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AMEMORYTHATONCEWAS

LEXIBISSEN

Copyright©2024LexiBissen

Allrightsreserved Nopartofthispublicationmaybereproduced,distrusted,ortransmittedinanyformorbyanymeansincludingphotocopying,recording,orother electronicormechanicalmethods,withoutthepriorwrittenpermissionofthepublisher,exceptinthecaseofbriefquotationsembodiedinthecriticalreviewsandcertain othernoncommercialpermittedbycopyrightlaw Thisnovelisfiction Thatmeansallitscontentinducingcharacters,names,places,andbrandsareproductsoftheauthor’simaginationorusedinafictionalmanner Any similaritiestoactualpeople,livingordead,places,oreventsarepurelyaccidental.

Editing:RumiKhan,andMyBrother’sEditor

CoverDesign:OpulentDesigns

CoverImage:CadwalladerPhotography

PROLOGUE

Three Years Ago

Movingmybrother intohisdormfor hisfirstyear ofcollegeisbittersweet.Partofmeishappyfor Camdentobeginthis journeyandworktowardsomethinghehasalwayswanted.He’sputincountlesshoursofbloodandsweatintohissoccer career,andgettingafull-ridescholarshiptoBraxtonUniversityhasbeenadreamofhis Theotherpartofmeissadhewon’t bearoundasmuch.

WhileBraxtonisnotfar fromthehousewegrew upin,Iknow Camdenwill bebusywithschool andpractice Plus,me onlybeingfifteenmeansIdon’thaveasetofwheelsoradriver’slicensetogettohimanytimeIwant.

“Areyousureyoupackedenoughunderwear?”mymomasksassheneatlytransfersclothingfromthestuffedsuitcasetothe dresserprovidedbytheschool.

Camden’sdormroomisn’tthatsmall,butit’ssupposedtohousetwoguys.Sinceheisintheathleticbuilding,theyhavethe luxury of having their own bathroomand small kitchenette area with a mini fridge, sink, and microwave The non-athlete studentsarestucksharingacommunitybathroomwitheveryotherpersonontheirfloor,andtheyhavetoshowerbehindathin curtainandusethetoiletwhileseveralotherpeoplecomeinandoutoftheroomforvariousreasons

“Knock,knock,”someonecallsoutfromthepartiallycloseddoor leadingtothehallway.Itslowlyopensandinwalksa guyIcanonlydescribeasthebest-lookingboyIhaveeverseen.Hisdarkblondhairiscutshortandstyledinamessylook, likehehasbeenrunninghisfingersthroughit.He’stall,probablyaroundmybrother’sheight,atoversixfeet,andhaslonglegs andarms.

Thestrangerraiseshishandandwavesatthethreeofus “Hey,I’mMaddoxStone I’mguessingyou’remyroommate?”He walksfartherintotheroomandholdsalargehandouttomybrother.

Camdensmilesandtheyshakehands “Nicetomeetyou I’mCamden,andthisismymom,Claire,andsister,Trazia” Maddoxcocksabrow.“Trazia?That’sdifferent.”Hisgreeneyesstareintomineashestudiesme.

Smiling, I break our connection and look over to my mother. “She felt like after giving my brother a boring-ass name, somethinguniquewasneededforthenextchild”

“Trazia,language,”mymotherscoldsunderherbreath.

Rollingmyeyes,Iwaveahandatthebeautifulboystandingonlyafewfeetfromme “He’sstartingcollege,Mom I’msure he’sheardworsethanass. ”

Momrubshertempleswithbothherpointerfingers “Oy vey You’regoingtogivemeearlygrayhairs,Iswear” Camdenlaughsandthrowshisarmoverhershoulders.“WeallknowTrazistheonewhoisgoingtokeepyouonyourtoes, Ma.”Helaughsandgrabsmymom’skeysoffthebedafterremovinghisarm.“How aboutyouandIgetthelastoftheboxes fromthecarandtalkshitaboutyoursecondfavoritewhilewe’regone?”

Momraisesaneyebrow atme.“Startunpackinghisclothes,please.Andkeepthelanguageclean.Idon’twantthisyoung mantothinkIraisedunrulychildren”

“Fine,butI’mnottouchinghisunderwear.”

The two make their wayoutofthe room, leavingme alone withMaddox. He takes one ofthe large duffle bags into his handsanddropsitontheextra-longtwinbed.Themusclesinhistricepsflexashegrabstheotheroneanddepositsitbeside thefirst

“Yougoingtoschoolheretoo?”heasksashestartsunloadingclothes.

IbegintodothesamewithCamden’sjeansandshorts,tryingtokeepmycoolwithanolder,hotguytalkingtome It’snot like I’msome shygirl whohas never spokentoa boybefore,butnotone like Maddox.None whomake mystomachflutter. Thatisnewforme,andI’mnotsurewhattomakeofit

FoldingCamden’sjeanssotheyaren’trolledintoaballliketheywerewhenhepackedthem,Ianswerhim.“No.I’mstill inhighschool,buthopefullyIcangetinherewhenit’smytime.”

Truthfully, three more years of high school sounds terrible Next year I won’t have my big brother there with me, and makingfriendshasalwaysbeenastruggleofmine.MostgirlsIgotoschoolwithwantedtobefriendsbecausetheysawitasa waytogetclosertoCamden,butluckilyIwasabletoseethroughthefakepeople Havingapopularbrother,whommanyfind attractive,makesithardtofindtruefriendsandnotoneswhowanttouseyou.

“That’s a shame We could have had some funthis year” Ilookup atMaddoxand he winks atme before goingbackto stuffingclothesinhisdrawers.

BeforeIcanaskhimwhathemeansbythat,Camdenandmymomwalkinwithmorestufftounpack.

MybrainisjumbledtryingtofigureoutwhatMaddoxmeantaswealltakeonthetasksofunpacking,folding,andfinding homesforrandomitems.CamdenandMaddoxgettoknoweachotheralittlemoreasMomandIworkinthebathroom.

Bythetimewe’refinished,theguyshavefreshmanorientation,andMomandIarereadytoheadbackhome MomgrabsCamdeninatighthugandburiesherfaceinhischest,hidingwhatIassumeareafewtears.MaddoxandIstand offtotheside,lettingthemhaveamother-and-sonmoment.

“Maybewe’ll seeeachother around?Imean,youshouldcomevisitthecampus sometimes.Gettoknow theareabefore youbecomeastudent,”Maddoxwhisperstome.

Smiling,Iduckmyhead “Yeah,maybe Thinkyoucouldshowmearound?” “Seeingashowittookmethreebuildingstofindthisone,I’msureI’llmakeanexcellenttourguide.”

MombreaksawayfromCamden,andhewipesunderhereyesbeforegivingherakissonherforehead “Givemeahug,littlesis.”CamdenholdshisarmsoutandIfallintothem.Hesqueezesmetohischest,andIfighttohold backtears.Eventhoughhewon’tbefar,it’sgoingtobehardnothavinghimaroundallthetime.We’vebeenclosesincewe werelittle,andknowingheisn’tgoingtobeinhisroomrightdownthehallmakesmesad. “Don’tmissmetoomuch,”hewhispersintomyhair.

“Likethatcouldeverhappen NowI’llhavemyownbathroom”

Hischestrumbleswithalaugh,andwepullapart.“StayoutoftroublewhileI’mnothome,okay?Idon’tneedtobecoming overallthetimetoknockyououtforcausingproblems”

Amockgasp makes its waypastmylips. “Me? Causingproblems? The audacityyouhave to insultme like that. Iama maturewoman,CamdenCollins.”

Heshovesmyshoulder “Sureyouare Justdon’tgiveMomaheartattackoranything” “Comeon,sweetie.Wehavetogetgoingifwewanttobeattrafficonthehighway.”Mom’s tears havedriedup,buther faceisstilletchedinsadness

“Itwasnicemeetingyou,Maddox.I’llmakeacarepackageforyoubothsoon.LetCamdenknowwhatkindofsweetsand bakedgoodsyoulike,andI’llgetworkingonit”MomgiveshimawarmhugbeforegoingbacktoCamdenforonelastfinal goodbye.

“I’llseeyouaround,Iguess.”IofferanawkwardwaveandMaddoxsmiles,bitingdownonhisbottomlipintheprocess. Thatsinglelookalonehasthosestomachfluttersmakinganappearanceagain

“See ya soon, Peach.” The nickname falls easily fromhis mouth but has me confused. Before I can askhimwhat he’s talkingabout,MomislinkingourarmsandblowingCamdenakissgoodbye Wewalkaway,andjustasweroundthecornerof thehallway,Ihearmybrother’svoice.

“Dude, Iknow we don’tknow eachother yet, butifyoukeep staringatmysister’s ass, we’re goingto have a problem She’sfifteen.”

“Ohfuck,”Maddoxgroans.

We’retoofarformetoheartherestoftheconversation,butbasedonhimcomingtotherealizationthatI’mnotevenable todriveyet,I’mgoingtoassumeMaddoxwon’tbegivingmethatcampustouranytimesoon.

Thebutterfliesarereplacedwithaheavyweight I’mjustayoung,immaturegirltoaguylikeMaddox Threeyearsisnota bigage difference whenyou’re thirtyand twenty-seven, but me onlybeinga sophomore inhighschool makes it seemlike we’redecadesapart.

EventhoughIonlyspentafew hoursaroundhim,Maddoxleftanimpressiononmyheart.Maybeinadifferentlife.Ata differenttime.WhenI’molderandnotreducedtomyage.Maybethensomethingcouldhappenbetweenus.

Untilthen,I’llkeephopingthatmaybehecanseemeasTraziaCollins,thewoman,andnotTraziaCollins,hisroommate’s littlesisterandthehighschoolgirl.

TRAZIA

Springbreakishere,andI’menjoyingthefreedomofnoschoolworkandlazydaysonthebeach.Thereisnothingbetterthan leavingyourresponsibilitiesbehindforaweek WhatmakesthistheperfectvacationisseeingthemanI’vehadacrushon forthelastthreeyearsrunningaroundonthebeachwithhistannedskinglowinginthesunlightandhisshaggyhairwetfromthe ocean.MaddoxStonelooksliketheguysIreadaboutinmyromancebooksandhasonlygottenmoreattractiveastheyearsgo on

It’s my senior year of high school, and Camden invited me to Maddox’s parents’beach house for spring break. It was unexpectedbecauseCamdenhasn’tlikedmebeingaroundhisfriendsinthepast,butsinceI’mstartingatBraxtonUniversityin thefall,maybehewantsmetogettoknowsomepeople.Goingtothesamecollegeasmybrotherhashelpedrelievesomeof thestressaboutgoingawaytoschool,butknowingthatMaddoxisgoingtobearoundhasmeworried

IfirstmetMaddoxwhenmymomandIdroppedCamdenoffatschoolhisfreshmanyear.Maddoxwashisdormmate,andI, beingafifteen-year-oldfilledwithconfusinghormones,fellintoaninstantcrush.Eventhen,hewasthemosthandsomemanI hadeverseen,andheonlygotbetterlooking “Traz,youokay?You’vebeensittingtherewithyour mouthhangingopenfor awhile.”Mybrother’s voiceis filledwith concern

Iclosemymouthandwipe,justincaseofdrool,andtrytoactcoolthatIjustgotcaughtstaringatmybrother’sbestfriend. “Sorry,Iwasdaydreaming”

Camden’s eyebrow rises as he studies me. Luckily, Blaire walks over after grabbing a drink fromthe cooler the guys broughtoutandpullshisattentionawayfromme.Shesitsdownonhistowelinfrontofhim,andhewrapshisarmsaroundher assherestsherbacktohischest

Tryingnotto getcaughtagain, Ipull mysunglasses outofmybagand putthemon. Itshields myeyes incase theydrift towardMaddoxonceagain

Wehavebeenathis family’s beachhousefor threedays now,andthemoretimeIspendaroundhim,themoremyyoung teenage crushdeepens. It was bad enoughIhad to ride inthe front seat ofhis truckbetweenhimand Levi. Inreality, they should have putLevi somewhere where there was more roombecause the guyis a giant, and withthe limited space, Iwas almostplasteredagainstMaddox’sbodyduringthelongdrive.TheonlytimeIfeltlikeIcouldcatchmybreathwaswhenwe stoppedforfoodortousethebathroom Unfortunately,thatwasonlythreetimesonthenine-hourdrive Comingtothebeachhouseforspringbreakwasamistakeforafewreasons.MainlybeingthatIhavetobearoundahalfnakedMaddoxalmostall daybecauseevenifheis notatthebeachor pool,Maddoxrefuses toputashirton Itwas alsoa mistakebecausebeforenow,Ididn’tknowMaddox,theperson.Sure,Iheardaboutmybrother’sroommateduringphonecalls orvisitsfromCamden,buttheyweremostlyfunnystoriesoraboutgirlswhoMaddoxleftheartbrokenafterahookupatoneof theirparties.Ididn’tknowhewascaringtowardhisfriendsorthoughtful.Healwaysseemedlikethejokesterofthegroupand wasnevertooserious.

