STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN
Shewantstodancewiththedevil.
Beccahasbeentrappedinavoidcreatedbygriefandheraunt’sreligiouszeal,untilachancemeetingwithanoutlaw motorcyclebiker FollowingZepintothedarkanddangerouscriminalunderworldofTheDevilsMCfreesherfromalifeof treadingwater,andunleashesasideofherselfthat’sbeenhidden.ButhowlongcanBeccalingerintheshadowsbeforetheir darkestdesiresconsumeher?
Contentwarning:StairwaytoHeavencontainsadultthemesandsceneswhichmaycausetriggerreactionsforsomereaders including,butnotlimitedto,consensualsadomasochisticsexualacts,domesticviolence,murder,violenceandblackmail.
Chapter 1
1992-Sydney,Australia
CHRIST, why can’t this damn thing stay hidden?
Skippingdownthe steps ofthe cafe,Ipushthe goldcrucifixbackinside mycollar.Ionlywear ittoplease myauntand uncle Thesmoothlinkstangleagainstmyfinger AsItrytopullmyfingerfree,Ismashheadfirstintowhatfeelslikeabrick wall coveredinhardleather.ThemilkshakeIholdinmyunchainedhanderuptsbetweenmeandtheleather-cladwall while thesketchpadandpencilsinmyopenbackpackclattertotheground
“Shit,sorry,”saysthebrickwall,whohasarmsandlegsandisnowsquattinginunisonwithmyowndownwardtrajectory. Myforeheadcollideswithhisleather-jacketedtorsoforthesecondtime,sendingmestraightbackonmyass
The palms ofmyhands burnfromthe contactwiththe concrete pavementandI’mcoveredinchocolate milk,butthe sun glintingoffthecrucifixaroundmyneckgratesthemost.Istuffitbackinsidemyshirtthentouchmyhandtothedullacheinmy forehead Whatamess
“Here,letmehelpyouup.”AhandappearsinfrontofmyfaceandIdecideI’ddobetterwithaguidetogetbackonmy feetthanattemptingtonavigateitmyself
“Thanks.”Igrimaceasmygrazedpalmmeetsafirmgrip.
“Fuck,areyouhurt?”Browneyesscanmyfacebeforedippingtobelow mychin,clearlyeyeingthecrucifix.“Um,sorry forswearing.”
Ipushthecrucifixinsidemyshirtagain.Whycanitnotstayhiddentoday!
“It’sfine”Iexaminemyhandsandfindtheskinunbroken,justreddenedfromthefall Iholdthemupforthestrangertosee “Noblood.”
“Good”Themanholdsahandkerchiefouttome “It’sclean,Ipromise”
Ahandkerchief?Ileanbackandlookathimproperly.Heisshorterthanmyuncle,solessthansixfeettall,andaleather vestcovershisbroadshoulders,accentuatinghistaperedtorso.Blackjeansareheldinplacebyabeltwithabigsilverbuckle shaped into a skull withwings and words Ican’tquite make out. He wears a Metallica t-shirtunder the vest, and bigblack bootsonhisfeet.Andthemanwasofferingmeacleanhandkerchief…
“Thanks?”ItcomesoutasaquestionratherthanastatementasItakethecottonsquare
He smiles for the first time and his brown eyes turn into liquid chocolate. He ducks back to the ground and begins collectingmybelongings,hopefullymissingthesighthatrushesfrommylips
Iblotthehandkerchiefonmyt-shirt.Whoisthisguy?Helookslikeabikerwiththeleathervestandbikerboots,buthis short blackhair and handkerchiefdon’t reallyfit the profile. Tattoos peekout frombeneaththe sleeves ofhis t-shirt as his well-defined arms reachto pickup myscattered pencils Onthe backofthe vestis a patchwiththe same skull and wings designofhisbeltbuckle,perchedabovethename,DevilsMC.
DevilsMC?Neverheardofthem Maybehe’sjustwearingsomeexpensivewannabevestandplayingatbeingtough? “IthinkIgoteverything.”Heisbackonhisfeetandholdingupmybackpack.Heglancesatmychestandthenclearshis throat Isheactuallyblushing?
Ilookdownandrealisemylacyredbraisonfulldisplaybeneathmydrenchedwhitet-shirt. “Shit!”Icrossmyarmsacrossmychest.
Hechuckles “Here,wearthis”Heplacesmybackpackonthegroundathisfeetandslipstheleathervestoff BeforeIcan refuse, he drapes the vest around my shoulders, holding the sides out for me to push my arms through. “It’s already got milkshakespilledonit”
Theleatherisheavyandsmellswarmandearthyandlikeaverybadidea. “Where’syourcar?”heasks
Irestrainanothersigh-thisoneladenwithfrustration-threateningtoescape.“Don’thaveone.” Thanks to my aunt and
uncle withholding my inheritance “I’monthebus”
“Whenthatmilkdries,it’s goingtoreek,” he says.“Come on,I’ll give youa ride.” He picks upmybackpackandstarts walkinginthedirectionheisfacing What?Ican’tjustgetinacarwithastrangerwhomayormaynotbeamemberofanoutlawmotorcyclegang.Buthehas mybackpack,andI’mwearinghisvest Ialmosthavetojogtocatchupashestridesdownthestreetandaroundthecorner He stops infrontofa bigblackandsilver motorbike withreallytall handlebars,pushingmybackpackintothe left-hand sidesaddlebagandholdingoutahelmet Mystomachflipsandmybladderthreatenstorelease GuessIneedn’thaveworried aboutgettingintoacarwithastranger.
Thenheflashes measmilethatlights uphis wholefaceandsets myheartflutteringlikeabunchofbutterflies.Ihaven’t doneanythingthiscrazyinyears,whichsuddenlyfeelslikewaytoolong
Chapter 2
I recite myaddress and climb on. I haven’t beenona motorbike since I was a kid, clingingto the backof mydad as we manoeuvred throughtraffic inHo Chi MinhCity Thankfully, mywould-be saviour has tightened the straps onthe helmethe placedonmyhead.Ifheleftittome,I’dprobablybewearingitbackwards.
