Chapter 2
Theo10yearsold Izzy8yearsold
Theo
Sofar,EnglandisshapinguptobeworsethantheonetimethefolksandIwentcamping.Welastedhalftheevening beforepackingupandreturninghomeinthemiddleofacoldandstormynight.Alas,Idon’tthinkwe’regoingtobegivingin that easily, even with me refusing to hold back my extremely poor opinion of this place. It’s freezing, drizzling, and grey outside Acompletecontrasttohome
IfIwas there now, I’d be hangingoutwithmybuddies onthe beach, maybe catchinga few waves, maybe lounging aroundthebars scoringasodaor twooffthelocal bartenders Now I’mstuckinagreyVolvowatchingwetfieldafter wet fieldpassmeby.Dadistryingtoinstillmewithfakeenthusiasm,Momistryingherbesttolookandsoundpositive,whereas I’msulkinginthebackwithabarelytouchedsandwichthattastesasgoodastheweatherlooks
Dad’sonlyactingoverthetopexcitedbecausewe’regoingtobelivingnearhisolderbrother,CraigChase,aswellas his‘sinfully boring wife’,Alex.Isay‘acting’because inthe tenyears ofmylife thatI’ve beenlivingwiththe Chases,they musthavementionedDad’sbrotherandhisfamilyahandfuloftimes.I’vemetthemevenlessso;oncewhenIwasababy,and thenagain,afewyearsago.TheyhaveoneirritatingdaughtercalledMatildaandanotheryoungerdaughter,Isobel. Ican’tsay IremembermuchaboutIsobelbecauseshewasonlyfourwhenIsawherlast,andshehadclungtoourgrandmothertheentire time.Matilda,however,whohappenstobethesameageasme,wasspoiledandextremelyloud.There’salsoanolderbrother whomI’venevermet,calledEthan
The onlysavinggrace is mygrandma, who also lives nearby. Again, we don’tgetto spend muchtime withher, but whenwedo,I’malwayspleasedtoseeher She’stheonlysaneoneinourfamilyandshetalkstomelikeanadultinsteadof somekidwhoneedstobehandledwithsafetygloves. Muchlikeme,she’sveryquiet,takingeverythinginwithoutgoingon aboutit. I’musuallyoverlookedbyadultsbecauseIpeople-watchinsteadofgettinginvolved. Everyoneseesmeasamildmannered,politeyoungboy,whichImorethanknowhowtomanipulatetoensureIamleftaloneasmuchaspossible Except whenitcomestoMatilda.Shehadstucktomelikeglue;Isincerelyhopeshe’soutgrownthataspectofherpersonality.
UncleCraig’shomeisprettybigforanEnglishhouse.It’sstillrainingoutsidebutyoucanseetheyardisprofessionally landscapedandthebuilding,thoughold,iswellmaintained. Itsgrandeurisn’tenoughtolightenmymood,however,soIslump againstthebackseatofthecarandreleasealongsighwhileDadgetsouttograbafewthingsfromthetrunk
“Comeon,sweetie,”Momsayssympathetically,“I’msureMatildahasgrownupalotsinceyoulastsawher.Besides, we’llbeinourownplacetonight”Herwordsofreassuranceareunconvincing,whichImorethanletherknowwhenIrelease yetanother exaggeratedsigh.“Your dadhasn’tseenhis brother inyears,Theo,andhe’s alreadyfeelinganxious aboutit.He needs us, so please cheer up, for his sake?” Iputonmybestfake smile for her, to whichshe grins and pinches mycheek “Thattaboy!”
WhenDadgivesusthethumbsupfromtherainyfrontdoor,wegiveeachotheronelastlook,thengetoutandrunover tomeethim. Momoffers hima comfortingrubonthe backbefore he finallylifts the ironknocker tobangagainstthe wood panel. Arumble of activityensues frombehind the thickdoor. Myparents, once again, lookat eachother for reassurance, thoughneitherappearsparticularlyconvincedbytheother Momevenmouths,‘Are you ok?’tomydad,towhichheshutshis eyes andnods.I’mabouttoquestionthemonit,butthe door is thrownopen,andthe shockofithas me forgettingwhatever wordsIhadformedinsideofmyhead
“Hey,brother!”Craigbeams,lookinglikeausedcarsalesmanwhoisabouttoripyouoff.Myfatherpastesonafake smile,asdoesMom Bothlooklikethey’llbenursingsorecheekstonight,fortheirawkwardgrinsarethatwide Craig,who pretendstoignorethediscomfort,holdsouthishandstoinvitehisbrotherinforahug.
“Come in, come in, it’s hideous outthere Frances, how are you?” He kisses mymomawkwardlyonthe cheek, to whichshesmilesnervously.“LookingjustaslovelyasthelasttimeIsawyou.”
Sheblushesandtucksastrandofloosehairbehindherear,lookinglikeshe’dratherbeanywhereelsebuthere “I’mgood,thankyou,Craig.Where’sAlex?”Momreplies,herAmericanaccentsoundingstarkagainstCraig’sstrong Englishposhdialect.“Oh,theresheis,hello,Alex.”
Awomanwithashort,sharp,dyedblondebobapproachesmymotherwithafakesmileandafacecakedinmake-up.I immediatelypickupanunfriendlyvibefromher,evenwhensheroutinelykissesmymotheronthecheek. Shegreetsmyfather inmuchthesameway,almostgrimacingoverthecontact Iremainobservingthemallwithcuriosity,hoveringtothesideinthe hopestheymightmissmeoutaltogether.
“Theodore! My,my,my,lookhowyou’vegrown!”Icannothelpbutrollmyeyesovertheclichégreetingadultsgiveto kidswhentheyhaven’tseentheminawhile.Thatandthefactthatpeoplelikethisalwaysinsistoncallingmebymyfullname, eventhoughIsignallChristmasandbirthdaycardswithjust‘Theo’
“Hello,UncleCraig,”Iutterpolitely,“AuntAlex.”
“Actually, it’s justTheo,” mymother corrects him NotthatCraigor Alexseemto take anynotice, they’re too busy studyingmelikesomesortofweirdpetmyparentspickedupfromahairyguywhobreedsreptileswitharachnids.
“My,you’reahandsomeone,waituntilTillyclockseyesonyou,”Alexlaughs
“Now,justyouwatchyourself,son,she’s veryimpressionable,” Craigtries totease me,evenlaughingover his own joke Yeah, you don’t need to worry about me with Tilly, Uncle Craig, trust me
Fortunately,thisawkwardconversationisstoppedshortwhenwereachthelivingroom,whichhasbeensetupfortea. They’veputonaprettygoodspreadofsandwichesthathavebeencutintominutetriangleswithathinlayer offilling,cakes withtoomuchicing,randomchipsanddips,andrawvegetables. Ofcourse,theobligatoryteaandcoffeequestioncomesup, andI’maskedifIwishtohaveaglassofelderflowercordial Frompastexperience,Idecidetojuststickwithwater
It’s onlywhenUncle Craigleaves thatInotice Grandma sittingquietlyinthe corner ofthe room, perched inanold armchairlikeshe’sapartofthefurniture Mypinched-faceauntpracticallyshoutsatherwhenaskingifshewouldlikeanother cupoftea. Grandmasimplysmilesandraisesherhandtosaynomore. Shecatchesmyeyeandgrins,promptingmetosmile backather. ShegivesmealittlewaveandIinstantlywanttogotoher,however,agirlishwhineyvoiceinterruptsmyfirst footfalls
“ButIwantedtoshowhimuptomybedroomfirst,”thevoicesays.“Mother,youruineverything!”
“Now,now,Tilly,he’s hereall afternoonandI’msurehe’s verytiredandhungryafter suchalongflight,”Alexsays warmlyto her spoiled daughter. IlookatGrandma withtrepidation, butshe remains tight-lipped. Amere momentlater, she ushersmetoher,sowithoutanyfurtherencouragementneeded,Imoveasquicklyasmylegswillcarryme,plantingarelieved kissonherwrinkledcheekassoonasIreachher.
“Hi,Grandma,”Isayquietly,“I’vemissedyou”
ShecameovertoAmericatwoyearsago,buttheflightwastoomuchforherarthritisandlupus,soitwasagreedthatit wouldbeherlasttime She’stheonethingI’velookedforwardtoeversinceDadtoldusaboutthemove
“I’vemissedyoutoo,Theo,”shesaysassheplacesherfrail handovermyarm.“How arethingsinCalifornia?Ibet you’remissingitalready.”
“Justabit,”Iadmit,“butI’vebeenlookingforwardtoseeingyou. Areyouwell?”
“I’mhanginginthere,”shesayswithasecretwinkforme “MaybewecancatchuponalltheAmericangossiplater; perhapswhenthereisn’tsuchacrowdedroom.”
“Sure,I’dlikethat,”Ireply,justbeforeI’mpulledawaytomeetthewhinyvoicefrombefore
“YourememberTilly,don’tyou?”Dadpushesmetowardagirlwithtightbrunetteringletswhichhaveallbeenpulled backintoa ponytail Ican’thelpbutstudyall her imperfections;theyscreamatme toignore the attempts tobeautifyherself withherbrightpinkdress,sparklytights,andsmallheels,andtoinstead,rememberhowawfulsheistoeveryone. Shelooks likeshe’sabouttogotoaschooldance,whichonlyhasmefeelingallthemoreuneasy.
“Hi,Theo,”shegusheswhiletwirlingalockofherhairaroundherfingers,“doyouwannacomeandseemyroom?”
“Er,hi,Tilly,”Ireply,tryingmybestnottolookhorrifiedoverthesuggestion “Erm,I’mnotallowedingirls’rooms AndI’mkindoftalkingtoGrandmaatthemoment.”
“Don’tbesilly,”Dadsaysunhelpfullyatthesametimeasheslapsmeontheback.“She’syourcousin,noneedtobeso shy.”
He’srewardedwithmybestdeathglare,buthejustlaughsatmyexpense.Tillytakestheopportunitytograbmyhand,
butluckily,Grandmacomesthroughforme.
“Theo,”shesaysinherbestfrailoldladyvoice,“dobeadearandcomeandtellmehowtousethisphone Ihaveno ideahowtoworkthesethingsandIbetaten-year-oldboycanshowme.”
I love you, Grandma If you ever need to live with me when I’m older, I’m your guy!
I shrug theatrically before walking back over to her, ignoring Tilly crossing her arms and stamping her foot in Grandma’sdirection.
“Iloveyou,Grandma,”Iutterbeforekissinghercheekagain.“Youhavenoideahowmuch.Iofficiallyoweyouone.”
“ISOBEL!”Everyoneturns markedlysilentatthesoundofAlexscreamingher daughter’s namefromthedirectionof theotherroom.“Whatonearthhaveyoubeendoing? Youarecoveredinmud!”
