The Etiquette of Interacting with Individuals with Amputations

By Sylviana GirardiStebbins

Learning how to approach an amputee or a person with a limb difference can be awkward. Amputees or people with limb differences are often overlooked and not understood. Much of this is due to having yet to encounter many people with limb differences or prosthetics. For this reason, here is some insight and some simple suggestions to make when approaching a person with an amputation or a limb difference with questions and overall interactions.

It is all in the approach.

As an amputee, I encounter various curious people, from young children to adults. I have been both looked at and questioned about my missing limb. I have never been offended by anyone asking me why I have a prosthetic foot. This is due to how I have been approached and questioned. This has happened with an attitude of kindness and graciousness. The most amazing inquiries come from children. They are curious and trying to process the apparent differences between us. They question me so they can understand the mechanics of how I work.

How can I walk on something that looks like a real foot but is attached to a pole? It does not make sense to them. They are children, and they want to understand.

If the amputee is willing to discuss their prosthetic, this may be the time to ask how it works. If it is done respectfully, remember that amputees are individuals, not oddities.

Listening to the story

It is normal to be curious. Avoid asking someone you do not know, “What happened”? This phrase might trigger emotions. It is less intrusive to ask an amputee to tell “their story.” This allows the amputee to give you as much information as they can share. It is an intimate story, regardless— approach with kindness and gentleness.

If you feel an immediate pushback from the individual, apologize for intruding. Do not assume to know that you understand their circumstance. Because, like all losses, challenges, and difficulties, unless you have suffered the same loss, you cannot fully understand. With my story, I wish I could say I have a tremendous story of heroism, like many of our war veterans who have sacrificed. My story is of a clumsy girl who fell off a ladder and shattered her ankle. After three years of trying to rebuild it and being unable to live actively, I decided to amputate my right foot. I knew I could better enjoy my life without my foot. For me, it was an easy decision.

I have received much grace as an amputee. This may not be every amputee’s experience.

We are not a label. Please, never use the word handicap, disabled, or challenged. Every individual missing a limb has had to wrestle with their own acceptance of their situation. And that is what it is, a personal situation. Please do not assume that an individual who does not have their original parts considers themselves a lesser person. Every individual has their own unique set of abilities. I have never been, nor do I ever plan to be, a runner. That is not because I am an amputee.

Running brings me NO joy! I am, however, a swimmer. And this was the primary reason for deciding to have my foot amputated so I could get back into the water. This decision enabled me to become a certified open-water scuba diver! I have been asked several times what an amputee or a person with a limb difference would want to be called. My answer to that is nothing. We are just human beings. I do not believe in labels, and my fellow amputees would probably agree with this statement.

Words hold power.

Words hold power. For this reason, listen to the person to whom you are talking. Be aware of the language they are using to describe themselves. People with limb differences use various words to describe themselves and their bodies. I have met fellow amputees who call their residual limb a stump. They are comfortable using this term. But for me, for instance, I do not like that term! It is a limb—a far more improved limb than the one I previously had.

Laugh with us.

Finally, if an amputee makes a joke or tells a funny story regarding their lamb difference or prosthetic and they are laughing, please feel free to laugh as well! Recently, I had an opportunity to tell a funny story about losing my leg on a scuba diving trip. When I was telling this story, people were aghast … however when I got to the funny part of the story, which was about me losing my prosthetic during my first “trial” dive… the laughter began. It was truly comical! My daughter and niece had to perform a deep-water rescue. When they ascended with my prosthetic in one hand and my fin in the other, there were cheers from the rest of the divers. Unexpected accident-but hilarious.

Laughter is the most powerful tool for connection. It can break down barriers and open pathways for conversation. Do not be afraid to laugh with us. Our life with amputations “stories” are sometimes funny! Because let's face it- sometimes life can be funny and difficult all at the same wonderful time.

Sylviana is a successful entrepreneur who owns and operates a successful Mexican restaurant and catering business with her sisters. She is one of the hosts (with her sisters) of My Sister Can't Cook, a local cooking show. She is active in her Church and local Chamber of Commerce and is a wife and mom to two adult children.