PREFACE
Home
Lynn
It’s like Ican’tbreathe Imade a vow to stayawayfromthe place where myheartlives Placingone footinTexas has the powertoshredmeopen.
Iwouldbleedout Withoutquestion,IknowIwould However,Ihavetogo ThistimeIhavetogohome “Areyouallright?”mymanagerasks.
IlookupfrommyphoneintothefaceofMatthew.Ihavetosquintthroughmytearstoseehim.Idartmytongueouttowet mylips.Suddenly,theairconditioninginmydressingroomsendsachillthroughme.
Matthewstaresbackwithconcerninhisgreeneyes.Thismanhasbecomesuchagoodfriend.Oneofmybestfriends.Not everyone inthe business gets thatlucky He’s beenthere whenIneededhimtobe throughoutthe years He has hadmyback througheverythingwhileI’vemademymarkontheworld.
“No no I” Tears begintoroll downmycheeks as ithits me Withthe shake ofmyhead,the truthslips free “No,I don’tthinkIam.”
“Talktome.What’sgoingon?”
“Ihavetogohome It it’smyfather Daddyneedsme,”Ichokeout “IsMosesokay?Wasn’tthatjustlastmonthhecametoNewYork?”hesays. “Mamasayshehadastroke Shesaysitwasn’tasbadasitcouldhavebeen,butIknowshe’slying Ihavetogohome,”I reply.
“Noproblem EliseandIwillgettoworkoncancelingtourdates Doyouknowhowlongyou’llwanttotake?” Ishakemyheadandpursemylipstotrapthesobsinmythroat.Idon’tknowwhat’sguttingmemore.ThereasonIhaveto gohomeorthepastthatawaitsmewhenIarrive.
Matthewperchesonthesideofthevanityinmydressingroom Searchingmyfacewithhisgreengaze Inotethemomenthe seesthroughme.
“Youknow, I’ve never questioned whyyourefuse to go home to visityour parents Youalways have themflownoutto NewYorkorNashvillefortheholidays,nomatterifyou’reworkingornot.
“AtleasttwomembersofyourteamandbestfriendsareallfromTexasandstillvisitorhaveahomethere,butyou” he shakes his head “youwon’tevenentertainvisiting.IfinditinterestingthataTexas-borngirl refuses tobookashow inthe state.
“Hell,Texasisonebigstate IfthisisanotherWaltersituation,Ishouldknowaboutit,”hefinishes “It’snothinglikethat,”Imurmur.
“Thenwhatisit?”
Hegivesmeapointedstare.WaitingformetocomecleanthewayhealwaysdoeswhenheknowsI’mholdingsomething back.WhenIdon’trespond,hecontinues.
“Ilove you, babygirl. Like myveryownlittle sister, but it’s time for youto tell me what’s goingoninTexas that has undoneyoucompletely.”
Iclose myeyes while the tears flow “Mybiggestregrets are inTexas The reasons mysongs come frommyheart,butI can’tgivethelabelthehappystuffthey’vebeenaskingfor…thereasonIcan’tcommittoadecentrelationship.Thatmanlives inTexas Theonewhobrokemyheart that’swho’sinTexas,”Ibreathethroughtremblinglips “I’mthinkingthis trip is longoverdue. Go home, show himyoumade itbigand he’s the one who should have regrets,” Matthewreplies.
Isnortandshoveahandintothefrontofmyhair.“Nope,hehasafamilynow,awifeandkids.Idon’tmatter.” Matthew’sbrowsshootup.“Whyinthehellwouldyoubehunguponsomeoneyoudon’tmatterto?”
“It itwasn’talwaysthatway Somuchhappenedthatsummer thatyearafter”IpausetoblinkinconfusionasIgetmy thoughts together. “Imade mistakes, mydaddygotinthe middle and… and Iguess Imade the wrongchoice and then… and then I IalwaysfeltlikeImissedsomething Then then itwasover”
“Lynn,babygirl,anymanwillingtoturnhisbackonyouisoutofhisdamnmind.Youlightuparoomwithoutsomuchas trying,”hesaysandfoldshisarmsoverhisbroadchest
AweaksmileisallIcanofferhim.HeandhisMelodyhadaforeverlove.ThekindIoncethoughtIhad.Afterlosingher, he has made ithis missiontosee toitthateveryone else finds love andhappiness.Ijustdon’tthinkthatwill ever be inthe cardsforme
“We’rejust…it’scomplicated.Alwayshasbeen.”
“Wait, this sounds a lotdeeper thanwhatyou’re lettingon” He takes another pause while tappinghis phone againsthis chin,staringoffintospace.Amomentlater,hisfingersareflyingacrossthedeviceinhishands.“Okay,IjusthadEliseclear yourschedule NowyouandIaregoingtohavealongchat Iwantdetails”
Idon’thave the words tospeakjustyet;the painis still rollingthroughme.I’mcrumblingfromthe inside out.Ihaven’t spokenofthistopicinyears.Ionlyallowmyselftogothereforthemusic.
Breathe, Cakes Just breathe
NotLettingGo
Donna
TREVOR HAS another thinkcomingif he thinks this is over. I’minthis for the longhaul, honey. That was the planfromthe momentIlaideyesonhim.
Hedidn’tseeitcomingthen;hedoesn’tseeitnow Iputintoomuchhardworktoletitallfallapartnow Iowetwentyyear-olddebtsfromsecuringmyhusband.
I’mnobody’sfool That’sexactlywhyIhadmylawyersetupthesemandatorygroupsessionsforTrevor Iplantogetmy husbandback.OratleastI’mnotgivingupwithoutafight.
I’dsayIgottheshortendofthestick.Brad’s theonewiththereal money.Toobadhe’s tenyears younger thanme.That bitchhemarrieddoesn’tdeservehim Sheremindsmeofthebitchwhoruinedmyfamily BradwilllearnlikeDaddydid.Thoseblackbitchesaregoodfornothing.Intheend,hecamerunningbacktoMama.
Toobadshedidn’tlearnherlesson HeknockedherupwithCollen,mylittlebrotherandleftheragain Leavingherwitha babyasshewastedaway.Shediedwithnothing.
Nope,Mamahadnothing,andhisBlackbitchwifehaditall Iwassmartthough IsawTrevorandmadesureI’dalways havenomatterwhatIhadtodo.Ididhimafavorifyouaskme.
Iwon’tenduplikeMama.Waitingandwastingawayforamanwhodoesn’tshow upuntilthere’snotimeleft.Ideserve betterandnooneisgoingtogetinthemiddleofthat
Inarrowmyeyesandslidefartherdowninmyseat.I’mintheMercedesIboughtwithTrevor’smoneybeforehetriedto cutmeoff Idon’twanthimtoseeme
Iwanttomakesurehe’s goingtothesegroupsessions withmyowntwoeyes.I’vetalkedtothatquackdoctor whoruns themonthephoneafewtimes Ididn’tknowshewasBlackuntilthismorning
Well, there’s nothing I can do about that now. My lawyer said she’s the best and has helped a number of his clients reconcile.Ihighlydoubtthat,butIplantofindout.
ItoldhimI’ddoublehishourlyrateifhegotTrevorintothisgroup Ismiletomyself I’vebeenstashingmoneyawayfor years.
Besides, the blow job Igave mydear esquire didn’thurtany Ihave Bernsteinwrapped around mylittle finger I’ll get whateverIwantfrommylegalrepresentation.
Heshould’vethoughtabouthisactionsfirst.I’llendhimwiththeclickofthatsamelittlefinger.Itwouldbeashameforhis wifeandtherestofhisfirmtogetaholdofthatvideo.
I’vealwaysusedmytalentstogetwhatIwant.Rightnow,Iwantmyhusbandback.IalwaysgetwhatIwant.
Always
“Lookathim,”ImurmurtomyselfasTrevorhopshisalmostsix-fiveframeoutofhispickuptruck. Ilickmylips Trevor’s bodywas madefor sin Hemaynothavehis brother’s money,butneither brother gotcheatedon looksorthosechiseledbodies.
Where Brad’s bodysays NFLfootball star. Trevor’s hard bodyscreams hardworkingman. All man. Lord, honey, Texas makesitsboysright.
Trevor’s sexy,taperedandtrimmedbeardandmustache gives hima sensual,debonair,ruggedness.It’s delicious against hissun-kissedtan Workingconstructionalltheseyearshaskeptthatbodyintopcondition Whew,andthedimples.Thedimplesareafamilytraitthat’sjaw-droppingwhentheyturnthosesmilesonyou.OrshouldI
saypanty-melting?
IthasbeenfartoolongsinceItookthatlongcockofhisforaride.Hisjeansarehuggingthatfirmassjustright.Thecrisp whitebutton-downfitshismuscledarmsandchestperfectly
Um,he’sbroodingtoday.Hisbroodingdaysarewhenyou’remostlikelytocatchhiminaStetson,likethegrayonehehas onnow Hisgoldenlocksarejustlongenoughtobrushhisshouldersinthebackandhisjawlineinthefront Iloveitwhenhekeepsitlong.Idon’tmuchcareforhisshortercuts.Everysooften,themoodstrikeshimtoshaveitdown. Ihateit
Imiss myhusband. I’ll have to gethimto give into me sooner rather thanlater. I’mtoo old to trap himwithanymore babies,especiallywiththosetwinsrunninginhisfamily.
That last one almost ruined me for good Those Monroes make some huge babies I’mgoing to have to try something differentthistime.I’llworkthisoutsoonenough.