Beforeanyonecansayawordaboutthisturnofevents,Tillybreaksintoaruntowardtheotherroom,herdressrustling asshegoes.Myparentslookatoneanotherwithfearfulexpressions,whileGrandmashufflesalittleinsideofherseat.
“That’smydress,youlittlewitch! Whyisitcoveredinfilth?” Tillyyellsatthetopofhervoice “Mummy,tellheroff; she’sruinedmyfavoritedress!”
Consideringthefactthathersisterisatleasttwoyearsyoungerthanher,Ihighlydoubtthedressshe’swearingevenfits Tillyanymore. Ialso know thatTilly, darling, won’thave evenlether sister lookatanitemofclothingshe remotelycared about,letalonewearit.IsuspectthisisjustanexcusetotortureIsobelandtograbsomeattentionintheprocess.Shecontinues this farcebypretendingtocrysoloudly,IlookatGrandmainhorror Shewinks atmeagain,butIcanseetheslightwayin whichhershouldersareshudderingupanddown,gigglingsilentlytoherself.Itputsmealittlemoreatease,thoughIstillthink thisfamilyisabsolutelynuts
“Youruncle,auntandcousinareoverfromAmerica,forgoodnesssake! Nottomentionyourgrandmotherishereand youlooklike likethis!WhatthehellamIgoingtodowithyou?” Alexscreamsatherdaughter GivenGrandma’sreaction,I wouldhazardaguessthatthishappensfrequently,whichisstrangeconsideringhowmuchshefussesoverTilly.
“Whatthe…Oh, Isobel!” Uncle Craigjoins in, moaningto himselfover the state ofhis youngest. Imustadmit, Iam highlyintriguedastowhatwe’llfindwhenIsobelfinallyshowsherself.“Can’tyouforoncejust-”
“Look,thisisn’tmyfault,trustme,”agirl’slispyvoicebegins,soundingsurprisinglyconfidentandcalm.“So,Iwas outinthewoods-”
“Whythehellwereyououtinthewoodswhenyouknewwewereexpectingcompany?Inyoursister’sdressnoless!” Her mother sounds like she’s walked out of the Victoriantimes and is about to have a faintingspell that onlya trip to the seasidewillcure.
“Let’sjustsayIwasthereandmoveonfromit,”Isobelsays,promptingGrandmatoreleasealittlevoicedlaugh,which hasmesmiling.“So,anyway,thisoldguyisdoinghisnut,havingarealhissyfitwhilstpointingatthepondwherealltheold geezersplaywiththoseremote-controlledboats He’syellingbloodymurder,shouting,‘My fucking dog, my stupid shit-forbrains dog!’”
“ISOBEL,”Craigyells,“don’tusesuchfoullanguage Everyonecanhearyou!”
“Jeez,Dad,Ididn’tsaythem,theoldmandid,”sheargues,towhichIcan’thelpbutstartlaughingalongsideGrandma. EvenMomistryingtocoveruphergrinwithherhand “So,thisdogisstuckinthemiddleofFentonPond;Ithoughtthepoor thingwasgoingtodrown. Theoldmanwasofnouse,soIjumpedinandwadedovertohim.Igrabbedholdofthemutt,who grippedontomefordearlife,thenIpulledhimbacktohisowner”
“Doyouexpectustobelievethat,Isobel?”Tillyaskswithcontemptdrippingfromhereveryword.
“Look,Ihavethepoundtheoldguygavemetosaythanks,”Isobelrepliesproudly “Besides,Idon’treallycarewhat you think,Tilly. Youstill thinkyoupooprainbowsandactuallylookgoodinsparklytights.Justsoyouknow,youlooklike youshouldbeinaChristmaspanto.”
GrandmaandIcan’thelpbutlaughoutloud;thisgirlishilarious,albeitabitwhackyliketherestofthisfamily.It’sa pitytheycan’tseethefunnyside.ThoughfromthelookonDad’sface,neithercanhe.
“Mother! Theo!” Dad snaps atus whenwe beginlaughing, forcingus to cover our mouths and lookcheekilyatone another.
“That’s it,younglady,uptoyour room…No,wait!” Uncle Craigshouts before the soundofshufflingfeetbrings him and the younggirl into the room. She stands unapologeticallyinfront of us withlong, wavyblonde hair, mud all over her purple, frilly dress, and a mixture of adult teeth, baby teeth, and gaps in her smile She’s very pretty and reminds me of Grandma. “First,youcanapologizetoeveryoneforyourappallinglanguage.”
Sheinitiallygrinsandwavesoverinourdirectionbeforesaying,“Hi,Nonna”Grandmawavesbackbuttriestolook somberasshedoesso. Craigglaresathismotherasthoughshehaswrongedhimsomehow,thesightofwhichhasmefeeling theurgetokickhim Hard
“Well? We’rewaiting,Isobel,”hesays,staringdownathisdaughter,seeminglytryingtointimidateherwithhisheight andbroadshoulders
“Oh,right,”sheuttersbeforepullingherfaceintoacontriteexpression,foldingherhandsinfrontofhermuddydress, andplacingher feettogether.She’s hadtodothis manytimes before;she’s toowell-rehearsednottohave done.“Iamvery sorry,everyone,itwasveryrudeofmetouseappallinglanguage.‘Fucking’and‘shit’arenotpolitewordstouseincivilized company.”
Momendsupwithtearsinhereyesaftershe’sburstsintolaughter,givingwayforGrandmaandmetolaughoutloud too.
“Say goodnight, Isobel,” Alex positively growls, breaking up her usual neutral expression that has her looking constipatedmostofthetime.
“It’shalfpastthreeintheafternoon!”Isobeltriestoargue.“Besides,youdon’ttellEthanoffforplaying Grand Theft Auto.Doyouknowhowhegetspointsforthatgame?I’veseenhim,hehumpstheprostitutesandbeatspeopletodeath!”
“Don’t bring your brother into this; Ethan works very hard at school, so he’s allowed some downtime. And you shouldn’tbespyingonhim,”hermotherarguesasshetakesholdofIsobel’swristtodragheraway.
“Goodnight,Isobel,”Tillysayswithasmugnessthatturnsmystomach,wrigglingherfingersinagoodbyegestureanda smileonherface.
“Goodnight, Tilly, hope youdon’tgrow as uglyas your personality!” Isobel says as she breaks free ofher mother’s grip.Craigtriestograbherarmagain,butshenimblydivesoutoftheway. “I’mgoing,Jeez!”shehuffsbutlooksovertoward meandGrandmabeforesheleaves “Bye,Nonna,comeseeme”
Pity,sheseemedliketheonlyinterestingoneinhere,besidesGrandmaofcourse.
Theo
Afterwhatfeelslikedaysoflisteningtonever-endingupdatesonthestateofthefamilybusiness,whichisrunbyCraig, aswellasTilly’sdancingcompetitionsandEthan’sstellargradesatschool,I’mthenforcedtogoupandseeTilly’sextremely pinkroom Shebeginstoshow meallhermedalsandcups,plusthesequinedoutfitssheworeforeachandeverydance It’s notmykind ofthing, butMomtaughtme to always show interest, evenwhenI’mnot, so Itryto thinkofanythingto tryand coveruphow uninterestedIam.Thankfully,afterabouttheeighthcostume,somethingcatcheshereye,abrokenornamentthat hasherrunningoffwhilescreamingatthetopofhervoice Sheshoutsathermother,thewholetimeblamingheryoungersister forthedamagedChinadoll.AlexandCraigtrytoplacateherbytellingherthey’llbuyheranew one,butitdoesn’tstopthe volumeofhercriesorherover-the-toptantrum
“Whatthehellareyoudoinginmysister’sroom? Youafuckingpervertorsomething?”
Thescornfulvoicecomesfromaboyofaboutthirteenorfourteen,hisfacesetinanangryscowlwhileheleansagainst whatIassumeishisbedroomdoor. HelooksalotlikeTilly,butwithavoicethatsoundssomewherebetweenboyandman. WhenIlookupathim,Iremainexpressionless,purposefullyofferinghimnothing Thisismyusualgo-towhenIdon’twantto deal with confrontation or intimidation; it’s easier this way. He seems dissatisfied with this reaction, so closes the gap betweenus
“Staythefuckawayfromher,youlittleshit,”hepracticallyspits,digginghisfingersintomychestandtoweringover me Atmysilence,heglaresbeforestalkingbackintothepitch-blackconfinesofhisroom Thishouseholdiscrazy;surelyit mustbetimetogosoon.
Sighingwithanurge to runbackto the Volvo outside, Ileanagainstthe wall inthe hallway, willingmyselfto leave
before Tillyreturns. As I close myeyes over the thought of havingto endure seeingmore of Tilly’s dance ensemble, quiet voices catchmyattention. They’re comingfromone ofthe other bedrooms andIcan’thelpbutcreepuptohave a listen. I peekinthroughthegapbetweenthedoorandthewalltoseeIsobellyingonherbednexttoGrandma Herroomdoesn’thave ahintofpink;infact,it’sabsentofanycolorornick-knacks.Ithasverylittlepersonalityotherthanthegirltowhomitbelongs. She’scurrentlyholdinganold,well-lovedbear,andistuftingitshairupthiswayandthat
“Tellmesomethingelse,”shesaystoGrandma,“somethingIwouldn’tknow.”
“Well,didyouknowthatIoncehitch-hikedtoLondonwithourfamilydog,Florence? Iwasaboutyourageatthetime, andIwantedtoescapemyfather;hewas quiteabrute,youknow,always shouting,always angry. Whereas Iwas theblack sheepofthefamily”
“Fairplay,Nonna,”Isobelsays,soundingclearlyimpressed.“Whathappened?”
“DaddycaughtupwithmeandIwassmackedacrossthebacksidebeforebeingconfinedtomyroomfor threedays! Afterthat,Iwasonmaiddutyforaboutthreeweeks,”shereplies,lookingatIsobelwithasorrowfulexpression.Butthenshe smilesinsuchaway,shelookspositivelydevious;thisiswhyIlovehersomuch.“Course,Ialwaysspitupinhismealsand drinks. Itusedtogivemegreatsatisfactiontoknowwhathewasingestingwheneverheate.” SheandIsobelbegintogiggle wickedly. “Whydoyouthinktheytreatyoudifferently,Izzy,dear?”
“Guesstheyalreadyhadoneofeach,”Isobelrepliesnonchalantly,stillplayingwiththeoldfluffonherpoorteddy.“I wasamistakedon’tyouknow?”
“Who told youthat?” Grandma asks, soundingshocked and angrier thanI’ve ever heard her. To be fair, Idon’tthink I’veeverheardhersoundatallcrossbefore.
