TEXTING THE MAFIA PRINCE
People saythe mafia prince is a bad man, but he’s the onlyone who can save me.
I’mbeingblackmailed. WhenIsee the tall, handsome Luca Marino at the gym, Itake a chance. Isneakhimmycell phone number,prayinghe’llcallortextsoIcanbegforhelp.Heagrees,butitcomesatasteamyprice.
I’mnotusedtothissortofintensity.He’spossessiveandjealousand,heaffirmsinhistexts, hungry forme.I’mavirgin,ten timeslessexperiencedthanhim,andheexpectsso,somuch.
Secrets lurkaround everycorner, makinglife more complicated secrets thatconsume myfamilyand his. Whenthe secrets clashwithmydesireandourbudding,text-fueledrelationship,I’mforcedtomakeanimpossiblechoice.
Can I ever go back to being the shy, withdrawn woman I was before he lit up mymind and body? Or will the darkness of his mafia life tear us apart?
*TextingtheMafiaPrince is an insta-everything, standalone romance with a HEA, no cheating, and no cliffhanger.
LIsitoutsidethehouse,rageburningdeepinmygut.Mycellphonesitsonthedashboard,Elio’svoicejustaboutpiercingthis hazeinmyhead Ihavethisurgetodosomeseriousdamage
“Luca,justwait Justthink” Igrindmyteeth Thepressureofmypistolintheholsteragainstmychestfeelsweirdlystrong,likemetalmakinganimprinton myskin.
“WhatifitwasScarlet?”Isnarl.
I used to be the jokingone, the lighthearted one, the drinker, the womanizer, the waster. I used to be the prickwithout any direction Butnow,allIcareaboutismakingthisright “Ican’tlethimgetawaywithit,”Igoon “Whatifitwas your woman?” Eliotakesamoment,alwayssomeasured “I’mnotsayingyoudonothing,butthiswilldestroytheFamily”
“Don’t make me choose between her and the Family,” I snap, taking the gun fromthe holster when a light flicks on in an upstairswindow.
“I’mnotaskingyoutochooselong-term.Just…fornow.”
“Don’taskmetochooseatall,”Itellhim.“Inthatgame,theFamilywilllose.Don’teventhinkabouttellingmeithasn’tbeen longenoughformetoknowathinglikethat JustlookatyouandScarlet Lookathowquicklythathappened I’mgoingtotear thisbastardtopieces.”
“Atleastwaitforbackup.”
Thewindowopens.Amancallsacrossthestreet.It’sthemiddleofthenight,quietexceptforthearroganceinhisvoice.“You gotaproblem,buddy?”
Ipushthedooropen,guninmyhand AsIwalktowardthehouse,IcanhearElioonspeaker “Luca? Luca?”
Ikeepwalking Ineedtodothis formywoman
TWO WEEKS EARLIER
uby
“Yougotit,sis,”Lexisays,staringatmeinthemirrorwithastubbornlookinhermismatchedeyes.Idomybesttofinishthe squat,andshehelpsmeputitontherack Atthesametime,Idomybestnot tolookatmyselfinthemirror
“Goodjob”Lexiclapsmeontheshoulder “Thatwasgreatwork”
WhenIreturnedfromcollegeforthebreak,Lexi wasshockedwhenItoldherIwantedtohitthegym Lexi hasalwaysbeen diligentaboutthegym.Sheownshercurves,whereasIsortofretreatintomyclothes,intohistory.Butsomethinghappenedat collegethatmademewanttofeelstronger
“Myturn,”shesays
Ihelpherracksomeweights,thenspotherasshedoesherset She’sgotthesamelong,wavybrownhairasme We’reabout thesameheight,too.Shehascompleteheterochromia,meaningthathereyesaredifferentcolors.Oneisskyblue,andtheother isgreen.This,combinedwithhersidewayssmile,givesheraconfident,almostcockylook.
“Yougood?”sheasksaswewaitforaweightmachinetobefree.
“Yeah,why?”
Sheshrugs “You’rejustquiet”
“I’malwaysquiet”
Shegrins,nudgingme She’sonlytwoyearsolder;I’mtwenty,andshe’stwenty-two Yetit’salwaysfeltlikethere’smoreofa gap,stemmingfromthefactshe’salwayswatchedoverme,likeduringMomandDad’sarguments.Ugh,Idon’tevenwantto thinkaboutthat.
“You’rebeingquieter,”shesays.“IsitMomandDad?”
After yearsofarguingandfightsandstressandbull crap,MomandDadhavefinallystarteddivorceproceedings.“Ialways thoughttheymightfindaway,”Imutter.
“You’retoooptimistic,”Lexi replies.“Iknew itwasgoingtofail.Iknew fromtheirfirstargument,thefirstbrokendish,but you’redoingwell,kid.You’regoingtomakesomethingofyourself.”
Whenshecallsme kid,despitethesmallagegap,it’slikeshe’swrappingawarmblanketaroundme.Ithelpsdistractmefrom whathappenedandfromwhat’s still happening Ishouldtellsomebody,butIdon’tkeepupwithanyofmyhighschoolfriends anymore.It’snotlikeIhadmany,anyway.Withthedivorce,unloadingonDad,Mom,orLexifeelscruel.
“Machine’sfree,”Lexisays,noddingacrossthegym.
Ifollowher,doingmybesttogivemyallduringtheexercises.She’shalfwaythroughasetwhenhereyeswiden. “What?”Isay,turning.
She’sstaringatamaninhisearlytomid-thirties,hishairdark,acrazilyintenselookonhisfaceashewalksacrossthegym.
He’s huge,withbroadshoulders,staringstubbornlyahead.Astrangetingledancesthroughme.“Uh,who’sthat?”Iwhisper.
“LucaMarino,”Lexisaysquietly.
“Who?”
“Luca Marino.Comeon,you’veheardoftheMarinos.”
Itrynottowatchhimtooobviously.He’sseveralfeettallerthanthetallestpersoninhere.Weirdly,Ithinkaboutwhatitwould belikeifhewrappedhisarmsaroundmeandheldmeclose
Lexilowershervoice “TheMarinocrimeFamily Themob He’sapowerfulman,butapparently,theMarinoshaveacodeof honor.They’renotbadpeopleunlessthey’vegotaproblemwithyou.”
“Themob,”Imurmur,thinkingoftheclassI’mtakingonthehistoryoforganizedcrime.“IsupposetheyperformsomeGoodSamaritan-typedeeds,then?”
“Youevenspeak likeyou’rewritinganessay.”Lexilaughs.
“But dothey?”
“Yeah,actually,theydo Afriendofafriendstartedhersalonbusinesswiththeirhelp”
Inod,hopingIcomeacrossascasual Lexicanalwaysreadme,butIdon’tneedherreadingthis Anideaspinsoverandover inmyhead.Withthisproblemhangingoverme bullying,blackmail,threats aGoodSamaritanisjustwhatIneed.However, mybellytightenswithnervesjustthinking aboutapproachinghim.
We go on with our workout, but I make sure to know where Luca Marino is. He’s in the free-weights section, pressing dumbbellstwicethesizeofmyhead.Othermengruntandmakeloudlook-at-menoises,butLucaliftsquietly,intensely,teeth gritted,likehe’sfightinghisownpersonaldemons.
LAsoberlifemakesamanangrier,butithasitsbenefits.Itletsamanseeclearer,too.Itallowsmetoseethatallthatdrinking andpartyingwasjustempty,hollowcrap Itwasawasteoftime Itwasawaste,fullstop,butI’vegottoadmit Smilingwas easierbackthen.
I listen to “Nessun Dorma” fromTurandot by Giacomo Puccini on repeat. Elio was surprised when I asked himfor some classical suggestions. Icocked a smirkathim, all jokes. “I’m a new man, bro ” Butinside, a fire’s raging. Ithas beenfor almost a year, ever since I found out about Mom’s cheating. I’ve takenover the business’s mainoperations, givingmybig brotherthebreakhedeservesaftersomanyyearsofhardwork.
