Endless Disappointment 4 - What the Hell is Le Grill?

Endless Disappointment Issue 4 - Le Grill? WHat the Hell is that!?

January 2020

Featuring A sub-par guide to 2020 Geist Calligram

So Issue 4 was meant to be a retaliatory zine about how to make life hard for the Conservative Party; however, in the interest of fairness, I felt it appropriate that we at least let them show their true colours before creating a book about openly undermining them. As of writing this they’ve increased the minimum wage, not enough to combat increasing living costs and no action to take on shit landlords and spiralling rental costs, but it’s a start I guess.

Anyway, 2020, fantastic, new starts and everyone looking to hit the ground running. Cool. If you’re scoping candidates for cringiest album name I think Delain have thrown their hat into the ring already with “Apocalypse and Chill”. We also have Napalm’s Death Campaign for Musical Destruction tour, which I wil definitely be rinsing my account for so I can see as many dates as humanly possible.

F H E D, the label/promotion I run already has 2 shows confirmed, another due to be confirmed and at least two more before year’s end. A new release should be on the horizon too and there may be a few other things dotted throughout the year. Historically even-years are the more productive years so I plan to get everything piled in before the inevitable stasis I will go into before 2021.

Anyway, read, save money, be merry, but not too merry as it’s still January (or February if you had to wait until payday to get a copy).

Things to Look forward to in 2020 Resident Evil 3 remake Whilst I found zero replay factor in the most scared I have been in 2019, imal requirement to be stealthy. Now Game antagonists ever made, plus the something pretty tasty.

Resident Evil 2, it was arguably even with all the weapons and minthrow in one of the scariest Video Mercenaries mode, and you’ve got

The Last of Us 2 I still haven’t completed the first; I’m utterly shit at being stealthy and I’m not above rage-quitting after dying 10-times in a row. Needless to say, it’s one of the best games made in the last decade in terms of storyline and gameplay, so yeah, they better not fuck with the sequel.

ArcTangent 2020 Opeth, Amenra, Isahn, Perturbator, This Svalbard have already been confirmed and announcements left to go. It’s a lovely festival experience I’ve had, hopefully fancy giving it a go

Will Destroy You, Ohhms and we’ve still got a handful of little festival and the nicest some of you feel the same or

Napalm Death’s Campaign for Musical Destruction Tour Misery Index, EyeHateGod, Rotten Sound as support. That is all.

Final Fantasy VII Remake Despite being one of the greatest RPG’s of all time; it has aged like a Potato; lets see how a new generation takes to this spicy nugget of video gaming folklore.

Skull and Bones Sea Shanties, dreams of plundering, AC4 but with no references to Assassins or Templars. What more could we ask for?

New Albums Bit thin on the ground at the moment, but Sepultura’s new material sounds spicy, and I’m not going to say no to new Kvelertak songs too.

I’m sure far spicier things will come out, but we’ll find out next year.

Things that you’ll want to ignore but won’t be able to.

Endless references to Weed throughout April Yep, that’s right a month of 4/20 is finally upon us, it’ll be a meme bonanza, great.

Every promoter or label who did a bit more than survive in 2019 exclaiming it’s going to be “their year” Right up to that point they take a punt on a show that rinses their bank balance.

Electoral Reforms What was wanted: Killing off the dated First-Past-The-Post system and implementing some degree of proportional representation, greater accountability over misinformation by politicians.

What we’re really going to see: No electoral reforms, Gerrymandering in the form of the Tory’s plan to axe 50 seats, ID requirements edging out vulnerable voters.

Post-Brexit Britain Imagine all that free time we’ll have to discuss environmental policy, electoral reform, equality issues and divisions in society. Also, expect all the “Pro-Democracy” Brexiteers to fall suddenly quiet when actual affronts to democracy appear Disney+ Exactly what consumers need, another on-demand service. Combat efforts against digital piracy by recording Disney+ content onto VHS and leaving them in random places.

World War 3 Yep, if we’re not fighting it, we’re joking about the prospect of it, or being killed by it, or making memes about it. Imagine 70 years from now Historians researching the War and referring to memes as primary research sources.

