Protecting what's his: a second chance, best friend's little sister romance lauren wood all chapter
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Brother's Best Friend: A Bratva Romance K.C. Crowne
Second Chance with my Firefighter Best Friend: A Small Town, Friends to lovers, Sweet Romantic Comedy (Briar Glen Romantic Comedies Book 3) Abby Greyson
Ipressedmylipstogetherandtrieddesperatelytonotsayawordtoher Sheobviouslydidn’tknowhowharditwasgoing tobetodoanythingwithoutsomeonetheretocopyoffof.Shehaddoneitsolong;Iwonderedifsheknewthatitwasgoingto be a while before she found another me Ididn’tsayanythingelse as Igrabbed the few things atmydeskthatwere mine I didn’tlikepersonaleffectsattheofficeandnowIwasgladforthat.Itmadeleavingeasier.
THE WIND WAS HALFWAY through my sails by the time I got to the small flat that I rented in the city. I loved it here, well, sometimes ItwashardtosayhowIfeltaboutthisplacehonestly Iknewthattherewassomethingtherethatmademethinkthat Iwouldbebetteroffbackhome.QuittingmyjobwastheendofmetryingtopretendlikeIwasevergoingtobeadesigner.I
IlookedaroundthesmallapartmentandIsighed.Thiswasreallygoingtobeit.Iwasn’treadytostartpackingjustyet,soI calledafewfriendsandinvitedthemoutfordinner Littledidtheyknow,itwasgoingtobeourlastdinnertogether Iwanted tosaygoodbyetonotonlymyfriendsthathadbeenhereformethewholetimeIwashere,butalsothecityitself.It’shardto saygoodbyetoaplacethatwasoncemydream IthoughtthateverythingwasgoingtocometogetherhereinParis Ihadspent yearssavingupthemoneytogettoParisandlive.Itwasalltogetmeintherightschool,whichIhadgonetoandthenstayed hereuntilitpaidoff Thatwasthepartthatneverhappened Itneverwasworthit GoingoutwasjustwhatIneededandthoughIdidn’ttellanyonegoodbyewiththosewords,IfeltatpeacewhenIwalked backtomyapartmentattwointhemorning.Afterdoingsomesemi-drunktimezonemath,Idecidedtocallmysisterandsee what she thought about me cominghome Ialreadyknew what she was goingto say, but Ihad to hear it out loud for some reason.IneededtoknowthatIwouldbewelcomedback,eventhoughI’dbeengoneforyearsandhadn’tkeptintouchlikeI shouldhave
Inlessthanafewhours,Ihadaplanetickethome Ihadacoupleoflayovers,anditwasalongflight,butIwasonmyway homeandthoughIdidn’tknow how Iwasgoingtotakeit,Iknew thatitdidn’tmatter.Iwouldbehomesoon.Bogalusawas justwhereIneededtobe,somewherefamiliarandwarm
Iwasabletosleepmuchofthetrip,findingmyselfexhaustedlivingtheliethatIhadperpetratedthewholetime.Ididn’t know why there was something so wrong with the life I had been living. I had wanted something so bad, that I thought I deservedit.MaybeIdidn’t.Maybemydesignsweren’tasgreatasIthought.
Itold myselfthatIcould justas easilybecome a designer fromthe small townofLouisiana Ididn’tbelieve it, butmy decisionwasmade.Iwasbackhome.Icouldn’tgobacknow.
I saw Ashton and I waved to him. My brother had answered instead of my sister when I called. They rented a house togethertostayclosetoeachother Thefamilyhadallbeencloseatonetime Iwastheonethatwentawayandruineditall fromwhatIwastold.TruthwasthatIjustwantedsomespace.ItwashardgrowingupwithAshtonandAshley.Thetwotwins wereacoupleyearsolderthanmeandperfect Itwashardtofocuswhentheywerearound Theywereblonder,prettier,and somehowskinnier.MybrownhairfeltdrabaroundthemandthoughweweresimilarinDNA,itdidn’tfeellikeit.Something thatnooneunderstoodwasthatitwaseasytoleave,becauseIneverfeltlikeIbelongedthere
Iwaitedforthedoctortogetbackintotheroom.Itriednottoworry;Iknew whathewasgoingtosay.Iguessitwasthat small,sliverofhopethatmademewonderiftherewasreallynothingwrongwithme.Whycouldn’titjustallbeafluke?I wanted there to be a reason. Iwanted to know whatwas wrongwithme butfeared thatitwould be more thanIcould handle WhatifIcouldn’tcontinuetodowhatIloved?
The older gentlemanchuckled and pushed his glasses backup toward his eyes. The blackspectacles had beenhanging precariouslyontheedgeofhisnose HewasaguythatI’dseenseveraltimessinceIstartedtenyearsbeforeinthemilitary He haddonemyfirstcheck-upanditfeltliketherewasgoingtobesomethingcircularabouthimdoingthelastoneaswell.He hadn’tsaidityet,butIknewitwascoming.Ithadtobe.Icameinfreshoutofhighschoolandthemilitarybrokeme,literally.
Iagreedandsaidthatitwouldbefine.ThedoctorlookedatmewithpityandIdidn’tlikethelookofthatatall.Ididn’t wanthimto pityme Iwas unhappy, and there was nothingthatwas goingto give me the same thrill thatIfeltwhenIwas servingmycountry.Ithurtthough.ServingmycountrywaspainfulandIhadpaidapriceforit.Now,couldIreallygotothe sidelinesandpretendthatitwasn’tmywholelife?Iworriedaboutwhatwouldbeleft.
