Aripi Magazine No.1/2020

ARIPI Nr. 1 / 2020 This magazine is made by eLiberare with the support of Rescue: Freedom International.

The creation of this magazine wouldn’t have been possible without the help of some extremely special people, who embody the meaning of resilience, beauty and the power of moving forward.

It has been a privilege for us to create a platform where their voices can be heard. eLiberare focuses on building a social movement against human trafficking and sexual exploitation for over 7 years.

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Ioana Bauer

EDITORS Loredana Urzică Mirea Cristina Doboș Codruța Fernea Cătălina Matei

ART DIRECTOR Cătălina Matei © The reproduction of any material from this publication, without prior consent from eLiberare, is strictly forbidden.

www.eliberare.com

EDITORIAL The last thing you would expect when entering a shelter for vulnerable people is hearing laughter and joy. Most likely, this is the case for most of us. Nevertheless, things are totally different: if you want to see what resilience, moving forward, determination and beauty looks like, there is no better place to begin your search.

Too many times, although with our best intentions at heart, we end up replacing the voice of those we want to help with what we believe is best and useful for them. We make up programs, success indicators, well structured plans, but we forget to include those we serve in this process.

Aripi Magazine challenged what most of us accept as natural order. Instead of creating a resource with what we considered beneficial for the ones in need, we changed things around and began by listening.

We listened to the needs, ideas, preferences and, why not, frustrations of those with whom we meet weekly in mentoring and support group sessions. We allowed what we considered useful to be reviewed by them and we learned a lot from the first meeting.

It became clear that every survivor, no matter the gender, has both a personal path and clear preferences. All the colours, the fonts and the topics that ended up on these pages were tested against the most demanding filter, the filter of the people we work for on a daily basis at eLiberare.

We invite you to read what we consider to be the embodiment of resilience, recovery and moving forward, no matter the circumstances. These texts got their wings precisely because the people who contributed to them already had theirs.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS LIFESTYLE 12 A healthy plate 16 Thank you for the meal 20 Take care of yourself first

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30 There are 86400 seconds in a day

BEAUTY 06 What is beauty?

08 Your clothing recommends you

PERSONALITY 04 A letter to myself 22 Personality test 24 What can I do with sorrow?

34 Q&A

WORK

08

about things that ‹ Read you should consider when choosing an outfit

28 I am going to work abroad

HOBBY 37 My relaxation page 39 Journal

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22

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ideas about ‹ Practical how to take care of yourself

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out what is your ‹ Find personality type and get to know yourself better

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28 out the best advice ‹ Find to keep sadness at bay

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Fill in the blanks on the next page and send a message to your future version

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ARIPI MAGAZINE REVIS TA AR IPI

Dear

,

Now you are years old and look how far you’ve come!

E ven if you didn’t think it was possible, you finished and now you are a/an You went through a lot and that is not fair. People are made to be loved, not used, but you overcome what others did to you and became a strong, and person.

O ne of my favorite memories of you is when

There were people who just passed through your life that, although you thought you wanted for them to stay, you now realise that it was all for the best that they didn’t. But there are also people that you became fond of, that are still close to you: and , for example.

What I like best about you is and even though there are still things to improve, you have come so far!

I am glad that you have set goals to and You have all the resources to succeed: intelligence, strength, determination and persuasion; ( some might even say stubbornness, but only used for good).

Don’t forget: who you are is more important than what happened to you, and you are a beautiful story that is still in the making and has all the right reasons to have a happy ending.

With much love and affection,

Myself

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What is beauty?

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE handsome or beautiful?

Most people think that beauty is how they look, how they dress or what people see in them. What if beauty stands in things that cannot be seen?

What if beauty is about character?

What makes a person beautiful?

There are some things that nobody can argue that they are not beautiful:

Kindness Good people are beautiful because they leave good deeds behind and receive gratitude and appreciation for that. Doing something good for someone means making his/ her life more beautiful and better than what it was before you met him/her.

Self-confidence Generosity An old saying says that it is better to give, than to receive.

Try to remember the last time you gave someone a gift. It put a smile on that person’s face and on yours as well, didn’t it?