TREVOR
I DON’T FUCKING WANT tobehere.Iwantadamndivorce.Iwanttomoveonwithmychildrenandmylife.However,Donnais hell-bentondraggingthisbullshitout.Iswearoneverythingthat’sholy;ifIwerealesserman,I’dwrapmyhandsaroundher neck
Val, the wife ofmybrother’s business partner, has offered a few times to make Donna disappear. Ishudder everytime. Somethinginhereyestellsmeshemeansit
Ihaven’tmissedthesamelookinherhusbandUri’seyes.It’ssomethingthat’skeptmefromjokingabouttakingherupon heroffer.Mysoon-to-beex-wifeisabitch,butDonna’sstillthemotherofmychildren.
As little as she seems to care about our kids, I know theystill love their triflingmama. It’s one of the reasons all this bullshitisdraggingonmynerves.Mybabiesdeserveahellofalotbetter.
Honestto God, mybabies are the onlyreasonI’mhere Damncourtorder or not, Ihave no intentionofreconcilingand continuingthismarriage.I’mheretoprovethatshitisabsolutelyimpossible.ThesoonerIgetthatdone,thebetter.
“Good afternoon, gentlemen You’re all here for different reasons, but the fundamental reasonis the same Eachof you wouldliketohaveyourlifefeellikeyourownagain.”Dr.Winsor’sbrowneyesfallonme.
“Thebestwaytogettothatpointistofindwhereitallwentwrong.Thatbeingsaid,gentleman,who’sgoingtobreakthe ice?Giveusyourname,thentellushowyouthinkyouarrivedhere”
Idon’thesitatetojumponin.Mykidsneedsomestabilityandtheydeserveabetterlife.IfI’mhonestwithmyself,sodoI. Enoughisenough
“MynameisTrevorMonroe,”Isayloudandclear.
“Welcome,Trevor,”Dr Winsorsayswithawarmsmile “Thankyouforbeingthefirsttostepup Everyone,let’swelcome Trevor.”
Solemnmurmurscomefromthemenaroundme.Mygazetravelsaroundthemall.Afewhavelovesickwrittenacrosstheir faces,othersrevealsorrow Forthemthere’ssomeoneontheotherendofthistheywanttogetrightfor That’snotthecasefor me.
“I’mhere because Imarried a bitch Iwanta damndivorce Mymoneyis payingfor some flashy, scumbagcitylawyer that’s pullingall types ofbullshitto preventthis divorce, butit’s happening. Sooner or later, it’s happening,” Igrowl as my chestheaves,myTexanaccentheavy
“Um,wow.Takeadeepbreath,Trevor,”Dr.Winsorsayssoftly.“Iunderstandyouhavehardfeelingsaboutyoursituation. I’msurethey’revalid.However,therehastobeastartingpoint.Tellusaboutyou.Wherediditallstart?Howdidyoucometo marryyourwife?Wheredidthatdecisionbirthfrom?”
Iclenchmyfistsinangerandnodmyhead.“Yes,ma’am.”
As she suggests,Iinhale a deepbreath Ihave todoitonce more tocalmmyselfa bit Ithink,seriouslythink Myheart breaksasIopenthegatetomemoriesIsealedshutalong,longtimeago.Myvisionblurs,myeyesstarttoburn,andIclose them.
NamesIhaven’tsaidinyearswhisperinmymind.Thecourseofmylifewaschangedbythosetwonames.Thetwowho crushedme.That’sexactlywherethisallstarted.I’mnotafool,soIwon’tdenythat.
Ifitweren’tforwhathappenedtoBrooke,thereneverwouldhavebeenaDonna Atleastnotasawife Everythingwould havebeendifferent.
Mybestfriend,Brooke,sawrightthroughme.ShesetmestraightandsentmeafterwhatIwanted,butbythen,everything hadchanged.
MemoriesofBrookeandthenameIstill,tothisday,can’tbeartobreatheoutloudassaultme Thatgateswingswideopen anddeliversapunchtothegut.Likehotmolasses,mylipsloosenanditallspillsforward.
“Iwastwentyandhadsomanydreams Wealldid Theyweremyfriends “Thegirlseveryonehadtobearound.Theyeachhadtheirownmagnetismaboutthem.Theypulledyouinuntilyouneeded tobenearthem”Mycountrydrawlisheavywithemotion
Asthewordsflow,I’mtakenbacktothetimewhenmylifewenttotallywrong.AtimeI’llnevergettochangeorgoback to.ItwastheonetimeIriskeddreamingformore.
Yup, I know exactly when this train wreck started
Then
Trevor
Twenty years ago…
I KEEP myeyesclosedandletthehotTexassunbeatdownonme It’sdamngoodtobehome I’llbethefirsttoadmitmyjunior yearincollegeburnedmeout.
The familiar faces and sweetTexas girls Igrew up callingmyfriends are somethingI’ve beenlongingfor. This is real. Thisiswheremyheartlives
“Why,lookatyou.Didyougoturnintoamanonme,TrevorMonroe?”AsmilecomestomylipsasIopenmyeyes.
IfindnoneotherthanBrookeGalvestontakingaseatbesidemeonthedockI’vebeenperchedon,awayfromthecrowd
“Darlin’,I’vebeenaman.”Isnort.“Ifyouweren’tsobusywithyournoseinthembooks,youwouldhavenoticed.”
“Whatever,Trevor,”shesayswithherSouthernbelleaccentthatwarmsmyheart.
This righthere is whatI’ve beenmissing. Our easybanter and the peace thatcomes withknowinga friend so well. At school, the girls are nothinglike Brooke. Icanhave a conversationwithher withouthavingcleavage throwninmyface or hearingdamnsillygigglesringoutfornoblastedreason
It all seems unavoidable since I playfootball for the school’s team. Over the last two years, dreams of goingawayto collegeandmyloveofthegamehavefadedaway I’masimplecountryboyandImissmysimplerlife
Brookebumpsmyshoulderwithhersandlooksupatmewiththosebigbrowneyes,searchingmyface.“Hey,what’sup? Whydoyoulooksodown?”
“Justthinking.”Ishrugmyshoulders.
“Justthinkingaboutthatcupcakeyoustole?”
Mycheeksheat I’msurethey’veturnedpink Iknewwheretofindthetreat I’dbeenlookingforwardtothosecupcakesas muchasIhadbeenwantingtoseethefaceofthegirlwhomadethem.
“Ipleadthefifth”
“Yeah,youwould,”shelaughs.“Butwhat’sreallygoingon?”
“I’mthinking,that’sall,”Isay.
“Hmm,shouldn’tyoubeexcited?Iknow Iam We’releavinginfifteendays Thiswillbeepic,”shesayswithaglow in hereyesandabeamingsmileonherface.
“I’mexcited”
“Ha.”Shelaughs.“Sureyouare.”
Honestly,Iamexcitedaboutthetrip AtleastI’mexcitedaboutthechancetotravelwithmyfriends Thetriphadbeenher idea. So, of course, she’s the most excited about goingto Europe. Brooke has always beena hopeless romantic and has a lovers’tourplannedforeveryone.
Thekickeris therewon’tbeasinglecoupleonthetrip,buteveryonelovesherandwouldn’tdreamofsayingnowhen shehasherheartsetonsomething.That’ssomethingyoujustdon’tdo.Whichishow we’reheadingtoEuropetoliveoneof herdreamswithafewofourclosestfriends
“No.”Ashriekfromacrossthewayfillstheair.
Iwhipmyheadinthedirectionofthevoice Iknowwhoitbelongstobeforemygazefindsher Fromthemomentmyeyes landonher,I’msuckedin.Shehastheprettiestbrownskinandthosesparklingbrowneyes.Hergorgeoussmile,wildreddish-
brownhair,andheart-shapedfaceareallsocaptivating
Shehasgrownintoanundeniablystunningyoungwoman.I’mnotsurprisedatthelineofguysreadytochaseheraroundthe lake Herbeautyislikeasiren’scall unabletobeignored
“Istillhaven’tfiguredoutwhyyouwon’tjustaskherout,”Brookesays,grabbingmyattentionfromheryoungersister. “Huh?”
Iturntolookintoasimilarbrownface.Justasgorgeousasthegirlontheothersideofthelake.Brooke’seyesshinewith mirthasthesunbeamsdownonher However,myheartdoesn’tskipabeatthesamewaywhenwelockgazes “Comeon.”Brookerollshereyesandgroans.“Trev,you’vebeeninlovewithmysisterforforever.” “Wh…whatareyoutalkingabout?Iloveyoubothlikesisters.”
“That’spure,utterbullshit,andyouknowit,TrevorMonroe,”sheaccuses “I’vewatchedhowyoulookather “It’snotatallhowyoulookatme.It’sclearthatI’monlyafriend.Idon’tthinkthere’sbeenatimeyouhaven’tlookedout forus,butyougoinsaneifsomeonetriestohurtherorifshe’supset It’swaydifferent” “She’syounger.She’sthebaby.”
“Ifyousayso Twoyearsyoungerisn’tthatbigadifference AreyouforgettinghowwellIknowyou?” Mygazefallstomyhands.Damnifsheisn’tright.I’mcrazyaboutLynnor Cakes,aseveryonearoundhereknowsher.I don’trememberwhenthingschanged.AllIdoknowiswhenIlookather,myheartracesandIcan’tbreathe.
I’vespentsomuchtimetellingmyselfshe’stooyoungorourfriendshipistooimportanttoruinwithmyinfatuation Still, summeraftersummer,I’vecomehomeandrealizedthesefeelingsaren’tgoinganywhere.Ifanything,they’vegrownwitheach yearasshe’sbecomemoreofawoman IguessIjusthaven’tknownwhattodoaboutthem “CanIgiveyousomeadvice?”Brookesayscautiously. “I’mallears.”
“You’renottheonlyone.Everysummer,shelooksforwardtoyoureturninghome.Forweeksbeforeandafter,allshedoes istalkaboutyou,”shesaysandrollshereyes.“Shedrivesmeinsane.Askherout.”
