e2 #248

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Epicgram

e2’s brief respite into the hard hitting journalism of the fairytale world

Issue 248

•

Monday 5th March 1666

• Straight from Ye Olde Printing Presse Money

Pair find ‘true’ love Benedict Cummerbund Head gate-keeper Love blossomed at Motion last week when Art student and alternative fashion enthusiast, Cindy was reunited with her Kurt Geiger high-heel. The shoe in question was retrieved by Crispin, an ex-Churchill Hall resident.

The contrasting social status of the pair meant that they would not usually have met under normal circumstances. It

took a wave of Cindy’s fairy godmother’s wand, and Crispin’s desire to appear edgier than his signet ring would suggest, but the two students hit it off quicker than you could say ‘sublabial p e r c u t a n e o u s absorption’.

However, Cindy made a hasty exit from the former skate park when the dulcet tones of Benga reminded her that it was almost midnight. A source close to Cindy told Epigram that, having

lost her trilby in a skirmish for the Ladies, the Art student had feared that the hot lights would melt her red lipstick and eyelash glue, and transform her back into an English rose from Surrey.

Ever the gentleman, Crispin used tagged Facebook photos to establish who the girl was and where she lived, and return her Geiger heel to her, despite protests from her flatmate - one U. Gleesister, 21 - that the shoe was in fact hers.

Young man takes a nasty tumble down treacherous hill Miss Terry Part-time witch Bristol City Council are considering the introduction of Travelators to transport pedestrians to the top of Park Street after two students, Jack Bloggs and Jill Doe ended up in A&E this weekend. ‘Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch some Basics Vodka,’ said their housemate, Katie.

The pair were on their way to the Queens Road branch of Sainsburys when Jack lost his footing on the steep stretch and took a nasty fall, sustaining a fracture to

6

Number of people who have fallen over this week

the skull. Jill reportedly came tumbling after.

We spoke to a local resident who witnessed

How many cows are you getting for your beans?

the incident. She told us, ‘We’ve been expecting something like this to happen for a long time.

It’s a treacherous hill and it was only a matter of time before someone got hurt. Frankly, I think its negligence on the part of the council. This time it was only a hairline fracture, but next timewho knows?

Maybe someone will take a fall and they won’t be able to put them back together again.’

Big bad wolves, little piggies and ugly ducklings sound like the types you’d normally run into on a night out.

But these days you’re unlikely to come across your prince charming, and it’s definitely ill-advised to get a lift home in an unlicensed pumpkin.

While true beauty may be a thing of the past, we definitely have our fair share of beasts in this fairy tale issue.

It’s a sad truth that life is often stranger than fiction, but here it is through the Grimm eyes of e2, just don’t expect things to end happily ever after.

Another great shot of the Wills Memorial Building.

Boy I could look at it all day.

Harassment in halls Faye K’nayme Collects swords Stoke Bishop halls’ wardens have reported a recent rise in lost keys and student lockouts, and consequent late night disturbances, after nights of Trianglebased revelry.

New security measures are being

looked into, following an incident last Monday night when one firstyear student was given a disciplinary warning after continually disturbing a female resident in her room.

Prince, 19, told us, ‘I heard a beautiful voice singing Miley Cyrus, and I was enchanted’.

The Ancient History student, who had been

persistently shouting ‘Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!’ was removed after security were alerted to the disturbance.

The girl on the receiving end of this nocturnal harassment, when questioned, had only this to say: ‘I’ve got an undercut, you pillock’.

Rachel Schraer

e2 is brought to you by Lifestyle : Imogen Palmer, Mariah Hedges and Imogen Rowley who will meet 15th March at 1.15pm in The White Bear What’s On : Olivia Stephany Fashion : Francesca Clayton and Lizzy Bullock who will meet 13th March at 1.15pm in The White Bear Travel : Verity Stockdale Money : Alex Denne who will meet 8th March at 2pm in The Hill

with e2 editor : Matthew McCrory

illustrator : Sophie Sladen

cover illustration : Tamara Kaz

05.03.2012

z i u q e2 Which fairytale character are you?

4) What’s your biggest weakness?

1)Descibe your signature style.

A) I wear what I want when I want and I don’t care what anyone else thinks. I’m my own unique person and my clothing reflects that.

B) I just grab something from the floor. I’m always late so if it smells clean I’ll put it on.

C) Hoody, Uggs and Leggings. I want to be warm and comfy while I’m watching the boys play ;) D) Chinos.

2) What’s a typical day for you?

A) There’s no such thing as a typical day for me. I do so much wild and crazy stuff it’s impossible to even remember!

B) My days are pretty laidback. I get up late, do some stuff, then either go out for the night or back to bed.

C) I spend most of my time catching up on celeb gossip. I need to see who’s back on the market ;)

7) Describe your dream man.

A) I have been told that I’m too ‘out of the box’, edgy and out there.

A) Why do you assume my ideal partner is male?

That’s so narrow minded of you.

B) I’ve never had a problem having a Class A time, if you know what I mean.

B) I’m just looking for a boy that can keep up, and cool down, with me.

C) Boys. Big boys. Hairy boys. ;) D) I believe in everything in moderation. No point in going over the top now is there?

5) Describe your ideal holiday.

C) Beast is best ;) D) You mean woman, right? I’m looking out for my princess, blonde or brunette, but must be well bred...

8) What’s your favourite club night?

A) Somewhere off the beaten track. I want to do something new that no one has ever done before.

A) Clubs are so mainstream. I’d rather see a foreign film or perform on the underground arts scene.

B) I’d go back to Thailand. I miss the balmy, Valium fuelled days and Full Moon night.

B) Too many clubs, so little time. Motion, Dojos, Lakota.

C) Sports tour ;)

C) Sports Night ;)

D) Nothing like a quick break in the South of France.

D) I don’t mind. Where is everyone else going?

6) What are your career aspirations?

9) Who is your idol?

D) Oh you know. The usual.

3)What’s your house/flat like?

A) I live alone in my studio apartment in Clifton. My parents may foot the bill but with all my artwork up I’ve really made the place my own.

B) It’s just a place to sleep. I don’t really know, or care, what the rest of the house is like.

C) I’m living in Wills Hall for the third time. Any excuse to walk across the Downs on Wednesday afternoon ;) D) I live in Redland. Just a typical student house I

guess.

A) I’m only at university to please my parents. My real dream is that my one-woman show takes off. It’s the story of my genitals told through the medium of interpretative dance. And cats.

B) Something that lets me start work late and finish early.

A) Having an idol is so cliché.

B) Kate Moss C) Coleen Rooney D) Prince William’s done alright for himself.

C) WAG or Sports therapist ;) D) Banking. I come from a long line of bankers you know.

Words: Matthew McCrory Images: Charlotte Parke

You answered mostly As

You answered mostly Bs

You answered mostly Cs

You answered mostly Ds

You are Little Red Riding Hood

You are Sleeping Beauty

You are Belle

You are Prince Charming

A strong, independent individual. Well, that’s what you like to think. It’s painfully obvious that a perfectly nice, perfectly boring girl lives underneath the animal ears. It’s all well and good that you’re stepping off the path, but if you really want to be different you’re going to need to leave the forest.

You’ll have to take your name with a pinch of salt (and a slice of lemon) because what you do isn’t exactly sleep and you’re far from beautiful when you do it. You work hard, play hard and sleep hard. Everything else in between is a daze but that’s the way you like it. You’ve b e e n hungover now for so long that even love’s fair kiss is unlikely to break the spell so you may as well just get on with it.

You spend a disproportionate amount of time thinking about boys and balls (easy tiger). The bigger, and beefier, the better.

Your time is devoted to bagging that sportsman and whether that means playing at home or away you’re up for the challenge. With how quickly you were promoted from intra-mural to ‘first team favourite’ it’s only a matter of time until you’re splashed across the red tops.

You come from an average background, live an average life and have average aspirations. You’ve found yourself on a comfortable track and are happy to stay on it. Beyond your gender (male) you have no particular attributes of note. You may or may not be charming and wealthy but it doesn’t really matter. You’ve only been included so it isn’t a complete clamfest.

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Prince Charming 2k12 ‘She’s gone. I am abused, and my relief must be to loathe her’ – I wouldn’t be surprised if these words were the utterance of Will Sirl and not Othello, for Will has embarked on a romantic quest. In the hope of finding love, each week he goes on a first date with a different girl from the University. But his journey is not yet over: after having endured much rejection, and encountered some potential princesses who were perhaps more interested in a free lunch and hearing their own voice on the radio than finding love, he continues to bravely venture further into the dating game.

Will has been on 12 first dates so far, (an impressive number by anyone’s standards), the twelfth being my own liaison with the man in question. During my time with Will I was struck by his candidness, generosity and endearing enthusiasm to find the girl of his dreams, and I was particularly touched by the origami daffodil he prepared for me. Who wouldn’t be moved by a handmade paper gift on a first date?

