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Ah, shit There goes my contract extension
Allbecausemydickgotintheway Ifiguredonedaymydickwouldfinallygetmeintrouble Istareatthebeautifulwomanacrossthetablefromme,flankedbytheGMandtheattorneyfortheVikings,whoareallherefor thesamereason.Torenegotiatethetermsofmycontract.
Whatisitthattheysayaboutyourpastcatchinguptoyou?Ornevermixingbusinesswithpleasure?
Well,unfortunatelyforme,mypastjustcaughtupwithmeandmypleasuremayhavejustfuckedupmyfutureplans.
Iguessit’stimetodealwiththeconsequencesoftheactionsofmydick.
“Thankyouformeetingwithustoday,gentlemen,”Karissaysinaquietyetfirmtone,noddingbrisklyatbothmeandmyagent, QuincyPeck,whositsinthechairtomyright “I’msureyoubothknowNateandourteamattorney,TarjinderSingh”
SittingtoherleftisNateMcGowan,theVikingsGM,anassholeofepicproportionswhoIcan’tstand Ontheothersideisour team’sattorney,Tarjinder,amaninhislatefiftieswhosehairisgrayingatthetemples.Hismustacheanddarkeyebrowsare distractingfromtheseriousnessofthismeetingbecausetheyremindmealmosttoomuchofGrouchoMarx Ihavetostiflea chuckle.
IstarebackatthegorgeouswomanwhoIfuckedintooblivionsixmonthsagoinahotelroominVegas.Thatwasthenightof mybestfriendMarek’sweddingandthenightKarisSpurlockapproachedmeinthehotelbarwithapropositionIcouldn’tpass up.
Backthen,Kariswasn’tmyboss’sbossorthefranchiseowneroftheVikings.Shewassimplyanotherweddingguestandthe nieceofMarvinSpurlock,theVikings’teamowner,andtheowner ofthePugetSoundPilots’basketball team. Marek’s boss. Not mine
WhenKarisboldlyaskedforahot,no-strings-attachedhookupthatnight,Ihappilyobliged WhowasItoturndownabeautiful woman?
HadIknownthenwhatIknownow,wouldIhavedoneit?
Fuck, that’s yet to be determined.
Wemayhavescrewedeachother’sbrainsoutinVegas,butrightnow,KarisSpurlockcouldscrewmeinanentirelydifferent way Sheholdsthekeytomyfutureontheteam,orpossiblytheendofmyNHLcareer
Quincyinterrupts mythoughts,draggingmyattentionoffKaris andbacktothe seriousness ofthe situation “Goodafternoon, Ms.Spurlock,gentlemen.BallasandIareeagertodiscussthetermsofthecontractextension.”
Karisgivesatightsmile,herhandlandingonthepaperworkthatdecideswhetherIstaywiththeVikings,gettraded,or God forbid endupontheaffiliate Asmallflickerofuneasesettlesinmybones Thatthirdoneisalwaysanoptionforaveteran playerlikeme,andlastyearwasespeciallytough.Consideringmyeighteenyearsintheleague,theteammaywanttobringin younger,fasterbloodtoaddtotheirD-line,turningmeintoanobsoletedinosaur
Kariscutshergazetowardme “We’vehadachancetoreviewBallas’scontractandthereareafewmodificationswe’dlike
todiscussregardinghispositionwiththeteam…”
IbristleatthelevelofjudgmentIhearinhertoneandthecensoriousglareinhergreeneyes.Maybethisishowshepresents herselfduringeverymeetingbutit’sdefinitelynotthewayshelookedorsoundedwhenshecriedoutinsheerpleasurewhileI wasbetweenherlegs.ButwhatwouldIexpect?
ConsideringhowIleftthings andthewayIlefther IsupposeIdeserveherunfilteredanimosity. NobodyeversaidIwasagoodguy.
ButI’madamngoodplayer.Sure,lastyearwasfullofafewupsanddowns.Maybeafewmorechallengesthanusual which somepeopletooktomeanthebeginningoftheend butIfinishedstrong.WhichiswhereI’matrightnow.Idon’trestonmy laurelsandhopefullythatwillkeepmeinthegamefortheforeseeablefuture
AndifanyoneinthisroombesidesmeknowsIdon’trestonmylaurels,it’sKaris Sheshouldrememberverywellhowmuch staminaIhave,consideringIwentallnightlongwithher.It’sthatwoman thesexyvixen Ispentthenightwith. Butit’snotthewomanheretoday.
Today’s Karis is the buttoned-up, poker-faced franchise owner ina modestgraypantsuit. The silkenblonde hair I’d runmy fingersthroughthatnightispulledbackintoasleekponytail thataccentuatesherstraightnoseandhighcheekbones Andthat prim-as-fuckwhiteblousegivesonlytheslighthintofthoseperkytitsI’mintimatelyfamiliarwith.
Iremember justhow plumptheywerewhenIcuppedtheminmyhands.How sweetthosepertnipples tastedwhenIsucked thembetweenmyteeth Andexactlyhowsexyhermoanswerewhenmycockslidinsidehertightpussy
Thatnight,webothgotagoodfucking
Todayitmightjustbemewhogetsfucked
As a pendingfree agent,I’mina precarious situation Withmyprevious three-year contractexpiring,we begannegotiations late lastseasonbutsince the Vikings currentlyholdthe rights tomycontract,theyhave the optiontoeither matchthe offer I receivedfromSanFranciscoSoaringEaglesortrademeinfavorofahigherdraftpickfornextseason
Or theycould just hangonto me and drop me backto the third D-pair Fuck, that would kill myspirit and make me even grumpierthanIamnormally.
There’sareasonIwasnamedTheBeastandit’snotformycharmingcharismaandpersonality.It’smymonstrousdrivetowin andbeatourcompetitors.Unfortunately,thatdoesn’terasethefactthatmyicetimewasdownlastyearduetosomehardhits againsttheboardsandaheadinjuryearlierintheseason.
If I were in the team’s position specifically Karis’s I might consider letting me go, too. Something in the way Karis insinuatesmyplaywasn’tgoodenoughdrawsarashofangerthroughmybloodstreamthough. Ileanforward,thunkingbothelbowsonthetable.
“Whatpreciselydoyouneedtodiscussaboutmyposition?”Isnap,myvoicetightwithaclearedgetoit.I’msuddenlyfighting to control a whirl of volatility that’s been simmering since she walked into the room Maybe it’s the way Karis sits there seeminglyunfazedwhileholdingmycareerinthepalmofherhand.“Incaseyouweren’taware,MissSpurlock,Iplayedover sixty-fivegameslastseason,rackingup950tomycareertotal Withnineteenminutesagame,Ialsoputupfifty-fiveassists I maynotbetheyoungestontheteamanymore,butI’mstillbringingiteverysinglegame.I’mafuckingsolidplayerandifyou don’twantme,I’msureSanFranwillbeinterestedinme”
Karis lifts a dark-blonde eyebrow, tiltingher head to the side, and silentlyassesses me before she finallyspeaks “Yes, I’m very aware of your stats, Ballas. I may be new to this team, but I am a professional and certainly not ignorant of my responsibilities as the franchise owner. Contrary to your assumption, I did my homework. I’m very familiar with all your data points ButifyoufeeltheVikingsisn’ttherightplaceforyou,wecan ”
I’maboutto leanover to Quincyto tell himI’mdone withthis ridiculous excuse ofa meetingwhenhe chokes outa cough, holdingupahandtohalttheshotsbeingfiredbetweenKarisandme.
“Whoa,whoa,whoa.There’snoreasontojumpthererightoutofthegate.Ballas” hegraspsmyshoulderanddigshisthumb in deep enough to inflict pain “simply wants to reiterate his loyalty and commitment to this team That’s all He’s very interestedinremainingherethisseason.”