“IoverheardMumtellingBrenda,Libby’smum.Besides,”shesayswithashrug,“it’sobvious.I’mfinewithitthough.”
“Oh?”Grandmaasks,lookinginsuchaway,IcantellIzzyisherfavorite.
“Well,ifyouweretheblacksheep,likeme,thenhopefully,I’llturnoutascoolasyou,Nonna.”Shesmilesasshestops fidgetingwiththebearandlooksGrandmaintheeye.“You’remyfavoriteperson.”
“Iloveyou,Izzy,mygirl,”Grandmasaysasshecuddlesintoher.“You’reoneofmyfavoritepeopletoo.” Theygrinat oneanotherandsitinsilenceforafew moments,appearingtobeverymuchcontenttobeinoneanother’scompany. “Don’t looknow,butIthinkyourAmericancousinhasbeenlisteningin Doyouthinkhewantstocomeinandjoinus?”
IturnstatuestillasIfeelahotblushcreepingovermycheeksatbeingcaughtout.Usually,peopledon’tnoticeme,butI shouldhaveknownGrandmawouldhavecaughtontomyeavesdropping
“My cousin? Oh, he can come if he wants to,” she says, sounding friendly enough, but then drops her voice to a whisper,“Aslongashe’snotlikeTillyorEthan?”
“No,dear,Theoisnotabitlikeyourbrotherorsister,”Grandmareassuresher,allowingsomefeelingtoreturntomy extremitiesinrelief
“Oh,good. Comein,Theo,”shecalls,butmylimbsstillwon’tmove,soIremainfrozenonthespot.
“Ithinkyoumayhaveembarrassedhim,”Grandmachuckles
“Probably,”sheshrugs,“Iembarrasseveryone.”
“Youdon’tembarrassme,lass,”Grandmasaysdeterminedly.“Ithinkyou’regreat,kid.”
I’mabouttotakeabravestepandwalkinwhenMomcallsforme. MyheartsinksbutwhenImove,it’storushdown thestairstomymom Ifeeldisappointedinmyselfallthewaytoournewhouse,butthere’salwaystomorrow I’dliketothink IcanbethefriendIsobelsoobviouslyneedsinthisfamily.
Izzy
“Whereareyougoing,Isobel?”Mumasks withamorethanusual fed-upvoicethatsheuses whenever shespeaks to me;she’sclearlystillcrossaboutTilly’suglydress.“Ihopeyourealizehowdisappointedwewerewithyouyesterday.”
“Mum,youandDadarealwaysdisappointedwithme,”IanswertruthfullyasIshovemybreakfastbowlinsideofthe dishwasher.“PerhapsyoushouldaskmeifIrealisewhenyouareactuallyhappywithme.Thatwouldbeweird.”
“That’s nottrue, Isobel,” Dad pipes up fromthe table, “butyoucan’tbehave like thatand notexpectus to be angry aboutit.”
“Whatever,canIgonow?Maryiswaitingformeandwe’regoingforaramblearoundthewoods,”Ideclare. Maryis aselectivemuteandhasonlyutteredafewwordstomeinourentirefriendship,butwegetbywithsigningandgesture.
“Whenareyougoingtogetsomerealfriendsinsteadofmuckingaboutwiththelocalfreak?”Tillysayswithdisdainin hervoice.
“Maybewhenyoudevelopaconscience,”Ireplywithashrug,“ormaybewhenyougetsomefriendswhoaren’tallas self-absorbedasyouare?”
“Brat,”shemutters
“Yep,”Igiveinandjustagree,it’seasierthatway. InoticeMumandDaddon’tattempttosayanythingtoTillyforher name-calling,butIguessI’musedtothattoo.
“Where’smylipgloss,Mummy?”shetitters,shovingthingsoutofthewaywithoutcareasshesearcheshighandlow forit.
IrollmyeyeswhileIputonmyoldboots,preparingforaday-longadventurethatwillkeepmesafelyoutofthehouse until atleastdinner time Iprepared a packed lunchlastnightso Iwouldn’thave to come backagain I’d onlyend up inan argumentwithsomebodyifIreturnedearly,anargumentI’dratheravoid.
“I’mnotsure,darling,whydoyouneedlipglossanyway?”
“IwantedtogoandseeifTheowouldliketohaveatourofthevillage,”shegushes,“andIwanttolookniceforhim.”
“Gross,isn’tTheoourcousin?”Ican’thelpbutaskwithagrimaceonmyface
“Well,yes,butnotbyblood,”Dadexplains,“yourauntcan’thavechildren,sotheyadoptedhimwhenhewasababy.”
“Oh,”IsighasIgettomyfeet,“still,Idoubthe’dbeinterestedinyou!”
“Isobel,don’tbe horrible toyour sister,” Mumsnaps andglares atme.“Goanddowhatever itis youplanondoing withyourmutefriend”
Charming, Mother, really ButIdon’tneedtobetoldtwicetogetoutofhere Withoutanother wordthatwouldno doubtgetmeintotrouble,Iwrapmywaterproofjacketaroundmeandtakeoffthroughthedoor.
Bymid-morning,MaryandIare sittingonthe small woodenbridge thatcrosses over a streamthatruns betweenthe playing field and the woods. The wooden slats are damp beneath our legs, but it doesn’t bother us, we’re used to being outside. Me, because I always want to avoid beingat home; her, because she lives ona farm. Her entire familyis usually outside The rainhas made the water rise so we have collected a good selectionoftwigs withwhichto playPoohsticks Though, to be fair, we’re notplayingproperly, more like danglingour legs over the side and gazingatthe wood as itfloats awayfromwherewe’resitting
Whenthesunbeginstoslipbelow thetrees,Marytapsmeontheshoulder tosignal thatsheneedstogo.Ismileand wave,thenwatchasshedisappearsintothebackground ThismeansI’llneedtogobacksoonandfacewhateveriswaitingfor meathome.IsighasIcontinuetothrow thesticksintothewater,watchingassomeofthemgettangleduponthesideofthe bank.
“What are youdoing?” a voice asks before crouchingdownnext to me. I lookup to see the boywho was hiding outside myroomlast night. I thinkabout callinghimout onit, but eventuallygive up onthe idea; it would onlymake him defensive
“PlayingPoohsticks,”Ireplywithanawkwardshrug.“Ornot,nowthatMaryhasgone.”
“Huh DoyoumindifIsitwithyou?”heasks,towhichIlookhimupanddownwithafrown
“Youkindofalreadyare,butsure,”Ireplywithafriendlyenoughsmile.“Theo,isn’tit?”
Henodssilentlywhilegazingdownattheswirlingwater “Andyou’reIsobel?”
“No,notIsobel, Izzy,”Iassert.“OnlymyfamilycallsmeIsobel.Though,mybrotherdoesn’treallycallmeanything. I’mguessingyousawhowcrazyweallwereyesterday”
“Kindof,”helaughs.“Actually,youseemtobetheonlynormaloneinthere. AndGrandmaiskeenonyou,soIguess youmustbeok.”
“Gee, thanks. Do youwanna Twiglet?” I ask, offeringhimthe nearlyemptybagof crispysnacks. Beingmade with Marmite,he’sfiftypercentlikelytohatethem.Hetakesasniff,grimaces,thentakesone.Ijutoutmychintoencouragehim, almostlaughingoverthereactionIcanalreadyguesshe’llhave
“Whatthehellarethose?”hegasps,spittingitoutwithalookofpuredisgustonhisface.
“Twiglets,they’remyfavorite!”Ilaugh
“Well,youcankeepthem.Ew,theytastelike…like…likeass!”
Iburstinto laughter and he soonjoins me atthe same time as makinghimselfathome onthe edge ofthe bridge. We settleintocomfortablesilence,andIcanalreadytellhe’sagoodone.
“You’vecomeover fromCalifornia,haven’tyou?” Iask,buthejustsadlynods.“Andyou’vehadtorelocatehere? Thatmustsuck.” Again,henods.
“Probablywouldhavebeensurfingrightaboutnow,”hesays,lookingattheskywhenitstartstodrizzle;it’sasifthe weatheristryingtorubthemiseryofhisrelocationinhisface.“Andit’dbehotandsunnytoo. Youwannagoinside?”
“Nah,”Ihuff,“I’dratherstayoutintherainthangohome. ItendnottogobackthereuntilIhaveto.”
“Jeez, that’s kind of sad,” he says sympathetically. “Why don’t you come back to mine? You know my parents, obviously,andI’vealreadygottheXboxsetup”
“Whatgamesdoyouhave?”Iask,soundingalotmoreinterested.SometimesIsneakintoEthan’sroomtoplay Grand Theft Auto
“Er,Imayhavesome Peppa Pig gamesorsomething,”heoffers,towhichIscrunchupmynosewithdisappointment.
“Gotanythinglike Call of Duty or Gears of War?”
“Sure,youplaythem?” heasks,soundingimpressed.
“WhenIcansneakintoEthan’sroom,”Ireply,choosingnottotakeoffenceoverhisassumptionthatI’donlyplaygirly orbabygames “Let’sgothroughthewoods,otherwisewe’lllikelyrunintoTillyandherfriendsinthevillage”
Hegrimacesashegetsuptofollow behindme. PerhapsI’ll finallyhaveanallyagainstmyevil sister.Or atleasta friend.
“Mum! Mum!” I shout out from my bedroom door, sounding desperate; I am desperate. This is an emergency, a nightmare,atravesty.“Mum,pleasehurry!”
“Whatonearthiswrongwithyou?”sheeventuallyhuffs,soundingboredanddisinterested,asthoughI’mnothingmore thanirritant Situationnormalthen However,I’mnotthinkingrationallyrightnowsoI’mreachingout,urginghertotakejusta fractionofinterestinme.Whenshefinallyapproachesmyroom,lookingimmaculateandreadytorockoneofherteamornings withthelocalwho’swhoofourcountrybumpkinvillage,Ipointtothebloodstainsonmybedsheetswithalookofpurepanic onmyface.
“Oh,phew!”shelaughs,theatricallyplacingher handover her heart “Ithoughtsomethinghorrendoushadhappened You’vejustgotyourperiod,Isobel,nothingtoflapabout.”
“What?! Idon’twanttohavemyperiod!” Icry Iwaskindofhopingsuchathingwouldbypassmealtogether When Tillygother firstperiod,Mumcriedandmadeatotal singsongover it,thentookher outtogetpads andashinynew bagto keepthemin. Shetookheroutforafternoontea,justherandTilly,to‘celebrate her becoming a woman.’Theveryideaofher doingthatisabhorrent,butstill,tosayit’snothingonlyremindsmeofhowlittlethiswomanthinksofme
“Well,it’sherewhetheryouwantitornot;bestgetusedtoit Lookslikeyou’regoingtohaveaheavyflowfromthe looks ofthings.You’ll needtogetsome pads fromthe village.Letme getyousome moneyandyoucanpopover now,” she saysassheturnstowalkoutthedoor.