‘Will as prince charming... seeking the one and only girl who can requite his love’ He’s a sensitive soul indeed, and I was initially bewildered as to why not even one of the girls had responded to his affections. However, during our interview cum date it emerged that his wooing techniques had not always been so refined. As I probed him about the conversations he’d had on his previous dates, I was taken aback by the remarkably inappropriateness of some of the subject matter. Talking about chemotherapy, suicide, incest, and being taught origami by one’s (very much alive) father on his deathbed is not funny, anecdotal repartee. It is morbid and weird.

although they were slightly misjudged, his conversational skills have certainly improved, and our chats reflected his gentle and jovial temperament. Part of Will’s dating enterprise involves the girl being interviewed afterwards.

This is recorded and snippets of the recording are played back to him live on ‘The Will Wilkin Show’, Mondays 7-8pm on Burst Radio.

Among various other questions, the girl is asked to give the date a rating out of ten - ten being the pinnacle of dates: love at first sight - and one being the absolute worst date imaginable: full on attempted molestation. The type of behaviour that constitutes the lowest score is not the kind one usually experiences on a date, let alone on one with the lovely Will.

It was much to his chagrin that the first girl he dated gave him the disappointing score of three.

What did he do to deserve that? Give her a casual slap in the face? Three?! What an outrage!

No one who brings me an origami gift and pays for my lunch is getting any less than a five. (For the record I gave him a 7/8).

Discussing Will’s experiences with him, and his vision of true love as tender, delicate and gradual, felt reminiscent of a traditional fairytale, a Cinderella type moment with Will as prince charming, desperately seeking the one and only girl who can requite his love.

As of yet, no girl’s foot has fit the slipper, but I commend Will on his bravery and wish him the best of luck on his continuing search – it takes a hell of a lot of guts to put yourself out there like that, running the risk of rejection not once, but week after week.

If there’s one thing we can learn from Will’s endeavours, it is that dating protocol is futile: there is no right or proper way to meet someone and fall in love. Throw away the gender roles and if you like someone, go for it – ask them out! The worst thing that can happen is that they’ll say no… And if they do? Who cares? Will certainly doesn’t.

Arabella Noortman

How such topics arose I really don’t know, and

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Pinocchio’s porky pies Everything Iago said to Othello Mainly: ‘Your wife screwed Cassio’ - Iago.

Well no, actually, no she didn’t. How did Othello not pick up on all Iago’s little asides outlining his dastardly plans? If only he’d paid attention. But there’s something so irresistibly sexy about the audacity of Iago’s lies. Just me? Maybe the Santa Claus myth has conditioned me into thinking lying is exciting. I don’t know.

The Trojan Horse ‘Ok. We give up. Peace and love guys. Please take this giant wooden horse as proof of our sincerity’. - The Greeks.

Ah yes, the giant wooden horse, the traditional peace offering. Seriously? The Trojans didn’t question, even for a minute, that the Greeks weren’t offering, say, a toke on a peace pipe, or the sacrifice of a small child? In my opinion, they deserved everything they got.

Watergate ‘I can say categorically that... no one in the White House staff, no one in this Administration, presently employed, was involved in this very bizarre incident.’ - Richard Nixon.

I’m sorry Richard, but with that evil, ferrety smirk and that demoniac stare, how can we believe anything you say? You are like a cross between a Bond villain and Medusa (they say he could turn a hippy to stone with one glance). You might as well have donned an eyepatch and made that statement from a tall black tower, stroking a white cat and smoking a cigar the size Santa Claus of a courgette.

‘If you behave well, an overweight, bearded stranger will break into the house through the chimney and leave things in your stockings.’- Parents.

Because simply giving children presents would be too easy. What baffles me is how eager children are to welcome this mythical stranger. They even leave him pie for god’s sake. Why has no law conscious child yet put the police on to the fictional criminal? No wonder there were riots this summer: children are taught from a young age that having a total disrespect for the law is AOK if you get a new pair of trainers out of it.

Annie Bell

05.03.2012

Is fairy tale romance dead?

Blame Kate Middleton or Hollywood, romance novels or Walt Disney, we all obsess with the idea of a fairy tale romance of our own.

But does such romance really exist or are we all hopelessly hankering after something unattainable?

I suspect that what we really consider to be the modern day fairy tale romance is something similar to the tasteless Hollywood romantic fiction churned out each year, in which Hugh Grant struggles, but invariably succeeds, in getting his girl. If we are to take anything from these films and the correspondingly optimistic love-related literature, perhaps we are right to cheerfully proclaim that we ‘just haven’t met him yet’ or ‘fairy tales can come true as long as you’re patient’. But the more realistic amongst us are likely to renounce such stories, labelling them as impractical, unworkable fantasy.

But what exactly do we expect of romance? And how do we find it?

Walt Disney’s female characters show varying degrees of gutsy resolve in waiting around for their men: Cinderella admirably endures the cruelty of her sisters before she gets her prince; Mulan decides she had better ditch her dress and battle the invading Hun army; Belle bizarrely turns to bestiality and Snow White even dies before she finds happiness. Put in the context of the present day, we might see the similarities between the women of the 21st century that yearn to be swept off their feet (sorry, feminists) and the grossly excessive actions of their Disney counterparts.

A common theme in most stories featuring fairy tale romance is the

idea of a masculine figure in pursuit of his thumb-twiddling princess.

This brings about the question of whether females are really any more comfortable in becoming the chaser in the fiddly game of romance or whether it is still frowned upon for the woman to take the traditionally mannish role of predator, so to speak. It may well be argued that despite society being swamped with fictitious stories of romance in film and literature particularly, the distinguishing themes represented in such stories are generally overlooked when it comes to real relationships.

‘going all out to get your girl has been replaced by the maxim of theeasier-the-better’

romance in its traditional sense is necessarily a good thing, the case for wining and dining your woman in Wetherspoons certainly seems to be somehow emerging as more acceptable. The traditionally romantic notion of going all out to get your girl appears to have vanished out of the window only to be replaced by the slightly more sluggish maxim of ‘the-easier-thebetter’.

Rather than questioning if fairy tale romance is dying, perhaps we should start to think about whether it is worth saving. And if you’re still hung up on the idea of finding the perfect partner, maybe you should try out bestiality.

Joshua Clark

Game playing, settling for second best and hiding our true feelings appear to have conspired to overthrow the traditionally romantic attributes of adoration, consideration and respect. But is the slow death of fairy tale romance really such a bad thing?

Given that the principles of romance as depicted in fairy tale stories are undoubtedly misleading, their decline in popularity is probably not a bad thing; and given that the easier alternatives to old-school ‘romance’ are becoming more popular, it’s certainly not. Whilst I don’t wish to argue that the fade of

Dear Pandora, This morning I had an existential crisis during which I realised all we really are is matter and when we die all that will happen is that we will live on in the minds of others until they die along with the memory of us and our very existence as we know it. Sometimes, when I see my reflection in puddles, I prod them, just to see the waves ripple and break, like the memory of me will someday. When I think about the fleeting nature of life I find it hard to do the simple things like making small talk or washing up. Oh, the futility.

How do I prevent the walls of reality from crumbling around me?

I don’t know why you’re writing to me about a problem that can be very easily solved if you’d just pay attention to current social media trends.

Fortunately for you, advances have paved the way for painfully average individuals like yourself to be immortalised in all your indistinctive glory.

I am talking, of course, about Facebook timeline. Not that I ‘d ever use anything so base. My stirring profile has been immortalised in the works of Tracey Emin and Hirst. I realise not all of us have the cheekbones or provocative demeanour to be the muse of modern artistes so you will have to settle for a flickering online profile to preserve and detail every aspect of your mediocre life. If you haven’t ‘made the change’, why not do it now? At least you’ll have exchanged one self-indulgent narcissistic pastime for another.

s ’ a r o ox d n B Pa

Next time you see your face in a puddle, take a picture and upload it. That will make it last longer.

Society Slut Society Slut is open-minded, if you know what I mean.

Very open-minded. I’m a doer. I go for it.

Society Slut has spent a lifetime trying to touch her toes to no avail.

Whilst exceeding in most areas, it appears my disproportional limbs (cruel biology) fail me in this instance. I have attended numerous yoga classes with the hope of reaching my toes one day and enhancing my general flexibility (useful for reaching things around corners). So I sort of thought I knew what yoga entailed. Apparently not. Nothing could have prepared me for Bristol Yoga Soc.

Misconception one: there would be a soft-spoken bohemian instructor called Marina who would delicately guide you through the poses with sensitivity. It is the closest I have ever come to experiencing the motivational speech scene of Full Metal Jacket.

Instructions came thick, fast and shrill from a terrifying woman who would have made a very convincing drill sergeant. I never knew ordinarily soothing yoga terms such as Uttanasana or Halasana could be said with such force.

Misconception two: the intensity would gradually be increased. I am used to a slow induction into yoga positions, which have varying levels of difficulty depending on how supple you are feeling that day. The instructor of this session was insistent that we push harder, stretch further, really feel the burn or we’d never get anywhere. Not that I’d know exactly, but, from what I’ve heard, it felt like childbirth.

At one point when severe groans were emitting from the room she told us to be grateful that there was at least a mat between us and the ground: ‘remember, when things get tough, they could be worse’.

Rather useful life advice as well.