New Year’s REsolutions: A Beginner’s GUide That’s right, it’s a New Year, New Start, you’re going to hit the ground running aren’t you? Damn straight, no bingewatching True Crime Documentaries in your pants for you.

Start going to the gym? Yeah that’s good. Take up a Hobby? Yeah that’s fine too. Give up Jellybeans? If you want. For those who aren’t quite sure what to do, here’s some more leftfield things to embrace in the New Year.

Make a Zine Seriously, I can do it and I spend half my time sleeping and the other half worrying about literally everything. Not sure where to start? drop me an email via worldofshit@live.co.uk Unorthofox distribution of terrible Video-Nasty era movies nobody gives a shit about.

1-Find a really crap Horror movie 2-Burn onto lots of DVD’s 3-Leave in unsuspecting public places that kids can’t reach Watch every single episode of The Wire Just do it. I don’t have to justify it to you, it’s literally one of the greatest shows ever made.

Attach Googly Eyes to everything Buy Googly Eyes. Stick them over normal eyes on every poster or billboard you see for the rest of the year.

Replace family photos in your house with photos of cutlery and kitchen utensils.

See if anyone notices the references to The Room.

Dress up as a Duck Sit by the Bread counter in your local supermarket, when someone comes up to pick up Bread, slap it out of their hands and quack.

Adopt a Female Platypus Harvest their Eggs, mix with their milk, create custard.

Crossword of Filth Fucksake, Dani Filth has got lost having wandered through a Virgin Wood to get you some flowers to place at the altar of whatever Lovecraft reference he’s singing about now.

Help find him amongst the sea of Gothic Stereotypes he’s found himself in

Available now at fhed.bandcamp.com Celestial Sanctuary - S/T EP Fresh Bolt Thrower worship

Grief Ritual - Moments of Suffering

Brand new album from Gloucester’s finest. It’s essentially Rudiments of Mutilation by Full of Hell, only a bit slower and better recorded

Grief Ritual - Life is a Phase

Debut EP FFO: Trap Them, Rot in Hell and Minors. They played Bloodstock earlier this year too.

Grim Existence - Expansion of Reality

Gnarly Death Metal with Hardcore Riffs. First new material since 2014. FFO: Entombed, Leeched, Gatecreeper

Jotnarr - s/T 12”

Blackened Hardcore/Doom Crossover from Colchester, one of the hidden gems of 2019.

The Atrocity Exhibit - Extinction Solution 12”

Latest full-length from the elder statesmen of UK Grindcore. FFO: Gets Worse, Wormrot, Human Cull and anything with Blastbeats.

Deus Vermin - Monument of Decay (CD)

Some of the best Death Metal to happen in 2018 and the heaviest stuff out of Leeds in years. FFO: Of Feather and Bone, Tomb Mold and Dragged into Sunlight.

Archelon i/II CD

Compilation of the first two albums from Sheffield’s Sludge/Post-rock Heavyweights.

Opium Lord / Churchburn split 7”

Split 7” between Blackened Sludgelords Opium Lord and US Sludge Heavyweights Churchburn

Acrid Pork Smell - Acrid Pork Smell EP

One-off side project featuring former/current members of Extreme Noise Terror, Desecration, The Drowning and Gorgantuan

Coming soon Putting shows on with mates. If you’re South Wales based (or, in the case of the Cloud Rat show, nearer to Newport than London or Sheffield), these may be of interest.

Geist Whilst you can attribute it to one specific city or area, the UK has some absolute crackers in terms of Hardcore bands in the vein of the greats such as All Pigs Must Die, Converge, Trap Them etc.

Geist are arguably one of the more active and stronger bands about in the UK at the moment; with several EP’s and splits under their belts, Swarming Season dropped last year and was arguably one of the stronger releases to come out last year.

I had a chat with their frontman Ian in regards to Geist business and their upcoming activities.

Let’s get the Office smalltalk out the way how was the Festive season for you?

So so busy. Working in hospitality it’s our busiest time of year, so it was pedal to the metal from late November all the way through.