WhileMaddoxisthosethingsandhasshownusthatsideseveraltimesthistrip,includingpantsingastillpissed-offMateo, gettingtoseethissweetsideofhimhasdonenothingtodissolvemycrushonhim.Ifanything,ithasonlygrownoverthelast fewdayshere

It’s our second-to-lastnighthereatthebeachhouseandInever wanttoleave.Growingup,our familystruggledwhenit cametomoney.MyfatherabandoneduswhenIwasfive,chasingafterayoungerwoman,andleftCamdenandmewithasingle motherwhostruggled,workingmultiplejobsformostofmychildhood

My momis the most incredible person out there, but I’ve never experienced the life of the rich like I have this week. Maddox’s family’s house is onlysomethingthatcould be described inmagazines It’s large, withthree spots for cars inthe garageandaporchwithafulloutdoorgrill,pool,andfirepit.Maddox’smomhadthehouseprofessionallydesignedandevery

roomisperfect.I’mstayinginthesmallestroomwithaqueenbedandaJack-and-JillbathroomsharedwithMaddoxandLevi. MateoandJulesaresharingaroomdownthehall withfull-sizebunkbedsandabathroominthehall.Thecouples,Camden andBlaireandConradandEmreehavethetwolargestrooms

This vacationhouse is nothingcompared to the small, three-bedroomhome Ihave lived inwithmymomand brother up untilCamdenwenttocollege IfthisisonlyasecondhouseforMaddox’sparents,Iwonderwhattheireverydayhomeislike “Doyouallwanttogrilltonightorgoout?”Emreeasksfromherspotononeofthebeachchairs.Shewearsalargefloppy hatonherheadandapairofsunglasseswhileshereadsagossipmagazine

CamdenlooksupfromwherehewastuckinghisfaceintoBlaire’sneck.“Sincewegotall thatstufftogrill for our final nighthere,whydon’tweheaduptothatseafoodrestaurantonthepier?”

Atthementionofseafood,mystomachtightens FishandotherfoodsfromtheoceanandIdonotmixwelltogetherafteran unfortunatefoodpoisoningincidenttwoyearsagothatresultedinmenotleavingthebathroomfortwodays.

“Oh,Icouldreallygoforsomecrabcakes Ormaybepaella Thatsoundsgoodtoo”Blaire’smouthispracticallywatering asshetalksaboutfoodfortonight.

Camdencallsovertotheguysandtheybeginjoggingtowardus ItrytoavoidlookingatMaddox,butit’shardwhenmy eyesseemtogravitatetowardhim.Hisdamphairiswhippingaroundhimashemakeshiswayovertoourgroup.

“What’sup?”ConradaskswhenhestopsinfrontofCamden.

“Youguysgoodwithgoingtothatseafoodrestauranttonight?”

“Doesn’tTraziahateseafood?”Maddoxasks,andmyheadsnapsinhisdirection.

Camdenlookstome “Wait,IthoughtyoulovedshrimpAlfredo?”

StillsurprisedMaddoxknewIdidn’teatseafood,Ishakemyheadandturntomybrother.“Aftergettingfoodpoisoninga coupleyearsago,Ihaven’tbeenabletoeatseafood.”

“HowdidInotknowaboutthat?”Camdenasks.

Maddox rolls his eyes. “Do you not remember last summer when Mateo made salmon, and she basically ran to the bathroomgaggingatthesmell?”

“Shit,Iforgotaboutthat.I’msorry,Traz.Wecangosomewhereelse.” Wavingahand,Ismileathim “Don’tworryaboutme Therearealwaysafewnon-seafoodoptionsattheseplaces” Inallhonesty,I’mkindofnervousaboutmyreactiontothesmellinsidetherestaurantandhopingIwon’tgettoonauseous. ButIdon’twanttocauseasceneandbethedifficultoneofthegroup.

Emreebouncesoutofherseatandpullstheoversizedsunglassesoffherface.“Well,nowI’mhungry,sohowaboutweall gogetreadyandheadoutinanhour?”

“Soundsgoodtome,”Julesagreesasshecollectsherstuff Aftermakingsurewearenotleavinganythingbehindonthebeach,weheadinsideandtaketurnsusingtheshowers. Oncetheseawater andsandarewashedaway,Iheadintomyroomwithawhite,fluffytowel wrappedaroundmybody Shuttingthedoor,ImakesuretolockitsinceLeviwasusingtheshowernextandIdon’twanttoriskanyonecomingintomy roomthroughtheJack-and-Jillbathroomdoor.

Makingsurethemainbedroomdoorisalsolocked,IremovethetowelandlayitoveroneofthebedpostswhileIgotothe closettofigureoutsomethingtowearwhileIair-dry.

Since I’mnotone to packlight, evenfor a week-longtrip, the closetand dresser provided inthe roomare filled witha varietyofdresses,tops,andbottoms.Ihavealsopackedenoughshoes for anyoccasion.Likewhenwewenttoalocal club duringtheweek,Iwaspreparedwithacutepairofstrappyheels Therestaurantatthepierismorecasual,andIfigureI’llgo withsomewhitesneakersincasewegoexploringtheshopsafter.

TheweatherhereinWrightsvilleBeach,NorthCarolina,hasbeenperfect.Duringthedayitisinthehighseventies,andin thenighttimeitonlygetstothelowsixties Sincethesunisalreadysetting,Igrabapairofmid-risestraightjeanswitharipin one ofthe knees and a cropped tanktop. Iborrowed one ofBlaire’s cardigans our firstnighthere since she packed a few. Blaireisconstantlygettingcoldandusuallylayersup,soit’shelpfulthatshepackedwhereIwaslacking

Oncethesweaterison,Icheckmyselfoutinthemirrorabovethedresserandmakesureeverythinglooksgood.Thetank topis alittlelower cutthanI’musedto,butIhaven’tbeenshoppingfor new clothes inalmosttwoyears andthings have developedmoresincethen.Ihateaskingmymomfor money,andmypart-timejobcleaningatthedaycareIworkatdoesn’t paymuch.Luckilythejeanswereborrowedfromafriendandfitperfectly.

After swipingonsome mascara and applyinga layer ofChapStick, Igrab mysmall crossbodybagand head out ofthe room.Notpayingattention,Icollidewithahardbody.Weloseourbalance,andIendupfallingontopofthem.

Lookingdown,ItakeinafreshlyshoweredMaddoxinnothingbutatowel “Wh-whatareyoudoingnaked?” Withhisarmscircledaroundmywaist,Maddoxsmirksupatme.“TechnicallyI’mnotnaked,butIdohaveafeelingthis towelloosenedabitwithyoujumpingmeandall.”

“Ididnotjumpyou,”Itellhim,myvoiceelevated.MyhandsarerestingonhischestasIholdmytophalfup.Oneofmy legsistangledbetweenhisandthemomentIlookdown,Irealizewhatisrestingagainstmythigh.Histowelisslightlyopen,

andmylegisbesidehisnot-so-coveredpenis.

“Ohmygosh!”Jumpingup,Iscurryawayfromhimasfastaspossible.

“Fuck!” he shouts and rolls over, grippingbetweenhis legs Imayor maynot have accidentallykneed himsomewhere sensitiveinmyhurrytogetaway.

The towel is longforgottenas he groans inagony, and Inow have a clear view ofhis pale butt While Maddoxmaybe tannedinmostareas fromthe hours he spends outside because ofsoccer,his ass andupper thighs looklike theyhave never seenthesun

Maddoxismoaningandgroaningontheground,notgivingashitthatheisonfulldisplayforanyonetosee.Adoordown thehallopens,andJulescomesoutlookingreadyforourdinner.

“Well,whatdowehavehere?WhyisLittleMaddoxmakinganappearancethisevening?”sheasksasshesmilesdownat herfriend,whoisclearlynotinthemoodforjokes.

Ahandcomesoutofnowhereandcoversmyeyes “Dude,fuckingcoveryourself Mysister’syoungeyesdon’tneedtosee that.”

“Seeing as how she’s the one who inflicted pain in my balls, she isn’t so innocent right now,” Maddox replies to my brother.Basedonthestruggleinhisvoice,Icantellheistalkingthroughclenchedteeth.

Withhishandstillcoveringmyeyes,Camdenquestions,“Whythehellwasmysisterthatclosetoyourdick?”

SometimesIthinkmybrotherforgetsI’manadultnow HestilltreatsmelikealittlegirlandnottheyoungwomanIhave become.WhathefailstorealizeisthatI’veexperiencedwhatmostteenagershaveduringmyyearsofhighschool.I’vehadsex (twice,butthatwasenoughforme),gottendrunkatparties,snuckoutofmyhousetomeetaboy,andsmokedweed Hemay still see me as the little, innocentgirl, butsooner or later he is goingto have to openhis eyes to the factthatI’ma woman enteringcollege.ThelastthingIwantisahelicopterbrotherfollowingmearoundwhileI’mthere.

GrabbingCamden’s wrist,Ipull his handoffmyface andstepawayfromhim.Fromthe corner ofmyeye Icansee that Maddoxisstillontheground,butthetowelisnowlazilythrownoverhisnetherregions.

“Yourfriendhereneedstowearmoreclothes Hisdicktouchedmyleg ” “Whoa,”Camdensays,holdinghishandsup.“His what touchedyou?”

“Mydick Shewasontopofmeandthetowelkindof shifted”

Camdenlooks as ifhe is fightinga battle betweengoingafter his bestfriendfor havinghis junkanywhere near his little sisterandremainingcalm.“Someonewanttogivemethewholestoryfromstarttofinish?”

“OhLord,chillwiththeoverprotectivebigbrotheract.IwascomingoutofmyroomasMaddoxwaspassingbymydoor andweclumsilycollided.Youcancalmdown,nothingwasgoingon.”

Camdenvisiblyrelaxesafterlearningthetruthandthathisbestfriendwasnotcorruptinghislittlesister “Justkeepyour clotheson,Stone.Andstopwalkingaroundinatowel.”

Maddoxclutchesthetowelathiswaist “Beforewegettothehuggingandmakinguppartofthis,I’mgoingtothedryerto grabmybriefs.WhichiswhereIwasheadinginthefirstplace.”

Once he is gone, we all go our separate ways. Iescape backinto myroomrather thangoingdownstairs and wait until everyoneisready

Safebehindtheconfinesofthebedroomdoor,Ileanagainstitandtakeadeepbreath.WhileImayhavebeenkeepingmy coolinthehallway,havingmyhandsagainstMaddox’sbarechestandfeelingeverybitofhimagainstmybodywasmorethanI couldhandle.

MycrushonMaddoxstartedyearsago,butithasnotfizzledoutlikeIhopeditwould ThetwoguysIdatedinhighschool were great boyfriends, but my stupid brain kept comparing themto Maddox Stone. The two times I had sex with my last boyfriend,Iwasleftunsatisfied,andwhenIgotbackhome,IdreamedabouthowitwouldbeifIevergotthatopportunitywith Maddox How his body would feel against mine How he would feel between my legs How his large hands would feel touchingmysoftbody.

