Author’s Note
Beforeyoubegin,thankyoufortakingachanceonZachandFarrow.Weliketojokethatthesetwoarejustlikeusboth a clashofculturesthatsomehowwork
Neitherofushaseverwrittenabooklikethis.It’saprivilegetoevenhavetheopportunitytodoso.
I(Parker)neverthoughtI’dbeabletosharemyculturewiththeworld,especiallythroughalovestory.I’mpart-VietandpartChinese,raisedinbothOrangeCountyandtheDMVbymyzany,amazing,tight-knitfamily
Alotofwhat’sinMy Dark Desire isbasedonmypersonalexperiences.They’rewild,almostunbelievable,andaddictive.I can’twaittopassalongtinydosesofmylifetoyou.
AndLeigh,you’reasaintforagreeingtowritethisbookwithmeandlisteningtomedroneonaboutmychildhood.
Speakingof…I(Leigh)enjoyedeverysecondofwritingthisbookwithmybestfriend.It’sdecadent,fullofdeliciousbanter, andareflectionofmyfriendshipwithParker (Onepercentofourconversationsareaboutwork Theotherninety-ninepercent issplitbetweenfoodandfamily.)
Parkerismyworkwife,andconsideringthedivorcerateamongAsianAmericansis12.4%,chancesarewe’reinitforlife.
SomuchofwhatweloveaboutZachandFaecomesfromtheday-to-dayconvosweshare We’llwrapthisup,soyoucandive intothestory.Enjoy!
xoxo, ParkerandLeigh
(P.S.Y’all,theauntisreal.Soisthestolencarincident.Icouldn’tbelieveit,thenParkershowedmethereceipts.INEED CELESTEINMYLIFE –Leigh)
Myfatheralwayssaidthatpeoplearepaperandmemoriesareink.
LittledidIknow,mybookwouldbedippedintar,thenrippedtoshreds Igrewupwithagenerousfather.
Money Identity Love Anicesetofmorals andanevennicersetofteeth Hegavemethemall Butthemostpreciousthingheevergaveme? His life
AgeTwelve.
Likeallcalamities,theworstdayofmylifestartedinnocentlyenough.
DadandIrodeinthebackseatofhisFlyingSpurBentley,ourdriverveeringinandoutoflanesinadesperatebidto beattheheavytraffic.Anever-endingchainofhonksfilledmyears.
Theskypouredaboveus,astormthathadfollowedusfromtheauctionhouse Theradioplayed“Bookends”bySimonand Garfunkeltooloudtohearmyownthoughts.
Icould feel Dad’s eyes glued to the backofmyhead as Iblew hotair onto the car window and drew a sword over the frost.
Hesighed.“Youcouldreallyuseahobby.”
“Hobbiesaren’tuseful That’swhythey’rehobbies”Idrewfingerscurledaroundmyswordandblooddrippingfromthe tip.“Besides,Ihavehobbies.”
Fromthefront,ourdriversnorted,flickingontheleftsignal
“Youhavetalents,”Dadcorrected.“Justbecauseyou’regoodatthingsdoesn’tmeanyouenjoythem.Andsittingidlyall summerasyouwaitforyourbestfriend’sreturndoesnotconstituteahobby” StupidRomeoCosta.
Hejustuppedandleftoneday.Didn’tevensaygoodbye.FirsttoItalyinelementaryschool.Andnowsomeboringsummer camphisdadforcedhiminto
HecamebackfromEuropeatotalbummer.Ihalf-expectedhimtoreturnthistimewithachunkofhisbraincarvedout.
IblinkedupatDad “WhydoIneedtoenjoythethingsIdo?”
Asoftsmilecurledhislipsattheedges.
Hewashuge.
OrmaybehejustlookedhugebecauseIhadn’tshotupallthewayyet.Buthefilleduptheentirebackseatwithhisbody. Withhis presence
With his onyx hair and laugh wrinkles on the sides of his eyes. And the wicked scar on his forehead he got while chaperoningCubScouts
Aneaglehadtriedtosnatchme,andhe’dlineman-tackledmeatthelastminute,bumpingagainstasunloungerandsplitting hisforehead
Dad rapped mytemple witha curved knuckle. “Because if youdon’t appreciate the journey, how would youenjoythe destination?”
“Isn’t life’s destination death?” I pinned himwith a glare, so I wouldn’t have to witness my art evaporating fromthe condensationonthewindow.
Helaughed “You’retoosmartforyourowngood”
“That’snotano,”Imurmured,itchingtocovermyearstoavoidthesoundofcarshonkingandpeltingrain.
“Thedestinationisfamily Love Aplaceintheworldtocallyourown”
Iflickedasmalltwigfromthesideofmysneakers.“Youhavelotsofplaces.”
“Yes,butonlyoneofthemismyhome.Andthat’swhereyouandyourmotherare.”
Istudiedhimwithacrunchofmyforehead “Whatdidweeverdotomakeyousohappy?” “Youexist,silly.That’senough.”