Thefirstpersonthatpoppedinmindwasgoingtobemybestfriend,Ashton.Hehadtriedtotalkmeintocomingbackfor years,butIhadalways refused ItoldhimthatIlikedmylife as a soldier andthathadbeenthe truth Whatwasn’tthe truth though,wasthefactthatitwasasglamourousashethoughtitwas.Now,itwasn’tglamorousatallwithabrokenbodytoshow forit.WhatwasIsupposedtodonow?Istilldidn’thaveananswer.
BOGALUSA WAS JUST likeIremembered.Ididn’tknowwhatIthoughtwasgoingtochange.Ithadn’tchangedinalltheeighteen yearsthatI’dlivedthere.Iwantednothingmorethantocomebacktosomethingthatshowedmethattimehadinfactpassed, buttherewasnothing.EverythingwasthesameandIlookedaroundasImademywaytoAshton’shouse,wonderingwhatin theworldIwasgoingtodohere IhadsplitassoonasIcouldgetmyselfinthemilitary Theywantedahighschooldiploma, sothenextdayIleft.
There was a womanonthe stairs as Iwas walkingup, talkingto someone inanother language. French? Istopped inmy trackswhenIrealizedthatthesophisticatedwomanthatwassittingtherewasonceagirlIknewverywell.Ashtonhadtoldme thatshewasgoingtobehere,butIwasn’tprepared Nowwhenshelookedup,Istillhadmymouthopenlikeanidiot
She didn’trecognize me for a moment, Icould see the aggravationinher eyes for eventalkingto her Thenthough, she startedtoseethatitwasmeandshestoodup,lettingmetoweroverher.“Ican’tbelieveyougotbigger.”
Thatwaswhatshesaidtomeaftertenyears?Ididn’tknowhowtofeelaboutthatandnowIwasn’tsurewhatwasnext I wasbiggerbecausethemilitarymademedrilluntilmymusclesweretornapartandrebuilttolookthatway.Ithaddonealot formeandnowitwasallgone.Igotsadforamoment,totallyunrelatedtothewomanstandinginfrontofme.Itriedtohidethe momentofbother,butitwashard,andLaraaskedmeifIwasokay
“Yeah,justhaven’tbeenbackhere ina longtime.Idon’tknow whatIwas thinking,butIguess itwasn’tthis.Bogalusa looksthesame”
Laraagreedthatitdid.“Igotbacklastweek,andIstillcan’tbelievethatitisjustlikeitusedtobe.Ididn’tthinkIwould ever find myselfhere again… Whataboutyou? Ithinkthe lastthingyousaid to me was thatyouwould rather die thanstay here.”
Laranoddedandsaidthatshehadbeenjustasbad.SheknewthatgoingtoPariswasgoingtobeeithergoodorbad.She hadleftme,justasmuchasIhadlefther.Theonlydifference,whatIneverwantedhertoknow,wasthatIhadgonebackfor her,triedtostaythere withher,butLara was gone.She hadmade sucha bigdeal aboutleaving, butshe had done the same thing.Istillcouldn’tgetmyheadallthewayaroundhowshehadwalkedawayfromwhatwehadgrowing.Itwasn’twhole,it wassomethingIwassurewasgoingtoendmeatsomepointwhenIwasyounger,butIhadtoughenedup Themilitaryhelped withthat,butLaratakingofftoParistoliveoutherdreamshaddonefarmoreinthatcircumstance.I’dalwayswonderedwhat wouldhavehappenedifIhadn’thaveleftfirst Wouldshehavestayed,wouldwehaveendeduptogether?
TherewasamomentwhenIwentinforahugandLarawasn’treadyforit.Whenshewas,wewereinthisweirdlockand thenAshtoncameouttoseemeinthecompromisingposition.Heknew how Ifeltabouthislittlesisterandwhilehehadnot beenhappyaboutitwhenwewereyounger,hehadsaidmanytimesthroughtheyearsthathewishedwehadbeentogether,so Larawouldn’thavetakenoffonthefamilythewaythatshedid.
“Hey,man,what’sup?”
IshookAshton’s hand and after a momentwe walked offtogether. Icould still feel the touchofLara’s softhands and I wantedtostaytherewithher.Ihadotherthingstodothough.IwantedtogetsquaredawaywithAshton.Ithadbeentoolong, andwehadalottotalkabout Ididlookbackonce;Icouldn’thelpit Larawasevenmorebeautifulthanshehadbeenbefore Her blonde hair was up and so fancy. She looked like a completely different person and likely a lot of that happened because of where she had been Her clothes were different, and she didn’t smile like she used to That part was a shame, becausewhenLarasmiled,thewholeroomthatshewasinwouldgetthatmuchbrighter.Itwasamazinghowshealwaysmade mefeel Itwasn’tlikeshewassad,butLarawasreservednow Ididn’tliketheideaofthat Larawasalwaysthewildspirit Whatdiditmeanifshewasnow calm?Wasthatevenpossible?Damn,how badlyIwantedtofindoutifLarawasthesame girlthatIknewsolongago.