MyskintingleswiththethoughtsandIshakemyhandsoutbesideme,tryingtostopthesefeelingsandthoughts Ishouldnot befantasizingaboutmybrother’sbestfriend.ThatisthebiggestclichéthereisandwithhowCamdenreactedtotheinnocent interactioninthehallway,itwillnotendwell

venwiththefreshoceanscentoftherestaurantwe’rediningat,Icansmellherfruityperfume.It’sintoxicatingandhasme wantingtoburymyfaceinhernecktotakeadeepbreath

Trazia and Isomehow ended up seated beside eachother tonight, and since Ican’tgetthe memoryofher bodypressed against mine earlier this evening, I know being near her is dangerous. She’s too tempting when she is the one girl who is completelyoff-limits

WhenIfirstmetTraz,Iknewtherewassomethingdifferentabouther.She’sagirlwhoisalwayssmilingandwillingtodo anything to make those around her happy Even tonight, when she hates seafood as much as she does, she’s here because everyoneelsewantedtobe.

Looking at her from the corner of my eye, I can tell she is trying to breathe through her mouth as much as possible Thankfullywewereabletogetatableforourlargegroupoutonthedock,butthereisstillalingeringfishyscentaroundus.

Traziachugshergingeraleuntilthereisnothingbuticeleftandnibblesonsomebreadthewaiterbroughttoourtable.

Hecomeswiththelasttrayofdrinksthatthebartenderhadtomake “CanIgetanyoneelsesomething?Dowewanttoput insomeappetizers?”heaskswithanover-the-topsmile.

“Yeah,butfirstcouldyoubringheranothergingerale,please?”Iaskhim,pointingtoTrazia’semptycup “Ofcourse.”Hegrabsitandscurriesoffagain.

EmreepullsBlaireandCamdenintoaconversationaboutnotwantingthistriptobeoverandhavingtogobacktoclasses andwork.BlaireandEmreearebothwaitressesatthelocalcollegebar,WhiskeyJoe’s,andwhiletheylovetheirjobs,serving customerstoomuchalcoholisnoteveryone’sdream.

“Youdidn’thavetodothat,butthankyou”Asoftvoicecomesfrommyright

Trazia is looking down at some silverware covered with cloth that she is toying with as she speaks. Her long hair is creatingacurtainaroundherface WhenIfirstmetTrazia,shehadshoulder-lengthblondehair Sincethenithaschangedeach timeIseeher.Fromblacktoalightred,andnowafadedpink.

Shrugging,Itakeasipofmydraftbeer.“Heshouldhavenoticedbeforeaskingifwewantedapps.”

Traziaisn’tusuallyshy,butalleveningshe’sbeenquietandnotherbubblyself.I’mwonderingifthehallwaycollisionhas heractingdifferently.Sheisn’tthefirstoneinthathousetoseemewithoutclotheson.I’mnotafanofclothingandgrewupin ahousewithnoonearoundmostofthetime,soIwasfreetoleteverythingbreathewheneverIwanted

ThewaitercomesbackwithafullglassofgingeraleandplacesitinfrontofTrazia.“Iseveryonereadytoorder,ordid wewantsomeappetizers?”heasksagain

Jules lifts her pointer finger inthe air while lookingat the menu. “I’mgoingto speakfor the table and order the fried calamari,buffaloshrimp,friedpickles,andmozzarellasticks.Thatworkforeveryoneelse?”sheasksthetable.

We all nod,as noone has anyobjections.Sometimes it’s easier tohave one persontake control whenyou’re ina larger groupratherthanspendhalfanhourgoingbackandforthonwhattoorder.

“Trazia,areyouexcitedtobestartingatBraxtonnextsemester?”Julesasksfromacrossthetable Sheissittinginfrontof me,withLeviandMateobesideher.

“I’mnervous Mainlytoleavethecomfortofmyschool,butalsohavingtosharearoomwithastranger Thatisgoingtobe hardforme.”

Ishiftinmyseat,andmythightouchesTrazia’s.Sheadjustsandmovesafewinchesaway.“Maybeit’llworkoutlikeyour brotherandme Yourroommatecouldbecool”

Shelooksoveratmewithasmallsmirk.“Orshecouldbeacompleteweirdowhosnoresandwearsafuzzytail.Knowing myluck,I’llbesharingasmallroomwithsomeonewhowatchesmesleep”

Ourhalfofthetablelaughs.“Whoeversheiscan’tbeworsethanmyfreshmanroommate.Theguyhadsometypeoflizard,

andhetrackeditsshitcycle.Thenhegotamateforitandbasicallyhadthislizardporndocumentarygoingon.Hesaiditwas forresearchtotracktheirmating,butIswearhehadalizardOnlyFans.”Levishiversatthereminderofhisroommate.

“Atleastyour roommatedidn’ttrytogetyoutobethegirlfriendinher relationship Liznever stoppedasking,andwhen herboyfriendwasover,hekeptgivingmethecreepiestlook.Plus,Isweartheywouldbehavingsexinourroomattimesshe knewIwascomingbackfromclassandwantedmetocatchthem”

Witha mouthful ofbeer, Ichoke onitand a few drops escape, butImanage to keep the restdown. “Jules, I’mnotsure that’sasbigofaproblemasyouthinkitis Youcouldhavemadeakillingifyouallwentonlinewiththat Hell,I’dwatchit” Sherollshereyes.“You’resuchapig,Mad.I’mnotjoiningsomethreesomerelationship.WhenIfindsomeoneworthyof beingmyboyfriend,itwillbehimandmeinthatrelationship.Notanothergirlorpeopleontheinternet.”

“Damnshame I’dhavepaidagoodamounttoseeyouonscreen,”Itellherwithawink JulesknowsI’mmessingwithher, toapoint.WouldIpaytowatchhergettingitonwithanothergirlandguy?Fuckyeah.Julesishotashellandhasabodymost womenenvy Ifshedidn’tturnmedowneverytimeIcamenearherforthelastthreeyears,Iwouldlovetogetherunderme Orontop.Basically,anywaywhereshehasnoclothingonandI’mintheroom.

“You’renasty,dude,”Mateochimesin

Ican’thelpbutrollmyeyes.“Oh,don’ttellmeifJulesmadeanOnlyFans,youwouldn’tbeonitrightaway.”

Mateo’sfacescrunchesupindisgust.“Fuckno.She’slikemylittlesister.”

“Like,butnobloodrelation Wouldn’tbethesameasCamdenpeekingonTrazia’sOnlyFansandseeinghertits” “Excuseme?”Camdensaysfromafewseatsdown.

Leaningbackinmyseat,Iletoutabreath “Ohno,Iwokethebrotherbear”

“Youknowhe’seventuallygoingtoendupjustlayingintoyouonedayifyoutalkaboutTrazlikethatorrunintoherina towelagain?”Leviinformsme.

Suckinginabreath,Iturntomybestfriend.“Weweretalkinghypotheticals.SettledownandletBlairetouchyouunderthe tableorsomething.”

Hisgirlfriend’smouthdropsopeninshock “Doyouhavenofilter?” “Nope.”

SheappearssurprisedbymyhonestybeforeturningtocontinueherconversationwithEmree Camdenglaresatme.“KeepitappropriatewithTraz,orI’mmakingherswitchseatswithme.”

Mythree friends across fromme are tryingto hide their laughs. Trazia looks frustrated as she stares at the side of her brother’sface.

“Iswear,he’snevergoingtoseemeasanadult,”shewhisperssothatonlyIcanhearher. Lookingover,ItakeinCamdenwithhisarmaroundBlaire,whoisbesideme He’ssmilingasConradtalksaboutourclub adventurethisweekandhowitwasverymuchnotourscene.

“Herealizes you’reeighteen,right?Youcanvote,buyweedor cigarettes,andgotowar Imean,youcan’tlegallydrink alcoholorrentacar,butthosearestupidrules.”

Traziastaresatme.“Youknowyoutalkreallyfast?”

“We’reprettysureit’sundiagnosedADHD,”Mateovoices

Withmybeer inhand,Ipointtheneckathim.“Hey,I’ll haveyouknow itisdiagnosed.It’sjustnottreated.Thosedrugs keptmeupallnight,andtheheartburnwasunbearable”

“Youknow,thatmakesalotofsense,”Julestellsme.“Youdoseemtohavedifficultyfocusing,andIcan’tkeeptrackofthe numberoftimesyou’veforgottensomethingI’vetoldyou”

“Julesy,thereareseveraltabsopeninthisbeautifulheadofmine.Ican’thandlehavingallyourinformationintherealso.” Thewaiter comesover todeliver our appetizersandtakeeveryone’sorder.SinceI’mbesideTraziaandI’msurehaving moreseafoodnearherwouldbeastruggle,Idecidetoorderofftheirlandmenuandgettheribeyewithabakedpotatoand broccoli.

“MovingonfromMaddox’smedicalhistory Trazia,tellmemoreaboutyoustartingcollege Haveyouchosenamajoryet? Whendoyougetyourdormassignment?”Julesasksbeforeshovingafewfriedpicklesinhermouth.Extremelyunladylike.

Trazia nibbles ona mozzarella stickbefore answering “I’mstudyingchild and adolescentpsychology Iwas fascinated withitinhighschool and after takingthe two differenttypes ofpsychologyclasses theyhad, Iwas approved to take some offeredbythelocalcommunitycollege.It’sactuallyhelpedmegetahead,and,ifIstayontrack,I’llbeabletograduateatleast a semester early As for the dormbuilding, I haven’t gotten that far I’mstill trying to decide if I want to start right after graduationorwaituntilspring.StartingearliermeansIcangraduateearlyandstartmymaster’sprogramifIwantedto.”

“Damngirl,you’realreadyplanningamaster’s?I’mstillnotsureifsportstherapyiswhatIwanttodo”

Mateo has been undecided about his degree since starting school. He’s changed it twice now, and we all had bets on whetherhewouldswitchitagainlastsemester,buthe’sheldonstrongtosportsmedicinethusfar.

After swallowingthe bite she had takenand sippingsome ofher ginger ale, Trazia replies, “Workingwithchildrenhas alwaysbeenmygoal.I’veactuallybeenworkingatadaycareclosetomyhouseafterschoolandsomeweekendssinceIturned

eighteen.It’shardwork,butIlovethoselittlekiddos.”

“Girl,that’sawesome.AreyoulookingtoworkatadaycareclosertoBraxtonwhenyoutransfer?Orsomethingelsewith kids?”Julesasks

AwarmsmilegracesTrazia’sface.“I’dlovenothingmorethanthat.Hopefullythereisanopeningsomewhere.I’veeven consideredgettingmycertificationforbeingateacher’saideandtakingnightclasses Thatwouldn’tbeideal,butitdoesgive memorehands-onexperienceworkingwithkids.”

JulesandTraziagoonaboutpotentialjobsshecouldgetanddaycaresinthearea ItunethemoutasIwatchTraziadeepin conversation.Sheispassionateaboutthis workingwithkids andI’msurprisedsomeonesoyoungalreadyknowswhatthey wanttodoastheircareer.Shehasaplansetandseemsdeterminedtostickwithit.

Thewaiterappearswithatrayoffood,followedbyanotherguydressedinthesameuniformbehindhim,alsocarryinga largecirculartray.Theystartpassingoutplatesoffood.Alargedishofgarlicshrimpskewersandsnowcrablegsarepassed acrossthetabletowardEmreeandConrad

“Ohshit.”Traziarushesoutasshejumpsupfromherseat.

Witha hand coveringher mouth, she rushes toward a corner ofthe restaurant that has a large bathroomsignat the top Beforeanyofmyfriendscansayanything,I’moutofmyseatandchasingafterher.

Dodgingpatronswithquestioninglooksontheirfaces,Ispeedwalktowardtherestrooms.Bypassingthemen’s,Iwalkinto thewomen’swithahandcoveringmyeyes

“Sorry,ladies.Ifanyonehereislessthandecent,I’mannouncingmyselfbecauseafriendneedshelp.”

“Maddox?”someonecallsfromoneofthestalls

Peekingone eye open, Icheckto make sure there are no other womeninthe bathroom. While everyone’s bits would be covered behind the safetyofthe stalls, myintentionis notto make anyone uncomfortable withme beinginhere. Luckily, it soundsliketheonlyoneshereareTrazandme.

