Blastbeats and Bodyslams 2 - Glorious Dogs of Wrestling

Blastbeats and Bodyslams 2: Glorious Dogs of Wrestling

Featuring: dogs of Wrestling matches involving dogs That film about a wrestling dog that dog that got used as a foreign object wrestler’s dogs

Howdy All, The one thing they don’t tell you about putting a zine together is the waiting; lots of waiting. Sending it to print is ok, that's just a couple of days, but forming content? Fuck me, that bit takes ages, especially when you're relying on someone else for that content.

So when I had a period of extended waiting I decided to make a round of zines which weren’t reliant on bands getting back to me; So I thought I'd go back to my roots and make a wrestling zine, but a wrestling zine is done to death right? I was watching Rene Dupree as he walked Fifi to the ring and came up with the most obscure idea I'll get for a zine anytime soon.

In case the front-cover wasn't clear, the zine is about DOGS, not just any dogs though, DOGS INVOLVED IN WRESTLING. Wrestling is littered with instances where animals have been used and it's been most-excellent (without harming the delightful pooches involved). Be it mascots that accompany wrestlers to the ring, Pets acknowledged on television or even instances where Dogs have been integral to matches, there's just enough examples of Dogs in wrestling to make a zine out of it (so I did before anyone else gets the idea).

So you get an idea of what to expect, but to make it abundantly clear.

Koko B. Ware's Parrot? Don't give a shit Jake's Snake Damian? Yeah, not this issue.

Undertaker's Vulture from that one Wrestlemania entrance? Nope.

Ricky Steamboat's Dragon? Well, first of all it alternated between a Monitor Lizard and an small Crocodile but NOT TODAY. Road Warrior Animal? Not an animal, definitely not a Dog. Mad Dog Vachon? Ok, that's close, but NOT A DOG.

TOTAL. NONSTOP. DOGS Fuck everything else. Dogs.

do not believe this grammatically incorrect statement there are no dogs in this pay per view

Officer Magnum 1 Ft 1” - Weighing in at 42 Ibs Bassett Hound / Golden Retriever Cross REgular for Chikara before it closed down Hails from the Mean Streets of Washington DC Best Friend of Wrestler Solo Darling Won the Midcard Championship with Xtremely Serious WRestling Absolute good Boy Also supports “The Force” (see background image) over 1600 followers on Instagram

Internet records show he had one match with Dick Justice and Puf Winning against Fire Ant, Green Ant II and thief ant Was almost going to be interviewed in this zine, alas he was too busy upholding the law

The Aew Puppy Battle Royale Essentially a load of puppies thrown in the ring with some toys one of which was a doll of Referee Aubrey Edwards Which got destroyed Penelope Ford’s Puppy won the Women’s Match MJF Won the Men’s match No storytelling no In-ring skills Jim Cornette did not approve

The Kennel From Hell Whilst everyone looks at the Attitude Era with rose-tinted glasses, it really did produce some absolute poo. I'm talking poo like Perry Saturn falling in love with a Mop, Evening Gown Matches between ageing dudes, Mae Young giving Birth to a hand, and many more I'm sure.

One of them was heavily-centred around Dogs, and so begins our feature on the most Ruff gimmick match of the era, THE KENNEL FROM HELL MATCH.

The Big BossMan He wasn't actually new to the WWF at this time, having spent time with them previously in the 80's / early 90's. He rejoined the WWF after stints in WCW and Japan, acting as Vince Mcmahon's bodyguard during the whole Austin vs. the Corporation deal. It seemed a bit of a weird situation really, as WWF was creating a lot of new stars and acquisitions like The Big Bossman and The British Bulldog stuck out like a turd in a swimming pool, but they knew the drill and I imagine WWF were looking for any reliable name at the time that knew how to work TV and weren't going to jump ship to WCW. He was on TV a lot and was on pretty much EVERY pay per view, whether you wanted him there or not. He had a relatively high-profile match with the Undertaker at Wrestlemania once, not that anyone remembers the match as the match was a bit crap and the only memorable bit was when Bossman was hung from the Cell at the end of the match. They did cut him down, imagine how awkward it would be if they just left him there hung above the ring for the remainder of the event like an unwanted burst pinata?