Iscowled atAshtonas he walked offwithNicholas. Iwanted to talkto Nicholas. Itwas nice to see him, and he was so differentthatIwantedtostare.Iwantedtomemorizeeverysinglelineandwrinklethatwasnew,aswellaseveryswellof muscle that wasn’t there before. I could see it all now, and he was amazing to look at. Nicholas had always been handsome,butthemilitarydidsomethingtohim
Mybrother ruineditall though,andIswear hewas doingitjusttodrivemenuts.Hewantedtoseehow crazyhecould make me and surprise, surprise, itwas crazy Iwas doingmybestto tryand make itworksince I’d beenback, butIdidn’t know ifbeingaroundAshtonwas goingtobesomethingthatIchosetodofor long.Iwas alreadylookingfor aplaceofmy own,evenifmysiblingsdidn’tunderstandit.IhadlivedonmyownsinceImovedout.Thatwasalongtimeago,andIwanted themtoseethatIwasstilljustasindependentasbefore
WithNicholas backintown, Ididn’tknow how thatwas goingto playout. Iliked to believe thatnothingwas goingto happen Whatwasbetweenuswasalongtimeago,itwasjustafling Ididn’tknowwhyIwastheonethatwasholdingontoit sotightly.Iknew thatthere was always goingtobe a partofme thatfeltsomethingfor Nicholas.Ihadcomparedeveryguy since himto him, butthatdidn’tmeanthatIhadn’tlearned mylesson Nicholas and Iweren’tmeantto be together, evenif hugginghimforaminutehadmademebelieveotherwise.
Iwentinside and Ashleywanted to know whatmyproblemwas. Ididn’tsayanything, and she knew. “Oh, you’ve seen Nicholas,huh?”Ashley’sblueeyestwinkledatmelikeshewasinonsomesecretthatIwasnot
Inodded myhead butsaid thatIwasn’tanyone kind ofwayaboutit. Iwished thatIwas able to saysomethingelse to disprovewhatshesaid,buttherewasreallynothingthatIcoulddo AshleyandAshtonknewmetoowell Itwasonethingto havetolivewiththebraintwinsthatkneweverythingthattheotherwasthinking.Ididn’twantthemlookingatmeandreading mymind,screwthat
Goingtomyroom,Ihidawayforawhile.Iwasn’tsurehowIwassupposedtoactaroundNicholas.Hewasagreatguy andImissedhim,buttherewasalotofpainattachedtohimaswell.Wehadsomesortofloveaffair,butthenthingshadgone sour He’d left, Ileft, Icouldn’tremember who leftfirst, butitfeltlike itwas Nicholas Before he left, Iknew thathe was going,butIdidn’tthinkthatitwouldbesosoon.Ididn’tevengettosaygoodbyereally.
THERE WAS aknockonmydoorabitlaterandIjerkedawake.Ididn’tknowhowIhadmanagedtosleep,buttherewasnothing morethatIcoulddobutgetup Ididn’twantto,thoughtIhadalotbetterthingstodo,butIwasn’tgoingtoworryaboutit,I couldn’t.Iaskedwhoitwasandthenthedooropened.Ihadn’tlockedit,butIwasgoingtohavetoifIwasgoingtobestaying here muchlonger The twins had no privacy, theyliked itthatway, butsince Iwasn’tonthe mind meld thattheywere on, I likedabitmorespace.Ididn’tunderstandwhytheydidn’tgetthat.
Istarted to saysomethingto one ofthe twins, still notsure whichone itwas, butthenIsaw thatitwas Nicholas, and I reallydidn’tknowwhattosay Nicholaswantedtogogetsomedinner “Dinner,it’sstillearly,huh?”Iwasoutofitandhadnoideawhattimeitwas.Ihadn’tgottenherelate,soitstillhadtobe tooearlyforthat
Hedisagreed.“You’vebeensleepingall day.TheAsheshavealreadygoneouttogetsomethingtoeatandmademestay here IamstarvingandIdon’tknowifIcanwaitmuchlonger,socomeon”HishandcameouttohelpmeoutofbedandItook itwithoutknowinghowgoodofanideaitwas.
I looked at the window and sighed. I didn’t know how that even came to be the case. I was trying to stay away from Nicholas,butIwasstucktohimnowmorethanever.IfIwanteddinner,apparently,Iwasgoingtohavetoridewithhim.Ilet himhelpmeoutofthebed,eventhoughIdidn’tneedit Ididn’tneedthereactionthatlookingatmegoteither Hiseyeswere wide,andIswearthatitwashardformetofocus.
“What?”
Nicholas’s darkeyes nodded down, and Isaw thatIhad a shirtand no shorts. Ishrugged. “What? Ihave panties on.” I almost popped my shirt up to show him, but it felt like that would be too far I used to mess with himin that way, but I rememberedthatweweren’ttogetherlikethatnow.EvenifIwantedittobetrue,itwasn’t.
“WHY DO Igetthe feelingthatyoudon’twantto be here?” Nicholas asked me fromacross the table. He had concerninhis expression IlookeduptoNicholasandsmiledtoshowthathewaswrong.“Ineversaidthat.” Heagreed “No,butyouhaven’treallysaidanythinginalmostanhour”
Nicholas nodded his head in understanding. I hoped that he could see what I was talking about. He was back here in Bogalusatoo,somaybeheknewmorethanIwantedtoadmit Washebackagainsthiswill,kindoflikemetoo?Inevereven askedhimwhathappened,anditwasliterallybecauseIdidn’twanttoreciprocateananswer.
“So whyare youback? Ashtondidn’ttell me.” Apparently, Iwas justgoingto dive inwithno regards to how this was goingtoturnout.
