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Roughand Tumble Rugged Mountain Goliaths KhloeSummers Allrightsreserved
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ChapterOne EighteenYearsAgo
Emptinessechoesthroughmelikewaterinahollowtincan.Itshouldn’t.Ihaveafiancéwholovesmeandabeautiful babygirl She’ssixmonthsoldtodayandI’veneverbeenhappier There’sabeautyinthehousethathasn’tbeentherebefore Apurpose.Amissinglinkthatwedidn’tknowweneeded,butmaybeit’sjustme.
Myfiancé,Steve,staysfocusedonwork Earlymornings,latenights It’sthelifeofascientist Who’d have guessed it? HisworkethicispartofthereasonIfellinlovewithhim.HehasapassionforknowledgelikenootherpersononEarthand watchinghimthinkthroughaproblemislikewatchinganartistpaint.It’smesmerizing.
“She’sgrowingupfast.I’mgoingtomissyouguysaroundhere.”Sergei,agiantofamanI’verunintoaroundtown, standsinthedoorwayofthetradingpost.Histoneisdeepandrugged.Hewearsabaseballcapbackward,sportsashortsalt andpepperbeard,andhe’scoveredinink WhenwegottoAlaskathreemonthsago,Iwasalonewithababy Sergeiwasthe firsttomakemefeellikeIhadaplacehere.
“Yeah,we’llmissseeingyou,too Toobadwedidn’tgettomeetyourboys Anyideawhenthey’llbehome?”
Sergeileansagainsttheinsideframeofthedoor.He’sbroadandthick,toweringupabovethetoprimoftheframe.“Ah, not‘tilnextmonth,probably.WishIcould’vegonewith‘em,butIhaveenoughworktodohere,andthatjobdownin Washingtononlycalledforafewmen.Youmustbeexcitedtogetbacktoyourlife,though.”
Idraginadeepbreathandnod.“Yeah,Imean…it’llbegood.”
“Youdon’tsoundconvinced”
“It’s…”Isigh.“Iam.Ilovehome,butIdon’tknow…sorry.I’mnotthinkingstraightthismorning.”
Heglancesdownattheground,thenbackuptowardme “Soundslikeyouneedtotalk” “Talkaboutwhat?”Steve’shandsgripmefrombehind.“WhatamImissing?”
Sergeistaresatme,hiseyesonminewithanunspokenempathyIcan’tdefine.It’sbeenlikethissincewemet.Ican’tput myfingeronwhatitis,butwhenhelooksatme,Ifeelseen.LikehehasthekeythatopenseverydoorI’deverlocked.There’s warmthinthat.Acomfort.
Maybe there shouldn’t be IturnbacktowardSteveandsmile.“Wewerejusttalkingaboutheadinghome.”
“Can’twait I’mreadytopayfivedollarslessforeverythingagain Idon’tknowhowyoufolksdoit Tenbucksfora gallonofmilkisjusttoomuch.”HelaughsandscoopsEverleighupinhisarms.“Plus,I’vegottogetthisonebacktothe gym.”Hepokesatmystomachandlaughs.
MyfaceheatswithembarrassmentandIlowermyhead “Whatareyoudoing?”
Hepokesmeagainthenholdsuponehandinaneartoeargrin.“Joking,babe.It’sajoke.”
Sergeistandstaller,crosseshisarmsoverhischest,andgroans HisstareliesheavyonSteve Sergei’snotthekindof guytoengage.Iwatchedhimhaveanargumentwiththepostalclerklastweekandthewholethingwasdonewithaseriesof sighs,groans,anddirecteyecontact I’mguessingshesolvedhisproblembecauseheofferedherahalfsmilebeforehewalked away.
There’spowerinthat.Amanwhodoesn’tneedtoarguehispointbecausehefiguresyoushouldknowtheanswer.
Steveisn’tlikethat Stevewilldebatehisstanceonanythinggiventheopportunity Right or wrong “Oh,comeon…”Stevesmileswiderbeforepullingmeintohisorbitandkissingmycheek.“Itwasajoke,seriously. Sorrytooffend SheknowsIloveher I’moverlyexcitedtohavefinishedthisproject I’mtalkinglikeacrazyman”
NeitherSergeinorIrespond,butSergei’sgazeisbackonminewithempathyagain.
Why does he keep doing that? Why do I feel so anchored by his presence? How can a man look at me and in three seconds make me feel safer than I’ve felt in years?
Idon’tdoubtthatSteveisexcited.Forthelastthreemonths,he’sbeenstudyingtheeffectthatpollutionishavingonthe soiluphere Apparently,particlematterandozonepollutionposethreatstoplantsandcanevenstuntthegrowthofwildlife Thegroupofscientistsheworkswithhavebeeneagertofindasolutionandthey’vecomeupwithatop-secretplanthat’llcurb theeffectsofsaidpollution Thatsaid,excitementdoesn’treallyexcuseshittycomments
Finally,IglanceawayfromSergei,attemptingtoshakeofftheheatthat’semanatingtowardme.ButbeforeIgathermy senses,myeyesarebackonhislikeafiend.
“I’llletyoutwosayyourgoodbyes.”Steve’svoiceisunderwaterinthebackground.IknowhehasEverleigh,andIfeel thewarmthofhisbodymoveawayfrommine,butI’mnotsureI’mintheroomanymore.Imean,I’mhere.I’minthequietlittle tradingpost,butI’mnotreallyhere I’minspace,floatingaround,wonderingwherethegroundis
“Youknowyoucanwrite,”Sergeifinallysays,bringingmebacktoEarth.“Calltoo,butIdon’tgetgreatreceptionup here”
“Forsure.Yeah,I’llwrite.You,ugh…” “Idon’twanttodisrespectyourhusband,but ” “Fiancé”I’mnotsurewhythecorrectionseemsimportant,butitdoes “Fiancé.Right.Idon’twanttodisrespecthim,butheshouldn’ttalktoyoulikethat.Youneedtospeakup.”
Mycheeksheat “Yeah,well,Ihaveputonsomeweight,so it’snotabigdeal”Thisisalie I’mcrushedbySteve’s comment.Ionlyhadababysixmonthsago.Mybodyisstillrepairing.Besidesthat,whywouldhecallmeoutpubliclyabout somethingI’minsecureabout?Thatsaid,apparently,I’mthegirlwhomakesexcusesnow Sergei’sgianthandreachesouttowardmyshoulder,hisdarkbrowngazeonminewithsteadyheatasthescentofcedar andpinesurroundsme.“You’reperfectthewayyouare,andanyonewhotellsyouotherwiseisfullofshit.Tellmeyouhear me”
Mymouthhasdroppedopen,andthoughIdon’tmeantowetmylips,Ido. Hisgazedropstomymouthbeforemeetingmineagain “Tellmeyouhearme,littleone” Iswallowhard.
Little one
He’scalledme little one sincewemetthreemonthsago.Ialwaysassumedithadsomethingtodowiththeagegap,orit washiswayoftellingmethattheconnectionweshareisplatonic.I’mtwenty-twoandI’dbethe’sinhismid-forties.Whatever itmeans,I’mgoingtomissthesubtlewaythosewordssoundrollingoffhistongue
“Ihearyou,”Ifinallymanage.“Andyou,ugh,youmakesureandeattherestofthatbananabreadImade,okay?Ieven putthewalnutsinlikeyoulike”
Hescrubshishandoverhisbeardandopenshisarms.“Getoverhere,girl.”
BeingthatSergeiwasthefirstandonlypersontowelcomemeintothissmallcommunity,I’vegainedatrustwithhim thatIwasn’texpecting.AfewtimeswhenStevewasinthefield,Sergeipickeduptheslackanddidaruntothetradingpost forme.HeevenshowedmehowtomakehomemaderashcreamoutofbeeswaxandoliveoilduringastormwhenEverleigh wasoutofthestorebrandstuff Thatsamenight,helistenedtomecryforhoursbecauseImissedmyfamily I’mtalkingbelly achecrying.Thatnight,themanshould’vegottenaplaque.
Hedidn’timposehisopinion,hedidn’ttellmeitwouldbeokay,andhedidn’ttrytofixit Hejustlistened Afewtimes heheldouthishandandonceheofferedmeatissue.Heaskedquestionshereandtheretoletmeknowhecared,butthat’sall. I’veneverhadanyonedothatformebefore.Maybethat’spathetic.Eitherway,I’vebeenluckytoknowhim,andwithouta shadowofadoubt,myworldbackinColoradowillbedifferentwithouthimthere.
Ileanintohissolidchest,dragginginthescentofthewoodsthat’sembeddedonhisskin.Itrytocommitittomemory, thoughIdon’tfullyknowwhy Maybebecausehe’sbecomeacomforttome Afriend Aportinthestorm Someday,I’llbe walkingthroughaforestandthismomentwillcomebacktome.I’llrememberamanwhowaspatientandkind.Amanwhose heartspoketominewithoutawordbetweenus I’llrememberthewayheheldmeinhisarmswhenwesaidgoodbye MyheartfluttersasourbodiespressagainstoneanotherandthatfeelingofemptinessI’dbeenhavingisgone.Right now,atthismoment,I’mfull.Infact,I’moverflowing,andIdon’twanttoletgo.
Thisbearhunthasbeenonebigpainintheass.IbroughtfoursonswithmefromAlaskatotakethismenacebeastout, andI’mdownallfourofthem Notforvaliantreasonsofwarriorstrength,though No,theyfoundlove Love.
Theyabandonedthemissionfor love
“You’relookingbettertoday.”Rowanlaughsashewalksthroughthefrontdoor.Hebroughtwithhimacoolair humidifierandabagfullofcoughdrops.“You’renotgoingtousethisshit,buthereitisanyway.”
“WhybringitifyouknowIwon’tuseit?”
“Becausethat’swhatfamiliesdo,Dad.Theydonicethingsforthepeopletheylove.”Hesighsandpullsopenthefridge, yankingouttheorangejuicethathebroughtbyearlierthisweek “Thisshitmightbeactuallyhelpingyou”
“VitaminCisdoingitsjob,likeIplanned.Whereareyourbrothers?Youheardfrom‘emlately?”
“Um IknowPeytonandAtlasarecomingovertonightforahunt,butIhaven’theardbackfromHudyet Notsure what’supwithhim.Ithinkhewastakinghisgirluptothelake.”
“It’ssubzero.It’snotlakeweather.”
“Theyweregoingicefishing.”
“Shedon’tlikefishing.”
“Shelikespeace Heputshispoleinthewater,andshereadsabook It’stheirthing”Hedragsinaheavybreath “You okayuphere,quiethouseandall?Youhaven’tbeentotownsinceyougotsick.We’reworriedaboutyou.”
I’vehadthefluorsomeshitforoveramonth Attemptshavebeenmadetoputmeonmeds,butI’vegottenbetterwith goodold-fashionedvitaminsandfreshair…aspredicted.“I’mgood.Peopleintowndon’twantmethere,anyway.Finishthis huntuptonightandwecangetbacktoAlaskabytheendoftheweek,”hegroans.“OratleastIwill.Youfoolssoundlike you’restayinghere.”
“Yaknow,notthatI’dwishyouonmyworstenemy,but…wouldn’titbenicetohavesomeonearound?Aladymaybe? Yougottabelonely”
Ilaughandscrubmyhandovermybeard.“I’mnotlonely.I’mtiredandreadytogohome.Notlonely.”
Rowanleansagainstthebackcounter,blockingmostofthesunlightfromthekitchenwindow “You’refullofshit You usedtotalkaboutthiswomanallthetime.Yourememberher?Ican’tthinkofhername,butIremembersheleftyoubanana breadorsomething.You’dmaketherecipeeveryonceinawhileandtellusstoriesabouttheconversationsyou’dhavewith heratthetradingpost Youveryclearlyhavethecapacitytobeintosomeone Whydidn’tyoueverlookher up?”
Istareatmysonandgathermythoughtscarefully.Theirmotherleftwhentheywereyoung,tooyoungtoremember.For years,myfocuswasonthem Tosomeextent,itprobablystillis That’swhathappenswhenfourkidsareleftwithatwentyfour-year-oldfather.Wegrewuptogether,welearnedtogether,andwestruggledtogether.I’mnotsureifthatmakesmeagood fatherorarelatableone
“Notmuchtimefordatingwithyouboysaround.”
“Bullshit,”Rowanlaughs.“Youhadplentyoftime.Lotsofwomenupatpostwerelookingtosettledownandcallyou home Youpushedeveryoneaway”
“Nooneatpostwaslookin’atme.”Ichugdownthelastfewsipsoforangejuicefromthecontainer.“Youstopbycause youneededsomething?”