He didn't; have any noteworthy chants or whatever, unless you could "BORING" chants midway through matches to be synonymous with him, which you probable could do as they came up during EVERY match he did (or at least it seemed like it).

Oh also, if that wasn't bad enough, he was in two major storylines during his solo-run with the WWF. One was this whole Kennel from Hell dealio, the other was memorable for the following reasons.

- Tricked The Big Show into believing his Dad has passed on - Crashed the Big Show's Dad's Funeral when it turned out he HAD actually died - Proceeded to drag Big Show's Dad's Coffin around a field - Expose that The Big Show was actually illegitimate.

So yeah, that sort of shit you can't just wash off. Still, he got to have a shot at the World Heavyweight Championship because of it..... once.

Positives though, apparently he was quite a nice dude, gave a lot of money to charity and was generally well-liked in the locker-room, which counts for a lot given the amount of bullying in wrestling at the time.

Al Snow So he didn't get off the to the greatest of starts in life. Having spent some time in WWF playing a series of masked gimmick wrestlers, his big break (if you can call it that) was as a David Cassidy fanboy in the "New Rockers" tag-team with Marty Jannetty; it was probably a big opportunity to Al but also a harrowing reminder for Marty that he was still a mediocre Tag-Team wrestler and his former partner was main-eventing shows on his own. Once Marty Jannetty left, there wasn't much there for him so he went to ECW for a bit as per the WWF / ECW talent exchange that happened on the quiet in the mid-90's.

So he's there in ECW and he's trialling being a mentally unstable guy, being erratic in the ring and talking to himself; let's just say society's awareness of mental health wasn't that good back then. It didn't connect quite as well as they'd hoped, until he has this golden vignette with Cactus Jack.

So you see, Cactus Jack tells Al that to get ahead in the business, he needs to give a little head.

Obviously he meant blowing the booker/promoter, but Al takes this literally and starts coming to the ring with a mannequin head that says "HELP ME" in huge letters across the forehead. Of course this was ECW and therefore fans took great fun in chanting the double-entendre "We want head". It's weird what works and what doesn't in wrestling isn't it?

His entrance at major shows and ppv's was badass too. Paul Heyman used to distribute Styrofoam heads to the crowd to wave about when Al Snow entered the ring. They'd deliberately turn the lights right-down and the music right up ("Breathe" by the Prodigy no less) so it would look like some weird rave-shit. He would eventually challenge Shane Douglas for the ECW Heavyweight Championship at Wrestlepalooza, when he lost you wouldn't be surprised to hear a lot of those Styrofoam heads found their way into the ring.

Anyway, he winds up back in the WWF and he carries on with the Head deal, blaming the Head for his losses and talking to it; he does eventually relax the schtick a bit, but only when Prince Albert literally impales the head on a spike.

The Feud So, you see, Al Snow's found a replacement for Head in the form of a very nervous-looking Chihahua called Pepper; it was meant to look weird as he would talk to Pepper and bring them to the ring (leaving them with the announce-team on occasion). I don't see the issue really, I talk to my Dog all the time and to be honest I'd take my Dog to wrestling shows if I could get away with it.

So get this, Al has this match with Big Bossman at Summerslam 99 and Al leaves Pepper in their box by the stage. Bossman kicks off and throws this cage about (people proper kicked off about this so JR had to remind everyone that the Dog had been taken out of the box prior to Bossman throwing it the fuck about).

Now you see Bossman lost that match and, in retaliation, took Pepper hostage. Bossman said he would give Pepper back in exchange for a Title-Shot at the Hardcore Championship, which Al Snow granted. Problem is, Bossman was a cad and a blaggard and failed to return Pepper upon losing this match. It was ok though, Al Snow was promised that he would get Pepper back if he was to meet Bossman at his Hotel Room the following Thursday (which actually was Tuesday as they used to tape Smackdown on Tuesdays).

Now I don't think the dirt-sheets or Wrestling bloggers ever REALLY appreciate how odd the interaction was when Al Snow turned up to the Bossman's Hotel room with every intention of getting his beloved Dog Pepper back.