Thebikeroarstolifebeneathmeanddespitetheferocityoftheenginestarting,weglideintothetrafficasserenelyasa balletdancer. The helmetis open-faced and the wind makes myeyes water. Iclose myeyes and tightenmygrip around his waist, mybodypushingfirmagainst his. The bike throbs underneathme. It is bothexcitingand unnerving, and Ican’t hear anythingexceptthericochetingofmyheartandthethunderingengine
Thisissurreal.ImusthavehitmyheadharderthanIthought.HowdidIenduponthebackofthismotorbikewiththisguy, headingtowardsmyauntanduncle’shouse?
Oh fuck, Aunt Trudy will be home.
She’llinsistonanexorcismwhensheseesmerideuponthebackofamotorcyclewithawett-shirtandthedevilhimself, accordingtothebackoftheleathervestI’mwearing.Andshe’snotevenCatholic.Itwillbecomeonemorereasontowithhold mymoney.
Isqueeze myeyes shutandtightenmyarms aroundhim We come toa stopata setoftraffic lights andhe runs his hand alongmyarmuntilhisfingersmeetmine.Helacesourhandstogether,histhumbgentlyrubbingthetopofmythumb.
Thesuddenthrobbingneedbetweenmylegsmatchestheidlingengineandleavesmebreathless Iimaginewhatitwould be like to ride off into the sunset with this guy, let himravish me on some distant beach, or in a cabin in the woods, or anywherethatisn’there.
LeaveAuntTrudyandUncleBobandtheircult-likereligiousbeliefsbehind. Excepttheywouldstillhavemymoney.Damnit.
ThebikeridesoveraspeedhumpandIopenmyeyes WhowasIkidding?Idon’tevenhavethegutstotakethiscrucifix off,letaloneopenlyrebel againstmyfamilyandrideoffwithsomeguyonamotorbike.Idon’tevenknow hisname,butfor someunknownreason,Iamonthebackofhismotorbike-tryinghardnottogrindagainsthim You’dthinkIwassixteenyears old,nottwomonthsfromturningtwenty-one.Mylifeissuchamess.
Thebikeslowsandheturnshisheadandyells,“Numberforty-three?” We’realreadyhome?
“Yeah,”Ishoutback.
Thebikeshudderstoastoprightinfrontofthehouse Iunlatchmyarmsfromhiswaistandeasemywayoverthesideof thebikeuntilmyfoottouchestheground.Withthegraceofanew-borngiraffe,Iswingmyotherlegoffandtotterabout,trying tofindmybalance
“Whoa there.” Stronghands grip myforearms. Our eyes lockas Iclutchathis arms. His hair is windblownfromriding withoutahelmet,hisfringefallingforwardinsteadofsweptback.Hisnoseisalittletoobigandhislipsalittletoothin.But hisjawlineisstrongandthoseeyes Whenhesmiles,asheisnow,hiswholefacetransforms,litupbythosechocolateeyes What amI thinking? My imagination has gotten the better of me and I need to get inside the house before Aunt Trudy discoversmewiththisguyandreignshelldownonearth Ireachforthehelmetbucklebutsomehowmanagetopullittighter “Here, letme.” His tongue touches his top lip as his fingers brushagainstmyneckand he focuses onundoingthe latch. Electricityripplesacrossmyskinsendingalightningstriketomygroin
“Rebecca,whatisthemeaningofthis?”Avoiceshrillsfromabove.AuntTrudystandsonthefrontbalcony,glaringdown atus.
“Rebecca,”herepeatssoftly,asiftastingmyname “IpreferBecca,”Imutter,turningtofacemyaunt.“Hi,AuntTrudy.”
“Whatareyouwearing?”
Iglancedownattheleathervest.“Oh,Ispilledamilkshakeallovermeandmyt-shirtwasabittoosee-throughso…”I
turnbacktothemanstandingbesideme.IguessIhopehisnamemightappearorsomething. “Zep,”hesays.
“What?”Isheactuallyreadingmymind?
“MynameisZep.”
“That’snotaname,”saysTrudy,leaningovertherailingandclutchingherowncrucifixaroundherneck Zepshrugs.“It’swhatIanswerto.”
Trudyrollshereyes “Takethatridiculousvestoffandgetinsidethishouseimmediately,Rebecca” Indignantheatspreadsupmyneckandovermycheeks.I’mnotachild,andI’mcertainlynotherchild.Ihatehowshehas thispoweroverme.
“Don’tjuststandthere”Hervoiceislikeadrillboringintomybrain Hottearsprickthebackofmyeyes “Becca? Now please.”
Mynailsdigintosore,redpalms I am not a child! IcringeatZepwitnessingmyhumiliation Isqueezemyeyesclosed, hopingitmighterasethisnightmare.
“Comewithme”
The air seems to still. Did Zep reallysaythat? Surely, it’s mycowardlyimaginationrunningawaywithitselfagain- I mean,it'snotasifI’dactuallyleavewitharelativestranger.
IopenmyeyesjustasZeplowersthehelmetbackontomyhead Igasp.“No,I "
“Thisisbullshit,”hesays “Thatwomanisoffhertree”
Ican’targuewiththat.IlookbackatTrudy,whoisstillissuingdemandsandthreatsfromthebalcony.Myarmsandlegs feelmadeofiron,tooheavyandclumsytolift.Icantastethesourstenchofmyaunt’svitriolentwiningwiththerapidlydrying milkshakeandIjustwantthegroundtoopenupandswallowmewhole.
Instead, Ifind myselfbeingled backto the motorbike. Zep swings onto the seatand kickstarts the engine, drowningout Trudy’sprotests Helooksatmeandnodsformetogeton Fuck it.
Chapter 3
My mind is a hurricane of noise and thoughts without anchors, as the bike roars away frommy aunt’s house in the inner suburbs WhathaveIdone?WhatamIgettingmyselfinto,andwhothehellisZep?Myauntandunclearesuretomakegood ontheirthreattokeepmefrommyinheritancenow.
