Embodied - Summer 2022

Volume 1 • Number 3 • Summer 2022

LIVE LIFE NOW Love your body, embrace your family & make memories

Finally, A Better Swimsuit Retreat With Jen Messing Theology of the Old Body

Volume 1 • Number 1 • Winter 2022

Volume 1 • Number

2 • Spring 2022

Introducing

CONNOR FLANAGAN

The Rome Boys Classroom Conversions The Culture of Distraction

Catching up with

EMILY STIMPSON CHAPMAN

When God moves quickly

M AGA ZIN E’S

Volume

r 3 • Summe

r 2022

LI V E TH E LI F E CR EATIV ITYNOW ISSUE

A Message for Single Catholics The 11/29/21 9:17 AM Rock-Clim bing Seminarian Hope from Professional Organize

embodied_winter22_fnl.indd 1

1 • Numbe

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PA R I S H PA R T N E R S H I P

Love your embrace body, & make myour family emories

Finally, A Bett Retreat With er Swimsuit Jen Messing Theology of the Old Body

• Equip families to not only survive the culture, but thrive in their faith... introduce your families to theology of the body!

• Gift them with the only magazine that presents all aspects of life through the lens of St. John Paul II’s theology of the body.

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G O OD

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SUMMER 2022

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THE VIEW FROM HERE

OVERCOMING THAT ‘LESS THAN’ FEELING

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THE WHOLE STORY

THE CALL TO LOVE

A MORE ACCURATE VISION OF GOD

FROM RADICAL FEMINIST TO JOYFUL NUN

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INTO THE DEEP

WHAT QUARANTINE TAUGHT

BY CHRISTINA RIES

For 10 years, Jen Messing has been leading retreats to share the beauty of nature and theology of the body. “Our eyes are meant to be lifted up to look at mountains, trees and stars—the original cathedral that gives us a tiny glimpse of God and of heaven,” she said.

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BY CHRISTINA RIES

A semester in Rome turned into a return to the family farm when Covid-19 upended Derrick Diedrich’s plans. Looking back, God was at work.

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TOB PA R E N T CORNER

THINKING LIKE A TEEN

ORIGINAL BEAUTY

DON’T LET EVIL BITE YOU

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ON THE OTHER SIDE OF FERTILITY

OPENING UP TO WHAT LOVE REALLY IS

BY ANN GUNDLACH

BY MERRIDITH FREDIANI

Thirty-two years and eight months. That’s how long Embodied magazine Editor Ann Gundlach and her husband practiced natural family planning. “To the world, I almost feel like I should be a museum exhibit,” she quips. But rejecting contraception, they believe, strengthened their marriage bond.

Flying across the country to learn something about theology of the body was not her idea of fun, but almost immediately the insights started rocking Merridith Frediani’s thinking.

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THE THEOLOGY OF THE OLD BODY

BY JANET E. SMITH, PHD

“My mother, Anne Smith, had dementia. One way I coped was to share how I delighted in the ways her beautiful person still shown through.”

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JUMP IN!

BY KATHLEEN M. BASI

“My body is worthy of wearing things that make me feel good now,” said Deanna Johnston, 36, a Texas mom of four. Theology of the body led her to a radical selfacceptance that changed how she treats her body—and how she talks to her daughters.

ELEGANT NEW SWIMWEAR LINE MERGES STYLE AND FAITH

BY CHRISTINA RIES

Finally, a swimwear line that’s stylish and modest!

Meet the designer, Catherine Huss, a 30-year-old who created the swimsuit she couldn’t find.

SIMPLE GIFTS PHOTO ESSAY

THEOLOGY OF THE BODY: WHAT IT MEANS TO BE HUMAN

When Karol Wojtyla, the cardinal archbishop of Krakow, Poland, came to Rome in August 1978 to help elect a new pope, he brought along the lengthy handwritten manuscript of a book that he had been prayerfully crafting for nearly four years. It was almost complete, and he wished to work on it, when he could, during the conclave. Page one bore the unusual title (in Polish): “teologia ciala”—“theology of the body.” The hundreds of pages that followed held perhaps the most profound and compelling Biblical reflection on the meaning of our creation and redemption as male and female ever.

After the election of Pope John Paul I, Wojtyla returned to Krakow and completed his manuscript. Soon after that, to the astonishment of the whole world, he emerged from the second conclave of 1978 as Pope John Paul II. And his “theology of the body”—delivered as a series of Wednesday talks between September 1979 and November 1984 rather than being published as a book— became the first major teaching project of his pontificate, establishing the core of John Paul II’s great vision of what it means to be human.

Still, it took some time for people to grasp the significance of what John Paul II had given us. It wasn’t until 1999, for example, that papal biographer George Weigel described the TOB to a wide readership as “a kind of theological time bomb set to go off, with dramatic consequences....perhaps in the 21st century.”

While the pope’s vision of the body and of sexual love had “barely begun to shape the Church’s theology, preaching, and religious education,” Weigel predicted that when it did it would “compel a dramatic development of thinking about virtually every major theme in the Creed.”

From “Theology of the Body for Beginners” by Christopher West 4

Summer 2022 PUBLISHED BY Embodied Publishing info@embodiedmag.org EDITOR Ann Gundlach • ann@embodiedmag.org SENIOR EDITOR Christina Ries • christina@embodiedmag.org THEOLOGICAL ADVISOR Katrina Zeno, MTS DESIGN and PRODUCTION b graphic design • www.b-graphicdesign.com Embodied Magazine will be published four times per year. The print edition is available for $49/year and includes a digital edition. The digital subscription alone is $25/year. Single copies are available for $12.00 each plus shipping. To subscribe or order, go to www.embodiedmag.org and click Subscribe.

Quantity discounts and bulk subscriptions are available. For information email contact@embodiedmag.org.

Submitted materials become the property of Embodied Publishing and will not be returned.

Embodied is granted the right to use the materials for any purpose and in any manner. www.embodiedmag.org • 2615 Fairhill Drive Cincinnati, OH 45239

SUMMER 2022

T H E

V I E W

F R O M

H E R E

Overcoming that ‘less than’ feeling

by Ann Gundlach

I count myself among the many women who, like our cover model Deanna Johnston, have routinely fought against the pressures of the world to look a certain way, dress a certain way or have a certain size to feel validated.

In my 20s especially, insecurities nagged at me through an internal voice that always pointed out when I was around someone smarter, prettier, skinnier.

I still have moments when those insecure voices arise from deep within and tempt me to feel “less than.” Even moments born of complete innocence.

A few years ago I was babysitting my two grandsons. It was a happy time as the boys had recently learned that mommy was going to have another baby. I had just finished changing 2-year-old Simon’s diaper, and while he was still lying back on the bed I put his shoes on so we could go outside. As soon as I placed his foot on my abdomen to tie his shoe, he stopped his chattering mid-sentence, his eyes wide with confusion, and said incredulously, “Grandma! What?! Do you have a baby in there???”

In his little world, a tummy that was no longer flat meant a baby was coming, and he was trying to jive that with my somewhat pudgy middle. I mean, seriously, it was adorable and we laughed about the idea of me having a baby when all of mine were grown-ups.

But the internal pang was there: See, even Simon notices your extra weight! When are you gonna get it off?

The struggle with body image is not limited to women, either. One of my sons was a late bloomer, as they say, and struggled to maintain his confidence in high school as the other guys got increasingly bigger and stronger while he could still be easily mistaken for a middle-schooler.

One of the main reasons I am grateful to have learned about theology of the body is that the truth that I am known and loved by God—just as I am—has been infused

into me, almost like it’s become part of my DNA. I can more easily ignore the whims and capricious thoughts that spring from my often-fickle emotions. To learn TOB is very much to learn to love—not only yourself but others as well. (Be sure to see Merridith Frediani’s article on page 24.)

This was on full display for me recently in my parish school. Our school teaches a TOB curriculum, and the truth that everyone is worthy and loved just because God made them, and that they are called to be a gift, is becoming more ingrained in the students over time. The whole parish was invited to walk the hallways to see an art project that celebrated this.

Every single student and staff member (more than 1,100 people!) was invited to complete the phrase “I matter because.....”, and a black-and-white photograph was taken with them holding their response. Every photograph was then put on display, lining every hallway in the building, and it was incredible to see person after person after person celebrated. Just imagine how much more easily these children will be able to image Christ in the world as adults because they have been given a TOB foundation!

It’s now been four years since my little Simon wondered about a baby in my belly. He just completed kindergarten and was so excited to show me his “I matter because” picture. But he is also still innocently at it. Last week he and little sister Alice invited me up to the fort on top of their playset where we had a grand time hanging out, talking and laughing.

But there was that one comment under his breath: ”Wow, I sure hope we’re not over the weight limit on this thing…”

Ann Gundlach is the founder and editor of Embodied magazine and invites your comments at ann@embodiedmag.org.

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T H E

W H O L E

S T O R Y

A more accurate vision of God

by Katrina Zeno

People are often puzzled by a rather unusual decoration in my living room: a box of Total cereal. Permit me to explain.

No matter where I’m speaking in the world about God and the theology of the body, there’s a common impression of God as an old man with a long, white beard. But how does this fit with Genesis 1:27: “So God created man in his own image; in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them”? Most people don’t aspire to emulate an old man with a long, white beard.

Fortunately, St. John Paul II provides a more accurate vision of God as a Trinitarian Communion of Persons. Here’s how he describes this inner Trinitarian life in his theology of the body: “Such a ‘total gift’…is shared only by God himself in the ‘trinitarian communion of persons.’” He’s saying every person is created in the image and likeness of a Trinitarian God whose inner life is a total gift of self in love.

Hmmm…OK, but what does St. John Paul II mean by a “trinitarian communion of persons”? Is it three persons singing around a campfire or kicking a soccer ball?

These are wonderful activities that create a special kind of shared bond, but St. John Paul II is more specific: What forms the divine communion of persons is self-gift. Here’s the way I’ve found it helpful to describe the inner life of the Trinity: “The Father pours himself out in a total gift of love to the Son. The Son pours himself out in a total gift of love to the Father. And the Holy Spirit bursts forth or overflows as the fruit of their total self-giving love.”

The inner life of the Trinity is dynamic! It’s a constant giving and receiving that overflows with love. A few years ago, I was innocently sitting in a theology class when the professor used a special word to describe this Trinitarian dynamic that almost knocked me off my

chair. The word was perichoresis. Did you fall off your chair? Probably not, but I almost did because that word means “to dance around.” The inner life of the Trinity is a constant movement among the three Persons like a dance of love. This stunned me because over 20 years ago I wrote an article on Argentine tango and the theology of the body in which I compared the inner life of the Trinity to…you guessed it, dancing.

I love to dance tango because each person can express their full selves in an intricate movement of leading and following. Through this dynamic, I experience a snippet of the Trinity as my partner pours himself out in a total gift of self to me, and I respond by pouring myself out in a total gift of self to him, and the dance overflows as the fruit of our total self-giving

We are called to “dance” through life in union and communion with the inner life of the Trinity, allowing their total gift of self in love to “dance” from each of us into the world. and receiving. Through tango, I encountered the “perichoresis” of the Trinity even though I didn’t have a name for it at the time. But I do now.

