I Am US Equestrian

by Mia Rodier-Dawallo

“At the end of the day, what’s the point of coming down the centerline if you don’t have a smile on your face?” writes Mia Rodier-Dawallo (center), shown after her victory earlier this year in the FEI Para Dressage Grade II Individual Test with Cato in the Perrigo CPEDI3* at Desert Dressage.

One Monday morning as I was doing what I love doing—sending aggressively encouraging messages to my students about how I love them and I think they are superstars and I hate to see them put themselves down—I had a very memorable interaction with one particular student. I have the honor and pleasure of teaching her at Bailiwick House, which is owned and operated by Patty Mayer in Santa Rosa Valley, Calif.

This student is an absolutely exceptional rider and human being who has been riding since childhood but took a break from riding for 40 years and has been getting back into it during the last several months. She is such a naturally gifted rider, but like all naturally gifted riders, she has perfectionist tendencies. In her last lesson with me, we had been working together specifically on her connection—which, if we’re being honest, is difficult for riders of all levels, even Grand Prix riders.

She had done a really great job in this lesson, and I was commending her for her hard work. She rebutted my praise by saying, “Yes, I had him nicely on the bit, but what about my position? I’m tilted too far forward.” And this negative self-talk inspired me to send her this text message:“Our sport does not exist in 20 meters by 60 meters. It exists in six inches: the six inches between your ears and the six inches between your dance partner’s ears. Take the win, because if you start to relegate special moments like these, you will never be able to find joy in what you do. If you’re on a lifeboat and you start to poke holes in it, you will drown in the waters of self-sabotaging perfectionist tendencies that, in the long run, will become almost impossible to unlearn. … For every thing you do right, allow yourself to feel worthy. Because, at the end of the day, what’s the point of coming down the centerline if you don’t have a smile on your face?”

“I feel very strongly that there needs to be a cultural shift that makes room for more positivity, more vulnerability, and more of an open dialog about mental health,” writes Mia Rodier-Dawallo.

Now, if you’re wondering if I’m this intense ALL the time, the answer is a resounding yes, of course! Would you expect anything less from me? I send very aggressively encouraging text messages like these on an almost daily basis, and that got me thinking: why? Why am I constantly sending messages just like this one? Why are there so many opportunities to refute this kind of thinking? Why do I constantly find myself building back up the people I love most from a place of so much negativity? And the obvious answer is the pervasiveness of negative self-talk.

Negative self-talk is such a prevalent issue that is so ingrained in high-performance sport and more specifically in equestrian sport, and, of course, in the sport I love most of all: dressage. Dressage is not only physically demanding but also is so immensely mentally and psychologically demanding. We are essentially relying on the mutual trust and respect of a feral giant with four legs and a lot of opinions to do our bidding and perform an academically harmonious dance while a paid critic breaks down our inadequacies movement by movement while we try not to have an episodic breakdown from innate perfectionist tendencies. Oh, yeah, and in case that wasn’t enough, you have to do it all while wearing men’s formal wear from the 1800s!

Your horse can make the hardest days of your life bearable and break your heart. Your horse can make you believe in yourself and give you the humbling of a lifetime. All within the same week. Our sport is a rollercoaster and unique from others. You take all of this and combine it with an antiquated culture of silence and toughing it out and never being allowed to be vulnerable or open or honest about when you’re struggling, and you have a nasty recipe for a myriad of mental health concerns and a heaping portion of negative self-talk on the side. I feel very strongly that there needs to be a cultural shift that makes room for more positivity, more vulnerability, and more of an open dialog about mental health. I go out of my way to reassure all of my students, loved ones, etc., that regardless of what anyone else might tell you, it is okay to not be okay, it is okay to struggle, it is okay need help, it is okay to cry and to be embarrassed and to have rides that didn’t go the way you plan. You’re allowed to feel scared, and you’re allowed to feel anything and everything that you want or need to without judgment. Nobody is perfect, and it sets an unhealthy precedent to strive for perfection. Is my goal to go to the FEI World Equestrian Games™ and the U.S. Dressage Festival of Champions? Yes. But you know what other goals I set for myself on a daily basis? Getting out of bed in the morning, practicing self-care, reminding myself that I am deserving, exercising gratitude, making sure that my husband, my horses, my family, and my friends know that they are loved. Nobody is perfect. Don’t lose yourself trying to become something that doesn’t exist.

It is an extraordinary honor to sit on a horse, but with great honor comes great responsibility. And I feel that it is crucial to have open conversations and keep the dialog open about matters like mental health when it is so easy to feel alone and to forget your worth. I feel that becoming disabled late in life and being successful in our sport in spite of that on my journey to self-love has given me a unique perspective on matters such as these. If you need help, don’t be afraid to ask for it. Don’t be afraid to talk to a therapist. Don’t be afraid to love yourself as much as you love your horse!

Mia Rodier-Dawallo is a Grade II international para dressage competitor, a survivor of assault and post-traumatic stress disorder, and a Persian-American multiple award-winning rider, instructor, and clinician for both para dressage and dressage riders. She is the 2021 USDF Grade II Reserve National Champion and a USEF Emerging Athlete ranked fourth in the FEI World Individual Ranking in her grade.

For USEF’s mental health resource guide, plus other helpful information and links, visit usef.org/about-us/diversity-inclusion/ dei-resources.