So get this, they're in the Hotel and Bossman is struggling to convince Al Snow the Dog is safe (spoiler for the next paragraph, Pepper may not be safe) so tries to put Al Snow at ease by making him sit at an awkwardly small dining table in a hotel room that was clearly not built to have a dining table in it. Al Snow isn't hungry, but Bossman insists that Al Snow eats the food so he can "do the right thing".

As we are still a decade off decent HD Television when this was filmed, the image doesn't do the scene justice; Bossman is clearly serving Al Snow a bowl of Brown slop that I can only liken to the cheapest and nastiest cornershop tinned Curry, the kind where they don't even tell you what kind of curry it is and they are even more elusive about what meat is in there.

Against his will, Al Snow eats the food, which Bossman is adamant was made by the "Best Chefs in Massachusetts". They talk about the quality of the food a bit more, until Bossman lets slip and advises that Al doesn't get one of them paws stuck in his teeth. The Atmosphere becomes tense, Bossman cannot hold himself any longer and confirms that the food (whatever this food actually is) is 100% Grade-A PEPPER. THAT'S RIGHT, BOSSMAN JUST FED AL SNOW HIS OWN DOG. Apparently this story was heavily influenced by an alleged real-life incident where Mr Fuji served someone their Dog. Clearly distraught by this news, Al Snow seeks to break down in the corner. Cheesey acting aside, Al Snow's Ass was too rotund for the chair he was in and got stuck, SO HE TAKES IT WITH HIM AS HE BREAKS DOWN IN THE CORNER. Bossman, clearly being wanting capitalise on how much of a bad man he is, proceeds to throw the food onto the bed and drive Al's head into the slop (I can't even call it food anymore, it just looked like straight up Melted poop), before beating him with his signature nightstick.

Obviously this is super-edgy shit going on, and with such an emotionally charged and deplorable feud it is not unreasonable to suggest that the WWF addresses these grievances in the only way they knew how at a time. GIMMICK MATCH AT THE NEXT PAY PER VIEW BOIIIIII. Now you see, the feud centred around a Dog. There's only one way to fix this lads.

KENNEL. FROM. HELL.

But what is a Kennel from Hell?

So picture this, it's essentially a HellInACell match, but inside the cell there is another cage. They were quick to gloss over the use of the HellInACell Structure, probably because it was a midcard match on one of their lesser ppv's the gimmick still had some integrity up until 2009 (when it became a year occurrence and all the matches became equally shit). Obviously they couldn't suspend both the Steel Cage AND the Cell from the top of the arena, so the inner-cage was that god-awful Blue cage that resembled an easy-assemble Jungle Gym and was put up in 4 easily-detachable panels.

So you've got the wrestlers trapped in a cage, prohibiting them from immediately using the space between the ring and the cell; the booking team then came up with the most appropriate use of this under-utilised space.

Dogs Yep, the ring was to be surrounded by ferocious Rottweilers. They say never to work with Children or Animals, but surely it would be different this time right?

How it actually panned out WWF PPV's were still being refined at this point, therefore we were treated to exclusive footage of the ring-crew putting together the cage prior to the match.

Whilst it was generally accepted that Dogs would be involved somewhere in the match, it was never explained and therefore fans were not overly clear as to the role the Dogs would play, or what was even required to win.

Thankfully we had JR and Jerry "The King" Lawler as announcers, who were well-versed in the art of making bad situations sound a lot better than they actually were.

So the match started and people began wondering where the Dogs were. It wasn't until about 5 minutes in that we saw the Dogs being escorted in, each with their own individual handler. Nothing says "these dogs are dangerous" than each dog having a handler whose specific job is to ensure the Dogs don't harm anyone.

It turns out the Dogs were not obedience trained, hold that thought as it extends into the rest of the match.

It turns out, despite the ludicrous nature of the gimmick, Al Snow had a very strict vision of how this would play out. Knowing that Dogs are inherently unreliable unless properly trained, in the weeks building up to the event Al insisted on all the Dogs coming from the same location under the same instructor.

The logic was sound, as it meant a serious of 7-8 dogs could be handled by 1 or 2 personel outside of the cell itself; unfortunately Al arrived to the arena, only to find each Dog requires their own handler as only one has any degree of obedience training. They couldn't NOT use the Dogs, but the Dogs couldn't be worked with and therefore both Al and Bossman had to do all they could to draw attention away from the Dogs.