And so do you. In a manner of speaking, we are called to dance through life in union and communion with the inner life of the Trinity, allowing their total gift of self in love to dance from each of us into the world. I love this much richer image of God that TOB gave me—and I keep that humble box of Total cereal in my living room to remind me and all my visitors that the inner life of the Trinity is total Love.

Katrina J. Zeno, MTS, received her master of theological studies from the Pontifical John Paul II Institute in Washington, D. C., and is currently pursuing a second master’s in theology from the Franciscan University in Steubenville, Ohio.

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T H E

C A L L

T O

L O V E

From radical feminist to joyful nun

by Father Walter Schu

Helena Burns grew up near Boston in the early 1980s, a young girl from a thriving Irish Catholic family. Though her parents did not speak a great deal about the faith, they lived by it. Helena experienced a deep sense of the sacred through them. She came to grasp that they were moved by a higher law.

Yet this living sense of the faith soon came up against the prevailing ethos at the public schools Helena attended. Her hungry, young mind innocently imbibed one aspect of that culture: radical feminism. By her teens, she came to believe the common notions that women everywhere were oppressed and masculinity was toxic. Even though Helena was surrounded by good men—her father, her brother, upright men in the neighborhood—she was seeing everything through the lens of the secular culture. She came to assume that men were interested in one thing only and that they considered all women their inferiors.

Looking back on those years, Sister Helena recalls: “I had become an angry person. I was actually more of a deist than a Christian in the inner structure of my beliefs.

I did believe in a Creator, but he was that distant watchmaker who set the universe in motion and then stepped back to watch it play out, unconcerned with us as persons.

I actually came to think this was all unfair.”

Helena found herself confronted by the existential void of her belief system. She loved animals, especially birds, and dreamed of becoming an ornithologist. Still, she pondered, what value did her dream, or anyone’s dream, really have if everything would just end someday with death?

One night at age 15, in the grip of this depression, Helena knelt at her bedside and begged God, “If you exist, please show me. Reveal to me the purpose of my life, because I’m not interested in continuing to live if I don’t know why I’m here.” Then she went to sleep.

She woke up the next morning with the sudden, unexpected conviction that everything the faith taught was true. “I suddenly knew that God did exist and He loved me,” she said. “There was a heaven and God was there waiting for me with love. In fact, God was more excited about me making it to heaven someday to be with him than I was about getting there myself.” Deep, inner joy flooded her life. She knows now this was a gift of infused knowledge.

After this experience of God, Helena next went in search of Jesus. At that time, she still viewed the Church as oppressing women and didn’t agree with its teachings on contraception, women priests, same-sex relationships, etc. One day, she knelt

“I did believe in a Creator, but he was that distant watchmaker who set the universe in motion and then stepped back to watch it play out, unconcerned with us as persons.” in the front pew of her parish church, gazing at the tabernacle, and prayed: “Lord, if you are in that box, let me know. If you are there, I promise to accept the Catholic Church’s teachings lock, stock and barrel.”

Immediately she received an image of Christ nodding his head and repeating, “I am here. I’m here.”

Just four days later, Helena heard another interior voice. This time it was a command: “Be a nun.”

After these dramatic encounters, she felt an urge to help others who were lost come to know the truth. Soon Helena became Sister Helena of the Daughters of St. Paul, an order whose mission is to communicate about God through the media.

Sister Helena and the Daughters are especially known for spreading the theology of the body. Watch Sister Helena’s full interview with Father Schu at our blog: www.embodiedmag.org/blog.

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Into the Deep

SUMMER 2022

A love of nature and theology led Jen Messing on an incredible journey.

Jen Messing

was driving to a friend’s wedding in North Dakota when she popped in the cassette. She was 28, soaking up the sunny May day, enjoying an open road and an open mind.

“Naked Without Shame,” the series was titled, and it consisted of Christopher West’s original audio tapes about the theology of the body.

Her life would never be the same.

“I knew immediately that this language held the core answers to all the big questions in life,” said Jen, now 49, a member of St. Charles Borromeo parish in Minneapolis.

She listened to the tapes again on the drive home, and she has never stopped digging into TOB, extracting its golden nuggets and sharing them with anyone she can. She began giving talks, enrolled in Christopher’s first “Head and Heart Immersion Course,” was mentored by living with the West family for five months, and eventually she earned a master’s in theology and a certificate from the Theology of the Body Institute.

Along the way it became clear that God was calling her to found her own ministry based on her unique approach—leading groups on camping retreats to unplug from technology and ponder life’s big questions within the framework of TOB. She would call it Into the Deep.

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“I was freaked out about the details of running my own business,” Jen said. “But God is in control so He prompts what He wants done. I tried to get out of it so many times by tucking myself in under other people’s organizations. God kept kicking me out of the nest.”

Meanwhile, a friend connected her with someone who understood how to start a non-profit.

She led her first I.D. Retreat in 2014. Special guests included Christopher West and his two oldest sons.

“For the first five years, it was an intense learning curve. Everything I touched was brand new, and I had to spend hours figuring things out. Over time, as the learning curve leveled off, I could add more trips.”

God has continued to guide her every step of the way.

Growth has been slow—like slowly adding summer interns and then an employee working 10-hour weeks. Now Jen has two staff people. She recently marked the 10-year anniversary of Into the Deep. The hiking and canoeing retreats for both youth and adults have attracted 500some participants.

Senior Editor Christina Ries asked Jen to reflect on the journey.

“I asked my spiritual director, ‘Am I stupid for getting an office when I don’t know where the money will come from?’ He said, ‘Well, if you move in, you can move out.’ That gave me the courage to at least try.”

Let’s start at the beginning. Early in life, your dad fostered a love of the outdoors.

Securing an office felt like a huge leap. “I asked my spiritual director, ‘Am I stupid for getting an office when I don’t know where the money will come from?’ He said, ‘Well, if you move in, you can move out.’ That gave me the courage to at least try.”

We spent a month every summer at our cabin on Crane Lake, on the edge of Minnesota and Canada. No electricity or plumbing, just propane and an outhouse.

We loved it. My dad was a fireman, so we were carefully 10

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trained in how to build a fire and keep it burning well. Competitions with my siblings entailed trying to build one-match fires.

My dad was always wandering in the woods behind our cabin, creating trails. We would follow behind him, learning the landmarks of rocks, trees and beaver ponds to know where we were. Eventually we started playing with compasses, and we were always wandering and learning a sense of direction.

Any memorable animal encounters?

A particularly special experience was seeing five wolf pups laying under a cedar tree, right on our trail to the beaver pond. Another encounter involved coming around the corner

Still single At 49, Jen Messing is fully embracing her baptismal vocation while waiting on the Lord to reveal His plan more fully for her life—she’s OK with that.

“I’ve learned to embrace my vocational discernment path—keep saying yes to God’s promptings and walking forward in deep trust, because God sees everything and He is leading me to the best plan,” she said. “My vocational story has a lot to do with the radical trust that God has called me to.”

At one point Jen was engaged but she realized God was not calling her to marry at that time. At another period in life, she discerned religious life but came to understand that it was not the gift that God was giving her.

“Both vocations are so beautiful. I’ve said, ‘Lord, I will do either of them!’ Both are holy, both are good.”

The peace she feels today stands in stark contrast to how she felt at 30: frustrated about not having a more specific, vowed vocation in place.

“I was very uptight about it: ‘I want to know my vocation!’ I just had to accept that that was not what God was doing with the order of events in my life. I need to love where I’m at every day. If I die tomorrow, I have still have lived out my vocation to love. I always use the example of Pier Giorgio Frassati, who died right before graduating from college. He lived the call to love every day, so his life was not a waste.”

“I have been accused of being indecisive or being afraid of commitment. Ultimately, it was important for me to recognize that my life doesn’t start only when I take a vow of marriage or celibacy.”

of our cabin and being 15 feet from a black bear. We just gazed at each other. There was no fear. It stood up on its hind legs and sniffed the air, then turned around and walked back into the woods.

Your time in nature, as a teen, helped you recognize a spiritual hunger.

Something in you knows that you are in God’s neighborhood, and He is right there with you. You recognize that you

Sometimes Jen’s lack of a formal vocation confuses people. “I have been accused of being indecisive or being afraid of commitment. Ultimately, it was important for me to recognize that my life doesn’t start only when I take a vow of marriage or celibacy. God loved me into existence, He made me unrepeatable, and I am meant to make a gift of myself within this epic adventure-battle-love story that swirls around me now.”

“We are meant to love the people around us every day, and when we make a gift of ourself, we think about who we are and then look around and ask: Who am I going to make a gift of myself to? I freely choose to make a total and faithful gift of myself—and then it is God’s job to bring life from that gift.”

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could deny it and ignore him, but I had a moment of acknowledgement: “I guess I could talk to You.” We are meant to open up our senses and receive all the beauty that God pours out through creation. To smell sweet air, taste good food, hear the laughter of friends, feel the ground beneath our feet—our eyes are meant to be lifted up to look at mountains, trees and stars. Creation is the original cathedral that gives us a tiny glimpse of God and of Heaven. I do not advocate replacing church; I simply point out the long list of intimate gifts that God pointed out to me.

spent that much time looking at the stars. I can’t help but think that God gave us nighttime to ponder life and what is beyond us—not to stare at screens.

Responding to cellphone addiction has informed your work.

I saw the influx of cellphones at the same time as I brainstormed the mission of Into the Deep. Now smartphones have changed how we have conversations and robbed many people of their ability to just be. I was convicted in my observations: taking people camping isn’t just for fun. I have to create a space for people to remember what it’s like to be away from a phone—or, for the younger generation, to experience it for the first time.

An hour-long talk can give people a jump-start, but a week-long retreat allows for much more processing.

It takes a lot of quiet to get past your own voice and the voices in your head or of others to actually hear what God is trying to speak to your heart.

You’re following in JPII’s footsteps by taking groups of people on adventures in the great outdoors.

I want to give people space, so instead of long talks, I lace the entire trip with commentary. Discussions happen naturally while canoeing or hiking for hours. That’s

You’re speaking from experience. You took many long, solo road trips in the pre-cellphone days.

Indeed, I drove to Alaska after college and since have crisscrossed a good chunk of the United States.

On a trip to Colorado, I started pondering all the details that led to where I was at— everything from being baptized on the Feast of Our Lady of Fatima to my sister suggesting I check out Bemidji State University, and a chain reaction of people that led to receiving those Christopher West tapes. The Lord brought me through a beautiful meditation on all the steps He had taken to prepare me to spread TOB.

what Karol Wojtyla did: he would paddle up next to someone and chat. At a time in Poland when it was illegal, he was saying Mass on an overturned kayak and discussing the freedom of being a human person.

Your retreats must be powerful for teens who never unplug, used to receiving snaps at 3 a.m.

Tell me the infamous “moose story.”