Aftermyset,Idropthedumbbells.Acrossfromme,ateenageboyistalkingtotwoswollensteroidheads.There’ssomething about the way they’re standing, sneering down at the kid, that pisses me off I reach up, click the side of my Bluetooth headphones,pausingthemusic.
“Howmanysets?”SteroidHeadNumberOnesnaps,abaldpitbull-lookingbastardwithaclumsilytattooedheartonhisthroat. “Uh…”Thekidlookslikehe’sreadytocry.“Idon’tknow.Afuh-few.”
“Afew,” Steroid Head Number Two repeats. He’s a douche wearinga tanktop thatmightas well be a bra to show offhis pumped-upmuscles Helooksaroundatthebenches,alloccupiedexceptforthekid’s “Afew ”
“But it’sokay”Thekidmovesasiftostandup
“Doyoursets,kid,”Itellhim
Allthreeofthemlookoveratme “What’dyousay?”thetattooedonesnaps
Istandupslowly Ilookathimhonestly,whichmeansIlookathimlikeI’mreadytofight I want afight Atenseatmosphere hasfallenoverthefree-weightsarea.“Itoldhimtodohissets.”
Themenlookateachother.“Wewerejustasking…”
“No,youweregonnabullythiskidintogivingupthebenchbecauseyouthinkafewgymmusclesmakeyoudangerousmen.So, youcaneither puffyourselfupandsaysome sillywords tome,or youcanhave some goddamndecencyandwaituntil he’s done.”
Iseetheirurgetodojustthat puffupandacttough,butthey’renotcompleteidiots.TheycanseehowseriousIam.They’re notfighters They’renotkillers
“Justrelax,”SteroidHeadNumberTwosays “Jeez”
Thekidgivesmeatightsmile,andIreturntomyworkout
Afteranotherset,Isitupandlookinthemirrorswhichcovertheentirewall Twowomenwalkby,andmylifechanges Ifeel itlikeawrenchinginmygut.Ifeellikesomebodyisthrowingapartyinmybrainand heart.Ibitedown,tryingtogetagripon myself
OneofthewomenissodamncaptivatingIdon’tevenunderstandit.Maybethisishow Eliofeltwhenhefirstsaw Scarlet.I neverunderstoodthatuntilthismoment.
She’sprobablyaroundtwenty,herlongbrownsilkyhairinsoftwaves,herbangspulledoverherforeheadandpartiallyover hereyeslikeshe’sshyandwantstohidehowbeautifulsheis.Mostwomenherewearbootyshortsandrevealingclothes,but shehasheavysweatsandahoodie.Yet,somehow,she’sthesexiest,mostbeautifulwomanhere.
Somethingaboutherhairmakesmewanttopushitfromherface. “You don’t have to be shy with me. ” I’mgoingnuts,clearly, butIdon’tgiveadamn There’sthispulsingheatinme There’sthissudden,certainpurpose Theygotoamachine Theshy womansitsdownandstartsherworkout.Hersweatshugherthickhips,stirringmydick,myhunger.Iwanttosinkmyhands intohercurviness Tearoffthosesweats,bitehercreamyfullness,tasteher,andownher
Fuck What’swrongwithme?What’shappening?Ifeeldrunk,butIhaven’ttouchedadropinmonths
Itrytogoonwithmyworkout,butfocusingisn’teasy Ikeepworryingmydickisgoingtogethardjustthinkingabouther,and inbetweensets,Ilookaroundinstinctively,needingtofindher.Whatifshehasaboyfriend?IfIseeamantouchher…
Ineedtocooloff.Fast.Ineedtogetsomecontrol.
Replacingthedumbbellsonthestand,Itakemywaterbottletothewaterfountaintorefillit.Andwho’sinlineaheadofme? It’smyshywoman,standingwithherbackfacingme Herhoodiehasriddenupherbackalittle,givingmoreshapelinesstoher ass.Thebaseofmycockaches.Iwant need towalkupbehindher,drivemydickagainsther,letherfeelhowbeautifulshe is.
Her mouthfalls openwhenshe turns andsees me staring.Iquicklyavertmygaze.I’mprobablyfreakingher out.She walks pastme,thenpausesandglancesup.She’scloseenoughIcouldgrabandkissher.
“Nine-one-seven, five-five-five, seven-four-eight-two.” Her cheeks are bright red. She’s trembling slightly as she speaks. Suddenly,Idon’tknowhowIknow Ijustdo thatsomethingiswrong.Iknowsheneedsmyhelp.
“Repeatthenumber,”Isayagain,readingher.Shedoesn’twanttospeakhere.MaybesheknowswhoIam.MaybesheknowsI canhelpher
Sherepeatsthenumber,thenquicklywalksaway AsIcommitthenumbertomemory,Iwatchhergo,savoringthewayherass shiftsfromsidetoside.
ThenItakeoutmyphone,quicklyenterhernumber,andsendatext. Is something wrong?
She looks up fromacross the gym.She’s gotone armwrappedaround herself, holdingthe phone inher other hand. Yes, she replies. I don’t know who else to turn to, Mr. Marino.
Ismirk,movingawayfromthefountainandleaningagainstthewall There’s afair amountofdistancebetweenus andshe hasahabitoflookingdown butI’mprettysureshe’sgotacute-as-hellsmileonherface,too. Call me Luca, Itellher. And, if I’m going to help you, I’ll need to know your name.
Ruby,shetellsme But I’m not sure you can help.
You wouldn’t have given me your cell number if you thought that.
Do you know who Maverick Kingston is?
Everybodyonthe EastCoastknows who MaverickKingstonis. He’s a congressmanwho’s beenmakingwaves inthe news recently,clearlyinabidtosetupapresidentialrun.
…
Three dots appear, tellingme she’s typinga message. Ican’tstop staringather, especiallythe armshe smooths across her stomach Itmakesmewishitwasmyarminstead,feelingherheatblazethroughherclothes Itmakesmewanttoholdhermore intimatelythanI’veeverheldanyone thanI’veevereventhought aboutholdinganybody. Finally,hertextarrives. His son is blackmailing me.
Ruby
AsLexi drivesushome,Idrummyfingersonmyleg.Ididn’tplanongoingall wannabe-spy-novel andgivingLucamycell phonenumber ButsomethingclickedinmewhenIturnedfromthewaterfountainandsawhimstandingthere Itwastheway hewasstaring sointense,almostprotective.Ijustblurteditout.
I’vegotatextfromLucawaiting,butIwon’tcheckitwhileLexi’spayingattention.She’llbeabletoseehowmuchhiswords makemeache.She’llaskquestionsIcan’taffordtoanswer.
She parks upoutside our rundownthree-bedroom Whenwe gettothe door,a crash noise greets us, and thenMom’s raised voice. “Don’t say that like you ever even tried, Paul!”
“You’re just nuts, Wren!Nuts!”
Lexi turns tome witha frown.“Somuchfor a relaxingshower anda movie.I’mgoingtoheadbacktothe gymandshower there,thenseeifthey’vegotanyshiftsattherestaurant.Ican’tbebothereddealingwiththiscrap.”
Inod.“I’lljusthideinmyroom.Headphones.Historybooks.Easy.”
Lexitouchesmyarm.“Yousure?Idon’twanttoabandonyou.”
“We’renotkidsanymore,”Itellher
“Fairenough”
Shereturnstohercar Iwalkinside,ignoringtheyelling,sneakingupstairsbeforetheyknowI’mhere ThesecondIclosethe doorbehindme,Idropontothebedandtakeoutmyphone.
Explain,Luca’stextreads
I swallow, nerves tightening in me Fromdownstairs, there’s another crash It’s a miracle we’ve got any dinnerware left, consideringhowMomgoesthroughitduringeveryargument.
It was two weeks ago. One of my college friends invited me to a frat party. I’m not much of a partier, but my friend didn’t want to go alone, so I went. I only had one drink. I think it was spiked. I was all groggy. When I woke up, the congressman’s son, Nate Kingston, was sneering at me. I was in his bed. I wasn’t wearing any underwear. He laughed when I got panicked. He said, “Relax, fatty, I didn’t do anything. Just this…”
Ipausetyping,ashuddermovingthroughme,thememorylikeacidbitingintome.