“Wait,can’tIjustusesomeofyoursorTilly’s?”Ipracticallybeg;Idon’twanttogointothevillageandrisksomeone seeingmebuymyfirstsanitarytowels. Besides,Idon’tknowwhatI’msupposedtoget.
“IonlyusetamponsandyouknowhowpreciousTillyisoverherthings.Perhapsifyoumademoreofaneffortnotto upsether,she’dletyou,but…”Shetrailsoff,tuttingasshedoesso.
“But but ”Istutter,reachingouttobegforsomethingIalreadyknowshewon’tgiveinto
“Ahh,hasbabyIsobelgotherfirstperiod?”Tillymocksmewithababy-liketoneofvoice.“Don’tyoudaretakeanyof mystuff,witch!”
“It’snothard,Isobel,”Mumsays,lookingatherwatchassheshovessomemoneyintomyhands.“Justaskthechemist forsanitarytowelsandexplaintothemthatit’syourfirstperiod They’llhelpyou”
“So,you’renotgoingtocomewithme?”Iask,tryingtoappeal toher asmymother.Doesshenothaveanymaternal feelingsformeatall?
“I’vegotmycoffeemorning,thenameetingwithEthan’stutor,”shesays,placingherhandonmyshoulderforashort moment “You’llbefine,Isobel Trustme,millionsofwomendothiseveryday;you’llsurvive!”
KnowingI’velostthisbattletogethertobemymother,Ithrowmyhandsupintheairandstomptothebathroomtoget ready Ihaven’tevengotanythingtolinemyknickerstogettothechemist,soIwrapsometoilettissuearoundandaroundthe gussetandhopeforthebest. Itdoesn’tfeellikeit’sgoingtoprotectmeforverylongandthethoughtofahugeredpatchgiving me awayinfrontofthe entire village is enoughtohave me skippingbreakfastandheadingstraightthroughthe woods tothe pharmacist IjusthopetoGodthatTillyandherfriendswon’tbethere
Mybestfriend,Theo,ishardlythepersontocallatatimelikethis MarymovedtoLondonaboutayearago,sothat leavesme,myself,andItogoandgetthisdone. Ihaveafewfriendsfromschoolbutmostofthemareboys,andallofthem live elsewhere. Plus, this is really embarrassing. Nonna’s not feeling grand at the moment, especially with her lupus and arthritisplayingup,soIdon’twanttodragherintothevillage ThoughatleastIcanpopbyherplaceaftertheordealsoIcan venttosomeonewhowillunderstand.
AssoonasIreachthepharmacist,Ibreatheasighofreliefandslipinwithoutanyonenoticing Thankfully,it’sempty insideandMum’sfriend,Brenda,isbehindthetill.Brenda’scool,evenifherdaughterisoneofTilly’stwirpygirlfriends,and atleastIcantalktoanothermumaboutit
Ishuffle over to the deskwhere she spies me and smiles warmly. Imustlooka little pale because she immediately furrowsherbrowwithconcern.
“Youok, Izzy? You’re lookingnervous,” she says, leaningonto the deskso we canspeakmore privately. Ibetshe wouldn’thaveforcedmetocomeoutbymyself;Ibetsheinstantlyknowswhenherdaughterneedsher.
“Er,yeah,well,I…”IfeelthehumiliatingheatofablushallthewhileItrytoforcethewordsout.
“Forgoodness’sake,child,spititout,”shesayswithawarmgiggle.
“IgotmyfirstperiodthismorningandI’mcurrentlywearingawadoftissueinmyknickers,”Iblurtoutwithmyeyes closedtightly,almosthopingshedidn’thearme.
“Oh,Izzy,”shesayswithsympathyinhervoice. “Where’syourmum? Didn’tshecomewithyou?”
“Iguessnot,”Imurmursadly,feelingashamedofthefact “Tillywouldn’tletmehaveanyofherpadsandMumsays sheonlywearstampons. Idon’tfancyshovingsomethingupmyfoo.”
“Oh,Izzy,that’s notfair,” she says as she rounds the desktopull me intoher rather ample bosom It’s awkwardbut comfortingatthesametime.“Comewithme,I’ll show youwhatyoumightwanttostartwith. Thenyoucangoandusethe toiletoutback.”
“Thanks,Brenda,”Isaywithasighofrelief,“Ioweyouone.”
“Don’tbesilly,love,”shesaysandleadsmeovertothesanitaryproducts.
Izzy IleavetheshopfeelingmuchmoresecurethanIdidonthewayoverhere. Thankfully,therewasn’talotofmess,and thepads wereeasyenoughtofit. Itwas embarrassingtohavetohavesomeoneelse’s mumsortoutyour firstperiod,butat leastitwassomeoneasniceasBrenda Ithankheronceagain,thenwalkout,closingthedoorbehindmesoIcanbeginmy shortwalktoNonna’shouse.
“Didyougetsome,Isobel?”Tillyshouts outfromacross thestreet,whichis now bustlingwithher friends andother kidsfromschool,includingTheo,whoishangingoutwithMaddisonAndrews,thegirl all theboyswanttodate. Iknew he wouldbepopularwithhisHispanicroots,confidentattitude,andAmericanaccent “Feelbetternowyou’rewearinganactual sanitarytowel?” Tillylaughsassheshoutsatthetopofherlungsforeveryonetohear.
MyheartfreefallstomyfeetasIstandfrozenstill,prayingthatthegroundwillopenupandswallow mewhole My cheeksburnwithhumiliationatthesametimeasthestingoftearscollectsatthebottomofmyeyes.Everyoneisnowstaringat me,eitherlaughingorlookingonwithpity,includingTheo
Iremainrigidfor whatfeels like hours before mylimbs agree to sync inwithmybrainandgetthe hell outofhere. Oncemoving,Irunasfastasmylegswillcarryme,mybreathlaboredandtearsrunningdownmyface
“Izzy!”IhearTheoshoutingafterme.“You’resuchabitch,Tilly!”
Irunandrun,notlookingback,notevenfor Theo It’snotuntil IreachNonna’shousethatIstopandthrow myfists uponthedoor,silentlybeggingforhertoanswer.Eventually,whenI’maboutreadytocollapseonthefloor,sheopensitupand gaspsoverthestateofme.Assoonasshepullsmeinside,IfeelasthoughI’veonlyjustmanagedtoescapethemonstersfrom some goryhorror film. Iclingonto her, sobbingagainsther small, frail chest, all the while she strokes myhead and offers soothingsoundstotryandcalmme.
“Izzy,dear,what’swrong?”sheasks,hervoicefullofconcern Ican’tanswerherwithwords,forI’mfartooupsetto formanypurposeful shapes withmymouth. Infact, before Icananswer withanykind ofgesturing, Theo bursts throughthe frontdoor,breathingrapidlyfromhavingrunallthewayhere
“Theo,whateverhashappened?”
“Izzy, don’tevenworryaboutit!” he gasps inbetweenhis short, shallow breaths. “No one evenlikes Tillyanyway. Plus,itdoesn’tevenmatter”
“Willsomeonetellmewhat’sgoingon?”Nonnasnaps,soundingclosetoangry,whichI’verarelyheardonherbefore.
“TillyjusthumiliatedIzzyinfrontofmostofthekidsatschool ShetoldeveryoneIzzyhadher well er ”Hetrails off,andIwinceoverwhathe’sbeentryingsohardtosay. IthinkI’mgoingtodieofembarrassmentalloveragain.
“Igotmyperiod,ok?”Iturnaroundtofacethemboth,mostlikelylookingred,snotty,andblotchy.“Mothercouldn’tbe botheredtotakemetothepharmacistandTillyrefusedtoletmehaveanyofherstuff,soIhadtogobymyself. Ievenhadto askBrenda’smumtohelpme,whichshedid,butthen,whenIleft,Tillybasicallyannouncedittotheentirevillage!”
IcrossmyarmsandstompintothelivingroomwhereIslumpontothecouchandburymyfaceinmyhands.
“Oh,Izzy,”Nonnasaysasshesitsbesideme,“youshouldhavecometome;Iwouldhavehelpedyou. Imaybeold,but Ihavebeenthereyouknow.”
“Yeah,butyou’vebeenunwell,andIdidn’twanttodragyououtintothevillage,”Itrytoexplain,stillrefusingtolook ateitherofthem.“Ihatethem,Nonna,Ihateallofthem. Can’tIcomeandlivewithyou?”
“I’dsayyesinaheartbeat,darling,butIdon’tthinkyourparentswouldallowit And,unfortunately,I’mmuchtoofrail togiveyouwhatyouneedonafull-timebasis,love,”shesaysasshepullsmyhandsgentlyawayfrommyface.“I’msurethey loveyou,eveniftheyhavearatherfunnywayofshowingit”
“Doyouwantmetogoandmakehertreadindogpooorsomething?”Theopipesup,forcingmetogigglealittle. He smileswhenhehearsmelaughing,andeventhoughhisofferistempting,Ishakemyheadandsigh Itwouldonlycomebackto bitemesomehow.
“Theo,sweetheart,maybeyoucouldgiveussomegirltime?”Nonnasuggests “Thesethingsarealittledelicateanda boybeingheremightmakeIzzyfeelevenmoreuncomfortable.”
“Sure,butmeetmebythebridgelater?”hesaystomeandwhenInod,hesmiles,lookingrelieved
Theo leaves Nonna and me to have a heart-to-heartchat. I’mactuallyglad Igotto have this conversationwithher insteadofmymother,orevenworse,Tilly WeenduplaughingaboutitallandsoonI’mbrushingoffwhathappenedtoday I’ll putitdownto‘experience’.
Izzy
Bythreeo’clock,I’mwalkingbackintothewoods,onmywaytomeetTheoonthebridge It’sthesameplacewemeet everyday,I’mnotsurewhy,butit’sbeenlikethatsincehearrivedherefouryearsago. Apartfromholidays,Ithinkweendup seeingeachother everyday. Sometimes we hangoutathis to playXbox, sometimes we go onrambles throughthe woods, sometimeswegointotownandseeamovie Whateverwe’redoing,he’stheonepersonIcanrelyontomakemelaughand feelgoodaboutmyself. HemakesmeforgetaboutmyawfulfamilyandfocusonhimandNonnainstead. Ilovehimforit.
However, todayis the daythatwill change our relationship WhenIlookover atthe bridge, he is notalone He’s leaningagainstMaddison,hishandsunderthebackofhershirt,smilingandkissingher,andnotinjustafriendlywayeither. Shelooksathimlikeher worldbeginsandendswithhim Ican’tsayIblameher Infact,Ihavetoadmit,apangofinsane jealousyandangersweepsovermeasIstudythewaytheyaretouchingeachother.Timetobreakthisvomit-worthysceneto pieces.
