THE ART OF NOT PAYING ATTENTION

Rachel Grant

In the span of one week, five different people asked if I had watched the Michael Jackson documentary and Oprah follow up. Each one of them were somewhat shocked when I replied, “Nope, my off hours are ‘abuse free’ zones.”

For some, I could sense the follow up questions. “What! Didn’t this happen to you? I would think you’d be interested then! Don’t you care about these men’s’ stories?”

When Jocelyn emailed to share what watching the documentary had prompted in her, I agreed to share more about why I chose not to watch it.

When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I was desperate to heal. I devoured books and movies and articles and radio shows (pre-podcast days!) that had anything to do with trauma. I needed to hear the stories of others who had been abused to help me connect the dots of own story, to feel like I wasn’t out of my damn mind, to get little jolts of hope and courage to keep me going. And for sure, even though I didn’t know it, I was experiencing triggering and activation at the same time. But at the time, the benefits of not feeling so alone in my pain far outweighed the costs to my nervous system.

As my life journey evolved, and the title “Sexual Abuse Recovery Coach” was appended to my name, my relationship to these stories shifted. I began listening through the lens of does this confirm or challenge what I now know and have experienced. Does this add a layer of perspective or understanding, does this give me an additional way of speaking about trauma that might land well with my clients? Stories became more about research and data rather than my own healing. At the same time, I noticed that the level at which I would feel triggered had declined exponentially, so in a way, this viewing began to confirm the reality of my growth and healing as well.

As my confidence grew, and I became more established in trusting in my process and program, I noticed that my interest in these sorts of resources waned.

As my hours during the week became focused on holding space for the wounds of my clients, I became less willing to hold space for stories that came to me through the screen. For me, the gift of presence I give to my clients is bolstered by creating spaces for myself that are trauma free.

About The Author

Rachel Grant, Sexual Abuse Recovery Coach

Rachel is the owner and founder of Rachel Grant Coaching and is a Sexual Abuse Recovery Coach. Rachel holds a Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology and is the author of Beyond Surviving: The Final Stage in Recovery from Sexual Abuse and Overcome the Fear of Abandonment. You can download both free on her website.

She works with survivors of childhood sexual abuse to help them let go of the pain of abuse and finally feel normal.

Her program, Beyond Surviving, is specifically designed to change the way we think about and heal from abuse. she has successfully used this program to help her clients break free from the past and move on with their lives.

Reach Rachel here or on Facebook