Isprawledinmyseat,tap-tap-tappingmyknee,boredtothemax “Ifwemakeyousohappy,whydoyoualwaysbuystuff tofeelgood?”
“Artisnot stuff.”Heputhishandoverminetostopmefromtappingmyknee.“It’saperson’ssoulpouredintomaterial. Soulsarepriceless,Zach.Trytoprotectyoursanywayyoucan.”
Iinchedclosertohim,peeringatthevelvetsatchelbetweenus.“CanIlookatthisone?”
“Notuntilyourbirthday”
“It’smine?”
“Nottocarryaround It’sdangerous”
“Evenbetter.”Irubbedmyhandstogether,turningmyattentiontothehand-carvedcantonboxcradledbetweenhispalms. “Howaboutthisone?”
We’djustpickedupthespoilsofDad’sbiddingwaratanantiqueauction. Well,Daddid.
Isatinthe car, solvinga Rubik’s cube withoutbotheringto actuallylookatitas he trudged throughthe IDverification process.
Arthadneverinterestedme
Dadspentthepasttwelveyearsdrillinghiswisdomintome,hopingsomeofhisobsessionwouldpenetratemyskull. Nosuchluck.
Icoulddebatethemeritsofgongbiversusinkandwashpainting,butIcouldn’tforcemyselftoactuallygiveacrapabouta bunchoflinesonpaper.
SometimesIsecretlywishedIhadadadlikeRomeo’s Helethimhandlegunsandhandgrenades Romevenknewhowto operatea tank.
Now that wasaflex
Dadslidtheheavylidoffandslantedtheboxmyway.“Yourmother’sanniversarypresent.”
Clasped betweensatinwalls sat a round jade pendant chiseled into the shape of a lion. Ared cord looped around the curvededge,leadingtostackedbeads,anoversizedpanchangknot,anddoubletassels
Acooltwomilliondollars,andforwhat?
Momwasn’tevengonnawearthisthing
Adultssometimesmadethedumbestdecisions.Dadcalledthemimpulsesandsaidtheywerehuman.MaybeIwasn’tmuch ofahumanbecausenothingmademetooexcited Ialwaysthoughtthingsthroughandcravednothing
Notevensweets.
Islumpedbackintomyseat.“ItlooksliketheslabofcheesemoldgrowingintheTupperwareinOliver’slocker.”
Myother best friend had the hygiene ofa wild boar Thoughthat wouldn’t reallybe fair to the boar, because the latter didn’thavetheoptiontoshowerdaily.
“Shǎháizi” Silly kid Dadflickedthebackofmyhead,chuckling “Oneday,you’lllearntoappreciatebeautifulthings”
The rainintensified, knockingonthe windows like it was beggingto enter. Red and yellow lights gleamed throughthe distortedglass.
Thehonkinggrewlouder.
Almost there.
“AreyousureMomwilllikeit?”Irubbedmynosewiththesleeveofmyshirt.“ItlooksliketheoneCelesteAyigother yearsago.”
PrettysuremyauntboughtitatanairportsouvenirshoponherwayoutofShanghai “She’llloveit.”Dad’sfingerhoveredoverthependant,movingalongtheedgeswithoutactuallytouchingit.“It’sashameI hadtoflytoXi’aninJanuary BythetimeIheardtheyaddedtheotherpendanttotheDC auction,someonehadalreadybought it.”
“There’s another?” Idrew anoctopus onthe glass this time, onlyhalfpayingattentionas a stormyPotomac crawled by Anotherfewmilesandwe’dturnontoDarkPrinceRoad.“Doesn’tthatlowerthevalue?” “Sometimes.Butinthiscase,thependantswerecraftedasahis-and-hersset.Theybelongedtostar-crossedloversduring theSongDynasty”
Iperkedup.
Finally,wegottothegoodpart “Whathappenedtothem?Weretheybeheaded?”
“Zach ”
“Oh,that’sright.”Isnapped,thenslicedmyfinger acrossmythroat.“Theydiddeathbyathousandcutsbackthen.Their armsmusthavebeenripped. ”
Dadmassagedhistemples,staringatmewithaslightsmile “Areyoudone?”
“No.Whentheycutpeople’snosesoffwithoutanesthetics,doyouthinktheydiedinstantlyorbledout?”
Thetrafficjamloosened,andthecargainedspeed
Finally.
“ZacharySun,it’sawonderthatyou’remychil ”
Ablaringhornsounded,drowninghisvoice.Therain.Theentireworld. Dadcutoff,eyeswide.
Thecarswervedviolentlytotheside,asiftryingtoescapeacollision Dadtossedtheboxawayandlaunchedhimselfat me,wrappinghisarmsaroundmytorso,clutchingmepainfully.
Hepinnedmeflatagainstmyseat Ablindingflashofheadlightsblazedacrosshisface TheBentleytippedoveronitsside,flippingontoitsroof.Welandedupsidedown. Hewasstillontopofme.
Stillshieldingme.
Ithappenedfast.
Loud,piercingringing
Then,pain.
