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Onwardyougo!IhopeyouloveJoandJudgeasmuchasIdo
JUDGE
Ibroke Lucifer’s cardinal rule whenIlost control and backhanded Michāel Now, Iwould kneel before mykingand sire, before all demons inthe openskythrone room. Withthe easygrace bornfroma lifetime ofstrippingbefore witnesses, I released the buckles of my leathers, stripped, and dropped to my knees at the foot of his throne. Lucifer raised one finely archedbrow,hisdarkeyesimpatient Ihadincurredhiswrath,andIwouldtakehisiretoshieldtheremainingHēlansfrommy actions.
Mygaze dropped to Lucifer’s longblackfingernails, drummingalongthe throne’s armrest, clickingoutanirritated, staccato rhythm.Onhismiddlefinger,theEbonHornRingreflectedtorchesandtorturedfacesinitsmanyfacets.Withoutthatring,he wouldneverhaveenoughpowertosubduemeorholdtheroyalseatofHell
Wewaited.LuciferwouldletallofHellsoakmysubmissioninaspartofmyprolongedpunishment.Athousandeyesburned intomynakedback,rakingdownthedeep,raggedscarsbornacrossthebodyofHell’sonlyblood-heir
IwasLucifer’swinglessshadow,neitherdemonnorangel.Unworthy.I’dbeenmadeinhisimage,butforthegilded,curling hornsIinheritedfrommymother,marringmyforehead.
Mygaze found the ringagain Aringmade byangelic hands fromdemonfleshto enhance the magic ofa realmweaver My motherhadbeenourMoirahēla,theavatarofHell,theultimateweaveroftherealm.ShehadbeentheconduitofHell’spower, Hēla.Hermightyhornshadbeenshorn,shaped,andfinallycometorestonherlover’sfinger.Thatringremindedmethatlove wasadevastatingweaknesstobeusedagainstyouandbreakthoseyou’dsworntoprotect
Luciferpulledhisblackiridescentfeatheredwingstightagainsthisback
Michāel dropped to Lucifer’s side, white feathered wings rustling. “Your sacred laws have been trod upon, brother. An exampleofyourexcellentfuckinggriponthisshithole Ifyouwantanymore favors,youwilldosomethingbeforeIdo”
Luciferhadthreerules,andIbroketwo.Thefirstlaw ofLucifer’sHell wastoobeytheKing.Thesecondrulewasdeathto those who rebelled against angels The third was just for me; I was to never raise myhand against another inHell If the demonshatedthehalf-breedsonoftheirMoirahēla,theyloathedmyweaknessandsubserviencemore.
“YourJudgethinksheisabovethelawbecauseofhispatheticrealmmagic Notunlikeyou,brother”
IdidnotthinkIwasabovethelaw.HadInotdoneeverythingthatLuciferasked?ExceptlayhandsonMichāel.Ierasedany tensionfrommybodythatmightbetrayme,butcouldnoteasethefinetremor inmyfists andthesubtletwitchtomylipthat hintedatmyanger.Itookthebruntofhiscruelty,deflectinghisfocusfromtheinhabitantsofHell theysufferedenoughformy mother’sfailing
IglaredatMichāel,hatinghimdowntothemarrow
“Wasted,”Lucifer said,hispowerful voiceresonatinginmyhead.Hestood,pointingalong-talonedfinger atme.Therealm respondedtohisgesture,respondedtothering
Stone liquified, rippingup fromthe ground to wrap around mywrists. Hēla held me backand drained mypower into her depthsatthering’scommand Sharpfeartriedtomakemeweak
Demonsmurmured.Thiswasdifferent.
Michāelslippedhisheavyswordfromagoldensheath,andLucifergaveasubtlenod.
Iliftedmychinandstaredintothedarknessofhiseyes,swirlingblackpools hiseyes,solikemine Asachild,I’dbegged favor andforgivenesswithmypledgesofloyaltyathisfeetwantinghisloveandprotection.Ihadonlyknowntheanger and madnessofthoseblackeyes
Lucifer losttheabilitytolovelongago.Icouldnotremember atimebeforerageobscuredthecolorsofhiseyesandburied paternalurges Madnesshadnotdiminishedhisangelicbeauty
IfIweretobebeheaded,Iwouldlookuponhisbeautifulface.AngersimmeredandIknew itwouldobscuremyfearforthe HellI’dleavebehind.
Ichokedontheroilingthoughts,swallowedthebloodymemories,andmademyselfstillinside Inthislastmoment,Iwouldnot lettheHēlansseeweakness.
“Youaremygreatestdisappointment Dowhatyouwill,Michāel,”Lucifersaiddismissively IblinkedawayapangofsomethingIcouldn’tname.
Silverstreakedinmyblurredvision.Mymusclesbunchedinreflex.Itriedtolunge.Restraintsbitintomywristsuntilblood drippeddownmyhands.
Michāel’s sword arced highand fast. Witha flashof cold white light, he severed Lucifer’s hand fromhis body, sendingit sailingintothethrongofwailingdemons.
Hēlaroaredinmymind,herpowershudderingthroughme.MichāelthrustthebladeintoLucifer’schest,grippinghisshoulder andpullinghimtheremaininginchestothehiltandintoahug Blackbloodran,slickingthefloor,stainingMichāel’stunic Lucifer’sbeautifulfaceslackened,theedgesofhisformchippingawaylikeoldpaint,turningtoashanddriftingupintotheair. Icouldn’tremember a time before Lucifer, a time before mysire Lucifer’s head dropped backto lookup into the churning coal-coloredsky.Thecornersofhislipsturnedupwardinasubtle,sadsmile.
Michāelliftedhisleg,plantinghisbootontoLucifer’sabdomen,andkickedthebodyfreeoftheblade Asnarlrippedfromme; lesserdemonsfled.Michāel’seyesfoundmine.“Hell’sloyaldog,”Hemurmured.“Well,Judge?”
Hēla’spowersurgedintome,floodingmymindwithpromisesthatwecouldreclaimthekingdom,reclaimallofHell
Shacklesbrokeaway,andIstayeddown Hēlansdidnotwantme Ifailedthem
“No?” Michāel smirked, his gaze swept over mythick, curlinghorns and downmybody. “Good. I rather like youonyour knees” He kicked Lucifer, sendingthe bodywheelingdownthe dais ina flurryof dust that sucked up into the atmosphere beforeithitthefloor.Gone.Luciferwasgone.“Disappointing,indeed.”
Surveyingthe crowd, Michāel grinned, a smear of blackblood downone cheek “First to claimthe ringcanhave this shit hole.”Exceptnodemonsthathadtriedtheringcouldwearitandnonewereworthyofmymother’spower.
Criesandshoutsoffuryrosefromthewrithingmob.
RealmweaverswereararityinHell;theywerefightingover somethingtheycouldnotevenwield Gleaming,sweatybodies fought,untilthethrongpartedtorevealapalemass.
