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Day 4 Personal Power: The Zero Tolerance Tool Starting with this 4th day of Authenticity, boost your stress resilience with some advanced EBT skills so that by the conclusion of this part of the course, you can easily see yourself as a whole and be genuine.

The first of these skills is the Zero Tolerance Tool. We can’t be at One unless we set limits for ourselves and others. Decide on some of the limits you will set — the responses in you and others for which you have “zero tolerance.”

Avoiding them is not a problem when we are in a high brain state, but we NEED to go to 5, and life delivers enough surprises, upsets, and challenges that we WILL go to 5. At that state, we don’t have the brain function to set limits. This tool gives us a pathway to say “no” even when we are at Brain State 5.

Whatever people, places, things, or actions you will not tolerate, put them on the list. Here are some examples:

Examples of Zero Tolerance ■ ■ ■

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I will not let my mother verbally abuse me.

I will not tolerate me being a bigot.

I will not travel to dangerous places.

Authenticity

■

■ ■ ■ ■

I will not put excessive chemicals (recreational/prescription drugs) into my body.

I will not have sex when I do not want it.

I will not cultivate friendships with destructive people.

I will not allow other people to treat me with disrespect.

I will not let others abuse me.

Create your Zero Tolerance list and memorize it. State it repeatedly. Post the list on your app, on notes on your desk, or in memos on your phone.

Remind yourself, “That’s on my Zero Tolerance List. I don’t do that!”

Keep it to three items, as the primary way of changing behavior in EBT is spiraling up to purpose. Reserve for this list of people, places, things, or actions you simply will not tolerate, no matter what!

My Zero Tolerance List 1. _______________________________________________ 2. _______________________________________________ 3. _______________________________________________

What if you need to communicate with others about something on your list? Use a more complete form of the EBT Sandwich that enables you to up the muscle and apply more power within three levels. The general rule is to use the lowest level of power you need, but if that is not enough to feel listened to, consider upping the muscle. Be loving but communicate in ways that people can hear.

Day 4: Personal Power: The Zero Tolerance Tool

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The EBT Sandwich Honest Empathy I appreciate that… I care that… I understand that…

Clear Message Level 1: I feel… I need… Would you please…

Level 2: I really feel… I really need… Would you please…

Level 3: I really feel… I really need… Would you please… and if you do not, then I will…

Honest Empathy I appreciate that… I care that… I understand that…

My Zero Tolerance is watching my husband get drunk at night. I pretend that it is fine, and I tell myself that he is not drinking too much. I gave him an EBT Sandwich at level 1. I said, “I appreciate that you do not think you drink too much, but in the evenings, when we are together, and you have been drinking, I feel lonely. I need you to know that your drinking is affecting me. Would you please tell me if my being lonely matters to you? I love you and want to connect with you.” He said it mattered, and he would not drink except on Friday nights, and then he drank the next night. I waited until the next day and gave him a level 2 EBT Sandwich, telling him that it really mattered to me, and I really needed to not be in the room with him when he was drinking.

That lasted two nights. Then I gave him a level 3 EBT Sandwich and said that if he is drinking in the future, I will be going into the study or going out but would not sit with him. I feel safer now as I know my limits.

My Zero Tolerance is my sister, who has a serious mental illness and often calls me, and, in the past, I have disrupted my entire family life to help her. She called, and I gave her an EBT Sandwich that was loving but clear. I used level 3. I told her that I could not help her and that if she called, I would not take her call. She has called three times since, and I did not pick up the phone. I have tried rescuing her, and so have my mother and aunt. My life is sacred, and rescuing her doesn’t help her or me.

Use the Zero Tolerance Tool once and record what you did.

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Authenticity

EB

The Zero Tolerance Tool I will no longer tolerate this: To stop tolerating this, I will set limits:

WITH MYSELF

WITH OTHERS

If I set limits with others, did I use an EBT Sandwich?

YES

NO

NOT YET

If yes, which level of EBT Sandwich did I use? 1

2

If I set limits with myself, did I enforce that limit?

YES

3 NO

My most important learning from this activity:

BT

Day 4 Activities ■ Spiral Up – I spiraled up 10 times.

■ Learn – I used the Zero Tolerance Tool.

■ Connection – I made one or more Connections.

■ Reward – I identified why I did these activities: Sanctuary Authenticity Vibrancy Integrity Intimacy Spirituality Freedom Goals Met: 1

2

3

4

Good job. Collect a Joy Point!

Day 4: Personal Power: The Zero Tolerance Tool

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