If you are of the opinion (like I was once) that yoga is exercise for lazy people (like I am) then Yoga Soc may revolutionise this belief. While it hurt, and my body and I are currently not on speaking terms, it was amazing finding out what I was capable of. Unlike the other yoga classes I have attended in the past, with this instructor, I sensed the opportunity to develop, and reach places I’d never thought possible.

Towards the end, we were given different moves to do dependent on our ability. I was very jealous to see the more experienced maintain actual headstands whilst revolving. It was like synchronised swimming without the water.

Misconception three: there would not be a period corner. There was a period corner. Apologies for my crudity, I didn’t know how else to frame this misconception. Apparently there are some moves in yoga that are awkward to do if you are on your period. Mainly the ones where your legs are in the air for sustained periods (ha) of time.

While the rest of the group were defying gravity those on their period were sent to the corner to practice some ‘safer’ moves. As I viewed them from my vantage point, upside-down with legs pressed again the side of a pillar, I half expected them all to burst into tears and crack open the ice cream.

My body, mind and soul were surprised by this experience. Thank god for the soothing relaxation at the end of the session broken only by the sounds of Zumba next door and the screams of (I hope) a drama rehearsal upstairs. . societyslut@epigram.org.uk

Yoga S ocie

ty

Physic al exp Shock : 8/10 loratio n : 9/1 0 PMS : ?/10

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Once upon a time in the 90s Ah the 90s. The good old days.

Back when we had videos that needed rewinding and Capri-Suns that didn’t have screw lids, and we all inevitably punched our straw all the way through to the other side. Any true 90s kid will know that it was an awesome decade to grow up in. Join me as we stroll down memory lane and reminisce about why:

The crazes: 90s kids love a craze more than anything else… surely you remember these: Yoyos, smelly gel pens, Pokémon cards (‘I’ll trade you Charizard for Pikachu!’ was commonly heard in break-time), lava lamps that took so long to get going that you’d already left the room, and of course Beanie Babies. It is a wellknown fact that the more of these you had, the cooler you were.

The toys: It was all about the virtual pet, namely the Tamagotchi. Oh the joy we got from connecting ours with a friend’s to mate them (but never getting past the third generation before it inevitably died from its own poo while you were at school during the day). Not to forget the Furby, of course.

The creepy furry little things we were all obsessed with. And of course, the weird jelly aliens in plastic egg shapes that supposedly mated together to create babies… I was so disappointed when mine didn’t work (what was our preoccupation with mating!? This was probably an omen for our generation’s teen pregnancies to come in the 2000s). Game Boy Pockets were the height of technology, and we were convinced their fuzzy graphics couldn’t get any better. And then they got cameras that printed pictures so blurry they could’ve been anything. But we loved them all the same.

The TV: It was all about Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network (none of this Disney Channel new-fangled nonsense the yoof of today harp on about). From Johnny Bravo to Ed, Edd and Eddy, Sabrina The Teenage Witch to Arthur, Pinky and the Brain to Art Attack… we had it all.

Any child of the 90s knows that Neighbours always came on after CBBC finished on a weekday afternoon, it was worth getting up at the weekends for SMTV, and Friday evening at 7:30 meant one thing: Top of the Pops. And that brings me nicely on to...

The music: Whether you were an N*Sync or Backstreet Boys fan, everyone had their fave. And then there’s The Spice Girls. (If the words ‘zig-a-zigahhh’ mean nothing to you, then please, just leave).

The look: Where do I start? Slap bracelets, scrunchies, stretchy chokers, Baby G watches, jelly sandals and shag bands were all par for the course (did we really know what ‘shag’ even meant? I didn’t. But maybe that was just the innocence of my youth). Anyone whose trainers didn’t light up had no hope in the social arena, and I know I was an outcast because I never had a hairband with my name written on it in glitter. Not sure I’ll ever live that one down. The item du jour for a girl was a pair of trousers with a skirt attached. Because sometimes you just can’t choose, can you? Skirt or trousers!? If only they were still in fashion today life would be a lot easier. We didn’t even know how good we had it back then. Sigh…

For boys it was all about the quiff.

Awkwardly sticking up with lots of hair gel, but the real art was keeping the hair behind it flat.

Yes, not every boy mastered the quiff, but you could see the smugness on the faces of those who did. Oh yes.

The chat: I think it’s safe to say that we had some incredible comebacks in the 90s. Forget the unimaginative ‘your mum’ of later years, and feast your eyes on these gems: ‘I know you are, but what am I?’ ‘That was so funny I forgot to laugh.’ ‘Then why don’t you marry it?’

Nuff said.

Rachel Hosie

Things you only know when...

Walt Disney ruins your marriage person you fell in love with?

Ladies, we’ve all been there. Aged 5, white pillowcase on our heads, Mum’s lipstick, heels and teddies galore either side of us. Ever since I was a little girl, I have imagined my dream wedding. The beautiful white dress adorning my body, all my friends and family wishing me well, and Mr Right (Jake Gyllenhaal) gasping as he sees my (radiant) face from beneath my veil. I will walk down the aisle and marry the man of my dreams, and we will live together in blissful happiness for the rest of our days. Our three children will be intelligent, sporty and incredibly good-looking of course...and the gorgeous mansion, annual skiing holidays and selection of top-notch cars will simply be a bonus.

But how realistic is this fairytale? With around 120,000 couples in the UK filing for divorce in 2010 alone, compared to nearly 24,000 just 50 years previously, can we really expect to all live happily ever after? For them, the fairytale simply did not come true – but I don’t remember Cinderella ever dumping Prince Charming for the milkman? Their sex life becoming non-existent post-childbirth? Or Prince Charming’s affair with Cinderella’s ugly stepsister?

Most people get married for the first time in their late twenties and early thirties, many of whom will go on to build a family and attempt to create the life they have always dreamed of. Fast forward twenty years, the children have grown up and the boyish good looks are but a distant memory. Many people find themselves at this point in life with divorce on the cards and struggling to cope with being single for the first time in what may be several decades.

The question that has always perplexed me is, how

Now as cynical as I may sound, I am not suggesting that we should all live unmarried for the rest of our days, but simply that our expectations of marriage are unrealistic, despite being clearly engrained in us from the moment we watched the Walt Disney classics before our 7pm bedtimes. I think the concepts surrounding marriage just need a mere adjustment, a bit of tweaking if you will.

‘I don’t remember Cinderella dumping Prince Charming for the milkman’ are you supposed to know at 25 what you are going to want at 55? If I look back even five years, I am a completely different person in so many respects, and my taste in men has certainly changed! Apologies exes, but I would never go back to any one of you because I’m not the person you were once with.

New desires, goals, aims and dreams, new perspectives on life and far better taste in music (thank goodness!)

How are you supposed to remain in love with someone for the rest of your life if they aren’t the same

I appreciate the underlying ethos of marriage is to live a lifetime of happiness together and ‘to have and to hold until death do us part.’ These traditional vows are uttered by thousands of couples and then broken when people, quite understandably, file for divorce when they find themselves falling out of love. However, I don’t have any desire to commit my life to someone until the day I die regardless of what happens in between. If Jake runs off with his younger, sexier camera woman I will, sadly, refuse to be Mrs. Gyllenhaal any longer. No-one gets married with the hope of getting divorced, and the ‘D’ Word seems such a taboo however it simply screams, ‘I refuse to remain unhappy.’ I think it is a sign of strength to be able to walk away from something in the hope of finding greater happiness elsewhere, and a sign of ultimate self respect.

Having said all this, Jake, honey, if you’re reading Epigram...I honestly don’t have a problem with a pre-nup, I make a fantastic Sunday morning fry up, and I really don’t have an issue with helping you practice your steamy sex scenes for your next blockbuster!

Jodie White

05.03.2012

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Editor: Olivia Stephany whatson@epigram.org.uk

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Best of Bristol When the weather is bleak outside and all you want to do is reach for your duvet and watch 4od all day, think again! This is What’s On’s ‘Things to do on a rainy day’.

1. The Aquarium, Anchor Street

Bored inside on a rainy day and at a loss as to how to spend the afternoon? Why not escape to another world and visit the Bristol Aquarium on the harbourside and have a wander through their amazing underwater tunnel. At the student price of £11.50 it might not be the bargain you were hoping for, but it will certainly be an outing to remember, plus there are discounts for booking online. And yes, there are sharks. I squid you not.

2. @Bristol, Anchor Street

It may seem like just a place for family days out aimed at kids under 10, but, believe it or not, this place is actually amazing and a perfect way to spend a rainy day in Bristol. How many times have you seen a real human brain or chilled out in a ‘leaning lounge’? The beauty of this place is that you might even learn something too. Why not save it for the next Bristol downpour?

3. Relaxation Centre, All Saints Road

When the weather is rubbish and University life is just getting a bit much, you may feel like you need a bit of TLC, and treating yourself at the Relaxation Centre in Clifton could be the perfect answer. Get in that hot tub, sauna, steam room, meditation garden or cold plunge pool, or instead indulge yourself in a holistic or Indian head massage, forget the world outside and leave feeling completely refreshed.