So, this is very much the January edition and we’ve got a whole year ahead of us; what are you looking forward to?

Working the shifts I do it’s pretty difficult to plan too far ahead. I’m looking forward to touring Swarming Season, meeting new people and hopefully play some places we’ve never been. Not really sure about bands releasing new music so far but there’s always a good few curveballs of surprise records and obviously unannounced scheduled records.

Not a Question: Swarming Season was absolutely bangin’ (in fact, in the last issue it was in our “top releases” section).

Ahhh thanks man! Really glad you enjoyed it.

Has the feedback on the record been something you expected?

The feedback has really taken us all back! We knew we were on to something really chaotic but controlled when we started writing, but the reaction and reception has surpassed any expectation we had. We’ve had some really honest reviews where people have given criticism which we’ve taken on board, rather than a “this record is the greatest ever” kind of drivel.

I’ll be the first to concede that I don’t know a lot about Cursed Monk, the label who put out your album last year, how did the relationship come about and did you have contact with anyone else?

So, I’m a bit of a forward planner when it comes to releasing a record.

I tend to keep a page on my phone and dedicate it to potential labels.

This is built from various social media platforms. We shopped the rough mix to a bunch of labels, and cursed monk were one of the first picks for us. We’d done really jazzy vinyl for Disrepair so wanted to delve into a deluxe CD deal for Swarming Season. To be honest, we didn’t really start shopping it around until it was recorded.

Cursed monk offered us a deal we couldn’t turn down really, he had his agenda and his usual routine but also had great compromise when it came to meeting the needs of the band too. Hopefully the start of a long and fruitful relationship with them.

The song titles almost read like a list of future powerviolence band names and lend to the prospect of fairly profound themes throughout the album. What sought of lyrical themes did you explore for the album and were there any particular subjects/themes that appealed to you when writing?

Man, it was really weird one night when I was watching Joe Rogan and James Hetfield go into some unusual facts about honey bees on Joe’s podcast and I was fascinated. I also really love dystopian novels and films which I feel is quite relative to current times. So in my head I created this Orwellian hive based on my love for 1984 and the new found facts about politics within the bee hive. There still some prominent themes regarding mental health but the context has changed from Disrepair. So there’s personal and political themes really but they all fall under the metaphor of the hive.

The last few releases have been relatively short affairs, how daunting an affair was it writing a full album of songs?

We’re always writing new material so it wasn’t particularly daunting to write a longer release. We’ve got 5 releases before the album under our belt so the length of previous records really came down to what opportunities we had at the time. But at the same time we didn’t want to peak too early writing a 7” and then release an album. We’ve toured and toured and released records whilst truly and honestly exploring every aspect of our identity as a band. I think if we’d put Swarming Season out the same time as Disrepair it wouldn’t be the same if that makes sense ha!

Chris Colohan of Cursed and Sect did guest vocals on the album. This is quite the achievement, could you tell us more about how it came about and the process?

Dude, what a fucking rush! It’s a weird old story really. Sect played London in November 2018 and I’d met Chris once before when he was touring with Burning Love years ago. I embarrassed myself by telling him I hadn’t listened to Burning Love, but loved Cursed haha. Anyhow back to November 2018, Chris is known for having a love/hate relationship with social media so on the off chance I dropped him a message on Instagram saying something along the lines of he’s my idol and I’d love to hang out with him when he plays London BUT I’m too awkward to approach him!

So he kindly replied saying he’d definitely be game to hang out and for me to send a selfie so he could recognise me and approach me haha. So we hung out for an hour or so in a coffee shop in Camden and just talked like we’d known each other for years. No tension or pressure, just two dudes having a real human moment. We talked about bands, books, mental health and meditation and it was a “pinch me” moment.

Anyway, we kept in touch over social media and built somewhat of a friendship. Geist we’re discussing studio time and in a passing thought I messaged Chris asking if he could swing a guest vocal to which he said if he could make it work, he would. In the time of finishing the writing of the Geist album we’d pencilled two or three dates in that never happened and I’d booked tickets to see Sect in Manchester with Converge.

