s probably best to just get naked. You WILL get drenched. By the way, don’t even fantasize about heading back to shore prematurely. You have good reasons to be sailing through the rough waters. There’s a special “fish” out there that you need to catch. If you snag it, it will feed you for months – maybe longer.

THIS MODERN WORLD by Tom Tomorrow

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21): You’re like a prince or princess who has been turned into a frog by the spell of a fairy tale villain. This situation has gone on for a while. In the early going, you retained a vivid awareness that you had been transformed. But the memory of your origins has faded, and you’re no longer working so diligently to find a way to change back into your royal form. Frankly, I’m concerned. This horoscope is meant to remind you of your mission. Don’t give up! Don’t lose hope! And take extra good care of your frog-self, please. SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21): People might have ideas about you that are at odds with how you understand yourself. For example, someone might imagine that you

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