Hēlahissedinmymind,urgingmetomove Iwasunworthy How couldIheal whatmyparentsnearlydestroyed?Iwasthe worst parts of themboth, unrecognized bymypeople. Onlythe realmitself wanted me and I did not trust Hēla’s judge of character
The pale mass broke free notevena demon.Ayoungdeadman? Small andsoftcomparedtothe demons surroundinghim. Human Anewcomer,someonewhoslippedthroughanEbonGateunnoticed Sensingmyquestion,Hēlaoffereduptheman’s nametome. Hooch.Hoochclutchedawitheringblackfinger,fleshturningtodustinhishandsashepulledtheblackringoff andshoveditontohisownfinger.
IexpectedinstantNothingness,likemanyLucifer toyedwithinthepast.Withanerraticjump,Hoochspookedthedemonsto hisrightandleft Theyscurriedaway,wingsflapping Demonshissedandgrowled WhenIcouldfinallytearmyeyesaway, Michāelwasgone,andmysire’sthronewasempty.
Ahumanwithrealmmagic,then?Couldthatbeall?Henry“Hooch”WilliamMonroe Twenty-fiveyearsoldatthetimeofhis death.Apettythiefand murderer, diedfrommultiple gunshotwounds a crime syndicate pawn and the new KingofHell. ThatwasallHēlacouldoffernowthatheworethering
Hoochclimbedthedaisinabloodiedblackbandt-shirtandrippedjeans.Hesankontothenarrow-backedthronelikeithad alwaysbeenhis Hishairwasdark,slickedbackwithdried,crustedbloodthatmadeitlookblackorbrown Hetwistedhis hand,admiringthefacetsoftheringwithasmirk.Itfithimperfectly,andIhatedhim.
Below,somelingeredtoseewhatthenew KingofHellwoulddo,andothersfled,fearingadisplayofpowerorrevenge A fewpower-hungrydemonsedgedcloser.TherewasnowhereforthelastscionofHelltoescape.Numbnesscreptinonmeat theedges
“You,”Hoochcalled,eyesflickingfromthefleeingcrowdtome,“Nakeddude.Comehere.”
Mygazestucktotheplaceswheredustandsootclungtothestairs. Lucifer.Amaelstromswirledinsideme,andIcrammedit down.IhadchosentoremaininmyrolewhenIchosenottofightforthering.IhadchosentoprotectHēlansfromwhatever monsterascendedthethrone Iwouldswearmyselftotheirnewmasterandserve
“Yes,myKing.”Ileftmygarmentswherethey’dfallenandrosetomyfeet.
Hooch’ssmirktransformedintoagrin.“MyKing?Oh,oh,oh.Ilikethat!Ithasagoodbuzztoit,don’tyouthink?AndMrs.
Batesdidn’tthinkI’dturnintoanythingworthadamn.Isshehere?My8th-grademathteacher?”
Millions of faces flashed through my mind, my power touching every soul not yet burned up in the Catacombs I traveled througheachhumanface,eachcrime,andpunishment.Secondspassed.“Yes.”
“Whataboutmymother?”
“No.”
“Hmmph.Wecandisagreeaboutthatone.”Isearchedagainbutfoundanoddemptinesswheremymindsaidhismothershould be.Hooch’seyeswanderedthethroneroom,calm,calculating,andforthefirsttime,Isawaflashofunsettlingintelligence.“Is BenjiBarronhere?No,forgetIasked.I’llfindhimonmyown…Iknowhe’shere.Ihavesomanyquestions.”Sincetherewas nothingtorespondto,Iwaited.“WhatcanIdowiththisring?”
“ThelandscapeofHellisyourstomanipulatethroughthatring.”
“Ihaven’tbeendeadlong,Idon’tthink,butit’shardtogauge,yaknow?Timeworksdifferentlyhere I’vebeenaround I’ve seenyouchangeHell.Imean,fuck,let’snotforgetyouhavegiantramhorns.Areyoumorepowerfulthanme?”
“IwouldneverriseagainstthethroneofHell”
“Areyoumorepowerfulthanotherdemons?”
WasI?Hēlareachedformelikearejectedlover,andIpushedherfamiliarembraceofpoweraway.
“Yes,”Iadmitted
Hoochwaitedformetosaymore,butheleanedforwardwhenIdidn’tlaunchintoamonologue.“Whatcanyoudo?”
Itfeltlikeatrap.“Ihavesomerealmmagic,”Ihedged.“Hēlarespondstomycall,butnotasshewillrespondtoyouwiththe ring”
“Whocankillme?”Heasked,rotatingtheringonhisfinger.
“Youarealreadydead.Solongasyouwearthatring,noresidentsofHellcanbanishyoutoNothing.”
Thecoolcalculationreturnedtohiseyes “NoresidentsofHell;butotherscould,isthatright?Explain”
“Ifyouandtheringareseparated,anythingcouldbanishyoutoNothing.Withthering,youareprotectedfrominhabitantsof Hell while youare inHell We don’t know everythingaboutthe ring, itwas crafted byangels to control this realm Every realmhasitsownlaws.”
“That’s cool I get it Don’t leave Hell, don’t piss off angels” Hoochpaused again, lookingdownat his dirty, tornt-shirt stainedwithblood.“WhatifIhaveunfinishedbusiness,youknow,above?”
“NeitherthedeadnorLucifer,theHighKing,couldleavethisrealm Youmaytry,buttheremaybeconsequences Earthside,as themiddlesister,isthegreatpowerequalizer.Ifthelawsarebroken,Iamtoldthereareworsethingsthanangels.”
Hellabsorbedthesmokyresidueatmyfeet,soakingthelastofLuciferuplikeoverduepayment.Hēlawhisperedtomethatthis
wasjust,thiswasfair,butalsoworrisome something was wrong.
“No,no,I’mcool Thisisfine Thisisbetterthanfine ItotallythoughtIwasgoingtoburninHellforaneternityanyway At leastIgetthekingpinsuite.”Hoochstood,reachinguptohisnecktopullasilverchainfromunderneathhisshirt.“So,theKing ofHellcan’tdirectlyinfluencetheliving,butcanindirectly?Icantellyouwhattodo?”
Thesilverchainslitheredbetweenhisfingersasherippeditfreefromhisneckandhelditouttome.Wasitacrossorasmall dagger?Reluctantly,Iextendedmyhandandallowedthechaintodrop,coiledintomypalmbeforeathick,largecrosswiththe bottompointcarvedintoastakehitmyskin.
Apowerfulmemorypunchedthroughme Mystomachmusclescontracted,andmyvisionwentdarkwithsight
I was in a dimly lit room. The light from a cracked door making the shadows long. Blinking hurt, and my eyelids were swollen I could only see a thin sliver of the space A fist curled softly, pink fingernails catching the light from the other room. Abroadly muscled male in a white shirt splattered with blood moving, moving, the giant silver necklace swinging. Iblinked,andmyvisioncleared.
Hoochscrutinizedmyface,thenmyhand “Don’tbreakit It’satrophy,andit’snotforyou”
IunclenchedthefistIhadn’trealizedI’dmade.“MyKing,whatisthis?”