“Yeah,it’sme,”IanswerherasIwalkdowntherowofstalls,duckingdowntofindherfeet.WhenIfinallyseeapairof shoesunderthestall,Ipushthedooranditswingsopenwithaslightcreek Inside,Traziaishunchedoverthetoiletbowl.Herfaceispalerthanitusuallyis,andshehasherlonghairclutchedinher righthandwiththeotheronherthigh,proppingherup Evenaftervomiting,sheistoofuckinggorgeous Partofmewondersif it’ssomekindofsickjokethatI’mstillsoattractedtoherinthiscondition.Sheopenshereyes,andtheyareslightlyglossy.

Lookingupatme,Traziaoffersasmallsmile.“Youreallydon’twanttobeinhere.”

Withoutthinking,Ienterthesmallstallandgatherhersofthairinmyhands.“Alittlepukeisn’tgoingtoscaremeaway.”

Withher hand now free, Trazwipes around her mouth. “Notmyfinestmoment. IthoughtIwas handlingthe smells well enough,butthatplateinfrontofmewastoomuch”

Astrandofhairdidn’tmakeitintothebunchintheback,andIreachforwardandtuckitbehindherear.“Ithinkyouwere prettybadass Seafoodsmellslikeassanyway Ican’timaginehavingfoodpoisoningfromitandsittinginaplacelikethis” Traziastudiesmeforafewseconds.“Youcontinuetosurpriseme.”

“Whatdoyoumean?”

“There’smoretoyouthanonthesurfacethatyoushowpeople Youcomeacrosslikeeverythingisajoketoyou,butthere issomethingdeeperthere.”

Herwordsleavemesomewhatspeechless I’vealwaysbeenthepersonintheroomwiththewittycommentsandreadyto lightenthemood.WhatIwanttohidefrompeopleishowmuchIcareaboutthem.NoonehaseverseenpastthemaskIputon untilnow Showingpeople especiallyfriends mytrueselfmakesmefeelvulnerable

Blowingoutabreath,Ireleaseherhairandrisetomyfeet.“Notsurewhatyou’reseeing,butitmustbetheseafoodsmell gettingtoyou.Youdoneorstillhavesomethingbrewinginthere?”

Traziabeginstostand,andIstepbackoutofthestalltogivehersomeroom Thedoorseparatingusfromeveryoneoutside opens,andanolderwomanenters.“Youngman,itisnotappropriateforyoutobeintheladies’room.”

“You’regood I’mnotgoingtopeekinyourstalllikesomecreep Myfriendispukingupherappetizer,soitmaybeinyour bestinteresttowaitoutsideaminute.”

Shehuffsandturnstoleave,givingmeadirtylookonherwayout

“Isee you’re back, and the sweetand caringMaddoxis gone,” Trazia tells me as she steps pastme toward the row of sinks.Afterrinsingoffherhands,shegathersascoopofwaterandswishesitaroundinhermouth.

“You’redelusional,Peach Theonlythingdeepaboutmearemydaddy’spockets,sostoptryingtoseesomethingthatisn’t there.”

After dryingher hands offwitha paper towel,Trazturns toface me andleans againstthe counter “Whydoyoucall me Peach?”

Fuck.IkeepforgettingthatnicknameissomethingthathasbeenstuckinmyheadsincethedayImetTraziamyfreshman yearofcollege,andnooneknowswhyIsayitorwhatitmeans.Ithasonlyslippedoutafewtimes,butI’vebeenabletobrush itoffasjustsomethingstupidtocallher.

Shruggingmyshoulders,Itrytoplayitoff.“Dunno.Justkindofcomesout.”

Withher arms crossed over her chest, Trazia stares at me throughsquinted eyes. “Keep lying, Maddox, but I see right throughyou Onedayyou’regoingtobetiredofputtingonthisfaçade”Withoutanotherword,shegoestowardtheexitdoor andpullsitopen.

Thewomanwhoenteredthebathroomisstandinginthehallwaywiththesameglaregracingherface OnceI’mthroughthe door,Iholditopenforherandwavemyhandinside.“Fresheneditinthereforyou,sodon’tstinkituptoomuch.”

Shestopsatthethreshold “Youngman,getsomehelp”

Thedoorclosesinmyface,andamuffledlaughcomesfrombehindme.Traziaisthere,coveringhermouthwithherhand. “Notfunny,Traz.Sheinsultedme.”

Shepointsafingeratme “Ordidshegiveyousomesolidlifeadvice?”

Rollingmyeyes,Iheadtowardthedoorsinthebackoftherestaurantthatleadtothepatiowhereourfriendsare.Everyone iseatingtheirmeals,andI’msuremineandTrazia’sarecoldbynow

Camdensetshisforkdownandsitshigherinhisseat.“Hey,howareyou?Blairekeptforcingmetostayhereandstayout ofthebathroom”

Traziagoesbacktoherseatandtakesasipofwatered-downgingerale.“I’mfine,anditwasbetteryoustayed.Ifeelgood now.Thesmellfromwhateverthatwastheyputinfrontofmyfacewasjustalittletoomuch.”

“I’msurprisedyouranafterher,Maddox,”Emreestateswithclearsuspicioninhereyes Takingmyseat,Igrabmyforkandstartstabbingatthe broccoli onmyplate.“Wouldn’tbe the firsttime Ihelda puking girl’shairback I’mbasicallyanexpertatthispoint”

The table vibrates withcollective laughter. Everyone except Trazia, that is. She has her head turned to me, once again studyingmeasifshecanseesomethingnooneelsecan.

Withashakeofherhead,sheturnsbacktohercoldpastadishwithoutaword.

Everyone goes backtolightconversation,butIrefrainfromjoininginthis time.Havingmybestfriend’s little sister,the girlIneedtostophavingthesefeelingsfor,aroundmeforthislongisturningouttobeamistake She’sadamnmindreaderor something.Ican’thandlebeingunderhermicroscopeanymore.

Wavingdownthewaiter,Iorderabeer That’swhatIneed AlcoholwillhelpmeavoidTraziaandmaybegethertostop seeingsomuchofmyselfthatItrytohidefromothers.

TRAZIA

Thecrashingofthewaveshasalwaysbeenasoundthatbringsmepeace.Maybeit’sbecauseofthenoisemachinemymom hadinmyroomgrowinguporthefactthatIhavelivedhalfanhourfromthebeachmywholelife Somemayfindtheswish ofwavesanannoyancethatkeepsthemawake,buttomeit’sacomfortingsound.

AnytimeIneedtoescapeandthinkorwanttogetawayandreadabook,Ifindmyselfbythewater.EventhoughIrarelyget in because the unknowns of what could be below scare me, just the sound of the water, the fresh salty air, and seagulls preparingfortheirattackoninnocenttouristsbringmejoy.

Afterafewdrinksonthedeck,everyonewenttobedaboutanhourago Notbeingabletosleep,Isnuckdownstairstotake inthesoundofwavesinthedarkwithacupofhotchocolate.It’seeriesincetheonlylightoutsideisfromtheglowbytheback doorandthemoon

Aslidingnoisemixeswithaloudwavecrashing,andIturnmyheadtoseewhohascomeoutandjoinedme.

Blaireiswrappedinablanketwithherfuzzyslipperssecuredonherfeet.“Girl,whatareyoudoingouthere?”

“Couldn’tsleep,”Itellherasshetakesaseatinoneofthewoodenbeachchairsbesideme

“Metoo.Yourbrotherdoesn’tusuallysnore,buthewascomplainingofastuffynose,andthatcombinedwiththesleeping medicinehetookmakesithardformetoeventhink,letalonesleepinthatroom”

Ican’thelpbutlaughbecauseIknowthatsoundalltoowell.“Ourroomssharedawallgrowingup.Hewouldalwaysdeny it,butthatmansnoreshorriblywhenhe’ssick”

“MaybeIshouldvideohimsohecanstopbeingababyanddenyingit.”

Wrappingmyhandsaroundthewarmmug,ItakeasipofthehotchocolateImadebeforecomingouthere.“Knowingmy brother,hewouldn’tbelievethatwashimonvideo”

Blairelaughs andwraps her arms aroundher legs as shepulls themuptoher chest.“You’reprobablyright.Thatmanis stubborn”

Acomfortablesilencegrowsbetweenus.Theonlysoundonceagainwasthewavescrashing.Ialwayshopedwhoevermy brother ended up fallingfor would be someone I got alongwithand evenfelt more like a friend or older sister. Blaire is perfectforhimineveryway.Notonlydoesshesupporthisdreamsofplayingsoccer eventhoughsheknowsnothingabout thesport butshehasalsotaughthimalotaboutbeinggentlerandmorecaring.Theirrelationshipwashardinthebeginning becauseofBlaire’strustissues,butCamdenbrokethroughherhardexteriorandnowtheyarehappierthanever asidefrom theoccasionalsnoring.

“Ihaveaweirdquestiontoask,andyoucantellmethisisnoneofmybusiness,butithasbeeninmyheadforafewdays now,”Blairesaysafterafewminutes.

Turningawayfromlookingintothedarknesspasttheporch,Ilookather.“What’sup?” Shechewsonherbottomlip.“IstheresomethinggoingonwithyouandMaddox?”

Thesmallhairsonthebackofmyneckstand.“Whywouldyouaskthat?”

Thereis noreasonfor metobenervous abouther inquiry Truthfully,thereis nothinggoingonbetweenMaddoxandme besidesthatincidentinthehallway,butthatwasonlyanaccident.SometimesIwonderiftherecouldeverbesomethingthere, buteachtimeI’veseenhim,hekeepsourconversationsveryplatonicandfriendly It’sprobablythehopelessfifteen-year-old inmewishingforsomethingmore.

Blaire shrugs her shoulders. “I don’t know. Something Emree said to me about the way Maddox looks at you got me thinking”

As ifshe heard her name, the backdoor creaks open, and the blonde bombshell herselfwalks out to us. “Are youtwo havingalittlesneak-awaygirls’timewithoutme?”Shetakesaseatinthepatiochairontheothersideofmewithaglassof waterinhand.

“IwasaskingTraziaifanythingwasgoingonwithherandMaddox.”Blairecatchesherup. Emreeleansoverthearmofherchair.“Oh,Ilikethisconversation.Pleasetellmesomethinghasdevelopedthere,because Iswearthatboywasgoingtocrackonthistripwhenhefoundoutyouwerecoming” “Wait,whatareyoutalkingabout?”Iaskher,confused. Shesmileswide,showingmoreofherteeththanusual “Girl,haveyounotseenthewayhelooksatyou?Orhowhetries not tolookatyou?”

Thinkingback,ItrytorememberanytimeMaddoxhasbeenstaringorlookingatmedifferentlythananyoftheotherguys I do sometimes realize thathe’s around more thantheyare. Or thathe’ll notice I’mstandingoffalone, feelingsortoflike an outsiderintheirtight-knitgroup,andhewouldcomekeepmecompany.NeverdidIthinkanyofthoseincidentswereanything otherthanhimbeinganiceguy

Iwave her off. “He’s justbeingsweet. I’ve knownMaddoxfor three years, and he’s treated me like nothingmore than Camden’slittlesister”

Emreehuffs.“YouareasblindasBlaire.ShehadnoclueCamdenwasintoheratfirst,andlookatthemnow.Ontheirway tobeingahappilymarriedcouplewithawhitepicketfence,twopointfivekids,andagoldenretrievernamedBuddy”

“Hey,I’llhaveyouknow wehaveagreedonthreekids,andthereisnowayCamdencouldhandlethesuburbanlifestyle. Canyouimaginehimmakingsmalltalkwithotherneighbors?Hewouldhatethat.Plus,wewouldhaveacat.”

“Oh,IamsosorryIgotyourhypotheticalfuturewrong,”Emreesayswithherhandsupinasurrendermove “Thefactthat youtwohavediscussedhowmanychildrenyouplanonbringingintothisworldisenoughtomakemypoint.”

“It’swhatpeopleinseriousrelationshipsdo,Iguess AtleastCamdensaiditwasnormal Ifeltitwasalittlefast,butthe momenthesaidourkidsweregoingtobeplayingsoccerrightaway,wegotintothediscussionofhowmanyandwhatnot.”