Complete,utterpain
Everywhereandnowhereallatonce. Iwasbothnumbandinagony.
Iblinkedfastasifitcouldhelpmeseeorevenhear “You’reokay,Zachary.You’refine.”Hislipsshapedthewords,hisfacelessthananinchfrommine. Hiswholebodyshook
Hiseyesswungdownbetweenus,andheclosedthem,takingaraggedbreath.“Wocao.” Myeyesflared Hecursed.
Dad never cursed.
Somethingstickyanddarkdroppedontomyrightleg,comingfromDad Ishookitoff
Blood. Itwasblood Dad’sblood.
AndthenIsawit
Alandscaperakepiercedthroughhisgut.Spearinghimintothedoor.
Thejaggededgepokedmystomach,grazingit.Isuckedmybellyin,strugglingtobreatheatthesametime. I blinked fast, hopingthis nightmare would washaway Dad came into focus, his entire face bloodied, shards of glass stickingtohisskinlikehedgehogspikes.
Bloodeverywhere Slidingdownhistemplefromtheforeheadscartohischin Hisblood warm,metallic,stinky, sticky soakedintomyclothes,myskin,myhair. Iwantedhimoff.
Iwantedtoscream.
Hislipsmovedagain,butthistime,Icouldn’tmakeanythingoutpasttheringinginmyears.
I can’t hear you,Imouthed. Say it again. Itriedtomove,totouchhisforehead,stopthebleeding,buthewastooheavy,andIhadtokeepsuckingmystomachinto makesuretherakedidn’tcutmeopen
The red pouch.
Ireachedforit,stretchingmyhandasfarasitwouldgo Therakeslicedatinyholeintomyskin,butImanagedtograbthe satchel,dumpingitupsidedown.
Aknife
Iwrappedmyhandarounditshandleandtriedtocutoffmyseatbelt.Ittoreattheside,makingnodifference. Istillcouldn’tmove.
Henry,Itriedtoscreamourdriver’sname Noresponse.
Iglancedovermyrightshoulder,findingHenry’sforeheadpressedagainstadeflatedairbag,creatingaconstantpiercing ringwiththehorn.
Iknewhewasdead,evenwithoutseeinganyblood Helookedlikealifelesspuppet,hispupilsblackandflat Dad’slipsmovedagain.Hiseyesbeggedmetolisten.Iwantedto,Ireallydid,butallIcouldhearwasthehorn. Atearfellfromdad’scheektomine.
Ahissslippedoutofmythroat,likethedropburnedmewhereitlanded Dad never cried.
His lips moved slower, his body still covering mine Protecting me from whatever was happening or had already happened.
Acageofbentsteelboxedusin.Icouldn’tmoveoutfromunderhimifItried. Imanagedtoformafist,clutchingontohisshirtbeforehecollapsedonme.Myhandstremoredwithhisweight,theother stillwrappedaroundtheknifehandle.
Dad’s eyes remained open, but I knew he wasn’t alive anymore His soul had already drifted away And I finally understoodwhathemeantwhenhe’dsaidsoulswerepriceless. Mysensesreturnedonebyone,tricklinglikerain First,myhearing.
“Isthereanyoneelseinthere?” “Achild.”
“Alive?”
“Damn Idoubtit Thattruckwentstraightintothematfullspeed Theystoodnochance” Then,myskinreceptors.
Dadwascold Socold.
Too cold.
Iknewwhatitmeant
Apieceofhisfleshmeltedfromhisface,droppingontomychest.Ifitwashot,Icouldn’tfeelit. Itrembledallover,screwingmyeyesshut,fightingdownthebilerisingupmythroat,mystomachstillclenchedtight Get off me.
I don’t want to feel your death I don’t want to feel, period. Finally,myabilitytotalk.
“Alive,”Icroakedout,hearingpeoplegroaning,grunting,shouting,tryingtoflipthecarupright “I’malive” ButIdidn’tfeellikeIwas.
“Youhanginthere,buddy,”avoicecalledout “We’recomingtogetyou It’sjustgonnatakesometime,okay?” “Okay.”
Not okay
Nothingwasokay.
Isqueezedmymouthshut,listeningtothemtalk. “Wait Isn’tthis ?”
“Yeah.BoSun. The BoSun.”Silence.“JesusfuckingChrist.” “Ishe ?”
“They’regoingtohavetocuthimoffbeforetheycangettothekid.He’sspearedontotherakethroughthemeltedmetal.” “Goddammit.Poorkid.”
“Iheard her hair stylist has less Instagram followers than she does.” Tabby snapped her gum from the backseat of the MercedesGLE “Andshehas,like,fourthousand?Imean,justletthebutcheratBalducci’sdoyourhairandbedonewith it.”
“She’sflauntingthosebangslikeit’s1999 Noonehasthegutstotellhertheylookawfuloncurlyhair”Reggiesnickered “Andherbalayageisdownrightorange.”
TabithaandReginaBallantine,ladiesandgentlemen Mystepsisters.
Betweenthem,theyproducedenoughvenomtokillawell-populatedisland.