“Nah,noking.CallmeBoss,prettyboy.I’mthe bigger-badthanJack,now,aren’tI?Ican’twaitforthatsorryfuckertobegat myfeet. We’ll be waitingfor him.“ He smirked, and Icould tell bythe wayhe pumped his fists thata revenge fantasywas unfoldinginhismind
We’ll bewaiting?
Aflashofpinknailpolishechoedinmymind.Iflinched,unaccustomedtounbiddenmemories remnants,Icalledthem.My sightwasmysecondstrongestgiftandfullywithinmycontrolwhileinHell.Inexplicably,Iwantedtodestroythenecklace.I wantedtostrangletheKing no, Boss.
Hoochstartled,noticingmeagain “Moodringsforeyes,huh?That’sinconvenientforyou”
ItriedtobreatheandletgooftheangerthatIknewchangedmyeyestoswirlingpoolsofinkyblackness.
Hoochrana hand throughhis hair, observingdemons gatheringatthe base ofhis dais. “Ishould have told her. FuckBenji, we’dhavetornapartthewholeBarronpacktogether.Justherandme,likeit’salwaysbeen.Ineedher.”Hisfingerscaughton crustedclumps,andhedroppedhisarmtohisside HiseyessnappedtomineandIfelttherealmripple,respondingtohim “She’snotgoingtolikeyou.”
Icouldn’tfollowhisjumps “Whoisn’t?”
“Youaregoingtopside”
“Earthside.”
“Whatever Earth IfyoucanchangeHell,canyouhideyourhorns?Canyoube Idon’tknow lesspretty?Andmaybemore clothed?“Hooch’sstaredroppedtomygroin,andheraisedaneyebrow.“Couldyoubealittlemorerealistic?”
Ifoldedmyhands behindmyback,baringmyselftohim.“Sendsomeoneelse.IfIamgone,therewill benoonecapableof managingthedeadintheCatacombs.”
If I am gone there will be no one to protect the realm from you.
“Don’tworryaboutit IthinkI’mgoingtosurpriseyou I’llsubforyouorfindatemp” “Temp?”
TheBossofHellgrinned.“Isaiddon’tworryaboutit,PrettyBoy.I’mthebossnow andwhatIsaygoes.Whoeversaysno? Well,theircorpsescanpollutetheozonelikethelastking’sdid.Justfindmysister.Findherandbringhertome.”
o,youhavetogo IneedyoutogobeforeBeccagetsup”Chrisshiftedinthecreakingchair,foldinghishandsinfrontof himonthetablebetweenus.Becca’sbedroomdoorwasclosed,theonlybedroomintheapartment.
Ishookmyhead,needinghimtoslowdown,windingmyhandsinthehemofmyoversizedblackt-shirt IknewIcouldn’tstay, butIhadn’tfiguredoutwheretogonext.Ionlyhadoneotherpersonleft.
“Jo, Iknow this shit’s notyour fault ” Chris’s tanknuckles were stickywithblood, a freshbruise curbingdownhis right templeandcheekbone.Bruisesdappledbothforearms.“But,fuck,youareashit-magnet.”
Thatstung I was ashitmagnet Notknowingwhatelsetodo,Inoddedandcastmygazearoundthedingykitchen Guiltand angerwarred,anemotionalspiralloomingbeforeme.Ihadnowhereelsetogo.
Whatthefuckwaswrongwithme?WhywasIheretobeginwith?IlovedBeccaanddidn’twanttoputherindanger.Becca hadbeenasurprise,adelightfulandwickedlysmartnine-year-old,introducedtoherdadwhenshe’dbeendumpedathisdoor. “Comeon,Jo.Don’tbemad.”
Iwasn’tmad Ijustneededaminute Oraweek Ineededsleep
Chris letoutachildishwhine.“Youknow ithas tobethis way.Ican’tkeephavingJack’s hacks sniffingaroundlookingfor you Ican’tkeephidingyou,myslumlord he’llraisemyrentagain,andI’mstilltryingtocomeupwithlastmonth’srent I’m tryingtobeagooddadforfuckingonceinmylife.Yourmomwasshit;Iknowyouwishedshe’dputyouguysfirst.”
Sickdesperationwon,diggingthewordsoutofmymouthbeforeIcouldstuffthembackdown “Ifyoucouldjuststayclean ” IhatedmyselfassoonasIsaidit.
Chris’seyebrowslifted,mouthajar.“Ican’tbelieveyoujustsaidthat.”
Asifhissobrietyhadanythingtodowithmeendangeringhimandhisdaughter Thetwopeoplethosewordsweremeantfor weren’tevenalivetohearthem.
Chrislookeddownathiscrustedknuckles,thenlaidhishandsflatonthetable,glaringatme “Iamfuckingsober Islippedup lastmonth,butI’mtrying.Drugsaren’tmoreimportantthanmykid,okay?Youaren’tmoreimportantthanmykid.”
Ouch Bilechurnedupinmythroat Ofcourse,hewasright Whatwaswrongwithme?ChrishadbeentheclosestthingIhad toafriendinyears.
Whenyour pastwas a laundrylistofshitthatmade for good trashrealityshows, itwas hard to make friends youcouldn’t traumabondwith.Mutualinterests?Sure,Icouldtalkaboutmyloveforsingingtoinanimateobjectsthatcouldn’tcriticizemy alto TherewereprobablyplentyofwomenthatcouldrelatetomyobsessionwithbuyingplannersIprobablywouldn’tuse butmight this time.Still,itwasn’tthesameasbondingoverpain,hunger,ordebatingwhetherornotdry,seasoned,packaged ramenwasbothafull dinnerandadecentcrunchymoviesnack IfIcouldn’tmeetmybasicneeds,how wouldIfindtimeto bondoverplannersormusic?
Chrisunderstood Chrisexistedinthatweirdspaceofintimacywhenyou’veknownsomeonesolongandbeenthroughsomuch thatevenifyoustoppedbeingfriends,youwerestillfamily.Iwassooutofline.Iwaspracticallyresponsibleforeverybad thingthathappenedtoChrissincehemetme Iintroducedhimtomybrother,Hooch
“I’msorry.Thatwasshitty.I’mtotallyoutofline,”Iwhispered.
“Yeah,yeah,youare.”Chrisglancedtowardsthedarkhallwayleadingtothefrontdoor.“Igetit,though,youknow?Iheard Benji was shredded. Jackhas no proof that it was Hooch, but since whendo the Barrons need proof? So, I get it; you’re scared”Thecirclesunderhiseyeswerebagsofduskypurple,hisunwashedhaircurlingaroundhisears “Iwouldbetoo I mean,I am scared,andtheyletmewalkawaywithjustafewbruises.“Iwasprettysureitwasmorethanafewbruisesfrom thewayheheldhisribs “Idon’tthinkJack’llletyouwalkaway Idon’tknowiftheBarronsthinkyouhaveagoldenpussyor whattheywantwithyou.”
Igrimaced “Ifyouwanttolevelupasadad,don’tusewordslikethataroundBecca”ItwasstillhardtothinkofChrisasa dad.