Frustrationfillsmeandthoseconflictingfeelingsrise “She’seighteen” “And you’re twenty.” She shrugs. “Everyone knows Cakes is mature for her age. I believe your stubbornness and determinationwillworkgreatwithherfreespirit Wildhearts,perfectforeachother” “Stubborn,who’sstubborn?”
Lynn’s laughter rings out, once again calling for my attention. Andrew Morris has her tossed over his shoulder while runningforthelake.Iclenchmyfists,gettingreadytostanduntilshefreesherself,stoppingmefromgoingtokickAndrew’s ass.Iworkmyjawassherunsaway.
“You,” Brooke says beside me “You’re stubbornas all get-out Goafter whatyouwant,Trev Live,love,be happy We onlylivethislifeonce.Beasfearlessinpursuingherasyouareineverythingelse.” “Whataboutyourdaddy?”
“Youletmeworryabouthim.Thatmanneedstorealizeshe’snobabyanymore.I’llhandlehim.Itwon’tbethefirsttime. RemembermewantingtogotopromwithEricDawson?”
“Ido Thatwasachallengeallofitsown”
“ButIgotitdoneandnowI’mdatingthebestguyintheworld.Otherthanyou.”Shebumpsmyarmwithhers.“Mustrunin thefamily”
Isnort.SheandCliffmaketheperfectcouple.Ittooksomework,butshedidgetherdaddy’sapproval.
“That’swhyyou’regoingtobetheworld’sbestlawyer BrookeGalveston,Esquire”
Withasmileonmyface,IturntoglanceinLynn’sdirectionagain.Thelastyearhasdonerightbyher.Ididn’tthinkitwas possibleforhertogetanymoregorgeous.
“Trevor,mydear,you’venevertoldalie”
Iallowherwordstosinkin.WouldLynnbeinterestedinstartingsomethingwithme?HaveIbeenmissinghersignals?
“You’retellingmeIshoulddateyoursister?”Iturnbacktowardhertolookatherfaceassheanswers
“Ithinkyoubetterbeforeyouhurtsomeonetonightifyoudon’t,”shesaysandrollsherlipstokeepherlaughterinasmirth dancesinhereyes
My thoughts race, the sun beams down on me, sweat forms under my Stetson, but it’s providing my face with shade. Truthfully,Idon’tthinkthesweathasanythingtodowiththebone-meltingheatouthere.
Althougheveryoneelsestrippeddownassoonastheyarrived Mosteveryonejumpedrightintothelake I’vebeentoolost inmythoughtstocomeoutofmyclothes.
Onemoreyear andI’ll bebackhome IfIweretostartsomethingwithLynn,itwouldn’tbelongbeforeI’mhomeagain FromwhatBrooketoldmeasoflastweek,hersisterhastriedtofindticketstojoinusonthetriptoEurope.Hercomingalong willgiveustimetogether.
“Behonest,youdon’tthinkthiswillruinourfriendship?Imean,Lynnandme?Areyousure?Youguysmeantheworldto me.”
“Youmeantheworldtous,”shesayswithahugesmile.“Onlyintwodifferentways.I’mpositive,assureascanbe.
“My sister is like a firecracker. You’re always quiet and calmuntil someone triggers that temper. Yet, somehow, y’all tempereachother
“Doingthiswilltakeyoutowardwhatyoukeepsayingismissing.Goafterwhatyouwant.”
“Ifthisblowsupinmyface,we’regoingatit,Pook,”Ithreaten,callingherbyhernickname “Okay,buty’allbetternameyourfirstbornafterme.”
Ichuckle,butmyattentionhasagainbeendrawntothesourceofmyinternalturmoil Pureheatfillsmyveinsthistimeas mygazelandsonLynn.ShehastakenoffheroversizedwhiteT-shirttorevealablue-and-yellowbikini.
Alltheguyshavegatheredaround,droolingasshetalksanimatedlywithsomeofherfriends.IshootuponmyfeetbeforeI canthinkaboutit Asifmyfeethaveamindoftheirown,Iheadinherdirection IhaveonegoalinmindasIstormforward Mine.
HE’S HOME.I’vebeenwaitingall year for himtoreturn.I’meighteennow andhe’sgoingtoknow itifIhaveanythingtodo withit.
Ihave absolutelyzero interestinthe guys around me They’ve all tried to paw all over me, butit’s Trev’s attentionI’m after.He’sbeenofftohimselfsincehegothere.
Iknowthatlook Trevorislostinhisthoughts I’vetriedtomakeenoughnoiseinhopesofcatchinghisattentionandpulling himoutofthem.
BrookehasawaywithTrevor;shealwayshas.They’rebestfriends.It’shardtocompetewiththat.
Mysisterisgorgeousandbooksmart.I’vealwaysfeltlessthanwhenshe’saround,whichisthereasonIdoublemyefforts aftershesitsbesideTrevoronthedock.
“Put Me Down AndrewMorris,beforeItellyourdaddyonyou,”Isayinfrustrationbutlaughloudlyinhopesofgetting Trev’sattention.
Andrew doesn’tstandachanceinhell withhismuskyarmpitsandsmellybreath I’mgoingtobesopissedifhegetshis stinkonme.Iwiggleinhisholdandreachtopinchhisside.
“Ouch,whattheheckyoudothatfor?”Andrewwhines,droppingmeontomyfeet.
“Itoldyoutoputmedown,”IfussandtakeoffrunningasIcallovermyshoulder “Jerk”
SniffingatmyT-shirt,Imumbletomyselfandrollmyeyes.Ofalltheguystochaseafterme,itwouldbeAndrew’sfunky behind Itugtheshirtoffincasehedidimprinthisfunkonit
Ballingthe T-shirtup,Iwalkover tomyfriends.Isighandtoss the shirtinthe backofBrooke’s pickuptruck.Thatgirl lovesthebeat-upoldthing Ithinkit’sbecauseDaddyteachesherhowtoworkonit
Daddyteachesher aboutcars,butIsticktothehorses.Ifsingingdoesn’tworkout,I’ll helptakeover theranchoneday. Ridinghorsebackalldayisthesecond-bestthingtosingingandmakingmusic.
“IwishIhadthatkindofmoneytojointhemonthattrip,”Macy-Annsays
“Youandmeboth.I’llhavetosettleforridingcamp,”Cindysays.
Iturnmyfocusbacktomygroupasmyfriendsstandaround,ramblingabouttheirplansforthissummer Ihadn’tplannedto doanythingmuch.Okay,that’snotactuallytrue.Ihadplannedtoworkonmymusic,maybehelpDaddywiththehorses. Unfortunately, myvoice coachneeds surgery She’ll be out of commissionuntil the fall It sort of sucks, but it’s also a reminderthatsometimesyouneedtotakeabreak.
Now,I’mscrabblingtofindmywayonthattripwithBrooke,Trevor,andtherestoftheirgang.GoingtoEuropewillbeso muchbetterthanstayinghereinTexasalone Besides,Trevwillbethere
“He’slikeagod,”Amandadrools,pullingmyattention. Ifollowthegazeofallmyfemalefriends IwidenmyeyesasTrevorcomesintoview,headedourway Witheachstep,he stripsfromhisclothes,causingmylipstopartandmybreathingtostop.I’mentrancedashegetscloser.
First,he pulls his Stetsonfromhis headandtosses itaside.His blondlocks fall forwardintohis forehead,coveringhis righteye.Next,hetugshisshort-sleeved,blue-plaidbutton-downshirtfromhispants.Heshrugsitoffinwhatseemslikeslow motionbeforetossingitoverhisshoulder.
Idropmygazetowhereheplaceshishandsnext Hemakesquickworkofhishugebeltbuckle Hisstrideonlybreakslong enoughtotoeoffhisbrowncowboyboots.
Ifollow everymotionasheshoveshisjeansdownhisthick,tonedthighs.Oncehe’sinmotionagain,mybrainbeginsto presentalogicalquestion.
Where’s he headed?
Myjawdropsevenfartherwhenhetakesoffatarun.Itlookslikehe’sheadedstraightforme.I’mstuck,frozeninplace. Ican’tlookawayanditdoesn’tdawnonmetorun Igofromgawkingatmycrushstrippingfromhisclothestowatching himbarreltowardmelikeafreakingfreighttrain.
“Trev,”Isquawkashetossesmeupoverhisshoulder Idon’tfighttogetfree.Instead,Imeltintohisheatandsavorthefeelofhisstrong,hardbodyagainstmine.It’snotuntilthe splashofhisfeethittingthewatersoundsthatIcometomysensesandstarttowigglefree. He chuckles, allowing my body to slide down the front of his On instinct, I wrap my legs around his trim waist Mindlessly,Iplacemyarmsaroundhisneck.Hisblueeyeslockwithmine.
TheMonroefamilyhassuchprettyblueeyes They’reamidnightbluearoundtheoutsideandbleedintoaturquoise,thena lightblue.Trevor’slittlebrotherandsisterhavetheexactsameeyes.
Atthemoment,hehasmeentrancedbyhis There’ssomethingintheirdepthsI’veneverseenbefore Although,I’velonged to.
Mybellyflipsandcoilstightly.ThisiswhatI’vebeenafter,right?Well,whyamItremblinglikethis?Thewateraroundus isn’ttoo cold It’s actuallyquite warm, butIthinkit’s heatingup the longer we stand here, waist-deep inthe lake, gazingat eachother.
“Trev,”Isayinalmostawhisper
“Hey,darlin’,”hesayswiththatTexasdrawlIhopehe’llneverlose. Heglideshishandsupmyback,causingmetoshiver.Hisblueeyesdarkenanddropslowlytomylips.Thishastobea dream.Thatwouldbetheonlywaytoexplainthis.
“Isyoursisterrightaboutus?”heasks,hisgazeneverleavingmymouth.
“Rightaboutus?”