Nicholas sighed and looked away. The meal was almost done, but I was still wanting something sweet. I ordered that sweetness while he came up withthe words thathe was lookingfor “Igotthrownoutofthe backofanairplane too many times,toomanylandings.Ihavebeenmedicallykickedoutofthemilitarybasically,andI’mnoteventhirtyyet.Iamalready washedup”
Ididn’tknowwhatpricehewastalkingabout Ibettherewerealotofthingsthathehadtopaytodoandbewhathehad for the lastdecade. Ididn’twantto thinkbadlyofanyofit. He was backhome, safe, and while he sounded like he wasn’t wholeonthe inside,the outsideofhimwas doingwell Ialmostfeltguiltyfor staringathiminwantlike Iwas,buthewas reallybuiltwellnow.Itwashardtokeepmyeyesoffhim.
“Youknow, youreallygot that dark, broodythinggoingnow,” I told him. He just smiled and didn’t sayanything. The dessertwasbrought,andIlethimhaveabite Healwayswantedtotasteeverythingbefore,neverabletojusteatwhathehad becausehewassosurethatwhatIhadwouldbebetter.Hecaughtthesimilaritiesofmanyyearsbeforeanditmadehimgrin. Damnedifthatlookdidn’tmakemeshakeinwardly Nicholashadalwayshadthiswayabouthim Itwashardformetofocus whenhewassodeterminedtomesswithmyhead.
Ifoundmyselfgigglingwithoutbeingabletostopit “Iamsorry Ihavefoundoutthatpeopleareweirdaboutthattoo I don’t get why…” My voice trailed off and I thought of other things that we used to share, like a kiss. I missed what was happeningbetweenussolongago Itdidn’tfeellikeitwasthatlongagonowandwhenIwaswithNicholas,Ihadaneasytime forgettingtheyearsinbetween.
Isighed Iwasn’tevengoingtotryandexplainittohim Hewasright,Ididfeelsomethingforhim Whenhesuggestedthat we go watch a movie too, I agreed, because I figured that at least we wouldn’t have to talk while we were there. Conversations,himcallingmeout,werehardenoughtodealwith.
Nicholasagreedthathewas,butIdoubtthathehadanyideawhatwasactuallygoingon Instead,hehadallofhisattention onmeanditwasalottotakeon,consideringhowmuchIwastryingtotellhimthatIdidn’tfeelanythingforhimthewayhe claimed. He was right, of course. I did feel some kind of wayfor him. That was hard to admit, it wasn’t somethingthat I wanted,butitwasn’tliketherewasanythingthatIcoulddoaboutit.
It had been a long time ago and while I didn’t remember exactly what happened, I knew that it was likely how he remembered it. Iremembered beingupsetand hurtbutknowingdeep downthatI’d asked for it. Ijusthadn’tthoughtthathe wouldleave.Itwassolongago,butIfeltjustasraw aboutitasIdidthen.Now thatsomuchtimehadgoneby,themistake wasevenmoreserious Ithadkeptusapartforoveradecade Thatwasalongtimetodealwithsomething
That was a good question, and I honestlydidn’t have ananswer. I shrugged and told himthat I wasn’t exactlysure. “I thoughtthiswasjustacasualnightoutbetweenmeandyou?”
Nicholasagreedthatitwas,butitdidn’tfeelcasualatall.ItfeltlikeNicholaswastryingtoconvincemeofwhythetwoof usshouldbetogether.Ididn’tknow how Ifeltaboutit,butIknew thatIwasn’treadyfor all ofthat.Iwasstill tryingtoget used to Nicholas beingback Heck, Istill hadn’twrapped myhead around the factthatIwas evenback Iwas livingwith family, it was all messed up, and not how I saw mylife going. I was goingto be twenty-eight soon, and all I had to look forwardtowaslivingwithmysiblingsandahighschoolcrushthatbrokemyheart Icouldn’thelpwonderingonrepeat,how intheworlddidIgethere?
Hesaiditinsuchawaythatmademesmile.“Iamnotplayinganything.Idon’tknow how youfeel,Nicholas.Ihaven’t seenyouinadecade.Nowhush,sowecanwatchtheend,atleast.Ithinktheyaregoingtokickusoutifwedon’tshutup.” He agreed, butNicholas didn’tseemlike he was into beingtold to be quiet Igota bitofa broodyface, and Itried to ignoreitasgoodasIcould.Ihatedtoseehimupset,buthewaspushingit,andIwasn’tready.Couldn’thetell?
“WE SHOULD STRETCHourlegsaftersittingdownforthatlong,don’tyouthink?”
NicholasagreedandforasecondIthoughthewasgoingtokissme.Icertainlywantedhimto,butthefeelingthathewould didn’tlastverylong Insteadofhimgettingtomelikehewantedto,Iwalkedabitfaster sothatthemomentdidn’tlastvery long. Ididn’ttrustmyselfwhenitcame to Nicholas. He was justso damnbignow, Iwondered how he looked withouthis clotheson Iknewthatitwasn’twhatIwassupposedtothinkabout,butIcouldn’thelpit Nicholasmademewanthim WedidawideloopandIstartedwalkingtowardthevehiclethatwecamein.Ididn’tthinkIwouldbeabletospendmuch moretimewithhim,withoutgettingintroubleinsomeway.Nicholaswasfartoodashingandcharmingformetofightitthat muchmore.
We drove backtoward the twin’s place, and Iasked Lara ifshe wanted to be backinBogalusa. IthinkIknew the answerandwhenshesaidthatshewasn’ttoointerestedinit,IthinkIcouldonlyagreewithit.
“Idon’twanttobe here either,buthere Iam.Iamgoingtotryandmake the bestofit.Thanks for comingout withme,”Larasaidasshelookedoutthewindow Hermindseemedtobefaroutthereand,ofcourse,Iwondered whatshewasthinkingabout.Wasshethinkingaboutthepastandhowwehadgonewrong?Howtofixit?