WhenChris and Ientered highschool, Jackwas a senior JackBarron, the oldestofmanysons, graduated into his family’s business as the nextsuccessor.Asmooth-talkingfootball player,builtfor the sport,he’dbeenthe promkinghis senior year. He’dbeeninseparablefromhischarmingtwinbrother,Benjamin EveryonelovedtheBarronbrothers Theyscoutedtalentfor theirfamily,aboveandbelowthetable.EveryonelovedtheBarronbrothersuntiltheycouldn’twalkawayfromthefamily likeHooch,whotookittoofar,toofast,anddidn’trealizeitwasatrap
‘Whatwouldn’tHoochdoforabuck’becameoneoftheBarronbrothers’favoritegames.WhereHoochwent,Chrisfollowed withalookinhiseyesthatwashardtomistakeforanythingbututterdevotion ChrislovedHooch Everyonecouldseeitbut Hooch.Itdidn’ttakelongbeforeHoochandChris’pettymisdemeanorsturnedintocrimesthatwouldonlymakeittocourtif the Barron family didn’t reach themfirst. Hooch took big risks and incurred considerable debts. And even though Hooch shelteredmefromthejobshedid,Iwasalwaysprivytothecost.
Still,JackandHoochkneweachotherforaverylongtime Moreimportantly,theykneweachother’sweaknesses AndIthink, intheend,HoochwasruthlessenoughtohitJackwhereithurtthemost.
Chris scrubbed a hand across his face, flinchingwhenhe touched somethingtender “Yeah, yeah No drugs No pussies No moreJack.”
NomoreHooch butIcouldn’tsayit Love,hate,grief Iacutelyfeltthemall
Chris had justbegunto putweighton, his bodyfillingout, and his ribs no longer visible. He would never be bulky, buthe carriedthemakingsofahandsome,leanmanwithslightfeatures,ifhekepteatingandtakingcareofhimself Welockedstares, andIbegantonod,feelingthegoodbyeintheair.
Chrissighed,“Iloveyou,Jo.Letmegiveyousomeadvice,okay?”
“I’llgo,”Isaid,pushingawayfromthetable Ididn’twanthisadvice
“Yes,youwill.First,letmesaythis.I’mnottryingtohurtyou,okay?”Inodded,notwantingtohearwhathewouldsaynext. Allofthiswashurtingme,andIhatedit.
“Jo,you’reloyal.God,Ilovethataboutyou.Stopbeingloyaltothepeoplewhohurtyou.Stopbeingloyaltothepeoplewho throwyouawaytosavethemselves.Wearen’tworthit.”Hisvoicewasthick,likehewasmomentsfromcrying.Heturnedhis head,coughed,andthenturnedaspiritedglareatme.“HaveyouevencalledHenriettasinceyougothere?”
Amashupofguiltandfear sprangupathis words,andIglanceddowntowardthehallwaytotheexit Ihadn’tseenmycell phoneinmonthsandcouldn’taffordanewone whichwasalameassexcuse.
“No?CallHenrietta YouhavetogetoutofherebeforeJackfindsyou AndImeanoutofthecity Ifanyonehasthemoneyto getyououtofhere,shedoes.She’spracticallyyourmom,andnotallofusareluckyenoughtogetasecondmom.”
JUDGE
The searchfor the new King’s sister andhis veiledthreats hadbeenanunwelcome distractionfrommysire’s ashes anda realm’sdisdain.
There was precious little to go on Hoochdid notknow how longhe’d beendead, and the informationhe provided yielded littleatfirst.Oldapartmentshadnewoccupants,andfriendswerenowdistantacquaintances.Billie-Johaddisappeared.
IthoughtIfeltsomethingcall mysightwhenIstoppedbyasmall coffeeshopownedbyanoldfamilyfriend Iscrabbledto graspholdofaremnantthatwasthere,butiteludedme teasedme.Earthsideofferedmenoassistanceandletmeflounder likeafoolundertheicygazeoftheshopowner Shesneeredatmeasthoughshewasresponsibleforblockingmypowers I left,flusteredandangry.
Overthefollowingdayandnight,IreachedouttosomethingwithinEarthside Earthside,likeHell,hadnolivingavatarIcould beseech.So,Icalledoutdirectlytothatsentientpower,andsherespondedwithachillycontempt.EarthsidewasHēla’scold, unresponsivesister.
Earthside suppressed demonic and angelic magic we were unwelcome interlopers from other realms. My magic as a realmweaver? Ignored Myabilityto shift? Dampened Mysight? Difficultto control and sometimes non-existent Earthside wasclosefisted,whereasHēlawasgenerouswithherpower.Hēlaliftedthosepowerfulenoughtotouchher.Earthsidewasthe greatequalizerandhadnoknownintermediaries noavatarsorrealmweavers untilnow.UntilHooch.
Wardssoancient,theypredatedangelsandreducedmosttothepreternaturalabilitiesofcreaturesinherenthere.Here,Icould benofasterorstrongerthanthequickestorstrongestofEarthside’smagicalnativeinhabitants
BeforeIleftHell,I’dglamouredmyhornsawayandhumanizedthecolorsofmyskin,eyes,andhair.Ileftthemajorityofmy bodyunchangedinshape WhyexerttheenergywhenIwouldbetrappedinthatformuntilIreturned? Be less pretty,he’dsaid Itwasnotdifficulttobeuglierthanangels.
Istretchedmyneckandrotatedmyshouldersintheclothesofthecommonfolk Myskinfelttootight thesepantsweretoo tight.
Powerwrithedinside,lookingforawayout,awaytoconnect,wantingtounfurllikethepartsofmelongcutaway Itwaslike thiseverytimeIwentEarthside.
Sending me Earthside had been one of my sire’s rare, pettier pastimes. Away to punish me, test my loyalty, and test the restraintofMichāel.I’droamEarthside,learning,touching,andtaunting…butithadonlybeeninHellthatMichāeleverstruck likethesnakehewas InHell,hehadbeenprotectedbyLucifer’slawsandthesuppressionofmypower Michāelwouldnever strikeEarthsidewherewewouldbeequals,thoughIbaitedhimforthechancetodountohimashehaddoneuntome.
Was the huntfor Hooch’s younger sister a test? All oflife had beena testwhere failure meantpunishment, death, or further degradationofmybodyorhome.Nowlifewaschanging,andIdidn’tyetunderstandtherules.WhatwouldHooch’srulesfor Hellbe?HowwouldheusethepowerofHēla?Itwasn’tpossibleformetospeculatehowadeadhumanonapower-tripwith ahistoryofbeingapettythiefmaytrytorefabricatethekingdomofHēlaortherealmofHell.