He showed me his phone. He’d taken a photo of myprivate areas. Then he told me that, from now on, I would do all his historywork for him. I’m struggling so much to keep up with myown work as it is. Plus, I’ve got a small cleaning job at college. I don’t know what to do. I reallycare about mydegree.
Three dots appear.Adreamy,sillypartofme imagines Luca floodingwithrage.Notjustrage atthe situationingeneral but ragefor me specifically Iimaginehimwantingtoprotectme,his woman It’s absolutelyinsane Theserelationships existin thepagesofmybooks,likeAbelardandHeloiseinthetwelfthcentury,defyingtheirverysocietytobetogether,butnotnow,
notinmy life.
You don’t deserve this, Ruby. I’m going to make this right.
What are you going to do?
You don’t need to worry about it, he replies Trust me. You won’t be completing that asshole’s college work, and that photo is never going to see the light of day.
Reliefinstantlywashesthroughme,thoughIknowIshouldbemorecareful Idon’tknowthisman AllIknowisthatduringmy studiesoforganizedcriminalgroups,they’veoftenbeenknowntoexhibitpolice-likebehavior.However,theycanactonmuch lessinformationthanthepolice.WhoknowsifanythingwouldhappenifIwenttothecopswiththeblackmailingstuff,butwith Luca,weirdly,Ifeelconfident
Do I need to do anything? Iask.
No, hereplies
Whyare you helping me?
…
Ibitemylipasthethreedotsappearonthescreen.Allsortsofsillyideaspopintomyhead,imagininghisresponse. Because I know we belong together, Ruby I don’t care if it sounds crazy I know you ’ re my woman.Maybe andthisisbad,thefactI want it he wants sexual favors inreturnfor helpingme. That is so wrong, but a tingle dances up betweenmylegs at the thought.
Bend over. Show me your ass. Nowhe’stakingdownhisgymshortsinmymind. I’m going to take you any damn way I want. NevermindthatIhavenexttonoexperience
…
Again, withthethreedots,leavingmetostarewithpathetichunger,honestly Pathetic I’venever beenmuchofadater,and what,IthinkI’mgoingtostartwiththemafiosoking,prince,whatever-he-is,LucaMarino?
I don’t like bullies,hereplies
Iletoutasigh Itfeelslikeaweirdlyanticlimacticanswer,notthatIhaveanyrighttoexpectanythingfromhim
Are you sure there’s nothing I can do? Itext
Downstairs,Momraiseshervoice. “I thought this could work I really did ” Itrynottoletmyselflisten.They’vebeengoingaroundincirclesformonths,accordingtoLexi.Knowingher,she’skeptthe worstfromme I’msuretherehavebeenfarmorefightsandstressthanshe’sleton
Whenhis replycomes, Iimagine himsmirking. You seem pretty keen to offer something in return, Ruby. But seriously, don’t worry. He violated you. He drugged you. He’s a lowlife. If anything, you’re doing ME a favor by letting me handle this.
Oh, okay, Ireply.
Thisismyversionofputtingmyselfoutthere,ofpaintingmyfacewithoutlandishmakeupandwearingthesexiestoutfitIown, which,uponreflection,isn’tevensexy.Idon’townclotheslikethat.
There’s a knockatmydoor. For some reason, Iquicklyhide myphone, thoughit’s notlike Momor Dad are inthe habitof wrestlingitfrommeandcheckingit
“Yeah?”Icall
“It’sme,”Momsaysquietly “Comein”
showing.Hereyesareredandbloodshotfromcrying.Shewinceswhenthedoorslamsfromdownstairs.
MomandDadhavenever hiteachother,notonce,butthearguments getway,waytooviolentindifferentways.Thebroken plates.Theholesinthewalls.Thegeneralatmosphereisthatsomethingterribleisgoingtohappen.
“I’msorryyouhadtohearthat,”Mommutters.
“Iwishyou’dtalklikegrownups,”Itellher
“Like grownups, ” Mom repeats, rolling her eyes in a way that makes me feel small and not at all respected “It’s a complicatedsituation.There’s…alotbetweenus.”
“Maybethat’strue,butIdon’tseehowbreakingplatesandyellingwillhelp.”
Momdrags bothhands throughher hair. Iwas veryalertto Mom’s moods and gestures whenIwas little. I’d hangonevery singleone,watchingclosely,asifIcouldfixherifIonlyknewtherightwords.Then,oneday,Lexitoldme, “She notices you watching her, kid She does it on purpose It’s gonna hurt, but you ’ ve got to stop paying her attention ”
Lexiwasright,asusual.So,thesedays,Ijustlethergothroughtheroutine,thehair-pulling,thegrumbling.Iwaituntilshe’s readytospeak.
“I’mgoingtostaywithJunieforafewdays.”That’smyaunt,mom’ssister.“Ithoughtyoushouldknowthat’swhyIwon’tbe around Livingtogether while we getthis divorce sorted is justnotviable Since your dad is determined to stayhere while you’reonbreak,Ijust…Idon’tseeanyotherchoice.”
Inod,notlettingherseeanyemotionatall.It’sprobablytoxicasallheck,hidingthepainthattightensinme,butIknowMom. IfItellher, “Dad’s staying because he wants to spend time with me Don’t you?” she’llgetalldramatic We’llhavetohavea longtalk.It’llturnintoanordeal.
“Isthatokay?”sheasksquietly.
“Iunderstand,”Itellher.“It’sadifficultsituation.”
Momtouchesmyarm.“I’msorry,Ruby.Iloveyou.”
Finally,Iletmyselfcollapseintoher.Despiteeverything,she’sstillmymom.“Iloveyoutoo.”
Onceshe’sgone,Icheckmyphonequickly,butLucahasn’treplied.
LOh, okay.Sittingatmydeskinthecity,Iglanceatmyphone,rereadinghertext.Asavagenoteinmeroarsthatshe wanted me toaskforafavor.WhatamIgoingtodo?Tellawomanwhowasviolatedtotearhershirtoff,showmethosebigroundtits, sendmeavideoofhermassagingheryoung,tight
Fuck Ineedtofocusonwork Sincetakingovertheday-to-dayofthebusiness,I’vethrownmyselfintoit Iwon’tletElioor Dad down, but I can’t think. My mind is full of the meeting I arranged later with Dad and Elio so I can talk about this congressman’s sonsituation Evenmore distracting, Ikeep seeingRuby Her cheeks flushed Her plump ass temptingme in thosesweatpants.
Igritmyteeth,strugglingtothink,strugglingto…
ThenI don’t think.Quicklyrisingtomyfeet,Ialmostruntotheothersideoftheoffice.Eliowasprettyspartanwhenhewas runningthings Ihad a sauna roominstalled, alongwitha small gym Thatway, inbetweenintense worksessions, Icanget somerecoveryorexercisein.
Ilockthedoorbehindme.I’mpantinglikeananimal.Icanhearmyself,myhungrybreaths.
Sittingononeofthereclinerchairs,Iclosemyeyesandrememberwhatshelookedlikeasshereadouthernumber,staringup at me withher hair across one side of her face. I imagine smoothingher hair, leaningdown, and kissingher passionately. Kissingherandthengrabbingherthickhips.
Ipullmypantsdown,lettingmycockspringfree.Precomeisalreadyleakingdownmycock.AsIstrokeinreallife,Iletthe fantasytakeshape.Now,we’realone,andI’mpeelingoffhersweatpantsinchbyinchtorevealhercurvythickness. ShegaspswhenIpressmyhandagainsthercore.TheshynessisstillinhereyeswhenIstartfingeringher. Fuck.I’msureIcan feelherslitandhowtightsheis,howeagerforherso-calledGoodSamaritantobringhertoanorgasm Thenthefantasyshifts again,andIimagineherbentover,showingmethatbig,roundass.
Isinkmyhandsintoherhips,andthefantasyflits.NowI’minsideher, hammering herhard.I’mfuckinghersohard,andshe’s creamingthickwhite blobs ofpleasure downmydick The creamslides up mycockand onto her ass Ispread itover her cheeks,makingherglistenformeasItakeherlikeabeast.