I had decided that I wanted to drive the perimeter of the United States and three weeks in I was in New Hampshire. It was dark and I was blinded by headlights from another car; thankfully I was able to slow down to 15 miles per hour before I hit it. The whole body of the moose flew into my windshield and shattered it. The little

If your space is filled with screens and noise all the time, you can’t make intimate contact with your own heart or with God. Last summer I sat for two hours with a group of middle-school girls, watching the moonrise on Lake Superior. One girl commented that she had never 12

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motel I stayed in didn’t have a phone in the room, so I had to wait until the next morning to call my family. Feeling somewhat alone threw me into God’s arms. It was a very intimate time, letting him take care of me. Thankfully I was fine—just some surface scratches on my forehead.

As I was in the midst of a huge turning point with vocational discernment, hitting the moose literally stopped me in my tracks and became a landmark time in my life.

It forced me to decide if I was going to say yes to God, no matter what.

Late-night thank-you’s Jen receives incredible feedback from people who have attended an Into the Deep retreat.

• A text message: “Hey Jen, I just wanted to say

thank you. The retreat made TOB come to life.

I finally now understand how it is applicable to life—particularly my healing journey. I feel so much lighter, freer and open to God. It has made talking with him so much easier! Thank you!”

It sounds like God has been looking out for you every step of the way.

• An excerpt from a 3-page letter: “I am inspired

Yes, and I could tell story after story of how God has protected my groups from weather during retreats. It’s not random. God is the Grand Coordinator who knows how to bring about the best good for all the people who love him—as well as those who don’t. God loves each of us into existence and wants us right here, right now, at this particular time in history.

by how you have such passion, conviction and ownership of your life. Your stories and lessons about TOB have sparked a new flame to claim my identity while living my state in life….”

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What quarantine taught

by Christina Ries

DERRICK DIEDRICH WAS SUPPOSED to spend his spring in Rome, studying with a group of college students in an acclaimed Catholic Studies travel abroad program.

He had visions of papal encounters, gelato stands, late-night theological discussions and epic sightseeing.

Instead the 21-year-old business leadership major found himself back on his family’s Wisconsin farm— participating in Zoom classes at the dining-room table, squabbling with siblings and putting up trim in their butcher shop.

The contrast couldn’t have been starker.

Indeed, the coronavirus brought many losses to people across the country. Quarantine felt, at times, like being trapped with their worst habits, their innermost thoughts and their messy children. With every semblance of normalcy

stripped away, it was hard not to re-examine life. Some came to difficult conclusions.

But as Covid cases have finally dropped and life has returned to more normal, some now recognize that pandemic-induced struggles packed years of spiritual growth into one intense season, rearranging their hearts in unexpected ways. Many are determined to continue the positive changes forced by the pandemic.

For Claire Bona, quarantine prepared her for the transition from teaching to being a stay-athome mom. “I didn’t even go to the grocery store because I was pregnant and wanted to be careful,” said the 30-year-old from South St. Paul, Minn. “We learned how to slow down. We learned how to just be as a family, which was really nice training.”

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Being deliberate about maintaining treasured relationships was a useful takeaway for the new mom, whose son, Dominic, was born in June of 2020. “I learned that being at home should not mean losing your community.”

Those bonds have been nurtured

by Claire’s knowledge of theology of the body. She had taken a semester-long course at Ave Maria University in Florida taught by Dr. Michael Waldstein, translator of the English version of St. John Paul II’s theology of the body.

“He doesn’t just teach it, he lives it. That’s in his family life, in his love for his wife and his children and in the way he interacts with each student in his class. It was incredible.”

Ever since, Claire has tried to emulate him, treating each person she encounters with the utmost of dignity. For instance, she doesn’t

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talk down to kids. “As a teacher and now a mom, I try to acknowledge and appreciate the things that make each child unique and unrepeatable.”

Her solid grasp of TOB shapes even the mundane aspects of daily life. “God became man, He became incarnate in a human body, and we experience our Lord and our faith through our bodies, as well as our minds and hearts. Every part of our life is connected to that. It makes me think about things, even little things, differently. Every time I make food, I realize, the Blessed Mother did that too. Every time I put salt in my food, I think about being the salt of the earth.”

A CHILDHOOD DREAM The shutdown also brought a huge insight for Claire’s creative life.

She had written a passion play for the sixth graders to perform for Holy Week. This was a much-anticipated tradition for sixth graders at her school, and she didn’t want the kids to miss out, so she created an audio drama that could be listened to safely from the comfort of their homes.

“It introduced me to a new passion,” Claire said. “I really love audio editing. It makes me happy.

I love mixing music with voiceovers and sound effects and creating an auditory painting. That’s something I might never have done without the quarantine.”

She’d almost forgotten that this had been a childhood goal. “As a kid, it was always a dream to be in an audio drama. We’d listen to Focus on the Family Radio Theater.

Now I’ve produced one, and that’s pretty amazing!”

The success of the play and her recharged creativity have emboldened Clare, now a mother of two, to take other leaps. “I have a tendency to write something and go, ‘Well, that’s not good enough.’ But with the audio drama, it just had to be done. I had to accept that it wouldn’t be perfect, but it would be good enough.

That’s been encouraging.”

She has big plans. “My dream is to publish novels. I just decided this year that it’s time to take the bull by the horns and start sending my first novel out. I fully expect that it’s

Photo: Dave Hrbacek / The Catholic Spirit

15

going to get rejected a bunch of times, and I’m going to learn from that and I’m going to keep refining and refining. I’ll knock on enough doors and maybe one will open.”

The prospect of pitching her book to editors feels both terrifying and thrilling. “It’s nerve-wracking,” she said. “It feels like a colossal act of conceit to say: ‘Well, I wrote something and I think it’s good enough to pay to read it.’ But at the same time, this requires humility. “I read somewhere that hosting people in a messy house is both an act of humility as well as one of hospitality, saying, ‘I don’t need my house to be perfect in order to experience community with others.’ I need to apply this to my writing: ‘I don’t need this to be perfect before I share this with someone who needs to read it.’”

REDEFINING CRISIS Covid-19 posed a serious threat to Sister Liz Kerwin, a sister of St. Joseph of Carondelet and retired spiritual director. She was 87 at the time of the initial outbreak and with an underlying condition—chronic lymphocytic leukemia—she was well aware of her risk.

“I knew this could end my life,” said Sister Liz, now 89, who lives at the Carondelet Village retirement home in St. Paul, Minn. “But I tried to focus more on the people around me. Since we only have today, I tried to live as fully, lovingly, meaningfully and gratefully as I could. Love drives out fear, and I think gratitude does too. In the morning, I say, ‘Lord, thank you for another day.’ And whatever it brings, I try to live with that.”

She felt her trust in God deepen amid the pandemic, and she came to a peaceful acceptance of her life. “As I look back, I’m really grateful and amazed, and I guess I consciously

Photo: Dave Hrbacek / The Catholic Spirit

have to let go of criticizing myself for the things I haven’t done in my life and just live with where God has led me,” she said.

Quarantine provided the time and space for many meditative exercises. Sister Liz spent more time in prayer and in letter writing, which she describes as “an act of love.” She took a painting class and made her own cards for the first time. She also joined a poetry group that met on Zoom, a “very contemplative” experience.

The reduced auto traffic enhanced the birdsong on her community’s grounds. “I loved it,” Sister Liz said.

“It warmed the cockles of my heart.”

She was delighted by two Canadian Jays—a “magnificent” gray bird

uncommon in St. Paul—that fluttered outside her window.

Quarantine reminded her of a central TOB teaching: that body, mind and soul are deeply connected.

Despite the arthritis in her knees, Sister Liz made a point to get outside.

In the span of one week, she hung a hummingbird feeder, planted tomatoes and picked Shasta daisies.

“How do we love ourselves? We love our bodies by eating a balanced diet, by exercising and getting sufficient rest. We love our minds by learning, creating and doing meaningful work. We love others by working to ensure that they have the opportunity for the necessities of life, to live a fruitful life.”

Quarantine strengthened her 16

resolve to care for the environment.

It forced her to give up a favorite hobby of shopping and instead cut back on her wardrobe, donating unused clothing.

She studied Pope Francis’ encyclical, Laudato Si', “On Care for Our Common Home” and watched two films on plastics. Eliminating them from daily life is a sacrifice but worthwhile, she said.

She trusted in God, she trusted in her fellow Catholics and she trusted that blessings would emerge from the pandemic. “The Chinese word for crisis is the same word as opportunity,” she said. “What kind of opportunity was this for us? How are we going to be different—and love better—as we move forward?”

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CHEF-IN-TRAINING Then there is Derrick Diedrich, the college student who suddenly found himself back home in Hortonville, Wis., struggling to reconcile the gap between the Eternal City and the family farm.

As he wrote papers in the dining room and contended with his brothers, little grievances returned.

“Spending every day with your siblings, you start to remember all the pet peeves you had,” he said. “Your old self starts to come back.”

It felt like a setback for the student who had enjoyed so much autonomy since starting college.

Derrick had been enjoying daily Mass. Now he couldn’t attend Mass at all. He juggled Zoom classes with farm chores but also discovered the blessing of having time to hang out with his 16-year-old sister.

She was 13 the last time he’d lived at home for an extended period. She had changed.

The two talked about everything— her interests, her friends, the guy who had begun texting her. At the end of the day, Derrick would come into her room and urge her to get out of bed and kneel with him to pray.

There were times all six members of the family settled in together to watch a movie or play a board game, and Derrick recognized this was something special. “I realized we were having real quality family time that we had gotten away from because our lives were so busy,” he said. “To have that family life again and to interact so frequently was a blessing. I don’t know if that’ll ever happen again.”

He vowed to make Easter on the farm memorable, knowing how sacred the holiday would have been in Rome. The novice cook prepared the biggest meal he’d ever made, spending hours on an elaborate brunch for

his family—complete with Finnish pancakes, Spanish tortillas and Mexican horchata, recipes he’d pick up from his travels.

“I was in over my head, but I pulled it off, and it was a great family time.”

It was an exercise in self-gift, as taught by St. John Paul II. “His emphasis on self-gift resonates with me, as I truly believe that it is in giving that we receive. When we’re freely giving without counting the benefit, that’s the best way for Christ to show his love through us to others.”

different insights. “I knew what people were going through because their lives were changed as well, so I would ask about their thoughts and feelings and their prayer life.”

He and his friends set up a 9 p.m.

Rosary via Facetime on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. He was surprised how many joined—and how rewarding it was.

“I’m used to being super social, and with the quarantine I became more introverted,” he said. “But what I really began looking forward to was not simply interacting with my friends but

Pen to paper

In this age of inflation, it se ems a small m costs just 58 iracle that it cents to stick a letter in your have it deliver mailbox and ed to any addr ess you write Writing a note on the envelope by hand is a po . wer ful way to someone ’s di affirm gnit y. I’m thin king of you. Yo my time and fo u are wor thy of cus. This cam e from my hand I touched this and my hear t. paper, and no w you’re holdin So make like g it.

Sister Liz Ker win and mail so letter. It ’s a 58 meone a -cent “act of lo ve.”

DIGGING DEEPER Connecting with his scattered peers felt different during quarantine, forcing Derrick to examine the content of their friendships. “It was humbling to call up friends,” he said. “Normally you catch up and share about your lives, but now I didn’t have much to talk about, and I thought, ‘Oh, wow, maybe I haven’t been very substantive in my relationships.’”