“She says we should be together. She says you’ve beenfeelingthe same wayI’ve beenfeelingabout you,” he replies, liftinghiseyestomine
“Howhaveyoubeenfeelingaboutme,Trevor?”Isayshakily.
Insteadofspeakingthewords,heshowsme.Hecapturesmylipswithhis,nearlypullingawhimperfromme.Theonetime Ikissedaguybeforewasnothinglikethis.Thiskisshasmefeelinghiminmybones.
Hestartsoffgentlyandslowly.Testingtheseamofmylipswithhistongue.Asifsamplingatastebeforefinallydivingin. OhGod,doeshedivein WhenIopenmymouthtohim,heconsumesme
Ishovemyfingersintohisthick,silkylocks.Hedigshisfingersintomyback,hisshort,bluntnailsbitingintomyskin.His mouthtastesofsaltedcaramelandtruffles
Ismileintothekiss.I’dknowthatflavoranywhere.Hestoleoneofmycupcakes.
“TrevorPaulMonroe,”Ibreakthekissandsay.
“Yeah,darlin’?”hebreathesinahuskydrawl
“Imadethosecupcakesforustoshare.Howdareyougosneakingonebeforeourtradition?”Ichidewithateasingsmile onmylips
“Ithinkwe’llbemakingnewtraditions,”hesayswithacrookedsmilebeforepeckingmylips.
Mycheeksheatasrealitysetsin Trevkissedme Um,let’srewindthisabit “Youhavefeelingsforme?”
“ShouldIkissyouagain?”Hisgazereturnstomylips.
Searchinghiseyes,Ipushmyfingersthroughthefrontofhishair I’vewaitedforthismomentforforever Yet,I’minshock andseriousdenial.Ineedtotouchhimtomakesurethisisreal.
“Maybenot”Inodbehindhimtowardourfriends “Imean,notifthey’regoingtokeepthatup” “JustignorethemlikeIam,”hesays.“Cakes?” IgrinatthenicknameI’vehadallmylife “Yeah?”
“I’mgonnakissyouagain.” “Oh,okay.”
Hetakesmymouthanddevoursmetothechorusofincreasingcheersofourfriends Itunethemalloutjustlikehesaid In thismoment,it’sme,Trev,andthewildpoundingofmyheart.
Isagindisappointmentwhenhebreaksthekiss Hereleasesaheavybreath,thenkissesmynose IfeellikeIbloomfrom theinsideout.Thisissodifferentfromeverytimehehaskissedthetopofmyheadinafriendlygesture. Those were buddykisses. Attentionhe gave to his bestfriend’s sister. Iwas onlya sidekickto their relationship. Those weremomentsoflookingaftermeasabigbrother.This…thisissomethingabsolutelydifferent.
“We’regettingyouonthatplane.”
Iknowhewill;thisisTrev.Hedoeswhathesays.He’sneverfailedmeormysisterever.
reakingOut
Lynn
I CURSE andfussasItrytoopenthelatchtopullthetruckbeddownonBrooke’struck.I’mnottallenoughtoreachinforthe cupcakesandmybag.Trevwenttogetsomethingfromhistruck.
“Whoa,whoa,whatdidmytruckeverdotoyou?”Brookesaysasshecomesrushingover “Thisstupidthingisrustedshut.Whyonearthdoyoustillhavethisthing?It’snotlikewedon’thavemoneyforyoutogeta newone,”Ihuff
“Itshows Ihave character. Anyone canthrow somethingawayand getsomethingnew inits place. Mytruckshows I’m willingtosticktomyresponsibilitiesandcommitments.
“I’mwillingtodothework Besides,it’snotrustedshut Youjustneedtoknowhowtoshowitsomelovetoopenitup It remindsmealotofyou,”shereplies.
Istickmytongueoutather Mysisterwillfindanyconversationtoshowherwisdom It’ssomethingweallloveabouther Herwordsalwaysmaketheirmarkandcauseyoutofeellikeyou’vegainedsomething.
“Yeah,whatever,Ineedmythings”
“Don’tyougopoutingatmeoversomeboy,”sheteases.
“Thisisn’taboutsomeboy.”
“Bullpoopy That’sTrev’sshirtyouhaveon Ijustsawhimoverbyhistruckwithashit-eatinggrinonhisface
“You’reoverhereforthosecupcakes.LikeIdon’tknowyoutwoplantoheadtothecabin,”shesayswithasmile. Iruna handover myhair andbegintohopfromfoottofoot All thenerves I’vebeentryingtoavoidcrashintome I’m goingtospendtimealonewithTrevor.
“Hekissedme,”Ibreatheandreleaseanervouslaugh “Isaw.Don’tworry.I’llmakesureeveryoneknowstokeeptheirmouthsshut.” Igroan.“Ididn’teventhinkofthat.Thanks.”
“Noproblem Idon’twantyouthinkingaboutDaddyeither Yougoonandhavefun”
Iwaveahandinfrontofmyface,feelinglikeImightburstintotears.IthinkI’mgoingtobesick.I’vedreamedofthisday forsolong,nowit’shereanditfeelssosurreal
“What’swrong,honey?”
“I’mjustnervous,Iguess.”
“Aww,comehere.”
Shepullsmeintoherembrace.Ihughertightly.Idon’tknowhowmuchIneedthishuguntilshesqueezesme.
MysisteralwaysknowsjustwhatIneed Shepullsawayandlooksmeintheeyes Thewarmsmileonherfacesettlesmy racingheart.
“Don’tbenervous,Cakes It’sTrev He’salwaysgonnaputyoufirst Relaxandallowhimtotakethelead Justenjoythe time.”
Inodatherandlickmylips.“Right.Enjoythetime.”Igiveanervouslaugh.“It’sjustTrev.We’vehadcupcakestogether millionsoftimes.Icandothis.”
“Yes,youcan.”
“Hey,where’sCliff?”
Shefrownsalittle.“HehadtotakeatriptoDallaswithhisdaddy.He’llbebacklatertonight.”
“Aww,Icanseeyoumisshim,”Isayandreachtorubherarm.
“Ohnoyoudon’t,bighead.Don’tusemetogostalling.Here,takeyourcupcakesandget,”shefussesandhandsmemybag andthecupcakeholder
Icrackuplaughingandtake thembothfromher hands.She pulls me infor one more hug.Ican’thelpwishingmyhands werefreetoreturnit
“Iloveyou,”IsayasIclosemyeyesandtakeinhercomfortingscent.
“NotasmuchasIloveyou Go,thisiswhatyou’vebeendreamingof Thissummerisgoingtobethebest Icanfeelit”
“NotifI’mhereandyouguysareinEurope,”Imutter.
“Youwill be onthatplane ifIhave anythingto do withit. Trustme. I’ll paythe difference ifyoufind a seatyoucan’t afford”
“Pook,no.”
“Listenhere now Isaid whatIsaid I’ve gotyoucovered Now stop all this stallingand go find your beau He smells reallynicetoday.”Shewigglesherbrowsatme.
“Ohhush”IleantokisshercheekbeforeItakeofftofindTrevor
“Heregoesnothing,”Iwhispertomyself,clutchingthecupcakeholdertomychest.
TREVOR
“YEAH,she’shere Howarethingsgoingyourway?”IsayintothephonetomycousinCliff
“Ididn’tthinkitwouldbesohardtopickadarnring.Therearesomanyoptions.Ijustwanttogetherthebest.” “Justbreathe.She’sgonnalovewhateveryoupick.”
“That’sjustit,Trev.Whatifshesaysno?Icouldshow upinParisafterdoingallthis,onlyforhertoturnmedown.She wantstoseetheworld.Beingtiedtome…,”hesaysandtrailsoff.
“Listen,she’sbeeninlovewithyouforaslongasIcanremember Youshowinguptosurpriseher,that’sgoingtogoalong way.
“Weallknowyou Texasiswhereyoubelong,butIalsoknowhowmuchyoulovePook Ifshewantstotakeatrip,you’re goingtotakeitwithher.Lookatwhatyou’replanningforhernow.”
“Yeah,I’mnervousasshit.”Hescoffs.“Iwon’tbethecousintravelingtofindallthoseexotichorses.”
Ilaugh,butIdon’ttellhimI’mnotlookingtogetintotheranchingbusiness,NFLornot Hecantakeovertheentireranch forallIcare.Instead,Itrytogivehimsomeencouragement.
“Picktheringthatspeakstoyourheart TheonethatsaysPook She’llloveitbecauseit’sfromyou “You’ve foughthardtogether daddy’s blessing.You’re almostthere.Bythe endofthe month,youtwowill be planning yourweddingwhilestaringattheEiffelTower”
Heblowsoutabreath.IgrabthecoolerIleftinthebedofmytruck.IhaveourFrappuccinoswaitinginside.Wealways needourfrappéswithourcupcakes.
Ismileasthethoughtcrossesmymind TurningtogofindLynnwithmyphonestillpressedtomyear,IshakemyheadasI realizeIhaven’tstoppedgrinningsinceourkiss.
“Thanks,Trev Icanalwayscountonyou”
“I’malwayshereforyou.Youknowthat.” “Yeah,Ido That’swhyI’mgonnaaskyoutobemybestmanifshesaysyes” “Whenshesaysyes.”
“Yeah,when.You’reright.Igottogo.Daddyiswavingformyattention.” “Allright Talktoyoulater” “Later.”
Crushed
Lynn
“I COULDN’T BELIEVE itwhenBrooke said youwere consideringquittingfootball,” Isaybefore gulpingdownthe lastofmy Frappuccino.