Coincidently we’d booked recording in the same city the same day Sect would be there so it was an even higher chance it would happen. I updated Chris and he said he wouldn’t know until he’d arrived at the venue on the morning so we never got our hopes up. Being on a big tour package like that he didn’t know if he was going to have press commitments but the same week he was controlling the Southern Lord Europe social media.

So I was mid vocal tracking and I got the thumbs up from Chris saying he was free for a few hours so we picked him up and got it done. He hung out with us, did some shouting and offered the rest of Geist guest-list for the show on the night. Months of uncertainty and it actually fucking happened. End of the day, for me I was more interested in making a friend and maintaining some kind of relationship with him. The guest spot was a passing thought, and I’m so happy that it came off, but it was never a hidden agenda of mine.

You’re all from the North-East/Tyneside area; my awareness of the scene around there stretches as far as the Byker Grave Festival and Trillians in Newcastle. Tell us more.

Byker Grave are consistently putting amazing shows on in Newcastle which keeps the scene ticking over nicely. We don’t play Trillians too often since we got kicked off the Full of Hell show there. You’ve experienced a Geist show before Jim so you know volume is a massive part of the experience and when someone starts messing around with our equipment, we didn’t take kindly to it so that’s all I’ll say about Trillians.

Favourite City to Play. Gotta be Hull. We’ve got so many friends that are part of that collective and they’ve been great to us over the years.

Last November you played a show with Dragged into Sunlight that not only happened immediately after an all-dayer, but targeted a demographic that would have already experienced 10 hours or more music with Damnation.

Don’t suppose you figured out why they did it that way?

It was treated as an after party for Damnation hosted by Dragged into Sunlight. I mean, how often do DIS perform, let alone in the UK? So taking that into consideration I think it was well played. When there’s thousands of festival goers in a city, why not sell out a smaller DIY venue.

Bands you’ve played with that you recommend. Go. That’s a tricky one. If I miss any bands I’m going to look like a prick, so I apologise in advance if you think you belong on the list but here’s a few close friends that we’ve played with more than once. Let’s go with that: Sunlights Bane, Harrowed, They Live We Sleep, Casket Feeder, Vow, Bed of Wasps Top goals for 2020?

The same thing we do every year Jim, try to take over the world.

Calligram Blastbeats and Football: The Two great unifiers of the world. Calligram can get behind both. Constantly straddling the boundaries of Punk, Hardcore and Black Metal, I threw some questions Calligram’s way to see what makes them tick.

Calligram, despite hailing from London, has members from all over the world; how did the band come to form?

I was singing in a band called Hail of Abuse, I aways did singing, if you can called it that. The band ended and myself and the drummer wanted to carry on playing together so we put out an ad on gumtree looking for people. Tim replied and came in for a jam, at the same time I managed to get Bruno out of his lazy dungeon to come and jam. I’d known Bruno from back home in Brazil and we got along really well. So that was the very first time us three and the drummer jammed back in September 2011. Not very long after the drummer got sick of Tim and left, he was a bit of pain back then. kind of still is but we love him.

So when this bloke left, we knew it was gonna be hard to find a decent drummer. I thought that Tim and Bruno had gotten a good chemistry so offered to jump on the drums as I kind of had a bit of an idea of how to play. We did a jam and it worked really well, there was punkier vibe to the sound specially because I couldn’t play well technically. So from there we went on to look for other people to join.

Whilst Calligram formed in 2011, it wasn’t for another 5 years until Demimonde came out, to what do we owe the lengthy delay and how much did the band evolve in that time?

So we played with two different bassist and a different singer in that time, we wrote stuff that sounded a bit like converge and mastodon because we all had such different influences but we thought it sounded kind of cool and different; we played loads of empty shows and recorded an EP but very soon after we started figuring out that what everyone really liked in common was crust and black metal so the sound started leaning that way more and more and we thought that EP was actually shit haha.

It was a good experimentation in figuring out our sound but we wanted to work on nastier sounding stuff. The singer had had a lung infection by then and left, then the bassist thought we no longer wrote stuff he wanted to play and also left, so us three continued writing Demimonde and had a mate fill in on bass until we found Smittens through gumtree.