Derrick adjusted.

“I began asking totally different questions. ‘How are you feeling?

How are things with your family? Do you need any help?’”

Different questions shook out 17

praying with them. That felt substantive. It was really beautiful.”

It has had lasting benefits, said Derrick, who is now 23 and working as an IT consultant. “Since quarantine, I feel like it has become more ingrained in me to think of others, and I’ve had friends tell me they notice me being more mindful of them.”

Yes, he said, it would’ve been glorious to spend a semester in Rome, worshipping at the gilded St. Peter’s Basilica, studying art history and moral theology. But perhaps the sweaty, dusty lessons he learned on the farm were the ones he needed most.

T O B

P A R E N T

C O R N E R

Thinking like a teen

by Lindsay Caron

Topic 2: A look at Father Mike Schmitz as a modern priest who speaks the truth with charity.

• Initial Draft: We were so pumped that his “Bible in a Year” podcast topped the charts in 2021. As 40-something-year-old moms this was the best news since sliced bread, so we dove into this first.

• Rewrite: We changed our entry point to: “A young Father Mike made the final cut for the part of Robin in “Batman Forever” and of Dade in “Hackers”. The part of Dade went to went to Jonny Lee Miller opposite Angelina Jolie. Since the two actors ended up married, Father Mike quipped, “I could have been the first ex-Mr. Angelina Jolie.” So, Father Mike can act. And, he’s super funny. But Hollywood was not in God’s plans for him …”

• Reasoning for rewrite: When asked for feedback one teen said, “You lost me at ‘Bible in a Year.’” The very thing that got us excited made her completely uninterested. Teens need to be intrigued enough by Father Mike to even consider his podcast.

Lately I’ve had teens on the brain while my nonprofit is developing a theology of the body mini-magazine for them. We write everything with the receptivity of the teen in mind. St. John Paul II’s great work is a magnificent gift in-and-of-itself that teaches first and foremost the value of gift: being a gift, giving a gift, receiving a gift.

But without open hands and heart, gifts cannot be received.

Many drafts have been scratched and many hours sacrificed as we refine our skill in gift-giving to this audience. Preparing content for teens has sharpened our minds and hearts for how we prepare the gift, present the gift and part ways with the gift, knowing that it will now be in the hands of the receiver.

Have you likewise struggled with knowing how to convey the beauty of theology of the body to your teens?

Try what we’ve learned: draft a message in your head, but then rewrite it with your teen in mind. To illustrate, here are examples of three different topics with our initial draft, our rewrite and our reasoning for rewriting our approach to the topic. I hope they inspire you as you approach conversations with your own teens.

Topic 3: An article on the sacredness of human life • Initial Draft: We provided a chart with stats: 2,363 babies are aborted daily in the U.S.; abortion was illegal in the U.S. until 1972; babies’ feet are fully formed at 10 weeks; etc.

• Rewrite: We scratched the list and instead provided fashion options with each stat: a hoodie that says “Fight for the 2,363”; a ring that says MCMLXXII (1972); and a Precious Feet backpack pin.

• Reasoning for rewrite: The pro-choice movement has already infiltrated the teen world; we must lead with something out-of-the-box. Presenting the prolife message through a fashion angle shows them, ‘This is something that other people are willing to wear.’ Teens want to know they are not alone when they share bold truths.

Topic 1: An article on author and speaker Immaculee Ilibagiza as a target for racial extermination during the Rwandan genocide.

• Initial Draft: We introduced events chronologically: First the Hutu/Tutsi conflict, then Immaculee and finally her heroism.

• Rewrite: We condensed the most compelling information into one loaded opening sentence: “Immaculee Ilibagiza survived the horrendous Rwandan genocide of 1994 by hiding in a 3x4 foot bathroom with seven other women for 91 days.” After this, we summarized the history and then explored Immaculee’s heroism.

• Reasoning for rewrite: This should not be a history lecture but a heart-to-heart conversation. We must appeal to the heart of the teens first. They will only care about dates, locations and details if they first care about the story.

Lindsay Caron lives in Portland, Ore., with her husband and three young boys. She is the founder of the TOB Parent School, which empowers parents to introduce TOB principles to their children. Learn more at www.tobparentschool.org.

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O R I G I N A L

B E A U T Y

Don’t let evil bite you

by Katie Lovett

Shortly before we were married, my husband and I met a friend for dinner—a rare opportunity. My husband and I met in community theater, which meant most of our evenings were dedicated to rehearsals. On this night, though, we’d managed to steal time away from our Dracula production to catch dinner with my friend. And my husband still had his vampire teeth in his pocket.

Which was unfortunate because he can never pass up an opportunity for a prank.

In the middle of Frisch’s Big Boy restaurant, with glaring lights and clattering plates, the three of us caught up on each other’s lives. For my husband and I, that meant discussing our upcoming “Dracula” production. My friend’s face turned pensive, and she asked in an earnest whisper, “Do you really believe in vampires?”

My husband reached into his pocket, then casually rested his hand on his mouth. “Yes.” “Why?” “Because”—he pulled his hand away and sneered at her with glistening, realistic fangs—“I am one!”

My friend gasped, the color draining from her face as she shrank back against her seat. Taking pity at this unexpected reaction, my husband pulled the teeth out and showed her that they were fake. But after we had a good laugh, he said to her, “What were you thinking? What on earth was going through your mind?”

She shook her head, shuddering. “All I could think was that you were going to bite me.”

Our culture has an obsession with vampires, zombies and things that lurk in the night. I was in sixth grade when the movie version of “Interview with the Vampire” ushered in a wave of romanticized heartthrob vampires.

Eleven years later, “Twilight” kept the love alive, and later, even zombies were given their day as romantic heroes.

It’s weird. Let’s just be honest. How did bloodsuckers and flesh-eaters go from demonic to dreamy?

Well…look at what’s happened in our world since vampire and zombie lore arose in medieval days.

Vampires are scary, even when romanticized.

Whether we make them slimy or sparkly, they’re supernaturally wise, have godlike strength and live forever

by drinking human blood. Dangerous, yes. But so are cheetahs. So why do vampires have a creep factor that cheetahs don’t? It’s because there’s nothing unnatural about a cheetah. Nothing sacred that’s been inverted. The vampire, however, is a mockery of the most sacred thing on earth.

By taking and drinking the blood of his human victim, the godlike vampire gains eternal life. But in the Eucharist, God becomes the human victim who gives us his Blood that we might have eternal life.

As Catholics, we must live the theology of the body in our vocations, but we must also live it in the entertainment we bring into our minds, hearts and homes.

Medieval vampire stories, unlike modern tales, were never meant to make us love vampires. Vampires symbolized untold evils such as murder, fratricide and mutilation. They were signs that stood in contrast to the total gift of self we find in the love of our Eucharistic Lord. The same can be said of zombies. Zombies take and eat flesh to live, when it is we who must partake of the Flesh of Christ, freely given, to have life.

But is it any wonder that our culture has embraced history’s most despicable monsters? We venerate the same untold evils they symbolize. Murder? It’s called abortion. Fratricide? We know it as euthanasia and call it merciful. Mutilation? Gender reassignment surgery.

Counter-cultural though it may be, we must reject literature and films that celebrate such Eucharistic mockery. As Catholics, we must live the theology of the body in our vocations, but we must also live it in the entertainment we bring into our minds, hearts and homes.

If we welcome such evils into our lives, they really will bite us.

Katie Lovett works for the Angelico Project, a Catholic arts organization that seeks to evangelize through beauty. She lives in southwest Ohio with her husband and four children.

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On the other side of fertility

by Ann Gundlach

Thirty-two years and eight months. That’s how long my husband, Greg, and I practiced natural family planning before I entered menopause.

To the world, I almost feel like I should be a museum exhibit or perhaps the subject of a viral post: Rare woman manages entire fertile years without the need of contraception! I’m definitely an anomaly in most circles. But among those who learn a fertility-awareness method, I’m not that much of an oddity. Having worked for an NFP organization for many years, I know there are thousands of women (actually, couples!) who have left the artificial and unnatural stuff behind with no regrets.

The naysayers will likely jump on that last phrase, “with no regrets.” Too often any positive message about a no-contraception approach is followed by rumblings that the real truth about living without contraceptives is not being told. My own seasoned advice to anyone considering leaving pills, patches, condoms, etc. behind is to be somewhat discriminating about which voices you listen to. Facebook and other social media groups are good to a degree. But like anything online, I’ve seen plenty of incorrect information shared, and my experience tells me there is more negativity among the online crowd than among NFP users in general.

For the record, everyone’s NFP experience is valid for them. My decades of working with NFP couples has

shown me that a number of them do struggle with practicing it, some even mightily. But not everyone does.

Some couples equate navigating the postpartum time as on par with getting a root canal without pain medication. But for many other couples, it’s not anywhere near that difficult.

There are anxiety-ridden premenopausal couples who are afraid to trust that their fertility is waning. But not us. My fertility knowledge gave me the confidence to know that my signs had been pointing to being infertile for several years, despite still having periods. So much so 20

SUMMER 2022

that Greg and I did not follow any NFP rules for about the last five years before menopause.

And for every story I heard of NFP causing tension between spouses, I’ve heard many more stories of NFP drawing couples closer to each other and opening their hearts to the deeper sacramentality of their marriage.

my period ended. This meant longer times of abstinence during the months we had discerned to postpone pregnancy. While not fun for a young married couple, we had no trouble interpreting my less-than-perfect cycles. The knowledge we gained in our classes served us well.

Another win for us: The book “Fertility, Cycles & Nutrition” by Marilyn Shannon. After reading the repeated mention of the importance of Vitamin A (among other things) for healthy mucus production, I started eating raw baby carrots every day with my lunch. Voila! Dry days started appearing after my period, and my cycle lengths shortened to 32-33 days. Which meant less abstinence time! It was a small but pivotal lesson for me: What I ate and how I took care of myself affected my fertility cycles. I was also able to lessen some PMS symptoms and reduce monthly cramps through better nutrition.

I know now that I shouldn’t have been surprised that better nutrition brought better cycles for me. Our bodies are wonderfully designed by God, at once both amazingly strong and resilient and yet incredibly complicated and

IN IT TOGETHER

We did have a few things going for us that helped smooth our NFP journey. First, Greg and I learned our method before we were married and had several months’ time to get to know my cycles before putting it into practice. (Yes, we did this together. Can’t say enough about that.) We also did not have to learn my cycles while dealing with the residual effects of birth control hormones.

Second, we were helped by relatively “normal” cycles, which always eases the practice of NFP. But my cycles also weren’t textbook for many years. In my 20s and into my 30s, I tended to have cycles on the longer side (often closer to 40 days) with the mucus sign appearing right after 21

with God, and called to share in His free, total, faithful and fruitful love.

This is why marriage is a sacrament, with the form of the sacrament being our public consent in church. But a light bulb went off for us when we learned the matter of our sacrament involved the desire to live together in unity, as well as the consummation of our marriage.