MaybeI’minshockatmyquestforfreedom MaybeI’mfrightenedthatI’vejustmadethebiggestmistakeofmylife Butby thetimeIbegintotakenoticeofoursurroundings,weappeartobeinthemiddleofnowhere.Theoccasionaltreebreaksupthe barrenlookingpaddocksoneithersideofthedirtroadweareon.Therearenohousesanditcertainlyisn’tfarmingcountry.I havenocluewherewewere
Thebikeslowsasanenormouscorrugatedironfencecomesintoview.Theskullwithwingsiscrudelypaintedonthefront oftheredgatethatisbeingdraggedopenfromtheinside Ilookupandnoticetwomenstandinginsomekindoflook-outpost overhead.Whatthehellisthisplace?
Zepridesthroughthegateandatleastoneofmyearlierquestionsisanswered Heisclearlypartofanoutlawmotorcycle gang.
Motorbikes and pick-up trucks are parked around what looks like a warehouse. Acouple of guys are workingontheir bikes,beersattheready Zeppullsupandcutstheengine Iquicklyscurryoffthebike,grabbingthebackoftheseattosteady myself.Istarttoshrugoutoftheheavyvest.Somehow,Idon'tthinktheotherbikerswouldappreciatemewearingthis.
“Leaveit,”saysZep,comingtostandbesideme “Ifyou’rewearingmycut,noonewillmesswithyou”
I openmymouthto speakbut all myquestions collide into eachother, leavingme gaspinglike a fishout of water. He unbucklesthestrapandremovesthehelmetfrommyhead.
“Comeon.”Hetakesmyhandandpullsmeintostepbesidehim.“ThisisTheDevilsclubhouse.It’swhereIlive.” “Oh,”isallIcanmusterbywayofresponse.
Afew headsnodaswestridetowardsanarrow doorway Assoonaswestepinside,I’mplungedintodarknessandtrip overmyownfeet.Zeppullsmeagainsthimtostopmecrashingontothefloor.
“Jesus,youtwosmelllikeadeadcow’stit”Theboomingvoicecomesfromsomewhereinfrontofus
Myeyesadjustasaridiculouslytallandwell-builtmanwithlong,dirtyblondehair,crazyeyesandplentyoftattooslooms beforeus.
“Settledown,Luci,”saysZep,hisshouldersstraightening.“We’rejustonourwaytogetcleanedup.”
We are? Idon’thaveanythingtogetchangedinto.BecauseIrodeoffintothesunsetwithacompletestranger!
Thetallmanlooksmeupanddownwhilepushinghistongueacrosshisteethasthoughhehasstoredfoodinthem “Isthis oneforsharing?”
Zepdropsmyhandandstepsintothetallman’sspace “No,she’snot”
Themanchuckles.“Twomonthsago,youwouldn’thavehadanysayinthematter.”HepushesZepaside,holdingouthis handtome.“Name’sShaneRiley,butyoucancallmeLucifer.”
Is he for real? Thenagain,IcanseewhytheycallhimLucifer Hedoeslooklikethedevil,orthegrimreaperorsomething justasevil.
“Um, Becca,” Imumble, shakinghis hand withmyfingertips as myhearttries to hackits wayoutofmychest Mylegs threatentogiveoutfromunderme.
“Shedoesn’tneedtocallyouanything, Luci ”Zepplaceshishandsonmyshouldersandguidesmeawayfromthegiantof aman.
Catcallsandlaughterfollowusaswewalkthroughwhatlookslikeabartowardsahallway.Idon'tseeanyotherwomen around Ilickmylips,suddenlydesperateforwater
Zepleadsmedownahallwaywithcloseddoorsoneitherside.Hestopsabouthalfwaydownandopensthedoor.Akidnomorethansixorseven-springsupfromthedoublebedthattakesupmostofthespaceintheroom
“Alex!Whatareyoudoinginhere?”hissesZep.
“Nothin’,justhangingout.”Thekidisskinnywithdarkhairandbigroundeyes. “Goandfindyourmother” Zepstandsasidetolethimoutthedoor “andstayoutofyourfather’sway.”
Zepclosesthedoorasthekidescapes,lockingitbehindhim Myfacemustmirrorthequestioninmyhead “It’stokeep othersout,”heexplains.
“Oh”Icollapsemyhandstogetherandlookaroundtheroom Thebedisneatlymadeexceptfortheimprintofwherethe kidhasbeensitting.Nexttoabuilt-incupboardisachestofdrawersthatholdsacollectionofbooksontop.Abarfridgehums besideit
“Bathroom’sthroughthere.”Zepispointingtoaseconddoorway.“Towelsareclean.”
“Okay.” What else canIsay? Everythingabout this dayis surreal. Ishrugout ofthe leather vest, or cut as he called it before,andlayitonthebed “Thanksforlettingmewearthis” Henods,thenturnshisbackandopensadrawer.
NotmuchismakingsensetomerightnowbutonethingIknowisIneedtogettheseclothesoffandwashawaythesmellof milkgonebad.Iwalkintothebathroomandshutthedoorbehindme.Icollapseagainstitandtakealong,slowbreathin.What thehellamIgoingtodo?
AknocksoundsonthebathroomdoorandIjump,shriekinglikeababy.
“Sorry,Ifoundyouashirtyoucanwearafteryoushower.”
Isuckinanotherbreath,hopingitwillsettlemyhammeringheart,andopenthedoor Zepholdsaneatlyfoldedshirtout “Thanks.Um,sorryaboutthescreaming.”
Heshrugs “It’snotuncommonaroundhere”
Ishutthedoor.Whatthehellisthatsupposedtomean?ExactlywhatkindofhellhaveIwalkedinto?Itakeanotherdeep breathanddecidetogetcleanedupandthentalktoZepabouttakingmehome.Thiswasacrazyidea.