Itoldherthatitwasnobigdeal IcouldtellthatshewasfightingthesameurgesthatIwas Weusedtobegoodtogether Weneverdidallthatwecoulddotomakeourdesiresknown,almosthad,butnowitwasallIcouldthinkabout.Tobefair,it was all I could thinkabout backthentoo. The wayshe looked at me and the secret that was right there inher eyes, I felt somethingextraeverytimeweweretogether StayingwithAshtoncouldbeoneofthegreatestthingspossible,ifIcouldonly figureoutwhattodoaboutit.Wewererightnexttoeachother,downthehall,underthesameroof,sowhycouldn’tsomething greatcomeofthat?Icertainlywanteditto
Ipulled inbehind her brother. “Looks theyare finallyback. Ihad a good time too, Lara. Ialways have anamazingtime whenIamwithyou”
LararolledhereyesandwentinsidebeforeIcouldsayanythingmore.We’dneverhadsexbefore,butwe’dfooledaround. Iwouldhavetakensomeinnocentmakingoutoveraboutanythingelse.Ashtonhadalookonhisfacewhenhegotback,likehe expectedus tobedatingor something Ididn’twanttotalkabouthis sister For somereason,IthinkhethoughtthatifIwas withLara,shewouldstay.Thetwinshadnottakenherdeparturewell,theparentseither.Ididn’tgettheirfamilythatmuch.I never knew mydad,andmymomhadbeenoutofmylife for a longtime IhadhungoutwithAshtonsomuchbecause they weresowelcomingandsodifferentthananythingIwasgoinghometo.ThemilitaryhadbeenmyfamilysinceIleftBogalusa, butbeforethat,itwasAshtonandtherestofhisfamily.
Ashtonasked ifIwanted to go for a run. He had takenup some more physical endeavors and eventhoughIwasn’tinto runningaroundtheblocklikeagerbilonawheel,Idecidedthatitwasprobablyforthebest Iwasfilledwithsomuchenergy
Herbrotherwashappytohavethecompany,apparentlynooneelsewantedtorunwithhim.Larawasnotthetype,butthat was a longtime ago Irealized while we were outfor dinner and she ordered meat, thatshe had changed a lot Ineeded to knowmoreaboutwhathadchanged,thoughIdidn’tknowwhotogetitfrom.IwouldaskAshtonofcourse,buthissisterhad beengoneforsolong,Idoubtedthatheknew muchmorethanme Likemyself,Laradidn’treallycall andcatchup Shehad justtakenoffandnowIhadnoideawhattothinkofhernewlikesanddislikes.
Ashton slowed down so that he wasn’t breathing as hard “You know, how it went down with you and Lara You had something,lovedherandwhenyoudidn’tmakeitwork,shetookoffandsodidyou.Then,youhadtenyearstobeawayfrom eachother,butlookatyou.Neitheroneofyougotmarried.It’slikeyouhavejustbeenwaitingforher.”
He was a bit more onthe nose thanIwould have liked. That was about the gist ofit. Ihad beenwaitingfor Lara, not physically,ofcourse.I’dhadmanywomeninthelasttenyears,manyIusedsothatIcouldforgetaboutLara.Itneverworked, butIdidn’tstoptrying Ican’timaginethatLarawaitedmuchlongerthanthat Shewasbeautifulandmenwouldflocktoher I hatedtheideaofit,butIknewthatshewasn’tuntouchedlikeshehadbeenbefore.ItwasoneofmanythingsthatIhadmessed up
“Itwasn’tlikethat…”Istarted.Ashtonwaitedformetotellhimhowitwas,buttherewasnotmuchthatwascomingout. HewaitedexpectantlyandIjustshrugged.Iwasn’texplainingittohim.EversinceIsawheragain,Ihadbeenaskingmyself the same question. Whathappened? Itwas so longago, and Iknew thatwe’d hurteachother and all that, butwhatactually happenedwasn’tsomethingIwasawareof.Iwasstilltryingtofigureitout.“Iamnotreallysurewhathappened,butitwasa longtimeago”
Ashtondidn’t feel that way He was one of the most positive people I’d ever met He and his sister were two rays of sunshineanditcouldgetannoying,well,itusedto.
“Youshould bringher over and we will all sit downtogether Ithinkit would be a great wayto introduce her to your family.”
Ashtonlooked offand had a frownonhis face. Obviously, somethingwas onhis mind and whenIasked himwhatwas goingon,hestartedinonwhatwasbugginghim “Ashleyisnotgoingtotakeitwell”
wouldbe fine.Youowe her the truth.Whatelse are yougoingtodo,gorunoffandnoteventell her? She is goingtocome homeandfindyoumovedout?”
AshtonsmiledandIdidn’tknowwhy Iwasbitchingathim “What?” “See,Itoldyouthatyoustillcared.You’vebeenthinkingaboutBogalusathiswholetime,haven’tyou?” Igroanedoutloud Whendidhebecomesoannoyingandright?Bogalusaandthepeoplewholivedherewerenever far frommymind.
LARA
Ashleywantedtogooutthenextmorning.ShesaidthatIwasgoingtohelpherpickoutsomeclothes.Ashleyhadnever likedthe style thatIpreferred.Itfeltlike she was justtryingtogetclose butdidn’tknow how.Ijustdecidedthatit wasn'tthe worstidea and the onlyproblemIhad withthe daywas how there wasn'ttoo muchto be done for what couldbeboughtintown Likemysister,small-townLouisianawasnotuponthefashion Ironically,shehadnoidea whatIwassupposedtodo.