MystepmotherVeratuttedfromherspotbehindthesteeringwheel
“Now,now,girls.That’snotverycharitable.”Thewordsdidn’tmatchherviciousgiggles.“Sylviaisanicegirl.Alittle plain,butthat’snotherfault Haveyouseenhermother?”
Tabbyscoffed.“Unfortunately.”
IbitmylipashardasIcould,stiflingtheurgetopointoutthatSylviaHallhadjustpassedthebaraftergraduatingmagna cumlaudefromGeorgetown.Herheadhadmoretooffertheworldthananoverpricedhaircut.
ButIwasn’tinapositiontosayanything.
One,becausetheBallantinewomenhatedmyguts,andeverythingIsaidwouldbeusedagainstme
Andtwo,becauseIwasquiteliterallynotinapositiontospeak nestledinthetrunk,balledintoafetalposition,breathing asshallowlyaspossibletokeepmypresenceunknown
TheSUVrolledpastPotomac’smanicuredlawns.Outside,theairhadthickenedwithbloomingflowers.AllIsmelledwas Tabby’sridingboots.Amixtureofmanure,hay,andwhateverstableboyshe’dwrappedherlegsaroundthisweek.
“Are we almostthere?” Reggie smacked her lips, snappingsomethingshut. “I’mlow-keyexcited, youknow? I’ve never beentoZachSun’shouse.”
“Takeapicture,becausethis’llbeyourfirstandlasttime”Tabbysnorted “Idon’tevenknow whyyou’remakingusgo, Mom.EveryoneknowsConstanceSunwouldcarveoutakidneyifitmeanthersonwillmarrywhomevershechooses.”
“ZacharySunhasamindofhisown Ifhedecideshewantsoneofyouladiesforabride,noonewillstophim” Ifnothingelse,IadmiredVeraBallantine’seternaloptimism.TabbyandReggiewereaboutasdesirableaschronicwasting disease.AlethalcombinationofhighmaintenanceandlowIQ.
“Besides…” Vera switched the station to classical, even though she didn’t know Yo-Yo Ma from Yo Gabba Gabba. “There’llbeotherrich,influentialmenthere,readytobebagged.There’sthatduke…Oliversomething?”
“VonBismarck”Tabbygagged “Themanisacertifiedskirtchaser He’llprobablygivemeanSTDifhebreathesinmy direction.”
Reggiesnorted “It’scutehowyoupretendyou’renotinterested” “PullingoutmyUnoreversecard,sissy.”
“Foryourinformation,heonceinvitedmetohismansionontheAmalfiCoast.”
“Onlyyouandeveryotherwomanwithapulse”Tabbycluckedhertongue “Wow IfIwereyou,I’dstartdesigningthose weddinginvitationsrightaway.”
Itightenedmyarmsaroundmyknees,mentallysiftingthroughmonthsofresearch Myplanwasbulletproof.
Go in Take back what’s mine Slip out unnoticed, cloaked by the night and a designer gown I’d commandeered from Reggie.
Itwasn’tmyfirsthustle,anditwouldn’tbemylast.
I’d beena survivor since birth Fromthe momentmyno-show eggdonor placed me ina Costco cardboard boxoutside Dad’sdoorwiththenote:
All yours.
Should’ve answered mycalls, asshole.
An abortion doesn’t cost as much as a kid.
Bythattime,DadhadalreadymarriedVeraafterawhirlwindromance.AccordingtoTabby,VeraurgedDadto“getridof thething”
How can you even know she’s truly yours? shehuffedthroughoutmychildhood,knowingfullwellIheardher. ButIdidn’tneedaDNAtest
MotherNaturevouchedforme.
IsharedDad’sarctic-blueeyes Thegoldenhairthatcurledinthickwaves,framingourfacesandears Thesamedelicate bonestructure,long-limbedbody,andeventhesamebeautyspotjustunderourrighteyes. Verasighed.“It’sashameRomeoCostaisoffthemarket.”
“Asifweeverhadachance”
Reggieyawned.“Asifwe wanted achance.Iheardhe’sasociopath.” “Really?”Tabby’shairswungovertheheadrest “IheardhedonatedanewmaternitywardtoJohnsHopkinsassoonashis wifegotpregnant.”
“Probablybecause they’ll need to bulldoze the entrance to wheel her inondeliveryday. Myfacial girl told me Dallas Costaateherwaythroughhalfthebottomlayerofathree-tieredcakeattheWhiteHousedinneryesterday,andtheentirething collapsedonsomeoilbaron.”
Things1and2disintegratedintoafitofgiggles
“Doesanyoneelsesmellbleach?”Reggiesniffed.“Iswear,thescentofFarrowclingstomynostrilsthesedays.Youhave tokickherout,Mom Shestinksupthewholeplace”
“AndwherewouldIputher,exactly?”VeracrankedtheA/Cuptomax.“Weneedtherentmoneyforalltheshitholesyour fatherleftbehind.Peoplearealreadystartingtotalk.WhenIsignedtheleaseonthiscar,Ididn’tevenoptfortheAMG.”She paused.“Isupposewecouldstuffherinthepoolhouse…”
“Not the pool house.” Tabby jerked forward, by the way the entire vehicle bounced. “I’mconverting it into a second closet”
Icouldn’tbelieveIintendedtoplowthroughhundredsofpeopleasself-obsessedandsuperficialasmystepsistersforthe nexthour
ButIhadnochoice.