He was the perfect fit, well into punk and some black metal which he got into more after hanging out in our practice room getting hammered and listening to Immortal and Gorgoroth for hours on end. He joined something like a couple of weeks before we went into the studio to record Demimonde and the weird family was complete.

Did you set out to play any particular style to begin with?

Like I mentioned on the other question, we started out mixing a lot of different stuff with whatever we thought sounded ok, not really thinking of genres. We ended up getting a lot of gigs with generic metalcore bands which we can’t stand so we knew something was wrong.

For your latest album Askesis you opted for Lewis Johns over at The Ranch in Southampton, whose CV includes the likes of Svalbard, Funeral for a Friend, Rolo Tomassi amongst many others. What drew you to them rather than one of the tried-and-tested studios that are often used i.e.

Vagrant or Skyhammer?

It was his sound and the bands he recorded. We are massive fans of Svalbard and Rolo and really liked how their sound was heavy and yet clear and punchy. We were curious to know what our stuff would sound like with Lewis’ production and we were pretty happy with the result; in October 2019 we went back to record our new record there again. We had a absolute great time, asked Lewis to make his filthiest record yet. We think he nailed it! the record will come out very soon but I can’t say anything about that yet.

Your last few releases have been through Basick records, a label that historically looks more at the technical sides of metal and hardcore, how did the relationship with Basick come about and do you see yourself working with them in the future?

So we did Askesis with Basick through someone that had joined them not very long before we signed and she was keen on getting something different on the label, we thought that was a cool idea to maybe turn some heads and see what happens. Shortly after signing us she left to work with Nuclear Blast. Basick still did a great job of promoting the record but the person who was passionate about the band anymore and a little while later Basick kind of stopped releasing stuff which was a shame. We are not doing our next record with them but can’t say anything about that at the moment either. It’s looking up though...

Musically speaking the idea of Blackened Hardcore shouldn’t shock anyone in this day and age, but for some people it does and they get really salty at the idea of Black Metal elements crossing into other genres.

Have you ever encountered issues having a sound that constantly treads the line between Black Metal and Hardcore/crust-punk?

We kind of like that aspect of it all, we play bills with crust bands, they get confused sometimes and just stand there and the same happens if we play a kvlt BM show, it’s all good though, there’s always the people that are open minded and like something a little different. They come over after shows and tells us often, so that’s encouraging. There’s always the dickheads that think they hold the torch of their ancestors, they generally just stay away looking grumpy.

I personally love traditional black metal as well as punk and really enjoy shows of said genres but I’ll take a weird band mixing shit up over clearly defined genres any day. If it’s a band that I know what’s coming after each of their riffs I’m there watching and having a good time but I’m not gonna be moved by it and probably not spend my cash on their record.

Are there any bands or albums you’d credit in particular as influences to your sound?

Absolutely, here’s some stuff we jam a lot in the van and after practice: Wormrot, Wake, Ahklys, Nightbringer, Bestia Arcana, Mayhem, Immortal, Dead Fish, Misfits, Cult of Luna, Gorgoroth, GodSeed, Der Weg Einer Freiheit, This Gift is a curse, Martyrdod, Wolf Brigade, Disfear.

Being fairly diverse in your sound has seen you play with a varied range of bands within a multitude of different genres; do you ever feel you stick out a bit on lineups or do you enjoy putting yourself out there to different audiences?

Yeah definitely most of the time kind of stick out but we do enjoy that as there’s always someone who’ll dig it so we’re there for them. It’s also really boring going to a show where everyone sounds the same.

What bands have you been listening to lately?

For a while now I’ve been listening to a lot of Brazilian punk, since we’ve had a far right c;*t take over presidency, old and new bands have been inspired to protest against all that shit. My drumming on the new record is very influenced by bands like Dead Fish, Statues on Fire, Surra and Ratos de Porão. Other than that I’m really looking forward to the new Wake and the new Sepultura.

We’re not far enough into 2020 that I can’t ask what your favourite records were of 2019; looking back to last year what stood out for you?

