The Little Manual for a State of Well Being * Efforts from the Past *

TLM-1st Edition/Volume 3

The Little Manual for a State of Well Being Efforts from the Past

Past (pɑːst, pæst)

Singular Noun. The past is the time before the present, and the things that had happened.1

The concept of forgetting about the past; letting go of the past; leave the past behind; don't concentrate on the past but the future; etc. We all have gone through a discussion of some sort in relation to this topic. However, is there a specific space in our minds for the past?

The answer is Yes. Can you really forget about the past? The answer is No. Can you let go of the past? The answer depends on each of you. Could we heal from things that happened to us in the past? The answer is Definitely, Yes.

“Often, we look so long at the closed door, that we don't see the one that has opened for us.”

- Helen Keller 1

Collins English Dictionary. Copyright © HarperCollins Publishers

As we grow up, our minds collect information around us, with the help, as you now know, from our five senses. The collection gathered, over time, is what we become as we continue our development through life. Each individual builds a past as each day passes by. Good and bad memories start building up in our minds. The mind, at some point, becomes overwhelmed by many memories and new data processing, which adds weight onto our minds. Plus, once you add the emotions associated with each of the memories collected, you start carrying double the weight! Your inner strength starts to weaken, and your disposition to control each emotion becomes a problem for you and later you pass it on to others. The world then starts becoming such a big burden. Everything seems to be running against you!

Let’s take a clear and simple approach on how to deal with our ‘PAST’! The power of our minds--to get rid of obsessive attachments, which we also now know are just mental and not physical constructs--is something we need to keep in control to be able to make the right decisions at the right time. The Objective I, which is the one that influences many of our everyday decisions. For example; I went to college! I bought this house! I am sending my kids to the best school! It is always so obsessive when you talk about your things, in comparison when talking about others: you don’t really care because they are not your things and accomplishments. But is that all there is in life? Of course not! You need to keep your wisdom and discrimination under control. To have a better understanding, we will connect the topics we previously (in Vol. 2) discussed--the objective versus subjective--with this ‘PAST’ topic and you will be able to see how much influence our past has on our daily lives. We accumulate a lot of information in our minds, naturally, of course, but our mind also gets tired and cluttered with so much input like physical work, everyday events, commuting, etc., that it takes effort for our minds to process. When the efforts are excessive, it then creates abnormality. That abnormality creates stress and anxiety. As Swami Anubhavananda2, describes it in his lecture of Shaping the Mind3; “...when the mind puts lots of effort it gets tired in no time. When the mind works effortlessly, there is no tiredness, therefore if we really want to invoke the inner strength of our mind, we have to find out techniques in a way for us to be effortless in life! We have to drop our total past…let us practice, do not interact very strongly to anything. Keep it cool!” What the great Swami is saying is to find ways to process things in life in a simpler manner. The less effort we put into “things” that distract us from our paths, the better we will do in life. We have to have patience for effortless build-ups in our minds. If you can concentrate only on the thing you are doing at the moment, without letting the things around you distract you or interact strongly with you, you will be able to let your mind be free from effort, thus letting your mind work smoothly. When I was younger, I commuted to school by bus, and there was this lady passenger who seemed motionless, always looking straight, even if there 2 3

A renowned exponent of Indian wisdom through sincere devotion, spiritual thinking, expression of joy and zero complaints in life.

Swami Anubhavananda, Shaping the Mind (Discovering the Inner Self) on YouTube Channel, April 29th 2012. Part 2.

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was noise or a person yelling next to her on the bus, or someone complaining to the driver.

She would not move a finger. One day, I sat next to her and asked her, “How are you able to always be so cool about all the happenings around you on the bus?” She smiled at me and said, “If I let the things that don’t belong to me into my heart, I will not live longer!”

“Remember this,” she said. “There will always be distractions in life. However, if we don’t take things personally, life will be much better!

“At the end of the day, we can endure much more than we think we can.”

- Frida Kahlo

Bad memories vs. good memories. Most of us spend much of our lives concentrating on our past, or we keep living in someone else’s past, so that we become dependent on it, causing it to affect our present in a very wrong way. We also tend to concentrate much more on the bad memories than the good memories. You all might be asking: Why? Let’s see an example for a better understanding. In my neighborhood, I had a childhood friend who had a small rabbit as a pet, which he loved so much. Sometimes I would play with him, and we would both feed the rabbit, until it grew big and healthy.