4. Jumble Rumble Adventure Golf, Cabot Circus

Fashion

This is one round of golf that will never get called off because of the weather. It’s on the top level of Cabot, and most importantly it’s under cover. It’s only £6.50 for students, but if you go during the week students get 2 courses for £9.50. Why waste a rainy day moping around at home when you could be tearing it up at Adventure Golf?

5. M Shed, Wapping Road

For the cultured ones among you, M Shed is a great hideaway from the rain. The main purpose of the museum is to tell the amazing story of the city, through film, photography and moving personal stories. So if you want to get to know Bristol a little bit more, check it out. Aside from that, M shed houses various other exhibitions and installations, for example the current exhibition ‘An Eye for Fashion’, which contains an amazing array of vintage fashion photographs from 1954-64. It is on until April 12th and there are certain to be a few more rainy days between now and then.

Francesca Lynagh

Travel

Once upon a time in 1979...

It goes without saying that we all love Bristol with its art exhibitions, graffiti shows and great nightlife. But what was Bristol like before the joys of Jason Donervan and Bunker? This week I got in touch with an ex-Bristol student to chat about her life in Bristol and how she feels about it now. Sharon Haslam graduated from Bristol in 1979 with a degree in Russian.

She talks to me about her fondest memories of Bristol and her opinions on the coolest places to hang out.

Money

Have you had a chance to come back to Bristol since your graduation?

I have been back to Bristol several times since graduating. In fact, I was married at Bristol Registry Office in 1984 (though not to a Bristol graduate!) and we had our wedding reception in the Orangery at Goldney Hall. I visit rarely nowadays as many friends who settled in Bristol after graduation have now moved away.

These days, the students tend to live primarily in Clifton and Redland. Was this the same when you were at Bristol?

THE place to live was Clifton, but it was expensive and properties were scarce, particularly large ones for 5 or 6 students.

Cotham and Redland were the alternatives.

There were a few landlords owning a lot of properties each, and it wasn’t common for agents to handle lets then. You found a house through the landlords’ lists or friends in the year above who were moving.

‘discussing broken hearts and the political passions of the day over endless coffee’ Where were the cool places to hang out?

Definitely ‘The Wills at One’, so yes, all about the Triangle as it is now. The main difference would be that if we had wanted to have lunch around there, we only had the choice of about 4 places! Carwardines coffee shop, 1 or 2 small cafes and the Refectory. Park Street was so different then - not nearly as trendy or developed as it now.

Do you feel you managed to absorb much of the Bristol culture while you were here?

I don’t think we really did absorb much of Bristol’s culture. We went to lots of University events - revues, plays and so on - but not much outside, in the city itself. I think in my 3 years there I went to the Arnolfini (very newly established in our time) a couple of times, Colston Hall once and maybe the Old Vic once?

What’s your fondest memory of your time in Bristol?

Fondest memory - the same as most students hanging out with others whom I felt at the time were great people and whom I now know to be lifelong friends: making cheap meals for masses of people, laughing a lot, discussing in turn broken hearts and the political passions of the day over endless coffee, way into the night.

If you had to sum up Bristol in three words, what would they be?

3 words to sum up my time in Bristol: precious, joyous, life-changing Olivia Stephany

05.03.2012 THE VIGIL

Clicendales is a dance show performed annually by Bristol Medical students to raise money for Clic Sargent, a charity for children with cancer. Get tickets now from www.clicendales.co.uk

The Vigil is a dramatic retelling of the Easter story, investigating the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ through a modern courtroom setting. The Gardener of Christ’s tomb is on trial for having stolen the body and each character in the story is called to stand witness

10 March O2 Academy £8.50

12 - 14 March Clifton Hill House £3

FASHION IN FILM FESTIVAL

5 – 11 March Arnolfini Various prices

15 – 17 March Bristol Old Vic £12 / £8 concessions

A DANGEROUS METHOD

BEL AMI

SILENT FILM NIGHT

Seduced by the challenge of an impossible case, the driven Dr. Jung takes on the unbalanced yet beautiful Sabina Spielrein as his patient, wielding the method of his master, the renowned Sigmund Freud. Both men fall under Sabina’s spell.

This erotically charged story of ambition, power and seduction stars Robert Pattinson as George Duroy, a journalist in 1890s Paris determined to escape his impoverished existence.

A glamorous, sarcastic comedy of manners set in a world where politics and media jostle for influence and celebrity is an obsession.

Berlin: die Sinfonie der Gro stadt (Berlin: Symphony of a Great City) is one of the last truly great German films of the silent era. The film takes us through the everyday running of Berlin with some fantastic use of rhythm of that particular time, from work to the incredible night life of Germany in the late 1920s.

6 - 8 March The Cube £4 concessions

9 – 22 March Watershed £5.60 concessions

14 March The Kings Arms Free

MAVERICK SABRE

GABRIELLE APLIN

THE MACCABEES

London born, Irish raised singer songwriter Maverick Sabre is breaking the mould. Stunning crowds with his hard-hitting social commentary, this young rising star is generating a lot of interest from press and booking agents alike.

YouTube sensation Gabrielle Aplin is showcasing her incredible songwriting skills and raw vocals. ‘It’s a magical blend of acoustic pop and powerhouse vocals.’ (Sunday Mirror)

Coined as one of the biggest indie rock bands of the last few years, The Maccabees are back and better than ever. They return this year with their new album ‘Given To The Wild’ and a run of much anticipated live dates.

8 March Students’ Union £13.75

12 March Thekla £7

13 March O2 Academy £18.70

Sound

GAMES NIGHT

A T-shirt is something most people have. It is a common denominator like a pair of blue jeans or a pair of Converse All Stars. In ‘Black T-shirt Collection’ Inua tells a story about where a T-shirt comes from and what it means.

Screen

Fashion in Film is an exhibition, research and education project based at Central Saint Martins College of Art and Design.

Since its foundation in 2005, the Fashion in Film Festival has become a leading showcase for the common ground shared by fashion and film.

BLACK T-SHIRT COLLECTION

Stage

CLICENDALES

CHORTLE STUDENT COMEDY AWARDS

THE BRISTOL WHEEL

Unwind with your friends and escape any early week blues with this entertaining games night every Tuesday. They have a growing collection of classic board and table-top games, plus table tennis and Twister for the more adventurous gamers.

Sir Allen Lane, a Bristolian, founded Penguin Books in 1935. Penguin Parade follows his journey through the history of Penguin publishing and how the design of the books and the range of titles continue to deliver broad public appeal.

Britain’s leading comedy website Chortle is again hunting for the best student comedian of the year. The Chortle Student Comedy Award has previously helped launch the careers of comedians such as Simon Bird and Tom Rosenthal.

Who will they find this year?

The 60-metre observation wheel is finally here showing spectacular views of the city and skyline. Each pod seats up to six people and is fully enclosed to offer a comfortable journey into the sky, whatever the weather.

6 & 13 March Under the Stars Free

10 March onwards Royal West of England Academy £3 concessions

14 March Students’ Union £3

Until May 2012 Broadmead £5 concessions

Extras

PENGUIN ARCHIVE PROJECT

Editor: Francesca Clayton fashion@ epigram.org.uk

What’s On

Fashion writer and Motel intern Katie Deighton went to London Fashion Week and brought back all the street style gossip for e2 Fashion.

A

s Milan Fashion Week hits its stride, the national institution that is London Fashion Week has just come to a close. Based in and around Somerset House, LFW brings together the great and the good of the British fashion world with a few bloggers, photographers and promo girls (that’s me!) thrown in for good measure. I headed down on the first day with the team from Motel to check out what this year’s event had in store.

Killer Heels

Spotted

Many brave souls risked the singlefigure temperatures of the day and chose to bare all in S/S 12 trends.

Pastels hues, midriffs and sheer maxi-dresses were all present, and many an attendee went bare-legged and jacketless. Others stayed comfortable by layering their chiffon with opaque tights, statement jackets and knitwear, while the incoming pastel trend was tempered by many a hipster with timeless blacks and greys.

This season’s feminine look was also toughened up with statement jewellery like spiked ear-cuffs and crucifixes.

Louise Redknapp looked beautifully chic in a houndstooth blazer, silk shirt and killer Louboutins, accessorized simply with a black carryall and enviable tan. Kate Nash unveiled a new vintage inspired look before heading to the Bora Aksu show, sporting a bright red coat with colour-blocked hair (some of the harsher fashion bloggers are calling her outfit Cruella de Vil). Later on in the day T4 presenter Jameela Jamil stole the show in a tuxedo-inspired outfit - with her incredible legs as the main attraction - while fashion legend Zandra Rhodes looked as wonderfully weird as ever in clashing prints and flourescent pink hair. Finally, X-Factor finalist Kitty Brucknell appeared clad In a black tutu-esque ensemble leading to the only question on everyone’s lips: ‘what the hell is she doing at Fashion Week?!’

Dressing up your children in the latest trends and parading them around Somerset House seemed to be the best way to get photographed. Dogs (especially pugs) also featured as accessories: a trend outnumbered only by the extreme amounts of dip-dyed hair. With shades of green, blue and lilac tinting the ends of much of the crowd, ombréd hair looks to be a trend that will stay with us for many seasons to come. In the realm of handbags, fluorescent Cambridge satchels were far and away the bags of choice.