Iscoffundermybreathandwhenmyeyesflickbacktoherface,that’swhenIseeit.There’safaintblushthatcreepsupher neckandintohercheeks.
Hmm…maybe she doesn’thate me after all, maybe she isn’toutfor revenge, plottingto ruinmycareer for how Ileftthings withher.Maybethere’sanotherreasonforherappearanceatthismeetingtoday.
Whichbegsthequestion,why?ThewordsfalloutofmymouthbeforeIcanstopthem.
“Whyexactlyareyouhere,Karis?”
Quincyinhalessharplyandwhacksmeintheshinwiththeheelofhisshoe.Iturntoseea what the fuck lookinhisexpression.
WhenIreturnmygazetoKaris,hersmileispolite,almostpatronizing,asshefoldsherhandsonthetableinfrontofher. Shesniffs,hereyesdrillingholesinmyhead.“Imaybenewtothisorganization,Ballas,butI’mnotunfamiliarwithrunninga billion-dollar sports franchise. Everyone plays their part in making this operation run smoothly. My job is to ensure I’m spendingmymoneyintherightplacesforthe right assets.”
Hershrewdlookcouldknockamanonhisassandtakesmybreathaway.Shejustscoredonthepenaltykill,drawingalinein thesandthatclearlysays, Don’t underestimate my acumen just because I’m young and beautiful.
NotthatIeverwould.WhileI’msurprisedbyherpresenceinthismeeting,Idon’tmindit;onthecontrary,itshowsalotof balls It’sjustnottypicalforateamownertojoininthecontractnegotiationsofplayers Unlessthere’saconcernoversalary caporbudgetorahigh-profileplayer,theGMnormallyhandlesthesemattersdirectlyandwithoutinterference. IfIhadtoguess,I’dsayshedoesn’ttrustNatetodohisjob.
Karis taps the screenofthe iPad illuminatingher face, makingher greeneyes gleaminthe electronic glow. The same green eyesthatstareddownatmewithunbridledlustwhileIwasbetweenherlegsandmakingherorgasmwithmytongue Thememoryofhowshetastedhasmeinstinctivelylickingmylips
Karisraisesherheadandthere’sanaudiblehitchinherbreathwhenshenoticesmymouth IknowIshouldn’t,butIraisemy browsasshefumbleswiththedevice,pokingthescreenwithfranticmotions.
Sheclearsherthroat.“I’veaskedouranalyststoprovidemewithasummaryoftheteam’sstrengthsandweaknessesbasedon statsandwhichpositionchangestheybelievewillofferusthebestlineupnextseason”
Inod “Okay Let’shearit”
Karisoffersatight-lippedsmileinreturn SheturnsthedevicearoundsoQuincyandIcanseethecolorful andcomplicated chartsandgraphsthatmakenosensetome.Ihopetheydotoher.
“This data, Ballas, indicates that your defensive skills are a strongasset for our organization. You’re the defensemenpoint leaderfortheVikings,andasidefromthatearlyseasonconcussionlastyear,youputupsomeexcellentnumbers”
Quincy interrupts boastfully on my behalf “Ballas is ranked in the top five for a defenseman in the entire league, Ms Spurlock.”
Karis glances at Quincy and inclines her head with a polite nod, her ponytail swishing gently from side-to-side. “Yes, precisely.Ballas’sphysicalhealthaside,itisforthisreasonwehavedecidedtomatchtheofferyoureceivedfromtheEagles andextendyourcontractforanotheryear.”
TheattorneyslidesthecontractdownthetabletowardQuincy,whobeginstoreviewit.Iwanttoslumpinreliefbutinstead, straightenagainstthebackofmychair.IneverwantedtoleaveVancouver.Icouldn’tseemyselfplayingonanyotherteamthan theVikings
Manyolderguysgettradedintheirfinalyearsinordertobringinnewbloodtotheteam Theveteransenduphavingtostart overonanewteamrosterinadifferentcity,withlinestheyaren’tfamiliarwith.I’mtoooldforthatshit,sothisisrelieftomy ears
Quincyturnsthepageandgivesalowhumofapproval,thenpushesitinfrontofme,pointingoutthetermswiththetipofhis finger.Idoaquickreviewandnod.
KarisisabouttosaysomethingmorewhenNateinterjectshisowncommentary.
“You’llfindthetermsandthesalaryoffermorethanfairforaplayeratthispointinyourcareer.”Histoneiscondescending anddownrightrude.EversinceNatetookthepositionofGMtwoyearsago,he’smademylifemiserable.There’sneverbeen anylovelostbetweenus,probablyatleastinpartbecauseIsleptwithhisex-wife,Alexis,whiletheyweregoingthroughtheir divorce.
ThesexwasgoodbutmaybenotworththetroubleitbroughtmewithNateinthelongrun.Ormaybewe’rejusttwoassholes whodon’tgetalong
IconsiderthetermsofwhatpotentiallycouldbemylastNHLcontract It’sactuallyabetterofferintheshort-term,sincemy previouscontractwasforthreeyearstotaling$8million.
Mychestunravelslikeskatelaces,looseningthetensionthat’sbeenthereformonths.
Beggarscan’tbechoosers.Aone-yearextensionisaboutasgoodasitgetsforaguyinmypositionatthispointinmycareer.
I’m just happy to have another year on the ice locked down with no move required. I can remain with the team here in Vancouver,hopefullygetustoanotherCuprun,andseewhereIgofromhere MaybesqueakoutanotheryearortwobeforeI hangupmyskateswithpride.
Afterthat,it’supintheair.IhavenoplansafterretirementandnoideawhatIwanttodo.ItpainsmetothinkImayhaveto walkawayfromthesportthatI’velovedsinceIwasfiveyearsold
Untilthatdaycomes,Ijustneedtokeepmyfocusontheice
Andnotontheicequeenwhonowownstheorganization
Iletoutapent-upbreaththeminutethemeetingconcludesandexittheroom,feelingthesweatthatdottedmyskinthelastthirty minutesdripdownmyspineandpoolattheedgeofmywaistband.
MyGod,itwashotinthatroom,andsothickwithtensionthatyoucouldsliceitwithaknife.
Or maybe it was just me tryingto keep emotions reined inwhile speakingto the manI want to despise. Instead, I made a businessdecisiontokeephimonmyteam,whichmeantwearingmypoker faceandkeepingcool under theweightofseeing himagain,ascenarioIneverthoughtwouldhappen.
It’snotlikeI’muncomfortablefacingdifficultconversations,averynecessaryskillinmycareer.I’vedoneadamngoodjobof itconsideringhowoftenIdealwithmenwhothinkI’mnotcapableofbeingatthesametableasthem Ineverletthemseeme flusteredandcankeepmycomposureevenduringthemostchallengingsituations.
It’s likely why I’ve been labeled an ice queen. I get it. Woman who are tough in business are always labeled and given ridiculouslyharshnicknameswiththeintentionofknockingusdownapeg.
DoIenjoybeingcalledanamethatreferstoanicypersonality?Absolutelynot.It’snotwhoIam.Icaredeeplyfor people, especiallythose close tome But,because ofmyprofession,Iuse the label andthe persona tomyadvantage toavoidbeing steppedon.
I’moutofbreathfromthesprintdowntomyoffice,havingspedbymyadministrativeassistant,Christine,sofastthatIalmost miss the funnylookshe gives me Inormallystop and chitchat, askingher abouthow her sonis doingand how his hockey practiceisgoing.Butrightnow,Ineedamomenttocollectmythoughtsandcalmdownthechaoticwhirlinmyheadthatwas causedbytheonlyone-nightstandI’veeverhad
Ballas fucking Keeney
Icouldbarelybreatheinthere,suffocatedfromhispresenceandtheimagesitconjuredupofthetwoofustogethermonthsago Had it only been about sex, I could’ve played it cool with Ballas. We had a night of consensual pleasure with no strings attached.Wehookedupandwentonourmerryway.Iwasneversupposedtorunintohimagain.