And that if our acts of sexual intimacy did not reflect that free, total, faith and fruitful love, they would be something less than God called us to in marriage. In effect, NFP allowed us to say with our bodies what we said with our mouths at the altar. And we have experienced— and so needed!—the graces that have flowed from that alignment.

Did we ever struggle with the practice of NFP? Yes, of course we had our moments.

Every couple does. There were nights one of us frustratingly moved to another room to sleep because....well, you know. There were also special days that, sadly, fell during the fertile time but we felt it better to postpone pregnancy. But we learned to vent and move on.

I can’t emphasize this enough: When we look back on those times now, they are so insignificant! Oh my goodness, yes, they were difficult at the time. But we have perspective now that we didn’t have then. We have faced challenges that pale in comparison to not always being able to be physically intimate when we wanted to: parenting challenges, job challenges, parents dying of cancer, etc.

And here’s the thing: Those little struggles with abstinence were priceless preparation for the bigger struggles that were to come. What we weren’t aware of at the time was that every cycle we worked through together after our proper discernment—no matter how clumsily or badly we fared—was a little victory that we won together.

NFP was strengthening our marriage bond.

delicate. The female fertility cycle is an especially intricate interplay of hormones that all need to be at certain levels to produce a healthy cycle. Unhealthy eating patterns during college and relying too much on processed foods as a young wife and mother was not fueling my cells well enough, and my cycles showed it.

I credit this book for my commitment to exercise and (trying to get) enough sleep along with eating well and taking supplements that made sense for me. Greg valued these things for me as well, because a healthy Ann meant a healthy cycle, which meant a happy Greg....and a happy Ann. “Fertility, Cycles & Nutrition” also helped me determine that cycle changes as I approached 40 were actually due to an underactive thyroid and not signs of early premenopause. My cycles easily improved with a low dose of thyroid medication.

A PROPER ORIENTATION

Far beyond the physical benefits of NFP, I’m especially grateful that it oriented our marriage in the right direction. We chose it at the beginning only out of obedience to Catholic Church teaching, but when we learned more about why the Church was against contraception, we freely committed to it.

At our wedding Mass, we certainly meant what we said each time we responded “I do” during the exchange of vows. But becoming familiar later with St. John Paul II’s theology of the body gave us a better understanding that we were in a covenant not just with ourselves, but

A NEW SWEETNESS

So here we find ourselves on the other side of fertility, that place that sometimes seemed frustratingly far off back in the day. Something that has surprised me: I don’t feel nearly as old at this age as I thought I would back when I was younger. But at the same time, I also feel the wisdom of God’s design. As my fertility declined, I knew my time

22

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for babies was over, as it should be. When I was young, I was sure I would be depressed to no longer be able to conceive when that time came.

I was not. It felt right.

And another surprise for me: As a young-married woman, I assumed our intimate life would be somewhat routine and perhaps lackluster by this stage...but it is incredibly sweet and more fulfilling than ever. I’ve come to see with hindsight that my hormones could trick me in my younger days. They often had me blindly believing that my sexual longings were all about my love for Greg (which is when I would fall into resentment of the Church’s teachings). Now cycle-free, I know many of those urges were more biologically-driven than emotional. I now know what it is like to more freely choose intimacy, and in my heart, it

The gift of fertility awareness Whether a married couple is ready to have children or delay pregnancy for just reasons, fertility awareness and the modern methods of natural family planning (NFP) can help. This approach uses a woman’s naturally occurring biological signs to indicate when she is fertile and infertile.

These methods respect a woman’s body, the marital act and God’s plan for marriage.

Fertility awareness methods are green (using no hormones, barriers or surgical devices, and little to no packaging), highly effective (ranging in effectiveness from 97–99.6 percent, a correct use efficacy rate that competes with artificial contraceptives) and have no side effects.

Women, or better yet, couples, can learn to observe, record and interpret physical symptoms in order to identify fertile or infertile phases.

I now know what it is like to more freely choose intimacy, and in my heart, it feels more of a true self-gift.

NFP Methods

Billings Ovulation Method Association boma-usa.org

X

feels more of a true self-gift. There is certainly something to be said for the intimacy of youth, but I’ll take what we have now any time. Our intimate moments are wrapped up in so many memories of a lovingly, committed shared life that I feel like we are finally beginning to realize what it really means to make love.

As a menopausal woman who has never taken or even seen a contraceptive with my own eyes, I may be an aberration to some, but our experience is that an NFP-based marriage has been a tremendous blessing. The Catholic Church’s teaching, while not always easy, has proven to be the better path for us.

Boston Cross Check bostoncrossheck.com

X

X

Couple to Couple League ccli.org

X

X

Creighton Fertility Care System (CrMs) fertilitycare.org

X

OM

Family of the Americas familyplanning.net

X

OM

Marquette Model marquettemethod.com

X option

X option

X

X

Biomarkers Used Cervical Fluid

Organization

SymptoPro symptopro.org

Basal Body Fertility Method Temp. (BBT) Hormones* Type** OM X option

STM with SHM option STM

X

SHM with STM option

* Fertility hormones can be tested in a variety of ways such as personal, home use fertility monitor, and/or urine test strips. ** OM = Ovulation Method • STM = Sympto-Thermal • SHM = Sympto-Hormonal Note: This is not a complete list of available methods.

Adapted from Love’s Perfect Design: A Guide to Understanding Fertility Awareness.

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STM

Opening up to what love really is

by Merridith Frediani

Many people are unfamiliar with St. John Paul II’s theology of the body, and so the Theology of the Body Institute exists to bring the riches of TOB into the lives of men and women in every state of life. We asked TOB newbie Merridith Frediani to share her journey as she attended the Institute’s flagship course, “TOB 1: Head and Heart Immersion.”

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Getting ready I’m going to this conference as an empty bucket hoping to be filled.

My friends have told me this is a life-changing experience. They refer to the theology of the body with reverence. Despite conversations with them about TOB and even beginning to read one of Christopher West’s books, I still have no idea what I’m getting into. One of my friends advised me to go to the in-person institute instead of doing the online version because there is much time built in for Mass, prayer and reflection.

I was nervous about several things, including flying across the country and spending a week with complete strangers. But God is good and sent me a traveling companion, Mia, a young adult woman I know who was finishing up time serving as

SUMMER 2022

a Brew City Catholic missionary who was able to come to the conference with me.

So I had a person to go with me, and felt open to being a blank slate. Still a bit unsure, I was off. Looking back now, I realize now how much God wanted that blank slate to write upon.

We all share in the original solitude of Adam, when he recognized that he was different from the animals, that he is a person with an identity. With the creation of Eve he learned that he was made for communion. Like Adam, we find connection and community with other humans but we are not settled until we have that communion with God. What I experience with Jesus is deep inside me. It’s my lived experience of God and it’s indescribable. I want to learn to explore my own solitude more, to feel Jesus present there in that place in my heart where God dwells.

Day 1: The body is sacramental We got started the night we arrived. After getting settled in our rooms and having dinner, we launched right into the first talk. Christopher West, our instructor for the week, encouraged us to relax and receive. He even suggested we refrain from taking copious notes and let the Holy Spirit guide us. That was anathema to this girl who needs to put everything down on paper in order to remember it. We were given a comprehensive study guide and I prayed for the grace to listen more than write and to trust that I would remember what God wanted me to remember.

It didn’t take long for the ah-ha moments to begin. Connecting my body to the sacraments was the first insight. St. John Paul II stressed that our bodies are not just shells for our souls to reside in, but that our bodies make our invisible souls visible to others. This was different from what I’d always believed. I’d thought of my body as just a temporary home for my soul, something to represent me while here on earth but nothing more. No, my body is sacramental, by definition something that makes visible that which is invisible. Through my body I am called to image God to others.

Christopher also told stressed that our main vocation—whether as a wife, husband, single, priest, religious sister—is to love as God loves. This is beautiful and challenging and something I’m not good at. The Blessed Sacrament will be in the classroom with us this week; hopefully 30 hours with Jesus will help smooth my edges and maybe I can begin to love better.

After a busy day of travel, meeting new people, and beginning the deep dive into TOB, I am tired but excited.

Day 3: Seeing with new eyes Every good story reflects the Gospel story. Christopher West is a music and film junkie and he finds redemption, truth and beauty in places I overlook. I find comfort in his encouragement that we don’t need to be afraid of the secular world.

Day 2: Original solitude

This has me feeling less guilty about my enjoyment of the show Friends, whose characters no doubt have questionable morals. Today’s talks have me looking for the good qualities in their relationships—and there are plenty—but have also opened up a space to identify and acknowledge the shortcomings. I feel like I’m gaining new ways to see things in the world.

“The echo of original solitude”—there’s a phrase I’d never heard before. I learned that St. John Paul II calls us back to the beginning of all time, to the way God made the world, man and woman. This broken place we live in is not how God planned it. Something went wrong and Jesus came to fix it.

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Christopher also loves words, which appeals to this writer’s heart! He dove into the origin of words to explain what they really mean in contrast to what our culture thinks they mean. This was so enlightening.

Some examples: “Gender” comes from the root gen, which means to produce or to make more. Think also of genitals, or generate. When we generate something we make something.

Gender at its root is how we create; how we make more people. Our identity as male or female is determined by how God designed us to procreate. But today, society is trying to redefine gender to be something we can choose, or something that is fluid which is contrary to its true meaning.

“Redemption” is from the Latin redimere, meaning to re-gain. Through the redemption that Jesus purchased for us by his sacrifice on the cross, we regain our place in heaven. We regain our communion and relationship with God. Our faith is all about relationship, not rules!

“Respect” comes from the roots re and spect, meaning to look again. Respect involves looking more deeply at another person, seeing the person inside, seeing Christ inside. This is how we honor the other. This logically means, then, that since each of us is made in the image and likeness of God himself, everyone we encounter deserves a basic level of respect and deference (even when they make us a little crazy).

them back after the second coming of Jesus! We profess this in the Apostles Creed: “I believe in the resurrection of the body and life everlasting.” The good news is that these bodies will be glorified. I have new understanding and hope for God’s overall vision for man. I like this idea of a glorified body and a glorified earth devoid of a broken humanity and instead filled with a glorified humanity.

Day 5: A bigger heart When I walked into the room on the first day, it was a room of strangers. Five days later they are people I love... in a true I’ve-seen-you-this-week way. These are people I won’t forget.

I love Daniel—happy Daniel—joy-filled Salesian novitiate Daniel who lights up when he talks about his vocation. I want to know when he takes his first vows.

I love Erik, also a seminarian who is a convert and is now fully dedicating his life to the Catholic Church. I love that he wrote a song about his experience this week and although he is not a musician, had the courage to share it with us on talent night.

I love Brittany and Matthew, a young couple from Minnesota who were so real with us during grace sharing and are a beautiful witness to the spousal union God desires.

Day 4: We are inherently good This was an eye-opening day for me. Probably like many other people, I need this truth to sink into my bones: We are not good because Jesus saved us; we are good because God made us that way.

It is so easy to forget this! It’s easy to see my weakness and focus on where I’ve failed or fallen short.

It’s easy to judge another by the tiny portion of her life that I am witness to. But the TOB explanation about concupiscence—the attraction to sin we battle—is heartening. We are not inherently bad. We are in no way irredeemable. While sin abounds, grace abounds more (Romans 5:20).