Thebathroomisjustascleanandtidyasthebedroom.Andjustassparse.Theshowerhasonlyonetapandonahunch,I pullitstraightupwithoutadjustingthetemperature.Holdingmyhandunderthesprayofwater,Iwaitasitchangesfromcoldto lukewarmtoabsolutelyperfect
“Huh,”Imurmurtomyself.Istripoffmyclothesandstepundertheshower.Milkhasdriedinpatchesacrossmyskinand inmyhair Athree-in-onehairandbodywashsitsintherackhangingfromtheshowerhead Thatwilldo Ilatherupandsoonthesmellofsourmilkisreplacedwithafresh,citrusy,ifsomewhatchemicallyproduced,fragrance. Beingunsureofthehotwatersituation,andwhatImightbekeepingZepfrom,IwashandrinseasfastandasthoroughlyasI can.
Ishutthewateroffandreachforatowel.Itsmellsofsunlightandsoap,withanundertoneofZep.Itakeanextrasniffand bite mybottomlip to keep fromsighingout loud Imight have escaped one hell for another, but at least this one has some benefits.ThelasttimeIhadsexwasmonthsagoandtheearthdid not move.
Ishakemyhead Ineedtogohome,regardlessofwhat’swaitingforme,whichmeansIneedtostophavingtheselust-filled thoughtsaboutZepandaskhimtotakemeback.
AssoonasI’mdry,Ireachforthet-shirt.It’sfadedandblackwithtourdatesforFaithNoMoreontheback,andthelogo from The Real Thing albumonthe front Myt-shirt, bra and jeans are filthy, but myunderwear has not copped anyof the milkshake-thankGod.Islipthemonandpullthet-shirtovermyhead.Itcoversmybackside-just.
Icombmylongblondehairoutwithmyfingertipsandthenfoldmysoiledclothesintoaneatpile Grabbingmysandals,I openthedoortofindZepstrippeddowntohisjeans,loungingonthebed.Tattoosadornhisupperbicepsandasmatteringof darkhairtrailsfromhisbellybuttontobeneathhisjeans Heisn’tbuiltlikeLuci,butheistonedandhisstomachiswashboard flat.MymindgoesblankandIcannotrememberwhatitisIwanttoaskZep.
“Here, give me your clothes and I’ll throw theminthe wash.” He scoots up fromthe bed withanagilitythatmakes me wonderwhatelsehecoulddowiththatenergy
“Okay.”Ihandthemover,suddenlyveryawarethatIamstaringatthemanwhilewearingnothingbutat-shirtandknickers. ZepseemsalongthesamelineandIcatchtheflashofasmirkbeforeheheadsforthedoor,shuttingitbehindhim
Whoisthisguy?Now he’swashingmyclothes.ThememoryofhishandkerchiefpopsintomymindandIwonderwhatI didwithit?Onthechestofdrawerssitshiscut,asoftclothandabottleofleathercleaner IfIhadn’twalkedthroughanactual bikergang’sclubhouseandshakenhandswithadudecalledLucifer,I’dbestartingtodoubtthatZepisamemberofthisgang. Hereallyisanoddity.
ThedooropensandZepstepsbackinsidetheroom “I’mgonnashower.”
Inod,movingoutofhisway HegoesintothebathroomandIheartheshowerstart Steambeginsbillowingoutoftheopen door. Oh my god, he didn’t close the door. Naked Zep is onthe other side of this wall, and the door is wide open. Heat immediatelypoolsbetweenmythighs.Isitonthebedandcrossmylegs.
Shit,where’sallmystuff?Thethoughtisasomewhatwelcomedistraction.ThelasttimeIsawmybackpackwithmypurse andmysketchpadandpencilswaswhenZepputtheminthesaddlebagonhisbike.Ideliberatelydon’thaveacellphone;one
lesswayformyauntanduncletokeeptrackofme.IreallyhopetodayisnotthedayIhaveareasontoregretthatdecision. Thewaterstopsandmymindgoesstraightbacktomygroin.Great.AmomentlaterZepappears,atowelwrappedaround hiswaist Oh My God Mymouthfallsopenasthosebutterfliesgototowninmybellyagain Myheartbeatsbetweenmyears, blockinganyothernoise.
Myeyesfocusonhischest,thedroptothetowelagain WhenIlookup,Zep’seyesaresmoulderingandhestepstoward me.I’mbreathinghard,myowndesiregoingintooverdrive.Herunsafinger alongmyjaw andover mycollarboneuntil he reachesthegoldcrucifixIforgotishangingaroundmyneck “Isthisimportanttoyou?”
Ishakemyhead,unabletomakewordsform.
Withonehardyank,thechainbreaksandhepullsthecrucifixfrommybody “Thenyoushouldn’twearit”
Chapter 4
Asthechainbreaks,somethinginsideofmejoltsbacktolife.ForthepastthreeyearsI’veexistedinavoid;goingthroughthe motions of living but barely cognisant to it Aunt Trudy gave me the crucifix the morning of my parents’ funeral and I’d accepteditasatokenofsupportratherthantheprisonitwouldcometorepresent.Zephasopenedthatcageinonedecisive moment AndIamreadytobreakfree
Irisetomyfeetandplacemyhandonhis.Heisstill holdingthechainandthelookonhisfaceisoneofcuriosityanda certainwatchfulness.InthismomentIknowZepwillneverhurtme.InthiscompoundIamcompletelyathismercyandyethe hasonlybeenagentleman Iwonderifheislikethatallthetime Ihopenot
Ikeepmyeyes onhis andsmile,myfingers workingthe chainandcrucifixfree fromhis hand.He lets itgowithoutany resistance Westandsoclosethatonlyabreathseparatesourbodies Withmyeyeslockedonhis,Itossthechaintotheside EverynerveendingisonfireandI’machingtofeelhishandsonmybody.Iwanttostretchontomytoesandbrushmylips againsthis,butZepstillhasthatcuriousexpressiononhisface AmItheonlyonefeelingthisintenseneed?Mycoreclenches andIknowmyknickersaregrowingwetterbythesecond.