Ican’thelpbutsmile.Mybrotherplayedabigpartinraisingme.Eventhoughwearen’ttoofarapartinage,aftermydad left,Camdengrewupfasterthananyotherkid.Ourmomworkedmultiplejobstomakesurewewereclothed,fed,andhada safeplacetosleepatnight,butshewasn’taroundasmuchasshewouldhaveliked.Camdenwasmorethanjustabigbrother tome Hehas always beensomeoneIlookeduptoas afather figuresincethatwas missingfrommylife Hearingthatheis talkingabouthisownkidswithBlairemakesmehappybecausehewillbeoneofthebestdadsoutthere.Muchbetterthanthe onewhoabandonedus

“We’regettingofftopic.TraziaandMaddox.Anythinggoingonthere,orpotentially?”Emreeprobes.

Eventhoughmyanswerisstillno,mycheeksheatthinkingaboutthetwoofus.“Nothingatall.IsMaddoxattractive?Of courseheis,buthe’salsoCamden’sbestfriend.Imaginemybrother’sreactionifheevenoverheardthisconversation.” Blaireshuddersatthethought.“Youarerightthere.It’sagoodthinghe’sobliviousbecause,I’mnotsureifyouknowthis, butheiskindofprotectiveofyou”

Asnortescapesme.“Kindof?Iswear thatguywouldbubblewrapmeandkeepmelockedawayifhecould.Ifheever foundoutsomeofthethingsI’vedone,I’msurehewouldhaveaheartattackorsomething” “Ohboy, don’tevenmentionto himifa guyhas touched you,” Emree says witha laugh. “Remember over winter break whenyoucametovisitandoneoftheirteammateshitonyouattheirparty?Iswear,heneverlookedCamdenintheeyesafter that”

“DoyourememberwhatMaddoxdidafter?”Blaireasks.

Myearsbuzzwithinterest “Maddox?Whatdoyoumean?”

Blaire bites her lip as ifshe doesn’twantto sayanymore. “Youmustnothave seen, butMaddoxforced himoutofthe party Like,literally Hewaspushingandshovingtheguyuntilhefellinthefrontyard AnotherteammatehadtokeepMaddox awayfromhim.Camdenthoughtitwasbecauseyou’rehissister andMaddoxwasdefendingyoufor hisfriend,butnow that I’mthinkingbacktoit,Idon’tthinkMaddox’sintentionswereallthatinnocent.”

Hopefluttersinsideme MaybeIhaven’tbeenimaginingit,andMaddoxfeelsthesamewayaboutmethatIdoabouthim Orevenafractionofthesame.I’vealwaysthoughtIwasmakingitupinmyheadbecauseofmycrushonhim,butwhyelse wouldhetreathisownteammatelikethataftertheyhitonme?

“This is aninterestingnew development,” Emree states as she leans backinher chair, lookingoutto the ocean. “Seems pretty boy may have a craving for the forbidden fruit Now, how do we control the overprotective brother to play matchmaker?”

“Matchmaker?Nofreakingway.Youtwoarenuts.NothingishappeningorwilleverhappenbetweenMaddoxandme.For severalreasons”EvenasIsaythewords,Idon’twanttobelievethem

Beingahopelessromanticwhohasgrownupreadingallandeverytypeofromancenoveldoessomethingtoyou.Oneof thosethingsisholdingouthopeforsomethingthatwon’thappen,likegettingmybrother’sbestfriendtofallinlovewithme It’soneofthebiggestclichésinromancebooks,andI’vereadenoughofthemtoknowthatitisextremelyunrealistic.

“I’mtellingyourightnow,youngCollins,thatboyhasfeelingsforyou.Heisgoingtobreakeventually,especiallywithyou comingtoBraxtonandbeingaroundmoreoften,”Emreepredicts.

Takingasipofmydrink,Ismilearoundtherimofthemug,thinkingaboutthepossibilityofMaddoxhavingfeelingsforme.

It’severygirl’sdreamfortheguytheyliketoreturntheirfeelings.MaybethisupcomingyearwillbetheonewhereIfindlove, andwiththeboywhohasconsumedmythoughtsforyears.

TRAZIA

Ourspringbreakiscomingtoanend,andonthelastnightatthehouse,wehavealldecidedtohaveabigbarbecueonthe patio CamdenismanningthegrillthatisfilledwithsteakswhileJulesandItakecareofthesides Blaire,Maddox,and Emreewenttothestoreearliertogetsuppliesfors’moressincewehavetheperfectfiresetupandBlairehasneverhadthem before.

“Idon’tunderstandwhyyouwon’tjustletmecooksomething,”MaddoxtellsCamden Thereisaslightslurinhisvoice, andifI’vecountedcorrectly,hehashadfivebeerstonightalready.Threemorethantherestoftheguys,andfivemorethanmy brother

Camdenrollshiseyes.“Notonlyareyoualreadytipsy,butyourtrackrecordwithcookingmeansyoudo not gettotouch anythingwithflames Gositbythefireanddrinksomewatertosoberup” Maddoxhuffs.“Oh,fuckoff,man.I’mperfectlyfine.”Thewordperfectlycomesoutmorelike pefecy. Insteadofcontinuingtheirargument,Maddoxcomesovertothefirepitcircleandfallsintooneofthechairs.Hisbottleof beersloshessome,andhewipestheliquidoffhishand “Stupidbottle,”hemumblesbeforebringingtheneckuptohismouth andtakingalongpulloftheamberliquid.

SomethingisoffwithMaddoxtonight He’snotonlydrinkingmorethanusual,butheisbeingshortwitheveryone Idon’t knowifit’sbecausecometomorrowmorningtheyareallheadedbacktothehouseandthenpracticeandclassesstartbackup, buteitherway,heisactingoutofcharacter

Mateocomes outandtakes inMaddox’s slouchedpositionandbeer inhand.“Startinga little early,aren’twe? Ithought youweresteppingbackfromthealcoholthissemester.”

“Can’tamanhaveafewdrinkswithouttheentirefuckinghouseuphisass?IfIwantedyouinmybusiness,I’dask” Mateoholdshishandsupinasurrendermotion.“Whoa,man,noneedtogetfeistywithme.Iwasonlyremindingyouof whatyoutoldme Drinkuntilyoupassout,butstayawayfromthewaterandknowthatnoneofusarehaulingyourasstobed” Heheadsbackintothehouseinthedirectionofthefamilyroom.Blairehasbeenperchedonthecouchreadingabookwhile somesportsgameplaysinthebackground.

Duringthisvacation,sheandIhavebondedoverourloveofagoodromanticstory,andwhileIwouldnormallybeinthere withher,IwantedtobeclosertoMaddoxonourlastnighthere.IkeeptryingtoseeifIcannoticeanysortofsignthatthere maybe somethingbetweenus thatEmree was talkingabout, butwithhimdrinkingmore and more, it’s gettingharder to see anythingotherthanamanonhiswaytobeingdrunk.

Maddoxscoffsandpourstheremainingliquiddownhisthroat Withunsteadylegs,hemakeshiswaytotheoutdoorfridge andgrabsanotherone.Afterafewtries,hegetsthetoppoppedoff.Leviwatcheshimtheentiretimefromhisseatacrossfrom me.Maddoxcollapsesbackintohischairandswallowsagoodamountofhissixthbeer.

Sinceit’sourlastnighthere,I’vebeennursingacouplecupsofmargaritasEmreeandJulesmade.I’mnotafanofalcohol, anddefinitelywon’tbetouchingbeereveragain,butagoodmixeddrinklikethisisrightupmyalley.Nottoosweetbuthides thegrosstasteoftequila

“Who’sdownforagameofbeerpongwhilewewaitforthefoodtocook?”Julesasksassheexitsthebackdoor.Shehasa stackofredcupsinonehandandacoupleofbeerbottlesinanother

“I’min.”Levistandstohisfull,largeframeandmakeshiswaytothefold-uptabletheguysbroughtfromtheirhousethat theydeemedperfectforbeerpongwithitsabilitytobounceaping-pongballon.

“Lumberjack,you’reonmyteam Nowfindmetwoopponentstocrush”

Levi’s eyes roamacross the outdoor area andlandonme.“Come on,youngCollins.Joininonthe funwhile Camdenis distracted”

Ismileandpushmyselfoutoftheseat.“Fine,butI’mnotdrinkingthatnastybeer.”

LevilaughsandlooksovertotheoutdoorkitchentablewhereEmreehasbeensketchingsomedesigns.“Em,takeabreak andcomeplay.”

She pops her headup and smiles “I’mnotsure youwantme to participate Imaynotlookathletic, butbeer pongis my sport.”Shecloseshernotebookandjoinsus.

Camdenlooks awayfromthe grill, where Conrad has come to help him “Youbetter notbe gettingmysister drunk,” he warns.

Julesrollshereyes “Lightenup She’ssafeherewithus,andnooneisdrivinganywheretonight Itwillallbeokay” Camdenlooksconflicted,buthisshouldersrelax.“Traz,juststayawayfromthepoolandmakesuretoeatfoodtoabsorb thealcohol.”

Smiling,Inod

Whilemostmayseehisobjectiontomedrinkingasabitoverboardontheprotectiveside,afterwhathappenedtohimlast year, I understand where he is comingfrom Duringa party, Camden’s beer was spiked bya horrible womantheywent to schoolwith.ShewastryingtotearBlaireandmybrotherapart,andintheworstway.Luckilythedrugssheusedknockedhim outsothathe was toofar gone togetitup,buthe was violatednonetheless Withthe encouragementofhis friends,Camden pressedcharges,andthegirlgotaheftysentence,assheshould.

Emreefillsupourcupswithhermargaritamix,whileLevidoesthesametotheirsbutwithbeerinstead.Thehairsonthe backofmyneckrise,andIfeelapairofeyesonme CamdenisfocusedonthegrillwhilechattingwithConrad Turningtothe side,Icatchpalegreeneyesboringintome.Maddoxisperchedonhisseatwithabottleinhandandhisfullattentionsolelyon me

Focusingbackonthetable,IsmileatLeviwhenheannouncesthey’rereadytoplay.Weeachgrababall,andLeviandI keepeyecontactaswethrowtheballstowardthecups.Levi’ssinksinwhileminegoesfarover,winninghisteamthefirstgo.

“Don’tworry,youngCollins,you’llhavealotoftimetolearnwhenyoustartatBraxtonnextsemester.”Levilaughsashe throwsthefirstshot.Hemissesthistimeasitbouncesofftherimofacupattheback.

“BetternotletCamdenhearyou,orI’llbebannedfromcollegepartiesbeforeIevengetthere” Emreelaughsaftersinkingashotforourteam.“You’rebraveforgoingtothesameschoolashim.Idon’tknow how you handletheoverprotectivebrothersituation”

Ismileatherandofferasmalllaugh.Thetruthis,I’mnotentirelygoingtoBraxtontobenearmybrother.Whileyes,itisa wonderful school,Iwasofferedscholarshipsatotheruniversitiestoo.ThefactthatMaddoxattendsBraxtonshouldnothave beenafactorinmydecision,butIwouldbelyingifIsaiditwasn’t.Myheartoverpoweredmybrain,andIendedupchoosing togotothesameschoolasaboywhomaynotevenlikemeback.IfItoldthetruthtoanyone,theywouldlookatmelikeIwas thedumbestlovesickpuppy

Grabbingtheping-pongball,Itossitanditsinksintothecentercup.“MaybeI’llgetbetterthanCamden.” “Keep dreaming, little sis,” mybrother calls fromthe grill “Food is ready Levi, dunkthe last few shots and end this game.”

Emreeturnstowardhim,oneofthesmallballsinhand.“Hey,howaboutalittlesupportfortheall-girlsteam?”

Camdenpiles the lastofthe food fromthe grill onto a platter and brings itto the longpatio table we have beenhaving meals at all week. “I fullysupport your all-girls team, but I also know that Levi is most likelyholdingbackbecause he’s missedmoreshotsthanhehasmade”

“Hadtogivethekidachance,”Levisaysashesinksthefinalcup.“Turnsoutshe’snottoobad.Nexttime,Iwon’tbegoing easyonyou,”hetellsme

Grabbingthecup,Idownthemargaritaandtrynottomakeafaceatthesourandtequilataste.Afterdrinkingafew cups worthofthestuff,I’mstartingtotastethealcoholmorethanIwasbefore.