Lita, Jeffrey Campbell at Office, £120 The Flouro in orange, The Cambridge Satchel Company, £105 Sunglasses, Topshop, £16

Street Style: LFW Special

Sunglasses in February - it can only be Fashion Week. The ankle boots toughen up this pretty printed dress.

Melita Kiely

Bold shoes are a great way to brighten up a monochrome outfit and that chunky patent clutch is bang on trend.

Melita Kiely

The midi has been updated for S/S 12 - we love the pastel hue of this gorgeous chiffon number.

Lora English

Melita Kiely

Money

Travel

Of course, no matter which season you were channelling, sunglasses on a cloudy day were the essential Fashion Week accessory.

Arm Candy

Laura Navarro

Despite the treacherous cobblestone pathways, heels were obviously the focal point of many an outfit - with Jeffrey Campbell’s black leather Litas and Charlotte Olympia’s signature Spiderweb designs commanding the most attention.

For those feeling slightly more pragmatic, fawn or tan coloured chelsea boots with a chunky heel were the footwear of choice. Thick-soled brothel creepers were also prominent but despite their flat surface there was certainly no heel height lost: I saw one girl fall flat on her face due to her towering pair of flatforms.

Spring Awakening

Melita Kiely

Fashion

Backstage at London Fashion Week Lora English

Lifestyle

@e2Fashion

Deputy: Lizzy Bullock deputyfashion@ epigram.org.uk

We love a good statement coat and you can’t beat an all black ensemble for guaranteed front row fashion points.

05.03.2012

Once upon a time in the fifties S

Post-WW2, there was a push to get women back into their traditional role as homemakers since they were no longer required to fill the working roles of the absentee soldiers. This was expressed through the medium of fashion: fragile femininity was played upon in the form of soft shoulders, fitted jackets with peplums and the pencil thin tubular skirt.

The 1950s ‘look’ essentially originated in 1947 with Christian Dior’s pivotal ‘Corolle’ collection. The collection juxtaposed full swing skirts with a tight waist in a way that celebrated the curvaceous female form.

Balenciaga and Jean Patou quickly followed suit, creating collections that radiated feminine luxury.

‘this period has inspired countless designers’

Coco Chanel, who had been forced to close her Paris salon during the war, also made a comeback in the mid-1950s - relaunching her 1930s classic suit in a new shape. The suit comprised of a braid-trimmed box jacket in textured tweed and an A-line skirt, and would go on to develop into the shift dresses of the swinging sixties.

The quintessential look of this period has inspired countless designers this season with the hourglass silhouette being seen all over the catwalks. 1950s shapes were seen throughout the entire Erdem collection, with the nipped in waist featuring in everything from pretty chemise-style dresses to off-the-shoulder gowns. The models also sported wrist-length gloves, giving the outfits a distinctly vintage feel.

Dress, Topshop, £36

Zac Posen S/S 12

The austerity imposed by the war had left women craving glamour, and without wartime rationing and food shortages limiting the female figure, voluptuousness returned to fashion. Clothes were designed to embrace the womanly shape of tiny waists and ample curves; this hourglass silhouette was epitomised by starlet Marilyn Monroe.

Erdem S/S 12

andwiched between the wartime austerity of the 1940s and the social liberalism of the 1960s, the 1950s was a period of transition between dramatically different ideologies.

Wishlist

Peplum skirts were an additional trend plucked from the 1950s, adding a new dimension to skirt suits and tailored separates at Celine and Zac Posen, while Burberry Prorsum and Jil Sander offered fifties-tinged elegance in the form of tightly-waisted shirtdresses.

Finally, Jil Sander and Nina Ricci recalled the high-rolling glamour of the 1950s, with their girls sporting perfectly coiffed up-dos reminiscent of the classic beehive.

Bag, Asos, £25

Lizi Woolgar

Welcome to the sixties I

n the Britain of the late 1960s, a new fashion culture emerged. The industry had previously been aimed at the wealthy, older generation but times were changing, with a shift towards targeting younger generations.

Trousers were now deemed acceptable for women, knee-high boots became the footwear du jour and short, boxy shift dresses were in vogue.

Of course, the key fashion item of the 1960s was the mini-skirt. Initially promoted by designer Mary Quant in 1964, by the end of the decade every stylish woman in the western world was wearing them. The 1960s was a decade of sexual freedom (aided by the development of the contraceptive pill) and as women’s position in society rose, so did their hemlines.

Perhaps the most famous wearer of the mini-skirt was Jean ‘The Shrimp’ Shrimpton, one of the original British supermodels.

Shrimpton (alongside other icons like Twiggy) inspired everyday women with her waifish look and big Bambi eyes. For the first time, models became celebrities - a feature of society that is evident today more than ever.

Anyone who watched the recent BBC film We’ll Take Manhattan will know how Shrimpton and photographer David Bailey transformed the fashion scene. The stiff, posed pictures of models in fashion magazines were replaced by informal ones in natural, relaxed positions.

In the BBC4 version, Aneurin Barnard plays a rebellious young Bailey and Karen Gillian stars as Shrimpton. The film is a stylish retelling of the early careers of two of the most influential people in the fashion world, and relates the story of their iconic New York fashion shoot for British Vogue - as well as their battle against resistance from fashion editor Lady Clare Rendlesham.

Shrimpton herself was originally a country girl but quickly became the model of the moment after the shoot was published. Shots like Bailey’s had never been seen before, and they came to define an entire decade.

According to Robin Muir, the Vogue historian, ‘it’s hard to

over-estimate their impact on fashion in that decade.’

No-one can deny that the 1960s was one of the most important decades for fashion; the current obsession with all things vintage is testament to the fact. From Mad Men to Made In Dagenham, we just can’t get enough of the swinging sixties.

T-Shirt, Newgen at Topshop, £30

As well as inspiring television and films, 1960s influences are very much evident in current fashion collections. From Miu Miu to Mary Katrantzou, head-to-toe prints are everywhere in the SS 12 collections, while A-line boxy shapes feature in the just-revealed Preen collection for AW 12/13.

Beauty-wise, the 1960s focussed on large doll-eyes (false eyelashes were a must), and women increasingly had cropped, pixie-style haircuts, or left hair long and straight. All you have to do is sneak a peak in the beauty pages of any women’s fashion magazine and take a look at Emma Watson’s pixie cut to know that these styles are still very much loved by all sorts of women today.

Creepers, Underground, £89.99

The 1960s was an era of increased freedom in many aspects of life for women, and designers such as Barbara Hulanicki and Mary Quant helped them express this through style. Not content with just shaking things up for a few years, it’s safe to say that sixties fashion is still very much swinging today.

BBC

Rachel Hosie

Skirt, Fashion Bible, £12.99

Deputy: Lizzy Bullock deputyfashion@ epigram.org.uk

The roaring twenties T

he Spring collections were rife with historical references - Prada’s 1950s Americana and 1960s beehives at Fendi to name a few - but no decade roared quite as loud as the Roaring Twenties.

Many a fashion critic has assigned responsibility for the Twenties revival to Baz Luhrmann and his highly anticipated remake of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s classic The Great Gatsby.

The ever-sartorial Kate Moss was, of course, ahead of the game, with guests of last summer’s nuptials treated to a ‘rock ‘n’ roll Gatsby’ theme.

Fashion’s gaze is now firmly resting on Carey Mulligan, however, who is cast as the effervescent Daisy Buchanan and set to steal Mossy’s crown. Film stills released late last year depict Mulligan sporting a diamond head-piece, a sumptuous fur stole and a gamine, blonde crop. With reports of Tiffany & Co providing the diamonds and Ashley Olsen loaning her collection of vintage flapper dresses, the film’s wardrobe is expected to be iconic.

Having designed the costumes for the original film in 1974, Ralph Lauren is no stranger to the Gatsby trend. With the novel having such an indubitable influence on his Spring collection, it is as if the announcement of Luhrmann’s remake induced Lauren to mentally revisit the aesthetic.

suits, while the concluding evening looks featured shimmering gold dresses smothered in beads and feathers. The ethereal Bruna Tenorio - a modern-day Daisy - closed the show in a showstopping bias-cut gown with intricate embellishment, echoing classic Art Deco motifs.

Ralph Lauren S/S12

For daytime, the designer offered demure silk separates in pastel colours paired with cloche hats and floral scarves. Romantic tailoring in the middle of the show embodied a feminine-masculine juxtaposition, with silk ties and white pinstriped three-piece

With Marc Jacobs, Alberta Ferretti and Marchesa also embracing the Gatsby revival in New York, Lauren’s interpretation was certainly not alone and Milan also saw Frida Giannini presenting a lavish collection for Gucci awash with references to the decade.

The striking, graphic quality of their drop-waisted dresses modernised the much-loved trend whilst still maintaining the Italian house’s glossy, glamorous allure.