I also loved that the week is closing out with a focus on the messages of the book of Revelation. Our bodies are so important that we get 26

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I love Krystal, who with a wry expression reflects that while she doesn’t love her job she loves the freedom it affords her so she can attend TOB courses. I love her honesty and the tinge of sadness when she shared that she isn’t her best self when she’s with her family of origin.

She had a beautifully poetic way of expressing what so many of us feel and struggle with.

I love Ana and Eduardo and Nathalia and Jose and I wish I’d spent more time with them. Also Dani and Katie and Mary (all the Marys) and the Jennifers. I love that Grace approached me early one morning and told me her dreams and I love that her sister Catherine experienced such healing. I love Father Michael, who was ordained two weeks before the conference. All his future parishes will be so richly blessed by what he’s learned so early in his priesthood.

I love that I went from thinking I’d probably like Mia, my traveling companion from home, if I knew her better to knowing that I truly do like her. I love that she lives just two blocks from me so this friendship has a future.

I love Julie and David for their joy in a long marriage where they, like me, contracepted and later regretted it. I love Julie’s honesty when we talked about it and how she was with me as I expressed my own deep regret.

I love Father Chas, our chaplain who led us in daily Mass, for his joy-filled witness to the vocation of priesthood.

I love Father Peter who speaks as many languages as needed but most importantly the language of love. He heard my confession and was with me in my pain the way Jesus is. He was a glorious example of in persona Christi and while I knew in my head that Jesus had forgiven me for this particular sin many years ago, I hadn’t forgiven myself. Father Peter was right there with me reminding me of how God takes our confessed sin and erases it. He seals it away and forgets it.

I love the young Protestant couple who attended.

When she got to the microphone on grace sharing night and told us they want to be Catholic, a roar erupted like a giant, glorious wave cresting, as we all flew to our feet, arms in the air, crying our thanksgiving and joy and welcome to this couple to whom Jesus revealed the truth.

I got a taste of the joy in heaven when one lamb returns to their true home.

I love Michael and Rachel for their courage: Rachel for following Michael to the front row of the classroom each day when she wanted to hide in the back and Michael for standing in front of a room full of strangers and letting us see his body as we learned that we are our bodies. I love the witness of complementarity they are and the love they radiate for each other.

The bottom line I’ve learned that TOB is ultimately about love—God’s great love for us and our inner ache for him. Christopher West urges us to see: God wants to marry us! The Bible starts with the marriage of a man and a woman and ends with the marriage of Christ and his Church—all because God loved us even before the creation of the world. I feel this truth sinking in and changing my heart.

This week I came to love the people I encountered and was sad to leave them. I will continue to pray for them and I suspect they will do likewise. I’ve been to other weeklong conferences and I’ve learned a lot. But I’ve never had an experience like this one where I was showered in the grace of 30 hours of being in front of the Blessed Sacrament and was gently led to really see the people around me and love them.

An uncountable number of seeds were planted in my heart by the Divine Sower, and I can’t wait to watch them grow. God is so good.

I’ve learned that TOB is ultimately about love—God’s great love for us and our inner ache for him.

Christopher West urges us to see: God wants to marry us!

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The theology of the old body

by Janet E. Smith, Ph.D.

Vulnerability

My mother, Anne Smith, had dementia. One way I coped during her final years was to share how I delighted in the ways her beautiful person still shown through even in the difficult—and often comical—moments.

In Facebook vignettes I referred to my mother as BAM, or Beloved Aged Mother, and to myself as BAD, or Beleaguered Aging Daughter. There are a few other characters who would show up in the stories; for instance, TOO BAD, The Other (Ornery) Beleaguered Aging Daughter, my sister Pat who shared caretaking responsibilities, and BAH, the Beloved Aging Helper, Lynn, who would take my mother to the Senior Center for lunch, exercise and other activities. It was tremendously consoling that the indispensable Lynn came to truly love my mother.

Being caretaker for my mother was one of the most challenging things I have done. I have never married or had children, so this was altogether uncharted territory for me. It required degrees of patience and understanding that are not characteristic of me. I learned to focus on my beloved and very needy, vulnerable mother; to be patient with answering repetitive questions to the point of exhaustion by the end of breakfast; to spend a significant amount of time every day looking for items my mother had put somewhere; and to accept that efficiency held no value in this kind of work.

Trying to understand what my mother was experiencing was essential. Many, many mornings and evenings we had conversations of this sort that revealed surprising self-knowledge and also understandable anxieties: BAM: “I am really worried about myself.” BAD: “Why is that?” BAM: “I have lost my memory. I just can’t remember anything. My memory used to be so good.” BAD: Don’t worry about it. I will remember whatever it is that you need to know.” BAM: “Do other women go through this?

Did my mother go through this? I don’t remember her going through this. I never thought I would get like this.”

BAD: “Your mother did go through this: a lot of women do.”

My efforts at consolation didn’t always work. BAM: “I am really losing my memory.” BAD: “Even young people have trouble remembering things. You are doing very well for an 88-year-old.” BAM: “I appreciate your insight, but I would rather be the self that remembers than a self that can’t remember.”

Helpful things

For me, two items became essential. The first was a crock pot. Those with dementia often go into what is called “sun-downing.” In the evening around sundown, they rush around madly wanting to get things done,

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4. Always be cheerful and try to find ways to amuse her.

Every once in a while I would put a new item out—a cute toy or knick-knack. Fresh flowers on the table were always appreciated. Time with the youngest grandchild always made her happy.

5. Always compliment. When BAM would wake up in the morning, I greeted her with a big smile and hug and said something like, “It’s a beautiful Tuesday in September! We are going to have a wonderful day today.” I dressed her well, bought new clothes occasionally, got her hair done regularly.

She liked to wear pearls all the time; I would tell her she looked lovely.

6. Always affirm. Any time I could compliment her, I did. “You have always kept things so neat and organized.” “I learned from you the importance of writing thank-you notes.” “I still have things to learn from you! You are so good about putting things away immediately.” “You are so good at being careful and watching where you step and walk.”

wanting to help in the kitchen. But I was often at the end of my rope by that time and lacked the patience required, so I learned having dinner already prepared was a way to save my shaky sanity.

The other essential: photo albums. BAM loved to go through them and they made things easier for visitors and grandchildren who found that going through them with her made it easier and enjoyable to be with her. I put them on table tops and counter tops and rotated them. A granddaughter made an album of dozens of pictures of my father and that, of course, was a favorite. I made an album for each year that I stayed with her so we could reconstruct what transpired in the last year. It helped to put names, dates and places with each picture, which saved me from being barraged with questions.

I also learned much about how to care for her from three key books: “Learning to Speak Alzheimer’s”, “The 36-Hour Day” and “The Best Friend’s Approach to Alzheimer’s.” Another wonderful book is “Theology of the Body, Extended” by Susan Windley-Daoust. My sister found some welcome encouragement from a local Alzheimer’s support group.

I dressed her well, bought new clothes occasionally, got her hair done regularly. She liked to wear pearls all the time; I would tell her she looked lovely.

Rules I lived by

Through trial and error, I devised a list of the most important rules I tried to follow to keep BAM happy, involved, safe, and loved and more loved: 1. Never ever scold. Instead of: “I told you not to go into the garage,” I would say, “Do you need something from the garage?” Scolding never helped, made my mom feel diminished and made me feel bad, too.

2. Never say: “Don’t you remember?”; “I just told you that”; “You have said that a zillion times.” It was a great challenge to learn how to be patient in the face of repetitiveness. One of the hardest things was when BAM would get in a loop, asking the same question over and over—usually in exactly the same way, with exactly the same follow-up questions. It helped to have a dry erase board near the breakfast table where I would list the month, date and daily activities, and I could just point to the board when she asked those questions repeatedly.

3. Try to include her in conversations when you can.

It was often very difficult if not impossible to have a conversation with anyone else when BAM was around. She wanted to be included in everything and hear everything and understand everything.

Sometimes I could ask her not to ask questions for a period of time and just to listen, and she could do that now and then.

7. Try to avoid being bossy (this was not possible for me!); as much as possible ask permission, even if you know the answer. “Do you want to go to 10:30 Mass tomorrow?” “Do you want to wear this coat?” I learned to be careful about making changes, and it helped to describe all changes as provisional: “I am thinking of moving this chair over here. Why don’t we just try it? If you don’t like it, we can put it back.”

Once I cut out a portion of a huge pine tree to make a “cave” for the grandchildren and she was not at all happy that I had done so without her permission— which she likely would have given had I asked.

8. Maintain a routine. As long as my mother could walk easily on her own or with a walker, she would take the long walk down the driveway every day to get the newspaper. It truly became a wonderful anchor to the day and I let her do it by herself as long as she could for a degree of independence.

9. Try to find activities that keep her busy and feeling productive. My mother loved to iron, and we 30

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Janet E. Smith

August 23, 2015 •

BAM (notices a somewhat unfamiliar ring on her finger): I like this ring, where did it come from?

BAD: It’s mine. You found it and liked it, and it looks good on your finger, so I am letting you wear it.

BAM: What are we talking about?

BAD: That ring on your finger.

BAM: Where did it come from? loop de loop!

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Personality change

sometimes took in ironing for as long as she could iron. One day she suddenly stopped and announced that she had done enough ironing in her life! I would also throw bags of leaves on the driveway for her to sweep and take folded towels out of the closet and mess them up for her to refold.

10. Maintain a clutter free and safe environment. My mother was always a neat freak and I am definitely not. It was quite impossible for me to keep her standards, but I tried. I can remember her sticking her face in mine when I was working at the computer and saying, “Do you call that making your bed?”

Or, one day when my bed was rumpled after I took a nap: “When did you decide you no longer needed to make your bed?”

Safety was an issue. I put yellow duct tape on the steps and wherever there were tricky walking arrangements, and that was very helpful. In some of the darker areas of the home I kept the lights on all the time. At one point I put door alarms on some doors so I knew when she passed from one area to another. She didn’t like those at all…

11. Stay close to nature. Our dinner table looks out over the backyard and we have birdfeeders, a Marian shrine, flowerpots and tomato plants. The occasional deer or flock of wild turkeys and even bears could amuse BAM for quite some time.

12. Play her favorite music! Get up and dance! As BAM gradually lost the ability to understand what she read or even what she watched on TV, we turned more and more to the music she loved over the years. YouTube has everything!

Some people undergo difficult personality changes when dementia sets in. I was tremendously blessed that BAM was always sweet, understanding and grateful, and pretty much remained that way through her dementia.

She would say things like, “I have no idea what is going on, but it is wonderful.” First thing in the morning, after grace, last thing at night, and all day long, BAM would tell BAD how wonderful she is. At grace she always said, “And, Lord, thank you for my greatest gift of all—Janet” (or whomever was caring for her…)

She even seemed to get funnier and even a little sarcastic—which never before had been her style. In fact, I fear she came to imitate my sarcastic style; it is sad that I perhaps corrupted her in her old age!

These are some of our typical conversations: BAM: “I hope I get it together.” BAD: “I think it is time to let go of that goal. You just need to go with the flow.”