My favourite record of last year was Tomb Mold’s Planetary Clairvoyance but I also listened a lot to Pissgrave’s Posthumous Humiliation, Geist’s Swarming Season, Brutus’ Nest, Chelsea Wolfe’s Birth of Violence and Numenorean’s Adore.

You specifically list Football as one of your band interests; I am compelled to ask who you all support in terms of teams. Minus points for any of you that support Millwall. haha definitely a constant subject in our camp; teams are: Smittens - Man united Tim - Lyon in France but more Arsenal in the UK these days.

Matteo - Juventus Me and Bruno - best team in the world - São Paulo.

Editor’s Note: As of writing this Manchester United lost 2-0 at home to Burnley in what I can only describe as an utterly abysmal display. My thoughts and prayers are with anyone that has been a Manchester United Fan since 2012.

Also, fuck Bristol City. Not relating to the Interview but sod those self-entitled arseholes.

Thoughts on VAR? I used to think it would sort it all out but it’s been a right mess.

It’s good for some things like offside and if a ball went in or not but when there’s doubt, it’s usually shit. it’s taking ages to make decisions which breaks the flow of the game but I have some faith in it, if they fine tune the process with time it might get better but it’s safe to say with that many people in a room and all that slow motion and they’re still making mistakes, it might take a little while.

Favourite place to play that isn’t London. Go. Anywhere in Belgium, I love their beers to death!

You’ve got your snazzy jaunt with Harrowed and Geist soon, what’s your plan for the rest of the year?

Very very excited about that one, two of my favourite UK bands and the nicest lads. For the first part of the year we’ll do a tour in the UK and one in Europe. Going to announce some of that soon. For the second part we haven’t planned yet but probably more touring and writing new stuff in between.

It Came from Bandcamp...

I have entrenched myself into the endless void that is bandcamp to pick out some things which are quite nice and you may have heard of but you also many not have.

Dumpster Coffin – S/T First of all, supreme name; Secondly, it sounds like Trash Talk if they decided they really liked Cursed and the last few Converge albums.

Cold Curse – Violent Measure Sure the Entombed influence is going to be there like every good album ever, but it plays a lot like Unsilent Death / Abandon All Life era Nails, you know, that point before they started getting weird and became somewhat of a parody of themselves. My words don’t give this record justice, I love it.

Griefhole – S/T Bath Powerviolence, as in the place, not the noun. Seriously though, bonkers powerviolence with Meshuggah-levels of proficiency. It’s weird how everyone is on the Leeched hype but can’t get behind this yet; don’t be surprised if I end up releasing something by them in the future, they’re pretty much everything I like about Grief Ritual but faster.

Stiff Meds – A Taste for Blood If you’re down with Arms Race, The Flex, State Funeral etc. this probably is right up your alley. Pretty certain one of the members used to be in Razoreater too, and they were fucking bonkers fairplay.

Kold War – Demo Mates play in this band so I could be bias, but it’s a dead good listen and a great testimony to the folk in South Wales that don’t fanny about and just get on with shows and releasing music. There’s some really tasty Metal riffs in this as well given it’s only 3-tracks long. Banger.

Guilty Pleasures GuideSynthPop Fancy checking out a genre but don’t know where to start? There’s so much shit out there which has hype but really there’s no longevity to it.

So yeah, when I say Synthpop, I’m not talking electro or synth-heavy club music or other genres masquerading behind synths, I’m talking lovely-ass stripped down pop songs with synths that operate on the “less is more” side of things, to the point a laptop, a keyboard and a singer is probably all you need to play it live.

Kylie Minogue - All the Lovers (Aphrodite, 2010) She’d previously toyed the idea of synths when she collaborated with the Scissor Sisters on her single Believe in You; fast-forward a few years and her legacy is solidified and she starts to branch away from Chart-mumusic bangers into this pseudo-Depeche Mode banger.

The Weeknd - Blinding Lights (2019) I don’t particularly like The Weeknd and never really bought into his hype, but I can get behind his electropop/New Romantic crossover that plays like a synthwave song.

Carly Rae Jepsen - Cry (Emotion Side B, 2016) An 80’s breakup anthem that’s somehow got lost 30 years and ended up on a B-side album. Be careful, lyrics may make you do the big sad.