“I’ll do anything,” shemoansinmymind. “Any. Thing. Luca.”
“Don’t say that…”
“Anything,” Iimaginehermoaning.
Suddenly, Islip myfinger into her ass. The image is so dirty. Icanonlystroke myhand up and downa couple more times, imaginingthetightnessofher,thegaspingsoundshe’dmakeifIdidthistoher,andthen,then “Fuck,”Igruntasahotstreamofcomeexplodesoutofmeandallovermystomach “Oh, fuck ”
Once it’s all over, it feels wrong somehow I’m no monk, but thinking about using Ruby like that doesn’t feel right She deservesbetterthanformetobendheroversavagelyandindulgeallmydarkestfantasies.Evensittingherewithcomeonmy
stomach,I’malreadygettinghardagainjustthinkingabouther.
Aftercleaningup,Istubbornlyfocusonwork,countingthesecondsuntilit’stimetoseeDadandElio.
“This…is…between…you…boys,”Dadsays,talkingslowlyashesitsinthecorner ofhishomeofficeinhiswheelchair. “Whateveryoudecide,youhavemyblessing”
“Areyousure,Dad?”Iask “Ihaven’teventoldyouwhatit’saboutyet”
“Familybusinessisforstrongmen,”Dadsays
There’snoshameinhisvoice
Eventhroughthegravellylayersofillnessandthedifficultyhehaswithspeaking,Icantellthat He’snotashamed.Ifanything,Ithinkhe’srelievednottomakethesesortsofcallsanymore.Pridetouchesmewhenhe’sable towheelhimselffromtheroom.
Eliowalkstothedoor,mybigbrotherlookinglighthearted,relieved,and happy.ForalltheyearsIknewhim,Ineverexpected himtoalwayshaveasmileonhisface.It’slikehe’salwaysthinkingofmysister-in-law,Scarlet,andmyniece,Molly,even whenheisn’twiththem.
“How’stherascaldoing?”Iaskasheclosesthedoor.
Elioturnstome,hissmilewidening.“Lastnight,Iheldherinmyhand.Onehand,andshejustlaythere,staringupatmewith somuchloveinhereyes Icouldn’tbelieveit Istillcan’t She’sjustperfect”
“AndScarlet?”
Eliosmiles.“We’reallfine,Luca,butyou’renot.”
Ilaughsavagely.“Whatmakesyousaythat,bro?”
“YouwantedameetingwithmeandDad.Thatmeansitmustbeserious.”
“IneedtodosomethingwhichmighthaverepercussionsfortheFamily,”Isay.“Imightberunningtheday-to-day,butyou’rein charge,Elio.Youdeserveasay.”
Henods,sittingbehindDad’solddesk,fiddlingwithagoldenletteropener.“Tellme,then.” Iexplainaboutthegym,Ruby,andwhatthecongressman’ssondid.
“Oh, Christ,” Elio says, and Icantell he’s thinkingofScarletand Molly. He stabs the letter opener into the table. “Christ, Luca.Thisisbad.”
“Iknow.”
“No,it’snotwhatyouthink.”Herunsahandthroughhishair.“YouknowI’vebeenhandling…theexecutivestuff?” Itryforasmirk,liketheolddays,thoughIdon’tlikehistone.“Sure,bro.Everythingabovemypaygrade.”
“It’s notthat,” he replies, justlike the old days, missingmyhumor. Or maybe I’mjustnotas lighthearted as Iused to be. “I know how busyyouare.Ididn’twanttocometoyouuntil Ihadsomethingconcrete.But…”Herunsahandthroughhishair again.
“Stopmassagingyourgoddamnheadandjustlayitonme,”Isnap.
“We’vebeenintalkswithcongressmanKingstonforafewmonths.He’spledgedtenmilliontotheorphanageprogram.We’re goingtomakethiscityabetterplace lesskidshookedondrugs,lesskidstrafficked,education,thechancetobeginanew.”
“So his daddydonates some money,” Isaybitterly, “and he gets to do anythinghe wants? He drugged her, Elio. He tooka photoofher ”Ican’tevensayit Justthinkingaboutanother manseeingmywomanmakesmeferocious Justthinkingofit makesmewanttokill.“Hedoesn’tdeservetofuckinggetawaywithitbecauseofmoney. ” “I’mnotsayingthat,”Eliosays,watchingmeclosely.
“Stoplookingatmelikethat,”Itellhim.
“Likewhat?”
“Likeyouthinkyoucanreadmymind.”
The problemis, he can. So Istand up and walkover to the window, lookingdownatthe city. The sunis beginningto set. I wonder where Rubyis and what she’s doing Is she witha friend, boyfriend, or somebodyelse? I know nothingabout her exceptIwanther.
“Whendidyoumeetthisgirl?”
“ImetRubyearlier today,”Isay.“Itdoesn’tmatter,though.Icould’vemether rightbeforeIwalkedinhere,andthiswould stillbetherightthingtodo.Ifthiscreepdidthistoherfor grades,justthinkwhatelsehe’sdone.” “It’saquestionofnumbers,”Elioreplies.“Hundreds,thousandsofkidswillbehelpedbythis ”
IturntoElio.Theremustbesomethinginmyeyesbecausehecutshimselfoff.I’dneverthinkmybigbrotherlooked scared of me.It’smorelikehe’sscaredofwhatImightdo.“I’mgoingtoforcehimtodeletethatphoto,”ItellElio.“That’stheendof it.”
“Luca,please…”
“Please, what?”Isnap.“He’salittlescumbagwhodoesn’tdeserveyourprotection.What’swrongwithyou?”
“IfyoudoanythingtoNate,we’llhavetheFedsonourasses.We’retalkingabouta congressman ’ s son here.Wecan’tdisrupt ourlives”
“No,whatyoumeanis you can’tdisrupt your life.Igetit.You’rehappy.I’mhappyfor you.Thatdoesn’tmeanI’mgoingto standasideandletthislittleprickgetawaywiththis.”
Eliosighs.“You’renotleavingmemuchchoicehere.”
“Don’tgetallominouswithme.”
“I’mDon,Luca.Iknowyou’vebeenworkinghard,butthathasn’tchanged.Yousaidityourself.”
“Whatelsewouldyoulethappen,brother,tokeepplayinghappygoddamnfamilies?”
“I’mnot playing anything.” He stabs the letter opener into the deskagainso hard I hear the wood splinter. “I just want to handlethislikeprofessionals.There’sawaywecangethimtodeletethephotowithoutruiningwhatwe’rebuilding.”
“He’sgoingtounderstandwhathedidwaswrong,too.”
Elionarrowshiseyes.“Youmeanyou’regoingtohurthim.”
Ilaughdarkly,thesceneRubydescribedsohorrificallyvividinmymind:thephoto,thesneer,himcallingher fatty.Allofit clashesandragesinmythoughts.“He’llbeluckyifIdon’tkillhim.”
“Luca ”
“YouheardwhatIfuckingsaid.”
Elioshakeshishead.“Ifyoudoanything,you’llbedoingitalone.NoFamilyresources.”
“Finebyme,”Igrowl
“Thatmeanslawyers,too Thatmeansbackup Thatmeanseverything”Emotionmakesmybigbrother’svoicehusky “Iknow you want to do the right thing, but you don’t know this woman. Let me handle this. I’ll get the photo deleted. Nate will understandhecan’tdoanythinglikethisagain.”
“Listentoyourself.Familylifeismakingyousoft.He’ll understand itwhenI break his goddamn legs.”Idon’tmeantoshout, butIcan’tstopmyself “WhatifthiswasScarlet?”
“Thisisdifferent,”Eliosays.“IlovedScarletthefirstmomentIsawher.Youdon’tlovethisgirl,doyou?”