Not only was it not safe to work with the Dogs, it turned out the Dogs weren't even fit to be on TV. Throughout the match the Dogs proceeded to defecate and mate with eachother around the ring, despite the best efforts of the handlers to portray them as some sort of threat. On every level possible the dogs couldn't be worked with, leaving Bossman and Al to brave their way through this match with as little interaction with the Dogs as possible I remember people talkin about this match in school as if it was the edgiest shit ever; I didn't have Sky Sports back then so had to take their word for it, but it's safe to say that I was lied to on this one.

This match went largely unmentioned for quite some time. To date nobody really makes reference to this part of the Attitude Era, instead desperately focusing attention of the bits they want to remember (Steve Austin, DX, The Rock etc).

Problem is, Mick Foley took particular aim at this match, ripping the living shit into it most chances he got, resurrecting the memories of this match to a whole new generation of fans.

Bossman had unfortunately passed on since this event, leaving Al Snow as the unfortunate heir to this utter poop-show. Fairplay to Al however, he is perfectly open about the match and the inner-workings of the match.

Moral to the Story: Dogs to not belong in wrestling matches.

Pepe Mcmichael

Chihahua Original Member of the Nitro Announce team Best friend of Steve "Mongo" McMichael - as a result of this it makes him the only Dog to be a member of the Four Horsemen Often was dressed up in adorable outfights like this lovely Sailor's Suit.

Other note worthy outfits include Dracula, Ice cube, Vampire and Cowboy.

Was apparently very well-treated, riding in the Limousine with Steve, flying First-class and being given lots of food on the sly when dining in fancy restaurants. What else would you expect for a member of the Four horsemen!?

Matilda British Bulldog Beloved Mascot of the British Bulldogs and Davey Boy Smith (who went on to be known as "The British Bulldog") So what better way to reinforce the gimmick of being British Bulldogs than actually having a British Bulldog accompany you to the ring? Yep, that's where Matilda comes in and she played her role perfectly. It made sense I guess, Jake had his Snake, Koko. B. Ware had his Parrot, it was the 80's and everything in wrestling was ludicrous anyway.

Both Davey Boy Smith and Dynamite Kid found their stride in Stampede Wrestling. Davey Boy Smith was the larger of the two and fitted in with Vince's idea of a muscular physique (aka juiced up to the gills on steroids), whilst Dynamite Kid found his fame through his legendary matches with Tiger Mask in Japan (also, he was on steroids, fuck it, it was the 80's, everyone was on steroids). Looks and wrestling ability aside, they needed something to make them more than just British dudes, so they got a Dog.

She used to come to the ring with them, sitting on her own little ringside podium during matches. The Bulldogs would take her everywhere and she used to stay with them too; she even had her own merchandise, as well as her own write-in campaign (I can only assume she got sick, unfortunately I couldn't find the exact point when the below image came about on WWF TV).

Of course it wasn't always sunshine and rainbows being Matilda; apparently there were numerous occasions where people would deliberately not take her outside the arena to do her business, meaning she would blast piss everywhere when she was carried into the ring. There was also an instance where Jake the Snake fed her chilli and hotdogs as revenge for an earlier prank the Bulldogs played on Jake; the end result being Matilda blasting shit all across their hotel room.

She was also kidnapped as part of a storyline, where Bobby "The Brain" Heenan took exception to Matilda running after him in the ring, in turn convincing The Islanders (Haku and Tama) to kidnap Matilda. She eventually gets returned safe and sound, chasing Bobby Heenan out the arena at Wrestlemania 4 She even has pinfall victories to her name, with the Bulldogs frequently allowing Matilda to get the pin over jobbers (it's fine, jobbers succumbed to far worse back in those days).

The Bulldogs split up eventually; The Dynamite Kid went back to Japan and somewhat fell from grace, whilst Davey Boy Smith trademarked his name and became The British Bulldog full-time.