Butthat’snothowthingsendedwithBallas Itinvolvedahellofalotmorethanthat,makingtoday’smeetingandthedecision tokeephimontheteamahundredpercentmoredifficult.It’sthereasonIregardedhimwithsuchjudgeycontempt.
It all came flooding back the moment I saw him again. My intense hatred grew to inferno proportions and threatened to overwhelmmeasIwentupagainstagiantassholewhohadonceofferedmecomfortandsupportduringmydarkesthour,and justasquicklyleftmedanglingalonefromtheprecipice
Iclosethedoor behindme,slumpingagainstitwithathumpandberatemyselffor becomingsoagitatedinhis presenceand losingmycontrol.
Don’t let him get to you.
WhyisitthattheoneguyIhadaone-nightflingwithhappenstobeaplayeronmyteam?
Aknockonmydoorstartlesmefrommythoughts.Ijumpupright,gatheringthefoldersandiPadinmyhandinatightgrip,and swingaroundtoopenit
Christinestandsatthethresholdwithacheerysmile.SheholdsoutmyrefillablecoffeecupandanewbagofSkittlesthesize ofherheadthatshemusthavepurchasedatCostco,andIpracticallysalivate.Thetwoaddictionsinmylifethatbringmejoy.
“Yourushedpastmesoquick,Ididn’tgetachancetogivethesetoyou.”Christinebreezesintotheofficeandheadsstraight towardmydesk.Sheplacesthecoffeeonacoaster,thentearsopenthebagcontainingmysweetaddictionandpourshalfofit intothecrystalcandydishnexttomylaptop.
Christinetiltsher headandeyesmecuriously.Her signaturesilver hoopearringsdangleather neckandgrazethetopofher shoulderwhenshelooksbackatme
“Shit,woman Youlook frazzled”Shegesturestowardmyfacewithaflourish “Andyourcheeksareflushed Areyouokay? Doesyourbackhurt?ShouldIgetyouanappointmentwiththeteamdoc?”
Althoughwehaven’tworkedtogetherall thatlong,Christineisbothintuitiveandtrustworthy,whichiswhyI’vesharedwith herthedetailsofmycaraccidentandtheinjuriesitleftmewith
Iwaveheroffanddipintothedishtoretrieveacolorfulhandfulofcandy Ipoponeinmymouthandsinkdownintomychair Sighing,Idropthefilesontopofagrowingpileonmydesk.
Forthefirsttimetoday,Irelaxandletmyguarddown.
“I’mfine,Christine.Noappointmentnecessary.”Itakeasipofthestrongcoffeeandclutchthemuginbothhandsasifit’sa lifeline “I’mjustgladthatmeetingisoveranddonewith”
“Oh?Diditnotgoasyouexpected?”
You could say that
NothingaboutBallasKeeneyiswhatIexpected Iexpectedhimtobehavelikeagrumpy,untamedbeastthatnightinVegas,whichhedid Rightuptothepointwhenheturned intoaverydifferentversionofhimselfthatwasmoreteddybearthanbeast. Heshockedandruinedmeallinonenight.
So,no.NoteverythingaboutBallasiseverwhatIexpecthimtobe.
Iswivelinmychairandstretchoutmylegs,floppingmyheadbackagainstthechairheadrestwithanexasperatedsigh. “Yesandno.IthoughtIwaspreparedforhim.IthoughtIwasreadytohandleit.”
My statement has so much more meaning behind it than Christine is aware of. I grappled with my decision to extend his contractthroughmanysleepless nights Icarefullyleftmypersonal views outofmyverdict Ievaluatedhis stats throughhis timeintheNHL,especiallythenumbersheputupwiththeVikingsover thelastsevenyears.Theevidencewascompelling. ButnowIwonderifImadeadealwiththedevil
Idon’tnecessarilyhavetoseeBallasall thetime,buttheideathathe’shere,rightinthisbuilding,maybeenoughtosetme overtheedge.
ItwouldgiveNatepleasuretoknow justhow deeplyBallasgetsundermyskin.MyGMwasdeadsetontradinghimandin completeoppositionofmydecision.HewantedBallasgoneandwasalreadytalkingwithCoachThomasonhowtoreworkthe lineups.
AndNate’swereallpersonal.Hedidn’tlikeBallasbecauseofhischaractertraits.
“Keeneyiscockyandarrogant.Hegetshimselfsenttothebinmoretimesthannot.Andhe’sfuckingpasthisprime.”Nate’s vitriol was clear. He hates Ballas nearlyas muchIdo, butthis is business and we can’trisklosinga good player over our personalfeelingsforhim
Likehimornot,Ballasisabeastlikenootheroutontheice HecanmovethepuckuptheiceandisagreatoffensiveD-man, gettingtheassistsandrackingupthepointstohelptheteamwin.
Sure,Ballasisnotayouthful,energeticplayer.He’sgrumpyandgetsinmorescrapesthanmostandissenttothepenaltybox onaveragemorethanmanyotherplayersontheteam Thatpartistrue WillBallasbeanunpredictableliabilitythisseason? DidIcometotherightconclusion?
There’salsotheteensy-weensyconflictofinterestthathasnow comeintoplay.Ithangsover myheadliketheshoereadyto dropwitheverychoiceI’mforcedtomake.
Basedsimplyonhiscareer,IfeelconfidentthatImadetherightdecisionaboutkeepingBallasontheteam.“Alwaysusethe numbers,”UncleMarvhadsaid.“Theyneverlie.Butgutinstinctisalsoastrongindicatorwhetheradecisionisagoodoneor badone.That’showthebestonesaremade.”
Relying on Ballas’s stats was a no-brainer. But was it my gut talking when I gave the green light to finalize the deal? Or somethingelse?
Christine reaches outand is aboutto remove mycoffee cup whenIsnatchitback, cradlingitinto mychestas ifit’s a toyI refusetoshare.“Don’t.You.Dare.Ineedthiswithadesperationyoucan’tevenfathom.”
Thismakesherlaughasshestandsinfrontofmeexpectantly,handsnowonherhips.
“I’mnotsureanyonecaneverreallyhandle TheBeast,”Christinesayswithasassywink.“IfyouknowwhatImean.I’msure that’swhyyoufeltoffyourgame IknowIwould”
“Christine ”Iadmonishinnocently “WhatonEarthareyouimplying?”
She shrugs, twirlingher longtapered fingernail around the bighoop inher ear “Ballas is a manmost people love to hate Personally,Ifindthosealphaholebadboysirresistible.Caseinpoint,AJ’sfather,Antoine.”
MyjawdropsopenandIshakemyheadonalaugh.“AtleastyouendedupwithsomethinggoodoutofitwithAJ.AllIhaveis amountainofcontractstoreviewanddocstosign I’mcertainIwon’tbefallingforanyone badboyorotherwise withall theworkonmyplate.”
Iunconsciouslyrubatmylowerbackwhichhassuddenlyawokenandisthrobbingwithavengeance.Stresswilldothattome. “Sometimesitjustfeelslikethisistoomuch,youknow?IwishMarvwereheretohelp.”
Christinegivesmeasoulful,sympatheticlook.“Iknow,hun.Weallmisshimandhopeforhisrecoveryandreturntothehelm soon Butyou’redoingafantasticjob,Karis Seriously,Idon’tknowhowyoudoit”
ChristinehadbeenmyuncleMarv’spersonalassistantforthepastfouryears,eversincehepurchasedtheVancouverVikings She is smartand capable and comes withanundyingsense ofloyaltyand anorneriness thatmust’ve beenforged while she workedwithmyunclebefore well,beforeItookoverasowner.
We’vehadmanyheart-to-heartdiscussionsoverthecourseofthepastsixmonths,usuallyontheeveningswhenherexhadher son, whenwe’d take a momentafter the dayto share and commiserate over a glass ofwine. She knows aboutmyaccident. Losingmyparents.LivingwithUncleMarv.MyhorriblebreakupwithBradley,andhisassholishbehavior.