Iturnaway,openingthe door witha stifffist.Stormingpastone ofthe butlers,Imake for the elevator,myheartbeatingtoo
hard.Mybrother’s questionricochets throughmymind. Love her… It’s impossible. I’ve never feltanythingfor anywoman. Thetruthis,I’vebeenadogmywholelife.I’vebeenananimal.Inevercared,neverfeltanything.I’vebeennumb.Asleep.Yet now,IfeellikeI’mwakingup
IneedtofindNateKingston.WithorwithoutFamilysupport,thelittleshit’sgoingtopay.
Ruby
Ispendtheeveningsinkinginto Pax Romana: Triumph and Tragedy in the Roman World.Lettingmymindglidebackthrough eonsoftimeisfareasierthanthinkingaboutthepresent,thinkingabout me Thephoto Theblackmail Thetinglingthatwon’t quiteverytimeIthinkaboutLuca.
Momleftawhileago.WhenLexicamehome,andItoldher,shejustgavemethatemotionlessstare,makinghermismatched eyes seemeerie. She’s waymore pessimistic about the world thanme. “I’d be happy to die alone,” she said to me once, whichwasthemostdepressingthingever,mostlybecauseIbelievedher.
Whenmycellphonevibrates,somehow,allthebaddriftsawayforamoment.It’saweird,almostinstantfeeling.Iwonderif thisiswhatalltheothergirlsinhighschoolfeltlikewhentheystarteddating,thesedancingbutterfliesinthebelly.
How are you doing, Ruby?
Asmilelightsupmyface.It’ssuchasimplequestion.IneedtochillASAP. I’m reading about the Roman Empire. You?
I said HOW are you doing,herepliesrightaway.Iimaginehisfingersmovingquicklyoverthekeyslikehe’seagertospeak withme.
Okay. You know. Just got to keep going.
Whydo I get the feeling you just lied to me?
It’ssoeasytoimaginehimstaringatmewiththoseintenseeyes,hugeandimposing,readytodowhateverittakestodefendme preparedtokeepmesafe.
You’ll have to tell me,Itext.
It’s just difficult to believe you’re doing okay. You’ve been violated. A mafioso has offered to help. That’s a lot for a woman your age to deal with.
What does myage have to do with it? Itypequickly Being young doesn’t mean I’m less emotionallycapable.
Generallyspeaking, Ruby, it actuallydoes.
Well, maybe I’m the exception. I’ve spent so long with mynose buried in historybooks that sometimes I feel hundreds of years old.
I guess that makes YOU the experienced one, then,hereplies.
How old are you? Iask
Thirty-three, you?
Twenty.
Thirteenyearsbetweenus…Itdoesn’tmatterbecauseit’snotlikewe’regoingto do anything.Ifindmyselfwonderingifthat’s
goingto freakhimout. It’s definitelynotgoingto do anythingaboutthis hunger burninginside me. Ifanything, the facthe’s olderisaplus.Moremature.Moreexperienced.Hecanleadthewayincertainareas.
Age aside, hegoeson, tell me how you reallyfeel.
Iwonderwhyhecaressomuch.Whatifhedoesthisalot?Hefindsrandomwomen,takesaninterest,usesthem,andmoves on EvenifIthoughtaboutsexual favors earlier andevenif,honestly,I’vebeenthinkingaboutthemallnight Idon’twantto beusedanddiscardedbyhim.Theideaofhimwithotherwomen,ew,makesmewaymadderthanitshould.
I’m terrified Nate’s going to release that sick photo. My mom went to stay with her sister because she and my dad are going through a divorce, so that sucks, too. Not a good time, but it could always be worse.
I don’t know, Ruby, that seems prettybad to me.
But think about history, Luca. I could have all these problems, and my teeth could be rotting out of my head. I could be working fourteen hours a day for basically no money and, if I’m lucky, live to be fifty only to die of some horrible disease or from the so-called treatment of the disease. It can ALWAYS be worse.
Wow,hereplies You reallyare the mature one. I’ve never thought about stuff like that before. It’s pretty much all I think about, Itell him During arguments, lows, and uncertainty, I always think about the past, putting myself in different eras. It makes everything far more manageable.
It’s good, admirable, hesays But it also seems like a wayto downplayhow bad things are. You’re allowed to be upset. I’mabouttoreply,butthenIsee …
Thoseever-presenttingleskeepdancingaroundmybody.
I’m going to sort the photo, Lucagoeson. But Nate might get awaywith it. What do you mean? Ireply.
I won’t be able to hurt him.
I didn’t know that was part of the plan. I just want him to stop.
It was always part of the plan,hetexts. Unfortunately, sometimes, other factors get in the way of what is right. I want you to know, Ruby, if I had myway, he’d never be able to look at you, speak to you, or even sayyour name again. Thank you, Ireply. You’re a good person.
Apause I imagine himchuckling Maybe he thinks I’mnaïve You might not say that if you knew exactly what I was speaking about. What are your plans for the rest of the night?
Iglanceattheclock It’s11:47pm You mean for the next thirteen minutes?
Such a smartass. Now,Iimaginehimsmirking Are you busy? Or am I taking you somewhere?
Ienduppressingmylegstogether.There’sacrazyamountoftension down there.Myclitfeels weirdlysensitive,waymore thanit’severbeenbefore,rubbingupagainstmyunderwear Myheadiscloudy
Like a date? IaskbecauseIhavetoknow Ican’tbevagueaboutthis Ifhewantsme,thatwill beenoughtodeal with But wondering ifhewantsmewillmakeitevenmoredifficult.
Not like a date a date. So, when am I picking you up?
LI sit at the end of her street like she asked. I’d prefer to go into the house and shake her dad’s hand. This feels seedyand underhanded,whichishilarious LucaMarinoisgivingadamnaboutbeingrespectable Lookingacrossthestreet,Igritmyteethatthesightofherhouse It’srundown,notthesortofplaceRubybelongs,butwhere doesshe belong,exactly?HowcanIknowshebelongswithme?Howthe fuck canIknowthat? Icheckmyphone.Nothingnew,justherlasttext. Okay, let’s do this! Thenshegivesmeheraddress.Theexclamationmarkis theonlyoneshe’sused.Itgivesthiswholethingasenseofdangerandadventure.Thisisabigdealforher,adate.She’sso muchyoungerthanmebutlookatElioandScarlet Theiragegaphasn’tstoppedthem MyheadacheswhenIthinkofElio Maybeit’sthesmartmove,notrushinginandhurtingacongressman’ssonforastranger Still,whenitcametoRussel,Ihelpedhim.Iwould’vekilledthatbastardformybrother.
Thefrontdooropens.Inthesemidarkness,IcanonlyseeRuby’ssilhouette.Eventhatisenoughtogetmestirring.Hershape. Thewaysherhipsmovehighlighttheirthickness Sheraisesherhandandwavestome Thenshestopsandturns Somebody must’vecalledherfromthehouse.
Alightswitcheson,andamanappearsatthedoor,walkingontothesteps.Thelightfromthehouseletsmegetalookathim. AmIgoingnuts?Maybethisdayhasbeentoolong,butIcouldswearthat’sPaulie.Hishairisgraynow,notblack,andslicked backwithproduct.I’malmostsureit’shim.It’snotimpossible.Weliveinthesamecity,afterall.Ifitishim,though,datinghis daughterjustgotahellofalotmorecomplicated.
Theytalkforamoment.Thenshewalksdownthestreetpastmycarandkeepswalking.Iunderstand.She’stoldhimsomelie andwantsmetoplayalong Iwaituntil she’sattheendofthestreetandPaulie ifitishim hasgoneinside ThenIdrive overtoRuby,hatingthesneakingaround.
“Sorry,”shemurmurswhenIreachoverandopenthedoor.Sheslidesintothepassengerseat.Hercheeksareblazingred.She lookssovivacious,soyoung,sobeautiful “Ididn’tknowhowtoexplainwhatIwasdoingtoDad Idon’tevenknowhowto explainittomyself,youknow?”
“Worriedthebigbadmafiosoisgoingtodosomethingimmoral?”Isaywithasmirk. UnlikewithElio,Isoundlikemyoldselfhere.I feel likemyoldself.It’softendifficulttorememberwhatitwaslikebeingso lighthearted,jokescomingsoeasily,butnow,mytonemustcomeacrossassavage Insteadofbeingfreakedout,Rubylaughs “Should Ibe?Thisisprettynuts.”
