WFJ Chapter 2: Authenticity

Chapter 2

Authenticity Feeling whole and being genuine

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About Authenticity When you checked in the last few days, chances are that sometimes it was easy to feel a wave of relaxation.

Other times, forget it! There was NO WAY that you could relax. That’s because of the impact of stress on the brain.

Stress & the Brain The brain does its ongoing job of figuring out how likely we are to be eaten by a lion. There aren’t a lot of lions around these days, but the brain takes any kind of stress – such as not getting enough sleep, remembering hurts from the past, or eating sugary, fatty foods – and considers them threats to our survival. It takes them seriously.

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The top part of the brain, the neocortex, is very slow in responding to stress. The middle part, the mammalian brain, is a little faster, and the lower part, the reptilian brain is the quickest to respond. Think of how fast a snake lashes out!

The more stress the brain perceives the more it puts a faster part of the brain in charge. When that lion is on the run, split seconds matter! So throughout the day, the brain figures out how threatened we are and puts different parts of the brain in charge of guiding our responses.

When the lower parts of the brain are in charge, we experience extremes of emotions, thoughts and behaviors. It’s not just some people who experience those extremes. It’s everyone.

There are five different areas of the brain that can be in charge, based on our level of stress. Each area is associated with a brain state, and in EBT there are 5 of them.

It only makes sense. If a vastly different part of the brain is in charge, then in each brain state, our emotions, thoughts, and behaviors would be very different.

Knowing what brain state you’re in is extremely useful. First, that takes away a lot of self-judgment.

When the reptilian brain is in charge, nobody is nice!

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Everyone is extreme. That’s how powerful the stress hormones can be. Second, in each brain state, our emotions, thoughts and behaviors would be very different.

In each brain state, there is a different pathway from that level of stress back to feeling balanced and great.

There is one tool for each of the 5 brain states. If you know your brain state, then you can choose to use the tool that switches the brain away from stress most easily and quickly. Each brain state links to a different area of the brain, and each tool provides a quick and easy route from that brain state’s corresponding stress back to joy.

In this chapter, you will add to your Check In the skill of identifying your brain state. It takes a while to figure them out. Right now, just have fun with this. Take a guess at which brain state you’re in and, over time, all this will become clearer to you. Don’t overanalyze. Be curious and relax into it! Practice until you find the way that works for you to figure out your brain state.

Where does authenticity fit in? When the brain is in stress, we naturally go to extremes, and this impacts how we see ourselves and others. We “split” and think of ourselves as all good or all bad. We cannot be “whole” as that “splitting” robs us of seeing 36

ourselves accurately. Being all good or all bad blocks our sense of being genuine. It’s a pain to be too good.

What a burden and pressure. It’s stressful to see ourselves as all bad.

What do we do about it? It helps to warmly observe yourself, and just see yourself splitting.

Oh, I get it. I’m in stress. I see myself as all good and my spouse is all bad. I must be splitting. Oh well, I can see that!

My boss is the worst person on Earth. That is extreme. I know I feel that way. I’m going to observe myself with compassion. Yes, I’m in stress. I’m going to extremes.

You can also try to balance out the extremes in another way: bringing to mind a reasonable expectation.

I think I am a bad person. I’m not good enough, but that’s stress. I don’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.

I see myself as better than everybody, but the truth is that I have some faults, too. I have good and bad in me, just like they do.

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Let’s take a look at the 5 brain states, and the characteristics of each. In time you’ll find your own “thumbprint” of signs that indicate your brain state.

Some people can see brain states in others more easily than they can see them in themselves. They benefit greatly from working in a group.

For now, let’s check out the various characteristics . . .

Check In 1. Deep Breaths Breathe into your belly, relaxing more with each exhale.

2. Body at 1: Shoulders back, chin up, a slight smile. Give your brain the message that you are in a state of wellbeing. (This is also called Body in Joy.) 3. Warmly Observe Yourself See yourself just as you are, with acceptance and without judgment.

4. Ask yourself, “What Number Am I?” There are 5 states. You check your emotional state — your brain state — on a 5-point scale. Have fun with this!

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The 5 Brain States 1 Feeling Great!

2 Feeling Good (“OK”) 3 A Little Stressed!

4 Definitely Stressed 5 Stressed Out! 5. Accept Your State.

Last, accept your state. Feel the calming impact of acceptance. Just be aware of your emotional state, really see yourself in the present moment.

Feel compassion for yourself and say to yourself something kind, such as:

For who I am right now, being in Brain State 4 is about right!

Oh, I’m at Brain State 3. I can accept that being this tired makes me a little stressed.

WE’RE HERE FOR YOU 24-hours per day Visit ebt.org Log in to the EBT Internet Community Click on the Instant Connection Be guided through the tools.

On the run? Call 1-877-765-4JOY to Check In 39

Brain State 1: Feeling Great!

In General:

Feel Great!

Body Feel: Aware Present Glow Best Bet to Identify: Peaceful Compassionate Complete

What’s Great Breaks Stress Circuits about this State: Strengthens Joy Circuits Decreases Cravings Optimal for Health

Brain State 2: Feeling Good In General:

Feel Good (“OK”)

Body Feel: Balanced Present Not Rewarded Best Bet to Identify: Aware of Feelings Emotions are Balanced

Highly Functional Not Inspired What’s Great about this State:

Strengthens Joy Circuits Easy to Maintain 40

Brain State 3: A Little Stressed In General:

A Little Stressed

Body Feel:

Slightly Numb or A Little on Edge

Best Bet to Identify: Irritable Numb A Little Negative Somewhat Anxious Thinking Too Much What’s Great At the Tipping Point about this State: Using the Tools Now Prevents Overreaction Somewhat Functional

Brain State 4: Definitely Stressed In General:

Definitely Stressed

Body Feel: Emotions Ramped Up

Feelings May Shut Down

Tension or Fatigue Body Pain

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Best Bet to Identify: Distancing from Others Merging with Others Too Harsh Inner Voice Too Easy Inner Voice

Intense Negative Feelings What’s Great Most Effective State for about this State: Rewiring Stress Circuits Moving Up this State

Trains the Brain for Hope and Power

Brain State 5: Stressed Out! In General:

Stressed Out!