JustasI’mabouttotakemattersintomyownhands,Zeptangleshisfingersintomyhair,holdingthenapeofmyneck.My breathcatchesandhesmirks Ibecomeawareofthebulgebeneathhistowel andinstinctivelymyhipspushforwardandour bodiesconnect.NowIstretchuptocapturehislipswithmine;agroanescapesasourmouthsmeldandIdon’tknowifitcame frommeorhim
Hishandslipsfromthebackofmynecktomythroat;hisgripisgentle.MoltenlustexplodesinsidemeandIpushagainst hishand,willinghimtotightenhishold.Histonguerunsalonghisbottomlipashetiltshishead;aquestioninhiseyes.
“Felix,”hegrowls.
Ishakemyhead,notunderstanding.
“Thesafeword,”heexplains “Doyouknowwhatthatis?” Comprehensionbringsafreshwaveofdesire.Inod.
“Ifthisiswhatyouwant,sayFelix” I’veneverwantedanythingmore.“Felix.”
“Good.”Heletsgoofmythroatandstepsback.“Takeyourclothesoff.”
IswearIcanseetheflamesofhelldancinginhiseyesasIdoasI’mtold,wantingthisdancewithhim.Zeplooksmeup anddownas thoughI’mhis nextmeal andIrespondbypullingmyshoulders back,andpushingmychestout.He pushes me backso Ifall onto the bed and drops the towel His cockstands atattention, lookingdangerous Mylegs fall openwithan invitationtoplunderanddestroy.
“Notso fast, little girl” He kneels before me onthe bed and Ithrustmyhips forward, desperate to feel himinside me “You’replayinginmyworldnow,bymyrules.”
HiswordsawakenafireinsideandIswearI’mreadytocomehereandnow.
Herunshishandsdownmyinnerthighs,histhumbspressinghardenoughtomakemegasp Iwatchhimasheholdsmylegs farapart,assessingmypussy.Ican’tmovemyhipsbecausehisgripissofirm.Heleansinandinhalesmyscent.Iwhimper, feelingmanicforhistouch
Finally,helooks upagain,our eyes locking.Hebegins todescendbetweenmylegs,his headmovingtowards mypussy. Mybreathingisrawandshallow I’veneverwantedanythingasmuchasIwanttofuckthismanrightnow Hiseyesarestilltrainedonmineashehoversjustabovemysoftcurls;hisbreathiswarmagainstmyopenfolds.
“Please,”Ibeg.Rightnow,IwouldsellmysoultothedeviltofeelZep’smouthworkingmyclit.
AchuckleechoesthroughmybodyandIcan’tbesureitisn’tthedevilansweringmypleaasZep’stonguerunsthelengthof mywetandwantingslit.ThesoundImakeisstrangled,primal.Helicksmeupanddown,histongueworkingfrommyassto mypussy,overandover Igraspthesheets,tryingtoanchormyself
His tongueplunges insidemewithfast,hotjabs andIcryoutinrapture.Myhips arestill lockedinplace,renderingme
incapable ofhelpingbringaboutthe climaxI’mcraving. Iclenchmyinner walls, tryingto dragZep’s tongue indeeper. He respondsbywithdrawingandIwanttosobinprotest.
He raises his head and slowlylicks his lips Fuck Ican’ttake this anymore Ireachbetweenmylegs buthe grabs me beforeIcantouchmyself.
“Idon’tthinkso,littlegirl”Hestraddlesmeacrossmytummyandreachesacrosstothesmallbedsidetableandopensthe drawer.Asecondlaterherevealsalonglengthoffabric.Holdingmywriststogether,hewrapsthemuptightandthentiesthe fabrictotheironbedhead
“NotouchingunlessIsayso.”
BeforeIcanrespond,Zep’smouthcoversmineandItastemyownjuices.Mytonguedevourshismouthandfacewhilehis handsmovetomybreasts Anexquisitepainthrumsthroughmeashesqueezeseachofmynipples Itrytobuckagainsthimbut hisweightkeepsmeinplace.I’vebeencirclingthisabyssforwhatfeelslikeaneternityandI’mreadytoswearhomagetoany deityifitmeansIcancome
HismouthleavesmineandZepworkshiswaydownmybodywithlicksandbitesthatmakemegaspandmoan.Hishands spreadmewideoncemoreandIamrewardedwithhistongueagainstmyclit
“Yes,”Ihiss,grindingagainsthisface.Whenhebeginstoalternatebetweensuckingandlickingme,Ijustaboutlosemy mind.
Onehandcreepsuptomybreast,tuggingonmyengorgednippleandmakingmeshoutwithecstasy Mybodywrithesand contortsasIedgecloserandclosertocoming.Onefingerslidesinsideme,followedbyasecondandI’mprettysurethewhole clubhouse canhear me screaming He pushes a third finger inside and pumps me, his mouthworkingmyclit As the orgasm takeshold,Iarchbackagainstthepillowandcallhisnameoverandover.Myentirebodyconvulseswithwaveafterwaveof pleasure.HeremoveshisfingersandlicksmyopeningasIsquirtintohismouth.
Eventually,mybodygoeslimpastheorgasmcontinuestoreverberatethroughme.Myheartishammeringagainstmyribs asthoughitwouldburst.I’venevercomelikethatinmylife.Zeprisesontohiskneesbetweenmylegs,hislipsswollenand glisteningfrommycum
He watches as Icatchmybreath, strokingthe lengthofhis cock. Whenmybreathingevens out, he moves up until he is straddlingmychest,hiscockbouncingonmyface Istretchmytongueandlickthesaltycreamfromitstip “Openwide.”
HeholdshiscockatmylipsandIcomply.Hepusheshimselfinside,cominguponhiskneessohecananglehimselfinto mymouthuntilhiscocktouchesthebackofmythroat.Igagbuthedoesn’twithdraw.
“Relax.”
Iclosemyeyesandconcentrateonbreathingthroughmynoseashiscockmovesinandoutofmymouth Mytonguelicksas he thrusts, spitslidingdownmychin. As he speeds up, Istartto suckand Zep grunts his approval. Ican’thelp butgagand choke as he fucks mymouthbutIalso kinda like it Ifeel his cockthickenevenmore and Iknow he’s close He pulls free, pantinghard.