Herinsight sheseemstohavehereyesandearsoneverything hasgivenmeagreatdealofunderstandingintothenuances oftheorganization Itrustherimplicitlywithnearlyeverything
ExceptforoneveryintimatedetailaboutBallasandme
ChristinewastheonewhocalledmethatnightlastDecembertogivemethenewsaboutmyuncle’sheartattack Idon’tknow whatIwould’vedonehaditnotbeenforhersupportatthetime.ShehandledallthearrangementstogetMarvtransportedto theERandwasbyhissidewhileIwasenroutebacktoSeattlefromVegasthatnight
ShetookcareofMarvthesamewayshenowtakescareofme Withanunwaveringcommitmentandloyalty “Doyouwantoneofthosecoconutwatersyoulike?”sheasks,noddingher chintowardthemini fridgeagainstthefar wall “Thosethingstastelikelukewarmbathwaterifyouaskme.Butyoulooklikeyoucouldusesomeelectrolytesorsomething.” Ichuckleandwaveheroff.“No,I’mokay,really.Whydon’tyoufillmeinonmyscheduleupdatesfortherestoftheweek?”
Glancingoverhertablet,shespitsoutalitanyofurgentoperationalrequeststhathaveallcomethroughoverthelasthour.
Maybeshe’srightandIdoneedsomeelectrolytes.Orstronger. “There’sbeenachangeinplanstoo.Natecalledafewminutesagoandaskedtomoveupthethreeo’clockbudgetmeetingto noon”Shepeersatmethroughherlashes,browsraised “Thatjustmeanshewantsafreelunch”
Isnort.Shedoesn’tcaremuchforNate,either.
“The NHLchairmanwants to meetwithyouwhenhe’s intownnextweek. And Petra called. MarekTalbertis askingabout somefacilitiesissueswiththearenainSeattle.”
Mytemple throbs withthe makings ofa horrendous headache, whichis preciselythe reasonIneed mycaffeine and sugar. I dropmyheadforwardintomypalms,slowlymassagingawaytheaggravatingannoyancethathitsmehardoutofnowhere.
“Okay.”Iliftmyhead,turningbacktomyopenlaptopandcalendarasthreeSlackmessagesappearintheappbox.Christine extractsaboxedwaterfromthefridge,placingitinfrontofme,andIgrudginglyreviewmyschedulechanges.
Temporarilyrunninga$1.5billionNHLfranchise,alongwithmypermanentresponsibilityfora$750millionbasketballteam, requires careful planning, strategic management, and financial acumen There’s a constantchess game ofmovingparts, with careersonthelineandfansandsponsorstoappease.
Whichistosay,it’safuckinglot.AndifI’mbeinghonestwithmyself,it’sfarmorethanIwasreadytotakeonthisearlyinmy career
Attwenty-eight,I’mtheyoungestownerofanNHLteam Nottomention,onlythesecondfemaleprincipalownerintheleague It’salottomanage.
BeforemyuncleMarvendedupinthehospital,thingsweresubstantiallyeasierandundercontrol.Atthattime,Isimplyhad co-ownershipdutiesforthePugetSoundPilotsbasketballorganizationinSeattle IalsohadMarekTalbert,whomanagesthe teamwithsuperbleadershipskillsandtaughtmeaboutthegameofbasketball.Hehasbecomeagreatfriendtome.
ThenmytrainingwheelsfelloffthenightMarvlandedinacoma.
Myentireworldwentoff-kilter.MarvistheonlylivingfamilyIhaveleftafterlosingbothmyparentswhenIwasfifteen,and losinghiminthismanner,alongwithtakingonallthisaddedresponsibility,issometimestoomuchformetobearalone IwouldneveradmitfeelingoverwhelmedtoanyoneelsebutChristine Shehasmyfulltrustandfaith Ifitgotouttoanyonein theNHLaboutmylackofconfidence,itwouldonlygivethemanotherreason,besidesthatI’mayoungwoman,tocriticizeor sayI’munqualifiedtorunthisorganization.
AndsomethingtellsmethatNateMcGowanwouldjustlovetouseanyvulnerabilityhecanfindtopokeholesinmygoodname andmakehimselflookbetter Idon’ttrustthisassholetohavemybacklikeIdowithMarek
Infact,ImayneedtoreplaceNateMcGowanifthingsdon’tturnaroundwithhimsoon.Hiscontractisalsoupthisyear,too, whichmeansI’mina“shitor getoffthepot”position.IbelieveNatemustbringsomethingtothetable,otherwisemyuncle wouldn’thavekepthimon Theteamdidn’tgototheplayoffslastyears,soIjusthaven’tfiguredoutyetwhatitis
Maybewe’llhaveamiracleandmyunclewillbebacktosteertheshipbeforethen Unfortunately,that’sanearlyimpossiblerequestbecausehe’slyingathomehookeduptomachinestokeephimalive It’sbeen months,andI’matalossastowhattodo.
MyheartsqueezesatthethoughtasIfinishupwithChristine.
“I’mgoingtorundowntothe cafeteria toarrange lunchfor your budgetmeeting,” she says witha wink,headingtowardthe door Thenshecallsoverhershoulder,“AndwhenIreturn,I’mschedulingyouamassagewithKipforlatertoday”
Igrumbleabouttoarguewithher “Idon’tneed ”
Shecutsmeoff “Youdoandyouwill I’llbeback”
Whenthe door closes witha click, Iopenmyinboxand wince EventhoughChristine has gone throughand prioritized and deleted,Istillhaveoverahundredemailstoreviewandrespondto.I’mgoingtoneedmorecoffeeforthis.
Speakingofwhich,IthinkChristineisbackwhenthere’sanotherknockonmydoor.
Idon’tbothertolookup. “Backsosoon?”
“No?” The sound ofa deep, masculine voice rumbles throughthe office. Tearingmygaze frommyemail, Iliftmyhead and
stareupatthesix-foot-fivehockeyplayerstandingatthethreshold.
One lookatBallas makes mycheeks flame hotand mybodyflicker alive. Damnhimfor beingso insanelyattractive inhis tailorednavysuitthattugsaroundhissculptedshouldersandthighs.
Don’t let him in Both figuratively and literally “Karis,weneedtotalk”
Hedoesn’tevenbothertoaskmeifIhavetime,hejustshutsthedoorbehindhimandstridesforwardlikeheownstheplace Likeheownsme.
Well,joke’sonhim.Iownhis ass.
Idomybesttoreengagemyicequeenmasktoappearcalm,whenontheinside,I’manythingbutthat.Mybodylightsuplike theredlampwhenagoalhitsthebackofthenet,butit’snotfromdesire.Thistime,it’swithannoyanceovertheinterruption andresentmentoverhimjustbarginginlikethis.
Pull yourself together, Karis He’s not worth your tears or time. He’s just another player in all definitions of the word Aplayerwhousedme,heldmeinhisarmswhileIcried,thenwalkedawayandforgotaboutme.
IwishIcouldscrubmymemoryandfocusonlyonBallas’sdickishbehavior.ButIcan’tbecauseIalsoknowthere’sadecent man underneath the grouchy exterior. He blew away my preconceived notions last Christmas Eve, the night my uncle was admittedtothehospital
BallasshowedupunexpectedlyinSeattleandwastherebymysidetheentirenight Hewasthemanwhoheldmyhandandlet mecryonhisshoulder,knowingIhadnooneelseintheworldIcouldleanon. It’s that BallasIwanttoforget.
Ineedtorememberhimasthemanwhoshatteredmyfaithwhenheleftwithoutawordofgoodbye nomessageornote,no follow-uptextor call Ballas Keeneyghostedme,disappearingwithouta trace,until the momenthe satacross the table this morning.