Veronica Etro also offered a novel slant by incorporating the trend into her signature bohemian aesthetic and use of opulent prints. A bold colour palette breathed new life into deco motifs and glitzy drop-waist dresses. One dress, for instance, featured a plunging gold neckline with a zigzag seam at the waist to separate a lavender skirt.

The spring collections have undoubtedly ushered in a return to elegance, with Ralph Lauren capturing the spirit of the era so expertly that his models could have stepped straight out from Fitzgerald’s pages. What’s more, we can only expect this fashion frenzy to escalate further in the build-up to the release of Luhrmann’s film. One thing’s for sure: putting on the ritz never looked so good.

Shira Treiman

Get the look: flapper fashion

Money

Travel

Fashion

What’s On

Lifestyle

Editor: Francesca Clayton fashion@ epigram.org.uk

R

eferences to the ‘Roaring Twenties’ were all over the catwalks at London Fashion Week and this S/S 2012 will see us all embracing the decadence of the prohibition era. Take inspiration from Coco Chanel and team palazzo style pants, sheer pastel shirts and classic tailored jackets in light and loose fabrics to embody the sophisticated 1920s silhouette.

Embellished top, TFNC, £38 Palazzos, Tu at Sainsburys, £30

F

or ultimate 1920s opulence, embellishment is key; shiny metallics, tassels, sequins, beads and feathers all evoke the flirty but glamorous feel of this trend. Channel your inner Gatsby girl with a dropped waist dress in dreamy pastel shades and strappy heels or pair with brogues and cloche hat for a casual daytime look.

Dress, Frock and Frill, £55 Shoes, RIver Island, £70

F

or a more contemporary take on the trend, pair a metallic skirt with a loose slinky vest and statement accessories. For a modern look with a vintage feel feathered hems and lingerie style slips provide a more subtle nod to the Charleston age.

Alternatively, try a drop-waisted dress, high-top wedges and a long line blazer with statement art-deco jewels.

Top £24, skirt, £65, both Topshop Straw clutch, Oasis, £25

P

ile on the glamour to recreate the lavish opulence of the 1920s flapper, or choose statement pieces to incorporate the trend into your everyday wear. Black and gold sequins and tassels give this outfit a dark, sexy undertone while art-deco earrings and metallic strappy heels complete the look.

Amy-Louise Salter

Dress, Select,£18. Earrings, Miss Selfridge, £10. Shoes, Dune, £75

05.03.2012

Beauty

Fuze lights a spark- but only just J

udging by the number of men sporting suitably edgy facial hair, Fuze 2012 certainly appeared to live up to its reputation as the biggest student fashion event of the year.

Featuring the best of Bristol’s dancers, clothes from ten different fashion brands and some very, very pretty people, Fuze is the largest student run fashion and dance show in the UK (not including its managing directors, who are graduates) and has raised over £50,000 since its inception in 2003.

More partial-nudity followed as the models were sent down the runway in black underwear holding provocative venetian-style masks in front of their faces. Now, obviously it’s a tradition for Fuze to feature at least

Having said that, it probably wasn’t as awkward as when a collection by Forget Me Not was sent down the catwalk directly after a video about the work of the Alzheimer’s Society…

The second parade of smalls came from international lingerie brand Beautiful Bottoms and was much more fashion-

Burberry Prorsum A/W 12

‘Brown paper packages tied up with string is one of my favourite things.’

Matt, Classics, fourth year ‘It looks like someone has tried to mend a Burberry trench with an old tweed blazer and some rope.’

Ollie, Politics, second year

Exfoliate lips to provide a smooth base for colour. Apply a lip balm for moisture and gently buff with a toothbrush to remove any dry skin.

MAC Ruby Woo, £13.50

Using short, feathery strokes, trace the outline of your lips using a lip liner that closely matches the lipstick colour.

Despite some poor organisation and a few decidedly dodgy outfit combinations in the first half, Fuze just about managed to pull it back and offer up some interesting collections after the interval. In the end, all of the proceeds go to two well-deserving charities, and you can’t really fault that can you?

Francesca Clayton

The fairest of them all G

‘This does the near impossible by making a peplum wearable and not look like you opened your umbrella too low down.’

Caitlin, English, masters student

Lip Service

Topshop Ooh La La, £8.00

Style Jury

The Burberry trench is practically a national institution, but what did you think of A/W 12’s take on the classic coat?

focused. The collection featured sheer silk babydolls and pretty printed kimonos in mint and aqua tones – so far, so S/S 2012. As well as being much more season-appropriate, the whole collection felt a lot more cohesive, with all of the outfits and colours working well together. The petals strewn across the floor by the models as they came down the catwalk added to the ethereal quality of the clothes and the whole section felt a lot more up-todate and trend-aware than previous offerings.

Another highlight came with the selection of clothes from Clifton boutique Pirates and Roses. Featuring drop-waisted black evening dresses, intricate beading and a feathered shrug, the collection absolutely nailed the 1920s trend. The East London based brand Lazy Oaf also went down a storm with the Epigram team with its kitsch collection of pop graphic sweatshirts and brightly coloured tees. Fruit seemed to be the prevailing theme with watermelons, bananas and strawberries all making an appearance - in the end though it was the pineapple print t-shirt that was the most universally coveted.

Lazy Oaf S/S12

The fashion side of the evening kicked off with a collection from Gloucester Road’s much-loved vintage boutique RePsycho and unfortunately psychotic is probably an apt description for it. Featuring everything from leg-warmers to lumberjack shirts there didn’t seem to be any kind of obvious unifying theme to the collection. One male model was even wrapped up in a voluminous aviator coat, which, while quite nice on its own, wasn’t exactly season appropriate for Spring/ Summer 2012. Another model was sent down with his shirt flapping open to reveal a bare chest so there was obviously some confusion as to what look they were supposed to be going for.

one collection of lingerie, but seeing as the products were models’ own and weren’t provided by any kind of fashion brand for the purpose of the show, it did seem a little like the models were just walking around in their pants for the sake of it. Which is probably just a bit gratuitous really.

lowing complexions were a reoccurring theme on the S/S 12 catwalk, with designers opting for a less is more approach when showcasing their new collections.

High-street cosmetic brands have quickly caught on to this all-in-one solution, so BB creams are now available for a price that’s kind to your student budget.

Make-up artists waved goodbye to eye makeup at Chloé and made sure all eyes were on the flawless skin of the models. At Stella McCartney’s ready-to-wear show, a sheer base was applied to create a dewy appearance along with a lick of brown mascara for a little more drama; a sweep of loose bronzer on cheekbones and temples completed the look.

The most affordable offering comes from Garnier whose Miracle Skin Perfector comes in either ‘light’, ‘medium’ or ‘dark’. The 24 hour moisturiser and SPF protection cares for your skin while the mineral pigments mean you can carry on glowing all day.

This natural finish was achieved with the use of the latest big trend in beauty products: the BB cream. Blemish Balms are the newest import from the Asian beauty market and work as a moisturiser, primer, lightweight foundation, concealer, anti-inflammatory skin soother and UV protection all rolled into one product. The balm blends away imperfections and redness leaving you with sheer, luminous coverage.

No.7 have the best selection for a variety of skins’ needs and offer BB creams to those with normal, oily or dry skin. The balm includes 5 star UVA protection and SPF 15 which will help shield your skin from sun damage and premature ageing.

Finally, Mac have also created their own ‘Prep and Prime Cream’ which provides a slightly more matte finish for a slightly higher price.

Using a lip brush, apply lip colour in an even coat across the lips. Blot with a tissue, and apply a second layer. Matte reds give a sophisticated retro look while springtime fuchsias and coral or orange shades put a modern twist on the classic that’s perfect for SS12.

Revlon Colorburst Fuchsia, £7.99

Finish with a coat of clear gloss for shine, or a long-wearing sealant such as the classic Lipcote, which has been around for over 50 years: a truly retro product.

Nia Warren

Our pick of the top BB creams

Lipcote, £3.35 Garnier, £9.99

No. 7, £12.95

Mac, £22.10

Anisha Gupta

Editor: Verity Stockdale travel@ epigram.org.uk

@e2Travel

In Mexico, I wondered if I should have been there

Tashi Petter

Last year, a journey through Chiapas in South Mexico led me to the territory of Mexico’s indigenous Maya people, resulting in a truly memorable Easter weekend. After observing an elaborate recreation of Christ’s crucifixion - as Romans chased ‘Jesus’ through the streets of San Cristobal - we headed into the highlands to the notorious village of Chamula, inhabited entirely by the native Tzotzil Mayans. Chamula is autonomous, with no police force, and under the guerrilla Zapatistas visitation is only permitted during daylight. Photography is also totally prohibited since custom dictates that a photograph ‘steals the soul’.

On arrival, we were coerced into paying a cheeky 10-year-old Juan to ‘guard’ our car from villagers who were known to slash the tyres of tourists and demand money to tow them back down to the city. Inside the church we witnessed the baffling amalgamation of Spanish Catholicism and Mayan Shamanism,

passing by families performing strange rituals using live chickens and Coca Cola under the watchful eyes of the many Virgin Marys, the air thick with incense.