I openmyeyes, wantingto taste himas he explodes inmymouth. Instead, he’s reachingbackto the drawer, pullinga condomout Heripsthepacketandquicklysheatheshimself Anticipationlancesmycore He shuffles down, once againkneelingbetweenmyopenlegs. He lifts myhips onto his thighs, his cockhoveringatmy entrance He leans forward and the tip nudges myfolds His thumb rubs across mymouthbefore his hand snakes downand grabsmythroatagain.Ashisgriptightens,hethrustsinsideme.
All atonce mybodyis onfire withneed Icanbarelyforce the air inand outofmythroatas his cockdrives into me, buildinginspeedanddepth.MyhandsarestillboundabovemeandIgraspthelengthtyingmetothebed.Myorgasmtipsover the edge and Ican’tevenscream. I’mcomingharder thanI’ve ever come before and feel like Imightjustslip into a black chasmofpleasure
Zepstartstomoanandswear,histhrustsbecomingmoredesperate.Icannolongerbreatheanditcrossesmymindtouse thesafeword,butIdon’twanttostopcoming Zepthrowshisheadbackandyellsincoherently Hishandreleasesmythroat I coughandstruggletodraginoxygenasmybodybucksbeneathhim.Hewithdrawsanddropstohisbackbesideme,leaving metogrievethelossofhistouchandwonderifI’lleverbethesameagain
Chapter 5
Overthenexttwoweeks,IstaywithZepattheclubhouse.Duringtheday,wegooutonhisbike.Hesayshewantstoshowme his favourite places around Sydneyand beyond, butI’mprettysure he wants to keep me awayfromthe clubhouse whenhis brothers-ashereferstotheothermeninTheDevils-aregoingabouttheirbusiness.Idon’tknowwhatTheDevilsareinto exactly,butIknowitisn’tanythinglegal
IwasalsokeentoavoidanymoreinteractionswithLuci.Thatguymakesmybloodfreeze.SometimesIhearhimyelling andawomancrying.ZeptoldmethatLuciandhiswifehaveproblemsbutitseemstometheproblemisLuciandhistemper. Theydon’tactuallyliveattheclubhouse;however,somethinghappenedandtheyhavebeenstayingthere,alongwiththelittle boyImetonthefirstday.Itriednottothinkaboutittoomuch.Forthefirsttimeinalongtime,IfeelfreeandIwanttomake thefeelinglast
WhenZepandIaren’tridingorfucking,wetalk.Hetoldmeabouthismum.Shelovedtodrinkandgethigh.Andsheloved LedZeppelin,whichishow hecametobenamedJimmyPage EveryonecallshimZepforobviousreasons Heneverknew his dad and has no idea ifhis mother is alive or dead. He said he losttrackofher whenhe was aboutseventeenbuthe’d alreadystartedhangingoutwithTheDevilsbythen,sosheknewwheretofindhimifshewantedto.
“Doesthatmakeyousad?”IaskaswelayonthegrassoverlookingthewavesatKiama IjustfinishedsketchingZepwith theoceanbehindhim.DrawingismypassionandIindulgeeverychanceIget.
Zepshrugsandtakesaswigofhisbeer “Dunno Ineverreallythinkabouther” “Ithinkaboutmyparentseveryday.”
Hebrushessomehairfrommyforehead,watchingme.Ilikehowhealwaysgivesmetimeandspacetospeak.It’saluxury I’venothadwhilelivingwithmyauntanduncle.
“Myparentswereverydifferentfrommostpeople,Iguess.Mumwasajournalistworkingforalocalpaperwhenshemet mydad Hewasaphotographer”Ismileandletthememorieswashoverme “Neitherenjoyedthenine-to-fivegrind,sothey tooktheirtradesontheroadandmadealivingtraveling.”
“Liketravelwriters?”
“Exactly.”Ileanacrossandkisshim,becauseIcan.
“Didyoutravelwiththem?”heaskswhenIsettlebackbesidehim.
“Yes.IwasborninTennantCreekintheNorthernTerritory.”
“Isn’tthatlike,themiddleoftheoutback?”Zepcockshishead,hisdarkhairliftinginthebreeze. “IwasactuallyborninanAboriginalcamp Thelocalwomenhelpedmymumthroughthebirth” “Seriously?That’skindacool.”Heshakeshishead.
“Hardtobelievecomparedtowhereyoufoundme?”
“Shit,yeah.”Hechuckles.“DoesthatmakeyoupartAboriginalorsomething?”
IpickatthegrassasIanswer.“No,butitdoesgivemeanappreciationfortheircultureandcustoms.Imean,theyarethe longestcontinuingcultureontheplanetandtheyarepartlyresponsibleformysafearrival” Wetalkaboutmylifeontheroad.MyparentsandItraveledaroundAustraliaandtheworlduntilIwassixteen.Iguessyou couldsayIwashomeschooled ButmyparentsdecidedIshouldprobablyexperiencesomekindofformal education- notto mentionsocialisationwithpeersformorethanafewweeks.
“So,wecamehometoSydney”Ireturntopickingatthegrass,pullingtheshootsfromtheground “Iwassupposedtogoto apublichighschoolbutmyauntanduncleintervenedandinsistedIgotoaprivateschool.Theythoughtitwouldgivememore credibilityonce Igraduated, after spendingso longgallivantingaround the world like gypsies.” Ichannel AuntTrudywhen speakingthatlastpart
“Whydidyourparentslistentoyourauntanduncle?Didtheyneedtheirhelppayingforschool?”
Ilaugh “Notatall Travel writingandphotographywas averylucrativecareer for MumandDad;plus theymadegood investments. Theydefinitelydidn’t need anyone else’s money.” Myheart aches as Ithinkabout myparents. “Trudyand my
motheraresisters,andMumwantedtotryandhavearelationshipwithherbecausewehadnootherfamily.” “Sisters?Theysoundlikepolaropposites,”saysZep.
Inod “Theywere AndDadandBob,Trudy’s husband,never gotoneither Theywantedtosaveus andwewerepretty clear,wedidn'tneedsaving.”
Zeptakesmyhandinhisandlacesourfingerstogether “Whathappenedtothem?” IswallowbackthebilethatriseswheneverIthinkaboutthedaytheydied.“Caraccident.”