ZacharySunpossessedsomethingofmine.
Thejadependantshould’veneverendedupinsidethesprawlingSunchâteau Naturally,thishadthetelltalefingerprintsof Vera’sgreedalloverit.
WhenDad passed, she’d auctioned off his belongings, bidingher time until the insurance moneykicked in Apparently, ZachSunbidthreetimeshigherthantheclosestoffer.
NowthisspoiledbillionairepossessedtheonlymemoryIhadleftofDad
Not for long.
Veraflickedontheturnsignal,jouncingthevehicleoveragravelpath.“Hereweare.Goodnessgracious,lookattheline.” Finally
Sheshushedanargumentbetweenmystepsisters,tskingaswewaited.“Christalive,lookatthesecurityatthegate.Abit muchifyouaskme”
Iscooteddeeperintothebackseatsandswathedmyselfinblackfabric.ThehandmadematerialI’dsewnblendedsowell withtherestoftheemptytrunk,Iknewtheywouldn’trummagearound “Open.”Asecurityguardrappedthetrunkwindow.
Itpoppedout,creepingupatanexcruciatingpace.Theflashlight’sintenserayimpaledthefabricthatcocoonedmebefore thedoorslammedshut “Allclear. Next.”
Verathrewthevehicleintoparkwithascreech Mystep-monstersevacuatedthecar,swappingplaceswithavalet JustasI’dpredicted,heparkeditonadrivewayfurthestfromthetwo-acreproperty’sentranceonDarkPrinceRoad.He joinedagolfcartpackedwithothervalets,hitchingaridebacktothemainroad.
Assoonastheheadlightsfaded,Icrawledfromthetrunktothedriver’sseatandcrackedthedooropen.
TheSunterrariumglareddownatme,litupfromendtoendwithblindingfloodlights,daringmetotrespass.Evenafew hundredfeetaway,itcastamenacingshadowacrossthetrimmedlawn
Itiptoedonabollard-litpathtothemainhouse,crouchingbetweenrowsofluxuryvehicleswhenavaletcruisedbyina LotusEvija
Reggie would kill me once she saw the state ofher dress. Cool sweatmade the satinclingto myflesh. I’d tornthe slit severalincheshigherwhilesquattinginthetrunk.
AnotherthingI’ddiscoveredduringmyresearch:thispartymarkedtheofficialinaugurationofZacharySun’sbridehunt.
Quiteliterally.
Ihadnodoubtthe prospective brides inattendance intendedtogo Hunger Games oneachother’s asses until one victor remainedstanding
Ifthe DMVrumor mill was to be believed, ZacharySun to appease his fed up, desperate-for-grandchildrenmother wouldbegrudginglyselectasinglecandidatetodatebymidnight
Theywerealllovelyindifferentways.Tallandshort.Curvyandslim.Withtheirsilkygownsandsilkiermanners.
DaughtersofSingaporeanbillionairesandformerSalvadoranoligarchs OfKoreanchaebolsandHollywoodproducers Buttheyallsharedonethingincommon…
TheywantedtobethenextMrs.Sun.
Iduckedmyhead,hopingtoblendwiththecrowdasIshoulderedpastballgownsandtuxes
Iexcelled at beinginvisible, a skill I’d honed bypreschool. Mainlyto save myselfthe abuse Vera and Things 1 and 2 hurledatmewhenevertheyhadabadday
The château towered over me in commanding splendor stretches of pale French limestone, imperial columns, and polishedgardensthatrivaledVersailles
Iswallowedthelumpclawingmythroatandflowedinside,carriedbythevolumeofeagerbodies.Curvedgrandstaircases flankedthefoyer.
Myeyescrawleduptheoneleadingtomytarget
ZacharySun’soffice.
Suitedguardsblockedthebottom,handsclaspedattheirfronts,Bluetoothstuckedintheirears
Inthecorner,mystepfamilylaughedtooloudlyatsomethingmenindesignersuitssaid.
Veraclutchedanhorsd’oeuvretoherchest,attemptingafrownpastabarricadeofBotox.She’dagedlikemilkinasauna andflauntedasourpersonalitytomatchit.
Ineededtoavoidbeingseen,butIwasn’toverlyworried.
Nooneelsehereknewme
Dadhadbeentoomortaltobrushshoulderswiththiscrowd.Asforme,Ialwaysavoidedanyeventthatinvolvedsucking uptoPotomac’sdeepestpockets
Marryingseemedlikeatotalwasteoftime.Youshouldonlyeverhaveoneloveofyourlife.Yourself.And,perhaps,adog. Iwaiteduntilastaffmemberrushedupthestepstoshadowhim.Thesymphonyofvoicesbelowchasedusupstairs.