Despite the beauty of the scene, the atmosphere was uncomfortably tense as locals hovered in the shadows, reinforcing the village rules. Chamula’s relationship with tourism is complex at best, and while the community rely on it for economic survival, it makes for a strange experience as a visitor. Juan kept his word and we were soon on the road again, but of all my Mexican adventures Chamula has stuck with me.

We were forced to look with our eyes, not through a lens. The hostility of the locals forced us to remember the plight of the indigenous peoples, and question not only our right to be there but the tourists’ expectation that one is entitled to access-allareas of other peoples’ lives.

In China, I got quarantined “You should go on the 6th form trip to China,” my Mum said, “it will be an experience”. It was most definitely an experience, funded primarily by the Chinese government, during which we were shown the best of Beijing and Xi’an.

After many language and culture lessons, I was still slightly shocked when I arrived. None of the food was anything like my idea of Chinese food from the local takeaway – although the emphasis was still on sweet ‘n’ sour everything in batter. Our most awkward culinary moment was being filmed eating local Xi’an delicacies for a television programme. Most were unusual albeit perfectly pleasant, even if a few of the delicacies were certainly not things that one expects to see on a dinner table, let alone on the plates.

The eight hour time difference confused my body enough, without being served lunch at 11:30am. It was the only way to fit eating into such busy days, with visits to several tourist hotspots in just a

few hours. My highlights were the wild goose pagoda in Xi’an and the Bird’s Nest Olympic Stadium. It was nice to be outside in the sweltering heat, particularly as the smog meant that you didn’t need sun cream.

I was struck by how welcoming everyone was there. We were made to feel strangely special, and the locals were delighted when we tried to use the language, albeit abysmally. I was confused by the first few people who wanted to take their photo with me, until I was informed that it was because of my novelty, freakish-blonde hair.

However, there was one downer on the trip when we were quarantined in a hotel for days because we were suspected of having swine flu. There’s nothing glamorous about having successfully applied makeup by 7am, only to have to wear a mask over your face all day. Would I go again? Definitely, but not with a widespread virus on the loose.

Katy Radcliffe

In Mumbai, I ended up in a film

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Once upon a time...

Lucy McCallum

Our guidebook had warned us that it was possible that we, as westerners in Mumbai, might get drafted in as extras for a Bollywood film. However, we never anticipated a scout actually coming into our hostel room in an attempt to persuade us to work on his film. It wasn’t the promise of Bollywood celebs and 500 rupees (the equivalent of about £6.40) that lured us in, but the hope of an air-conditioned environment and general hilarity that would undoutedly ensue.

Arriving at the studio the following day, we were unaware of what to expect or even the nature of the film in which we were participating. After immediately being ushered into the ‘dressing room’, we received dirty clothes to wear for our acting debut. For me, this consisted of a black lycra dress and heels; an outfit far better suited to Oceana, I would venture to say.

In true Indian fashion the set was chaotic, filled with a collection

of strange animals and failed British models trying to conquer Bollywood, and leftover Indian extras who were given blonde wigs and told to sit with their backs to the camera. The morning was spent playing with the set’s pet dog and guessing what the film actually was (we later discovered it was a remake of ‘Stepmom’), but the afternoon brought more excitement. We were required to sit at a table, look overexcited and laugh and clap whilst the stars of the cast did the conga around us obviously. By 7pm, the same ten-second clip of the Hindi version of ‘Jailhouse rock’ being played over and over was taking its toll and driving us slightly bonkers and so after some diplomatic negotiation, we were allowed home.

Apparently our hard work paid off as we made the final cut.

Who’d have thought that I’d find my 15 minutes of fame in Mumbai?

Money

In America, the Met was my playground When I was younger, I lived around the corner from the Metropolitan museum in New York and on snowy days my parents would take my siblings and me there. Leaving my brother in charge (at the age of four, he was the oldest and most responsible), they would contemplate art in puffed-up British fashion while we bombed around the halls and corridors. In England, this sort of kids-on-the-loose behaviour in a public institution would be out of the question; not to mention that my parents would have lost us to social services for putting three toddlers under the care of a four-year old, but Americans have a funny way of doing things, and it’s not all bad.

While we Brits harbour pokers up our backsides, America is brash and in-your-face. 10 minutes after we set the fire alarm off one day, the front door burst open to four 6ft 3 firemen hurtling up the

steps and into our house, brandishing axes of all things and yelling “Ma’am! Where’s the fire?!” However, it also has an easy charm that I haven’t encountered anywhere else in the world. Although we lived in the middle of the city, there was an amazing sense of community. We were welcomed to the neighbourhood by two little girls bringing grapes to our door. After living in England for nearly 20 years, I barely acknowledge my neighbours, whereas Americans know everyone on their street and are always friendly. When nineyear-old Charles at 112 East 84th Street went door-to-door with homemade bread at a dollar per loaf, he sold out. On the other hand, there’s a Big Issue guy on College Green who I have never seen sell a copy, despite walking past him every day. Yes, the chirpy diner waitress is hard to deal with on a hangover, but I’d rather live in New York than London any day.

Alice Gye

05.03.2012

Photo of the fortnight

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“Once upon a time, a boy called Jean Bart was born in Dunkerque...”

Once upon a time, a boy called Jean Bart was born in Dunkerque. By the age of 12, he had already embraced the family tradition and taken to the seas. He quickly rose through the ranks and soon became the terror of navies across Europe; defeating many merchant vessels, plundering their goods and bringing them back to his hometown. When France faced famine in 1669, he captured 130 ships full of wheat, saving the country from starvation and ensuring his status as a hero in Nord-Pasde-Calais.

‘Mírame!’

Luke Purdye: Granada, Nicaragua

I was cycling to visit the city’s derelict cathedral, which you can see in the background, when this man and his friend approached me.

Initially I thought they would try to rob me but they just wanted their picture taken. I especially like the neglected vibe with the graffiti and damaged wall in the background and the tattoos on his face, which signify that he’s in a gang. Since taking the photo I noticed the scarring around his neck as well, presumably where he had been injured or stabbed. His menacing demeanour is contradicted by his surprisingly long eyelashes. I managed to capture quite a candid expression, despite the fact that he is posing.

The world’s...

Most fantastical myths

Lake Titicaca in the Peruvian Andes not only has a wonderfully catchy name, but is also said to have a rather eventful beginning. The mountain gods blessed the locals with fertile land in a low-lying valley, on the condition that they did not climb into the highlands, where sacred fires continuously burned.

This prosperous life infuriated the devil, who encouraged the people to climb the mountain to collect this fire. The mountain gods, incensed by this disobedience, extinguished the flames and set pumas on the people.

As if that wasn’t enough, the sun god, distraught by this destruction, cried for days, flooding the empty valley with tears. The puma’s bodies formed stone statues; the name Titicaca means ‘land of the stony pumas’. Scientists, however, would argue that giant earthquakes split the mountain range in two, forming the basin where the water collected. What nonsense.

‘Scientists argue that giant earthquakes split the mountain. What nonsense.’ oxygen particles and solar wind provides a scientific explanation, Norwegian folklore provides more magical accounts. One such tale suggests that the lights are an omen, forewarning that treacherous weather is on the way, as snow and wind follow bright lights.

Another legend suggests that the lights are the dancing souls of dead women waving ribbons through the sky.

The Egyptian Pyramids are one of the world’s seven wonders and the subject of relentless intrigue concerning their tombs and mummified bodies.

However, excavations must be undertaken with enormous care as the curse of the pharaohs suggests that the disturbance of a mummy, whether intentional or not, brings the perpetrator bad luck. Calling this curse a myth, however, is perhaps unjustified due to a number of deaths due to this ‘curse’. Having said this, a more scientific explanation proposed

by Arthur Conan Doyle postulating the release of deadly fungus may actually be closer to the truth. Maybe.

Mount Fuji in Japan is said to be one of the most beautiful sights in the world; that is if you catch it on a clear day for it is often obscured by cloud.

Encased in this cloud, however, could be the Goddess of Mount Fuji who helped a young boy collect water for his sickly mother by pointing him on the correct path towards the river, before drifting away on a cloud. Well, that or precipitation…

So, what have I learnt? Scientific reasoning, although providing plausible explanations for these phenomena, also spoils the fun. Therefore, I am going to pretend that I never did this research and go back to being blissfully unaware.

You should too.

Emma Brown

Déguisements : I felt ridiculous walking through Lille on Saturday morning looking like Dame Edna’s wardrobe had thrown up on me, but when we got to Dunkerque I understood why I’d been told to dress like that. Everyone channels their inner drag queen for the carnival weekends, - men and women alike!

Les Chansons : After learning the most important carnival song - la Cantate à Jean-Bart - I assumed that these would be steeped in fisherman history. In reality, most are filthy rhymes about wiches, têtches et saucissons (no points for guessing their meanings). Nevertheless, learning a few is a must because nothing beats singing along loudly with the locals about various parts of the anatomy.

La bande et les chahuts : The key to any carnival is, of course, the parade. Everyone follows la bande through the streets carrying tall, coloured umbrellas and enjoying the music of the fifres. However, it’s when the fifres stop that the chahut fun begins; everyone links arms and crushes each other for a few minutes until the fifres start up again.