Asweclearthebeerpongtable,Icanstillfeelthosesameeyesonme KnowingthatMaddoxiswatchingmymovements,I ammorecautiousofhowIlookandtrytomakesuremybloatedstomach thankstothecopiousamountsofalcohol isn’ton fulldisplay

Withmore food thananyofus could eatcoveringthe table, we all sitaround and startpilingour plates. Maddoxgrabs anotherbeeronhiswayoverandtakesaseatatthetable Wepassaroundplattersofsteak,corn,andmashedpotatoes

“Hmm,tastesbetterthanthatburnedsteakMaddoxcookedforfamilynight,”Mateostateswhilechewingonabiteoffood. HesmirksoveratMaddox.

“Wedon’tdiscussthatanymore,”Maddoxstateswhilecuttingintohispiece

SomethingI’venoticedthisweekisthattheguyswerenotjokingaboutMaddox’slackofcookingskills.Therearepeople whocan’tcook,andthenthereisMaddox Justtheothermorning,hetriedcookingscrambledeggsinthemicrowave,andthey endedupexploding.JulesandIwerepokingfunathimandsaidweshouldsignhimupforthatWorst Cooks in America show.

Thetablefallsintoeasyconversationwhileweall enjoythefoodthatwasprepared.Mybrotheroutdidhimselfwiththe steak,andoneofthebenefitsofgoingtoBraxtonishavingmoremealswithhim.Camdenlearnedtocookatayoungageand canwhipupsomeofthebestmeals,buthistalentsliebehindthegrill.

Lookingaround,Ican’thelpbutsmile.Notonlyhasmybrotherfoundagroupoffriendsthataremorelikefamily,butthey easilyacceptedme as their own.Goingtocollege andhavingthese as myguides intothis new stepinlife is goingtobe an experienceIcannotwaitfor

TRAZIA

Everyonehasgonetobed,andIhavebeennursingmylastmargaritaforthenight.Ishouldhavestoppedafewcupsago,but thebuzzprovidedbytheliquorhasfeltnice Thelateritgot,thestrongerEmreewasmakingthebatches Drainingthelastoftheliquid,Istandfromthepatiochair andtosstheplasticcupintothetrash.Wehavetobeupearly tomorrow,andI’vestayedoutherelaterthanIshouldhave.InsteadofcurlingbackupinmyseatlikeIwantto,Imakemyway insideandmakesuretolockthedoorbehindme

Onslightlyunsteadyfeet,Iclimbthetwenty-threestepstothesecondfloorandintomybedroom.Iwasluckyenoughtoget aroomtomyselfwhilelivinginthisprofessionallydesignedhouse,withitsthousand-countsheetsandadeepsoakertubinthe Jack-and-JillguestbathroomIhavebeensharingwithLeviandMaddox.

Istartpullingmyclothes offwhile walkingtoward mytowel hangingfromthe hooks onthe backofthe bathroomdoor Sincewehaveanearlymorning,Iwouldrathergetashoweroutofthewaytonightthanfightforaturninthemorning.

With my towel tightly secured around my chest, I open the bathroomdoor and almost fall back when I see a shirtless Maddoxstandinginfrontofthesink,brushinghisteeth He’ssportingapair ofgraysweatpantsthathanglow onhisnarrow hips,andIswearthosethingsshouldbebannedformenwithbodieslikehistowear.

Withhistoothbrushstillinhismouth,Maddoxturnstolookatme,andhiseyesstartonmyfaceandslowlymaketheirway downmytowel-coveredbody.Whileeverythingthatneedstobecoverediscovered,IhaveneverfeltmoreexposedthanIdo rightnow

“Oh,sorry.Ithoughteveryonewasasleep,”IexplaintohimasIkeepagriponthebathroomdoor.

Maddoxgoesbacktothesinkandspitsoutamouthfuloftoothpaste.Aftertakingaswigofwaterfromthefaucet,heturns hisentirebodytofaceme Withhisfull torsoondisplay,Irunmyeyesdownhisbodyandtakeineverysmoothdivot Even thoughI’veseenhimwithoutashirtmoretimesthisweekthanIcancount,itfeelsdifferentwhenwe’reinasmallbathroom together Moreintimate Histannedchestisonfulldisplay,andItrynottobitemylipasmyeyesskateovertheridgesofhis absandthoselinesnearhishipsthatdisappearintothewaistbandofhispantsthatIreadaboutinmyromancebooks.

“Ifyoukeeplookingatmelikethat,I’mgoingtoforgetwhoyou’rerelatedtoandwhoelseisinthishouseandfuckyou againstthiscounterrightnow.”Hisvoiceisgruffbutstrained.WhenIlookbackupathisface,Maddox’snostrilsareflared andhishandsareballedathissides.

MybreathsaremoreraggedasIdigesthiswords Maddoxmaybeaflirtwithalmosteveryoneheencounters,butIhave neverseenthisserioussideofhim.Hisusuallybrighteyesaredarkandalittlehazyashestaresatme.

“Wh-what?”Istutter

“You’restandingthereinnothingbutatinyfuckingtowel,lookingmorestunningthaneveryotherwomanIhaveeverseen, andnowyou’rebitingyourlip.Thisisn’tfair,Traz.I’vetriedbeinggoodallweek,butyou’rekillingme.”

NotrealizingIwasbitingit,Ireleasemylip.“Thenstopbeinggood,”Ibreatheout.

Not a second passes before Maddox crosses the small distance between us and pulls me into his arms. With his hand restingagainstmyneckunder myjaw, he tilts myhead up “I’ve had a little too muchto drinktonight, so Ineed youto be completelyclearwithme,Peach.Doyouwantthis?”

“I’mdrunkenoughtohavethecouragetosayyes,butsoberenoughtoknowIwantthis,”Itellhimhonestly Withoutanother word, Maddox’s mouthcomes downonmine and the momentour lips touch, mybodygoes limp inhis arms.Hisstrongarmcomesaroundmywaist,andhepullsmesoourbodiesareflushagainsteachother’s. Mysenses have beeninvaded byMaddoxStone Icansmell the powerful scent ofhis woodsybodywashand feel his smoothchestbeneathmyhands.Tastethemintfromhis toothpaste.Maddoxgroans andgrips thehair atthebaseofmyhead beforeforcingmetowalkbackwarduntilmylowerbackhitsthevanitycounter Hishandstightlygripmywaistandliftmeup “God,you’resweeterthanIimagined,”Maddoxgroansagainstmylips.Hishandsleavemywaistandmoveuptocupmy

face,bringingourlipstogetheragaininaroughkiss.

Feelingexposedwithnothingundermytowelandhimstandingbetweenmylegs,Itrytoadjusttheclothwhilemyheadis swimmingfromsittinghereandkissingmycrush IwanttopinchmyselfandmakesureIdidn’tfallasleeponthepatiofromthe margaritasIhad.

While tryingtopushthe extra material fromthe towel betweenmylegs,itsomehow gets loose ontopandfalls,pooling aroundmywaistandleavingmytophalfcompletelyexposed.

Maddoxendsourkissandsqueezeshiseyesshutasherestshisforeheadagainstmine “Tellmethatdidn’tjusthappen” Heopenshiseyesandtakesinmynakedness.“Holyhell,Peach.”

Thewayheisstaringhasmewantingtobringmyhandsuptocovermyself.I’vebeennakedinfrontofexactlyoneguyin mylife, and he never looked atme like this The two times we had sexlasted aboutfive minutes each, and the firsttime he didn’tevengetmybraoff.

Themanbeforemeisstaringasifhecan’tlookaway LikeIwoulddisappearifhedid Ifeelmoreexposedashishands leavemyfaceandslidedownmyarmstomywaist.HeunfoldstherestofthetowelsothatIamnowcompletelybaretohim. Lookingup,hecupsmyjaw “You’reincredible” “Madd ”

Hecutsmeoffwithagentlekissbeforeeagerlytrailinghismouthdownmyneckandtomychest.Hishandcupsmybreast whilehekissesandsuckstheother,leavingmepanting

Notwantingtowaitanylonger,Islidemyhandsfromhisshoulderstothewaistbandofhispantsandshovethemdown.His hard-onspringsfreesincehe’sgoingcommando,andIgulpbecausethisisreallyhappening I’mnakedinfrontofMaddox mybrother’sbestfriend andweareabouttohavesex.

“Yousureaboutthis?”heasksmeagain.

Reachingdown,Igriphimandstroke.“Iwantyou,Maddox.I’vewantedthisforalongtimenow.”

Maddoxgrips mywaistandpulls me tothe edge ofthe counter,lininghimselfupwithmyentrance.Withhis handatthe backofmyneck,helooksintomyeyesasheentersme,andIgaspatthenewfeeling

“Ah,”Isqueakoutashethrustshiships.Igriphisshoulders,tryingtobemindfulofmynails,butit’shardtoholdon. “Fuck,fuck,fuck,”hegruntswitheverymovementofhiships Eachthrusthasmeslidingonthecounter

Hekeepsahandonthesideofmyneckwhileholdingontomyhipwiththeother.Hismouthcomesdownonmine,lightly bitingmybottomlip.

Afamiliar sensationstarts to build inside me and I wrap myarms around Maddox’s shoulders as I fall over the edge, relishingintheblisswhiletryingtocontrolmybreathing.

Withhis hand grippingmyhip hard enoughto leave a bruise, Maddoxthrusts hard a few more times before completely stillingandgroaninginmyear.Whilehecomesdownfromhisownhigh,Irunmyfingersthroughhishair,threadingmyfingers inthelongstrands

“Thatwas ” “Unbelievable,”hefinishes,outofbreath.

Ican’thelpbutsmileagainstMaddox’sneckbecausehe’sright Thatwasunbelievable Incredible Sensational Everything Icouldhavedreamedabout.

ThemanI’vefantasizedaboutisholdingmeinhisarmswhileIwrapmyselfaroundhim,andIcouldn’tbehappierthanI amrightnow.

LIFTING myarmsabovemyhead,Ireleaseamuch-neededmorningstretch.Mybodyissore,andrememberingwhyandwhat happenedlastnight,myeyespopopen Takingintheroom,IrealizeI’maloneandwrappedinoneoftheguestrobesleftforus inourrooms.Myhairistangled,andIrealizeIneverbrushedordrieditlastnightaftertakingashower.

AshowerIfinallygottoafterhavingsexwithMaddoxStone.Myteenagecrush.Mybrother’sbestfriend.Thelastguyon thisplanetIshouldbehavingsexwith.

Thinkingaboutwhatwedidlastnight,Ican’thelpbutsmilebecauseeventhoughthisisgoingtocreateunnecessarydrama withinthisfriendgroup,Idon’thaveasingleounceofregretinme BeingwithMaddoxwasmorethanIcouldhavehopedfor After webothcamedownfromthehigh,hegavemeagentlekiss andtoldmehedidn’twantLevi tocatchus beforehe slippedbackintohisroom TheentirerestofthenightIcouldn’twipethesmileoffmyface Hewantedme Maddoxwanted me andactedonit.ThiswasallIcouldhavehopedforgoingintomyfirstyearofcollege. Mydoorrattlesassomeonepoundstheirfistagainstit.“Traz,youup?Leviwantstoleaveinhalfanhour.”

Jumpingfromthebed,Imakemywaytothedoorandswingitopen “Hey Morning,bigbrother I’llbedowninfifteen” Camdeneyesmesuspiciously.“Whatthehellhappenedtoyourhair?”

Pattingtheknottedmess,Itrytosomehowmakeitlooklesslikeadisaster “Accidentallywenttobedwithmyhairwet I

needtogetanothershowerandI’llbereadytogo.”

“Okay,soundsgood.Hopefullywecanleaveontime,butLevisaidhewashavingahardtimewakingMadup.”

Atthementionofhisbestfriend,myearsperkup “Oh,what’swrongwithhim?”

“Dranktoomuchlastnight,”Camdentellsmewithaneyeroll.“Levihadtopouricewateronhimthismorningjusttoget himtoopenhiseyes Dudewasknockedoutcold JulesandBlairearemakingasmallbreakfastforeveryone,sohopefullythat andsomecoffeewillsoberhimup.”Heshakeshisheadandbeginswalkingdownthehallwaytowardthestairs.