Body Feel: Body Hurts No Body Awareness Best Bet to Identify: Overwhelmed Lost Confused Strong Cravings Time Warp What’s Great about this State:

Use of the Tools Can Rewire Deep Hurts

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Emotional Evolution: Essence In the same way that the 1st stage of emotional evolution is based on the core circuit of existence, the second core circuit is based on essence.

During stressful experiences, the cascade of stress hormones creates extremes of thoughts, emotions and behavior. That’s a survival response.

In that moment of stress, the false generalization that is encoded is: I am bad.

These expectations aren’t always conscious; however, that background noise impacts our joy, as well as health, happiness and productivity. Related circuits (such as other people are bad or life is bad) don’t help us either.

To rewire it, you can do another Grind In. First state the reasonable expectation, then the essential pain, the reality you must face to accept that new expectation, and finally the earned reward you will receive for accepting it. Do this often, even 10 times per day, if you find it helpful.

Core Expectation: I am not bad.

Essential Pain: I am not perfect.

Earned Reward: Authenticity 43

I distance from other people and stay home a lot.

When I’m stressed, I feel powerless. I feel like I have nothing to offer. The Grind In: I am not bad rings true.

I’m not perfect also rings true.. The reward? Feeling whole and feeling safer embracing all of me.

I thought I wasn’t supposed to have a dark side.

Admitting that I am not great, but just not bad and not perfect either makes me more humble and better able to relax.

Brain Fitness Exercise Exercising for brain fitness is so motivating. Imagine those new neurons latching onto the wires in your brain, strengthening those circuits and filling in where the natural dying off of brain cells has occurred.

Consider checking in before and after exercise to see how it changes your brain state.

Joy Foods Food is the new medicine. Brain fitness is enhanced by consuming foods that ease stress, balance mood, decrease insulin, inflammation and cravings.

In EBT we group foods into two categories: Foods that promote brain fitness, ease stress, reduce cravings and balance neurotransmitters and those that don’t.

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The Joy Foods are the effective foods, including fruit, vegetables, healthy fats and lean meat, fish, poultry and eggs. The Stress Foods are the rest, sugary, fatty foods, grains, milk and beans. We are not biologically equipped to digest foods that were not known and consumed 1 million years ago, and there is increasing evidence that a diet that is based mainly on Joy Foods can have important benefits to health.

Consider a slow transition to eating more of these foods. In this chapter consider which fruits you enjoy, and bring more of them into your food environment.

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Fruits Apples

Cranberries

Apricots

Cherries

Bananas

Grapefruit

Blackberries

Grapes

Blueberries

Guavas

Cantaloupe

Figs

Honeydew melon

Persimmons

Kiwis

Pineapples

Lemons

Pomegranates

Limes

Plums

Mangoes

Prunes

Melons

Raisins

Nectarines

Raspberries

Oranges

Strawberries

Papayas

Tangelos

Peaches

Tangerines

Pears

Watermelon

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Connection Have you found someone to connect with? Sharing these tools is a way to bring joy to others. If you haven’t found a person to connect with, consider checking out the New Connections forum board on the website to find someone.

Call or text them daily, sharing how many Check Ins you did on the previous day, the number of minutes that you exercised, and if you got a Joy Point, then share it.

Website Support: www.ebt.org Check In Line: 877-765-4JOY

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My Check Ins Warmly Deep Body Observed Breaths at 1 Myself?

What Number Am I?

Accepted My State?

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My Progress Check-Ins 1

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Exercise 30 45 60 Joy Foods?

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Today’s Connection was with _____________

Biggest Accomplishment Today: ____________________________

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My Check Ins Warmly Deep Body Observed Breaths at 1 Myself?

What Number Am I?

Accepted My State?

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My Progress Check-Ins 1

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Exercise 30 45 60 Joy Foods?

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Today’s Connection was with _____________

Biggest Accomplishment Today: ____________________________

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My Check Ins Warmly Deep Body Observed Breaths at 1 Myself?

What Number Am I?

Accepted My State?

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My Progress Check-Ins 1

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Exercise 30 45 60 Joy Foods?

YES

Today’s Connection was with _____________

Biggest Accomplishment Today: ____________________________

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My Check Ins Warmly Deep Body Observed Breaths at 1 Myself?

What Number Am I?

Accepted My State?

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1 2 3 4 5 YES

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My Progress Check-Ins 1

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Exercise 30 45 60 Joy Foods?

YES

Today’s Connection was with _____________

Biggest Accomplishment Today: ____________________________

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My Check Ins Warmly Deep Body Observed Breaths at 1 Myself?

What Number Am I?

Accepted My State?

n

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1 2 3 4 5 YES

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1 2 3 YES 4 5

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1 2 3 4 5 n YES

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My Progress Check-Ins 1

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Joy Points 1

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Grind Ins?

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Exercise 30 45 60 Joy Foods?

YES

Today’s Connection was with _____________

Biggest Accomplishment Today: ____________________________

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