“It’snotthesameanymore,”hemurmursagainstmyneck
HisstubbleticklesmyskinandIgrin.Thishasbeenthebestdayever.Wetookoffformyfamily’soldcabinbythelakefor someprivacy We’vebeenmunchingoncupcakeswhileinourownworld
Ifyouaskme,Trevdidn’twantmearoundtheotherguyswhileIwasinthisbikini.Assoonaswesurfacedfromthelake, hewrappedmeinhisshirthehadtossedandkeptmeathisside,onlyleavingmetotakeacallandgrabthecoolerfromhis truck
“Youlovefootball,”Isaythoughtfully.
Heliftshisfingertipstomytempleandtrailsmyhairline Ishiverbeneathhiswhisper-softtouch,causingasmiletotugat hislips.Ihadthoughtwewerecomingheretomakeout.
However,thishasbeenanythingbutamake-outsession Therehaveonlybeenthesoftbrushesofhislipstomyshoulderor afewstolenkisseshereandthere.Inarrowmyeyesashisthoughtsplayonhisface.
Silently,IgivehimtimetofindhiswordswhileIstareathishandsomefeatures.Tugginghisshirt,whichIstillhaveon,up mybareshoulder,Ithenturnmyfaceintothecollartoinhale
Thescentofhiscolognefillsmynostrils.ItengulfsmeinallthingsTrevor.Healwayssmellssogood.Hecatchesmeand hisblueslightwithamusement Thatgorgeoussmileofhisturnsupanotch
“Ididloveit.Imean,Istilldo,”hesays.“ButIdon’tknowifI’mcutouttoputmyheartinit.DaddywouldgowildifI playedprofessionally,butthat’snotme IcanseeitforBrad
“He’sonlyten,buthehasit,he’llgothedistance.Iwon’t.OnemoreyearandI’mdone.”
“IcanabsolutelyseeBradintheNFL.Doeshestillsleepwithhisfootball?”Ilaugh.
“Yeah,hedoes Ilovethatkid,”hesays,hiseyesgoingdistantforamoment “That’sthething I’mmissingmyfamily This isonlycollege.WhatifIentertheleague?”Heshakeshishead.
Hepuckershislipsforaminuteinthought,thencontinues “Thetwinsaregrowingupwithoutme TheyweresevenwhenI wentawayforcollege.IthoughtIneededtogetaway.Now,Iregretit.Sometimes,IfeellikeI’mahorriblebigbrother.” “Lies,TrevorMonroe.You’rethebestbigbrotherthereis.”MyTexastwangringsinmyownears.
Trevorreachesouttopushhisshirtbackdownmyshoulder.Heleansintokissthepatchofskinhejustexposed.Ifeelthe blushinmycheeks.Idropmyheadwhenheliftshistolookmeintheeyesagain.
I turn my gaze to the tray before me for a distraction I look longingly at the last cupcake Trevor picks it up while chuckling. He peels the paper backand places the deliciousness to mylips. Ibeamat himbefore Iopenup to take a bite, moaningaroundthegooeymorsel
These cupcakes are our favorite.Icame upwiththe recipe byaccident.The saltedcaramel andtruffle icingmakes your mouthsing.Thesmoothyellowcakewithtrufflebitesistheperfectpairingforthemoisttreat.
“I’mhopingyoudon’tstillseemelikeabigbrother.Thatmightbealittleawkward.”
“Idon’tthinkI’veseenyouasabigbrotherinavery,verylongtime,”Ireplyandlowermylashes.
Ileaninandtakeanotherbite Hekeepshiseyesonme,athoughtfulexpressionpaintedonhisface Iponderhiswords I oncethoughthe’dtakefootballalltheway.He’salwaysbeenagreatplayer.
It’sbeenadreamofminetosingathisSuperBowlgameathalftime.Inmyhead,we’dbetheultimatepowercouple.I’d singandbringthecrowdtotheirfeet,andhe’dscorethegame-winningtouchdown.
“It’sfunnyhowthingscanchange,”Ithinkoutloud Takingtherestofthecupcakefromhisfingers,Ismileandholdittohis lips.
“You’regivingmethelastbite?”Heliftsagoldenbrow “Yeah,thingshavechanged” Hechucklesbutquicklytakesabitefromtheofferingbetweenmyfingertips.Hebrushesmyskinwithhislipsandtonguein theprocess IbitebackamoanandsmileasIstareintohiseyes
“I’vesharedmycupcakeswithyousincethethirdgrade.Nothing’schanged.”Ilaugh.
“That’strue,butyou’venevergivenmethelastbite,”hereplies.
“Pointtaken Icanfixthat”Igotopullthelastofthecupcakeback Heplucksitfrommyhand,placingthecakebetweenhislips,beckoningmeforwardwiththecrookofhisfinger.Hiseyes sparklewiththesilentcommand Ileanintobitethesweetdelighthangingfromhislips Trevorallowsmetopullitintomymouth.Inoneswiftmotion,hecupsthebackofmyneckwithonehandandcrusheshis lips tomine Hesavors meandthemoistcakethatdissolves onmytongue Iliftmyarms towrapthemaroundhis neckand meltintohimlikethedessertinmycavern.
“I’llneverseeourcupcaketraditionthesameagain,”hemurmursagainstmylips.
“Iknow”Ilaughbreathlessly “Wewerealreadyobsessedwiththem Nowthey’vejustbecomepositivelysacredtome” “Well,darlin’,that’sit.Let’smakeapactrighthereandnow.Nomatter whathappensbetweenus,cupcakeswill beour wayofcallingatruce They’reofficiallyneutralground Neitherofuscanstaymadateachotherifthere’sacupcakeoffered,” hesays.
“Areyouplanningtopissmeoff?”Itiltmyheadtothesideandsmileathim. Trevwrapshisstrongarmsaroundmeanddragsmetositinhislap.Hebeginstostrokemythighwithhiswarmhand.I can’thelpbutsmilewiderwhenheplaceshisforeheadagainstmine.
“We’renotgoingtopretendwedon’tfightlikecatsanddogswheneverthemoodstrikes,”hesays Ipout.“That’sonlybecauseyouneverwanttoadmitI’mright.”
Hethrows his headbackas helaughs God,he’s sodamngorgeous His blondlocks andtannedskinarepictureperfect Thosepreteenbracesgavehimaperfectwhitesmile.
Whenhis blueeyes meetmine,theyshinewitheverythingIloveabouthim his honesty,openness,charm,stubbornness, andthatloving,protectiveside.Thewindowstohissoul arehisgreatestweakness.Theygivehimawaytothosewhoknow himwellenough.
I’mnotsurehowIevermissedhisfeelingsforme Rightnow,theyshinethroughasclearasasunshinyTexasday Itmight bebecauseI’vealwaystoldmyselfitwasmyimagination.
However,staringbackathim,Icouldn’tdenyitifIwantedto Ipalmhisjawandbrushmythumboverhislightstubble “Ifthat’swhatyousay,we’llgowithit.”
“WhatifIcan’tgetaticketony’all’sflight?”Iask.
The question has been playing in the back of my head all day My sister has tried Either the tickets have been too expensive,orwemissthesalebyseconds.
Imean,thepriceshavebeentwicewhateveryoneelsepaid Iwon’taskmyparentsfor help TheyalreadythinkI’mtoo youngtofollowmysisterandherfriendsacrosstheworld.
I’mgoingwithmyownmoney Trevor’sbrowscreaseandafrownmarshislips Thewheelsareturningashebrushesa lockofhairbehindmyear.
“ThenI’llbeherewithyou,”hesays.“TodayhasbeenthebestdayI’vehadin…it’sbeenawhile,andIstilldon’tthink I’veeverhadonelikethis Idon’twantittoend”
“Soourage ”Mywordsarecutoffasbothourphonesring.
Suddenly, mystomachdrops and this eerie feelingwashes over me Sensinga need to answer immediately, Igetup and rushformyphone.Trevorstandsandanswershisaswell.
FromthemomentIanswer thephone,Ifeel likeI’mgoingtobesickandIlosefocus Thewords criedontheother end shattersmeintopieces.Ittakesasecondforitalltosinkin.Assoonasitdoes,Idroptomyknees.
Surely, this dream has turned into a nightmare. Surely, it has.
SLynn
“HE’S HERE AGAIN,Cakes.Ithinkyoushouldtalktohim.Yoursister…she…Brookeis…was.”Mymamacan’tevengetthe wordsout.
Brooke was Shenolonger is anythingtoanyone,shehasbecomeapasttense Was Shewasmysister,shewasmybestfriend,shewasTrevor’sbestfriend.Ihaven’tbeenabletolookathimsincethatnight. Hesatbesidemeatherfuneral,holdingmyhandtheentiretime
However,Istillcouldn’tlookathim.Idon’tknowifI’lleverbeabletolookathimagain.Isituponmybed,clenchingmy pillowtomychest.
Idon’tevenbothertowipemytearsaway Igiveherashortnod
“Lethimin.I’lltalktohim,”Iwhisper.
“Good,shewouldwantyouto Youtwoareher herbestfriends She’dwantthis,”Mamachokesoutbeforeturningand rushingfromtheroom.
It’sbeenaweeksinceweburiedmysisterandIstillcan’tstopcrying It’slikeafreshhelleverysinglemorning Iwake readytorunintoherroomandpesterherandthenithitsme.She’snotthere.
MybedroomdoorcreaksopenandTrevorstepshisbigbodythroughthedoor.HehasthatStetsonheldupoverhisheart. That’sasfarasI’llletmyeyesgo
Healsoseemstobefrozenashestandswithhisbackpressedtothedoor hejustclosed.Hedropshisarmtohisside.I tightenmyholdonthepillow
“Thisain’tright,Lynn,andyouknowit.Ican’tloseyouboth.Whyareyoushuttingmeout?”
“Ishouldhavebeenthere IfIweren’twithyou,Iwouldhavebeenthere Iwouldhavebeenonthesideofthatroadtohold herflashlightwhileshefixedthatstupidbrokendowntruck,”Isob.