Hoochdiedwithalmostemptypocketsandnoknowledgeofthepoliticsofrealms.Asthoughhe’dneverneededtomemorize information,hecouldnotprovidebasicdetailsaboutthecityhelivedin.Finally,Hoochgavemehishandwithawarningnot to prywithmysight the Boss ofHell was above myjudgmentnow Withsurprisinglysharp control, he sentme flashes of informationto beginmysearchonfoot. Images, brieftastes ofmemories. Billie-Josephine. Billie-Jo. Jo. Where Hoochwas wiryanddarkblonde,Jowascurvyandfairwithsilverlonghair
Collecthis humansister? Would Ibringa livinghumanto Hēla and offer her up like a giftto the Boss ofHell? Ihad done worsetodeadhumans,causedworsetomyownkind,andfantasizedaboutinflictingworseonangels
WhenthedeadfirstarrivedinHēla,shufflingthroughtheEbonGate,theirenergyremodeledandalmostdestroyedtherealm becauseofthenaïveloveanddevotiontheMoirahēlahadforhermateandangelicconsort Thechaosofthedeadnecessitated thecreationoftheCatacombs,anextensionoftheEbonGates,as aconduitfor theinfluxofpower andtoprotecttherealm. WiththeinfluxofthestolendeadcamethethreatofwaracrossHell,followedbythetenseaccordbetweenangelsanddemons that governed the use and misuse of this newlyharnessed energy, all while the realms held their breathto see if Earthside wouldretaliate
Westillwaited.
Apprehensioneddied inside me Istepped into a damp alleyalongside two tightlysqueezed brickbuildings;rivulets oflast night’s rains still found their waybetweenunevenpavementand downsewer drains. Iwalked the pathofHooch’s remnant memoriesuntilIfoundtheold,unlockedbuilding Faintbeneaththesmellofchlorinewasdryingpaintandmildew
ItooktheopenstairsuntilIexitedontothethirdfloor,followingtherouteinHooch’smemory,andstoppedatadenteddoor.A crispfoldedsheetofpaperwasstuckbelowthebrokenpeephole
Iscannedthepageandflippeditover,lookingforsomethingsignificant,butIcouldonlymakeoutthreeuselesswordsinthe squat,uglywriting.OfallthelanguagesEarthside,thiswasmyleastfavoritewritten itwascrudecomparedtotheelegance ofHēlan.Asarealmweaver,IwasprivytoallofthespokenlanguagesintherealmItraveled.Readingandwritingwerenot includedforreasonsIcouldnotunderstand Ifoldedthepaperagainandslippeditintothebackpocketofmyslacks Thedoor pushedinwithaweakcreak,theboltslippingoffabrokenstrikeplate.Inside,theroomwassilent empty.Dark.
Theapartmentwassparselydecoratedandyetstillcluttered Iwalkedthroughthesmallsittingroom,lettingmybootscrunch stiffcarpetfiberswhileItooktimetomemorizedetails.
Anunsettlinganticipationtingledmysenses.Aseconddoorstoodajarintheback.Inudgedthebasewithmyboot;itcreaked openuntilitcaughtonsomething.
Inthe decades Ihad beencomingEarthside, Imade myfair share offoolishand regrettable choices, notunderstandinghow basicfunctionsacrossrealmscouldbesodifferent.EverythingEarthsidewasunnecessarilycomplicated.InHell,ifIneeded tosee,therewaslight Igropedclumsilyforalightswitchandactivatedthepallidoverheadlight
Someone had violently ransacked Jo’s small bedroom, breaking the bedframe, overturning her mattress, and toppling the narrow dresser into a wall. Yanked fromtheir hooks, garments layheaped at the bottomofa cramped closet and scattered abouttheroom.Booksweretorndowntheir spines,leavingbrightpaper stripsscatteredamongstcolorful writingutensils.I crouchedinthedebris,shiftingitemsaboutwithmyfinger,unearthingablackscrapoffabricIpluckeduptoexamine
Anelectrical currentzingedupmyarm,raisingfinehairsanddrivingflashesofdarkness,images,andsensationsthroughmy
mindandbody.Round,soft,fleshyhips.Atickleofhairandtheheadyaromaoflust.Athroatyfemininelaughdroppedmefrom mycrouchtomyknees.Everywheretheelectricalcurrenttraveled,itleftaburningneedinitswake.
Painandthe smell ofblood,myblood,cutthe current,andshe vanished.Gone.Iuncurledmyfistandinhaleddeeply.Ihad puncturedmypalmswithmyfingernails.Thedistantscentofherlingeredintheair.Shehadbeenthere,soclose.Nowgone.I didn’twanthergone.Ineededher.Ipulledafadedgreengarmentfromunderneathabrokenlamp,smashingthefabricagainst myfacetoinhale.
Power I hadn’t been able to reach yet opened within me and blackened my vision with sight beautiful, erratic remnants flashed.Silveryblondehair,brusheduntilitshone,wovenintoalongplait.IsqueezedthegreengarmentuntilIfeltheragain, usingitlikeacompasstofollowherghostfromitemtoitem.
Anoldpieceofher brushedagainstme,tenacitydrenchedinfear andanger Her fear piercedme Ifranticallypulledonthe threads of the memory until something materialized in the darkness. It didn’t matter that I couldn’t change a remnant of a memory Ineededtofindher.Sparksofforeignemotionssharpenedthedelugeofpower,thenbegantorecede.Herfearmade mewanttounravelandremaketheworldforher Distantly,IthoughtImightknowatasteofwhatdrovemymothertodoomus all.
Thenshewasthere,agirlonthecuspofwomanhood stillachild,tryingtodragaboybyhisforearms.Hermusclesstrained, andshereleaseasilentscreaminfrustration,blooddrippingdownherchinontohershirt.Bloodwasinherhair,whichhad unraveledoverhershoulderandtangled
Bothwerebadlybeaten.
Theolderboywasunconscious,adeadweightthatshecouldnotmove.Tearssqueezedoutofhereyesassheshoutedwords thatdidnotreachmyears Herheadsnappedup Didsheseeme?Shelookedatme,andhereyeswidened endlessdarkblue eyes,toooldtobeinthefaceofahumanchild.Shestoodbeforetheboywithherarmsopen,blockinghimwithherbody.
Herlipsmoved
She glanced over her shoulder; the boy was stirring. The girl dropped her arms, the pain in her face relaxing until her expressionwas empty Irecognized the lettinggo ofhope, and the acceptance ofpunishment She squeezed her eyes closed, turningherfacetothesideandshuddering.Invisiblehandsyankedherforwardroughly,heldupbythebloodyshirtgrippedin afistuntiltheshirttore Ipushedagainsttheremnanttolungeforher,tocatchher,andthevisionbroke,leavingmeinanempty andshatteredroom.
Ihurriedtouncovertheitemsthatrememberedher toofewinthewreckage Jo’smouthsavoredchocolate-coveredcherries, licking flecks of the treat from her lips. She’d collected pastel-colored jewelry and shoes, then hid them behind black oversizedshirtsinthebackofherwardrobe.Sheloveddarkcoffee,softpinks,towearhersocksinsideout,andwastryingto learntoreadmusic.
Howwasthismagnificentcreaturenottreasuredandsheltered?Whenthepowerdrainedaway,Istaredatthelastobjectinmy hand.Asmall,stainedphotograph Hoochina crispwhite button-upshirtandJoina sleeveless pinkgown lookingmore liketheadultstheywouldbecome.