“Iknow,”Itellher.“Thetruthis,Ruby,Iwaswatchingyoubeforeyouevengavemeyournumber.”
However,thefactPaulieisherdadistickinginthebackofmyhead.Isthisaset-up,somehow?
“Really?”shemurmurs,turningawayfromme.
Iguidethecarthroughthecity,myfingerstwitching,wantingtograbherandfeelhercurviness.Thebaseofmydickachesand getshardwhenIthinkaboutgrabbingtheperfectthicknessofherleg
“Yeah,”Itellher.“Really.Youwerethehottestwomanintheplace.”
Shelaughsmostadorablylikeshecan’tpossiblybelieveme.She’swaytoocutetohavenoideahowhotsheis.“Yeah,sure,in myhoodieandmysweatpants.Didyousee someofthegirlsinthere?”
“Youdon’tneedtowearshortshortsorshowyourbra,”Itellher.“You’rebeautifulenoughasitis.”
Thinkingofherlikethatgetsmestirring Idon’twanttotreatherlikeIdidinmyfantasy,butthetemptationisthere,theurgeto drivehersomeplaceprivateandstriphernaked,spankherbigroundass,andmakeitjiggleforme.Drivemydickupbetween herthicklegs,findherpussy,claimher,ownher.
“Areyouokay?”shemurmurs.
Irealizewhyshe’sasking.I’mshaking.I’mstrugglingtoholdmyselfback.
“Wherearewegoing?”sheasks,withahintoffear.
“Ihaven’teventhoughtaboutit,”Itellherhonestly.“I’mjustdriving.”
Shesmiles,makingmewonderifIimaginedthefear TheroadissoquietI’vegotplentyofchancestoglanceather,drinking inherexpressions.“Thishasbeenacrazyday,”shemurmurs.“Momleaving,meetingyou…”
“Adaywe’llbothremember,”Isay,nodding.
“It’sbeenmemorableforyou,too?”shereplieswithateasing,almostflirtatiousnoteinhervoice. Inod.
“Why?”sheasks,thenoteturningneedy.ItmakesmethinkofalltheotherwaysIcanmakehervoiceneedy,allthewaysIcan makehermoansshiverforme,makehergaspinjusttherightway.
“BecauseIdecidedtobeaGoodSamaritan Iwon’tsayit’safirstforme,butit’snotsomethingIdooften”
“Oh,”shesays “Ithoughtitmightbe”
“No,”Isayfiercely “Andthis whatwe’redoingnow isnotsomethingIdooften,either”
TheoldLucahadhiswaysandparties,buteventhen,Ineverfeltthissortofinsaneconnection Shemustbeexperiencingit, too.Otherwise,whywouldsheagreetogetinthecarwithme?
“Aren’tyouscaredofme?”Iask.
“ShouldIbe?”shecounters.
“No,butmostpeoplewouldbe.YouknowwhoIam,clearly.”
“Aren’tyou scaredofme?”shecounters.
Iend up onthe waterfront. She giggles whenIdrive over the sidewalkand rightup to the edge ofthe water. “Um, are we allowedtobehere?”
“It’s quiet,” Itell her “Anyway,I’ll be able tohandle anytrouble” Iturnawayfromthe glitteringwater andface her “You weresayingIshouldbescared.”
Fromhowshelooksatme,Icantellit’sdifficultforhertoholdmygaze.Icantellittakesalotofeffort.It’slikeIcanwatch thenervesdancingthroughher
“Well,letmesayupfrontthatI’mnotacop” Ilaugh “Ifyouare,you’reaballsyone”
“Butyoudon’tknow who Iam, either I’ve read plentyofstories aboutundercover police officers or officers usingregular peopletoinfiltratecriminalorganizations.So,there, you shouldbescaredofme. ” Ileanforward,smirking.“Maybeweshouldbescaredofeachother…”
Ikeepleaningforward,butthenshebacksup,shakingherhead,movingherhandup,andrearrangingherbangssotheycome
acrosshereyes.“I…Wejustmet.”
“Iknow,”Isay,reachingoverandpressingherwindowbutton.“Ijustthoughtitwasgettingalittlewarminhere,that’sall.”
“Oh…”Sheglancesatmewiththatdangeroussmileagain.“Really?”
“No,”Isay,grinning.“I’msavingface,Ruby.”
“Sorry.It’sjust ”
“Youdon’thavetoexplain.”
“I’veneverdatedmuch,”shegoeson.
Mymind goes to the fantasy, the giantchasmbetweenwhatIimagined she’d be like and whatshe is like. Butthat’s a good thing Idon’twanta womanwho’s goingto bend over and take myfinger up her ass after we’ve exchanged a few hundred wordsinpersonifthat.
“Toobusylivinginthepast?”Isaycasually,mychestfeelinglight.
Evenifshe rejectedme for the kiss, her admissionaboutnotdatingmuchmakes me wanther more.AtleastIdon’thave to thinkofherwithothermen,exceptthatphotoisoutthereandthebastardwhotookit
“Yes,actually,”shesays,hersmilewashingawaymyconcerns,fornowatleast “That’sbeenmywholelife History,history, history.”
“Woulditbeastupidquestiontoaskwhatyouwanttobewhenyougrowup?”
Shepoutsatme,hereyebrowsraisedplayfully.“When I grow up… IthoughtweagreedIwasthematureone?”
Reachingover,Igentlybrushherhairfromherface.Ashudderoflustmovesthroughher.Icanreaditinhereyes,intheway shebitesherlip,inthelittle,excitedsighsheletsescapeherkissablelips “Youdon’thavetohide”
Shereachesupandtouchesmyhand Shedoesitsoshyly It’slikeshethinksthatatanysecond,I’lllaughatherorsnatchmy handaway.“Yeah,”shemurmursaselectricitysparksbetweenus.I’veneverfeltheatlikethis.She’sburningmeupjustfrom ustouchinghands.“Iwanttobeahistorian.Maybeahistoryprofessor,or awriter,or aresearcher.Aslongasmycareer is relatedtohistory,I’llbehappy”
Ipressmyhandagainsthers “You’lldoit,Ruby”
“Howcanyousaythat?”shesays,droppingherhand.“Wejustmet.”
“Callitgangster’sintuition,”Ireply,feelinganinsanesenseofrewardwhenshegiftsmewithasmile.“I’vebeenworkinglike adogforthepastyear,andseeingyousmile,Ruby,isworthmorethanallofit.”
“Whyareyoubeingsoflirty,huh?”sheasks.
“Becauseyou’rebeautiful.BecauseIwantyou.”
“Ilikehowstraightforwardyouare.”
“It’sthebestwayto ”
AssoonasIheartheringtone,Ireachintomyjacketpocketandgrabthephone.It’saclassicalsong Elio’sringtone.“Yeah?” Isay,voicetight.He’donlycallmethislateifitwereserious.“What’sup,Elio?IsitScarlet?Molly?”
Hissignaliscrappy.Hisvoicekeepscuttinginandout.Asickimageofhimlyingfacedowncomestome.Rubystaresatme withwide,terrifiedeyesasifonlynowrealizinghowdangerousthismafialifecanbe.Finally,thesignalcorrectsitself. “Luca?”
“I’mhere.”
“Shittyphone.”Hesighs.“Listen,canyoucomebytheclub?I’vegotacoupleofguysheretoseeyouaboutacertainphoto.” Iswallow,mymindflashingwithviolence.WithRubyrightinfrontofme,thewrongnessofwhatthatsickbastarddidslams intomewithevenmoreforce.
“He’stherenow?”Igrowl.
“Heandhisfather,”Elioreplies.“Rememberwhatwetalkedabout.I’mgoingtobrokerthismeeting.Youwereright.Heneeds topay,butwehavetobesmartaboutthis.Nomoreparlortalk.”
Parlortalk funeralparlor meaning,nomoretalkaboutdoingwhat’sright,whichisbeatingthissickfuckbloodyandtossing himintheocean.