HesqueezesmyhandandforthefirsttimeIfeelasenseofcomfort Isqueezeback “Ofcourse,Trudydeclareditwasan ActofGod.Ididn’tknowwhichwaywasupandTrudyandBobtookmeinandimmediatelysurroundedmewithothersfrom theirchurch,insistingIwouldfindsolacethere.”
“Didyou?”Histoneisgentleandwithoutjudgment “Iwasnumb.Ifoundnothingbutheartache.”
Histhumbgentlyrubsmyhand Itakeashudderingbreathin
“WhenIstartedtosurfacefromthefog,IwaseighteenandthoughtI’dtakethemoneyMumandDadleftmeandhittheroad again”Istopspeaking;thememorycarvingmyheartintopieces
Zep’scuriosityclearlygetsthebetterofhim.“Whydidn’tyou?”
Ishakemyhead.“Icouldn’t.Theytookit.”
Hiseyeswidenandhistoneismenacing “What?Yourauntanduncletookyourmoney?” Ibitemyliptokeepthetearsatbay.“TheysaidtheyputitintotrustorsomethinguntilIwasmatureenoughtomanagethat kindofmoney”
“Howmuchmoneyarewetalkingabout?”
“Whenthewillwasread,thesumwas$3.8million.”
Zepwhistles.“That’sadecentchunk.”
“Godknowshowmuchisleft.Iknowtheypaidofftheirmortgage.Probablydonatedatontothechurch.”IknowIsound bitterbutIcan’thelpit
“Fuckers,”spitsZep.“Explainswhytheyhaven’tcomelookingforyou.”
“Yeah”Itakeadeepbreath “Idon’twanttotalkaboutthisanymore ItmakesmesadandIdon’twanttofeelsadwhen I’mwithyou.”
Hesmilesandpullsmecloser,hislipsclaimingmineinaslow,passionatekissthatchasesmymemoriesandmelancholy backintotheshadows.
Chapter 6
Thebangingonthedoorvibratesthroughthegreylightofearlymorning.
“Whatthefuck?”Zepthrowsbackthebedcoversandreachesforhisjeans “Clubmeeting.Getoutherenow,”someoneyellsfromthehallway.
Myheartishammering “What’sgoingon?”
Zep pulls a shirtover his head and shrugs into his cut. He grabs his boots, leaningacross the bed to planta kiss onmy mouth.“Stayput.I’llbebackassoonasIcan.”
Thedoorclosesbehindhimashestepsintothechaosoutside Aminutelater,thehallwayfallssilent.Fearneedlesmyspine,forcingmefromthebed.Igrabsomeclothesandheadinto the bathroom Iquicklydress and washmyface and teeth Whatever is happening, Iknow Idon't want to be sittinginbed naked.
Ipacethenarrow pathbetweenthedoorandthewall,waitingforZeptoreturn I’vebeenaguestofTheDevilsMCfor nearlysixweeks.ThepresidenttookittotheclubtovoteanditwasagreedIcouldstayifIkeptoutofeveryone’sway.That suitsmejustfine.ButnowIfeeltrappedinthisroom.Ican’tgointothecommonarea;Iwouldn’tbewelcome. Hurry up, Zep. Shoutingeruptsinthedistanceandfootstepsmaketheirwayupthehall Amomentlater,Zepappears “Packyour stuff,wegottago.”Hepulls outmybackpackandthefew clothes andtoiletries I’veaccumulatedinthetime I’velivedhere
Ireachformysketchpadandpencils.“What’sgoingon?”
Zepspinsaroundandfacesme.“Doyoutrustme?”
“I…”
“Becca?”
“Yes,”Igasp “Itrustyou” Henods.“Weneedtoleave.I’llexplaineverythingonceIgetyousomewheresafe,Ipromise.”
“Okay,”Istammer Thefamiliarsenseofnumbsettlesaroundme What is happening?
I move as if underwater out to Zep’s bike. We ride throughthe predawn streets for about forty minutes until we reach Parramatta.WepullintothedrivewayofafancyhotelandZepparkshisbikeatthefrontdoors.Asheraiseshisfisttoknock ontheglass,aharriedstaffmemberappearsandswipesacardtoopenthedoors.Itseemsweareexpected.
“ThanksHarry,”saysZep.
“Room926,”saysHarry,handingovertwokeycards
Zepgrabsmyhandandpullsmeacrossthelobbytoabankofelevators.ThedoorsopenimmediatelyandZepwavesakey cardandpushesabutton Wedon’tspeak,butheholdsmyhandtighter Ittakesallofmyself-controlnottoaskagainwhatis goingon.Iknowhe’lltellmewhenhecan.
Room926is morelikeasuitethanahotel room.Zepplaces mybackpackonthecoffeetablebeforepullingmeintohis arms
“Ihave to leave againbutIwon’tbe long.” His lips move againstmyhair. “Order roomservice butstayputuntil Iget back,okay?”
MyarmsarewrappedaroundhiswaistandIwanttobeghimtostaywithme.ButIsaynothing,onlysqueezehimharder.I knowhowfierceZep’sloyaltyistotheclub Iliftmyeyestomeethisgaze
“I’llbebackassoonasIcan.”
Inodandaccepthiskiss.
Onceheleaves,Iexplorethesuiteandtakeashower Wrappedinathickwhiterobe,Iorderroomservice,sinkingintothe sofaandflickingthetelevisionon.ThereisarerunoftheseasonfinaleofMurphyBrownplaying.Ihavewatchedtheshowoff andonover the lastfew years,whenTrudyandBobwere out,anddecide ithas a chance ofoccupyingmymindfor halfan hour.Murphydecidedtokeepherbaby-theresultofabriefliaisonwithherex-husband-atthebeginningoftheseasonand
nowsheisgivingbirth.
Athoughtniggles atthebackofmymind.Ipickatmybananabreadandsipmycoffee.Thethoughttakes holdas Ithink backoverthelastfewweeks,countingthemoutonmyfingers Mystomachbeginstochurnandmychestfeelstight Nomatter whichwayIadditup,thetruthremainsthesame.Ithasbeentwomonthssincemylastperiod.