Iknew now thatshepreferredtobecalledJooverhergivenname.Likeme,Joloved,despised,anddesperatelymissedher mother Whathappenedtohermother?Shewasnowhereintheremnants HoochaskedifhismotherwasinHell Ifshelooked likeJo,I’dhaveseenher.
Jodidn’tspeaktoanyonebutHoochwhenshewassmall Hersilencehidsecrets,andwhilenoremnantsunveiledthem,Isaw themwritteninher eyes andinbursts ofimpulsivity.She lovedEarthside creatures,exceptfor small redbeetles withblack spots andhumans.Humans hadharmedher,andanypartofme thatregrettedthe sufferingIinflictedonthe deaddiedinher
name.
Thephotohadoncebeentorninhalfandrepairedbyatransparent,shinyribbonencompassingthemiddlefrontandbackofthe photograph.Morewritingcoveredtheback,turningitintoaletterIcouldnotread.
Who tookthatphoto and thentore it? Whyrip itand thenrepair it? The tear downthe center looked deliberate, tearingthe siblingsapart.HoochstoodbehindJo,whostaredathiminthereflectionofanextensivevanitymirror.Jowasmid-movement, raisingsomethingtopartedlips OneofHooch’shandsrestedfirmlyonherbareshoulderwhiletheothereasilybalancedthe longneckofaguitarathisside.Iwasn’tsurewhatthedarkshineinhereyesmeant.Iwassurethattheydidn’tknowtheywere beingwatched.Intensityandpossessivenessradiatedfromhim.Shewasstunning,flushed,and…excited?Angry?
Ifoldedthephotocarefullyalongthetearlineandslippeditintoapocket.Whetheritwastreasureortrashtoher,Iwouldkeep this solidpicture ofher until Ihadanother toreplace it Contemplatingthe siblings,Iletmyfingers graze over objects with hungryhopeuntilIwasoutofthebuilding.
DawnwasbeginningtobreakupthedarkfallskywhenthelightsofSpitefulSipsflickedonwithazingthatIcouldfeelin myteeth.AffectionatelycalledSpiteforshortbyloyalcustomers.Thewhitecurtainslifted,andamomentlater,awoman stoodprecariouslyononelegtounlockthedoorbolt,pausedtopeeroutintothestreet,thendisappeareddeeperintotheshop. Shemovedwithaslightswaythatmadeherwalklikeasignature
Onceanolddiner,thesmalltwo-storybrickbuildingwasdominatedbythedecorofayellow,white,andblackcoffeehouse.I likedtheboldcolors,checkeredfloor,andcomfortableswivelingchairs thecoffeewas likebatteryacid,butwhatdoesn’t kill us makes us stronger. This was a home awayfromhome.Itwas a dangerous luxuryto letmyselfbackinside,butithad beenthreemonths,andIhadnowhereelsetogo Nowherelefttogoandstillalottolose
Itookafewdeepbreaths.Justonestep;onestep,andI’dhavethemomentumIneededtocarrymethroughthedoor.Ipushed offtheballofmyfoot,joggedacrossthestreet,andpushedthroughthedoorway Itjingled,andHenriettaJosephinelookedup fromthecounter,thick,brightbluecat-eyedglassesslippingdownhernose.“Jo?”Hervoicewasahoarsewhisper.
Henrietta rushed around the counter, weavingdeftlyaround tables and pushingthe door closed behind me. I stood dumbly, frozen, unsure of what to do next. She was a flurry around me in a 1950s-esque black dress and a left below-the-knee prostheticanimalprintcover
Withefficientmovements,shereachedupandpushedthedoorlockinplace,yankeddowntheblinds,spunmeintoherarms, andsqueezedme Shesuffocatedmewithherhair,boobs,andthesmellofhairsprayandfreshperfume
“Jo,baby,”shecriedquietly ItwasasweetnessIwasunaccustomedtohearing,evenfromher Irestedmyheadagainsther shoulderandrelaxedintoherhug.
Were we the same height? When did Henrietta get so short? She was larger than life, and it was hard to reconcile her personalitywithherstature.
Henrietta cleared her throat, pushingme back, and straighteningour postures “Enough” She dashed a tear fromone cheek “Stopit.It’stooearlyforcrying,andtodayisgoingtobeabusyfuckingday.”
Ah,thatwasbetter Itwaslikecominghomeandbeingtoldtherewashouseworktobedone Henriettahadalwaysbeenagetknocked-down-and-come-up-swinging, do-whatever-was-needed, and I’ll-figure-it-out-as-I-go kind of woman. This was not thefirsttimeIwishedIcouldbemorelikeHenrietta
JUDGE
Dawnwas threateningthe horizon Iknocked Thenknocked againwhenIheard rustling, a peephole cover beingmoved, frantic whispering, and someone pressing against the door. I knocked louder. The door cracked open; a tan, lean face leeredunderneathatautsecuritychain.“Whatchyawant?”Heaskedinastiff,forced,deepvoice.
Bravadoandanxiety.Hesmelledlikefear.Interesting.Bruisingseepeddownthesideoftheman’s faceinshades ofpurple, blue,andgreen.Someonegottohimbeforeme.
“Chris?”Hegaveashort,reluctantnod,brownfrizzycurlsstickingoutintothehallway.“I’mlookingforBillie-JoMonroe.”
“Idumpedthatwhore,”Hesnapped,beginningtoclosethedoor Airwaftedtowardsmethattastedstronglyofher “Getoutta here,”Hemumbled.
I thrust my hand in through the crack, gripping the edge and shoving it inward, breaking the door chain. The doorframe splintered.
“Getthefuckout!”Chrisscuttledbackagainstawall,trippingtohisfeetandrunningdownahallwayintothedark.Finally,I wasclose shehadjustbeenhere.Wasthisoneofthehumansthathurther?
Ididn’tlethimgetfar.Grabbingafistfulofdampgraytanktop,Iyankedhimbacktome.Heyelled,swinginghisfistswildly.
“Stop,”Igrowledintohisear,wrappingmyarmaroundhisneckanddroppinghimdowntothestainedcarpet Evenwithmy powerdampened,Istruggledtoeasetheforcearoundthehuman’sthroatwheremybarearmtouchedhisneck.Iworkedtolet himlive Imagesflashedthroughmymind Hooch,guns,blood,drugs,Hooch,littlegirls Isneered Iwouldsendthismanto Hell;hecouldwaitformethere.
Distinctmetalclicksofasemi-automatichandgunbeingrackedbrokethroughthehuman’syelling “Lethimgo!”Ahighyoung voicecriedfromahead.
Chrisrelaxedinmygrip “Becca,”herasped,“Gobacktoyourroom”
Long-limbed and longfaced, a thingirl withdarkbrownhair held a guntrained onmyhead. It was the little girl fromthe remnants Bigblueeyes,tremblingsmallhands “Lethimgo!”