“I’llbethereinfortyminutes,”Itellhim.WhenEliosighs,Isnap,“Ineedtodropsomeoneofffirst.Thepreciouslittlepervert canwait.”
WhenIhangup, Rubylooks atme, her eyes wide open, one ofthemstill shielded byher hair. She can’tstop herselffrom pullingherhairacrossandhidingherself Somethingaboutitmakesmesodamnmad Ormaybeit’sthefactthat,soon,I’llbe standingfacetofacewiththemanwhoviolatedher.
“It’stime,”Isay.“Ineedtotakeyouhome.”
“Timeforwhat?”shemurmurs.
“Timeformetomakethisright.”
She says nothingfor a few minutes as Iturnthe car around and drive backtoward her house. Thenshe mutters, “Youseem reallyintenseallofasudden,Luca”
“DoI?”Isay,tryingtomakeitsoundlightheartedasifthereisn’tafireinmethatwon’tquitburning “Whatareyougoingtodotohim?”
“Afterwhathe didto you,”Igrowl,“he’llbeluckyifIdon’tkill ” “Don’t,”shecutsin.
“Don’twhat?Dotherightthing?”
Shelooksoutthewindow.Mypalmshurtfromgrippingthesteeringwheeltoohardanddiggingmypalmsintoit,imaginingit’s Nate’sthroatinstead.Ican’tstopthinkingaboutsqueezinguntilhiseyespop.“Idon’twanttothinkaboutyouhurtingpeople,” shemutters
Ilaughgruffly Eventomyself,Isoundlikeadouche IalmostsoundlikeI’mmockingher “I’vehurtpeoplebefore It’s not likehedoesn’tdeserveit.”
Moresilence.Thenshesighs.“Ithinkthiswasamistake.Imean,whatamIdoing?I’minacarwithastranger.”
It’smyturntobequietnow.Technically,she’sright.It’snotlikeIcanarguewiththefactthatwe’restrangerstoeachother.But somethingaboutthewordpissesmeoff Itdoesn’tfeelright I’veheardEliosaythesamethingaboutScarletmanytimes
“What?Youdon’tthinkwe’restrangers?”shesayslikeshe’sjustreadmymind “AmIthatobvious?”Iask “Iguessthat’sthebenefitofbeingsointense,”shereplies “Yourexpressionsareprettyeasytoread” “Youaskedmeforhelp,”Itellher.
“Iwanthimtodeletethephoto.Ican’tstandthethoughtofitbeingoutthere,butthatdoesn’tmeanIwantyouto…”Shetrails off,lettingoutashakybreath.She’sacivilian.She’snotaccustomedtothislife.WhatelsecanIexpect?“Ijustwantthephoto gone”
“Heneedstounderstandwhathedidwaswrong”
“Peoplelikehimneverwill”
“You’retooyoungtobethispessimistic”
WhenIstopataredlight,Ifeelherlookingatme.Sheglaresthroughherbangs.“Noteverythingisaboutmyage.Maybewe shouldbequietfortherestoftheride.”
Or maybe I should drop you off here. Maybe I should forget about helping you. I’mshockedwhenthewordsriseinmymind.They’recruel,mean,notatalllikeme.Ican’tkeepusingtheexcusethatlifewas easier whenIwasadrinking,partyingplayboy.Thatlifedoesn’tappeal tomeanymore,anddefinitelynotnow thatI’vemet Ruby.YetIcan’tdenyeverythingwaseasiertodealwithbackthen whenIknewthat,nomatterwhat,Icouldsinkacaseor devourabottleandjustforget.
We’rebothtoostubborn.Idriveherhomewithoutsayinganotherword.WhenI’mparkedattheendofherstreet,shebitesher lipandrunsherfingersalongherbangs Ican’tgetridofthisnoteofangerthrumminginside IknowI’llregretnotturningto herandapologizing,butthenit’stoolate.
Shepushesthecardooropenandrunsdownthestreet.
Fuck. Islammyhandagainstthesteeringwheel. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
She’stheonlywomanwho’severmademefeelanything,andthisishow Itreather?Myphonebuzzes.It’sElio. Where are you?
Iturnthecararound.IfRubywastryingtocalmmedown makeitlesslikelyI’mgoingtotearNate’sthroatout shefailed. AsIdrive,asmall,depressingvoicewhispersinmyhead She’s never going to be able to face the darkness in you
IcanuseittomakeNateunderstandhe’sneverallowedtohurtmywoman
Ruby
“Wait,Ruby?”MomcallswhenI’mabouttosneakuptomyroom.
ThemeetingwithLucawassoconfusing.Asweweredrivingandtalking,Icouldmakemyselfbelievehewasjustanordinary man Icouldignorethedarkness,butwhenhesaidtheK-word,panicgrippedme Itwashardtoconnectthissmirking,playful manwithdeath.
IturntofindMomstandingatthelivingroomdoor.Thelightsshinefrombehindher.Icanhearlowvoices DadandLexi.
“What’sgoingon?”Iask.
Momhasanalmostmaniclookinhereyes,oneIdon’tlikeatall.Itremindsmeofmychildhoodwhenshe’dgetsomewild idealikeshewasgoingtogobacktoschooltobecomeadoctor,orredecoratetheentirehouseherself,orgotravelingforhalf ayear.
“Uh,yeah?”
“Weneedtotalk.”Shesmiles,gesturingatme.
Ifollowherintothelivingroom.Fromanarmchair,Lexigivesmeaneyerollthatsaysalot.Dadissittingonthecouch,his handsclaspedtogether,ahopefullookinhiseyes He’sawideman,strong Asakid,Icalledhimmy big tree becauseIused toclimbhimsomuch.
“Sitdown,Ruby,”Dadsays.
MomgoestositnexttoDad.IsitonthearmofthechairnexttoLexi.It’sanoddplacetochoosesincethere’sanotherchair free,butitfeelsweirdlyappropriate Lexiandmeversusthem.
“We’vegotsomeexcitingnews,”Momsays.
“Excitingenoughtocallmeinapanicandgetmetocomehome?”Leximutters.
Momshootsheralook Luckily,nobodyisaskingwhereI’vebeen Isay,“Okay ”
WhenMomtakesDad’shand,Ialmostcry,butIkeepmyfacecomposedandforcetheemotionaway Iwon’tletthemtwistme up.Whateverthisis,Ican’tignorethatmanicglintinMom’seyes.“YourfatherandIaregoingtogiveitanothergo!”
ShebeamslikeI’msupposedtothrowheraparty.Ifeelmiserable. You’re too young to be this pessimistic.Hisvoicewasso huskyandintensewhenhesaidthat.
“Anothergo,”Irepeat.
That’llmakethisthefourthorfifthtimesincetheirdivorcetalkstarted
Mompoutslikeshe’sangrywithme “Ithoughtyou’dbepleased”
“Well,goodluck,”Isay,standing.“I’mtired.”
“Ruby…”
“Mom,lethergo,”Lexisnaps.“Shedoesn’thavetolistentothisifshedoesn’twantto.”
Ileave the room. Maybe Luca was right. Maybe I’mactingjuvenile. Maybe all those longsessions withmyhead buried in historybooksweren’tenoughtomakememature
AssoonasIwalkintomybedroom,there’saknockonmydoor “Ruby,it’sme,”Dadsayssoftly “CanIcomein?” “Sure”
Heopensthedoorandwalksslowlyacrosstheroom,sittingontheedgeofmybedandtouchingmyhand “Iknow how this seems.”
“ThenyouunderstandwhyIcan’tbeexcited,”Itellhim.
“Butit’sforrealthistime.”
“Youwerearguingearlier.Throwingthings.It’sjustthesamecycle,Dad.”
“Youknowweloveyou,don’tyou?”Hesqueezesmyhandalmostdesperately,likeheneedsmetounderstandthis.
“Ofcourse,Iknowthat,”Itellhim.“I’mjustnotsureifyouandMomloveeachother.Ithurts,Dad,waitingforhertodecide.” “Thisisn’tjustabouther,”Dadsays.“It’saboutme.Ihaven’talwaysbeenthehusbandIshouldhave.”