IfIallowed mypride to rule mydecisions, Iwould have. Butthis teammeans everythingto myuncle, and business always comesfirst Irefusetomakechoicesthatwillimpacttheteambasedonmyheart,feelings,oremotionalstate Ican,however,boothimoutofmyofficebecauseI’mhismotherfuckingboss “Ballas,thereisnothingmoreweneedtodiscuss Youhaveyourcontractandanotheryearontheteam Now,pleaseleave”
ButIcan’thelpthewordsthatescapemymouthwhenImutter,“You’re good at that ”
Irealizeanyconversationthatbeginswith,“Weneedtotalk”isgoingtoborderonbeingunpleasantandpotentiallyunwanted ononeoftheparticipants’behalf.
Inthiscase,I’dsayitwentoverlikeapucktothechin.
The cold-shoulder treatmentis rightinline withhow Isaw this going.Idon’tbegrudge Karis for beingpissedoffatme for barginginuninvited, either I’d be considered delusional if I had ever expected her to welcome me withopenarms and a cheerysmileaftermydouchebagdisappearingactlastDecember.
I’dhopedshecouldatleasthearmeoutandallowmetoapologize.IcameuptocleartheairaboutmyactionslastChristmas. Mybehaviorwasreprehensiblebymoststandards,eventhoughprettytypicalofme
AnapologyislongoverdueandalsotheonlywayIcanseetostartfreshandavoidanyawkwardfutureinteractionsbetween usnowthatmypositionissolidontheteam.Karisjustneedstohearmeout.
Istridefurtherintoheroffice.Witheachstep,IpracticethewordsI’verehearsedinmyhead.
“I’m sorry, I was an asshole. I shouldn’t have left you without an explanation. I should have been a friend when you needed one. ”
Karis glowers atme so stronglyIfeel the need to lookawayto avoid the scrutinyinher glare. ButIstaythe course as she growsnoticeablylesscomposedandmorefidgetythecloserIgettoherdesk.Hercreamyskin,paleanduntouchedbythesun, brightens to a deep pinkhue. She flicks a lockofhair outofher face and she straightens her spine like she’s preparingfor battle
Iraisemyarmsintheairinthesignofsurrender
“Karis,please Fiveminutes,that’sallIask”
Karis peers up and pastmyshoulder toward the window ofher office Ifollow her gaze, turningmyhead until Christine’s emptydeskcomesintoview.
“Christine’sgone.Iranintoherattheelevator.Ifyou’reworriedaboutprivacy…”
Sheshakesherheadvehemently,wispsofblondehairescapingfromherponytailandfallingintoherface.Karistuckssomeof theloosestrandsbehindherearsandpushestoherfeet
“I’mnotworriedbecausewedon’tneedprivacy”Hervoiceistenseandhereyesmeetmineassheroundsthesideofthedesk beforecomingtoanabruptstopatthecorner.Shecastsadownwardglanceatherfitnesswatchandthenbristles.“I’mbusy, Ballas,anddon’thavefiveminutes Thereisnothingwehavetodiscuss,andI’mlateformynextmeeting”
ShepicksupthephoneandiPadfromher desk,bendingsoher whiteblousestretchesandclingstothecurveofher waist I takeanotherstepforwardandcatchawhiffofhersoft,femininescent.Thesamefragrancethathaslingeredinmymemories sincethenightweweretogether
Coveringherhandgentlywithmypalm,Ipressitdowntothedesk
“No,you’renot”
Karisstammersinabewilderedandguardedtone,snatchingherwristaway.
“Areyoualsomynewadminandknoweverythingaboutmyschedule,Ballas?”
Ichuckleanddropmyhandtomysidewhilethecornersofmymouthtipintoanamusedgrin.“IaskedChristineifyouwere available.”
She pffts,andswivelsquickly,leavingherdevicesonthedeskinfavorofcrossingherarmswithacutegrowlofirritability “Remindmetofireher.”
Ilaughatherfakeoutrageasshesitsbackdownwithasneer,hermouthtwistinginagrimaceofindignation.
ThisfierywomanisthesameonewhoboldlystatedshewantedmetofuckherthatnightinVegasandthenquicklyshowedme hervulnerabilitiesandinexperience.ThetwosidesofKarisSpurlockarethereasonsIhaven’tbeenabletogetheroutofmy headsincethen
Sheslipsamanicuredfingerintoabrightlycoloredcandydish,fishingaroundtopluckoutafewredSkittlesbeforepartingher lipsandpoppingtheminhermouth.Istarewithfascinationatthoseperfectlipsastheyopenandclosearoundthecandy.The tipofherpinktonguepeeksout,sendingafloodofmemorybacktomybrain
Andmycock
Whichis preciselywhyIneed to steer clear ofthose memories, make amends, and find a wayto co-existinthis new team environment.Forgeaheadpastmymistakeandstartoveronaprofessionallevel.
Andwhatafuckingmistakeitwas.ItservesmerightfortryingtobethekindofmansheneededwhenIobviouslycouldn’tpull itoff
ThatnightIdidsomethingcompletelyoutofcharacterforme IsteppedoutonalimbandIofferedmysupportandshoulderfor Karistocryonwhenherunclelandedinthehospital.
Astheysay,nogooddeedgoesunpunished.
IttookmefourhourstorealizesheneededsomethingfarmorethanIwasabletooffer.I’mjustnotamanequippedwiththe levelofemotionalresonancerequiredinthatsituation
Sex?Icangivethat
Ahugofencouragement?That’seasyenough
Buttostickitoutandstaybyawoman’ssideduringhertimeofneed?
Notinmywheelhouse
So,IdidtheonlythingIcoulddo Iran
NowI’mstuckwiththerepercussionsofthatdecisionandI’mnowonthereceivingendofKaris’sicyglare “Karis,willyouletmeexplain?”
Hergreeneyesgrowcoldanddarkwithcontempt Shepushesoutofherchairagain,sendingitcareeningwildlybackintothe bookshelfbehindher.Severaltrophiesandplaquesdisplayedontheshelveswobbleprecariously.Shemovesovertothebank ofwindowslookingoutoverthecityscape,standingstifflyassheshiftsindignantlyfromfoottofoot “Theclockstartedtickingtwominutesago You’vegotthreeminutesleft Hurryupandgetonwithitsoyoucanleave”She hooksathumbtowardthedoorbuthervoicequiversslightly,enoughformetotellthefireisweakeninginherresolve.
There’saflashofsomethinginherbrighteyesastheynarrowatmebeforesheturnsawayagain.Ialmostforgothowstunningly beautiful she is, and strong The kind ofbeautythatknocks menofftheir feetand the type ofstrengththatputs evenhockey playerslikemetoshame.
I’mnotcalledBallastheBeastbecauseI’msweetandcuddly.I’masix-foot-fiveOscartheGrouchonapairofmotherfucking skates.
ButonenightwithKaristurnedmeintoagooeysap,anditscaredmeshitless
Whenshehadlookedupatmewhilewesatvigilforheruncle,tearsglisteninginhereyes,withsuchneedforstability,likeI wassomekindofsaviororknightinshiningarmor,Ipanicked.Iamnoone’sgoddamnsavior.Idon’thaveanempatheticbone inmybodyandshewaspinningherhopesonmetobetherewhensheneededsomeonethemost?
NotachanceinhellwasIthatguyandIdidn’twanttogiveherthatimpression,whichwould’vehappenedhadIstayed.The momentshe’dfallenasleep,slumpedintheuncomfortablehospitalchairnexttoMarv’sbed,Itookoffandhightaileditbackto Vancouver Ididn’tlookback Nogoodbye,nothoughtful floral arrangementandsweetcondolencecard,nonumber leftona pieceofpaperonthenighttablebyheruncle’sbed. IwasachickenshitandranasfastasIcouldintheotherdirection.