Thedoorclicksopen,admittingZepintothesuite PanicseizesmeandIspillthecoffeeovermyrobe “Hey,didIstartleyou?”Zepmovesthroughtheroomandsitsonthecoffeetableinfrontofme.“I’msorry.” Ishakemyhead,unabletospeak “Becca,what’swrong?”Zep’seyesarewidewithconcern. “IthinkI’mpregnant.”
Zepstaresatme,andIstareback Shit Hetakesmyfaceinhishands,kneelingbeforeme.“Areyousure?” “Idon’tknow”Mymindisablur “Ithinkso” Asmileformsandhepresseshislipstomine.“Igottatakecareofonemorething.” Istarttoprotest,Idon’twanttobealone,butheshushesmewithanotherkiss Hegetstohisfeetandleavesoncemore Myrobe is wetfromthe coffee andIstripitoffthenmove tothe bed.Ipull backthe covers andslipbetweenthe cool, crispsheets,curlingintoaball andstarttocry.Whatthehell amIgoingtodo?Anoutlaw motorcycleclubisnoplacefora baby CouldZepleaveitallbehindtobeafamily?Icradlemytummyandletmytearscarrymetosleep
I DON’T KNOW howlongI’vebeensleepingwhengentlehandsrouseme.IwaketoZep’swarmgaze.
“Hey,”hesmiles “Comeon,getdressedandI’lltellyoueverything”
IfindtheclothesIdiscardedearlierandthrowthemon.Idon’twanttoriskZepdisappearingagainbeforewetalk.Spread acrossthecoffeetableiswhatlookstobeoneofeverythingfromtheroomservicemenu,alongwithfreshcoffee
“It’safterlunchandyoudidn’tlooklikeyou’deaten,”explainsZep,gesturingatthefood.
IsmileandwonderifIamtheonlypersonintheworldwhoseesthissideofhim.Isitbesidehimanddipacrispypotato wedgeintoaiolisauce.AssoonasItakeabite,IrealiseI’mravenous.Wedigintothefood,speakingonlytorecommendthe othertastessomething.
Withafullbelly,Ileanbackagainstthesofatobetterseehisface Zepwipeshismouthwithaservietteandtakesadeep breath.
“Thesonofabitchkilledher” Mystomachdrops.“What?Whoareyoutalkingabout?”
“Luci.Hekilledhisoldlady.Beatherthenstrangledher.”Zepstaresstraightahead,hisjawtensing.“That’swhyIneeded togetyououtofthere.ThecopswereontheirwaytoquestioneveryoneandIdidn’twantyoucaughtinthemiddleofit.” IthinkofthelittleboyZepchasedfromhisroom.“Whatabouttheirson?”Iwhisper. “Alex?Socialserviceshavehim”
The kid’s alive. Myhanddropstomytummy.
Zepglancesatmeandsighsagain “TheDevilsisnoplaceforakid,noplacetoraiseafamily”Heatpricksmyskinanda waveofnauseawashesoverme.Whereisthisgoing?
Zepturnshisbodytofaceme,takingmyhandsinhis.“Becca,Idon’twantthislifeforyouorourbaby.You’refinallyfree fromyourauntanduncle,Ican’tletyouwalkstraightbackintoanothercage”
Ishakemyhead.“Ofcourse,Ican’tstayattheclubhousebutwecouldgetaplaceofourown.I’ll getajobandpaymy share ”
“No,Becca.Itdoesn’tmatterwherewelive.Aslongaswe’retogetheryou’reapartofTheDevils.Andonceyou’rein, theonlywayoutisinacoffin”
Myheartfeelslikeit’sgroundtoastop.“Whatareyousaying?”
“IloveyouBecca,andthat’swhyIhavetoletyougo.”
Iwantedtoscream,Iwantedtohithim ButIcouldn’tmove,couldn’tspeak
“Youcangoanywhere,doanything,”Zepsaid.“Justlikeyouplanned.”Hisvoicewobbledeversoslightly.“Checkyour bankaccount Yourmoneyisallthere”
“What?How?”
His smile was sad “Ipaid your auntand uncle a visitwithone ofthe brothers Youwon’thave anymore trouble from them.”
Myheartkickstartedpainfullyandmyalarmmusthavebeenobvious.
“They’reokay-aliveandbreathing”
Inodded,notsureIwantedtoknowanymorethanthat.Anotherthoughtstruckme.“Comewithme!Wehaveenoughmoney todisappear.Wecanbetogether,raiseourbabytogether.”
Heleanedforwardandcapturedmylipswithhis Hiskisswassoftandtender Itfeltlikeagoodbye “Becca,Iknew thestakeswhenItookthispatch.Weall know whatwearesigningupfor.Thathasn’tchanged.Itwon’t everchangeforme”
Tearschokedmywordsandstreameddownmycheeks.
“Go and raise our baby and live the life you were meant to I’ll always know where to find you but don’t ever come lookingforme.AndnevertellourchildwhoIam.”
He kissed myforehead and Iclungto his arms as he rose. He gentlypulled his arms free, and walked away. Takingmy heartwithhim
AbbySloaneisstrong,independentandincontrolofherowndestiny.RaisedbyhersinglemotherontheidyllicNorthCoastof NSW,inacommunitythatsheloveslikefamily,despitetheirexpectationthatshehurryupandmarryherlong-termboyfriend.
Abbydoesn’tmourntheabsenceofafathershe’sneverknown.
ZepisthePresidentofoutlawmotorcyclegang,TheDevilsMC.Helives,andwoulddie,forhisbrothers.Zep’sworldis violentanddangerous-whichiswhyhesenttheloveofhislifefarawaywhenshefellpregnantwithhischild Nearlythirtyyearslater,agangwarissettoigniteandZep’ssecretfamilybecomesthetargetforhisenemy’sretribution.
Contentwarning:WhereAngelsHidecontainsadultthemesandsceneswhichmaycausetriggerreactionsforsomereaders including,butnotlimitedtomurder,violenceandcancer.