“Yeah,Iwassenttotalksomesenseintoya,andseewhatthehellwasgoingoninthatheadofyours.TheguysandI wanttoseeyouhappy”
“WhatmakesyouthinkI’mnothappyalone?I’vegotacaseofbeerinthefridge,abighuntonthehorizon,andnothing toholdmedown.WhatelsedoIneed?”
Rowansighs “You’dbesurprisedwhattheloveofagoodwomancandoforya Justthinkaboutit”
I’vethoughtaboutit.I’vethoughtaboutitalotovertheyears.Eighteen,tobeexact.God,it’ssickwhenIdothemath. ThelengthoftimeI’vebeenhungupononewoman Onewomanwho’sprobablymarriedwithhalfadozenkidsbynow I’m sureshehasn’tthoughtanothersecondaboutmesincethedayshewalkedaway. Sheshouldn’t.
She’snotmeantto.
I’moldenoughtobeherfather.
Ifshe’dwantedtowrite,shewould’ve
Oneenvelope,onestamp,onesinglesheetofpaper.Ifherlifehadtakenaturn,she’dhavecomeacrossthesethingsin thespanofeighteenyears
Rowanpicksuponmysilenceandturnstowardthedoor.“I’llbebacktonightwiththeguys,andImeanit.Thinkabout whatIsaid.”
“It’sourlastchancetogetthisbear HenryandMaddoxaretalkingaboutcallinginexpertsfromCanada Apparently, theythinksomeonemightbemoreequippedthanus.”
“Iheard”Rowanshakeshishead “Theyaren’t We’lltakethebeardowntonight Nodoubtaboutit Weknowhispath now.Wecancuthimoffonthewestendofthepropertyashepassesthrough.Easy.”
If it were so easy, why haven’t we done it yet? Ikeepthosewordstuckedinside See, I’m learning.
“Well,hewascausingshitonMainStreetagainlastnight.Hewasinthebakeryagain,messingwiththattemporarydoor theyputup Peoplearelosin’patience”
Rowanshakeshishead.“Iftheywantusofftheirproperty,it’sgoingtotakelongertohunt.That’showitgoes.”He opensthedoor “I’llbebacktonight We’llbringdinner”
Igrababeeroutofthefridge,popthecap,andsettleontothecouchwithaheavysigh.
I’veneverbeenonetoholdontofeelings Instead,Ipluckthemlikethornsfrommysideandmoveonwithoutmuch morethoughttoanyofthem.Peoplehavecalledmecold,butIdon’tseethepointinholdingontosomethingsoabstractas emotions.Theycome,go,change,grow,anddie.What’sitallfor?
Aspenistheexceptiontothatrule,andnotbychoice
Mybrain,ormyheart,orwhatever,won’tlethergo.She’sthereonmymind,likealesionthatcan’tberemoved.And believeme,I’vetried
Icompiledalistofallthereasonswe’dneverwork.Itriedlookingforotherwomen.Itriedlookingherupbefore.I eventriedsettlingonjerkingofftotheonephotoIhaveofher.Thatlastonewentonforalongwhile.Hell,ithappenedagain lastweek.IguessIthoughtitwasexposuretherapyorsomething.Granted,Iknownothingaboutexposuretherapy,otherthan theterm.Maybethere’smoretoitthanmasturbating.
Forawhile,Ifigureditwastheloneliness ThatmaybeI’dclungtotheideaofherasawaytogetmethroughthecold nights.Then,Ifigureditwasobsession.ThatisolationhadledmetoamentalillnessIhadnocontrolover.Itwasn’tuntilI spoketoabuddydownatthepostthatIrealizeditwasprobablyalittleofallthosethings Hell,theversionofherIhaveleft probablyisn’tevenaccurateanymore.Evenifitwere,IhadnorightfeelingthewayIdid.Shehadafiancé,evenifhewasall wrongforher.
Drawinginadeepbreath,Istareoutatthemountainrangeinthedistance.Thiscabinmayberundown,buttheviewis incredible.Jaggedwhitecaps,tallpineandbalsam,avalleyinthedistancebelow.
Forasecond,IpictureAspennexttome,herhandinmine,ablanketonherlap Everythingisbetter untilit’snot,as realitysetsinandIrealizeshe’snevergoingtobenexttome.Inalllikelihood,I’llneverseeheragain.I’llneverknowwhat shesmellslikeafterashower,orwhatit’sliketoholdherunderthestars,orwhatshesoundslikecryingoutforpleasure TherealizationforcespanicintomychestuntilIstandupandbegintopace.Maybeit’stimetogetheroutofmyhead forgood.
ChapterThree “Can’tagirlbethankfulforherbestfriend?”
LarkadmiresthebraceletImadeforherlastweek.It’smadewithturquoisebeadsthataresupposedtobringgood fortune Ifoundallthebeadsatestatesales Shegushes.“Youcan,butthisissosweet!”Herlipspout.“Iloveyou!”
“Iloveyou,too!”IhugherandwesettleatthesmallroundtableinsidethesmallcaféoffMainStreet Theyopenedup lastweekandit’sthefirsttimeI’vebeeninside.Sofar,sogood.Thedécorremindsmeofanoldtraincarwithrowsofboldly coloredboothslinedupagainstwindowswithchromefinishes.Thisisthesecond-besthobbyI’vefoundlately.Ilovekeeping alittlejournaltoratealltherestaurantsinColorado.Ievenboughtlittlestarstomakethepageslookpretty.Mymainhobby rightnowisjewelrymaking.Lastmonth,itwaslinedancing.Themonthbeforethat,candlemaking.Ican’trememberwhat camebeforethatone,butIthinkitwaswatercolor
Lark’sbrowsnarrowasshestaresatme.“So,howareyoudoing?”There’sempathyinhertoneassheplunksacubeof sugarinhertea “Youweren’tgreatthelasttimewetalked Thingsgettinganybetter?”
Ineverknowwhattosaytopeople.AmIsupposedtobesadthatmymarriagefailedmiserably?AmIsupposedtobe tornapartandgrieving?Idon’tknow.SometimesIfeellikeIshouldbe,butit’smostlywhenIthinkaboutmydaughter.Sure, she’sgrown,butIknowthethoughtofusdivorcingrattleshercore.Howcouldn’tit?Ilovegoinghometoseemyparentsfor Christmas.Knowingthey’retogethermakeseverythingsomuchbetter.Icouldn’tgivethattomydaughter,andit’seatingme alive
“I’mokay,”Ifinallysay.“Whataboutyou?”
Larkdragsinadeepbreathassheshootsmeaknowinglook “You’renotokay What’swrong?”
Ishrug,bitingbacktears.“Really,I’mgood.I’mjust…figuringthingsout.”
Larkbitesherbottomlipandstaresoutthewindowbeforeglancingbackagain.Sometimes,I’mjealousofher.Inher mid-twenties,she’syoungerthanme,hasherwholelifetomakemistakeswith,andhereyesstillsparklewithexcitementfor what’sahead.“You’renotfine.Tellmewhat’swrong.”
“Idon’tknow,”Isigh “It’snothing IfIstart,I’llcauseascene Trustme,I’mgood”
“Noway!Causeascene!Beaboutit!Iffriendscan’thelpyouthroughyourbullshit,whatgoodarethey?”Shestirsher tea,watchingthesugardissolvebeforesnappinghergazebackuptowardme “I’mserious Tellmeeverythingrightnow”She grins.“Iorderyou.”
Istaretowardherandexhale,meteringhowmuchIshouldsay.DoItellheraboutthelate-nightfantasiesIhaveabouta manfromtwentyyearsago,ordoIkeepthosetomyself,becauseI’mprettysurehangingontoanythingthatlongwithoutaction isthedefinitionofinsanity,right?
Finally,Isay,“I’mlost Imean,maybeitwastoomuchtofilefordivorcetheyearEverleighleftforcollege”
“Okay,soyou’relost.Whatdoyouthinkwouldhelp?”
Ismile “Amapwouldbenice Youhaveoneofthose?”
“Ido.”Sheleansin.“Firststopisthelandoffuckery.Youneedtogetlaid.”
Ican’thelpbutlaugh.“Yeah.Thatwouldbenice,butIthinkyouneedamanforthat,andwell…”
“There’snoone?Noonefromworkyou’vehadyoureyeon,ormaybeaguyfromthepastyoucanlookup?”
Whenshesaysthelastpart,I’mbroughtbacktomycrazythoughtsofthebig,roughAlaskanIneverstoppedthinking aboutfloodinginallatonce
“You’rethinkingofsomeone,”sheprobes.“Spillit.”
“Okay,”Isigh,“therewasthisoneguy,buthelivesoutinAlaska,andhe’sliketwenty-fiveyearsolderthanme Soby now,he’dbeinhismid-sixties.That’sweird,right?”
Sheshrugs.“Idon’tknow.Isita hot mid-sixtiesoranold mid-sixties?There’sadifference.”
“Yeah,”Igrin,“wouldn’tknow Ihaven’tseenhimineighteenyears Ithinkhehadkidsmyage,so Iprobably misreadtheconnection.”
Herbrowsnarrow “Tellmeabouthim”
Isigh.“He’stall,rough,coveredinblackink,andhe’skindofagrump,butIcan’tstopthinkingabouthoweasilyhesaw me,yaknow?Ishouldn’thave,butIknowdeepdownIcomparedeveryinteractionSteveandIhadtothatstandard.”
“Idon’tthinkthat’swrong.Ithinkyou’rehuman.Peopleinherentlysearchforwhatfeelsright.Soundslikeyoufoundit withMr.Big,Rough,andInked.Maybeyoushouldreachout.”
Ismileandshakemyhead “Yeah,no That’slonggone Iwouldn’tevenknowhowatthispoint Hetoldmetowrite yearsago,andIneverdid.I’msurehe’sfoundsomecutelittleAlaskantofallinlovewithandbakehimbananabread.” “Bananabread?”
“Yeah,helikedmybananabread.”Istaredownattheteacupandcirclemyfingeraroundtherim.WhydoImisshim, still, afteralltheseyears? Why do I think about him?
“Besides,I’msuremybrainhascreatedaversionofhimthatdoesn’texist,anyway Imean,it’sbeensolong Iwas young,andinaterriblerelationship.I’msureIsawhimalotdifferentlythanhewas.”Iresituateinmychair.“Let’stalkabout somethingelse You’redoingthemailorderthing,right?”
Shegrins.“Ican’t.IseethatwebsiteandI’msotempted,butit’sprobablyunnatural.I’llmeetsomeoneatsomepoint.”
“WhataboutClive?You’vetalkedabouthimalotlately”
Shetwistsherhairtothesideofhershoulderandleansin.“Now,ifyouwanttotalkaboutsomethingwithnoshotin hell,talkaboutClive.Imean,whodevelopsathingfortheirex’sdad?Ican’tstresstoyouenoughhowthat’soursecret.I’m serious Youknowthat,right?”
Ilaugh.“Iknow.We’realonehere.Noonecanhearus.Besides,you’relecturingmeaboutfollowingmyheart.Maybe youshould,too”
Sherollshereyes.“I’mgoingtogetallhippyonyourightnow,sohearmeout.”
Thisshouldbegood
“Ibelieveyourbodyknowswhenyou’vemetyoursoulmate.”
“So,doyouknowwith,”Ilowermyvoice,“Clive?”
Shebitesbackasmile “We’renottalkingaboutthat Anyway alarmsgooff,youknow?Yourememberhimfora reason.Thinkaboutit.Howmanypeopleinyourlifehaveyoumet?Surely,you’verunintoothermeninthegrocerystore.Do yourememberanyofthem?”
“No.”
“Butyourememberthisone.Why?”
“Well,becauseI’vecreatedanidealizedversionofhimthatmeetsallmyneeds,wheninrealityhecan’t.”
“Right.Noonecan,buthecametheclosest,right?Him,onhisown.Sure,yourbrainmightbefillinginholes,butyou’re doingthatforareason Whatifhe’souttheredoingthesamethingwithyou?Besides,”sheshrugsandbitesbackagrin,“Ibet heknowsallkindoftricks.”
Irollmyeyesathercomment,butmyclitthrobsatthethoughtalone I’veneverbeentouchedbyamanthewaySergei touchedme.Weonlysharedahug,butmybodymemorizedthewayhemovedagainstme.
Iliftthecoldglassofwaterfromthetableandsipitdownslowly.Theteaistoowarmformyoverheatedbody.Ineed somethingrefreshing.WhenI’vesuccessfullygulpeddownhalftheliquid,Iglanceupatmyfriend,whoseeyeshavegone wide.