“Becca,baby,”Chrisbegged,“Please,man,don’tdothisinfrontofher She’sjustakid Don’tmakeherwatch TellJackI’ll givehisshitback Istoleit.TellhimI’mfuckingsorry.Ineedtopayrent.”Itightenedmygriparoundhisneck,reducingthe airandmakinghimquiettoawhistlethatescapedhislips.
Ipossiblymisunderstoodtheremnants.Alwaysarisk.
Thelittlegirl,Becca,wasmaybeten Humansweresodifficulttoaccuratelygaugeage “Becca,doyouknowwhereJois?”
Shenodded,tearsbeginningtorundownherredcheeks.“You’rehurtinghim!”Thebarrelswayed,thencoursecorrected.Even acreaturelikemecouldbeputdownwithenoughbulletsEarthside
I shookmyhead, allowingmyvoice to drop to soothingnotes. “He’s goingto be fine.” Saliva trickled onto myarmfrom Chris’slullinghead “Assoonasyoutellme,I’mgoingtoleave Isthisyoursire?”Shestaredatme,eyeswide “Yourfather? Isthisyourfather?”Herheadbobbed,andshesuckedinwetsnot.“Okay,yourfatherisgoingtobefine.Now,tellmewhere Jois?”
“Chrissaidshecouldn’tstayherenomore!She…ShewenttoSpite!”
SpitefulSips?HadtheevasiveproprietresshiddenJo?Hadn’ttherebeenasecondstory?
IdroppedChris,hisbodyhittingthegroundinfrontofme Hecoughedandmoaned,“Spite ShewenttoSpite Justleave, leavemeandmykidalone.”BeccadroppedthegunandthrewherselfdownalongChris;itclankedbutdidnotfire.
ChrispulledBeccaintohisarms,shieldingherfacefromme Hestruggledtoinhaledeeplyandcoughedagain “Whatareyou goingtodotoher?Jo?”Heclawedforthegun,draggingittohimandpoppingthemagazine.Itwasempty.
Irosetomyfeet.“I’mnotheretohurther.Herbrothersentme.”
Chrisscoffed,pushinghisdaughterback,agrieving,angrysounderuptingfromhisthroat “Hoochisfuckingdead Whycan’t hestaythatway?Whycan’theleaveusalone?”Hewheezed.“Whothefuckareyou?”
“Hoochsentyou?”Beccawhispered,suckinginmoresnot,andhuddlingagainstChris stucktohisside Shewasbraverthan hewouldeverbe.
“Yes”Ipointedafinger atChris,agesturethatremindedmeofmyownsiresoprofoundly,itsentashiver oficedownmy spine.DidIresemblehim?Hadhenotmadethesamegestureatmenotlongago?Chrispushedthegirl behindhisbody,the emptygungrippedtight Yes,IthinkIdidresemblehiminthatmoment “Dobetter byyour daughter Doyouunderstandme, human?”Chrisnoddedstiffly,hiseyeswide.Ididn’tknowwhathesaw,butIwilledEarthsidetolethimseeitall.“OrIwill betherewhenyoutakeyourlastbreath,andIwillrememberyou.Youdonotwantmetorememberyou.”
“What-Whothefuckareyou?”
WhowasI?Mynamewasforeigntomytongue Ihadone Ihadaname TherewasanamethatmymothergavemewhenIwas young atitleborntome.Ihadanamebeforeshebrokethelawsofrealmsforlove.BeforeLucifercarvedherhornsfromher head BeforeMichāeldroppedmetomykneesinherblood
The functions Iserved rolled throughmymind, pushingthe memories back. The Catacombs. Mydutywas mytitle. Mytitle becametheonlynamethatmattered
“Judge.”
HenriettaJosephineprimedtheespressomachine,herblackhairpulleduphighandtightintoanupdo Shepattedthesideof the machine and hummed indisapproval. “Billie-Jo, I’mtellingyouthis as your godmomma and as a womanwho has decadesofexperienceonyou ”
“You’reonly17yearsolderthanme,”Isnapped,feelingadviced-outfromthelastthirtyminutes.
Henrietta’simmaculatelystyledeyebrowsroseabovebrightbluecat-eyedglasses MymomandHenrietta,bestfriends,were 17whenIwasborn.AndtheolderIgot,theshorterouragegapseemed.
“Inbitch-years,that’s119years Whichistosay,Iknowthingsthatyoudon’t,”Henriettabitout,browneyestwinklingatme Asamorningperson,theproprietresswokeupfeistyandreadytobanter,agrosscontrasttome,whosebrainwassludgeuntil fivecupsofcoffeeandtheclockstrucknoon “Quad-shot?Black?Hot?”
Inodded,mynight’s second,or maybethird,windslowlydying.WhileIknew Henriettavibedwiththeidentityof‘bitch’,I wasn’tgoingtoconfirmIthoughtshecouldbeone ThereweresomethingsIdidn’tneedtotell mygodmother;one,thatshe couldbeabitch,andtheotherwashowIdrankmyAmericano.“Please.”
“Youneed a shower unless you’ve dyed your hair indishwater,” she added, givingmygreasybraid a cursoryglance “As I wassaying,youseemtothinkyoucanstayupfordays.Youcan’t.You’llgetsick.It’seasyrightnow at23,butthatshitwill catchupwithyou Everythingyoudoinlife,yourbodykeepsaledger,andverysoonitwillaskyoutostartpayingup”She pausedher ranttotilther headatthe machine,made anadjustment,thenpulledmyshots andaddedhotwater.“Youneedto sleep,” she said at the same time she pushed a glass mugmyway As family, Ididn’t get one ofthe cute little saucers she servedtocustomers.“Youneedtosleep.”
WhatcouldIsaytothat?Nothing Shedidn’tunderstand Ididn’tneedashower Ineededtorun Iliftedthemugtomylipsand tentativelysippedthehotliquid,burningmytongue.Anapdidn’tsoundsobad,butIprobablycouldn’tsleepifItried.
Henrietta disappeared into the backkitchen, rarelyused for anythingbutstorage or warmingup food Itwas tidyand empty exceptforthegiganticrefrigerator,freezer,andwalk-inpantry,alongwithapristinesilvergasoven,stoves,andcounterspace incasesheeverwantedtocookadditionalfaretosell
Shesetoutablueberrysconecoveredinclear clingwrapandpushedittowardsme.“Eat.”Coldandcrumbly,maybeaday old,andabsolutelydelicious “Jo.”Henriettareachedforme,cuppingawarmhandovermyownwhenI’dfinished.“Whydon’tyougoupstairsandnapon thesofa?I’llguardthedoor,it’sokay”
I needed to return to my own apartment; I hadn’t been there in weeks. Better yet, I needed to leave town. Just being near Henriettawasputtingherandeverythingshe’dworkedsohardforindanger.
“Whatareyouthinking?”