Closingthedoor,IleanagainstitasIthinkbacktolastnight Maddoxwasn’tthatdrunk,washe?Wehadbothbeenalittle tipsy,buthow couldhegofromthattoacomahangover thenextmorning?Ididn’tevensmell or tastealcohol onhis breath whenhekissedme.Althoughhehadjustbrushedhisteeth.

Shakingofftheweirdfeelingthatsitsatthebottomofmystomach,Ishowerandpackuptherestofmybelongings Withmy hairbrushedanddriedandmybagpacked,Iheaddownstairsandammetwithmostofourgroup.

CamdenandMaddoxaresittingonthebarstools,enjoyingtheirbreakfastontheisland Grabbingaplate,Ipileonasmall amountofeggsandbaconandtaketheemptyseatbesideMaddox.Hedoesn’tlookatme,butinsteadpusheshisfoodaround likeadisgruntledchild

“Yougoingtobegoodtodrive,man?”CamdenasksashewatchesMaddox.

“Youfilledmewithalmostafullpotofcoffee,soIshouldbegood.Justgivemeafewmoreminutestoletitkickfullyin.” Acup thatismorelikethesizeofabowl ofcoffeesitsbesideMaddox’splate,anditisalmostempty

KnowingIcan’tsayanythingtoraisesuspicion,especiallywithCamden,Ifocusonmybreakfast,butwiththeongoingodd feelingI’mhaving,theeggstastebitterastheygodown

Emreecomesinandgreetseveryone.

“Hey,girl,”BlairesaysfromherspotontheothersideofCamden.“JulesandImadesomeeggsandbaconifyouwantany. Ileftthebreadandbutterouttoo.”Shesmilesasshetakesabiteofhertoast.

“Thanks,”Emreerepliesasshegrabsapaperplateandbeginsfillingitwithfood.Shesetsitonthecounterandopensthe fridge,whichhasbeenemptied

“You’redamnrightImadesuretopackthatshitup.Icouldn’thandleanothermorningofyouputtingketchuponyoureggs likeaserialkiller,”Maddoxannounces Emreeshutsthefridgeandglaresathim.“Aserialkiller?Really,Maddox?Puttingketchuponyoureggsisverynormaland commonanddoesnotmakemeaserial killer.”Rollinghereyes,shewalksovertowheresheleftherplateontheisland.“I havenoideawhereyoucomeupwiththethoughtsthatgothroughyourbrain.”

Hepointshisforkather,notrealizingthereissomeegghangingofftheend.“Younoticeanyofthese normal peoplearound usputtingketchupontheireggs?No,youdon’t Thatmakesyouafreakandprobablyaserialkiller It’sjustagoodthingwe’re leavingwhenwearebeforeyoukilloneofus.”Hepointshisforkatallofusandendsupflingingbitsofeggthroughtheair.

“Whatthehell,Maddy?Ilecturehimwitharaisedvoice Theeggpiecesflewthroughtheairandendedupsmackingmein thechestandfallingdownmyshirt.

“Maddy?”Camdenquestions,buteveryoneignoreshim.

“Shit Sorry,Peach Here,letmegetthatoutforyou”Hereachestowardthetopofmytanktop,butbeforehecangetclose enoughtotouchme,Camdenpullshimbackbyhisshirt.

“TouchmysisterandI’llbreakyourarm,Stone”Camden’seyesarenarrowedathisbestfriend Maddoxlookstohisrightandthentohisleft,backatme.“Apologies,mylady.Bigbrotheroverherehassomeissueswith mehelpingcleanupthemessImadeinyourcleavage” Igawkathim.“Doyounothaveafilter?”

Heshrugshisshouldersandbeginsshovelinghisfoodintohismouth.“Whyfilterourmosthonestthoughts?”

Camdenrollshiseyes “Maybebecauseyoumakepeopleuncomfortable”

IstudyMaddoxashefinisheshisplateoffoodandtrytogaugeifheisactingindifferenttowardmebecausemybrotheris intheroomor no Ican’teventhinkthatrightnow

We finishoffthe restofthe food, and as everyone is loadingtheir things into the cars, IhangbackwithMaddox. He is doingalastcheckofthedownstairsareatomakesurenothingisleftbehind Heassureduswedidn’tneedtogivethehousea deepcleanbecausehehadacleaningservicecominginthisafternoonthathismomregularlyused.

Walkingovertohisside,IgripMaddox’supperarm.“Hey,canwetalk?”

HelooksdownatwhereI’mgrippinghim,andIreleasemyhold “Sure What’sup?” “Aboutlastnight…”

Maddox’seyebrowspinchtogetherandhestudiesmeforseveralseconds “Lastnight?Fuck,don’ttellmeIdidsomething stupid.”

Mychesttightens,andItrytocontrolmybreathing.“Yo-youdon’tremember?”

Hishandscomeupandherubshiseyeswithhispalms.“Ohgod,pleasetellmewhathappened.IswearIdidn’tdrinkthat much,butfuck,Ihavethebiggesthangover.”

Maddoxdoesn’tremember.Hedoesn’tknowaboutourtimetogether.Amomentthatmeanteverythingisnothingbutalost memorytohim.

Takingadeepbreath,IplasterthelargestfakesmileIcanmusterup “Nothing Ijustwantedtomakesureyouwereokay withthathangover.”

ith her in my arms, I run my hands up and down her back. “I can’t believe that just happened,” she whispers in my ear

Meneither, I want to tell her, but I’m still trying to catch my breath after the best fucking sex of my life. My Peach is more beautiful than I could ever imagine She’s damn near perfect She has a lean but fit body, and I’m sure her years of playing volleyball in high school helped with that She has the most grabbable ass I’ve ever seen, and her tits are what women pay thousands of dollars for. There is also this splattering of freckles across them that is fucking adorable.

Holding her naked body like this, I can’t believe it’s real Like someone is playing a sick joke on me, and the woman with her arms and legs wrapped around my body is a figment of my imagination. The alcohol must have gone to my head, and I’m imagining something that I’ve wanted for so long

Myeyessnapopen,andIgroanatthedreamthathasbeenhauntingmefortwomonthssincewegotbackfromspringbreak. It’snotmyfirstdirtydreamwhenitcomestoTraz,butitisthehottestandfeelsalmost…real.I’veneverdreamedofsomething thatintimatewithher,butIcan’tshakethisdream

Forthepasttwomonths,I’vewokenupwitharaginghard-onandthoughtsofmybestfriend’slittlesister.

TryingtoforgetaboutTraziaCollins,Igetoutofbedandmakemywaytotheprivatebathroom Oneofthebenefitsofnot givinga fuckaboutbeingnude around anyone is thatmyfriends decided to forgo drawingstraws and gave me the owner’s bedroominthehouse It’slarge,whichisanaddedbenefit,butIalsodon’thavetoworryaboutsharingashowerortoiletwith anyone.Therehavebeenafewinstanceswhenpeoplewalkedinbecausetheotherbathroomwasoccupied,butsomeofthem havebeenscarredbymybareasstooearlyinthemorningtoenter withoutknockinganymore.ThosesomeonesbeingEmree andBlaire

Takingapisswithmydicklikethisisdifficult,butImanage.Afteraquickshower,Ichangeintoaloosepairofshortsand aT-shirt

Enteringthekitchen,Iinhalethesmellofeggsandbacon.Camdenisatthestove,scramblingsomeeggs.MateoandLevi areseatedonthebarstoolsbehindthesinkwitheagerfacesastheypracticallysalivateoverthefoodbeingprepared.

“Morning,”Levigreets.

“Goodtoseeyou,Lumberjack.”

Levirollshiseyes “Thebeardistrimmedforthesummer Areyouevergoingtostopwiththelumberjackjokes?” “Areyouevergoingtostoplookinglikealumberjack?”

“Hehasstockinplaid,soI’mgoingtosayno,”Mateochimesin “Ihateyouguys,”Levigrumbles.

Takingtheseatbesidehim,Islingmyarmoverthegiant’sshoulders.“Ah,don’tbelikethat.Youknowyouloveus,andwe loveyouandyourvarietyofplaidshirts.”

Camden serves up some eggs and bacon to all of us and stands at the counter, eating his own breakfast. “Any of you interestedinhelpingmemoveanincrediblystressedlittlesisterintoherdormtoday?”

AtthementionofTrazia,myearsperk.

“She’salreadymovingin?Don’tclassesnotstartuntilAugust?”Mateoasks Camdenchewshismouthfuloffoodbeforeanswering.“Shewantstodosummerclasses.Thesoonershegetsherdegree, the sooner she canstartfindinga school thatis hiring.Trazfigures ifshe graduates atleasta semester before everyone,she willavoidallthecompetitionoffallgraduatesfightingforajob”

“Sorry,man.Ihavethemorningshiftatthebookstoretoday,”Levistatesashegetsupfromhisseatanddropshisdishesin thesink Onhiswaytothedoor,heoffersusagoodbyewave

“Well,I’mfreetoday,butyouowemeifwe’removingheavyshit,”Mateotellshim,pointinghisfork.

Camdenrollshiseyes.“I’llmakesuretodotheheavylifting.”

“Youhavemetoo.Hey,whydon’twedoafamilydinnersinceshe’sherenow?”Ioffer.

“I’mdownforthat,”Mateoagreeswithhismouthfullofeggs Turning,Igivehimapointedlook.“Chewyourfoodbeforespeaking.Whatareyou,aNeanderthal?” Mateorollshiseyes “Oh,shutup” “Thisisahouseofgentlemen.Actlikeone.”

“Gentlemen?”Camdenlaughs “We’veall seenyour nakedass moretimesthanIcancount Thereisnothinggentlemanly aboutthat.”

“Nudityisawayoflife,Cammy,”Iscoff.“Don’tgobeingaprude.”

“It’snotbeingaprudeifIwanttheonlydickIseetobemyown”

Archingabrow,Ilevelhimwithastare.“Scaredofalittle…competitionwithBlairearound?” Hisnostrilsflarejustatad “Mygirlisextremelysatisfied,thankyouverymuch” “Ah, but does she know the other possibilities in the house? I mean, size does matter, and fuck anyone who says differently,”Itease

“I’mgettingalittleweirdedoutbythisconversation,socanwedropitandtalkaboutmovingTraziaintohernewplace?” Mateosuggests.

“Fine NowthatI’veplantedthatthoughtinCammy’shead,let’sgettomovingyoungCollinsintoherdorm”

Camdentosseshisplateandthepanheusedtocookthefoodintothedishwasher.“Let’sgo.Oh,andsheneedsustohead tomymom’s housetoloadupmyJeep Apparently,shehas moreboxes ofclothes thansheanticipated,andmostofher shit doesn’tfitinthetinycarshejustbought.Mayneedsomeonetodrivebackwithhertomakemoreroominmycar.”

“Damn, Trazwent and got herself a car? What’d she end up choosing?” Mateo asks as he loads his ownplate into the dishwasher.

“Getthis,shegotoneofthoseBugs.Abrightredone.Abouttenyearsold.Itwasdrivenbyaseniorwoman,sothemiles arelow”

Mateostopsashewalkstowardthekitchenexitandturnsaround.“Wait,likethatHerbiecarfromthemovie?Thatkindof Bug?”

Rollingmyeyes,Ipressthestartbuttonafterloadingthelastofthedishestobeginanewcycle.“Notsurethere’sanyother kindofcarcalledaBug,dumbass.”

“Fuck,man,that’sagirlycar.I’mnotridinginthatshitwithher.”

AsinistersmirkcreepsuponCamden’sface.“We’llhaveMadheretakearideintheladycar,sincehe’sthemanwiththe biggestdickinthishouse He’llhavenoproblemtoughingitinthere”

Straighteningmyshoulders,Iwalktowardthem.“Yourmisogynyisshowing.Tuckthataway,willyou.”

Camden rolls his eyes and grabs the keys to his Jeep on the way out the door Mateo takes the front without calling shotgun,mightIadd andIhopinthebackseat.