“You’vethoughtaboutit,haven’tyou?Youdirtygirl!”
“Look,IhadtobegStevetohavesexwithme.Ofcourse,Iwonderedwhatitwouldbeliketohaveamanwantme.”
“Well,youcould’veimaginedanyone Instead,youimaginedthisAlaskan Let’sunpackthat”Shesmilesandrestsher chinonherfoldedhand.
“Nowyou’reacounselor?”
“Youdidn’tknowthat?”Shesmiles “So,whenyouthinkaboutthisbig,rough,Alaskanmansexually,whatdoyou imagine?”
“Stop”Ipinchmylipstogethertokeepasmilefromforming “Let’stalkaboutsomethingelse”
“Noway.Thisisgood.Whendidyoufindyourselfthinkingabouthimmost?Intheshower,whenyou’rehaving breakfast,whenyoutouchyourself?”
Iopenmymouthtospeak,butnothingcomesout.Larkisalwaysdirtylikethis.It’sherthing.Ineedtojustrollwithit. Besides,ifI’mbeinghonestwithmyself,I’vethoughtaboutSergeihundreds,ifnotthousandsoftimesovertheyears.Whena songplays,whensomeonesaystheword‘Alaska,’whenIfeellonely,whenI’mdesperatetobetouched Hell,whenI’msadI thinkabouthowhe’dreact,andhowhisheartwouldmendmine.IthinkabouthimwhenI’mhornyandIneedtogetoff.I imaginehisbigframepressingmeagainstawall Iimaginehisroughhandslikeanecklaceonmythroat Iimaginehisdeep voiceinmyear,tellingmetobendover.
MyclitthrobsasIgetlostinthought
God,I’msick.Iwasmarriedforeighteenyears.Idon’twantittosoundlikeIwaslustingafteranothermantheentire time,becauseIwasn’t.IwantedthingstoworkwithSteve.Ilovedhim.Andtruthfully,ifanyonehasbeenidealized,it’shim. TimeaftertimeIlethimputmedownandmakemefeellikenothing,onlysoIcouldconvincemyselflaterthathewasn’tabad guy,andthatIwastheproblem.IlivedforeighteenyearsonanidealizedversionofamanIthoughtIloved.
Sometimes,IthinkabouthowunhappyIwas,andIwishI’dhavetoldSergeiwhatIwasfeeling Maybebynowwe’d havealittleplaceofourown.Everleighwouldhavesiblingsandshe’dthinkofSergeiasasecondfather.We’dhaveeighteen yearsofalifetolookbackon.I’dhaveastory.I’dhaveaperson.I’dhaveahome.Instead,EverleighhasmovedonandI’m sureshefeelsshehasnothingtocomebackto.Me,I’mleftherewithabillionhobbiesthatalladduptonothing.
MyphonebuzzesinmypocketandI’mthankfulforthereprieve.I’mnotsurehowtoanswerLark’squestion.“Sorry,
I’vegottotakethis.I’moncallthisweekend.”
“Maybe.Notnow,though.IneedtofigureoutwhatIwanttodowithmylife.”Larksmilesbeforenoddingand redirectingherattentiontowardherowncellasthewaitressbringsusafreshpotoftea “NurseAspenhere.WhatcanIhelpyouwith?”
“Heythere”Theman’svoiceontheotherendofthelineisdarkandrough “I’mlookingforsomeonetodoawellness checkwithmydad.Ithinkhehadpneumonia.”
“Had?”
“Yeah.He’sdoingbetterforthemostpart,butIthinkhe’dbenefitfromagoodlistentohislungs.CanIhavesomeone comeuptothecabinandcheck?”
“I’mconfused So,thisisn’tanemergency?”
Themanhesitates.“No.Ithinkhe’sdoingbetter.I’djustliketocheckbeforewetravel.Isthistheemergencyline?” “Yeah I’monlytakingemergencycallstoday It’sSaturday I’dbehappytoseeyourfatherinmyofficeonMonday Whattimeworksforyou?”
“I’llnevergethimtocomedownoffthemountain Hell,it’sbeenastrugglegettinghimtoseeadoctoratall”
Alotofmenupherearetheroughandtoughkind.Thetoogoodformedicalcarekind.Theliveofftreesapandprayers kind.“Ifhedoesn’twanthelp,Ican’tdomuchforhim.I’msorry.”
Themanonthephonegroans “I’llmakeitworthyourtime Doublepay”
“Iappreciatethat,butIcan’tforceapatienttoreceivecare.”
“Hedoesn’tknowwhat’sgoodforhim”
“Noneofusdo,sir.CanImaketheappointmentforyouonMonday?”
Themandragsinadeepbreath.“Sure.CanIgetyoutocomeuptothehouse,though?”
“No,sir.I’veplayedthisgamewithmanytoughmenlikeyourfather.Theyallrefusecare.Ineedtobeavailableto clientswhowanttobeseen.”
Hehuffs “Iunderstand Letmemakeanappointmentthen I’llcallyouifwecan’tmakeit”
Ipullmyphoneawayfrommyearandcheckmycalendar.“LookslikeIhavetena.m.onMondaymorning.Doesthat workforyou?”
“Sure.”
“Okay,name?”
“Laskin.RowanLaskin.Youmighthaveheardofus.Everyoneintownhassomethingtosayabouthowwe’re…” Themangoesonbutthenamesticks.
Laskin
Myheartstopsandmymouthgoesdry.
“What’syourfather’sname?”
“Sergei.”
Isuckinadeepbreath,oneafteranotheruntiltheroomspins,andInearlypassout. There’s no way in hell this is the same man
“Iseverythingokay?”Rowanfinallysays.“Iknowwehaveabadnamearoundtown,butwhateverwedid,I’msurewe didn’tmeanit”
Onebyonethedominosfallintoplace,andIwonderwhytheyhadn’tbefore.Fourboysandtheirfatherherefrom Alaskatohuntabear Why didn’t I think that could be Sergei?
“I’msorry.Ican’thelp.”Ihangupthelineandsuckdowntherestofthecoolwatergulpafterunsatisfyinggulp. “What’swrong?”Larksipshertea.“Youneedtoleave?Icanhavethewaitressgetourdrinkstogo.”
“No I ”Wordsforminmythroat,buttheywon’tcomeout
“What’swrong?”Sheleansinandreachesformyhand.“IsEverleighokay?”
“Yeah,yeah It’snotthat I,ugh,”Iswallowhard,“thatwasamedcall There’saguyuponthemountainthatneedssome help.”
“Oh,soyou’vegottago I’llhaveherputourteaintogocups”
“No.No.No.”I’mstilllikeastatue.
“Okay…”Shenarrowsherbrowsandsitsbackinthechair.“You’reactingfunny.Tellmewhat’swrong.”
Idraginair,filteringitoutslowly Myhandsareshaking,mythighstoo “ThatwasRowanLaskin”
“Oh,oneoftheassholeAlaskansupherepissingeveryoneoff?Whatdidtheydonow?”
“No,it’snotthat Hewantsmetogotakecareofhisfather” “Okay,”herbrowsnarrow,“whyaren’tyougoing?”
Myjawdropsopen,andIleantowardLarkasthoughI’mabouttodropabomb.“HisfatherisSergei.Sergeiistheguy. Theguy,theguy.Theone.TheoneI’vebeentalkingabout.”
Shegaspsandwrapsherhandoverherface.“It’sfate!I’vebumpedintothatguyintown.He’djustgottenherewithhis
boys.Theywereatthegeneralstoregettingsupplies.He’shot.Likeruggedhot.You’vegottogoseehim!”
“Whatwashelike?Didyoutalktohim?”There’sanxietyinmyvoiceasItalk.
“Noway Hewasrealintimidating He’shugeanddidn’tsayaword”Herbrowsgodownturned “Whyaren’tyou packingthingsuptogoseehim?Thisisyourchance.Imean,coincidenceslikethisdon’thappen.”
WhileIagreethisisacrazycoincidence,Ican’tdismissthefactthatseeingSergeiafternearlytwentyyearswillbe awkwardashell.Ilookdifferent.Alotdifferent.I’mmorejadedthanIusedtobe,too.
“Whatifhedoesn’tremembermeordoesn’tfeelthesame?Idon’tthinkmyheartcantakeitrightnow”
“That’svalid,”Larknods,“butwhatifyoudon’tgo?Willyouregretit?Fiveyearsfromnowwhenyou’restill fantasizingaboutthisguy,willyouregretnottrying?Andifhe’sstillthinkingaboutyou,theconsequencessurelyoutweighthe possibilityofanegative,right?”
Shehasapoint.“Whatifhe’smarried?”
“He’supherealone He’snotmarried”
“Howdoyouknow,though?Imean,maybehiswifehasalifeinAlaskathatshecan’tdroponadimeforabearhunt.” “I’mprettysurehe’snotmarried Icanaskaroundtown,butseriously,gowithyourgut Attheveryleast,you’llget closure.”
Closureissuchaninterestingconcept.Whatdoesitdoforanyone?Whydopeopleneedneatlittlecirclesaround everything?Itdoesn’thelp Truly,Idon’twanttostopthinkingabouttheversionofhimI’vecreated Ineedthatfantasy It’s hopethatsomethinggoodexistsandmightbewaitingforme.
Thenagain,maybethisismychance Maybetheuniversedidbringhimhereforareason MaybeeverythingI’veever neededisrighthere,ontopofRuggedMountain.
ChapterFour Ifinishoffacartonoforangejuiceandsettleitontothecounter.Thishunttonighthastogooffwithoutaproblemand I’mgoingtoneedtobeashealthyasIcanget.Granted,theseantibioticshavebeenstaringmeinthefaceforaweekandI’ve nottouchedone Don’tneedthatshiteither Ipulloutthemapandsprawlitoutonthetable,followingthetrailthroughthewoodstowhereIbelievethebeartravels eachnight Hecomesdownintotownatduskandtravelsbackupthroughthebalsamforestataroundfour Ifwecancuthimoff attheriverpassing,thenwehaveachance.Ifnot,we’refucked.Thisstormrollinginhishuge.It’spossiblythebiggestthe mountainhasseenallseason.Ifwedon’tgetthebearnow,it’llbeweeksbeforeconditionswarrantagoodhuntagain,andthe Canadianswillbecalled.
Bottomline,thebearneedstoberemoved.He’scausingtroubleintownandposesathreattothepublic.Thatsaid,we alsohaveareputationtomaintain I’veeliminatedmenacingcougarsoutinCalifornia,takenouttroublesomemoosein Montana,andstoppedinvasivecoyoteseverywhereinbetween.Prestigeiswhatkeepsbighuntscoming.Losingoneislike sayingwecan’thandleit We can, God damn it!
AsIdragmyhandacrossthepaper,alightknockhitsatthefrontdoor.I’mnotexpectinganyone,andmystomach tightens.I’msurethisissomeonefromtowncometotellmewhatapainintheasswe’vebeen,oritcouldbeHenryand Maddoxagain.Theyownmostofthelanduphereandgaveusthegoonthishunt.Atthispoint,wecouldbegettingtheaxe today.
Idon’twanttodealwiththisshitrightnow Onemoreday Onemorefuckingdayandwe’llhavethisdamnbear,andwe canallmoveonwithourlives.
Istormtowardthedoorandswingitopen,shieldingmyfacefromtheintensesunthatfiltersinwithit Fuckinghell,it’s bright.It’sprobablythelastofitwe’llseeuntilafterthestormblowsthrough.Ishouldbeoutenjoyingit,choppingsome wood,gettingshitreadyforthehaulhome,butstudyingmapsisallIcanfocuson.
“Whatdoyawant?”Igrowloutthewordsandstandinthedoorway,holdingmyarmuptoblockthelight.
“Hello.”Awoman’svoiceisn’twhatIexpected.Imovemyarmdownandsquintintothesunlighttoseeashort,curved framewithlightblondehairstaringbackatme
Myheartstallsandmythroatgoesdry.“Yes?”I’veheardthisvoicebefore,andthoughmybraincan’tplaceanamewith it,somethinginsideofmebeginstosmile
Thewomanstepsforwardandreachesoutahand.“I,ugh,Iheardyouwereintown,andI…Idon’tknowifyou rememberme.MynameisAspen.WemetinAlaskaabouttwentyyearsago.”
Jesus Christ!
I’mnotamanthat’seasilyshaken,butrighthereandnow,anearthquakeishappening.