Love There is nothing more beautiful in the world than love. Both love given and received.

A loving person is not only attractive, but makes the world a better and a more beautiful place, through his/her actions.

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It is very important to believe in yourself!

It does not mean you will never make mistakes, it means you will always try to be the best version of yourself.

Learn from your mistakes and try again next time!

Happiness It is said that happy girls are the most beautiful. It also works for guys, of course! When a person is happy, that can be seen on his/ her face and in his/her behaviour. A happy person brings joy to the people around him/ her, and their beauty will be passed onto others.

Nobody can give you beauty and therefore, nobody can take it away from you! Beauty comes from the inside, and even if people usually only look at what is visible on the surface, what’s inside will eventually come out. Instead of trying hard to look good in a way or another, you should make sure you have a beautiful character and everything else will come naturally.

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We all heard the saying: “Do not judge a book by the cover”, and it applies to when we meet someone for the first time: not judging by the clothes that he/ she is wearing, but by the character and after we interact with each other. But in real life this usually happens the other way around: people form a first impression of you or others based on what you are wearing, the way your hair or make-up looks like and that happens because the first “dialogue” you have with someone is a non-verbal one, followed by the actual dialogue.

Only after these, the person in front of you will see your character.

Furthermore, we must admit that someone’s choice of clothing says something about them.

Clothes are things that you see every time you meet a person, no matter where that is: at school, at a job interview, in the street, on a date or when going out with friends.

By watching closely, you can form an opinion about someone depending on their outfit, be it a day to day outfit or a more special one.

You only have one shot to make a first impression,

Budget comes first

when buying clothes.

How much can you spend?

It is important to choose comfortable clothes, both of good quality and affordable.

Where are we going today?

It should be the first question that comes to mind when choosing our outfit from the wardrobe. It is important to dress according to the occasion or the place. For example, we cannot wear the same clothes to the park, at school or at work. When you are going to the beach, you choose a more relaxed outfit compared to the one you would wear at a wedding or a party.

so you should stay true to yourself wherever you go, because elegance and simplicity are always fashionable.

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An outfit for

SCHOOL

An outfit for

WORK

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An outfit for a

WALK

An outfit for a

PARTY

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A healthy

PLATE

Our body and mind is influenced by what and how much we eat and good choices help us stay healthy and fit.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away! Whatever you have on your plate plays an important role in keeping you healthy.

vegetables Vegetables, especially greens, must cover almost the entire plate. Potatoes,on the other hand (french fries in particular), don’t fall under this category.

fruit Fruit is an ideal snack between meals.

You should eat fruit of all colours.

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carbohydrates Cereals, potatoes, bread, rice should only be consumed in small quantities and should only cover a quarter of your plate.

protein Chicken, turkey, beef, fish, cheese, yogurt, eggs, beans or nuts are the main foods in a healthy diet. You should avoid cold meats, ham and processed meat as much as possible.

water Drink water in large quantities, as well as natural tea and limit the coffee intake. Sugary beverages must be avoided. It is as important to hydrate your body, as it is to eat healthy.

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Some

PRACTICAL ADVICE for a healthy lifestyle:

1 2 3 4 5 6

Make time, about 10 minutes a day, for yourself and your thoughts.

Eat slowly and make sure you chew your food thoroughly.

Stop eating when you are 80% full.

Plan your meals, by making a list of options for breakfast, lunch and dinner

Keep a sleep schedule.

Exercise 30 minutes a day, by taking long walks, by running or doing sports that you enjoy.

Make sure you keep fit!

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Thank you for the

MEAL! It is well known that a lady should dress nicely, wear natural makeup and speak well in order to make a good impression. But it is also important to pay attention to table manners. Here is some advice about how to enjoy a meal, surrounded by people, and avoiding embarrassing situations, making sure you make a good impression.

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Wait for everyone to sit at the table

Having a meal is more than just eating. Even if you are very hungry, you should take into consideration the fact that company is more important than food. So, do not start eating before everyone has been served. While waiting, you can help or talk to others. Only when everyone is seated and has their food, you can say “ Bon appetit!” and start eating.