“Don’tdo that. We couldn’thave knownshe’d breakdown. She should’ve called me. Iwould have beenthere. Iwould havehelped,”hereplieswithsomuchpaininhisvoice,butIstillcan’tlookathim “Ishould’vebeenthere.Period.Brookewasalwaysthereforme,”Ishoutbackathim.
MyhearthurtssomuchasIthinkofmysisterdyingonthesideofthatroadwithoutme AbrokensoundcomesfromTrev, causingmyeyestosnapuptohisface.Tearsstreamdownhischeeks.
“Ishould’vebeenthere,”hesays.“I’mherbestfriend.I’vealwaysbeentherewhenshecalled.”
“She’smysister.Ishouldhavebeenthere.Toprotecther,todiewithher.Ishouldhavebeenthere.”
He drops his hattothe floor andmoves tositbeside me,pullingme intohis arms.Ileanagainsthimandbreakdown.I allowhimtogivemethecomfortIdon’tdeserve
Idon’tknowhowmuchtimegoesbyasheholdsme.WhatIdoknowisthatitstillhurts.I’llnevergettoseemysister’s big,brightsmileagain She’sgone
“Wecanblameourselves’tilwe’reblueintheface.It’snotgoingtobringherback,anditwon’tchangethefactthatthat bastardwasonthatroaddrivingdrunk,”hemurmursintomyhair.
Isqueezemyeyesshut.“IfIwerethere…Icouldhavewarnedherhewascoming.Icouldhavecoveredher,”Iwhimper. HeplaceshisfingersundermychinandturnsmyheaduntilIfacehim.“Please,Cakes,lookatme.”
Iliftmyeyestohisblues Hesearchesmyface “Brookewouldn’twantthis Shewouldn’twantyoulockedinherecrying fordays.Shewouldn’twantyoublamingyourself.Iknowit’shard.IwakeupeverymorningthinkingofhowIshould’vebeen
followingherhomelikeIalwaysdid ”
“Butyoudidn’tbecauseyouwerewithme.”
“Iwas where she wanted me to be Brooke told me to go after you She told me to be happy She’s the reasonIhad the couragetotellyouhowIfelt,howIfeel.Weweren’tdoinganythingwrong,”hesays.
“Andyet,weliedtomydaddy,”Iwhisper
“Hewasdistraught.Icouldn’tallowyoutogetintotrouble.Thatoneisonme.I’lltaketheblameifneeded.”
“Whydidn’tshetellusshewasleaving?Whydidn’tshewaitforus?”
“Becauseshe’sBrooke.Shewasgivingustime.Sheknewwewouldn’thaveletherleavewithoutus.”
Iclose myeyes. “Idon’tknow whatto do fromhere. Everythingseems wrong. Sittingatthe table for a bowl ofcereal. Talkingonthephone,watchingTV,anythingshe’snotheretodowithmeseemssowrong”
“Oneofthe lastthings your sister toldmewas ‘Live,love,be happy.We onlylive this lifeonce.’We shoulddothatfor her,”hesays,causingmetoopenmyeyes
It’s there inhis blue gaze. He’s goingto saysomethingto change bothour lives forever. Somethingthatmysister would havesuggested Icanfeelit
“Dowhat?”
“GotoParis.Ialreadylookedintoit.Daddysaidhe’lltakecareofeverything.Youcantakeherplaceonthetrip.Well,not takeherplace I Iwasthinking
“Brookespentthelastyearplanningthistrip.Shewantedtodothissobad.Ihavetogo.Ihavetoseethoseplacesforher.I justthought well,Iwasthinkingyou’dwanttodoitwithme”
“Ican’t.Itwashertrip,”Isaysoftly.
“Ithinkshewouldwantustogo.Thinkaboutit.Wecoulddothisinhermemory.Gotoalltheplacesshewantedtosee. Experienceitall.Maybeleavepiecesofherthere.Youknow.Likethosebraceletssheusedtomakeforus.”Hegivesasad smile.
Hecontinues “Istillhavethose Icanbringafewto well,wecanfigurethatoutaswego Iwanttodothisforher Ijust thoughtitwouldbe…rightifwedoittogether.”
I draw my brows I don’t know It sounds so like Brooke Wanting to make her mark on the world This trip meant everythingto her. Her roomis filled withmaps and anitineraryfor the trip. Atnight, I’ve beenreadingher journals to feel closertoher.
BrookemadeParissoundlikethismagicalplacethatwouldhelpherfindherself.However,everyonewhoknew Brooke knewshecouldromanticizeanything.
Yet, somethinginmyheartbegins to opento the idea Maybe Icanfind myselfthere The music has stopped Ihaven’t writtenasinglelyricornotesincethemorningbeforeIlostmysister.
“Youthinkmymamaanddaddywillletmego?Theydidn’twantmetogobefore theyreallywon’twantmetogonow” “Leavethattome.I’lltalktothem.Ifyou’llgo,I’llmakeitallhappen.”
“Forher.I’llgoforher,butwehavetosticktoherplan.Iwanttodoeverythingshewanted.”
“That’stheplan,darlin’ Rightdowntothebaguettes,chocolatier,andtheperfumers”
Igiveatear-filledsmile.BrookewantedtocreateherownscentandnameitPookdeCakes.MylipstrembleasIgivea smalllaughatthat
“Let’sdoit.ForPook,”Isay.
“ForPook”
TREVOR
“YOU REALLY THINKthisisagoodidea?”
TomstaresatmelikeI’mcrazy IthinkImightbe LosingBrookehasleftmerawinside,butthethoughtoflosingLynn,too, hasleftmehollow.
I leanbackinmysaddle and let mymind wander for a bit. Nothingmakes sense anymore. I thought I needed answers before.Ineedthemmorethanevernow.
“ThistripwastheonlythingIcouldthinkoftogethertostopavoidingme,”Imurmurandreachformyhattoliftitand pushahandthroughmyhairbeforerunningmyforearmacrossmybrow
Brookewouldn’thavewantedustobreakupoverthis.Well,canweevencallitbreakingup?Wewerejustgettingstarted.
IttookeverythinginmenottokisshertremblinglipsthismorningasIsatonherbedholdingher.Shewasgorgeouseven withhertearstainedcheeksandwildhairfromnotdoingathingwithitfordays.
AllIwantedwastotakethepainaway Iwantedtowrapherinmyarmsandholdheruntilitgotbetter However,there’s nothingIcandotobringhersisterbackandwe’llbothhavethisgapingholeforever.
“Isortofunderstand,butthis couldblow upinyour face Youknow thather daddyhas beenhavingher music shopped, right?SomebigwigsinNewYorkareinterested,”Tomsays.
His horse releases a whine that sounds more like he’s agreeingwithTom He’s not tellingme anythingI don’t already know.TheGalvestonshavefamilyinthemusicbusiness.
They’repullingstringswheretheycanforLynn.Iknow thattheywon’thavetopull toohard.Fornow,Ineedtothinkof oneobstacleatatime
Inod.“I’maware.Pooktoldme.”
“Shehasashoot Imean,youknowthis Cakeshasthetalenttomakeitbig Youcouldmakethistriphappenandit’llblow upinyourfacewhenwecomebackhome.”
He’sright “I’vethoughtofthat Bringingupher musicwastheonlywayIcouldgethimtoagreewithher going OnceI talkedabouthermusicandthistripbeingtheinspirationsheneeds,heopeneduptolisten.”
Thegleaminherdaddy’seyessaiditall.Mosesnodoubtwantshisbabygirltofindhermuseagain.Iunderstandtheman. He’sbeenworkingtheranchharderthaneversincetheaccident
“Sohe’llgoforthisthen?”
“Hesaidhe’llthinkaboutit,buthe’llsayyes,”Ireply Ilookoutovertheacresofmyfamily’sranch “Especiallyifshe doesn’tcomeoutofthatroom.He’sgivinghertime,buthe’llstartthebusyworksoon.It’shiswayofdealingwiththings.”
WhenBrooke and Iwere thirteen, Iwatched Mr. Galvestonlose his brother to cancer. Instead ofgrievingthe waymost would,heworkedthatranchlikeamadman.
He also drove Lynnharder withher music. She learned three new instruments and wentfromvocal lessons three days a weektofive Brookewouldhideoutatmyhousesohewouldn’ttargetherandherloveofsoccer
Ittookayearandtheflutogethimtoeaseup.Deepdowninmygut,Iknowhe’llallowLynntocometoParissoshecan workonhermusicandsongwriting
“Shestillwon’tcomeout?”
“No,”Isayandgrindmyteeth.“ShecriedherselftosleepbeforeIwenttotalktoherdaddy.”
Tomheavesaheavybreathandshakeshishead.“Youmighthavesomething.Ifshe’swillingtogo.Cliffstill planningto stickaroundandhelpyourdaddywiththeranchforthesummer?”
“Yeah,youknowhim Travelingain’tforhim He’dratherbehereworkingintheheat Thisisthelifeforhim
“HeonlyplannedtogoforPook.Now,Idon’tthinkhecouldbearto.He’llprobablyneverleave.”
“Hecanhaveatit,Ineedabreak Idon’tknowifthisisitforme I’mgoingtotakethesummertofiguresomethingsout,” hesays.
“Iknowexactlywhatyoumean.Nothingmakessenseanymore.”
Tomreleasesalongbreath “Istillcan’twrapmyheadaroundthis She’sgone Shewasjustonmyback,laughinginmy ear.Dude,Iwalkedhertohertruck.”
“Yeah,I’vegonetocallhereverydamnday YouknowIwouldhavecomehomeifitweren’tforher Sheusedtosendme picturesofBradandAnn.”