“Fuck Yeah,Irememberyou Goddamn!Comein”
ShelowersherhandandIfeellikeanassfornotshakingit.WhatIreallywanttodoispullherintomyarmsand squeezeher,butthatmightbeinappropriate,especiallyconsideringtheexposuretherapyI’vebeendoinghalfthemorning “Howthehellhaveyoubeen?”
Hergazeliftstomeetmineandwe’rebackinthesamespotwewereeighteenyearsago,momentformoment,likeno timehaspassed How’s that possible? How could that much time be gone, but I still feel the same exact way? It’slikewe’re stillinthattradingpost,sayinggoodbye.LikeIneverlethergo.
Iquestionforamomentifanyofthisreal Maybetheboysdruggedmewiththose ‘antibiotics ’ MaybeI’vepassedout andthisisallsomefantasymybrainhasattachedtoinordertomakesenseofthedrugscoursingthroughmybloodstream.
“I’vebeengood,”shefinallysays “Well,notgood Well good Somestuffisgood Everleighisallgrown,andoffto collegethisyear.She’sasciencemajor,likeherfather.”
Her father.
IglancedownatAspen’shandinsearchofaring,butthespaceisbare “How’sShawn…Stewart?Iforgethisname.”
Shegrins “Steve Yeah,we,ugh,wedivorcedlatelastyear He’sgood,though He’soutinWyomingnowdoingfield research.Whataboutyou?Howarethings?It’scrazyyou’reuphere.”
“Youhavenoidea.”Wordsbythedozensfilterthroughmyheadbutnoneofthemstick. Herdivorceisthepermissionmybodyhasbeenwaitingeighteenyearstohear.
And while I know a good man would take his time, I’m done being good.
Itwasthegoodinmethatletherwalkawayallthoseyearsago Itwasthegoodinmethatvaluedhermarriageandsat intheshadowswaiting.Itwasthegoodinmethatdidn’tovercomplicateherlifewithmyfeelings.
Now,allofthatisgone,andallthat’sleftisthebad,badmanstaringatthisangelinfrontofme
Icupherfaceinmyhandandstaredownather,lookingforsomekindofsign.Herblueeyesglitteruptowardmeand shesighsgently,leaningintomypalm.
Thereitis Thesinglebestsoundintheworld surrender Hereyescloseasmyhandwanderstothebackofherneck.Ipullherinclose.
Fuck,it’sbeentoolong Herframelandsagainstminewithheavyintent,justlikewe’reinsync Thisiswhereshe belongs.WhereIbelong.Wherewebelongtogether.
Shebacksagainstthewall,andIdragmyhandoverhershoulderandwraparoundherthroat Hereyesmeetmine Thatsigh.It’sthereagain.
Fuck!
Mycockishard,threateningthezipperonmyjeans
Onehandonthewall,Ileaninandliftherchinwithmythumb.HerbottomlipquiversandIangleinslowly,givingher achancetopushmeawayortellmeI’vereadthesignalsallwrong
Shedoesn’t.Shetipsupontohertoesandmeetsmeinthemiddle.Thekississoftandsweet,slowandmeaningful,but thenhertongueslipspastmylipsandthesweetnessisgone
Herbalteaandvanilla.Itbecomesitsownflavorwhenmeldedwithherscentofwildflowersandhoney. How does a woman stay so perfect for so many years? ItpainsmetothinkofallthatI’vemissed.Thesmiles,theheartache,thebeautyin herdaytoday I’vethoughtaboutthatalotovertheyears Iwonderedifhecomplainedwhenshereachedforhim,orifhe lovedherlikesheshouldbeloved.Iwonderedifshefeltbeautifulwithhim,orifsheneededmetoremindher.Iwonderedif shewassatisfiedwithhim,orheleftherwantingmore
Ikissherhardertomakeupfortheyearning,butit’snotenough.Ineedmore.
Myhandsmoveoverherframe,ontohershoulder,overherbreasts.I’mnotpolite,soft,orcareful.There’saneediness builtupfromyearsofwaitingthat’suncontrollable.
“DidyoucomeherehopingI’dtouchyou,littleone?”
Shesighsagain “I’vewantedyoutotouchmeagainsincethedayyouletgo” Ican’thelpbutsmile.“You’vebeenthinkingofme?”
“Onlyeveryotherday”Sheswallowshardandrubsherhandagainstmyhardcock “Icouldn’tfigureitout Ididn’t knowifyoufeltthesameway.Imean,you’reolder,andI’m…andwhenyoucalledmelittleone,Ifiguredyouthoughtofme as ”
“Didyoulikethat?”
“Ido.Ithinkaboutitallthetime.Thewayyourvoicesoundedwhenyousaidit.Thewayyoulookedatme.”Shepants. “Iloveit Imissedit Itmademefeel takencareof LikeIwasyours”AtearfallsdownhercheekandIthumbitaway I’moverwhelmed.There’ssomuchIneedrightnow.Ineedtoholdher,Ineedtokissher,Ineedtoheareverydetailof herlifeforthelasteighteenyears Thatsaid,somethingmoreanimalistictakesoverasIleanintoherearandgrowl,“Takeoff thatprettydress,littleone.Wehavecatchinguptodo.”
ChapterFive IdraginadeepbreathasSergei’sroughbeardbrushesovermybareskin.Hisbig,demandinghandsareonmy shoulders,mychest,myhips.Hemoveswithhungerandpurpose.
Hishandsarestrongandsure,movingwithneed
Ineighteenyears,Stevenevertouchedmelikethis.Hell,heneverlookedatmelikethis.Neveroncedidthatman conjureupagenuinegrowlorstareatmelikeafeverhadtakenoverhisbody Attimes,hepretendedbycopyingamovieora bookhe’dseenmereading.Iguessthat’seffort,butitwasn’tlikethis.Thisisgenuine.Ifeelit.SergeineedsmeandIfeelhis intention.
Ifeelhisbodywantingtorush,butheslowshimselfdown.Ifeelhimtakingineveryinchofmyskin.Hislipslandon myshoulders,myneck,mychest.Heisn’tthereforme.He’sthereforhimself,anditshows.
Witheachbreath,hegroansasthoughhe’smemorizingthelinesonmyskin,myscent,mycurves,savoringeachsecond thathishandsareonmine.
Iclosemyeyesandsighashisroughbeardscrubsovermystomach I’vealwaysbeeninsecureaboutmystomach My exwouldavoidit.Sergeiworshipsit.Hekissesmysoftbellyandsqueezesitwithagrowl. “Fuck,littleone.I’vemissedthisbody.”
It’salarmingforasecondtobebareandtouchedintheplacesthatholdsomuchinsecurity.Butthelongerheadmires me,themoreIrelax.
Movingupfrommystomach,hesuckseachnipplehardbeforeclampingdownwithhisteethandscrapingthemoff Ijumpagainsthishugeframeandleanagainstthecoldwallagain.
“Mylittlegirllikesthat,”hegrowls,palmingovermypussy
Myeyescloseandmyheadleansbackagainstthewallasheslidesafingerinsideofme.
“You’resoakingwet,”hewhispers.
Isighandleanintohim,onearmwrappedaroundhisshoulder,astheotherunbuttonshisflannelandweavesmyfingers intothehaironhischest.I’mthereforamomentuntilItravelbacktothebulgeinhisjeanstotugthemdown.
Handstillinmypussy,hestepsoutofhisjeans,andkicksthemback “Yousureyou’reokaywithallthis?Idon’thave protection.Isureashellwasn’texpectingyoutoshowup.”
Anavalancheofquestionsinvadesmymind Iwanttoknoweverything,butonequestionreplays Has he been with anyone else? I’msurehehas.It’sbeeneighteenyears.Hedidn’tthinkIwascomingback.Ofcourse,he’sbeenwithother women.Thatonlymakessense.
Why does the thought make me so jealous?
Suddenlyriddledwithinsecurity,Iopenmymouthtoask,buthisfingerhitsaspotatthebackofmypussy,andIlose focus Besides,eveniftherewereothers,Iknowbylookingathimtheydidn’tmeananything I’mwherehishearthasbeen “Oh,littleone,youlikethat?”Hethrustsharder,movinghisfingerswithfocus. Ipantandgriphisbicepstightasheworksmeover “Yeah,Iloveit I’mgoingtocome Don’tstop!”
“Good,”hegroans.“Comeforme.Beagoodlittlegirlandcomeonmyhand.” Myheartpoundsandmythighsshake.I’msoclosenow.
Igriphisgiantcockinmyhandandstroke,desperateforhimtospreadmewide I’veneverfeltneedlikethisinallmy life.
Hegrinsandpullshisfingersfrommypussy,lickingthemofflikeawildbearwho’sstuckhispawinahoneypot “I’m doingthisallwrong.Youneedpunishment.”
“Punishment?”Ipant “Why?”
“You’vebeenabadgirl,notreachingouttomeallthoseyears.Iwenttothepostofficeeveryweekhopingforaletter fromyou,buttherewasneveranything.”
Istareupathim “I’msorry Iwrotesomanyletterstoyou,butIneversentthem”
Hekissesmyforeheadgently.“Youhadotherpriorities.Iunderstand,butifwe’regoingtomakethiswork,Ithinkyou mightneedaspanking”
Inodandbitemybottomlipasasurgeofexcitementrattlesthroughme.MaybeIshouldn’twantthespanking,butIdo.I wantithard.Iwanttofeelhisbig,strong,roughhandvibratemyassuntilIcomealloverhiscock.
Sergeigrins.“Fuck,littleone.Youwantthepunishment,don’tyou?”
Iwhineundermybreathandreachdownforhishardcock,strokingitgentlyinmyhandasheguidesmeintotheliving roomandbendsmeforwardoverthetopofthecouch Istareoutthebackwindow,assupintheair,readyformypenalty I deserveit,really.Ishould’vecometomysensessomuchsooner.
Thesunhasdippeddownbelowthetreelineandtheskyisbrightpink,castingshadowsofpineacrosstheblanketof
whitesnow.
“Youleftme,littleone.Youleftmeinthecoldwaiting.”Hesmackshispalmagainstmyass,bumpingmeforward, sendingatremorthroughme Iloveit!Iwantmore!
Hisbigpalmrubsmyskinandhishardcockpokesagainstme.
Myeyescloseasanotherhardsmackfollowsthefirstoneandthenanother Icouldcomelikethis Iwanthismarksall overmyskin.
Heleansinbehindmeandbitesmyshoulderashisdickrubsagainstmyass Tinglesspreadfrommyspinedown,andI’veneverbeenmorereadytocome.
“Fuckme.Please!”I’vebarelygottenthewordsfrommylipsbeforeI’minterruptedbythesoundofatruckrumblingup thedriveway
IopenmyeyesandstareoutthewindowatthewhiteSilveradowherefourboysclimbout,riflesinhand.They’re movingtowardthedoorwithintentionasthoughthey’reanangrymobwho’soutforblood IglancebacktowardSergei.“Weshouldmove.”
Hegroans “Thesefuckingboyshaven’tshownupinweeks,andnowthey’rehere?Today rightfuckin’now?”
Hetakesoffhisflannelandwrapsitaroundmyshoulders,thentugshisjeansbackon,justintimefortheboystobarge in.Isay‘boys,’buttheyalllookaboutmyage.
“Youdon’tknocknoweither?”Sergeibites
Oneofthemenlooksatmeandthereststammerback.OnebyoneIwatchtheirjawsdrop.Inevermethissons.Iheard aboutthem,kneweverydetailoftheirlives,buttheywereoffdoingworkinWashingtonforthefewmonthsthatmyfamilyand IwereinAlaska.
“Holyfuck.”Irecognizetheman’svoicefromthephone.HemustbeRowan.“Whatthehellisgoingonhere?” Istraightenmyhairandcrossmyarmsovermychest.
They’reaskingaquestiontheyalreadyknowtheanswerto. How could they not? My hair is a mess, I’m wearing their father’s flannel, and Sergei sounds flustered He never sounds flustered
Theystareatusinunison.Firsttowardtheirfather,thentowardme,andbackagain. “Whyareyouhere?”Sergeigrumbles
Afteralongsilence,Rowansays,“Therearesightingsofthatbearcominguptothisproperty.Folksontheeastendof townwatchedhimrunupherelastnightandtheneighborstothewestofussaytheysawhimheadedforthewoodsnearthe greenhouse.FiguredI’drallytheguystocomecheckitout.”
“You’resayingthere’sabearinthegreenhouse?Thebear,who’sbeenoutmaneuveringusforthepasttwomonths,just walkedhisassintowaitforus?”