Of course Matilda still came around for odd appearances, but she was an old-lady by this point

Chloe wilson Maltese Best friend of Torrie Wilson

She had her own action figure (I shit you not) She even had her own profile on profile on wwe.com Her finisher was the "stink Face" by the way, as torrie would often rub Chloe’s Bum into the face of opponenents. unecessary victim of the era when wwe insisted on calling women "bitch" and Breasts "puppies" used to run into the ring to interrupt matches -100% good girl

She also appears in the following video games wwe smackdown vs, Raw 2007 and 2008 beating Fifi by one game in turn making her the dog with the most appearances in any wrestling video game no she is not a playable character you can’t just bodyslam a dog like that

FiFi Poodle Renee Dupree’s Manager WWE trading cards officially acknowledge Fifi as renee’s Manager too so this is not up for debate.

One of two dogs ever to appear in a WWE video game (wwe Day of reckoning 2) Changed colour on occasion sometimes white, sometimes black, raising questions that fifi was not actually the same dog and was just whatever poodle they could hire in whatever city they were in

pharaoh

Siberian Husky Cody Rhodes' best friend unofficial Member of The Elite raised $10,000 dollars for charity quoted Benjamin Disraeli when trying to force cody to bring him to starrcast convention one year got super bamboozled with all the fireworks and the crowd cheering him at AEW All out 2019. someone got fired over that I think

The dog poo match Yep, you’ve read that right. A dog poo match. The premise of this match is to drive your opponent into a plate of dog poo.

You see, The British Bulldog had a brief feud with the rock which culminated at a match at unforgiven 1999 I believe (the same PPV as the kennel from Hell match may i add).

To heighten the tension on monday night raw they came up with this nugget of creative gold. Look at Earl Hebner in the background holding his nose.

Why would you need a referee anyway? there’s no pinfall, no submissions No disqualifications (I think) just slamming into poop like.... what if you just threw the platter of dog poo at the opponent? would that result in a DQ? Is the the hill the ref dies on?

What if you elbow-dropped them from the top rope but they moved and you fell into the poo would that count?you could say yes but when you think about table matches people have fallen through tables purely in error and did not lose as a result or get eliminated so I’m inclined to say no

Imagine the meeting where a writer hurled that out there Listening attentively to Vince Mcmahon as he throws his two cents into the meeting suddenly... a lightbulb turns on the writer scrawls “dog poo” on his pad circling it vigorously before slamming his pen and telling people “i’ve got it” “i’ve got an idea to push this feud forward” the team hears him out and tired from writing weeks’ worth of Television and wanting to go home they go “fuck it, ok, let’s go with that” Imagine being the ring-crew made to source a plate of dog poop was it all from one dog? did they get it from multiple dogs on the day?

Did they get bored and just tell everyone to collect their shit?

Where did they keep this po0-platter before the match? did someone specifically have to look after it with a note that says “please don’t touch this” “for it is poo” “and part of tonight’s Main event” Imagine the feelings going through The British Bulldog’s head on the night he’s getting in the ring with a rising star He’s got a second run at the big-time and this is the build-up he gets to one of the few title shots he will ever receive I bet you won’t see this in any highlight package for the Rock on the wwe network either

A movie about a wrestling dog So we've got wrestlers who had Dogs as Mascots, Matches centred around Dogs, Dogs that have got directly involved in matches. A Dog that wrestles humans though? SIGN ME UP SON

So what is this film I speak of?

RUSSELL MADNESS OF COURSE. You can tell they tried for Russell Mania and didn't quite get it cleared, even the logo for the film looks like bootleg wrestlemania merchandise. You won't be surprised to hear it's produced by Air Bud Entertainment, the same studio behind the various Air Bud films and Air Buddies movies. I'm surprised they didn't carry on with the Air Bud Franchise, imagine if they carried it on with Air Bud 6: Paws Count Anywhere (or "Ruff and Tumble", "On the Mat", the list of Dog puns are endless)? Ah well, one can dream.

So anyway, the film starts with Russell, who pisses on the first child that holds him, only to spend the remainder of the scene wondering why every other pup was picked other than him. At the same time, a family returns to an inherited theatre (where there's an already set-up ring with 4 ropes). The Dad wants to "flip it", but the rest think that running a family wrestling business will bring them all together (Wrestling actually being beneficial to stable marriages and relationships, damn). It turns out their Grandad's will dictates they need to make the business profitable in 1 year before they can sell it, an odd stipulation I guess but I suppose it's plausible given the amount of authority figures we've seen bet their job on the outcome of a match.