Jesus, now that Ithinkabout it, maybe myrehearsed apologyspeechwon’t evencome close to mendingthe hole Idugfor myself
Ineverexpectedwe’dbeinthesameroomtogetheragain ShelivesinSeattleandoverseestheownershipresponsibilitiesfor abasketballteam.I’minVancouverandplayhockey.
Then everything changed in a strange and tragic twist of fate when Marv Spurlock slipped into a coma and she was the beneficiaryofallhisbusinesses
Whichleaves me here to cleanup the mess I made withthe womanwho stubbornlyrefuses to lookat me or allow me to apologize.
Itakeatentativesteptowardher,soclosenowthatIcansmellthesweetcandyonherbreath.
“Youhaveeveryrighttobefuriouswithme.Ideserveit.”
She whips backaround and her shoulder brushes againstmychest. Apatronizingsmile lifts atthe corners ofher mouth, her tonebone-dry “WhywouldIbemad?You ”shegesturesbetweenus “meannothingmoretomethananameonmyteam roster.You,BallasKeeney,arejustahockeyplayer.”
Damn.Thatonewasasolidpuckshottothegut.
Asteelyexpressioncurtainsoverherface,betrayingnothingbutpoliteprofessionalismnow.Shetakesastepbackandshoves adelicatehandoutatmetoshake.
Ishouldjustshakeher handandbeonmyway.Letthisserveasalessontomefor anyfutureinteractionsIhavewithKaris Spurlock.Shedespisesmeandthere’snoapologyIcangivethatwillchangethat.
There’s a hundredandone reasons whyIshouldjustturnaroundandwalkoutthatdoor andleave this conversationbehind. AndwhyIshouldn’tdosomethingasstupidaskissingher.
Firstandforemostbeingourworkingrelationship.
Karisisnotsimplysomerandomhookupanymore.She’stheteamownerandmyboss’snewboss.
Second,kissinghernowwouldbeimprudent,nottomentionhighlyinappropriate. Andthird,sheobviouslyhatesme.
KarishatesmewiththesamelevelofintensityastheBostonBruinshatetheMontrealCanadiens. Orattheveryleast,shestronglydislikesthissituationwe’vegottenourselvesinto Therefore,thereisnodoubtshewouldn’t wantmetotouchher,muchlesskissher.
YetnoneofthatstopsmefromwhatIdonext.
Takingasolidstepintoherspace,Isnagherwrist,tugherintomychest,andthrowcautiontothewindwhenIcrushmymouth tohers.
Hernextwordsdieonhertongue,herbreathhitches,andIswallowdownhergaspofangrysurprise.Karispushesatmychest withherpalm.Ipausetopeerdownather,hopingtoreadherexpression.Hermouthopensandsheletsoutashutteringbreath. Ipullback,readytowalkawayandinaninstant,Karisgrabsontothebackofmyheadandcrusheshermouthagainstmine.
SomethinginsideofmesnapsandIwastenotime,mytongueraidinginaclaimingstroke.Idoamentalfistpumpandvictory
lap.
Iwrapanarmaroundherlowerbackandsplaymyfingerswide,holdinghersolidlyagainstme.Herfingersspearthroughmy hairwithasavageferocity.
Thekissisurgentandfiery.Punishingandhostile.
I’msearchingforforgiveness She’slookingforrevenge
Karispushesonhertiptoesandtugsthestrandsclaspedinhertightgrasp Thecruelravishmentandexplorationbetweenusis aheadycocktail,quicktoignitemybodywithneedylust.
Iwanttoserveoutmypenancebetweenherlegs.Thiswomancouldmakemebegifshewantedto.BegforforgivenessthatI wouldgiveherinspades.
Butthat’snotwhat’sgoingtohappen.
Theknockonthedoorfollowedbythesoundofhernamebeingcalledasitopensdousestheflamesofpassionbeforewecan evenregistertheburn.Karisjerksoutofmyholdandseversourkiss.
Withamuffledcurse,sheflingsherselfawayfrommybody,onlystoppingwhenshegrabsontothebackofthevisitor’schair.
Irunahandovermystubbledjawline,thenreachforherelbow.Shetakesanotherstepaway,puttingmorespacebetweenus. Hereyesboreintomine,asifdeploringmetokeepmydistanceandkeepquiet,beforeshebreaksthatconnectionandshakes herhead
Clearingherthroat,shesmoothsahandoverherstomach,gatheringhercomposureandonceagainrevertingbacktobosslady
“Thankyou,Ballas.Iappreciateyoustoppingbytocheckonmyuncle.I’llbesuretotellhimyousaidhello.”
Iquirkaneyebrow ather ease inrecovery. She’s quickonher feet, I’ll give her that. I’mstill lostinthe moment, myscalp throbbingwhereherfingersyankedatmyhair.
Andthat’snottheonlythingleftthrobbing.
Idropmyhandsinfrontofmytentedpantsandignorethepainfulacheinmyballsasthedooropenswiderandayoungwoman popsherheadintotheoffice
“Comeonin,”shecallsoutwhileIstartcountingtoahundredinordertocalmmybodydown
“I’msorrytointerrupt,Ms.Spurlock,”theyoungwomanstammersassheglancesbetweenKarisandmewithnervousregret. Her cheeks blushtomatchthe oversizedpinkglasses perchedonher nose.“Oh!Hello,Ballas.Ididn’tmeanto…Ijustsaw ChristineandshesaidIcouldstopbywiththenewsampleswereceivedforthisupcomingseason’steamgear”
Karisnodsandreturnstoherdesk,wavingtheyoungwomaninasshetakesaseat
“Ofcourse,Amie Comeonoverandshowmewhatyou’vegot Ballaswasjustonhiswayout”Withoneraisedeyebrow,she givesmeadismissiveglance.“We’llseeyouwhentheseasonresumes,Ballas.Haveanicesummer.”
Idipmychin,noddingtobothwomenasIexittheoffice,pullingthedoorclosedbehindme.
I’mnotsureifmyabortedapologymadeanysortofprogressonsmoothingthingsoutbetweenKarisandmeorifthatkissonly addedtoagrowinglistofreasonsforhertodespiseme Whateverthecase,allIknowisthatkisswillbeinconstantrotation inmydreamseverynightthissummer.
Whoneedsrestintheoffseasonanyway?
The summer passed byina blur of meetings, travel, and the constant checkinginafter Uncle Marv’s care I was downin severaltimesamonthforsaidmeetingswiththePilots’teammanagementandwouldstopbyforupdatesfromhisprivatecare team
Tosayit’sbeenadifficulttaskisanunderstatement
Addtothatall thebusiness andworkIhadonmyplate,Ibarelyhadtimetoeatsensiblyandmanagesomeself-care There wasnopersonaltimeoutsideofthat,whichmeantnotimefordating,either.AndnotimetocontemplatethatkissBallasleftme inmyofficethedayofhiscontractextensionmeeting.
Yetsomehow,regardlessofmybestintentions,hemanagedtoinfiltratemydreamseverynightthissummer I’dfallasleep,then wakefromafitfulsleep,sweatyandhorny,wrappedupinahazeofsexyfantasieswiththeneedforthatother‘self’caretime. Arguably,dreamingofBallasbetweenmylegswasneverquiteassatisfyingastherealthing.
Justto make matters worse, myex-boyfriend, Bradley, the manIdumped backinDecember because he cheated onme, has decided,aftermonthsofplayingthefield,thathewantstogetbacktogether He’sbeencallingnearlyeveryday eventhough I’veyettoanswerthephone andsendsmetexts,emails,floralarrangements,andbasketsofmyfavoritegoodies.
Todayfeaturesyetanotheroverpriced,unwanteddelivery.Iscowlatthearrangementthatjustarrivedandhaveaburningurge tothrowthemagainstthewall
Thatwouldbesatisfying,exceptthenI’djusthavetocleanupthemessleftbehind
Normally, I’d askChristine to dispose ofthem, butshe’s ona well-deserved vacationthis weekbefore all the players and adminsreturnforthestartofpreseasonpracticeandtrainingcamp.