AsIapproachthebridge,Ipurposefullycoughloudlytodisturbthem. Maddisonlooksupfirst,notappearingatallshy aboutmewitnessingwhattheywerejustdoing. Infact,shehasasmugsmileplasteredonherface,whichonlybroadenswhen helooksupatmewithoutmuchreaction Ismiletightlyathim,andhereturnsthegreeting,unfazedbyhavinganaudienceto himfeelingherup.
“AmIinterruptingsomething?”Iaskcurtlywhilecrossingmyarms.
“Not at all, Twiglet” Theo says, usinghis nickname for me as if highlightingthe fact we’re just friends It irks me “Maddisonwasjustabouttogoforherballetlesson,weren’tyou,babe?”
“Oh,yes,”sherepliesinafakesyrupyvoice,muchlikeTillyputsonforboysshefancies.Shethenkisseshimonthe lips, and Ispyhimdip his tongue in. Bile threatens to eruptoutofmymouthas theygo atit, rightinfrontofme. “See you tonight?”
Henodswitharidiculousgrinonhisface,muchlikethedogspullwhenthefishandchipshopownercomesouttofeed themthegreasy,crustychipsthathavebeenleftafterthelunchtimerush.It’scuteonthembutrevoltingonTheorightnow.
“I’llmissyou,”shepouts,andIcan’thelprollingmyeyesoverthesickeningperformance Theospiesmeandlooks annoyed. “Seeyoulater,Ivy.”
Thesillybitchknowsthat’snotmyname,butnoonebotherstocorrecther,notevenTheo.Imerelywrigglemyfingers atherwithafakegrinasshewalksoff,swayingherhipsprovocativelyasshegoes.
“What?”Theoisonmestraightaway.“Justsayit,Izzy!”
“I have absolutelynothingto say,” I tell himwitha bored shrugas I beginto walkoff inthe opposite directionto Maddison. Hequicklyfallsintostepbehindmeandgrabsholdofmyupperarm.“Hey,dude,getoffmyarm!”
“Are youmadatme?” he snaps,soundingaccusatory.“Because Iamallowedtosee other people youknow. Ican’t hangaroundwithkidsallthetime” MymouthdropsopenoverhiswordsandIsuddenlyfeelasthoughI’velosthim,justasI didMary. “Ididn’tmeanthattosoundthewayitcameout,Izzy,I’msorry.”
“Screw you,Theo! Or maybe little sashay-of-the-hips will for you,” Ishout,eyeinghimfuriously “Idon’tneedthis shit. It’sbeenafuckerofadayasitis,sogoandsuckfacewithlittleMissDryHumpoverthere. SeeifIcare!”
“You’refuckingcrazy,youknowthat? Though,Iguessweknowwhyafterthismorning,”hesayswithanangrysmirk. “Perhaps whenyou’ve learnedto control those hormones ofyours,youshould give me a call. Until then,maybe we should haveabreakfromoneanother”
As myheart begins thumpingabout furiouslyinside of mychest, feelingpainful over not onlyhis rejection, but the injusticeofitall,Istareathim,feelingshockedoverhissuddenchangeinpersonality Isupposeaprettyfacecandothattoa guy. Istepback,feelinghurtandconfused;thiswasn’thowitwassupposedtogo. Theohasalwaysbeenmyrockbutnowit seemshe’sgone,andinstead,thereisthisangry,sex-crazedteenager,actingmorelikemybrotherandsisterthanmybestfriend andconfidant.
Ishakemyheadslowlyandletastraytearfallslowlydownmycheek Then,withonelastlookofdisgust,Irunfrom him. It’sonlythreeo’clockandthisisthesecondtimeI’vehadtorunawayfrommydemonstoday.
WhenIwalkintothe kitchen,the whole familyis there,minus Dad,whois probablystill atwork. Mumhas started gettingreadyfor some social event to do withDad’s workbut is chattingwarmlywithEthanand Tilly. Theylookhappy together, complete withoutme, so Itryto slip inunnoticed. However, trustyold Tillyspies me, and we all know she never missesanopportunitytodigtheknifein
“Recoveredyet?”sheaskswithacruelsmilebeforeliftinghermugofhotchocolatetoherlips.
“I’mpeachy,thanks,”Ireplywithoutexpression,hopingshedoesn’tmistakemypuffyeyesasareactiontoherantics
“Oh,Isobel,Iwouldmakeyouahotchocolatetoo,butEthanjusthadthelastoneandI’mterriblylategettingreadyfor yourfather’sworkdothisevening Appearancesareeverythingyouknow,”shechirrups
“I’msureIsobeldoesn’tmind,”Ethanbuttsin,“shecouldstandtoloseafewpoundsasitis.”HesmilesatTillybefore theybothburstoutlaughing
“Don’tbecruel,Ethan,”Mumgiggles.“Geteverythingsortedthismorning,Isobel?”
“Brendahelpedme,”Iexplain,“thenTillyannouncedmypredicamenttothewholevillage,didn’tyousisterdearest?”
“Jeez,Isobel,itwasjustajoke,getoverit!”
Thecruel,smuglookshegivesmeisenoughtosendmeovertheedge,andIseenothingbutadangerousmistofredin frontofme. Istalkover to where she’s sittingand grab a fistful ofher hair. She releases a satisfyingyelp as Ipull hard, kickingherchairoutfromunderherandslammingherupagainstthewall Forthefirsttimeever,shelooksterrifiedandtries tobuckle,butmygripistoostrong.
“Isobel,puther downthis instant! You’re overreacting,” Mumflusters as she rushes over tous,butIpushher back “Yourfatherwillhearaboutthis!”
“Fromnowon,youleavemethehellaloneorIWillHurtYou!” IsnarlasIdeliverthisthreatintoTilly’sear
Suddenly,largehandspull meoffTillyandIfeel asharpblow acrossmycheek.IturnaroundtofindEthanstanding overme,hishandpoisedforanotherattack Iinstantlygrabholdofmyburningcheekandsubmittotheevillookonhisface; I’vealwaysbeenafraidofmybrother,he’sunhinged.Hebelongsinoneofthemanyviolentvideogameshelikestoplay.
“Gettoyourroom,Isobel! Now!”Mumshouts,andeventhoughIhaveanaturalurgetoscreamatallofthem,Idoas I’mtold,slammingthedoorsasIgo.
I don’t sleep that night. Instead, I’m forced to listen to Mum and Dad coming home during the early hours of the morning,talkingandlaughingwithoneanother.
“Oh,whatarewegoingtodoaboutIsobel?”Mumcomplainstomyfather.“She’sanightmare;youshouldhaveseen poorTilly’sface! ItwasluckyEthanwasaroundtosortherout. Youneedtobemoreinvolvedandhaveafirmergriponher.”
“Iknow,sweetheart,”heanswers,soundinglikeastarry-eyedboyinpuppylove.“I’msosorry;youknowIappreciate everythingyoudoaroundhere,andsoshouldshe.It’sprobablyjusthormoneswreakinghavocwithher.”
“That’snoexcuse,Craig,”shesnaps,“Iwon’thaveherupsettinghersisterlikethat,norherbrotherforthatmatter I’ve doneallIcantotryandreinherin,it’syourturntotalksomesenseintoher.”
“Alright,darling,Iwill tomorrow”
“Good,thesoonerthebetter!”
“Iknowyouonlywantedtwo,butcanweatleasttrytogetalongwithher?Sheisonlyakid,afterall,”hepractically begs.
“Yes,well,nopointcryingoverupsetmilknow,”shesighs,allthewhileIdiethatlittlemoreinside.“Justrememberto havethattalkbeforeyougotowork.
“Ipromise.”
Heneverdidhavethattalkwithme.Herarelyevertalkstome;Idon’tthinkheknowshowto.WithTilly,heknows howtobuyherlovewithmoneyandcompliments,andwithEthan,hecantalkshop Ethan’salreadybeenearmarkedforatop spotinthefamilybusiness,soitstandstoreasontheyshouldtalkaboutsuchthings.Ioncefeignedinterest,askingwhatexactly itistheydo,however,Iwastold,‘Notnow,Isobel,I’mlate’IaskedNonnaintheend,seeingasitwaspasseddownthrough her family. I gathered the part about money, finances, and it being a more acceptable formof gambling, but I didn’t hear anythingthatwasremotelyhumaninit So,IgaveuptryingtobeinterestedandcametoacceptIwouldneverhavemorethana conversationofafew wordswiththeman.Becausethat’sallheistome–aman.There’snothingfatherlyabouthimtoward me,nothingatall.Asfortheothers,Isimplydon’tbelong.
Finally,Igettoleaveschool!
Mylastdayis complete,myuniformceremoniouslyburned…Actually,Mommade me donate it,butIwas sincerely temptedtoholdamassbonfireforallmyschoolstuff.Andthereasonforallofthis?Dad’scontractisfinallyatanend.
We’re going home!
I’llbeleavingforCaliforniaattheendofthemonth,andIcan’tfuckingwait. I’vealreadygotmynamedownforthe high school I would have been attending had I not been forced to come to England. I’mreturning home to guaranteed hot weatherinthesummer,daysfullofsurfing,nightsfullofpartying,andfriendstocatchupwith.I’vekeptingoodcontactwith allmyfriendsbackhomesoitshouldbelikepickingupwhereIleftoff
Firstthingsfirst,I’mofftotheschoollibrarytohandinmyschoolbooksandleavethisplaceforgood.I’mnotsayingI haven’tenjoyedpartsofmyschoollifehere,especiallysomeofthefriendsI’vemade,butthere’snowayI’dchoosethisplace overmyCalifornianhome.I’vejustneverbelongedhere;I’manAmericanboythroughandthrough.Besides,someofthemleft at the end ofschool, choosingnot to attend sixthformand take up apprenticeships instead One or two signed up for army training.Itjustseemsrightformetofinallybereturninghome.
Mydadseemsreallykeentoo,butMom Idon’tknow Somethingtellsmeshe’sreluctant,whichisweird Americais herhomeandIknowshe’smissedit;she’smadelittletonoefforttobranchoutandmakenewattachmentshere,andshecalls her friends frombackhome nearlyeveryday However, whenDad said he was finallygettingthe go-ahead to returnto the mothership,shewasn’texactlyjumpingforjoy.
Lost in my thoughts over it all, I almost miss the sound of a familiar giggle coming from the table behind the bookshelves. Mostpeople like to make outthere because it’s cutoff, whichmakes itvirtuallyhiddenfromsnoopingeyes. However,ifitiswhoIthinkitis,shewouldn’tbecaughtdeadmakingout.Especiallysomewhereevenremotelypublic.