“Iknow SheandCliffwouldpickthemupfromschoolforyourmamaandtakethemforicecream Shelovedthemlikeher ownsiblings.Howaretheyholdingup?”
Ishakemyheadsadly.“Myentirefamilyisdevastated.MamaburstsintotearsifIjustlookather.BradandAnnclingto mewhenI’maround”
Ihadwantedtocomehomesobad.Brookewastheonewhotoldmemyfamilyhadbeencountingonmetoseemydream through Althoughmydreams had changed, Iappreciated Brooke helpingme to connectwithmyfamilyto keep me going I didn’twantBradandAnntoseemeasaquitter.
“IfInevertoldyou,man Iloveyou Thefourofusthoughtwewouldlivetogrowoldandwatcheachotherraisefamilies Ineverthoughtwe’dloseher.Andlikethis…Iwanttobeattheshitoutofthatmotherfucker.”
“He’sonlifesupport.Notsurehe’llmakeitfortheasswhippingwaitingforhim,”Imutter,thenclickmyteethandtugthe reinstogetmyhorsetoturn “Besides,that’snotwhatPookwouldwant Thistrip Usgoingtoliveoutherdream That’swhat wehavetodo.”
“Sothat’swhatwe’lldo”
Wings
Lynn
I CAME OUT HERE totrytobreathe.SnowwasBrooke’sfavoritehorse.Hispurewhitecoatalwaysshinesbecauseofthegreat caremysistergavetohim.
Isitcurledupwithmyknees inmychestas Ihuddleinthecorner ofSnow’s stall He’s notpayingmemuchmindas he whinniestohimself.
“Youmisshertoo,don’tyou?”Iwhisper
AsifjustnoticingI’mhere,heturnsandcomestome.Ipullanapplefrommyhoodieandholditouttohim.UnlikeBrooke, I’veneverclaimedoneofourfather’shorsesformyown.He’sboughtplenty,hopingI’dwantthem.I’vejustneverfoundmy soulmate
Ibelievehorsesandtheirridersaremeanttobetogetherlikekindredspirits.I’veyettofindmyspiritanimal.
However,BrookeandSnowhititofffromdayone TheCamarilloWhiteHorsewasherfavoritefromthelotmyfatherhad broughtin.HehadplansforSnow,buthecouldn’ttellPooknowhensheaskedforhim.
Snowwasthefirsthorsewebothhelpedtobreak Ithinkthat’swhenIfellinlovewithhorses Watchingmybigsisterbe sobravemademewanttobethesame.
Ibrusha hand downSnow’s muzzle. He snorts and places his forehead to mine. Igetthe sense he knows Brooke’s not goingtoreturn
“WhatamIsupposedtodo?”Isob.“Nothingfeelsrightanymore.Iwish…Iwish…Iwishshewould’vetoldusshewas leaving
“Iwishwewouldhaveleftandfoundheronthatroadbeforeithappened.Iknow Trevisright;shewouldn’twantmeto pullawayfromhim He’sourfriend Healwayshasbeen Ishouldleanonhimtogetthroughthis,right?”
MyvoicebreaksandIcan’tholdbackthetears.Snowstartstolickmyface,butIcan’tstopcrying.Hebumpsmyforehead withhisasiftryingtocalmme.
“Babycakes?”
Ilookuptofindmydaddyandbegintofranticallywipeawaymytears.Idon’twanttoaddtomyparents’pain.Ialready feelbadaboutlyingtothemwhentheyaskedwhyIwasn’twithBrooke
“Hey,Daddy,”IsayasIsniffle.
“I’ve beenlookingall over for you. I’ve beenthinkingaboutwhatTrev said earlier. Do youwantto go onyour sister’s trip?Youknow,tofindyourmusic?”
“CanIbehonest?”
“Ofcourse,youknowthat’showwedothings”
Painsearsthroughmychest.Ihaven’tbeenhonestandIknow hedoesn’twantmedating.How wouldhefeel ifheknew TrevandIhadstartedathing?
Notthathehastoworryaboutthat.It’sover.TheonethingI’vedreamedofallmylifeturnedouttoonlylastforaday.
“I’msolostwithoutPook.Shewasmybestfriend.She’dplaymyguitarformeasI’dfiguresongsout.Evenwhileshewas awayatschool,she’dhelpmethroughsongswhenIgotstuck.
“Those are all her friends. I’d feel like I’mtryingto live her life. Icould never be Pook. She was so muchmore thanI couldeverbe,”Ichokeout
“Now, hold onthere, Miss Missy. You’re justas special as your sister. She admired youas muchas itsounds like you
admireher
“IraisedtwoofthemostkindyoungwomenIcouldhaveaskedfor.Ithinkthistripmightbegoodforyou.Yourmamahad meconvinced,buthearingyourwords,Iknowyoushouldgo
“Gofindyour music,Babycakes.IfyouwalkinPook’s shoes for a bit,youmightbegintosee whoyouare withouther. Trev’sagoodboy Iknowhe’lllookafteryou,”hesaysandgivesmeaweaksmile “I’mscared.What’slifewithouther?WillIfitinwithherfriends?WhatifIturnouttobeaburdentoTrev?I’dbeclear acrosstheworld”
“AndI’dbe onthe firstplane tocome getyou.AlthoughTrevwasn’tonlyPook’s friend.He’s beenyours as well.Isee howconcernedhe’sbeenforyou.”
“Idon’twantthemtopitymebecauseIlostmysister”
“Stopmakingexcuses,babygirl.I’mnotgoingtofightyoutorunacrosstheworldwithabunchofhornyboysandspoiled girls,”hesaysandgivesmeapointedlook Igiveahalfsmile.“Okay,canIthinkaboutitalittlemore?”
“Youonlyhaveafewdaystogetready Youknowhowyourmamalikestoshop Makeadecision,we’llsupportiteither way.”
“I’llhaveananswerbymorning,promise.”
“AllIwantistoseeyoufly,Lynn Ifthisreturnsyourwings,I’mokaywithit TheMonroeshaveseenusthroughalot It’s niceofTrevtolookoutforyoulikethis.”
“Thanks,Daddy”
“You’rewelcome,babygirl.”
TREVOR
“HEY,TREV, YOU BUSY?”Bradpokeshisheadintomyroomandasks “Nope,Ialwayshavetimeforyou.What’sup?”
“I was hoping you’d toss the ball with me I want to work on my passes It’s not all the time I have a wide receiver around,”hesaysexcitedly.
“Sure,whynot?”
Istandupandfollowhimouttothefrontyard,whereweusuallytosstheskinaround Ihavetoadmit Bradhasgottenalot tallersincethelasttimeIwashome.ThesmileonhisfacerightnowisoneofthereasonsI’vebeenwantingtocomehome.
Theotherreasoncomesrunningoutofthehouseandtakesaseatontheporchstep IturntoAnnandgiveherawink Her facelightsupwithpridelikeI’mthebestbigbrotherintheworld.
IdoublebacktokissherontheforeheadthenturntoBradandclapmyhands Icanalreadyseehisformhasgottenbetter Thekidisanatural.
“I’mgoingdeep.Showmewhatyougot,”Icallandtakeoffrunning. Thekidsendsadartmyway Icatchit,butI’msurprisedbythepowerbehindthethrow Wantingtoseeifitwasjustluck,I tossitbacktohim.
“Again,”Isayashecatchesit
Icatchitagainandhavetoshakemyhandout.Mychestswellswithpride.Ican’twaittoseehimgetdrafted.He’sgoingto dobigthingsinthefootballworld
WetosstheballaroundabitmoreuntilMamacallsusallinfordinner.AsBradandAnnruninsidetowashup,Istopand placemyhandsonmyhips.Istandlostinthought,lookingupatthesky.
“I’llmakeitright,Pook Justgethertogoonthistripwithme Afterthat,I’llmakeeverythingright” “Thatmeansyoutoo,Trev.Getoninhereandwashupfordinner,”mymamacalls,breakingintomythoughts. “Yes,ma’am”
TLynn
I’M DOING THIS.I’mgoingtoParis.I’malsoreadytothrowup.I’veneverflownbefore.
IthinkI’mgoingtohyperventilate.Wehaven’tevenboardedtheplaneandIthinkI’mgoingtofreakout.Mystomachturns andmypalmsstarttopoursweat “Hey,Cakes.Youallright?”
IlookupintothehazeleyesofCody Hestaresbackatmewithamixtureofconcernandsadness He’sprobablythinking I’mhavingameltdownovermysister.
I’mstillgrievingherloss,butthishasnothingtodowiththat.Ourplanehaspulledintothegate,andforsomereason,the thought of getting on that thing is freaking me the heck out I dart my gaze around at all my sister’s friends as they talk enthusiasticallyaboutthetripandthethingstheyplantodo.
WhenIfindTrevor,he’satthedesk IclosemyeyesandremindmyselfthatI’mnotgoingtodomorethanbefriendswith him.It’sprobablybestifIdon’tcryoutforhishelp.
“Lynn”Codyplacesahandonmyshoulder
“I’veneverflownbefore,”Ipushout,alittleaboveawhisper.Iopenmyeyes.Hegivesmeawarmsmile.
“Oh,okay.Mylittlebrotherhatesflying.Iusuallysitwithhimtokeephimfromfreakingout.Totalbummer.Hesqueezes theshitoutofmyhandeverytime,”hesays Igiveashortlaugh.“GoodthingI’mnotsittingbyyou,right?”
“Well,letmeseeyourticket Maybewecangogetthemtochangeourseats,”hesaysandwinks
“That’snotgoingtobenecessary,”Trevordrawls,stoppingrightbeforeus.“Comeon,Cakes.We’removingtofirstclass. They’reaskingforyourticketandID”
“Firstclass?”Isaydumbly.