AstrangethreadofawarenesspricklesdownmyspinewhenIthinkofseeingBallasagain.Ipickuptheglassvase,indulging inthesucculentscentofthebeautifulbutunwantedflowers,andcarryitwithmetotheelevator
I shouldn’t have read the note attached but I caved His words were not onlycringe-worthybut so revealingof Bradley’s narcissism.
“Sunshine,
Please call me back. I know I made a mistake when I let you go. I still love you. You’re the one for me.
Love, Bradley. ”
ThefactthathebelievesheletmegohasmesnortingoutloudasIpressthebuttonontheelevatordoortoheaddowntothe parkinggarageandthrowoutthereminderofhim Bradley’sindiscretionsandhisinabilitytokeephisdickinhispantsduring ourtimetogetherbecamethedecidingfactorformydecisiontobreakitoffwithhim.
Awomandeservesamanwhobuildsherupandworshipsher,notadouchewhoputsherdown.
ItwasonmywaytoVegaswhenIfinallycametothatrealizationandbecameanewwoman.Itallledmetomyone-nightfling withBallas
TheflowersarejustanotherreminderofhowhappyIamtobesingleagainandnotwiththatdog
hecanwinmebackbysendingafewoverpricedandextravagantgifts.
Idon’thavetimeforhisbullshit whichbordersnowonstalkerishbehavior.ButatleastInowrealizemyworthandknowI amdeservingofmorethanhecouldevergiveme.
Igivemyheadashakeandshovemynoseintothelilies,takinginonelastsniffofthefragranceofmyfavoriteflowers.OnceI ditchtheseinthegarbagedumpster,I’llgograbsomelunchfromthevendingmachine.
Whenthebuzzerdingsandthedoorsopen,Itakeastepforwardofftheelevator,mynosestillburiedinthearrangement,andI runsmackdabintoawallofhuman.
“Oomph.” The air is knocked outofmylungs and I’mthrownoff-kilter. Ibackup to regainmybalance, embarrassed thatI hadn’tbeenpayingattentiontowhereI’mgoing “I’msosorry Excuseme ”
Alargepairofhandsgrabstheheavyglassvasefrommygrasp,shiftingittothesideandawayfrommyface
Ballas
Speakofthedevil.
Heoh-so-casuallytipshischininanod,hiseyesbouncingfromtheflowerstomyeyes,aslowsmileinchingupatthecorners ofhismouth.Hedropshiswarmhandsfromthevase.Itakeastepbackfromtheopenelevatordoor.
Regainingmycomposure,Isteel myresolve andstifle the partofme thatis thrilledtosee himagain,workingtomaintaina professionalaloofness
“Goodtosee you,Ms Spurlock” His deep-timbredvoice shakes me tomyverycore,alreadyunravelinganyhope Ihadto remaincoolandunaffected.Dammit,Iwanttostaymadathim.
Standingwithhisbackagainstthedoor tokeepitfromclosing,hecrossesoneankleover theother andcasuallyleansback. “Celebratingsomething,orissomeoneinthedoghouse?”
It’s annoyinghow gorgeous he looks His handsome face sports a goldentanthat’s probablythe outcome ofmonths outona fishingboatorgolfcourse.Christine,whoisalwaysgoodforallthejuicycomings-and-goingsoftheorganization,mentioned something about his whereabouts this summer and had numerous stories to share about what she heard of his well-known conquestsandrevolvingdooroflovers.
Fightingthepangofjealousythatpokedatmyheart’sedges,Iresistedtheurgetoinquiremoreaboutitandclampedmymouth shutlike the proud womanIam, gentlyremindingmyselfthatIdidn’tgive a rat’s ass aboutBallas, his trips, or his current relationshipstatus.
Lies. All lies.
Honestly,itprovedmoredifficultthanIhadhopedthispastsummertorememberwhyBallasshouldmeannothingtome.It’sas ifthekisswesharedinmyofficethatdayworkedsomemagicspell,charmingmeoutofalltheanimosityI’dhadtowardhim.
Hisvoiceisfullofamusementbutisthatinterestinhiseyes?IsheaskingifI’mseeingsomeone?
Icarefullyhide myownflicker ofinterestwithforced composure, tryinghard notto breathe inhis spicy, woodsyscentthat makesmybraingoalittlefuzzy.What’dheaskmeagain?
“It’snoneofyour business,Ballas.”Iscoffwitharoll ofmyeyes.“Butifyoumustknow,I’mthrowingtheseawaybecause thatdoghousewasburnedtothegroundandthedogwassentoffwhenhehumpedanotherbitch.”
Hechokesoutaloudrumblinglaughandsomehowthemovementofhisbodycausestheelevatortoshakesothatthetoo-heavy vasewobblesinmyotherarms
Ballasswiftlyswingsanarmoutandsettlesalargehandonthebottomofthevasetopreventitfromfalling
“Whoa,there,sweetheart,”hesaysinasmoothtonethat’srichwithanintimacyreservedforlovers
Thereminderthatwewereloversmakesmewanttothroatpunchhim orkissthatsexymouthofhis.
ThenextthingIknow,he’sstandingrightinfrontofme,tall andbroad-shoulderedandtakingover myentirefieldofvision. HisbreathsmellslikeamintygumandremindsmeofhowhetastedthelasttimeIsawhim.Hiscologneisrichandwoodsy.
It’sawarmscent,notoverpoweringandartificiallikethatofsomanymenIcomeacrossinthisbusiness,thatscentlovedby power-hungrymenwhotrytoimpresswomenwithmoneyandprestige.
Like Bradley
The doors suddenlyclose behindhimwitha whoosh and myheartleaps into mythroatfrombeingso close inthis isolated, crampedspace.
“Here,letmehelpyou.It’sawfullyheavy.”
Itwistawayinhaughtyobstinance.“I’mfine.Icanhandleit.”
“Fine.”Hebacksawaywithhishandsup.Asheturns,hemurmursunderhisbreath,“Irememberyoucanhandlebigthingsin yourgrip.”
Imakeasoundofindignationattheclearlysuggestivecomment.Itwassexual,wasn’tit?OramIjustreadingintoit?
“Watchyourself,Ballas,”Iwarn,heatflamingacrossmycheeksevenasmypantiesdampen.Idon’tknowifIshouldbeturned onbyhisdirtytalkorannoyedthathe’susingourpastintimacyagainstme.“Watchyourmouth.YouforgetwhoIamandwhere we’reat.”
“Oh,Iknow exactlywhoyouare,Karis,”hesayssmugly,hiseyesbrimmingwithchallengeastheyrakeover me.Iholdmy ground,willingmyselfnottocaveundertheintensityofhisgaze Hepointsafingertowardmeandtwirlsit “Underneathall this,Iknowwhatyouwant,too.”
There’sachallengeandademandinthemthathasmetornbetweenwantinghimtotakemelikeheownsmeandpushinghim awayforfearI’lllosemyselfinhim
Hisgazemovestomylipsandlingers “Asformymouth,youdidn’tminditsomuchwhenItoldyoutospreadyourlegsand madeyoucomewithmymouthonyourpussy.”
Iletoutanearlyhystericalhuffandtrytoskirtaroundhim,togetofftheelevatorsoIcangetsomeair.Myheadisstartingto fog There’sarestlessenergythatvibratesthroughhismovement,apowerthatcoilswithinhimthat’sdevastatinglyappealing andisleavingmeinasexualhaze.Histantalizingscentandthepowerfulsetofhisshouldersgivehimanairofcommandthat exudesfromeverypore.
Hemakesmeweak.Andthatmakesmemad.
“Out.Of.My.Way.”