“Whydon't we go to New Orleans? There will be a lot more selectionthere,” I suggested It was the onlyplace even remotelyclosethatwouldhavesomerealitemstheretochoosefrom.IfAshleywantedtochangeitup,sheneededtogetaway fromwhereshe’dbeenbuyingherclothes.
ItlookedlikeAshleywasn'tgoingtosayanythingforaminute Butthenshegotthisconspiratoriallookonherface “Now, Idon't know ifthis is true or not, but Ithinkthat Ashis verysick. He is gone all the time, lies about where he's at, and I followedhimoncetofindthathewasgoingtoahospital,Ithink Iknowhe'skeepingsomethingfromme Whatelsecouldhe bedoing?”
The two of us talked the whole way to New Orleans It was about an hour away, and Ashley had me convinced that somethingwas goingonwithAshton.Shehadthoughtitthroughandsheknew her brother better thananyoneelse.Iworried thatshecouldberight Wassomethingwrongwithhim?
“Whatisn'ttheendoftheworld?”Ifinallyaskedhim Ihadafeelingthatitwaswhatneededtobesaid Forsomereason,I thoughtweweretalkingabouttwodifferentthings,andtherewasapartofmethatwantedthattobethetruth.Ifthatwastrue, thenmaybe he wasn't dying. I didn't thinkthat I could deal withthat, he was so young, not eventhirtyyet. How could that happen?
“Youknow thatI'mgoingtobe gettingmarriedsoon.Erinis nice andIknow thatImighthave kepther awayfor a little while,butit'snotwhatyouthink It'snotbecauseIdon'tthinkthatyouguyswilllikeher It'sjust,Idon'tknow Ididn'twantyou to react like this.” Ashton looked at his sister twin and they had that unspoken understanding that I’d always wanted with someone
“He was afraid thathe was goingto hurtAshley's feelings. They've lived together for a longtime, andhe worries about whatwillhappenwhenhemovesout.Fromthesoundofit,itisgoingtohappensoon.IhopethatAshleywillbeabletodeal withit It'sgoodthatyou'llbetheretohelpher”
“ItwouldbebetterifIcouldfindAshleysomeonetodateaswell.Idon'tthinkthatsheiswithanyone.Icantakeherdown to the Frenchquarters and see what we find. Maybe gettingher out, would help her to forget about what is goingonwith Ashton.”Ithoughtitwasagoodsuggestion,buttheimmediatefeedbackthatIgotwasnotgood.
He was right, althoughIdid have anidea ofhow bad New Orleans was. Ihad beenthere several times whenIwas a teenager,andacoupleoftimesinparticularscaredthecrapoutofme.Iwasn'tworriedaboutitnowasanadult.Ihadtraveled todifferentcountriesalone Itwasn'tlikeIhadtoworryaboutgoinganhourawayfrommyhometown Itwasjustanothercity asfarasIwasconcerned.TherewerepartsofParisthatI'msurewerefarworsethanNewOrleans.
Iwalkedoutsideaftertellinghimthatitwasagoodreminderofhowhewas Healwaysthoughtthatheknewbestandeven ifhe did, Ididn'tmeanthatIwanted somebodytellingme whatto do. Iwas goingto take mysister to the Frenchquarters whetherhelikeditornot.Isaidsomethingalongthoselines,andNicholasjusttoldmethatinsteadofthetwoofusgoinghe shouldcomewith
“Youwanttocomewithus?”
“Yeah,whynot?”
Ishrugged. “No reason. Youused to hate clubs and youhated a bunchofpeople all around eachother dancing. And ifI rememberright,Ithinkyouhatedancingtoo Right?”
AsIgotreadytogoout,IwasstilltryingtofigureouthowIgottalkedintogoingtotheFrenchquarterswithAshleyand Lara.Evenworsethanthat,IwasprettysurethatIwastheonewhohadinsistedthatIgo.ThelastthingIwantedtodo was be a bodyguardfor twobeautiful womenwhowere single insucha place.Itfeltlike itwas goingtogobadly.
Ashtonwasn'theretohelp Hehadadatewithhiswoman,andIwasprettysurethathewasgoingtoaskhertomarryhim Thatwas the onlyreasonIwasn'tcallinghimand askinghimfor backup. Itwouldn'thave beenso bad ifAshtonhad come along,butitdidn'tlooklikethatwasgoingtohappen.Instead,IwasonmyownandwhenIcamebackoutofmyroomandsaw whatLarawaswearing,Ibasicallychokedonmyowntongueandtriedtotellherthatshelookedgoodatthesametime Laragiggledandsaidthatitwasjustanolddress.Ididn'tbelieveher,butIcoulddefinitelytell thatAshley'sdresswas new Shestillhadatagonit Ihelpedherwithit,andshesmiled,tryingtogetthekindoflooksfrommethatIsenttohersister For some reasonI had never looked at Ashleythat way. She was nice, but maybe she was too nice, too far frommyown worldviews ItwasLarathatIfeltcomfortablewith,theonethatIcouldbetruewith Hersisterwasadifferentstory,toomuch likemybestfriendandoutoflimitsinmyhead.Laraneverhadbeen.
“Are youready?” Iasked themboth, butIwas lookingatLara for her answer. Ididn'tknow whatAshleywas thinking, maybedesperationhadherlookingmywaywhensheneverhadbefore,butIwasn'tgoingtoletitgetmeintroublewithLara Shewastheprize;shewasalwaystheprize.