“Yeah,theseatsarebigger.We’llgettosittogether.Drinkthis.”HehandsmethebottleofwaterTomrushesovertohim. ItakeitasIrealizehowthirstyIam MyhandsaretremblingalittleasIopenit Itakeasip,avoidingeveryone’seyes “Ithinkshewashavingapanicattack,”Codysays.
“Igotthat,” Trevor says sortofharshly “Ihave her too Come on They’re goingto letus board earlyso Icangetyou settled.”
IlookatTrevwithmymouthopen.He’sglaringatCobywithhisjawset.ItakeTrevorinforthefirsttime.Imean,really lookathim.
He’sdressedinawhiteT-shirtandbluejeans,withblackcowboyboots.Hemakesthesimpleoutfitlooksodamngood. He’sfillingoutthatT-shirt
However,uponcloserinspection,it’sclearhismusclesarecordedtightlybeneathhisshirt.Thetensioninhisentirebody isvisible Hisfistsareevenclenchedtightlyathissides
Ipopupfrommyseattodefusethesituation.IknowTrevtoowelltosithereandnotmove.Hepicksupmycarry-onbag andplacesahandonthesmallofmyback.
“IneedyourticketandID,darlin’,”hesays.
Ipullthemoutandhandthemtohimaswereachthecounter.It’snotuntilIhaveanewticketandhe’sguidingmeontothe planethatIrealizehe’sbeenrubbingsoothingcirclesonmyback
Ilookupathim.“Howdidyougetusontheplaneearly?”
Hegivesmeabrilliantsmile.Hiseyessparklewithit,takingmybreathaway.Ichidemyself. He’sjustafriend.Nothingmorewillhappenbetweenus.Itcan’t.Mydaddywouldkillme.
“YoushouldknowbynowthatI’llalwaystakecareofyou Isawyouabouttofreakout Itwasn’tamatterofiftheywould doit.Itwashowfast,”Trevorsays.
“Thanks,”Imurmur “Anytime.”
Ican’ttearmygazeawayfromherasshesleeps We’vebeenintheairforsixhourssofarandmyhand stilltinglesfromwhereshesqueezeditaswetookoff,butI’mnotcomplaining.I’llholdhersweatypalmagainjusttomake sureshe’sokay
Ireachtobrusha handalongher hairline,unable tohelpmyself.She opens her lids slowlyandher gaze lands onmine. Thoseprettybrowneyescomeintoview.
“Sorry,Ididn’twanttowakeyou,”Iwhisper. “It’sokay.Howmuchlonger?”
“Wehaveaboutthreemorehourstogo”
“Ugh.”Sherollshereyesandwigglesinherseat,turningtowardme.“Ineverthoughtaboutthispart.” “Yeah,butit’snotsobad,right?Youfellasleepalmostassoonaswegotintheair” Shesmiles.“Yeah,Iguess.Stillcan’twaittosteponsolidgroundagain.” “Soon,” Imurmur.Iknow Ishouldn’t.I’ve noticedthatshe’s still pullingawayfromme,butIignore mygutandsaythe wordsanyway.“Aboutus,Ithoughtwecouldtalk.”
Shelowersherlashes.“Onaplanefullofpeople?”
Iswallowandnod “Iseeyourpoint,butweneedtotalk” “Trev,Ineedafriend.Canyoubethatfornow?”
“Fornow,yes,Icanbethat”
Hereyeslightupandshestraightensinherseat.“Good,becausePookwantedtoplaycardswithyouonthistrip.Itwasin herjournal.Youcheatedherlasttimeandshewasdeterminedtokickyourbutt.Ipackedcardstodojustthat.”
IstiflealaughsoIdon’tdisturbeveryoneelseontheflight “You’reon,”Isayandpulldownthetableforustoplay Shepullsafreshdeckofcardsfromherbackpackatherfeet.WhenIseethey’reUnocards,Ismilebroader.Thiscouldget heated Ithinkofthe lasttime IplayedBrooke.Shehadaccusedme ofcheating.Ihadn’t,butshedidn’twanttoacceptdefeat.I thinkfondlyofthememory
“Nofunnybusiness,mister.I’mwatchingyou,”Lynnwarns.
Shenarrowshereyesatme,butthatprettysmileisonherlips.It’snotasbrightorlargeasI’musedto,butit’sstillthere. “Showmewhatyougot,Babycakes”
That does the trick. Her smile lights her entire face as I call her by the nickname her grandmother gave her. We all shortenedittoCakes,butNannagaveherthenamewhenshewasatinylittlethinginherkitchenwantingtobake Lynntiltsher headatme.
“Youknow,Iwenttoseeherbeforeweleft,”shesays “Howisshe?”
“She’smoving.Thatbigoldhouseistoomuchforher.She’s downsizing,”shesays,makingairquotes.
“WhodownsizesinTexas?”Ichuckle “Iknow,right?She’sliterallygoingfromlikefivethousandsquarefeettothirty-fivehundred,”shegiggles.“Thefloorplan actuallymakestheplacelookbigger” “Ibet.”
Hersmileturnssad.“ShegavemesomethingsofBrooke’stotakewithus.Thingstoleavehermark.Afewpicturesanda lockofhairshehadplacedinalocket.”
“Ibroughtthebraceletsand,don’tlaugh,butIfoundoneofhersocksinmyroom.”
Lynnbursts into laughter and covers her mouthwithher hand Her eyes shine withmirth Ihold backmyownlaughter, knowingwhatshe’smostlikelylaughingat.
“Why did she always have to kick off her shoes and socks? No matter where she went, she’d end up barefoot,” Lynn gigglesquietly.
“That’showyouknewshewascomfortablewithwherevershewas” “Verytrue. She was always grumblingaboutlosingher socks. She’d come to borrow mine whenshe would getlow on them”Herlipsstarttotrembleandshewipesatear Webothfallsilent.Lynnbeginstodealthecards.I’mlostinmyownthoughtswhenhervoicepullsmyattentionagain. “Promisemesomething”
“Anything.”
“Thiswouldhavebeenahappytripforher.Idon’twanttospendthesummercrying.Itstillhurts,butthiswasherhappy place IwanttobehappywhileIdothisforher Notears”
“Wecandothat,darlin’.Notears.”
Shegivesmeasmallsmile Ireachforherhandandsqueezeit,silentlypromisingthatthiswillbeahappytripifit’sthe lastthingIdo.
Let’sExplore
Trevor
EVERYONE PASSED outassoonaswegottoour hotels.Lynn,Tom,andIarestayingatHôtel Raphael.Someoftheothersare choosingtostayataccommodationswithsmallerpricetags.
We’vesleptinmostofthemorning Ourgroupchatjustcametolifearoundonepm,whichmakesitaroundeightam back home.I’mup,showeredandreadyfortheday.
Iwanttogetthingsstarted WehavesomuchtocoverandIwanttodoitall IknowBrookewouldhavebeenupandatit hours ago; forget jet lag or the fact everyone else would still be sound asleep. The thought slices through me, leaving the searingpainbehind.
I’dpromisedherwewouldgoforéclairstogetherourfirstdayinParis,nomatterwhat Thisisournomatterwhat Iknow she’sherewithme…withusinspirit.
I’mpulledfrommythoughtsasLynnopensherroomdoor “Whattimeisit?”Sheyawns I’mspeechlessforamoment.Lynn’sscarfhascomelooseandiscrookedonherhead,theleftsideofherfaceiscoveredin linesfromherpillow,there’salittledroolinthecornerofhermouth,andonelegofherpajamapantsisbunchedupherthigh nearlystuckinhercrotch,butshe’sthemostbeautifulgirlI’veeverseen.Iwouldn’tchangeathing.
Well,Iwould.IfIhaditmyway,Iwouldhavebeenlyingnexttoherwhensheopenedhereyes.Iwishweweresharinga roominsteadofmygettingstuckwithTom
Ishakemyheadtoclearit.Lynnblinksthosebigbrowneyesatme,pullingasmiletomylips.“It’sonehere.Abouteightin themorningbackhome,”Ireply Lynngroans.“I’mgoingbacktosleep,Trev.”
Imovefastwhenshetriestoclosethedoor Withonehandonthedoor,Ireachforherarmwiththeother Shestiffensand turnsslowlytolookatwheremyhandiswrappedaroundherbicep.Herfleshhaspebbledover,butIignorethereactionand pushmywayintotheroom,closingthedoorbehindme.
“Iknowyou’retired,butImadeapromise Idon’twanttodothisonealone I’msureyou’reashungryasyouaretired,”I saysoftly.
Shelooksupatmethroughherlashes,andforabriefsecond,thesamedesireandhopefromourdayatthecabinappears However,asfastassheallowsittoshow,itdisappears.Lynntakesastepoutofmyhold.
Idropmyarmstomysidesandshovemyhandsinmyjeanspockets.Sheshiftsherweightfromfoottofoot.Thewarwithin iswrittenalloverherface,leavingmetowonderwhatshe’swarringwith.
Weagreedwe’ddothisforBrooke,andwe’dbehappywhilewe’rehere.Ihopeshe’snothavingsecondthoughts.Idon’t thinkIcandothisalone
Shetugsherpajamalegdownandstartstowipeherfaceasifjustrealizingwhatshelookslike.
“Givemesometimetoshowerandgetdressed,”shemurmursandrushestowardthebedroom
Ifollowbehindher,steppingintothelivingareaasshedisappearsbehindthebedroom’sdecorativecurtains.Thissuiteis nice.Itwasagiftfrommyparents.
We all wanttomake this easier for Lynnsomehow.Ilookaround.Myroomis similar,exceptfor the twobedrooms I’m sharingwithmybestfriend.
Mygazelands onLynn’s guitar caseopenacross oneoftheaccentchairs Iwalkover tolightlytouchthestrings Agrin comestomyfacewhenhernotebookandpenonthecoffeetablecomeintoview.