Before I go and confirmmysuspicions, I thankthe librarianwithmyusual good-boyact I thensaunter over to the cornerinquestionwhereIfindIzzysittingatthetablewithherlongblondewaveshangingdownherback. Herpetiteframeis leaningover the table to write notes inher folder, right alongside a boywithshort, light brownhair She keeps her eyes focusedonthebookinfrontofher,completelymissingthefactthathekeepsglancingher way,practicallydroolingover his study partner Her ignorance to his unsubtle lusting is hardly surprising; she’s completely innocent when it comes to boys Somethingaboutthathasmefeelinginsanelyprotectiveover her.Shehasnoideahow beautiful sheis,andIlovethatabout her.Ialwayshave.Infact,shewillalwaysbeoneofthecoolestchicksIhaveevermet.It’sashameourfriendshipendedthe wayitdid,otherwise,whoknowswherewemighthaveendedup
Contemplatingmyregrets, Ifind myselftensingup over this guyoglingher, especiallywhenshe’s so oblivious to it. Withoutinvitation,Imarchmyselfovertooneoftheemptyseatsandslumpintothechair,leaningbackandlacingmyfingers behindmyhead. Theguylooksmeupanddown,clearlyannoyed,butwhenhenoticesmyclenchedjawandthefactthatIam older,taller,andbroaderthanhim,hedecidestokeephismouthshut
“Can we help you, Theo?” Izzy asks with a theatrical sigh, not even looking up fromwhatever it is she’s reading. “BradleyandIareworkingonaprojecttogether”
“Bradley,huh?”Ireply,beingjustasover-the-toptheatricalassheis,thenturntofacetheguyinquestion.“Well,gee, sorry, Bradley; I didn’t know I was disturbing you, Bradley; am I making you feel uncomfortable there, Bradley? Am I interruptingyourviewofmycousin’srackthere, Bradley?”
HismouthdropsopenatthesametimeasIzzyleansbackinherchairandstudieshimwithconfusion.AsIsaid,she’s clueless when it comes to sleazy guys staring at her I’ve seen it enough in passing when walking around these school corridors. But I know Izzy can handle herself, so I’ve kept my distance. At least, that’s what I like to tell myself. The alternativemeanshavingtoadmitItreatedherjustasbadlyasherhorriblefamily Iwaswrong,butthethoughtofhavingtosay those words outloud makes me wantto hitmyself. Bradleyactuallydoes me a solid bydistractingme fromthatthought;he jumpstohisfeet,quicklypicksupallofhiscrap,andbeginsbackingawaywithnogracewhatsoever
“Sorry,Izzy,I,er,havetogetgoing,”heflusters,“perhapswecanpickuptomorrowafterschool?”
“Remembertoadjustyourboner, Bradley!”Icalloutashebeginswalkingawayjustthatlittlebitquicker “Pleased?”sheutters,soundingclearlyunimpressed.
“Verymuch,”Ireplywithagrinandawinktowindherupjustthatlittlebitmore “Heyourboyfriend? Coshesureas hellwantstobe.Eitherway,hedefinitelywantstogetinyourpants.”
“You’regross,”shescowls,“noteveryguywantstohumpeveryfemaletheycomeintocontactwith.”
“Guessagain,Twiglet,hewaseyeingyouuplikehewantedtogrindonyourbonesforbreakfast,lunch,anddinner!”I chuckleatthesametimeas shethrows her eraser atme Iseethesmirkonher facethough,Ialways couldmakeher laugh, evenwhenherfamilyhadbeenparticularlyhardonher.Icouldn’tstopthem,butIcouldatleastmakehersmile. ThatisuntilI turnedouttobejustasmuchasadisappointmenttoher.
“Howcomewestoppedhangingout,Iz?”
“Becauseyouchosehormones andyour dick’s newlyacquiredknowledgethatitultimatelyrules you,over loyaltyto theonegirlwhorefusedtodroptoyourfeetinawe,”shereplies,stilllookingatherworkwhilescribblingacrossthepage.
“Howaboutamovietonight?Mytreat,”Ioffer,smilingasIleanincloser.“Tosaysorry,onbehalfofmeandmydick.”
“Ha!Haveyoufinallyrunoutofnewgirlstobang?”sheasks,droppingherpenwhilelookingupatmewithrealshock onherface.“Wow!”
“Sobitter! Notjealousareyou,Twiglet?”Iplacemyhandontopofhersandbegintoswirlmyfingeroverherskin. Sheflinchesandpullsawayjustalittletooquicklyformyegotooverlookit.
“God,no!Justconcernedforyourhealth.IheardthatifthegreatTheoChasedoesn’tdiphiswickatleastonceaweek, itmightshrivelupanddie,”sheretortswithawickedsmile.“Thatwouldbecatastrophicforyou,wouldn’tit?”
“Who says I don’t want to dip my wick inside of you?” I raise my eyebrows suggestively, enjoying the shocked expressionshe’snowtryingtocoverup.
“Calmyourself,whoreboy,”shesays,trainingherfaceintoneutral again,“asfaraseveryoneelseisconcerned,you aremycousin.Nottomention,I’malsoillegal.”
“True,”Ireplywithasigh,feigningsadness,onlytoturnmyfrownintoanencouragingsmileagain.“Oh,comeon,Iz? Inall seriousness,IleaveinthreeweeksandIreallywannahangoutwithmyfavoriteperson. How aboutsomeXbox? IfI pissyouofftoomuch,youcanshootsomepeople”
“Oh,alright,”sheconcedes,rollinghereyesasshedoesso;shecouldneverresistmycharmingsmile,mostgirlscan’t. “Butkeep your filthymind to yourself Idon’twanna hear aboutwho you’ve beenbanging, who youwantto bang, or who you’retakingtothecollegeChristmaspartytobang.”
“Ok,”Ichuckle,“deal Seeyouatsix?”
“Ok,”sheagrees,“atleastIcanrubTilly’snoseinit. Shestillhasamajorcrushonyou.” Iphysicallyshudderatthe thought,whichamusesIzzynoend Ipersonallycan’tthinkofanythingworsethanshackingupwithTillyChase Thegirlhas onlygottenworseovertheyears,butnowwithhormonesandanevenlargergaggleofirritatingTillywannabesatherdisposal. Youcancountmeoutofthatidea.
Theo
Hours later, Izzy and I are snuggled up on the oversized beanbags in my room, playing Grand Theft Auto. She frequentlygigglesoverthegoreandover-the-topviolence,allthewhilesingingalongtotheeightiestracksthatareplayingin thebackground Sheshineswhenshesmiles,andIcan’thelpstealingfrequentglancesherway
“So, who areyoutakingtotheChristmasdo?”sheeventuallyasks,restingbacktotakeabreakfromthegame.“Ihear youmajorlypissedoffMaddisonsoI’mguessingit’snother Tilly’sfreeifyouwanttoaskher”
Shetheatricallyraisesherbrow,teasingmewithherunwantedsuggestion,forwhichIpunishherbythrowingapillow herway
“EllieSanderson,”Ireply,wincingoverthegirl’sname. She’sveryattractiveandall,butI’mnotfeelingit.“Idon’t knowthough;shethinksit’sabigdealbutI’mleaving. MaybeIshouldletherdown…notleadheron?”
“Areyoutellingmeoraskingme?”Sheturnstofacemewithherprettyblueeyesblinkingatarapidpace.“Justhow manygirls have yousleptwith?”
“Howmanydoyouthink?”Ismile,juttingmychintoencouragehertotakeaguess.
“Idunno.Rumorwouldhavemebelievingyou’reinthedoubledigits.”Shethenshrugswithadistinctblushspreading overhercheeks,andIlaughbecausehavingonlyjustturnedseventeen,thatestimationistrulyridiculous “Goon,tellme!”
“IthoughtIwasn’tsupposedtotalkaboutwhoIwasbanging?Yourrules,remember?”
“Idon’twanttoknow who, justhow many. Your secretis safe withme,” she says, theatricallylockingher lips and eventhrowingawaythekey.
“Two,”Ianswerherhonestlyandhereyeswidenwithdisbelief.
“Isthatall? Ithoughttherewouldbefarmorethanthat Didoneofthembreakyourheartorsomething?”
“No,nothinglikethat. Ijustdidn’tfeelanythingforthemsoIkindofdiditfortheexperienceandthen…”Itrailoff, shruggingmyshoulders to show how little a deal itis to me. Izzysimplyturns backto the frozenscreeninfrontofher and slurpsnoisilyfromher sodacan,withher hair hangingdowninwavesbehindthebeanbag.“So,tell me,Twiglet,how many boyshaveyoukissed?”
“Twenty-threebillion,”sheanswerswithoutlookingatme,towhichIlaugh
“Seriously,Iz, have youkissedanyone? Imeanreally kissedanyone?”Iturntofaceher,nudgingherwithmyfootuntil she’sforcedtoreturnmygaze
“Iheardthehumanmouthcontainsmoregermsthanatoiletseat. Thatneverreallysatwell withmewhenitcameto kissingboys,orgirlsforthatmatter”
SuchatypicalIzzyresponse.
“Right,standup,”Isay,jumpingtomyfeet,“I’mgonnashowyou”
“Showmewhat?”sheasksslowly,withalookofconfusiononherface,beforeslurpingupmoreofherdrink
“Showyouhowtokiss,”IreplyatthesametimeasIgrabherhandandhaulherupsowe’restandingface-to-face.
“I’dreallyrathernot,”shesays,lookingsoseriousthatIfeigninsult,whichdoesnothingtodeterher “It’dbetotally weirdkissingyou. You’remybestfriend,oratleast,youwere mybestfriend.Besides,you’remycousin,remember?”
“Notbyblood,andasyousaidsoyourself,we were bestfriends.”Ipull hercloseagainstme,thenrestmyhandson topofherhips. She’swarmandsopetitethatIcanfitherrightundermychin.
“Theo,please,cutitout,”shesays,tryingtoshimmyfreebutIholdfirm.“I’mnotkissingyou,”shehuffswhilefolding herarmsbecauseIrefusetolethergo notyetanyway
“Whynot? Afraid you’ll like it?” Ipull her aninchor two closer toward me, promptingher breathingto hitchup a gear
“You’rebeinganarse,youknowthat?”shemutterswithahintofangerbehindthosewords.
“Comeon,Iz,Iwannabeyourfirstkiss,”ItellherasImovemyheadtolookintohereyes,myfingertiltingherchinup toencouragehertodothesametome.