Rowannods.“Weneedafifthman.Figuredyou’dwanttobeapartofthis,butmaybeIwaswrong.”
Sergeiglancestowardme “Idon’twanttogo”
“Youhavetogo.Thisiswhatyoucameherefor.”
“Notanymore.”Hecupsmyfaceinhishandandkissesmylipswithintention.
Theboyslaughandbackoutofthecabin Thisismoreconfirmationthathedoesn’tfeelthiswayforanyoneelse His ownsonsaresurprisedtoseehimlikethis.
“Ignorethem”
“Youhavetogooutthere.Youcametodothistogether.Go!”
Heglancesoutthebackwindowasthementrektowardthegreenhouse,gunsdrawn
“They’vefuckedthisupeverysingletime.Ishouldprobablygoout.”Hekissesmyforehead.“You’renotleaving.Take thatprettyassintothebedroomandwaitforme.I’llbebackintenminutes,tops.”Hekissesmylipsagainandagainlikehe doesn’twanttoletgo
Isupposethisshouldmakemefeelgood,anditdoes,butitalsohurts.TothinkIspentyearswithamanwhoIhadtobeg foraffection,andwithSergei,itjusthappens Theloveisthere Whenwesayit,itwon’tbeabigsurprise,orastatementthat changesmuchofanythingbecauselovehasalwaysbeenthere…evenifitwasaghostinthebackofourmindsuntilnow.
IknowLarkwouldtellmeIcan’trewritethepast,andthatIchosetoleaveSergeiallthoseyearsagobecauseI believedwhatIwasdoingwasbestformydaughter.That’strue,andsheturnedoutprettygreatbecauseofit,butstill,there’ll alwaysbeapartofmethatwishesIcouldgobackandtakesomethingformyselftoo.
WhenSergeiisoutside,IclimbthestairsintheoldcabinandswingopendoorsuntilIfindabedroomthatoverlooksthe greenhouse.Theguysaren’tthereyet,butIcanalreadyseethere’snobear.MaybeIshouldbeahunter.Thisseemedlikea muchmorereasonablesolutionthantrekkingoutintothesnowwithgunsdrawn,butwhatdoIknow?
Ileanagainstthesillandstareoutintothesnowyday.There’sastormonthehorizonasdarkcloudsswirlinthe distance.Themenareatthecornerofthelot.It’scrazyhowmuchtheyalllookalike.Big,rough,evensomeofthetattooslook similar.
SergeiandIspentsomuchtimetogetherinAlaska,butInevergottoseehimlikethis,withhisboys,doingwhatthey
love.Ican’timaginewhatitmusthavebeenlikeraisingthemallonhisown.Iwasn’ttechnicallyasinglemother,butImayas wellhavebeen.Stevewasalwaysbusy,andEverleighandIwereonourownmostdays.Forawhile,Ihatedthatheleftfor fieldworkmonthsonend Icouldn’ttakeherfromschoolforeverytrip Butastheyearswenton,Ibegantolovethebreakand enjoythetimealonewithEverleigh.
Sergeiliftshisgunandaims,andtheboysfollowsuit Ifollowthelineofsightacrossthefield,mychesttight Thegiant grizzlyappears,ascaronhischest,andastripofwhiteacrosshishead.Astheyapproach,hestandsonhishindlegs,warning themtokeeptheirdistance It’sthefirsttimeI’veseenhim Peopleintownhavebeengoingonandonabouthowhe’sbroken intotheirshopsandtheircars.Folksonthemountaintalkabouthimcausinghavocontheirproperty,andhowhe’sthreatened theirfamilies,whileevadingcaptureoneverypossiblepath.
Thankfully,Ihaven’thadthatproblem IfIhad,I’mprettysureI’dbecallingforhelptoo ThisisthebiggestbearI’ve everseen.Herivalsthesizeofthegreenhousewhenonhishindpaws.
“Wecounttofive,”Sergeiorders
Themenpoisethemselvesacrossfromthebear,aimingtoshoot.
Ilookaway I’veneverseenananimalshotbefore,andthoughIknowthisoneisdoingalotofdamage,Ican’twatch himgodown.Itisn’tuntilIhearthesoftcryofanotheranimalthatIturnbacktowardthewindow.
Inthegreenhousehuddledbeneaththebenchesaretwobearcubscryingforhelp.
Heisn’ta he atall Heisa she, and she isamother Ipullthewindowopenandscreamout,“Therearecubsinthegreenhouse!Don’tshoot!”
Sergeiglancesuptowardmeandthentowardthegreenhousebeforeglancingbacktowardthebear “Fuck,”hegroans,andholdsuphishand,tellingthementobackdown.
I’msuretherearemanythingsthathappenbetweenthetimethebearchargesandthetimethemenshoot,butIdon’tsee anyofthem.LifeisablurasSergeigoesdownandthemenfireshotaftershotindefense.
Myheartstops.Notmetaphorically…ittrulystops.Ican’tmove.Ican’tbreathe.Ican’tsee.
Thesoundsoftheguysyellingateachotherbringsmebacktoreality,andIrundownthestairsandhaulintothesnow, grabbingascarfofftherackbythedoor.Myfeetarebare,butIdon’tcare.Thecoldcanburnmyfeet,theicecanfreezemein place,butIcan’tlosehimnow Notafterallthistimeaway Notafterfatefinallybroughtusbacktogether
TheguyshavealreadycalledforhelpbythetimeI’mnexttoSergei.
“No,”Sergeitriestostandfromtheground,“I’mnotgoingtothehospital.AlittleducttapeandI’llbefine.”
He’sstillbeinghim,somaybethismeanshe’llbeokay.“No,you’regoingtothehospital.Thisneedsstitches.Where’s thebear?”
“Rantowardtown,”Rowangroans “Cubsfollowed Ifyou’vegotDad,we’llgoafterher” Sergeistandsdespitethegashonhisarm.
Itrytowrapittighttostopthebleeding,buthe’ssobigandnotatallcooperative “Littleone,yourfeetarebare Get inside.”
“I’mnotleavingyououthere.”
Hebendsdownandliftsmefromtheground Despitethepainhe’sfeeling,I’mhistoppriority Iwanttosquirmand jumpfromhisarms,butIknowhewon’tputmedown,andIdon’twanttomakethisharderforhimthanitneedstobe. Instead,Istaretowardhimwithapoutedlip “Gotothehospital forme Please”
“IfIgotothehospital,they’regoingtoknowthatbearattackedme.They’llexterminateherforgoingafterahuman. She’sgottwobabies Wecan’thavethat”Heglancestowardtheboys “Getthetranquilizers Let’sgetthemknockedoutand movethemoutdeeperintotheforest.Weprovokedher.Nooneelsewillgiveafuck.”
I’mallforabig,hairymanwho’ssmartenoughtoknowthedifferencebetweenwhenit’stimetokillananimaland whenit’stimetosavethem,butrightnow,allIcareaboutisSergei,andhe’slosingalotofblood,fast
“Pleasegotothehospital.Iloveyou.I’velovedyouforsolong.Ican’tloseyou.”
Hegrinsandcradlesmeinhisarms,likeI’mafeather,apieceofpaper,acutelittlemarshmallowthatweighsnothingat all.Spoileralert,Ido.
“Didyoujustsayyoulovedme,littleone?”
Inodandwipeawayasuccessionoftears.
“Iloveyou,too.”Hekissesmyforehead.“Ihaveforsolong.Ipromiseyouthatducttapewilldothejob.”
“Notthistime Youneeddoctors Youcould’vetornamuscle You ”
“Thisbearneedstobecaught.I’lltapemyselfupnowandwe’lltalkaboutthehospitaltonight.Deal?”
Iknowdeepdownthatthehospitalwillneverhappen Sergeiwillgoafterthebear,thenhe’llconvincemethattheduct tapeisworking.Thatsaid,thisiswhoheis.He’sabig,rough,mountainmanwho’dprobablyfinishajobifhewerehalfdead, andthetruthis,he’snot.He’sholdingmeup,andducttapeprobablywilldothejob.
“Fine,butI’mcomingwithyou.”
Hegrins,kissesmyforehead,andstepstowardthebackdoorofthecabin,settingmedowninsidebeforehesmacksmy
ass.“Getdressed,thengrabsomebootsandtheducttape.It’sinthedrawerbythefridge.”
AsurgeofwarmthrushesthroughmeasIrushthroughthecabin,collectingclothesandtape.I’manurse.Iknowtherisk ofwhathe’sdoing,anditscaresthehelloutofme Still,though,thewildinhimwakesmeup,andI’mnotsureI’veeverbeen thisawakeinmylife.
ChapterSix Wecutthegrizzlyoffonhernormalpaththroughtown,butshepaysusnomind.Instead,sherushesacrossMainStreet andmakesalinestraightforthebakery.Icanseewhy.Thescentofdonuts,cakes,andpieswaftthroughoutthetownandit’sa straightshotfromthetreelinetotheshop Thatandthebarriertoentryisextremelyweakwiththattemporarydoorinplace Thankfully,it’slateafternoonandmostfolksareathome,eatingdinner.
TheguysandIparkneartheshopandhopout Theweatherhasstartedtoshiftattheworstpossibletime Snowfalls heavilyandaccumulatesaroundus.Theonlygoodthingaboutthatisthetracksareeasytofollow.
Itlookslikethegrizzlyhasgonearoundbackwiththecubsintow.I’msureshe’srummagingthroughthetrashorhiding outbehindthegastanks.Therearesomenarrowspacesinthebackalleythatleadtotherodeoringandagiantoverflow parkingarea.Plentyofnooksandcranniestohideout.
IglancetowardAspen “Youstayhere Ineedtoknowyoursafe”
“I’mfine,andI’mcoming!”Shehopsdownfromthetruckandroundstomyside,linkingontomybadarmasthough she’sprotectingitfromfurtherdamage
Fucking hell, I love this woman. Shespentthedriveherewrappingittightlywiththeblacktapeshegrabbedfromthe cabin.Iknowit’sagainstherbetterjudgment,butIdon’tfeelathing,andit’llheallikeeverythingelseI’vewrappedupover theyears.
Theguyshopout,gunsaimed.Rowanstopstoexplaintoafewbystanderswhat’shappening,andtheyrunofftoward theircars It’sprobablyforthebest Thefewerpeopleonthestreet,thelesswehavetoworryabout
Istepdownthealleyandkeepmyeyespeeledforthebearorhercubs.It’snearlydark,andthewindhasstartedtoblow significantly,whichmeansshe’ssmellingusfarbeforeweseeher
Aspenstaysclosebehind,herlittlehandtuckedintomine.
Whenthealleybehindthebakeryisclear,Imakeamotionfortheguystospreadoutalongthebackoftheshops.Shehas tobeheresomewhere.There’snowayshecould’veclearedthefieldbynow.
Snowpicksup,andthewindhowlsthroughthepassageway.Iftheweatherpicksupevenmore,we’refucked.Footprints arenice,awhiteoutisadifferentstory Weneedtoseethebearbeforesheseesus Rowanpointstowardthegeneralstoreandnods.Histranquilizerisupandhe’saimingtoshoot.I’msurethisisn’thow thepeopleofRuggedMountainsawthisgoing,buthereweare,big,old,giantAlaskansinvadingtheirspaceandchasinga bearstraightthroughtown.
I’mgoingtobedoingalotofapologizing.Icanfeelitnow.
“Didyouhearthat?”Aspentugsonmyarm “It’sahissingsound”
Istopwalkingandtuneintothenoisesaroundme,butthewindpicksupagainanddullseverythingnearus.
“Thiswindiswhippingeverywhere,butthere’sdefinitelyafoulsmellintheair”Aspen’seyesarewideasshestares upatme.
“You’reright Itsmellslikepropane Doyouseeacanisteraroundhere?”
“Ican’t,butthathissingissoloud.”
Itisn’ttwosecondslaterthatRowanisshoutingfrombehindthegeneralstore.“She’shere!Move!”
Weracedownthebackoftheshopsandletourselvesintothesidedoorofthestore,followingthetrailthemotherbear andhercubshaveleftbehind.Foodistornoffshelves,bagsofchipssquashed,abottleofpopspinninginaislethree.
Theownerofthestoreisalittleelderlywoman,maybeinherlatenineties Shelookstowardus,hereyeswide,apistol drawn.“Sheranbacktowardthefreezer.Ihaveastockerbacktherefillingitup.”
AspenandIfollowthemesstowardthebackofthestoreandaimatthebear Thestockboyhashuddledintothecorner ofthebackroom,andthebeariscompletelyoblivioustous,rummaginginsidethefreezerbeforetearingopenapackageof frozensalmon.I’mnotsurethiscould’vebeenplannedanybetter.