Ifinallyshovepasthimbutyearsofshuttingdownthebestgoal-scorersintheworldmakeshimagile,andhequicklymovesin front of me just inside the parkinggarage and spins me around. He cages me against the cement blockwall and thenleans down.
Foramoment,Ithinkhe’sgoingtotakethevaseandbenddowntokissme.Myheartbeatswildlyagainstmyribs,takingmy breathasIwaitforhismouthtofirmlypressagainstmine
Instead,hegrabsthecardhiddenbetweenthestemsandextractsitfromtheenvelope “Hey!That’s personal.”Myobvious irritationover notgettingkissedcomes outinabrattywhine.Anyattempttorescuethe cardfromhis fingers is utterlyfutilesince he’s a goodfiveor sixinches taller thanme andI’mstill holdingthe vase tightly againstmybody
Igrowllikeababytigeragainstanuntamedlion
Henarrowshiseyesonthecard
“Sunshine, Please call me back I know I made a mistake when I let you go I still love you You’re the one for me Love, Bradley. ”
AlthoughIknowwhatitsayssinceI’vealreadyreadit,itsoundsevenmoreridiculousreadoutloudinthehighfalsettovoice heuses Istiflemylaughbybitingdownonmylowerlip
Ballasglancesdownandraisesoneeyebrowindisbelief,thenfansthecardintheair “Whoowee,”hewhistlesandexpelsin anexaggerateddrawl.“Whatafuckingdipshit.That’stheworstapologyI’veeverread.”
Mycheeks burnwithembarrassment, althoughI don’t know why. I didn’t askBradleyto send me flowers or his lame-ass apology.
“Youmean,besidestheoneyoutriedtogiveme?”Iputonmybestsaccharine-sweetsmile.
Helaughswryly.“Tobefair,whenIrehearseditinmyhead,itsoundedgreat.Itjusthadtroublemakingitoutofhere.”Hetaps onthecardonhislipsbeforeshovingitbackintothebouquet.“AtleastnowIunderstandwhyyou’reditchingthese.”
Iraiseaskepticaleyebrow.“Andwhatdoyouknowabouthim?”
Ballaslookslikehe’sabouttosaysomethingbutshakeshisheadinstead.“Nothing,Iguess.”
“Whenwasthelasttimeyoueversentanapologybouquettoawoman?”
Hemerelyshrugsashoulderandmumbles,“Neversentabouquettoanyonebefore,period.You’rethefirstwomanIeverhad toapol...”Hiswordslingerintheairbetweenus,muchliketheoverwhelmingfragranceofthefloralarrangement.“Forgetit.”
HisstatementfloorsmeandIwantbadlytofollow itupwithadditional questionsabouthispastdatinghistoryandpersonal life.Instead,IrememberwhatIcamedownherefor,anditwasn’ttobegrilledbyBallasortointerrogatehim.
“That’swhatIthought,”Ianswershortly.“Forsomeonewhobyhisownadmissiondoesn’tdorelationshipsorfeeltheneedto sendawomanflowers,yousurehavealottosayaboutthewholeprocess.”
Withasmackofhispalm,heplaceshishandabovemyhead,andwithadeliberatelycasual move,whisksthevasefrommy gripintheotherhand Thenheleansforward,hismouthhoveringwithininchesofmine Iswallowhard
Inacontrolledvoice,hesays,“MaybeI’mjustcuriousaboutyourlovelife,MissSpurlock”
Hewinksandpullsaway,gesturingwithawidesweepofhisarmoutintotheparkinglottowardthedumpstersintheback.I brushpasthim,empty-handed,ashefollowsmetowardthebins.
“Idon’tneedyourinputonmylovelife,Ballas,”Igrouseovermyshoulderathim.Iwanttoadd, you gave up that privilege months ago, butIbitemytongueandtakethehighroad somethingheclearlycan’tdo
WhenIgetto the large commercial dumpster, Iswingaround infrontofhimand grab for the vase, jockeyingfor the stupid flowersthatarejustgoingtobethrownawayinthetrash.Ballashasgottenmyemotionsallstirredup.Whydoesheflusterme somuch?Whycan’tIjustactnormalaroundhiminsteadoffeelingthismixofsexualheatandfrustration?
WhenIclaspmyfingersaroundthevase,theygrazeoverhisknuckles,andtheheatofhisskinradiatesthroughmyhandandup myarm.Mybreathcatches andItampdownthatzapofchemical reaction,staringhimdownwitha steelygaze.“All Ineed fromyou,Ballas,isforyoutohelptheteamwingamesthisseason That’sit”
Ballasshrugsandthenliftsthecontainerlid,motioningwithhischintowardit
“Let‘errip,Karis,”heencourageswithawink,“andremindmenevertobuyyouflowers”
Ithrow the vase andits entire contents intothe binandfightdowna grinwhenIhear itshatter intopieces witha satisfying crash.
Wipingmyhands,Ispinonmyheelsandheadtowardthebuildingentrance.
“Contrarytopopularbelief,”Isayovermyshoulderashewatchesmewalkawayfromhim,“Awomandoesn’tneedamanto buyherflowers Shejustneedshimtotreatherright”
And stick around when we need you
“That’sit,man Tenmore Yougotthis,B”
Roland,theteam’sheadtrainer,countsoutrepsforme,encouragingmealongashe’sdonecountlesstimesbeforeandpushing mewhenIfallbehind.
Whichseems tobe happeningmore andmore these days,especiallythis morningbecause mymindisn’tinthis weightroom withme
It’s stuck on that conversation with Karis earlier in the parking garage and the way I behaved toward her I acted like a completeandutterasshole.
Ihavetwotheoriesonwhythatis,whichIhappenedtoruminateonovertheentiresummer.
The firstis thatIcan’tcome to terms withmyage and where I’matinmycareer. Itseems like justyesterdaythatIwas a twenty-four-year-oldeliteD-man,beingtoutedasthebestintheleague,struttingaroundlikeacockyplayer
Andlookatmenow?Sweatdrippingintomyeyesandmouth,heavingforbreathwiththesaltytastestickingonmytonguelike abadomen.
I stop after eight reps, wheezinglike a longtime smoker, as I conjure up the image of Karis as she walked awayfromme earlier.
Thatwasaspainfulformeasthislastsetofdeadlifts Truthbetold,sheconsumedmythoughtsallgoddamnsummer,nomatter whereIwas,whatIwasdoing,orwhoIwasdoingthemwith.ItpissedmeoffthatIcouldn’tgetheroutofmyhead.Whichis probablywhyIwassuchadicktoherthismorning.
I’mjustrackingupthetallyforapologiesowed,aren’tI?
Rolandscoffsloudly,givingmeanudgeofmyhip.“Comeon,bro.Youwantmetostartcallingyouoldman?”
Igivehimasneeringglareandfliphimoffaroundtheironbarbellthat’sstillinmygrip. “Notonemorefuckingword,”Irasp,usingthemostintimidatingvoiceIcan.Heonlylaughs.
RolandTerryhasbeentheteam’sstrengthandconditioningcoachsincebeforeIjoinedtheteam He’sagreatguywhohasseen methroughmanyofmyminorinjuries,includingthehitIsustainedlastseasonandtheresultingconcussion.
Rococksabrowandthenmimeszippinghismouthshutwithaquirkofhislips.
WefinishouttherepsandItakeabreak,grabbingmywaterbottleandthetowelhangingonthebarnexttomeandswipingat the sweatpouringdownmyneck. Ibend atthe waist, throwingthe towel over myhead, and prop myelbows onmythighs, pantingloudlywithexhaustion
“Whendidyourworkoutsgetsohard?”Igrumble,takinganotherswigofmywaterandgivingRoasidewaysglance.“Fucking hell.MaybeIdidn’tkeepuponmyconditioningthissummerthewayIthoughtIdid.”
“You’reonlyasoldasyoufeel.”Ropatsmeonthebackandchuckleskindly.“We’llgetyoubacktoTheBeastinnotime.”