Now, because Russell cannot stop peeing on people (including a Pet Shop Clerk who looks like Bubba Ray Dudley, we'll call him Petsmart Dudley), he has to flee and gets in a row with an actual British Bulldog (who is not Matilda by the way). When fleeing the Dog, he ends up in the ring with a wrestler who he now has to defeat; Russell goes on to pee on this wrestler too, before putting him in a choke hold.

After choking this wrestler unconscious, the family clearly think "hey, this is the kind of dog we want in our home" and adopt him.

Choking a man half to death seems to have made the Dog a wrestling sensation, it's at this point the monkey (which can talk to Humans by the way) confirms he is the Dog's Manager.

We then see him pit his strengths against a Mummy (who looks a lot like Yeti from WCW tbh), who the family get really worried about because this wrestler is is legit-slamming their dog. Clearly they did not foresee this as a direct result of them pitting a small dog against a 200+ pound man.

It's ok though, as Russell spins around the opponent, untangling his bandages and making him dizzy as heck, getting the pinfall.

Due to some bizarre fuckery where the venue is deemed unsafe (but putting a Dog in harm's way is perfectly ok), they are left with choice but to sell out to Mick Vaughn, the bad guy of this film (and also Hamm from Toy Story Cliff from Cheers).

Russell and his trusty Monkey go about on a nationwide tour as a result, defeating every enemy without them getting even an ounce of offence in; this is ideal I guess, as even the slightest bit of offence to this dog would enough to send it straight to the Vet.

no /

be

Russell is then faced with his ultimate foe: THE HAMMER. aka. Jonny Nitro / John Morrison / Johnny Impact / Johnny Mundo.

He proceeds to declare he will pound Russell into the ground, seemingly ignoring that he is a dog that is significantly smaller than him.

I want to highlight as well that they are now wrestling for WRESTLERS UNITED FEDERATION.... or WUF (the film is about a dog, woof, get it?)

So using some dirty tactics, Johnny sounds a dog whistle that puts Russell to sleep, before delivering a Starship Pain to the Dog (a corkscrew moonsault essentially).

It then turns out that every Dog that Russell faced had been paid to lose, which enrages the family to their core as they deny any knowledge of sending their Dog into anything other than a legitimate shoot-fight with a 255Ibs Man. These are meant to be the good-guys too.

In a weird turn of events they agree to put the Dog (and the arena) on the line in a tag-team match between Russell and the youngest son vs. two fully grown men, weight of the child and the dog probably being less than half the weight of one of the other wrestlers on their own. By some weird series of events, not only does Russell win the match, but they end up with the Tag-Team Titles in the process, despite these titles never actually being on the line.

What I learned from this situation is that, in some weird turn of events, the family that sends a Jack Russell out to shoot-fights with fully grown men are somehow the good guys. Also, imagine having to be in the crowd for this, I bet they didn't even get to see any actual wrestling.

Side note: remember the Singh Brothers? The ones that followed Jinder Mahal around like a bad smell when he was the worst champion ever? They're in this too.

Weaponised dog

unknown breed fan’s dog that was brought to the show ring Debut: Tier 1 Wrestlings “1 Year Later” show Indy Wrestler Jgeorge took the dog, proceeded to use said dog as a foreign object, hitting his opponent from the top rope with the dog.

I call the move the “Double Dog-Handle Smash” THe dog was fine and ejected from ringside for being a foreign object.

The things people do on the Indies to get noticed eh?

Lula Rescue dog Sean WAltman’s Best Friend / Emotional Support dog She did not have the best upbringing thus the waggy tongue. but sean doesn’t care and takes her everywhere with him

She’s been spotted at the WWE Hall of Fame ceremonies and At NXT Takeover: WArgames where she was shown on the big-screens she only made it to the behind-the-scene video of the raw 25th anniversary, rather than the actual show. which is an injustice.

The dogs that attacked sting in wcw So be mindful that when this came out, WCW was on the losing side of a battle with the WWF, and they straight-up pulled every rabbit out of the hat just to stay relevant at this point.