WhenwegottoNewOrleans,wehadtoparkoverbyTulanehospitalbecausetherewasnofreeparkinginNewOrleans.I wouldhavepaidforaparkinggarageifIcouldhavefoundone.ItremindedmehowlongithadbeensinceI'dbeenhereand how muchitchanged. While Bogalusa didn'tchange verymuch, New Orleans was like a whole differentworld. I'd always likedthecity,founditexciting,butnowIdidn'tknowwhatIwasfeeling.Forsomereason,Iwasjustnervous.
Both sisters told me that I was being a fuddy, and I couldn't say that I liked being called out at all. They just didn't understandwhatsortofsituationtheywereputtingmein.Thiswasmybestfriend’ssistersandifanythinghappened,hewould neverforgiveme.Nottomention,Ididn'tknowwhatwasgoingonwithLara.Ihadnoideawhatwasbetweenus.Thenthere wasAshleyflirtingwithmeandmakingmeverynervous.
Ihadgoneinthereacoupleoftimes,probablylearnedmoreaboutwomentherethanIdidanywhereelse.Itmademethinkof whowasthereinthequartersandwhatkindofentertainmentmostguyswerelookingfor.Ididn'twantAshleyandLaratohave to worryaboutanything Notjustthat, Iwas reallyworried abouthow this was all goingto turnout Ijusthad a reallybad feeling.
Thefirstclubwewenttowasplayinglivemusic,asmostofthemdid,andtherewasawomanwalkingaroundwithshot glasses intesttubes.Theywere watereddownandcostwaytoomuchfor the little bitofalcohol thatwas inthem,butboth womenjusthadtohaveone Ihadtogetoneaswell,andIthinkIturnedcompletelyredwhentheythoughtIshouldtakethis shotfrombetweenhertits.MaybeifIwasn'therewiththepresentcompanythatwaswhatIwoulddo,buttherewasnowayI wasdoingitinfrontofthem.Insteadoftakingashotwithmymouthoutofherbreasts,Ijustaskedherforit.IwastoldthatI wasbeingabadsport IignoredthelookthatLarawasgivingme “Howdidyoustopbeingsofun?”
WhenIwalkeduptoLara,sheseemedabitrelievedtoseemeandIwashappyforthat.Itdidn'treallymatterifshewanted me to getinvolved or not, Iwas goingto one wayor another There was no wayIwas goingto lether take offwithsome randomguy.
ShelookedatmelikeIwasthebiggestjerk,anditwasn'thardtoseewhyshefeltthatway Iwasbeingdefensiveofher I wantedtoshowherthatIcaredandwantedtokeephersafe,butitreallyjustcameoutmebeingajerk.
Iagreedthatwasthecase “Imean,Iremembergoingout,thefirstshotortwo,dancing,andthat’saboutit” Nicholas got quiet for a moment, and it looked like he was so mad. It looked like he was going to kill someone. His beautifulgreeneyeswereflashing.“What’sthematter,Nicholas?”
“Idon’tknowwhattosay Youweredancingwithsomeguyandheroofiedyou” His words hadme pausing.DidIjusthear himsaythat? Iwas givensomething.Ifeltlike crap,itmade sense,butwhat happened?
“Youcame into myroomand wouldn't leave I mean, youwere all up onme like youwere some kind of cat inheat,” Nicholassaid.Ifeltmyfacegettingredwithhiswords.Acatinheat?Yikes.
Nicholas agreed, and I swear that if the floor would have swallowed me up, I would have jumped without a second thought.WhathadIsaidtohimlastnight?Evenworse,whathadIdone?
Nicholasdidn’tfindwhatIsaidveryfunny.HeactuallyclickedhistongueatmeandsaidthatIneededtoliebackdown.I was goingto tell himthat I would do what I wanted, but tryingto move was a mistake, and I did as he wanted. It wasn’t becauseIwantedtothough.ItwasbecausetheworldwasspinningaroundmeandthebestthingIcoulddowasgetittostop. He helped me settle backinand asked me if I wanted anything. I didn’t. I wanted to lickmywounds and get over the feelingsIhadofbeinganidiot I’dgoneoutonceandifNicholaswouldn’thavebeenthere,Icouldonlyimaginewhatcould havehappened.Iwantedtheretobeareasonthatithadworkedoutthewayithad.WhywasIsostupid?Though,Icouldn’tfor thelifeofmefigureouthowIcouldhavechangedwhathappened MaybeifIwouldn’thavetakenthedrink Iwasn’tgoingtobeatmyselfupoverit.Ilaidbackdownandclosedmyeyes.Nicholasdidn’tsayanythingforatimeand neitherdidI.Ihadalottothinkabout,asIimaginedhedidaswell.HestartedtogetupthoughandIaskedhimtostay.
I agreed, and he coughed like he didn’t understand what I was saying “It will be fine, Nicholas I amnot goingto do anythingifthatiswhatyouareworriedabout.”Isaiditteasingly,butIhadafeelingthateventhoughIcouldn’tseehisface,I couldtellthathewasn’timpressed.
IcouldfeelhisdesiresasIpushedbackagainsthim,tryingtogetcomfortable ItmadeNicholasjerkwiththetouch,andI couldn’t help how it all worked out. I didn’t mind feeling the need that he had. It was actually a turn on as far as I was concerned Iwantedtodealwithhowitwasallgoing,butIknewthattherewasnothingelseformetodo
“Did Ireallytell youthatI’mstill a virgin?” Ifinallyasked inthe darkness We had finallysettled intogether;Iwasn’t tryingtopushupagainsthimanymore.Instead,hewaspreparedtoleaveagain.Iaskedhimwhatwaswrongwhenhemadea disparagingsound
After a time,Imusthave fallenasleepnexttohim.Itriedmybesttostayawake,tokeepthe conversationgoing,buthis bodynexttominewassorelaxing,Icouldn'thelpbutdriftawayagain WhatwouldIhavedonewithoutNicholas?Whateverit was,IwasgladthatIdidn'thavetofigurethatout.Itwasn’tthefirsttimethatIhadwonderedwhatwouldhappenwithouthim. Livingwithouthimforadecade,Iwasnow wellawareofthecost Iwasquicklycomingtotheconclusionthatthecostwas justtoohigh.