I moved mylips without sound, feigninga conversationto thwart the guards’suspicion. Once we rounded the corner, I redirectedtothelibrarythathousedtheoffice.
I’dmemorizedthemansion’sfloorplanbyheart
Thank you, Zillow.
WhenZachhad purchased the manor fromthe Swiss royals who had occupied itbefore, he’d barelymade anychanges, otherthanconvertingthesubterraneangarageintoahigh-techartgallery.
Initially,IthoughtI’dhavetosomehowbreakinto that. Alas,I’dstumbleduponlastmonth’s Wired cover AfeatureonZach’slatesthostiletakeover Thereitwas.
Immortalizedonthemagazine’sshinydouble-spread,almostunnoticeableunderthepowerofhissoullessglare Thependant.
Perchedonashelf
Securedbyglass.
Lo siento, sucker You’re about to be one piece of art short Isauntereddownthehall,passingpaintingsthatprobablycostmorethantheentireBallantineestate
Especiallynow,withVeraandherdaughterssinkingDad’scompanytodepthseventheTitanichadn’treached. I had no idea what he was thinking, splittingthe ownership of the cleaningcompanyfour ways Three of us had never workedadayintheirlives.
Thelibrarydoorloomedbeforeme Iwhite-knuckledthehandle,expectingitnottobudge I’dspenttwomonthslearningto pickendlesslockswiththekittuckedintomybra.
Butthedoorslidopeneffortlesslywithoutasound.
Aburstofcrispairlappedmyskin,raisinggoosebumpsacrossmyflesh Iedgedinside,closedthedoor,andplasteredmy backagainstthewood,allowingmyselfonequickmomenttoregulatemyheartbeat.
Thiswouldn’tbethefirsttimeIdidsomethingthatcouldlandmeinjail Butitmarkedmyfirsttimestealingfromoneof themostpowerfulmenintheworld.
Ididn’ttakethetimetoappreciateZachSun’soffice,eventhoughI’dneversteppedfootanywherethisextravagantbefore. Notwiththe pendantbeaconingme like a lighthouse. Inthe same glass boxfromthe Wired spread, rightbeside anidentical copy.
Ahis-and-hersset.
Well, this seems fitting One of them is his, the other is mine
Therewouldbenoconfusion
Dad’s pendantbore one imperfectionthatmade ituniquelyours. As a kid, I’d giventhe tassels a “haircut.” The strands dangledaboutaninchshorterthantheyshould
Iwhizzedpastthedesk,ignoringpaperworkasitsomersaultedtotherugwiththegustofwind.
Finally finally myfingertipskissedthethickglass
RightaboveDad’spendant.
“Sorryit tookme so long,” I whispered, tears prickingthe backs of myeyes. “He locked youina goldencage. Don’t worry I’llgetyououtofhere”
SinceDaddied,I’dkepthisfavoritependantinmynightstandtohugclosewheneverIwokeupinthemiddleofthenight, missinghim
BeforeVerasoldit,awaftofhisscentstillclungtotheintricateknots.IbetthescentwassulliedbynowbyZach’sclinical existence
I’m getting this back, Pops. I promise.
Hikingupthetatteredhemofmypale-bluedress,Iunhookedaportableglasscutterfromthewaistbandofmyunderwear
ThebladeclickedasIswungitout,spearingthecorneroftheglass.ViolentthumpshammeredbetweenmyearsasIbegan whittlingacirclearoundthesmalllock
ThenIheardit.
Loudenoughtopiercemyheartbeats.
“Whatdoyouthinkyou’redoing?”
Fuck.
Thechillyvoicedidn’tholdacandletoitsowner.
Iswiveled,pastingonavacantsmileoftheReggievariety Thetypethatscreamed: I have nothing but dust and the latest Chanel collection between my ears.
“Ohmigod,it’syou ZachSun I’vebeenwantingtomeetyouforever”
Iwasnotabovestrokingmen’segosifitmeanttheyleftmealone.Theywerenormallysimplecreatures,easilydistracted bycompliments
Unfortunately,Mr.SunappearedaboutasthawedasIcebergB-15.
“Iaskedyouaquestion.”Hesteppedforward,hiseyesadarkvortex,soemptyIfearedI’dfallintotheirpits.“Nowwould beagoodtimetoanswer”
Itdidn’thelpthathispresencedistractedme.Thathewastall,hisangledjawsodefinedIcouldsharpenknivesonit.His hairandeyesblackerthanthetipofaraven’swing Heworeatuxwithatailcoat,hairpartedonthesideandslickedback.
Hewaspower,elegance,andbeauty.Drippingcharismalikeitwasmoltengold. Andyet,tooclinical.
Toocold.
Likealifeless,desertedplanet I’dseenhimcountlesstimes unbeknownsttohim andIcouldnevergetusedtohismagnificence.
Hisrightbrowpoppedup “Catgotyourtongue?”