Thecubsplaybehindher,rollingbackandforth,makingtinygrowls,andbitingoneanotherplayfully
Aspenstepsforwardandslamsthedoorclosedbeforeslidingthelockintoplace. “Fuckinghell!”IgroanandpullAspenintomyarms “Youokay?” Shenods.“Yeah,youguys?”
Theboysnodandeveryoneleansagainstthewallofthestore.Usually,wetakeananimaldown.Wedon’tchasethem throughtownandtraptheminafreezer.Thisisnewforallofus.
“IjustcalledHenry,”Rowansays.“Whenwetalkedaboutrelocation,hesaidwecouldusesomeequipmentfromthe quarrytomovethebearandhercubs”
“Youtoldhimshewaspregnant?”
Rowannodsandstrokeshishanddownoverhisbeard “Hewasrealniceaboutit I’lltakecareofthingsfromhere
Youshouldgogetthatarmlookedat.”
WeallknowI’mnotgettingthisarmlookedat.
“I’mgoingtotalktotheshopownerfirst Iwanttoapologizeandoffertofixallthis”
“Wait,I’lltalktoher.”Aspenstaresupatmesweetly.“SheusedtobabysitEverleighwhenshewaslittle.I’msureIcan worksomethingout Youstaywiththeboys”
Consideringeverythingsoundsbetterfromabeautifulwoman,IletAspenhelpoutonthisone.
Shetipsupontohertoesandkissesmycheek “I’llberightback”
Iresisttheurgetosmackherassasshewalksaway.It’sahardurgetoresist.We’reallalittlehighfromthiscapture, thoughit’snothingcomparedtoeverydreamI’vehadcomingtruethisafternoon.
Whenshe’sclearoutofthespace,Hudson,mymostinquisitiveson,lookstowardme “So,whoisshe?”
BeforeI’mabletoanswer,Rowansays,“That’sthewomanfromthetradingpost,isn’tit?Theonewhosebananabread yourecreated.”
“Howdoyouknow?”
“Icantellbythewayyoulookather.Youalsocompletesentenceswhenshe’saround,so…Ifigureyouhadtoknowher fromsomewhere.”Heflashesasmile.“Sheseemsnice.”
“Weirdtoseeyouinlove,Dad Didn’tthinkitwaspossible,”Hudsonadds Love. I’m in love. I’ve been in love. It’snicetohearitoutloud.
Therestoftheboysstayquiet I’msurethey’reallinshock Notbecausetheycan’thandletheirdadwithawoman They’reoldenoughforthat.Ithinkmaybeit’sstrangeforthemtoseemewithanyone,period.
Aspenreturnswithasmileonherface.“Mrs.Robinsonisthesweetestwoman.Shetotallyunderstands.Itoldheryou’d payforthedamagetothefreezer,butsheinsistedthatyoudidn’t.”
“I’mpayingforthefreezer,thecontents,andtherestofthedamagewe’vecaused.Iappreciateherbeingsosweet,but I’msureyouhadsomethingtodowiththat”IleaninandkissthetopofAspen’shead Nowthattheimmediatedangerhasbeen satisfied,theurgetohaveheraloneagaincomesspillingbacktenfold.IrealizeIcan’thaveherrighthereinthegeneralstore, butsurelywecansneakawayforasecondalone Ihatehowthingswereinterruptedearlier
IscoopAspen’shandintomineandglancetowardtheboys.“We’regoingtoseehowmuchdamagethisbeardid.Letme knowwhenHenrygetsherewiththeequipment.”
It’sclearthatnoonebelievesI’mleavingtoassessdamage.Theirhalf-cockedgrinssayasmuch.That’sfair.Igave themallahellofatimewiththeirwomen,andI’veearnedwhat’scoming,butIdon’tletitstopme.
Aspen’shandinmine,wewalkoutofthegeneralstore,andintothelittleshedbehindthebuildingwhereIintendtokiss heruntilbackuparrives.
ChapterSeven Thefunnythingaboutkissingisthatit’snever just kissing. Withhim,onesinglekisshasmybodyinastateofliquefaction.
HegripsmywaistandguidesmecloseruntilI’mstraddlinghim Judgingbythegrowlmovinguphisthroat,I’dsayhe likesthisnewposition.
We’reinasmallshedbehindthegeneralstore Ididn’tevenknowthisplaceexisted Apparently,thisiswhereMrs Robinsonkeepstheoverflowofpaperproductsforthebathroom,aswellasafewcleaningsupplies.
I’msureit’snotactuallywarminherewiththewindhowlingandthesnowaccumulatingfast,butherewiththisbigman, I’mdrippingsweat.
Ican’tgetenoughofhim.
HisfingersgrazemylowerbackandIclosemyeyes,takingintheroughtextureofhisskin I’mnotsurewhatI’mdoing I’veneverfeltanythinglikethisinmylife,andpartofmeisparalyzed.Idon’tknowwhattodo,whattosay,howtoact.AllI knowisIneedhim now!
Hesmilesandleansup,pressinghislipsgentlyagainstmine.“Thisisnice.I’msorryit’snotperfect.”
“Whatareyoutalkingabout?I’veneverfeltanythingmoreperfect…ever.”
Hisgiantarmwrapsaroundmeandhekissesmyfaceoverandoverbeforecuppingmybreastandleaningintomyneck.
“Ineedyou,Sergei.Likerightnow.”Iswallowhardandstareathim,desperateforhimtogobacktoorderingme around Ilikehiminhiselement,tellingmetobendovertotakemyspankings Henods.“Ah,soyoulikeitrough?”
“Notwithanyoneelse Onlywithyou”
“Whyme?”
“It’swhoyouare,roughandwild.You…Iwantallofit.”
Hegrowlsunderhisbreathandstaresatme,tuckingastrandofhairbehindmyearbeforehesays,“Soyouwantmeto tellyoutogetonyourkneesandsuckmycocklikeagoodlittlegirl,eventhoughwe’reinthisshittylittleshed?”
Iswallowhard,myclitthrobbing,mypantiessoaked “Yes,”Iwhisper
Hisfaceremainsstoic.“Okay.”Hestandsandleansagainsttheflimsywallblockingthewindthatpushesthroughthe cracks “Getonyourknees,littleone Suckmycock,hard Iwanttowatch”
MypussyswellsasIkneelbeforehimandpullhisgoliathcockfromwithinhisjeans.
Istrokeitinmyhandafewtimesbeforelickinghisballsanddraggingmytongueuptheshaft.
Heshivers “Goodlittlegirl Yes”
ThepraiseiswhatIneedtokeepgoing.WrappingmyhandaroundhiscockasbestIcan,Ilowermymouthandsuck hard,workingmyrhythmfastandthenslow Icupmyotherhandaroundhisballsandapplysomepressure
He’spatientforawhile,thenhisbighandsdigintomyhair,andheworksmyheadagainsthiscocktothespeedthat pleaseshim “Moanonit Moanonmycock,littlegirl”
Mymoanturnsintoagag,butthatdoesn’tseemtobotherhim.Infact,Ithinkhelikesit.Itastethesaltypre-come spillingfromhisdick.
Iwantmore
Mypulsethudsashethumpsintomymouthandpullsoutwithapop.
“Climbuponthatbox,littleone,andbendforward Tellmewhatyouthinkaboutwhenyoutouchyourself”
Mypussythrobs.Icouldcomerighthereandnow,justlisteningtohimtalk.Idoashe’saskedandclimbupontothe box,crunchingdownthecardboardasIkneelforward,presentingmyselftohimlikeahungry,littlelioness,drippingwith need.
Hepalmsovermypantiesandrubsmyclitthroughthefabricforamoment,beforepullingthemtothesideandedging hisgiantdicktowardmyentrance
I’vethoughtaboutwhatthiswouldbelikeforyears,andoddlyenoughitwentjustlikethis.IknewsexwithSergei wouldn’tbeflowerpetalsandchampagne
That’snotwhatIwant.
Iwantthis.
Iwant,spurofthemoment,hastohaveit,bendmeover,fuckmehard,rough,wild,sex. Hisroughhandsdigintomyhipsasheslidesinside.He’ssohard.“You’retight,littleone.Fuckinghell.” Isighandsqueezemyeyesclosedashestretchesmewideandfillsmeup HowdidInotrealizetheemptinessIwas feelinguntilnow?
“Tellmewhatyouthinkaboutwhenyou’rerubbingthatswollenclit,”hegrowlsoutagain
Igripholdofarandomhandle.Ithinkit’samop,buttherearealotofrandomthingsinhere.“I,ugh,Iimaginedyoulike this…behindme,”Ipant.“Yourteethonmyskin.”
Heleansdownandbitesmyshoulder “Likethat?” “Harder!”
Hekissesmegently,thenbitesdownuntilIsquealandjumpbackagainsthiscock “Mylittlegirllikesitrough.”Henibblesagainstmyneckashefucksme,andsoonI’msoclosetocomingIworryI mightimplode
Hisbodyissobigthatwhenhebendsforward,I’mswallowedupbyhim.He’sstrongandmasculine,andeverybitof hisenergysoothesme.He’sincontrolofhimself,andsoIfeelincontrolofme.
“YouknowwhatIthoughtabout?”hegrowlsashethumpsintome “Ithoughtaboutthistightlittlepussyonmycock,and alltheprettylittlesoundsyou’dmakewhileIstretchedyouwide.”
IsighandreleasemybreathwhenIrealizeI’vebeenholdingit
“Iwantyourcome.Comeinsideme,Sergei.”
Hethumpsagainstmeharderandharder,vibratingenergythroughmybody Reachingforward,herubsmyclitashe works.“Notuntilyoucomeforme,littleone.Beagoodgirlandcomeonmycock.Ineedit!”
Myhearthammersandmyclitswells.Ireachbackandholdtighttohisgiantframe,lettinggoofeverythingI’vebeen shoulderingforeighteenyears Becauserightnow,inthismoment,I’mhappy I’mmorehappythanI’veeverbeen
Thesmallshedheatstoasweltering,unidentifiabledegreeandmythighsshakeasmybellytwistsandpressurebuilds.I can’tbearit
Icome… hard. Icanfeelthegutturalnoisesescapingmylipsasthewavesofpleasurerunthroughmybody.Myeyes squeezeshut,andhepushesdeeper,faster,harderasthoughmyreleaseisgettinghimoff.
“Goodgirl.Goodlittlegirlcomingonmycocklikethat.”
Hegrowlsoutasanexplosionshakestheworldaroundus.It’sloudenoughthattheshedvibrates,butwedon’tstop.He thumpsagainstmeharderandharder,grippingmyhipswithintention
Ihalfexpecthimtopullout,andataminimum,checkonwhatthatwas,buthedoesn’t.Hepushesmybackdownfurther andcontinueshispace
“Tellmeyou’remine,”hegrowls.
“I’myours!”Myvoiceisweakandthready.Hefeelssogood.
Ihearvoicesinthealleyway.Theboysmaybe,orownersofanearbyshop.I’msureeveryoneistryingtofigurewhere theexplosioncamefrom.Imightcaretoo,ifIweren’taneedypuddleofawoman.
Sergeigripsmyhipstighterandthrustsintomehard,releasingwithagrowl Agrowlthatshakesmysoul AgrowlI’d paymoneytohaveonrepeatinmyheadforeternity.
“AmIimaginingthings,ordidsomethingexplode?”Hehelpsmeofftheboxandturnsmetowardhim,kissingmylips sweetly.
“No.Iheardittoo.Whatdoyouthinkitwas?”
Heshrugsandbuckleshisjeans “Therewasthatpropaneyouheardhissingaswemadeourwayhere,butthatwasno smallpropanetankexplosion.Thatwassomethingelse.”
Hegroansandpullsmecloser “Ipromisewe’llgettoaplacewhereit’sjustyouandmeinanicecozybed,andnoneof thiswildshitgoingonaroundus.Okay?”
Ismileandleanagainsthischest “Ikindoflikethatyouchasedowngrizzlybearsandfuckmeinrandomsheds Maybe thisisourthing.”
Hetiltshisheaddownandsmiles. He smiles Thisbig,rough,goliathofamansmiles…andmyheartmelts. Iknowrightnow,thateverydaygoingforward,he’sallI’lleverneed
AspenandEverleighstandinthefieldgatheringflowersforthewedding.It’sagainstmynaturetowantanythingthat involvesswarmsofpeople,butwhenitcomestoAspen,IwanteveryonetoknowhowIfeel Ilovethiswoman.She’severythingtome.Nothingwilleverchangethat.