“Thenwhyareyoutryingagain?”
“Becauseyou’rewrong.We do loveeachother.Wejustdon’talwayslikeeachother.Oneday,you’ll findahusband.You’ll realizewhatarelationshipis upsanddowns,fightingtomakeitwork”
IthinkaboutLucaandthe thewhat?Theminiargumentwehad? “Yeah,maybe”
“You’llsee,kiddo,”Dadsays
“Canyounotcallme kiddo anymore?”Iask,eventhoughIlikeitwhenLexicallsme kid Hesmilestightly “Oldhabits Toooldforthatnow,though,aren’tyou?”
Itrytoreturnhissmilebecauseithurtswhenhe’stryingsohard,andI’mjustsittinghere.Iknowwherethiscyclewillend whereitalwaysdoes.“Justalittle.”
After Dad leaves, Lexi knocks atmydoor, makingme thinkshe was waitingfor himto go. She closes the door behind her wordlesslyandsitsonmycomputerchair,spinningfromsidetoside,hermismatchedeyesfilledwithdeepmisery ButLexi isn’tthekindtoletitallout.Iunderstandshejustneedsmetositwithher. Finally,shesays,“I’mgoingtodiealone,Ruby.” Igasp.“Don’tsaythat.”
“Youdon’tneedtoactlikeit’sabadthing,”shemutters.“It’sadecision.Afterseeingthemtogether,Ican’timaginebeingwith anyone NotafterI’veseenwhereitends”
Ipicture Luca, tingles dancingover me For some reason, Ifeel the need to defend relationships, almostlike I’mdefending whatthisstrangemafiaprinceandImightonedayshare.“It’snotthesameforeveryone.”
“Doyoureallythinksomepeoplehaveperfectrelationships?Thattheyneverargue?It’snotworththestress.Youcanhavea goodlifebeingalone”
“I’mnotsayingyoucan’t,butwhatifyoumeetsomeone?Whatifthey’retheperfectmanforyou,butallthisstuffaboutMom andDadmakesyousabotageit?”
Shelooksatmeclosely.Icantellwhatshe’sthinking thatI’mprojecting.“Have you metsomeone?”sheasks.
Iturnaway.Ican’tlookatherasIlie.“No,butIwantyoutobehappy.” “Iwillbe,”shesays.“Happyandalone.Forever.”
L“Ithoughttheywerewaitingforus,”IsaytoElio,leaningagainstthewalloftheclub’soffice.Musicpumpsfrombeneathus, dampenedbythesoundproofingbutnotcompletelysilenced Therewasatimewhenthemusicwouldcalltome,butnow,the ideaofgoingdownthere,drinking,andmeetingsomerandomwomanmakesmefeelhollow.
“They’llbebackinafewminutes,”Eliosaystightly.“Theywantedtograbacoffee,apparently.”
“Pfft.It’sapowerplay.Awaytoletusknow they don’twaitfor us.It’stheotherwayaround.”
Eliofrownsatmefromhisplaceatthedesk.Evennow,he’sgotthis aura aroundhim.Inever would’vebelieveditbefore. Althoughwe’re dealingwithsome depressingbusiness, it’s like he’s fightingthe urge to smile CanIblame him? He’s got Scarlet.He’sgotMolly.Iflife’sagame,mybigbrotherwon.
“What?”Isnapwhenhekeepsstaring.
“You’vecheckedyourphonesixtimessinceyougothere.”
Iputmyphoneinmypocket.Honestly,Ididn’tevenrealizeIwasdoingit.
“Waitingforatext?”
“RubyandIdidn’tleavethingsongoodterms,”Itellhim.“Shedoesn’twantmetodotherightthing.”
“Whichis?”
“PutNateKingstoninthedirt.”
Eliosucksinabreath.“Ihappentoagreewithherthere,Luca.”
“Doyouknowwhatittakesforamantodowhathedid?”Isnap.“Todrugawoman?Totakeaphotoofher…”Icurlmyhands intofists “He’sthelowestofthelow”
“Idon’tdisagree,”Eliosays “Butwithourconnectiontohisfather,wecanforcehimtobeonhisbestbehavior Wecanmake apositivechange.”
“Peoplelikehimdon’tchange.”IwaveahandwhenIrealizeI’mabouttocheckmyphoneagain,allonautopilot. Eliolaughs.
“What’sfunny?”Isnap.
“Youare,”hesays.“You’resayingpeopledon’tchange,butlookatyou.You’vechanged.Ruby’schangedyoualready,justlike Scarletchangedme Doyouthinkit’sfate?Ruby,Scarlet Theybothmeanred” “Damn,brother,”Isay,laughingdarkly “Fate?IthinkIpreferredyouwhenyouweremiserable”
“Texther,”Eliosays,ignoringme “You’llfeelbetter,trustme”
I take out my phone again. Suddenly, I feel like a kid, looking up to Elio for all the answers, knowing my strong, slightly intimidatingbigbrothercouldmakeanythingright.“WhatshouldIsay?”
“Howbadwasthefight?”
“Idon’tknow.It’snotlikeI’vegotaframeofreference.”WhenEliotiltshisheadatme,Isnap,“It’snotlikepartyinggaveme goodrelationshipskills.”
“Relationship?”
“YouknowwhatImean.”
“Speakfromtheheart,”Eliosays.
Imimebeingsick.ItfeelsgoodtobanterwithElio,toletgoofsomeofthedarkness.“Seriously,brother,whoareyou?”
“I meanit,” he goes onseriously. “I could’ve avoided a lot of hassle if I was straightforward withScarlet fromthe start, but…”Again,hegetsthatborderlinedreamylook.“IknewshewasmywomanthemomentIsawher.Iknewweweregoingto havekids.Iknewwe’dbetogetherforever.Doyouknowallthat?”
Turningaway,Ifocus onmyphone.Idon’tknow how toanswer his question.“I’vebeenrunningtheday-to-day,”Itell him, “andI’monlynowlearningaboutthisdealwiththecongressman.”
“That’sonehellofawaytochangethesubject,”Eliosays.
“I’mjustsaying ”Icutmyselfoff.WhatamIsaying?OramIjusttryingtopickafight?
GoingtomineandRuby’stextthread,Ithinkaboutmybrother’swords.What’sthehonesttruth?
I don’t want you to be afraid of me. Isenditwithoutlettingmyselfdwelltoomuchontheconsequences.Then,oneofourmen,Matteo,knocksonthedoor.“The congressmanisback.”
CongressmanMaverickKingstonisalargemanwithapocketwatchchaindanglingfromhisbreastpocket
Hisdarkhairlooks dyed,shiny,andslickedtotheside.Hissonisatall,broad,jock-lookingtypewithapreppyhaircutandpuppydogeyesthat seemedforcedtome.They’regivingmethevibesofanindulgentdadwithhisrich,spoiledson.Ourdadwasneverlikethat. Despiteourwealth,hegaveusdiscipline
Frommypocket,myphonebuzzes Iitchtocheckitbutcan’tuntilthisisdone “Isthistrue?”MavericksayswhenIfinishexplaining “Don’tlietome,boy”
Nateglancesupatme.Thelittlecowardbiteshislip.He’sputtingonashowforhisfather.“Ididn’twanttodoit,”hesays. “Didsomebodyforceyou?”Igrowl.
Elioglancesatmewithasilentmessage. Chill, brother. “Whatdoyoumean,”Igoon,“youdidn’twantto?Howdoyoudoathinglikethatbyaccident?”
“Now,holdon,”Mavericksays.“Lethimexplain.”
Ipushoffthe wall, meaningto letthis bastard know justwhatIthinkofhimtellingme to hold on. ThenElio quicklysays, “Thisisaseriousthing,Maverick.Youmighthavesomeideasaboutourlife,ourworld,andourFamily,butwedon’ttolerate violenceordegradationagainstwomen.”
“Veryprogressive,”Maverickmutterswithdisdain.
Ialmostroarathim.Eliojustsitsthereandletsthisprickdisrespecthim.
“Explain,”Isay,leaningoverthedesk.