More like I’m pussying out after getting caught.
“I got lost tryingto find the art gallery.” I bowed, peeringup at himbehind a curtainof heavylashes. “I’m so sorry. I couldn’thelpmyself.Therumorsprecedeit.”
“The art galleryis inthe garage.” Zachreached for the switch, edgingthe dimmer up to its highest setting. White light pouredfromtheceiling “Andifyouknowitexists,you’realsoawarethatitisstrictlyoff-limits Besides,youdon’tlikeart” Hesaiditwithsuchconfidencethat,foronejarringmoment,mybreathstuckinmythroat.
Likehecouldseerightthroughme
Heclosedthedoorbehindhim,leaningagainstittoblockmyescaperoute,armsfoldedoverhischest.“Let’stryagain whyareyouhere?”
Withapartingglance,Idraggedmyselfawayfromthejadependantandsaunteredacrosstheroom,eatingupthedistance betweenuswithswayedhips.
Inlieuofasword,sexwasagreatweapon “Idon’tlikeparties.”
Or you
Or the fact that you waltzed into my life and snatched what’s mine so easily, as if I’m nothing of consequence. Iburiedthewordsbesidemyprideanddoveinforthekill,adjustingthenecklineofmygown.Hiseyesdidn’tevenbudge. Ouch OntoPlanB.
Ifannedmyface,tossingmyhairoveroneshoulder “Ineededtocatchmybreath,andmylegsledmehere” “Well,Irespectfullyaskthattheyleadyouoffthepremises,unlessyouwishtospendyournightinajailcell.” Thathewasn’taniceguydidn’tsurpriseme,buthewasbeingadownrightprick Thenagain,Ihad comeheretostealfrom him.
Ifloated around the room, ignoringthe wayhis words hunginthe air like a blade. Myknuckles fluttered over business books,paintings,andupholsteredcouches
Zachdiscardedhiswhiskeytumbleronanendtable,hiseyestrackingmyeverymovementlikeahawk.“Areyoudumb?” Dumb?No
Determined?Youbet.
AndIhadafeelingZachwasn’taccustomedtowomenwhodidn’tfawnalloverhiseveryrequest TheGoboardnestledbetweentwotuftedsofascaughtmyeye.Kayawood.Yunzistones.Mulberrybowls. Hemust’vedroppedanentiremortgagepaymentonthisbaby.
Stoneslitteredtheboardasifsomeonehadabandonedalengthygame Ormorelikely runaway
Oninstinct,Ipluckedablackstonefromthebowlandsetitbesideastarpoint.
Fromacrosstheroom,Zach’sbrowssnappedtogether,hiseyesdroppingtotheboard.“It’snotchess.”
His low voice reeked of ridicule But somethingelse had laced into it Apangof panic He didn’t like it whenothers touchedhisthings.
Classiconly-childsyndrome
“Obviously.” Igauged Black’s thickness, fingertips tinglingwiththe urge to snatchanother stone. Alifetime had passed sinceI’dlastplayed “Chessdollsarecuteandpointy Thesecirclethingiesareforcheckers” Hiseyelidtwitched.
Allthatmoney,andhecouldn’taffordasenseofhumor.
Tsk Tsk
Beforeme,thestonesbroadcastedallIneededtoknowabouttheplayers.
Black cautious,generous,andgentle
White ruthless,aggressive,anddecisive.
Zach is White,Idecided
Iarchedabrow,buryingmycuriosityaboutBlack’sidentity.“IassumeditwasBlack’sturn.” “Andwhywouldyouassumethat?”
Because I can count Ioptedforsomethingslightlymoreoffensive.
“BecauseWhitewasdumbenoughtorespondtoBlack’skothreat,soIimagineafterdestroyinghisowngroup,hebegged Blackforatimeoutinordertolickhiswoundsandregroup.”Ishookmyhead.“Didn’thavetheballstoresign,didhe?” Silence.
Iflickedanerrantbladeofgrassfrommydress,decidingIlikedZacharySunbestwithhismouthshut.
Hisexpressionremainedanimpenetrablefortress,blankandunreadable.Hedidn’tlookatme.Instead,hisentireattention clungtotheboard
TherewassomethingsodetachedaboutthismanthatIseriouslydoubtedhewascapableoffunctioninghumanly. Itmadehimunpredictable
And that madehimaverydangerousopponent.
“Yikes.”Irolledmylowerlipintoapout,tiltingmyheadsideways.“You’reWhite,aren’tyou?Don’tworry.Yoursecret’s safewithme.”
Theslightflareofhisnostrilswastheonlytelltalehewasbreathing.“Ididn’tavoidresigning.”
I eyed the door, wondering whether he’d notice if I wormed my way out “Glad to hear it That would be terrible sportsmanship.”
TheFrenchwindowstemptedme
NotlikeIneededmyanklesintactthesedays.
“No.” Zach stalked toward me, one deliberate step at a time. His scent, of citrus and dark woods, burned through my nostrils,warningmethatdangerlurkednearby “Ididnotbackout,”heinsisted,soclosetomenowthatourshouldersalmost touched.