Lady Gaga - G.U.Y. (Artpop 2013) R.Kelly guested on this album even though the rumours about his reputation were already well-established and he was a risky commodity already given what could be proven alone. Still, this song went unharmed and its drums are punchy as heck given how relaxed a song it is.

Kleerup feat. Robyn - With Every Heartbeat (2007) So Swedish popstar Robyn disappears from vague fame for 9 years and returns with one of the best songs of 2007. There’s loads of breakup songs about needing closure or making them stronger or needing to reconcile; they’re the equivalent of that mate you have that thinks they can fix every situation and they’re not always helpful. By comparison, this song is like that mate that acknowledges the situation is balls and just sits there with you acknowledging how balls it is until you feel less balls.

Guilty Pleasures GuideSynthPop Duke Dumont - Ocean Drive Ibiza hi-jacked this song Dumont himself recognises ments the song a lot more to it.

(2015) as an instant chilled House-anthem, but Duke it as a Deep-pop track, which probably complithan having a load of House dickheads shuffling

Cold Cave - Confetti (Cherish the Light Years 2011) So Wesley Eisold from American Nightmare decided to cross-break Nitzer Ebb sounds with New Order/Ultravox melodies; most of them are fairly dreary numbers but this one is quite sparkly.

Owl City - Fireflies (Ocean Eyes, 2009) Yep, we know, it was played to death in 2009 and we were happy to be rid of it, but it was a good song and was quite rhymthmic despite being a relatively dreamy song.

Hurts - Better than Love (Happiness, 2010) One of the few shining graces from an act who seem to largely have spent their career endlessly putting style over substance. NME used to love this, but then again what hasn’t NME loved over the years?

Grimes - Flesh Without Blood (Art Angels, 2015) Troublesome and eccentric creativity covered in sugar to the point that most people can find something to like in this song.

CHVRCHES - Never Ending Circles (Every Open Eye, 2015) Despite sounding somewhat edgy in deliverance, this song is pretty much audio sunshine.

Cults - Recovery (Offering, 2017) Probably more an Indie song if anything, it straddles the synth genre in places but really I suppose it’s just a very nice mellow and Sunny Indie song.

Normal Service will resume over the next page.

An cautionary tale of office meetings It was 9:04 various people stumbled into the boardroom Coffee Mug in one hand, Cereal Bar in the other Notepad and pen wedged under one armpit As if anyone is going to write anything in this meeting The Manager walks in shortly after They make a quip about being tired Are we supposed to write that down or something?

“We’ve been told that The Thing is causing problems” The Manager exclaimed “What do you mean by The Thing” they asked?

“You know? The Thing, I emailed you all about it last week” “Ah yes, The Thing” everyone mumbled As if anyone could remember it Lost amongst the sea of absolute digital drivel And of course Sharon’s unrelating chasers for the week’s Lotto money Don’t get us started on that fucking email chain The one about not using other people’s milk If they’re so bothered why don’t we just keep an in-house Cow? “I was in a meeting last week and they were all worried” “Worried about what?”

“The Thing”, the Manager exclaimed, “They are worried about The Thing” “I too was curious about the Thing” someone brashly exclaimed “So I investigated the The Thing” “And I learnt this about The Thing” Other people made remarks about The Thing not that it added anything The Bureacratic equivalent of Hens clucking “We have to get a task force to review The Thing” The Manager exclaimed in an attempt to regain control salvage whatever influence that was still there “What would you have us do?” They all asked “Well we need to assess The Thing” The Manager exclaimed Someone threw a grenade into the mix “Is The Thing actually bothering anyone” “Of course it is,they’re worried about it” “Who are?”, “Why, they are of course” A vote was taken “Is the Thing actually a problem” The votes were in, it was unanimous “The Thing is not actually an issue” Nothing else was discussed The Meeting came to an abrupt halt It was 10:21.

Competition time For the chance to win a random assortment of vinyl courtesy of F H E D Guess where and when this photo was taken, and the band in question Email all answers to worldofshit@live.co.uk