“Iwasn’tyours!”shesnapswiththathintofangernowcomingoutwithfullforce Shepushesmeawayandscowlsone moretimebeforesteppingtowardmybedtograbherbag.Irubthebackofmyneck,finallyrealizingwhyshe’ssopissedat me Iamonedumbmotherfuckersometimes
“Youare jealous,aren’tyou?”Iutter,tryingtosoundsincere,thoughthewordsonlyhavehershakingherheadinmore outrage
“I’mleaving, thanks for the game, Theo,” she sighs as she wraps her hand around her bagstrap, butbefore she can leave,Igrabholdofherarmandpullherintomyarms,cuppingherfacewithmysparehandsoIcansafelyplacemylipson topofhers.
Atfirst, she freezes, butas Ipull her againstmybody, she eventuallyrelaxes her lips and begins to reciprocate my touch. Hersweetscenthitsme,whichdrivesmetoreachbehindherbackandpullherflushagainstmychest,myhips,andmy groin Herhandsreachintomyhair,andIpushmytonguethroughherplumplipsjusttogetataste Ourtonguestouchgentlyat first,butenoughforhertoreleaseasmallwhimperofpleasure. Thesoundundoesme,andmydickinstantlyhardensagainst her
“Woah,whatthehellwasthat?”shecries,andIcan’thelpbutlaughcheekilyoverhershockedreaction.
“Er,youhavehadsexed,haven’tyou?”
“Oh,”shesays,coveringhermouthastherealisationkicksin.“Oh,”shefrownswhilelookingdowninthegeneralarea ofmydick “Oh!”
“Canyousayanythingelse,Twiglet?”Ibegintowalktowardher,myhandsheldupdefensivelyinfrontofme.“Sorry, butthatwasonehellofakiss,Izzy I,er,couldn’thelpmyself”
“I,erm,I,er,bettergo,”shestuttersasshefumblesforherbag.Ican’thelpgrinningwhenshetripsoverherselfinan attempttogetawayasquicklyaspossible
“I’ll see youtomorrow?” Iask, leaningup againstmywardrobe withmyarms crossed, ifonlyto reassure her thatI won’ttryandstopherthistime Iwon’tdeny,however,thatI’menjoyingherreactiontoourkissandmyensuingerection
“Tomorrow? Oh,yeah,that,”shesays,fakesmiling,rememberingwe’rehavingtogatheratherplaceforsomefamily gettogetherbeforeweleavefortheStates Afterreunitingwiththegirlinfrontofme,I’msuddenlylookingforwardtoit “I’ll seeyouthere. Er,bye…bye,Theo.”
She exits myroomso fast, so ungracefullyIzzy-like, Iburstinto laughter I’ve always loved thatgirl;it’s a pityI’m havingtoleaveherbehind.
Chapter 5
MybodybetraysmeinthemosthumiliatingwaywhenTheoarriveswithhisparentsthefollowingevening.Ican’teven pretendtobecoolwhenmycheeksbeginheatinguplikeafurnaceatthesametimeasmychestfeelslikeit’sabouttoexplode with butterflies. I try to avoid his gaze but only end up being so obvious that whenever I do steal a glance his way, he’s smirking. God,thisisn’tme;thishasneverbeenme.ImayaswellsignuptobeoneofTilly’smindlessbimboswhoseonly goal inlife is tobe worthyofsome guy’s attention.EvenNonna is staringatme witha knowinggrinanda winkeveryfive minutes.She’sasaucyminx;nothinggetspasther.
Theonlypersonbeingmoreembarrassingthanyourstrulyismysister,thoughthat’snothingtobeproudof Ifrequently sufferfromsecond-handembarrassmentonherbehalf.Itstillbafflesmehow popularsheis.IguesstheChasename,plusits associatedwealth,speaksvolumestotheshallow massesthatattendmyschool Notthatithasanypositiveeffectonme,for everyone knows I’mthe blacksheep of the family. Tilly, who is now trailingbehind Theo like anover-enthusiastic puppy beggingforscraps,hasalwaysrevelledintheattention
Still,I’dtakeTillyanydayovermyterrifyingbigbrother,Ethan.Inthefifteenyearsofmylife,Icancountononehand thenumberofconversationsI’vehadwithhim,andnoneofthemhavebeenpleasant.Hedespisesmeandismorethanhappyto leteveryoneknowthefact.TheonlysolaceIcantakeisheisusuallyscowlingattheentireworld.Heonlysmileswhenhe’s beingcruel,condescending,orwatchingsomeviolentfilmorvideogame.Itrytoavoidhimasmuchaspossible,especially since the nighthe had slapped me for daringto touchTilly Iwas forced to apologise to the whole family, whereas he was practicallycelebratedastheheroforputtingmeinmyplace.Alittlepartofmediedthatnight,formanyreasons.
Whenweeventuallysitdowntodinner,Theorushesovertositnexttome,whichonlysetsthosebastardbutterfliesto increaseintheirvelocity. IalmostfindithardtobreathesoIgrabholdofmyglassofwaterandguzzlebackthecoolliquidat a rapid pace But before the last drop falls down my throat, I feel his hand gripping hold of my thigh beneath the table I practicallychokeonmydrinkallthewhilehechucklesfrombehindhisotherhand.
“Somethingamusing,Theo?” Nonnaaskswithaknowingsmilespreadingacrossherface
“Sorry,Iwasjustrememberingsomethingthathappenedyesterday,”heanswerscoolly.
“Soundslikeitwassomethinggood?”
“Oh,believeme,itwasmind-blowing!”hesays,givingmeawolfishgrinthatdoesfunnythingstomyinsides.
Hecontinuesinthisveinformuchofdinnerandisconstantlytouchingmeinsomeway-handonmythigh,abrushof myhand whenpassingthe salt, evenremovinganeyelashfrommycheek. Eachand everytime we make contact, Ifeel my cheeks heatingup and a cacophonyofbutterflies whizzingaround mychest I’ve always liked Theo, always dreamed ofmy firstkiss,firstembrace,firsttendermomentswithhim,butIneveractuallybelieveditwouldhappen.Iwasmorelikelytohave myfirstkisswithamoviestarthanTheo.Andyet,hereweare.
He enjoys the uncomfortable reactionIgive to his frequentdouble meanings, as well as his need to constantlyshare somesortofaffectionatetouchwithme. Ifeellikeeveryonecanseeittoo,eventhoughonlyNonnaappearstohaveanyclue astowhatishappeningbetweenus
“Dessertanyone?”Mumasksthetableingeneral.
“NotforIsobel,”Tillyanswersforme,“she’salreadystrugglingtofitintoherclothes,aren’tyoufatty?”
Her cruel remarkhas Theo squeezingmylega little tighter, his anger becomingpalpable. Meanwhile,she and Ethan haveagoodlaughatmyexpense
“Now,now,Tilly,”Dadatleastpretendstochastisemyevilbigsister,thoughhedoesn’tsoundaltogetherconvincing “So,IhearTheohasappliedtosomebigcollegesbackintheStates,meanwhileTillyisgoingtobeofftouniversityandEthan willbecomingtoworkforme;it’sdefinitelyexcitingtimesahead!”
“Whataboutyou,Izzy?”AuntFrancesaskspolitely,obviouslytakingpityonmyparents’lackofinterestinme.It’snot lostonmethatIwasabsentfromDad’slistofexcitingopportunities.
“Oh,she’sofftojointhecircuswithherfreakfriend,Mary,”TillydeclaresbeforeIcangetawordin.“Mary’sgoing tobethemuteandIzzy’sgoingtobethefatlady.”
Shesmilesinnocentlywhilebatteringhereyelids,thewholeensemblemakingmewanttoslapherfalselashesrightoff herface. Ethansniggersandmyparentssaynothing.
“Oh,Isobel’sofftosixthform,”Dadrepliesforme.
“Gotanyideawhatyouwanttodowhenyou’reolder?”Francescontinues,ignoringTilly’scomments. Theo,however, clearlyisn’t.Hisjawisclenchedshutandhisgripisborderingonpainfulagainstmyleg.
“Well,I-”
“She’llprobablyfollow TillyandEthanintothefamilyfirm,ifshehasthegrades,”Dadcontinuestoanswerforme. Sadly,hehasnoideawhatmygradesare;heandMotherhavemissedmyparent-teacherconferencesforthepasttwoyears.To befair,he’sdreamingifhethinksTillyisgoingtobeabletostudybusinessandfinance
“I’mactuallythinkingoftakinghertoafewofmysocials.We’llgethermixinginsomeofmycirclessoatleastshecan marryinto wealth,” he teases, slurpingonhis wine like a sixteenth-centurylord ofthe manor. “Course, we’ll have to tame someofthatfireoutofyou,won’twe,sweetheart?It’sallaboutappearancesyouknow.”
HechucklesandIinstantlyimaginestabbinghimintheneckwithmysteakknife.
“Sorrytoburstyourbubble,Daddy,butIsobelisconsideredan‘ug’,”Tillysaysbeforesmirkingmywayandshrugging hershoulders “She’sneverhadaboyfriendbecauseshe’safreak,and,well wecan’tallbepretty,canwe? Someofushave toworkbehindthescenes,ifyouknowwhatImean.”
ShewinksevillyatmebeforecontinuingtoeathertinypiecesofdinnerthatIhopeshechokeson Theomakesamove togetup,however,thistime,Iputmyhandonhisthightostophim.
“Perhapsweshouldtakeyoushoppingwithusnexttime,Isobel,”Muminterjects,thinkingthisistheanswertoallmy problems.“We’llgetyousomemake-upandsomeflatteringclothes.Theboyswillbeeatingyouupinnotime,sweetheart.”
“Oh,geewhizz,”Igushwiththeatricalflamboyancy,“Isimplycan’twaittogetmyslutonforallofDaddy’sfriends, Mama.Justthink,IcanbeauselesstrophywifejustlikeTillywantstobe. I’llbeanimbecile,butI’llbepretty. Howsimply marvellous,Mother!”
“Isobel!”Mumshouts.“Howdareyoutalktomeandyoursisterlikethat?”
“Oh,Motherdear,it’sjusttooeasyto ExcusemewhileIgetthehelloutofhere I’lltrynottocrackanymirrorsonthe wayout.Nonna,I’llcallyoutomorrow. Frances,Wyatt,Theo,I’mpleasedyou’regettingtheopportunitytoescapethisGodawfulfamily.”
Withoutanyotherwordsfromanyone,Iscrapebackmychairandmarchouttowardthekitchen,ignoringtheobvious scowls onEthan’s and Dad’s faces. Iwouldn’tstayinthis house ifyoupaid me to rightnow. Ineed to getawayfromthe constantnegativityIamforcedtoendurefromthisfamily,soIheadforthebackdoortotryandfindmycalmspacebeforeI killsomebody.