2

Watch your table manners

1. Wash your hands before eating, to avoid spreading germs in your food and keep healthy.

2. Use cutlery, to avoid getting dirty and in order not to touch the food that others might take.

3. You can have a conversation while eating, but don’t speak with your mouth full. It is not pleasant for others to see that and you can choke. It is advisable to take small bites and chew them with your mouth shut.

3

Try to keep things clean

Plates and cutlery will get dirty, but you shouldn’t have to clean the whole kitchen after each meal. Use napkins to wipe your hands and mouth and avoid getting food on the table or the floor.

4. It is impolite to take all the room around you at the table and to touch people next to you with your elbows, so keep them off the table and keep your feet near or under your chair.

5. Should you need something that is not easily accessible on the table for you, ask someone to get it for you, rather than reaching for it and risking to spill something all over the table.

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5

Create a nice mood

Do not only focus on the food. Meal time is a perfect occasion for nice talks. Make sure you choose the right subject. Do not choose one that might offend people or start a fight.

Only speak after finishing chewing and do not start a conversation if others have already started one of their own.

6 4

Take a bite before saying no

It is possible for you not to like certain foods.

It is ok to have preferences, but do not criticise the food being served; the person that cooked the food might take offense in that.

1. Do not refuse food before tasting it. If you do not like something, leave it on the plate 2. If the food is too hot, don’t make a fuss and do not blow in it. Wait for it to cool down.

3. If a certain food is difficult to chew or if it gets stuck between your teeth, go to the toilet and remove it there. It is not a nice sight for others, if left on the plate or in a napkin.

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Take your time

If food is served on a platter, do not grab the biggest piece, but the one in front of you.

If you finish eating a course, wait for others to do so as well, do not ask for the next course before them.

9

Excuse yourself politely

There is nothing wrong in wanting to leave the table for certain reasons. But do so for a short while. Should you need to leave the table, apologise and get up without creating a disturbance to others. Come back when you are done to continue eating or to help clean the table.

7

Pay attention to those around you!

Even if you have to wait, don’t start checking your makeup or fixing your hair, while at the table.

Use this time to spark a conversation with those around you or start helping with setting or cleaning the table.

8

Avoid being stuck on the tv screen or on your phone while eating. Should you want to talk to someone, excuse yourself, leave the area for a bit and then come back when you can focus on the people around you.

Do not be discouraged if you make mistakes

If you accidentally do something impolite, try not to draw attention to

and took offence to it, apologize. No one knows everything and it is

yourself. Correct your mistakes quietly, it might have gone unnoticed.

If someone did see it

normal to make mistakes while learning. Keep practicing and next time you will do better!

Article inspired by the book : "Codul bunelor maniere astăzi" - Aurelia Marinescu

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Thank the person who cooked

There is nothing better for someone who cooks than to see that their food is appreciated and the “thank you” received at the end of a meal is like a dessert for their soul. You can say “Thank you for the meal” even if the food was not your favourite, only to appreciate his/ her work. If you want to be funny, you can say “thank you” with a rhyme and everyone will laugh, ending the meal on a positive note.

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TAKE CARE YOURSELF OF

Oftentimes we are overwhelmed by the things we need to do every day.

Either because people around need us, or because our daily schedule is exhausting, the truth is that we can forget to take care of our own self. Because it is difficult to think about ourselves amid all that, we need to make a self-care plan and stick to it.

BO

Below you can find some practical things you could use for your mental and physical wellbeing, to maintain healthy relationships with the people around you and to take care of your own feelings.

DY

Play ball with your friends.

Go for a run or practice any other sport.

Go for a walk in nature.

Dance as often as you can.

Ride your bike.

MIND Look for the shapes of the clouds in the sky.

Read something with another person.

Draw or place your thoughts on paper.

Imagine and plan for what you want to do in the future.

Go for a walk to clear your thoughts and search for new things around you.

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REVIS TA ARIPI

IONS AT

IPS

RE

H

L

Enjoy meals with your colleagues and friends.

Call your family or write a letter to your loved ones.

Speak about what friendship means and what you think is a good friend.