By this point we had seen Kevin Nash and Scott Hall wrestle Adult Film Stars, Vampiro teaming up with the Misfits, the kiss demon, and all manner of swerves, double-swerves and fuckery that they threw at viewers in the hope it would garner some sort of attention.

So picture this, Great American Bash 1999 Sting vs. Rick Steiner Falls count anywhere match Sting arrives to the ring with wet hair and full-makeup which fades over time they proceed to disappear to the backstage which the crowd couldn’t see as there were no screens showing the action to them meaning they pretty much had to spend 10-15 minutes twiddling their thumbs until the match ended Looking back at this scene It was most probably pre-taped for the PPV This was only highlighted further by the fact that throughout all the “live” backstage action Sting had freshened makeup and dry, fluffy hair Unless he got blasted by fan-heaters the moment he went through curtain it was probably taped

so theyre backstage doing their brawly bits and ever so conveniently Tank abbott appears yep, you know the one the former ufc heavyweight the one that was three-count’s biggest fan Yep, that guy he tries to choke sting with a towel that conveniently ends up wrapped around sting’s arm and hand but oh no! scott and rick steiner appear with vicious dogs! who start to bite sting only they’re not really biting a lycra singlet and kneepads would get torn through by such dogs in a matter of seconds if the dogs wanted to draw blood in fact whilst one was playfully biting sting’s hand which he has to sell as the worst pain ever the other was trying to hug him occasionally nibbling at his kneepad Sting subsequently disappears with rick and scott returning to the ring declaring themselves winners the crowd hated every single bit of this and a rick steiner promo wasn’t the right apology for being made to sit idle for 10 minutes unsure of what was going on and not wanting to go to the bar in case some action happened which it probably wouldn’t as this was wcw afterall

“The loser eats dogfood” match

so despite Baron corbin losing cleanly to Roman reigns at the Royal Rumble in a falls-count-anywhere match, Baron Corbin was still a bit annoyed and hit roman reigns with a tin of dogfood on smackdown (you know, because Roman Reigns was the “big dawg” and hitting him with a squeeky bone doesn’t have the same affect)

To make amends The Uso’s and roman reigns team together to take on Dolph Ziggler, Baron Corbin and Robert Roode in the main event of Smackdown.

One added stipulation though “THe loser has to eat dog food” this match is officially a “loser eats dogfood match” what a time to be alive a true throwback to the day of the “Judy Bagwell on a forklift match” or “Loser gets a stinkface match” Given the picture you won’t be surprised that baron corbin did not win and was subsequently doused in dog food which is a bit mean really as the match clearly stipulated that he had to eat the dogfood not have it smeared over him whilst they pose for photographs just look at the remorse on baron Corbin’s face

The Yellow Dogs’s Labrador Yes I get it both of them are yellow Dogs I don’t care about the Brian Pillman Yellow Dog I’m taling the dog he took to the ring at 1991 Great American Bash Billed as “Man’s Best Friend” Little is known about this dog other than they looked lovely

Dogs that deserve a mention but there wasn't enough space for them Cocolo Minature Daschund who became the 694th ddt pro ironman heavyweight champion. due to a ladder falling on the champion, the title was held briefly by the ladder. The ladder fell over in a breeze, causing cocolo to pin the ladder and win the title.

Lucy Mcmahon-Helmsley a bulldog cross who only ever appeared in maybe one or two segments on raw, in the words of Stephanie mcmahon " the ugliest, smelliest, fattest dog I’ve ever seen in my life … you’re not even like a dog, you’re like a pig, farting all the time, snorting all the time" . poor thing.

Dog ziggler remember when Lana / Rusev / Summer Rae / Dolph ziggler had a fatal 4-way of love? nope, neither did i anyway, rusev buys summer Rae a dog, who he names "Dog ziggler" as he was "ugly, skinny-legged, pisses himself and is neutered" - the poor dog just got caught in the middle of it all.

The Big Dawg - Not actually a Dog, but a man in a Dog costume that Baron Corbin hired to make fun of Roman Reign’s terrible schtick. asparagus the wonder dog Daniel Bryan's wonderful labrador (RIP) THe Sharpei that hangs out backstage during wXW Shotgun and often distracts me from what is happening in the scene

Woof