“Youdoin’okay,bigguy?”Aspen’sfriendLarkpatsmeonthebackasshejoinsmeontheedgeofthefield “Everleigh isreallyhappyforyouguys,andsoamI.Aspendeservesthis.”
“Ionlywanttomakeherhappy.”Iwatchasacoolbreezeblowsherhairback.“Whateverittakes,I’lldoit.” Larkwipesawayatear.“God,Iwantthat.WherecanIfindit?AretheremoreofyouinAlaskasomewhere?” Ilaugh.“You’reyoung.You’vegotplentyoftime.Besides,Aspentoldmeyouhadathingforaguyintown,wouldn’t saywho,butwhydon’tyoupursueit?”
Sheshakesherheadandgrins.“Yeah,andthenwhat?Maybewecanblowuphalfthetownlikeyoutwo.I’msurprised everyoneonthismountaindidn’trevoltandmakeyouleave”
“Wasn’texactlyourfault.Thatbeardidmostofit.”
“Ishouldsayso.Thebakeryneedsrebuildingandsodoeshalfthegeneralstore.Goodthingyouguysarestayingin towntofixit.”
“We’recontractorssothat’swhatwedo.Shouldhavethingsbacktonormalinafewmonths.Ithinkthereareafewguys comingdownfromWyomingtohelptoo Rowancalledinreinforcements”Igrin “That’snotwhatweweretalkingabout, though.Wewereabouttodiveintoyourlovelife.”
Sheglancesupatme “Youhavealottosayforaguywhosupposedlydoesn’ttalkmuch”
Ilaugh.“Well…ifthere’saguyintownyoulike,youshouldgoafterhim.Don’tleteighteenyearspassbylikewedid. NotadaygoesbythatI’mnottryingtomakeupforthattime.”
Shelooksuptowardmeasthoughmaybemyadviceissolid,butIseethebattlegoingonbehindhereyes.Iremember thatfeeling.Theonewhereyouwantsomethingsobadly,butyouknowtohaveitwouldmakeyouthebadguy.
“I’mprettysurethisisn’tthesame Idon’tknowwhattodo,butIknowI’vegottodosomethingsoon” “Doyouthinkhefeelsthesameway?”
“Whoknows?”Shesighs “Anyway,it’syourweddingday,notsitaroundandlistentomecryday I’mgladyouguysare stayinginRuggedMountain.Justpromiseyouwon’tblowanythingelseup.”
Ilaugh.“Nopromises.”
ShewandersintothefieldwithAspenandEverleigh,andapartofmebreaksforher Iknowwhatit’sliketowant somethingwithallyourbeingandfeellikeyou’llneverhaveit.
“Hey,Dad”Rowanstandsbesideme “Gotthetrackinginformationonthatbearback Guessshe’sclearintoCanada andthecubsarestillwithher.”
“Anothertownoraretheystayinginthemountains?”
Helaughs.“Inthemountains,thankfully.Wehaveanotherbighuntplanned?”
“Nothingrightnow.ThinkImightsettledownforabit.Aspenwastalkingaboutmaybetryingforababy.”
Hiseyeswiden “Ababy?You’reold”
Ibumphisshoulder.“Notthatold.Icanhackit.It’swhatwewant,andIwanttoseeherhappilyholdingourbaby.I wanttowatchherbeamom”
“Jesus!You’regettingsentimentalnow,too?”Rowangroans,butIknowhe’sjoking.Theboyshaveallbeensupportive ofeverything Theyalwayshavebeen I’mluckythey’remine
Maybe I am getting sentimental.
Ineedabeer,acigar,andafishingtrip.
Aspenjoinsusattheedgeofthefield “Earlyspringflowershavealwaysbeentheprettiest,don’tyouthink?” Igripherwaistandpullherin.“Iagreewholeheartedlythatanythingyou’reholdingistheprettiest.”
Sherollshereyes “You’reridiculous,andthat’snottrue I’mclearlyamessandIneedtogetdressedfortheceremony Canyouwraptheseupforme?”
“Areyousureyoudon’twanttowait?Ihavemoneysaved,andwecan ” “This isright.Flowersfromthefieldinfrontofour cabin.Aceremonywitheveryonewelove,inadress you picked out.Iwantthis.”Shestaresupatme.“Youandme,inthisfield,makingamemoryinfrontofthatriverwecanlookoutonfor therestofeternity It’sallIwant”
Iliftherintomyarmsandleanintoherlips,kissinghersweetly.Iplantokeepitthatwayuntilmytongueslidespasther lipsandbrusheshers Then,allbetsareoff
At least I think they are.
“Ohno,mister.”Shewigglesdownoutofmyarms.“Youhavetowaituntilaftertheceremony.”
“I’vehadyoudozensoftimes Ican’twait I’llgocrazy”Ipullheragainstme “You’resodamnperfect,littleone Everythingaboutyou.”
Sherunsherfingertipoverthescaronmyarm Theducttapedidthejob,thoughI’msurestitcheswould’vemadeita hellofalotprettier.“You’reperfect.Andifyouweretoliftmeupandbendmeoverthebackofyourtruck,I’dprobablylet you”Hertoneisplayfulandmelodic “Ah,soyouhaverequests.”
Hernosescrunches.“Kindof.I’vebeenthinkingaboutitsincelastnightwhenyouturnedtheheadlightson,andwe dancedforawhileinthedust”
“Ifuckedyoulastnighttoo.Againstthatpinetreeoutback.”
“Iknow,andIlikedit Now Iwantyoutobendmeoverthebackofthetruckbed” “Youwon’tmakeit.You’retooshort.”
Shestaresupatmeandgrins “I’llstandonyourtoolbox”
Thedeaconinterruptsusfrombehind.“Youtworeadytogetstarted?”
IdraginadeepbreathandlaughasIlooktowardAspen.Hercheeksarered.I’msureshe’swonderinghowmuchhe’s heard “Thisonestillwantstochange.”Iplantakissontopofherheadbeforesherunsoffthroughthegrass,backtowardthe littlecabinweboughttogetherafewweeksago It’sahumbleplacewiththreebedrooms,twobathrooms,andaviewofthe river.Itsitsontwelveacresafewmilesfromtown.
It’salittlelikeus.Itsatfartoolong,waitingforsomeonetocomealongandfixit.Butnowthattherightpersonhas,it’s warm,inviting,andalwaysfilledwithbananabread.
THANKYOUFORREADING READLARK’SSTORYHERE ChapterOne Clivestaresatmefromacrosstheroom.He’seasilythebiggestguyhere.Tall,inked,strong.Hisshouldersalonerival thewidthofthedoorway.Ifhewerelooksalone,itwouldbeeasytocompartmentalizewhateverfeelingsI’mhaving,butthis manismorethanahandsomefaceonagiantframe Thismaniseverything He’ssmart,he’sthoughtful,he’sfunny,andwhenhe walksinaroom,everyoneknowswho’sincharge.It’sinthewayhecarrieshimself,broadandconfident.
Hepullsbackasipofbeer Itmustbethelastdropbecauseheleavesthecanbehindandwalkstowardme Me? Why is he walking toward me?
Hisjeansaretight,buthiswhitet-shirtistighter.Theflannelhewearsoverthetopisrolledupatthesleeves,showing offthedarkinkthatringsaroundhisforearms.
Iletoutaheavybreathasheapproaches.Myheartispounding,mycheeksarehot,andmybrainisonachannelonly playingstatic IassumethisishowI’mprotectingmyselffromdisappointment Yaknow,theonewhereIwantthismanto throwmeoverthebarandfuckmelikeheownsme,wheninsteadhe’sprobablyheretoindiscreetlywhisperhowmuchtoilet paperIhaveonmyshoe
Iglancedowntodoublecheck.Nothingthere.
MaybeIleftmycarlightson,orIhavemarinarasauceonmyfacefromthemozzarellasticksIjustdowned.Literally everyconceivablethoughtismorelikelythantheepicfuckingI’mhopingfor.
Hisdarkeyesstaylockedwithmine,andmyheartbeatsfasterandfasterasheapproaches.
Thebarisbusytonight,crowdedwithfolkswho’vecomedownfromthemountaintoheartheup-and-comingcountry bandthat’splayingonstage.Wedon’talwaysgetgreattalent,butwhenwedo,it’sallpeopletalkaboutformonths.Tonightis proofofthat I’mprettysurethebarisovercapacity
Iglanceawayforasecond,noticingthebartenderispouringabottleofwhiskeyoutonthecountertop.
What the hell? Sure, it's bottom shelf, but why is he pouring it onto the counter?
WhenIturnback,Cliveisinmyspace.Hishandmovestowardmythroat,andhislipslandonmine,heavyandhot. What’s happening right now?
Themusicdullsbehindmeashebendsmebackontothesmallroundtable Hisbig,roughhandsmoveovermyframe andmyclitthrobsatthegruffsoundofhisvoiceashewhisperslowinmyear,“Youneedtobefucked,don’tyou?”
MyentirebodyheatsuntilI’moverwhelmed,andmyheartisslammingsohardagainstmychestIworryit’sgoingto stop,butsomehow,itfindsawaytobeatharder.
Cliveliftshislargebodyagainstmine,tugsdownthetopofmydress,andsqueezesmybreastwithhisroughhand.His tonguefollowssuitandsodohisteeth Hescrapesovermynippleandbitesdown,forcingmybodytoliftandjumpagainst his.
This can’t be real
Hishanddriftsbetweenmythighsandlandsagainstmymound.Herubsoverme,grindingtheheelofhispalmagainst myclituntilI’msufficientlysoaked
Hegroansashesays,“Ineedtoknowwhatyoufeellike,littlegirl.Youwantmeinsideofyou?”
Imoanoutsomesortofreplythat’sacrossbetweenyesand fuck yes.
Agrinspreadswideacrosshisface “Goodgirl”
Hespreadsmylegswide,reststhemonhisshoulder,andunzipshisjeans,pullingouthismassivecock.
There are people everywhere, but no one seems to pay attention to us At least not that I notice That said, I’m a little distracted.
Iwatchashejerkshislengthafewtimesbeforeanglingittowardmyseam
He’snotworriedaboutprotectionorregretoranything.He’sonlythinkingaboutfuckingme,andIlikethat. “Tellmeifthishurts.”Histoneislowashesays,“Iknowthisisyourfirsttime.”
Howdoesheknowit’smyfirsttime?We’veonlytalkedhalfadozentimes,andwhenwedo,it’salwaysaboutCody Whichmakessense,consideringCodyishisson,andupuntilamonthago,weweredating.Thatsaid…thisdoesn’tmake senseatall Codywouldn’ttellhisdadI’mavirgin Hehasnoreasonto Besidesthat,lastIchecked,Codycouldn’tstandme I’dbethe’slookingforallkindsofreasonsnottothinkofme.Thatandheandhisdaddon’treallyhavethatkindof relationship.Codyisaloofandonlyintoskateboardingandsmokingweed.Clive,ontheotherhand,spendsallhistime workingthelandandtryingtoprepareforthefuture.
My virginity wouldn’t be a topic of conversation. Idraginastaggeredbreathandgriptheedgeofthetableashepressesintomyseam Theachetofeelhismassivesize againstmeisunrivaledbyanythingI’veeverfelt.It’sayearning,adesperation,athirstthatnothingelsecanquench.
Hisgazeisintensewithmine,andhiscockispressinginwhenaglassshattersbehindusandI’msuddenlydrenched
withliquid.
What the hell?
Myeyesflickopen,andmybestfriendDollyisbesideme,shakingmeawake Disappointmentfillsmybody.I’mnotsureifit’sbecauseIknowI’llneverfeelCliveagainstmelikeI’vebeen dreamingof,orifit’sbecauseI’llnevergetthatdreamback Eitherway,mynightisruined “Whofallsasleepatabar?”Dollyisatallblondewithcurvesinalltherightplacesthatmennotice.Me,ontheother hand,IwentsounnoticedthatIfellasleepanddecideddreamsweremybestbetatagoodtime “Iwasn’tasleep.Iwasrestingmyeyes,”Ilieinhopesofsomemercy.
Sheshakesherheadandgrins.“IsawBobbytalkingtoyouearlier.How’dthatgo?”
Irollmyeyes “Datetomorrownight Shouldbe interesting”
“Givehimachance!He’sadecentguy.”