Pushingmyfeetintomywell-worntrainers,IburstoutthedoorinmyridiculousshiftdresswhichMummademewear, andmarchhuffilyawayintomyfavouriteplace-thewoods. Imaywellgetmurderedbythelocalweirdoesbutatleastitwill bequietanddark,muchlikemymoodatthemoment
Fortunately, I don’t meet a single soul onmywayto the bridge where Maryand I used to playPoohsticks. I lean againstthewoodenrailingstolistentothetrickleofwaterunderneathme Winteriswelluponus,andthecoldisenoughto havemeshivering,butIcanstilltakecomfortinitscalmingpercussion.
Theo
ThetableisleftinstunnedsilenceafterIzzy’sdeparture Herfamilylooksangry,apartfromTilly,wholookssmugly pleasedwithherself.Mymotherlooksasifshemightburstintotearsbutinstead,staresdownatthetableinshame,muchlike myfather does Ican’thelpbutfeel disappointedinthemfor notsayinganything Weall justwitnessedwhatwas downright bullying toward the youngest member of this household. Even Grandma says nothing. She merely sits there, looking expressionless,andnottheleastbitsurprisedbytheturnofevents.
“Yourdaughterisoneofthemostbeautiful,intelligentgirlsI’veevermet,”Isnap,finallyfindingmyvoicetobreakthe silence.IthenthrowmynapkinontothetableatthesametimeasIgettomyfeet.“Presentcompanyincluded,”Iadd,glaringat
Tillywhoquicklyloseshergiddyexpression.
As Iboltoutthe door, Idon’tbother callingfor Izzybecause Ialreadyknow exactlywhere she’s gone;I’malready halfwaytheremyself. WhenIdofinallyreachher,Istoptotakeinherslumped,dejectedfigure. She’sthrowingherlittlepile ofsticksintothewater,onebyone. However,whenIwalkupbehindherandslipmyhandsaroundherwaist,shescreamsin shock,whichhasmelaughing
“JesusChrist,Theo!”shegasps,placingherhandoverherheart.“Youscaredthebejeesusoutofme!”
“AndhereIwasthinkingIhadcometocomfortyou”Igrinbutshejustpushesatmehalf-heartedly “Comehere,feisty pants.”
Iholdherinabestfriendhug,towhichshethankfully,returnstheembrace,beforefinallyrestingherheadagainstmy chest. Mychinsitscomfortablyontopofherheadwhilewestandlikethisfor,Idon’tknowhowlong.
“Idon’twannagohome,”shemurmurs,“Imightkillthemincoldblood…andwhatamessthatwouldmake.”
“It’scool,youcancomeandstayoveratmine.”Ikissthetopofherheadandbegintoleadherinthedirectionofmy house. Idon’twanther to go backthere either, though, she cankill themfor all Icare. It’s her I’mworried about. “We can watchamovieandeatcrapallnightifyouwantto?”
“Copious amounts of crap and a horror movie?” she asks witha hopeful lookonher face that resembles that of a goldenretriever.Evenafterbeingattackedbyhervilefamily,shestillmanagestolooklikethehappiestgirlintheworldwhen it’sjustthetwoofus
“Well,whatevercrapwehaveinthecupboardsandMommighthaveacopyof The Exorcist? That’saboutallIhave tooffer”Ishrugbutsheseemshappyenoughwithmymeagerofferings “I’llgetMomorDadtoletyourparentsknowwhat’s happening,whethertheylikeitornot.”
“Ishouldn’timaginethey’llgiveashit,”shesighssadly,“butwhatever”
“Iwouldarguewithyou,Twiglet,butyourfamilyareaspecial kindofasshole,”Ireplytruthfully,“youdon’tbelong withthematall. You’refartoogoodforthem,alwayshavebeen.”
“Ah,shucks,you’regonnamakemecry,”shesayswithagrinthathasmefeelinghappyforputtingitthere.Itakehold ofherhandandwalkusbacktomyhouse.Idon’tgiveashitwhoseesusbecausethisgirlisthemostimportantthingtome, apartfrommyfolksandGrandma Infact,IhaveasuddenpangofguiltwashovermewhenIrealizeIhavetoleavehertothe wolvesinjustafewweeks.
We enter mycluttered kitchenthroughthe backdoor where Momis continuingto packup non-essentials for the big move. IglanceatIzzyandhersmiledropsthemomentsheseestherealityofusleavingforgood. Hershockedexpressionhas mewishingforthefirsttimesinceIheardwewerereturninghome,thatweweren’tgoing Itrytograbholdofher,however, whenMomsmilesupatusfrombehindacardboardbox,shequicklyplastersonafakegrinanddropsholdofmyhand.
“Izzy,comehere,darling,”Momsaysasshemovesoutofherfortofboxestocomeandgrabholdofherinanembrace AnembraceI’venotseenhergivetoanyoneexceptmebefore.“Icouldswingforyourfamily,mydarlinggirl.” Izzyblushes andlooksawkwardlytotheflooratthesametimeasIreleaseanervouslaugh. “Imeanit,youarethemostamazinggirl,so don’tletthemstealthatfireawayfromyou IfellforyouthemomentImetyou”Webothlookatmymotherwithperplexed expressions,notquiteknowingwherethisiscomingfrom.“Andsodidmyson,thoughhewon’tadmitit,”shewhispersbefore winkingatme
Instead ofdenyingwhatis true, Igrab hold ofIzzyand pull her toward the door so we canescape upstairs. Mom’s obviouslyinoneofherlet’s-embarrass-Theo-for-funmoods.
“Doyoustillhave The Exorcist,Mom? IthinkIzzyfanciessomegorerightnow.”
“Sure,honey,shouldbeinthecabinet;Ihaven’tpackedityet. Izzy,whydon’tyoustayintheguestroomtonight?I’m sureTheowilllendyouoneofhisshirtstosleepin.”
“Onlyifthat’sok?”Izzyaskspolitely “Ireallydon’twanttofacethemtonight” “Ofcourse,darlinggirl. Whydon’tyougoupandputTheo’sTVonandhe’llbringthemovieupinaminute.”
IzzynodsandheadstowardsthestairsallthewhileIlookoveratMom,bracingmyselfforwhateveritisshewantsto saytomeinprivate.
“Spititout,Mother,”Isigh,foldingmyarmsacrossmychest.
“Justremember she’sfifteen,Theo,”shesays,now eyeingmewithaseriousexpression,“andwe’releavingsoon I don’twantyouorhertoendupwithabrokenheart.”
Icouldtryandarguewithher,tellherIdon’tfeelthatwayaboutIzzy,butshealwaysknowswhenI’mlying,sowhat’s thepoint?Instead,InodandkissheronthecheekbeforefollowingafterIzzy. Iknownothingcanhappenbetweenherandme, butIcanthinkofnothingbetterthanspendingthenightjustchillingwithmybestfriend.
Izzy
“Ithinkit’stimeforyouguystohitthehay,”AuntFrankiecallsthroughthedoor,presumablyonherwaytobed. Ilovehow cool sheis;she’sthemostlaidbackmotherIknow,whichiswhyher emotional speechweirdedmeouta little.Aseveryonehasseen,I’mhardlylivingwiththemostintimateoffamilies.Anyformofaffectionorhintofacompliment hasmefeelingextremelyuncomfortable.Sadly,hertryingtobeniceonlyhadmewantingtoboltforthedoor.
“Dad’s alreadysnoringand I’mturninginnow,” she says, lookingpointedlyatTheo, to whichhe blushes. “See you guysinthemorning.”
“So,canIborrowashirt? Preferablyclean,”Itease.
“Damn,you’refussy,”heretorts,smirkingashegetsuptograbonefromhischestofdrawers. It’sablackV-neckthat lookshugeenoughtocovermenicely “Imayalsohaveasparetoothbrushifyou’relucky”
Hesauntersintohisbathroomtolookfor thetoothbrushwhileIchange. Thehemreachesmymid-thigh,whereasthe restjustlooksbaggy
“Suitsyou,”hesays,makingmejump,towhichhelaughs.“You’realwaysonedge,Iz.”
Ipurposefullybumppasthimonmywaytothebathroom,makinghimchuckleovermyplayfulness OramIflirting? I have no idea; I’ve never done this sort of thingwitha guybefore. I brushmyteethand see himwatchingme throughthe mirror Hescansmeupanddownuntiloureyesmeetforafewbriefheatedmoments,andthenheoffersmeasmile Asmile thattellsevenme,he’sflirting. Ispit,thenwipemyfacewithatowel,notsurehowtoproceed. I’mfifteen;he’sseventeen, almostaman He’shadsexwithtwopeople,andI’veonlyjusthadmyfirstkiss Though,morethananyofthatisthefactthat he’sleaving.Myheartisalreadygoingtobreak,thiswillonlymakeithurtallthemore.
“Whatareyouthinking,Twiglet?”heasks,obviouslysensingmyanxiety.“Areyouscaredofme?”
“No,don’tbestupid,Theo,”Ilie.
“Idon’teverwantyoutobeworriedaboutme,Izzy,I’myourbestfriend,”hesays,clutchingholdofbothmyhands His skinis warmand causes the sensationofelectricityto buzzthroughme. I’membarrassed to say, Ialso feel a throb of desirebetweenmylegsandI’mnotsurehowtoreact
“Theo?”Iask,andhelooksatmeintensely,asifwaitingwithbatedbreathoverwhatI’mabouttosay.“AmIreallyfat andugly?”
Hedoesn’tanswerme,justkeepslookingatmewithconfusionandwiththesameintensity. Afteramomentortwo,he pullsmegentlyintohimandplaceshislipsovermine. Hemoldshisbodyagainstme,andourcurvesfitperfectlytogetherlike ajigsawpuzzle. Hepicksupmyhandsandwrapsthemaroundhisneckbeforepushinghistonguebetweenmylips,thenlays his hands gentlyonmylower back. We massage our tongues gentlytogether and whenImoan, Ifeel his hardness pressing againstmystomachagain Thistime,I’mnotshocked,butIstillgiggle,whichonlycauseshimtolaughwithme
“Sorry,that’sjustweird. Can’tyoucontrolit?”Iask,stillwithmyhandsaroundhisneck.
“Unfortunately,notall thetime,especiallywhenI’maroundyou,”hewhispers “So,toanswer your earlier question, no,Idon’tthinkyou’refatandugly. Ithinkyouarethemostfunny,beautiful,sexygirlIhaveevermet.”
“Ihavetosay,Ihaveneverbeenmorethankfultobeagirlrightnow,”Iwhisper,bitingmyliptostiflemysmile
“IsthatallyouhavetosayafterIbasicallyconfessedhowmuchI’mattractedtoyou?”
Heshakeshisheadlaughing,soIleanagainsthischesttohidemyembarrassment However,afterbutashortmoment, heuseshisindexfingertoliftmychinsohecankissmeagain.