One day,

the father killed his pet rabbit by accident. The mother decided to cook the rabbit and serve it for dinner. As they had already eaten, they decided to give the bad news to my friend. The worst was that the father decided to tell him that they had served his pet for dinner, thinking it might do some good for his son. My friend went straight to the toilet and vomited for the longest time, and even got sick for about two days. To this day, my friend cannot eat rabbit, and when he sees a plate which seems similar to that particular plate from his childhood, his mind associates it with his bad memory, and he is not able to eat it! I remember he told me that he would dream of having the rabbit in his stomach, wanting to get out! When an emotion from the past, a bad memory, is very intense, it will affect you in your future life, without a doubt. Such strong bad memories are hard to forget. However, they can be managed. The pure sense that each of you never stops growing--physically and mentally--should be a basis for you to deal with the healing of those bad memories or past experiences. As adults, we keep punishing ourselves. We keep going back to the bad memories like these: I always do bad in math; I am not good at presentations; I get so nervous I cannot even speak; I am a very bad engineer, etc. All of those things, which are most associated with a bad memory, then take control of our minds--preventing the possibility of accomplishing things and moving forward. But worse than that, it takes away the possibility of becoming a better human being. The mind, if you learn to manage it, should be able to help us take back control of our lives.

“History, besides its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not to be lived again!”

- Maya Angelou

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It’s not only about being positive or negative towards something, it is about being able to free your mind--free from efforts, free from distortions from your past, free from retaliation. Remember that maintaining your inner strength, letting go of the obsessions in your life, not getting mentally attached to things, listening to your inner voice and managing the all-empowering non-I versus the submissive-I balance within your inner self, are key to letting your mind be free from the obstacles that could consume your inner strength. Without a strong mind, the road in front of you becomes more narrow and less enjoyable.

“Don’t ever make decisions based on fear. Make decisions based on hope and possibility. Make decisions based on what should happen, not what shouldn’t.”

– Michelle Obama, former U.S. First Lady

The bad memories are not going anywhere, they will always be part of us, but they have to be kept in a “safe,” as I call it, and “free from efforts.” When we begin managing our bad memories, ‘PAST’ situations that caused us trouble and made us unhappy, we start freeing space in our minds--thus functioning better. You have to be able to notice the difference when talking, for example, about a good memory. Our faces change, our mood becomes elevated, and we are motivated to engage others in enjoyable conversations about our experiences. Can you do that with a bad memory? Of course, you can. If you have the power to make that bad memory seem “free from efforts,” it will help you change YOUR perspective in life. You will become stronger and more capable of managing any given circumstances that affected you before and bring them into the “now”--the present--without any retaliation against yourself. The “now,” which is the present, is all you have. It is all we can promise to ourselves for succeeding in life. Eventually, after you have overcome all of those ‘PAST’ bad experiences, you will be lighter, “free from efforts,” and much happier. It will be YOU at the end of all things, like it has always been. You will be able to focus better in life. You will heal.

“Let us make our future now, and let us make our dreams tomorrow’s reality.”

– Malala Yousafzai

Going back to the beginning of this Little Manual, we can now see that the ‘PAST’ is part of us and it is something we can manage in our minds. We cannot forget the past, but we understand that it is already gone. Yesterday is dead, so we can let go of bad memories or experiences and, most importantly, we are able to HEAL from those things of the ‘PAST.’ Healing is not that easy, but it is one of the most important aspects of your life.

Keep strong. Keep the past in a “safe” for which only you have the key to unlock it, so you can let go of the bad memories inside of it. Let nothing stop YOU from becoming what YOU want to be!

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All pics by Efra Gonz.

EXERCISE - THE PAST * BAD MEMORIES Find a place around where you are, where you feel comfortable. This exercise can be done with the help of someone, if needed.

Bring a bad memory up from your past which you would like to work on. Think about that memory in terms of “fixing it.” What you would like to change about it might be hard, but you have the strength to do it. Don't hesitate! As you bring back the memory, turn it into a healing process, as I will explain next; Talking about it is Healing. Thinking about it is Healing. Speaking to yourself about it is Healing. Sharing your experiences is Healing. Forgiving a particular person in that memory is Healing.

After you have done all of these processes, do the next.

Now imagine you have a ‘free from efforts’ “safe” just like mine. Place that bad memory inside the “safe” and lock it! You have the key, in your mind. There is only one key. You already have freed space in your mind. Don’t doubt that. Don’t open the “safe” unless it is to work on another bad memory as you choose. As time goes by, you will be letting go of the ‘PAST’ and things will start to become more clear in life.

LOVE! PEACE! HAPPINESS! Remember to continue reading issues of my Little Manual, as we will be bringing in new topics which connect to the previous ones. This is a process of support for you, for a State of Well Being! Don’t forget to share this!

Article Written by Efra Gonz Edited by Tammy Gomez For any help or support you might need, contact Efra Gonz @ nochenoir@h mail.com 5