Ihungmyhead,ateardreadfullyclosetobreakingfreeandrunningdownmycheek “Idon’tknowwhattodo I-Idon’tknow wheretogo.”Iwantedtotellherhow scaredIwasbutcouldn’tgetthewordsout.Icouldn’tsayitaloud,orIwouldnotbe abletokeepgoing
“Ineedtoknowwhat’sgoingon.I’mnottryingtoscareyou,butyesterday,amancameinandaskedforyou.Blackhair?”She watched myface “Darkbrowneyes? Tall? Like, gorgeous goth-mortician-meets-military-chic? Buttonup? Looked like big trouble,soexactlyyourtype?No?Ohwell,that’sforthebest.Hegotsuperweird.Itoldhimtofuckoffandnotcomeback. Pretty,butprettyfuckingweirdtoo Andfew daysago,acoupleofthick-neckedgoons cameby Don’tworry!Stop!Sitthe fuckbackdown.Itoldthemyouhadn’tbeenbyinmonths,andtheyleft.Noonehasbeenbacksince.Theywereweirdtoo,just differently.Theysaidtheywere friends ofHenry’s.” We shareda look.Noone calledHoochthat.“AndI’mprettysure that twitdidn’thavefriends,justalonglistofbabymamasanddebtcollectors”
TheonlytimemybrotherandIusedourfullfirstnameswaswhenlegallymandatoryorwhenwewereangryateachother.We hadweaponizedthosenames,thenamesourmothergaveus,asasecretwaytosay fuck you and fuck you too.Whenwewere doingwell,itwasjustJoandHooch.
Atmybrother’sname,anangrytearcutloose,andIstampeditawaywithmywarmpalm.Ihatedhim.“Andme.”
“Andyou”Henriettasighed,leaningonthecounteracrossfrommeandlookingoutthebigwindowsofSpite She’dwritten Hoochoffyearsagowhenoneofhisbrilliantschemesalmostgotallthreeofuskilled.“Now,areyougoingtotellmewhat’s goingon? Or do youwant me to make it up and pretend this is worse thanI canimagine because Hoochis posthumously involved?”
“Ican’tgobacktomyapartment AndIcan’tstaywithChrisanymore” “Sothat’swhereyou’vebeen?”
Ibobbedmyhead.I’dbeenthere andanywhere Icouldhide month-to-monthapartments or hotels until Iranoutofmoney, publiclibraries,busstops,andthenChris’s.
“Hooch’sboss…He’slookingforme.”ThelikelihoodthatHoochsoldmeorusedmeforleveragewashigh,buttherewasno wayI’d tell mygodmother that. “Before he died,” Icleared the hoarseness frommythroat, “he was workingonsomething big…hewasgettingusout.”
“Whatisthis‘us’shit?Youhaven’tdoneanythingbutkeepalowprofileandsingyourmusic Whataren’tyoutellingme?” Whatwas Itellingher?Aslittleaspossible.
“Whatwereyouinvolvedin?”Sheasked,hervoiceaccusatory.“WhatdidHoochdo?Wereyouhelpinghim?”Herquestions werelikeblows,makingmybrainfreezeup.
“No,no!”Iprotested,maybealittletoomuch.“Hoochjustsaiditwasbig.Hesaid,‘I’vefinallyfigureditout,andit’sbig.’I don’tknowwhatitwas.Hestoppedbytogivemesomethingrightbeforehedied.”
Henriettapressedherlipstogether,closinghereyes,andbreathinginthroughhernose.“Billie-Jo,wasitdrugs?”Sheletthe
breathout.“Areyouusingdrugs?”
“No!Godno,notdrugs Anecklace”
“Forwhat?”Icouldn’ttellher;shedidn’tneedtoknow.“Don’tfuckinglietome.”Iflinched.“Billie-Jo,Hoochisdead.You can’tsavehimanymore Butevendead,hecansurekeephurtingyou Ican’thelpyouifIdon’tknowwhat’sgoingon”
“DoyourememberafewyearsagowhenIgothurt?Hoochendedupinthehospital.”
“Youmeanwhenyouweretortured,Hoochwasalmostbeatentodeath,andthentodrivethepointhome,someonetriedtoburn thisbuildingdown?”
Inodded,rememberingthebroadswatchofblackenedwallandmeltedtable.IglancedtothefrontofSpite,whereallsignsof arsonhadbeenrepaired,thenbackatthecounter “ThelasttimeIsawHooch,hegavemeanecklace Hetoldmethenecklace wasanapologyforthat thattime ”Ichoked,almostgaggedonthewords“ allthetimes.”
Henrietta’seyebrowsraisedabovetheblueframesofherglasses
“He was high,” I explained. Hoochhad beenwired, covered inblood, and nearlyincoherent as his shakinghands reached aroundmynecktoclaspthechain “Ilethimgetcleanedupinmybathroomandsleepsomeofitoffonmycouch,andwhenhe wokeup,hetoldmetherewasonemorethingheneededtodo,andthenhe’dbedone.”Actually,hehadsaid,“We’ll”bedone. We’ll Wewill “Hewouldn’tevenletmefeedhim Hoochjustkeptsayinghe’dfigureditout,nomoredebts,thatnoonecould fuckwithusnow,andthatwewouldn’thavetoworkorworryanymore.”
Hoochwasalwaysmakingpromises “Where’sthenecklace?”
“Gone.Ithinkhetookitwithhim.”Ishrugged,takingadeepersipoftheAmericano.Perfectlyhot.
As soonas Hoochpassed out, I’d takenoffthe heavysilver chainand thick, cross-shaped stake crusted inblood One ofa matchingset.Inmyhands,itwas bigger thanithadseemedaroundthe Barronbrothers’necks.Whenitcame tofight,flight, freeze itwasatoss-upbetweenfreezeandfreak-the-fuck-outforme
I’dthrownthenecklaceintothebathroomsink,handsshaking,wipingatmyneckwherethemetalhadtouchedme.Hoochhad never beena murderer, atleast, notuntil thatnight Whenthe cops released mybrother’s meager possessions, the necklace hadn’t beeninthe brownpaper bag. Iwas relieved. Maybe it washed downthe drainor got takenfor evidence. That was stupid Thegianthunkoftrauma-metalwouldneverfitdownadrain
Henriettaputher glassesdownonthecounter,pressingtheheelsofher palmsintoher eyes.“Okay,Jo,youneedtolistento me”Shesettledherglassesbackontothebridgeofhernose,glancingupatthewindowagain “Gogetsomesleep Youcan’t thinkclearlywithoutsleep.”Sheextricatedthecoffeemugfrommyhands,ignoringmyprotestingnoises,andreplaceditwitha glass ofwater.“Bigfishwon’thave time tochase youfor long;they’ve gotbigger andeviler things toworryaboutthanthe littlesisterofMr.HoochMonroe.Anddon’tdiscountme.Ihaven’talwaysbeenthequirkymochamistress.I’vegotfriends, they’vehelpedusbefore,andIthinktheycouldhelpusnow.I’llgoseethemtomorrow.Now getyourassupstairsandgoto sleep”
Iwantedtobelieveher.
Islippedoffthestoolandwalkedaway,mysneakerssqueakingagainstacleanfloor.Alittlesleepwouldn’tkillme,butJack’s