Join the activities that are organised at school, in the center or in the community you live in.

U

SE F UL

6

Keep your living space clean.

Share responsibilities with the people you live with.

Build a routine for the morning and evening.

Learn how to best manage your money.

Do the homework and tasks given to you at school, in center or from your family.

EMOT

NS IO Watch a movie with your friends.

Write a letter to someone you love.

Talk about what you feel with people around you, even when it seems hard.

Tell the people around you when you appreciate them.

Draw a self portrait.

Tell a joke.

Plan a tree.

Pray for you and your own.

Talk about what it means to forgive.

Make a list of things you are grateful for.

Thank someone who made you feel better.

Spend time in nature, near trees and flowers.

I SPIR

T

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Personality test Have you ever wondered why some people are so noisy, energetic and full of humor, while others are quiet, calm and attentive to the details? We are all different, and this is a good thing.

If you have some qualities, they deserve to be valued, and we need to work on our weaknesses.

How well do you know yourself? The test below will help you find out what kind of temperament you have. Read each description and write an X in the square next to the column that suits you the best. If you don’t know the meaning of a word you can ask others around you.

Understanding Disorganized Forgetful Forgiving Easy to discourage Undisciplined Extrovert You interrupt others Full of life You give up quickly Spontaneous Communicative Joyful Friendly You are often late

RARELY

DOLPHIN TOTAL SCORE:

You are bossy Decisive Honest Self-confident Stubborn Open minded Adventurous Competitive Bold Brave Compelling Feisty Insensitive Direct Hard worker LION TOTAL SCORE:

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OFTEN

Sensitive Critical A good friend Insecure Hard to feel content You get upset easily Lonely You sacrifice yourself for others Introvert Respectful Perfectionist Organized You forgive hard Tidy Creative

RARELY

CAT TOTAL SCORE:

Very quiet Lacking in enthusiasm Pessimistic Hesitant Shy Snappy Stubborn Worried / concerned Relaxed Indecisive Slow Unapproachable Calm Patient Trustworthy / reliable SWAN TOTAL SCORE:

OFTEN

Count the X-s from each section of the Heart column and see where you have the highest score.

The section with the highest score represents your basic temperament and the second one represents your secondary temperament.

SA N G U I N E TEMPER AMENT

Dolphin This type of people are full of life, extroverts, curious and creative. Those with sanguine characters adore taking risks, get bored quickly always try to have fun and adapt easily in any situation. But the fact that they are always in search of new experiences, makes them more vulnerable to vices than other people. Sanguines have many ideas, therefore they usually choose jobs in marketing, PR, tourism, fashion, cooking, theatre, acting or sports.

MEL ANCHOLIC TEMPER AMENT

Cat

Melancholic people are very calm and loyal.

They love order and routine, therefore they always make plans. They are patient, pay attention to details and fulfill their goals, slowly, but surely. If they exaggerate with organising things, they can get rigid and stubborn. It is a good thing that they think twice before doing something, but this can also affect them in a negative way, if they overthink about the past and about what they should have done differently. The perfect careers for melancholics are: social area, event planning or administration.

CHOLERIC TEMPER AMENT

P H L E GM AT I C TEMPER AMENT

People with choleric temperaments are perfect for leading positions, due to their qualities, such as: ambition, will, dynamic character. They are usually successful and hard-working, but they are not always very friendly or sociable. They usually speak less and like having deep conversations.

Cholerics like having control of everything and tend to be bossy. If cholerics know how to speak right, they can be motivating people. Ideal jobs for this type of people are in: management, statistics, engineering, programming and business.

Phlegmatic people are relaxed, nice, friendly, full of compassion and confident in their relationships, often doing charity work. They are in search of beautiful and lasting relationships. Phlegmatics tend to avoid conflicts and do not come between others to reconcile them. They are sometimes insecure, cannot focus on details and want to please everybody.

Ideal careers for them are in: medical care, teaching, psychology or counseling, child development or public services.

Lion

Swan

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What can I do with

SORROW?

„One day I feel great, the next one I am sad.