Initially designed to keep carnival-goers warm, it’s actually pretty exhilarating and makes apparent the need for those strong shoes.

Jet de harengs : Originally a way of celebrating the end of WWII, the throwing of plastic-wrapped kippers at carnivalgoers from the Town Hall is now a major part of the parade. Although it sounds strange, I highly recommend battling the rest of the crowd to catch one, as when you’re all carnival-ed out on Sunday night, nothing is more delicious than the salty taste of victory (and kipper).

This is just a mere introduction to the daytime world of le carnaval de Dunkerque, let alone the after-dark folie.

Words can only do this incredible event so much justice, so why not just go and experience it for yourself?

Kate Bennett Foreign Correspondent France

Audrey Leemann

Dubbed “the most spectacular light show in the world”, thousands of visitors flock north each year in the hope of seeing the famous aurora borealis (that’s the Northern Lights to you and me). Whilst talk of positive ions,

Flickr: jpellgen

Forget glaciation and the ice age; legend has it that the Avon Gorge, right here in good ol’ Bristol, was carved by Goram and Vincent, two giants competing for the attention of Avona, a beautiful woman from Wiltshire. Further afield, the myths get no less fantastical.

At this time, Dunkerque’s many fishermen started travelling as far as Iceland, often for up to six months, to ensure a good catch. To give them a good send off, La Foye was born. With Jean Bart’s sea-faring background and rising fame, he became the symbol of this celebration, which, over time, evolved into a huge carnival which takes over Dunkerque every winter. Last weekend I got to experience it first-hand and I must admit that when I was first invited I knew absolutely nothing about it. I was told to wear a fur coat, a wig, a boa and strong shoes, which left me wondering what exactly I’d signed up for; in fact, it was one of the best weekends of my year abroad so far.

Luckily for me, my friends were well-versed in carnival culture, so here’s my little guide for anyone who fancies joining the madness:

Editor: Alex Denne treasurer@ epigram.org.uk

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Rag sets the wheels In: Motion So Mr. Satguru, how did Motion & In:Motion come to be?

It’s a long story but I met this guy called Amos [Nelson], and we both wanted to do parties that were a little bit different. We used cool hidden places like the cellar of a pub in the middle of town but then Amos showed me this café and terrace where people would hang out during

‘...the greatest thing I’ve ever seen in a club’ skate or bmx events (The Tunnel). We decided that we wanted to do a party on the terrace and in the tunnel around April 2006, this would be the first night at Motion.

Seeing as it was a cool new venue we decided that we would sell tickets without even telling people where it was, we sold 250 tickets at £6 apiece and told everyone to meet near Thekla where we’d organised for boats to pull up and take people over. There were no headline DJs and we just had it outside and in the tunnel, 100 others turned up and paid on the door as well so we decided that we could do another 3 parties there over the summer.

August 2006 was when we had headline acts like Tom Neville of Retro/Grade and Gavin Herlihy but by this point we weren’t the only ones doing parties there and Motion was shut down for illegal raves. By the time the illegal rave talk died down in early 2007, the guy who owned the BMX park next door (2nd Warehouse + Main Room) had bought the property we were raving on. He took us up to the viewing platform above what is now the Main Room and said ‘if you want you can do the party in here?’

There was a 9ft vert ramp in there amongst other stuff but we figured that we could still fit about 600 people in there along with 400 in the tunnel and garden. We weren’t really sure whether we’d bitten off more than we could chew, could we really sell 1000 tickets? Considering that the venue only had 3 toilets and a urinal at this point, we knew it would be a struggle.

We started planning for what would be a massive night so we approached Blowpop who were doing really big things for music in Bristol at the time. In June 2007 we finally had Blowpop vs Just Jack, (Just Jack being my label) and because the event was a massive hit we started doing them monthly which was as often as we could because of the licensing restrictions in place. We may have been naughty and done a few extra from time to time as well though.

Money

When did the Skate ramps get taken out?

The skate ramps were taken out bit-by-bit and although it was a shame that people weren’t able to rave at such funny angles any more, the last half pipe came out in the summer of 2008. This was when the stage was still lengthways across the main room and we played host to Deadmau5 and Jamie Jones which was amazing. We booked them back then for around 1/20th of what they would cost to book today, sometimes we just got it so right booking-wise.

We had the full license around the end of summer 2008 so we brought in a venue manager, little Tom, to work with big Tom who owned the venue. Their aim was to make Motion ready for really big nights. I think people liked that we just wanted to put on really cool parties and to keep pushing the boat out, we never really did it for the money.

The first weekend that students were back in October 2008 was when we were first allowed to put 1500 people in the venue for the first time. We got names like Stanton Warriors, Benga, Brodinsky, Claude Von Stroke and others as we started doing bigger nights more frequently. We even managed to convince Shit the Bed to move from Lakota to Motion even though they’d been there for ages. That’s one awesome thing about Bristol, it’s such a promoter village, everyone knows everyone and that makes it so easy to get talking to other promoters.

By the beginning of 2009 we had Run, Shit the Bed, Just Jack, Motion and Blowpop running events and we had, amongst others, Digitalism, Diplo, Penguin Dance and Beardyman.

I’d been really trying to get The Warehouse Project to get nights sorted with us but they kept just saying they were interested but too busy to commit. We kept trying throughout 2008 and 2009 but we ended up deciding that we should try and do our own 3-month run of shows instead, In: Motion. We’d managed to build up a brand and people trusted us to put on a good night so we decided to set the wheels in motion.

I borrowed £10,000 from my mother, someone even borrowed from their Grandma, after doors got knocked through and the venue got rehashed, we finally had a viable venue. Rob (Shit the Bed) and I started booking DJs for every weekend from October to Christmas Eve, we printed 20,000 flyers at first, then another 20,000 and another 15,000. We were constantly chasing our own tails over it which was made more stressful by the fact that we ran other nights throughout the week as well. Things were so hectic that I kept a bed in my office which wasn’t great, but it was necessary.

2011 was when we really changed from doing it all ourselves and we decided to run it properly, without letting it lose its soul. We invested all of our money into it and hired the girl who marketed Global Gathering, we printed 100,000 flyers from the off and we finally fully licensed the 2nd warehouse. With the help of 4 interns and other members of staff we started a full-run of programming from October to January by starting our bookings in April. I loved doing it all and watching it grow but Just Jack 6th Birthday (Feb 4th) was my last night.

Love Saves the Day June 3rd What’s Love Saves The Day? All the money we’ve made, and everything I’ve ever earned, is going to go into this new festival called Love Saves The Day in Bristol on June 3rd. It’s on the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee which means that the Monday and Tuesday are both bank holidays. It’s at Castle Park, it’s less than £30 and we sold over 1000 tickets in the first 3 days. Annie Mac, Maya Jane Coles, Joy Orbison, Bonobo, Mr Scruff and that’s only scratching the surface. It’s actually going to be insane. ‘Like’ Epigram on Facebook for a chance to win one of 10 tickets to LSTD!

Although you’re going on to artist management now, do you have any lessons from your promoting days?

My biggest regret was doing too much stuff, I once managed to promote 77 nights in 12 weeks until I finally said to myself ‘this is ridiculous’. I could sell out 10 events in a row and then get set back by one that lost £10,000. I learned that doing less is more but no matter what I say, no promoter will be able to adhere to that. It’s good to build your brand but don’t just do nights for the sake of it, if you get the balance wrong it can be really stressful.

New Years Eve 2009/10 was a real benchmark event for us and for Motion because all the promoters came together for the first time. We had a massive night with Drum and Bass, Electro & Techno, we opened up the whole venue for the first time and we even had the Afterburner from Arcadia [google it, seriously]. It was the first time that people spent £25 on a ticket to Motion and we had Seth Troxler, Red Light and Andy C amongst others, Julio Bashmore was even doing the warm up. The whole thing was sentimental because it was a big team effort and it had this amazing festival vibe. Secret Garden Party even took over the car park with a marching band, hot tub and loads of other cool shit, it was amazing.

We called it ‘The Greatest Show on Earth’ and even though we made £55,000 selling 2200 tickets for £25 each, we still ended up losing money because we had just kept pushing the boundaries.

It was the greatest thing I’ve ever seen in a nightclub.

The single most important thing is to have loads of mates, people don’t always go because of what’s on, they go because of who’s going. Now that Facebook plays the role of word-of-mouth online, potential socialites instantly know who’s going out and they’ll make their decision based on that.

The next thing to remember is that a big-name DJ plays up and down the country, but you want people to travel to your night, to you, not just for an expensive name. You want people to be say ‘Are you going to Just Jack?’ rather than ‘Are you going to Seth Troxler?’

If this ends up happening then people will leave without developing any brand association. You need to develop a brand before getting big names so get some decent up and coming DJs in so that people enjoy it and say ‘I was at Zulu Nation’, or ‘I went to BED’.

Also, if your night takes off then the DJs you do book should be loyal to you. Shit the Bed have been booking Jack Beats and skream since they started and when Just Jack puts on Jamie and Seth, it’s like putting on your mates.

Alex Denne