BAM smilingly said: “You are my flow.”

BAM noticed that the washer and dryer were running and asked BAD what was in them. Uncharacteristically(!) lapsing into sarcasm, BAD responded: “Newspaper.” BAM turned to friend Lynn and said, “No wonder I am so confused so often.” Moments later she quietly said to Lynn, “I need someone who is more stable to take care of me.”

One day she wanted to return home but Lynn said, “Janet has work to be done and can’t be disturbed.” BAM claimed she wouldn’t bother me. Lynn said: “You can’t go 10 minutes without asking a question.” After 10 minutes of conversation BAM pointed to her watch and said: “It has been 10 minutes and I have asked only eight questions.”

The Theology of the Old Body continues on page 43 31

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IN

!

JUMP

Story by Kathleen M. Basi Pictures by Shanna-Kaye Fancher

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eschew the ever-shifting sands of cultural beauty norms and believe—down to the core of our being—that my body is good, just the way it is.

‘Is that enough?’

From an early age, we inhale the cultural messaging around us. It’s an unconscious process.

Deanna Johnston, of Tyler, Texas, remembers shopping for clothes with her mom and thinking, “My body is different.”

Deanna, 36, is a mix of African-American and European ancestry, while most of her classmates were Caucasian. “I had to learn how to appreciate those curves,” said the mother of four, who serves as the director of family life for the St. Philip Institute of Catechesis and Evangelization in Tyler.

Is there any adult

Deanna compared herself to other girls, and even though she knew God loved her as she was, she couldn’t help thinking, “Is that enough?”

who doesn’t suffer from insecurities about donning a swimsuit in public? Unwanted flab, unwanted hair, body parts too big (or too small). Most of us, regardless of age or gender, waffle between self-loathing and bravado, pretending we don’t care what others think.

But the theology of the body (TOB) offers good news.

The body is holy, whatever its shape and characteristics, and as people made in God’s image, our bodies are temples of God’s presence. This summer, let’s embrace that truth and learn to love our bodies just as they are. Let’s

She compared herself to other girls, and even though she knew God loved her as she was, she couldn’t help thinking, “Is that enough?” As her friends started dating, Deanna was overlooked again and again. She began to believe she wasn’t desirable. She started trying to change her appearance to match everyone else.

She longed to experience the beautiful love her parents had modeled, but in her early twenties, she found herself alone, dissatisfied and struggling to discern God’s plan. She figured either there was something wrong with her or she was supposed to go into religious life. After all, no one else wanted her!

Enter a new perspective In college, Deanna had attended a workshop on TOB and it had blown her mind. Finally, she understood: that unquenchable desire she felt for love and communion, for beauty and truth and goodness—it was written on her heart. Her longing for love was her soul acting as the image of God she was created to be.

Yet she couldn’t quite shake her desire for control.

As a 20-something, she tried to force the issue of marriage on her own. In February of 2010, she attended the National Catholic Singles Conference in San Antonio.

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In retrospect, she thinks she was looking for a movie-worthy “meetcute.” Instead, she found a deeper awakening into TOB. It reaffirmed that she was called to the vocation of marriage.

Yet where was her elusive spouse?

In April of that year, she brought her frustrations into the confessional.

The priest’s response challenged her: “How can you possibly recognize the gift of other people if you can’t see the gift of yourself?”

Deanna took those words to heart.

She finally understood: the ache in her heart could only be filled by God. God was calling her to “be still, to rest in him, to be satisfied with him.”

And as she accepted that, she finally found peace.

Three weeks later, she met her husband.

Healing truth For Deanna, the fundamental truth of TOB is: I am a gift, just as I am, because I am a child of God. And it brought her tremendous healing.

Knowing herself as loved for her own sake enabled her to receive the love of her husband.

This wasn’t some theoretical, pie-in-the-sky transformation. This radical self-acceptance changed how she treated her body.

For instance, her hair. From the time she was 6, her parents had relaxers put on her hair.

She doesn’t blame them. “I have a lot of hair,” she said. “My mom was trying to teach me how to manage it.”

But a part of her also came to believe that she had to change that part of herself in order to be beautiful.

By the time she got married, she’d been chemically straightening her hair for 25 years. At age 31, newly married, she decided to go natural.

She still often flat irons it, but she’s also learned to manage the hair God

Comfortable in my skin Emily Kennedy, 41 I love my body because: God gave it to me, and He does not give junk to his children.

I feel confident when: I help others to be good stewards versus masters of God’s gifts of body, mind and soul. While a master manipulates the gift he has been given to his own ends, a steward loves it, appreciates it and gives it in turn to others.

TOB taught me: the importance of being a gift to others and, in turn, humbly receiving from others as essential to a joy-filled life beyond temporal happiness.

Giovanni Vitale, 35 I love my body because: it reveals the truth of who I am created to be to the world.

I feel confident when: I am empowered by my wife to be of service to God and his creation.

TOB taught me: not to use others for my own selfish desires but to give of myself for the good of others.

Mairead Suthoff, 28 I love my body because: it is a gift from my Creator and a reflection of his creative imagination. It houses my eternal soul—and for that, I am grateful.

I feel confident when: I share about women’s fertility and cycle health.

TOB taught me: that men and women are truly complementary in nature and our goal should be to uphold that complementary nature, not tear it down.

John Prust, 39 I love my body because: it’s the vehicle God has given me to express his love to others in word and deed.

I feel confident when: I let go and let God. TOB taught me: that mind, body, and soul are all interconnected. We are called to give our whole selves to God. 35

gave her. And she teaches her own children how to embrace and care for their “phenomenal curls,” part of their African-American heritage.

less trim than it once was. “After my last baby, my body never really bounced back the way it did with the other kids,” said Kim, 47.

Moving up two to three sizes in two years is tough to swallow. “But I’ve really ingrained the fact that my worth comes from being a daughter of God, not how I look in my jeans.”

“A lot of loving” from her husband helps. He always makes a point to communicate how attractive he finds her.

But teaching her three teenage daughters to value their bodies brought the lesson home.

“I want them to know that they are worth more than what they look like,” she said.

In her own adolescence, Kim remembers cataloging every time her dad complimented how she looked—and the times he didn’t. Later, after having a baby, he’d sometimes comment on how “nice and slim” she looked.

“It affects you,” she said.

So she makes a point to talk to her daughters about being comfortable in their bodies. “Holly’s body doesn’t look like Meg’s body, which doesn’t look like Melanie’s body,” she’ll tell her girls. “And that’s OK! Even though they’re sisters, it doesn’t mean they’re going to have the same size chest and bottom.”

Focusing on the beauty of her children, instead of how they look in their clothing, helps keep her own mind in the right place.

Deanna Johnston’s children are too young for these conversations, but she’s aware that if she has a negative attitude toward her body, it will influence her kids’ view of their bodies too.

But she loves seeing what they notice about their parents’ bodies! One day when Deanna was changing clothes, her 3-year-old daughter said, “Whoa, what is that?”

“Those are my stretch marks,” Deanna told her. “That means that I had you inside of me and your brother inside of me and your sister. I got to carry all of you in my body.”

Her daughter was awestruck, not just because they’d all been inside her body, but because her body still carried the marks.

Head to heart Listening to women who have grown in self-esteem in response to encountering TOB, you might be tempted to shake your fist and demand, “But how did you get there?” After all, the heart doesn’t always believe what the mind knows.

There is no magic trick, but those who have achieved— or, more accurately, are working through the process— have some wisdom to offer.

Kim Anderson, a homeschooling mom of nine from Columbus, Georgia, learned TOB while studying St. John Paul II’s “Familiaris Consortio” (“On the Christian Family in the Modern World”) as a newlywed. So she’s always known her worth is not in how she looks.

Still, after nine babies, her face is rounder, her body 36

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Deanna clings to this reminder.

She embraced her curves when she was pregnant, because she felt they had a purpose. It’s harder now. Her youngest was born just as COVID began, which limited physical activity, and she gained weight. Late last year she had to come to peace with her changed body. She wasn’t lazy; she

“My body is worthy of wearing things that make me feel good now. I’m letting go of the size and saying, ‘What does my body need right now?’” wasn’t doing something wrong. She’s just 30-something now and COVID restricted her activity.

She’s learning to toss clothes that are too small. “My body is worthy of wearing things that make me feel good now,” she said. “I’m letting go of the size and saying, ‘What does my body need right now?’”

Ask Deanna how she got to this point of self-assurance, and she smiles and says, “Therapy is amazing.”

Most of us aren’t comfortable with such blunt honesty, but to Deanna, therapy is a natural expression of TOB. One thing COVID taught her is that God wants healing for our entire person: body, mind, and soul.

“I’m a whole person, and all of me is worth healing,” she said.

For the soul, there’s spiritual direction and prayer. For the body, good nutrition and exercise. For the mind, there’s therapy. It’s a gift, Deanna stresses, a gift for real people living in a real world.

Healed from anorexia

by Jen Holt

I did a happy-dance on the bathroom scale that morning. I’d shaved off two more pounds. But there was a problem. The dial was jiggling just over 85, and I was already cooking up strategies to get that number down to 84.

I had anorexia.

I wasn’t your typical anorexic. I’d lived a pretty insulated life—a Catholic homeschooler whose favorite getaway was the local library. I wrote poetry. Where did a sheltered bookworm absorb the cultural messages about body image that my parents had tried so hard to keep out?

Sadly, it’s no mystery. In a society that glorifies results and products, girls’ “assets”—of mind or body or personality—stand in the limelight while their subtler gifts are secondary...if they’re acknowledged at all.

Those who can’t measure up in one realm overcompensate in another.

My anorexia is the next woman’s obesity and her bestie’s day-drinking problem. It’s what we grab hold of to steady ourselves in a world that is always weighing us when we know we can’t measure up.

I was a freshman in college when I discovered the theology of the body. In it, I found hope and a welcome to be as big as I needed to be in whatever body God had given me.

The only requirement in the game of TOB was to love and to gift this love to others.

I realized I needed more energy if I was going to focus on full-time giving and loving. And energy comes from food. I gained almost 40 pounds over the next year, but I gained so much more than strength. I gained a new perspective about my calling as a woman, about what made me Somebody, and about what it meant to be enough. I realized I didn’t need to be the thinnest, the smartest, the cutest, the most sparkling personality. The authentic me was good enough. And I could share my good enough and watch it become “something beautiful for God,” to quote Mother Teresa.

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moments like that because we don’t feel worthy?

But I would have missed that moment.”

Our kids are watching. If we avoid the bathing suit because of a poor self-image, they’ll remember. If we prioritize finding the one that make us feel good in our skin, they’ll remember!

So this summer, give yourself the gift of being present. Don’t let self-consciousness rob you of precious memories. Put on the swimsuit and jump in!

4 ways to love yourself better Here’s what boosts Deanna’s body confidence Neither Kim Anderson nor Deanna Johnston, though, claim to have a perfect relationship with their bodies.

It’s a day-to-day battle, a work in process. Some days are better than others. No wound heals overnight.