What did not seem a big deal the day before, I find very difficult to deal with today.” Mary Insecurity can cause different moods on a daily basis.

You can understand your feelings and you can learn how to cope with them, so that they do not take control over your life. Let’s talk about sadness, for example.

Sadness is a feeling that we have when we lose things: personal belongings, health, a friend, an important relationship, the certainty of a known environment or someone you loved. Sadness comes to remind us what is important to us and most importantly, who are the people and what are the things that give meaning to our lives.

When you feel sad, you might want to cry without a reason, your body is tired, you lack energy and maybe you are not interested in things that used to bring you joy. When people feel like that, the only thing they want is to be alone, but the best solution is to be surrounded by people, who can help us overcome sadness.

We can sometimes mistake sadness for other emotions,

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such as rage, hate, shame or anxiety, but it is important to think why we feel that way, in order to really understand what we feel.

For example, when we blame others for our sadness, if we try to get rid of sadness by

How do we deal with

1

SADNESS?

Sadness is a normal feeling, a part of who we are and we cannot always avoid it.

When we feel sad and we want to be left alone, trusted people around us can listen and help us.

2

Find out the true reason for your sadness.

Take time to understand it and talk to a trustworthy grown-up about what you feel. Also, you can write about or draw your feelings in a diary or you can hug someone, after asking for permission.

Usually, when people are sad, they are not in the mood for anything and the longer they embrace this feeling, the harder it is for them to overcome it. So, what can you do? You can exercise, play games or meet people, as a method to get rid of sadness.

3

Always remember that no matter how sad you are, there is always hope. Allow yourself to find out what is the reason for your sadness. It is up to you to face it!

passing it to someone else, hate comes along.

If we consider ourselves guilty for a loss, shame comes along.

If we are stuck with the feeling of a loss for a long time, anxiety comes along. b

6 TIPS TO FIGHT

SORROW Spend more time outside and take your daily dose of vitamin D.

Keep a diary to document your thoughts and the negative emotions.

Arrange your living space, in order to stay in the sun for as long as possible.

Avoid unhealthy eating habits.

Stay in the sun.

Take long walks outside.

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e ss ?

is

What

dn

your d n i sa h e b

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I'M GOING

TO WORK

in another country

”I'm so glad to leave the country.

I found a job, which I like a lot and I can't wait for new adventures elsewhere.”

Ana told me full of enthusiasm, when she finally found a job abroad.

1

Useful phone numbers

2

Anti-trafficking helpline

Number of the diplomatic mission in the country of destination - find out the number of the Romanian embassy or consulate in the country where you will travel. Put it in a safe place.

We often hear about jobs that seem unreal, too good to be true. Very high wage, many benefits and easy work tasks. However, we must be careful about these jobs, which don’t seem trustworthy and are easy to find, you earn a lot of money (a few thousand euros/month) and you don’t work a lot.

If you thought you'd like to go to work in another city, country or on holiday, there are a few thighs you need to know / do before you leave. Here are some of the things I recommend anyone going to work abroad should do.

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Call 0 800 800 678 (free national call) or 004 021 313 31 00 (available also from abroad) if you think you encountered a potential case of human trafficking.

An employee of the National Agency Against Trafficking in Persons will answer the emergency number and will be ready to take the information and pass it on to the authorized personnel for intervention.

3

Legal employment contract, in Romanian

Don’t leave for work based on something someone says or based on a contract in a language that you don’t understand.

Make sure you have a legal contract, in Romanian. In the case of documents written in the language of the destination country, request the translation of the documents from an authorized translator.

4

Security Password

The security password is a simple thing which can end up saving your life. Before you leave the country, establish a simple sentence with a family member/ friend with whom you will talk constantly (otherwise, this person will contact the authorities if they don’t hear). This phrase should be a very easy one to slip into a normal conversation. For example, when a person asks you how are you, or what are you doing you can say positive things, even though they are not true, followed by the security phrase ‘but, Ihave a toothache”.

This phrase will convey the need for help, but without raising the suspicion of the person that is threatening you.

5

Copy of your ID card

6

Emergency contact

7

Address & phone number from the workplace

Make sure you take some copies of your identity card with you. Don't put them all in the same wallet.