ThehouseCamdengrewupinisn’tfarfromcampus.Unliketherestofourroommates,hehaslivedinthisareahisentire life WhileitmadesenseforCamdentomovetocampusbecauseoftheconstantearlymorningpracticesandbeingatCoach’s beckandcall,I’mabitmoresurprisedTraziaismovinghere.Sure,itwouldbemoreofahassletodrivethehourtoandfrom herhousetocampus,butI’dpreferthatoversharingadormthesizeofabedroomwithastranger

Trafficislightand,wemakeittoCamden’schildhoodhomeinnotime.ThemomentIopenthedoorandleavethecomfort oftheairconditioning,I’mregrettingmykindactofhelpingCamden’slittlesistermoveintohernewplace Thereweresome ulteriormotivestomeagreeingtothis,andthatisseeingTraziaisneverabadthing.Especiallywhensheiswearingapairof tinyjeanshorts andatanktoplikesheis now,butthis goddamnMayheatis blurringmyvisionatthemoment.Her hair has changedsincethelasttimeIsawher;shehasdarkeneditandgottenridofthepalepinklook Hertanktopisridingupalittle atthebottom,exposingastripoftanskin.

“Didyouhavetopackeveryitemyouown?”Camdenasksasweapproachthefrontporchthatiscoveredinmovingboxes Withherhandsonherhips,Traziagiveshimapointedlook.“Donotjudgeme,CamdenCollins.I’mpackingonlywhatI willneed”

“Thesetwoboxesarelabeledshoes.Doyoureallyneedthatmanypairsatschool?”

“Yes,Ido,”shetellshimmatter-of-factly.

Camdenrollshiseyes “Youhaveonepairoffeet,Traz”

“Andyouhaveapairoflegsandhowmanypants?Irestmycase.Now,helpmewiththeseboxessoIcangoreassureour momthatI’mnotleavingherforeversoshewillquitbeingsadaboutherfavoritechildmovingout” Beforeshewalksaway,Traz’seyesflashtomeandshefreezesforamoment,asifsheisjustrealizingI’mstandingbehind herbrother.

“Hey,Peach,”Igreetherwithasmile.

Shedoesn’treturnmyhellobutratherducksherheadandgoesintothehouse.ForsomereasonIfeelasthoughIjustgotthe

coldshoulder,butI’mnotsurewhy.Maybeshe’snervousaboutmovingoutandstartingcollege. “Youthinkweshouldloadasmuchaswecanintohercarandthenstufftherestinmine?”Camdenasksus. Ilookattheboxesandshrugmyshoulders “Mightaswelltryandseeifwecangetthisalldoneinonetrip”

TRAZIA

Once inside the safetyofmyhouse, Itake a deep breathto calmmynerves. Camdenhad told me he was goingto tryand bringacoupleoftheguyswithhimtohelpmemove,butIwashopingMaddoxwouldn’tbeoneofthem

After our drunken hookup that he has no memory of, I find it hard to look at him. Finally being with the guy that has consumed mythoughts for so longshould have excited me, butwhenhe acted like nothinghappened the nextmorning, Ifelt dirtyandsad OurmomenttogetherwasspecialtomeandIthoughteverythingwouldbedifferentafter,butI’mstillthelittle sistersecretlypiningafterherbrother’sbestfriend.

“Whatareyoudoingleaningagainstthedoor,honey?”Momasksasshecomesintothelivingroomfromthekitchen Ourhouseisn’tlargeandhasanopenfloorplan.Whenyouenterthelivingroom thatisbigenoughtofittwocouchesand aTVstand thekitchenisstraightthroughontheotherside Mom’sbedroomisofffromthekitchen,andmineandCamden’s aredownthehallwayfromthelivingroom.

AfterourdadleftwhenIwasfive,mymomdideverythingshecouldtoprovideforus.WhileIwastooyoungtoremember much,Camdentellsmethatwelivedinasmallone-bedroomapartmentatfirst,andMomsleptonapull-outcouchandgaveus thebedroom.Shewouldsometimesworkuptothreejobstomakesureweneverwentwithout.Wehavebeendoingbetterthe lastfewyearsandMomdoesn’thavetoworkasmuchassheusedto,butIcanseehernervousnessattimeswhensomething breaksortheelectricbillishigherthanusual.I’mgladtoreduceherstressbygettinganacademicscholarshiptoBraxtonso shedoesn’thavetoworryaboutpayingformyclassesordorm

Plasteringonasmile,Ipushmyselfoffthedoorandwalktowardmymom.“Oh,justrestingafterbeingintheheatforallof fiveminutes.Camdenandsomeoftheguysareheretohelp,sowecanavoidtheheavylifting.”

“Ohgood,givesmemoretimewithmygirl,”shereplieswithasmileasherarmswraparoundmywaist,pullingmeinfor ahug.

“Once again, Mom, I’mnot going to be far I’ll probably be here as often as possible since I don’t have a kitchen or anything.”Unfortunately,thedormthatwaspartofmyscholarshipdoesn’tincludeakitchenettelikesomeoftheothersdo,but I’monthemealprogram,soaslongasIcanstretchthatandmakeithomeonceinawhilefordinner,Ishouldbeabletohandle nothavingakitchen.

Pullingback, she strokes the side ofmyhead. “Iknow that, butmybabyis leavinghome. I’mgoingto miss havingyou around all the time” Her eyes beginto glisten, and Ihave to hold backmyowntears The lastcouple ofweeks have been emotionalformebecauselosingthefamiliarityandcomfortofmyhomeisscary.

Thefrontdooropens,andMaddoxwalksin,lookingunfairlyhot “Morning,Ms Collins,”hegreetsasheliftshisshirtand wipesthesweatfromhisface.“We’vefitalltheboxesinthetwocars,Traz.Wecanheadtowardthedormswheneveryou’re ready.”

Mymomgripsmyhandinhers.“Thatwastoofast.I’mnotreadytoletmybabygirlgo.”

Maddoxpresentsherwithhisever-charmingsmile.“Don’tworry,we’llmakesuretotakegoodcareofher.”

Iknowhedoesn’tmeananythingsexualbywhathetellsher,butmybodytinglesthinkingabouthowhe took care of me our lastnightatthebeachhouse.

“Trazia,let’sgo Wehavetounloadallthisshit!”Camdencallsfromtheporch Momholds ontomyshoulders andsqueezes tight.“I’ll come visityouthis weekendandbringa casserole or something easyforyoutoheatup.”

“I’ll miss you, Mama And your cooking, so make sure to bringa good variety Oh, and your homemade snickerdoodle cookies.”

Shesmilesandpullsmeinforanothertighthug “Ofcourse,babygirl Iloveyou”

Blinkingawaythetears,Isqueezeherbackextratight.“Iloveyou,Mama.”

Afterholdingeachotherforseveralmoreseconds,wepullapart,andshewalksmeouttoanow-loadedcar.Camdensays goodbyetoMom,makingsuretowipethesweatfromhisforeheadonherarm.

Mynewcarisfilledtothetopwithboxesandrandomitemsfrommyroom Thepassengerseatisopen,andI’msurprised theydidn’tloadthatspotup.

“I’llmeetyouguysbackatthedormbuilding,”ItellCamdenbeforegettingintomycar JustasIstarttheengine,thepassengerdooropens,andalargeframelowersitselfintotheseat.

“Whatdoyouthinkyou’redoing?”

Maddoxtucks his longlegs as besthe canwiththe little roomhe’s workingwith. “Well, Iwas catchinga ride backto Braxton,butI’mnotsurethistoycarcanaccommodateme.”

Grippingthesteeringwheel,Iblowoutafrustratedbreath “Whydon’tyoujustridewithCamden?”

“Andmissoutonyoursweethospitality?WhywouldIgoanddothat?”

He’s right I ambeingunfairlycold to him, but it’s hard whenI feel this paininmychest everytime I thinkabout the morningafterwehadsexandhowhehadforgottentheentirenight.

“I’msorry You’reright I’mjustnervousaboutmovingoutonmyownandbeingawayfromhome,”Itellhimhonestly Maddoxreachesacrossthecenterconsoleandplaceshishandonmybareknee.Itrynottoletmyreactionshowfromthe contact,butmybreathhitchesjustslightly.“It’snotlikeyou’llbealone.Youhaveallofusthereforyou.”

“True,” I tell himwith a smile “Levi already said he’d show me the bookstore he works at and offered an employee discount,aslongasIpromisenottotellanyone…althoughIkindofjustbrokethatrulealready.”

Withaneyeroll,Maddoxremoveshishandfrommyleg “Don’tletthelumberjacksuckyouintohisweird Harry Potter fanfiction.Iswearthatguyisthecoolest-lookingnerdI’veeverseen.”

Iputthecarinreverseanddrivetowardcampus.“Ahotnerdislikefindingapromdressyoursizeatthethriftstore.Damn nearimpossible.”

“YougotthehotsforLevi,Peach?”Maddoxasks.Thereisajokingtonetohisvoice,butIhearsomethingelseunderneath. Jealousy,maybe?

Ihopontheinterstateandpickupspeed.“Notsurethere’sasinglestraightwomanouttherewhowouldn’tfindLevihot.” “Pff,notlikehewoulddateanyofthem Isweartheguyisamonk NotonceinthethreeyearsI’veknownhimhaveIseen himhookupwithsomeone.”

“Maybesomeguysarewaitingfortherightgirl.”

Amomentofsilencefallsbetweenus,andIthinkthatistheendoftheconversation.“Youwaitingfortherightguy,Peach?” MystomachdoesflipsasIthinkovermyanswer.“IthoughtIwas.Butitturnsoutrealityismuchmoreheartbreakingthan yourfantasies”

Thesoundoftrafficandtheradioonlowfillsthelullinconversation,andtheenergyturnsawkward.“Hey,Mad,whydo youcallmePeach?”

“Oh,um,”hestumblesoverhiswords.“It’sjustanickname.”

Looking over, I catch Maddox avoiding my direction. “Come on, tell me. You don’t just come up with a nickname for someonewithouttherebeinganymeaningtoit”

“Maybeyoujustsmelllikepeaches.”

IwishIwasn’tdrivingsothatIcouldseehimbecauseMaddoxis actingunusuallyshy “Iusecherryblossomlotion,so goodtry.TellmeorI’llpulloverandkickyououtofmycar.”

Adeeplaughescapeshim “IwouldliketoseeyoutrybecauseI’mprettysureit’sgoingtotakesomeefforttogetmeoutof thisfishbowlonwheels.”

“YouwouldbesurprisedwhatI’mcapableof.Now,givemeananswer,Stone.” Heblowsoutadefeatedbreath “Fine,I’lltellyou Youhaveapeach-shapedass” Not expectingthat response, I bust out laughingand focus onkeepingmyeyes openso we don’t end up collidingwith anothervehicle “Please,thatisnotthereason”

“WhatcanIsay,I’manassman.Andyouhaveaniceone.Worthyenoughofanickname.”

“YoustartedcallingmePeachthreeyearsago,Mad Iknowmyasswasnotwhatitwasbackthen”TheshorttimeIplayed volleyballinhighschoolhelpedshapemybody,includinggivingmeanicelysculptedbutt.

“That’smytruthandI’mstickingtoit,”heproclaimsashecrosseshisarmsoverhischest. “I’llgetthetruthoutofyouonewayoranother”

Reachingforward,Maddoxturnsuptheradio.“Ohlook,Ilovethissong.”

Listeningtothemusicasitfiltersthroughthespeakers,Ican’thelpbutlaugh “You’reaMileyfan?” “Ofcourse,”hesayswithconfidence.“Whenshedropped‘Flowers’evenIbegantohateallmenuntilIrealizedIhavea dickandall.ButI’mtotallyTeamMiley,andLiamcangetfucked.”

MaddoxbeginstopoorlysingalongasMileyCyrusgoesonabouthowshecanbuyherselfflowersandwritehernamein thesand.Basicallybeingabadassandannouncingshedoesn’tneedamantomakeherfeelspecial.

TakingthisdrivewithMaddoxhashelpedcalmmeinaway.I’mstillhurtbyhimnotrememberingourtimetogether,butinthis car,everythingfeelsnormal.Wecangobacktojokingandlaughingtogether.Ijusthopemyheartcanhandlethefriendzone withMaddox,especiallyafterexperiencingbeingwithhiminthemostintimateofways

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