But the best part about learning to love and accept ourselves is that it frees us to love others better. It’s hard to view others with more kindness and charity than we offer ourselves. “If we’re gentle with ourselves about where we are right now, the fruit of that is being gentle with other people too,” Deanna said. The more we embrace the journey our bodies have taken, the more free we are to extend that grace—to be a gift—to others.

Pool side So I ask Deanna: Are you comfortable going out in your swimsuit?

She laughs. “That’s the real test, right? I won’t lie.

There have been times when I do not feel like having that self-esteem battle, so I sit on the sidelines and watch the kids play.”

But mid-pandemic, her family installed a deluxe kiddie pool. Her kids were having a blast. Deanna took a breath, got over herself and sat down to have fun with them. “My kids don’t care that I’m the heaviest that I’ve ever been. They just want to be with me,” she said. “As moms, how often do we hold back from jumping into 38

1

Have fun! Exercise is great, but do what you love.

For Deanna, that’s dancing. “It brings me so much joy. The Cupid shuffle is my jam! Sometimes we forget to have fun, to just enjoy ourselves and nurture those places in ourselves where we feel the ache.”

2

Change the narrative. “Am I focused on weight because I’m fixated on a number? Or do I just want to feel better? As a mom of four, my goal is just to be the best version of myself that I can. What do I need to do to achieve that?”

3

Comparison is the thief of joy. Dress for the body you have now. Keeping old clothes tempts you to compare your current body with your former one.

Pass on those old friends to a consignment store or charity garage sale so they can bless others— and bless yourself with the gift of clothes that make you feel confident and attractive in the body you have now.

4

You know what to do—go do it! Adequate sleep, therapy, drinking plenty of water—focus on the basics. And don’t forget to nurture your talents, interests and gifts. The more we nurture our true selves, the more confident we become!

SUMMER 2022

IN THE SMALL TOWN of Reedsburg, Wis., there’s a club of retirees who call themselves “The Do-Nothing Club.”

It’s just what it sounds like.

But for Richard Braun, 72, retirement means something altogether different. It’s the fulfillment of living his faith for decades. “Our calling is to stay active, be a gift and and serve in any way we can at this point in our lives,” he said.

We are created in God’s image, to make that image visible in the world in concrete ways. But it can be hard to live that out fully during the demanding work-andchild-rearing years. Retirement offers the chance to walk the walk as well as talk the talk.

For Rich and his wife, Vicki, that means small faith groups, daily Mass and private prayer, weekly adoration and monthly confession. It means Sundays without work or even shopping (gasp!).

But the fruit of that spiritual work is action. For four years, Rich drove a bus for disabled patrons. Now he works at a local funeral home, transporting the deceased after they pass.

TOB

and the Golden Years

As we age, it’s vital to stay active— “to keep moving, to keep walking, bicycling, exercising.”

What makes all this possible? Taking care of his body!

As we age, Rich says, it’s vital to stay active—“to keep moving, to keep walking, bicycling, exercising.”

In recent years, he lost a lot of weight and increased his strength through fitness classes focused on

balance, stretching, core strength and coordination. These days, he can even play pickleball with his grandson.

Listening to Rich, one lesson becomes clear: Treat your body as a vessel for service and you have no time to hate it!

“Theology of the body ties everything together,” he said. “The physical, the emotional, the spiritual. We’ve learned to focus on our eternal lives. This world is here, and we have to deal with it, but it’s not the answer. There’s more ahead.”

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Elegant new swimwear line merges style and faith

by Christina Ries

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Church, and I hope to leave them with at least a positive impression of our exchange.”

Meanwhile, her sense of social justice was sparked by lively classroom discussions about ethical clothing production and eye-opening documentaries about sweat shops. She thought deeply about the dignity of the human person, the materials she would use, the wages she would pay and the ramifications on families.

The dream grew more vivid. There was no getting around it: She wanted to be a fashion designer.

She never feared that her aspirations and her Catholic faith were mutually exclusive. But she didn’t have any footsteps to follow.

“I didn’t see anyone merging their faith and fashion,” Catherine said. “That became a big source of motivation: ‘All right, I guess I have to.’”

Studying in Rome for a semester through the Catholic Studies program confirmed her desire to blaze a new trail.

“I had this interesting takeaway about how in Rome there’s a church or two on every block and then there will be a fashion house right next to the church. They’re sharing a wall! So I had this phrase: Chiesa to Marchesa. Church to Marchesa, a famous fashion designer.

It was a funny juxtaposition—but also seemed to be a God wink or an affirmation, as if God were saying, ‘Catherine, I see you and I hear the desires of your heart, and I’m with you in it.’”

A highlight of her study abroad was a trip to Siena.

The town shimmered in the Tuscan sun, a dreamy palette of soft yellow and creamy orange. The architecture felt both traditional and earthy.

The group of students went to Eucharistic adoration at a chapel where a Eucharistic miracle had taken place.

Catherine had a profound spiritual experience when they began singing praise and worship songs, one of her favorites after another.

“The Lord really touched me in a huge way,” she said.

Siena would always stay with her.

It shouldn’t be so hard to find a good swimsuit.

That was the overriding conviction Catherine Huss felt whenever she was swimsuit shopping—year after year, frustration after frustration, skimpy bikini versus frumpy one-piece. This frustration sprang from her Catholic faith, spurred by her study of apparel design and ultimately resulted in an elegant new swimwear line that just reached its first customers.

If she couldn’t find a swimsuit she liked, she would make one.

So she did.

Hundreds of other women liked it too, it turns out.

Fashion has always been a passion for Catherine, 30, who grew up in Coon Rapids, Minn., the youngest of four, and attended Church of the Epiphany, a vibrant suburban parish.

When it came time for college, she chose to explore her twin passions: faith and fashion. She shuttled between two campuses in St. Paul, Minn., studying Catholic Studies at the University of St. Thomas and apparel design at St. Catherine University.

She was impressed by the writings of St. John Paul II. “When he writes, it’s very loving. Many people think of the Church as more of a dictatorship—rules with no heart.

His writings feel very heart-led and compassionate. And they’re more palatable because of that. You can tell he cares about you.”

It was an approach that has informed Catherine’s conversations with non-Catholics and bitter, former Catholics in her fashion circles. “I take the position: ‘Let me listen to you talk about that.’ I might share my own experiences, but I use more of a listening approach. I try to remember that all of us—clergy and laity—represent the

Moment of truth

After college, Catherine relocated to California to work in the fashion industry. The free time provided while quarantining during Covid-19 inspired her to finally make her dreams a reality and launch a swimsuit line.

She named it Siena and Co. Swimwear.

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as pre-orders for this debut collection. Her goal for the 30-day campaign was $30,000 in sales.

“I didn’t know how this was going to go. I felt at peace with that. Either God is going to keep the doors open or He’s going to close them. I could get zero orders or I could meet the goal on the first day. Some people do that.

It took the whole 30 days, but we did reach it. It was very affirming. ‘Yes, people want this!’”

It would still take some time for those pre-orders to be processed, delayed by supply issues.

But those swimsuits—about 200 orders—were shipped in May. Reaching that milestone—her swimsuits in customers’ hands— was “amazing and surreal,” Catherine said.

Her day job, working on a contract basis for an apparel company, recently ended, and she’s trying to determine how to turn Siena and Co. into a full-time job, her dream. She’s eager to design new collections, introducing color and designing cover-ups, an under-developed component of swimwear.

The principles of theology of the body are evident in Catherine’s designs. “If the definition of a sacrament is to make visible that which is invisible, then that’s what our body is,” she said. “It’s meant to show others who we are, so that could be woman or man.”

A driving force of Siena and Co., she said, is her desire to uphold the dignity of each person—those who make the suits and those who wear them. “When it comes to fashion, I’m a firm believer that if you think you look good, you feel good and you show your best self to others.

You’re more confident. If you’re comfortable in what you’re wearing, you’re less worried about what you’re wearing and therefore can be more present to others around you.”

For her first collection, “The Classics Collection,” she strove for simple elegance, designing black swimsuits that neither revealed too much or too little, honoring the female figure in a demure, stately way. A high-waisted swim skirt. High-waisted swim briefs. A wrap top with a skirt. A classic swim dress. They are all made with sustainable materials, sewn by workers paid a fair wage.

Her moment of truth came in the fall of 2021 when she launched a Kickstarter campaign that would function 42

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As a single Catholic, she knows what it’s like to feel uncomfortable in a swimsuit. There were social gatherings she skipped for that reason. “Before I made my swimsuits, I would be self-conscious: ‘There are going to be men in this hot tub and you’re very close together.’”

She hopes her swimsuits can help other women in similar situations.

“Zoom out and remember where your identity lies.

How we look in a swimsuit doesn’t matter to the people who love us. When we’re in a suit—in the pool or at the beach—we’re generally around family and friends. I would love for us to just be very present with them and not worrying about how we look. Be there, don’t skip out on those situations. Your kids really do not care how you look in a swimsuit. They just want to be with you.”

The Theology of the Old Body continued from page 31

Some people say those with dementia don’t have compassion, but that was not true of BAM. When BAM realized she had asked the same question (she thinks just once or twice but usually a dozen times), she would often say, “How I feel for you.”

I am sorry to say that I never fully acquired the virtue of patience. So I would find myself needing to apologize to BAM for impatience and even meanness.

When I would, BAM would say, “Don’t speak about my daughter that way,” or “Nothing you do could offend me.”

“If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Tim. 5:8).

Opportunity

I taught Catholic moral theology for many years and had come to absorb intellectually the Church’s understanding of the infinite worth of each person no matter how disabled. The opportunity to care for my mother demonstrated to me the truth of that teaching in a powerful way. I am delighted to have had the opportunity to live out the commandment to honor my parents.

Passages from Timothy are clear about this duty: “If a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God” (1 Tim. 5:4).

“If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Tim. 5:8).

It helped that I had good examples before me. I remember as a child hearing of my father’s mother who took care of her mother-in-law in the waning years of her life. My BAM took care of her BAM for years before she died.

Yes, it was often arduous to care for her, but it was also truly a privilege. I continued to learn from her, from her graciousness, her perseverance, her flexibility and above all from her gratitude. My parents were generous and helpful to many throughout their lives. I am so glad to have had the opportunity to give at least some return on their generosity. My beloved aging mom was worth whatever it cost me in any way.

‘The first step’ The impetus to finally act on her longtime dream and launch a clothing line came from a specific mix of factors—quarantine, conviction and obligation. Catherine has reflected on that pivotal juncture.

“This has been a desire I’ve had since I was young, and what it really took was me taking that first step—pursuing it,” she said. “You can’t move a parked car. God is everything and does everything, but He also needs our cooperation.”

Now she’s quick to encourage others whose dreams have been deferred.

“If you have a desire or dream, take that first step. God makes it very clear then: either He will keep the door open or He will close the door, so you can just keep walking forward or find a new direction. Take the first step!”

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Simple gifts

Photos by Emily Hannon Instagram @emilybhannon

’Tis the gift to be simple, ’tis the gift to be free, ’Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be, And when we find ourselves in the place just right, ’Twill be in the valley of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gained, To bow and to bend we will not be ashamed, To turn, turn will be our delight, ’Till by turning, turning we come round right.

Edgar Meyer

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