Webothgloweredattheboard
Hegesturedtothehighpoint.“Look.”
Idid Athishands.
Handsthathadneverseenadayofhardlabor.Perfect,clean,andcutcuticles.Longtanfingers.Smooth,evenskin.Thick wristwithaDeBethunestrappedtoit Soperfect.
Soglamorous
So soulless.
“Ismellabet,”Ichallenged,realizingthisso-calledgeniushadn’tcaughtontomyintentions Holyhell.
Iwasactuallygoingtogetawaywithtryingtostealfromhim.
Myfeelingsricochetedbetweenreliefanddisappointmentfornotcapturingthependant
Yet.
“All Ismell is bullshit”Heclaimedtheseatacross fromBlack,droppinghis elbows tohis knees andlacinghis fingers togetherwithafrown.“Sit.”
Sit.Go.
Itwasn’tlostonmethateverycommandhe’dgivenmecouldbemistakenforadog’s. “Why?”
“BecauseI’mabouttowipethefloorwithyou.Yourjourneywillbeshorterfromthesettee.” Istudiedhim,half-scandalized,half-frightened.“Youreallythinkyou’resmarterthantherestoftheworld,don’tyou?”
“Thetheoryisbackedbyfacts”Hemeantit
Poorwhomever-he-decided-to-marry.Ihopedforhersakehisdickwasasbigashisego.
“Ithink ”
“Youbelieve,”heamended.“Mostpeoplelackthecapacitytotrulyconjurereal,originalthoughts.Evendissertationsare recycledtheoriesofgreaterminds Icouldn’tcarelesswhatyoubelieve Nowsitdown,orIcallsecurity” Iblinked.“Areyouforcingmeto play withyou?” “Yes.”
“Letmeguess youweren’tthemostpopularkidintheplayground”
“Never beentoa playground.” He pushedhis sleeves up,liftingthe mulberrylidcoveringthe white stones.“Thoughmy parentsdidrentoutDisneylandfor aweekendfor myfifthbirthday Flew myentiregradethere Didn’thear anycomplaints Sit. ”
Ididsoobediently,figuringthegamewouldbeawelcomedistractionwhileIcalculatedmynextmove “Ah,richpeople They’rejustlikeus.”
Hedidn’tevenaskwhoIwas.
Formyname
Thesheerintrigueandoutrageoftheprospectofbeingoutsmartedatadatedmindgamemadehimthrowallcautiontothe wind
ZacharySunwasn’tusedtolosing.
What a terrible existence. Ifyoucouldn’tmournyourlosses,howcouldyoucelebrateyourwins?
Ieyedhisrelaxedshoulders.“Don’tyouhaveapartytogobackto?”Hehadn’tonceglancedatthedoor. Zachignoredme,collectingastonebetweenhisindexnail andmiddlefingertip Withoutpausingtothink,heblockedmy attack.
Ithappenedinlessthanasecond Allwithflawlessstoneetiquette He reclined againstthe plushupholstery, proppingone legover the other, finallygiftingme a sliver ofhis attention. His slacksrodeupuntilthehemrevealedhissock black.
Justlikehisheart.
“Where’dyoulearntoplayGo?”
IknewanaccusationwhenIheardone Usedtoit,unfortunately “Korea.”Ididn’toffermore,leaningforwardtoassessmynextmove. Outside,music,laughter,andchampagneglassesclinkingtogetherseepedpastthedoor Myhecticthoughtsdrownedthem out.
Ineededtoescape.
I’dcomeforthependantanotherday Anothertime
Hisleftbrowarchedamillimeter.IwassurehewantedtoaskwhatawhiteAmericangirlwasdoinginKorea,butheheld himselfback
Ihada feelinghe pridedhimselfinnotcaringaboutothers.Or perhaps he simplydidn’tcare,andpride was his default setting
Istoleaquickglancehisway,checkingtoseeifhisfacestillmademypulseaccelerate. Itdid.
“Ifitmakesyoufeelanybetter,IparticipatedinsomeGocompetitionswhenIwasthere”
Hislipcurvedupinasnarl.“Whywoulditmakemefeelbetter?”
“WhenIannihilateyou”
“Nowwho’sbeingcocksure?”
“Please,Zach There’sonlyonedickinthisroom,andIthinkwebothknowthatit’syou” Yup.Thatjustleftmymouth. Verawasright.
MaybeIwasimpossibletocivilize
Zachmovedanotherstone.He’dcorneredme,bothliterallyandfiguratively.Hewasafantasticplayer.Calm,pragmatic, steadfast
Itdidn’tsurpriseme.Justannoyedme.I’dgrownusedtohavinganedgeanalytically.Dadalwayswarnedthatthepriceof stupidityisalwayspaid.
MaybethatwashowZacharySunhadbuilthiswealthfromForbes-worthyinheritancetothenominalGDPofLuxembourg. Hepossessednoweaknesstoexploit.Hadnostupiditytopayfor.