Ipinchmylipstogetherandnod “Yeahright”
Theflatlookonherfacetellsmeshe’stiredofmypessimism.Idon’tblameher.EveryguyI’vetrieddatingsinceCody hasbeendeficientinonewayoranother IfI’mbeinghonestwithmyself,I’mprobablynotgivingthemachance “IranintoCliveearlier.He’sgoingtogiveyouaridehome.”
“Wait,what?Cliveishere?”
“Yeah,everyoneishere”Sheflipsherhairbehindherback “Iknowyouguyshadagoodrelationship,soIdidn’tthink you’dmind.”
Panicrumblesthroughmelikeanout-of-controltrain “Whataboutyou?”
“I’mstayingwiththegirlsforawhile.Thebandisjustgettingstarted.”Shenodstowardthedoor,whereCliveis leaningagainstthefrontcounterofthebar.He’swearingjeansandablackt-shirt,inkcoveringbotharmsandhisthroat.“He noticedyouweresleepingandaskedifyouwantedaridehome.Ifiguredyoudid.ShouldItellhimyoudon’t?”
Ithinkaboutherquestionasthoughit’sthefinalexamonatestI’vebeenstudyingforallsemester.I’dgivejustabout anythingtobealonewithClive,butgiventhefactthatmypantiesarestillsoakedfromtheimaginaryfuckingwewerejust doing,thatmightnotbethebestidea.
Clivewalkstowardus,histhumbhookedintothelooponhisjeans,hisgiantframewalkingtowardmeliketheanswer toeveryproblemIeverhad.“I’mheadingout.Youready?”
Mypantiessoak… again He’sbarelyspoken.Hehasn’tdoneanything,butthetimbreofhisvoicealonehasmybody reacting.
I’mprettysureIneedapsycheval.Whoobsessesovertheirex-boyfriend’sfatherlikethis?
Weirdos that’s who Lonely,weirdogirlswhohavenothingbettertodowiththeirtime I’mprettysureI’veseenapoll somewhere.IshouldlookitupwhenIgethome.Ibetitwouldhelpmeputthiswholethingintoperspective.LordknowsI needit
Dollybrushesmyarmandreachesinforahug.“Iloveyou.I’llcallyouinthemorning.”
“Youhaveadriver,right?”Shesmellslikealcohol,andwhileIknowDollyisresponsible,Istillworry.
“Yes,Ihaveadriver”Shekissesmyforehead “Leahistakingmehome”
Leahisathirty-two-year-oldsinglemomwhonevergetsanighttoherself.I’msureshedoesn’twanttoplaydesignated drivertoabunchofdrunktwentysomethingstonight,butshe’salwaysbeenacaretakerlikethat
Clivelooksdownatme.“Let’sgothen.I’llgiveyouarideback.”
“Areyousure?Icancallaround”
Histhickbrowsnarrow.“I’mdrivingrightpastyourhouse,sowe’regoing.Comeon.Besides,you’redrunk.I’mnot leavingyouherealone.I’msureyourparentswouldn’tappreciatethat.”
My parents Ofcourse,he’sconcernedaboutwhatmyparentswouldthink becausethemanistheirage He’snot thinkingaboutbendingmeoveratableortouchingmeinanykindofwaybecauseI’mliterallyachildtohim.Besidesthat,I usedtodatehisson,soI’msurethatputsmeinawholeothercategory Acategorythatdoesn’tleavehisdickhard
Why couldn’t I have been born twenty years ago?
“Okay Yeah Soundsgood,”Ifinallysay,followinghimoutthefrontdoorintothecoolnightair
Inthebreeze,thescentofpinewaftsoffhimandcarriesbacktowardme.
MyclitthrobsandIsqueezemythighstogetherinanattempttoquelltheurges,butitdoesnogood.
Cliveopensthetruckdoorandhelpsmeinside MyhandsinksintohisasIclimbup,andforasecond,Iwonderhow manywomenhe’shelpedupintothistruck.
I should really stop torturing myself
Whenheroundsthetruckandclimbsinside,Istaretowardhim,watchingashisbicepsmoveandhishandswallowsthe shifter.It’sanoldChevy.Idon’tknowtheyear,butitremindsmeofaworktruckthat’sbeenfixedadozentimesover.
“Sorryitsmellslikedieselinhere.ProductoftherepairIdid.”Histoneissolowthatwhateverjargonhejustsaid soundedsexy.
Idraginthescentofpineandoil,memorizingeverynote.Normally,Iwouldn’tthinkofthetwoascomplimentaryto eachother,butsomehow,CliveandthisbeatupChevymakeitwork.
“Youokay?”Hestartsuptheengineandflicksonhisblinker “Yeah,why?”
“You’resighinglikesomething’sonyourmind”
Something is on my mind alright.
“I’mfine,”Ilie
Hepullsoutontothestreet.“You’reclearlynotfine.Ifthisisweirdforyou,Iapologize.IknowI’dbeweirdtooifI werewithmyex’sdad.”
“Oh,no It’snothing I’mnotweird,I’mgood Justlivinglife,yaknow?Onedayatatime Idon’tevenmissCody He wasn’tforme.Notthatyouasked,but,yaknow,ifyouwerecurious.Notthathe’snotgoodforsomeone…becauseheis,I’m sure But,yaknow,he’sjustimmatureforme,andI’mnotrightforhim I,”IsuckinairasthoughI’mrunninglow,“I’mtalking toomuch.”
Clivelaughs “Codyisapainintheass Ialwaysthoughtyoucoulddobetter”
Ifreezeinplace.I’msurethewordsmeannothinginreality,butinmytwistedmind,theymeaneverything.
“Ishouldn’thavesaidallthat.Cody’sagoodguy.We’rejustnotmadeforeachother,yaknow?” Why do I keep saying ‘ ya know’like a sixteen-year-old valley girl? Next, I’ll be twisting my hair and blowing big pink bubbles Thankfully, I’m fresh out of bubble gum.
Clivenodsandlaughsashepullsontotheroadthatleadsupthemountainside “YouforgetIknowwhoheis Iwas therewhenhecheatedonyou,Lark.Iknowthathadtohurt.Youdidn’tdeserveit.HeandIhadalotoftalksaboutthat.”He clearshisthroat.“Notthatanyofthemsankin.”
Iglanceawayandbackagain.“Ifigurehedidmeafavor.BetterIknownowI’mnothisthingthantwoyearsfromnow.”
“Still,”Clivesays,“itwaswrong.I’msorryaboutthat.”
“Youdon’thavetoapologize Youdidn’tdoanything”
“Iraisedhimtoknowbetter.Feelslikeafailureonmypart.”Cliveclearshisthroat.“IsawBobbytalkingtoyouatthe bartonight How’sthatgoing?”
Ilaugh.“Hewantstogoouttomorrownight.”
“Isthatwhyyouwerenapping?”
“Wasitthatnoticeable?”Igrin.“I’veneverdonethatbefore,Iswear!” Heshakeshisheadandstrokeshisbeardbeforeglancingtowardme.“Whereishetakingyou?”
“Who?Bobby?”
Hiseyesareontheroadagain.
“Idon’tknow Thequarry,Ithink There’ssomemeteorshowertomorrownightthatwe’regoingtowatch” “Atthequarry?”Histoneisjudgmental.“That’snotadate.Thereareallkindsofassholesupatthequarry.It’snotsafe tobeupthereatnight.Youshouldtellhimthat.”
“Willdo,”Isay,ignoringthewarmthinmyheartthat’sspreading I’msurehisprotectivenessovermeisonlybecause he’solderandhefeelssomekindofparentalthingovermebecauseIusedtodateCody,butstill…itfeelsgood.
“Really,”hecontinues,“youshouldn’tgoupthere Ifyouwanttoseethemeteorshower,there’saplaceoutnearthelake that’ssafe.I’lltextyoutheaddress.”
Iresisttheurgetoclimbovertheseatandmaulhimwiththepent-upaffectionI’mdesperatetospread Heflicksonhisblinkerandturnsintomydriveway.“Yourparentsupthislateordotheyleavethelightsonforyou?” My parents I still live with my parents How embarrassing is this?
“Theyleavethelightsonforme,”Imanage Thisisalietoo MymomwaitsupformeeverysinglenightlikeI’mstilla fifteen-year-oldgirl,notatwenty-two-year-oldwomanwithajobandafull-timecollegeworkload.“Iwanttomoveout,butI can’taffordmyownplaceyet”
Henods.Howdoesthismangethotterandhotterbythesecond?“IcanshowyousomecabinsuponEagleRidgeif you’relooking Theyhavesomerentalsuptherethatarereallyaffordable”
“I’dlovethat!”ThewordscomeoutbeforeIthinkthemthrough.Inreality,I’veseenthosecabins.They’rethecheapest onthemountain,butthey’restilltooexpensiveforme.Truthfully,I’mstuckwithmyparentsuntilIgraduatecollege.Eventhen, it’llprobablybelongerstillasIlookforajob
HerattlesoffhisnumberandItypeitintomyphonewithshakinghandsandatightstomach.
“Letmeknowhowyourdategoestomorrow I’mhereifyouneedanything”
Iglancetowardhim,myheartslammingagainstmychest,mystomachbuzzingwithbutterfliesandwarmth.Iwillmost definitelybetextinghimtomorrow.
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EscapeToTheWorldOfBig,RuggedMountainMen. (Each story can be read alone, but together they unlock a world)
RuggedMountainInk(The Beginning)
Restless(SecretBaby,AgeGap)
Broken(Protector,AgeGap)
Filthy(AgeGap,Virgin)
Fearless(EnemiestoLovers,AgeGap)
Badass(AgeGap,Virgin)
Passionate(SingleMom,FakeRelationship):
Striking(DamselinDistress,AgeGap)
ToughGuy(MC,AgeGap)
Protector(DamselinDistress,AgeGap)
Spicy(AgeGap,Virgin)
RuggedMountainInk(Filthy,Dirty,Small-TownLove)
Obsessed(Student-Teacher,AgeGap)
DirtyTalker(AgeGap,Virgin)
Temptress(AgeGap,Taboo)
LoneWolf(AgeGap,MailOrder)
Savage(AgeGap,Grumpy/Sunshine)
DeliveryMan(AgeGap,SecretBaby)
Scrooge(AgeGap,Cowboy)
Innocent(AgeGap,Virgin)
Lumberjack(AgeGap,EnemiestoLovers)
Bookworm(AgeGap,Cowboy)
RuggedMountainInk(WaylonFamilyRanch)
ProtectorCowboy(AgeGap,BestFriendsDaughter)
KidnappedbytheMountainMan(AgeGap,Protector)
ForbiddenCowboy(AgeGap,BossesDaughter)
StalkedbytheMountainMan(AgeGap,Virgin)
ScarredCowboy(AgeGap,Virgin)
MailOrderMountainMan(AgeGap,EnemiestoLovers)
BrothersBestFriendCowboy(AgeGap,Virgin)
SecretBabyfortheMountainMan(AgeGap,Protector)
Filthy,Dirty,Cowboy(AgeGap,Virgin)
Big,Bad,MountainMan(AgeGap,Protector)
RuggedMountainMC
RidingRough(AgeGap,BestFriendsDaughter)
RidingHard(AgeGap,Taboo)
RidingDirty(AgeGap,Forbidden)
RidingHot(AgeGap,Forbidden)
RidingCowgirl(AgeGap,Kidnapped)
RidingWicked(AgeGap,SecretBaby)
RidingWild(AgeGap,EnemiestoLovers)
RidingSavage(AgeGap,Forbidden)
RidingMr.Right(AgeGap,Taboo)
RidingCurves(AgeGap,SingleMom)
RuggedMountainInk:BalsamCreekLodge
KidnappedforChristmas:(AgeGap,EnemiestoLovers) Filthy,Dirty,Christmas(AgeGap,BrothersBestFriend)
StalkedforChristmas(AgeGap,Taboo) Sticky,SweetChristmas(AgeGap,Taboo) ProtectedforChristmas(AgeGap,DamselinDistress)
RuggedMountainGoliaths
SavageProtector(AgeGap,DaughtersBestFriend)
HuntedandKept(AgeGap,Protector)
StrongandSteady(AgeGap,SecretBaby)
RoughandTumble(AgeGap,SecretBillionaire,MountainMan) WrappedandRescued(AgeGap,Rescue,MountainMan)
ProtectedbytheMountainMan(AgeGap)
ProtectedbytheCowboy(AgeGap)
ProtectedbymyStalker(AgeGap)
ProtectedbymyBrothersBestFriend(AgeGap)
ProtectedbytheBiker(AgeGap)
RuggedMountainMC ANTI-HEROES Outlaw Ruin More Coming Soon!