Hide one in a coat pocket.

Remember that only the police can ask for and take your ID.

The emergency contact is someone who will become aware if he/she won’t get any news from you, someone who travels and takes action accordingly (e.g. contacts your family, the police, the Agency Against Trafficking in Persons, etc.). This person can be a close friend from the country you are traveling to or a trusted person at home.

Make sure you know the exact location and contact number of the workplace you are going to. Check these coordinates before you leave the country, either by using the internet (Google, Maps, etc.) or by calling in advance to confirm these details.

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86400 30

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seconds

Every individual is unique and has his/ her own daily habits. Whether you know it or not, you also have such habits - things that you repeatedly do, known as a daily routine. Let’s see what schedule and daily routine you have. Carefully pay attention to the things you do and see what habits make you happier, more full of life and healthier.

What does having a daily routine mean?

It means having a certain amount of time, during the day, to do certain things. It does not mean to postpone certain activities, but to make habits. For example, regular physical exercise and a well determined sleep schedule can help you feel better and be less stressed. Some things should be done before lunch, because they should be avoided in the evening. It is very important to end the day well, because it can affect your well being and the things you do the next day. Everything comes together, everything is connected.

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Physically: Your body needs daily exercise, whether you choose dancing on your favourite song, running or physical exercise.

Socially: We are social beings and we need people around us. Whether you choose to talk on the phone with someone you love, or you choose to meet that person, pay attention to him/her and be entirely present at the meeting.

Home: Take care of yourself and of the place where you spend your time.

Little things make a difference: make your bed, clean your desk, help out in the kitchen!

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Relaxation: Do something for your soul! Find relaxing things and include them in your daily routine, such as: reading, gardening, meditation or simply listening to your favourite music.

There are

86 400

seconds in a day.

Make each and every one of them count!

Free time: You can do anything you want, as long as you feel good and the activities are helpful and positive.

Make time to be grateful Every evening, before going to bed, make notes of the things you are grateful for that day. You can also write down experiences and feelings of the day, things that inspired you or anything that you consider helps you put your thoughts and feelings in order. It has been scientifically proven that gratitude significantly amplifies physical and mental well-being.

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?

See the answers to the questions on the Next Page >

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Dear Mary,

Dear Ann,

We are glad that you found a person that loves you and fulfills all your wishes. It is a very important decision to take and we advise you to think twice before deciding.

Try to find out more about the place where you are going, where you will stay and what exactly will your job be. Before leaving the country, make sure you sign a work contract in a language that you understand. Avoid working without a legal contract or depending entirely on someone, only for the sake of the dream of “a better life”. If your boyfriend does not want to give you details, you should be cautious. It is common that women end up doing dangerous things for the people they love, out of too much trust. Please also read the article about going abroad, to find out more information that can help you both, if you find yourselves in a difficult situation.

A healthy relationship is based on respect, trust and on the fact that both people involved understand the need to have a personal life, outside of the relationship.

Having hobbies, friends and intimacy on social media accounts or even moments of solitude is perfectly normal. Do not let anyone make you feel guilty for not spending enough time together and do not allow this to keep your friends or family away. In Romania, human trafficking happens right in front of our eyes and traffickers are usually people from the victims’ circle of friends, who win their trust and take control, to later exploit them. It is your decision to continue with this relationship, but if things go on like this, please do not hesitate to ask for help. Nobody can make you stay in a relationship that is not good for you.

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Dear Violet, We are sorry for the delicate situation you are in. What is online, stays there, even in private messages, so next time pay more attention to the content of the messages we send. It would be advisable to talk about your situation with your parents or with somebody you trust and even if you feel embarrassed you should ask for help from the police and a lawyer. Your ex boyfriend must find out that the use or publication of intimate pictures of an identifiable person, by any means, without that person’s consent, is considered a criminal act in Romania and it is punished with imprisonment. Do not allow fear or shame to put you in a situation in which you accept things that are not good for you.

YOUR MOMENT

of relaxation

We have just one life!

Let's colour it!

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Journal

Put your thoughts on paper

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