NICHOLAS
Ilaid there for the longesttime, watchingLara sleep. She looked so innocentand serene, so differentthanwhenshe was awakeandquestioningeverything.Herteasingreallymessedwithmymind.And,ofcourse,shedidn'tseemtobebothered byitatall.
“Why are you accusing me like this was my fault? You know what happened What do you want me to say?” I was surprisedshewassomad,butIcouldseeherpoint.Weweren’ttryingtoblameherthough.IknewthatIwasn’t.
AshtonwasjustsayingwhatIwasthinking Shehadbeenbackhomenotevenacoupleofweeksandalreadyshewasin danger. Maybe this wasn’tthe place for her. Ihated to thinkofitlike that, butIknew thatitwas a possibility. Ijustwasn’t readytosaysuchathingoutloud.Iwasselfish.Iwantedmoretimewithher.
LARA
Isighedandtoldhimthathedidn’tknowwhathewastalkingabout.“Pariswasjustasbad.Imean,Ineverhadsomeonetry to spike mydrink, butthe menare the same everywhere, Isuspect. Theyare always tryingto weasel their wayinto my pantsonewayoranother.”
Nicholas’s face turned like a pale white, and I wished that I hadn’t said it like that He seemed to take it all very personally, like itwas his faultthatsomethinghad happened. He blamed himselfnow, eventhoughitwasn’this fault. Ihad beentryingtomakehimjealous,Isuppose Theguyhadaskedmetodance,andheseemedniceenough Icaughtthelookthat Nicholasgaveme,sothenIhadto.Ilikedthewayhelookedsomad.IneededallofhisattentionandI’dgottenit.I’dgotten morethanIfiguredIwould.
Hescoffedandsaidthathewasmyolderbrother “Well, Ashton, I need some sleep, okay? This is not really a good time for you to pretend you are the protective big brother.”
He pulled me up against him, his strongforearmall the wayacross mychest I gasped at the wayhe felt, smashingup against me and teasingme withhis need. He was rubbingagainst mydesire withhis own, and it wasn’t longbefore I felt wetnessbetweenmylegs Justhimpressingupagainstmewasalmostenoughtosendmeovertheedge Iwantedthepleasure thatcame withhis touch,andItriedmybesttohurrythings along.Ididn’tknow how thatwas goingto workout, butIwas certainlywillingtogiveitago.
intimately there. We’d almost done it several times, but I wasn’t worried about the gravity of the situation. Instead, I was worriedabouthowIfeltandtheneedthatcameovermeinsecondswithhistouch.Hereallyhadmybodyonfire.
“HowamIdoing?”Nicholaswhisperedhuskilyinmyear Icouldfeelthetoneandthesoftwordsinquiring Ishivered It tookme a minute to realize what he was talkingabout. Mymind was onthe place he touched me withhis desires. I couldn’thelpthesoundofneedthatkeptescapingfrommylips Everypushofhishipssentmeclosertotheedge “Whatare youtryingtodo?”
Nicholaschuckledandthesoundmademetremble “Iwanttomakeyoufeelgood” Iexplodedfromhis touch,his other handsilencingmycall ofpleasure.He was everywhere thatIneededhimtobe and thenmore.Hismouthwenttomyneck,suckingandbitingatjusttherighttime.Nicholaswasnotlikeme;hewasexperienced andreallyknewhowtopleaseawoman Isattherejerkingandtinglingfromhisexpertise Ihadneverfeltsogoodinallofmy life.
THE NEXT TIME thatIwokeup,Ididsoalone.Icouldn'tsaythatIsaw itcoming.Nicholaswasprobablygoingtostayasfar awayfrommeashecould Ididn'tknow whyhehadfreakedoutsobadly Ijustwantedthetwoofus tohavesomefun He acted like itwas goingto pushittoo muchto have the kind offunIwanted to have. Notthathe didn'twantme and thenhe touchedmeinjusttherightway,butIwasconfused.Whywashefightingsomethingthatwebothwantedsomuch?
“Youknowthatisnottrue.”Itriedtoconsoleher.Mywordsdidn’tgetveryfar,andmyconvictionwasn’tenoughtofightit back
“Yeah,butitkindofis,isn'tit?He's goingtogetmarried,andI'll probablynever seehim.Youknow how thatgoes.He willbeallwrappedupinhisfamilyandforgetallaboutme”
I never realized how alarming that must be for her. I never had someone that I was so close to, so I honestly didn't understandit.That'skindofsadtoobecausetheyhadbeenmysiblingsforaverylongtime.WhycouldIneverunderstandwhy theywerethewaytheywere?Iknewthattheyhadastrongbond,butitdidn'tmeanthatIunderstoodit.Ijustknewthatitwasn't somethingthatIhad.MyjealousyoveritwaslikelywhyIneverspentmuchtimethinkingaboutit.
“Justbecause he is gettingmarried, doesn'tmeanthathe's notgoingto still be your twin Everythingis goingto be fine, you'llsee.It’sjustpartofgrowingup.”
